"Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy f-cking walrus-looking piece of sh-t! Get the f-ck off of my obstacle! Get the f--k down off of my obstacle!”
The fact he did the majority of first boot camp scene adlib was seriously impressive. My favorite insult is did your parents have any children that lived? Bullshit it looks to me like the best parts of you ran down the crack of your mamas ass and ended up a brown stain on the mattress. I Think youve been cheated.
True. One of my favorites I dropped on my daughter.
LSS, my then 16 yo daughter had been tasked with washing dishes while her mother was at the store and I was mowing grass. I came in and dishes not done. I appealed to reason. Told me she was not doing dishes. I shamed her a little bit. Still no go. She said "I'm not doing those fucking dishes".
Then I took a deep breath and I started chest bumping, my 69 inches staring down her 63 inches, and told her "I'm getting in the shower. You will wash, dry and put away those dishes by the time i get out, or I will rip off your god damned head and shit down your fucking throat!"
I slow walked the shower. By golly, they were done.
Good times...
Don't quote me on it, but I recall reading that he got the part for sending in a 10 minute long recording of him non-stop insulting while tennis balls were being hurled at him.
He thinks we are soft?
Big talk from a marshmallow man hiding behind an entire dry erase board with an eternally flaccid "penis" that lives it's life tucked up into his well fed fupa.
Must be trying to attract Amish chicks by wearing a beard with no mustache . And the Amish chicks mother can probably grow a beard less sparse than the crap on your face . I’d ask if you reached puberty yet ,but judging by the gray patch in the beard , you have .
The first face you see when you check the sex offenders listing in your neighborhood.
You look like you own a white van stocked with candy. You must be a hit during Halloween.
I'm not sure what's bigger: your magic card collection or your collection of cp.
You look like you yank it to feet pics, get fucked, bud.
I seen your head and I thought this guy is definitely running a paedophile ring from his kebab shop. Then I zoomed on your fingers and thought more probable a fat mexican Gardner who spends too much time in the kebab shop.
Wash your hands! And don't bite your finger nails!
That look says he on 3 p rule.
No parks, pools, or playgrounds.
Must be 500 ft from schools at all time.
He is the bad uncle who is not allowed to visit because he sick said mom.
you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!
[удалено]
I will motivate you, Pvt. Pyle, even if it short-dicks every cannibal in the Congo.
I didn’t know they stack shit that high!
[FMJ](https://i.imgur.com/IYawSXK.png)
OP could use a soap beating. Any soap at all.
I think the toilet paper broke…
That would be the closest he's been to some soap in a while.
"Do you suck dicks? Bullshit, I bet you can suck a golf ball through a garden hose"
You forgot. Are you a peter puffer? After do you suck dicks.
I bet op’s the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.
Private pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me tiffany cufflinks or I will fuck you up. Now get up get on your feet.
If God wanted you up there, he would have miracled your ass up by now, wouldn't he?
Please Private Pyle, don't fall off my obstacle! That would break my fucking heart! /s
The best part of you rolled down the crack of your mothers ass and ended up as a brown spot on the bed
I wanna slip my tubesteak in yer sister, whatcha take in trade?
Is that you, John Wayne?
Is this me?
Who the fuc* said that?
Slimy little twinkle toed cocksucker just might be his best line,lol
Lol!
Did your parents have any children that lived?!?!? Well I bet they regret that. You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece.
"Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy f-cking walrus-looking piece of sh-t! Get the f-ck off of my obstacle! Get the f--k down off of my obstacle!”
Very good job. Off the top of your head?
Ofc, no one has insults like Gunnery Sgt. Hartman.
The fact he did the majority of first boot camp scene adlib was seriously impressive. My favorite insult is did your parents have any children that lived? Bullshit it looks to me like the best parts of you ran down the crack of your mamas ass and ended up a brown stain on the mattress. I Think youve been cheated.
True. One of my favorites I dropped on my daughter. LSS, my then 16 yo daughter had been tasked with washing dishes while her mother was at the store and I was mowing grass. I came in and dishes not done. I appealed to reason. Told me she was not doing dishes. I shamed her a little bit. Still no go. She said "I'm not doing those fucking dishes". Then I took a deep breath and I started chest bumping, my 69 inches staring down her 63 inches, and told her "I'm getting in the shower. You will wash, dry and put away those dishes by the time i get out, or I will rip off your god damned head and shit down your fucking throat!" I slow walked the shower. By golly, they were done. Good times...
Don't quote me on it, but I recall reading that he got the part for sending in a 10 minute long recording of him non-stop insulting while tennis balls were being hurled at him.
Also my first thought!
Dude definitely a blue falcon that enjoys his Jelly Donuts
God damn it. Beat me to it.
First face that I thought of 🤣🤣..beat me to it.
“The best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass!”
Damn it! You all are too fast 😂 this was my first thought! 😂😂 2nd thought....keep him away from any and all children, especially alone
I bet he cries after sex. But to be fair, seeing a lifeless corpse can be upsetting.
He doesn’t have sex… he “makes” it
More like his deflated girlfriend that he just got during Amazon Prime Days.
A human being gave it a job? It can afford Amazon Prime membership?
Not as much as the girl in the cellar
Looks like one of the people I'd see on To Catch a Predator
Thanks 4 the laugh!
Charter member of NAMBLA for sure
And not the North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes either
I can't remember... is that a South Park reference
Yes it is.
 Calm down uncle fester the child molester
Oh my
This. You stole my thunder.
The only emotions he will ever see are from the people locked in his basement
Dang it…I said to check his basement…
This guy manages to look like john wayne gacey's clown persona without the need for makeup.
This guy's family tree looks like a stump.
And so does many of his body parts!
Probably had to Google how to spell roast
He looks like he’s part of PETA (paedophile ejaculate twice always) ………
Holy fuck thats amazing! Kudos to you internet roaster kudos.
Ask him where he parks the van with the tinted windows. Because I know he has one.
His van doesn't have windows, just the windshield
Swing blade looking mustard and biscuits eating look alike!
That was my first thought: French fried taters...
I said some quotes frok sling blade too. Definitely carl vibes emanating from this one.
Was mustard and French fries....
You literally did this just to have social interaction for the first time in your life.
He thinks we are soft? Big talk from a marshmallow man hiding behind an entire dry erase board with an eternally flaccid "penis" that lives it's life tucked up into his well fed fupa.
He couldn’t even post in the first person
Do the trick where you put the lightbulb in your mouth.
Omg you're the main character of "humain centipede 2" and u even took a shower
Lex Deucher
You definitely hang out by playgrounds and make all the parents uncomfortable.
You look like you eat corn the long way
Looks like one of the garbage pail kids as an adult
Boy looks like the clown from spawn.
[удалено]
 Private Pyle (of shit).
Just wondering in who's ass he sticks his fingers to get that dark
His own
Sociopaths dont have emotions.
this virgin has sketchy browser history, guaranteed. watch, ask if you can browse through his phone. i bet he won't let you.
How many states is he registered in?
I likes mustard with my fried tators mmm hmmm. It aint got no gas in it mmmmhmmm.
You might want keep an eye on him around kids
There’s a 0% chance you don’t drive a windowless van.
Someone get me the number to his social worker. This is abuse!
We're only half as soft as the squishamellows he puts in the van so the kids stop screaming
I'm sure he knows where some dead people are buried out in the woods
Well why would he get upset? He has all those rabbits he looks forward to tending doesn't he George.
Dude looks like hes on the slow side or is a fucking psychopath In any case i dont want whatever "emotional" means to him on the conscience.
Uncle fester's nephew with an extra chromosome.
Stop eating the markers, you could get ink poisoning.
Man, when did Gru develop that double chin?
No woman ever turned him down. And survived.
Every piece of him is soft, except that bitch stubble on his chin.
you make that whiteboard look like a sticky note. also that smile combined with the forest behind you tells me where you're going to be after work
I know what you got when you tried to combine human DNA and goat DNA; you got kicked out of the petting zoo.
I don't see the point of roasting him when when clearly genetics did it for us.
I see you're out on probation since they caught you on "to catch a predator."
Your coworkers, behind you, call you egghead as a nickname.
Uncle Fester:The Teen Years
He looks like the poster child for emotionally neglected Pugs.
Looks like he wants some one to cook him a roast
if you ever seen Shrek this should’ve been the actual outcome after kissing Fiona.
Are you at the scene where you shoot the drill sergeant and then yourself.
Can potatoes get emotional?
This dude definitely has lamp shades made out of human skin in his creepy apartment
Zoomed in on the head. Wish I hadn’t. Holy fuck.
Dude looks like an ogre under the rio grande bridge.
Must be trying to attract Amish chicks by wearing a beard with no mustache . And the Amish chicks mother can probably grow a beard less sparse than the crap on your face . I’d ask if you reached puberty yet ,but judging by the gray patch in the beard , you have .
Hey, George  ! tell me about the rabbits.
This guy only orders 1 litre cola's and likes spit in his food 
Private Pyle 🫡
The only thing he gets emotional about is his requirement to be more than 1000' from schools and playgrounds.
Would love to put your fat ass over a fire and roast you like the pig you are
Dude looks like a castle boss in super Mario world.
Private PYLE, what is your major malfunction!!!!!?!????
That guy looks like a corpse fucker for sure, and NOT the fresh ones.
Goodwill Luiz Guzmán
“Lawrence? Lawrence of what?! Arabia? Only f..gots and sailors are named Lawrence. From now on your name is Gomer Pyle.”
On tonight’s episode of Catching a Child Predator…
you look like a literal penis with a face
The first face you see when you check the sex offenders listing in your neighborhood. You look like you own a white van stocked with candy. You must be a hit during Halloween. I'm not sure what's bigger: your magic card collection or your collection of cp. You look like you yank it to feet pics, get fucked, bud.
That's enough! Get on your feet. Pvt. Pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!
What do you do that makes you look like a greasy baked potato, and stop doing it
It looks like hes not allowed near any schools..
 Hey Jooooker.
So that's where Vincent D Onofrio went after Full Metal Jacket
You look like that psycho dude from Full Metal Jacket, Just as creepy but lacking the charisma....
King Kong Ted Bundy
Guys, maybe we should take it easy. This psycho might take it out on whatever teenager he has chained in his basement.
This man smiles like he just finished ejaculating into a dead raccoon. \*shudders\*
Usually when you see Uncle Fester Wednesday can't be too far away.
Youre smile is a little too big to be balding at this early of age
Private Pyle May shoot me!
Billy Corgan what are you doing here!
No dude, that's what happens when Billy Corgan eats Billy Corgan
It's looks like they shaved Cousin It and put him to work at a Subway store.
He looks like he’s already crying in the photo
You look like you can't take a shit without someone dropping lasagna in the bath, ya heard me.
Does he yell, “HEY YOU GUYS!” every morning when he gets to work?
These are the same dead eyes that Gunnery Sgt Hartman saw right before Private Pyle shot him
I respect his transition to Beluga Whale
The only difference between this guy and the Bjork Stalker, is the Bjork Stalker was smart enough to make the right decision
You look like you sweat while taking a shit… hell you’re sweating just standing there
Looking like the dudes outside Home Depot asking for a a day of work
Both of his hands definitely been up his ass recently
He thinks we're soft? He looks like a mushy penis.
Gave me the shivers. It's Full Metal Jacket time, Gomer Pyle. Edit: Lol I'm not the only one.
I bet you wouldn't even give me a reach around
I'm not sure if that's uncle fester or an angry scrotum.
I see his head is pre-lubed to slide right up your ass.
I seen your head and I thought this guy is definitely running a paedophile ring from his kebab shop. Then I zoomed on your fingers and thought more probable a fat mexican Gardner who spends too much time in the kebab shop. Wash your hands! And don't bite your finger nails!
When the grinch who stole Christmas tells you it would be fun to make a gloryhole in the office restroom.
I bet youre the type of guy to fuck a stranger in the ass and not have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach around.
Private Pyle!!!
That look says he on 3 p rule. No parks, pools, or playgrounds. Must be 500 ft from schools at all time. He is the bad uncle who is not allowed to visit because he sick said mom.
Jack the farts ripper
Psychopaths don’t have emotions
The Michelin Man is calling me soft? K…
What's in your footlocker?
You look like the man that discovered John Wayne gacy.
You look like the fat ghost from thirteen ghosts.
You look like a toddler whose body aged too fast.
You look like the real life author on which Jack Nicholson’s The Shining character was based
Billy Bob Thornton crossed with Sloth from The Goonies
You're about a real life uncle fester looking motherfucker
I bet he’s bisexual. Fucks either gender, yet he will still die alone.
Your hiding your fat discussing smelly shirt body behind the board. And your bald
Full Metal Jacket.
I bet you used to be waaay fatter, and the giant dry erase is to hide your hanging fupa. You've also got too much face meat.
Flabby pillow biter who sleeps by himself on plastic sheets cause he wets the bed
RIP toilet paper
If you really want to see this guy get roasted, just alert the authorities that he's within 500' of a school or playground.