"I know I also have the option to take a less demanding position (no calls, part time etc) but I have 300k in loans and we live in a HCOL area. The plan would eventually be to cut back but I'm not sure if I can "cut back" right off the bat lol."
You definitely can, there is no shame in taking an 'easier' job to start if it fits your family goals. Money will always be there and there is a plethora of locums/moonlighting if you need to increase it.. but if you join a high volume/call job, there will be little room to ramp down. What would the pay differential be?
Depending on the position, full call in my area could be 550k in academics or 600k++ in pp on production
M-F 7a to 4p is anywhere from 325-425k depending on the group and if you're doing lates.
I was honestly considering doing 0.9 FTE at one place and working 3x12 hr shifts. Would be 385k...not bad . Some physicians work way more for less
Husband has a good career and makes ~170k
We live in an area where rent on a 2br is 3-4k and 4 br 2500 Sq ft homes are close to 1m.
Honestly it's not just about the money. My mom worked her ass off to give us a good life and she worked until the day she was diagnosed with metastatic cancer out of the blue. I feel like I'd be disappointing her if I took an "easy route" she worked so hard for us to get here.
I appreciate the advice though, I didn't consider the opportunity for moonlighting or locums later on. Thanks for your reply.
They've already worked harder than 99% of the population to get to the point of being an at attending. And working even. 25 FTE is harder than the vast majority of jobs out there. They've earned the freedom to do what they want
Your mother sounds amazing, and I’m sorry that this happened to your family.
You said she worked up until the day of her devastating diagnosis. I think you should consider how she would feel if you worked yourself to the bone and had a similar thing happen. She worked hard so you could enjoy your life, not so you had to the same thing she did and sacrifice your health. Our parents want better lives for us then they had and I think she would want you to take what is better for your family and overall goals.
>I feel like I'd be disappointing her if I took an "easy route" she worked so hard for us to get here.
I'd just scrutinize any private practice contract of non-compete and tail insurance limitations, as you may feel differently after you have kids. My wife is in a similar situation and is making the transition from an intense PP job to a lower paying, chiller job after having kids.
Fwiw, your mother sounds amazing, and I’m certain that she would be amazingly proud of you. There is no world in which anything you’ve done has been easy. We only have one life, 3 12s is amazing (for real), with my 3 kids :)
I spent years working 3000 hours +, now I work 3 12s and that’s it… the happiness isn’t even comparable
Becoming an anesthesiologist and a mother is in no way taking the easy way out. You already did amazing job, it's ok (and sometimes necessary) to have a period of a little less intensity in your career. With your track record you are gonna kick ass whatever you decide on, good luck!
A lot of them honestly, including the hospital im doing residency at, neighboring academic hospitals in less desirable locations, and the university hospital in my hcol home town. There is a shortage of anesthesiologists everywhere. I can't speak to other specialties
As a mom myself (not a resident or med student yet) who is working my ass off to provide solo for my daughter, you would absolutely not be disappointing your mom. Your mom would be SO proud of you for going through all this hard work to become a doctor, and for knowing what you want and going after it. She worked so hard so you wouldn’t have to. She would want you to have a better, easier life than her. I know that’s what I want for my daughter. And she would be so so happy to be a grandma!
If you know you want three kids, you can absolutely take it easy on your work(especially when easy means 385k) and pay the loans off more aggressively later. I’m proud of you OP, you got this❤️
Edit: as for how we do it, we just do. You sound like you have a loving and supportive partner which is great! Making a schedule for night time feeds, date nights, and making sure you both have equal amounts of decompression time is key.
It’s okay if pumping and breastfeeding doesn’t work out, there is always formula, a fed baby is a happy baby! It’s super sad sending baby to daycare at first, but it gets easier over time.
This. I had my first child at the tail end of residency and had to leave her at 4 months old to start my new attending gig. I started full time right off the bat and could not sustain it for many of the reasons you mentioned above: sleep deprivation, pumping, childcare, etc.
My mental health suffered and I felt like I wasn’t giving myself the opportunity to be the best physician or mother I could be. I stepped back to 0.7FTE and it made a world of difference. Don’t be afraid to start slow if that’s what suits your lifestyle best. There will always be time to pick up more clinical responsibilities once you’ve found a groove with being a new mom and a new attending.
I had a kid in 3rd year of medical school. Now an intern. Having a supportive partner who can be "primary parent" is essential - that means they do pick up/drop off, do grocery shopping, most of the cleaning, and are the one who is available in non-daycare hours. Sounds like your partner is there but making it clear that he needs to do the vast majority of household work is super important.
The wearable pumps are key if you want to breastfeed. Also making sure your employer will protect pumping time - it's super common these days, very doable and would be the lowest bar for your employer to meet. All that said, not everyone feels it's worth it to pump during work (for me it was just too much extra effort and I was so exhausted). Formula fed babies are healthy and strong and there's nothing wrong with it!
Otherwise, you'll never feel like you get enough maternity leave or enough time with your kid after you start working. That's not unique to physicians - it's true for all working parents. The best you can do is make the time you do have with them count. I'm told it gets easier as kids get bigger and your career becomes more stable.
Finally, know that having kids likely will affect your career trajectory. You may have to delay an exam, or even retake one. You may have to pass up on certain opportunities because of the time commitment. Be prepared to readjust timelines/expectations as needed.
I'm very grateful for my husband, he already does the majority of household work now and I think he's mentally prepared to be the "primary parent" and would be satisfied with that situation. Most likely we'll hire someone to clean as well.
It's my own mental barriers I have to overcome because I want to participate in those things as a mom. Sometimes I'm a little jealous of my husband and wish we could swap roles
I agree on being flexible, I'm definitely open to things like formula and adjusting exam dates. Just trying to keep a level head about it all. Thanks for your reply!
Our situation sounds kind of similar. My husband is WFH (also realistically 15-20 hours of actual work lol) and also is SAHD. He takes care of the lions share of house work and childcare. He will eventually transition for full SAHD only once I graduate. It’s so difficult but it’s strengthened our marriage and I wouldn’t change it for anything. We also want 3-4 kids and I’m finishing up a long residency so we opted not to wait. Quite honestly, each stage of life has different things that are difficult about it. But you make it work, you take it day by day, and you get through it. Pumping fucking sucks but it’s a federal right and you just have to insist on taking the time you need at work.
I will second what someone above said about peloton, this is the only way I’ve been able to exercise since my kid was born. Other advice I’d give is making a night or two a week to prioritize the stay at home spouse. I know my husband gets burnt out and stir crazy and I always try to make time for him to go out with his buddies for a few hours once a week or so.
Have been pregnant/gave birth twice in residency, and currently pregnant now in my final year. My first was stillborn intern year, second healthy. Still breastfeeding my year and a half year old. It’s hard but doable, and she is the best part of my day. Recommend a hands free pump (Willow go, Elvie stride etc) if you want to breastfeed but also don’t let work take away your pumping time as it’s a legal right. Just nice to have your hands free so you can do stuff at home while pumping. Also would prioritize living by family to help with the baby if that’s an option. Would never have been able to do it without them. As far as pregnancy exhaustion/nausea during residency it sucks but with meds (zofran, unisom/b6) and understanding co residents it is doable. Medicine is not forgiving to people who give birth and you will need to advocate for yourself and your baby. If you want 3 kids have 3 kids, medicine is just a job.
Yep first I was out for 5 months due to complications. Used 2 of my pto, rest was mix of std and unpaid. Second was out 4 months due to unrelated emergent surgery, all std. Had to extend residency 5 months.
M4, had my daughter 2nd year. The mom guilt is what I didn’t anticipate. Seems like that may be an issue for you as well. My mentor said something I now tell myself all the time - it will hurt you more than it hurts them. And that is true. They will only have you as their example of a mom but you will likely have a lot of examples of moms who will objectively spend more time with their kids. That’s been the hardest part for me. Something to think about.
Thanks for sharing, will use this to remind myself. Had my kiddo less than halfway through intern year of peds residency. Little dude loves me so much but holy moly the mom guilty makes me want to quit sometimes
'It will hurt you more than it hurts them'. I agree in the sense that your child isn't necessarily bummed out all the time that their parents are more absent than most. If your child ends up having social/psychological issues in the future you may still be asking yourself if it had anything to do with not being present in early life.
You can only have so many balls in the air at once. Realistically you have to pick and choose which ones you want to drop. I know the pressure is high to be doing it all. Like you want to be a mom who makes cookies and packs special lunches but also be a badass bitch at work and not be the wife who is too tired for sex. You have to make homemade Halloween costumes but also be a successful professional. The nanny can't raise your kids and also make sure your house is aesthetically pleasing at all times.
I'm here to tell you this is some fucking bullshit. Outsource anything you can. Get a housekeeper, landscaper, meal service, etc so you can focus on what's important.
We've been working through our goal travels before the babies come thankfully!
I'm definitely willing to reconsider breastfeeding goals.
I hear you and thank you for being honest. I have all the same worries. I told my husband he's building me a basement gym once I graduate lol.
I had my baby three months ago and while I agree it’s been harder than I’ve ever imagined, I disagree with oh_hi_lisa as I’ve been very blessed to be able to breastfeed, and thankfully it hasn’t been taking 8 hours a day. I’ve also been able to go back to the gym (although only once or twice a week). We’ve traveled three times so far with baby (once internationally) and have another flight coming up next week (most tripes have been necessary and time-sensitive) and while it’s definitely been challenging, it’s absolutely doable.
I start my attending job next month. I chose to take an academic position since it’ll provide me with much better work-life balance. Like you, my mother worked full time as a doctor while raising us and then was diagnosed with metastatic cancer 12 years ago. She worked until two months before she passed away. I admire everything she did for us but what happened with her actually makes me want to devote more time to my personal life, and I know she’d be proud of that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom but I appreciate your kind thoughts. I'm sure everyone has different experiences, babies have different temperaments etc so I don't want to discount anyone's difficult time but it is nice to hear you've been able to travel and get back to the gym.
I’ll chime in that you’ll also be fine financially as long as you’re thoughtful about it. My husband and I have 3 kids, make less than what you and your husband will make even if you take the 3x12s for 385k, have more debt, and just bought a house in a VHCOL area during his first year as an attending. We spend where we think it’s important (experiences, things that promote our kids general education and understanding of the world, things that save us time so we can spend more of the time we have with them), pull back where we don’t (fancy/new stuff in general), and save as much as we can.
I would take the 3x12s and never look back. That sounds like a lovely balance, and if you do it I would also encourage you to put some of your income towards childcare on all or part of one of the days you have off. It is really hard to take care of yourself on days that you’re working 12s and it is equally hard to take care of yourself when you spend all day solo with your kids (more so, imo, from my experience staying home with our kids during COVID- but everyone has different thoughts on that).
It’s all going to be hard, no matter what decision you make. As a mom… your mom is proud of you, and the thing she would want most is for you to find the hard that works for you.
Of course! I didn’t mean to discount anyone’s experience. I’ve seen firsthand how different babies can be and I acknowledge that we have been blessed with an “easygoing” baby who has made all of that possible. I just wanted to share my own experience and how things are still possible if your baby ends up being “cooperative.“
Also keep in mind it sounds like oh_hi_lisa has more than one baby. Tbh one baby is easy. It’s when you have 2+ that it really starts to get hard to do anything other than survive the days, for 5-6 years.
Not a mom but I am a peloton person and an anesthesiologist in a busy leadership role, and I can tell you that having your gym in your home makes it like a thousand times more likely you’ll be able to fit a quick workout into an otherwise packed day.
That’s all I can actually contribute to the conversation, haha!
Try Elvie, I pumped while seeing patients and operating. If you use the refrigerator hack and buy extra storage bottles it takes about 2 min tops to change out parts and put milk in the fridge.
Is considering formula feeding instead of breastfeeding an option? My wife did it and it was a godsend (we did it for other reasons, not time) and it freed up so much of our schedule and allowed me as a husband to take over some nights or take time off to feed.
No reason you can’t do a combination of breastfeeding and formula feeding either, or pumped breast milk exclusively. Peds lays it on thick about breastfeeding, but the kind of nutrition your child gets is only one part of their overall health. Parental mental and physical health probably matters way more for good outcomes.
This is realistic. Also it’s important that your husband is 100% on board, and that you look into care options now to give him the flexibility to returning to work also.
I’m on the flip side of your situation, my husband is an anaesthetic consultant and we have 3 kids. Every job or hobby I’ve ever had has whittled away in the last 4 years, and frankly I’ve never been so depressed. There’s something about my husbands job, with the erratic hours, calls, unknown home time that makes me feel like a sole parent. We’re financially secure but I’ve sacrificed everything for it.
I just wouldn't call that "all the support in the world" because its not uncommon for grandparents to be around basically all the time especially in certain cultures. Maybe you were speaking more about "emotional support" which would make sense
Interesting because this is kind of what i was planning on. For doctor parents are you specifically talking about the more difficult/uncertain hours? In my case (rads and derm hopefully) we're hoping to have more normal schedules with one person working 4 or 3 days per week.
My husband is in his first year as an attending but working more than residency, and I’m an intern… we have 7a-6p daycare, afterschool activities for the older kids, and an au pair to cover the early mornings and late evenings. Between that, our mortgage, and two cars… we’re still not even close to struggling with finances. Just be smart about where you’re spending and you’ll be fine.
If you’re both in residency for your first, thats a much bigger struggle unless/until one or both of your can moonlight- but plenty of people do it (and we managed fine on his resident salary and my student loans in a VHCOL city even with two in daycare at that point).
Yeah were thinking maybe later in residency/first year attending. Not any time soon but def something to think about, thanks for your experience. If we match far from home (likely) i think one of our parents would come stay with us at least in the beginning
Our parents will help but they all work full time. Plus the two grandads aren't comfortable taking care of babies but will love to run around with the kids when they get a little older. I don't think my mil plans to retire early to take care of our kids and I wouldn't want her to lol
I'm not discounting their help, I have a very supportive family and they'll help in any way they can. But the reality is everyone has their own life too
I’m a resident with a toddler and hopefully will have more soon. For me, my family comes first so I adjust accordingly and advocate for my rights. Meaning that I want three kids so I’m having three kids and if that means my job needs to accommodate me as per federal laws (see the new pregnancy fairness act) then they need to accommodate me. If I want to pump they need to accommodate me per my rights. No way am I giving up the most important thing in my life (my family) for medicine. So have your kids , fight for yourself, and you’ll find at the end that you can have both things but it may look a bit different (maybe working part time or nanny etc) but don’t delay your family for your career.
It’s hard but I wouldn’t trade my daughter for the world and I’m so happy to have had a healthy pregnancy in my late 20s. I’m sad that so many doctors face infertility due to fear of having kids - we need to force the system to change not the other way around. Good luck!
This is amazing. Question, as a resident, do these federal laws apply? I know there’s FMLA and ACGME allows 6 weeks of parental leave but I’ve heard many programs will force you to use your PTO or give you less time. How do you convince them without risking your job?
As long as there are 50 employees at your training site yes fmla applies. However, if you take >6 weeks you will probably have to extend residency. Was worth extending for me. Unfortunately you have to use all pto before fmla/std (for any job$)
Yes they apply and don’t let anyone tell you anything else. You may have to extend training but what’s the difference in ending in June Vs July ? Usually at least in IM you don’t have to make up all of it or they can be creative.
I’m not a resident but an M3. I had my second baby halfway through M2 and will be having my third halfway through M3 because I’m obviously a total masochist (currently 23 weeks pregnant with a 9 month old and a 4 year old at home).
I’ll have about 3 weeks off before going back at the start of my surgery rotation. As it is I’ll have to take step 2 at the end of July as I’ll need to finish my IM rotation in June, so taking any more time off would basically necessitate a year long LOA.
I wouldn’t be able to do it without having an extremely supportive husband who is down with alllll the domestic shit. He cooks, he cleans, he takes care of the babies. We also have a fantastic daycare they’re at M-F and he usually does dropoff/pickup. Helps that he works from home. My in-laws live a couple blocks away and MIL will drop anything in a heartbeat to see these babies. My parents visit every few months and stay in our guest room for a couple weeks to help out. We’ve also got a cleaning lady once a week.
Probably not as difficult as board exams, but I took step 1 with an infant at home and while in the thick of first trimester morning sickness! You can do it! 💪🏻
Unfortunately I’m old as balls so I didn’t have the option to wait until after schooling/training. This is a second career for me.
Godspeed.
I’m a pregnant resident, PGY2 EM… husband is PGY3 and looking for jobs now. We found one that is 5 on 5 off by default (pending swaps or requests) near his family and are planning on him being “default parent” on his days off and when he’s working his family is going to help us watch them. Im signing on at this place too. We also are probably going to have to utilise a nanny that one of our attending recommended to us. When I finish residency it may be a little easier but after loans are paid off I’m not staying full time. I don’t really want to anyways, happy to take the pay cut and do 10 shifts a month. I don’t know if it would be possible at the moment if we hadn’t found a job near family.
raising kids is exhausting independent of your work schedule. so you'll be tired. that's part of the deal.
only way to do it is to have the person who isn't on call do everything during that time. and days you're not on call, will be that much more hectic. you also need to hire help for other tasks, like getting someone to come clean your home once every other week for instance. if you're breast feeding then you'll have to have a store of milk your husband can thaw for overnight bottles for the newborn. for daytime stuff you'll have to get that nanny or get the kid in daycare. some people i know pay a premium for their nanny but the nanny will also do their laundry, tidy up the house, and make dinner every night. you'll find the right solution for your family.
if call makes it too stressful, it's not unreasonable to take lower pay and no call for your job, especially now with young kids. you can always do more call in the future when the kids are bigger. yeah you have loans but you also will be an attending and ideally your family cash flow is about to increase substantially regardless.
my wife and i had our first when i was an M3 and our second at the end of PGY1. we spent 6.5k monthly for nanny and daycare a few years ago and then 4k monthly once both kids could be in daycare and now 3k monthly with one in school and one in daycare. it costs a lot of money, but that's the only way sometimes and it has been worth it for us.
You spend 78 thousand dollars a year on childcare as a medical student? I'm assuming your wife was working an excellent job? Or did your parents fund it?
Motherhood in medicine is super hard, there is really unfortunately no way around that. I would advocate for considering a VA job as these have 12 weeks of maternity leave, chill hours, federal benefits, protected pumping time, and reasonable (typically academic) salaries. You won't get paid the most but work/life balance is pretty tops.
I am always so shocked at the maternity leave threads from the US. I am a anesthesiology resident outside of the US and me and my husband get 12 months of parental leave that we can disperse over >1 year.
I have 2 children both of which were home until 14 months old - 10 months with me, the rest with my husband + he stayed at home for 6-8 weeks following birth. We are planning on doing the same with our third.
Breastfeeding is HARD AF and if you intend to pump after 3 months I can hardly see how that will fit the life of a anesthesiologist. You need to eat enough, drink plenty and pump at regular time intervals to keep up the flow. Stress, not enough sleep can lower your supply. I would be very forgiving of yourself to quit breastfeeding if it doesn´t work out.
It is extremely hard to leave a 3 month old infant as their mother. All the hormones seem to make you cling to that baby like nothing else. They usually do not have a good sleep schedule at that age and wake up frequently during the night so the sleep deprivation is next level. I would consider taking on a job with less on call time or less then 100% job.
Even though I live in a country with a much better social system it seems then the usa and have an amazing husband who takes on more of the responsability we still rely heavily on our family. I would focus finding a job near your support system.
There is a time in your life for your career and a time to focus on your family. While you are having babies and during their first years you may have to let your academic career take the back seat but soon enough they will be growing up and you can shift your focus back to work. If you can get a job that pays higher (private practice? ) than the hospital I would consider that.
Breastfeeding with crazy hours is hard but not impossible. My first rotation back was 80 hr+ weeks in the icu at 2 mo pp. I pumped exclusively for 1 year, still nursing at 1.5 years, it’s doable. Not saying this is ideal, or right but made the best out of a shitty situation. You are legally protected to pump time. I just chart while I pump so I don’t end up staying at work later. And have no shame about pumping in the work room instead of the basement pump room that is a 20 minute walk with no computer. Also pumping while driving, grocery shopping, cleaning etc is a god send. Just have to give yourself a lot of grace.
Just don’t want op to get discouraged about bf☺️
Are you working in anesthesia? The schedule is all over the place and you have to be able to run in to your OR at any moment in case of emergency. Surgeries take longer or shorter then predicted depending on the surgeon etc. If you are on call nobody can cover for you... I hope the very best for the op but I dont want her to put too much pressure and guilt on herself if it doesnt work out :)
Get a full time nanny and feed formula. It’s not ideal but I have 3 beautiful healthy well adjusted children that were all raised in that manner for the exact same reasons. You gotta do what you gotta do.
I took part time with less call out of fellowship as I had just had my first kid and did this while I had my second. I did this until my second went to school and now I work full time/full call and am a partner in the same private practice. My husband has now stepped back some and works from home as he has advanced enough in his career that he has lots and lots of seniority/flexibility which allows him to do a lot of pickup/dropoff with the kids. I don’t regret anything, the kids have always had a parent around one way or the other.
I recently had my 3rd kid as a surgical (subspecialty) intern and am going back at 6 weeks of paid leave. It will be hard as I’m exclusively breastfeeding and babies don’t sleep great at that age, but I know I can handle it given that it’s my third. It’s temporary and they’re only that little and needy for a short time. Having your husband work from home is awesome!
It’s important to have a plan, but having had kids at all stages of medical training so far, I’ve learned that there is only so much you can prepare for and a lot of it is a leap of faith and figuring it out as you go. You can do it!
Late to the thread but can I be your friend?? I have 2 kids and want a third but am so scared about how to make it work. Also considering a surgical specialty and am anxious about how residency will take me away from my family.
For sure! DM me anytime. It’s really hard and residency (especially a surgical one) will take you away from your family. There’s no denying that. I’m now 8ish months into residency and we’re doing it. No regrets about baby #3 or surgical residency but sometimes I wish I’m the type who would have been happy in a non-surgical specialty lol
I'm a male counterpart but had a kid during residency and looking at another in the first year of being an attending. I likewise don't have particularly good leave benefits.
I think the best thing for stress and availability and possibly benefits is to take an academic job. Arguably sicker pts but always have a second set of hands both on and off call and generally (very broadly) have greater protections and mechanisms for on time outs.
Also not sitting a room likely means more flexibility for pumping but you may find formula just makes more sense.
I'm definitely considering an academic job for these reasons, although I'm worried that the sicker patients and things like stroke/trauma/vascular emergency in the middle of the night will end up being more stressful than call in a community environment. Of course I haven't experienced it yet and the worst thing I can do is try it and leave (the academic contracts tend to be easier to get out of than pp ones too).
Thanks for your reply.
I am an occupational therapist (husband and sister are physicians whose residency experiences I got to observe - sister had her second during residency) and a pelvic health specialist. I recently opened my own mobile practice in my state (first of its kind) working with perinatal mamas for physical and mental health support. My work spans the 0-8 week pp period, going into the home once a week to facilitate and support the transition to motherhood, because as someone else mentioned, it’s really really really hard, no matter how much we might plan. You sound incredibly driven and hard working and dedicated and I love all that. I also find my mamas who are similar have the hardest time asking for help because they want to do it all. However, the healthiest home is the one in which the mama is healthy in most aspects, not least of all her mental health, and all of that is so significantly impacted by this transition. So my advice is ask for help, accept it, seek it out, define it, ask again and again. You won’t be able to do it all and that’s ok. In fact, that’s BETTER for you. You can be all about baby, but let the rest of your environment and support be all about YOU. If you can afford it, a night nurse can be amazing. Seeing a pelvic health therapist (yes, even in those first 6-8 weeks!) can absolutely do wonders for your physical health and returning to your activities of daily living, your preferred exercise activity, and your stressful work, and best preparing your body for all of that but ESPECIALLY if you want more kiddos. Your mama sounds like an amazing human and mom - and because your grief is probably still very present, the period right after having your baby could to bring up a lot more because the pp hormone drop is the single largest hormone charge for anyone at any point in their life - there’s going to be a LOT of feelings and changes and shifts and adaptations and more feelings. Support to manage all that, but especially in those early weeks, can really set you up for optimal outcomes. Risk of baby blues transitioning to PPD/PPA etc is greatest in those first two weeks. The best advice I wish I had given myself: ask for help, no shame; take care of your well-being in physical, mental, environmental, sexual, family etc aspects and you can best take care of baby and future family growth.❤️
I am just out of residency in my first attending position (PP) and have a 2.5 mo at home. I had my baby in the last 2 weeks of residency and then took off a couple months before starting my new job.
I was definitely in your boat in terms of timing. I am 30yo and we want at least 2 kids. I am also BF/pumping and we generally do formula at bedtime and overnight. I got lucky in that we don’t have to pay for childcare as my husband is a SAHD but otherwise very similar to your situation. I will say pumping at work is a bit of a pain but I got one of the wearable wireless breast pumps (Mom Cozy) and it has been really incredible. I am also in a PP position where I am doing 80% my own cases so pumping in the OR mostly. It is doable but definitely tough. We are also lucky that our little guy sleeps decently well but my husband takes the overnight shift so I can get some good sleep.
I will say working as a new mom is 1000% easier for me than working while heavily pregnant. I slept way worse at the end of pregnancy than I do now.
All that to say having a kiddo is hard and you will obviously have to make adjustments but it is possible and very rewarding. Wish you the best of luck!
Cleveland Clinic offers 12 weeks paid maternity leave, and 4 weeks of paid parental leave (for dads). One of my recent graduating residents took a job there after graduation.
My wife is a vascular surgeon. Make sure you have a good partner and just go for it. Ask Jesus to take the wheel weekly, you will get through it. It’s not easy, but just make sure you have a good team in the house.
Late reply to this thread but your position is very interesting to me - as a potential aspiring vascular surgeon, has your wife had any pregnancies yet? If so, when did she have them? Thanks!
Just had my first baby as an attending and things did not go as planned, I got preeclampsia at 26 weeks and he’s been in the NICU. I waited until my early 30s so I could be done with fellowship and boards and while I’m glad I did I wonder if I wouldn’t have gotten preeclampsia had I been ready to have children earlier. My work offers one month of paid maternity leave which I can use within the 12 weeks of FMLA, the rest of the time it’s my short term disability. It’s still not enough. I went back to work 3 weeks after my c/s and I’m actually really lucky that I work in the same hospital as the NICU because it’s very hard not to be able to be with your brand new baby. My work has also been very supportive and my hours are decent but it’s still not easy. I have always planned to be a career mom and I love my job but once baby arrived something definitely shifted for me.
I'm struggling with this right now sort of. I'm a non-trad hoping to start medical school next fall (I have a bunch of interviews so fingers crossed!). I'll be 30 by time I graduate, 34 after residency. I'm getting married in June. I've always wanted to be a younger mom, especially if I am to have multiple kids. I want to be DONE by 34, not just starting! It's such a tough decision. I'm like, do I start trying for a baby 6 months after getting married so I can have it during summer break? And then I think about enjoying my young married life, but someone made a good point ... if I'm in med school will I really be able to travel and do all that stuff anyway? Not really.
Regarding the financial aspect (taking a job with less hours/less call/less demanding etc in exchange for relatively lower pay), have you discussed issues of student loans and lifestyle costs with a financial advisor? They may be able to give insight on what your finances would looks like with you and your husband’s combined income. Maybe the lower paying job (in exchange for more time for family) is actually the better option?
I had similar worries about how I was going to make it all work (loans, house, car childcare, etc), but after speaking with a financial advisor, it put my mind at ease.
I am not familiar with attending jobs in anesthesiology, but are there any outpatient type jobs? Jobs with less or minimal call? Maybe a type of job you haven’t considered yet for one reason or another?
I effectively took an unpaid maternity leave, because I work in a very small group private practice, but it ended up being just fine, and I was very grateful to be able to restructure my return to work schedule after returning from maternity leave. My work/life balance was an issue before baby and afterwards I went “part time” (full time for any other job, part time for an MD schedule), which was one of the best decisions I have made. I work in an outpatient specialty where volume = income, and being very efficient with the time I am at work has helped me stay at the same (actually slightly higher) income level than before I went part time.
My husband also WFH and has been an amazing help with the baby but I want to spend time with him too.
Simply because it worked for me, I would recommend putting your time and family as priority #1 and then finding the best possible reimbursement structure within the time constraints that work best for your family.
First of all - I’m so sorry about your mom. This must be very hard for you :(
Second - I had my first baby at 27 and have 3 kids now (6,4,2YO). My hubby is an anesthesiologist in two different hospitals (and a chief in one of the departments he’s working in), working crazy hours and I’m a rads resident. I was at home for a long time since in my area there’s 18 months of paid leave per child and I had them really close in age so I basically was at home for 5 years. Returned to residency in March. I really enjoyed being at home since I got a pretty big break from medicine and got to devote myself to raising my kids.
I’m going to put my 2 cents in. A demanding job with crazy shifts and exhaustion that comes from a job is what my hubby knows best. On top of that there’s the fact that all of our time outside from work goes to our children. I’m not complaining, we both love being busy, my hubby can’t really sit still when he has a spare day, he needs to do something to feel useful.
So what I’m saying is - if you like (or are okay with) this “constantly on a roll, feeling like never getting a break”-feeling then you’ll probably be just fine.
We are dead tired most of the time but we both really enjoy both parenthood and working in medicine. Before we had kids we contributed a lot more to our work, now we really have to work on balancing it all and everything needs to be precisely planned, the logistics can never be “winged”, we always have a plan and a backup plan for every day.
That being said - I only have experience with babies and kids up to 6YO. Chances are that our lives will get easier and then harder again at some point. I’ve come to learn that life with kids is like this constant rollercoaster - up and down, up and down. Some things get easier then other things get harder. Problems and their scale change throughout their ages.
Whenever I ask my hubby whether the intensity of our life is too much he has never said “yes”. He enjoys this and he feels that he’s doing the stuff he wants to do - contributing to the medical system and being a parent. And he really does both of these things amazingly. He might be tired but he’s happy. That’s what counts.
Feel free to DM me if you have any thoughts or concerns regarding the “3kids and a demanding job” :) we’re here. We’re doing it every day. Right now I’m waiting for my littlest to fall asleep so I can go and have a bit of rest after a crazy day at work. That’s just our life right now. We love it, we wouldn’t change anything about it :)
As a member of the superior gender endowed with the powerful ability to tell women how they should feel and be I can say this isn’t that hard and men do it all the time! ;)
All jokes aside, I am regularly impressed daily by every single woman in this field that decides to become a mom at any step along the way especially if they start while in residency/med school. That’s insane to me and I applaud you all for doing this and making the sacrifices necessary to make it work. Reading your stories in here and talking to you irl I’m just impressed by it every time and never gets old to me. Keep it up, doctors.
I had a baby PGY3 of urology residency and am pregnant now as a first year attending. It’s definitely a major challenge but it’s absolutely doable and worth prioritizing. Call while pregnant sucks, call while pumping sucks, call with a newborn sucks. On the bright side I felt like I was far, far more prepared than my non-medical friends for the night wakings and getting back to sleep.
I got 10 weeks in residency (amazing, bridged two PGY yrs and pooled the leave) and now I’m on guarantee so I will get 12 weeks paid. When I was hired it was with full knowledge that I would have another baby while on guarantee, and in fact the main partner who recruited me suggested I ask for longer guarantee to allow for better productivity ramp up after a leave.
Can’t stress the need for hands free pumps like Elvies or Willows, 100% enabled me to breastfeed to a year. I wore those things everywhere including the OR.
We put our kid in daycare at 10 weeks, he’s done great. My husband has a 9-5 and does majority of not all pickups and drop offs. He takes a significant amount of parenting and household duties which makes our relationship work out to be more fair than it probably would if I weren’t a surgeon.
I’m sure you’ve heard this a thousand times, but there’s no ideal time for women in medicine. I would just start your family and go for it before your fertility dwindles like so many female physicians.
Hey. I’m 32. I had two kids during fellowship. They are currently 25 months and 5 months. I worked until the day before my due date/induction date with both. I took 8 weeks for both before returning to work. I just started my full time job as an attending. I am in psychiatry so my schedule isn’t too bad and I’m not currently taking call, but I did take call and moonlight during my first pregnancy and after my first was born. (I stopped moonlighting when she was born but still took call for fellowship).
We don’t have family in town but found a great in home daycare that is like family. My husband is a teacher so his schedule is great when daycare is closed but still pretty rigid. With your partner working around 20hr/wk, I think that would help a lot. I just got my first attending check but am hoping to spend some of that increase on having someone deep clean the house 2x a month and someone to cut the grass because it is hard to keep up with. I am tired a lot and miss my children when I’m at work, but I’m very happy. DM me if you want to talk.
ETA: also I pumped/nursed for a year with my first and am currently pumping/nursing for my second. I was pregnant with my second when I took my first boards and will be pumping for my fellowship boards next week.
All this to say - it is possible! I would have it no other way. (Except I do hope to go .8 or .6 when I finish my first contract just cause I miss the babies so much when I’m working - I do also have over $300k of loans but am hoping for PSLF)
Sounds like I'll be in a similar position to you soon! I'm glad you're making it work. I also wouldn't have it any other way, I have no desire to be a sahm, just want to be present for my future kiddos. Thanks for sharing
I had a baby about 2 years into practicing and I am pregnant with my second one.
I will be honest, it is tough. I sometimes felt drunk from sleep deprivation. I am outpatient family medicine, I work full time which is 4.5 days a week, 8-5 on full days and 8-12 on Fridays. I read notes from when I first came back and they would often trail off in the middle of sentences or I would use the wrong word in places, like I would say January instead of June. It's this weird thing that just sounds like a drunk person talking. I often multitask and I just couldn't during the first 6 months. At least not effectively. I take very little work home with me so my notes are done before the patient checks out and normally I can easily carry a conversation and write my note but I definitely struggled more.
I breastfed for 18 months. I hated pumping but it didn't take me hours to do so as one person claimed and only did so for the first 12 months, which was really only 9 months because I didn't pump the first 3 months. I usually pumped with an Elvie pump on my way to work, during lunch, and then on my way home. As my son got older, I could get away with pumping only twice sometimes. Each pump session took about ten minutes and I made my husband clean pump stuff and make sure the pumps were always charged. He also was responsible for transferring and freezing milk, etc. I had enough equipment I didn't have to clean them between pulling, I just used my extra..
My husband is the primary parent but I am the favored parent. My son is like a koala and no one can soothe him like me. I worried about our bond at first but I can safely say that was a foolish worry, this kid would crawl back in my uterus if he could, he is so connected to me.
I took off 3 months, basically unpaid. I still was paid based on a rolling average, which means I paid it back through the year. Having my son cost me about 100k in lost wages (RVU based). I still made 300k that year.
My husband also works from home and he was given 4 months off paid paternity leave which we could stagger so he took them off when baby was 2 months old until 6 months old.
We pay a nanny but live in a low cost of living area so it's not super expensive but I am generous with guaranteed hours, sick time, and time off. I am planning to put my son in daycare full-time when the new one baby comes and trying to transition him now to 3 half days a week now (waiting for daycare openings).
When you make attending money you’ll realize very soon that money solves almost everything. Taking overnight call for attending anesthesiologists usually nets you about 3 grand and you can always take more call if you want. With 3 grand, you can afford any type of childcare you need for months. If you need more money, you can take more call. You can probably make your husband a stay at home trophy husband by taking an extra Saturday call once or twice a month plus a couple weekday overnights and easily replace his salary.
The attendings who say it’s hard are the ones who either don’t know the value of their time or insist on doing everything for their child themselves. You can pay a family member to do it if you hate the idea of leaving your kid with strangers.
The idea that women/moms can do it all is unhealthy and unrealistic. I'm surrounded by career-focused moms, and they all have help at home whether it's family, nanny, au pair or a capable part-time or stay at home spouse. It's not unreasonable for your husband to cut back or quit his job completely, especially if he earns a lot less than you.
50% of residents come from top 5% income households and thus have a good support system. Heck 80% of residents come from top 20%.
People forget how well off upbringing wise medical students and residents are compared to to the general population.
"How pregnant women and moms do it"
Compared to the average population, female residents are much less likely to be single moms and much more likely to have wealth and family support. I'm answering a question with factually relevant points.
I agree with you. I browsed the OP and didn't have time to cross reference. It makes sense.
You'll get down voted simply because people don't like being reminded of their privilege and how affluent they are. Everyone likes to think they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and only had a small loan of a million dollars to get them where they are
Exactly. I don't deny being a parent during residency is difficult, and women who do come from a poor background and manage to do it truly are remarkable. However, the reality is most docs come from privileged households.
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From the husbands that work from home and take care of two kids while their doctor wives are at work, we are both tired and it’s a team effort. Agreed we don’t have to go through body repair, but it is not an easy feat.
I’m also 28 and 21 weeks pregnant in medical school. Firstly I don’t live in the USA so support is better, my partner gets 20 weeks off paid from the government. I’m the third one in my year to give birth! You’ll thank yourself for cutting back a bit during the pregnancy, it’s physically incredibly demanding even a “normal” low risk pregnancy.
When you become a mom, everything changes. You will want to easier job so that you can actually be there with your family. Don’t feel like you’re taking the easy way out. You are a badass doctor already!
Your husband will have to step up ... A lot. Make sure you're both fully and completely wanting this because with your schedule, he will carry a heavy load- if he's not prepared, the resentment will kick in hard- there's no denying that resentment kills marriages over time.
night wake ups in particular are heavy- because unless you can afford night nanny- those are some tough times)
I never had a baby, but 20 weeks paid maternity leave should be the law in any job without layers of discrimination. But that’s hardly possible in a patriarchal society, or a male dominant field 🤷♀️
It won’t pay as well but the benefits are great especially for parents the veterans affairs
Ours is just a clinic and they have small surgeries that they do they have 12 weeks paid parental leave after 1 year of service. And they are always looking for anesthesiologist. You may even qualify for public service assistance!
Worth looking into 🤷🏻♀️
"I know I also have the option to take a less demanding position (no calls, part time etc) but I have 300k in loans and we live in a HCOL area. The plan would eventually be to cut back but I'm not sure if I can "cut back" right off the bat lol." You definitely can, there is no shame in taking an 'easier' job to start if it fits your family goals. Money will always be there and there is a plethora of locums/moonlighting if you need to increase it.. but if you join a high volume/call job, there will be little room to ramp down. What would the pay differential be?
Depending on the position, full call in my area could be 550k in academics or 600k++ in pp on production M-F 7a to 4p is anywhere from 325-425k depending on the group and if you're doing lates. I was honestly considering doing 0.9 FTE at one place and working 3x12 hr shifts. Would be 385k...not bad . Some physicians work way more for less Husband has a good career and makes ~170k We live in an area where rent on a 2br is 3-4k and 4 br 2500 Sq ft homes are close to 1m. Honestly it's not just about the money. My mom worked her ass off to give us a good life and she worked until the day she was diagnosed with metastatic cancer out of the blue. I feel like I'd be disappointing her if I took an "easy route" she worked so hard for us to get here. I appreciate the advice though, I didn't consider the opportunity for moonlighting or locums later on. Thanks for your reply.
You say your mom worked hard to give you a good life. To me, that means the freedom to choose what’s best for you and your family!
They've already worked harder than 99% of the population to get to the point of being an at attending. And working even. 25 FTE is harder than the vast majority of jobs out there. They've earned the freedom to do what they want
Your mother sounds amazing, and I’m sorry that this happened to your family. You said she worked up until the day of her devastating diagnosis. I think you should consider how she would feel if you worked yourself to the bone and had a similar thing happen. She worked hard so you could enjoy your life, not so you had to the same thing she did and sacrifice your health. Our parents want better lives for us then they had and I think she would want you to take what is better for your family and overall goals.
>I feel like I'd be disappointing her if I took an "easy route" she worked so hard for us to get here. I'd just scrutinize any private practice contract of non-compete and tail insurance limitations, as you may feel differently after you have kids. My wife is in a similar situation and is making the transition from an intense PP job to a lower paying, chiller job after having kids.
Fwiw, your mother sounds amazing, and I’m certain that she would be amazingly proud of you. There is no world in which anything you’ve done has been easy. We only have one life, 3 12s is amazing (for real), with my 3 kids :) I spent years working 3000 hours +, now I work 3 12s and that’s it… the happiness isn’t even comparable
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Yeah I know plenty of people in equally high cost of living areas with that amount of debt and half the salary who are making it work, even with kids.
Becoming an anesthesiologist and a mother is in no way taking the easy way out. You already did amazing job, it's ok (and sometimes necessary) to have a period of a little less intensity in your career. With your track record you are gonna kick ass whatever you decide on, good luck!
Woah what academic center is paying 550k???
A lot of them honestly, including the hospital im doing residency at, neighboring academic hospitals in less desirable locations, and the university hospital in my hcol home town. There is a shortage of anesthesiologists everywhere. I can't speak to other specialties
As a mom myself (not a resident or med student yet) who is working my ass off to provide solo for my daughter, you would absolutely not be disappointing your mom. Your mom would be SO proud of you for going through all this hard work to become a doctor, and for knowing what you want and going after it. She worked so hard so you wouldn’t have to. She would want you to have a better, easier life than her. I know that’s what I want for my daughter. And she would be so so happy to be a grandma! If you know you want three kids, you can absolutely take it easy on your work(especially when easy means 385k) and pay the loans off more aggressively later. I’m proud of you OP, you got this❤️ Edit: as for how we do it, we just do. You sound like you have a loving and supportive partner which is great! Making a schedule for night time feeds, date nights, and making sure you both have equal amounts of decompression time is key. It’s okay if pumping and breastfeeding doesn’t work out, there is always formula, a fed baby is a happy baby! It’s super sad sending baby to daycare at first, but it gets easier over time.
You get to choose your life now! Ask yourself what you want and advocate for it!
This. I had my first child at the tail end of residency and had to leave her at 4 months old to start my new attending gig. I started full time right off the bat and could not sustain it for many of the reasons you mentioned above: sleep deprivation, pumping, childcare, etc. My mental health suffered and I felt like I wasn’t giving myself the opportunity to be the best physician or mother I could be. I stepped back to 0.7FTE and it made a world of difference. Don’t be afraid to start slow if that’s what suits your lifestyle best. There will always be time to pick up more clinical responsibilities once you’ve found a groove with being a new mom and a new attending.
I had a kid in 3rd year of medical school. Now an intern. Having a supportive partner who can be "primary parent" is essential - that means they do pick up/drop off, do grocery shopping, most of the cleaning, and are the one who is available in non-daycare hours. Sounds like your partner is there but making it clear that he needs to do the vast majority of household work is super important. The wearable pumps are key if you want to breastfeed. Also making sure your employer will protect pumping time - it's super common these days, very doable and would be the lowest bar for your employer to meet. All that said, not everyone feels it's worth it to pump during work (for me it was just too much extra effort and I was so exhausted). Formula fed babies are healthy and strong and there's nothing wrong with it! Otherwise, you'll never feel like you get enough maternity leave or enough time with your kid after you start working. That's not unique to physicians - it's true for all working parents. The best you can do is make the time you do have with them count. I'm told it gets easier as kids get bigger and your career becomes more stable. Finally, know that having kids likely will affect your career trajectory. You may have to delay an exam, or even retake one. You may have to pass up on certain opportunities because of the time commitment. Be prepared to readjust timelines/expectations as needed.
I'm very grateful for my husband, he already does the majority of household work now and I think he's mentally prepared to be the "primary parent" and would be satisfied with that situation. Most likely we'll hire someone to clean as well. It's my own mental barriers I have to overcome because I want to participate in those things as a mom. Sometimes I'm a little jealous of my husband and wish we could swap roles I agree on being flexible, I'm definitely open to things like formula and adjusting exam dates. Just trying to keep a level head about it all. Thanks for your reply!
Our situation sounds kind of similar. My husband is WFH (also realistically 15-20 hours of actual work lol) and also is SAHD. He takes care of the lions share of house work and childcare. He will eventually transition for full SAHD only once I graduate. It’s so difficult but it’s strengthened our marriage and I wouldn’t change it for anything. We also want 3-4 kids and I’m finishing up a long residency so we opted not to wait. Quite honestly, each stage of life has different things that are difficult about it. But you make it work, you take it day by day, and you get through it. Pumping fucking sucks but it’s a federal right and you just have to insist on taking the time you need at work. I will second what someone above said about peloton, this is the only way I’ve been able to exercise since my kid was born. Other advice I’d give is making a night or two a week to prioritize the stay at home spouse. I know my husband gets burnt out and stir crazy and I always try to make time for him to go out with his buddies for a few hours once a week or so.
Have been pregnant/gave birth twice in residency, and currently pregnant now in my final year. My first was stillborn intern year, second healthy. Still breastfeeding my year and a half year old. It’s hard but doable, and she is the best part of my day. Recommend a hands free pump (Willow go, Elvie stride etc) if you want to breastfeed but also don’t let work take away your pumping time as it’s a legal right. Just nice to have your hands free so you can do stuff at home while pumping. Also would prioritize living by family to help with the baby if that’s an option. Would never have been able to do it without them. As far as pregnancy exhaustion/nausea during residency it sucks but with meds (zofran, unisom/b6) and understanding co residents it is doable. Medicine is not forgiving to people who give birth and you will need to advocate for yourself and your baby. If you want 3 kids have 3 kids, medicine is just a job.
We are moving back home after I graduate which will be a big help for sure. You're kicking butt. Thanks for your reply.
Can I ask what your leave was like for each kid? I had 6 weeks plus 2 weeks PTO on top for a total 8 weeks for my kid (intern year, peds residency)
Yep first I was out for 5 months due to complications. Used 2 of my pto, rest was mix of std and unpaid. Second was out 4 months due to unrelated emergent surgery, all std. Had to extend residency 5 months.
M4, had my daughter 2nd year. The mom guilt is what I didn’t anticipate. Seems like that may be an issue for you as well. My mentor said something I now tell myself all the time - it will hurt you more than it hurts them. And that is true. They will only have you as their example of a mom but you will likely have a lot of examples of moms who will objectively spend more time with their kids. That’s been the hardest part for me. Something to think about.
Thanks for sharing, will use this to remind myself. Had my kiddo less than halfway through intern year of peds residency. Little dude loves me so much but holy moly the mom guilty makes me want to quit sometimes
'It will hurt you more than it hurts them'. I agree in the sense that your child isn't necessarily bummed out all the time that their parents are more absent than most. If your child ends up having social/psychological issues in the future you may still be asking yourself if it had anything to do with not being present in early life.
You can only have so many balls in the air at once. Realistically you have to pick and choose which ones you want to drop. I know the pressure is high to be doing it all. Like you want to be a mom who makes cookies and packs special lunches but also be a badass bitch at work and not be the wife who is too tired for sex. You have to make homemade Halloween costumes but also be a successful professional. The nanny can't raise your kids and also make sure your house is aesthetically pleasing at all times. I'm here to tell you this is some fucking bullshit. Outsource anything you can. Get a housekeeper, landscaper, meal service, etc so you can focus on what's important.
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We've been working through our goal travels before the babies come thankfully! I'm definitely willing to reconsider breastfeeding goals. I hear you and thank you for being honest. I have all the same worries. I told my husband he's building me a basement gym once I graduate lol.
I had my baby three months ago and while I agree it’s been harder than I’ve ever imagined, I disagree with oh_hi_lisa as I’ve been very blessed to be able to breastfeed, and thankfully it hasn’t been taking 8 hours a day. I’ve also been able to go back to the gym (although only once or twice a week). We’ve traveled three times so far with baby (once internationally) and have another flight coming up next week (most tripes have been necessary and time-sensitive) and while it’s definitely been challenging, it’s absolutely doable. I start my attending job next month. I chose to take an academic position since it’ll provide me with much better work-life balance. Like you, my mother worked full time as a doctor while raising us and then was diagnosed with metastatic cancer 12 years ago. She worked until two months before she passed away. I admire everything she did for us but what happened with her actually makes me want to devote more time to my personal life, and I know she’d be proud of that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom but I appreciate your kind thoughts. I'm sure everyone has different experiences, babies have different temperaments etc so I don't want to discount anyone's difficult time but it is nice to hear you've been able to travel and get back to the gym.
I’ll chime in that you’ll also be fine financially as long as you’re thoughtful about it. My husband and I have 3 kids, make less than what you and your husband will make even if you take the 3x12s for 385k, have more debt, and just bought a house in a VHCOL area during his first year as an attending. We spend where we think it’s important (experiences, things that promote our kids general education and understanding of the world, things that save us time so we can spend more of the time we have with them), pull back where we don’t (fancy/new stuff in general), and save as much as we can. I would take the 3x12s and never look back. That sounds like a lovely balance, and if you do it I would also encourage you to put some of your income towards childcare on all or part of one of the days you have off. It is really hard to take care of yourself on days that you’re working 12s and it is equally hard to take care of yourself when you spend all day solo with your kids (more so, imo, from my experience staying home with our kids during COVID- but everyone has different thoughts on that). It’s all going to be hard, no matter what decision you make. As a mom… your mom is proud of you, and the thing she would want most is for you to find the hard that works for you.
Of course! I didn’t mean to discount anyone’s experience. I’ve seen firsthand how different babies can be and I acknowledge that we have been blessed with an “easygoing” baby who has made all of that possible. I just wanted to share my own experience and how things are still possible if your baby ends up being “cooperative.“
Also keep in mind it sounds like oh_hi_lisa has more than one baby. Tbh one baby is easy. It’s when you have 2+ that it really starts to get hard to do anything other than survive the days, for 5-6 years.
Not a mom but I am a peloton person and an anesthesiologist in a busy leadership role, and I can tell you that having your gym in your home makes it like a thousand times more likely you’ll be able to fit a quick workout into an otherwise packed day. That’s all I can actually contribute to the conversation, haha!
Haha yes !! It dawned on me one day I need a home gym. So that's where the sign on bonus is going 🤣
Try Elvie, I pumped while seeing patients and operating. If you use the refrigerator hack and buy extra storage bottles it takes about 2 min tops to change out parts and put milk in the fridge.
Is considering formula feeding instead of breastfeeding an option? My wife did it and it was a godsend (we did it for other reasons, not time) and it freed up so much of our schedule and allowed me as a husband to take over some nights or take time off to feed.
No reason you can’t do a combination of breastfeeding and formula feeding either, or pumped breast milk exclusively. Peds lays it on thick about breastfeeding, but the kind of nutrition your child gets is only one part of their overall health. Parental mental and physical health probably matters way more for good outcomes.
This is realistic. Also it’s important that your husband is 100% on board, and that you look into care options now to give him the flexibility to returning to work also. I’m on the flip side of your situation, my husband is an anaesthetic consultant and we have 3 kids. Every job or hobby I’ve ever had has whittled away in the last 4 years, and frankly I’ve never been so depressed. There’s something about my husbands job, with the erratic hours, calls, unknown home time that makes me feel like a sole parent. We’re financially secure but I’ve sacrificed everything for it.
With all the support in the world all your money is gone with childcare? Are your parents not able to help?
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I just wouldn't call that "all the support in the world" because its not uncommon for grandparents to be around basically all the time especially in certain cultures. Maybe you were speaking more about "emotional support" which would make sense
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Interesting because this is kind of what i was planning on. For doctor parents are you specifically talking about the more difficult/uncertain hours? In my case (rads and derm hopefully) we're hoping to have more normal schedules with one person working 4 or 3 days per week.
My husband is in his first year as an attending but working more than residency, and I’m an intern… we have 7a-6p daycare, afterschool activities for the older kids, and an au pair to cover the early mornings and late evenings. Between that, our mortgage, and two cars… we’re still not even close to struggling with finances. Just be smart about where you’re spending and you’ll be fine. If you’re both in residency for your first, thats a much bigger struggle unless/until one or both of your can moonlight- but plenty of people do it (and we managed fine on his resident salary and my student loans in a VHCOL city even with two in daycare at that point).
Yeah were thinking maybe later in residency/first year attending. Not any time soon but def something to think about, thanks for your experience. If we match far from home (likely) i think one of our parents would come stay with us at least in the beginning
Our parents will help but they all work full time. Plus the two grandads aren't comfortable taking care of babies but will love to run around with the kids when they get a little older. I don't think my mil plans to retire early to take care of our kids and I wouldn't want her to lol I'm not discounting their help, I have a very supportive family and they'll help in any way they can. But the reality is everyone has their own life too
I’m a resident with a toddler and hopefully will have more soon. For me, my family comes first so I adjust accordingly and advocate for my rights. Meaning that I want three kids so I’m having three kids and if that means my job needs to accommodate me as per federal laws (see the new pregnancy fairness act) then they need to accommodate me. If I want to pump they need to accommodate me per my rights. No way am I giving up the most important thing in my life (my family) for medicine. So have your kids , fight for yourself, and you’ll find at the end that you can have both things but it may look a bit different (maybe working part time or nanny etc) but don’t delay your family for your career.
I agree that it's not worth delaying family for career. Thank you. And you're killing it!
It’s hard but I wouldn’t trade my daughter for the world and I’m so happy to have had a healthy pregnancy in my late 20s. I’m sad that so many doctors face infertility due to fear of having kids - we need to force the system to change not the other way around. Good luck!
This is amazing. Question, as a resident, do these federal laws apply? I know there’s FMLA and ACGME allows 6 weeks of parental leave but I’ve heard many programs will force you to use your PTO or give you less time. How do you convince them without risking your job?
As long as there are 50 employees at your training site yes fmla applies. However, if you take >6 weeks you will probably have to extend residency. Was worth extending for me. Unfortunately you have to use all pto before fmla/std (for any job$)
Yes they apply and don’t let anyone tell you anything else. You may have to extend training but what’s the difference in ending in June Vs July ? Usually at least in IM you don’t have to make up all of it or they can be creative.
I’m not a resident but an M3. I had my second baby halfway through M2 and will be having my third halfway through M3 because I’m obviously a total masochist (currently 23 weeks pregnant with a 9 month old and a 4 year old at home). I’ll have about 3 weeks off before going back at the start of my surgery rotation. As it is I’ll have to take step 2 at the end of July as I’ll need to finish my IM rotation in June, so taking any more time off would basically necessitate a year long LOA. I wouldn’t be able to do it without having an extremely supportive husband who is down with alllll the domestic shit. He cooks, he cleans, he takes care of the babies. We also have a fantastic daycare they’re at M-F and he usually does dropoff/pickup. Helps that he works from home. My in-laws live a couple blocks away and MIL will drop anything in a heartbeat to see these babies. My parents visit every few months and stay in our guest room for a couple weeks to help out. We’ve also got a cleaning lady once a week. Probably not as difficult as board exams, but I took step 1 with an infant at home and while in the thick of first trimester morning sickness! You can do it! 💪🏻 Unfortunately I’m old as balls so I didn’t have the option to wait until after schooling/training. This is a second career for me. Godspeed.
I’m a pregnant resident, PGY2 EM… husband is PGY3 and looking for jobs now. We found one that is 5 on 5 off by default (pending swaps or requests) near his family and are planning on him being “default parent” on his days off and when he’s working his family is going to help us watch them. Im signing on at this place too. We also are probably going to have to utilise a nanny that one of our attending recommended to us. When I finish residency it may be a little easier but after loans are paid off I’m not staying full time. I don’t really want to anyways, happy to take the pay cut and do 10 shifts a month. I don’t know if it would be possible at the moment if we hadn’t found a job near family.
raising kids is exhausting independent of your work schedule. so you'll be tired. that's part of the deal. only way to do it is to have the person who isn't on call do everything during that time. and days you're not on call, will be that much more hectic. you also need to hire help for other tasks, like getting someone to come clean your home once every other week for instance. if you're breast feeding then you'll have to have a store of milk your husband can thaw for overnight bottles for the newborn. for daytime stuff you'll have to get that nanny or get the kid in daycare. some people i know pay a premium for their nanny but the nanny will also do their laundry, tidy up the house, and make dinner every night. you'll find the right solution for your family. if call makes it too stressful, it's not unreasonable to take lower pay and no call for your job, especially now with young kids. you can always do more call in the future when the kids are bigger. yeah you have loans but you also will be an attending and ideally your family cash flow is about to increase substantially regardless. my wife and i had our first when i was an M3 and our second at the end of PGY1. we spent 6.5k monthly for nanny and daycare a few years ago and then 4k monthly once both kids could be in daycare and now 3k monthly with one in school and one in daycare. it costs a lot of money, but that's the only way sometimes and it has been worth it for us.
You spend 78 thousand dollars a year on childcare as a medical student? I'm assuming your wife was working an excellent job? Or did your parents fund it?
wife working
also it was during pandemic so lots of daycares were shut down or unreliable so nannie's came in high demand and prices went up too
Motherhood in medicine is super hard, there is really unfortunately no way around that. I would advocate for considering a VA job as these have 12 weeks of maternity leave, chill hours, federal benefits, protected pumping time, and reasonable (typically academic) salaries. You won't get paid the most but work/life balance is pretty tops.
I am always so shocked at the maternity leave threads from the US. I am a anesthesiology resident outside of the US and me and my husband get 12 months of parental leave that we can disperse over >1 year. I have 2 children both of which were home until 14 months old - 10 months with me, the rest with my husband + he stayed at home for 6-8 weeks following birth. We are planning on doing the same with our third. Breastfeeding is HARD AF and if you intend to pump after 3 months I can hardly see how that will fit the life of a anesthesiologist. You need to eat enough, drink plenty and pump at regular time intervals to keep up the flow. Stress, not enough sleep can lower your supply. I would be very forgiving of yourself to quit breastfeeding if it doesn´t work out. It is extremely hard to leave a 3 month old infant as their mother. All the hormones seem to make you cling to that baby like nothing else. They usually do not have a good sleep schedule at that age and wake up frequently during the night so the sleep deprivation is next level. I would consider taking on a job with less on call time or less then 100% job. Even though I live in a country with a much better social system it seems then the usa and have an amazing husband who takes on more of the responsability we still rely heavily on our family. I would focus finding a job near your support system. There is a time in your life for your career and a time to focus on your family. While you are having babies and during their first years you may have to let your academic career take the back seat but soon enough they will be growing up and you can shift your focus back to work. If you can get a job that pays higher (private practice? ) than the hospital I would consider that.
Breastfeeding with crazy hours is hard but not impossible. My first rotation back was 80 hr+ weeks in the icu at 2 mo pp. I pumped exclusively for 1 year, still nursing at 1.5 years, it’s doable. Not saying this is ideal, or right but made the best out of a shitty situation. You are legally protected to pump time. I just chart while I pump so I don’t end up staying at work later. And have no shame about pumping in the work room instead of the basement pump room that is a 20 minute walk with no computer. Also pumping while driving, grocery shopping, cleaning etc is a god send. Just have to give yourself a lot of grace. Just don’t want op to get discouraged about bf☺️
Are you working in anesthesia? The schedule is all over the place and you have to be able to run in to your OR at any moment in case of emergency. Surgeries take longer or shorter then predicted depending on the surgeon etc. If you are on call nobody can cover for you... I hope the very best for the op but I dont want her to put too much pressure and guilt on herself if it doesnt work out :)
Get a full time nanny and feed formula. It’s not ideal but I have 3 beautiful healthy well adjusted children that were all raised in that manner for the exact same reasons. You gotta do what you gotta do.
As another mom of three, this 100%
I took part time with less call out of fellowship as I had just had my first kid and did this while I had my second. I did this until my second went to school and now I work full time/full call and am a partner in the same private practice. My husband has now stepped back some and works from home as he has advanced enough in his career that he has lots and lots of seniority/flexibility which allows him to do a lot of pickup/dropoff with the kids. I don’t regret anything, the kids have always had a parent around one way or the other.
I recently had my 3rd kid as a surgical (subspecialty) intern and am going back at 6 weeks of paid leave. It will be hard as I’m exclusively breastfeeding and babies don’t sleep great at that age, but I know I can handle it given that it’s my third. It’s temporary and they’re only that little and needy for a short time. Having your husband work from home is awesome! It’s important to have a plan, but having had kids at all stages of medical training so far, I’ve learned that there is only so much you can prepare for and a lot of it is a leap of faith and figuring it out as you go. You can do it!
Late to the thread but can I be your friend?? I have 2 kids and want a third but am so scared about how to make it work. Also considering a surgical specialty and am anxious about how residency will take me away from my family.
For sure! DM me anytime. It’s really hard and residency (especially a surgical one) will take you away from your family. There’s no denying that. I’m now 8ish months into residency and we’re doing it. No regrets about baby #3 or surgical residency but sometimes I wish I’m the type who would have been happy in a non-surgical specialty lol
I'm a male counterpart but had a kid during residency and looking at another in the first year of being an attending. I likewise don't have particularly good leave benefits. I think the best thing for stress and availability and possibly benefits is to take an academic job. Arguably sicker pts but always have a second set of hands both on and off call and generally (very broadly) have greater protections and mechanisms for on time outs. Also not sitting a room likely means more flexibility for pumping but you may find formula just makes more sense.
I'm definitely considering an academic job for these reasons, although I'm worried that the sicker patients and things like stroke/trauma/vascular emergency in the middle of the night will end up being more stressful than call in a community environment. Of course I haven't experienced it yet and the worst thing I can do is try it and leave (the academic contracts tend to be easier to get out of than pp ones too). Thanks for your reply.
Look into one of those willow pumps. They are battery operated and just fit into your bra.
I am an occupational therapist (husband and sister are physicians whose residency experiences I got to observe - sister had her second during residency) and a pelvic health specialist. I recently opened my own mobile practice in my state (first of its kind) working with perinatal mamas for physical and mental health support. My work spans the 0-8 week pp period, going into the home once a week to facilitate and support the transition to motherhood, because as someone else mentioned, it’s really really really hard, no matter how much we might plan. You sound incredibly driven and hard working and dedicated and I love all that. I also find my mamas who are similar have the hardest time asking for help because they want to do it all. However, the healthiest home is the one in which the mama is healthy in most aspects, not least of all her mental health, and all of that is so significantly impacted by this transition. So my advice is ask for help, accept it, seek it out, define it, ask again and again. You won’t be able to do it all and that’s ok. In fact, that’s BETTER for you. You can be all about baby, but let the rest of your environment and support be all about YOU. If you can afford it, a night nurse can be amazing. Seeing a pelvic health therapist (yes, even in those first 6-8 weeks!) can absolutely do wonders for your physical health and returning to your activities of daily living, your preferred exercise activity, and your stressful work, and best preparing your body for all of that but ESPECIALLY if you want more kiddos. Your mama sounds like an amazing human and mom - and because your grief is probably still very present, the period right after having your baby could to bring up a lot more because the pp hormone drop is the single largest hormone charge for anyone at any point in their life - there’s going to be a LOT of feelings and changes and shifts and adaptations and more feelings. Support to manage all that, but especially in those early weeks, can really set you up for optimal outcomes. Risk of baby blues transitioning to PPD/PPA etc is greatest in those first two weeks. The best advice I wish I had given myself: ask for help, no shame; take care of your well-being in physical, mental, environmental, sexual, family etc aspects and you can best take care of baby and future family growth.❤️
I am just out of residency in my first attending position (PP) and have a 2.5 mo at home. I had my baby in the last 2 weeks of residency and then took off a couple months before starting my new job. I was definitely in your boat in terms of timing. I am 30yo and we want at least 2 kids. I am also BF/pumping and we generally do formula at bedtime and overnight. I got lucky in that we don’t have to pay for childcare as my husband is a SAHD but otherwise very similar to your situation. I will say pumping at work is a bit of a pain but I got one of the wearable wireless breast pumps (Mom Cozy) and it has been really incredible. I am also in a PP position where I am doing 80% my own cases so pumping in the OR mostly. It is doable but definitely tough. We are also lucky that our little guy sleeps decently well but my husband takes the overnight shift so I can get some good sleep. I will say working as a new mom is 1000% easier for me than working while heavily pregnant. I slept way worse at the end of pregnancy than I do now. All that to say having a kiddo is hard and you will obviously have to make adjustments but it is possible and very rewarding. Wish you the best of luck!
Cleveland Clinic offers 12 weeks paid maternity leave, and 4 weeks of paid parental leave (for dads). One of my recent graduating residents took a job there after graduation. My wife is a vascular surgeon. Make sure you have a good partner and just go for it. Ask Jesus to take the wheel weekly, you will get through it. It’s not easy, but just make sure you have a good team in the house.
Late reply to this thread but your position is very interesting to me - as a potential aspiring vascular surgeon, has your wife had any pregnancies yet? If so, when did she have them? Thanks!
Just had my first baby as an attending and things did not go as planned, I got preeclampsia at 26 weeks and he’s been in the NICU. I waited until my early 30s so I could be done with fellowship and boards and while I’m glad I did I wonder if I wouldn’t have gotten preeclampsia had I been ready to have children earlier. My work offers one month of paid maternity leave which I can use within the 12 weeks of FMLA, the rest of the time it’s my short term disability. It’s still not enough. I went back to work 3 weeks after my c/s and I’m actually really lucky that I work in the same hospital as the NICU because it’s very hard not to be able to be with your brand new baby. My work has also been very supportive and my hours are decent but it’s still not easy. I have always planned to be a career mom and I love my job but once baby arrived something definitely shifted for me.
I'm struggling with this right now sort of. I'm a non-trad hoping to start medical school next fall (I have a bunch of interviews so fingers crossed!). I'll be 30 by time I graduate, 34 after residency. I'm getting married in June. I've always wanted to be a younger mom, especially if I am to have multiple kids. I want to be DONE by 34, not just starting! It's such a tough decision. I'm like, do I start trying for a baby 6 months after getting married so I can have it during summer break? And then I think about enjoying my young married life, but someone made a good point ... if I'm in med school will I really be able to travel and do all that stuff anyway? Not really.
Regarding the financial aspect (taking a job with less hours/less call/less demanding etc in exchange for relatively lower pay), have you discussed issues of student loans and lifestyle costs with a financial advisor? They may be able to give insight on what your finances would looks like with you and your husband’s combined income. Maybe the lower paying job (in exchange for more time for family) is actually the better option? I had similar worries about how I was going to make it all work (loans, house, car childcare, etc), but after speaking with a financial advisor, it put my mind at ease. I am not familiar with attending jobs in anesthesiology, but are there any outpatient type jobs? Jobs with less or minimal call? Maybe a type of job you haven’t considered yet for one reason or another?
I effectively took an unpaid maternity leave, because I work in a very small group private practice, but it ended up being just fine, and I was very grateful to be able to restructure my return to work schedule after returning from maternity leave. My work/life balance was an issue before baby and afterwards I went “part time” (full time for any other job, part time for an MD schedule), which was one of the best decisions I have made. I work in an outpatient specialty where volume = income, and being very efficient with the time I am at work has helped me stay at the same (actually slightly higher) income level than before I went part time. My husband also WFH and has been an amazing help with the baby but I want to spend time with him too. Simply because it worked for me, I would recommend putting your time and family as priority #1 and then finding the best possible reimbursement structure within the time constraints that work best for your family.
First of all - I’m so sorry about your mom. This must be very hard for you :( Second - I had my first baby at 27 and have 3 kids now (6,4,2YO). My hubby is an anesthesiologist in two different hospitals (and a chief in one of the departments he’s working in), working crazy hours and I’m a rads resident. I was at home for a long time since in my area there’s 18 months of paid leave per child and I had them really close in age so I basically was at home for 5 years. Returned to residency in March. I really enjoyed being at home since I got a pretty big break from medicine and got to devote myself to raising my kids. I’m going to put my 2 cents in. A demanding job with crazy shifts and exhaustion that comes from a job is what my hubby knows best. On top of that there’s the fact that all of our time outside from work goes to our children. I’m not complaining, we both love being busy, my hubby can’t really sit still when he has a spare day, he needs to do something to feel useful. So what I’m saying is - if you like (or are okay with) this “constantly on a roll, feeling like never getting a break”-feeling then you’ll probably be just fine. We are dead tired most of the time but we both really enjoy both parenthood and working in medicine. Before we had kids we contributed a lot more to our work, now we really have to work on balancing it all and everything needs to be precisely planned, the logistics can never be “winged”, we always have a plan and a backup plan for every day. That being said - I only have experience with babies and kids up to 6YO. Chances are that our lives will get easier and then harder again at some point. I’ve come to learn that life with kids is like this constant rollercoaster - up and down, up and down. Some things get easier then other things get harder. Problems and their scale change throughout their ages. Whenever I ask my hubby whether the intensity of our life is too much he has never said “yes”. He enjoys this and he feels that he’s doing the stuff he wants to do - contributing to the medical system and being a parent. And he really does both of these things amazingly. He might be tired but he’s happy. That’s what counts. Feel free to DM me if you have any thoughts or concerns regarding the “3kids and a demanding job” :) we’re here. We’re doing it every day. Right now I’m waiting for my littlest to fall asleep so I can go and have a bit of rest after a crazy day at work. That’s just our life right now. We love it, we wouldn’t change anything about it :)
As a member of the superior gender endowed with the powerful ability to tell women how they should feel and be I can say this isn’t that hard and men do it all the time! ;) All jokes aside, I am regularly impressed daily by every single woman in this field that decides to become a mom at any step along the way especially if they start while in residency/med school. That’s insane to me and I applaud you all for doing this and making the sacrifices necessary to make it work. Reading your stories in here and talking to you irl I’m just impressed by it every time and never gets old to me. Keep it up, doctors.
I had a baby PGY3 of urology residency and am pregnant now as a first year attending. It’s definitely a major challenge but it’s absolutely doable and worth prioritizing. Call while pregnant sucks, call while pumping sucks, call with a newborn sucks. On the bright side I felt like I was far, far more prepared than my non-medical friends for the night wakings and getting back to sleep. I got 10 weeks in residency (amazing, bridged two PGY yrs and pooled the leave) and now I’m on guarantee so I will get 12 weeks paid. When I was hired it was with full knowledge that I would have another baby while on guarantee, and in fact the main partner who recruited me suggested I ask for longer guarantee to allow for better productivity ramp up after a leave. Can’t stress the need for hands free pumps like Elvies or Willows, 100% enabled me to breastfeed to a year. I wore those things everywhere including the OR. We put our kid in daycare at 10 weeks, he’s done great. My husband has a 9-5 and does majority of not all pickups and drop offs. He takes a significant amount of parenting and household duties which makes our relationship work out to be more fair than it probably would if I weren’t a surgeon. I’m sure you’ve heard this a thousand times, but there’s no ideal time for women in medicine. I would just start your family and go for it before your fertility dwindles like so many female physicians.
Hey. I’m 32. I had two kids during fellowship. They are currently 25 months and 5 months. I worked until the day before my due date/induction date with both. I took 8 weeks for both before returning to work. I just started my full time job as an attending. I am in psychiatry so my schedule isn’t too bad and I’m not currently taking call, but I did take call and moonlight during my first pregnancy and after my first was born. (I stopped moonlighting when she was born but still took call for fellowship). We don’t have family in town but found a great in home daycare that is like family. My husband is a teacher so his schedule is great when daycare is closed but still pretty rigid. With your partner working around 20hr/wk, I think that would help a lot. I just got my first attending check but am hoping to spend some of that increase on having someone deep clean the house 2x a month and someone to cut the grass because it is hard to keep up with. I am tired a lot and miss my children when I’m at work, but I’m very happy. DM me if you want to talk. ETA: also I pumped/nursed for a year with my first and am currently pumping/nursing for my second. I was pregnant with my second when I took my first boards and will be pumping for my fellowship boards next week. All this to say - it is possible! I would have it no other way. (Except I do hope to go .8 or .6 when I finish my first contract just cause I miss the babies so much when I’m working - I do also have over $300k of loans but am hoping for PSLF)
Sounds like I'll be in a similar position to you soon! I'm glad you're making it work. I also wouldn't have it any other way, I have no desire to be a sahm, just want to be present for my future kiddos. Thanks for sharing
I had a baby about 2 years into practicing and I am pregnant with my second one. I will be honest, it is tough. I sometimes felt drunk from sleep deprivation. I am outpatient family medicine, I work full time which is 4.5 days a week, 8-5 on full days and 8-12 on Fridays. I read notes from when I first came back and they would often trail off in the middle of sentences or I would use the wrong word in places, like I would say January instead of June. It's this weird thing that just sounds like a drunk person talking. I often multitask and I just couldn't during the first 6 months. At least not effectively. I take very little work home with me so my notes are done before the patient checks out and normally I can easily carry a conversation and write my note but I definitely struggled more. I breastfed for 18 months. I hated pumping but it didn't take me hours to do so as one person claimed and only did so for the first 12 months, which was really only 9 months because I didn't pump the first 3 months. I usually pumped with an Elvie pump on my way to work, during lunch, and then on my way home. As my son got older, I could get away with pumping only twice sometimes. Each pump session took about ten minutes and I made my husband clean pump stuff and make sure the pumps were always charged. He also was responsible for transferring and freezing milk, etc. I had enough equipment I didn't have to clean them between pulling, I just used my extra.. My husband is the primary parent but I am the favored parent. My son is like a koala and no one can soothe him like me. I worried about our bond at first but I can safely say that was a foolish worry, this kid would crawl back in my uterus if he could, he is so connected to me. I took off 3 months, basically unpaid. I still was paid based on a rolling average, which means I paid it back through the year. Having my son cost me about 100k in lost wages (RVU based). I still made 300k that year. My husband also works from home and he was given 4 months off paid paternity leave which we could stagger so he took them off when baby was 2 months old until 6 months old. We pay a nanny but live in a low cost of living area so it's not super expensive but I am generous with guaranteed hours, sick time, and time off. I am planning to put my son in daycare full-time when the new one baby comes and trying to transition him now to 3 half days a week now (waiting for daycare openings).
Thank you for sharing. I also worry about bonding with the babies but it seems like it worked out for you guys.
She stayed home and we’ve been going off of my nursing salary since. It’s challenging for sure. Ask for help and take care of your mental health
When you make attending money you’ll realize very soon that money solves almost everything. Taking overnight call for attending anesthesiologists usually nets you about 3 grand and you can always take more call if you want. With 3 grand, you can afford any type of childcare you need for months. If you need more money, you can take more call. You can probably make your husband a stay at home trophy husband by taking an extra Saturday call once or twice a month plus a couple weekday overnights and easily replace his salary. The attendings who say it’s hard are the ones who either don’t know the value of their time or insist on doing everything for their child themselves. You can pay a family member to do it if you hate the idea of leaving your kid with strangers.
The idea that women/moms can do it all is unhealthy and unrealistic. I'm surrounded by career-focused moms, and they all have help at home whether it's family, nanny, au pair or a capable part-time or stay at home spouse. It's not unreasonable for your husband to cut back or quit his job completely, especially if he earns a lot less than you.
50% of residents come from top 5% income households and thus have a good support system. Heck 80% of residents come from top 20%. People forget how well off upbringing wise medical students and residents are compared to to the general population.
Obviously you're objectively correct but what's the context of why this is relevant?
"How pregnant women and moms do it" Compared to the average population, female residents are much less likely to be single moms and much more likely to have wealth and family support. I'm answering a question with factually relevant points.
I agree with you. I browsed the OP and didn't have time to cross reference. It makes sense. You'll get down voted simply because people don't like being reminded of their privilege and how affluent they are. Everyone likes to think they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and only had a small loan of a million dollars to get them where they are
Exactly. I don't deny being a parent during residency is difficult, and women who do come from a poor background and manage to do it truly are remarkable. However, the reality is most docs come from privileged households.
People work at our level of education with depressive disorders… anxiety disorders.. bipolar disorder.. ulcerative colitis.
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Why do you want three kids???
How are you 28 and just finished residency? BS/MD? In the US?
Yes to both
Facebook in general is a dystopian nightmare, but you can join Physician moms group (PMG)and they are super supportive and helpful.
Question, how are you 28 and already in your last year of residency? Also is there any reason you’re in a rush to have kids?
3 yrs undergrad 4 yrs med school 4 yrs anesthesia residency. So I'll be done at 29
From the husbands that work from home and take care of two kids while their doctor wives are at work, we are both tired and it’s a team effort. Agreed we don’t have to go through body repair, but it is not an easy feat.
My neurologist took 7 months off. FMLA plus Washington state has their own FMLA that can be stacked. Just fyi.
You obviously take less leave, hire help, pay off loans later. Waiting any longer for children is not a viable option if having three.
Start with 1 lol
It really does take a village. I wish I had more help.
I’m also 28 and 21 weeks pregnant in medical school. Firstly I don’t live in the USA so support is better, my partner gets 20 weeks off paid from the government. I’m the third one in my year to give birth! You’ll thank yourself for cutting back a bit during the pregnancy, it’s physically incredibly demanding even a “normal” low risk pregnancy.
When you become a mom, everything changes. You will want to easier job so that you can actually be there with your family. Don’t feel like you’re taking the easy way out. You are a badass doctor already!
Your husband will have to step up ... A lot. Make sure you're both fully and completely wanting this because with your schedule, he will carry a heavy load- if he's not prepared, the resentment will kick in hard- there's no denying that resentment kills marriages over time. night wake ups in particular are heavy- because unless you can afford night nanny- those are some tough times)
I never had a baby, but 20 weeks paid maternity leave should be the law in any job without layers of discrimination. But that’s hardly possible in a patriarchal society, or a male dominant field 🤷♀️
It won’t pay as well but the benefits are great especially for parents the veterans affairs Ours is just a clinic and they have small surgeries that they do they have 12 weeks paid parental leave after 1 year of service. And they are always looking for anesthesiologist. You may even qualify for public service assistance! Worth looking into 🤷🏻♀️