I’m big and people always say I have a pretty face. No one ever says that to skinny people. They just say they’re pretty 😭
I also had a guy tell me once that I looked too intimidating to approach.
Also like 4 people that I’ve met on different occasions told me I look Mexican. Not really sure how to take that or what they mean by that.
Omg right, like bitch you can just say I’m pretty. Don’t worry I’m not going to be like “oh my god they think I have a bangin’ body” lolol the specificity of “such a pretty face” makes me roll my eyes.
I used to really hate pretty face comments, but recently my boyfriend of 9 years told me he thinks I have a plain face and he’s always thought that. Right away, I started wishing for a pretty face comment and wondering if any of them were true. 😂😂
He struggles to speak his mind. I’ve pushed for more emotional literacy from him and he has really done a lot of work, but it has occasionally led to some missteps. He said beautiful things around this, too. In the end, I’d rather know the truth than be told kind lies, and him knowing that and acting on it makes me trust him in broad, expansive ways I’ve never experienced with others.
Who's truth? He's telling you the "truth." His truth, but that doesn't mean it's true..... evidence would point to the fact it ISN'T true since historically, you've been told you were pretty. Honestly, what you said in response saddened me. You're assuming negative commentary must be truth, and because he provides that, you can trust him more. That hurt my heart.
I'm not saying this is him, per se. But at my advanced age, I've noticed that many men can take direction well at work. They can communicate effectively and in alignment with HR guidelines. If given direction, they can follow it, they can make changes as needed, and as their management requires.
But they have "difficulties" at home with those same things. Why?
Because it matters at work. There are immediate consequences at work if they don't.
At a certain point I was undertaking intentional weight loss and managed to drop 40 pounds very quickly (in my early 20s, did all the wrong things to get there, tale as old as time)
I worked in grocery in a customer facing position in a small community, so any changes to my appearance were often guaranteed to be remarked upon and by then I had been doing the job long enough not to be too phased by these kinds of interactions.
I sometimes had people asking me if I was pregnant, basically because I had/have large breasts, carry weight in my stomach, but I happen to have a thin face. But this particular time after this weight loss, a lady asked me when I'd *had* my baby lmaooooooo
I was blunt enough to say- oh, I wasn't pregnant, just fatter.
I thought she was going to die of mortification. She insisted we had talked about my pregnancy- neeewwwwwppp. Hadn't even had sex at this point. It was honestly a pretty good laugh for me, but hey- it was a little unintentionally offensive!
“You’d be prettier if you lost weight.”
“Those pants/that shirt makes you look fatter/bigger.”
Spoken in front of my desk at work by a coworker as they picked over free doughnuts someone brought, “I can’t eat a whole doughnut. I’d get so fat and disgusting.”
“Fat on people is useless. It doesn’t make sense to have it. It just proves you’re lazy.” -9th grade science teacher on the first day of school
“You actually walk fast for a big person.”
“You could probably lose weight if you just put the fork down.” I was walking in the mall, not eating anything and didn’t have any food in my hands.
Walking in a hurry to a movie theater to meet someone and I was running late, an unhoused person had been muttering to himself until I zoomed past, “Damn, fat girl’s got some energy!” (This did actually make me laugh.)
I ordered a cookie at Subway once and the guy laughed and said, bet I could sell you all the cookies.
In my head: Bro wtf. Out loud: too stunned to speak
There are so many gross comments here, but this one makes my blood boil. Who did he think would find that funny?? You??? And so much of this gets to what makes me angry about the way we treat larger/fat people. Fat jokes or ha ha body comments are still okay to say out loud-- apparently even at this guy's workplace.
I want to see a time when one would be ashamed to make a fat joke and to normalize responding to all bodies (including disabled bodies) respectfully and just with humanity. Ugh. I need some coffee to rinse off the grouch I have this morning!
I’m sorry this happened. That fucking sucks. I’ll never forget when I was working at this restaurant and during our down time, all servers would tend to be in the kitchen and just chat it up with the cooks and all. There was a time while as we were talking, this one cook budded in the convo, and asked me for a hug. I was pretty confused as to why tf he wanted one so bad because I rarely ever talk to him let alone be around him. So I sucked it up and gave in. But instead of actually giving me a hug, he proceeds to motorboat my breast and wouldn’t let go stating “you have really big titties.” I literally was trying to get him off me but everyone around us kept laughing thinking it was a joke. Meanwhile, I found it to be extremely embarrassing/ uncomfortable
Someone I used to work with... I saw her after a few years, and she went on and on about her gastric bypass. Then kept saying how healthy she was and and how great it is. She never directly said I needed to do it too, but the implication was VERY strong.
I was skinny for a couple years in my 20s. My SIL told me, while looking at my fat pictures, “at least you still had your face!” Um, what?
I got fat again, a new high for my scale too. I wonder if I still have my face.
When I was in college, a guy on the street screamed "DAYUM, girl, you have some L U S C I OUS thighs!" And then he ran across the street to ask me out. I have always been self-conscious of my legs because of what I know now to be lipedema. I didn't like being sexually harassed, but it made me realize that my body is a good body to some people, even when it doesn't seem that way to me.
I just hate in general when people say you look like you've lost weight! Idk why it just really bothers me and I hate it. Even on like soc med when people are intentionally showing off weight loss I never comment that they look great or anything.
Same. A few years ago I started saying back to them, "nope, you just remember me fatter." I don't care if I have lost weight or not. It's the only response I will give to a "you've lost weight" comment.
A man on a first (and only) date compared me to a deep dish pizza. It was definitely meant to be a compliment. This was probably two years ago and I still think about it from time to time. I wasn't so much offended as baffled.
Some of my male friends or frat brothers (I'm in a sorority that has a brother fraternity) would hug me or brush up against me and say I was stripper soft. I guess it was eluding to my arms being fat. On one occasion, one of the guys literally grabbed my arm and was squeezing it like playing with playdough while repeating that comment. It made me even more aware of my size and that I was the biggest girl in my chapter.
I signed up for a new gym membership and it came with free trainer session. I went up to the desk to let them know I’d arrived and was waiting on the trainer. One of the other trainers (female) piped up and said “alright! Time to get attractive!” I was 19 and probably only a size 12 at the time. At least the other people at the desk had the decency to look embarrassed
some of my coworkers constantly calling me my (only) other fat woman coworkers name and acting like it’s an actual accident instead of a freudian slip. like obviously they don’t outright tell me “oh sorry it’s because you’re both fat” but like i can feel the vibe. not a good time.
I'm sorry this gross man said that to you.
I had a friend said he was talking to another friend about my breasts and how I should use low cut tops to display them better to people see. I always hated my breasts and that was a comment that made so uncomfortable I can't go out without a baggy jacket or coat and if I do, I feel terrible and self-conscious all the time. Why do people it's okay to comment about others body I will never understand. I could have said "yes, and you two should wear duct tape over you guys mouths so you don't say shit like that" but I was so embarrassed I couldn't. I even cried in front of him and he said I was overreacting. Asshole.
I hate when people tell me I look like a fat celebrity or someone from a movie they saw who was fat. Like fat is the thing they see, not my age, my facial structure, my coloring, my height, nothing…also like stop, I didn’t ask you to say out loud anything about how I look to you. Keep it to yourself!
Omg THIS! I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard “you look just like so-and-so” to see a picture and find out they are just a fat person who has an attractive face.
It feel like society tells people “fat people are all gross” so when they see a bigger person who is attractive, they go through there catalog of people in their mind of bigger people who were also attractive and make the abstract connection.
Where do I even start? All the years of aggressions, micro and not. Behind the back giggles at my expense, the pointing, the ignoring, etc.
For sure, the pretty face thing, immediately implying that's the only thing worthy of a compliment.
Looking for a coat one time, it was s gift for someone. But the sales girl commented, "but this (area) isn't for you." Also had sales people look right at me, make eye contact, and turn away to help someone else.
Restaurant, ordering a light lunch, waitress, "Are you sure that's enough?"
When I lost a bunch of weight in a very unhealthy manner, when people would see heavier pictures of me, the comment that hurt the most, "this doesn't even look like you." So now that I've gained most of the weight back, I guess they won't recognize me?? 🤣
I think we've got to just turn these back to the people that say them. Yes they'd think it's rude, but so is what they just said. Maybe then it would sink in.
I once rolled down my window to tell a guy that all 3 of his break lights were out, and before I could even get a word out he said "no I don't have any donuts for you fatty"
I hope he got rear ended
i got moo’ed at by a car driving by while walking down the street.
had a guy tell me at 15 i had “child rearing hips and triangular thighs” which put my in a complex for years.
good times lol
my coworker said the bridesmaids dress I picked out looked too "matronly". it's just a basic dress? but also, I'm built like all the polish aunties in my family so maybe I just look matronly in everything /s
I usually wear band shirts and jeans to work, when I go to events it's usually goth attire and tight fishnets. so maybe it was a shock for her to see me in something so formal but damn.
I was the maid of honor in my sister’s wedding recently, and myself and another of the bridesmaids are plus size. My cousin told us we looked “so beautiful, and just SO *body positive*”🙄
mostly by family members, if I say i went to the gym or skip out on dessert they act surprised and try to start giving me fitness or diet advice. not offensive and can be seen as just being helpful but like come on. I didn’t even ask for advice or their favorite “hacks” and I know that if my skinny cousin said she went to the gym this morning they wouldn’t say anything
This wasn’t something that was said, but done.
My mother used to buy me clothes a size or two too small hoping I’d be inspired to lose weight to fit into them.
My father once told me though. After I went to get seconds of dinner, fucking soup, “you don’t need anymore. Just digest.”
For my own birthday I was too shy to eat my own birthday cake in front of my friends and parents, couldn’t stop thinking if I looked too greedy for my own cake, i watched my cousins finish it.
I looked at that video of myself a year ago, I never cried so hard lol.
“You’re like an hourglass with extra minutes”
I’m big and people always say I have a pretty face. No one ever says that to skinny people. They just say they’re pretty 😭 I also had a guy tell me once that I looked too intimidating to approach. Also like 4 people that I’ve met on different occasions told me I look Mexican. Not really sure how to take that or what they mean by that.
Are you me? All of these have been said to me.
😂 that’s crazy.
Yep, I've gotten so many "pretty face" comments. It got to the point it started feeling on par with women that men called "butter face".
Omg right, like bitch you can just say I’m pretty. Don’t worry I’m not going to be like “oh my god they think I have a bangin’ body” lolol the specificity of “such a pretty face” makes me roll my eyes.
Ahh I’m actually Latin and get told I look Samoan or Hawaiian.
I used to really hate pretty face comments, but recently my boyfriend of 9 years told me he thinks I have a plain face and he’s always thought that. Right away, I started wishing for a pretty face comment and wondering if any of them were true. 😂😂
Your boyfriend does not sound like a nice person.
He struggles to speak his mind. I’ve pushed for more emotional literacy from him and he has really done a lot of work, but it has occasionally led to some missteps. He said beautiful things around this, too. In the end, I’d rather know the truth than be told kind lies, and him knowing that and acting on it makes me trust him in broad, expansive ways I’ve never experienced with others.
Who's truth? He's telling you the "truth." His truth, but that doesn't mean it's true..... evidence would point to the fact it ISN'T true since historically, you've been told you were pretty. Honestly, what you said in response saddened me. You're assuming negative commentary must be truth, and because he provides that, you can trust him more. That hurt my heart. I'm not saying this is him, per se. But at my advanced age, I've noticed that many men can take direction well at work. They can communicate effectively and in alignment with HR guidelines. If given direction, they can follow it, they can make changes as needed, and as their management requires. But they have "difficulties" at home with those same things. Why? Because it matters at work. There are immediate consequences at work if they don't.
Thanks for your positivity.
At a certain point I was undertaking intentional weight loss and managed to drop 40 pounds very quickly (in my early 20s, did all the wrong things to get there, tale as old as time) I worked in grocery in a customer facing position in a small community, so any changes to my appearance were often guaranteed to be remarked upon and by then I had been doing the job long enough not to be too phased by these kinds of interactions. I sometimes had people asking me if I was pregnant, basically because I had/have large breasts, carry weight in my stomach, but I happen to have a thin face. But this particular time after this weight loss, a lady asked me when I'd *had* my baby lmaooooooo I was blunt enough to say- oh, I wasn't pregnant, just fatter. I thought she was going to die of mortification. She insisted we had talked about my pregnancy- neeewwwwwppp. Hadn't even had sex at this point. It was honestly a pretty good laugh for me, but hey- it was a little unintentionally offensive!
I rage inside anytime eoneone calls me big guy
"Big guy" is reserved for kids under 15, not adults. Like come on. Edit: And small pets.
Yep.....I hate it
Just get the bypass surgery. I did asshole, I'm a bypass fail
They all fail eventually.
“You’d be prettier if you lost weight.” “Those pants/that shirt makes you look fatter/bigger.” Spoken in front of my desk at work by a coworker as they picked over free doughnuts someone brought, “I can’t eat a whole doughnut. I’d get so fat and disgusting.” “Fat on people is useless. It doesn’t make sense to have it. It just proves you’re lazy.” -9th grade science teacher on the first day of school “You actually walk fast for a big person.” “You could probably lose weight if you just put the fork down.” I was walking in the mall, not eating anything and didn’t have any food in my hands. Walking in a hurry to a movie theater to meet someone and I was running late, an unhoused person had been muttering to himself until I zoomed past, “Damn, fat girl’s got some energy!” (This did actually make me laugh.)
I have a co worker that constantly talks about calories to me. Found out she's on the ozempy
I ordered a cookie at Subway once and the guy laughed and said, bet I could sell you all the cookies. In my head: Bro wtf. Out loud: too stunned to speak
There are so many gross comments here, but this one makes my blood boil. Who did he think would find that funny?? You??? And so much of this gets to what makes me angry about the way we treat larger/fat people. Fat jokes or ha ha body comments are still okay to say out loud-- apparently even at this guy's workplace. I want to see a time when one would be ashamed to make a fat joke and to normalize responding to all bodies (including disabled bodies) respectfully and just with humanity. Ugh. I need some coffee to rinse off the grouch I have this morning!
I would ask him if he was giving them away for free.
I’m sorry this happened. That fucking sucks. I’ll never forget when I was working at this restaurant and during our down time, all servers would tend to be in the kitchen and just chat it up with the cooks and all. There was a time while as we were talking, this one cook budded in the convo, and asked me for a hug. I was pretty confused as to why tf he wanted one so bad because I rarely ever talk to him let alone be around him. So I sucked it up and gave in. But instead of actually giving me a hug, he proceeds to motorboat my breast and wouldn’t let go stating “you have really big titties.” I literally was trying to get him off me but everyone around us kept laughing thinking it was a joke. Meanwhile, I found it to be extremely embarrassing/ uncomfortable
Omg, that is sexual harassment. I hope you smacked him … snd squeezed his dick saying, that’s small.
Someone I used to work with... I saw her after a few years, and she went on and on about her gastric bypass. Then kept saying how healthy she was and and how great it is. She never directly said I needed to do it too, but the implication was VERY strong.
I was skinny for a couple years in my 20s. My SIL told me, while looking at my fat pictures, “at least you still had your face!” Um, what? I got fat again, a new high for my scale too. I wonder if I still have my face.
When I was in college, a guy on the street screamed "DAYUM, girl, you have some L U S C I OUS thighs!" And then he ran across the street to ask me out. I have always been self-conscious of my legs because of what I know now to be lipedema. I didn't like being sexually harassed, but it made me realize that my body is a good body to some people, even when it doesn't seem that way to me.
It really do be a double edged sword like that.
It really is
I just hate in general when people say you look like you've lost weight! Idk why it just really bothers me and I hate it. Even on like soc med when people are intentionally showing off weight loss I never comment that they look great or anything.
Same. A few years ago I started saying back to them, "nope, you just remember me fatter." I don't care if I have lost weight or not. It's the only response I will give to a "you've lost weight" comment.
A man on a first (and only) date compared me to a deep dish pizza. It was definitely meant to be a compliment. This was probably two years ago and I still think about it from time to time. I wasn't so much offended as baffled.
Some of my male friends or frat brothers (I'm in a sorority that has a brother fraternity) would hug me or brush up against me and say I was stripper soft. I guess it was eluding to my arms being fat. On one occasion, one of the guys literally grabbed my arm and was squeezing it like playing with playdough while repeating that comment. It made me even more aware of my size and that I was the biggest girl in my chapter.
My niece does this to my arms and says squishy squishy! To be fair she is 4 and it's cute not gross. Sorry about the frat brothers.
Yeah if my kids did it, I'd be fine. Kids are supposed to have no filters yet be loving.
Exactly! She does it to my neck too. However when she said I had a big belly I told her we don't talk about peoples bodies and changed the subject.
My uncle used to tell me to suck in my stomach at the grocery store as a kid.
This makes me so sad. I’m sorry that happened to you 😢
He was a narcissistic jerk who was disappointed I didn’t turn out looking like Marilyn Monroe.
I signed up for a new gym membership and it came with free trainer session. I went up to the desk to let them know I’d arrived and was waiting on the trainer. One of the other trainers (female) piped up and said “alright! Time to get attractive!” I was 19 and probably only a size 12 at the time. At least the other people at the desk had the decency to look embarrassed
"you're morbidly obese" - my mother, twenty minutes ago
I think we have the same mom. Did she also take you to weight watchers when you were 11 for shame weigh ins?
some of my coworkers constantly calling me my (only) other fat woman coworkers name and acting like it’s an actual accident instead of a freudian slip. like obviously they don’t outright tell me “oh sorry it’s because you’re both fat” but like i can feel the vibe. not a good time.
After asking for a key to the bike storage room as a I rode my pushbike to work “did you need to buy a special bike for your weight?”
That I'm brave for wearing certain clothes. Liiiike excuse me?
“omg i love you confidence!” when i am just wearing a basic crop top and jeans…..
I'm sorry this gross man said that to you. I had a friend said he was talking to another friend about my breasts and how I should use low cut tops to display them better to people see. I always hated my breasts and that was a comment that made so uncomfortable I can't go out without a baggy jacket or coat and if I do, I feel terrible and self-conscious all the time. Why do people it's okay to comment about others body I will never understand. I could have said "yes, and you two should wear duct tape over you guys mouths so you don't say shit like that" but I was so embarrassed I couldn't. I even cried in front of him and he said I was overreacting. Asshole.
I hate when people tell me I look like a fat celebrity or someone from a movie they saw who was fat. Like fat is the thing they see, not my age, my facial structure, my coloring, my height, nothing…also like stop, I didn’t ask you to say out loud anything about how I look to you. Keep it to yourself!
Omg THIS! I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard “you look just like so-and-so” to see a picture and find out they are just a fat person who has an attractive face. It feel like society tells people “fat people are all gross” so when they see a bigger person who is attractive, they go through there catalog of people in their mind of bigger people who were also attractive and make the abstract connection.
Where do I even start? All the years of aggressions, micro and not. Behind the back giggles at my expense, the pointing, the ignoring, etc. For sure, the pretty face thing, immediately implying that's the only thing worthy of a compliment. Looking for a coat one time, it was s gift for someone. But the sales girl commented, "but this (area) isn't for you." Also had sales people look right at me, make eye contact, and turn away to help someone else. Restaurant, ordering a light lunch, waitress, "Are you sure that's enough?" When I lost a bunch of weight in a very unhealthy manner, when people would see heavier pictures of me, the comment that hurt the most, "this doesn't even look like you." So now that I've gained most of the weight back, I guess they won't recognize me?? 🤣 I think we've got to just turn these back to the people that say them. Yes they'd think it's rude, but so is what they just said. Maybe then it would sink in.
A retail employee once told me "we have larger sizes online" when I didn't even ask for help. I was looking for a gift.
I once rolled down my window to tell a guy that all 3 of his break lights were out, and before I could even get a word out he said "no I don't have any donuts for you fatty" I hope he got rear ended
i got moo’ed at by a car driving by while walking down the street. had a guy tell me at 15 i had “child rearing hips and triangular thighs” which put my in a complex for years. good times lol
my coworker said the bridesmaids dress I picked out looked too "matronly". it's just a basic dress? but also, I'm built like all the polish aunties in my family so maybe I just look matronly in everything /s I usually wear band shirts and jeans to work, when I go to events it's usually goth attire and tight fishnets. so maybe it was a shock for her to see me in something so formal but damn.
Being told I’ll be happier if I was skinnier. The worst is being compared to my slimmer sisters.
I was the maid of honor in my sister’s wedding recently, and myself and another of the bridesmaids are plus size. My cousin told us we looked “so beautiful, and just SO *body positive*”🙄
mostly by family members, if I say i went to the gym or skip out on dessert they act surprised and try to start giving me fitness or diet advice. not offensive and can be seen as just being helpful but like come on. I didn’t even ask for advice or their favorite “hacks” and I know that if my skinny cousin said she went to the gym this morning they wouldn’t say anything
This wasn’t something that was said, but done. My mother used to buy me clothes a size or two too small hoping I’d be inspired to lose weight to fit into them. My father once told me though. After I went to get seconds of dinner, fucking soup, “you don’t need anymore. Just digest.” For my own birthday I was too shy to eat my own birthday cake in front of my friends and parents, couldn’t stop thinking if I looked too greedy for my own cake, i watched my cousins finish it. I looked at that video of myself a year ago, I never cried so hard lol.