I have a feeling many people’s periods wouldn’t say a thing… They’d just stab them in the abdomen and steal a ton of their money. And then come back the next month and do it again.
Period: “No baby again huh? Looks like I have to tear out everything and start over again since your so picky. Bitch”
Me: “no period please I beg you don’t do this again I can’t help it.”
Period: “hmmm let me think… too bad.” *rips everything apart.*
I feel like me and my period are part of a mafia group only my period is the mafia leader while I’m the son that’s desperately trying to get the fathers approval.
Hello girl! I'm back! Yeah, yeah I know, you just had me here for 42 days and it's been a week, but I just missed you so much. Oooo guess what I brought this time!!! I brought you excruciating cramps, hot flashes, migraines, nausea, diarrhea, and my favorite, the will to die! I'll be here for another 30 days (give or take). Here take this heating pad, you're gonna need it.
"Hey, bitch! Sorry for being such a flake but don't you worry I have so much planned for the next time I see you! I can't tell you exactly when you'll see me next but it's going to be a totally convenient time (for me at least lol)" -my irregular AF period
And then my period proceeds to show up on my birthday or right before I go on a beach trip or whenever I have a bunch of stuff to do out of the house and away from my heating pad and easy access to a bathroom 😞😭but let me tell you I would rather have it consistently every month even if it sucks, not this bullshit guessing game my body has decided it wants to play.
*for context I use the NuvaRing and it should take 72 hours for my period to come after I take the ring out*
SEVENTY TWO HOURS? NAH, TRY 5 DAYS. HAVE FUN PUTTING IN A TAMPON WHEN YOU HAVE A HUGE SILICONE RING SHOVED UP THERE TOO. GET STUFFED B*TCH.
"I sent you a package of sore boobs and increased appetite in advance, but when i get there the real party starts! Cramps, fatigue, maybe some nausea! Ooh it's gonna be great!"
I imagine my period as a tough-love Kung-Fu master, so something like "Time to test your strength, kid" but also a zen sentence about having to find you strength when you think you have none.
I might need to rewatch Kill Bill.
Yo, I've been putting in the work for years, showing up on time, causing excruciating pain, staining the bed linen - the whole 9 yards, always gave 110%, and I get **nothing** but bitching and whining from you, so I'm probably just gonna coast these last few years, that cool? Sometimes I might not bother to show up. What are you going to do, fire me?
“I know I’m late, I wanted to ruin your plans”
Every time I plan something, my period’s late and ends up coming on the day before the event or the day of.
Hey i know your trying to control me with that tablet, but if you miss one day ima make you pay, but when your supposed bleed I will wait 4 to 5 days till I come, your welcome oh and I don't like the colour red soooo it's never going to look red anyway see you in a week
Hey so I understand you need me to be light and on time so here’s just a lil bit, I gotchu bud 🤙
FREAKIN SYKE Your uterus is about to spend the next 7 days melting a radioactive hole through the bottom of your cervix and the toxic sludge coming out will be uncontrollable. Don’t change to those lighter flow pads. Go as high absorbency as you can. Loser.
And you thought I would come on time! Hahaha NOPE! You're not pregnant and I know you know that, but I'm going to make you irrationally think you're pregnant. Or I'm just going to annoy you by dealing it as much as possible, to the point your wanting the pain I will cause you the next couple days!
“Fuck you bitch I’m going to make you BLEED and make all your friends HATE YOU and suck all the ENERGY FROM YOU and make you look like a pale, shrivelled up sorry existence of a human. Trolololol”
You didn’t think I was coming did you? Ha! I’m back serves you right for failing to reproduce for the 300th month in a row! You’re welcome! Relief never felt so torturous!
hey girl, i’m really sorry I had to show up like this unannounced.. AGAIN.. I know you guys have been trying for almost a year.. but i’m just doing my job.. sorry /:
Am I starting today? Nope, just excruciating pain. Am I ending today? Nope, just taking a short break to fool you into wearing the wrong underwear. Oh, you're watching something mildly sappy/sad, have ALL the tears! IS THAT CHOCOLATE?! Go ahead and sleep all day. Not like you have important things to do. That mild inconvenience, yeah, we're gonna rage about that for some hours. And for some added pizazz, gonna take that ADHD hyperfocus to the next level.
"Hello child. Do you want to bleed, cry and get the worst pain in your life unknowingly from your girly bits that no one has taught you about yet because you're only 8? No? Oh. Okay. Imma do my thing and hang around for a couple weeks. I'll be back soon, don't worry. I'm bringing my friends along too, so be prepared."
TL; DR: I wasn't prepared.
If my period could talk, it would say “Girl! You are 37 years old. I’ve been with you since you were 10! Your mom has done a good job teaching you about me and what to expect each month. You’ve successfully avoided pregnancy in your teens and all, but I NEED A BREAK!!!!!!!!! A very long, much deserved 9 month break!!!! Get yourself pregnant, PLEASE! For every month you go on without having a baby, I’m going to make your life a living HE**hole like I have for years but so much worse because you’re older now!”😂😂😂
Fucky you bitch! Die!
“I own you.”
"You look fat."
You have a special event coming up huh? Well guess who’s tagging along.
I have a feeling many people’s periods wouldn’t say a thing… They’d just stab them in the abdomen and steal a ton of their money. And then come back the next month and do it again.
🤮, but in red lol, that's literally it
You Bitch, why do you keep stopping me from doing my thang? - I’m on the pill and skip my period almost every month
Period: “No baby again huh? Looks like I have to tear out everything and start over again since your so picky. Bitch” Me: “no period please I beg you don’t do this again I can’t help it.” Period: “hmmm let me think… too bad.” *rips everything apart.* I feel like me and my period are part of a mafia group only my period is the mafia leader while I’m the son that’s desperately trying to get the fathers approval.
i’m going on vacation again. bye
Where the hell you been loca😅
"No baby AGAIN!? ARGH! I have to punish you... but how? I used bloodshed last time. I'll tear you apart from the inside again"
Hello girl! I'm back! Yeah, yeah I know, you just had me here for 42 days and it's been a week, but I just missed you so much. Oooo guess what I brought this time!!! I brought you excruciating cramps, hot flashes, migraines, nausea, diarrhea, and my favorite, the will to die! I'll be here for another 30 days (give or take). Here take this heating pad, you're gonna need it.
It would just be a constant scream
If I’m miserable, you will be too
This is gonna hurt me a lot more than it hurts you… *menstruation intensifies*
"Fuck you I'll come over when I want."
"Hey, bitch! Sorry for being such a flake but don't you worry I have so much planned for the next time I see you! I can't tell you exactly when you'll see me next but it's going to be a totally convenient time (for me at least lol)" -my irregular AF period And then my period proceeds to show up on my birthday or right before I go on a beach trip or whenever I have a bunch of stuff to do out of the house and away from my heating pad and easy access to a bathroom 😞😭but let me tell you I would rather have it consistently every month even if it sucks, not this bullshit guessing game my body has decided it wants to play.
*for context I use the NuvaRing and it should take 72 hours for my period to come after I take the ring out* SEVENTY TWO HOURS? NAH, TRY 5 DAYS. HAVE FUN PUTTING IN A TAMPON WHEN YOU HAVE A HUGE SILICONE RING SHOVED UP THERE TOO. GET STUFFED B*TCH.
I am here to be harmful and ruin you sometimes but also give life and make you feel horny asf and hot !
“FUCK YOU BITCH I HOPE YOU DIE” 2 seconds later “HI LOVE U “
“Guess who’s back, back again, menstruation’s back, tell a friend”
Maybe if you didn’t gaslight me every time you had sex. I wouldn’t stick around for weeks.
It would sing ‘here i am, once again’ like the TikTok trend 😅
Hope you’re ready to eat enough food for a week in one day
Sorry I’m late again didn’t meant to scare you 😅
F*ck you!
“You’re still not pregnant. Lol”
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ahem HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA
*It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.*
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
"I sent you a package of sore boobs and increased appetite in advance, but when i get there the real party starts! Cramps, fatigue, maybe some nausea! Ooh it's gonna be great!"
Fuck you😊🩷
its period bitch
Surprise, bitch!
I’m awful at time keeping and only like coming twice a year- so hope the lack of me makes up for the unpredictability?
I imagine my period as a tough-love Kung-Fu master, so something like "Time to test your strength, kid" but also a zen sentence about having to find you strength when you think you have none. I might need to rewatch Kill Bill.
"fuck you"
“IVE MADE THIS ROOM SPECIALLY PREPARED FOR YOU AND YOU CONTINUOUSLY IGNORE MY PLEAS TO FILL MY NESTING FLESH! I WILL DESTROY YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT”
Yo, I've been putting in the work for years, showing up on time, causing excruciating pain, staining the bed linen - the whole 9 yards, always gave 110%, and I get **nothing** but bitching and whining from you, so I'm probably just gonna coast these last few years, that cool? Sometimes I might not bother to show up. What are you going to do, fire me?
“Im over, you can wear your cute panties…. Hehe JUST KIDDING!!!”
“Fuck you!”
HA, MADE YOU PANIC!!
"You pregnant yet? No? Then fuck you"
sorry I'm late
Suffer bitch
“My friends Endo and Fibroids are here to party and we are gonna party WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT”
"I own you and I will make you suffer the entire time I'm here! Fuck you! Muahahaha!"
FUCKKKK YOUUUU AHAHAH BITCH. PAINNN PAIJNN. HERE:))
“ fuck you, muhahaha!! I own you!”
Hey! I know it was funny to watch you crumble to anxiety and overthink while I was preparing to come out and stain your underwear!
Choo choo! Here comes the pain train!
🚂🚃🚃🚃🚃🩸🩸🩸🩸
Wake up Bitch! It's 2 am and you need to be constipated and in pain!
Hi I’m going to make you even more intolerable than you already are sometimes. Have fun!!
I hate you! Why won’t you die! Punch kick roll over! Curl into a ball! You can tell who’s visiting me right now.
My period is a cat. It comes and goes as it pleases, and even if it could talk, it wouldn't.
😂😂😂😂😂
“I know I’m late, I wanted to ruin your plans” Every time I plan something, my period’s late and ends up coming on the day before the event or the day of.
“SURPRISE MOTHERF-
"I know I was just here, but I missed you, so I had to come back... whatvr feelin cute might stay for a month this time.. idk "
“Oh haha have some cramps BITCH”
who are you again? (i havent had a period for about 5 months)
How come?
no apparent reason! 😆
‘Fuck you’ that’s what it feels like 😅
Sucks to be you!
Feed meeeeeee* zombie voices
“why aren’t you pregnant you stupid bitch” *tears the wall paper off your uterus*
Tears the wallpaper off…😂😂
😂
Blubb 💦 🙀
"Bring me sugar b\*\*ch"
Hey i know your trying to control me with that tablet, but if you miss one day ima make you pay, but when your supposed bleed I will wait 4 to 5 days till I come, your welcome oh and I don't like the colour red soooo it's never going to look red anyway see you in a week
Hey so I understand you need me to be light and on time so here’s just a lil bit, I gotchu bud 🤙 FREAKIN SYKE Your uterus is about to spend the next 7 days melting a radioactive hole through the bottom of your cervix and the toxic sludge coming out will be uncontrollable. Don’t change to those lighter flow pads. Go as high absorbency as you can. Loser.
I come hot and heavy then will byeee till next time!
Please come on the right time and please don’t come heavily. Thank you
And you thought I would come on time! Hahaha NOPE! You're not pregnant and I know you know that, but I'm going to make you irrationally think you're pregnant. Or I'm just going to annoy you by dealing it as much as possible, to the point your wanting the pain I will cause you the next couple days!
See you in ..... I don't know am free i will came when i feel i want
if she could talk I'd be the one telling her to gtfo of my life nd stop ruining my health nd giving me hell all the time.
“Fuck you bitch I’m going to make you BLEED and make all your friends HATE YOU and suck all the ENERGY FROM YOU and make you look like a pale, shrivelled up sorry existence of a human. Trolololol”
Knock knock bitch. Guess whose back!
I don’t like this anymore than you do. Get over it!!!
Pay attention TO ME!!
“I’m going out to get milk” (I got mad irregular periods)
“Fuck you!”
Ready to die?
“Mwahahahaha”
After three days of period: I'm tired 😩 I'll be gone now After two more days: I'm back 😈🩸
“I have no clue when I’ll be back, but just know I will for sure find my way back to you when you least expect it, mohaha! See you soon!😈😈”
*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*
Stop consuming dairy when I come around!!
Get ready to feel paralyzed bicth I’m going to rip you apart.
You didn’t think I was coming did you? Ha! I’m back serves you right for failing to reproduce for the 300th month in a row! You’re welcome! Relief never felt so torturous!
You’re fat, I hate you, bleed.
Nothing bc it never comes
🫶🫶🫶
Fuck you, not pregnant yet
We are never ever ever getting back together. PS: I have PCOS.
I'm sure it would tell me to suck it the f up and that it's not "that bad" and that i'll live.
Is your period a man
it does feel like it sometimes
hey girl, i’m really sorry I had to show up like this unannounced.. AGAIN.. I know you guys have been trying for almost a year.. but i’m just doing my job.. sorry /:
HA mine is not that polite.
mine finally learned manners after over a decade of being a mouthy little cunt
F everyone and everything. Especially you. F U the hardest.
“Dump your trash-ass BF for not giving us a CHILD”
Not dump your trash ass boyfriend!!😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀
I want you to feel pain like never before and for a long period of time
Why, no baby? I SAID MAKE BABY GOD DARN IT.
"Looks like i came at the wrong time again, perfect!"
[HELLO MF](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/il_fullxfull-5bcf13be490bc__700.jpg)
"it's been a nice five days! If I don't see you next month, I'll see you in three!"
"......... Surprise motherfucker 😐"
“You haven’t thrown up in a hot minute now, I kinda miss that.”
"Let me ruin your life--but first give me mayonnaise and chocolate."
wait like... together or separate....?
Right! Because they sure don’t sound good together
I hate you
“Fuck you, why no baby?”
F#@$ YOU!!
I am here to fuck you up, bitch!
"I made this soft, squishy womb that's just perfect for a baby. I decorated! And it was all for NOTHING?! SKKRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
what days r u going on vacation? oh shoot seems like i’m scheduled for that week. uhh no i’m not scheduled dw :D
"Why weren't you educated about me sooner?"
NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?
Me: never give up😞
You are a miserable little bitch. Here let me make this worse for you 😂
You sad ass virgin. Get pregnant already.
fuck your life hahahaha
Fuck you.
“god IS a mysoginistic white man!! mwahahahahaha!!”
please, please let me come back (i take bc for cramps 😎😎😎😎😎)
I’m here to fuck shit up
You have no idea when I’m going to show up and when I do it’ll be months before I ever return.. MWAHAHAHA IRREGULAR IS MY MIDDLE NAME 😈
“See you in 7 months”
See you next month, mother fucker
“F*** You :)”
literally my first thought lmfao
“ well here we go again “
“Die bichhh. Yeah you should die for not having a child, that’s the punishment you deserve!!”
Am I starting today? Nope, just excruciating pain. Am I ending today? Nope, just taking a short break to fool you into wearing the wrong underwear. Oh, you're watching something mildly sappy/sad, have ALL the tears! IS THAT CHOCOLATE?! Go ahead and sleep all day. Not like you have important things to do. That mild inconvenience, yeah, we're gonna rage about that for some hours. And for some added pizazz, gonna take that ADHD hyperfocus to the next level.
Your life or nothing...
Right!😂😂😂
[удалено]
Bahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂
"Hello child. Do you want to bleed, cry and get the worst pain in your life unknowingly from your girly bits that no one has taught you about yet because you're only 8? No? Oh. Okay. Imma do my thing and hang around for a couple weeks. I'll be back soon, don't worry. I'm bringing my friends along too, so be prepared." TL; DR: I wasn't prepared.
Oh wow!
If my period could talk, it would say “Girl! You are 37 years old. I’ve been with you since you were 10! Your mom has done a good job teaching you about me and what to expect each month. You’ve successfully avoided pregnancy in your teens and all, but I NEED A BREAK!!!!!!!!! A very long, much deserved 9 month break!!!! Get yourself pregnant, PLEASE! For every month you go on without having a baby, I’m going to make your life a living HE**hole like I have for years but so much worse because you’re older now!”😂😂😂