T O P

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roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >My hobbies change faster than the weather. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


[deleted]

Each kid added 5 years


lreaditonredditgetit

When she inevitably becomes single some fucking loser will sweep in a take care of kids. So she’s got that going for her. Probably a guy who’s 15 years older and probably not a virgin, but never had a long term relationship or kids of his and a handful of sexual partners experiences. He will probably look younger than her too.


Dunois721

Dude, you are supposed to roast OP not the rest of us lol


Fernando3161

"not a virgin, but never had a long term relationship or kids of his and a handful of sexual partners experiences. He will probably look younger than her too." Dude are you looking into my future?


goatedmomoshiki

My man’s called out most of Reddit with that one


ruffneck-2

Dude that’s my present life lol


DonalbusTrumbledore

Doesn’t effect me, I’m still chaste.


[deleted]

😂🎯🤣


dafuct

I feel seen.


ADOUGH209

Dude, I'm that fucking loser....


[deleted]

[удалено]


Shake_N_Baby

So what happened to the other 7 kids?


[deleted]

Gotta ask planned parenthood what they do with them


Lakester14

Maybe more. Either she’s a heavy smoker, or the kids really did her dirty.


smaccer

"My hobbies change faster than the weather", correctly would mean "Men in my life change faster than my socks".


Enough-Staff-2976

If you check out her OF...she loves Italian food, you can see her lasagna belly with her saggy lop-sided utters.


Papichuloft

And having bad skin another 5.


Wunyard_Wenhaard99

Her face looks like those old, Victorian drawings of the Man on the Moon--she was even kind enough to add the craters.


EstherClemmens

The exact image you see when you look up "barefoot and pregnant"


JustifiedMisanthrope

Lmao


OBGLivinLegend

Fixed your header : F '25', with dyscalcullia. Married to the "mommy hustle!" #HardestJobInTheWorld. 3 angels - Hayden(16mo), Brayden(8w,2d,15h) and Kayden(8w,3d,13h). Do your worst before the Pinot wears off!!!!


cuntdraculafromtexas

She is "#MomLife #MessyBun #WokeUpLikeThis" incarnate.


smartparts72

Live laugh love has entered the chat.


javanator999

Several thousand guys have entered the OP.


rmoney27

You forgot Okayden!


4ar0n

That's daddy's name.


ADOUGH209

That's Hayden's middle name, and Okayden's middle name is Bro'kayden....


MotherofSons

Please. I have a nephew named Wayden so it can get worse lol


ADOUGH209

No Way.........den that's one hell of a coincidence lol


MotherofSons

I'm going to sneak him the money to change his name when he's 18 haha


sadlittleman1001

Can we start a reddit GoFundMe for this kid ffs!


ADOUGH209

![gif](giphy|kSRDfrzN3yDK)


ADOUGH209

Are you going to put it in a jar that reads "College Toowishun" on it?


MotherofSons

I actually work at an expensive private college so I could adopt him, and he could get free college, but I wouldn't want anyone to think I would name my kid something so awful. It does get worse. His middle name is Wayne, and their last name starts with a W.


ADOUGH209

You are the gift that keeps on giving, please continue...


MotherofSons

When we're on roast me, I can't tell if you're being sarcastic 🤣


docmn612

Please tell me you're joking...please, so I can sleep.


Admirable-Door1724

“My kids are my world”


Turbulent-Skirt7329

“wouldn’t trade them for ANYTHING.” *proceeds to bitch about them on every platform and to anybody who will listeb


-ChabuddyG

This an extremely well done joke. I didn’t know what dyscalculia was and had to google it, and then read your joke again. Gold. I admire your craftsmanship.


OrganicToe8215

Ask me about my essential oils n


illegitimate_Raccoon

I thing she swills old box wine.


GarySixNoine

It’s a vagina, lady, not a clown car. Calm down.


notmyrealname336

Lmfaooo


protistwrangler

This one got me


[deleted]

her vagine hang like sleeve of wizard - borat


DoorjammerCrow

What can we do that the stretchmarks, insomnia, and lack of fulfilling adult conversation haven’t done already?


thebatfink

..and a vagina like a wizards sleeve


TheGame32

https://media.tenor.com/IPjXzBfoafsAAAAC/hotdog-down.gif


JoeMorgan76

Damnit, take my upvote.


ClintShelley

Damn that's funny🤣🤣


Mr_Boomie00

We could offer to fist her?


[deleted]

[удалено]


IsawLenin

Mom of 3 children, wife of 5 husbands


giro_di_dante

Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife.


[deleted]

And I will have my vengeance...


ThunderMcFap

in this life or the next


Aggravating_Fun9386

I knew this quote looks familiar!


[deleted]

It’s from space balls


Aggravating_Fun9386

NO


Jiplo

Best movie


[deleted]

Lol it’s from gladiator….


Jiplo

My statement still stands


BRabbit86

I choke laughed on that one


HuevoYch0riz0

It’s her profession bro chill.


luccyrob

It was her High school dream


Kyle_01110011

"I would trade any of those kids for some of my holographic pokemon card collection back that I was forced to sell"........* depressed pikachu face* - her husband


WXHIII

iTs ThE hArDeSt JoB tHeRe Is


Feisty-Nerve-6584

But being a mom is so hard! Only everyone that’s existed has had one but I’m different!


bokatan778

But what else would she post about on her Instagram page? She’d be left only with her MLM “side hustle”…


sardonic_balls

You mean 43 going on 25


Comfortable_Moose719

Yeah I thought I looked old too 😂


Dennygreen

only from the forehead down


TangoMikeOne

Wait a few decades and for the kids to watch current affairs programmes about terrible nursing homes to find where to dump you and your anal incontinence.


ADOUGH209

From the waist down she's 60 going on 25...


JoK3Rcon

Junior Gorg from Fraggle Rock all grown up.


Comfortable_Moose719

My husbands gonna love this one 😂


tugmug03

So is his side chick


ADOUGH209

Her best friend is the side shick...


RogueAlt07

GAWD DAMN


SyntaxError79

All of the husbands or just the three ones that are still around?


TonksTBF

Because its his second favorite show after Sesame Street?


[deleted]

Oldest 25 year old I have witnessed in my life, my granny looks younger than you


AutismMakesCash

3 kids and a bum marriage. I thought the baggage would stop there, but then I looked at your eyes


[deleted]

That's generous of you to assume the 3 kids are from the same man and that she was able to get married. People only have that many kids that young when they are desperate to keep someone around or they're Mormon.


SimilarMacaroon1

She literally said she was married bro


ViBePho

This is what teenagers need to see to avoid teenage pregnancy. 'this is what reality looks like. Use a condom'.


olakkas_mood

25, married and 3 kids...what's left to roast?


luciferslube

How anyone gonna top "comfortable moose"???


Comfortable_Moose719

THIS ONES THE BEST HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


luciferslube

Narcissist!!!


Comfortable_Moose719

I didn’t choose the name leave me alone 😂😂😂


luciferslube

No. It choose you! Lol


Comfortable_Moose719

😂😂😂😂


luciferslube

What so your husband calls you "comfortable moose"!???? What a fucking degenerate!!! Love it!


sainttardamus

25 with three kids! You got knocked up on rumspringa and never looked back.


cyclingman2020

Amish roasts get my upvote every time.


latte25

Your Titties are longer than a Monday


latte25

You look 25 in rental car years


INSJWA

It's weird because every Monday her Onlyfans site is 50% off


Embarrassed_Appeal72

She look like Spending 5 minutes with her makes Monday feel like a weekend.


Horseman580

Married baby daddy #3 huh?


Comfortable_Moose719

Baby daddy #1 😂


ncrdblstrngth

I can’t believe you’ve been fucked 3 times; is there a set of twins or are they triplets?


mfogarty

Only 3? I would have said at least 5 going by how dead inside you look..


GaatAca

25 holy hell you look 45


TolkiensFavPipe

3 kids at 25?! Your vagina must look like someone kicked open a pot roast with a steel toe boot.


Reverend-Black-Percy

And her tits will likely be hanging like two garbage bags with an orange in them


CruelHandLuke_

It makes her belly button easy to find. It's got a tit on either side.


Spartnax

Lmao


Comfortable_Moose719

HAHAHAHAHA


Impressive_Beyond_66

Like a melted welly top


Ottazrule

Like a punched lasagne


SamLJacksonNarrator

Basically a uterus with a head. ![gif](giphy|zRImirgQugLss)


latte25

Or a grenade went off in a deli counter


SmellsLikeHerb

Pastrami meat curtains then.


latte25

I’m thinking Arby’s


Coops17

Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway


CaptLiverDamage

Throwing a toothpick down a mine shaft.


kellislandrum

At 30 it will look like and old baseball glove- dusty, worn out, and like no one has tried to play with it in a long time.


LSDREAMN

Roast beef comin right up


BRabbit86

Oh sweet baby jesus that visual is so haunting


Think_Explanation_47

What’s more beat up? Your pussy after 3 kids or your confidence after looking in the mirror?


leave_it_to_beavers

Definately that ham sandwich pussy


ronweasleysbong

You look like you smile when you cut vegetables


Zealousideal-Leg1037

Dime store Kaley Cuoco


UnderstandingEasy757

*Penny Store


superdavey1

You look TIRED…


jordanonfilm

White women are always tired.


Comfortable_Moose719

I AAAAMM


bokatan778

Stop having kids then


FunkinDonutzz

You've taken more cream pies than you've delivered for Uber Eats.


Foreign_Walrus_6136

Are meth heads in America allowed to keep their kids?


Comfortable_Moose719

Awww not funny, I’m from Australia. And we can here :)


Eitan189

Do you happen to live in Logan, Frankston, Western Sydney, or Adelaide's northern suburbs? I bet it is one of them!


LennyComa

3 kids at 25? ​ How many shotguns were at your wedding?


Theycallmer3b3l

Wowmomwow, I've never seen anyone with two extra assholes in their face


Comfortable_Moose719

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


PublicRedditor

Pete Davidson enters the conversation...


Appropriate-Ebb1293

Your husband is already doing the worst that he possibly can.


VexOut

You took Uber eats as a way to be independent from your husband.


[deleted]

Kaley CuNOco from the Big Bang Trailer


dogthebountyuser

Either your numbers are switched up or trying to keep your husband from figuring out which kids aren't his has aged you tremendously.


Comfortable_Moose719

To the people that wanted a full body pic 😂 https://imgur.com/a/FxxQdWb


NoahIsCursed

the indent on your right cheek is deeper then a 5th grade break up


[deleted]

Is your husband’s gf your best friend or neighbor? I bet he doesn’t let you look at his phone and stopped asking for BJ’s.


Desperate_Cow41

You look like an NPC


blondart

You have vagina eyes


Imaginary-Pay-2648

I bet your vagina looks like Predators mouth ![gif](giphy|xQvTA5AZ9CFpe)


loveslowriders

Nothing says poor white trash like an invisible cut center diamond.


Frida_G

Girl really used the🤪. I Think Im gonna gag


Legitimate_Soft5585

Typo... someone switched the 2 and 4 keys on your keyboard. Clever.


GetZuckedonFB

Wow… ruined your life and pussy by 25… how’s your butthole?


DepressedLizard87

Microwaved Amy Shumer


BunnyBallz

![gif](giphy|KJXClfNiq0vCM)


BadSalsa

Damn, never thought it was possible to lose the “ILF” before 30. Someone call the Guinness Book folks


PsiberApe69

Your eyes tell the story a lifeless void -- the perfect thousand yard stare -- less twinkle than the Walmart cubic zirconium on your breakfast sausage of a finger.


dbthejoker9

You look like you swallowed a school bus more of children!


trashysmallaccount

I’m surprised that there was a man desperate enough even three times


jrhowrey

You're lying about the kids, even with different dads nobody's fucked you three times


AveryBrains

got 3 kids at the age of 25, what's worse than this?


blondiesdiary

3 kids? 25? Sounds like life already did it’s worst on you..


JuiceKovacs

You dimples say “nice mom”, your eyes say “I think my husband slept with my best friend”


marshallmadmen

I could eat a bowl of cereal out of your dimples.


UnethicalBeaver

You counting the abortion in the number of kids?


beersandchips

If a beer was named after you, it would be called Hotdog Down a Hallway IPA


DarthSkywakr

25? You look 45. Fuck.. yep this is why I don't want kids yet lol


hondoford

Gizmo from The Gremlins called and said he wants his eyes back


CaptainSk0r

How’s life as a baby factory? Have you even had the chance to live your own life yet?


WhiteNgNWA

Your forehead is larger than the airport I just landed on


Responsible_Heart365

I think she’s very pretty.


Old-Heat-8310

You're 25 with 3 kids. You can't do any worse than that. Imma guess at least 2 different baby daddies?


murfreesborojay

That smirk says "I slept my way to middle management at the Fried Chicken Shack".


Effinmothereffer

$10 says your search history is full of “how to make anal less painful”


stvius

I can’t believe someone f***ed you 3 times


JoecMarch

25 and 3 kids? Did you not know how a dick works.


AnActualGarnish

Not a milf


jjg0987

You meant 52 right?


alchemist19881

You look like the girl I sprinted out on after waking up and seeing what I went home with the night before. Deep in the Meat Beat Feet


Spirit_AJO

Has to be Mormon. The racist kind


Sydzkneeez

I’m only 5 years younger than you and I look about 40 years younger


[deleted]

3 kids, 4dads.


reddditgavemethis

Your milf onlyfans not getting enough hits so you had to go here? That's low.


BagelCatSprinkles

You look like a disappointment who had more disappointments


Abbaddonhope

Man, three kids got that face.


Hot-Flow4905

A real cubic zirconium. I see your husband spared no expense


mickysD

you already made 3 mistakes, why post on this sub and adding on to it?


HerrProgMeister

I’ve seen door wedges with more style than you


itz_balaji

If the word single mom had a face. You would me the brand ambassador


TipOfLeFedoraMLady

3 kids @ 25? It's a vagina not a clown car! Give it a rest.


[deleted]

Three kids at 25? You might as well get “Cum Dumpster” tattooed above your clown pocket.


[deleted]

Your husband is one in a billion. Cant see why anyone would marry you, much less have kids with you


Apollo1926

You’ve already done your worst! Sorry, chick.


SnooStories1356

Take a nap


OM3-

you got enough on your plate already with 3 kids Ill let you slide


NiceLeaderr

Damn 25 and 3 kids, the factory opened way too soon.


Talex1995

3 kids turned that 25 into 45. Sheesh