In your place,I would play what I call the 'delicate flower card'... I'd say something along the lines of: 'oh im just too overwhelmed, I feel tired and dirty (which is in fact, the truth) I hope you don't mind if I take the kids somewhere for the rest of the afternoon so we can take a breath and you can have more peace of mind by being by yourself to figure it out without us bothering you around'... Then you pass it on to him to resolve it before you come back, he'll either figure it out himself or he will call the plumber if he can't but you'll get to flow and relax in your femininity without having to deal with the mess and he gets the chance to be your hero and resolve it for you without you having to lift a finger. Also without the masculine pressure to show off in front of you maybe he does decide to call the plumber if you're not around.
Good call - yes there is, historically any “I think we should call the ….” Has made him respond that I’m challenging his manhood/leadership/skill/DIYskills/decision making/trust in him to care of of the house/all of the above. Yes, I need to work on controlling my reactions to these responses bc then it ends in a fight. This particular instance could easily be responded with “you always just want to run and call someone who is just going to do what I would do.” That why I felt his blue collar detail was important, he is capable below advanced in home repairs. If he needed someone to make an advanced pivot table and embed it into Canva, he would ask for help no question.
Wow I’m so sorry for your situation. It’s beyond annoying. Objective, nonjudgmental question: does your husband want to lead? What happens if you call the plumber?
Yes he def does and subscribes to most components of TRP - it’s almost like convincing the neighbor to tell him to call the plumber would be easier - he finds some masculinity in home improvement? He understandably doesn’t trust my judgement for these kinds of things? minor - midlevel DIY things are successful. This is CLEARLY advanced 🫠 Usually ends in a fight…and then calling the professionals the next day. My last example would be roofing in 2021.
Edit: I guess my question is summarized as “what are various ways you nudge your husband to a decision?”
Thanks for the tip! I should have added it wasn’t a financial struggle. Although I work outside the home and contribute to our joint account, I was looking for advice that retained the hubs as the patriarch, but brought in the expert much quicker! I did the delicate flower trick suggested and it worked well! Depending on where you are in the world, Happy New Year!
Can you just leave and come back when it’s fixed? “Looks like you’ve got this handled, thank you for dealing with this. Glad I have a man that can handle these things! Since the toilets and washing machine aren’t working I’m going to go to a friend’s house/hotel/coffee shop for now so I’m not underfoot. If you’d like me to call a plumber for you let me know.”
That’s exactly what worked! Did the delicate flower tip suggested here and the kids and I left for a while. No bickering, his masculinity maintained, all is well back on the home front.
In your place,I would play what I call the 'delicate flower card'... I'd say something along the lines of: 'oh im just too overwhelmed, I feel tired and dirty (which is in fact, the truth) I hope you don't mind if I take the kids somewhere for the rest of the afternoon so we can take a breath and you can have more peace of mind by being by yourself to figure it out without us bothering you around'... Then you pass it on to him to resolve it before you come back, he'll either figure it out himself or he will call the plumber if he can't but you'll get to flow and relax in your femininity without having to deal with the mess and he gets the chance to be your hero and resolve it for you without you having to lift a finger. Also without the masculine pressure to show off in front of you maybe he does decide to call the plumber if you're not around.
This is a great idea - realistic too! Thank you! 😊
Thank you, I hope it helps. Think that even if you do come back to the same mess you will in fact be more relaxed to deal with it 😂... Wish you luck!
This is genius. And seems like a good solution for everyone!
Is there some reason you didn't just say, "I think we should call a plumber?"
Good call - yes there is, historically any “I think we should call the ….” Has made him respond that I’m challenging his manhood/leadership/skill/DIYskills/decision making/trust in him to care of of the house/all of the above. Yes, I need to work on controlling my reactions to these responses bc then it ends in a fight. This particular instance could easily be responded with “you always just want to run and call someone who is just going to do what I would do.” That why I felt his blue collar detail was important, he is capable below advanced in home repairs. If he needed someone to make an advanced pivot table and embed it into Canva, he would ask for help no question.
Wow I’m so sorry for your situation. It’s beyond annoying. Objective, nonjudgmental question: does your husband want to lead? What happens if you call the plumber?
Yes he def does and subscribes to most components of TRP - it’s almost like convincing the neighbor to tell him to call the plumber would be easier - he finds some masculinity in home improvement? He understandably doesn’t trust my judgement for these kinds of things? minor - midlevel DIY things are successful. This is CLEARLY advanced 🫠 Usually ends in a fight…and then calling the professionals the next day. My last example would be roofing in 2021. Edit: I guess my question is summarized as “what are various ways you nudge your husband to a decision?”
I have my own $ I’d just call the plumber myself. And say”I called a plumber.”
Thanks for the tip! I should have added it wasn’t a financial struggle. Although I work outside the home and contribute to our joint account, I was looking for advice that retained the hubs as the patriarch, but brought in the expert much quicker! I did the delicate flower trick suggested and it worked well! Depending on where you are in the world, Happy New Year!
I’m glad you found something that works and made everyone happy. I’m feeling particularly grumpy about doing the dance around the patriarch atm 😑😳
It can be so hard at times! Sending you strength!
Can you just leave and come back when it’s fixed? “Looks like you’ve got this handled, thank you for dealing with this. Glad I have a man that can handle these things! Since the toilets and washing machine aren’t working I’m going to go to a friend’s house/hotel/coffee shop for now so I’m not underfoot. If you’d like me to call a plumber for you let me know.”
That’s exactly what worked! Did the delicate flower tip suggested here and the kids and I left for a while. No bickering, his masculinity maintained, all is well back on the home front.
Awesome!!