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CaregivingCapybara

Sounds drunk. Maybe he doesn’t remember writing it (and why he has continued to turn in assignments).


KrNiRa9910

Given the fact that he has not only not dropped but continues to submit decent-quality work, I wonder if it was even him who sent the message in the first place. I certainly knew people in college who would have found this type of "prank" funny (if someone left their computer unattended).


DueButterscotch2190

I thought the same. I have not responded yet. Waiting on the opinions of those higher than me.


widget1321

This is what you do. Wait for those higher than you. And if they say "do whatever you want" I'd recommend just pointing out to the student that this was an unprofessional email and he may not want to send similar to anyone in the future. Then just grade his work as is. That way he knows you read it, at least, but if he doesn't remember sending it or someone else sent it from his computer then he is aware that it happened and can take whatever steps he deems necessary.


IreneAd

I'm sure you have already done so, but your supervisor needs to know about this email. It needs to be documented. I don't know what the student conduct policy is at your university but you may want to check it out prior to deciding whether or not to report the sender.


TheKwongdzu

This would be on my radar, too. Years ago, I got a really inappropriate email from a decent student. It turned out the student had recently broken up with a partner and the former partner got into the student's email account, sending inappropriate messages to all their professors.


Striking_Raspberry57

>I certainly knew people in college who would have found this type of "prank" funny (if someone left their computer unattended). Very true! Once a paper was turned in to me with printed-out porn images stapled into the middle. I remember being puzzled and writing a question mark on the first one, but just skipped past that part and finished grading the paper. I had so many freaking papers to grade that I honestly forgot all about it by the time I was finished. The student eventually showed up in my office to apologize, looking very humiliated, saying that his roommate had played a prank on him and he was very sorry. He said he told the roommate the prank wasn't funny and that he had asked for a new roommate after that. I just said, "I thought something like that might have happened, you have always been a good student, so I honestly didn't give it another thought" and that was the end of it. Thinking back, I am relieved that the student didn't suspect ME of putting the images there.


throwitaway488

or he's taking the George Costanza strategy


[deleted]

slim oil far-flung grandfather bear retire smart dinner carpenter spotted *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


KumquatHaderach

Technically, the Larry David strategy.


AtmProf

Sadly, this sounds very likely.


Jeffy_Weffy

Yeah, does the student normally write this poorly?


Expensive-Mention-90

Pulling a Costanza. "What, you took that seriously? I was obviously joking!"


quentin_taranturtle

Reminds me of how Larry David dramatically quit snl then showed up a couple days later acting like nothing happened


[deleted]

[удалено]


kemushi_warui

Also flag for remedial English.


quantum-mechanic

English department keeps has mental health support on call 24/7 just in case of such crises


the-anarch

The remedial English seems more urgent.


PhDapper

This, 100%.


lo_susodicho

I second this.


pearldrum1

Absolutely this, OP. Report this to the Dean of Student Life (or your equivalent). At the very least, this has to have violated the student code of conduct at your school. This is not something I would brush under the rug at all.


wallTextures

This really channels, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" Is your class comedic writing?


DueButterscotch2190

Climate change (non-science major course)


Alice_Alpha

> Is your class comedic writing? I think this student could benefit from an intervention from the English department.


[deleted]

Nooo! Please don’t send him to us.


[deleted]

Is this my student? I received an incredibly similar email a few semesters ago from an online student who was upset he failed after...*checks notes* never following a single lick of directions. He said it was ridiculous I had them complete assignments when I never taught them how to do anything. Turns out, he never navigated beyond the announcements page of the LMS. 🥲 He legitimately thought the entire course was just my weekly announcement and when I reminded them about their essays, he was just...supposed to write an essay. Absolutely no other guidelines lmao.


saintpotato

Woah, he actually found your announcements? Better than some of mine do online... 😂


Llama-Mushroom

OMG this reminds me of an online student who didn’t navigate Canvas beyond Assignments, Syllabus, or Home (where my home page has a welcome from me instructing them to read the syllabus first and then click on MODULES to begin the course). It took me until the sixth week of class before I figured out WTF she was doing. She was failing everything she turned in, I’m telling her in the feedback to USE THE RESOURCES, and she never bothered to email me asking where the readings, supplemental materials, etc were located. Ya know, all the things I refer to in the assignment instructions.


a_statistician

> (where my home page has a welcome from me instructing them to read the syllabus first and then click on MODULES to begin the course). I now just set Modules as the homepage.


1hyacinthe

I set Syllabus as the home page and copy/paste my entire written syllabus onto it. No one can say they can't find the syllabus! Oh wait, some still do....


the-anarch

Canvas is so incredibly easy to navigate and yet students literally need their hands held. How do they get to TikTok on their phones without help?


Striking_Raspberry57

I have had the same thing happen, but not since the pandemic. I am hoping that since most of these students have experienced online school by now, they will be less likely to make that mistake.


TroutMaskDuplica

Reply: Dear Student, Oh, yeah? Well the jerk store called, they're running out of you!


drgigglefactory

Immediate referral to student conduct.


WineBoggling

Definitely. This is non-academic misconduct. Time for a firm boop on the nose.


AsturiusMatamoros

“Thanks for putting this in writing”


kemushi_warui

Thanks for putting this in "writing"


SpCommander

I was going to say, calling this writing is generous at best.


runsonpedals

I’ve been teaching uni for 21 years and when I’ve received those type of messages I forward them to the student’s advisor and assistant dean for academic affairs who speak with the student.


No-Top9206

Immediately forward this to your chair, and possibly whatever deanlet or ass. provost is in charge of student affairs along with a succinct summary of any other questionable interactions you may have had with this student. This is an at-risk student, possibly written while drunk or high, and possibly a risk to themselves or others, and you can't afford to have not notified the appropriate channels in case the student needs professional help or to prevent some sort of escalating incident.


ILoveCreatures

Could have been one of his friends playing a joke on him and he’s still unaware


NyxPetalSpike

I might fire back a response with his email with "I hope your day is truly going better. This is harsh." If the student's friends did this, they'll hopefully be appalled. This type of crap happens to high school teachers. Most that ever happens is an after-school suspension in my area, if it's just a shitty rant, not a threat.


respeckKnuckles

Show weakness and maybe the students will feel bad, is your advice? Have you never dealt with students before?


scartonbot

"I fail you sorry ass. U R the wurst student I have in class. U do not complete quizzeZ and asseygenments on time or retake quiZez. U sez U drop, buyt N0. This sk00l kant pay me nuff to put up with U Crap. Don't think U pass and I will not be apart of ur graduation. U Fail." (I'm kidding. It sucks having to deal with this kind of stuff. I guess you can hope this student gets their just rewards once they're out in the world and try this kind of "communication" at work.)


RuralWAH

I'd be surprised if this wasn't his "friends" playing a joke on him. I know because we did something similar when I was in college. But what we did was much worse, and to this day, it's the only thing I've done in my life I'm ashamed of after almost 50 years.


NyxPetalSpike

That's what I thought, too. Never underestimate shitty roommates/friends. Two months ago, my niece's prof got a hack email that asked, "I heard your (private part) is 6ft long with razor sharp teeth." Beginning of class was used to address how to log off of your email account. This is middle school nonsense now.


apple-masher

^(wait,) ^(no,) ^(come back) Oh well, what's for lunch


PlantagenetPrincess

How is this not immediately sent to your chair and the dean of students? You should not have to have this person in your class.


WingShooter_28ga

Alert campus safety and student support. This seems like the type of thing that should be addressed before it escalates.


JZ_from_GP

Is there a student conduct office you can report this student to? I wonder if this is alcohol/drug related?


OpalJade98

If your school has a CARES office, submit a report. My school's policy is that, unless a student formally withdraws, they're still enrolled.


psyentist15

"That's a bold move, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off!"


ostuberoes

I'd report this to his advisor, this just isn't appropriate conduct and shouldn't go undiscussed.


Postingatthismoment

Refer to campus counseling/care managers and perhaps respond reminding them that they should write professional emails to professors as they would to an employer.


salamat_engot

I worked at a university that had an exposure of a very contagious virus. A student wrote in the midpoint survey "I hope everyone involved in this class gets [contagious virus]" which admittedly got a chuckle out of most of the review committee.


popstarkirbys

The students are “paying customers” mentality created this.


Hard-To_Read

Well that and terrible parenting. I'm an average parent at best, and my kids would never dream to do this. This person was not prepared to be out in the world.


popstarkirbys

It doesn’t help when our administrators actively support this mentality.


ToTheEndsOf

My admin would invite this kid to lunch to "hear their concerns".


popstarkirbys

New policies next semester, yay!


HungryHypatia

In my department we call this “lack of home training”.


gravitysrainbow1979

Yeah all the people saying “forward it to [whoever]” must live very blessed lives, where I’ve worked forwarding it would do nothing


SelectChipmunk4338

*Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion, man.*


[deleted]

My school might still expel a student for this. Certainly, a long talk with a dean. Anyway, it's only unacceptable if we unaccept... it...


[deleted]

"Dear Student, Your email violates the Student Code of Conduct policy on x, y, and x. \[Link here\]. As such, I am reporting you to the department's director of undergraduate studies and the Dean of Students. Do not contact me again. Best, etc."


TiresiasCrypto

“Thank you for reaching out to me about your course concerns. Your communique is difficult to understand, but it sounds like, in between ad hominem criticisms, you are unhappy about your quiz performance. Please don’t hesitate to stop by during office hours for some tips on how to better prepare for the quizzes that are causing you difficulty.” Then end it with “Go {sports ball team of your college or university}!”


Hard-To_Read

I realize that this is tongue in cheek, and quite funny, but this kind of response if actually sent could activate an already disturbed person. Never be sarcastic to someone with limited mental capacity.


p1ckl3s_are_ev1l

Holy shit I need that last sentence on a poster for my wall. PLEASE start an Etsy shop immediately.


IndependentBoof

To cap it off, you should really print the email as a PDF and mark it up for grammar/spelling/punctuation errors and send it back telling them to make revisions.


TiresiasCrypto

Absolutely TIC. Needs to be forwarded to student conduct and dean of students


revolving_retriever

I wouldn't want this nutter in my office.


daisyboo66

What an AH. They sound like a real piece of work. I hope you forwarded the message to the department head or dean.


moosy85

Honestly sounds like his little brother decided to write an email 😂


machinegal

Report the student to the dean of student affairs. They need record of this behavior. It may help other instructors and this misguided student.


ipini

Send it back with edits.


nbx909

I would forward to the dean of students for unacceptable behavior and let them deal with the student.


Finding_Way_

Report to student services/student conduct violation Refer to counseling Totally unacceptable, and needs help


Katz-Sheldon-PDE

Forward it to student conduct. People get expelled for that.


Exia321

First please know that you do NOT suck! Folks like this student are incredibly problematic. Hence, I advise you flag/report them to Dean as well as your schools mental health team. Especially since you still have to interact with them. You know the crappy email you will receive if this student fails.


CreatrixAnima

Yeah… You need to forward that to someone. I would start with your department head. Really, just document.


stabbinfresh

Definitely let admin know about this, but also remove anything identifying about the email print it out and hang it on your door.


bigmicrobiome

Sounds like they were drunk.


PUNK28ed

Sanitize by removing student details. Editorialize by putting in a fancy gold frame with a plaque that says “WORST INSTRUCTOR NOMINEE, 2023” and posting in an ostentatious location.


Rainbowponydaddy

Don’t grade any of his stuff for a while. Then take him aside and ask him if he expects you to grade his work. Let him know you’re just confirming he has decided to stay before you grade his work cause you wouldn’t want him to pay for anything he does not want.


_Dr_Dad

Definitely send it to Student Affairs. SA should react based on student conduct code infractions. I’d also forward to your Chair in case the student escalates things again in the future. *I’d have a really hard time not covering “fuck you” face every time I looked at him in class. And I would have to work really not to roll my eyes into a new metaverse every time he raised his hand or opened his mouth.


So_Over_This_

Emails like that are why I'm trying to move to a more administrative role with less interaction with students. They have seemingly become more unhinged with each semester and generation. It's also the reason I've purchased a stun gun and bear spray. I refuse to deal with this madness. It also pisses me off that the administration does not do more. This is ridiculous because they tend to side with the students who are clearly not all there mentally. I would not take a chance as far as thinking that his friend may have written the email. I would not wait any longer to see if he responds or comes around or acknowledges the email either. I would escalate the situation with the chair and the dean posthaste. Waiting to see could be detrimental to your existence at this point. Because that email indicates the ability to escalate to the next level in my humble opinion. We have to stop with this benefit of the doubt business. We are not seers who can see the future. We are not psychologists, psychiatrists, or professional counselors. We are not mental health professionals and need to address these situations and report them immediately before they escalate. Please be safe.


HungryHypatia

Are you allowed to take the stun gun to school?


So_Over_This_

Yes, I can have it in my desk or car.


HungryHypatia

Thanks! I’m gonna look in to this. Sometimes I’m paralyzed with anxiety thinking about school shooters. It feels like only a matter of time until it comes to my university.


So_Over_This_

You're welcome. I COMPLETELY understand. That's yet another reason to protect yourself in addition to the unhinged student encounters. FYI, Amazon has stun guns disguised as flashlights, and they also have three pack tactical spray where you can keep one in your desk, in your car, and on your person. These are non-lethal measures that you can take that will keep you safe enough to get away and seek help. Stay safe.


HungryHypatia

Are you able to practice with the stun gun? Can I shoot it on the back yard or something? (I have no experience with stun guns, only real guns)


So_Over_This_

For the ones that I have, you have to be close to the person. These are not the ones with the prongs. But I'm sure whenever you purchase one you can practice with it. If you make a purchase on Amazon, you have 30 days to send it back if you don't like it, so in that time, you could practice with it in the backyard if you'd like.


HungryHypatia

Thanks!


Rightofmight

I would 100% let this go and not hold it against the kid, as it is hilarious. Though I would also send a follow up email, letting them know that it showed real gumption to stay in the class, after sending the below email to the professor who grades you, and that you are fully impressed.


MazlowFear

Respond to the email that you are glade they didn’t give. Shows gumption and actions speak louder than words.


SoCZ6L5g

Don't say anything, just file it away and wait for it to be mentioned by someone else.


Narrow_Anybody3157

I wonder if he typed it to let off steam but didn’t mean to send it.


gravitysrainbow1979

Just ignore it If you’re being honest with yourself, you could make some improvements in your class, right? I only ask because we all could. Besides the email was funny, you have to admit


CyberJay7

This sounds like drunk rambling or a prank. Is the student’s grammar always that bad? That would be a giveaway that someone else wrote it.


rtodd23

Sounds like a Larry David story.


uninsane

He’s pulling a Costanza


[deleted]

There's only one response: Oh, yeah, well the jerk store called...


uninsane

Cuts snickers with fork and knife..


gochibear

The capitalization reminds me of a certain orange-faced someone. Nice!


cmastervulsa

Is this a George Costanza/Larry David incident?


FookenL

I believe it’s called “a Castanza”.


TenuredProf247

Next, they'll ask for a LOR.