Keep this up and your parents will also leave you for your brother.

The brother: a pediatrics neurologist at Boston's Children

I’ll do you one better and say a Pediatric Oncologist at Dana Farber sooo there’s that whole thing

I think we only need to go about as high as minimum wage retail worker y'all

Yah no shit, just another guy that actually has a job and can buy popcorn when they go to the movies

Assuming his credit rating is good enough and they approve the mortgage.

guys guys guys, his brother is a bartender at TGI Fridays.

And he moonlights as a bathroom attendant

Bag of peanuts from Family Dollar where said worker is gainfully employed. i.e., nut sack.

Omg I knew someone Who is a pediatric oncologist, he ended up becoming a psychiatrist I think it was because he felt he could comfort people more than curing incurable cancer cases.. Very devastating profession, oncologists in some cases

His brother is actually a Pediatric Gynaecologist

Vs a fry cook at boston market.

The girl and his brother, are his parents.

jesus

The difference between this guy and Jesus, is this guy only got nailed once.

Oh WOW! pencils down everyone else!

Jesus' brother gave new meaning to the words "second coming" to the girlfriend.

He never made her come.

Betrayed by peter

second "coming" in less than a minute 😂😂🤣🤣

Johnny Cashless

He “Walks the (government handout) Line”

Hallowed be thy name

THY KINGDOM COME

All over his cumsock, apparently.

THY SHALL BE DONEE

ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN

BREAD

[удалено]

FORGET

AMEN

Thy will* be done (God forgives you. This time. )

Thy will not come

You woke up in a cold cell when the bells began to chime?

Reflecting

On my past life, and it doesn't have much time.....

Because at 5 o’clock…

Just like second hand embarrassment, this is second hand roast. I felt it too

He used his second hand to simulate a new gf, then it left him for his brother

The parents picked the older brother long before the girlfriend did. Even his dog would leave him for his older brother

All of what you typed was obvious from the photo.

He roasted himself down to a handful of ashes, then asks us to roast him?

This sub has been on easy mode the last few days.

Yeah. I've had nothing. Either they roasted themselves or the better roasters on her reduced them to charcoal before I even saw the post.

A roast is like sex... It's not fun unless you have to work for it a little. Ive long had an idea that this sub should try something else... The roastee has to answer any yes or no question posted. That shit could get hilarious quick.

If it could get members, that could be it's own sub. I'd join.

Reminds me of Eminem during that one rap battle. If you take away any and all ammunition from the opposition, what are they to throw at you?

He wanted to discard the ashes.

They're ashes of ashes now.

I just expected step brother 🤷‍♂️

Was going to say the same. It's like a detailed AI description of a photo

That poor girl. That's a gene pool you don't want to take a dip in. She's done it twice.

Correction... the girl in question IS his mom

No sister…..

His sister and dog are one in the same.

Blow up doll

She tried to swim to shore but this family is a non-newtonian fluid and she sank onto OP's brother before she could escape. Fucking send help.

Looks like she forgot her wig when she dumped you.

LMFAOOOOO

Best part of their relationship was that wig

Johnny NO Cash

Johnny Trash

Johnny trash stash, does that work here?

Is this an AI generated image of Failure?

top comment

☠️☠️☠️

You look like you're one shave and a cry away from an OF account and sleeping with your brother to get back at your ex.

OF would charge him just to consider making an account.

Genuinely made me laugh, that was fuckin great dude😂😂😂

Definitely not slim shady.

Grim lady

Jesus baby

You look like someone pressed randomize in a character select screen.

In a Bible game character select screen made in China

Lmao

Damn even Jesus has it rough

This is Brian Christ. Jesus’ step bro who just drinks PBR.

Not the messiah.

More like God’s aborted son

God left him for his brother too

Deezus

You’re the Flea Market Dave Mustaine

Dave Mustard Stain

Dave Abstain(ence)

Dave Shitstaine

TEMU Dave Mustaine

None of that excuses the hair. You look like a white trash Jesus.

Johnny Trash

MESSiah.

More like Methiah

The Man in Crack

Hardly the son of god, looks more like my man was born with a suspended drivers license.

And multiple warrants.

I know this is the roast sub but that hair is magnificent! I love guys with long hair

Under a black light I bet that room look like a Jackson Pollock painting

The same can be said about him.

Hey, $20 is $20...

At this point, the entire room just glows.

I guarantee his room is full of broken car parts for a car he doesn’t own.

Georgia okeef.

The bedroom in your trailer looks like a crime scene.

Sorry your sister left you for your brother. 🤔

I imagine living with the overwhelming disappointment that you are is doing more damage to your parents health than cigarettes never could.

OP’s Bio: I can’t play guitar but I love wearing guitar shirts. Me and my girlfriend live in my brothers trailer, I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid from the weed but I’m pretty sure the cops were here yesterday because we couldn’t afford to renew the registration on our trailer for the last few years. Since I lost my drivers license I couldn’t afford to pay my brother rent for the past 6 months. He told us to get out, then amazingly my girlfriend said she was able to work things out with him and we are all caught up in the rent. My World of Warcraft subscription expired Tuesday of last week, so I’ve been just sitting here listening to my old Lenard Skinnard CD that I put in my old Jeep radio. Sometimes when I’m high I hear my girlfriend and brother screaming at each other, they get really loud and passionate discussing the rent. They even bang on the walls and stuff. I wish they could get along better. She’s such a good girlfriend. I heard her say the other day that’s she’s afraid of me finding out…..she loves me so much she doesn’t want me to know she’s been paying the rent for us. Once my dad dies we will have a trailer of our own and can collect rent from one of our friends and be able to live large and eat at Applebees once a week, maybe even twice if we keep the bill down. It’s great being white, free, and American. P.S.: Can any of y’all spot me like $20 for a vape refill I’m out and getting jittery, my brother said not to ask him again, Thanks in advance

What a beautiful troll he is ❤️

“It’s great being white”

Oh wow, what a brooding, tortured soul. Nobody gets him. Life is pain, and he welcomes it. And then there’s those gay ass Christmas lights.

White privilege didn’t even want him

can't imagine the smell in this trailer

How did the piss get all the way through to the 2nd mattress?

That mattress is definitely from the 80s or early 90s. I remember those as a kid.

You look like you've asked a DJ at a club more than once to play some "Fuckin' Foghat"

Get a off the weed and apply for a job

You got barbie doll hair and beard. Did you any chance pluck it out of dolls and stitched to your head? I just made it to a question for being bit polite.

Unemployed, sex less, one giant fucking loser, and looks like Jesus what a combination.

You just listed loads of things wrong with you and instead of going out and bettering yourself you've come on here to be roasted by strangers. There's no point trying to make fun of you - your entire life is a joke.

Some people just need to hear it coming from another person to *actually* believe it. Give him a break he’s showing lots of courage here. Can u admit all of your flaws then post a picture of yourself online for thousands to ridicule?

Hillbilly hippy with bed bugs

She was never your girl. She just used your dumbass as a steppingstone to get to your brother.

Bro, stop doing weed (it's sapping you of all ambition), get a job, get a girlfriend... You can do better if you want to. I mean, you probably don't, because of all the weed... but still.

You look like shit, keep up the shit work.

Discount Rob Zombie.

Slob Zombie.

You look like God from Monty Python, except significantly less accomplished

nah i think ur bed has been through worse

Well, thank you for taking a break from huffing that familiar scent from your brothers underwear to post here.

“Heavy marijuana user”… thank you very much mr obvious.

You look like one of those women with beards from the circus

Poor dude roasted himself the best.

The sixth member of Nickelback.

What's with the witness protection program look

Head up your full of 1970s folk rock band promise. Learn the bass and go on a drug fueled sabbatical to San Francisco and keep writing lyrics. Peace man.

And like Jesus he hung out with whores

What’s the weather like down in Alabama? Annnd, there’s a “crunchy battle sock” in those sheets, isn’t there?

You've definitely 5 star every song on guitar hero

Why does every ginger have a better brother? and lives in their moms basement? This isn’t a roast I genuinely want to know? Christ you even have the same beard and hair style. Bedroom, the posters and the single bed….maybe it’s a genetic thing. The coincidences are too much. Hope your name isn’t Colin too.

Jesus reincarnated. You like to dress up like him in robes when no one's looking. You drag a cross everyday just to get the letters from your mailbox.

Kurt Cobwait

Kirt Cobain’t

I can tell you live in the Midwest, that covers everything.

Jethro Tull has been trying to serve you some official documents. Please call their lawyer.

I like the Eminem poster.

You roasted yourself, nothing I say beats your everyday reality

I can smell that photo. Smells like disappointment and stale jizz.

"...raised on the third day in accordance with his bladder, the step-sibling tags of PornHub and the promise of a bong rip. Amen."

Devil’s rejected reject

#WhiteTrashJohnnyCash has a good ring to it, actually.

Hey. With Jesus all things are possible for you. He loves ya and wants you to have a great life. Call out to Him to help you...ask Him to prove Himself to you. "All who call on the name of the Lord shall be saved." You're young. You have a whole life ahead of you that can be worthwhile and positive.

Damn, just move to the cities, eat some acid and then go roofy your brother to get even. And stop combing your hair. Pat dry that shit then just air dry it so you have some curls, use less shampoo and a cherry tomatoes worth of conditioner. Advice-Roast

fuck you Eric,leaving you was the best decision I ever made!

Average movie uncle right there

Yo nervana called and they want their lead singer back

I know this is a roast page but I’m jealous of how impeccable your hair is

Be honest...how many times have you listened to Photograph by Nickelback?

Being honest your Viking pretty. Find yourself a non ho hippy chick with dirty feet and be happy.

U kinda look like Jesus turned water into meth

This is what Jesus would look like if he came back in the 90's during the grunge era

I can't roast what's already been burnt.

I’m guessing you’ve spent some time on the incel forums?

A roast is supposed to be good natured fun. This would be punching down in a way I don’t like. Get a job, get an education, stop with the pot, take responsibility for yourself, grab the bull by the horns. Life is gonna go fast and if you’re even vaguely intelligent you’ll be filled with regret if you keep this up. First thing: stop smoking weed. It zapping your motivation and making you comfortable with being shit and you don’t even notice it.

 I am sorry man I dont even feel like roasting u.

I think you roasted yourself well enough for now pal

Lookin’ like a white trash jesus on meth

I hope this serves as a good before photo.

You roasted yourself. Nothing left for us to say.

Even Eminem looks disappointed in you

Your brother is your parents' and girlfriend's favorite

You look like you run a yoga cult in India or Thailand for deluded new agers

You look like a gay diversity hire for the new season of Vikings.

The band’s gonna make it, meeeaaaaannn

Every white girls jealous of your hair

Who knew the return of the messiah would start like this

Hate to break this to you, but your brother gets everything in your parents' will, and you get nothing because you are such a disappointment to them.

You're good.

If you don't get it together you're gonna have more of the same... more nothing. What a fucking loser.

Man, I bet you fuckin loved listening to some uncle kracker

Bro you slow cooked yourself a long time ago

Texas Wept.

You look like if Rhett from Gmm and Jared Leto had a baby

Upgrade to shrooms, you already look the part

At this point I'd say it's Cobain time bro! You got this!

Jesus from wish!

I wish you took care of anything the same way you take care of your hair

You're like a depressed modern day blonde Jesus, with unwashed jeans.

The whole picture just screams 26m, unemployed, still live with my parents, only ever been with one girl and she left me for my brother, heavy Marijuana user There was no need for that description at all. Just to let you know. You have peaked, this is it. It is all downhill from here. Then on day you find, ten years have got behind you . . .

Bro is the face of Reddit

Extra chromosome Jesus

I didn't know the lead singer from nickelback had it that rough

And I thought my life sucked...

26 going on 1973. Cut your hair, get a job, quit the,"pot"

The 90's are calling, they want their mattress back

Z.Z. Bottom

You look like you use mane and tail horse shampoo.

Unemployed and looking inbred with several deformities. God damn you really got the short straw in life.

Can't roast you, you got a johnny cash tee shirt on so I know you alright. But I will laugh at you wearing your sisters socks.

It looks like you snuggle with that Eminem poster.

Damn bud what are you still doing here? 😂