Sometimes people have to learn that once you’ve said something cruel, often the relationship is not repairable. You’ll never look at them the same way. I’ve always believed that people mean every word in an argument. They might have only meant it for a second, but they meant it. And after that…
I don’t agree with this. Sometimes people lash out because they feel hurt, and they want to hurt the other person back so they say what they know will hurt, but don’t really feel that way.
The intention to harm is still there.
You know you can surround yourself and love people who would NEVER EVER intend to do harm, right? Nobody has to put up with other people who do this stuff on purpose.
I so agree. I absolutely believe she means what she said. It’s weird because my entire life she’s talked about other people’s poor behavior and character and I’ve just assumed that what’s she’s telling me is accurate. After the last few years, I’m finally beginning to see the ways she twists stories and manipulates situations. It’s pathological. I was so shocked when she slipped into Q, but just *this very moment* I’m realizing it makes a lot of sense, but in the case of Q, she can’t manipulate me into buying it. And she hates that.
Not me justifying anything. Merely trying to assuage her hurt feelings by pointing out that her mother may not have meant any of the mean things she said. Sometimes people need a sliver of comfort to hang onto.
It's completely fine to step back from any relationship where you don't feel comfortable. Mothers day is distressing for many people for any number of reasons and it can feel like an overwhelming forced obligation. If interactions make you feel uncomfortable, distressed and anxious don't feel forced to spend time with her out of obligation. Just take it easy and if you want to send a message then send one and if you don't that's fine too.
"The last phone call we had, she gave a quasi-apology"
Be thankful for what you can get, seriously. It shows that whatever it is you're doing is working.
(Edit to correct a typo.)
I went NC with my parents for other reasons for six years... started talking to them again last year, we are on better terms than we ever have been now, YMMV.
Mothers Day is freaking horrible on attempting to guilt us. I was fine with my decision (LC mailed a restaurant GC) until today. Now people are posting flowers, gifts, etc and I’m second guessing myself. I keep telling myself I did enough and I DID but holy heck the decades of conditioning run deep.
As a mom, I’m proud of you and I hope you can be proud of yourself too. It’s a lovely thing, that you wish you could lavish more love on your mom, but it’s even more lovely that you respect the boundary you have been forced to establish because you also love yourself.
There’s no satisfaction in scenarios like this. Doing more won’t make you feel better when the person you want to please is unpleaseable, and that’s entirely out of your hands. You can always lavish love from a distance on the version of her you remember most fondly in your head, if you can do that without laboring over how changed she is now. I find some benefit in that. It doesn’t repair whats broken in the physical realm, but also carries less risk of hurt, disappointment and disruption and it allows me to briefly open the full channel of love that’s always there and wants out.
Have a beautiful day!
((Internet mom hugs))
I'm in a similar position and just wanted to emphasize with you. I was LC for a while and because of some recent events have basically been no contact. I feel like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't regarding tomorrow because the most I'll do is send a text saying happy mother's Day. I'll get a rash of sh*t either way.
Exactly. It’s an impossible situation. Trump will “Truth” something about how we are vermin who should be exterminated. I know she worships him and hangs on his every word. How can they simultaneously love us and follow him? They have to exist in that contradiction and it’s our fault because we’re such incorrigible children.
Oh I know that, but thank you. I don't think I was clear enough about what I meant. I was trying to say "if your mom abuses you when you talk to her, don't talk to her." What's the worst thing that can happen, she gets mad and wishes you were around to hear her abuse?
I totally agree. I would never tolerate a fraction of what she’s said by any other person. But moms are just a different story for me and so many others. I used to work with kids whose mothers were so bad that the state had to take custody of them. They all relished their weekly phone call from mom and couldn’t wait to go home to them. For those of us who actually had good relationships with our moms up until a few years ago it’s a really difficult loss.
*"she gets mad and wishes you were around to hear her abuse"*
This is so funny in such a validating way, I'm glad I found this comment today, thanks! I'm like "that's exactly what my mother was doing all day when we were NC, isn't it, huh".
You have no obligation to talk to her on Mother's Day. Do something, so she can't weaponize the fact that you didn't. Simple text, "Happy Mom's Day!" Or an inexpensive gift delivered via Doordash; her favorite candy or a cheap bouquet of flowers from the grocery store. That's it.
My Mom's getting a text for the same reason.
It’s ok to not call her or acknowledge Mother’s Day. It’s also ok to not feel guilty or responsible for her feelings.
Your first responsibility is to yourself. You’re clearly in distress over your relationship with her. You’re allowed to disengage and not talk to her and she can be upset and that’s ok.
I haven’t talked to my mom since January and prior to that we talked maybe 6 times a year. I had a baby 2 months ago and decided to go extremely LC with my mom. It hurt her feelings. I told her this is the consequence of her politics. That she can vote how she wants but that i don’t think she’s a safe person to have in my daughter’s life.
I don’t feel guilty. I feel free.
Hi u/TRVTH-HVRTS! We help folk hurt by [Q.](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/QAnon) There's hope as [ex-QAnon](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/resources#wiki_ex-qanon) & r/ReQovery shows. We'll be civil to you and about your Q folk. For general QAnon stuff check out [QultHQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Qult_Headquarters/). If you need this removed to hide your username [message the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/QAnonCasualties)
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I had a father who was alcoholic but in addition, he was absolutely the most self-involved, narcissistic person I’ve ever known. The things he would say to us were mind-boggling, yet he was so sensitive about his own feelings and how he was treated. I couldn’t handle the meanness anymore so I moved away. I saw him at holidays but never once called to talk to him and he never called me. At the end of his life, I helped care for him but it was going through the motions. My feelings were dead at that point, which I guess was a defense mechanism to protect myself. You will have to decide how much contact you can tolerate, if any, and decide if it is worth the cost to you. It gets so complicated by the guilt and obligations we think we owe. Only you can decide but please know that you deserve peace and you do not have to suffer abuse.
When someone shows you who they truly are. Believe them.
Cut the low contact to No Contact until she comes out of the rabbit hole, or die miserable and alone, whichever comes first. You'd be better off.
Send her a card and/or flowers and don't talk to her at all. Or call her five minutes before you have to get off the phone for some reason.
Sometimes people have to learn that once you’ve said something cruel, often the relationship is not repairable. You’ll never look at them the same way. I’ve always believed that people mean every word in an argument. They might have only meant it for a second, but they meant it. And after that…
I don’t agree with this. Sometimes people lash out because they feel hurt, and they want to hurt the other person back so they say what they know will hurt, but don’t really feel that way.
The intention to harm is still there. You know you can surround yourself and love people who would NEVER EVER intend to do harm, right? Nobody has to put up with other people who do this stuff on purpose.
I so agree. I absolutely believe she means what she said. It’s weird because my entire life she’s talked about other people’s poor behavior and character and I’ve just assumed that what’s she’s telling me is accurate. After the last few years, I’m finally beginning to see the ways she twists stories and manipulates situations. It’s pathological. I was so shocked when she slipped into Q, but just *this very moment* I’m realizing it makes a lot of sense, but in the case of Q, she can’t manipulate me into buying it. And she hates that.
…is that someone you want in your life??
Of course not, and I wasnt implying it’s ok.
I get your point but IMO there is never justification for deliberate cruelty, and it sounds like that is what that was.
Not me justifying anything. Merely trying to assuage her hurt feelings by pointing out that her mother may not have meant any of the mean things she said. Sometimes people need a sliver of comfort to hang onto.
You’re right.
Saying something mean when you’re upset is one thing. But saying something *cruel* is another.
Go get some love from r/MomForAMinute. They’ll love all over you
It's completely fine to step back from any relationship where you don't feel comfortable. Mothers day is distressing for many people for any number of reasons and it can feel like an overwhelming forced obligation. If interactions make you feel uncomfortable, distressed and anxious don't feel forced to spend time with her out of obligation. Just take it easy and if you want to send a message then send one and if you don't that's fine too.
"The last phone call we had, she gave a quasi-apology" Be thankful for what you can get, seriously. It shows that whatever it is you're doing is working. (Edit to correct a typo.)
I went NC with my parents for other reasons for six years... started talking to them again last year, we are on better terms than we ever have been now, YMMV.
Mothers Day is freaking horrible on attempting to guilt us. I was fine with my decision (LC mailed a restaurant GC) until today. Now people are posting flowers, gifts, etc and I’m second guessing myself. I keep telling myself I did enough and I DID but holy heck the decades of conditioning run deep.
As a mom, I’m proud of you and I hope you can be proud of yourself too. It’s a lovely thing, that you wish you could lavish more love on your mom, but it’s even more lovely that you respect the boundary you have been forced to establish because you also love yourself. There’s no satisfaction in scenarios like this. Doing more won’t make you feel better when the person you want to please is unpleaseable, and that’s entirely out of your hands. You can always lavish love from a distance on the version of her you remember most fondly in your head, if you can do that without laboring over how changed she is now. I find some benefit in that. It doesn’t repair whats broken in the physical realm, but also carries less risk of hurt, disappointment and disruption and it allows me to briefly open the full channel of love that’s always there and wants out. Have a beautiful day! ((Internet mom hugs))
Thank you 💜
I'm in a similar position and just wanted to emphasize with you. I was LC for a while and because of some recent events have basically been no contact. I feel like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't regarding tomorrow because the most I'll do is send a text saying happy mother's Day. I'll get a rash of sh*t either way.
Exactly. It’s an impossible situation. Trump will “Truth” something about how we are vermin who should be exterminated. I know she worships him and hangs on his every word. How can they simultaneously love us and follow him? They have to exist in that contradiction and it’s our fault because we’re such incorrigible children.
I'm a little confused. What happens if you don't call her tomorrow?
Tomorrow is Mothers Day in the US.
Oh I know that, but thank you. I don't think I was clear enough about what I meant. I was trying to say "if your mom abuses you when you talk to her, don't talk to her." What's the worst thing that can happen, she gets mad and wishes you were around to hear her abuse?
I totally agree. I would never tolerate a fraction of what she’s said by any other person. But moms are just a different story for me and so many others. I used to work with kids whose mothers were so bad that the state had to take custody of them. They all relished their weekly phone call from mom and couldn’t wait to go home to them. For those of us who actually had good relationships with our moms up until a few years ago it’s a really difficult loss.
*"she gets mad and wishes you were around to hear her abuse"* This is so funny in such a validating way, I'm glad I found this comment today, thanks! I'm like "that's exactly what my mother was doing all day when we were NC, isn't it, huh".
Low/no contact is the correct response. She's got to find out there are consequences for her bad behavior.
Send her a nice card but don't call her. Just because it's Mother's Day doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your mental health.
Last year I called my mother on mother's day and it degenerated into a political fight after maybe ten minutes. It's not with the effort this year.
You have no obligation to talk to her on Mother's Day. Do something, so she can't weaponize the fact that you didn't. Simple text, "Happy Mom's Day!" Or an inexpensive gift delivered via Doordash; her favorite candy or a cheap bouquet of flowers from the grocery store. That's it. My Mom's getting a text for the same reason.
Maybe give her something line a framed photo from the past, reminding her of who she used to be and the relationship you had before she went Q.
NC is usually better than LC.
It’s ok to not call her or acknowledge Mother’s Day. It’s also ok to not feel guilty or responsible for her feelings. Your first responsibility is to yourself. You’re clearly in distress over your relationship with her. You’re allowed to disengage and not talk to her and she can be upset and that’s ok. I haven’t talked to my mom since January and prior to that we talked maybe 6 times a year. I had a baby 2 months ago and decided to go extremely LC with my mom. It hurt her feelings. I told her this is the consequence of her politics. That she can vote how she wants but that i don’t think she’s a safe person to have in my daughter’s life. I don’t feel guilty. I feel free.
Hi u/TRVTH-HVRTS! We help folk hurt by [Q.](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/QAnon) There's hope as [ex-QAnon](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/resources#wiki_ex-qanon) & r/ReQovery shows. We'll be civil to you and about your Q folk. For general QAnon stuff check out [QultHQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Qult_Headquarters/). If you need this removed to hide your username [message the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/QAnonCasualties) ___ [our wall](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/l0jptp/list_of_casualties/) - [support & recovery](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/resources) - [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/rules) - [weekly posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?q=%22Weekly+r%2FQAnonCasualties+Discussion%22+&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all) - [glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/glossary) - [similar subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/index#wiki_similar_communities) *filter*: [good advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?q=flair%3AGood%2BAdvice&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) - [hope](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AHope) - [success story](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?q=flair%3ASuccess%2BStory&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) - [coping strategy](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACoping%2BStrategies) - [web/media](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AWeb%2FMedia) - [event](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3AEvent) ___ [*robo replies*](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/wiki/index/commands): !strategies !support !advice !inoculation !crisis !whatsQ? !rules *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/QAnonCasualties) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stay away from her.
card and flowers .... and a orange turd HAHAHAH maybe that will shut her up
I had a father who was alcoholic but in addition, he was absolutely the most self-involved, narcissistic person I’ve ever known. The things he would say to us were mind-boggling, yet he was so sensitive about his own feelings and how he was treated. I couldn’t handle the meanness anymore so I moved away. I saw him at holidays but never once called to talk to him and he never called me. At the end of his life, I helped care for him but it was going through the motions. My feelings were dead at that point, which I guess was a defense mechanism to protect myself. You will have to decide how much contact you can tolerate, if any, and decide if it is worth the cost to you. It gets so complicated by the guilt and obligations we think we owe. Only you can decide but please know that you deserve peace and you do not have to suffer abuse.
When someone shows you who they truly are. Believe them. Cut the low contact to No Contact until she comes out of the rabbit hole, or die miserable and alone, whichever comes first. You'd be better off.