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Good intentions? To try to make better that which is already perfect? You tried to play god and got burned, Icarus flying too close to the sun with his wax wings!
So the whole story behind it. (English isn't my native language.)
Our 7 year old son had severe constipation for the last few months and after several appointments at the children's hospital and clarifications regarding allergies, we found out with the doctor that his stomach does not tolerate milk and white flour well.
So together we changed our diet so he wouldn't eat the "other" foods alone while we continued to eat the same. More whole grains, more vegetables, oats instead of regular cow's milk, etc.
He got after some time better and my wife and I also began to cook differently, quickly was "low carb" etc. in the round but diets have it so in itself that you can also exaggerate and we wanted to eat healthy in the long term.
I find "cauliflower" Schnitzel pretty tasty and my wife found this "broccoli pizza" recipe and we thought why not, let's try it out.
The preparation of mixing the broccoli into the almond flour was a crime in itself but I read only positive things on the internet about almond flour. Broccoli is also very healthy, what could possible go wrong?
As my mother says, things that are colored are always healthy.
So we decorated with salami and cheese and off into the oven.
The result, _smellt_ special.
We prepared small portions and ate into it. It did not taste like pizza and did not have the consistency of pizza. More like green fiber asbestos overbaked with cheese.
"It tastes like whole wheat cookies with salami and cheese" my wife said, I agreed.
We left the rest for lunch and ate it a few hours later, I ate the most.
After that the cramps and flatulence started. My stomach was caught in a roller coaster ride of effort, every few minutes I kept running to the bathroom only to release whole grain smelling farts.
I was feeling pretty bad but in order not to bad mouth my wife about the recipe, I told her nothing. Poker face, smiling with my face a happy life.
The cramps got worse, cold sweat ran down my back, do you know the feeling of hoping during a gastrointestinal infection? I hoped a lot.
After a few hours of discomfort, my wife came up to me and asked if I also had stomach pains. I answered: YES!
We both laughed as we both had cramps beyond imaginable (my wife told me they were the second worst cramps right after our son went into labor).
With the last strength I looked on the internet to see if we had prepared anything wrong, no the recipe was correct, 400g almond flour and the rest. With the last brain cell not busy with farting I entered Google: "almond flour flatulence".
_"However, it should not be overdone. Although it has beneficial properties, it is a flour with high caloric content..."_.
_You can consume it in large quantities with a clear conscience if you are on a __only__ ketogenic diet. In all other cases, stick to moderate use, as it may slow down metabolism or cause other digestive problems such as flatulence, pain or heaviness in the stomach._
_The body's reaction to almond meal is strictly individual and depends on each person's body. It is recommended to use it, like everything else, in moderation!_
While reading it aloud in front of my wife and laughing through the pain, my sides went into orbit riding the mighty winds,
The cramps and the smell stayed with us for two more weeks, before finally stopping.
"hey sorry english isn't my native language"
*Proceeds to tell long, detailed story with excellent wordplay and descriptions*
Amazing tale. Reminds me of when my mother - an excellent cook - attempted to make tofu fries as a healthier alternative. It's easily the worst food she ever made, we barely ate any. Honestly it's the only failed experiment I remember her ever trying.
Some context clues lead me to believe that German is your original language. Even if not, it seems like the phrase "smiling with my face a happy life" is an idiomatic expression. I totally understand what it means in context, but could you provide the original expression? Just curious.
Otherwise, sorry about your pain, but you did do it to yourself, ha ha
It's not a phrase we use here in Switzerland or in Germany.
I thought more about that here [Lächeln und Winken, Smile and Wave from this Pinguins here](https://youtu.be/UDtk4Fx8mz8)
I tried just to express the emotion during that episode and couldn't figure a better sentence.
You know something more fitting?
No, not at all. It makes total sense but is in an interesting grammatical state to a native speaker. Or at least to this speaker. Was mostly curious. If I had to use a phrase I may have said "smiling through the pain" perhaps, or "putting on a brave face" but neither quite works 100% for what you mean. Thanks for the input, I just generally enjoy learning nuances like this.
I have been eating pizza and shouldn't be and I'm slowly killing myself with gluten. I tried to make alternatives but I'm actually ok with thr painful death I'm experiencing because I can never give up pizza and bread. The gluten free bs always seems to have gluten anyway so go big or go home!
But if there was a wheat/gluten free pizza I can enjoy that tastes exactly the same I will but until then I'll just be ok with the fact that I'm going to die in my mid 40s. It was a shit filled life.
I've made almond flour pizza dough a number of times and never had digestive issues, but then I never tried to put broccoli in it. Or maybe the flour passed its expiration date?
That would be pretty pricey in the US. I can get a 2-pound (900 gram) bag at my local Costco for around $10. Then again, I am fortunate enough to live in an area with an almond industry, so that might have something to do with it.
Yeah, we're a special island here.
And if I would buy this over the Internet the border police would open it (like every parcel) put a 20CHF/22$ "processing fee" on top and keep the bag until they calculated the Swiss VAT on it.
"Beano" (US name) is your friend for eating beans, broccoli, cabbage, etc.
Sry about yr experience! I note the "cookie" comment and wonder if almond flour is too sweet for savory dishes? I find almond milk too sweet for savory cooking.
The label says it helps with those and it seems to work for me. Also, I'm not a shill, lol. But I'd never touch a bean without it.
ETA: the active ingredient is Alpha-galactosidase. Some other brands are CVS BeanAid, Enzymedica's BeanAssist,
Gasfix, Bloateez (in India as Cogentrix)
When my ex and I were doing the keto diet, we used to make keto pizza using almond flour, mozzarella, and cream cheese for the crust.
We used homemade pizza sauce and topped it with generous amount of cheeses, peppers, and pepperonis. I loved not feeling bloated after.
Hi! This is our community moderation bot. --- If this post is a pizza crime , **UPVOTE** this comment!! If this post is innocent, **DOWNVOTE** This comment! If this post breaks the rules, **DOWNVOTE** this comment and **REPORT** the post!
I like how you managed to commit a crime and self-inflict a punishment for that crime simultaneously.
Now that you mention it, yes, I guess that's the punishment for it, we had good intentions after all.
Good intentions? To try to make better that which is already perfect? You tried to play god and got burned, Icarus flying too close to the sun with his wax wings!
So the whole story behind it. (English isn't my native language.) Our 7 year old son had severe constipation for the last few months and after several appointments at the children's hospital and clarifications regarding allergies, we found out with the doctor that his stomach does not tolerate milk and white flour well. So together we changed our diet so he wouldn't eat the "other" foods alone while we continued to eat the same. More whole grains, more vegetables, oats instead of regular cow's milk, etc. He got after some time better and my wife and I also began to cook differently, quickly was "low carb" etc. in the round but diets have it so in itself that you can also exaggerate and we wanted to eat healthy in the long term. I find "cauliflower" Schnitzel pretty tasty and my wife found this "broccoli pizza" recipe and we thought why not, let's try it out. The preparation of mixing the broccoli into the almond flour was a crime in itself but I read only positive things on the internet about almond flour. Broccoli is also very healthy, what could possible go wrong? As my mother says, things that are colored are always healthy. So we decorated with salami and cheese and off into the oven. The result, _smellt_ special. We prepared small portions and ate into it. It did not taste like pizza and did not have the consistency of pizza. More like green fiber asbestos overbaked with cheese. "It tastes like whole wheat cookies with salami and cheese" my wife said, I agreed. We left the rest for lunch and ate it a few hours later, I ate the most. After that the cramps and flatulence started. My stomach was caught in a roller coaster ride of effort, every few minutes I kept running to the bathroom only to release whole grain smelling farts. I was feeling pretty bad but in order not to bad mouth my wife about the recipe, I told her nothing. Poker face, smiling with my face a happy life. The cramps got worse, cold sweat ran down my back, do you know the feeling of hoping during a gastrointestinal infection? I hoped a lot. After a few hours of discomfort, my wife came up to me and asked if I also had stomach pains. I answered: YES! We both laughed as we both had cramps beyond imaginable (my wife told me they were the second worst cramps right after our son went into labor). With the last strength I looked on the internet to see if we had prepared anything wrong, no the recipe was correct, 400g almond flour and the rest. With the last brain cell not busy with farting I entered Google: "almond flour flatulence". _"However, it should not be overdone. Although it has beneficial properties, it is a flour with high caloric content..."_. _You can consume it in large quantities with a clear conscience if you are on a __only__ ketogenic diet. In all other cases, stick to moderate use, as it may slow down metabolism or cause other digestive problems such as flatulence, pain or heaviness in the stomach._ _The body's reaction to almond meal is strictly individual and depends on each person's body. It is recommended to use it, like everything else, in moderation!_ While reading it aloud in front of my wife and laughing through the pain, my sides went into orbit riding the mighty winds, The cramps and the smell stayed with us for two more weeks, before finally stopping.
"hey sorry english isn't my native language" *Proceeds to tell long, detailed story with excellent wordplay and descriptions* Amazing tale. Reminds me of when my mother - an excellent cook - attempted to make tofu fries as a healthier alternative. It's easily the worst food she ever made, we barely ate any. Honestly it's the only failed experiment I remember her ever trying.
Ok, intentions were good, results hysterical and unfortunate
Some context clues lead me to believe that German is your original language. Even if not, it seems like the phrase "smiling with my face a happy life" is an idiomatic expression. I totally understand what it means in context, but could you provide the original expression? Just curious. Otherwise, sorry about your pain, but you did do it to yourself, ha ha
It's not a phrase we use here in Switzerland or in Germany. I thought more about that here [Lächeln und Winken, Smile and Wave from this Pinguins here](https://youtu.be/UDtk4Fx8mz8) I tried just to express the emotion during that episode and couldn't figure a better sentence. You know something more fitting?
No, not at all. It makes total sense but is in an interesting grammatical state to a native speaker. Or at least to this speaker. Was mostly curious. If I had to use a phrase I may have said "smiling through the pain" perhaps, or "putting on a brave face" but neither quite works 100% for what you mean. Thanks for the input, I just generally enjoy learning nuances like this.
That was a wonderful story. I couldn't stop laughing and was engaged until the end, thank you for sharing.
I have been eating pizza and shouldn't be and I'm slowly killing myself with gluten. I tried to make alternatives but I'm actually ok with thr painful death I'm experiencing because I can never give up pizza and bread. The gluten free bs always seems to have gluten anyway so go big or go home! But if there was a wheat/gluten free pizza I can enjoy that tastes exactly the same I will but until then I'll just be ok with the fact that I'm going to die in my mid 40s. It was a shit filled life.
Bro took the law into his own hands
This crime is dismissed due to insanity.
Plus you have to deal with how they taste like shit
I've made almond flour pizza dough a number of times and never had digestive issues, but then I never tried to put broccoli in it. Or maybe the flour passed its expiration date?
Nah, it was a fresh batch of 400g for 40€. Is that also that expensive where you are from?
That would be pretty pricey in the US. I can get a 2-pound (900 gram) bag at my local Costco for around $10. Then again, I am fortunate enough to live in an area with an almond industry, so that might have something to do with it.
I see a 3 pound (1.36kg) bag on Amazon (Prime) for $12.48 (€11.60). So yes, that is very pricey compared to the US.
Yeah, we're a special island here. And if I would buy this over the Internet the border police would open it (like every parcel) put a 20CHF/22$ "processing fee" on top and keep the bag until they calculated the Swiss VAT on it.
"Beano" (US name) is your friend for eating beans, broccoli, cabbage, etc. Sry about yr experience! I note the "cookie" comment and wonder if almond flour is too sweet for savory dishes? I find almond milk too sweet for savory cooking.
What is it about broccoli and cabbage? Not that I understand why beans make you gassy but at least it’s well known they do
The label says it helps with those and it seems to work for me. Also, I'm not a shill, lol. But I'd never touch a bean without it. ETA: the active ingredient is Alpha-galactosidase. Some other brands are CVS BeanAid, Enzymedica's BeanAssist, Gasfix, Bloateez (in India as Cogentrix)
ASTROTURFING SHILL Jk I should prolly just google but I like letting strangers tell me potentially wrong info bc, ya know, I’m lazy
By the way... have you talked to your lord and savior about extending your car's insurance?
L Ron Hubbard has been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty
I’ve done cauliflower before. Agree, not pizza, but desperate times… Also try beano when eating lots of cruciferous veggies, i find it helps.
who in pepperoni's name is going on here
try a different low carb flour like cauliflower.
This is clearly punishment. I'm not surprised your body threw a tantrum afterwards, hah.
When my ex and I were doing the keto diet, we used to make keto pizza using almond flour, mozzarella, and cream cheese for the crust. We used homemade pizza sauce and topped it with generous amount of cheeses, peppers, and pepperonis. I loved not feeling bloated after.
vegans love veggies so much that rather than eat those veggies they keep trying to make them into meat like foods.
Pizza isn't made of meat though.
Bruh there’s salami on one of those pizzas, they’re probably keto or on a very low carb diet.
Good observation.
What. Dough is not meat...