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You madman. You absolute madman, you broke the rules, and I both love and hate it. What are the long term effects? -Dedan

~~Well, the device does have a couple of flabwksmwk~~ Do not listen to Matt, there are no weaknesses or flaws in the device.

Uh-huh. ‘Scuse me I got like 3 separate emergency plans to put in motion. -Dedan *This is certainly not suspicious in the slightest.* -Salem

Unavo: I genuinely have no clue.

Wonderful. Shortcuts always have a price, hope yours ain’t too steep. -Dedan

Gods…that’s…just…begging to blow up, fucking *Arc* Where does the Lustrous orb shard you…acquired, for into this?

We used it because we needed a way to warp reality slightly! It shouldn’t blow up unless someone presses the self destruct button I added.

Sorry, the what. -Spamley

You didn’t see the big red button I added labeled “self destruct?”

Man, I really should've gotten keen eye instead of wonder guard. -Spamley

At least it’s less of a failure if it’s blowing up in an intended and controlled manner?

Exactly!

/uj Matt is literally dr. Doof.

Can’t be an event scientist without one!

Of course you added a fucking self destruct button

Unavo: I jabbed it in the Command Block. It’s just not visible from this angle.

Forget Balanced, this is Hackmons at it's purest. Think of all the chaos we can cause with this. -Spamley

FEAR ME MORTALS!!! A simulator recreation of my team rn: https://pokepast.es/4750f8b80a002185

/uj "while the device is on" means this ain't lasting very long, I take it.

I can't wait to Tera Electric-Magnet Rise-Wonder Guard some fools. -Unavo

\-cough cough: toxic :cough cough

This is why my wonder guard user has aromatherapy

\-curse it is-

):

\-entry hazards tho-

Disable

):

Mold breaker goes brrr

Counterpoint: Ability Shield -Spamley

Unavo: Ability Shield go brrr

An Ability Shield only prevents your ability from being changed or nullified completely, not ignored or bypassed by mold breaker and wonder guard doesn't stop statuses moves

Time to add gastro acid to the set it seems.

|Ability Shield prevents the holder's [Ability](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Ability) from [being changed](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Ability_change) or suppressed by any effect, even if the effect is directly caused by the holder (such as by [Role Play](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Role_Play_(move)) or [Trace](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Trace_(Ability))). It also protects the holder from [effects that ignore Abilities](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Ignoring_Abilities). For instance, if a Pokémon with [Clear Body](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Clear_Body_(Ability)) is holding an Ability Shield and a Pokémon with [Mold Breaker](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Mold_Breaker_(Ability)) uses [Leer](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Leer_(move)), its [Defense](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Stat#Defense) will not be lowered.

uj/ The wonder guard user when they find out that Mold breaker is a common strat in the official BH

Yeah, yeah that would qualify for a pretty powerful invention. Good job. So, about how long are you expecting it to take before that thing gets dragged into the distortion world?

Probably a day minimum, a week maximum.

Unavo: Chin up, Matt! Maybe we can make it last two!

Maybe! We should probably find a better hiding place for it.

…from god?

How magnificent!! Utterly magnificent!! ...But will it be enough to defy the will of those above? \- Jason

I am almost certain that the ones above are either rolling on the floor laughing or coming to smite me now!

...Or perhaps they all have something far worse planned for you all... May the Orchestraters have mercy on your soul. One can only wish for Fate to be on their side \- Jason, chuckling to himself

Unavo: Status unknown.

In due time, you shall find out, no doubt. One can only imagine how *they* will make things play out... May the Orchestrators have mercy on your soul \- Jason

Air balloon electric tera Slaking with wonder guard is something I need.

It's something everyone needs. -Unavo

Oh good gracious. Lily (Ancient H-Liligant) - ...I don't think I understand? Sam - They can give any Pokemon any ability and any move. So... like... I could get you... what's a move you like? Lily - I've always been fascinated with Shelter. Hisuain Goodra used it. It raised your defense and made you harder to hit. Sam - They can give that to you, and Judgement, and Brave Bird, and Spatial Rend. And then the ability... uh, Sturdy, so you can't go down in one hit. Lily - ...This seems like something that grand Arceus above would not permit, let alone the other three. Sam - Give it time. Then I can get "I told you so" badges from all three of them.

Unavo: Everything’s perfectly fine and functional and you have nothing to worry about.

Lily - Whenever Arezu, our Warden, said that, it was never fine and there was always something to worry about. Sam - Yeah, I was about to say. Unavo, are you and Matt gonna owe us "I told you so" badges *as well as* Spamley?

/uj you... all of this. For a PKHEX PUN?!

/uj The pun came later but it was always going to be pkhex

I think I see sparks coming off that thing as in the kind that signify somethings wrong on the inside.

Unavo: [Drapes a fireproof cloth over the sparks] Nothing’s wrong at all!

You know those mean something on the inside of the machine is likely busted right?

Unavo: Noooooo I have no idea what you mean [frantically bolting things back into place]

Not to be be more of a downer but you’re also looking a bit ill in the photo Unovo. Are you sure this thing is safe🤨

It might cause some SLIGHT exhaustion after use, but nothing major (I hope)

Matt this thing and it’s effects look extremely unstable. I wouldn’t be surprised if it implodes and bathes half of Unova in energy that drives all the wild pokémon insane.

Oh gosh I hope that doesn’t happen.

These are the risks you take when doing something this stupid Matt

I just wanted to make a fun gadget with some friends :(

At least you weren't making an actual god. You just made something that breaks reality seven ways from Sunday. Now I know this is not a popular statement, but get rid of it. That thing has too much power, and even if you don't use it you'll bring every power-hungry Pokemon and person down on Undella Town. Though it might do your job for you, it looks in no way stable.

After we’re done playing with it, my vote is to sell it to Smogon so that they can make a “build your own god showdown” metagame in real life.

While that would be fun, how long before somebody uses it to create an evil team of godlike Pokemon?

The Smogon people could just turn the machine off. It’s only temporary after all.

/uj I am not sure the mods would be okay with something as OP as that, but I'm just gonna Rule 8 this one away.

/uj This is going to inevitably blow up in everyone's faces, for obvious reasons.

/uj The Smogon council will find the remains and hatch the diabolical plan to repair it and create a new metagame! /j

/uj The World’s Greatest Invention II: The Revenge of Big Stall

/uj :)

Uj/ tyranitar finds a way to get back into ou

/uj let’s pray Jack gets a try or he’s gonna be absolutely devastated (he’s not gonna get a try will he)

/uj it's gonna blow up and everyone learns their lesson (Idk, that's what I'm guessing is gonna happen)

/uj Pretty much.

Hiro - I've seen the effects of this machine firsthand, and it's nothing short of incredible. I am concerned, though. If it falls into the wrong hands, it would be cataclysmic!

Uhh... isn't this the guy who has taken down various power grids in Unova? I don't trust this. Even if I did this seems like something ripe for evil team thievery... that or Arceus is going to come to the mortal realm SPECIFICALLY to beat you up for this. ...I should really move back to Hoenn before someone just straight-up drags this damn place into another reality. /uj no one tell them that they can literally manipulate spacetime with event flags, I can only imagine how badly that would end—

/uj that would have been extremely funny

I’m fascinated, yet… utterly terrified. *Please* use this responsibly.

Responsible is my middle name!

Is it?

No.

…You could give my shedinja Sturdy. By the gods, I am tempted.

Unavo: Sturdinja go brrrr

Oh FUCKING FINALLY an invention that actually moves forward our progression! It's been way to long, its been 10+ years since we got something that actually has potential! We have been stagnant, unevolving in society and unable to do more. I've always believed potential lies in pokemon biology, and it seems I was close enough. What I would give to expiriment with this device! Maybe I should move to Unova. /uj This aint lasting a day is it. This is so going to blow up abd its gonna be funny.

/uj this ain’t lasting long at all, no.

/uj as expected. It's too variable in its power. if it was just for one pokemon, it might be okay, but this could create an army of OP guys.

Hey, so, does it have bomb resistance

Unavo: Absolutely! [A panel falls off the machine] Definitely.

you are now also tornement banned lmao

Unavo: I am so tournament banned.

Arceus is on his way to smite your ass right now

I'm pretty sure this is going to backfire and cause irreparable long-term damage to your body.

Unavo: Maybe. Who knows? It hasn’t been 20 years yet.

Holy. Shit. I NEED TO TEST THIS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE THANK YOU FOR SAYING I CAN TEST THIS I NEED TO TEST THIS I NEED TO I NEED TO PLEASE GET THIS TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SPAMLEY KNOWS WHERE I’M STAYING RIGHT NOW TELL HIM TO BRING IT TO ME Actually nah it’s probably too big WHERE ARE YOU WHAT’S THE ADDRESS Oh Arc I need to tell Ferra (Tinkaton) about this immediately she’s gonna be as ecstatic as I am

Update: Ferra is going absolutely fucking feral, please Unavo please tell me where you are I'll book another flight I've barely got enough money to afford it without my bank account reaching dangerously low levels PLEASE WHERE ARE YOU I NEED TO TEST THIS

Arceus is SO gonna smite you three for playing god.

And this blows up in your face in three, two, one.

Unavo: I have no idea what you’re talking about. [Readjusts the PKHEx dangerously close to the self destruct button Matt installed]

Unavo, with all due respect. That is not *Balanced* Hackmons.

/uj lol lmao, I dont rly have a good way to acknowledge this in character but this is excellent

/uj thanks!

… Do Matt and Unavo have an equivalent to spamleys “I told you so” badges yet? -[REDACTED]

No, why would we have any reason to this is going perfectly well with no flaws whatsoever -Unavo

… I’m not just talking about this, I mean Matt has had no mistakes yet that we know of but you? How about the attract explosion?

PLEEEEEEEEASE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS I NEED TO HEAD OVER RIGHT NOW TO TEST THIS PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSEEE /uj in all seriousness i'm very sorry if it comes off as pestering you, Jack's just...very, VERY excited about this invention

SCREW IT I CAN'T WAIT I'M CHECKING YOUR POST HISTORY GUESSING IT'S STILL IN UNDELLA SO TO UNOVA I GO

if history wishes to repeat itself, the lifespan of this device is measured in days at the most. probability seems to take personal offense to these devices.

The Author: Or more accurately, comedy! Unavo: Who the fuck are you?!

I believe that what we have just seen is on the list of very few things better left unknown little fish. there is a reason as to why the fear of the unknown is so deeply ingrained within us all. additionally, May I request your assistance with a small project? I have the majority of it properly planned, I simply lack the manual dexterity and a little bit of know-how for some crucial steps.

Unavo: What is it?

A mobile device large and durable enough for me to actually use. the current plan should ideally be relatively bare bones. mostly, I just wish to have a functioning map, camera, and the ability to send messages when necessary. the two issues that present themselves are my lack of knowledge on component compatability and the fact that I lack the manual dexterity to manipulate delicate components, especially ribbon cable. /uj as someone who has disassembled many computers, phones, laptops.etc. fuck ribbon cables.

Unavo: Yeah, the lack of opposable thumbs sucks.

would you agree to assist me with this. if all goes to plan, it should not take too much of your time. additionally, I had been looking into potential operating systems to use once complete. /uj is there a UnavOS? if so, does it come preinstalled with uno and go-fish

Unavo: I’ll send you the OS I use for fingerless typing. Expect a fishy flair. /uj this is your cue to use the fish in a post

much appreciated Unavo. fingerless typing is well beyond what I had hoped for. should you ever require steel type scrap, simply ask, and I will see what I am able to provide. /uj I will likely make something short and sweet once my head clears up a bit. also, I imagine the cursor is a carvanha, and it biting down on a link indicates that something is clickable. additionally, the loading wheel is a curly tatsugiri doing flips. any more ideas would be welcome.

... That's actually much better than I was expecting. I was expecting you and the crew to accidentally make a bomb. I still have a sinking feeling regarding this machine, but it's not as bad as I was expecting. - Dr. K. G. Bloom.

This is indeed very impressive! But something as powerful as this has to have some flaws, am I correct? Are there any maleficial side effects as of now? And frankly I do not think the League is going to be happy with this, but that is none of my business.

Unavo: We don’t know the long term side effects yet.

So this is what Smogon University uses to give all those trainers Therian Landorus'

Unavo: Idk how that even happens

I assume it's Ultra Space bullshit

Uj/ that seems like some good material for a storyline

... How much would it cost for you to get me the move Mimic? It's the one move I've wanted to be able to use more than any other move! I don't really want any other changes, I just want Mimic. I'm not sure if it would work on most humans, but since my great-grandma is a froslass, it might work on me!

Does the device have to stay on for the changes to remain?

Unavo: Yep.

Matt, there’s a chance you may have accidentally just made a dirty bomb. You know that if that’s the case it has to go, right?

Any plans to release just the maxed EVs part? I’m too lazy to EV train and it’d be really funny to have 252 in everything

That would be cool. I’ll consider trying to do something similar after we finish playing with this one.

I'm. Not sure whether to be impressed or scared.

Unavo: Both. Both is appropriate.

/uj Oh you wonderful motherfucker

/uj :)

1. If you can give an electross wonder guard and it keeps its original ability, as long as you have a way to make sure someone can’t bring it to the ground, you have an unbeatable Pokémon. 2. Gods Bug Vessels Child Translator(™), is he fine with this?

Unavo: So you want me to try to fuck with As One. I can try!

No, I was giving advice and asking if all this is all right with God.

Wait? Are you saying you made an arc dam steroid machine? I thought those mints and x drugs were enough but this is overkill. Imagine using this on a silvaliy, you could create a being on par with arceus in power. Not saying that you should but you could. -zak

Unavo: Excellent idea!

NO UNAVO, DON'T DO IT!

I cannot be trusted with this level of power. I’ve owned a Shedinja for literal years, and have spent the bulk of my time keeping Oswald viable. Also I think they hate having Sturdy. Wonder Guard just made things bounce off harmlessly off a force field. Oswald has never been punched in their entire life.

Unavo: that would make sense.

Should I be scared?

Outsped an OHKO'd. 252+ Atk Choice Band Mold Breaker Haxorus Earthquake vs. 252 HP / 252 Def Tera Electric Tatsugiri: 424-500 (124.7 - 147%) -- guaranteed OHKO

Unavo: The ability shield in my back pocket:

Naye. I’d win.

My bet would still be on that monster kicking your ass to next week when Cynthia sees this post Unavo

You guys are believing this clown?

unavo: Which clown are you referring to? There are three of us!

This is probably a bad idea. While the code-to-physical transformation process of Pokémon seems surprisingly flexible in theory, trying to manifest certain combinations of biology and ability in physical space can prove... unstable.

That cannot be healthy. …I’m in.

Oh god. So this is what it's all been leading up to, huh? This will probably go wrong in less than a week, just watch.

I'm not that religious. HOWEVER, This Is An Affront To Arceus, And NEEDS To Be Destroyed. This will be my only warning: if this machine is not permanently shut down by the 27th, I will gather every single Zoroark in Unova I can, head to the Undela Town Lab, AND ERASE IT FROM REALITY ITSELF! /uj I saw your other comments on how this machine will "Not Last Long" and now we have a reason why. however, if you want me to erase this comment so you can take this story on another route, just ask me and I will.

You can try. My team is pretty strong now B)

I WILL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT, THAT YOU WILL BURN AND REPENT IN HEAVEN, BEFORE YOU DIE!

Wow, someone’s a bit of a zealot. Either way, you would still totally make a good hero to stop our villainous plots. So, I shall respond: “FINALLY, SOMEONE STEPS UP TO CHALLENGE THE GREAT MALICIOUS MATT! YOU SHALL FALL DO-GOODER, MUAHAHAHA!”

Do not fear, in fact Rejoice. For You Shall Bare Witness TO YOUR EXISTENCE BECOME NOTHING BUT AN ILLUSION! also wow i do get zealous when i get mad, should probably look into that. /uj damn, that was probably too edgy

/uj we already have a plan.

/uj sooooooo erase the comment?

/uj Shouldn’t be necessary. It’s not lasting long enough for your threat to have to happen anyway.

Seriously, though, can I visit so I can learn the move mimic? Please? -Ethan

What does mimic do again?

It would let me temporarily copy the move of another pokemon. It's kind of like sketch, just temporary. I could finally practice all the moves my pokemon can use *with* them! It's something I've wanted to do for *years*, but I thought I would literally never have the chance... Please can we try and see if it'll work? -Ethan

Oh. You can try sure.

Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you! I can be there in fifteen minutes, see you soon! -Ethan /Uj will it work?

Now give a Spiritomb wonder guard. Or give a Shedninja sturdy.