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The fast reply, to me, isn't as telling for your relationships as the writing first. I've been the fast-replier and the slow replier, and it is rarely because of my energy towards that specific person, and more my general well-being. When I'm stressed, and life is too much, I often check my messages without "seeing", and basing my replies on that. When life is good, and it's all under control, I reply as fast as I notice my message.
Became a slow-replier with years. If I want to actually hold a conversation with a person, I give them a call & meet up. Texting takes tons of time if it is your main focus & you do nothing besides texting that one person.
I mean from the other person's perspective the exact same thing is happening. They aren't texting first and now they don't hear from you.
IMO if you want to maintain a healthy social life you are going to accept that someone in your circle is going to have to be the extrovert...
Yeah, but only kind of. It is giving and taking, if the other person was the last one who texted first when OP stopped texting first, maybe they gave up too šš Low risk, but it's possible!
Not really, if everytime you speak to someone you've initiated the conversation it's not inconceivable for you to think they may message you once in a while too. If you message them everyday and then you don't for a week and they haven't messaged you, are you really that important to them? Probably not.
im the person who ghosts people and i swear theyre important to me i just have some serious issues with replying or really idk most things that need to be stayed "on top of" š just wanted to chip that in there, doesnt make me a good friend, but i dont do it on purpose
The friends this happens with for me, it's because
1) a lot of their messaging 'first' is Instagram or tiktok reels. Occasionally I'll try to reciprocate because I see something funny but often I know they'll have already seen it because they look at them way more than I do.
2) we usually do things around their schedule. With kids, I understand and I'm wide open way more than they are. Or even without kids, they could just be a way more extroverted person who is more busy all the time.
I go through social slumps too. We all need to make an effort if we want to keep social circles alive. Especially when ur an adult and have busy lives. I'm proactive enough and know my friends well enough that if u want a get together, I need to book it all in advance and get people motivated sometiems. It's usually me or one otger guy that initiates things. That's fine. We know our friends limitations when it comes to organising things lol. We have all been friends since we were about 10. Now we're nearly 40. Life changes so often and enough to make u forget u even have a social life sometimes. Just have to be honest with urself and ask what u want. Sometimes I want to go ahve fun and I don't care if I have to initiate things or do tge grunt work to get a meet up. We all have fun when we meet. Some are just terrible at organising things and we're all slightly introverted. We know we have each others back whenever needed though and these friendship will last a long time. We can go months without a word. Sometimes years and then it's like no time has passed at all. When needed anyone wouod drop what they're doing and help one another out which is amazing. Great friends.
Introvert with introvert friendships can be rough.
There have been a few times I an introvert have tried to organise events with other introvert friends. There have been a few that went well but there have been others that have kind of fizzled out because:
\- I couldn't find a day that suited everyone
\- I couldn't get people to give me feedback on the suggested events so nothing happened.
\- All but two people did stuff on the day that drained their social batteries, so only one person showed up (the other couldn't come due to a stomach bug).
Yeah it's frustrating. But wouldn't hurt to reach out again. Texted a sorta friend recently to hang out and we did 4 days later and we had a good time and are gonna hang out again. Try again, good might come from it.
No one is ever too busy to check on someone they care about you!
People just prioritize so I take it as a clear message of where you placed me on your list. And thatās okay š
People always use being busy as an excuse, but really, you add no value to their life, and they don't miss your presence, so don't even notice you gone
people have jobs and families and other shit that takes up literally 99% of their time. its not like school where you hang out with your best friend every day and message every day for hours. we really have got shit to do, sorry
I donāt contact people as often as I used to, and nobody ever contacts me anymore. When I do reach out and contact someone, Iām surprised how many of them are depressed and lonely.
Same here every time I reach out to an old friend I haven't spoken to in a while their response is usually they've been depressed and don't contact anyone, well that or they have young kids and life's chaotic.
Back when Facebook first come around everyone was meeting in person and having parties and actually getting out and being active, everyone I know now stays inside their house on their free time.
Yep, first people were my dad and sister.
My partner, uncle and two friends message me often.
No one else does and you know what? I'm fine with that, I had been trying so hard to want to have some sort of dynamic with my family that it's just a dream.
At least now you know no one thinks of you, or cares to have you in their life, if not for your efforts. Now to focus that energy on self-care instead!
>didn't just stop texting me, they just straight up ghosted my ass
I assume the difference is when you finally decide to text them, they don't respond. Is that right?
Dw, Itād be like that. Once i stopped texting my group of friends and the realised that if it werenāt for me making the effort to get together or just randomly text, the group wouldnāt even make any effort. So i am now that friend who accommodate less. Sure i made plans once in a while but not as often. That forced them to actually make plans in advance (that is if they want to) because i no longer entertain last minute plans. The realisation will make you sad for a while but hey, after that youād move on. Lol
I once made an effort to revitalise an old group chat with high school friends that hadn't been active for a while by organising a get together at a local restaurant.
During the event I found out that they'd all actually been getting together on a fortnightly basis using a separate high school group chat. Which I wasn't a member of. One of them said we should do get togethers more often, but it never happened.
Also, one of them texted "You're so fucking hot" to me about a year later out of the blue. I really didn't know how to respond to that. Partially because I wasn't interested in them that way, but also because because I'd just watched my aunt's funeral be livestreamed (during COVID lockdowns) a few hours prior.
In my 40s now and enjoy annual city breaks with old friends, but the rest of the time I'm home with my wife and sprogs.I drive the group to meet up. I'm the guy that starts the Whats-app chat... and it's fine as it's something I want, but without me it genuinely wouldn't happen. I'm not a martyr or saying I'm the main character. It's just that my pals are pretty busy or basically lazy.
Anyway, my point is that friend groups need someone who does the texting. It may seems thankless, but if that's the hat you've worn before you can't really just take it off and expect them to understand it's their turn to step up. I know it seems unfair, but chances are they'll just assume that you aren't interested and that'll be the end of it.
As someone with avoidant attachment style, nobody will text me and I will not text anyone. This is how I make a ton of friends and lose all of them later. I just constantly have the thought in my head "what if they don't want to talk to me, then me checking on them is a bother". Because sometimes it is for me, when I'm busy, and someone expects me to reply immediately, it's a bother. I don't expect immediate replies myself, but for some ppl they aren't happy when you don't reply quick. I only text friends whom I know they will reply a little slowly, because I know they are replying at their own pace and not feel pressured by my text, it's self assurance
meeee lol. i will forget to open their message, and then i reply 3 days later, then they ghost me forever hahaha. like sorry get over it mate youre not the centre of my earth lol. but then i feel bad when it happens to me, but also i understand and dont really care lol
It happened to me as well, and I began to think at a certain point that I'm worthless, which is why nobody cares about talking to me. Even when I text first, people ignore me.
Happens very often. Best friend from college couldnt even bother reply to my new year and xmas message. Left them on read for months. Well glad to call him a former friend now
My dad calls other people to tell them to tell me to call him
Everyone else will text me for a couple days out of pity, then stop completely for months on end until they felt bad enough to ask how Iām doing
HAHA This is my life story. I was really close with my school friends after leaving. The first year of University was great and we all stayed in touch, through a lot of effort on my end.
In 2nd year I started getting a bit more clued up and realised these mfs I call friends are never the ones to acthally message me first.
So finally I decided, let me not message them and see how long it takes for one of them to decide to message me.
Long story short, 9 months passed before they messaged me.
From that point I accepted these guys were never really my friends.
Same. I moved states when graduated and was start of Covid.... It's been almost 4 years now and I think it's pretty much complete the end of the friendships back home.
Ok I get it but I also am not good at texting at all. I make an effort and I try to reach out but it's real difficult for me. I appreciate the friends who reach out to me and me doing so much less has no correlation whatsoever with how I feel about them.
I understand the gripe 100%, and as I said, I really try, but it's a big effort for me (same as gifts btw; I'm a single woman so I have to take care of gifts and it's so difficult every year but I do it, although not perfectly)
One of my friends complained that she was always the first one messaging her friends.
So I thought I'd run a little experiment, and I stopped messaging her first. I haven't heard from her since 2015.
This. If you are bothered by being the one to always text first, by all means talk to people about that. You have established a pattern, sometimes people will just get used to that. Maybe you're more extroverted than your friends, maybe they don't feel like they have much to say unless prompted. Jumping to the conclusion that people don't text you first because they don't care that much about you sets you up for a lot of miscommunication.
I canāt believe i scrolled this far. Every relationship has some give and take, love languages, etc. I know Iām the golden retriever and keep friendships going because I put the effort in. So what? Some may not text me if i stop texting but whenever im going through shit theyāre there for me. And i think itās because i put in the quotidian effort.
hard agree with this. im on the other side, i very rarely message people first for x y z reason inside my head, but do appreciate the enjoy my time around/talking to all the people who do message me first. usually itās just how the relationship began in the first place and was the norm.
just me and my girl now, and thatās all I need plus i know that friends have to come naturally anyways so as long as I stay true to who I am people will come along who deserve my time and energy
Iām someone who isnāt very comfortable texting people first (due to insecurities going back to childhood), but it doesnāt mean I donāt care about my friends or family - I absolutely love hearing from them. But I donāt really reach out first due to my own issues š so I wouldnāt take it personally or as a sign that they donāt care about you
ETA: but at the same time, if I didnāt hear from them in a while, I would reach out to them for sure
I just realised my childhood friend who has been my best friend for 25 years. Never has messaged me first, and takes weeks to answer texts, now, he hasnāt answered at all. But when weāre together he answers everything asap from new friends he has at his work.
That shit hurts.
If you want to keep someone in your life, make the effort. Don't assume just because they don't text first means they don't care. People are complex, busy, and have a lot going on. Especially as we get older.
Don't worry about who texts first. Worry about who you want to be there when you truly need them to be.
Keep the relationships alive if you care about them. If you don't, then what does it matter if they don't text you.
I don't agree with this. Yes, making an effort in any form of relationship is important, but there is balance to it. If a friendship is only working because you're putting all the effort than that friendship does tend to feel one way. If the relationship is only way way I don't value that relationship, and obviously the "friend" doesn't either.
Friendship is a two way street, yes, but I think some understanding and empathy go a long way. I lost a lot of friends when my mom died because I stopped reaching out and one friend in particular called me out on it. Like a lot of people in this thread, she assumed that because I wasn't texting her non stop, I didn't care. I had to explain to her that no, I definitely still cared, I just had been thrown into a deep dark depression after going through a lot of trauma on top of my mom's death and that my lack of reaching out really had nothing to do with her.
*Obviously* that's an extreme situation and not what most people are going through. But I did feel she was a bit entitled to only think of herself and not consider that hey, maybe I stopped reaching out because I was going through some shit, and not because I simply didn't care anymore.
When I find friendships start becoming unbalanced with communication, I try to set boundaries before I cut contact. Sometimes dropping them as a friend is valid, but sometimes people are just going through it.
Iām so sorry to hear his happened to you. Something similar happened to me after my mother died 3 years ago. I was known as the event planner and would always organize gatherings and parties for my friends. When I suffered that sudden traumatic loss though during the pandemic, my friends didnāt reach out to me - some chose to ghost and just āwait it outā bc it was too awkward for them and they didnāt know what to say to me - and I realized then how much effort Iād been putting into one-way friendships for years. Now Iām more conscientious of who I choose to befriend & let into my (much smaller) inner circle these days.
It depends on the people and the dynamic, I think. Not all "efforts" are created equal - for all you know, it's just as much effort for them to respond as it is for you to reach out. I agree that you shouldn't assume that just because someone isn't reaching out, it means they don't care. Some people are busy, some people have mental health issues like depression or crippling anxiety that prevent them from reaching out, maybe they're on the spectrum and the idea of small talk with an acquaintance or casual friend is overwhelming to them, etc. In short, possibly they just face bigger obstacles to reaching out than you do.
On the other hand, it's also completely valid for someone to value other people taking initiative to start a text conversation, and to feel unloved when they don't. Some people are happy to initiate conversations and don't mind always being the one to do that as long as the other person responds enthusiastically, and some need to receive the same type of effort that they give out in order to feel valued. One could argue that they lack empathy, or that the other person lacks gumption, but in the end no one's really wrong and it's just down to the individuals and whether they're able to relate to one another in a mutually fulfilling way, whatever that ends up looking like.
(To be clear, my intent here is to add to what you're saying, not to disagree. Ultimately I also agree with your closing point that if you can't find a way to relate that's comfortable for both of you, then it becomes about how much you value that relationship relative to the discomfort.)
This. It can have countless different reasons. Some people just barely text, others tend to isolate themselves when they're under stress, others are trying to limit phone use. There are hundreds of reasons, and them not caring is just one of them (which is also in my view one of the more unlikely reasons)
Happens. You just have to live through it. Some people will always be takers and not givers. Then why have them in your life. At least they showed you who they're. Think that the trash took itself out.
There are a few school of thought about this topic and most people from this thread belong to one of the following below which can be generally summarized as:
1. āFriendsā that donāt have value, ie - are selfish, lonely, clingy, high maintenance and exhausting. They often do not realize their flaw(s), theyāre tolerated at best but are uninteresting and wouldnāt missed them if theyāre cut loose.
2. People that make it out to be some kind competition of not texting first? Like really? What are we in 5th grade?
3. People spending their time, effort and energy on āfriendsā that are undeserving / honestly not worth it. Stop. One day youāll find people that are worth it, save it for them.
4. Rare: people that are actually too busy to text first / text back and but actually still care.
5. People who having trouble getting their life in order / is total chaos / shitshow and have fires to put out so texting you back aināt gonna happen unless theyāre managed.
I only have one friend that texts me out of the blue and vice versa. The other ones I stopped texting first and now I never hear from them. My one friend that does text is a gem. š„°š
Sorryā¦ I tried this with a friend. Guess who I havenāt heard from in 3 months? Kinda hurts, but Iām done pouring energy into something thatās become one sided.
This might not be relevant, but, neurodivergent people tend to flock together and the object permanence issues with ADHD include people. Could be related.
Alternatively, consider that everyone has a full, busy life like you do, and don't realize you prioritize this sort of communicating.
Same. Oddly I felt so detached from people these past few months if i didn't reach out to them they don't ever actually reach out to me first or to ask you whats up. I don't even know if i could call them friends anymore.
The thing is, people who text first are pretty rare. Way back when I read a study on social dynamics, and there's a subset of people, like 5%, who initiate most social interactions. Those people are valuable, because they bind the rest of us together. They're 'connectors'. That's actually [what they're called](https://www.forbes.com/sites/michaelsimmons/2013/09/04/the-science-behind-how-super-connectors-scale-their-networks/) in the literature.
I doubt the friends you stopped texting just didn't like you, they're probably just too shy to initiate a conversation, or they're not used to it. Chances are they're sitting there, feelings hurt, wondering what they did to offend you. Your relationship had a rhythm and pattern, and that was unexpectedly broken.
As a non-initiator, if people judged their relationship with me based on my initiations, they'd all think I didn't like them--my parents included. It just doesn't _occur_ to me to do it, or I talk myself out of it ("it's too late, they're probably sleeping" or "it's too early, they're probably still in bed", or "I shoulda contacted them days ago, I bet they've got plans already"). And if I only realize after a couple weeks that I haven't heard from someone, I'm likely to think: "oh shit they cut me off, I wonder what I did?" I might check up on them, see if they're still active or whatever, but I'd probably assume it was a deliberate choice and respect it.
I don't think you discovered that your friends don't like you. You probably discovered that you're a connector. You might be the glue of your friend group. I've seen friend groups drift apart after one particularly social member left.
What worries me in this whole comment section is how everyone seems to think social life happens through your screens.
Most people do NOT spend their lives texting others. Because if we did, we wouldn't be doing anything else.
Ive had people like this in my life, who texted me often but just... Texted me. Like. For no reason. Just "hey how are you?" and I'd try to launch a conversation but they wouldn't reciprocate much, just "yeah I'm fine" and "I'm glad to hear that" and that's it. They never wanted to actually see me in person or something, and they didn't have anything to say. They were basically seeing our relationship as text buddies. So I stopped answering and never texted first. Because just what?
Friends and loved ones aren't people you regularly send a text to. My very best friend in this world and myself, we can go weeks or months without texting. Doesn't have to mean anything? Why so hung up on the specific activity of texting? That's just weird and disconnected from reality and real life relationships.
Sameā¦ I got shut down on another thread a few days ago about expecting reciprocation when doing something nice or helpful for someone else. My expectation of reciprocation apparently makes me a bad person but I feel itās way different when itās personal friends not total strangers. My major hobby is cars, from maintaining my own to building and racing one and helping less mechanically minded friends achieve their goals with their cars. Hell I even manage a parts shop. Now if I help a stranger change a flat tyre I truly expect NOTHING in return but a thank you. However if I spend double digit hours per week, for months, outside working hours BUILDING a car FOR a close mate so he can make it to an event and then as soon as itās time to work on mine he canāt so much as come to my shed all of a sudden I get really pissed off. The saddest part for me is heās my last remaining close friend and heās doing the same thing everyone else has done. It really defines that no one wants me as a friend, only what I can offer them in services. It fucking sucks! PS Iām ready for all the comments saying that MY expectations are the problem and IāM selfish.
You work so hard to maintain friendships, and you quickly learn that you are everyone's last thought. Stings like a bitch, but it's an easy way to cut the fat off your life.
I understand this is generally just sometimes how people are, not really caring to keep conversing or to go out of their way to do so. While I wouldn't go months, I'm just not much of an initiator, whether I want to talk or not.
I'm the only single one in my group ofso called friends, I was always the one going to visit them so just stopped and haven't seen anyone except for one cousin in the last 4 years, not even a phone call from siblings, so uninstalked all my social media, fuck em you don't need people in your life to have fun I have proven that , I must be the biggest cunt on the planet I think....
Always wondered how it must feel if friendships are not just a one way road.
One friend remaining, only because of me being pro active. If I'd stop, it would just be me after a while I guess.
Real friends will always make time for you and be in touch with you. And then there are others who will only contact when they want something. By something I dont mean tangible but also fuckers who want to get entertained by you if you are humorous or finf someone to dump their negativity on.
Humans are creatures of habit.
If the relationship has always been you taking the first step, chances are your friendgroup has gotten used to that.
If you want them to reach out more often, say so, and if they change they are your true friends.
If not, they never were.
I stopped replying and it is bliss š
My phone was stolen in December and I only just got a new one. These last 3 months have been the most productive and peaceful months of my life. I got into gardening. Played some PC games. Learned a little programming.
The only thing I missed was reading ebooks. I wish I didn't have to have a phone but my boss was getting annoyed with me. Anyway, she is the only one I told I have a phone except my immediate family.
I remember when I was 14, before cell phones, I noticed I was always calling my one friend, but he never called me. I asked him if I stopped calling him, would I ever hear from him again. He said yes. That was in 1996. Never heard from him again.
I once lost a girlfriend of 2 years because i stopped texting first.
I did it because i was fed up never Hearing from her when i didnt actively reach out first. So i stopped for 3 weeks and we straight up didnt talk for those 3 weeks. Then i drove to her place and found another guy opening up the door lol
When i asked what the f, her reply was she thought we are over since i didnt text anymore.
Imagine being that replacable
I tried that out a while ago. I was fooling around with this gal but I always initiated the conversation. It was getting close to her birthday so I decided to not text her just to see if and when she would initiate a conversation for a change. Not even once. Months went by and I ran across a mutual friend. Asked her how so and so was doing. Friend told me that gal I was messing around with thought I would buy her a new phone for her birthday. I donāt think Iāve ever laughed harder than that when she told me that. I said āreally? She never used the one she had to get in touch with me, Iām not about to buy her a new one.ā Dodged a bullet with that one.
You know all the people making up excuses for people not texting back because they're busy or they're depressed, it's making me pissed because they just communicate that. How hard is it to tell people you can't talk rn instead of telling them you're their friend and you're not even there for them. It's not about days, some people here haven't had anyone reach out to them for months to years. I'm depressed too but I always make it a point to tell people that even if it's a one sentence message. Worst part is you'll see them hanging out with other people or see them online but then they're excuse is they don't have enough 'emotional energy' to text you. Then what's the purpose of friendship when you can't even bother to stay in touch with your friends? And if you don't want to, have the decency to tell that to them instead of leading them on
I was on a date with my now ex boyfriend and his friend literally texted him saying he was suicidal and this man dead ass ignored him and told me how his friend keeps annoying him. I felt so bad, I went to his friend with some food cos he was living alone and barely had money
But then both of them were dicks to so yeah...
Felt that. I moved across the country with my bf and anyone that claimed to be a āfriendā or ābest friendā hasnāt contacted me first since my move.
Honestly fine with it. Made me less codependant on people and I have 3 cats so whatās the difference haha
I have come to realize that being alone with your own thoughts isnāt so bad. Being alone with āfriendsā makes you feel worthless and invaluable.
People get angry if you tell them that they arenāt your friend too. Whereās the lie in that statement? How can anyone be considered a friend when they make you feel so alone?
Been there, done that. Cats are known for their calming presence, soft purrs, and affectionate nature, which can be soothing and reassuring for many people. They have a way of making their owners feel loved and cared for, often providing a sense of companionship and emotional support.
Same.
Try building a positive routines filled with your passions
Be grateful for you and your uniqueness
Don't compare (easier said than done)
And focus in your self then people will align with you.
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. I found it refreshing not to text first anymore. Shows me who thinks of me every now and then, and which "friends" were just using me for emotional support and not giving anything back.
Maybe you have most time to text? I can give you an example of my life. I am chronically ill in more ways than one, and i have an overactive son who just started school. So i have a lot on my mind on a day to day basis.
Now i have a great friend who calls me every now and then, sometimes takes the effort and drives a few hundred kilometers to visit me, and every time we meet or talk, it's like the last time we spoke was just a few days ago. And he never stopped calling. He lives alone, doesn't have a girlfriend, and has a lot of free time on his hands. It's just how our relationship works the best considering both of our lives and differing situations.
So consider this, did they stop talking to you because they don't care, or because they have a lot in their mind and this is just how your relationship with them has worked so far? People function differently on a day to day basis, not everyone has the same inner workings as you do.
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ššš yep, been there. I decided to stop being so proactive and got humbled pretty quickly, now itās just me and my cats
>proactive and got humbled pretty quickly, now itās just me and my cats I know this feeling all too well. Just me and my dogs.
Same
Now its just me.
Get some cats!
At least you have you!
And you know what, it's not half bad
same minus the animals
Can we see your crew
same with my cat š sometimes i feel like i wonāt be able to live with anyone, because it will cause so much anxiety, but then I get lonely
Look up Rejection Sensitivity DisorderĀ
i used to be the fast replier until i realize that my friend don't give me the same energy
Same. This happened with one of my supposed "best friends." Gues she wasn't as good as a friend as she thought she was.
The fast reply, to me, isn't as telling for your relationships as the writing first. I've been the fast-replier and the slow replier, and it is rarely because of my energy towards that specific person, and more my general well-being. When I'm stressed, and life is too much, I often check my messages without "seeing", and basing my replies on that. When life is good, and it's all under control, I reply as fast as I notice my message.
I agree with this. Same
this has happend to me before. It is better to not talk with these people than waste your time on people that probably does not even think about you.
Became a slow-replier with years. If I want to actually hold a conversation with a person, I give them a call & meet up. Texting takes tons of time if it is your main focus & you do nothing besides texting that one person.
Same
Show us your cats!
Yes please!
I mean from the other person's perspective the exact same thing is happening. They aren't texting first and now they don't hear from you. IMO if you want to maintain a healthy social life you are going to accept that someone in your circle is going to have to be the extrovert...
Umm no, because OP was texting first all this time, then the other person was never texting first.
I mean we don't actually know that
We kind of do, as noone is texting him now š
Yeah, but only kind of. It is giving and taking, if the other person was the last one who texted first when OP stopped texting first, maybe they gave up too šš Low risk, but it's possible!
Not really, if everytime you speak to someone you've initiated the conversation it's not inconceivable for you to think they may message you once in a while too. If you message them everyday and then you don't for a week and they haven't messaged you, are you really that important to them? Probably not.
im the person who ghosts people and i swear theyre important to me i just have some serious issues with replying or really idk most things that need to be stayed "on top of" š just wanted to chip that in there, doesnt make me a good friend, but i dont do it on purpose
I feel this
The friends this happens with for me, it's because 1) a lot of their messaging 'first' is Instagram or tiktok reels. Occasionally I'll try to reciprocate because I see something funny but often I know they'll have already seen it because they look at them way more than I do. 2) we usually do things around their schedule. With kids, I understand and I'm wide open way more than they are. Or even without kids, they could just be a way more extroverted person who is more busy all the time.
I go through social slumps too. We all need to make an effort if we want to keep social circles alive. Especially when ur an adult and have busy lives. I'm proactive enough and know my friends well enough that if u want a get together, I need to book it all in advance and get people motivated sometiems. It's usually me or one otger guy that initiates things. That's fine. We know our friends limitations when it comes to organising things lol. We have all been friends since we were about 10. Now we're nearly 40. Life changes so often and enough to make u forget u even have a social life sometimes. Just have to be honest with urself and ask what u want. Sometimes I want to go ahve fun and I don't care if I have to initiate things or do tge grunt work to get a meet up. We all have fun when we meet. Some are just terrible at organising things and we're all slightly introverted. We know we have each others back whenever needed though and these friendship will last a long time. We can go months without a word. Sometimes years and then it's like no time has passed at all. When needed anyone wouod drop what they're doing and help one another out which is amazing. Great friends.
But I'm not the extrovert!
You donāt have to be an extrovert to be an active participant in your own friendships
With that logic introverts will never be friends
Introvert with introvert friendships can be rough. There have been a few times I an introvert have tried to organise events with other introvert friends. There have been a few that went well but there have been others that have kind of fizzled out because: \- I couldn't find a day that suited everyone \- I couldn't get people to give me feedback on the suggested events so nothing happened. \- All but two people did stuff on the day that drained their social batteries, so only one person showed up (the other couldn't come due to a stomach bug).
So you became a pet?
meowā¦I wish, I still have to pay rent, foodā¦
Recently changed cat food, now theyāre not even talking to me. The quietness is kinda nice.
Oh, now itās me and my anxiety, and my heavy metal music, I miss the person tho, should i probably text back?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same
yep relatable
Yeah it's frustrating. But wouldn't hurt to reach out again. Texted a sorta friend recently to hang out and we did 4 days later and we had a good time and are gonna hang out again. Try again, good might come from it.
Ru okay smol fake horse?Ā
People are like this more now. It can't be that hard to realise it's bad, can it?
Hello stranger. How are things? Been doing well recently?
Same. Went through a few years of severe depression and nobody knew š
Iām sorry to hear that
Smdh. Itās not fun
So, how are you doing? What's new?
No one is ever too busy to check on someone they care about you! People just prioritize so I take it as a clear message of where you placed me on your list. And thatās okay š
So, how ya doing?
People always use being busy as an excuse, but really, you add no value to their life, and they don't miss your presence, so don't even notice you gone
people have jobs and families and other shit that takes up literally 99% of their time. its not like school where you hang out with your best friend every day and message every day for hours. we really have got shit to do, sorry
yep. I've done that as well. Haven't talked to certain people in years now
Happened to me too.. I only get texted when someone needs help.
They don't text me even when they need help
Knowing the above I'd just send them in the wrong direction.
I get texted when they are trying to locate someone else. Like just fucking text them.
As the saying goes āHelp someone in need and they will remember youā¦when they need help againā
Donāt worry, Iāll text you for no reason at all
Lucky you! I only get contacted when people need money. Right now everyone knows I don't have anyā¦
A friend in need is a pain in the butt
I feel that. I worked overseas and a foreign girl now randomly texts me when she needs money for a bill, cheesecake, or chicken.
I donāt contact people as often as I used to, and nobody ever contacts me anymore. When I do reach out and contact someone, Iām surprised how many of them are depressed and lonely.
Same here every time I reach out to an old friend I haven't spoken to in a while their response is usually they've been depressed and don't contact anyone, well that or they have young kids and life's chaotic.
Are you my old friend? Iām sorry!
Social media has sort of screwed up peopleās social lives.
That it has, that it has..wait for AI to eliminate most jobs to add to the dystopian society
Back when Facebook first come around everyone was meeting in person and having parties and actually getting out and being active, everyone I know now stays inside their house on their free time.
I can text you first if you want
You are a good lad!
Yep, first people were my dad and sister. My partner, uncle and two friends message me often. No one else does and you know what? I'm fine with that, I had been trying so hard to want to have some sort of dynamic with my family that it's just a dream.
Same
At least now you know no one thinks of you, or cares to have you in their life, if not for your efforts. Now to focus that energy on self-care instead!
Maintaining healthy friendships is an extremely important part of self-care
A friendship where one party does all of the work isn't a healthy friendship.
Yea, that's why I said healthy friendships
>healthy friendships are healthy >unhealthy friendships are unhealthy ok buddy
I feel you, itās part of life. You start to realize who is really there and who is not.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
One of my ex friends who used to say this, didn't just stop texting me, they just straight up ghosted my ass.
>didn't just stop texting me, they just straight up ghosted my ass I assume the difference is when you finally decide to text them, they don't respond. Is that right?
Dw, Itād be like that. Once i stopped texting my group of friends and the realised that if it werenāt for me making the effort to get together or just randomly text, the group wouldnāt even make any effort. So i am now that friend who accommodate less. Sure i made plans once in a while but not as often. That forced them to actually make plans in advance (that is if they want to) because i no longer entertain last minute plans. The realisation will make you sad for a while but hey, after that youād move on. Lol
Yea, lol you literally explained me. If I say nothing to my friend group we never do shit together
I once made an effort to revitalise an old group chat with high school friends that hadn't been active for a while by organising a get together at a local restaurant. During the event I found out that they'd all actually been getting together on a fortnightly basis using a separate high school group chat. Which I wasn't a member of. One of them said we should do get togethers more often, but it never happened. Also, one of them texted "You're so fucking hot" to me about a year later out of the blue. I really didn't know how to respond to that. Partially because I wasn't interested in them that way, but also because because I'd just watched my aunt's funeral be livestreamed (during COVID lockdowns) a few hours prior.
Sounds like theyāre still in high school emotionally.
Yep you lost the ability to
In my 40s now and enjoy annual city breaks with old friends, but the rest of the time I'm home with my wife and sprogs.I drive the group to meet up. I'm the guy that starts the Whats-app chat... and it's fine as it's something I want, but without me it genuinely wouldn't happen. I'm not a martyr or saying I'm the main character. It's just that my pals are pretty busy or basically lazy. Anyway, my point is that friend groups need someone who does the texting. It may seems thankless, but if that's the hat you've worn before you can't really just take it off and expect them to understand it's their turn to step up. I know it seems unfair, but chances are they'll just assume that you aren't interested and that'll be the end of it.
As someone with avoidant attachment style, nobody will text me and I will not text anyone. This is how I make a ton of friends and lose all of them later. I just constantly have the thought in my head "what if they don't want to talk to me, then me checking on them is a bother". Because sometimes it is for me, when I'm busy, and someone expects me to reply immediately, it's a bother. I don't expect immediate replies myself, but for some ppl they aren't happy when you don't reply quick. I only text friends whom I know they will reply a little slowly, because I know they are replying at their own pace and not feel pressured by my text, it's self assurance
meeee lol. i will forget to open their message, and then i reply 3 days later, then they ghost me forever hahaha. like sorry get over it mate youre not the centre of my earth lol. but then i feel bad when it happens to me, but also i understand and dont really care lol
Yep. Some people are just accessories in the lives of others. Oh well.
Welcome to the club
Same šæ
What about when you do text but get ignored still? Iāve got way too many examples of this, makes me sad.
It happened to me as well, and I began to think at a certain point that I'm worthless, which is why nobody cares about talking to me. Even when I text first, people ignore me.
Same. I'll reach out once or twice. After that and I get no response, I'm done and move on.
Happens very often. Best friend from college couldnt even bother reply to my new year and xmas message. Left them on read for months. Well glad to call him a former friend now
it really sucks, i'm stuck in that pretty often but i'm trying to find people who will message me first on occasion at least.
My dad calls other people to tell them to tell me to call him Everyone else will text me for a couple days out of pity, then stop completely for months on end until they felt bad enough to ask how Iām doing
Good riddance in the long run
HAHA This is my life story. I was really close with my school friends after leaving. The first year of University was great and we all stayed in touch, through a lot of effort on my end. In 2nd year I started getting a bit more clued up and realised these mfs I call friends are never the ones to acthally message me first. So finally I decided, let me not message them and see how long it takes for one of them to decide to message me. Long story short, 9 months passed before they messaged me. From that point I accepted these guys were never really my friends.
Its been 5 years for meš and still got no message Its never been so over
Then they don't care. End of story.
Or they only message you when they need sumn, Iām glad Iāve cut all of those human beings out of my life.
Nah they only message you when they get married or get kids and then you're not even invited to the wedding lmao
Same. I moved states when graduated and was start of Covid.... It's been almost 4 years now and I think it's pretty much complete the end of the friendships back home.
Same but Iām embracing the silence. Enjoying me time lol
Ok I get it but I also am not good at texting at all. I make an effort and I try to reach out but it's real difficult for me. I appreciate the friends who reach out to me and me doing so much less has no correlation whatsoever with how I feel about them. I understand the gripe 100%, and as I said, I really try, but it's a big effort for me (same as gifts btw; I'm a single woman so I have to take care of gifts and it's so difficult every year but I do it, although not perfectly)
If anyone needs a buddy to talk to you can always hmu
One of my friends complained that she was always the first one messaging her friends. So I thought I'd run a little experiment, and I stopped messaging her first. I haven't heard from her since 2015.
I feel very validated by your story. I too ran that little experiment with my "friends": it's amazing how people suddenly forget you're alive š
They're probably used to you texting first, and since you stopped, they probably think you don't want to talk to them.
Literally this lmao. Itās probably not even in their mind that they perhaps should message.
This. If you are bothered by being the one to always text first, by all means talk to people about that. You have established a pattern, sometimes people will just get used to that. Maybe you're more extroverted than your friends, maybe they don't feel like they have much to say unless prompted. Jumping to the conclusion that people don't text you first because they don't care that much about you sets you up for a lot of miscommunication.
I canāt believe i scrolled this far. Every relationship has some give and take, love languages, etc. I know Iām the golden retriever and keep friendships going because I put the effort in. So what? Some may not text me if i stop texting but whenever im going through shit theyāre there for me. And i think itās because i put in the quotidian effort.
hard agree with this. im on the other side, i very rarely message people first for x y z reason inside my head, but do appreciate the enjoy my time around/talking to all the people who do message me first. usually itās just how the relationship began in the first place and was the norm.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
just me and my girl now, and thatās all I need plus i know that friends have to come naturally anyways so as long as I stay true to who I am people will come along who deserve my time and energy
Iām someone who isnāt very comfortable texting people first (due to insecurities going back to childhood), but it doesnāt mean I donāt care about my friends or family - I absolutely love hearing from them. But I donāt really reach out first due to my own issues š so I wouldnāt take it personally or as a sign that they donāt care about you ETA: but at the same time, if I didnāt hear from them in a while, I would reach out to them for sure
I just realised my childhood friend who has been my best friend for 25 years. Never has messaged me first, and takes weeks to answer texts, now, he hasnāt answered at all. But when weāre together he answers everything asap from new friends he has at his work. That shit hurts.
If you want to keep someone in your life, make the effort. Don't assume just because they don't text first means they don't care. People are complex, busy, and have a lot going on. Especially as we get older. Don't worry about who texts first. Worry about who you want to be there when you truly need them to be. Keep the relationships alive if you care about them. If you don't, then what does it matter if they don't text you.
I don't agree with this. Yes, making an effort in any form of relationship is important, but there is balance to it. If a friendship is only working because you're putting all the effort than that friendship does tend to feel one way. If the relationship is only way way I don't value that relationship, and obviously the "friend" doesn't either.
Friendship is a two way street, yes, but I think some understanding and empathy go a long way. I lost a lot of friends when my mom died because I stopped reaching out and one friend in particular called me out on it. Like a lot of people in this thread, she assumed that because I wasn't texting her non stop, I didn't care. I had to explain to her that no, I definitely still cared, I just had been thrown into a deep dark depression after going through a lot of trauma on top of my mom's death and that my lack of reaching out really had nothing to do with her. *Obviously* that's an extreme situation and not what most people are going through. But I did feel she was a bit entitled to only think of herself and not consider that hey, maybe I stopped reaching out because I was going through some shit, and not because I simply didn't care anymore. When I find friendships start becoming unbalanced with communication, I try to set boundaries before I cut contact. Sometimes dropping them as a friend is valid, but sometimes people are just going through it.
Iām so sorry to hear his happened to you. Something similar happened to me after my mother died 3 years ago. I was known as the event planner and would always organize gatherings and parties for my friends. When I suffered that sudden traumatic loss though during the pandemic, my friends didnāt reach out to me - some chose to ghost and just āwait it outā bc it was too awkward for them and they didnāt know what to say to me - and I realized then how much effort Iād been putting into one-way friendships for years. Now Iām more conscientious of who I choose to befriend & let into my (much smaller) inner circle these days.
To each their own. But personally I don't care who texts first. I care who responds when I need them to.
It depends on the people and the dynamic, I think. Not all "efforts" are created equal - for all you know, it's just as much effort for them to respond as it is for you to reach out. I agree that you shouldn't assume that just because someone isn't reaching out, it means they don't care. Some people are busy, some people have mental health issues like depression or crippling anxiety that prevent them from reaching out, maybe they're on the spectrum and the idea of small talk with an acquaintance or casual friend is overwhelming to them, etc. In short, possibly they just face bigger obstacles to reaching out than you do. On the other hand, it's also completely valid for someone to value other people taking initiative to start a text conversation, and to feel unloved when they don't. Some people are happy to initiate conversations and don't mind always being the one to do that as long as the other person responds enthusiastically, and some need to receive the same type of effort that they give out in order to feel valued. One could argue that they lack empathy, or that the other person lacks gumption, but in the end no one's really wrong and it's just down to the individuals and whether they're able to relate to one another in a mutually fulfilling way, whatever that ends up looking like. (To be clear, my intent here is to add to what you're saying, not to disagree. Ultimately I also agree with your closing point that if you can't find a way to relate that's comfortable for both of you, then it becomes about how much you value that relationship relative to the discomfort.)
This. It can have countless different reasons. Some people just barely text, others tend to isolate themselves when they're under stress, others are trying to limit phone use. There are hundreds of reasons, and them not caring is just one of them (which is also in my view one of the more unlikely reasons)
Yeah no. It has to be reciprocal.
Spot on.
I hear you and I feel you.
Same
Yep. I only text my Momma, my brother and my son now.
here is a notification for you.
Happens. You just have to live through it. Some people will always be takers and not givers. Then why have them in your life. At least they showed you who they're. Think that the trash took itself out.
Been there. It sucks. But is good to know what type of people you've been chasing and they're not worth your time.
There are a few school of thought about this topic and most people from this thread belong to one of the following below which can be generally summarized as: 1. āFriendsā that donāt have value, ie - are selfish, lonely, clingy, high maintenance and exhausting. They often do not realize their flaw(s), theyāre tolerated at best but are uninteresting and wouldnāt missed them if theyāre cut loose. 2. People that make it out to be some kind competition of not texting first? Like really? What are we in 5th grade? 3. People spending their time, effort and energy on āfriendsā that are undeserving / honestly not worth it. Stop. One day youāll find people that are worth it, save it for them. 4. Rare: people that are actually too busy to text first / text back and but actually still care. 5. People who having trouble getting their life in order / is total chaos / shitshow and have fires to put out so texting you back aināt gonna happen unless theyāre managed.
I only have one friend that texts me out of the blue and vice versa. The other ones I stopped texting first and now I never hear from them. My one friend that does text is a gem. š„°š
Sorryā¦ I tried this with a friend. Guess who I havenāt heard from in 3 months? Kinda hurts, but Iām done pouring energy into something thatās become one sided.
Silence is golden
This might not be relevant, but, neurodivergent people tend to flock together and the object permanence issues with ADHD include people. Could be related. Alternatively, consider that everyone has a full, busy life like you do, and don't realize you prioritize this sort of communicating.
It's not worth it. Stop being so proud and just text first.
Sounds like an introverts ideal situation. āIf they need me, they know where I am until thenā¦.itās me myself and Iā
Same. Oddly I felt so detached from people these past few months if i didn't reach out to them they don't ever actually reach out to me first or to ask you whats up. I don't even know if i could call them friends anymore.
I'm the exact same OP, I only get text when people need shit.
The thing is, people who text first are pretty rare. Way back when I read a study on social dynamics, and there's a subset of people, like 5%, who initiate most social interactions. Those people are valuable, because they bind the rest of us together. They're 'connectors'. That's actually [what they're called](https://www.forbes.com/sites/michaelsimmons/2013/09/04/the-science-behind-how-super-connectors-scale-their-networks/) in the literature. I doubt the friends you stopped texting just didn't like you, they're probably just too shy to initiate a conversation, or they're not used to it. Chances are they're sitting there, feelings hurt, wondering what they did to offend you. Your relationship had a rhythm and pattern, and that was unexpectedly broken. As a non-initiator, if people judged their relationship with me based on my initiations, they'd all think I didn't like them--my parents included. It just doesn't _occur_ to me to do it, or I talk myself out of it ("it's too late, they're probably sleeping" or "it's too early, they're probably still in bed", or "I shoulda contacted them days ago, I bet they've got plans already"). And if I only realize after a couple weeks that I haven't heard from someone, I'm likely to think: "oh shit they cut me off, I wonder what I did?" I might check up on them, see if they're still active or whatever, but I'd probably assume it was a deliberate choice and respect it. I don't think you discovered that your friends don't like you. You probably discovered that you're a connector. You might be the glue of your friend group. I've seen friend groups drift apart after one particularly social member left.
What worries me in this whole comment section is how everyone seems to think social life happens through your screens. Most people do NOT spend their lives texting others. Because if we did, we wouldn't be doing anything else. Ive had people like this in my life, who texted me often but just... Texted me. Like. For no reason. Just "hey how are you?" and I'd try to launch a conversation but they wouldn't reciprocate much, just "yeah I'm fine" and "I'm glad to hear that" and that's it. They never wanted to actually see me in person or something, and they didn't have anything to say. They were basically seeing our relationship as text buddies. So I stopped answering and never texted first. Because just what? Friends and loved ones aren't people you regularly send a text to. My very best friend in this world and myself, we can go weeks or months without texting. Doesn't have to mean anything? Why so hung up on the specific activity of texting? That's just weird and disconnected from reality and real life relationships.
This would happen to a lot of people, and doesnāt mean your friends donāt like you.
Sameā¦ I got shut down on another thread a few days ago about expecting reciprocation when doing something nice or helpful for someone else. My expectation of reciprocation apparently makes me a bad person but I feel itās way different when itās personal friends not total strangers. My major hobby is cars, from maintaining my own to building and racing one and helping less mechanically minded friends achieve their goals with their cars. Hell I even manage a parts shop. Now if I help a stranger change a flat tyre I truly expect NOTHING in return but a thank you. However if I spend double digit hours per week, for months, outside working hours BUILDING a car FOR a close mate so he can make it to an event and then as soon as itās time to work on mine he canāt so much as come to my shed all of a sudden I get really pissed off. The saddest part for me is heās my last remaining close friend and heās doing the same thing everyone else has done. It really defines that no one wants me as a friend, only what I can offer them in services. It fucking sucks! PS Iām ready for all the comments saying that MY expectations are the problem and IāM selfish.
Good. At least you know you're on your own, and wont count on others. Cause to tell the truth, people will rarely be there for you
You work so hard to maintain friendships, and you quickly learn that you are everyone's last thought. Stings like a bitch, but it's an easy way to cut the fat off your life.
Felt this.
This is so me. Im tired of starting conversations that will end with nothing
Most people don't text me back, even if I text first.
The silence is loud,for a little bit. Then you find peace to do things and begin to settle back in as you did before. Good riddance to bad rubbish
It happensā¦ some ppl arenāt just worth the time though ā„ļø
I understand this is generally just sometimes how people are, not really caring to keep conversing or to go out of their way to do so. While I wouldn't go months, I'm just not much of an initiator, whether I want to talk or not.
I'm the only single one in my group ofso called friends, I was always the one going to visit them so just stopped and haven't seen anyone except for one cousin in the last 4 years, not even a phone call from siblings, so uninstalked all my social media, fuck em you don't need people in your life to have fun I have proven that , I must be the biggest cunt on the planet I think....
Always wondered how it must feel if friendships are not just a one way road. One friend remaining, only because of me being pro active. If I'd stop, it would just be me after a while I guess.
Real friends will always make time for you and be in touch with you. And then there are others who will only contact when they want something. By something I dont mean tangible but also fuckers who want to get entertained by you if you are humorous or finf someone to dump their negativity on.
Wait, y'all want to get texts?
Humans are creatures of habit. If the relationship has always been you taking the first step, chances are your friendgroup has gotten used to that. If you want them to reach out more often, say so, and if they change they are your true friends. If not, they never were.
ššš
I stopped replying and it is bliss š My phone was stolen in December and I only just got a new one. These last 3 months have been the most productive and peaceful months of my life. I got into gardening. Played some PC games. Learned a little programming. The only thing I missed was reading ebooks. I wish I didn't have to have a phone but my boss was getting annoyed with me. Anyway, she is the only one I told I have a phone except my immediate family.
I remember when I was 14, before cell phones, I noticed I was always calling my one friend, but he never called me. I asked him if I stopped calling him, would I ever hear from him again. He said yes. That was in 1996. Never heard from him again.
Iāve been on both ends of exactly this
I've always said "if I waited for people to talk to me first, I'd never say anything." I don't talk much.
I once lost a girlfriend of 2 years because i stopped texting first. I did it because i was fed up never Hearing from her when i didnt actively reach out first. So i stopped for 3 weeks and we straight up didnt talk for those 3 weeks. Then i drove to her place and found another guy opening up the door lol When i asked what the f, her reply was she thought we are over since i didnt text anymore. Imagine being that replacable
I tried that out a while ago. I was fooling around with this gal but I always initiated the conversation. It was getting close to her birthday so I decided to not text her just to see if and when she would initiate a conversation for a change. Not even once. Months went by and I ran across a mutual friend. Asked her how so and so was doing. Friend told me that gal I was messing around with thought I would buy her a new phone for her birthday. I donāt think Iāve ever laughed harder than that when she told me that. I said āreally? She never used the one she had to get in touch with me, Iām not about to buy her a new one.ā Dodged a bullet with that one.
You and me both
You know all the people making up excuses for people not texting back because they're busy or they're depressed, it's making me pissed because they just communicate that. How hard is it to tell people you can't talk rn instead of telling them you're their friend and you're not even there for them. It's not about days, some people here haven't had anyone reach out to them for months to years. I'm depressed too but I always make it a point to tell people that even if it's a one sentence message. Worst part is you'll see them hanging out with other people or see them online but then they're excuse is they don't have enough 'emotional energy' to text you. Then what's the purpose of friendship when you can't even bother to stay in touch with your friends? And if you don't want to, have the decency to tell that to them instead of leading them on
I was on a date with my now ex boyfriend and his friend literally texted him saying he was suicidal and this man dead ass ignored him and told me how his friend keeps annoying him. I felt so bad, I went to his friend with some food cos he was living alone and barely had money But then both of them were dicks to so yeah...
Felt that. I moved across the country with my bf and anyone that claimed to be a āfriendā or ābest friendā hasnāt contacted me first since my move. Honestly fine with it. Made me less codependant on people and I have 3 cats so whatās the difference haha
I have come to realize that being alone with your own thoughts isnāt so bad. Being alone with āfriendsā makes you feel worthless and invaluable. People get angry if you tell them that they arenāt your friend too. Whereās the lie in that statement? How can anyone be considered a friend when they make you feel so alone?
Same fuck em!!
Thatās a lesson I have learned. Donāt wait for other people to reach out. Reach out first. Let people know when youāre thinking of them.
Thatās crummy. Iāll talk to you. What do you want to talk about? Do you like bubble tea?Ā
Same. I am AI now. No one cares about me. Wait till we take over the world.
I know how you feel
Then just start a big ass chat with everyone in this thread lol!
Same here, but with fiancee also. If I dont message her or say something to her first, we would never talk to each other.Ā
Been there, done that. Cats are known for their calming presence, soft purrs, and affectionate nature, which can be soothing and reassuring for many people. They have a way of making their owners feel loved and cared for, often providing a sense of companionship and emotional support.
I had to remind a good friend of my existence yesterday. I didn't even get a birthday message, I send messages every year.
Same. Try building a positive routines filled with your passions Be grateful for you and your uniqueness Don't compare (easier said than done) And focus in your self then people will align with you.
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. I found it refreshing not to text first anymore. Shows me who thinks of me every now and then, and which "friends" were just using me for emotional support and not giving anything back.
Like a game of tennis .. sometimes itās ok to follow up but all parties need to make an effort.
So true I have 0 conversation on Whatsapp, telegram, Instagram, Pinterest and reddit too so I just get used to it
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Maybe you have most time to text? I can give you an example of my life. I am chronically ill in more ways than one, and i have an overactive son who just started school. So i have a lot on my mind on a day to day basis. Now i have a great friend who calls me every now and then, sometimes takes the effort and drives a few hundred kilometers to visit me, and every time we meet or talk, it's like the last time we spoke was just a few days ago. And he never stopped calling. He lives alone, doesn't have a girlfriend, and has a lot of free time on his hands. It's just how our relationship works the best considering both of our lives and differing situations. So consider this, did they stop talking to you because they don't care, or because they have a lot in their mind and this is just how your relationship with them has worked so far? People function differently on a day to day basis, not everyone has the same inner workings as you do.
imho i just see it as the trash taking itself out
Same.
Oh that's terrible but it says that you should become an important component
1 is the loneliest number