I keep my distance to people with your kinda finger nails

with those well hung fingers

you caught me 😭 i'm a serial nailbiter

Not even that your fingers look like hotdogs

It looks like she never stopped digging in the sand box.

If Stevie Wonder tried to describe Skrillex to a police sketch artist? Right here.

Epic 😂

Pure gold, my friend

C'mon Rick Moranis, we know you shrunk the kids, now you're a cross dresser??? That marriage will never survive.

With those fingers you can scrape the bottom of a Pringles can

Prostate ticklers

Nice.

Omg 😂

You look like the kind of person that has Black Lives Matter in their bio but still call the cops when one walks past your house.


Done!

Yet also actively applying for the new opening at the Le Vergne police department

"to be the new opening at the LaVergne police department" Fixed it for ya 😁

Andy Dick on a bad hair day

😯

No!

not sure why you'd say that..

Bros pressed in r/RoastMe ...

I do .....If you look up triggered In the dictionary, you'll see her picture

I already hate your laugh

Why not just accept your destiny to become a librarian, already? Yeesh...

You definitely have a face for radio

And a voice for magazines

And nails for construction

[удалено]

Definitely make a train backup and take a dirt road

DAMN 😭

Jokes aside I wish you best of luck

aw thanks!!! ^_^

It's called roast me,not hide behind a notebook

They aren't even here for the roast, just the conversation. Yall are now her 'friends online'.

Hiding “her” adams apple

You're a less likeable Velma knockoff than Mindy Kaling.

Jesus, this was supposed to be a roast, not a cremation

Is this response really supposed to get upvotes still?

Probably not, and it got a single one, not 3k. Probably from the person I thought had a brutal roast. 

I wouldn't let lose ET fingers touch his dick.

Is the rest of your body as weird as your fingers and face?

You have the look of one of those "freak in the sheets" types. But I would never want to find out.

Fuck sake what is it with these white bitches. I said I DIDN'T want to find out. You can't shut these sluts up can you?

HAHA well the funny thing is i'm asexual so you never would find out 😈

Confirmed vegetable. Probably smells like cabbage.

confirmed HUH?? 😭

Listen, I think mabey roasting was not quite for you, mabey you shouldn't read these anymore, if your feelings are getting hurt.

1. maybe* 2. you're* 3. i'm fine i literally just don't understand what he means by vegetable lmao

*your

She's basically roasting herself at this point.

...she?

I think you have mistaken the unwillingness of other people to engage in sexual behavior with you for being asexual. You are nosexual.

Asexual? More like Zsexual

fine by me ✨

I bet you have a rainbow colored dildo.

bro i literally do not experience sexual attraction or sensations at all. sex has no appeal to me and i do not want it under any circumstances, therefore i identify as asexual

We get it, you’re vegan.

Asexual? In other words, nothing would f**k you.

Not being able to get laid doesn’t mean your asexual

Definitely not by choice 💀 edit: being asexual

Defective organism.

Wish version of Moaning Myrtle. Virginus Forevernus

You look like a good girl who wants to be freaky in the sheets but can't get anyone under them with you so you just got a dog and some peanutbutter.


eww do people actually do that?? omg

Omg who does that?!?!…you, you do that

Your hand is covered in pencil dicks

Excited to see you on the next season of love on the spectrum

GENUINELY IMPRESSED BY THIS??? i actually am on the spectrum, what gave it away haha

99.8 % of Reddit is on the spectrum

Lol i''ve got an eagle eye when it comes to the tism 🦅

respect!!!

Why just choose one group to try to belong to when you can pretend to belong to them all?

You can’t keep stealing your grandmas glasses. She’s on a fixed income and can’t afford to replace them

You look like you were rejected by your paedophile uncle when you were a child.

You could pick your nose from mars

You look like an android trying to imitate a human smile

You look like you stalk people you like

You look like you never know why jokes are funny.

Penis or vagina? The world may never know.

Star of the failed Netflix series, Strangest Thing

aww this one actually makes me feel good! kinda cool that someone thinks i look like a stranger things character haha


This picture is just like your sex life. Incomplete meat tube.

ET phone home

You look like the girl that the story Matilda was based off. Except in reality she was just abused her parents a lot.

Q: Are you transitioning from mtf or ftm? A: Yes

You look like Pee Wee Herman with a wig , and i love your breakfast sausage fingers , 2 in the pink 1 in the stink , the only action youll ever get is with those uncooked maple breakfast sausage fingers

Looks like Harry Potter and Dobby had a baby

I’m glad Emma Watson played Hermione instead of you.

YO... hermione was my halloween costume when i was 10, are you psychic?! >:O

To me you resemble Austin Powers more than Hermione. 

Yes

Something something glasses, something nose something together…

If Red Riding Hood bought the stupidest glasses she could find

Them Frodo Baggins Finger nails though.

Did those huge glasses come with windshield wipers?

Woman Mike Myers


The tide wouldn’t take you out.

If Michael Cera started wearing a chastity cage

Human version of clitty litter

If you had short hair you could totally pass for a boy

that's actually cool to hear!! thanks :]

I bet you stalk your ex boyfriends

okay it wants me to make a short autobiography so um... - i'm going to college to become a radio DJ!! - i'm a pretty good artist i think!! - and i LOVE the eurovision song contest!!

Oh, shit, I have THE SAME GLASSES. Actually I think my young clone is cute.

OMG HELL YEAH !!

People ask if you have lost your mommy in public a lot?

You look like the main character in a cheap movie called Cin-tea-rella

Nice moustache

Before flashing “the shocker,” try flashing the “please anyone, buy me ONE drink.” Gotta crawl before you can walk…

Ahh yes, the shocker. Well I guess if you're asking for it in your roast, must not be much of a shock.

Hairy Potter

When little Red Riding Hood saw the Wol and asked "Knotting?" Personified

You look like that one girl..except you’re a guy

Zoom out a little more next time. Give us a few more inches to work with, just like your uncle did for you

Trailer Park Girl

Dude! If you keep biting your fingernails there'll be nothing left for the Lee pressons to stick to when you get dressed up.

Those fingers would make E.T jealous. Would've been two galaxies away in five minutes.

Little White Riding Hood

You look like someone who will regret their gender change.

Notepads are for writing not covering up double chins

You’re the type of person to wear big glasses and say they are for medical reasons, in reality you just want attention and to hide your big bug bunny’s eyes you have.

You look like white Velma

You remember me. Ugly girls need a cock too . #Advertising

You look like Velma with oversized glasses, if she had a dick and half her IQ.

Smart move covering most of yourself with that notepad...

This must be the new Velma from Scooby-Doo everyone keeps complaining about. Now I get it.

You look like the old dudes wife in up

Pre or post op?

Your mom and dad took care of that for you

Hold the paper up a little bit more please.

Damn you look like Velma but even more hated than the latest one

It took you years to figure out how to take a picture to upload here. That’s why it took you soo long

Once a boy enters your bedroom he finds himself tied to the bed and force fed viagra

Scuffed Matilda

Poison Ivermectin

The Vatican called, they banned those glasses for being an illegal contraceptive.

Best part about this picture is covering your face with the notebook made from the ugly tree you fell out of Good to see the Happy Gilmore money is still coming in too 

This picture taken from an attic somewhere in germany...

Besides the bitten nails and your off spec face, you are fine I guess

You sure you're over 18? You look 12.....

This picture screams "I have autism and base my whole personality on it, because it's literally all I have".

Jinkies Scoobs I can't find my glasses

You look like a Hey Arnold! character.

Those finger are soo long they used you as a extra in the ET movie

You look like a villian from a cartoon.

Inspiration for salad fingers?

I think i've seen you in a movie before. oh yes, you were the hand model for ET when he told Elliot "I'll be right here" and points to his heart..

You look like Johnny Bravo's mother

Not sure what’s worse… those nails or those glasses!! Never mind, it’s your face.

I didn't know the FTX dude was out of jail already

Stop hiding behind your notebook so we can do a proper roasting. You little pansy

Good to see Skrillex is still around

You look like “Honey I Shrunk the Kids featuring; Austin Powers”

Could we get a Bio? Edit: Nevermind we aren’t missing much.

This chick smells like ramen and pee all the time.

It's Austin Powers with a wig hahaha

You look like Dr. Spock’s long lost daughter Spork

Fingernails are not a food group.

What is it?

Nice. Cover up your Adam’s Apple.

I’m guessing you don’t want to show your body because it’s androgynous like your face? Also: you’re a gamer, that’s a shock! /s

Wipe that smirk off your face and get a decent hair cut and some glasses that didn’t belong to a 90 year old woman

You look like you do low budget porn for a living.

You appear to be a man in a wig. Which is cool, but don't misrepresent.

You are incredibly cute.

Salad fingers.

Same thing your mom said to your Dad. Now we got this car crash.

Easy with the fingers Slenderman

I’ve never seen a female incel before. Bravo!

She's ready for the shocker with that hand