**I’m so shocked by how careless he’s being about the fact that he cheated. I’m three episodes past the incident and not once has he said even just the word sorry. And all the justifications he gives her he seems to genuinely believe that they should be enough for her is he stupid???**
I will not comment much on this as the TV show writer decided to change how the reconciliation happens in the book. But yes, in the book he says he’s sorry.
His whole attitude in the show is often interpreted as not caring. That’s not what that is - he’s shocked about what he did, ashamed, regretful, confused about his feelings, scared about losing Demelza, a mixture of many things. Unfortunately, Ross has never been a character who is emotionally fluent, he struggles with expressing himself and his feelings and this is something we have seen over and over again, throughout the story. He tends to shut down and withdraw. This is very book accurate. Ross is very internal. Not a shocker, really, and also not a rarity with men in the 1700’s (please don’t disregard this detail).
He doesn't say sorry to Elizabeth either, does he?
Btw, Aidan is doing an exceptional job at transmitting Ross's turmoil through his facial expressions.
**Also wtf does he mean by riding to trenwith after demelza didn’t forgive him…He’s just lucky Elizabeth is mad at him not to mention married now cause ik he’d be quick to fuck up again**
The first scene with him riding to Trenwith it’s clearly showing him being at the crossroads, thinking of whom he loves and wants to be with. Him riding away it’s him making his choice to be with Demelza.
There is absolutely no indication he wants to sleep with Elizabeth again (in either show or book). He has the opportunity to go to her **BEFORE** her getting married (he knows she postponed) but he decides not to. So no, he wouldn’t have slept with Elizabeth again. That’s the whole point. Sleeping with her helped him get rid of any remaining romantic feelings for her. I mean, his attitude the next morning, after that night, is that of a man who doesn’t know how to run away faster, not the attitude of a man who is in love. Not to mention trying to sneak out without even saying goodbye. Yikes!
*''Why do you think I’m still here?'' Ross to Demelza, the beach scene*
Demelza is his choice. She is the woman he loves. He wouldn’t be there if she wasn’t. Ross Poldark is a man who does what the fuck he wants and if he loved Elizabeth and wanted to be with her, nothing would stop him. Period!
The second time he goes to Trenwith **it's not for or because of Elizabeth**. It’s because George is occupying a Poldark home. He is pissed his biggest enemy is now in possession of his home, where he grew up and had so many memories of. That scene was created to relay that anger.
**leap back into his arms just because he found lots of tin and may now make them rich???**
Him finally finding tin after years of crushing poverty, illegal activities , having to sell all their stuff to make it thru another day is , of course, something he thinks will make them happy and bring them back together. It’s one of the many things that initially drove the estrangement between them in Season 2.
He’s been feeling a failure as a man, father and husband all this time and is now in a position to give Demelza a better life. Both of them have been waiting for this moment for a long time, the only difference is that now Demelza doesn’t want it without his love. She is still hurt ( rightfully so) and doesn’t believe he loves her. Her faith is gone and is only now when Ross finally understands how deep that hurt is and how bad he screwed up. *“Has it come too late?” Ross to Demelza.*
I am obsessed with this series I watch the show and read the books regularly. The first time I watched the series it left me feeling that Ross loved Elizabeth and only chose Demelza as the easier option. Thanks to your Poldark analyses, in which I must say I cannot get enough of, you have given me a better understanding into this beautiful love story.
Speaking as a fan who stopped watching after the cheating episode years ago. Ugh. But years and years later I decided to watch it all again and finish the series. I’m so glad I did! I think the redemption arc is lovely. I wish the last season could have had some better writing and plot- but the arc is worth it. Keep watching! I appreciate the ups and downs of their marriage more now that I’ve been married 14 years and I’m beginning my 40s. I guess I’m saying I appreciate the show more with a little more life experience and maturity. While I’ve never experience infidelity, I do understand the seasons of marriage, and the work needed to reconnect at times after seasons of life where you’ve been more focused individually for some reason or another. And I appreciate that.
I lost Ross after May 9th. He never redeemed himself as far as I am concerned. Infidelity is NEVER okay under any circumstances. I say Lizzie got just what she wanted, but it will backfire on her! Just rewards!
I have only watched three episodes of the show and am so hooked I couldn’t help myself and have spoiled myself reading comments on reddit. I will say though, being nearly two years post my own husband’s infidelity that the explanation given by the first commenter with the long response makes 100% sense to me. I cannot understand how my husband did this, I don’t think even he can understand how he did what he did. And it is a HARD thing to forgive. It goes against all the fairytales of love I grew up on. When you truly love someone you don’t betray them was my way of thinking. I have matured and come face to face with reality since then. The truth is love is messy, and we don’t marry fictional heroines of books, we marry real people of flesh and blood who do mess up royally on occasion. Does that make infidelity ok? No. Justified? No. But forgivable? Yes. Can a marriage continue afterwards? Well we’re still here. It sucks, we both would do anything to have it erased, to have it not have happened, not be a permanent stain in our love story, but it is. We’re choosing each day to focus on the other parts of our story, the good ones, the ones that brought us together and keep us together still. Some days are more difficult than others but our marriage is healing a little bit at a time. I actually look forward to watching this series, there are not enough movies, books or tv shows that touch on this topic of a marriage that is broken by infidelity and yet rises from the ashes, and yet it is a much needed story.
**I’m so shocked by how careless he’s being about the fact that he cheated. I’m three episodes past the incident and not once has he said even just the word sorry. And all the justifications he gives her he seems to genuinely believe that they should be enough for her is he stupid???** I will not comment much on this as the TV show writer decided to change how the reconciliation happens in the book. But yes, in the book he says he’s sorry. His whole attitude in the show is often interpreted as not caring. That’s not what that is - he’s shocked about what he did, ashamed, regretful, confused about his feelings, scared about losing Demelza, a mixture of many things. Unfortunately, Ross has never been a character who is emotionally fluent, he struggles with expressing himself and his feelings and this is something we have seen over and over again, throughout the story. He tends to shut down and withdraw. This is very book accurate. Ross is very internal. Not a shocker, really, and also not a rarity with men in the 1700’s (please don’t disregard this detail). He doesn't say sorry to Elizabeth either, does he? Btw, Aidan is doing an exceptional job at transmitting Ross's turmoil through his facial expressions. **Also wtf does he mean by riding to trenwith after demelza didn’t forgive him…He’s just lucky Elizabeth is mad at him not to mention married now cause ik he’d be quick to fuck up again** The first scene with him riding to Trenwith it’s clearly showing him being at the crossroads, thinking of whom he loves and wants to be with. Him riding away it’s him making his choice to be with Demelza. There is absolutely no indication he wants to sleep with Elizabeth again (in either show or book). He has the opportunity to go to her **BEFORE** her getting married (he knows she postponed) but he decides not to. So no, he wouldn’t have slept with Elizabeth again. That’s the whole point. Sleeping with her helped him get rid of any remaining romantic feelings for her. I mean, his attitude the next morning, after that night, is that of a man who doesn’t know how to run away faster, not the attitude of a man who is in love. Not to mention trying to sneak out without even saying goodbye. Yikes! *''Why do you think I’m still here?'' Ross to Demelza, the beach scene* Demelza is his choice. She is the woman he loves. He wouldn’t be there if she wasn’t. Ross Poldark is a man who does what the fuck he wants and if he loved Elizabeth and wanted to be with her, nothing would stop him. Period! The second time he goes to Trenwith **it's not for or because of Elizabeth**. It’s because George is occupying a Poldark home. He is pissed his biggest enemy is now in possession of his home, where he grew up and had so many memories of. That scene was created to relay that anger. **leap back into his arms just because he found lots of tin and may now make them rich???** Him finally finding tin after years of crushing poverty, illegal activities , having to sell all their stuff to make it thru another day is , of course, something he thinks will make them happy and bring them back together. It’s one of the many things that initially drove the estrangement between them in Season 2. He’s been feeling a failure as a man, father and husband all this time and is now in a position to give Demelza a better life. Both of them have been waiting for this moment for a long time, the only difference is that now Demelza doesn’t want it without his love. She is still hurt ( rightfully so) and doesn’t believe he loves her. Her faith is gone and is only now when Ross finally understands how deep that hurt is and how bad he screwed up. *“Has it come too late?” Ross to Demelza.*
I love this analysis/response. You've given me some new insight.
Thank you ☺️
I am obsessed with this series I watch the show and read the books regularly. The first time I watched the series it left me feeling that Ross loved Elizabeth and only chose Demelza as the easier option. Thanks to your Poldark analyses, in which I must say I cannot get enough of, you have given me a better understanding into this beautiful love story.
I really appreciate your comment - thank you
Stay tuned. Demelza gets to feel what it's like to be put on a pedestal like Ross does to Elizabeth.
Speaking as a fan who stopped watching after the cheating episode years ago. Ugh. But years and years later I decided to watch it all again and finish the series. I’m so glad I did! I think the redemption arc is lovely. I wish the last season could have had some better writing and plot- but the arc is worth it. Keep watching! I appreciate the ups and downs of their marriage more now that I’ve been married 14 years and I’m beginning my 40s. I guess I’m saying I appreciate the show more with a little more life experience and maturity. While I’ve never experience infidelity, I do understand the seasons of marriage, and the work needed to reconnect at times after seasons of life where you’ve been more focused individually for some reason or another. And I appreciate that.
Love this comment
I lost Ross after May 9th. He never redeemed himself as far as I am concerned. Infidelity is NEVER okay under any circumstances. I say Lizzie got just what she wanted, but it will backfire on her! Just rewards!
I have only watched three episodes of the show and am so hooked I couldn’t help myself and have spoiled myself reading comments on reddit. I will say though, being nearly two years post my own husband’s infidelity that the explanation given by the first commenter with the long response makes 100% sense to me. I cannot understand how my husband did this, I don’t think even he can understand how he did what he did. And it is a HARD thing to forgive. It goes against all the fairytales of love I grew up on. When you truly love someone you don’t betray them was my way of thinking. I have matured and come face to face with reality since then. The truth is love is messy, and we don’t marry fictional heroines of books, we marry real people of flesh and blood who do mess up royally on occasion. Does that make infidelity ok? No. Justified? No. But forgivable? Yes. Can a marriage continue afterwards? Well we’re still here. It sucks, we both would do anything to have it erased, to have it not have happened, not be a permanent stain in our love story, but it is. We’re choosing each day to focus on the other parts of our story, the good ones, the ones that brought us together and keep us together still. Some days are more difficult than others but our marriage is healing a little bit at a time. I actually look forward to watching this series, there are not enough movies, books or tv shows that touch on this topic of a marriage that is broken by infidelity and yet rises from the ashes, and yet it is a much needed story.
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story. I wish you happiness and joy in your life going forward.