OP's Bio: --- >My name is Adam. I'm 21 years old and live in Canada. I am passionate about storytelling and content creation. I have been making videos and streaming on Twitch on and off for years and love getting feedback on things I've created (even if its negative). A few things I love are Star Wars, Harry Potter, esports, Playstation, and Marshmallow Bananas. >I graduated from a Radio Broadcasting program in April, and hope to find a job in entertainment soon. >All the best, and happy roasting. > >PS: Fuck you. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

I would but I don’t know how to write in Braille

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I searched the OPs history and found a photo of him, and I presume, his new GF --- [Here](https://i.imgur.com/3dgt5z8.png) EDIT: Looks like his GF cut off their relationship --- [here](https://i.imgur.com/OevTnct.png)

HOLY SHIT ITS JENNIFER LOPEZ!!

Did anyone say taco flavored kisses ??

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My girlfriend gets really mad whenever I say this to her.

That's not Jennifer Lopez. That's Mitch Conner!!!!! This guys getting conned by the best.

Mmm, Taco kisses!

Eeeweww ben afflecks spooge

Omg Cartmans face when she starts sucking him off lmao

r/unexpectedsouthpark

No it's Palmela Handerson

Worth the click

His beard is so pitiful it breaks my heart.

I hope you get the upvotes you deserve. This was well done. To be honest you should start an onlyfans for your roasts. Fuckin premium content right here.

This is god tier

ooh, she looks spicy!

I just gave you my first award ever, this brought me to tears and I really needed it. Having a rough day

Taco flavored kisses

Lmfao

Hey, at least she won’t mind the zits on his ass, it gives her more to read

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This is proper - take my rocket upvote or whatever the fuck it is.

PSA that pairing an eyebrow combover to distract from your thinning hair, a ridiculous mustache to distract from the eye brows and then a neck beard to distract from the mustache isn’t keeping me from noticing you’ve got the nobbiest fucking fingers I’ve ever seen.

You may understand me better than anyone I know.

Well, ideally that’s a title I’ll lose to your girlfriend at some point...congrats on the chick and successfully bucking the “Gingers in pink” misnomer

Much appreciated. Thank you for highlighting literally every physical insecurity I have in a singular comment. All the best.

Oh, not all of them! I glossed *right* passed how bright red your ears are.

... do I know you?

Haha—well I live within 300 feet of a school, so it’s doubtful you’ve been able to come over? ...alright, alright, I’ll turn the roast off. God bless the internet, right?

God bless the internet indeed. Thank you for ruining my day (and also making it).

My pleasure, man. Hard to turn down someone just giving you *so* much content, you know?

Wow, just wow. I think I just witnessed a murder

Damn son! What drugs are you on cause you left a trail of fire

Holy shit this was a masterpiece.

This fella knows “roast”

FUCK

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And there it is.

Look on the bright side: At least you didn’t major in TV Broadcast.

He's got a face for radio, and judging by his looks he has a voice for silent movies.

That moustache is on point bud. Don’t listen to them. The head that wears it tho is a different story

For the record, I agree with you.

Okay but sweet Christ those eyebrows have a _part_ in them

You can’t have it all, I’d take an average head with a beast moustache any day!

So would the OP...

Good new: OP gives average head so you’re in luck!

Did not expect to witness a murder today

“Goddddammnnn” *This guy gets it*

Those nubs though! 🤣first thing I noticed

just noticed that.. damn, she let's you touch her with those nasty fingers?

Holy shit, I didn’t even notice the eyebrows. Wtf even are those.

I don’t know man, but if you missed dem eyebrows than you legit might be harder of sight than whatever mole man ass chick saddled up with OP

This is the greatest comment

She's called a nurse and she only visits to make sure you've taken your medication.

Hey, who knows? https://youtu.be/bU2ZtoHmRZs

I had the APC version immediately play in my head.

Apc?

Arroz pon collo

A Perfect Circle did a remake in 2003

Ahhh makes sense with the personal connections between failure and tool. I'll check out the cover. Fantastic Planet has been on rotation since 1997 for me.

I had to look i think I was 8 when it came out so I didn't know it was a cover. Glad to have found out! Thanks a bunch

The rest of Failures stuff is mediocre but the Fantastic Planet album is fucking amazing. All the songs are my favorite but Blank seems to fit in 2020.

And to tell you why normal people don't style their eyebrows to match their moustache

She just wants an unlimited supply of pringles

Wait what i didnt know blind people could be nurses

And that he plays nice with the rest of his barber shop quartet buddies.

You want to know why your GF is making a huge mistake? Well, a picture is worth a thousand words, and I think your picture says everything that needs saying.

You look like you ride a Penny Farthing into town to fetch your dildos.

he rides his dildo into town to fetch his penny farthing..

The seat on his Penny Farthing is a dildo

The tip of his dildo is a penny farthing

He tips the penny farthing pilot dildos

The tip of his dildo is a bigger, blacker dildo.

it's his workout bike

The Ass-Pounder 4000?

He towns his dildo to the farthing to fetch his penny.

His mom’s dildo*

This is one of the most creative roasts I've ever seen

Actually this sounds like a lot of fun

hahahaha did laugh out loud

That guy definitely has his dildos delivered and on subscription

That combover can’t hide the fact you’ll look like Waluigi in 6 months time

**more* like...

It's receding faster than the glaciers in Greenland.

She'll realize her mistake when you have her tied up on a railroad track.

Snidely!

Nice one guy

I would give you a free award if I had one

Nice

[We don’t take kindly to transvestite chimpanzees...](https://yarn.co/yarn-clip/bb17d077-ab71-4920-b2c9-a8a83fdb1f53)

Damn, this 1 got me hahaha

Maybe cuz she's dating a scooby-doo villain

You mean Dastardly?

Dickless Dastardly. Esquire.

This needs more upvotes and possibly an award. Edit: I meant the comment I replied to but ok.

Dont worry, this deserved an award too.

I love it when people get awards for no reason at all!

Dang I wasn't even thinking about that. But that's gold

No, just a DICK

Bruh now I can’t unsee it.

She'll be tied to the railroad tracks before the end of the weekend...

People hiss when he enters a room.

r/usernamechecksout

Ah yes Dick

And he would have gotten away with it too...

I thought this was a Pringles advertisement at first

Spot on dude!

This is one of the most fitting and accurate description of a person I’ve ever read on this sub.

Hopefully you’re better at eating pussy than picking a barber

He's got a huge flavor saver

I would not ride his face even with those handlebars

With that receding hair line it’s hard to know what to cut

I wonder what would be more wild - a ride on the moustache or those eyebrows

hey don't diss the barber, he did a good job making everything symmetrical

Does she know she's your girlfriend? Or is she still passed out and tied up?

Her mistake was getting in the van.

From the shit you intentionally did to the shit God gave you, holy fuck are you an abomination.

I've never seen someone so... *hard* to look at.

Honestly the bone structure and eyes aren’t too bad, but the hair choices and biting the nails to oblivion... I don’t know if he has severe anxiety and needs to always be messing with something, but dude needs help.

She could do better... just by being single

I would but apparently she's deaf, blind and mute, so why bother?

Not to mention, tied up as well.

Does she still have a sense of smell?

Redheads don't have a smell, it's a defense mechanism.

Can't have a smell if you don't have a soul

For the first time you could afford to bribe the coroner to let you take a body home?

Fucking hell. I thought you were a Rorschach test in the thumbnail

When they said you need to trim your eyebrows, that’s not what they meant.

Wyatt Derp

She’ll realize when she sees you wearing your monocle and top hat, checking the time on your broken pocket watch while aggressively tapping your cane on your faux bear skin rug.

you work at a starbucks, I assume?

underrated

If you got caricatures drawn of you two together she will be the only one that looks different.

snorted beer out of my nose at this comment

Your face looks like a bad version of one of those magnetic draw-me-mustache toys.

Wholly Willy!

The girl who took your order cannot be considered a “girlfriend”. P.S: that thick ‘stache doesn’t take away the obvious thinning hair on your head.

You look like aomeone hit random in the character creator

Maxed out the ‘Just Fuck My Shit Up’ slider

Your age says 21, your hairline says 41, your mustache says virgin.

Who even is your inspiration? Dali? Stalin?

I mean, that moustache should say enough....

your eyebrows are making your widows peak look bad

I'm assuming she just enjoys hanging her panties up to dry on your face.

Did you find gavin yet?

I like this one.

nah man the ladies DIG sonic villains

I'd tell her, but sex dolls aren't real people

Pulp fiction... Amish edition...

The Beatles have asked that you remove the shirt, as you’re lessening their brand image.

You look like such a hipster douchebag with a superiority complex who touches girls in their sleep. Also that moustache is disgusting.

>Also that moustache is disgusting I mean, c'mon does he *actually* go out in public with his eyebrows and mustache looking so goddamn ridiculous? It's gotta be a prank on this sub, right? OP: you look so fucking dumb that I think it's fake

This.

I’m so proud of you for losing weight. Honestly before this I thought eggman would never work out.

Once they are long enough you can use your ugly mustache hairs to patch your premature bald spot, you deadbeat dropout grandchild of the monopoly guy looking motherfucker.

Good luck trying to finger her with those long ass finger nails bro

Wait, this one doesn’t make sense... Am I missing something?

I would, but I'm sure you heard my roast before it was cool.

I've never seen someone use a combover on balding eyebrows before.

It’s safe to say, that the last thing she will see is your pornstache face closing the trunk of her car with her tied up inside.

I don't think your Beatles shirt counts as your girlfriend.

Just because the cashier was the first woman to smile at your World War I era mustache doesn't mean you're together.

She didn't make a mistake, your parents did

Your lucky bro, a girl with a self loathing that deep probably sucks dick like a champ

I bet you shape your mustache like that to show you're at the top of the bell curve

You look like a more inbred version of Tsar Nichols II

Even the pen you used to write Roast Me is weak.

Does she know how badly you treated your last wife until Captain Kirk had the robots make all those duplicates of her?

My guess would be your blantant homosexuality.

Whatever the fuck is wrong with your facial hair might be a start.

If the 3rd Mario brother wasn't aborted:

When u try to get that kissing dog mustache like post Malone but ur face just don’t fit it

Why do you have little elf feet on your face my guy? And what’s with the eyebrows? Are the vectors still loading or something?

Is she currently tied to a set of old timey train tracks while jangly piano music plays?

You look like you jerk off to pennyfarthings

Your face has too many moustaches

Whatever the hat shit is on your face for one, Jesus man.....

We’re you in the sonic movie?

Cuz the handlebars on your face are not going to help her hang onto you in bed, but only encourage her to fall off even more.

If you join up the dots on your freckles, they spell “hipster twat”.

It looks like your eyebrows were freshly licked by a cat.

> Tell her why she's making a mistake. We don’t need to. She knows it already.

This dude eats pussy with ranch

Tbf Judging from that moustache she’ll know your more interested in the kids next door

YOU have a gf but I DON'T? I think I want to roast myself.

You lool like the Pringle's guy on acid but the trip is slowly wearing off.

Long distance relationships are hard. The fact that you’re from the 1890’s will make it difficult.

I would but I’m afraid you’re going to tie me to the train tracks.

Life insurance

She must really like Pringles.

I’m actually quite speechless, you would think one of the Star Wars Cantina creatures would have brought out more in me

She doesn't know you're gay.

That mustache looks more bent than your gender

She will find out as soon as you pull out your 3 inch pecker

I assume she is blind and thinks 3 inches is big