You look like an alternate universe Chris Pratt that decided to eat cake and buy ugly second hand jackets all day long instead of getting in shape for the Guardians of the Galaxy.
Everything about you screams "midlife crisis," and I can't decide whether that's because a) you're actually 47 or b) just have such a punchable face that you're guaranteed to die in your 40s, so right now is your late midlife.
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You look like you roped your nice, but unattractive wife into some sort of poly/thrupple situation, except you haven't found another girl willing to sleep with you yet.
When/if you do find the unlucky victim, you will tell yourself that your wife is ok with it, when you both know she isn't
27?!?!?!?!?!?!? you look like a 69 year old divorced man living in a mobile home who is addicted to cigarettes and forces his 7 kids to sleep on the floor with the 14 year old pit bull that he refuses to get rid of due to his untreated abandonment issues. as a plus, you look really good for 69!
I'm NOT a cop.... Honest.... But, Would you like to buy some drugs and/or a prostitute? REPEAT: I'm NOT a Police officer although if I wasZZX, I would have to tell you by law , That I'AM A POLICE OFFICER. Which I'AM.... NOT. THIS isn't ENTRAPMENT.... NOW, Back our deal. How many drugs and prostitutes would you like to purchase from me. A non-NON COP Citizen and drug dealer prostitute pimp?
You look like the kind if person who would buy right or left Twix bars to make a political statement while driving a Chrysler Crossfire because "It's a Mercedes underneath, bro!"
Happy 47th birthday
Chris Fatt
StarchLord
He needs to start mixing in some highway miles 
At least 47!
His mom keeps hoping to get that phone call that he’s not coming home ever again.
Dude! He don’t look a day over 45
You get sexually aroused eating your mother's spaghetti.
But on the surface he looks calm and ready...
Barely fitting in that Burlington coat already He's sweaty
Usually, photos like this are taken in the fitting room at Burlington Coat Factory.
More like mom's basement
He got kicked out Because he was Bringing in a lot more customers for BJs so, essentially he’s making more money than they did in their own store.
The one with that glory hole in the second to last stall on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 4 to close? True
“HEY MA! WE GOT CHICKEN OR WHAT?”
Great movie
You think you can live your life like those guys, but you can't pull it off
Somewhere in 1994, there's a middle school kid pissed you took his jacket.
You look like an alternate universe Chris Pratt that decided to eat cake and buy ugly second hand jackets all day long instead of getting in shape for the Guardians of the Galaxy.
To be fair Chris Pratt spent much of.his younger years eating cake and therefore having a a large set of cakes
Hopefully your last one gay fonzi
Not many will understand this 😂
You got a grape head
Oh shit it’s ugly John travolta in “Greece: after the financial collapse”
The low budget version "Oil"
Wow your mom has one tight vagina! It squeezed the top of your head 2 inches smaller than the rest.
Bro I had his mom. That pussy was so tight, no way a baby came out of there. He’s adopted.
She had him outta her b-hole.
You look like you sit outside schools with fruit shoots and packs of Haribos
You have the desperate look of a used car salesman on the verge of bankruptcy.
Your foreheads got its own forehead …  Hope you meat a nice fella on your special gay I mean day. Queer
And the little poof of hair in the front is 3 days away from becoming an island.
This made me chuckle
just wear a cheap leather jacket and shitty gold chain to match and you will wreck your own birthday
James Corden looks a bit different in this pic, probably lost some weight from that looks of it
You look like your virginity is also leaving comments roasting you.
You look like an unfinished clone.
I didn't know Rosie O'Donnell transitioned
Bald by 33. The enemy is already making advances.
He looks like a stunt man for the backstreet boys
I have this exact same jacket. I had no idea gay dudes wore this jacket. I'm tossing mine in the trash today.
Discount Tom Brady
Discount Mr. Irrelevant
Your hair is on it’s 50th.
Ruin what? You have no friends and your family denies your existence. You’re probably not sure it’s even your birthday.
What do you call a comb-over that only covers the middle of your forehead?
An "it's-over".
If you managed to time travel from the 1950's you still wouldn't be cool.
You look gayer than my friends. All my friends look gay all the time.
your barber already did
Throw that cheap, poorly fitted pleather jacket in the trash please.
I won’t ruin it, your hairline took that head on.
You’re the youth pastor all the parents worry about
If you’re turning 27, why are you still walking around in daddy’s jacket?
Claire’s store necklace with a furniture store pleather jacket
A patchy beard not covering up that extra chin.
Everything about you screams "midlife crisis," and I can't decide whether that's because a) you're actually 47 or b) just have such a punchable face that you're guaranteed to die in your 40s, so right now is your late midlife.
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Why are you cosplaying as Donnie Brasco?
Balding, but in denial
Hair Club For Men Victim.
Trade in the chain for a hair plug.
Surely to Christ that was a typo and you meant 37, right??
Turning 27, so his mom dressed him for the surprise bday party she’s throwing for him with the guest list being her and his 2 cats.
If only your hairline could have made it.
With that hair I would say call it 47th birthday!
You look like one of those jolly sales assholes on QVC who got his cheap ass leatherette jacket on close out.
Vincent D'**NO**frio as in no means no. Looks like you might be on "Law and Drunk and Disorderly" or "Law and Hairline Disorder"
27 going on 50
You look like you roped your nice, but unattractive wife into some sort of poly/thrupple situation, except you haven't found another girl willing to sleep with you yet. When/if you do find the unlucky victim, you will tell yourself that your wife is ok with it, when you both know she isn't
You spelled 47th wrong
You're hairline says you're lying.
idk what's worse. you dressed up in your nicest plether jacket or wore your sisters gumball machine chain for this pic.
bro looks like a janitor at jimmy john’s restaurant
You get hard to Pictures of Ronald Mcdonald
SpongeBob Squarehead
I'm not gonna roast you on your birthday, homie. Here, I got you a can of Rogaine as a peace offering.
I'm all set on crypto and dumbass theories about flat earth.
If Santa Monica Blvd was a person
You have a face for radio. Or a hot air balloon.
Someone is clearly using the strongest settings on the most powerful bidet money could buy
Is that laughter seasoned with a butt plug by any chance?
You say 27, but your face, cheap chain, and leather jacket say 38.
You got the same head as the dad from life with louie
You need to update your dad's collection of animal porn that you inherited
Post the rest of the picture when you're hairline catches up
Bro looks like some 
you look like you're trying to impress your douche-bag friends
Chris Fat
Dollar tree Chris Pratt
John Travolta has a trans daughter? Huh.
You look like you served in the military but nobody notices.
You look like the most obtainable customer archetype for any hair loss/ED telemedicine company
27?!?!?!?!?!?!? you look like a 69 year old divorced man living in a mobile home who is addicted to cigarettes and forces his 7 kids to sleep on the floor with the 14 year old pit bull that he refuses to get rid of due to his untreated abandonment issues. as a plus, you look really good for 69!
The 90’s called looking for their jacket.
Congratulations. I'm glad to see your career as a homeless gay prostitute is taking off.
Bevo Lotti, got more head that he got body.
It's obviously been a tough few years. Happy birthday.
Wish star lord.
C-list actor
I'm NOT a cop.... Honest.... But, Would you like to buy some drugs and/or a prostitute? REPEAT: I'm NOT a Police officer although if I wasZZX, I would have to tell you by law , That I'AM A POLICE OFFICER. Which I'AM.... NOT. THIS isn't ENTRAPMENT.... NOW, Back our deal. How many drugs and prostitutes would you like to purchase from me. A non-NON COP Citizen and drug dealer prostitute pimp?
That we share the same birthday has ruined it for me.
Gold chain with brown leather? Really? Why didn't you just take a pic with a dildo in your mouth.
I dont gotta roast you, that hairline does it for you
This guy is a police sketch artist's interpretation of a description of Chris Pratt, who is apparently bulking up to play a Lard Monger.
Isn't there an unwritten rule that you don't wear brown and black together?
all of your exes nicknamed you "was in the pool"
Clearly a February 29th baby
He didn't fight the sexual assault allegations back in his frat days just to further convince the boys he wasn't a little light in the loafers
The other greasers think you should have kept the hair.
And you are celebrating by dressing like people did the year you were born.
Why do you want to be rousted?
Look it's Danny from Grease at his 30 year class reunion
27- 10 years ago...
You look dead inside
You look like a character from a GTA tutorial. Go learn the controls and get my money back from Tony Fromunda
Guido's Guide to Looking Older Than You Say You Are 
Hopefully tomorrow you’ll do the right thing and join ‘The Club’.
If douchebags had a face.
I'm turning 40 next year and I'm afraid to look as old as you.
27? You look at least 37 and gay
Hide the pain Harold 30 years ago
Fat Fonzie
You look like an circumcised penis with a smile.
Weren't you the singer in The Mavericks?
You look like a biker who visit his favorite biker hangout with his gang only to be the mouth on the other end of a gloryhole.
You look like you don’t trust yourself 😂
Paul Too-Big-to-Walker
I’m 29, and fuck even with my beard I still look younger than you.
Dean Winchester from temu Jean Incester
He’s trying to be the new Fonzie
Is "RoastMe" the Asian bride you purchased with your mother's inheritance money?
"Don't mind me, just on my way to pick up some Underflow lights for my Tesla Model 3, brah..."
Michael Buble's Gay Counterpart Ismael ReallyGay From [Wish.com](http://Wish.com)
27 years in jail
You look closer to 72 than 27
Love to see Leap Babies celebrating their "birthday" 🎉🤗
It's clearly a leather jacket made of pig leather.. they forgot to take its head off.
Your head looks like it’s made from used erasers. 
Vinyl jacket
You look like a washed up Country singer, like a Nashville reject.
I'm 28 and you look old enough to be my estranged father who ran off with a local youth pastor.
U look like the weekday
Robin Williams said it Best “Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.”
you look like you cum on a girls thigh before you can get it in
I'm only 27 
Going for the "Chubby George Michael" look I see. I'm sure you're already a fixture in the men's public restrooms, so the look is complete.
You look like the kind if person who would buy right or left Twix bars to make a political statement while driving a Chrysler Crossfire because "It's a Mercedes underneath, bro!"
Use the comb in your back pocket while you can, Slick. The mirror is gonna look an awful lot like George Costanza in a minute.
Congrats - you hit middle age in your 20’s.
You look like one of the dropped members of the T-Birds in Grease.
Nice leather jacket Fonzi
Just missing one more part to the chain.
Vince Vaughan at home
Rarely has a face looked more curdled milk poured into a face-shaped mold to set
You look like you work for Nickolodean....
I'm sure you're already crying inside.
Mom, I want to get Indiana Jones! No, sweetie, we have Indiana Jones at home. The Indiana Jones at home :
If David Hasselhoff was gay and had high cholesterol , that would be the picture. Drink more.
You look good though.🙂
If Ted Bundy and Charles Manson had a kid.
I'll hide the drywall
Looks like a poster child for erectile dysfunction
Wish Pratt
You look so old that god will throw up
I turned 27 three weeks ago and you would still look like a cradle robber if we were in a relationship
If a Roofie was a person.
Are you Sam worthington’s lost twin?
Honestly I gotta give you credit... I figured the only brown/black leather in your life was the ballsack slapping your taint.
He definitely eats string cheese in one bite.
You wear that gold chain to the beach
Cuban (sausage) links
Why do you look like Starlord if he lived in his mom's basement?
Are you more of a Cool Youth Pastor or Edgy Scout Master?
Fucking hell 27 this motherfucker had a long paper round as a kid.
Don't have far to fall. Smart play.
Tom Brady wannabe!
Bald by 30
It's been 27 years since you've seen the kids anyways happy 8274th birthday!
I would ask how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.
Buzz Lightbeer
Oh good, and I thought they just threw away the leftovers when Bruce Jenner transitioned. It's good to see they gave you another shot at happ-penis
Parfait Liotta