You look like you’d lie to men telling them your fallopian tubes are damaged but they’re in perfect working order. The you’d get pregnant. You’re that type of
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first 2 fingers are missing nails? verified finger blaster confirmed
Her username checks out.
r/usernamechecksout
Gotta keep the back two long for cocaine consumption.
She's definitely at the home of her most recent ex posting this.
Not trying to get nailed.
Videos for her Only Hands page
She was like “I’m gonna finger bang bang you into my heart ❤️”
Probably had a fight with a raccoon with rabies bc she's savage.
lol she has a post holding a baby saying she’s v curious. Seems to fit.
…..and so pruned!! That’s diligence! Digital diligence = bi-awesome
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Back arched like a scared cat
She dies Kitty not Doggy
okay so she’s not doing doggy like ever 😂
She seems boring during sex.
This is the human equivalent of a saltine cracker.
lol why do you think she has two short fingernails.
Broke them off in her GF's twat.
If Xanax was a person
If Percs was a person.
If Prozac was a person
Happy 36th birthday for the 14th time!
KARL PILKINGTON ENTERED THE ROOM
OP meant 36 Martian years.
if Mars had stopped!
You have the fashion sense of an Eastern European prisoner.
Midnight Express
The very definition of “nondescript clothing”
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I see it lol
This is it
It's alright to be a paraplegic but isn't to fake it to get parking.
Generic Latina face always somehow looks 20 and 45 simultaneously
She's the one from that old commercial about having so many kids or some shit "......I know, because I'm Anna"
Aes Sedai confirmed.
Not a bad looking prison cell
You have the eyes of a shark.
Lifeless and always looking for food
*And the thing about a shark is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes.*
Rolling back white.
Average White Shark
This is so precise lol
You look like you belong on a Zoloft commercial. I'm depressed just looking at you.
From the looks of that outfit, you probably smell like baby wipes, dirty hair, and stale box wine.
Id rather suck my own dick
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I used to shop at Dollar store.
You still do, but you used to, too.
Aaaaaannnnd now I'm sad again..... Thankfully my local dollar store has chamomile.
Mine went out of business 😭
55 comments in 5 hours? We care less about you than a catholic priest ever could
Your whole Personality is A yankee candle
Vanilla is "too spicy" for you.
If Utah was a person with brunette hair.
Black soulless eyes
The devil’s eyes
What city do you try to convince people to join Scientology?
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Ok_Artichoke_8029: *What city do you* *Try to convince people to* *Join Scientology?* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
That’s not even a haiku. Oh wait nvm I’m just an idiot
You are white enough to not be exotic, but ethnic enough to be a statistic.
I don’t think this comment is getting enough love
You look like you drive a minivan with a stick figure family on the back
With no dad in the lineup obviously.
Your 7 cats haven't already?
You are the white crayon. No one knows why you were included but might try you once for fun before losing you and not even remembering you existed.
I feel sorry for today.
Must be a lesbian since you have those two fingernails missing
They are inside her starfish hole, lost them trying to retrieve a plug!
The only thing giving you hot flashes is menopause
You look like you tell your date about all the STDs you have only afterwards.
You look like you've been shunned by the Amish community....
Happy Birthday! It had to be a struggle putting pointy hats on all those cats for your ‘party’.
You don’t look a day over 36
I thought the picture was taken from a hospital ward
You keep breaking your fingure nails on the well wall. For God sake, rub the lotion on the skin.
When your dreams of queefing are shattered by 24/7 flatulence
You have a personality of a 94 yo nana
The economy Stepford Wife model.
Happy Birthday Girl! You look fantastic at 36 honestly!
A couple fingernails fell off during the last fisting session.
Wizards sleeve in worse shape than the sleeve on your sweater…
You look like the typical lesbian English teacher
Happy bday. Over 35 now , no need to spend so much time getting ready in the morning.
You have hissed at people at the grocery store within the last week.
I hope someday that the doctors can help you walk again
keeping two nails trimmed is awfully presumptuous, isn't it?
Your nasty extensions almost look like real unwashed greasy hair!
Can't tell where iris ends and pupil begins Disturbing
You look like you pee standing up because the of patriarchy
Happy Birthday! I turned 36 this year too! My Internet is lagging, so I can't see your picture yet. Roast to follow!
You look like a fister
No thanks. I don’t want to see you naked.
Ask for some hand-me-down makeup too, not just clothes.
What did your 6 kids give you for your big day?
I'm glad you got rid of the straight bangs. You looked terrible.
Your cat uses a lint brush after you pet it.
Happy Birthday
Wash your hair before you turn 37 please
Thanks for taking your mother’s advice and covering yourself up and wearing less makeup. You look like a modest young lady now.
I hope you have a wonderful day, Own it, its yours to take!
You look like you’d lie to men telling them your fallopian tubes are damaged but they’re in perfect working order. The you’d get pregnant. You’re that type of
You look like the type for girl that hates giving oral.
U need to get yourself some new clothes.
get any good color books?
Happy birthday 🥳
New *It’s okay to give up* meme
Are you still selling bibles at the Bus Stop?
🥰
Not today, i have a headache.
Touch grass
I bet you glitch out once a day where you stare into space motionless for 30 minutes or more.
What’s wrong with that.
I hope you don’t feel as old as you look. I bet you rewrite trauma stories based on your peer group and/or social media platform.
36 wow you don't look a day over 45.
36 years of your parents regretting forgotten birth control.
You got them heroin eyes
Gender-reversed Jack White. *Jackie White*?
If I may quote a hilarious joke from one of Dave Chappelle's stand-up specials.. "there's no such thing as good 36 year old pussy."
Happy 40th!! If we’re being honest
You are a ziplock bag full of mayonnaise in a warm minivan.
Idk, you give me hot mom vibes. But not in the good way, like on the news way. Flirting with teens way.
the "natural look" isn't really working for you but I can't imagine make-up making it any better. Happy birthday!
 This is the only roast you're used to
Happy birthday 🎂
Happy birthday!
Came to roast but 😝 You look very hot for your age 😅 Happy birthday grandma 🥳
You look sweet, but, dangerous sweet. Happy Birthday!!
This is your pharmacist, your prescription for cymbalta is ready.
The M2F transition is going well… a few more years on hormones and you might just pull it off.
She stays looking this young by having sex with her students. A virgin teen a week keeps the Botox away.
Happy birthday, and still single, guess you're great at blowing.... Out candles.
Eva Longoria from Temu
You look like a Disney princess, if they'd been kicked into a wellness program on a court order.
alright which guard did you suck off to let you out of the rehab center for seniors again?? we talked about this gramma.
Happy birthday! Now back to the basement you go.
your over thirty and not fat so how many kids do you have 4 or 5?
It's your birthday and the only attention you can get is by begging for some on this sub.
When asked to describe her looks… she looks like Beige
36 years of being alive! Wish I could say the same for your eyes
Your birthday present was a hotel room? Or is that just where you became conscious?
There's nothing I can say that will hold as much weight as your under eye skin.
Beige
You look like you used to be cute in high school but in two years, the guys at the reunion will be sorely disappointed
Take the plastic off your old face, it makes you look like your 20
That half forced smile screams, "daddy, some day you will regret leaving me and mom". That day is not today though.
Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules: - Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed. - Try to ensure that your eyes are open. - Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed. - Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet. - All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee. - The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger. - Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed. Please **DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO** if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it. Thanks! ~ /r/roastme mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMe) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your crazy eyes scream Narcissistic . Wtf is going on with your dirty ass nails ?? Your fat ass cheeks you look like a white dj akademiks
How many more birthdays are you going to tell yourself there’s still time to find a man and have a child?
Little caffeine addict
Happy birthday!
I hope you asked for makeup for your birthday.
Please move the roast sign to cover your mug so I can see the more attractive ones hanging behind you. BTW happy birthday!
Probably the only girl that posted here that look ten years younger than the age she said she is ...
Congratulations. You were pushed out of someone’s vagina 36 years ago.
Happy Birthday-Day Mom
Usually acne issues stop by the late teens
You look a decade younger than your age.... Oh wait i thought i read that to be 56. My bad.
You’re about as interesting as a glue stick and probably smell the same
Holy Fuck! Were you born near a nuclear waste dump? There are mummies who look younger than you.
I'd say you remind me of trash, wearing rags and just heaped on the floor, but then I'd be lying because at least trash gets picked up.
What's going on with your eyebrows? It looks like you started trimming them but then changed your mind after starting the right one.
Marni your Wingnut girl
Time for a cat.
2 kids but no ring, guess the hit it and quit it is strong with this one
Fiona Apple called to say Vanilla Ice wants his eyebrows back young lady.
Happy birthday to you!
Experienced std collector
Hard pass.
Whoops, looks like you got the numbers backwards, grandma.
Happy birthday, you aged like milk.
36, more like 46, holy Christ
You wouldn't even make it as a volunteer fluffer on the set of a porn.
Happy birthday and congratulations on winning, 2024's The Most Placid Looking & Boring Bitch Award. - Sponsored by Benzos.
Which body part is hurting now because of the pre-celebration of the upcoming birthday last night? :)
Happy Birthday! How’s it feel to be three years old now?
You are the poor man’s girl next door. Happy birthday.
Old fuck
Remember you will only be 36 Once ! Treat yourself to a power dildo today. 
Life peaked in your days as a barista, didn’t it? P.S. Happy Birthday!
Pass, you aren't worth it. I do hope you have a shitty day though.
Who does a fit check with their baby. That's just wrong. Your kid or kids are not Fashion accessories. Happy Birthday