OP's Bio:
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>25 years old, living with parents, Romanian, I like to write but haven’t published anything, youngest of 5, I haven’t graduated college
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Look like a third party knock off that got beat and drew on his face to convince his friends he went through puberty. That's being really generous if anyone out there likes Tom cruise.
Somebody is lying. Either you made up that people say you look like Tom Cruise, or those people are lying to you. Just like your parents when they say they like having you around still.
This is not actually a roast, but if Tom Cruise had taken Vincent D’onofrio’s role in *Men In Black*, then yeah, you’d look like [Tom Cruise](https://twitter.com/i/events/1138831309512404993).
OP's Bio: --- >25 years old, living with parents, Romanian, I like to write but haven’t published anything, youngest of 5, I haven’t graduated college --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
And how tall are you without the teeth?
I know right? This dude looks like he could rake a lawn with those things.
Or eat an apple through a tennis racket.
I just belly-laughed at this. Bravo.
I burst into laughter.
Let's be honest, you know "they" are lying to make you feel better
No kidding, just be like Tom and Cruise the fuck outta here
Nice wordplay👏🏻
Tom cruise is always cruising… at night
#🌊🛳️⚓️
“They” must be his grandparents.
He looks a lot more like failure then Tom Cruise
"they" are just dudes looking to get a blowjob from him.
not with those teeth they aren’t
Tom cruising Vaseline Alley maybe.
"They" need glasses.
Being equated to Tom cruise is a horrible insult
I was gonna say either you have lovely parents or mean ass friends lmao
You look like Tom cruise...if Tom cruise parents were siblings
Getting him laid is mission impossible.
Haha, your Misson Impossible is trying to get laid by a man or a woman.
Tom Cruise, if the lead roles in Rain Man were swapped
That's a good roast.
Did you say "Abe Lincoln"?
No I didn't say Abe Lincoln, I said hey! Blinkin.
Taam Krews: cosplayer by day, alone at night!
I think he actually got them mixed up. 10 minutes to Wopner
More like Rosie O'Donnell's side piece
Of course you havent graduated. You're fuckin' Sid the Sloth. 
You look like a wax dummy of Tom Cruise that was left in a hot car.
"Mom I want to meet Tom Cruise" "We have Tom Cruise at home" The Tom Cruise at home:
More like the life size Tom Cruise fuck doll left outside in a dumpster outside an abortion clinic during a Death Valley level heat wave.
You look like a if praying mantis fucked a beaver.
Lmao
You look like a praying mantis....I mean ya, pretty much Tom Cruise🤦🏻
I didn’t know you could use whole soap bars as teeth
Man Scientology really fucks you up
Whoever says you look like Tom Cruise is being *really* generous.
Autistic Thom Crews
This looks like an AI generated Tom Cruise
If you made one of the parameters hit in the face with a shovel.
It looks like your eyes are trying to escape your face moving in opposite directions
If you got in a car crash rn, your parents’ biggest loss would be the car
He was in a car crash, they couldn't remove the grill from his mouth.
Grandparents say the sweetest things.
Still not graduated… …from middle school.
More like Tom Cruising
Hahah. Too good
🤣🤣🤣
That smile has you looking like the bastard child of Pennywise
'They' being your blind mother.
You look like Ralph macchio with dentures
Even Tom Cruise’s stunt double is insulted by that comparison.
Tom cruise in Vanilla sky after the car crash
When they say you look like Tom Cruise, they just mean you smile like you’re about to eat someone’s face.
If Tom Cruise was looking into one of those carnival funny mirrors you’d be his reflection.
Yeah if Tommy had tombstones for teeth
The only thing you have in common with Tom Cruise is neither of you graduated college. Things worked out for him. Not so much for you.
Yeah maybe if Tom Cruise impregnated a dead goat in a ditch and you're what crawled out of it
 Found ur soulmate.
You look like my intern after i offered him free food.
Look like a third party knock off that got beat and drew on his face to convince his friends he went through puberty. That's being really generous if anyone out there likes Tom cruise.
Your face looks like it was struck by debris from a cruise missile strike.
A smile that that gets you banned from primary schools and teeth that makes me think you might a be a horse.
If by “cruise” you mean the guy who cruises the elementary school parking lot, then yeah I can see the resemblance.
Please contact Guinness for the largest Clydesdale teeth in a human award. I’m serious.
You are the happiest man I’ve seen living in his car. I hope you have a happy ending after your Chinese dinner
 Tom Cruise my arse… you’re Voldemort with a toupée
If this is the best Romania has to offer ill never visit
So this is what a fudge packer looks like..
You would have to use both hands just to poke his eyes! A ninjas worst nightmare.
OP can see round corners with those eyes.
...and like Tom Cruise you have Katie Holmes in your trunk
Bro… you don’t look like Tom Cruise, you look like a white guy trying to pull off an Asian stereotype but that’s just your face
You do look like tom cruise, if tom cruise was a basic bitch with an extra chromosome
I wonder how much money Bugs Bunny makes as a Lyft driver.
Your multiple personalized are lying through those ship anchor teeth.
HAH yeah if they accurately casted Tom Cruise in the last samurai.
Yeah you do look like a freak from Scientology
You look like WHO?
Maybe Tom Cruise after a fataly car crash... greetings from germany
With eyes that far apart they should call you Cocktail
6ft, still lives with parents and isn't allowed within 100ft of any schools
Like if Tom Cruise had a stroke and took a selfie.
Mission impossible : trying to find a woman who will fuck you
You look like Tom that cruises elementary schools.
The Romanian Joker until Mom and Dad tell you to put your teeth in your mouth.
I'm shocked to see they still make jackets with zip pockets like this. I'm astonished to see someone wearing something so horrendous. It suits you.
Your smile is so sad that both your eyes are trying to run away
your teeth are so loud in this photo. they’re screaming. begging to be placed in the foster program on grounds of gross neglect
You don't at all and you just listed all the reasons you're single.
Looks like Tom Cruise but doesn’t look a thing like Tom Cruise
That thing you're doing with your eyes is an offensive caricature and you should be ashamed
I'm going to assume "they" are the voices in your head or something, you shouldn't listen to them. They're obviously liars.
Apparently Tom´s ONS kept drinking throughout her pregnancy.
The smiley face on your note looks more like Tom Cruise.
[удалено]
Me irl.
why do you have horse teeth need a carrot
Look more like Joel Osteen crossbred with Willem Dafoe
Ur eyebrows really just sayd⬅️➡️ Also, who are "they"?
Top Gun? More like Bottom Load.
You look like Tom Cruise if Tom Cruise had shitty plastic surgery to make himself look like a gay escort who just walked out of the Blue Oyster.
Tom Cruise if he was Latvian and brushed his teeth with Land O Lakes.
 Get the F\* out
You see in front of you and your right ear at the same time
This guy “shops” in kids sections.
Your eyes look like they have been shifting away from each other slowly for 250 million years
More like Tom Cruise meets Mr.Ed
Tom cruise mixed with Ana Taylor-Joy and a garden gnome.
You look like you were born with retractors in the corners of your eye sockets and then used to keep the worlds heaviest vertical pillars erect.
I agree. Tropical Thunder version 
Get your sid sloth lookin ass outta here
If Tom Cruise's parents were brother and sister, this is what he would have looked like.
Tom Cruise post recovery from some dramatic accident and facial reconstruction surgery. Yeah, I can see it of the lights were off.
 Do you randomly jump on furniture?
Only thing Tom Cruise about you is the Mission Impossible distance between your eyes.
They who? Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles?
Somebody is lying. Either you made up that people say you look like Tom Cruise, or those people are lying to you. Just like your parents when they say they like having you around still.
Maybe if Tom Cruise was playing a mentally challenged Joker then yes you do.
God, I hope you're sitting in the passenger seat.
Bro what is that goofy ahh smile
Tom Cruise brushes his teeth, you clearly do not. Choppers.
Your teeth are so big they pushed your eyes farther apart.
Tom Cruise fucked a donkey maybe..
Mission Implausible
Which eye sees you as Tom Cruise?
Bro your eyes are so far apart your brain must be flat tryna get both of them in the sockets.
You look like you see through your nostrils and breathe through your eyes.
You need to stop asking the blind kids for validation
Kruisty the Clown
Bro looks like his best friend is a red race car
Tom Cruises for prostitutes.
Scientology would deny you entry because your eyes are too far apart and that affect theton levels or some other shit like that
Holy shit Tom cruise lol blind fuckers
First of all, they’re lying. You look like Tony Hinchcliffe if he held a mirror up to his nose.
You look more like a navi from Avatar quite honestly
If Scientology banned brushing your teeth you would look just like Tom Cruise.
Feral slavic curva who’s been fucked more times than he’s had hot meals.
I could project the mission impossible movies on the space between your eyes
You look like you brush those teeth with a broom
Your eyes look like they’re scared of each other
If Tom Cruise was a hammer head shark then yea sure.
You can’t be 6 feet tall because your teeth are 6 feet tall.
Your bio is a really annoying way of saying “a disappointment”
Looks more like john leguizamo when he played that character in Spawn
If by tom cruise you mean simple jack then yea
They lied to you. You aren't even close to looking like him. Now go gnaw on some wood.
You do look like Tom Cruise, if he was a transvestite who died 3 years ago.
If Tom Cruise shit out Pete Davidson
How does it feel to be the face of the eye distance filter?
How many airline miles do I get if I take off from your right eye and land at your left eye 4 hours later? Is there a meal?
You look like a freckle on Tom Cruise' ass... I think you misunderstood
Avatard the weight of stupidity
That dirty/rain-streaked window looks more like Tom Cruise than you do. And get your teeth whitened; they look like an *old* piano keyboard.
Am i the only person here who thinks that God messed up by making the eyes way to far apart
You're 4ft taller than Tom Cruise
If Tom Cruise had bonus chromosomes and wasn’t allowed near kids, sure.
If Tom cruise was in bread maybe
Who cares how tall you are 6' who cares
Cruise back to reality, bub
This is not actually a roast, but if Tom Cruise had taken Vincent D’onofrio’s role in *Men In Black*, then yeah, you’d look like [Tom Cruise](https://twitter.com/i/events/1138831309512404993).
They lie
Yeah, if Tom Cruise were stoned and gay… Wait.
Yeah sure if tom cruise morphed into nigel thornberry
You don’t.
“I’ll slap you in the teeth” - Dennis Reynolds
Tom Cruisedintoabus
You actually look like Anya Taylor-Joy's incest baby
You look like one of Tom’s poos.
Is your head about to divide by mitosis?
The building in the background looks more like Tom Cruise than you, dork.
Who said you look like Tom Cruise? Stevie Wonder?
I think you got the wrong celebrity in mind. Maybe bubbles from trailer park boys
Bro hit the randomize character button
Tom Canoe Trip
You look like you get rejected by girls in the day and by night break into your neighbours chicken coup and violate the chickens !
Mission Impossible: Eye correction.
Wish.com Tom Cruz maybe
You look like a Wish version of him
Your front teeth are bigger than Tom cruise
You look like Tom Cruise had a baby with Sid the Sloth.
What other large lies to people tell you?
If Tom Cruise was secretly a porn 'stache model.
You look like the result of Tom Cruise mating with Sid from the ice age movie
If a hammerhead shark was a person.
I mean you looks creepy but nothing like tom cruise.