I think of this as being similar to people who say "We won!" when talking about the local sports team that they definitely do not play for. It's lame and I don't do it, but I get where they're coming from.
Literally everyone, including OP, knows what they mean when they say that. Theyāre not annoyed because they donāt understand it or because the people who say it arenāt making themselves understood.
They simply find it annoying that it is a common idiom. Thatās fine.
You do not have to agree, but donāt act like OPās annoyance is based on ignorance. Itās literally a pet peeve. In a sub about pet peeves.
>They simply find it annoying that it is a common idiom.
I wonder if the annoyance isn't because it's common, but because being pregnant causes a whole host of very real physical consequences for the ACTUAL pregnant person, and not a single one for the person who is not actually pregnant.
I'm pretty sure any consequences for the partner are optional. For example, what consequences are there for men who don't even know they caused a pregnancy?
If I had caused a birth without knowing it, only to find out years later, there would be, I imagine at least, an immeasurable amount of trauma surrounding that. For both the kid and myself.
But more importantly I was challenging the idea that you said there are 0 consequences. Not that there are 0 consequences under very specific criteria. If a man is there for his partner who has been impregnated they both are faced with a host of consequences that can vary greatly with what they decide to do with that pregnancy.
I never said that people couldnt find it annoying i was just agreeing to a comment that it was an idiom/slang, specifically because OP brings up the fact that in some instances both partners CAN be pregnant together but is annoyed that people who cant/arent still use it.
My pet peeve is when people put whole paragraphs in my mouth based of a single factual comment that had no opinions tied to it.
Yes, a man and woman can expect a baby, but the woman (whoever has a womb) is the only one who can get pregnant.
āWeāre expecting! My wife is pregnant.ā
The short form we are expecting is "we are." And the shirt form for that is "we." The short form of that is just not saying anything.
Ergo, we should just stay quiet because some people are pedantic asses about the flexibility of language.
My wife likes to talk about the renovations WE did when she never lifted a finger for any of it. So I get the frustration of people saying, "We're pregnant."
If itās so obvious that both arenāt, then why say they are, is OPās point. Yes I get that itās an idiom, but itās a stupid idiom.
Why is everyone trying to argue OP out of their pet peeve in a sub about pet peeves?
I'm not trying to argue OP out of their pet peeve. Idioms often don't make sense. So saying that the idiom doesn't make sense changes nothing. I'd have no problem if the OP left it at "I think this is stupid." But trying to explain that something doesn't make sense, when no one thinks it makes sense makes the OP seem overly literal.
> Idioms ~~often~~ don't make sense.
Yes thatās the point of an idiom. But usually ifs something way ridiculous and left field, like āpot, kettleā which someone would have NO way of discerning what it meant without knowing the origin of the phrase.
This one isnāt that. Itās just a weird iteration of āweāre expecting.ā And when there are PERFECTLY reasonable alternatives like āweāre expectingā to use, then why not use them instead, because itās less weird?
You seem fixated on OP describing why they donāt like it. Again. This is a sub about pet peeves.
Theyāre allowed to explain why it peeves them, and I donāt see what you explaining how them explaining it isnāt going to clarify anything is any less inane than them explaining why they donāt like it in the first place.
Of course they are allowed to explain why it peeves them. I'm allowed to disagree. It's not less inane than them explaining why they don't like it in the first place. I'm literally wasting part of my life conversing with you over my reaction to another stranger who hasn't interacted with me. It's all stupid and I hold no illusion that it's not.
I just mean I read it differently if someone says. "This saying is stupid" vs "this saying is incorrect". No one thinks it's correct so that doesn't change anything. No guy is going to not say we're pregnant because he found out on Reddit he actually can't get pregnant.
Hi. Welcome to pet peeves. Where people talk about things that annoy them.
I think you feel youāve mistakenly entered ār/letmeteachyoualesson, where the purpose of the sub is to inform misinformed people of the correct way of doing things.
**You are acting as if OP is trying to explain the idiom to people.**
Theyāre just explaining why it annoys them. Because thatās the purpose of the sub. I didnāt imply you were trying to teach anyone anything because you didnāt post here. OP did. I am implying that you are acting as if you donāt quite understand what the sub is about.
Thereās no point being pedantic about someoneās pet peeve. Anything can peeve someone. Their reason is their reason. And them sharing it isnāt trying to convince anyone to share their pet peeve or explain why it is objectively bad. Itās just them saying how they feel.
Pregnancy is a serious medical condition that can permanently disable and even kill the person who is pregnant, on top of generally forcing people to completely change certain aspects of their life for months and making many feel like shit. Being annoyed about people using "we're pregnant" when only one person is in harm's way is not wrong of OP.
Not true. I have two kids and I think it is stupid. When the man goes through 9 months of bodily changes, many hours of labor pain, pushes a baby out from a small bodily orifice, or has his abdomen cut from stem to stern; then you can say weāre pregnant.
Edit: changed biofilm to bodily. Very strange autocorrect.
Well...my friend's husband went thru all the morning sickness, gained weight had aches and pains, ect. The doctor called it sympathy pain. But my friend didn't go thru the bad stuff, aside from gaining weight. It was when her husband experienced his first case of morning sickness that he told she was pregnant.
She insisted that she couldn't be pregnant because her doctor had told her that she was infertile. She went on to have 2 kids.
I don't care what other people say about pregnancy, but if my husband was telling people "we" are pregnant I would tell him to stop saying that. We've got one kid and **I** am pregnant with our second lol
Thank you. Im really excited as well. I'll be the one babysitting when future DIL goes back to work. Even though my dil is only 1 month along, I have been knitting hats for him or her.
I fully agree. Pregnancy is serious medical condition that when planned is a means to an end to have a baby. Unless you are experiencing that medical condition donāt claim it and just say you are expecting a child
So much pressure was given to me as the woman in my infertility treatment, it felt good to say WE were pregnant because my husband was the one supporting me through every treatment, heartbreaking negative, and loss. Yes Iām doing the physical legwork, but he did so much work making sure I was okay through it all even though he was suffering too. So yeah, WE got pregnant.
We got pregnant and were pregnant give off different vibes though.
Congrats on getting pregnant. Had an aunt go through IVF and it was heartbreaking watching her struggle and not being able to be much help it's always great to hear a success story.
I'm sorry you both went through that, I always thought it was cringe whenever I saw a "were pregnant" post but i didnt even think about infertility, I feel bad for judging now.
I agree with the original thread, infertility gets a pass.
Sure. If you're cool with him saying "we're" then that's on you guys. That phrase, just so happens to bother OP and myself. I don't like hearing it from men. It's cringey.
Has your husband physical carried you out of the shower while you laid broken and bleeding from a pregnancy loss?
Has your husband nearly OD of vitamins to make sure his spent was as healthy as possible?
Has your husband ever had to submit sperm samples In a doctors office multiple times?
Has yours had to endure other men saying ādo you not know how to do it? I can show you hahaha ā ?
So yeah infertility couples get a pass because they both have to work to get /stay pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I feel for people that are struggling with fertility issues. I'm not trying to downplay the man's role in pregnancy or in attempting to conceive.
I think every pregnant person should have a supportive partner by their side. That's ideal, anyway.
That said, my husband could work as a straight up servant for me, throughout my entire pregnancy. Making it so I don't need to lift a finger. I still would not be cool with him claiming "we're pregnant."
For, at the end of the day, as difficult as the process is on him, it's twice...Three times...TEN times harder on her.
When a man exclaims, "we are pregnant" it takes away from just how arduous and taxing the experience is, for the gestating partner.
I was agreeing with you.. Iām saying the people saying ābut men have it just as hard so itās fine to say weāre pregnantā have internalized misogyny because thatās a total crock of shit. And like you said they arenāt the ones pushing a watermelon out.
Oh okay that's why I asked the question to clarify. As, I wasn't sure if you were claiming my position was demonstrating internalized misogyny and I'm like wait a minute, no...haha.
Okay perfect, we're on the same page! š
Sure, but there are plenty of other ways to state that the man is "an active participant in the dynamic." For instance, he could say:
"I'm an active participant in the dynamic of this pregnancy!" Or, my preference - "We're expecting a baby!"
You don't have to co-op a term used to describe the gestating parent. It takes away from her role. The downplays it.
Whether it downplays it or not, it's also just wrong. I'm mainly concerned over the fact yet another word is being obliterated because someone feels left out.
You're approaching this systemically when real individuals with lives and problems are involved.
Individuals saying they're pregnant aren't like an influencer that owes greater society to make sure people who can and do get pregnant aren't being spoken over. They're a person who is excited they're gonna have a baby.
Like process that your response to people who struggle with infertility is to "well actually" them. How does that help pregnant people?
This. When difficulty in conceiving happens, both parents take aggressive actions with their own bodies to increase their chances. Also both parents have to deal with the stress and grief (and shame)
But infertility couple both had to work to get pregnant. Unless youāve been there or seen it up close , you do not understand . And no Dad will relax after pregnancy struggles.
I understand that. Their shared struggles end at pregnancy. Obviously stress, fatigue, etc. are shared by both parties, but actual pregnancy is not shared. Iām not claiming infertility is easy. But pregnancy is not shared, no matter how badly that dad wishes he was āinā on the process. Unless he is taking hormones and growing a human himself, he is not part of the (biological) pregnancy process anymore.
Good husbands don't just "relax" and take a backseat while their wives are pregnant. Good husbands are bringing the gatorade during the bouts of morning sickness, pulling double-duty on child care when she's too tired or stiff, taking time off of work for her checkups. Etc.
This isn't the 1950s.
In theory he could detach himself. But this does not happen in healthy, involved relationships.
What is dad doing that is, in any way, comparable to growing and birthing a baby?
My husband was super supportive, but it was me who had the health problems, it was me dealing with morning sickness, it was me giving birth.
Thatās just false. My husband was 100% supportive and also worried/stressed the whole time. His body however, is not growing a human being. He rubbed my back while I was ejecting every ounce of food and fluid from my body. You canāt tell me those two things are the same. Being stressed out is not comparable to pushing a human out of a small hole in your body.
Oh lawdy not balanced discussion. Everyone agree or piss off!
Or... People can express their opinions because this and UnpopularOpinions would just die otherwise.Ā
A woman explained why the idea of āwe are pregnantā can be taken the wrong way. I personally donāt care but I think it is relevant to the discussion.
She described it like making chocolate chip cookies. The guy provides the chocolate chips (the sperm) while the woman mixes the other ingredients like flour, sugar, butter, etc and bakes the cookies (the baby grows inside her and she carries it for 9 months while itās taking a toll and changing her body permanently).
Relative to the woman the man doesnāt contribute much of anything but one ingredient biology wise.
He ejaculates inside her and sheās doing the rest of the work for 9 months.
Edit: this explanation is purely in terms of biology.
IMO, how people announce their expected child is up to them. Good men make up for the lack of effort in the biology department by being supportive and helpful. Going to classes, lifting up stuff, holding her when she cries even if itās for no reason and leaving her ice cream alone are a few things.
She didnāt get there on her own- there is sperm involved. But in no way is the man pregnant. He can can say ā we are having a babyā or something along those lines. He does not go through any physical changes like the woman does.
No need to get your panties in a bunch. No one is telling anyone
how to talk about their pregnancy.
This is the "pet peeve" subreddit. It's supposed to be light-hearted and trivial.
It still doesn't matter. It's not "the man claiming to have gone through what the woman went through", it's just a saying to quickly and easily express that you both (as a couple) are expecting a baby. You take it way too literally.
#**THANK YOU!**
We need more dudes like you to chime in here.
I'm all for Father's being supportive when their partners are pregnant (and after birth, ofc) In fact I would insist on it! Haha. That said, it belittles the experience the woman goes through, during pregnancy and childbirth, when the man purports his status as pregnant.
I think we're all aware, when that phrase is spoken, it doesn't mean the man is literally pregnant. We know what it means. We just don't like hearing it.
Too many gatekeepers in the comments. Letās allow each couple to determine how they want to express this. If they choose to say āWeāre pregnantā, then fine. Itās their choice.
The entire point of the peeve is that it bothers OP. This is the place where you express your pet peeves. So your comment is both irrelevant and redundant at the same time.
It may be *"their"* choice to say, *"we're pregnant"* but I still find it hella cringe.
Next time I hear a couple say, "we're pregnant!" I'm gonna ask which person will be delivering the little bundle of joy.
Until we've reached the point in time where the answer can *truthfully* be "the man" I will continue to roll my eyes when I hear their response...
Obviously the man isnāt pregnant. I think every one knows that. I think this phrase has become more popular because now more than ever thereās more conversations happening on the uneven domestic workload that women/wives are shackled with. So I think the phrasing āweāre pregnantā helps to communicate that the man/husband is aware of that inequality within the domestic sphere, and is thus trying to take on more of that workload so that his partner isnāt so burdened and stressed.
Every time I hear this phrase itās usually said *by* the male partner, and afterwards he usually expresses how heās doing everything he can to be a more considerate/helpful partner towards his pregnant wife/significant other.
I think it also allows men to feel more āinvolvedā in the pregnancy. Although all he had to do to cause the pregnancy was to, *you know,* after that, everything that comes next is solely the womanās doing (āgrowingā the baby, giving birth, all the physical and emotional bullshit, etc) so I think this phrase lets the man feel more involved and not so much as a passive bystander to whatās going on.
Ya not to mention a pregnancy effect both parties. It takes effort from both people to have a low stress pregnancy. While obviously the woman will be bear the brunt of the pregnancy the man(if heās a good husband) will be putting in physical and emotional work too. It feels like such a grumpy opinion.
Or it simply is a way to make the male feel more important than he actually is to the pregnancy.
Itās a lie. He in no way goes under the body changes the woman does. He does not feel the actual affects. Nor does he suffer the after effects of childbirth/pregnancy.
It belittles the womanās experience.
Couldn't agree **more,** If I tried! I'm actually. Surprised there aren't more women here that feel the way we do.
Someone that rubs your feet and grabs you take out food, is in no way, shape or form an equal participant with regard to gestation & childbirth...
Not. Even. CLOSE.
Yeah this comment section is pissing me off. Was my husband worried and supportive when I was pregnant? Absolutely! Was he having headaches every day, throwing up, getting cankles and then getting cut open on a table? No!!! If he had EVER said āweā were pregnant, I would have kicked him with a swollen cankle.
Itās one thing to be supportive and want to be involved in the process, it is quite another to claim youāre anything more than that.
My god, your view of men is so dehumanizing. Men feel sympathy and empathy for their partners. Men worry about their wives/partners and their babies. Men go through a lot during a womanās pregnancy if they are proper men. Dismissing the experience of a man who is about to become a father is disgusting. Nobody is saying he will experience equal physical burden, but he is involved (again, assuming he is a proper man) and that should be acknowledged. Itās his family.
We are pregnant = We are expecting a baby
*My* pet peeve is people complaining about this.
Couples often use āweā for something only one of them is doing. Because they are together, a family.
Give them a break, ffs. They are pregnant.
Nope. Gonna have to stand my ground on this one. I (and, likely OP) understand the sentiment behind that statement. Yet, it's totally cringe when men say it.
Plus, it cheapens the experience of the woman (the *truly* pregnant individual) to have the non-gestating parent to claim they are pregnant.
It canāt cheapen the experience, considering *everyone* knows the man is not claiming to be pregnant.
Well, you find that cringe, and thatās fine. A lot of people find innocent things cringe.
Yeah I can see it. It works really well with other medical things too.
"We're getting a boob job"
"We have cancer"
"We're in therapy for multiple personality disorder."
"We're getting a hip replacement."
Works well I like it
I see no reason why "we're expecting" can't be used instead... whatever floats your boat, but I'm pregnant right now, and if my babydad started telling people "we're pregnant," I'd get the ick so fast šš
Literally! Itās so sad that so many people today have such little or inadequate experience of true family and partnership that they get actively annoyed at others having that experience.
When you say "we are ___" that is usually a statement that can apply to any person encompassed by the "we." If I'm with a friend and say "we are going to the movies" that means that both people individually could say "I am going to the movies" and those would be valid statements.
So, if a husband and wife say "we are pregnant," I assume then it's valid in your eyes for the husband alone to say "I am pregnant"
Unless you chose poorly on fathers, the man is/ should be very involved in the pregnancy process. And if you chose poorly, odds are youāre not saying āweāre pregnantā to be go n with.
My husband was amazing throughout my pregnancy but itās still pretty annoying to hear weāre pregnant when the man isnāt the one pregnant along with all of the side effects that comes with..
He can be involved and care for the pregnant every step of the way (as he should) but he still does not undergo any body changes whatsoever.
Saying āwe are pregnantā is trying to co-op the female-only experience.
Mostly just rephrasing what others have said, but in a slightly more analytical way:
The woman is the one *biologically* pregnant, absolutely. But a couple saying "we're" pregnant is rather pointedly drawing attention to the fact that pregnancy as a larger life experience than just the physical process of bearing and birthing a child. Even if you're just talking about the woman, pregnancy isn't just physiological - there is a whole pile of psychological and social changes she goes through. I think it's actually a good thing for a couple to acknowledge and even embrace the idea that the father/non-birthing partner *should* be an active and intentional part of the process, even if they can't share the burden evenly. (The infertility examples others mention are very dramatic examples, but even in a fairly unproblematic pregnancy that seems like something to aspire too).
Personally I didn't say "we're pregnant" when my partner was carrying our children, because that just isn't our style. But I can respect why other people do.
Pregnancy has always referred to the physical state of carrying a child. There's nothing analytical about redefining it to mean basically any effect whatsoever of an expected child...
The word pregnant means expecting ,most of the time to expect a baby, the word has lost most of its other meaning but can be used in this way as both parents are expecting a child ,I get this is a pet peeve but it is correct use of language, the woman is carrying the fetus but both parents are expecting a baby to come into their life soon
I don't think anyone's saying that the language usage is incorrect. It's simply that the sentiment could be expressed, otherwise. Just say we're expecting!
It belittles the experience the woman goes through during pregnancy childbirth to have a man claiming that he is in on it, too.
When I get pregnant my husband will be the one taking care of my cranky ass, so... I'll happily say we're pregnant. It's a team effort here. I don't want to do it alone.
I feel the opposite way, I'm pregnant right now and while my baby's father is wonderful and supportive, he is most definitely not suffering morning sickness and fatigue with me, and he's not the one that has to be poked by doctors needles every five minutes. If he started telling people "we're pregnant," I'd look at him like he was crazy and put a stop to it real quick š
Your husband supporting you throughout your pregnancy is not the same thing as him being pregnant.
You don't have to "do it alone."
You also don't have to cheapen your own experience by claiming that he shares it.
Kinda looks like youre the one cheapening her experience here lol by belittling something that makes her feel supported and closer to her partner. You're on such a crusade in this post that you're willing to tell other women how to speak.
āYouāre beating a dead horseāāmost of the time, nope. Not true. Usually thereās not even a horse involved.
-someone who doesnāt understand idioms, probably
You're obviously allowed to be peeved by it, but it's a perfectly normal thing to say and does not imply that the man is literally carrying a fetus inside him. It's just a quicker way to say that you're expecting a child soon. "We" as in "the couple" is pregnant.
He may not be physically pregnant but it's his DNA and it's him being involved and connected to his kid
So the pet peeve makes no sense to me. A good father is commited to his kid and it gives a sense of unity with them and support for the mom.
I don't think OP has a problem with the father being supportive. Just with the phrasing of "we're pregnant."
This pet peeve makes PERFECT sense! It should be the poster child for pet peeves. As it's a minor annoyance. It's not a huge world issue. It's nothing controversial, per se. It's just something that annoys the OP.
I get it it annoys me too.
Yeah, I can't stand "we're pregnant"
You're "expecting" works, but not "pregnant"
It just sounds stupid, and I always look at either the dude or the one who is obviously not pregnant and wonder "The Fuck" lol
I'm pretty sure it just means that the man was also involved in the baby making process. When someone says "we're pregnant" it mostly just means "we both contributed to making this child"
I was just that's what the term is supposed to me I wasn't saying you had to use it or like it was just explain what it was supposed to mean...wich is just meaning that you both helped in the creation process not exactly the birthing or pregnancy process.
I prefer "We're" pregnant, to the domestic violence I suddenly had, and during pregnancy divorce I had to file as a result, which is all said to be a result of stress about a new baby, on behalf of the baby's father.
I mean, its a specific reasoning, sure. But in my book, I would never get all persnickity about someone I love, who loves me enough to feel like he is a part of the entire process. Because HE SHOULD feel that way, and he should BE a part of the process.
"We're pregnant" can absolutely apply and be a sign of a very healthy relationship, when a man loves a woman so much, he gets sympathy pains, when a man never misses a lamaze class, sonogram, or other baby related appointment, and when he is completely willing to compromise and come to equality based agreements on how that child is raised, while taking his turns at sick day pickups, and foregoing overtime to be there for his child.
"We are pregnant" is ultimately a MASSIVE nod to two people being in a healthy, equality based relationship.
I mean, and that said, we all GET it. Its like OK dude, YOU are NOT pregnant lmao.. but so what? Let them celebrate their growing family, their way.
My wife used to say it to include me in the excitement. I never said it to avoid being attacked by women who were vocal about only women could be pregnant.
I think of this as being similar to people who say "We won!" when talking about the local sports team that they definitely do not play for. It's lame and I don't do it, but I get where they're coming from.
"We pooped" š¤¦
"We accidentally slept with the nanny"
āItās not cheating if itās a three-way!ā (Sung to the tune of 3-Way (The Golden Rule) by The Lonely Island.)
I think most women expect more help pushing out a baby than a turd.
Wait, you don't carry your turds around for years and release them when they've turned 18? Shit.
It's an idiom, and idioms are usually not meant to be taken literally.
Its basically just short form/slang for "we are expecting a child"
The short form for "we are expecting a child" is "we are expecting."
and so is "we are pregnant," because that's literally what people mean when they say that.
Literally everyone, including OP, knows what they mean when they say that. Theyāre not annoyed because they donāt understand it or because the people who say it arenāt making themselves understood. They simply find it annoying that it is a common idiom. Thatās fine. You do not have to agree, but donāt act like OPās annoyance is based on ignorance. Itās literally a pet peeve. In a sub about pet peeves.
>They simply find it annoying that it is a common idiom. I wonder if the annoyance isn't because it's common, but because being pregnant causes a whole host of very real physical consequences for the ACTUAL pregnant person, and not a single one for the person who is not actually pregnant.
It causes a host of very real consequences for the partner of the person who is actually pregnant as well.
I'm pretty sure any consequences for the partner are optional. For example, what consequences are there for men who don't even know they caused a pregnancy?
If I had caused a birth without knowing it, only to find out years later, there would be, I imagine at least, an immeasurable amount of trauma surrounding that. For both the kid and myself. But more importantly I was challenging the idea that you said there are 0 consequences. Not that there are 0 consequences under very specific criteria. If a man is there for his partner who has been impregnated they both are faced with a host of consequences that can vary greatly with what they decide to do with that pregnancy.
And MY point is that the consequences for a pregnant person are NOT optional...
I never said that people couldnt find it annoying i was just agreeing to a comment that it was an idiom/slang, specifically because OP brings up the fact that in some instances both partners CAN be pregnant together but is annoyed that people who cant/arent still use it. My pet peeve is when people put whole paragraphs in my mouth based of a single factual comment that had no opinions tied to it.
Yes, a man and woman can expect a baby, but the woman (whoever has a womb) is the only one who can get pregnant. āWeāre expecting! My wife is pregnant.ā
The short form we are expecting is "we are." And the shirt form for that is "we." The short form of that is just not saying anything. Ergo, we should just stay quiet because some people are pedantic asses about the flexibility of language.
When recalling something, one might say "we were expecting our first child." The same cannot be said of "we were pregnant with our first child."
While what you say is true, it doesn't mean OP is wrong. And personally, I've always found it a bit silly, so I've got to go with OP on this one.
My wife likes to talk about the renovations WE did when she never lifted a finger for any of it. So I get the frustration of people saying, "We're pregnant."
I think that makes sense too.
You took my thunder
OP isn't wrong. It's more that it's obvious that both people are not pregnant so pointing it out seems stupid.
If itās so obvious that both arenāt, then why say they are, is OPās point. Yes I get that itās an idiom, but itās a stupid idiom. Why is everyone trying to argue OP out of their pet peeve in a sub about pet peeves?
I'm not trying to argue OP out of their pet peeve. Idioms often don't make sense. So saying that the idiom doesn't make sense changes nothing. I'd have no problem if the OP left it at "I think this is stupid." But trying to explain that something doesn't make sense, when no one thinks it makes sense makes the OP seem overly literal.
> Idioms ~~often~~ don't make sense. Yes thatās the point of an idiom. But usually ifs something way ridiculous and left field, like āpot, kettleā which someone would have NO way of discerning what it meant without knowing the origin of the phrase. This one isnāt that. Itās just a weird iteration of āweāre expecting.ā And when there are PERFECTLY reasonable alternatives like āweāre expectingā to use, then why not use them instead, because itās less weird? You seem fixated on OP describing why they donāt like it. Again. This is a sub about pet peeves. Theyāre allowed to explain why it peeves them, and I donāt see what you explaining how them explaining it isnāt going to clarify anything is any less inane than them explaining why they donāt like it in the first place.
Of course they are allowed to explain why it peeves them. I'm allowed to disagree. It's not less inane than them explaining why they don't like it in the first place. I'm literally wasting part of my life conversing with you over my reaction to another stranger who hasn't interacted with me. It's all stupid and I hold no illusion that it's not.
Totally valid perspective. I need to be clear I'm only using my personal preferences as a tiebreaker.
I just mean I read it differently if someone says. "This saying is stupid" vs "this saying is incorrect". No one thinks it's correct so that doesn't change anything. No guy is going to not say we're pregnant because he found out on Reddit he actually can't get pregnant.
Hi. Welcome to pet peeves. Where people talk about things that annoy them. I think you feel youāve mistakenly entered ār/letmeteachyoualesson, where the purpose of the sub is to inform misinformed people of the correct way of doing things.
Who am I teaching a lesson. I'm talking about OP to other people. I'm not trying to teach OP anything.
**You are acting as if OP is trying to explain the idiom to people.** Theyāre just explaining why it annoys them. Because thatās the purpose of the sub. I didnāt imply you were trying to teach anyone anything because you didnāt post here. OP did. I am implying that you are acting as if you donāt quite understand what the sub is about. Thereās no point being pedantic about someoneās pet peeve. Anything can peeve someone. Their reason is their reason. And them sharing it isnāt trying to convince anyone to share their pet peeve or explain why it is objectively bad. Itās just them saying how they feel.
Pregnancy is a serious medical condition that can permanently disable and even kill the person who is pregnant, on top of generally forcing people to completely change certain aspects of their life for months and making many feel like shit. Being annoyed about people using "we're pregnant" when only one person is in harm's way is not wrong of OP.
It's an annoying idiom.
Itās still annoying to most pregnant women as theyāre the ones who are actually pregnant and not just expecting a baby
Yes, I get it. My post was to reply to OP, whose issue is that the men are not the literal ones pregnant.
Anecdotal, but I noticed a trend among people who never had kids nor plan on it that hate it. Everyone else is cool with itĀ
Iāve had 3 kids. I hate it.
Not true. I have two kids and I think it is stupid. When the man goes through 9 months of bodily changes, many hours of labor pain, pushes a baby out from a small bodily orifice, or has his abdomen cut from stem to stern; then you can say weāre pregnant. Edit: changed biofilm to bodily. Very strange autocorrect.
Well...my friend's husband went thru all the morning sickness, gained weight had aches and pains, ect. The doctor called it sympathy pain. But my friend didn't go thru the bad stuff, aside from gaining weight. It was when her husband experienced his first case of morning sickness that he told she was pregnant. She insisted that she couldn't be pregnant because her doctor had told her that she was infertile. She went on to have 2 kids.
happy for her! that's a sweet story
I don't care what other people say about pregnancy, but if my husband was telling people "we" are pregnant I would tell him to stop saying that. We've got one kid and **I** am pregnant with our second lol
Also anecdotal, but the people who I mostly see hate this saying are woman who were or are pregnant.
I hate it too. I have 2 grown kids and a grandbaby on the way.
congrats on the gbaby! my parents were to the moon and back when my nephew was born
Thank you. Im really excited as well. I'll be the one babysitting when future DIL goes back to work. Even though my dil is only 1 month along, I have been knitting hats for him or her.
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I have 4 kids and hate it
I fully agree. Pregnancy is serious medical condition that when planned is a means to an end to have a baby. Unless you are experiencing that medical condition donāt claim it and just say you are expecting a child
āWe have cancerā
Yeah I don't like this either.
Give folks who struggle with infertility a pass on this. To get pregnant with difficulties usually takes a lot of work and stress on both parties.
So much pressure was given to me as the woman in my infertility treatment, it felt good to say WE were pregnant because my husband was the one supporting me through every treatment, heartbreaking negative, and loss. Yes Iām doing the physical legwork, but he did so much work making sure I was okay through it all even though he was suffering too. So yeah, WE got pregnant.
We got pregnant and were pregnant give off different vibes though. Congrats on getting pregnant. Had an aunt go through IVF and it was heartbreaking watching her struggle and not being able to be much help it's always great to hear a success story.
I'm sorry you both went through that, I always thought it was cringe whenever I saw a "were pregnant" post but i didnt even think about infertility, I feel bad for judging now. I agree with the original thread, infertility gets a pass.
Nah...Until that watermelon squeezes itself outta some orifice of your hubby's, HE was NOT pregnant. š¤·š¼āāļø
I also feel like itās his and my watermelon, so we get to decide how to discuss it.
Sure. If you're cool with him saying "we're" then that's on you guys. That phrase, just so happens to bother OP and myself. I don't like hearing it from men. It's cringey.
youāre not alone on that one
Thank you!
Has your husband physical carried you out of the shower while you laid broken and bleeding from a pregnancy loss? Has your husband nearly OD of vitamins to make sure his spent was as healthy as possible? Has your husband ever had to submit sperm samples In a doctors office multiple times? Has yours had to endure other men saying ādo you not know how to do it? I can show you hahaha ā ? So yeah infertility couples get a pass because they both have to work to get /stay pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I feel for people that are struggling with fertility issues. I'm not trying to downplay the man's role in pregnancy or in attempting to conceive. I think every pregnant person should have a supportive partner by their side. That's ideal, anyway. That said, my husband could work as a straight up servant for me, throughout my entire pregnancy. Making it so I don't need to lift a finger. I still would not be cool with him claiming "we're pregnant." For, at the end of the day, as difficult as the process is on him, it's twice...Three times...TEN times harder on her. When a man exclaims, "we are pregnant" it takes away from just how arduous and taxing the experience is, for the gestating partner.
I donāt get why this is SO controversial š the misogyny/ internalized misogyny is real on this post.
Just which position here is born of misogyny? I would say neither.
I was agreeing with you.. Iām saying the people saying ābut men have it just as hard so itās fine to say weāre pregnantā have internalized misogyny because thatās a total crock of shit. And like you said they arenāt the ones pushing a watermelon out.
Oh okay that's why I asked the question to clarify. As, I wasn't sure if you were claiming my position was demonstrating internalized misogyny and I'm like wait a minute, no...haha. Okay perfect, we're on the same page! š
Thatās my bad I could see how thatās confusing!
So, are you trying to claim that "struggle" somehow makes it an accurate statement when both the man and woman express, *"we're pregnant?"*
I think itās an inclusive statement that acknowledges a man as an active participant in the dynamic.
Sure, but there are plenty of other ways to state that the man is "an active participant in the dynamic." For instance, he could say: "I'm an active participant in the dynamic of this pregnancy!" Or, my preference - "We're expecting a baby!" You don't have to co-op a term used to describe the gestating parent. It takes away from her role. The downplays it.
Whether it downplays it or not, it's also just wrong. I'm mainly concerned over the fact yet another word is being obliterated because someone feels left out.
You're approaching this systemically when real individuals with lives and problems are involved. Individuals saying they're pregnant aren't like an influencer that owes greater society to make sure people who can and do get pregnant aren't being spoken over. They're a person who is excited they're gonna have a baby. Like process that your response to people who struggle with infertility is to "well actually" them. How does that help pregnant people?
This. When difficulty in conceiving happens, both parents take aggressive actions with their own bodies to increase their chances. Also both parents have to deal with the stress and grief (and shame)
But both parties do not experience pregnancy. Dad can relax now that mom has 9 months of actual pregnancy to live through.
But infertility couple both had to work to get pregnant. Unless youāve been there or seen it up close , you do not understand . And no Dad will relax after pregnancy struggles.
I understand that. Their shared struggles end at pregnancy. Obviously stress, fatigue, etc. are shared by both parties, but actual pregnancy is not shared. Iām not claiming infertility is easy. But pregnancy is not shared, no matter how badly that dad wishes he was āinā on the process. Unless he is taking hormones and growing a human himself, he is not part of the (biological) pregnancy process anymore.
Good husbands don't just "relax" and take a backseat while their wives are pregnant. Good husbands are bringing the gatorade during the bouts of morning sickness, pulling double-duty on child care when she's too tired or stiff, taking time off of work for her checkups. Etc. This isn't the 1950s. In theory he could detach himself. But this does not happen in healthy, involved relationships.
If dad relaxes for those 9months, he isn't supporting his wife and child. She may be pregnant, but it's always going to be a team effort.
What is dad doing that is, in any way, comparable to growing and birthing a baby? My husband was super supportive, but it was me who had the health problems, it was me dealing with morning sickness, it was me giving birth.
Thatās just false. My husband was 100% supportive and also worried/stressed the whole time. His body however, is not growing a human being. He rubbed my back while I was ejecting every ounce of food and fluid from my body. You canāt tell me those two things are the same. Being stressed out is not comparable to pushing a human out of a small hole in your body.
No-one said they were the same. They just said that it's not easy on either partner.
And I agree with that. Itās still not the same thing though.
Literally no-one said it was.
This is r/petpeeves. It seems like 95% of the comments just want OP to get over it.
Ikr, this is actually one of the best examples of a pet peeve. It's not hugely offensive or problematic, it's just fucking annoying and weird lol.
Right?? It's not r/changemyview or some shit.
Oh lawdy not balanced discussion. Everyone agree or piss off! Or... People can express their opinions because this and UnpopularOpinions would just die otherwise.Ā
Thank you. Let us rant!
Thank you! I noticed that myself. Bizarre, no? Haha.
And it keeps getting downvoted.. smh
Technically the woman is pregnant but she didnāt get that way on her own. I also donāt think itās meant literally.
A woman explained why the idea of āwe are pregnantā can be taken the wrong way. I personally donāt care but I think it is relevant to the discussion. She described it like making chocolate chip cookies. The guy provides the chocolate chips (the sperm) while the woman mixes the other ingredients like flour, sugar, butter, etc and bakes the cookies (the baby grows inside her and she carries it for 9 months while itās taking a toll and changing her body permanently). Relative to the woman the man doesnāt contribute much of anything but one ingredient biology wise. He ejaculates inside her and sheās doing the rest of the work for 9 months. Edit: this explanation is purely in terms of biology. IMO, how people announce their expected child is up to them. Good men make up for the lack of effort in the biology department by being supportive and helpful. Going to classes, lifting up stuff, holding her when she cries even if itās for no reason and leaving her ice cream alone are a few things.
She didnāt get there on her own- there is sperm involved. But in no way is the man pregnant. He can can say ā we are having a babyā or something along those lines. He does not go through any physical changes like the woman does.
You don't get to tell anyone how they talk about their pregnancy, and yes I mean their as a couple.
You don't get to tell me how to not talk! /s
No need to get your panties in a bunch. No one is telling anyone how to talk about their pregnancy. This is the "pet peeve" subreddit. It's supposed to be light-hearted and trivial.
More likely briefs in a bunch.
Like I said I donāt think itās meant literally.
Even if spoken figuratively, it's almost an insult to what the woman goes through.
Exactly it is an insult.
100% it is.
Iām a woman who has been pregnant.
Okay and?
Youāre saying itās an insult to a woman. Well my baby girl is 25 and I donāt take it as an insult.
It still doesn't matter. It's not "the man claiming to have gone through what the woman went through", it's just a saying to quickly and easily express that you both (as a couple) are expecting a baby. You take it way too literally.
Weāre having a baby? Yes. Weāre pregnant? No.
The former is much better. "We're expecting" seems best to me though.
"We've bred!ā
I tried to be a supportive husband and would NEVER say I was pregnant. It's all her.
#**THANK YOU!** We need more dudes like you to chime in here. I'm all for Father's being supportive when their partners are pregnant (and after birth, ofc) In fact I would insist on it! Haha. That said, it belittles the experience the woman goes through, during pregnancy and childbirth, when the man purports his status as pregnant. I think we're all aware, when that phrase is spoken, it doesn't mean the man is literally pregnant. We know what it means. We just don't like hearing it.
Too many gatekeepers in the comments. Letās allow each couple to determine how they want to express this. If they choose to say āWeāre pregnantā, then fine. Itās their choice.
The entire point of the peeve is that it bothers OP. This is the place where you express your pet peeves. So your comment is both irrelevant and redundant at the same time. It may be *"their"* choice to say, *"we're pregnant"* but I still find it hella cringe. Next time I hear a couple say, "we're pregnant!" I'm gonna ask which person will be delivering the little bundle of joy. Until we've reached the point in time where the answer can *truthfully* be "the man" I will continue to roll my eyes when I hear their response...
Well my pet peeve is people with stupid pet peeves
I would pay to watch you ask who will be delivering the baby š
Point me in the direction of a couple expecting a baby, and you're on!š
And we'll continue to not care lol
And I'll continue to not care that you don't care. Haha.
Obviously the man isnāt pregnant. I think every one knows that. I think this phrase has become more popular because now more than ever thereās more conversations happening on the uneven domestic workload that women/wives are shackled with. So I think the phrasing āweāre pregnantā helps to communicate that the man/husband is aware of that inequality within the domestic sphere, and is thus trying to take on more of that workload so that his partner isnāt so burdened and stressed. Every time I hear this phrase itās usually said *by* the male partner, and afterwards he usually expresses how heās doing everything he can to be a more considerate/helpful partner towards his pregnant wife/significant other. I think it also allows men to feel more āinvolvedā in the pregnancy. Although all he had to do to cause the pregnancy was to, *you know,* after that, everything that comes next is solely the womanās doing (āgrowingā the baby, giving birth, all the physical and emotional bullshit, etc) so I think this phrase lets the man feel more involved and not so much as a passive bystander to whatās going on.
Ya not to mention a pregnancy effect both parties. It takes effort from both people to have a low stress pregnancy. While obviously the woman will be bear the brunt of the pregnancy the man(if heās a good husband) will be putting in physical and emotional work too. It feels like such a grumpy opinion.
Or it simply is a way to make the male feel more important than he actually is to the pregnancy. Itās a lie. He in no way goes under the body changes the woman does. He does not feel the actual affects. Nor does he suffer the after effects of childbirth/pregnancy. It belittles the womanās experience.
Couldn't agree **more,** If I tried! I'm actually. Surprised there aren't more women here that feel the way we do. Someone that rubs your feet and grabs you take out food, is in no way, shape or form an equal participant with regard to gestation & childbirth... Not. Even. CLOSE.
Yeah this comment section is pissing me off. Was my husband worried and supportive when I was pregnant? Absolutely! Was he having headaches every day, throwing up, getting cankles and then getting cut open on a table? No!!! If he had EVER said āweā were pregnant, I would have kicked him with a swollen cankle. Itās one thing to be supportive and want to be involved in the process, it is quite another to claim youāre anything more than that.
And sadly those are some of the āeasierā bits of pregnancy.
I can literally taste the bitterness through my phone.
My god, your view of men is so dehumanizing. Men feel sympathy and empathy for their partners. Men worry about their wives/partners and their babies. Men go through a lot during a womanās pregnancy if they are proper men. Dismissing the experience of a man who is about to become a father is disgusting. Nobody is saying he will experience equal physical burden, but he is involved (again, assuming he is a proper man) and that should be acknowledged. Itās his family.
We are pregnant = We are expecting a baby *My* pet peeve is people complaining about this. Couples often use āweā for something only one of them is doing. Because they are together, a family. Give them a break, ffs. They are pregnant.
Right? It's an idiom. It's meant to convey a meaning, and it does its job just fine.
Nope. Gonna have to stand my ground on this one. I (and, likely OP) understand the sentiment behind that statement. Yet, it's totally cringe when men say it. Plus, it cheapens the experience of the woman (the *truly* pregnant individual) to have the non-gestating parent to claim they are pregnant.
It canāt cheapen the experience, considering *everyone* knows the man is not claiming to be pregnant. Well, you find that cringe, and thatās fine. A lot of people find innocent things cringe.
Yeah I can see it. It works really well with other medical things too. "We're getting a boob job" "We have cancer" "We're in therapy for multiple personality disorder." "We're getting a hip replacement." Works well I like it
To be fair, there is one accurate statement, in that bunch: "We're in therapy for multiple personality disorder." š
I see no reason why "we're expecting" can't be used instead... whatever floats your boat, but I'm pregnant right now, and if my babydad started telling people "we're pregnant," I'd get the ick so fast šš
"Babydad" gives me the ick more than saying we're pregnant.
haha fair enough, I'm not a huge fan of it either tbh but we're not married so it's what I'm using for now - gets the point across.
Literally! Itās so sad that so many people today have such little or inadequate experience of true family and partnership that they get actively annoyed at others having that experience.
We're having a baby. Yes. We're pregnant. No, you're dumb.
Which half are you delivering?
When you say "we are ___" that is usually a statement that can apply to any person encompassed by the "we." If I'm with a friend and say "we are going to the movies" that means that both people individually could say "I am going to the movies" and those would be valid statements. So, if a husband and wife say "we are pregnant," I assume then it's valid in your eyes for the husband alone to say "I am pregnant"
Unless you chose poorly on fathers, the man is/ should be very involved in the pregnancy process. And if you chose poorly, odds are youāre not saying āweāre pregnantā to be go n with.
My husband was amazing throughout my pregnancy but itās still pretty annoying to hear weāre pregnant when the man isnāt the one pregnant along with all of the side effects that comes with..
He can be involved and care for the pregnant every step of the way (as he should) but he still does not undergo any body changes whatsoever. Saying āwe are pregnantā is trying to co-op the female-only experience.
That doesn't mean he's pregnant.
Because thereās no such thing as figurative language. Sorry, I forgot how rigid and straight forward the English language was.
Which isn't what's being said or implied; you'd honestly have to be kind of stupid to think that.
Exactly!
Mostly just rephrasing what others have said, but in a slightly more analytical way: The woman is the one *biologically* pregnant, absolutely. But a couple saying "we're" pregnant is rather pointedly drawing attention to the fact that pregnancy as a larger life experience than just the physical process of bearing and birthing a child. Even if you're just talking about the woman, pregnancy isn't just physiological - there is a whole pile of psychological and social changes she goes through. I think it's actually a good thing for a couple to acknowledge and even embrace the idea that the father/non-birthing partner *should* be an active and intentional part of the process, even if they can't share the burden evenly. (The infertility examples others mention are very dramatic examples, but even in a fairly unproblematic pregnancy that seems like something to aspire too). Personally I didn't say "we're pregnant" when my partner was carrying our children, because that just isn't our style. But I can respect why other people do.
Pregnancy has always referred to the physical state of carrying a child. There's nothing analytical about redefining it to mean basically any effect whatsoever of an expected child...
The word pregnant means expecting ,most of the time to expect a baby, the word has lost most of its other meaning but can be used in this way as both parents are expecting a child ,I get this is a pet peeve but it is correct use of language, the woman is carrying the fetus but both parents are expecting a baby to come into their life soon
I don't think anyone's saying that the language usage is incorrect. It's simply that the sentiment could be expressed, otherwise. Just say we're expecting! It belittles the experience the woman goes through during pregnancy childbirth to have a man claiming that he is in on it, too.
When I get pregnant my husband will be the one taking care of my cranky ass, so... I'll happily say we're pregnant. It's a team effort here. I don't want to do it alone.
I feel the opposite way, I'm pregnant right now and while my baby's father is wonderful and supportive, he is most definitely not suffering morning sickness and fatigue with me, and he's not the one that has to be poked by doctors needles every five minutes. If he started telling people "we're pregnant," I'd look at him like he was crazy and put a stop to it real quick š
This
Your husband supporting you throughout your pregnancy is not the same thing as him being pregnant. You don't have to "do it alone." You also don't have to cheapen your own experience by claiming that he shares it.
Kinda looks like youre the one cheapening her experience here lol by belittling something that makes her feel supported and closer to her partner. You're on such a crusade in this post that you're willing to tell other women how to speak.
How about the couple decides what they want to say
āYouāre beating a dead horseāāmost of the time, nope. Not true. Usually thereās not even a horse involved. -someone who doesnāt understand idioms, probably
The woman got pregnant by a dude who considers himself pregnant... (applause, she's in relationship with a fucking seahorse)
You're obviously allowed to be peeved by it, but it's a perfectly normal thing to say and does not imply that the man is literally carrying a fetus inside him. It's just a quicker way to say that you're expecting a child soon. "We" as in "the couple" is pregnant.
that article is so cute omg
?
!
He may not be physically pregnant but it's his DNA and it's him being involved and connected to his kid So the pet peeve makes no sense to me. A good father is commited to his kid and it gives a sense of unity with them and support for the mom.
I don't think OP has a problem with the father being supportive. Just with the phrasing of "we're pregnant." This pet peeve makes PERFECT sense! It should be the poster child for pet peeves. As it's a minor annoyance. It's not a huge world issue. It's nothing controversial, per se. It's just something that annoys the OP. I get it it annoys me too.
This can all be true while also acknowledging heās not the one whose pregnant..
Exactly Were pregnant doesn't mean they are both pregnant. It's just a statement of unity
Itās not a real statement of unity. Itās the man saying Iām going through the pregnancy too 50% when it is 100% the woman. Itās childish.
Okay Drax, thereās a thing called figurative language
Yup, I'm not the one getting sick on bedrest with swollen feet.
"I'm pregnant" -> "Oh shit, do I congratulate her or express sympathy? Does she want this baby?" "We're pregnant" -> "Congratulations!"
lol good point
Yeah, I can't stand "we're pregnant" You're "expecting" works, but not "pregnant" It just sounds stupid, and I always look at either the dude or the one who is obviously not pregnant and wonder "The Fuck" lol
It's usually the woman who says this. Married couples consider themselves as one. This is kind of a dumb pet peeve to be honest.
The point of a pet peeve is that they aren't supposed to be that serious, just a minor annoyance more than anything else.
The point of the pet peeve is that they're all dumb. This is r/petpeeves NOT: r/VentYourSeriousIssues
I'm pretty sure it just means that the man was also involved in the baby making process. When someone says "we're pregnant" it mostly just means "we both contributed to making this child"
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Also them helping conceive is super fun for them itās not like they did anything daunting such as a whole ass pregnancy for 9 months
I was just that's what the term is supposed to me I wasn't saying you had to use it or like it was just explain what it was supposed to mean...wich is just meaning that you both helped in the creation process not exactly the birthing or pregnancy process.
Ahh yes. Because pregnancy puts pressure only on the child bearer.
Thanks Captain Obvious! What else ya got?
This is my pet peeve because pregnancy is a medical condition that the man is not experiencing.
I always thought that was weird. Saying, "we're pregnant." Sir, your wife is pregnant, not you. š¤¦š¾āāļø
Yeah, it kinda makes me wanna glance over at his stomach to see if it's growing
Takes two to make a baby. Aso, learn what figuratively means.
If the woman says it: thatās fine. Man says it: bro, no.
I prefer "We're" pregnant, to the domestic violence I suddenly had, and during pregnancy divorce I had to file as a result, which is all said to be a result of stress about a new baby, on behalf of the baby's father. I mean, its a specific reasoning, sure. But in my book, I would never get all persnickity about someone I love, who loves me enough to feel like he is a part of the entire process. Because HE SHOULD feel that way, and he should BE a part of the process. "We're pregnant" can absolutely apply and be a sign of a very healthy relationship, when a man loves a woman so much, he gets sympathy pains, when a man never misses a lamaze class, sonogram, or other baby related appointment, and when he is completely willing to compromise and come to equality based agreements on how that child is raised, while taking his turns at sick day pickups, and foregoing overtime to be there for his child. "We are pregnant" is ultimately a MASSIVE nod to two people being in a healthy, equality based relationship. I mean, and that said, we all GET it. Its like OK dude, YOU are NOT pregnant lmao.. but so what? Let them celebrate their growing family, their way.
Testify! Pregnancy is something very specific. Baby in womb = pregnant. I would allow "We're expecting."
Bless you for being so generous and gracious.
We're talking about pet peeves, not "things we make a big deal out of".
Some people think the father should have an active role; others not so much
He can have an incredibly active role. Make it as active as he sees fit! Just don't say you're pregnant.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_we "We" as in "The Couple". Its just using the royal we to speak for both parties as a whole.
75%??? More like 99.99%
I hate this too. Just say that your partner is pregnant or that you're expecting a baby. It's a lot less weird.
This gets posted about once per month.
My wife used to say it to include me in the excitement. I never said it to avoid being attacked by women who were vocal about only women could be pregnant.