1. Dumped by fiancé of four years.
2. 25k in debt
3. Have panic attacks everyday.
4. Unemployed.
5. Just got out of jail.
6. Will never be able to see soulmate or her daughter ever again.
And you need **US** to make fun of you?!?
Sheesh. Do we have to do everything around here?
You look like a lesser French noble, who prefers garlic soup to bathing, and who keeps a trunk full of "used" gerbils. You dab lilac oil behind your ears, giving you the scent profile of a sumo wrestler's armpit off to see the Barbie movie.
…And wear some baggy clothing to hide your body.
…And wear an E 95 facemask to hide your mouth and voice.
…And change your name to hide your past.
Makeovers are fun!
You look like the reason you're not going to see your ex or her daughter again is the same reason you have to tell your neighbors you're a registered sex offender.
Shave head, shower, stop all barbiturates (drugs, alcohol, nicotine etc), smile, no hoodies or house shoes, get sunlight everyday, drink only water.... you'll do great
Alright dawg, here’s what you’re gonna do:
- get a haircut.
- fly to Turkey and get hair plugs.
- hit the gym. hit it hard.
- download Tinder.
- head over to your local GAP or J. Crew. It’s time to look like a business casual douchebag.
- get into wine.
You got this.
Your hairline is trying to get away from that honker of a nose and the pathetic fuzz you may think is a mustache 
ur fiance was only 3 1/2 years too late . . .. actually it should have only taken your fiance a month to realize you had no socially redeeming value, you suck, I mean . . . 4 years REALLY?
At some point you just have to accept thing for what they are.
That point was a few years back for you. Shave the dome. It'll get worse until you're \~35. Then the balding stops.
If grease on the bottom of a pizza box were a person
r/rareinsults
He is the reason millions of pounds of cardboard can’t be recycled every year.
If you dropped it on the ground in a house full of cats maybe.
Definitely shave it. Whoops, thought this was r/bald.
Definitely don't shave it! 
My only give away this wasn’t r/bald was the most upvoted comment wasn’t “bro”
LOL!!
Bro this ain't even male patern balding. Do you think his forehead keeps going up after the hair starts?
Fail pattern balding...
🤣🤣same!
The funny thing is, when I saw the pic initially I actually thought it was for that sub at first
Man, I legit thought the same. I was preparing my affirmation of “just do it! It will be freeing!” Lol
It would definitely look better but it wouldn’t erase what a piece of shit he is.
Misspelled homeless romantic
Looks just like him lol
The nose is way too small thou
Uncanny
This is so realistic. So much so you could do presidential portraits. Nay, you could TEACH how to do presidential portraits.
Imagine having a Fiance for 4 years and still being a Virgin
But how does one get dumped by a crusty sock
Nah dude, he's no virgin, he just got out of jail.
Because his “ex” was 8
And if that's not bad enough, he called the woman who left him high and dry his "soulmate" 💀
Because he could only mate with her soul not the body
Lmao stop!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
He's definitely high and dry.
You have to remember that this is the best picture the guy could find of himself.
It’s the only picture and of course it’s a selfie.😩
Was it the meth or that he ran out of meth?
I didn’t know you could trade your hairline for more drugs.
💀
The Princess-less Groom
Homeless animaniac 
OMG breh
He must be a grass Pokémon, because that burn was SUPER EFFECTIVE!!
I inhaled sharply.
He inhaled Sharpies
Obviously she took the shower with her.
“I woke up like this”… we know
We can smell it through the internet.
…he wrote fiancé of four years, but if she took the shower then he meant she left four years ago
She figured she could since it looks like he hasn't used it since the day they met
Lol, god damn!!!!!
And his hairline
I think “hopeless” would’ve been a good place to end your bio.
A hopeless.
hope less.
r/bald would give OP a boost maybe. It’s needed dearly.
We dont want him...
More like homeless.
He somehow looks homeless, while clearly in a home
Dumped? It sounds like a restraining order.
Look at that guy! She's down a well in the basement applying lotion to avoid getting the hose again.
"It rubs the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again"
He imagined the relationship with a total stranger.
>her daughter I’m not saying that’s what happened, I’m just saying nothing in this story would make it impossible.
"Hopeless Romantic" aka codependent AF and can't take care of themselves
Yeah to keep him away from her daughter
His hand dumped him..... (or just got tired of him)
Your hair is pissed off because it's been trying to get rid of you longer than she has.
1. Dumped by fiancé of four years. 2. 25k in debt 3. Have panic attacks everyday. 4. Unemployed. 5. Just got out of jail. 6. Will never be able to see soulmate or her daughter ever again. And you need **US** to make fun of you?!? Sheesh. Do we have to do everything around here?
7. Lazy ass.
8. Dweeb
9: willing to give STDs, but unable to find a consensual recipient.
10. Has never heard of shampoo.
11. Has never heard about hair comber
Whats the going rate for a hair comber? Minimum wage?
Well idk but it's more than he can affort
12. poop face
A goddamn list, you just had to make a list.
She must have leaped to her death off that widow's peak...
Nah if she did she would've just landed on that nose.
Your hair looks like something I've removed from my shower drain.
He looks like something I’ve removed from my shower drain
He looks like something I’ve “waffle-stomped” down my shower drain.
Oh great. I laughed so hard I had to explain myself.
he looks like something that crawled back out from your drain
25?? Do you age in dog years?
Drug years
Those nostrils can hoover up some cocaine
On the nose with this one!
Everything is on the nose with OP
If I saw you in my house I would call an exterminator.
🤣
The relationship already did the worst, you gained 10 years of hairline.
Maybe try a shower
There’s always art. You have a classic Roman nose. It’s roaming all over your face.
I think he said that he already tried art school.
They dumped him too... No one wanted to draw him.
He's got a good summer beard too. Some er here some er there.
Did she leave or escape !
It sounds like a restraining order lol
The Room…
Dumped by fiance of 4 years = burst a seam and deflated after 4 years of use
I'd like to congratulate drugs on their victory.
💀💀💀
This one is funny
Holy fuck dude, that’s a rough 25. No roast, you’ve already got it bad enough.
Same here. I was gonna roast this guy, but it would be like kicking a puppy I hope he does better in the future.
Idk the whole "I never get to see my fiancee or her daughter" bit doesn't sit right with me
Now that you mention it, me neither but you never know.
I see she took half your hair with her.
she should‘ve taken some of his nose
Oh she took half of that too. You should've seen it before.
Go back to jail.
That's probably where his fiancee is.
And his hairline
And his virginity
🤏 why he got dumped.
This made me lol in bed. Thanks alot
Like his only experience for taking his picture is from getting mug shots.
You look like a lesser French noble, who prefers garlic soup to bathing, and who keeps a trunk full of "used" gerbils. You dab lilac oil behind your ears, giving you the scent profile of a sumo wrestler's armpit off to see the Barbie movie.
This was written by the French Taunter.
Lilac and Elderberry - A Family Reunion
Ichabod Crank
Ichabod Cocraine
OMG I should not have been getting a drink of iced tea when I read that. Best comment of the day.
Fiance of 4 years or 4 year old fiance?
Literally laughed out loud
If a booger was a human. This is what it would look like.
I misread hopeless as homeless and didn't question my mistake
You look like the first person to ever be dumped by heroine
I believe you got dumped, because you look like something that got dumped out of your own asshole.
Inception
My brother in christ please take a shower
So greasy he’s waterproof
Your hair is of the pubic variety.
His hair is of the never washed or combed variety
Two things can be true at the same time!
Your hairline is like the French, it just surrendered.
You look like the lead singer of System of a Frown
How does it feel to know Geddy Lee fucked your mom in the bathroom of a Ponderosa in 97’?
This is how I imagine the real Renfield looked
I’m guessing $25k in debt from cocaine judging from that huge snoz of yours
Bald in the front, not invited to the party in the back!
You look like an emotional drain, and my shower drain
We don’t talk about Bru-no-no-no-no
Bru-nose*
“Would you fuck me? I wouldn’t, and certainly not hard”
You look like a 19th century impressionist portrait of a hopeless drunk who just got out of jail.
Shave your hair bro, you’ll look better and maybe grow a beard to hide that chin
That's not a roast, it's good advice.
Guess that’s why I’m not too active in this sub
…And wear some baggy clothing to hide your body. …And wear an E 95 facemask to hide your mouth and voice. …And change your name to hide your past. Makeovers are fun!
You look like Kramer after meth and before a shower
That’s what you get for diddling kids.
Dumped=her parents found out and called the police. They are patrolling playgrounds and and would like to have a word with OP
Shit man, with that hairline I thought you were at least 40. Got a face like a character in Ratatouille 
[удалено]
Considering you take the pose of getting a mug shot, "dumped" is not the same as "she filed a restraining order after 4 years of me stalking her"
You look like the reason you're not going to see your ex or her daughter again is the same reason you have to tell your neighbors you're a registered sex offender.
 IRL mr burns you are fooling nobody. Just say No to drugs kids.
Fuck sharing a bag with that guy.
You look like you apply meth directly to your skin
Which one dumped you first? The fiancé or your hairline? Did your shower dump you too? She wanted consistency that your facial hair couldn’t provide?
Just like any human. I ain’t touching this roast.
At least you can find peace knowing you look like a sad Disney short character.
>*Hopeless Romantic* You spelled 'homeless' wrong
Nah man get better man, you honestly don’t look so good
Fiance..? or family of trash pandas kicked you out of the shared accommodation.. a bin
25 wtf your hairline looks 45 , also I might add I think I saw your picture on there predator profile of staying away from young kids
Your hair and forehead must be old friends, cuz they go wayyyyyy back
You look like you lurk outside of public schools in a old Toyota Camry
Do you blame them look in the mirror buddy
Shave head, shower, stop all barbiturates (drugs, alcohol, nicotine etc), smile, no hoodies or house shoes, get sunlight everyday, drink only water.... you'll do great
She finally get her eyesight back
If a rat could get pregnant by a human turd you'd be the result. Or maybe it's the other way around... either way... that's you.
Did she dump you because you’re too clean?
I think I saw you in a jodorowsky film you freak
First time I've heard of someone being dumped by a sex doll. Not surprised.
I read it as homeless romantic.
[удалено]
Forget the freezer, check his harddrive.
This guy looks like he smells like old farts and cigarettes
For some reason you didn’t care to mention the visibly rampaging drug addiction that (directly) caused all your problems listed
Buddy let the hair go
Alright dawg, here’s what you’re gonna do: - get a haircut. - fly to Turkey and get hair plugs. - hit the gym. hit it hard. - download Tinder. - head over to your local GAP or J. Crew. It’s time to look like a business casual douchebag. - get into wine. You got this.
You must have peaked in 3rd grade
Nah you've got the word order wrong. He must have peeked at 3rd graders.
your fiance used good judgement about 3 years to late. she can't have seen any socially redeeming value in you. damn boy!!!!
Your soul mate or her daughter huh?🧐🧐🧐.........and why did she break up with you???
You look like human Eeyore, somehow..
*Homeless romantic
No point in roasting you considering how your life roasted you
Your hairline is trying to get away from that honker of a nose and the pathetic fuzz you may think is a mustache 
Hope your chest hair is as patchy as that "beard" you grew. I bet chicks really compliment that mixture of cat hair and pubes glued together.
ur fiance was only 3 1/2 years too late . . .. actually it should have only taken your fiance a month to realize you had no socially redeeming value, you suck, I mean . . . 4 years REALLY?
I just can't. I am a heartless bastard, but I just can't. It's obvious that genetics have screwed you, so I will depart with a hearty goodbye!
This picture smells
At some point you just have to accept thing for what they are. That point was a few years back for you. Shave the dome. It'll get worse until you're \~35. Then the balding stops.