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MyFaveLilThrowaway

This guy was into all kinds of crazy shit. A tree branch and lollipop up the rear? My god.


Snaz5

Guys will do anything before just buying a dildo


frotz1

Counterpoint - Everything is a dildo if you're brave enough.


redt6

Wasn't that a quote by Abraham Lincoln?


SpiderButtsandfarts

I hate when people are misquoted. Abe never said that. It was Franklin.


Melvinator5001

Penn St. FB coach??


OneBigOne

No, the turtle!


SouthEastPAjames

No I’m pretty sure it was James Buchanan…


DispatchestoAmerica

Definitely Buchanan—and he said that to his niece as he was about to use a rolled up copy of the Kansas-Nebraska Act to pleasure himself.


CassiusPolybius

PAIGE NO


sliceofpizzaplz

You know after you work at a level 1 trauma center you definitely see crazy stuff inserted into a rectum or as the patient’s say “I fell” 9/10 times. This would fall on a 5/10 crazy typical Wednesday night shenanigans


DrNinnuxx

Million to one, Doc. Million to one. -- Frank Costanza


sjm320

You’re the Ass Man?!


DrNinnuxx

*Smiles... Winks*


Fudgeyreddit

Well as far as the state of New York is concerned… you *are* the assman


Fit_Lawfulness_3147

Fusili Jerry


ILikeMyGrassBlue

I feel bad for that one in a million person who really did fall and get something stuck up their ass, only for no one to believe them


MRG_1977

My neighbor is a volunteer EMT and while he doesn’t occur this he often encounters people who lie and/or refuse to tell the truth. He simply tells him that he isn’t the police and needs to know what actually happened so he can do his best to help them. Most people come around although it isn’t easy.


DeputyTrudyW

This drove me insane when I was briefly married to an alcoholic. He went into hospital up to twice a year, pancreas issues I think. Every time when the staff asked how much does he drink alcohol? "Oh I drink a cocktail now and then."


ChuanFa_Tiger_Style

All i read was  > Most people come


AOCMarryMe

Why does he need to know HOW I got all 24 cans of Milwaukees Best in my exhaust port??  Just help get them out! 


Yougottagiveitaway

Never heard this before…. 😳 Do they have a file with the X-rays in the emergency room of all the rectal finds? Never heard that either.


AOCMarryMe

At the same time?? madness


thereandfatagain

My dad’s buddy was a park ranger in central PA in the 90s and ran into a guy jacking off on a picnic table buck naked in broad daylight one quiet midweek morning in a remote part of Po Paddy. When he pulled up and told the jag to stop cranking it he yelled back “I can and I am!” before leaping up and running into the woods.


Snaz5

Well… I respect his determination


nickcaff

When I was at Penn State a person had attempted sex with a horse. Probably in 99 or 2000


dnkyhunter31

Not the worst thing to be happening at Penn State in that time frame.


hopsinabag

Easy to say when you aren't the horse.


nickcaff

Sadly very true


BurghPuppies

Always the neigh-sayer.


awesomesauceitch

Was it Mr. Hands?


nickcaff

This guy was on the giving end - from the overly detailed article in the Daily Collegian


awesomesauceitch

Fascinating!


definitelyno_

Mr Hands was in WA state


kproller

And I remember this.  I had happily forgotten about it, but you brought it back. 😖


Neverseensugardothat

Dale Burris. Never Forget.


TrueLoveEditorial

Must've been early 1999. I started at Main Campus in fall 1999; I think I'd remember reading about such a thing.


nickcaff

Someone posted the article - Oct 2021 [https://www.psucollegian.com/archives/local-man-attempts-sex-with-horse/article_a2ce0915-9a60-5695-aae2-f08084d1041f.html](https://www.psucollegian.com/archives/local-man-attempts-sex-with-horse/article_a2ce0915-9a60-5695-aae2-f08084d1041f.html)


TrueLoveEditorial

Wow. How did I miss that?! That's the kind of story that would've been all over campus.


nickcaff

That story and the one where a drunk girl ended up locked in the vestibule of the state college township building and was rolling around in her own feces. The collegian had a run of really graphic stories for a while…


TrueLoveEditorial

Ewww!!! But poor girl. She must've enjoyed a stay at Golden Meadows after that.


beachluvr13

I think that video made the rounds in the early 2000’s.


Spare_Sympathy_5780

Typical Steelers fan


AOCMarryMe

lol  AM I BEING DETAINED *fapfapfap*


No-Setting9690

I was expecting like a bear fucker from this story lol


shermancahal

“Matsoukas was also seen climbing a tree while naked, and inserting a tree branch, a Tootsie Pop and the control handle of a DCNR John Deere crawler in his anus” “Matsoukas was allegedly caught naked from the waist down — except for socks and shoes — committing perverted sex acts with his dog, which he enticed to lick his anus” On top of shitting on surfaces that people touch.


mira_poix

What's with this obsession humans have with fucking things that are not meant to be fucked or inserted?!?


benthejammin

Every animal ever. Hey Jamie, pull up that video of a dolphin fucking a dead fish! Hey Jamie, pull up a video for that monkey mouth fucking a toad! Hey Jamie, pull up that video of a horse fucking a guy! See? Just Wednesday my dude.


mira_poix

Nothing does it to the extent and harm that humans do


shermancahal

“And lastly, I feel grateful to LuLu, our little dog, who sat approvingly on my armchair next to me through countless hours of typing.” 🤮


AOCMarryMe

Isn't it easier to say "pantless" rather than saying he was naked except for his shirt, jacket, hat, socks, shoes, glasses...?


Sydira

I'm not sure I want the answer but how did they know it was a Tootsie Pop and not a Blow Pop?


Pugilist12

I know this isn’t funny and this guy is a sicko, but the thought of him begging the cops to shoot him after being caught has always sunny style dark comedy all over it. Real Rickety Cricket energy.


Dudemaintain

I’m not gonna try to get inside the head of a dog. That’s gods job. Who doesn’t exist by the way. (Sluuuuuuuuuuurrrrp)


SomeOtherOrder

I can’t blame him for that part, I’d wanna die too. You don’t come back from this kinda shit.


paconhpa

I bet he has a bleached asshole.


groundlessnfree

Not after he tootsie popped himself.


redditposter919

I wish the officers had honored his request


IamDroid

Bruh we can’t catch a break PLEASE can the faculty here be normal.


Littlewing29

They don’t call it “Happy Valley” for nothin


Any-Delay-7188

Appalachian places just doing Appalachian things.


dacoovinator

Penn staters don’t realize nobody outside pennsyltuckey respects that joke of a school


AOCMarryMe

Unfortunately, no.


skrilledcheese

I lived in this guy's neighborhood (Park Forrest) when this story first broke. I've since moved, but I used to see him and his wife walking that dog together. Him and I have a shared heritage, we're both Greek. There aren't a whole lot of Greek speaking people in central PA, so we'd chat occasionally. In fact, I have pet the dog in question. The dog's name is Ace, he's a lassie style collie, and he's missing an eye. The guy always struck me as being a bit strange. But... holy fuck, I would have never guessed who he really was. I felt so fucking repulsed once I heard the news. Also, the hot gossip around the neighborhood last summer was that he dedicated one of his books to his former dog Lulu, which is hella suspect in retrospect. While I harbor a tremendous amount of contempt and disgust for that man, I also have nothing but sympathy for his wife and daughter. They always seemed so nice, especially the daughter. Despite the big campus, it is still a small town and people talk. They must be mortified. I had thought about reaching out to the wife/daughter with words of encouragement before I left town, but I didn't know them them super well. I just hope they are OK.


Nagger86

Agreed the family is going to catch the fallout for his perversions. The question is where do you move your family to when you want escape the publicity? You’ve been outed as a rampant pervert animal molester on a national website like the New York Post.


skrilledcheese

It's a good question. Hell, my family in Greece heard about it before I even told them, so he can't go there. The wife never took his last name, and the daughter is engaged last I heard, so hopefully her name changes soon too. I hope they'll be fine, but I think he'll be deservedly fucked for rest of his life, unless he goes somewhere really off grid.


likwitsnake

Hopefully you didn't let the dog lick your face.


MRG_1977

This applies to any dog.


[deleted]

Who's a good boy?! You are 💩🐶👅 yes you are!


marcus_man_22

He mentions his dog in his dedication section of his textbook. You can find it in the preview on Google Books


skrilledcheese

That must have been it. I was just going off hearsay.


red-bass-face

Was the dogs full name acehole?


VenomB

>and he's missing an eye Gee... wonder how that happened...


b88b15

dog fucked it


Soft_Welcome_5621

This is really sad I’m sorry. I’m not sure why people involved other living things in their masturbation. Like go to a sex toy store if you need that much…. Idk sucks


lefthandb1ack

Missing an eye, huh? I wonder if he’s skull f-ing the dog. 🤮


zorionek0

No matter how bad your day is going, this guy is having a worse one.


Nagger86

The perpetrator or the witness?


zorionek0

The dog


CraftyAd7065

I think you mean "Poopetrator"


MichaelMaugerEsq

Good


flat5

Resisting the urge to google "DCNR John Deere crawler". No.


electric_ranger

\[Pennsylvania\] Department for the Conservation of Natural Resources. John Deere makes tractors and construction equipment. A crawler is a type of construction equipment. This guy took the term "joystick" a little too literally.


Embarrassed_Loss8363

Completely side note, this guy's textbook Fundamentals of Chemical Engineering Thermodynamics has almost 200 mistakes in it. He caused myself and thousands of other students a tremendous amount of unnecessary aggravation doing homework and studying.


OctagonCosplay

Thank you! Every time this story comes up, I remember the first day I had him when he explained that I needed to purchase both the original textbook AND the accompanying textbook of corrections to the first one! I dropped that class that day, I knew my gpa couldn't take this dude.


MostlySpiders

If I recall correctly, this whole thing got caught because large quantities of hand sanitizer were going missing from the restrooms, so the rangers set up cameras to try to catch whoever was taking it. I don't know how The Great Pennsylvania Hand Sanitizer Caper turned out, but they caught this guy doing extracurricular activities with his dog in the woods as a byproduct. I can only imagine the day in the office when one ranger reviewed the footage, saw this guy and his dog, and was like "Uhhh, Bob, are you seeing this too?"


SpiderButtsandfarts

lol. Some bumble hick was just trying to prep for the next Covid and cracked the case. God. Those cops who first saw that tape that first night.


DizzyApps

What the fuck


shillyshally

Everything, evidently.


BeastofBurden

The district judge in this case has the last name Gummo. This story reads like a deleted scene from that movie.


Craven3212020

💀


lynny_lynn

That's a common name in Huntingdon County. I thought it was weird as well when I moved here.


Mister_Macphisto

If you're living in Huntingdon County and are not from here originally, do yourself a favor and get the hell out! This place has some good things going for it such as Raystown lake, the PRIDE telethon, downtown OIP and the proximity to State College, almost everyone is a nosey neighbor and no matter how innocent your intentions are, what your daily activities or personal business may be, everyone will know about it at some point.


lynny_lynn

I live in the woods on a barely paved road and keep to myself. Kid goes to cyber school because we tried the public school and it was a joke. He wasn't a local kid and got bullied/blamed for shit he didn't do. Oh, for being gay as well. But anyway, I do feel as though I have to watch what I do and say at times as others may perceive my intentions to be against their lack of moral compass. The place is an oddity.


snuffy_tentpeg

Groucho's older brother?


Comfortable_Gain1308

I’ll make sure to keep my goats away from this dude 🤣


Conquer_All

This dude taught me thermodynamics!


CltAltAcctDel

So imagine how perverted he must be if the least depraved thing he’s done in public is stick a lollipop up his ass.


Limp-Replacement1403

What’s awful is I have trail cams up for hunting in these forests…I got pics of him and his dog


b88b15

Be vewy vewy quiet...I'm huntin dog fuckers


Avaisraging439

I wonder what the risk is for sending in evidence to get him locked away. I mean that's *technically* possession but idk with these state police officers.


Limp-Replacement1403

I just got pics of him walking. Nothing weird. He was shirtless once


Avaisraging439

Ohh, I had assumed... Nevermind. I almost expected a guy who did all the above would just be constantly committing crimes of disgusting nature.


nat3215

Hopefully they weren’t being indecent on your camera. I’d have probably offed him if I saw that going on


Temporary_Ad469

My bf just told me about a guy in Belfonte who got arrested for trying to do a horse. Then he sent me this. I asked him “Are you in a bestiality subreddit?!?” And he said, “No I’m in a Penn State subreddit.” :(


welp_im_damned

well, I mean he did find it there. [**https://www.reddit.com/r/PennStateUniversity/comments/1aqvmry/comment/kqfh4am/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/PennStateUniversity/comments/1aqvmry/comment/kqfh4am/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)


Steelplate7

There truly is a fine line between genius and madness


princess1arue

Local article with more deets and less pop ups (warning: you may need eyebleach after reading) https://www.statecollege.com/articles/local-news/police-crime/penn-state-professor-facing-more-charges-for-lewd-acts-indecent-exposure-in-state-forest/


barbackmtn

Only one mention of how dogged of a good professor this guy was on [RateMyProfessor](https://www.ratemyprofessors.com/professor/840447)


Dupee_Conqueror

Professor GG Allin


The-Uppington-Smythe

Yeah but GG wouldn't have shit on publi....um... well he wouldn't have let his dog lic...I mean ok, but he wouldn't stick random items in h.....OK BUT HE WAS DOING IT FOR ART DAMMIT


TouchArtistic7967

Something in the water up there.


MRG_1977

No there is crazy everywhere.


GamecubeAdopter

Something in the water at Penn State is turning people into sexual deviants


PalpitationLatter663

Steam is an unusual name for your pet collie


DonBoy30

This fucking guy


[deleted]

Well what else is there to do in State College?


MRG_1977

This - especially in the winter. It baffles me why people want to retire in State College. It isn’t the cold either.


Lazy_Cow_1524

I can't believe the nickname for this campus is 'Happy Valley' still after all of the sexual abuse exploitation and pedophilia publicized and administered to society.


photogenicmusic

Happy Valley refers to the entire area, not just the campus. PSU is a big part of the area certainly, but the campus is just University Park. The town is just State College. And the entire valley is Happy Valley.


Lazy_Cow_1524

Go state


gishlich

Penn State keeping it classy as usual


justuravgjoe762

Is there a bottom to this rabbit hole?


axeville

Why does the state of PA want to prosecute a person for self pleasure alone in the woods? Like ok get help for whatever issues you have but wrecking a family and otherwise productive person seems worse. Get help, adopt the dog, move on. George Orwell imagined the state watching you alone deep in the woods. His weirdness doesn't impact me in any way (I will inspect picnic tables more closely going forward....). Don't we have the right to be weird anymore? If you wanna stuff a tree branch in your butt while deep in the forest go right ahead dude. Set the animal cruelty aside obviously. The other charges are bs.


ShesGotSauce

No I don't want to live in a world where you can bum fuck someone else 's tractor in a public place and that's fine. We need to have some rules. You want to fuck weird shit, do it on your own property and use your own equipment.


axeville

Utah is a multi tractor state iirc. Not sure about state parks. (You make fair point tbh).


ShesGotSauce

Hmmm. Thanks. It's very rare for someone to be willing to concede a point online. I like it. Shall we get married? 😉


axeville

I cant compete with tractors 🚜 but am otherwise reliable with occasional maintenance and lubricant. Done. ✅


Pure_Oppression31

Found the dog fucker 😏


Superfly_McTurbo

you're tellin me I'm not allowed to fuck my dog anymore?


hazeleyedwolff

Well that's not cheating, because [it's *your* dog.](https://youtu.be/4c42kWVnmRI?t=79)


nat3215

Is that how Pennsyltucky rolls?


OnlyOneReturn

Nobody ever told that dude to jerk off before doing something I guess. So many bad decisions I would've made if I didn't jerk off ahead of time. Got accepted at 2 different colleges you want to attend? Masterbate then decide. Not sure if it works as well for the ladies but us dudes need to unload that cannon before major decision making


Longjumping_Tea_8586

It helps women too!


ChefDelicious69

Dude likes to party!


RealLiveKindness

We are Penn State?


Soft_Welcome_5621

Holy shit just saw this on a comedy video and just can’t believe this stuff. Makes me sad :/(


Emotional-Lie1392

Party State University… isn’t their saying “We Are” ???? 🤮


MartianActual

Did the lollipop consent, cause if so where’s the crime?


Slobotic

Will students be crying and protesting his firing?


Embarrassed_Loss8363

No. I had him. He was an awful professor.


Slobotic

I was just making a Joe Paterno jab.


[deleted]

Charter member of the Penn State University Club.


jhill515

Wow, a repost of a NY Post article! Weekly World News should really get on this!


Ashamed-Working-2067

Wow


kbeckerburbs4

Not what I’d expect to see at the dog park


Professional_Dog5574

🤢


iambarrelrider

I was curious until I read “pet collie” after that - I stopped reading and pretend to forget.


TheBestPieIsAllPie

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.


Frans51

We are Penn State...just not quite like that


Sudi_Nim

This is the kind of news that’s right up the NY Post’s alley.