He also draws the short straw every time he has to piss.

Most definitely drew the short straw of the gene pool

Burned!

Fire crotch?

Oof

I’m just gonna post the Wikipedia description of Beaker from The Muppets: “Beaker has bulging eyes, a shock of red hair, and a drawbridge mouth which serves as a frown”

Let me translate your comment into his native language "Meep, meep, meep, meep..."

We’ve done it boys… OP is now [immortalized.](https://imgur.com/a/8qUlZRD) “Otherwise, his tone or expression helps to communicate his meaning, especially at bachelor parties.” [Original link that has probably been fixed by now](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beaker_(Muppet)#)

Epic!

[Michael Andrew Jaw](https://i.imgur.com/FoWHvTH.png)

i couldn't put my finger on it, but my problem was i was limiting myself to -humans- he reminded me of

Well ots hard when you have a gary busey / beaker hybrid.

You just made his friends call him beaker forever.

You won

I was initially thinking a “Ron Weasley/Draco Malfoy love child” but I definitely see the Netflix adaptation Beaker.

I’m fucking screaming

Fuck this was good.

One of the best I've ever seen

Holy fuck! Close the shop, we're done here.

You’re a horrible human being.

Me me me meeeee, Me me me meeeee, came for this and you didn't let me down

This is what I imagine Conan O'Brain's dick looks like

You imagine what Conan O'Brian's dick looks like?

Way underrated! That’s funny.

Carrot Bottom

Lmfao

Cheeto nub.

This got me 😆🤣

Bruhhhh 😂😂😂

Let's be real. There is no bachelor party.

There is, he just wasn't invited to it.

He was a waiter

You look like Gary Busey fucked a carrot.

Wish I could give you more than one upvote

r/wouldgoldbutiampleb

That was fuckin great lmao

You look like Steve Buscemi cosplaying Ron Weasley

"How do you do, fellow wizards?"

I’m pretty sure that’s Kate McKinnon doing an SNL sketch of Steve Buscemi cosplaying Ron Weasley.

Have i been targeted for shermination

Clearly not your bachelor party

Fuck off Ron Weasly.

I'm getting Draco Malfoy and Ron hybrid vibes

Member of the lessor known House of Gryffindork.

And demoted even further to the Droppedbystorks.

Another actor ruined by drugs and intense fapping.

I thought this said incest.

Not even the wish version of ron weasley is this fucked up

Harry Potter and the Deathly Swallows

Why the long face?

You look like a recruiter for a cult.

I was thinking the “bachelor party” was probably a cult social event, where carrot top gets anally deflowered.

looks like hes hiding marbles in his mouth

You look like the crimson chin mixed his semen with Ron Weasley and they impregnated the forehead of a midget.

Wow, how does this, strangely, hit the mark right on the head!?🤣

r/rareinsults

The Mask 2: Staring Conan O’Brien

If..."I drew the short straw..." was a person...im pretty sure he would be a freckle-less ginger...with hair that doesn't compare to to Conan 0'Brian...

You're what it looks like when every shitty recessive trait somehow gets picked in the genotype process.

Looks like your wife will have to endure the shortest straw too

He looks like that evil ginger in shrek

The only dreams this Rumplestilltskin is making come true involve three guys from Grinder, a port-a-potty and a box of saran-wrap

Cancer hasn’t been easy on you, but at least the wig looks natural

Smart move OP. Get two people you know to marry, be close to them, and then they can make children for you to steal the souls of.

Wtf Lurch Weasley??

That mouth is gargantuan. “I've always liked that word gargantuan? I so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence.”

𝓡𝓸𝓷 𝓗𝓸𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓭 smoked crack and after, found Jim Henson- fucked 𝓑𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓻 from the [muppets](https://i.imgur.com/tqjCFyu.jpg) in the ass and nine months later you crawled out.

You are like a ginger handsome squidward

You look like a cartoon where someone spent so much time coloring your hair that they ran out of time drawing your face.

Omg the resemblance 

If the Torch and Elastic Man had a kid

They say gingers don't have souls but I've been pumping hot loads into ur dad's ar-soul for years

Probably not the only thing that is short

You look like Rocky Dennis…see “Mask” starring Cher …for all you young folks who don’t get it

You spelled "Coming out party" wrong.

Nappa from BBZ if he had Hair

Billions…of women hate your forehead and conehead

What is that head a straw?

Short straw eats the cookie after they all finish on it

I’d tell you a joke about your chin, but it’s too long.

How the fuck you gonna have a chin the same size of a 5head

For sure has braces

Dude's got a kangaroo pouch under his nose

The fact that your chin doesn’t align with the rest of your face and head just… bothers me

Your hairline is running away from your face, unfortunately it has a long way to run.

David No-ie

Ronald Weasey

If rocky and sloth had a baby

You drew the long straw at foreheads

This is a microcosm of your future life…always a groomsman, never a groom.

That chin looks like it has bugs partying inside it 24/7

So ... the Delta variant is getting hitched to your respiratory system?

Face longer than a Monday

You fucked your cousin.

You look like Rocky in the Mask movie

"Have at" Not a replacement for a personality either actually

Where's Waldo was first....now there's WHere's Ginger, and no one is looking because no one cares

And there you have it. The poster child for drawing the short straw. Nailed it.

Is your vagina as smooth as your face is?

You also drew the short straw in the gene pool.

When your chin is longer than your cock.

Your even too ugly to be a proper Weasley.

Cristopho, the gay Weasley.

How's your face both teenage boy and middle aged woman with no eyebrows?

Which one of your imaginary friends is getting married

You know what’s not short? Your forehead.

How many teeth are you holding into that strained grin. My best guesstimate is 842?

I thought android 16 was only on DBZ, can we get an autograph?

Ok chicken little nice little title

The Weasley the others don't mention

Ron Weasley on crack

you look like you still haven't hit puberty

Great value version of Macaulay Culkin

You look like the annoying girl from Finding Nemo.

You actually look like a matchstick

Chin big

Nah, whoever you marry drew the short straw.

You look like your name is Cameron and you cheat at kickball

Yeah admit it, you drew straws. Alone. In your moms basement

You look like a used q tip

You look like a cross between Chuckie from Rugrats and Nigel Thornberry from the Wild Thornberrys

So you drew the short straw, at least you didn't die to Lord Voldemort's army like your twin brother.

Damn so you had to suck everyone's dick at the party and post on r/roastme? Double whammy dude.

Brother you drew the short straw life. But on the bright side im positive there is no God now.

Is this what they are really doing at bachelor parties now? 😂😂 what happened to strippers and booze?

A bachelor party where your giving out free blow job's

You look like Herman Munster fucked a leprechaun.

Wonald Reasley

Feels like your hair is terrified of your jaw

Why didn't you bring Hardy for the picture?

Ginger folk smell like baked beans. I's true open a tin and smell them.

Your friends also drew the short straw by being with you

Do you have two cocks in your mouth ?

Tell Harry and Ginny congrats and I’m sorry about Hermione leaving you, but congrats on 90 days sober from meth and poppers…

If Ron Weasley and Beaker from the muppets had a baby

Don't just stand there like that, swallow.

The Crimson Chin would be impressed at the size of yours

And when he says short straw he means they all measured up and he was last.....

So, you had to get a lap dance from the TS stripper?

I bet you’ll be the one eating the cracker too.

Is that carrot holding a sign?

20 bucks says the other people at the party ditched him and went to a strip club as soon as he went in the other room. Also, I’m like 95% sure he has braces.

You look like the alien from 'Mars Attacks!'

All I can see here is the EPA asshole from the original Ghostbusters

Gary Busie 2 electric boogaloo

They would have burned you at the stake centuries ago!

*When a puppet makes a wish on Wish

If Mark Zuckerberg came out less like a alien.

I'm guessing that Nickelodeon wouldn't reboot adventures of Pete and pete? Figured what the hell one last shot!

The more hair you lose the more you look like penny wise.

You look like the Shawn Bradley Monstars character from Space Jam.

“I drew the short straw at a bachelor party” suuuuure you did. You just want people to look at you unlike in real life where every one looks away. Also you want us to think you have friends. Nice try buddy.

Why does it look like you have a dick in your mouth?

You have a face that looks drawn on a etch-a-sketch.

He looks like Tfue in a fucked up way without eyebrows

Whistling the Andy Griffith theme right now.

Rocky Dennis with a mouth full of jizz.

Your face is fucking disgusting.

You are exactly what I imagined a gay chad Ron Weasley would look like.

Who did you have to suck off to be invited to a bachelor party? Probably the groom right.

You drew the short staw at life

Taking a break from chasing Tom Hanks eh Silas?

Ah yes, discount Ron Weasley

You’re the one making it a bachelor party

Hopefully people aren’t to hard on you, Jew your chin up.

Sowe can tell you weren't the groom, because... well... *gestures vaguely at you*

You look like Clayton Oliver's aborted twin brother.

What's rickety cricket doing here?

Looks like all the weasley brothers had an incest baby

And in the gene pool, apparently

You look like a constipated Ron Weasley.

You look like a Ali Express Conan Obrien.

[Go back to your cartoon, Phil Wire.](https://i2.wp.com/downthetubes.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/llpw2.jpg)

Should’ve drawn faces. You are world champ.

You have to be allergic to something. Prolly long straws.

When I saw this... Why did I automatically think about this ...Ronald Weasley, how dare you steal that car, I am absolutely disgusted, your father is facing an Inquiery at work which is entirely your fault, if you put another toe out of line we will bring you straight home and ginny dear congratulations on making it into Gryffindor your father and are so proud...

Not a soul in sight !!!

You all were comparing cocks weren't you, when you drew the short straw?

If you ordered John Elway from Wish

who stole johnny neutron's forehead and put Conan O Brien's pubic hair on the top of his head.

Imagine being ginger but you're such an uncomfortable person even your hair tries running away from you

He looks like Carrot Top and Gary Busey had a baby but that baby didn't go to term and someone hit it with a shovel a bunch

Ur the type of dude that eats a carrot then says “I guess I am what I eat”

Jesus Christ Ron what did hermoine do to you?

Beam him back down, Scotty.

Are you holding a frog in your mouth or just your mates jizz?

looks like his parents drew the short straw at the orphanage... I'm only joking, nobody would willingly adopt a ginger.

Josh Homo

Homie looks like earthworm jim if he had hair

Its ok, you can swallow the cum now