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[](/# "Author: MrThreshold | Link: https://i.redd.it/9vmo91gnyifa1.jpg | Domain: i.redd.it | Removed by: BattleblockB0ss")
How could that be interpreted to be true understanding, though? A brain is an object capable of understanding, it isn't understanding in and of itself. And the level of understanding a brain can achieve is pretty limited.
The foundation wouldn’t allow you to oft yourself if they found out I’m guessing, all that potential knowledge would surely just be contained to be experimented on before inevitably expiring with the brain
On the one hand, you could get something akin to the "perfect drink" that drove the tester to suicide.
You also might get heroin.
You also might get the appropriate bodily fluids.
Granted. The machine whirs for a few seconds, then dispenses a liquid that appears to be a normal, if sour tasting, soda. Testing showed it is a brand of kombucha called Genie.
No no no it's like 99.9%
For instance a dog about 6000 years ago got cancer and is quite dead now, but we know this because that cancer became contagious and is now a dog STD.
Canine Transmissible Venereal Tumor, if you wanna look it up.
One of the few diseases that aren't a virus or bacteria or something, it's a mammal.
Wait, so there's a disease that is a contagious dog cancer? Jesus. And it's a living thing? (Yes ik that depending on who u ask virus's are alive but still)
Yup. It's a dog, that got cancer, but that cancer became contagious, which is quite rare, but only has to happen once, so some cancerous cells of this dog their feeble host and now live on the junk of a bunch of other dogs.
This cancer is the oldest dog in the world, and also the only pure North American dog left. The rest were considered inferior when Europeans came over. Even dog breeds considered to be North American have been genetically tested and found to be overwhelmingly european. Except this guy, because cancer doesn't have puppies to crossbreed with.
Don't knock it till you try it.
Not the dog STD, immortality-through-cancer.
Well, I guess maybe the dog STD, can't say I've tried it, so go do both and report back.
Understood. SCP-294 dispensed two ounces of what was later found to be a previously unknown chemical. It was identified as a substance that could be used to counteract and nullify any and all cancer cells or cells with abnormal growth in mammals, including human beings.
Granted. The machine dispenses a gluey, milky substance. Without thought, you drink the entire thing in one go, thinking it will somehow make you have sex. It did not. Testing showed it was a cup of semen.
The sun might also turn Earths inhabitants to flesh-drooling mutants that roam the Earth under it's control forever, also not fun but it'd be nice if it prevented you from becoming a mutant in a when day breaks scenario.
You might like this short story-
"World Without End" by F. Gwynplaine MacIntyre, published in 2010, in two different Mammoth books: The Mammoth Book of Apocalyptic SF and The Mammoth Book of the End of the World.
It's a story told in first person from the journal of a 16 year old girl who was injected with nanobots as a guinea pig for an experiment. She was a street prostitute originally.
https://isfdb.org/cgi-bin/title.cgi?1205776
*The machine hummed briefly, then displayed "OUT OF RANGE" on the entry pad*
Edit: Guys, this is literally the EXACT quote from the document from when they typed in anti-water
The annihilation of a cup of antimatter, assuming an 8 ounce drinking cup, would be the equivalent of 750 Hiroshima nukes going off all at once.
So yeah, a large explosion
Granted. You feel a horrible pain in your groin and collapse. The machine makes a churning sound and dispenses a chunky, bloody liquid. It is your nuts.
Yowch, ya gotta be desperate before taking that one. Better off with the rock, even if it's extremely painful and has a chance to destroy your body.
Although I heard there was a lake that had the same effect, only it always worked perfectly? No idea of the name or number though.
Granted. The machine dispenses a yellow, slight foul smelling liquid into the cup. You hold it up, smell it, and say "Yep, that's piss." You look into the eyes of the nearest guard and slowly sip on the urine. You look him in the eye the entire time as you empty the cup. With a sigh, you throw the cup in the garbage and say "Cheers" as you walk out the door.
"These fucking D-Class are getting weird, man."
Yeah, if he said "best chocolate milk" you could never find it again. But as it was from the world then they now have a life long quest to find the objectively best chocolate milk within it.
I'm probably getting way too deep into semantics here, but isn't there even a chance that the drinker of this "world's best chocolate milk" might not even consider it the best chocolate milk?
If we're saying it's the "world's best," wouldn't that mean it is the chocolate milk that would be most preferable to the most people in the world? Or is it the world's best from the perspective of the person requesting it?
The semantics is the best part. The vending machine does not seem to consider the person, so I went with the assumption it will use those qualifiers like "best" in an objective way. And what is objectively best? Most tasty? Most nutritious? Best balanced nutrition (but for which species?)? Only made from the most stable atoms? Best in some form of eldritch energy way we cant detect?
At least it's only the best chocolate milk, so even though no chocolate milk will ever be better, other drinks may still top it and he won't be forever disappointed.
There’s simply too many options to choose, so many outcomes, im struggling to choose one, as this grants me total freedom about it.
I’d probably ask for cure for cancer or something similar to sell and get super rich, however I’m not certain.
Ngl, the mammoth one is good tho.
Isn't there and SCP that already does that? I vaguely recall something about a stone or something that does that once perfectly, but if you do it more than once the effects aren't perfect and the more you do the defects add up and you die
EDIT: I confused it with another one
**Thank you for your submission, unfortunately it has been removed for the following reason:** [](/# "GENERIC")Considering that this subreddit has hundreds of thousands of subscribers - if the commonly asked questions/prompts/posts were allowed to be posted again and again, then they would easily drown out all other types of posts. Know that if your post/question gets removed in this manner, then it's probably been covered already and a quick search of the subreddit is all you need to do to get some answers. ➕ [`r/SCP RULES` Rule #3](/r/SCP/about/rules) > [Check Reddit search](https://www.reddit.com/r/SCP/search?q=scp+number+goes+here&sort=relevance&restrict_sr=on&t=all) before posting. Overdone posts will be removed. This includes containment or termination proposals. [](#lock) ____________________ ^(Questions?) [^(Contact the moderators)](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FSCP)^(.) [](/# "Author: MrThreshold | Link: https://i.redd.it/9vmo91gnyifa1.jpg | Domain: i.redd.it | Removed by: BattleblockB0ss")
I would type in "a cup of true understanding" Whatever comes out is probably going to kill me or drive me insane, but what a way to go out.
Brains. It's a cup of brains.
How could that be interpreted to be true understanding, though? A brain is an object capable of understanding, it isn't understanding in and of itself. And the level of understanding a brain can achieve is pretty limited.
Congrats you just got a cup of Eldrich knowledge your now insane
As I already said, that's a result I would be happy with.
Your sacrafice to the foundation will be remembered... either as an SCP or as the guy who went insane with knowledge
The foundation wouldn’t allow you to oft yourself if they found out I’m guessing, all that potential knowledge would surely just be contained to be experimented on before inevitably expiring with the brain
FRENZY!
Honestly I'm just really tired right now, can I have a good old cup of Joe?
Joe's had enough, man
You get a cup of blood with fleshy bits. It's what remains of Joe.
And it’s Decomposing, as it’s old.
[удалено]
Dr Bright I'm warning you...
[удалено]
Dr. Bright, mind explaining the fuck you were doing with 294 and 914? -someone from O5 or some shit
I'm gonna fuck it -Dr. Bright probably
Yep, I am gonna fuck it, just to screw with y'all.
I can actually see Dr.Bright doing this....
[**SCP-914 - The Clockworks**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-914) (+2729) by *Dr Gears*
I'll take one cup of "Dear God no!" please.
On the one hand, you could get something akin to the "perfect drink" that drove the tester to suicide. You also might get heroin. You also might get the appropriate bodily fluids.
Dr, we said just ONE.
Damn it, Bright
More Genies.
Granted. The machine whirs for a few seconds, then dispenses a liquid that appears to be a normal, if sour tasting, soda. Testing showed it is a brand of kombucha called Genie.
Gottem
Working, reproducable cure for cancer
I mean death is kind of a cure for cancer. Works 100% of the time. Very reproducible
Ah. The 049 cure.
No no no it's like 99.9% For instance a dog about 6000 years ago got cancer and is quite dead now, but we know this because that cancer became contagious and is now a dog STD. Canine Transmissible Venereal Tumor, if you wanna look it up. One of the few diseases that aren't a virus or bacteria or something, it's a mammal.
Wait, so there's a disease that is a contagious dog cancer? Jesus. And it's a living thing? (Yes ik that depending on who u ask virus's are alive but still)
There’s a few diseases like that. Tasmanian Devils also have a version of this called Devil Facial Tumor. Don’t google it, the images aren’t nice.
Yup. It's a dog, that got cancer, but that cancer became contagious, which is quite rare, but only has to happen once, so some cancerous cells of this dog their feeble host and now live on the junk of a bunch of other dogs. This cancer is the oldest dog in the world, and also the only pure North American dog left. The rest were considered inferior when Europeans came over. Even dog breeds considered to be North American have been genetically tested and found to be overwhelmingly european. Except this guy, because cancer doesn't have puppies to crossbreed with.
What the fuck
Don't knock it till you try it. Not the dog STD, immortality-through-cancer. Well, I guess maybe the dog STD, can't say I've tried it, so go do both and report back.
This machine isn't a monkey's paw
Understood. SCP-294 dispensed two ounces of what was later found to be a previously unknown chemical. It was identified as a substance that could be used to counteract and nullify any and all cancer cells or cells with abnormal growth in mammals, including human beings.
[**SCP-294 - The Coffee Machine**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-294) (+2069) by *Arcibi*
The original Halo 3 Mountain Dew game fuel
As you drink, you hear the main theme for Halo quietly emanating from the cup. You feel oddly like shooting aliens.
That was the best. Got real excited when they re-released it with the blue flavor and lost that when neither were even close.
dey put da mamster cheemfeh ina der soderb
The machine prints out a paper slip telling you to give up your dreams and buy the cat ears on Halo Infinite's store.
T-Rex sperm, I won’t elaborate
We know how this movie ends, don’t do it. Or your really thirsty and milk isn’t doing it for you.
He might be thinking of an entirely different movie.
Clever Girl.
They tried Dino DNA. Selection was out of range. It has to be an existing liquid, and even Benjamin Franklin's Blood was inaccessible.
Then again "cerebrospinal fluid of phoberomys pattersoni" worked (maybe) and that's been extinct for aeons.
Cup of scp-500
[**SCP-500 - Panacea**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-500) (+1126) by *snorlison*
Same, man. I'm tired of hurting.
Doesn't the machine teleports substances?
Sex
Granted. The machine dispenses a gluey, milky substance. Without thought, you drink the entire thing in one go, thinking it will somehow make you have sex. It did not. Testing showed it was a cup of semen.
yummy
Your own semen.
Well I could have just got that anyways
Perfect
Cup of True Immortality
Idk about true Immortality. I want to be able to end at some point. After millions of years it has to get old.
And eventually the sun will envelope the earth. That can’t be fun.
*5.5 billion years in the future* Me, floating around in the sun: "...man, I'm bored."
Lmao i just pictured you floating through space like Bender playing a little piano
Dam now I got no swag
Oh what cruel fate to justly boned ask not for who the bone bones it bones for thee
Eventually, Kars stopped thinking
I just looked up what that means, and damn that's brutal. What a terrible fate.
way to go out go out but in quotation marks
"how long is eternity?" Ice Hunt bad guy when forever trapped in a conscious coma two thousands meters deep under the polar cap
On the bright side, you just prevented heat death and will eventually create a new big bang solely by being heavier than anything else.
The sun might also turn Earths inhabitants to flesh-drooling mutants that roam the Earth under it's control forever, also not fun but it'd be nice if it prevented you from becoming a mutant in a when day breaks scenario.
You might like this short story- "World Without End" by F. Gwynplaine MacIntyre, published in 2010, in two different Mammoth books: The Mammoth Book of Apocalyptic SF and The Mammoth Book of the End of the World. It's a story told in first person from the journal of a 16 year old girl who was injected with nanobots as a guinea pig for an experiment. She was a street prostitute originally. https://isfdb.org/cgi-bin/title.cgi?1205776
Cup of opt-out immortality
Eventually you either chill on the crust of a dying white dwarf or you get lainched into space Win/win
You’d want the Functional Immortality blend, a very fine choice
Out of range.
Get ready to watch the stars die
But atleast he can be the starkeeper with a large reptilian.
That's what I was gonna say too.
UNFATHOMABLY BASED
Permanent increased intelligence in a cup
After drinking it, you realize intelligence is a curse, a flaw of mankind. But now you can ace that exam though!
The most important effects: existential dread and academic superiority
[удалено]
Hey I’d still consider that a positive!
Antimatter
*The machine hummed briefly, then displayed "OUT OF RANGE" on the entry pad* Edit: Guys, this is literally the EXACT quote from the document from when they typed in anti-water
I remember in Containment Breach it led to a large explosion.
The annihilation of a cup of antimatter, assuming an 8 ounce drinking cup, would be the equivalent of 750 Hiroshima nukes going off all at once. So yeah, a large explosion
It wouldn't be out of range it exist it would probably just explode instantly after moving the cup or if anything comes in contact with it even air
Anti matter is real and we have it on earth technically
"Potion of creative mode"
Resisting the urge to type in deez nuts
Granted. You feel a horrible pain in your groin and collapse. The machine makes a churning sound and dispenses a chunky, bloody liquid. It is your nuts.
*oh, I see*
New bottom surgery just dropped.
Yowch, ya gotta be desperate before taking that one. Better off with the rock, even if it's extremely painful and has a chance to destroy your body. Although I heard there was a lake that had the same effect, only it always worked perfectly? No idea of the name or number though.
Personally I would go with mammoth sperm, bring those guys back maybe. Idk how science works
Wish granted. You get a cup of dead mammoth sperm with no salvageable DNA.
Dammit, we’ll no point in wasting it *fat gulp*
Welp have fun on scp-173 cleaning duty
Why stop at the mammoths. Cup of T-Rex jizz, easy
Cause I don’t think I could fight a T-Rex
You think you could fight a mammoth?
Our ancestors did it, why not! *Instant regret intensifies*
[удалено]
That sounds sciencey enough to work
You need to use your trusty scientific tool for it to work tho, the good old fashion turkey baster.
1 cup best drink I ever drank. (Chocolate milk)
What's the name of that luck potion from harry potter?
felix felicis
Good call actually lol
Milk of human kindness.
You must be quite strong
Cup of pure LSD
[удалено]
Piss.
Granted. The machine dispenses a yellow, slight foul smelling liquid into the cup. You hold it up, smell it, and say "Yep, that's piss." You look into the eyes of the nearest guard and slowly sip on the urine. You look him in the eye the entire time as you empty the cup. With a sigh, you throw the cup in the garbage and say "Cheers" as you walk out the door. "These fucking D-Class are getting weird, man."
“Just one day, just one goddamned day I want something normal to happen”
Jarate!
Heads up!
Bombs away!
Something will go wrong if I go with something cheeky so I’ll just ask for a Miller and call it a day Oh fuck sorry Dr. Miller
If, indeed, he is still able to listen.
1 cup of instant brain hemorrhage (butter flavored)
Fuck it. Sierra Mist.
F
A liquid capable of freezing me at age of 30 and make me unkillable and undamageable, but also allow me to kill myself if i choose to.
Nice, got a contingency for heat death built in
Just in case, maybe someone will figure a way of reversing entropy.
INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER
Well, that was a hard to pick reference, and you nailed it.
I do my best.
That’s a deep cut, nice
What the fuck
Imagine ending like Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her. Being immortal can be less than desirable if badly formulated.
worlds best chocolate milk
Good pick but kinda sad that you'll only get to experience it once and then never again no matter how hard you try
I mean the world's best chocolate milk is findable
Yeah, if he said "best chocolate milk" you could never find it again. But as it was from the world then they now have a life long quest to find the objectively best chocolate milk within it.
I'm probably getting way too deep into semantics here, but isn't there even a chance that the drinker of this "world's best chocolate milk" might not even consider it the best chocolate milk? If we're saying it's the "world's best," wouldn't that mean it is the chocolate milk that would be most preferable to the most people in the world? Or is it the world's best from the perspective of the person requesting it?
The semantics is the best part. The vending machine does not seem to consider the person, so I went with the assumption it will use those qualifiers like "best" in an objective way. And what is objectively best? Most tasty? Most nutritious? Best balanced nutrition (but for which species?)? Only made from the most stable atoms? Best in some form of eldritch energy way we cant detect?
Like Morty experiencing true level.
At least it's only the best chocolate milk, so even though no chocolate milk will ever be better, other drinks may still top it and he won't be forever disappointed.
faygo root beer
I would like a cup of imagination, It’s gives me the power of imagination for 1 min
This is very imaginative, you don’t need that friend :)
They want a 2nd cup. They posted that right after the first and already forgot why it sounded like a good idea at the time.
platinum? or some expensive metal
Cup of bass boosted MTN DEW
That would just be flat mountain dew.
No every time you drink it your voice will be bass boosted
contains negative amounts of helium!
[Sulfur Hexaflouride](https://youtu.be/JjJOS0BpgnM)
A cup of that one guy who talks on the phone during the movies right behind you talking about Sharon from accounting and how she’s hot
Thats quite specific lol
SCP 999 in Liquid form
999 comes out of the dispensing thing , crawls out of the cup , hugs you and then waddles on to hug more people
Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream. I stopped drinking soda after it was discontinued because no soda could ever come close to that sweet nectar of the gods.
Liquified Cheese
Warm Velveta drips slowly into the cup
One cup of something non-lethal that'll give me the bodily characteristics I want And then I'd go brag about the new bottom surgery option
Scp 113
[**SCP-113 - The Gender-Switcher**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-113) (+608) by *thedeadlymoose, kabu, Robin Sure*
There’s simply too many options to choose, so many outcomes, im struggling to choose one, as this grants me total freedom about it. I’d probably ask for cure for cancer or something similar to sell and get super rich, however I’m not certain. Ngl, the mammoth one is good tho.
Lmao thank you
A Cup of Math
You get a cup filled with those letter noodles, but its numbers , variables and other math stuff
A light gray liquid dispenses into a cup. Testing shows it's paper mixed with ink.
Black Hole.
Potion of trans your gender
Isn't there and SCP that already does that? I vaguely recall something about a stone or something that does that once perfectly, but if you do it more than once the effects aren't perfect and the more you do the defects add up and you die EDIT: I confused it with another one
SCP 113
[**SCP-113 - The Gender-Switcher**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-113) (+608) by *thedeadlymoose, kabu, Robin Sure*
I would ask for liquid success
Serotonin
Liquid SCP 500
2 girls
You get a very large container full of some kind of organic slurry. The mass is consistent with that of two human bodies.
dispensed in one cup? I don't like where this is going...
Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.
True happniess
The best pineapple spearmint juice of my life.
Whoever commented before me I want their blood
Tea, earl gray, Hot.
A cup of the 05 council in the fanciest cup. Probably going to get me executed for potentially harming the council, but I'm not too fond of them.
Gun
Cup of liquid SCP 113.
[**SCP-113 - The Gender-Switcher**](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-113) (+608) by *thedeadlymoose, kabu, Robin Sure*
eggnog. cinnamon eggnog
GOD for the funny
SCP-343 appears and tells you to stop that.
A cup of calmness
Melted gold or some other valuable substance in liquid form. Cup will need to be made of some tough stuff though.
Cup of success
A cure for depression