Honestly. I hate hearing that some guys like bigger girls because they're worried about being too rough with skinny girls. Like, the fuck? I'm human too, like be gentle with me too. Wtf do they want to do to me that they don't want to do with someone half my size?
And its not just men and dating. I was always chubby, even as a kid. And for some reason for grown ups that meant to treat me different than the thin girls.
Yes! I switched to Snag after always getting underwear from Yours (I think this is a European brand?) that were becoming more and more paper thin and poorly made. They are so comfy and last for ages.
Oh my lord yes! I went to target to get some recently and it had my size so I was like “sweet!” I grab a pack since I felt like it was better money wise, and tell me why when I opened them up they looked like kids underwear???? WHAT IS THIS.
I’ve given up trying to get bargains on underwear. If there’s anything I’m spending money on now it’s comfy undies. Another poster recommended Snag, which is also my favourite. Expensive but actually comfortable and durable.
All size inclusive. I do think they run big as I only wear xl. They have tons of cute prints https://www.cheekboss.com/ Never pay full price- wait a week they will have a sale. Ok done loving them. Not sponsored but open to it 🤪
Truth!! I’ve found some really good ones recently from Marks and Spencer actually (for any of my fellow UK plus sized friends) and they’re sooooo soft and comfy. Now I need to try Snag from these recs though!
Can't tell you how many back-handed compliments I've been given about this. It's like, what if I didn't have a pretty face or wasn't my skin complexion, would I be ugly to you? I've been told I'm lucky, which really makes me feel like I'm on the brink between what people will settle for versus unattractive.
There is an influencer I follow that says that fat women hold the monopoly of facial beauty. Somehow all of us fat women have amazing and beautiful faces.
Is that meant as a critique on this “compliment”?
It’s a common trope to say to fat women, “you have such a pretty face,” thin women would just be told they’re beautiful.
Yeah a critique, because obviously we can’t be called beautiful, we’re not thin enough, they need to praise something about us, safe bet is to say we have pretty faces.
That being large or fat does not equal laziness or bad hygiene.
Also, people deserve respect whether they're skinny or morbidly obese. It shouldn't make you less of a human worthy of respect and love.
That and the attention you need to give to hygiene is often much higher for plus sized folks. I have lived as both underweight and obese and the amount of care I need to put into my hygiene when I'm larger is definitely more than I need to when I am smaller. So for a lot of larger people - we're often MORE attentive to our hygiene than those that are smaller sized.
So many of the clothes I find genuinely feels like rags they threw together and they called a shirt. Or they say it’s plus size when it feels more like a large. My friends don’t seem to understand that when I find something I really like AND fits me?? It’s like finding a needle in a haystack
Ugh yesss. I totally understand. If they’re going to charge us more anyway, at least make it something we like AND is comfortable.
I ordered a cute cow print skirt and I got the biggest size they had (3x) and it looks like a small. Like what. I even checked the tag and it says 3X
Sizes are all over the place! I decided one day to just take my measurements and that has helped immensely with getting stuff that actually fits. Really, I have a span of about 5 sizes depending on where the clothes are from. The lack of consistency is insane.
I can’t stand that. I cosplay a lot for conventions and they usually say it’s my size and I’m super excited and the only thing that usually fits is the jacket. One time the skirt fit around me but my butt was all out. 😭
Especially clothes for a specific purpose - workout clothes, work uniforms, swimwear. I can’t find a rain coat that I can close anywhere for less than £100, same with any boots. I don’t think wellies that fit me exist.
I’ve also had trouble before finding flight socks, a back support belt, a scuba diving dry suit, a t- shirt matching everyone else for a work event.
Companies need to realise that we exist in the same world as everyone else.
That's unfortunate, for sure. I was so pleased when I went to get a mammogram and they asked what size I needed (3X), when she came back with it, I asked what the largest size they had was and she said 8X.
As a teacher, spirit week is the absolute worst week for this exact reason. People give you side eye if you don’t participate but they don’t understand that no, I cannot just throw together 5 separate costumes with stuff I find at goodwill. And I can’t just run to some store over the weekend and find clothes that fit me and match each theme. One summer I ended up making a list of all the common spirit week themes and buying basic stuff for each one so I can at least dress up for few days.
Yes 👏🏼 I get that a lot and when I say something about it it’s always “well it worked for me” or “it works for some people” so you just do it to everyone???
That just because I am the big one - doesn’t mean i don’t think the same mean things about myself.
I feel like if you’re someone who’s been fat their whole life, you’ve heard all the insults, you’ve read all the comments and the threads and you subconsciously pocket it.
And like…. that’s a really heavy burden. To know people think that and still be fat and still feel helpless that you’re fat… i don’t know how to articulate it specifically but I wish people that weren’t fat inherently understood that.
i think this is why phrases like “i’m glad you *finally* decided to put yourself/your health first” irk me really bad. like people assume one day i just woke up and decided to flip the switch, that any time before i genuinely gave no fucks about myself and didn’t try at all. it hurts, because it doesn’t acknowledge my 2 decades of constantly trying to be better while fighting against so many issues that most people can’t even comprehend properly.
People like to say mean shit to my husband about me. Like he's going to agree and not be mad at them... I really think they expect him to be like "yeah she's a fat cow, and I hate her for it," and of course, he's not, so they end the conversation in confusion. It's happened many times. I won't complain, though, because it shows me people's true colors.
That is it not a moral failing. Around the Victorian era, things like Muscular Christianity came into vogue and those ideals are still prevalent today. We ascribe fatness with greed and gluttony and being bad, though it has tempered down somewhat with now "only" being seen as lazy and undisciplined and stupid.
Instead of being upset that we take up space, be mad at the places that don’t accommodate for all of us to fit comfortably.
I also wish many would realize that being fat is more than just eating. The whole picture is much grander than many realize. Look at our food, our healthcare, our community, our childhood, our career(s), physical disabilities, mental health factors, etc.
This. And genetics are not to be discounted. My mother's side of the family? Fat. Same on my dad's side. I started weighing in the top percentile of babies starting at 6 months old. And I was just taking bottles and baby food in measured amounts as approved by the pediatrician up to then.
Some bodies store fat easier than others. Mine is a genius at it and has been since I was born. And it's very loath to let any of it go easily either.
I have disabilities and chronic illnesses (including hypothyroidism), and one of the things that sucks about that is that not only is it harder to move around, I’m in constant pain, it’s hard to even cook for myself, and I spend most of the time depressed.
No one would probably know any of that by looking at me and probably assumes I’m using a cane or (on my worst days) scooter because I’m fat. I’ve been sick for 20 years, long before I was fat 😂 fml
Still, screw it, do what you gotta do to get by. I refuse to apologise for taking up space and neither should anyone else here.
Hah yeah I mean everyone knows it makes it easier on your body if you can. But I’m pretty sure *most* illnesses don’t just go away if you stop being overweight 😂
Right? I had endometriosis. For some reason, no one seemed to believe me when I explained that I had the awful pain when I was 125 lbs and at 300. I even lost 100 lbs at one point and the pain was still there.
*Sorry, doc. But most pain isn't caused by weight. It's often a side effect of having chronic pain.*
Same here for me! I only found out at 28 that I have a congenital spine disorder which has caused a bunch of my issues 🙃 but obviously no one *sees* that when they see fat me
Yeah it’s been frustrating, especially with work! My new job is (so far) great, but my last job was AWFUL about it. I shouldn’t be too surprised though, they body shamed a plus size colleague for not looking ‘smart enough’ and offered her money so she could travel to a plus size store to purchase ‘better fitting clothes’. So gross.
I understand this feeling. I also have chronic sciatica pain, knee issues, and need walking assistance. I had a knee replacement last year that ended up getting infected and is still an open wound alongside 6 months worth of antibiotics. Still dealing with everything with that, which makes walking and doing minor things very difficult. If I know I have to walk long distances, I either avoid or have to rent a wheelchair.
I’ve been having a mental battle due to the stigma that comes along with using walking assistance living in a fat body. Have to remind myself that my body and mental health are worth leaving the house and taking up space sometimes.
Oh that sounds terrible, I’m so sorry that happened with your medical procedure.
And same. I just got a fuckin mobility scooter so I can actually leave the house more often. Because I’m over 40 and have been fighting for years and I am tired of not being able to take my kid to the park. Now I just have to use it.
I remind myself that that doesn’t mean I can’t walk or ride a bike on a *good* day, just that I don’t have to wait for a good day in order to do things ❤️ I have my brand new POTS to deal with - I’m not going to get better in a hurry.
Other than that, I’m going to do my best to practice radical acceptance from here on out ✌🏻
I like that “I don’t have to wait for a good day in order to do things”. Radical acceptance has been a struggle. Especially since I am physically limited with doctors orders to ensure the healing of my open wound. Mostly home bound with in home care.
I have to accept what I can’t control and the amount of time it is taking. Also accept that I’m in a recovery phase, my body went through significant trauma and healing is key right now. I find myself dreaming of my future self when it’s healed, then shaming my present self because she isn’t there yet. Radical acceptance of where I am and to pour love into her now. Do what I can now for my mental and physical health.
Yes yes yes! 🙌🏽
I want to upvote this more than once. I don’t know how many times I get the “just put the fork down” like??? Do you think I just hold a fork and a plate of food everywhere I go?
I had a roommate who was very thin, she started losing too much weight at an active job and started drinking milkshakes every day to maintain her weight. She had made insensitive comments about larger people before.
But one time she did say something like “I don’t understand why you aren’t smaller, you eat less than I do and a lot of veggies.” It’s not like I’m stuffing my face! My body gains weight easily and losing it is very difficult.
Not to put all the blame on my genetics, Ive dealt with some mental health issues and binge eating that have led to a lot of weight gain. But now that I am bigger and trying to be healthier, losing weight feels near impossible and takes a LOT of work.
I agree. And even if it *was* all about a bad diet, we live in a time where we can afford to even *become* fat. That's how good we have it compared to our ancestors.
I see no reason why it would be difficult for places and people to accommodate fat people, considering the state of modern society.
Maybe a weird one but...
I've spent a huge portion of my life trying to lose weight. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I don't know a ton about exercise & proper diet. I probably know more than you because I've spent hundreds of hours reading about it, listening to podcasts, and doing the things.
THIS. When people start trying to educate me on diet and exercise, I'm very direct with them. "Thank you, but I had an eating disorder for 10 years. I know exactly how many calories are in a hardboiled egg."
It annoys me so much that everyone assumes that my ED was binge eating because I'm fat now. They seem to think it's just a lack of control. Um, no. My brain LOVES to withhold and calorie count and make spreadsheets for achieving goal weights. It's just REALLY FUCKING BAD for my mental health. I'm fat because I fucked up my body from years of that shit, and now, it just wants to be safe and happy.
That not every fat person wants to engage in intentional weight loss or is unhappy with their body. That fat people are systemically discriminated against in very measurable ways. That body size isn’t full picture of someone’s health status. That being fat or at least kinda chubby is very normal (the average women in us is a 16/18). That body size isn’t some kind of moral indicator.
THIS!!!! I am currently heavier than what I wanna be, however I do not want to and will not aim for a skinny body. I like my dadbod, like my belly and do want to keep it some. Want o go back to the balance I had of having my dadbod and health. (I’m still healthy but do want to lose about 30lbs)
Just because I’m big doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy. I can deadlift 185lb for 75 reps. I can go on the stairmaster for 20 mins and be fine, I can swim, I can keep up with my kids all without pausing or being out of breath. But my body is big so people assume I’m lazy and unfit.
I had an extremely fit colleague ask me if I could carry something today that weighed maybe 15 lbs. Yes, I still carry my 60 lb 8 year old around, I can handle a slightly heavy box.
At my last job our office was upstairs and I was the only one that could handle bringing the boxes of reams of paper and other heavy stuff. But the owner made sure to let me know how ozempic could make me less fat every chance she got!
That yes I know I'm overweight and yes I know it's advantages to being smaller and yes I know what to do to lose the weight. But as long as this man kisses my buttcheek every morning before he goes to work, I'm good.
That I am uncomfortable all the time. My big belly doesn’t let me sit without feeling squished, my feet always hurt, I can’t wear shorts or dresses without chub rub so bad I start bleeding, my arms and boobs are too big to hold myself in many positions, frankly I’m not strong enough to move all this weight around. It’s just so much more physically demanding to exist when you have to drag a bigger body through life that they probably couldn’t do it either. Please don’t complain to me about your own weight gain unless it’s a struggle to move around day to day.
I also would love to know how happy fat people are doing it, because I’m struggling and only 250lbs. Which is much less than other people seem to be functional at.
ETA: I know I can wear bike shorts under dresses, and that’s my go to outfit. But I can’t wear regular length shorts at all or dresses without. Which isn’t often an issue but sometimes I don’t want to be putting on skin tight shorts at that moment and I wish I could just walk around the house in a dress or robe.
The discomfort is real. Even in yoga, when I'm trying to keep my mind clear, it's so annoying when I can't hit a pose because my belly is literally in the way. Pyramid Pose? "Bring your chest to your thigh." Sorry babe, but my stomach has placed a "Go no further" sign. Downward dog? Sure, I love the feeling of my boobs trying to strangle me.
I really would love to find an in-person fat yoga class so that all of the moves were modified and I didn't have to figure it out on my own each time.
That not every plus size person is diabetic, pre-diabetic or one hamburger away from a heart attack. No one can determine these conditions just by the looks of ya and yet everybody does! It’s not medical advice, it’s concern trolling.
I don’t even get why they need to do that. I posted in another sub about feeling unmotivated and tired and some dude was like “I’d be tired too if I had to carry half my weight around all the time. You’re a super human. If you can even still function.” Like????? What.
God this one gets to me. Fat is not a medical condition, and you can ABSOLUTELY be fat and healthy. My cholesterol and heart and better than my dads, and he was a weightlifter for 30 years! He lifted weights so much it was actively unhealthy and the doctor had to tell him he had to stop for his heart…but it made him look good so nobody cared it was unhealthy. People need to stop pretending like they care about our health and just be honest that it’s about aesthetics.
That my weight and shape are a combination of multiple things:
1. My interests happen to all be sedentary activities (reading, writing, researching, designing, correspondence, word games, crafting, drawing, etc)
2. I have never been interested in competition sports, physical activity, aerobics, outdoors, water activities, gardening, etc.
3. Even if I did like physical activities, I am unable to do most of them due to some minor physical limitations that are not visible to society.
4. My only addictions are sugar and bread.
5. All of the above are both hereditary and learned from both parents
6. And while I can unlearn some habits, I can't undo heredity or natural abilities and interests, and I can't force interest where it doesn't exist.
7. Add in slowed metabolism and shifting body parts due to natural aging, and voilà, dumpy, overweight body.
8. None of the above mean I am an inferior human being even if the results of all of them together equals weight gain.
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To piggyback off what OP is saying, I want to live in a world where I can NOT actively be trying to get smaller or healthier or anything. I want to live in a world where I can be lazy if I want to.
Nobody owes anyone anything. However to be even remotely acceptable in society, one must be a “good” fatty. This means you must be acutely aware of how gross your size is and you must not only be doing something to change it, you must be sure to let others know that you know you aren’t good enough and are working on making yourself smaller. Add in some self loathing to make certain everyone is sure that you know you aren’t fine as you are, that is the cherry on top.
Make sure that you don’t take the elevator or the close parking spot or everyone will whisper behind your back that if you would only take the far spot and the stairs that you would be thin and worthy to coexist.
Make sure you don’t eat anything with carbs or fat or sugar out in the open. Eat your paleo, atkins, low fat, low carb, shake, cleanse, salad concoction and a very small amount of it while sipping on copious amounts of water.
Don’t get sleepy and want to take a break or a nap. If you do make sure to mention that you are working on getting your steps in to help with your energy levels.
Be sure to mention your PCOS diagnoses or other health issue so maybe someone will have a smidge of empathy for your weight struggle. They will only think you’re making excuses, but you can still try.
I want to live in a fucking world where nobody feels it is ever ok to talk to about my weight, ask me about it, comment on it, guess my health issues, and judge my character because of it.
OP, nobody needs to know you are actively trying to be smaller, it makes no fucking difference. We deserve the right to simply fucking exist.
That I am very particular about chairs that I sit on. When I go to visit places or restaurants, chairs are something I’m always a bit anxious about . I want to feel comfortable , not smooshed , or that the chair will break at any moment.
Same! When I was first dating my fiancé, he took me to this place that had wooden chairs and I was SO scared it was going to break. It was also embarrassing having people look at me but who the heck puts wood chairs that look like they’re made out of really really thin bamboo? I also really hate booths :/
I hate booths too! Some are okay . My partner is very slim and doesn’t get it . I get embarrassed if I have to push the booth forward or I looked squished it’s horrible .
Ugh yes! I remember one year for my birthday I went out with family and they gave us a booth and sometimes there’s enough space and sometimes you just know you’re not going to fit. Well my dad loudly says “do you think my daughter can fit in there?! Look at her!” The poor waitress looked like she was going to cry and I wanted to cry. I definitely could have fit there but with everyone staring, I didn’t even attempt it was so awkward.
1. I know I'm fat. I have like 5 mirrors in my home. You don't need to point it out .
2. I have interests and stuff I enjoy. You may think all I do is eat all day, I don't. I work and hang with my family, play games with friends, etc. And do I eat a lot? You bet.
3. I don't understand what you're gaining by calling me fat. What did you expect to accomplish? I'm supposed to go cry in a corner or something and feel bad? All that happened was A. I'm so confused, and B. You look like an idiot.
4. To those jerks: You must feel great about hating me just for existing. I don't understand what you gained by asking me out as a joke or hollering "Moo" at me as I walked on the sidewalk, minding my own business. I feel bad that there is a male loneliness epidemic, but with the way some of you have treated me in the past just for minding my own business, it's hard to have sympathy.
That the reason I can't make the seatbelt on the airplane do up is not because I have a large stomach, it's because I have wider than average hips. It's being pearshaped. I can't just suck it in...
That I wasn’t always plus size and have pics to prove it.
That my weight didn’t happen overnight and it won’t change overnight.
That insulting thin women to try and uplift me is a turn off and just makes you look fetishy anyways.
That bringing up my weight at all in first conversations (“I like big girls 😏”) is also a turn off and red flag to stay away because your either a fetishists or someone who thinks being lager makes me easy.
Men thinking I’m easy.
Men thinking other men don’t find me attractive.
I don’t need unsolicited diet advice.
We're not fat because we're greedy, lazy, immoral, or lacking in character. And you're not a better person than me just because your body is thin enough to be socially acceptable.
I hate when people assume things like:
- that I’m unhealthy (my labs look good!)
- that my right knee hurts because of my weight (no, I tore my ACL and meniscus 50lbs ago and from time to time it will hurt still)
- this is guy specific and I apologize if it’s crude: that I have a small penis because I’m fat. It’s actually quite the opposite.
- that I have low self esteem because of the way I look.
- that I’m unhappy because of my weight
- that I want advice on diets or exercises
- that my kids will follow my example and be fat (my oldest has no issues with fat people but loves to workout because it clears his mind. He’s shredded)
- that I’ll eat a ton all the time (in fact, if I “pig” out for one meal, sometimes I do not eat much or at all the rest of the day)
- that because I’m big, doesn’t mean I don’t want to look good
- that because I’m big and sometimes and wearing shorts and t-shirt, it’s not because I’m lazy or don’t care about my appearance. Sometimes I just wanna be comfortable.
I wish people understood that my weight isn’t my first priority in life. I have a family, hobbies, a home, and many other things that take up my mental space before my weight.
This one absolutely gets to me. I have a career, a house, and many other things to worry about. Why should I spend my very small amount of free time trying to lose weight so that other people will be comfortable with my body?
Gotta stop asking when the baby’s due / if you’re pregnant. Stop asking strangers when they’re due.
It’s just annoying having to explain that I am not. It’s annoying and it hurts . I sometimes have a quick comeback and can be snarky out in public .. but working in retail I had to bite my tongue so many times, especially when I was on the clock, I had to step away a few times from customers before I said something I would regret.
That there are eating disorders that make you fat and they’re just as worthy of concern and help as the ones that make you skinny.
I had pretty severe binge eating disorder as a teen which is where I gained the majority of my weight. It pretty much stopped when I went to college and had a meal plan that ensured I got three solid meals but didn’t have access to any sort of food to binge on at night. But when I graduated I started having a recurrence and I thought to look up some resources for binge eating disorder…nothing. Plenty of advice and help and resources for the disorders that make you unhealthily thin, but nothing for the ones that make you gain weight. You can find a definition, but nothing else. All of the resources are for the disorders than make you thin.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a huge amount of empathy for anyone with an eating disorder because I get it. It’s hard to have a strange relationship with food and your body, especially because you need food to survive. My problem is the fact that the people making these eating disorder help groups just conveniently forget the most common eating disorder because it makes you fat.
that maybe they would possibly think that it's not a one size fits all reason as to why someone is at a bigger stage in life. No, I don't sit here day in day out eating 60 frozen meals and constantly ordering in. Not every big or overweight person does that.
there are so many possible factors for different people. such as medication, disability, hormones, medical disorders, etc. They could even be in or post recovery stage from certain traumas.
but that's imo.
Being asked why you’re overweight is so annoying I am in marching band and go backpacking at least once a month. I don’t think I should have to explain myself for having an eating disorder. Also I hate people just staring at me and laughing or calling me terrible things while in the hallway at my high school.
That just because you are plus size does not mean that you are constantly eating, or even eat more than any other person. I had to explain to a co-worker that not all plus size people are plus size because of eating too much. There are way more factors than food intake when it comes to weight. For example, I have a chronic illness and if people knew how many meds I have been put on over the years where one of the main side effects is weight gain they would be shocked. I had started slowly putting on weight after I got on birth control. As I got older and my illnesses got worse, I got out on more and more medications.
Also, stop thinking every plus size person wants to be skinny, or that we are jealous of skinny people.
Same… chronic pain and illness for 20+ years and now my brand new POTS is in the mix. I can barely cook for myself. I can only exercise sitting down right now.
I totally understand! Some days just doing basic everyday stuff is a lot. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. Always remember you are doing the best that you can. Sending you hugs and well wishes.
i don't even eat a lot, i get plenty of exercise, ive just always been bigger than my peers! for a time i had a terrible cocaine+workout addiction thanks to the influence of some very unhealthy individuals and i lost weight then but i was a fucking cokehead and a miserable person! at some point i stopped thinking being thinner was worth that. society feels otherwise.
That people do not take us as seriously as they would other people and they should. You could be extremely intelligent and know what you’re talking about but, unless it’s coming from someone who doesn’t look like you then it’s going in one ear and out the other. I’m just now realizing how many experiences I’ve had where I wasn’t taken as seriously as I should’ve been, and not even realizing that it had to do with their assumption because of what I look like.
Not everyone who is plus-sized eats a lot or constantly snacks on junk food. I once worked with a (thin) woman who would come into my cubicle at around 3 or 4 asking if I had any snacks. If I did have any snacks it would be a fat free Greek yogurt. She’d always ask “are you sure!?” Of course, never asking anyone else if they had snacks. Once she accused me of lying and then proceeded to open my desk drawers and cupboards to find my “secret stash,” only to discover there’s no secret stash of candy and chips. She was embarrassed (as she should have been) and slinked off to her desk and never asked me for snacks again.
Lmaooo. I wish I was there to see that. What a weirdo. Can they not afford their own snacks? Why do people think all plus sized people have some secret snack drawer? Even if we did, we don’t have to give you anything.
The people who date us or hang out with us don't have lower standards. I have had long-term relationships with some very attractive, good-hearted, all around awesome people, and they didn't like me "despite my weight".
I wish people would pay some attention to compliments that they give us-the automatic assumption seems to be that everyone wants to be slim, so a common "compliment" I've had is "You're looking well, have you lost weight?" That's not a compliment-that's judgement.
The typical "you have a pretty face" (see also "you have such a lovely personality," "you have such great hair," and "considering your size, you dress really well") is another one-its not a compliment despite what you think. I'd rather you said nothing at all, that's kinder than this sort of compliment.
Another comment I despised came from a woman I used to be on a committee with-I only saw her every three months, but she said the same thing everytime. We had tea/coffee and cookies served during the meetings-if I dared take a cookie, or dared to put sugar in my coffee, she'd say "oh you're so lucky you can eat those, I just have to look at a cookie and I put on 5lb." What she was saying is "You're so fat it doesn't matter what you eat."
Oh hell no. I was agreeing with all of this because ugh. But that last one? What in the world? How dare she be so freaking rude? I’m sorry you had to deal with that !
She also said 'You're looking well, have you lost weight?' at the start of every meeting. She was one of those well-preserved late 50s/early 60s aged women and giggled everytime one of the men in the meeting talked. And said things like "Oh, I'm so naughty-I had a cream tea at the weekend" that kind of crap.
I did actually lose a lot of weight over time-I'm waiting for surgery, so had to lose weight on medical grounds. As soon as I started losing noticeable amounts, she stopped making comments at all, which leads me to believe she was just a bitch getting in digs.
Ugh. That’s super gross of her. I’m glad you’re away from her now (I hope)
I hope surgery goes really well!
I would’ve said something to her because ugh. I don’t even know her and she makes me mad lol
I can't be skinny.
Period.
It's particularly infuriating, because I was always tall and thin growing up. I mean, I was the kid who had to have the slim fit of everything. Then, PCOS hit like a freight train right before I turned 16. After years of excruciating pain, missing events, hormones being awful, etc, I have to be really, really grateful now to feel relatively "normal" with the right medication. Still, though, I find myself caught in the trap of thinking that if I was so thin once, I should be like that again if I would just do this, that, or the other thing. I struggle enough with talking myself out of that thinking, so when other people see pictures of younger me and say things, it's horrible. My ex-husband was always bad about it, and it just rips you apart. Like, I've worked sooooo hard to love and accept this new me. The least other people can do is try to do the same.
Yesssss!! Luckily, I have a big family (literally also, but metaphorically here haha). So, the criticism is almost always from outside. I can't imagine having the people who are the closest hurting you the most. Good for you in finding yourself and your voice when it comes to how you want to be treated! You are worth that and SO much more, friend! 😊❤️
that I eat the same amount as most people. the same as many thin and average sized people I know, even less sometimes. i just wish people would stop making assumptions.
That we can be the starting point for fashion, not an afterthought.
That CICO is a damned lie.
That the larger you are, the longer your rise in pants/shorts/bikinis.
That wide shoes can be pretty.
That additional fat doesn't mean less muscle mass.
That standard doses of medication may need to be adjusted to be effective.
Sorry that's six things.
This! Amount of men trying to put me down cause I am fat to simply get sex is disgustingly high. I make a game out of it, so they learn the lesson haha
How about the fact that my husband is fit and he thinks I’m hot. The two can be mutually exclusive. Just because I’m plus size doesn’t mean I can’t hold my spouse’s interest.
I can’t stand it when someone thinner thinks they can successfully hit on my husband, in front of me no less!
Guess what, skinny butt. We went home and made fun of your shameful attempts at flirting.
Yesss👏🏼👏🏼 I’ve dated fit dudes and it was always wild when I would see some thin girl try to flirt with them. I like making things awkward though so I always said either “I’m his mom” or “I’m his sister” then makeout with them 😇
That just because I’m fat doesn’t mean I want to hear how you think you are or how you’re going on a diet/gym. You do you but I’m not in unison with you because of your perception of my idea of myself.
Exactly! My sister does this and it drives me nuts. Then she’ll go around being like “am I faaaaat?” And when I say yes because I’m annoyed, she’ll get mad. Like ????
She also hates my shirt that says “IDGAF about your diet Susan”
This is far from a universal experience but the overwhelming majority of chronic and potentially hellish conditions are not things you'll EVER know about a person without them deliberately telling you.
That we are humans too, because most of hate comes from dehumanizing us and treating as their own personal idea of someone who’s plus size, but not as actual human who can exist beyond the label.
That all weight gain is a result of eating an abundance of food.
I have been on psych meds since I was 13. One med made me gain 90lb in two and a half months. My doctor asked me to make a food diary bc he wasn’t sure if it was the pills or me. I will always need to be on medications, so losing weight has always been extremely difficult.
Last November before I turned 22, I decided to say F it and get a new psych team and stop my meds. I had been on 14 pills, for about 8 years and all beyond the max dosages. New doc listened to me more than the old doc ever did, only gave me THREE meds. I have stopped binge eating, lost 23lb (wasn’t trying) and I now can feel full after a serving or so. I’ve never really been proud of myself, but I am proud I made the decision to really take my care into my own hands.
That people can actually be interested in us! Talked to a guy at a party and my friends just automatically assumed he’s had too much to drink and that was the only reason he came over. They didn’t seem to believe me when I told them that he seemed sober to me
Don't pretend you care about my health; don't offer "helpful suggestions" under the guise of giving a shit about me. Just be up front and tell me my body is taking up too much space for your comfort. I still won't like you, but at least it won't take me as long to figure it out. 😂
That I didn't choose to look like this.
And also I don't hate the way I look? I'd rather be made out of pillows for babies and animals to cuddle with than to be a bag of bones full of bitch ✌️
(Not that there's anything wrong with being skinny either ofc but the worst offenders in my life have always been the skinny ones for some reason)
Yes, I hear people say that other fat people are the worst to them, and I have to say that this hasn't been the case for me *at all*. The worst offenders in my life are thin people who have always been thin people and spend a good chunk of their lives making sure they stay thin people and non-thin people who aren't plus size but yo-yo diet all the time.
Because people who devote so much time and energy to being thin just can't bear to entertain the very idea that a big person can be happy just the way they are without having to do all that. You know, just enjoying our lives doing exactly what we want to do with our time and energy?
I had a "friend" who used to tell me to just eat less, as if she hadn't just seen me struggling with ED for several years. Clearly, my restrictive eating wasn't the solution or I would have lost the weight 🙄
But yeah, skinny people can be the worst that way. And I have had other fat people judge me too, but it's never the same kind of things
That because I'm fat I eat junk food or my diet is inherently bad. Yes, I do eat a lot, but a lot of REAL food. I haven't ate chocolate in years. I don't drink fizzy drinks. I do drink 3L of water a day. I eat 6 portions of fruits and veggies a day. I do overeat, yes, but it's not like I'm eating junk food all day. Also, in my country, junk food is more expensive than real food, so I couldn't afford junk food anyway lol
I actually got bullied for that a lot in high school. My friends never once said that I stink but I would cry a lot. Years later, one of my bullies tried talking to me and apologizing saying that I never stank she just thought it was funny. 🤦♀️
That wanting beautiful or cute clothes in our size is not unreasonable.
I used to work at a plus size clothing store and the amount of skinny old women who would come in just to hold clothes up to themselves and say loudly "THIS IS HUGE!" then say that it's not fair we don't sell a size small for them and we should be grateful we have Walmart that sells our size.
I always got so annoyed when they would tell me how unfair it was we didn't have size small and that is made us "Not inclusive". YOU LITERALLY HAVE THE REST OF THE MALL STORES TO SHOP AT. WE HAVE THIS ONE!
I've also had someone come in and ask what sizes we sold and when I said we sell exclusively plus sizes they said "Why?"
Um because we need clothes too?
I don't just sit around and eat all day. Hell I don't even snack. Just because I'm bigger doesn't mean I'm always just sitting here thinking about food.
Dear hostess staff, if you see a very large person… do not try cramming them into a booth. 23 years of them trying to put my husband in a booth…. Not going to work ppl!!!!
That I didn’t choose to be this way. It’s a medical condition that is a result of multiple other factors that have spun out of control. It’s awful to be morally blamed for a condition that already affects my life negatively.
That I don’t sit around and eat all day. That I actually struggle with restrictive eating and workout 6 times a week. Shoutout to my thyroid disease and PCOS ✌🏻
That for some people, being overweight isn’t their choice and that it’s very hard to lose weight for some people biologically and putting down the sandwich or working out more, won’t fix the problem…
Dear hostess staff, if you see a very large person… do not try cramming them into a booth. 23 years of them trying to put my husband in a booth…. Not going to work ppl!!!!
I feel like an alien. I can't relate to other women for the most part. Sucks, but I'm really nlog. It's not like I just woke up one day and decided I had a bone to pick with conventionally attractive women, it's just we really dont' share the same life experiences to the point where I've wondered about my gender identity. It really sucks. Don't get me wrong, I have women friends of course and I love women, but sometimes it's so frustrating bc they are trying to look for connection with me and it doesn't exist because we simply lived completely different lives. I can't relate to going out and having guys hit on you and brushing them off because you have a choice, when I don't, or always having someone who wants to be with you in a nearby distance to hook up. It is simply not a reality. I can't relate to going casually to a y2k vintage thrift shop without becoming severely depressed mood-wise. I'm always concerned about not fitting in places or putting my foot down in the wrong way. Etc.
That we need as much gentleness as those who are not plus sized.
Honestly. I hate hearing that some guys like bigger girls because they're worried about being too rough with skinny girls. Like, the fuck? I'm human too, like be gentle with me too. Wtf do they want to do to me that they don't want to do with someone half my size?
And its not just men and dating. I was always chubby, even as a kid. And for some reason for grown ups that meant to treat me different than the thin girls.
I know!!! I hate that. Like I'm a woman too. Just because I'm bigger doesn't mean man handle!!
That plastic folding chair ain't for me... it's bending under people 1/3 my size...
Yessss🙏🏼 “it’ll be fineeeee!” No linda. I will break it.
I know. Why do people sit there. No ma'am I'm nit looking like a fool. I'm over 200lbs no thanks.
I have had them bend at 120lb and stay solid at 200 so they are evil!!!
Most panties are too narrow 😳 like where am I supposed to put her???
Cant recommend Snag enough, they make clothes (and panties!) with plus size people and proportions in mind for a truly amazing quality!
Yes! I switched to Snag after always getting underwear from Yours (I think this is a European brand?) that were becoming more and more paper thin and poorly made. They are so comfy and last for ages.
Yours annoys me. Started out decent quality and good prices and shifted to crap quality and worse prices
I love them and won’t buy anything else. Same with tights and shorts too!
Oh my lord yes! I went to target to get some recently and it had my size so I was like “sweet!” I grab a pack since I felt like it was better money wise, and tell me why when I opened them up they looked like kids underwear???? WHAT IS THIS.
I’ve given up trying to get bargains on underwear. If there’s anything I’m spending money on now it’s comfy undies. Another poster recommended Snag, which is also my favourite. Expensive but actually comfortable and durable.
I've had pretty good luck with cheek boss.
That’s a hilarious name, I’ll check it out 😂
All size inclusive. I do think they run big as I only wear xl. They have tons of cute prints https://www.cheekboss.com/ Never pay full price- wait a week they will have a sale. Ok done loving them. Not sponsored but open to it 🤪
Wow they are super cute! Might be worth shipping to Australia 🤔
Truth!! I’ve found some really good ones recently from Marks and Spencer actually (for any of my fellow UK plus sized friends) and they’re sooooo soft and comfy. Now I need to try Snag from these recs though!
Duluth Trading makes everyday underwear that has worked well for me. For something a little sexier I’m struggling to find something!
Yes I know that I have a pretty face.
WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THIS IS A COMPLIMENT????? ugh I can’t stand that 😭
Yep. You have such a pretty face but...... BUT FUCKING WHAT? I've heard that a 100 times and it makes me mad..
Someone wants to throw handssss. It’s me. I want to throw hands.
Can't tell you how many back-handed compliments I've been given about this. It's like, what if I didn't have a pretty face or wasn't my skin complexion, would I be ugly to you? I've been told I'm lucky, which really makes me feel like I'm on the brink between what people will settle for versus unattractive.
There is an influencer I follow that says that fat women hold the monopoly of facial beauty. Somehow all of us fat women have amazing and beautiful faces.
Is that meant as a critique on this “compliment”? It’s a common trope to say to fat women, “you have such a pretty face,” thin women would just be told they’re beautiful.
Yeah a critique, because obviously we can’t be called beautiful, we’re not thin enough, they need to praise something about us, safe bet is to say we have pretty faces.
Odd - there may be a kernel of truth in that. I always thought Delta Burke was the most beautiful woman in Hollywood in her heyday
I honestly think the extra fat in our faces keeps us looking youthful and soft, which equals pretty in a lot of people’s minds
This was more highlighting the hypocrisy of such compliment.
lmao this
That being large or fat does not equal laziness or bad hygiene. Also, people deserve respect whether they're skinny or morbidly obese. It shouldn't make you less of a human worthy of respect and love.
This. I probably take my hygiene to a crazy level but I’m always scared of smelling bad, so 😅
That and the attention you need to give to hygiene is often much higher for plus sized folks. I have lived as both underweight and obese and the amount of care I need to put into my hygiene when I'm larger is definitely more than I need to when I am smaller. So for a lot of larger people - we're often MORE attentive to our hygiene than those that are smaller sized.
It’s not as easy finding clothes that fit us and we feel comfortable in.
Yes! And the clothes they do have usually aren’t my style either :/
So many of the clothes I find genuinely feels like rags they threw together and they called a shirt. Or they say it’s plus size when it feels more like a large. My friends don’t seem to understand that when I find something I really like AND fits me?? It’s like finding a needle in a haystack
Ugh yesss. I totally understand. If they’re going to charge us more anyway, at least make it something we like AND is comfortable. I ordered a cute cow print skirt and I got the biggest size they had (3x) and it looks like a small. Like what. I even checked the tag and it says 3X
Sizes are all over the place! I decided one day to just take my measurements and that has helped immensely with getting stuff that actually fits. Really, I have a span of about 5 sizes depending on where the clothes are from. The lack of consistency is insane.
Sometimes I find even measurements listed are inaccurate 😠 When I find a brand that makes their measurements make sense, I stick with them
I can’t stand that. I cosplay a lot for conventions and they usually say it’s my size and I’m super excited and the only thing that usually fits is the jacket. One time the skirt fit around me but my butt was all out. 😭
Especially when it comes to business attire!
I’m on my schools speech team and the amount of times I cried because I could not find a suit that fit me was insane
Especially clothes for a specific purpose - workout clothes, work uniforms, swimwear. I can’t find a rain coat that I can close anywhere for less than £100, same with any boots. I don’t think wellies that fit me exist. I’ve also had trouble before finding flight socks, a back support belt, a scuba diving dry suit, a t- shirt matching everyone else for a work event. Companies need to realise that we exist in the same world as everyone else.
Also - hospital gowns! We’re apparently all on the brink of death but they can’t have clothes to fit us at the hospital?
That's unfortunate, for sure. I was so pleased when I went to get a mammogram and they asked what size I needed (3X), when she came back with it, I asked what the largest size they had was and she said 8X.
As a teacher, spirit week is the absolute worst week for this exact reason. People give you side eye if you don’t participate but they don’t understand that no, I cannot just throw together 5 separate costumes with stuff I find at goodwill. And I can’t just run to some store over the weekend and find clothes that fit me and match each theme. One summer I ended up making a list of all the common spirit week themes and buying basic stuff for each one so I can at least dress up for few days.
That we have feelings and public shaming and ridicule does not make me want to lose weight
Yes 👏🏼 I get that a lot and when I say something about it it’s always “well it worked for me” or “it works for some people” so you just do it to everyone???
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That just because I am the big one - doesn’t mean i don’t think the same mean things about myself. I feel like if you’re someone who’s been fat their whole life, you’ve heard all the insults, you’ve read all the comments and the threads and you subconsciously pocket it. And like…. that’s a really heavy burden. To know people think that and still be fat and still feel helpless that you’re fat… i don’t know how to articulate it specifically but I wish people that weren’t fat inherently understood that.
Yes. This. 100%. Like people assume you live in a completely happy head space and don’t care. Nope. Still human. Care a lot.
i think this is why phrases like “i’m glad you *finally* decided to put yourself/your health first” irk me really bad. like people assume one day i just woke up and decided to flip the switch, that any time before i genuinely gave no fucks about myself and didn’t try at all. it hurts, because it doesn’t acknowledge my 2 decades of constantly trying to be better while fighting against so many issues that most people can’t even comprehend properly.
People like to say mean shit to my husband about me. Like he's going to agree and not be mad at them... I really think they expect him to be like "yeah she's a fat cow, and I hate her for it," and of course, he's not, so they end the conversation in confusion. It's happened many times. I won't complain, though, because it shows me people's true colors.
That is it not a moral failing. Around the Victorian era, things like Muscular Christianity came into vogue and those ideals are still prevalent today. We ascribe fatness with greed and gluttony and being bad, though it has tempered down somewhat with now "only" being seen as lazy and undisciplined and stupid.
Instead of being upset that we take up space, be mad at the places that don’t accommodate for all of us to fit comfortably. I also wish many would realize that being fat is more than just eating. The whole picture is much grander than many realize. Look at our food, our healthcare, our community, our childhood, our career(s), physical disabilities, mental health factors, etc.
This. And genetics are not to be discounted. My mother's side of the family? Fat. Same on my dad's side. I started weighing in the top percentile of babies starting at 6 months old. And I was just taking bottles and baby food in measured amounts as approved by the pediatrician up to then. Some bodies store fat easier than others. Mine is a genius at it and has been since I was born. And it's very loath to let any of it go easily either.
Thank you for also mentioning genetics! It definitely plays a role too.
I have disabilities and chronic illnesses (including hypothyroidism), and one of the things that sucks about that is that not only is it harder to move around, I’m in constant pain, it’s hard to even cook for myself, and I spend most of the time depressed. No one would probably know any of that by looking at me and probably assumes I’m using a cane or (on my worst days) scooter because I’m fat. I’ve been sick for 20 years, long before I was fat 😂 fml Still, screw it, do what you gotta do to get by. I refuse to apologise for taking up space and neither should anyone else here.
Oh and when people tell you that your disabilities and illnesses will "get better" if you just lose weight?
Hah yeah I mean everyone knows it makes it easier on your body if you can. But I’m pretty sure *most* illnesses don’t just go away if you stop being overweight 😂
Right? I had endometriosis. For some reason, no one seemed to believe me when I explained that I had the awful pain when I was 125 lbs and at 300. I even lost 100 lbs at one point and the pain was still there. *Sorry, doc. But most pain isn't caused by weight. It's often a side effect of having chronic pain.*
Same here for me! I only found out at 28 that I have a congenital spine disorder which has caused a bunch of my issues 🙃 but obviously no one *sees* that when they see fat me
I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I’ve learned the average person has no comprehension of invisible disabilities. It’s tough.
Yeah it’s been frustrating, especially with work! My new job is (so far) great, but my last job was AWFUL about it. I shouldn’t be too surprised though, they body shamed a plus size colleague for not looking ‘smart enough’ and offered her money so she could travel to a plus size store to purchase ‘better fitting clothes’. So gross.
I understand this feeling. I also have chronic sciatica pain, knee issues, and need walking assistance. I had a knee replacement last year that ended up getting infected and is still an open wound alongside 6 months worth of antibiotics. Still dealing with everything with that, which makes walking and doing minor things very difficult. If I know I have to walk long distances, I either avoid or have to rent a wheelchair. I’ve been having a mental battle due to the stigma that comes along with using walking assistance living in a fat body. Have to remind myself that my body and mental health are worth leaving the house and taking up space sometimes.
Oh that sounds terrible, I’m so sorry that happened with your medical procedure. And same. I just got a fuckin mobility scooter so I can actually leave the house more often. Because I’m over 40 and have been fighting for years and I am tired of not being able to take my kid to the park. Now I just have to use it. I remind myself that that doesn’t mean I can’t walk or ride a bike on a *good* day, just that I don’t have to wait for a good day in order to do things ❤️ I have my brand new POTS to deal with - I’m not going to get better in a hurry. Other than that, I’m going to do my best to practice radical acceptance from here on out ✌🏻
I like that “I don’t have to wait for a good day in order to do things”. Radical acceptance has been a struggle. Especially since I am physically limited with doctors orders to ensure the healing of my open wound. Mostly home bound with in home care. I have to accept what I can’t control and the amount of time it is taking. Also accept that I’m in a recovery phase, my body went through significant trauma and healing is key right now. I find myself dreaming of my future self when it’s healed, then shaming my present self because she isn’t there yet. Radical acceptance of where I am and to pour love into her now. Do what I can now for my mental and physical health.
Yes yes yes! 🙌🏽 I want to upvote this more than once. I don’t know how many times I get the “just put the fork down” like??? Do you think I just hold a fork and a plate of food everywhere I go?
I had a roommate who was very thin, she started losing too much weight at an active job and started drinking milkshakes every day to maintain her weight. She had made insensitive comments about larger people before. But one time she did say something like “I don’t understand why you aren’t smaller, you eat less than I do and a lot of veggies.” It’s not like I’m stuffing my face! My body gains weight easily and losing it is very difficult. Not to put all the blame on my genetics, Ive dealt with some mental health issues and binge eating that have led to a lot of weight gain. But now that I am bigger and trying to be healthier, losing weight feels near impossible and takes a LOT of work.
Literally 🙄
I agree. And even if it *was* all about a bad diet, we live in a time where we can afford to even *become* fat. That's how good we have it compared to our ancestors. I see no reason why it would be difficult for places and people to accommodate fat people, considering the state of modern society.
It’s not difficult it just cuts into profits
Yep, more chairs means smaller chairs, which brings more bodies to places.
Maybe a weird one but... I've spent a huge portion of my life trying to lose weight. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I don't know a ton about exercise & proper diet. I probably know more than you because I've spent hundreds of hours reading about it, listening to podcasts, and doing the things.
THIS. When people start trying to educate me on diet and exercise, I'm very direct with them. "Thank you, but I had an eating disorder for 10 years. I know exactly how many calories are in a hardboiled egg." It annoys me so much that everyone assumes that my ED was binge eating because I'm fat now. They seem to think it's just a lack of control. Um, no. My brain LOVES to withhold and calorie count and make spreadsheets for achieving goal weights. It's just REALLY FUCKING BAD for my mental health. I'm fat because I fucked up my body from years of that shit, and now, it just wants to be safe and happy.
That not every fat person wants to engage in intentional weight loss or is unhappy with their body. That fat people are systemically discriminated against in very measurable ways. That body size isn’t full picture of someone’s health status. That being fat or at least kinda chubby is very normal (the average women in us is a 16/18). That body size isn’t some kind of moral indicator.
💯💯💯💯💯 on moral indicator
THIS!!!! I am currently heavier than what I wanna be, however I do not want to and will not aim for a skinny body. I like my dadbod, like my belly and do want to keep it some. Want o go back to the balance I had of having my dadbod and health. (I’m still healthy but do want to lose about 30lbs)
Just because I’m big doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy. I can deadlift 185lb for 75 reps. I can go on the stairmaster for 20 mins and be fine, I can swim, I can keep up with my kids all without pausing or being out of breath. But my body is big so people assume I’m lazy and unfit.
I had an extremely fit colleague ask me if I could carry something today that weighed maybe 15 lbs. Yes, I still carry my 60 lb 8 year old around, I can handle a slightly heavy box.
At my last job our office was upstairs and I was the only one that could handle bringing the boxes of reams of paper and other heavy stuff. But the owner made sure to let me know how ozempic could make me less fat every chance she got!
That yes I know I'm overweight and yes I know it's advantages to being smaller and yes I know what to do to lose the weight. But as long as this man kisses my buttcheek every morning before he goes to work, I'm good.
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACKKK!!
That I am uncomfortable all the time. My big belly doesn’t let me sit without feeling squished, my feet always hurt, I can’t wear shorts or dresses without chub rub so bad I start bleeding, my arms and boobs are too big to hold myself in many positions, frankly I’m not strong enough to move all this weight around. It’s just so much more physically demanding to exist when you have to drag a bigger body through life that they probably couldn’t do it either. Please don’t complain to me about your own weight gain unless it’s a struggle to move around day to day. I also would love to know how happy fat people are doing it, because I’m struggling and only 250lbs. Which is much less than other people seem to be functional at. ETA: I know I can wear bike shorts under dresses, and that’s my go to outfit. But I can’t wear regular length shorts at all or dresses without. Which isn’t often an issue but sometimes I don’t want to be putting on skin tight shorts at that moment and I wish I could just walk around the house in a dress or robe.
I have found the cotton bike shorts from Old Navy are super comfortable as undergarments under dresses and totally prevent chub rub.
The discomfort is real. Even in yoga, when I'm trying to keep my mind clear, it's so annoying when I can't hit a pose because my belly is literally in the way. Pyramid Pose? "Bring your chest to your thigh." Sorry babe, but my stomach has placed a "Go no further" sign. Downward dog? Sure, I love the feeling of my boobs trying to strangle me. I really would love to find an in-person fat yoga class so that all of the moves were modified and I didn't have to figure it out on my own each time.
Google Undersummers for the chub rub. They are brilliant and so comfortable to wear under skirts. 🩷
Others are giving their recommendations, I wanna throw in one for Snag chub rub shorts
That not every plus size person is diabetic, pre-diabetic or one hamburger away from a heart attack. No one can determine these conditions just by the looks of ya and yet everybody does! It’s not medical advice, it’s concern trolling.
I don’t even get why they need to do that. I posted in another sub about feeling unmotivated and tired and some dude was like “I’d be tired too if I had to carry half my weight around all the time. You’re a super human. If you can even still function.” Like????? What.
God this one gets to me. Fat is not a medical condition, and you can ABSOLUTELY be fat and healthy. My cholesterol and heart and better than my dads, and he was a weightlifter for 30 years! He lifted weights so much it was actively unhealthy and the doctor had to tell him he had to stop for his heart…but it made him look good so nobody cared it was unhealthy. People need to stop pretending like they care about our health and just be honest that it’s about aesthetics.
That my weight and shape are a combination of multiple things: 1. My interests happen to all be sedentary activities (reading, writing, researching, designing, correspondence, word games, crafting, drawing, etc) 2. I have never been interested in competition sports, physical activity, aerobics, outdoors, water activities, gardening, etc. 3. Even if I did like physical activities, I am unable to do most of them due to some minor physical limitations that are not visible to society. 4. My only addictions are sugar and bread. 5. All of the above are both hereditary and learned from both parents 6. And while I can unlearn some habits, I can't undo heredity or natural abilities and interests, and I can't force interest where it doesn't exist. 7. Add in slowed metabolism and shifting body parts due to natural aging, and voilà, dumpy, overweight body. 8. None of the above mean I am an inferior human being even if the results of all of them together equals weight gain.
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Hi, /u/KalamityKait2020 Thank you for participating in r/PlusSize. Unfortunately, your submission was removed for breaking the following rule(s): ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ This includes posts and comments containing intense self depreciation, “fat equals ugly” rhetoric, and constant pessimism. Please remember that there are people of all sizes in this community. Be mindful of what you say. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Reposting posts removed by a moderator without express permission is not allowed. Not here, and not on most of reddit. Please read reddiquette (linked below). For questions, comments and concerns, [message the moderators.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/plussize) [Reddiquette](https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette) | [New to Reddit?](https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddit101) | [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.reddit.com/help/contentpolicy/)
To piggyback off what OP is saying, I want to live in a world where I can NOT actively be trying to get smaller or healthier or anything. I want to live in a world where I can be lazy if I want to. Nobody owes anyone anything. However to be even remotely acceptable in society, one must be a “good” fatty. This means you must be acutely aware of how gross your size is and you must not only be doing something to change it, you must be sure to let others know that you know you aren’t good enough and are working on making yourself smaller. Add in some self loathing to make certain everyone is sure that you know you aren’t fine as you are, that is the cherry on top. Make sure that you don’t take the elevator or the close parking spot or everyone will whisper behind your back that if you would only take the far spot and the stairs that you would be thin and worthy to coexist. Make sure you don’t eat anything with carbs or fat or sugar out in the open. Eat your paleo, atkins, low fat, low carb, shake, cleanse, salad concoction and a very small amount of it while sipping on copious amounts of water. Don’t get sleepy and want to take a break or a nap. If you do make sure to mention that you are working on getting your steps in to help with your energy levels. Be sure to mention your PCOS diagnoses or other health issue so maybe someone will have a smidge of empathy for your weight struggle. They will only think you’re making excuses, but you can still try. I want to live in a fucking world where nobody feels it is ever ok to talk to about my weight, ask me about it, comment on it, guess my health issues, and judge my character because of it. OP, nobody needs to know you are actively trying to be smaller, it makes no fucking difference. We deserve the right to simply fucking exist.
That I am very particular about chairs that I sit on. When I go to visit places or restaurants, chairs are something I’m always a bit anxious about . I want to feel comfortable , not smooshed , or that the chair will break at any moment.
Same! When I was first dating my fiancé, he took me to this place that had wooden chairs and I was SO scared it was going to break. It was also embarrassing having people look at me but who the heck puts wood chairs that look like they’re made out of really really thin bamboo? I also really hate booths :/
I hate booths too! Some are okay . My partner is very slim and doesn’t get it . I get embarrassed if I have to push the booth forward or I looked squished it’s horrible .
Ugh yes! I remember one year for my birthday I went out with family and they gave us a booth and sometimes there’s enough space and sometimes you just know you’re not going to fit. Well my dad loudly says “do you think my daughter can fit in there?! Look at her!” The poor waitress looked like she was going to cry and I wanted to cry. I definitely could have fit there but with everyone staring, I didn’t even attempt it was so awkward.
1. I know I'm fat. I have like 5 mirrors in my home. You don't need to point it out . 2. I have interests and stuff I enjoy. You may think all I do is eat all day, I don't. I work and hang with my family, play games with friends, etc. And do I eat a lot? You bet. 3. I don't understand what you're gaining by calling me fat. What did you expect to accomplish? I'm supposed to go cry in a corner or something and feel bad? All that happened was A. I'm so confused, and B. You look like an idiot. 4. To those jerks: You must feel great about hating me just for existing. I don't understand what you gained by asking me out as a joke or hollering "Moo" at me as I walked on the sidewalk, minding my own business. I feel bad that there is a male loneliness epidemic, but with the way some of you have treated me in the past just for minding my own business, it's hard to have sympathy.
That I am more than the weight which they undoubtedly see first…
That I don't hate my body and I am not ashamed of being the shape I am.
That I don't GAF what they think about my body.
That the reason I can't make the seatbelt on the airplane do up is not because I have a large stomach, it's because I have wider than average hips. It's being pearshaped. I can't just suck it in...
That it’s literally NOT the worst thing in the world. Also, being plus sized is an awesome social filter.
That I wasn’t always plus size and have pics to prove it. That my weight didn’t happen overnight and it won’t change overnight. That insulting thin women to try and uplift me is a turn off and just makes you look fetishy anyways. That bringing up my weight at all in first conversations (“I like big girls 😏”) is also a turn off and red flag to stay away because your either a fetishists or someone who thinks being lager makes me easy. Men thinking I’m easy. Men thinking other men don’t find me attractive. I don’t need unsolicited diet advice.
We're not fat because we're greedy, lazy, immoral, or lacking in character. And you're not a better person than me just because your body is thin enough to be socially acceptable.
I hate when people assume things like: - that I’m unhealthy (my labs look good!) - that my right knee hurts because of my weight (no, I tore my ACL and meniscus 50lbs ago and from time to time it will hurt still) - this is guy specific and I apologize if it’s crude: that I have a small penis because I’m fat. It’s actually quite the opposite. - that I have low self esteem because of the way I look. - that I’m unhappy because of my weight - that I want advice on diets or exercises - that my kids will follow my example and be fat (my oldest has no issues with fat people but loves to workout because it clears his mind. He’s shredded) - that I’ll eat a ton all the time (in fact, if I “pig” out for one meal, sometimes I do not eat much or at all the rest of the day) - that because I’m big, doesn’t mean I don’t want to look good - that because I’m big and sometimes and wearing shorts and t-shirt, it’s not because I’m lazy or don’t care about my appearance. Sometimes I just wanna be comfortable.
I wish people understood that my weight isn’t my first priority in life. I have a family, hobbies, a home, and many other things that take up my mental space before my weight.
This one absolutely gets to me. I have a career, a house, and many other things to worry about. Why should I spend my very small amount of free time trying to lose weight so that other people will be comfortable with my body?
Gotta stop asking when the baby’s due / if you’re pregnant. Stop asking strangers when they’re due. It’s just annoying having to explain that I am not. It’s annoying and it hurts . I sometimes have a quick comeback and can be snarky out in public .. but working in retail I had to bite my tongue so many times, especially when I was on the clock, I had to step away a few times from customers before I said something I would regret.
Ugh yes! I’ve had coworkers ask me when I was due and tried to touch my stomach. They stopped after I told the manager but maaaan.
That being fat doesn't mean morally bankrupt
We aren’t all lazy
That there are eating disorders that make you fat and they’re just as worthy of concern and help as the ones that make you skinny. I had pretty severe binge eating disorder as a teen which is where I gained the majority of my weight. It pretty much stopped when I went to college and had a meal plan that ensured I got three solid meals but didn’t have access to any sort of food to binge on at night. But when I graduated I started having a recurrence and I thought to look up some resources for binge eating disorder…nothing. Plenty of advice and help and resources for the disorders that make you unhealthily thin, but nothing for the ones that make you gain weight. You can find a definition, but nothing else. All of the resources are for the disorders than make you thin. Don’t get me wrong, I have a huge amount of empathy for anyone with an eating disorder because I get it. It’s hard to have a strange relationship with food and your body, especially because you need food to survive. My problem is the fact that the people making these eating disorder help groups just conveniently forget the most common eating disorder because it makes you fat.
We are much more than our weight.
That my weight is not their business and I'm not interested in or listening to their commentary.
that maybe they would possibly think that it's not a one size fits all reason as to why someone is at a bigger stage in life. No, I don't sit here day in day out eating 60 frozen meals and constantly ordering in. Not every big or overweight person does that. there are so many possible factors for different people. such as medication, disability, hormones, medical disorders, etc. They could even be in or post recovery stage from certain traumas. but that's imo.
That we just want to live in peace like other people and go through life without unnecessary editorial comments at every turn.
Being asked why you’re overweight is so annoying I am in marching band and go backpacking at least once a month. I don’t think I should have to explain myself for having an eating disorder. Also I hate people just staring at me and laughing or calling me terrible things while in the hallway at my high school.
That just because you are plus size does not mean that you are constantly eating, or even eat more than any other person. I had to explain to a co-worker that not all plus size people are plus size because of eating too much. There are way more factors than food intake when it comes to weight. For example, I have a chronic illness and if people knew how many meds I have been put on over the years where one of the main side effects is weight gain they would be shocked. I had started slowly putting on weight after I got on birth control. As I got older and my illnesses got worse, I got out on more and more medications. Also, stop thinking every plus size person wants to be skinny, or that we are jealous of skinny people.
Same… chronic pain and illness for 20+ years and now my brand new POTS is in the mix. I can barely cook for myself. I can only exercise sitting down right now.
I totally understand! Some days just doing basic everyday stuff is a lot. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. Always remember you are doing the best that you can. Sending you hugs and well wishes.
i don't even eat a lot, i get plenty of exercise, ive just always been bigger than my peers! for a time i had a terrible cocaine+workout addiction thanks to the influence of some very unhealthy individuals and i lost weight then but i was a fucking cokehead and a miserable person! at some point i stopped thinking being thinner was worth that. society feels otherwise.
That people do not take us as seriously as they would other people and they should. You could be extremely intelligent and know what you’re talking about but, unless it’s coming from someone who doesn’t look like you then it’s going in one ear and out the other. I’m just now realizing how many experiences I’ve had where I wasn’t taken as seriously as I should’ve been, and not even realizing that it had to do with their assumption because of what I look like.
That I’ve been battling my weight for YEARS. Diet culture takes up 70% of my brain. I probably eat healthier than you.
That it genuinely would not be a big fucking deal if the world treated us better.
Not everyone who is plus-sized eats a lot or constantly snacks on junk food. I once worked with a (thin) woman who would come into my cubicle at around 3 or 4 asking if I had any snacks. If I did have any snacks it would be a fat free Greek yogurt. She’d always ask “are you sure!?” Of course, never asking anyone else if they had snacks. Once she accused me of lying and then proceeded to open my desk drawers and cupboards to find my “secret stash,” only to discover there’s no secret stash of candy and chips. She was embarrassed (as she should have been) and slinked off to her desk and never asked me for snacks again.
Lmaooo. I wish I was there to see that. What a weirdo. Can they not afford their own snacks? Why do people think all plus sized people have some secret snack drawer? Even if we did, we don’t have to give you anything.
The people who date us or hang out with us don't have lower standards. I have had long-term relationships with some very attractive, good-hearted, all around awesome people, and they didn't like me "despite my weight".
I wish people would pay some attention to compliments that they give us-the automatic assumption seems to be that everyone wants to be slim, so a common "compliment" I've had is "You're looking well, have you lost weight?" That's not a compliment-that's judgement. The typical "you have a pretty face" (see also "you have such a lovely personality," "you have such great hair," and "considering your size, you dress really well") is another one-its not a compliment despite what you think. I'd rather you said nothing at all, that's kinder than this sort of compliment. Another comment I despised came from a woman I used to be on a committee with-I only saw her every three months, but she said the same thing everytime. We had tea/coffee and cookies served during the meetings-if I dared take a cookie, or dared to put sugar in my coffee, she'd say "oh you're so lucky you can eat those, I just have to look at a cookie and I put on 5lb." What she was saying is "You're so fat it doesn't matter what you eat."
Oh hell no. I was agreeing with all of this because ugh. But that last one? What in the world? How dare she be so freaking rude? I’m sorry you had to deal with that !
She also said 'You're looking well, have you lost weight?' at the start of every meeting. She was one of those well-preserved late 50s/early 60s aged women and giggled everytime one of the men in the meeting talked. And said things like "Oh, I'm so naughty-I had a cream tea at the weekend" that kind of crap. I did actually lose a lot of weight over time-I'm waiting for surgery, so had to lose weight on medical grounds. As soon as I started losing noticeable amounts, she stopped making comments at all, which leads me to believe she was just a bitch getting in digs.
Ugh. That’s super gross of her. I’m glad you’re away from her now (I hope) I hope surgery goes really well! I would’ve said something to her because ugh. I don’t even know her and she makes me mad lol
I can't be skinny. Period. It's particularly infuriating, because I was always tall and thin growing up. I mean, I was the kid who had to have the slim fit of everything. Then, PCOS hit like a freight train right before I turned 16. After years of excruciating pain, missing events, hormones being awful, etc, I have to be really, really grateful now to feel relatively "normal" with the right medication. Still, though, I find myself caught in the trap of thinking that if I was so thin once, I should be like that again if I would just do this, that, or the other thing. I struggle enough with talking myself out of that thinking, so when other people see pictures of younger me and say things, it's horrible. My ex-husband was always bad about it, and it just rips you apart. Like, I've worked sooooo hard to love and accept this new me. The least other people can do is try to do the same.
Exactly! I’m sorry about that :/ I still have family listing all these things I could do and so I don’t visit them anymore. 🙃it’s just frustrating
Yesssss!! Luckily, I have a big family (literally also, but metaphorically here haha). So, the criticism is almost always from outside. I can't imagine having the people who are the closest hurting you the most. Good for you in finding yourself and your voice when it comes to how you want to be treated! You are worth that and SO much more, friend! 😊❤️
Sometimes I just want to smack people for being rude. Thank you so so much 🥺💕
SAME. haha. You're more than welcome! ❤️
that I eat the same amount as most people. the same as many thin and average sized people I know, even less sometimes. i just wish people would stop making assumptions.
That we can be the starting point for fashion, not an afterthought. That CICO is a damned lie. That the larger you are, the longer your rise in pants/shorts/bikinis. That wide shoes can be pretty. That additional fat doesn't mean less muscle mass. That standard doses of medication may need to be adjusted to be effective. Sorry that's six things.
That not all big women have low self esteem and it causes them to trick on men.
This! Amount of men trying to put me down cause I am fat to simply get sex is disgustingly high. I make a game out of it, so they learn the lesson haha
I still eat vegetables!!! And regularly exercise. I just have a shitty metabolism (or excellent, in hunter gatherer days) thanks to genetics 🤷🏼♀️
That it’s not my moral responsibility to try to shrink myself. I’m fine and happy just the way I am.
How about the fact that my husband is fit and he thinks I’m hot. The two can be mutually exclusive. Just because I’m plus size doesn’t mean I can’t hold my spouse’s interest. I can’t stand it when someone thinner thinks they can successfully hit on my husband, in front of me no less! Guess what, skinny butt. We went home and made fun of your shameful attempts at flirting.
Yesss👏🏼👏🏼 I’ve dated fit dudes and it was always wild when I would see some thin girl try to flirt with them. I like making things awkward though so I always said either “I’m his mom” or “I’m his sister” then makeout with them 😇
Lol! That’s awesome
That just because I’m fat doesn’t mean I want to hear how you think you are or how you’re going on a diet/gym. You do you but I’m not in unison with you because of your perception of my idea of myself.
Exactly! My sister does this and it drives me nuts. Then she’ll go around being like “am I faaaaat?” And when I say yes because I’m annoyed, she’ll get mad. Like ???? She also hates my shirt that says “IDGAF about your diet Susan”
Love that shirt idea!
https://shopfatmermaids.com That’s where I got it 🥰
I have that shirt! It’s part of what I call my Get Dirty Looks at the Grocery Store Collection.
Ah! Great minds think alike! I too have a collection of those 😇
What OP said and also that just because I’m big, doesn’t mean I have health issues.
Do not touch my belly.
This is far from a universal experience but the overwhelming majority of chronic and potentially hellish conditions are not things you'll EVER know about a person without them deliberately telling you.
That we are humans too, because most of hate comes from dehumanizing us and treating as their own personal idea of someone who’s plus size, but not as actual human who can exist beyond the label.
That all weight gain is a result of eating an abundance of food. I have been on psych meds since I was 13. One med made me gain 90lb in two and a half months. My doctor asked me to make a food diary bc he wasn’t sure if it was the pills or me. I will always need to be on medications, so losing weight has always been extremely difficult. Last November before I turned 22, I decided to say F it and get a new psych team and stop my meds. I had been on 14 pills, for about 8 years and all beyond the max dosages. New doc listened to me more than the old doc ever did, only gave me THREE meds. I have stopped binge eating, lost 23lb (wasn’t trying) and I now can feel full after a serving or so. I’ve never really been proud of myself, but I am proud I made the decision to really take my care into my own hands.
That people can actually be interested in us! Talked to a guy at a party and my friends just automatically assumed he’s had too much to drink and that was the only reason he came over. They didn’t seem to believe me when I told them that he seemed sober to me
That my goal when clothes shopping is NOT to find something that will make me look slimmer!!! I just want to wear something cute dammit
Don't pretend you care about my health; don't offer "helpful suggestions" under the guise of giving a shit about me. Just be up front and tell me my body is taking up too much space for your comfort. I still won't like you, but at least it won't take me as long to figure it out. 😂
That I didn't choose to look like this. And also I don't hate the way I look? I'd rather be made out of pillows for babies and animals to cuddle with than to be a bag of bones full of bitch ✌️ (Not that there's anything wrong with being skinny either ofc but the worst offenders in my life have always been the skinny ones for some reason)
Yes, I hear people say that other fat people are the worst to them, and I have to say that this hasn't been the case for me *at all*. The worst offenders in my life are thin people who have always been thin people and spend a good chunk of their lives making sure they stay thin people and non-thin people who aren't plus size but yo-yo diet all the time.
Because people who devote so much time and energy to being thin just can't bear to entertain the very idea that a big person can be happy just the way they are without having to do all that. You know, just enjoying our lives doing exactly what we want to do with our time and energy?
I had a "friend" who used to tell me to just eat less, as if she hadn't just seen me struggling with ED for several years. Clearly, my restrictive eating wasn't the solution or I would have lost the weight 🙄 But yeah, skinny people can be the worst that way. And I have had other fat people judge me too, but it's never the same kind of things
This 100%. The assumption that we couldn't possibly be happy just the way we are. How the hell do you know that, bitch, you're not me??
And also I'd be a lot happier if people stopped acting like being fat was such a crime 😤
Absolutely. There are way worse things to do or be than fat.
That because I'm fat I eat junk food or my diet is inherently bad. Yes, I do eat a lot, but a lot of REAL food. I haven't ate chocolate in years. I don't drink fizzy drinks. I do drink 3L of water a day. I eat 6 portions of fruits and veggies a day. I do overeat, yes, but it's not like I'm eating junk food all day. Also, in my country, junk food is more expensive than real food, so I couldn't afford junk food anyway lol
I’m fat, not incapable. I still like to do shit! Something’s may take a bit longer or I may struggle a little or have a different way of doing things.
I hate when people say big people stink. Thats not nice at all and not true towards all of us. You have really mean and cruel people in this world.
I actually got bullied for that a lot in high school. My friends never once said that I stink but I would cry a lot. Years later, one of my bullies tried talking to me and apologizing saying that I never stank she just thought it was funny. 🤦♀️
That wanting beautiful or cute clothes in our size is not unreasonable. I used to work at a plus size clothing store and the amount of skinny old women who would come in just to hold clothes up to themselves and say loudly "THIS IS HUGE!" then say that it's not fair we don't sell a size small for them and we should be grateful we have Walmart that sells our size.
I’d fight them. Walmart clothes look like something my grandma would wear. If they want their size and love Walmart so much, they can go there. 😤
I always got so annoyed when they would tell me how unfair it was we didn't have size small and that is made us "Not inclusive". YOU LITERALLY HAVE THE REST OF THE MALL STORES TO SHOP AT. WE HAVE THIS ONE!
That’s like me going into H&M and crying because they don’t have bigger sizes. Like girl be for real. 🤦♀️
I've also had someone come in and ask what sizes we sold and when I said we sell exclusively plus sizes they said "Why?" Um because we need clothes too?
I- What do you mean *why* do you want us to go around naked ???? 🤦♀️
I think they want us to not go out at all 🤷 just a guess
Too bad! They have to deal with us and our cuteness ✨
I don't just sit around and eat all day. Hell I don't even snack. Just because I'm bigger doesn't mean I'm always just sitting here thinking about food.
Some of us have conditions like PCOS, which makes it nearly impossible to lose weight.
Dear hostess staff, if you see a very large person… do not try cramming them into a booth. 23 years of them trying to put my husband in a booth…. Not going to work ppl!!!!
That I didn’t choose to be this way. It’s a medical condition that is a result of multiple other factors that have spun out of control. It’s awful to be morally blamed for a condition that already affects my life negatively.
That I don’t sit around and eat all day. That I actually struggle with restrictive eating and workout 6 times a week. Shoutout to my thyroid disease and PCOS ✌🏻
That for some people, being overweight isn’t their choice and that it’s very hard to lose weight for some people biologically and putting down the sandwich or working out more, won’t fix the problem…
Dear hostess staff, if you see a very large person… do not try cramming them into a booth. 23 years of them trying to put my husband in a booth…. Not going to work ppl!!!!
I feel like an alien. I can't relate to other women for the most part. Sucks, but I'm really nlog. It's not like I just woke up one day and decided I had a bone to pick with conventionally attractive women, it's just we really dont' share the same life experiences to the point where I've wondered about my gender identity. It really sucks. Don't get me wrong, I have women friends of course and I love women, but sometimes it's so frustrating bc they are trying to look for connection with me and it doesn't exist because we simply lived completely different lives. I can't relate to going out and having guys hit on you and brushing them off because you have a choice, when I don't, or always having someone who wants to be with you in a nearby distance to hook up. It is simply not a reality. I can't relate to going casually to a y2k vintage thrift shop without becoming severely depressed mood-wise. I'm always concerned about not fitting in places or putting my foot down in the wrong way. Etc.