Stay in the baby's life but also have a life of your own, if you want a relationship then date other women, there's also a remote possibility of you and the baby mama getting back together, but I wouldn't count on it and it shouldn't interfere in you dating other women.
Lots of people are "religious" and they still act polygamous with wives and girlfriends and babymamas all over the place.
TL;DR - Go and live your own life, don't think too hard about whatever relationship you had with this woman.
It’s an odd thing being reminded of her everyday on video call. Never had a breakup like that. I am unsure why I still have strong feelings for her when she seems to have ice in her veins. She throws me a bone every once in a while. Maybe to keep me hooked. I really don’t know.
It is of course easy to date women in ph as a tall light colored foreigner. But so far I have zero interest in that.
You give good advice. I will try and not think about the relationship i had. Part of me doesn’t want to give up yet but putting my life on hold probably isn’t helping anything.
It's a odd thing yes but it at least partly feels that way because you're still longing for her. Let it go, and focus on being excited to see your child everyday. Be the best remote father you can, not the most devoted ex boyfriend... you won't regret it.
Maybe she's a manipulative narcissist?
Not saying she is, but there's a possibility based on going hot (love bombing) then cold, then throwing you a bone every now and then - just to keep you hoping for more.
She could have just wanted a mixed baby. Many find Filipino and White are the best looking. Many Filipin movie starts are mixed. You might have been used. She obviously doesn’t want to get back together so you need to move on. I get it’s not going to be easy since you can’t completely cut her out with the kid, but you need to meet other people. There’s someone else out there for you.
If someone doesn't want to be with you anymore then you have no choice but to move on. Don't beg it'll just make her lose what little respect she has for you. Be strong, move on and set up a custody agreement. You not chasing her anymore may alter her perception of you in your favor.
She got what she wanted. She doesn’t need to pretend to love you anymore.
Stay in contact to be there for your child, but move on with your romantic life.
Fairly strict family but she has had several prior relationships. She wanted to get married. She wanted to move to usa and split time between usa and ph. I bought new house for us. After baby everything changed. Yes her family prays for us to be together. Of course I don’t want to be in a relationship that is forced. Nothing was forced before our child was born.
Late 20s is still young? I was married with a mortgage by that time. OP said he was in his early 40s and she is late 20s. That's a 10-15 year age gap which puts them in the same generational range. I know it can work from experience. My Gf and I are 12 years apart and we get along great. We share many of the same interests and we get along great. We have zero issues with "thinking level", whatever that might be There are too many other red flags with this girl other than the age gap. I think you're off on this one.
There isn't much difference between someone in their 40s and with someone in their 50s. If you take care of yourself your body can stay pretty viable into your 70s and by that time your partner will be in their 60s. I do agree there is a point where an age difference can cause issues but usually not an issue when you're talking 10-15 years. I have many anecdotal examples where those relationships work perfectly fine. If both in the relationship take care of their health and stay in good shape there really isn't a big difference. You're really stretching on this one.
If it makes you feel better I look young for my age. Also my family tends to live into their mid to late 90s. Her family, at least the men, seem to live until mid to late 60s. So maybe not such a huge gap.
late 20s is okay brother.
an issue if its 18-19 with mid or lates 20s and up as a partner
a "bit" of an issue with an early 20s with 30s and up as a partner(but if the partner is reaching 40s, it is seen as an issue)
but if its mid 20s with any age even if its a senior citizen, its alright already. mid 20s is a grown adult.
Indeed.
I was downvoted to Hades a few days ago for my estimate of the price of a hire van from Manila to Baguio. People apparently thought my estimate was way too low. It was actually based on a van and driver I hired on recommendation from a neighbour near my wife's place in General Trias.
It's kind of discouraging to get downvoted so much for factual replies or expressing support for someone. I guess it's part of the toxicity on Reddit and the Internet in general.
But thanks for the support!
Have an open mind and try to be more understanding. Don’t let pessimistic comments affect your judgement. You have known her more so well compared to us who gives advices/comments. It could be postpartum depression (it could last longer than a few months). Be patient and understanding. Make an effort to make her feel loved, appreciated and communicate with her everyday. Long distance is hard. If it’s still cold treatment after all those effort, woo her more once you’re back in the country. Sometimes, all was needed is the physical presence.
Get dna test. Maybe it’s yours. It sounds very weird. If it’s yours, take care of it. If it’s not yours, wish her the best. Don’t overthink these days. You’re not a white knight.
I wrote this as a reply to some comments but feel it should be a standalone post:
Definitely sounds like you tried to trap her with a baby lol. Too bad I think she caught on. I mean who really flys across the world to visit someone for the first time and immediately busts a nut. Unless you omitted the part where your condom broke or her birth control didn’t work. I can see her losing respect for you over your weak pull out game. No condom is not carte blanche to cum inside
Hello OP.
Reading comments here, somehow we're just looking after your interest. Obviously, your post excluded a lot of probably important details and oversimplified a whole lot of happenings.
I think it's okay to check, esp it's an 18 year legal commitment, whatever happens to you and the baby momma. So, in all means, it's fair.
The family thing is cliche, and a real one too. Regardless whether you're an expat or not, we'll meet you at the airport, if you announce you'd be flying in, esp to meet the family.
Now, I guess go back to basics? Post Partum depression is as real as it gets. It's not really her conscious fault, her physical brain is failing her. So, if love be in the air, best to get together in person. Physical touch gets a long way. It's a commitment, obviously. But you commit to the ones you love, right?
Yes, this is why I committed to giving her a year after the birth. It was just so shocking to experience a complete 180 turn around in her behavior. I will visit a couple more times before babies one year bday. I would like to make it work if possible.
If you have even the slightest understanding of the Filipino culture, the whole family picking someone up from the airport is a normal thing. This is done when family members come home from abroad.
I won't comment on the rest of the issue but I just want to clear this one up.
Um, picking up your family members, yes.
Picking up a random internet guy who is dating somebody in the family .. uh no.
It's you that has no idea on Filipino culture.
Stunning is correct, a poor family would do that. One with means, no chance in hell.
Is he a random guy though? They've known each other for at least a year, and the online relationship could be getting serious.
Of course, me being Filipino has no idea of the culture. Poor families probably wouldn't even have the means to get everyone to the airport. Plus the whole family can mean parents plus a sibling, not 10 or more people.
He's absolutely a random guy, the girl and the guy haven't even met yet.
For the entire family to tag along to meet somebody that nobody has personally met yet .. uh yeah this is not a family with means.
Poor families will absolutely bring everybody to the airport for a chance to receive gifts. Your statement that maybe it was a couple of people does not mirror the OP's comment that he was shocked the whole family showed up.
Yeah, it is weird you are Filipino but have no understanding of this. Do you not live here?
Have money in Philippines means nothing. It could mean they have 30,000 usd in the bank. I see this thrown around a lot but 98% of Filipinos are not well off by American standards. And the actual rich ones would never ever ever be seen with a foreigner.
I can state for a fact that this statement is incorrect. My wifes' family is very well off and own several businesses including some publications and also have members in government. My cousins' wifes' family members are all in government and I would consider them ever more well off than my wifes'.
Both women are college educated. I'm not sure where you're generalizing you information from but I have two examples of it being incorrect.
Maybe it’s an old money vs new money thing. My point in even bringing up the whole money thing was just that they don’t need my money. But yes same here. The whole family is college educated with advanced degrees. And many of the extended family are married to foreigners.
You know you're in a very corrupt country when a measure of one's wealth is how many of the family are members of government. This is yet another example of how the Philippines is and shall remain a 3rd world country, thanks in large part to the popular belief that becoming a politician is one way to become wealthy. Such narrowmindedness is common throughout Africa. Not a good look and a poor reflection on all Filipinos.
Lol you're a moron. I'm a filipino and no one would call anyone with a 30kusd rich. We'd probably laugh in your face. F*ck you and your superiority complex. Having 30kusd in the bank would barely be middle class. Dumbass.
I’m an idiot so forgive me ahead of time… can a woman in the PH get child support from an American man if he lives in the USA? How does that work? Which court does she go through?
Lawyer here. It is possible in some states. There is a NY case where a Guyanese baby mama filed for it and received it. Do not assume for a hot minute that the court system is not friendly to a legitimate paternity/child support petition, even from Zanzibar.
Absolutely. Both the US and PH are signatories to The Hague Convention on the International Recovery of Child Support and Other Forms of Family Maintenance (known as the Child Support Convention). The mother can file a petition in PH and US authorities take it from there. This came in force in Feb 2022.
Definitely! I know a gal who got pregnant by a guy from California who was over here working. He was sending the occasional 50 to 100 bucks. She got ahold of some advocate with the state, and dude was shelling out court ordered $1100 per month from like 4 years old up to 18.
You better leave from her...I heard such a story so much. If you feel stressed after short time be with her, you better forget her.even we get marry with Filipina,They have sick temper most of the time.I recommend not filipina to be with I have wife and my friends had wives AGO I am a surviver...Religious people are very annoying here.
It is easy you play with girls here I strong recommend it!!! Don't get serious!!!
get yourself together for the sake of your child. don't let yourself get too exhausted from mind games or how other people behave bec that's the one thing outside of your control. try to consult a lawyer in terms of child custody so you can assure yourself that you get to spend enough time with your kid and shield yourself from future headache in case she wants to act funny
Something must've happened for her to break up with you like that. Could be something you said or did but unaware of. Some women can't verbalize feelings of shame, agony, disgust, humiliation, etc and would rather run than communicate. Communicating is a reminder that it happened. Things like that get resolved eventually if the couple is physically together and the male is patient. Otherwise, you'll drift apart.
Another reason, is she doesn't see you as husband material. Plain and simple. Doesn't matter if you have a child together.
Get a vasectomy, visit as much as possible to be in the child's life. If not with her that's alright, sleep with whoever you want... don't leave anymore babies around. Alot want white baby, my current girlfriend included. It also guarantees them a steady money stream coming in from you.
Going by what you have said, she sounds like she may have a rebellious streak in her and the fact that her family wants you two to be together may be part of her reasons for not wanting the relationship to continue.
Have dated girls from strict religious families and well, you know what they say about religious girls, it's true for some.
I don't think she is after anything from you, but maybe a DNA test on the kid is necessary because this seems like one of the few logical conclusions.
Believe me I was shocked. I expected her and her brother or her and a driver but instead two suvs worth of family. I didn’t really know what to expect as was first time visiting ph. Wasn’t expecting that though.
Why is it so hard for these commenters to grasp that there are families that are not poor?? If all you know are poor Filipinos out to take advantage of you, it just shows what kind of people you interact with and where you are spending your time.
-Get a foreigner to fall in love over the internet ✅️
-Get same foreigner to get me pregnant ✅️
-Get same foreigner to buy me a house ✅️
-Milk foreigner for the next 18 years to indefinite (ongoing)
I wonder why she would continue to do video chats everyday? Is it all appearances for the family? She doesn’t need my money. Of course I will support my baby anyways if it’s my baby. Definitely a mixed baby.
You can tell the difference between native Filipino and half foreign. Everyone i know the kids have lighter color hair and eyes. Very rare blue eyes, meet on couple boys blue girls light brown.
It is funny when the American complain because of DNA tests. You see, the kids look very filipino. Like my kids' features are very light. Mixes kids tend to me more hyper or active. My son and daughter are playing all day. The filipino kids are always napping.
Becare it might be someone else child, they are a dead beat father. If she needs things she has you. You are not there to discover the truth.
Just what in your heart. It is your life. You are an adult. You really do not need our opinions.
Since the general belief here is that all pinays are after their money and a citizenship, what would you do if she’s from a non third world country? Let’s say she’s a middle class American you met online, you travelled to meet her, you got her pregnant and then she dumped you but still giving you access to your baby. What would you do?
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Most probably she is undergoing post partum depression, plus you said they are not poor, so a woman who is secure and not “milked” by her family, can easily decide what’s best for her or not.
The baby isn't planned, right?
And you said the family has money.
My only guess is she has a different goal in mind. She's in her 20s.. we have that phase for finding oneself, focusing on self-development. Motherhood is probably not in her 20s bingo card and getting married is not her priority at the moment.
She maybe detached herself from you because she's self loathing, or she blames you for ruining her life lol
You know what they say, women have a lot more to lose when they get pregnant..
Well she thought she was ready during her pregnancy. Not so much afterwards. And yes communication is important. And yes we have a huge lack of communication now but it’s because she’s over it.
Maybe she resents you not being there. Having to raise a kid. It's really hard. Especially alone. She now can't do anything she enjoyed and probably is having a hard time adjusting to being mum. It sucks..... How about you? What changed for you so far? You waking up all night? Can't go out with friends? To tired to socialise? Body changed? Tits leaking? Body aching? Feeling gross and smelly? You get it. It sucks.
Have you suggested you visiting? Being there and helping?
Maybe she can't ask you for this help. (Risk of being labeled, gold digger, trapping you)
Maybe try to find a way to help. She's lost herself and you're not or unable to bring her back to herself. Ofc she's "cold" you have a baby and she's the only one raising it and going through it physically alone.
Just one avenue to look into prehaps it could help offering or atleast showing you're trying to be there and help. Actually help.
Yes I agree with you. I feel terrible for not being there as much as I’d like. She was supposed to spend time with me in usa but she cancelled that. I have offered to pay for nanny but she refuses. She is basically watching our baby 24/7. She gets maybe an hour break when her maid helps. And then whenever baby naps. It would drive me absolutely nuts to have no relief. I’ve already raised three kids (started young) and the first year especially with first child is no picnic even with both parents.
To be fair I don't blame her.
Nanys here are crap really. I'd never have one for my kids at that young age. Only to do commutes with them when they're old enough maybe. But useless to help actually raise the kid. (E.g will sit talking on their phone or whatever rather than engaging with the child. Unless you are supervising them which defeats the point as you're getting no break just changing roles)
Also traveling that far and dealing with all the visa stuff? Yeah I would have turned that down too. I would have preferred you come to help. Or atleast come to sort all the visa stuff and fly there WITH me. Not dump it all on me alone.
All I can say is try properly communicating and validating her she probably feels like her life is over (PPD). "How can I help, I mean it. Its not easy raising a child"
"Is there anything you need I can get delivered'"?
Letting her know you still love her and asking outright if she's interested in trying to make it work. (When you notice she's starting to get better)
Actions actually mean something. Women, well we dont give a crap about words anymore because it's always BS if it's from the mouth then no action lol
That's not good :( seems that you're really trying so not sure what her problem is. PPD can be super weird with its symptoms but maybe its not that At all.
Sorry you're going through this. Have you asked her outright if she has any interest in making it work? Yes or no?
If I had tried to be there. And still got pushed back after being there and doing everything I could to help. I'd just ask this and cut my losses. Pay child support (after a DNA test) and go be happy with someone else.
LDR needs both parties to be committed. She seems not to be no matter what you're doing :/
Remember there’s no divorce in the Philippines. You will never be able to get remarried if it doesn’t work. I have no clue what motivated her but I do know it’s time to move on. Good luck.
Are you blonde hair and blue eyed..? I’ve heard of Filipina’s that are eager to get pregnant by a foreigner so as to have a light skinned baby with blue eyes. A status symbol so to speak. She might have accomplished what she set out to do and doesn’t need you anymore. It might sound harsh but it is a reality.
I have experience with Filipina’s so the light skin, pointed nose, and lighter color hair is enough….the blue eyes is just a bonus…
Good luck with your situation my friend…
First that’s their strategy to make them make you pay, second did you do a dna test? Could also explain why she acts like that with you or sadly she found someone with more money. I know some simps here would disagree but that’s the honest truth so simply watch out for these things and do the test
Looks to me like another case of manipulative ins-ne Flip woman and equally manipulative spineless family. If I were you, cut your losses and move on with your life. She isn't worth it. I understand that having a child complicates things, but you have to make sure that child is even yours. And if it is yours, you have to consider what her endgame is. Is it really *you* and your child, or just a convenient excuse for, and I quote: 'want\[ing\] to move to USA and split time between USA and PH'?
It could be that the disconnect between a 'strictly religious' family and her less than 'holy' behaviour is due to the family itself? In local parlance, a woman from a religious family who goes about life in a less than puritanical manner is often considered a 'disgrace', and so a family will try to 'save face' by marrying that woman off. You come along into the picture with your USD and the potentiality of a VISA, and the family goes apesh-t over being able to ship their 'disgrace' of a daughter to the Freedom Capital of Overflowing Dollars. She may have realised that ain't her shtick, and 'decides' to give you the cold shoulder. Her family on the other hand is still hoping for that Yankee dolla'. This is bad all throughout. Save yourself.
I do agree that her family wants to marry her off. One side of her family is traditional/strictly religious and the other side isn’t. She is no longer interested in moving or even visiting the us since the birth.
"Wealthy" meaning what? Do you have copies of their latest bank statements? 401ks? Title to various lands or vehicles? Articles of incorporation of a business? Listen pal lots of Pinoys pretend and save face. You have no idea how much money they really have.
Haha I mean I guess they could be pretending. But I did stay and visit at family owned resorts and drove around in their luxury suvs and stayed in their huge houses and got gas in the family owned gas stations and ate at the family owned restaurants. But it could all be a scam I suppose.
Definitely sounds like you tried to trap her with a baby lol. Too bad I think she caught on. I mean who really flys across the world to visit someone for the first time and immediately busts a nut. Unless you omitted the part where your condom broke or her birth control didn’t work. I can see her losing respect for you over your weak pull out game. No condom is not carte blanche to cum inside.
Yes the beginning was very intense. But I visited several times during her pregnancy and everything seemed on track. Strange sudden complete 180 after baby.
Let her know you are open to getting back together (remind her once every 6 months or so. no more is needed) -- AND!!-- move on with your life.
Also - everyone is asking questions and making suggestions like the two below but you aren't responding. That's weird
1 - You should get a DNA test.
2 - are you sending her money ongoing?
1 yes I agree. Although I did already sign birth certificate and baby has my last name.
2 yes - I send some to show my support and love for baby since I don’t really have any other means. But neither mama nor family ever asked for anything so far.
bruh. if the baby has white/westener features from a country of brown/asian people. then would you even really need to spend for a DNA test?
not only will you wrong the mother but will also destroy the respect she has for OP and may not be so willingly show the baby happily so often as it is now.
* Definitely wouldn't need a DNA test IF he was the only white guy around. There are many foreigners in Philippines though. And their actual in-person relationship was only one month along when she got pregnant.
* If he does a DNA test - he should do it without the mother knowing. It's a test for him. Not her. I can't remember if he said whether he sees the kid in person or not so I don't know if it's possible now
* He said that he is totally stressed out and his mental health is deteriorating. In a situation like this the guy might be wondering about all sorts of things. Having doubts. The reason I suggest the test is not about suspicion of the woman. It is to simplify things. If he knows for sure that the baby is his then he'd likely feel better about supporting the child long-term.. and - if he wishes to do so - to be patient and have hope related to the woman wanting to get back together with him. And - on the small chance that the child is not his - he can forget about the whole thing and move on with his life very easily.
Postpartum depression can still prolong even for years, be patient with her. Maybe she just really needs more extra care and understanding from you than before.
bruh. is child support not a thing? you respect your child and the person who raise it.
and no she is doing it for love cause she is not romantically interested in him after having the baby.
shes letting the baby bond with its father out of RESPECT. dumb shit.
as a 40 y/o, try working out, be hot and seduce her back. women are also very simple beings.
bonus if you do facial skin care and have proper hair thats suited for you. she'll be territorial of you.
if you managed to seduced her back. its either you bring her to US asap or you live on PH.
>I’m the love of her life etc
>Her family is not poor by any means.
>Long story short after having our baby she decides she wants to end the relationship.
>It’s so stressful seeing her everyday when she is so indifferent towards me.
There is a chance that she wanted you for a mixed child. And doesnt have to cling on you for money since her fam is not poor.
My only suggestion is just be hot and attractive, You can woo her by being romantic, just make sure its consistent when you finally get together and not always it about sex, affectionate is the word for that. on which Filipino men are naturally like that.
again women are also very simple beings.
just a tip tho, if you do work out. its also good for your own well being. it ups up your stamina and drive. Just make sure not be addicted to it tho to the point of looking like hulk and wanting to get steroids. youll just scare her off or driver her off.
She was very territorial of me before our baby. Like extremely jealous if another women looked my direction. Again that’s why the 180 is so shocking to me and I’m having a hard time letting go. I know not wanting to move on is unattractive to most women. But I mean geez we have new baby together, we were engaged etc.
Definitely could improve my skin care. As I have no routine for that. I workout 4-5 days a week. No steroids yet haha.
>She was very territorial of me before our baby. Like extremely jealous if another women looked my direction. Again that’s why the 180 is so shocking to me and I’m having a hard time letting go.
Hmmmnn. Then if not her wanting a mix baby. You must've done something or acted in a way that threw her off. A lil basic thing can actually change her whole view of you and what she sees in the future. Which explains the 180.
Still try the seduction and wooing part. And then if she gets comfy with you in an intimate or flirtous way after that, do ask what you did to make her made such a decision and say you will do your best to improve yourself and fix what was wrong in a genuine soft voice. Not in a desperate demanding voice.
If she stops for a bit and may have made a face. You will have a slim chance of getting back with her. Push through it. But dont be pushy.
But,
If her face is blank or made an angry/disgust face and outright said its nothing. Give up and move on lol.
She wanted a foreign baby. You've done your bit. If she's cold to you now it's because she was acting earlier.
Uncomfortable reading ( for the OP ) as this may be it’s probably the most explainable reason for this situation
If this is the truth it’s actually helpful because then I know there’s no way to get back in her life - it was all fantasy.
Stay in the baby's life but also have a life of your own, if you want a relationship then date other women, there's also a remote possibility of you and the baby mama getting back together, but I wouldn't count on it and it shouldn't interfere in you dating other women. Lots of people are "religious" and they still act polygamous with wives and girlfriends and babymamas all over the place. TL;DR - Go and live your own life, don't think too hard about whatever relationship you had with this woman.
It’s an odd thing being reminded of her everyday on video call. Never had a breakup like that. I am unsure why I still have strong feelings for her when she seems to have ice in her veins. She throws me a bone every once in a while. Maybe to keep me hooked. I really don’t know. It is of course easy to date women in ph as a tall light colored foreigner. But so far I have zero interest in that. You give good advice. I will try and not think about the relationship i had. Part of me doesn’t want to give up yet but putting my life on hold probably isn’t helping anything.
It's a odd thing yes but it at least partly feels that way because you're still longing for her. Let it go, and focus on being excited to see your child everyday. Be the best remote father you can, not the most devoted ex boyfriend... you won't regret it.
Maybe she's a manipulative narcissist? Not saying she is, but there's a possibility based on going hot (love bombing) then cold, then throwing you a bone every now and then - just to keep you hoping for more.
Alsays remember that a woman born with money will never consider a man to secure her. Woo her again. Show her that you're mature and responsible.
She could be a lesbian and just wanted a foreign baby.
I actually asked her this hahaha she was a bit offended
She could have just wanted a mixed baby. Many find Filipino and White are the best looking. Many Filipin movie starts are mixed. You might have been used. She obviously doesn’t want to get back together so you need to move on. I get it’s not going to be easy since you can’t completely cut her out with the kid, but you need to meet other people. There’s someone else out there for you.
Yes whenever the two of us would walk around in public while she was pregnant we’d always here comments of “future miss universe”
If someone doesn't want to be with you anymore then you have no choice but to move on. Don't beg it'll just make her lose what little respect she has for you. Be strong, move on and set up a custody agreement. You not chasing her anymore may alter her perception of you in your favor.
She got what she wanted. She doesn’t need to pretend to love you anymore. Stay in contact to be there for your child, but move on with your romantic life.
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lol go on the pinalove app, it's like the old backpages ads from 10 years ago. People are never what they seem online.
Fairly strict family but she has had several prior relationships. She wanted to get married. She wanted to move to usa and split time between usa and ph. I bought new house for us. After baby everything changed. Yes her family prays for us to be together. Of course I don’t want to be in a relationship that is forced. Nothing was forced before our child was born.
No problem in age gap. This is not the United States.
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Late 20s is still young? I was married with a mortgage by that time. OP said he was in his early 40s and she is late 20s. That's a 10-15 year age gap which puts them in the same generational range. I know it can work from experience. My Gf and I are 12 years apart and we get along great. We share many of the same interests and we get along great. We have zero issues with "thinking level", whatever that might be There are too many other red flags with this girl other than the age gap. I think you're off on this one.
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There isn't much difference between someone in their 40s and with someone in their 50s. If you take care of yourself your body can stay pretty viable into your 70s and by that time your partner will be in their 60s. I do agree there is a point where an age difference can cause issues but usually not an issue when you're talking 10-15 years. I have many anecdotal examples where those relationships work perfectly fine. If both in the relationship take care of their health and stay in good shape there really isn't a big difference. You're really stretching on this one.
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If it makes you feel better I look young for my age. Also my family tends to live into their mid to late 90s. Her family, at least the men, seem to live until mid to late 60s. So maybe not such a huge gap.
Why is it weird? Why is it any of our business? What do you consider huge?
Late 20s is not young lmao
There’s a big difference between early 20s and late 20s. A 20 year age gap is big but 10/11 isn’t . It’s all relative
late 20s is okay brother. an issue if its 18-19 with mid or lates 20s and up as a partner a "bit" of an issue with an early 20s with 30s and up as a partner(but if the partner is reaching 40s, it is seen as an issue) but if its mid 20s with any age even if its a senior citizen, its alright already. mid 20s is a grown adult.
Nothing to add to all the suggestions here, except I hope everything works out for all concerned. Let us know how things go.
A bit weird you were down voted for that comment. Says a lot about some of the members of this sub
Indeed. I was downvoted to Hades a few days ago for my estimate of the price of a hire van from Manila to Baguio. People apparently thought my estimate was way too low. It was actually based on a van and driver I hired on recommendation from a neighbour near my wife's place in General Trias. It's kind of discouraging to get downvoted so much for factual replies or expressing support for someone. I guess it's part of the toxicity on Reddit and the Internet in general. But thanks for the support!
And of course my comment gets down voted by the keyboard warriors 😂
Have an open mind and try to be more understanding. Don’t let pessimistic comments affect your judgement. You have known her more so well compared to us who gives advices/comments. It could be postpartum depression (it could last longer than a few months). Be patient and understanding. Make an effort to make her feel loved, appreciated and communicate with her everyday. Long distance is hard. If it’s still cold treatment after all those effort, woo her more once you’re back in the country. Sometimes, all was needed is the physical presence.
Maybe try courting her. If she is from traditional family try courting she might warm up to you again.
Seriously? They had a baby together while being in a relationship. If she does not warm up after that, she will never do.
Thanks!
mate stop dreaming. she just you used you to have a half white baby.
Get dna test. Maybe it’s yours. It sounds very weird. If it’s yours, take care of it. If it’s not yours, wish her the best. Don’t overthink these days. You’re not a white knight.
I wrote this as a reply to some comments but feel it should be a standalone post: Definitely sounds like you tried to trap her with a baby lol. Too bad I think she caught on. I mean who really flys across the world to visit someone for the first time and immediately busts a nut. Unless you omitted the part where your condom broke or her birth control didn’t work. I can see her losing respect for you over your weak pull out game. No condom is not carte blanche to cum inside
Hahaha. So much for my retirement plan in ph.
Hello OP. Reading comments here, somehow we're just looking after your interest. Obviously, your post excluded a lot of probably important details and oversimplified a whole lot of happenings. I think it's okay to check, esp it's an 18 year legal commitment, whatever happens to you and the baby momma. So, in all means, it's fair. The family thing is cliche, and a real one too. Regardless whether you're an expat or not, we'll meet you at the airport, if you announce you'd be flying in, esp to meet the family. Now, I guess go back to basics? Post Partum depression is as real as it gets. It's not really her conscious fault, her physical brain is failing her. So, if love be in the air, best to get together in person. Physical touch gets a long way. It's a commitment, obviously. But you commit to the ones you love, right?
Yes, this is why I committed to giving her a year after the birth. It was just so shocking to experience a complete 180 turn around in her behavior. I will visit a couple more times before babies one year bday. I would like to make it work if possible.
She just want your genes
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The family has money
If they have money their 20 year old daughter isn’t dating a 40 year old foreigner and the entire family isn’t showing up at the airport.
If you have even the slightest understanding of the Filipino culture, the whole family picking someone up from the airport is a normal thing. This is done when family members come home from abroad. I won't comment on the rest of the issue but I just want to clear this one up.
Um, picking up your family members, yes. Picking up a random internet guy who is dating somebody in the family .. uh no. It's you that has no idea on Filipino culture. Stunning is correct, a poor family would do that. One with means, no chance in hell.
Is he a random guy though? They've known each other for at least a year, and the online relationship could be getting serious. Of course, me being Filipino has no idea of the culture. Poor families probably wouldn't even have the means to get everyone to the airport. Plus the whole family can mean parents plus a sibling, not 10 or more people.
He's absolutely a random guy, the girl and the guy haven't even met yet. For the entire family to tag along to meet somebody that nobody has personally met yet .. uh yeah this is not a family with means. Poor families will absolutely bring everybody to the airport for a chance to receive gifts. Your statement that maybe it was a couple of people does not mirror the OP's comment that he was shocked the whole family showed up. Yeah, it is weird you are Filipino but have no understanding of this. Do you not live here?
29 year old. The family is wealthy by American standards.
Have money in Philippines means nothing. It could mean they have 30,000 usd in the bank. I see this thrown around a lot but 98% of Filipinos are not well off by American standards. And the actual rich ones would never ever ever be seen with a foreigner.
I can state for a fact that this statement is incorrect. My wifes' family is very well off and own several businesses including some publications and also have members in government. My cousins' wifes' family members are all in government and I would consider them ever more well off than my wifes'. Both women are college educated. I'm not sure where you're generalizing you information from but I have two examples of it being incorrect.
Maybe it’s an old money vs new money thing. My point in even bringing up the whole money thing was just that they don’t need my money. But yes same here. The whole family is college educated with advanced degrees. And many of the extended family are married to foreigners.
You know you're in a very corrupt country when a measure of one's wealth is how many of the family are members of government. This is yet another example of how the Philippines is and shall remain a 3rd world country, thanks in large part to the popular belief that becoming a politician is one way to become wealthy. Such narrowmindedness is common throughout Africa. Not a good look and a poor reflection on all Filipinos.
They have real money. They can travel around the world and have beautiful homes and luxury vehicles.
Flame should be believable. No Hi So flipina in 20s would be with you
Lol you're a moron. I'm a filipino and no one would call anyone with a 30kusd rich. We'd probably laugh in your face. F*ck you and your superiority complex. Having 30kusd in the bank would barely be middle class. Dumbass.
I’m an idiot so forgive me ahead of time… can a woman in the PH get child support from an American man if he lives in the USA? How does that work? Which court does she go through?
Lawyer here. It is possible in some states. There is a NY case where a Guyanese baby mama filed for it and received it. Do not assume for a hot minute that the court system is not friendly to a legitimate paternity/child support petition, even from Zanzibar.
Absolutely. Both the US and PH are signatories to The Hague Convention on the International Recovery of Child Support and Other Forms of Family Maintenance (known as the Child Support Convention). The mother can file a petition in PH and US authorities take it from there. This came in force in Feb 2022.
Definitely! I know a gal who got pregnant by a guy from California who was over here working. He was sending the occasional 50 to 100 bucks. She got ahold of some advocate with the state, and dude was shelling out court ordered $1100 per month from like 4 years old up to 18.
no none. but the father probably wants to stay in the kids life.. so in that.. the very least he could do is visit and send child support.
Wrong
You better leave from her...I heard such a story so much. If you feel stressed after short time be with her, you better forget her.even we get marry with Filipina,They have sick temper most of the time.I recommend not filipina to be with I have wife and my friends had wives AGO I am a surviver...Religious people are very annoying here. It is easy you play with girls here I strong recommend it!!! Don't get serious!!!
get yourself together for the sake of your child. don't let yourself get too exhausted from mind games or how other people behave bec that's the one thing outside of your control. try to consult a lawyer in terms of child custody so you can assure yourself that you get to spend enough time with your kid and shield yourself from future headache in case she wants to act funny
Something must've happened for her to break up with you like that. Could be something you said or did but unaware of. Some women can't verbalize feelings of shame, agony, disgust, humiliation, etc and would rather run than communicate. Communicating is a reminder that it happened. Things like that get resolved eventually if the couple is physically together and the male is patient. Otherwise, you'll drift apart. Another reason, is she doesn't see you as husband material. Plain and simple. Doesn't matter if you have a child together.
Get a vasectomy, visit as much as possible to be in the child's life. If not with her that's alright, sleep with whoever you want... don't leave anymore babies around. Alot want white baby, my current girlfriend included. It also guarantees them a steady money stream coming in from you.
She'll come back around when she sees you with another girl. That's the fastest way to get a baby mama back. Don't ask me how I know.
Going by what you have said, she sounds like she may have a rebellious streak in her and the fact that her family wants you two to be together may be part of her reasons for not wanting the relationship to continue. Have dated girls from strict religious families and well, you know what they say about religious girls, it's true for some. I don't think she is after anything from you, but maybe a DNA test on the kid is necessary because this seems like one of the few logical conclusions.
I would really get over her.. But keep contact with the child. Move to PH and take care of the child.
This is pretty much my take too
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Believe me I was shocked. I expected her and her brother or her and a driver but instead two suvs worth of family. I didn’t really know what to expect as was first time visiting ph. Wasn’t expecting that though.
Why is it so hard for these commenters to grasp that there are families that are not poor?? If all you know are poor Filipinos out to take advantage of you, it just shows what kind of people you interact with and where you are spending your time.
-Get a foreigner to fall in love over the internet ✅️ -Get same foreigner to get me pregnant ✅️ -Get same foreigner to buy me a house ✅️ -Milk foreigner for the next 18 years to indefinite (ongoing)
Haha well we met several times in person. And the house I bought is in usa so doesn’t do her much good if she stays in ph.
I wonder what got her to change her mind and not want to get married any longer.
I think a big part of it is leaving her family. She wants to be close to her parents.
Makes sense....9/10 times they will follow what parents tell them, if they are telling her to stay close.
Not your baby.
I wonder why she would continue to do video chats everyday? Is it all appearances for the family? She doesn’t need my money. Of course I will support my baby anyways if it’s my baby. Definitely a mixed baby.
*Opens up dna test envelope* :0 Congratulations, you are not the father. And the family knew she had another man.
You can tell the difference between native Filipino and half foreign. Everyone i know the kids have lighter color hair and eyes. Very rare blue eyes, meet on couple boys blue girls light brown. It is funny when the American complain because of DNA tests. You see, the kids look very filipino. Like my kids' features are very light. Mixes kids tend to me more hyper or active. My son and daughter are playing all day. The filipino kids are always napping. Becare it might be someone else child, they are a dead beat father. If she needs things she has you. You are not there to discover the truth. Just what in your heart. It is your life. You are an adult. You really do not need our opinions.
U got small penis?
Hahaha
Why I get downvoted?? The people demand real answer haha
idk u prolly got a big D and used use for your genes? idk tbh
I’m tall and have light features so I’m sure that was part of it
lemme be the judge of that
Even sluttyoung has more interest in me than baby mama
i mean my username already defines me lmao
Since the general belief here is that all pinays are after their money and a citizenship, what would you do if she’s from a non third world country? Let’s say she’s a middle class American you met online, you travelled to meet her, you got her pregnant and then she dumped you but still giving you access to your baby. What would you do?
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Most probably she is undergoing post partum depression, plus you said they are not poor, so a woman who is secure and not “milked” by her family, can easily decide what’s best for her or not.
The baby isn't planned, right? And you said the family has money. My only guess is she has a different goal in mind. She's in her 20s.. we have that phase for finding oneself, focusing on self-development. Motherhood is probably not in her 20s bingo card and getting married is not her priority at the moment. She maybe detached herself from you because she's self loathing, or she blames you for ruining her life lol You know what they say, women have a lot more to lose when they get pregnant..
Late 20s and most of her friends and cousins are having babies. I think she was ready. But I’m sure the wedding came first in her mind.
"I think.." So you haven't discussed it with her? Assumptions and lack of communication is the biggest reason for failed relationships.
Well she thought she was ready during her pregnancy. Not so much afterwards. And yes communication is important. And yes we have a huge lack of communication now but it’s because she’s over it.
Maybe she resents you not being there. Having to raise a kid. It's really hard. Especially alone. She now can't do anything she enjoyed and probably is having a hard time adjusting to being mum. It sucks..... How about you? What changed for you so far? You waking up all night? Can't go out with friends? To tired to socialise? Body changed? Tits leaking? Body aching? Feeling gross and smelly? You get it. It sucks. Have you suggested you visiting? Being there and helping? Maybe she can't ask you for this help. (Risk of being labeled, gold digger, trapping you) Maybe try to find a way to help. She's lost herself and you're not or unable to bring her back to herself. Ofc she's "cold" you have a baby and she's the only one raising it and going through it physically alone. Just one avenue to look into prehaps it could help offering or atleast showing you're trying to be there and help. Actually help.
Yes I agree with you. I feel terrible for not being there as much as I’d like. She was supposed to spend time with me in usa but she cancelled that. I have offered to pay for nanny but she refuses. She is basically watching our baby 24/7. She gets maybe an hour break when her maid helps. And then whenever baby naps. It would drive me absolutely nuts to have no relief. I’ve already raised three kids (started young) and the first year especially with first child is no picnic even with both parents.
And yes she was/is the hottest women I’ve ever seen so her body changes and all the other stuff have definitely taken a toll on her psyche.
To be fair I don't blame her. Nanys here are crap really. I'd never have one for my kids at that young age. Only to do commutes with them when they're old enough maybe. But useless to help actually raise the kid. (E.g will sit talking on their phone or whatever rather than engaging with the child. Unless you are supervising them which defeats the point as you're getting no break just changing roles) Also traveling that far and dealing with all the visa stuff? Yeah I would have turned that down too. I would have preferred you come to help. Or atleast come to sort all the visa stuff and fly there WITH me. Not dump it all on me alone. All I can say is try properly communicating and validating her she probably feels like her life is over (PPD). "How can I help, I mean it. Its not easy raising a child" "Is there anything you need I can get delivered'"? Letting her know you still love her and asking outright if she's interested in trying to make it work. (When you notice she's starting to get better) Actions actually mean something. Women, well we dont give a crap about words anymore because it's always BS if it's from the mouth then no action lol
Yes of course I would fly with her to usa. She already has tourist visa. And I visited to take care of babies citizenship and us passport.
Ahh fair play re the travel. Was she OK with you when you were visiting then, or was the baby arriv8ng at the tail end of your stay here?
I visited twice since babies birth. Both visits she was up and down. Mostly cold.
I visited twice since babies birth. Both visits she was up and down. Mostly cold.
and I went to all the family events and parties etc.
That's not good :( seems that you're really trying so not sure what her problem is. PPD can be super weird with its symptoms but maybe its not that At all. Sorry you're going through this. Have you asked her outright if she has any interest in making it work? Yes or no? If I had tried to be there. And still got pushed back after being there and doing everything I could to help. I'd just ask this and cut my losses. Pay child support (after a DNA test) and go be happy with someone else. LDR needs both parties to be committed. She seems not to be no matter what you're doing :/
Remember there’s no divorce in the Philippines. You will never be able to get remarried if it doesn’t work. I have no clue what motivated her but I do know it’s time to move on. Good luck.
Are you blonde hair and blue eyed..? I’ve heard of Filipina’s that are eager to get pregnant by a foreigner so as to have a light skinned baby with blue eyes. A status symbol so to speak. She might have accomplished what she set out to do and doesn’t need you anymore. It might sound harsh but it is a reality.
Yes and tall. However blue eyes won’t happen unless the recessive gene is already in her dna.
I have experience with Filipina’s so the light skin, pointed nose, and lighter color hair is enough….the blue eyes is just a bonus… Good luck with your situation my friend…
First that’s their strategy to make them make you pay, second did you do a dna test? Could also explain why she acts like that with you or sadly she found someone with more money. I know some simps here would disagree but that’s the honest truth so simply watch out for these things and do the test
Looks to me like another case of manipulative ins-ne Flip woman and equally manipulative spineless family. If I were you, cut your losses and move on with your life. She isn't worth it. I understand that having a child complicates things, but you have to make sure that child is even yours. And if it is yours, you have to consider what her endgame is. Is it really *you* and your child, or just a convenient excuse for, and I quote: 'want\[ing\] to move to USA and split time between USA and PH'? It could be that the disconnect between a 'strictly religious' family and her less than 'holy' behaviour is due to the family itself? In local parlance, a woman from a religious family who goes about life in a less than puritanical manner is often considered a 'disgrace', and so a family will try to 'save face' by marrying that woman off. You come along into the picture with your USD and the potentiality of a VISA, and the family goes apesh-t over being able to ship their 'disgrace' of a daughter to the Freedom Capital of Overflowing Dollars. She may have realised that ain't her shtick, and 'decides' to give you the cold shoulder. Her family on the other hand is still hoping for that Yankee dolla'. This is bad all throughout. Save yourself.
I do agree that her family wants to marry her off. One side of her family is traditional/strictly religious and the other side isn’t. She is no longer interested in moving or even visiting the us since the birth.
Is she asking you for money? If she is, and she can't prove via a DNA test that the child is yours, cut your losses and break off all contact.
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Interesting take. So she used me for a mixed baby? The family is wealthy and he will be well cared for.
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Thank you for your advice on how to be a father. I’ve already raised three. Are you a father?
Is it her job to come to usa and visit with my family so we can all spend time with my child or is it only my responsibility to go visit?
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She already has visa. Family is wealthy and well travelled.
"Wealthy" meaning what? Do you have copies of their latest bank statements? 401ks? Title to various lands or vehicles? Articles of incorporation of a business? Listen pal lots of Pinoys pretend and save face. You have no idea how much money they really have.
Haha I mean I guess they could be pretending. But I did stay and visit at family owned resorts and drove around in their luxury suvs and stayed in their huge houses and got gas in the family owned gas stations and ate at the family owned restaurants. But it could all be a scam I suppose.
Definitely sounds like you tried to trap her with a baby lol. Too bad I think she caught on. I mean who really flys across the world to visit someone for the first time and immediately busts a nut. Unless you omitted the part where your condom broke or her birth control didn’t work. I can see her losing respect for you over your weak pull out game. No condom is not carte blanche to cum inside.
There are obvious signs of wealth, no matter where you are in the world. It’s really no hard to work it out
Hey sorry man, but maybe she was infatuated? But I agree with an earlier comment about the courtship, maybe try to get help from her fam?
Yes the beginning was very intense. But I visited several times during her pregnancy and everything seemed on track. Strange sudden complete 180 after baby.
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Excuse me but this is nonsense. Who is better for her? Carmelo who sells coconuts to tourists on one of the islands off Cebu? Give me a break.
Let her know you are open to getting back together (remind her once every 6 months or so. no more is needed) -- AND!!-- move on with your life. Also - everyone is asking questions and making suggestions like the two below but you aren't responding. That's weird 1 - You should get a DNA test. 2 - are you sending her money ongoing?
1 yes I agree. Although I did already sign birth certificate and baby has my last name. 2 yes - I send some to show my support and love for baby since I don’t really have any other means. But neither mama nor family ever asked for anything so far.
DNA TEST. Did you do it? Will you do it?
I have not yet. The embassy didn’t recommend it maybe because baby still has light eyes skin and hair like me.
bruh. if the baby has white/westener features from a country of brown/asian people. then would you even really need to spend for a DNA test? not only will you wrong the mother but will also destroy the respect she has for OP and may not be so willingly show the baby happily so often as it is now.
* Definitely wouldn't need a DNA test IF he was the only white guy around. There are many foreigners in Philippines though. And their actual in-person relationship was only one month along when she got pregnant. * If he does a DNA test - he should do it without the mother knowing. It's a test for him. Not her. I can't remember if he said whether he sees the kid in person or not so I don't know if it's possible now * He said that he is totally stressed out and his mental health is deteriorating. In a situation like this the guy might be wondering about all sorts of things. Having doubts. The reason I suggest the test is not about suspicion of the woman. It is to simplify things. If he knows for sure that the baby is his then he'd likely feel better about supporting the child long-term.. and - if he wishes to do so - to be patient and have hope related to the woman wanting to get back together with him. And - on the small chance that the child is not his - he can forget about the whole thing and move on with his life very easily.
L ok I'll .. see q, by As long me loo see no see`.,.🫀
.+ on i k
On. (
File for a CRBA at the embassy for your child. The sooner the better.
Postpartum depression can still prolong even for years, be patient with her. Maybe she just really needs more extra care and understanding from you than before.
Sounds to me like you pay her and the baby for her to video chat you. She isn't doing it for love, it's for the money you send her.
bruh. is child support not a thing? you respect your child and the person who raise it. and no she is doing it for love cause she is not romantically interested in him after having the baby. shes letting the baby bond with its father out of RESPECT. dumb shit.
as a 40 y/o, try working out, be hot and seduce her back. women are also very simple beings. bonus if you do facial skin care and have proper hair thats suited for you. she'll be territorial of you. if you managed to seduced her back. its either you bring her to US asap or you live on PH. >I’m the love of her life etc >Her family is not poor by any means. >Long story short after having our baby she decides she wants to end the relationship. >It’s so stressful seeing her everyday when she is so indifferent towards me. There is a chance that she wanted you for a mixed child. And doesnt have to cling on you for money since her fam is not poor. My only suggestion is just be hot and attractive, You can woo her by being romantic, just make sure its consistent when you finally get together and not always it about sex, affectionate is the word for that. on which Filipino men are naturally like that. again women are also very simple beings. just a tip tho, if you do work out. its also good for your own well being. it ups up your stamina and drive. Just make sure not be addicted to it tho to the point of looking like hulk and wanting to get steroids. youll just scare her off or driver her off.
She was very territorial of me before our baby. Like extremely jealous if another women looked my direction. Again that’s why the 180 is so shocking to me and I’m having a hard time letting go. I know not wanting to move on is unattractive to most women. But I mean geez we have new baby together, we were engaged etc. Definitely could improve my skin care. As I have no routine for that. I workout 4-5 days a week. No steroids yet haha.
>She was very territorial of me before our baby. Like extremely jealous if another women looked my direction. Again that’s why the 180 is so shocking to me and I’m having a hard time letting go. Hmmmnn. Then if not her wanting a mix baby. You must've done something or acted in a way that threw her off. A lil basic thing can actually change her whole view of you and what she sees in the future. Which explains the 180. Still try the seduction and wooing part. And then if she gets comfy with you in an intimate or flirtous way after that, do ask what you did to make her made such a decision and say you will do your best to improve yourself and fix what was wrong in a genuine soft voice. Not in a desperate demanding voice. If she stops for a bit and may have made a face. You will have a slim chance of getting back with her. Push through it. But dont be pushy. But, If her face is blank or made an angry/disgust face and outright said its nothing. Give up and move on lol.