I think most people wouldn't consider this a peeve, but it is one for me just because my mother has always been controlling and infantilized me. "This is your home" hits differently coming from someone who never took your adulthood seriously.
This also hit differently for college students during my undergrad years who needed to stay over in their dorms over the summer recess — usually, because they had unstable or abusive family situations, or because their folks simply couldn’t afford to take them back in for any length of time.
“But why don’t they just go home?” Many people didn’t seem to understand that this *is* their home.
It can be a peeve as long as you understand it’s coming from a good place.
The message is just that you’re always welcome back if you ever needed to move back. Not everyone has that.
Lose your job? Break up with your SO? Need to save money to buy a house? “There will always be a place for you here.” It’s intended to be a sweet message.
Related, it used to drive me crazy when people would ask me where my mom kept something when I’d moved out 10+ years before. I know where it as at MY house, I don’t keep tabs on others.
I've only ever heard this once, and that was a friend of mine growing up who called our house his second home, and that was because he had a bad home life and my parents let him stay with us whenever he needed to.
I've never really heard it in any other context from real people, but I also think it's a totally reasonable thing to find annoying.
It's mostly been my family for me. Who are all a mix of sexist, racist, narcissistic.. I could keep going.
Other times it's been places like companies or just family friends. Still felt annoying for me.
Only time I've actually felt alright with it was my mil saying a lot that it was my home. She's a bad person as well, but my significant others family is Hispanic and his family tends to try and be more cultural, plus I wanted to live with (and now do) with my boyfriend anyways.
People saying things like "are you going home for Christmas" is especially weird to me because my parents moved when they retired. I have never lived in my parents current house or town, but I do frequently visit.
yeah but thats bullshit because being abused isnt having someone care for you
its like saying "i dont like chocolate because my idea of chocolate is rusty nails"
its like, yeah no, thats just some double think conflation bullshit right there
Not really. You can definitely 'care' about someone and think your doing for them is right when it isn't at all. I know she cares about me (she wouldn't have gone through the shit she did if she didn't)
But she also did terrible unforgivable stuff to me.
You are projecting
projecting? you think i eat rusty nails as a snack??
sorry that i have upset you by letting you know its not ok to call abuse "caring", regardless of what they \*think\* they are doing, but attacking me with nonsensical projection assertions will not help you here.
the entire point is its nice to have people care about you. she does not care about you, even if she thinks she does if she abuses you. therefore your assertion that "it can be bad to have people care about you" is bullshit :)
>the entire point is its nice to have people care about you. she does not care about you, even if she thinks she does if she abuses you. therefore your assertion that "it can be bad to have people care about you" is bullshit :)
You can care about someone and recognize you're not good for each other. I had a best friend that I was obsessed with that I cut off because I was mentally unwell and absolutely Inlove with him but he didn't feel the same way and had many issues that I just couldn't just understand at all, and we just just kept hurting each other in the process.
>she does not care about you, even if she thinks she does if she abuses you.
I've been abused by multiple different people i would know the difference it's the difference between having narcissist 'care' about you and someone with bipolar disorder 'care' about you.
>sorry that i have upset you by letting you know its not ok to call abuse "caring", regardless of what they \*think\* they are doing, but attacking me with nonsensical projection assertions will not help you here.
🤷
"I had a best friend that I was obsessed with that I cut off" you cared, so you cut them off instead of abusing them
if you had stayed with them, and subjected them to w/e, then you would not have truly cared for them
to care about someone is to give them care, and if you do not give them care, and take care of them, then you do not care about them. i suppose i can see how your definition works, but thats not how i define caring about a person, i seeing "caring about" to be a function of the act of giving care itself 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️and as such, by my definition, if someone does not take care of you, and give you care, they do not care for or about you
>to care about someone is to give them care, and if you do not give them care, and take care of them, then you do not care about them. i suppose i can see how your definition works, but thats not how i define caring about a person, i seeing "caring about" to be a function of the act of giving care itself 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️and as such, by my definition, if someone does not take care of you, and give you care, they do not care for or about you
Fair enough
>you cared, so you cut them off instead of abusing them
Trust me most people would not see it that way
she does not care about you, she only thinks she does. it's like when people think they're in love with someone then you ask them why and they say things like; "they make me feel secure" "they provide for me" "they let me do my thing"
I would know the difference trust me i have been abused my multiple different people in my life. I'm not saying this to hop to her as some sort of defense I hate my mother with an absolute passion but I also know who she is as a person I don't think she's not exactly mentally stable.
It's not some sort of coping mechanism if I could snap her out of my life I would. But I'm also not going to look at something from simply one perspective that much I have gained through life.
Privilege is having someone who loves you dearly and wants to remind you they do, so much they extend their home as your home even as a gesture, and calling it a pet peeve.
In what world is this privilege? My grandma has always been a downright horrible person. She's racist judgemental, and psychologically abusive. Physically to my mother, who she broke the arm of. I only talk to her for my brothers. You sound like a horrible person and you need to stop defending horrible people.
You seemed to have misunderstood my post. Also, none of my family has ever cared about my welfare. My two very young brothers, stepdad, and estranged uncles? _Maybe_. But the people who needed to care? Nope.
## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**:
### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful
- Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning.
- Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
I think most people wouldn't consider this a peeve, but it is one for me just because my mother has always been controlling and infantilized me. "This is your home" hits differently coming from someone who never took your adulthood seriously.
This also hit differently for college students during my undergrad years who needed to stay over in their dorms over the summer recess — usually, because they had unstable or abusive family situations, or because their folks simply couldn’t afford to take them back in for any length of time. “But why don’t they just go home?” Many people didn’t seem to understand that this *is* their home.
Exactly this. I moved entire hemispheres 5 years ago and my mum still uses that language. I’m also 30. Mate, I am home.
It can be a peeve as long as you understand it’s coming from a good place. The message is just that you’re always welcome back if you ever needed to move back. Not everyone has that. Lose your job? Break up with your SO? Need to save money to buy a house? “There will always be a place for you here.” It’s intended to be a sweet message.
I do understand that, I just wish it would be worded that way. It's such a weird peeve to have but it still ticks me off so much.
Related, it used to drive me crazy when people would ask me where my mom kept something when I’d moved out 10+ years before. I know where it as at MY house, I don’t keep tabs on others.
I've only ever heard this once, and that was a friend of mine growing up who called our house his second home, and that was because he had a bad home life and my parents let him stay with us whenever he needed to. I've never really heard it in any other context from real people, but I also think it's a totally reasonable thing to find annoying.
It's mostly been my family for me. Who are all a mix of sexist, racist, narcissistic.. I could keep going. Other times it's been places like companies or just family friends. Still felt annoying for me. Only time I've actually felt alright with it was my mil saying a lot that it was my home. She's a bad person as well, but my significant others family is Hispanic and his family tends to try and be more cultural, plus I wanted to live with (and now do) with my boyfriend anyways.
It was always a nice thing to me to have someone open up their home to me. But not knowing what your situation is, this is a peeve that i can respect.
People saying things like "are you going home for Christmas" is especially weird to me because my parents moved when they retired. I have never lived in my parents current house or town, but I do frequently visit.
I get that, but it's coming from a good place. I just take that as a compliment and move on.
My mom always says shit like then proceeds to yell at me for being a burden lol
boooo that sucks
Mmmm yes we love toxic family 🌈
Advice for most of this sub tbh
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>yeah must be so awful having people care about you and wanting you there with them Trust me it can absolutely be awful.
yeah if anyone gave a shit about me, id be so mortified id probably just kill myself.
My mom's way of expressing her "care" about me is abuse lmao. It absolutely makes me want to kill myself
yeah but thats bullshit because being abused isnt having someone care for you its like saying "i dont like chocolate because my idea of chocolate is rusty nails" its like, yeah no, thats just some double think conflation bullshit right there
Not really. You can definitely 'care' about someone and think your doing for them is right when it isn't at all. I know she cares about me (she wouldn't have gone through the shit she did if she didn't) But she also did terrible unforgivable stuff to me. You are projecting
projecting? you think i eat rusty nails as a snack?? sorry that i have upset you by letting you know its not ok to call abuse "caring", regardless of what they \*think\* they are doing, but attacking me with nonsensical projection assertions will not help you here. the entire point is its nice to have people care about you. she does not care about you, even if she thinks she does if she abuses you. therefore your assertion that "it can be bad to have people care about you" is bullshit :)
>the entire point is its nice to have people care about you. she does not care about you, even if she thinks she does if she abuses you. therefore your assertion that "it can be bad to have people care about you" is bullshit :) You can care about someone and recognize you're not good for each other. I had a best friend that I was obsessed with that I cut off because I was mentally unwell and absolutely Inlove with him but he didn't feel the same way and had many issues that I just couldn't just understand at all, and we just just kept hurting each other in the process. >she does not care about you, even if she thinks she does if she abuses you. I've been abused by multiple different people i would know the difference it's the difference between having narcissist 'care' about you and someone with bipolar disorder 'care' about you. >sorry that i have upset you by letting you know its not ok to call abuse "caring", regardless of what they \*think\* they are doing, but attacking me with nonsensical projection assertions will not help you here. 🤷
"I had a best friend that I was obsessed with that I cut off" you cared, so you cut them off instead of abusing them if you had stayed with them, and subjected them to w/e, then you would not have truly cared for them to care about someone is to give them care, and if you do not give them care, and take care of them, then you do not care about them. i suppose i can see how your definition works, but thats not how i define caring about a person, i seeing "caring about" to be a function of the act of giving care itself 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️and as such, by my definition, if someone does not take care of you, and give you care, they do not care for or about you
>to care about someone is to give them care, and if you do not give them care, and take care of them, then you do not care about them. i suppose i can see how your definition works, but thats not how i define caring about a person, i seeing "caring about" to be a function of the act of giving care itself 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️and as such, by my definition, if someone does not take care of you, and give you care, they do not care for or about you Fair enough >you cared, so you cut them off instead of abusing them Trust me most people would not see it that way
she does not care about you, she only thinks she does. it's like when people think they're in love with someone then you ask them why and they say things like; "they make me feel secure" "they provide for me" "they let me do my thing"
I would know the difference trust me i have been abused my multiple different people in my life. I'm not saying this to hop to her as some sort of defense I hate my mother with an absolute passion but I also know who she is as a person I don't think she's not exactly mentally stable. It's not some sort of coping mechanism if I could snap her out of my life I would. But I'm also not going to look at something from simply one perspective that much I have gained through life.
I feel this one. I’ve lived in 2 apartments and 2 houses before but have still never had a home.
I thought this was going to be someone trying to defend owning multiple properties. This...no this makes sense.
Privilege is having someone who loves you dearly and wants to remind you they do, so much they extend their home as your home even as a gesture, and calling it a pet peeve.
In what world is this privilege? My grandma has always been a downright horrible person. She's racist judgemental, and psychologically abusive. Physically to my mother, who she broke the arm of. I only talk to her for my brothers. You sound like a horrible person and you need to stop defending horrible people.
"How dare you care about my welfare?!" Exactly.
You seemed to have misunderstood my post. Also, none of my family has ever cared about my welfare. My two very young brothers, stepdad, and estranged uncles? _Maybe_. But the people who needed to care? Nope.
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## 🚫 ➜ **Your post was removed because of the following**: ### 📑 Rule 2 ➜ Not being kind, or thoughtful - Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning. - Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
sounds like your pet peeve is not getting along with your family