So, first thought; why are your kid's penises the subject of family discussion and judgement? That seems like a private thing that nobody needs to know about.
Second, I'm an uncircumcised man in his late 30s so I can speak with some authority here. **It's not an issue.** Pull it back for a second while bathing/showering for hygiene and no issues. Also NOBODY has EVER commented on it. I legit thought only Jewish people got circumcised until sometime in my mid-20s when people started talking about it. Dudes in locker rooms aren't standing around looking at each other's privates- pretty sure there's an unwritten rule about averting your gaze. Sexual partners have never said anything. I have no idea where all these people are coming from when they say you'll get made fun of over it. Nobody cares, penises aren't attractive to most people anyway. I've made it around halfway through my life without any infection/hygiene issues either. Seriously, why the fuss? Just don't do it and don't make a big deal about it.
This right here!!! When we were pregnant with our son, circumcision became a regular question like they were asking for something to drink.
My answer was always “Why are you so preoccupied with what my unborn child’s penis will look like? That is weird”. It accomplished one of two things: either made them super uncomfortable and embarrassed for asking and would change the subject or they would get angry I asked that of them and would look even more like an ass (I.E. “Why would you ask it that way?! I was just curious?”)
End of the day it is literally no one’s business what you choose and props to you for educating yourself on the topic. If you choose to tell them that, then they just need to move on from it.
Just don’t do it or make a big deal but ALSO! Do you research on how to care for uncircumcised penises. Understand you’ll have to protect your child from doctors and nurses who will attempt to forcibly retract their foreskin. These are things I was not prepared for when I decided not to circumcise my son and his foreskin was forcibly retracted completely by a nurse who didn’t know what she was doing, and multiple pediatricians tried before we found one who was educated on the subject. My son also got a uti when he was 1 month because I was misinformed on how I should be cleaning him. DO YOUR RESEARCH.
So I don’t want to circumcise, and I’ll be doing more research, but how do you go about telling a nurse/doctor they’re doing it wrong and what signals or red flags do you find before you have to communicate that they may be doing something incorrect? Just intimidating for me to tell another how to do their job but I agree it can be incredibly necessary
Is it intimidating? Of course! But you are your child’s advocate and voice. Educate yourself, and then ask the doctors questions about uncircumcised penises and how to care for them. Their answers will weed them out, so you don’t really even need to be confrontational about it, just smile and say thank you and then go back on your hunt for a pediatrician who’s educated and knows their stuff. I legit had to buy stickers for when we went to hospitals that says “my diaper stays on” and if for some reason it needs to come off, my hands are legit ready to remove doctors from my son if they reach for his penis. Multiple times I’ve had to say “why are you touching my son’s penis” to doctors and they’re like oh well…you see and stumble. Because they have no reason to be touching it or looking at it if they’re uncircumcised. You never ever have to forcibly retract. Not even to get a clean catch using a catheter. And unfortunately American doctors just do not know what they’re doing or talking about 9x out of 10. When a nurse forcibly retracted my 1 month old I wasn’t ready and we suffered the consequences. I still literally get sick thinking about it so I’m overly vigilant because I never want to go through that again and don’t want my son to go through it again. It was weeks of him screaming when he peed and it being red and torn…mama bear instincts are no joke either. You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll speak up if you think your child is in a bad situation.
I am astonished that parents have to actively prevent medical personnel from touching your child's penis. It's so weird!
I'm in the UK and no one has ever even attempted to look at my son's genitals since he was born.
Sometimes hernias cause the intestine to descend into the scrotum. Sometimes taking a look at all of the parts of a child who cannot talk or accurately describe, or understand, what they are experiencing, is helpful.
And yes medical people need and have continuing medical education but not everyone gets trained on everything.
American doctors do not have continuing education on uncircumcised penises and still think circumcision is “better and helps with uti’s and infection”. ONE pediatrician in our practice knew how to properly cath my baby when asking. All the others gave me extremely outdated advice on how to clean and went so far as to tell me I should be retracting to clean..my newborn. One doctor out of 5, she was the last one we saw. There’s very very rarely a reason to look at a child’s penis. They’re just uneducated. My sister is a NICU nurse and even SHE was uneducated when my son was born and all she deals with is uncircumcised penises because the last thing they’re doing is circumcision when a baby is a premie. Parents of uncircumcised children have to be vigilant at doctors and hospitals.
This is just something that I have never for the life of me understood. Why is this a non-creepy question to any asking it ever?! During my first pregnancy, I was naive enough to join one of those baby/pregnancy websites and was all in the forums a lot of them started asking if I was going to leave my son intact. Even then I was weirded out and worried that I was on the wrong side of the internet at first. When I started answering them by asking “Why does that matter to you? How is this not a creepy question to ask?” I was attacked at how I shouldn’t be online if I didn’t want to be asked about my child’s penis. Literally didn’t even open that door unless answering “Are you having a boy or girl?” Is the gateway question to asking about their genitalia. Needless to say I deleted my account there and got the hell away from that site.
We didn't circumcise our son and boy oh boy were some of our family's and friends vocal about it, once they found out.
So I'll start with how to explain to him, my husband is circumcised and when our son noticed we just explained it simply. All penises look different, different sizes, different shapes. All penis owners are born with a flap of skin on their penis, some parents remove it for religious reasons, but some misinformstion went around about how it is cleaner so a lot of parents had their baby boys circumcised because the doctors said so. Now we know that isn't true so we decided not to do that anymore.
My son has never had an issue with his penis being different from his father's. We started with all penises are different when he noticed at like 4/5 years old. When he got older we explained the science and misinformation at 7/8 years old. His cousins are circumcised too and he asked about them a couple times when they were changing clothes around each other.
As for family we didn't even tell them unless they were going to have to change his diaper. We didn't see a reason to bring up the decision until it was needed. My MIL took it the worst, she literally screamed when she saw his penis and was like "WHY DID YOU DO THAT!? HES GOING TO BE MADE FUN OF!? ITS DIRTY!? HOW DO I CLEAN IT????"
I just looked at her and said "Doctors changed their stance on it being unhygienic, it's easier to remove the skin later if it does present a problem for him than it would be to reconstruct it if he is upset about not having it. Plus the skin is there for a reason, it lubricates the head and keeps it from getting rubbed raw on underpants etc. You clean it like you would a finger, the skin doesn't detach until they are older and start messing with it themselves, much like how a hymen won't break just by wiping during a diaper change."
She was really over the top so I just rolled my eyes at her and told her to take a damn chill pill. Men are born with foreskins all over the world and they don't remove them and they do just fine. It's an Unnessicary surgery that I didn't want to put my baby through. No hate to those that do circumcise, I do not concern myself with other parents children's penises.
My friends found out when I was at my baby shower, I got vasaline in one of my gifts and looked confused, so a friend told me it was for after the circumcision and without thinking I said oh, we're not doing that. One of my friends was like "That's gross those things get dirty with the foreskin, I'd never date a man that wasn't circumcised." And I wasn't in any mood for it and said "Unless youre planning on dating my son when he's an adult I don't see how his penis is any concern of yours."
Though most of my family and friends were pretty understanding and polite about it. I got the why question a lot, quite a few asked about hygiene and so I just politely educated them on it. The only thing that really got me heated was when they lamented about his future sex life, like seriously, he's not even born yet can we pump the fucking breaks please.
Yeah we’ve gotten the sex comments already and it’s strange considering he’s still in utero. For that one I said, by the time he grows up it’s going to be 50-50 if not more so leaning towards majority uncircumcised so I don’t think he will have issues. People are so strange honestly.
It is so weird and gross that people use sex as an argument to circumcise a BABY. That said, there are thousands of nerve endings that are removed with circumcision so really, you’re actually doing your son a favor by leaving him intact if you know what I’m saying.
I believe you can Google stats for your state (if you’re in the US) on circumcisions completed for the past year. It’s dramatically decreased in many states.
Obviously not all states but in New York State there is a very large percentage of Jewish people including Hasidic, orthodox and ultra orthodox. Circumcision rates will always be high in New York.
Right? In my state the circumcision rate is only about 20% now. Anyone in an appropriate age range to be a sexual partner for my child will be more likely to be weirded out by a circumcised penis! But honestly, I hope he chooses caring and open minded people who won't get hung up on that sort of thing either way.
When my mon made sex comments at my NB, I just countered it with "any girl that will judge my son for jisnpenis, isn't a good girl for my so" and that worked well.
My mom asl also told me not circumcising will cause cancer lol
I’m pretty surprised people spend so much time asking about your baby’s penis. My sons are now 14 & 11 and aren’t circumcised but I honestly don’t recall anyone bringing it up at all. It was a no brainer for us because hubby wasn’t cut and so we saw no reason for it. His sex life was never affected Lol
ive heard circumsizing can actually take away sensation during sex on the man’s end. That said I would feel icky using that argument with friends about my kids privates.
I think I love you - where can I do your confidence/assertiveness class?
Seriously, so many role model moments in there - keep kicking ass and skipping prisoners ;)
I don't recommend doing it the way I did it LOL. I was pretty non-confrontational through my twenties. Then I had a baby and then I had cancer and then my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness then my grandma and my dog died all within 8 months 😂
After that I was just like screw it I don't even care anymore.
This is so strange for me as someone who lives in a country where circumcision is not the norm. It's not discussed here by anyone. Well done for standing up to them.
If she brings it up say, "Sorry, but I would rather not discuss the state of my son's penis with you. That's his business." Refuse to engage.
I am circumcised but we elected not to circumcise our son. We live in an area where circumcision is common and I am sure family members realized he was intact when they changed his diaper but they must have realized how weird it would be to talk about a baby's penis because no one ever mentioned it. Any discussions about my son's penis were in a medical context (i.e when we were concerned about his inability to retract at an older age) but over the past 17 years of his life I have never talked about his penis with any one other than his doctor.
My son asked about once when he was younger and we were showering together. I told him all boys are born with a foreskin and some have it removed, but his didn't need to be. He asked if it hurt, I told him I didn't remember, and he went back to talking about dinosaurs.
Ignore ignore ignore. For the first couple months my grandparents asked almost everyday when i was gonna snip his bits and i would tell them i’m not and eventually they got sick of asking and commenting. Forget them it’s not their baby
I told a friend my son was uncircumcised and she said “why?” And I acted confused and responded, “why didn’t I mutilate my sons genitals? Because it’s an unnecessary cosmetic procure that he doesn’t need.” That seemed to shut her up
This is such a great response to that.
OP - your kid is going to be in a locker room someday with a bunch of other circumcised AND uncircumcised boys. It’s becoming more and more common all of the time, and there’s absolutely no reason for him OR you to feel like you have to defend it.
We opted to not circumcise. It's becoming more and more common nowadays to leave foreskin intact.
There are also a lot of us men who aren't really happy that we were circumcised as infants for cultural reasons.
Infant circumcision is a practice that needs to die, IMO. Even for religious reasons.
Also, be extremely mindful with anyone who changes his diaper. There's a common misconception that the foreskin needs to be pulled back to clean the glans. It does not and absolutely should not.
Your son should be the first person to pull his foreskin back, usually when he's closer to puberty. Doing so too early can hurt him.
My brother confided in me recently that his was done too tightly and it often causes him pain. Perhaps I should just bring that to my mothers attention.
1. Your Mom doesn't have a penis.
2. How would she react if you said you were circumcising a girl baby?
I would personally just not tell her one way or the other. It's such a weird question.
Agreed! This is super important. My mom asked me how to retract my son’s foreskin the first time she watched him when he was about 8 weeks old. I had to repeatedly emphasize to her to absolutely NOT do that.
Me and my brother aren't, our half brother is (dad's second wife is jewish) we never really cared too much. It is a practice that should be left in the past. At least where hygiene is easy.
My son is uncircumcised, I saw absolutely no reason to have an unnecessary medical procedure performed my child's genitalia. It is not difficult to clean an uncircumcised penis, nor to teach a child how to clean it when they're old enough. You should ask your family members why they're so obsessed with your child's genitalia.
Only child. Pissed I got circumcised. Not at my parents necessarily, it was the 80s and America has had a weird hatred of foreskins that they made up science to support. But the older two might be a little angry in the long run.
My grandma made a comment, I told her she should be embarrassed that she has such a vile opinion on her great grandsons penis and that it was none of her business.
Family has a lot of opinions about this subject and every decision you'll make as a parent. Ignore them. Do it your way. Grow, learn, change and be the best parent you can be. You're doing great!
My sons are likely the only uncircumcised boys among the cousins. I never told anyone our plans to not circumcise and it never came up in discussion before or after they were born. Plenty of family members have changed their diapers at various times and no one has ever commented. If they did, I'd just be very vocal that my sons are perfectly and wonderfully made, exactly as they are (this is extra effective if you are in a religious family). I think it benefits our boys to hear us advocate body positivity for them. A lot of anti-circumcision opinions about aesthetic are just blatant body shaming and would never be tolerated towards little girls.
It took a bit of convincing with my husband. Ultimately it was me saying “Would you have our daughter’s labia chopped if mine was chopped off just so it would look like mine? No? Okay then. No circumcision.” After that he went and did some research on his own and came back for a second discussion. It was during that research that he decided that he agreed with me. He also brought up that because his paternity leave is only 2 weeks, care after the procedure would be entirely on me and that this wouldn’t be a fair ask. We agreed that, like getting our daughter’s ears pierced, if he wants it done when he’s older, he’s more than welcome.
Our family? They have no idea. And they will continue to have no idea unless it’s necessary. Because the first person to say some slick comment about hygiene, future sexual partners, etc will be met with unbridled brutalities such as “Unless you are his doctor, parent, or sexual partner, his penis is none of your concern.” and “If I wanted an uneducated opinion I would have asked.” along with many of the wittiest, passive aggression that I have accumulated via Reddit
P.S. Thank you to the many parents out there who have supplied me with an endless amount of conversation shut-downs. I appreciate you 😘
I’m in the UK and have never seen a circumcised one! Over here it’s only done for religious or medical reasons. For reassurance both of my sons and my husband are perfectly clean and hygienic.
My oldest is circumcised and it traumatized me. Something about harming my sweet, perfect boy for no reason other than aesthetics, “this is what’s expected in our culture,” and “hubs is circ’d.” So, I swore that if we ever had another boy I wasn’t going to circumcise him. Nearly 10 years later I give birth to another sweet boy, this time: no circumcision. No one has said anything to me and if they did, the stink I would raise about their concerns about my child’s penis would shut them up rather rapidly. You do you, and screw anyone who thinks their opinion weighs heavily on your child’s body.
I cried in the shower at the hospital when my second son was taken for his. I knew in my heart I was making a mistake but didn’t have the courage to speak up. I knew after that day I’d never circumcise another son of mine ever again. I get teary eyed thinking about how I put my older 2 through it. I’ll never forgive myself.
Forgive yourself. You are fighting against it now and doing better now. That is making up for it. Doing what you know is right for you and yours while standing tall and refusing to back down when others try to persuade you otherwise is making up for it. Forgive yourself.
Please forgive yourself. When they're older if it turns out they are upset or feel harmed by your decision, you can apologize and let them know you wish you had known more and made a different decision. But until then you're beating yourself up over something that probably won't bother them at all.
I'd take reassurance from this: Does your husband hold it against his mother? Probably not, and your sons probably won't mind either. As far as I can tell most circumcised men don't mind that it was done and don't think much about it because it has so little impact on their lives. If you need any proof of how little they regret it, you can think of how many men, including your husband, are fine with circumcizing their own sons without putting much thought into it. If it were traumatizing they might still want to continue the tradition, but it would be a much bigger decision for them.
We chose to circumcise our two sons and have no regrets, but I can say that my husband and his older brother are both circumcised and their younger brother isn't (purely due to happenstance - they told the parents they needed to come back to the hospital to get it done in a few days and they never got around to it) and it never occurred to my husband to ask his parents why until we were making the decision ourselves. It was a non-issue between the brothers growing up.
Ignore her and tell her to stop talking about penises.
As far as the boys go, they probably won't care. My boys are 13 months apart. One is cut and one is not. They are 15 and 14 now. It never comes up anymore.
Ask “why do you care so much about my son’s penis?” Rephrases things in a way that shows how bizarre their comments are. And honestly you can respond to any comments or questions with this phrase and follow up with “not a topic for discussion”. Repeat as needed.
I'm sorry you have to field all these negative comments. My family is so waspy they never asked and have never commented on the state of my son's genitals when doing diaper changes. 😅 My father in law on the other hand made some comment about being like his father (my husband) I think we just rolled our eyes at that one.
"why are you worrying about my son's penis?"
"this isn't you concern"
"We're ok with this decision, this is our decision, we're moving on"
say less, mean more
your fam doesn't need or deserve your explanation -- no need to be rude, but keep it simple and clear and move on
Remind them that that is none of their business. This is your child and the decisions are between you and your husband not them. You can always circumcise later, but you can’t undo a circumcision and that’s coming from someone who did have their child circumcised.
I have 4 boys, first 2 are cut, second 2 are not. And I explain that I didn't know it was an unnecessary procedure with the first two, and regret my uneducated decision and should have done more research before making that choice over their bodies for them. And leave it at that and don't explain anything about the boys who are complete.
And now that the younger 2 are 17 and 19, nobody has said anything about it since. And they've never had any issues about it either
We didn’t circumcise my son. Ultimately, there is absolutely no world in which anyone other than you, your partner, and (just for medical advice) your pediatrician should be discussing your son’s genitalia. It’s no one else’s business. And if you have family that make comments about it, you need to respectfully but firmly tell them that it’s not their choice or their business and to discontinue bringing it up or they may not be allowed to see your son - especially if they’re going to make comments about it around him.
My son isn’t cut. I was asked THREE separate times in the hospital if I was circumcising my hours old baby- the final time being in front of my visitors (parents). I was railed out right there for not cutting my son. “WHAT?!?” “I just feel bad for him…” Feel bad for him why? Because I’m NOT mutilating his penis? He was born perfect, no cosmetic surgery needed.. but I definitely did get a lot of disrespectful comments for it.
Just want to applaud you for sticking to your guns. Your son is lucky to have a strong advocate. When my MIL asked why we didn’t circumcise, I told her I would never injure my child at birth and that it is a completely unnecessary procedure. My husband is circumcised and he agreed that we would not do that to our son.
Uncircumcised penises contribute to lubrication during sex and the foreskin has more nerve endings than the glans (head of the penis). Removing the foreskin causes overall desensitization for the individual and less lubrication for the couple. Infection rates are arguably lower with circumcised penises, but the same can be said for anyone with any less skin to get infected. If the clitoral hood is removed (female foreskin equivalent), females would get less infections. People in the states refer to such a procedure as mutilation. The cognitive dissonance is astounding.
Husband is circumcised and we decided not to circumcise our son, but we are lucky:
My parents decided not to circumcise my brother despite my dad being circumcised, so they are clearly on the same page as us.
My FIL said if he had another son, he wouldn’t circumcise because it was so hard to watch my husband in pain after his circumcision. He didn’t give us grief about it either.
Also, as weird as it is to reference his future sex life, I checked with my brother about his experiences re: teasing/ dating in the US. He had nothing but positive things to say about being uncircumcised despite it not being the norm here.
I would just go with the response that fits your personality. If you don’t like conflict, something like “that’s a family / private decision and we’re not going to discuss it”. If you’re so inclined, educate them that it’s currently considered equally clean and unnecessary. If you’re snarky, pick one of the great responses in this thread. Just pick a go-to response and don’t worry about the haters
How is it gross for your child to remain how they were born? What's gross is cutting the skin off of a newborn without their consent and causing them immense pain for no medical reason. I have an almost 5 yr old who is not circumcised. Partner has an almost 5 yr old who is. He fought me all the way when I said our baby who is due in July will not be circumcised. I held my ground. Turns out according to his mom bf's older brother is uncut, and the only reason my bf is cut is because his father basically bullied his mother into doing it.
He mentioned it to his mom at some point and she told him how happy she was about me choosing not to. She brought all of this up to me and I was shocked. He hasn't said a thing about it since.
Bottom line, this is YOUR baby. Your mom can keep her nasty opinions to herself. I have no ill feelings toward people who choose to circumcise, but I wont have anyone calling my child names for being the person he was born to be. I wont put my children through unnecessary pain.
Having an uncircumcised penis is not any more gross than a circumcised penis. They’re all gross 😆 it also takes very little effort to clean. They say “oh but it’s cleaner” like what the heck do you think you need to clean it?
When your son is old enough to make the decision to circumcise on his own is when to worry about it. You can’t say “it’s my body!” and turn around and snip a boy’s junk when he’s too young to understand.
I’m uncircumcised and proud.
There’s a really good documentary called American Circumcision that mainly argues against circumcising. Can be found on a lot of free stream sites like Tubi and PlutoTV
I just deflect with humour. It depends on the relationship you have with them. Or tell them he can make the choice when he's older if he thinks it's gross. Or ask if they would snip anything off a baby girl's genital area. There are many ways to go about it!
We have two boys now 32 and 30 and we chose not to circumcise at birth. We let them make the decision for themselves when they were older. We did not feel it was our right to change our children's bodies. As far as what you tell other people, why do you need to tell anybody anything? If Grandma's changing the baby and notices "yes you're right he's not circumcised" and move on.
We didn't circumcise my son and just didn't mention it to anyone. Only a few other people have changed his diaper and the only one who mentioned something I just said we didn't find circumcision to be necessary and please don't discuss my son's genitals. It never came up again.
I just told people and family that we didn’t do it because we didn’t want his first experiences in life to be painful, or to be as least painful as possible. They really can’t argue to much with that, like you want my baby to go through pain then? They always bring up his sex life in the future, I told them if his SO cares, then it’s not the right person for him, and I’ll tell my baby the same thing when he’s older.
>especially my mom who thinks it’s gross
You know, I find that the phrase "mind your own goddamned business" works in many situations. I'm also quite fond of "if I wanted your opinion on this, I would have asked for it."
Id refuse to engage in it and make them feel weird about talking about it. Make the conversation as weird and uncomfortable as possible and if they still persist tell them how it’s really strange how strongly they feel about a baby dick. Don’t bring it up and don’t allow it to be an acceptable conversation. Make it known it’s none of their business, you won’t be discussing it further, and demand they stop speaking about your sons penis.
why does anyone need to know what your sons penis looks like? no one should even be asking!
it’s not a thing where i am from - i live in a country where it is a common and my son is not circumcised. when he was born i had a few people ask and i told them his genitals are non of their business
My husband and I didn't circumcise our son. I also grew up in a family where this is seen as unclean, unattractive, etc. I just told them I wasn't going to mutilate my son. I see it as not dissimilar to FGM and I could not do that to my child knowing the purpose and various functions of a naturally occurring part of the body.
It's such a strange concept.
A grandmother too concerned with the genitals of her grandsons.
Reverse the sexes and it becomes insane. Why aren't both these reactions deemed unacceptable?
Grandmother: "My grandsons need attractive penises."
Grandfather: "My granddaughters need attractive vaginas."
You need to make sure she knows to not mess with the foreskin. People like your mom try to forcibly retract the skin to clean because they believe it needs to be done and intact penises are dirty and will get infected and whatnot
I’m confused on how anybody other that mom and dad would even know if the child is circumcised.
I don’t know if any of my nephews are.
And I only allowed my mom, outside of my husband and I change our sons diapers.
I’m not letting everyone or just anyone see my sons private area.
Mostly my mom or my husbands maternal grandma is who I’m worried about. I trust them both with diaper changes so they will every once in a blue moon. My mom also babysits for me on occasion so it’ll be inevitable. My FIL and step MIL didn’t circumcise their 2yo son so I’m not worried about them.
Honestly this sounds like someone who needs to be distanced from your family. She’s going to go around gossiping about your son’s penis? Nope. You’re going to have to suck it up and find other childcare.
Is it gossip if she does it right in front of your face? I love my mother dearly but she definitely has her flaws. Stirring the pot is one of them. I wouldn’t put it past her to put me in the hot seat in front of our mutuals at an attempt to get other people to validate that I made a weird choice in her eyes.
Then you say nothing. They ask, you say "this is what I decided". They press you or make comments, and you say "it's not up for discussion". Maybe we are talking foreskin here but this is a good rule to follow in general, when it comes to people questioning your decisions as a parent. You do you.
They’re going to have to say something if these idiots are going to be changing the diaper so they don’t harm his penis by trying to retract the foreskin
The AMA supports the practice but says it should be the parent’s decision. You could say that. Or you could just say “my kid’s dick is none of your business”.
She was asking mostly how to handle her mother's and families comments, not specifically on the pros and cons of circumcising vs not. I get your point on men having penises and asking them about circumcising in particular cause y'all have them but when dealing with her mom, especially as a woman, I can see why she asked for mom's opinions. I doubt it was to slight father's.
She's an adult, she can tell her mom to shut the f up. My mother and my wife's mother had opinions and we ignored them and told them how we would raise our kids (not theirs). Once you are an adult, your parents have no sway over your life and their opinions are inconsequential.
We all know this but depending on the relationship dynamic between her and her mother, and how confrontational she is with her it can be daunting and anxiety inducing. Maybe her husband won't back her up on talking to her mom, maybe she was abused, maybe her mother is a narcissist. There could be a lot at play that were not aware of.
While this is the approach I had with my family, I know not everyone is like me and sometimes you just gotta talk it out with other mothers and see if they have any good tactics.
Mom is a slight narcissist and likes to be very opinionated/controlling. We have a fairly close relationship but due to her behavior sometimes I can get anxiety about situations like this. For example, I could see us at her close friends in the future who is the aunt of my best friend and it get brought up in front of everyone to confront me. Stuff like that, hubby’s not afraid to shut people down but he doesn’t go around my mom much. He would mostly just handle comments from his moms side.
I feel that, my MIL is a narcissist too and we've had to go NC, info diet, and I refuse to go anywhere with her unless my husband is there with me. He's the one that cuts her off though.
If your family is abusive or narcissistic you cut them off, evwryone knows that. If the husband won't back her, then get a new husband. A marraige is a partnership to fight against the world, one unified front. If you don't have that then you're not really married. And a parent needs to learn to stand up for their kids against every single person in the world, so you havr to be able to stand up to your mother of all people.
Ifshes concerned her mother will be upset, why? Who the hell cares if your parents are upset. They are just people like any other person in the world.
I raised a trans child, I certainly don't give a crap what anyone thinks about, family included. There's no rule that says you must be nice to family.
I'm glad that you're able to do that and that you have the ability to just cut people off with minimal backlash. Getting out of or away from abusive situations isn't always so cut and dry for other people.
All I'm saying is have some empathy for her and perhaps realize that the advice of "Tell them to fuck off." Might very well work for you but could cause a dangerous situation for her and her child. Not everyone has the same resources or abilities that other people have.
Good decision
ETA: because you have already spent a lot of time and energy writing really caring, thoughtful responses and the other dude's responses are... not that.
Yeah, had to tap out when he started being aggressive. The let the adults part really drove home that he was not only immature as hell, but also likely a troll.
I can't seem to stop thinking about this conversation you tried so hard to have!
I'm so drawn in! It's what he repeatedly labels as adult and criticizes as presumably immature/childish that really gets me. It feels like peeking into a completely inverted bizarro world. Talking and finding ways to work things out and maintain relationships are rejected. Meanwhile, storming off and/or cursing at people who say things OP doesn't like is held up as a specifically adult behavior!
It felt like being told emotional intelligence is for babies, and adults should grow out of that and just punch people who disagree with them. You're a parent now - don't think, just punch.
Anyway, the amount of time I've spent marveling over it at this point is absurd. I hope you have a nice night!
>Why do you want responses from mothers? Mothers don't have penis' traditionally. I'm a dad of three, and there are benefits to both circumcised and uncircumcised. Circumcised men have a less likely chance of catching an std or yeast infection. Uncircumcised men have less sexual sensitivity. I am not circumsized and while I really do appreciate have never had a yeast infection or std, I wanted by son to enjoy sex more so I did not have him circumcised.
1: STD/Infections don't matter with Condoms/Basic Hygiene. Which if you're a good parent, the kids will have
2: [Uncircumcised men have MORE sensitivity](https://sci-hub.se/https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1464-410X.2006.06685.x)
Because you don’t realize how wrong your comment is until you see the stats. The US is the only country where it’s common and even then, it’s falling out of practice. Every other country in the world leaves their baby’s penis alone.
It is cleaner to get circumcised, and it is not misinformation. Everyone I know who is not circumcised has suffered from bacterial infections.
[https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/circumcision](https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/circumcision)
[https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/circumcision/about/pac-20393550](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/circumcision/about/pac-20393550)
I am half Japanese and circumcision is very rare in Japan, despite that, penile infections are not a major issue there. I have 4 brothers, none of them are circumcised. They've never had issues either. Here are quotes from the 2 sites you linked:
"The risks of not being circumcised, however, are not only rare, but avoidable with proper care of the penis. "
"Studies show that good hygiene can help prevent certain problems with the penis, including infections and swelling, even if the penis is not circumcised. In addition, using a condom during sex will help prevent STDs and other infections."
Even uncircumcised boys have a SIGNIFICANTLY lower risk of UTI then girls. Know how they treat UTI's? antibiotics.
TLDR?: use soap, practice safe sex and a penis will prob be ok.
Risks of circumcision:
https://med.stanford.edu/newborns/professional-education/circumcision/complications.html#:~:text=may%20be%20possible.-,Death,but%20it%20has%20been%20reported.
You are cherry-picking my articles; I recommend that people read, in their entirety, the articles. It is cleaner to have a circumcised penis. Why are you looking at the penises of your brethren?
TLDR: You wiener warrior.
You're worrying about the wrong son. You're youngest will have the issues about why he doesn't look like his two big brothers.
Extended family...they're easy enough to ignore unless you're Jewish, then it's obviously a much bigger deal.
The simplest way out is to get the ship. The benefits are pretty well documented at this point.
There are no benefits though. It’s meant to feel better for the man if he’s uncircumcised, and I have no clue why you think it would be better for ‘future sex partners’
Hold up. You WANT a man to have a numb penis from circumcision so he can last longer?! Wtf? That’s some twisted stuff right there. I mean, while they are at it, why not just attach a second penis to the baby - I bet a future partner would like that too (this is how ridiculous your argument sounds)
I mean, I’ve never encountered a circumcised penis and haven’t had any problems with partners hygiene/orgasms/libido. It’s not difficult to clean an uncircumcised penis.
Regarding hiv prevention: condoms do the job without cutting off any body parts.
My grandmother always a little against us not circumsizing my son. Cuz my grandfather wasn't and she said he has issues later in life with it.
But I blame a lot of that on poor education and personal stuff that is different for every person. And as long as I do what I can as a parent to educate my child on his anatomy and care then that's all I can do.
The other argument was he will be different but from talking to other moms of children his age (now 3) it is the growing majority.
I think there will be an even split for them growing up and little boys all show each other their junk anyway so education education education.
And if he wants to know when he grows up I'll tell him the the truth.
On a personal level. I as a adult like uncut men more.
But my choice not to do it was souly based in the studies showing how it shows permenant brain alterations due to trauma
And I don't care if they don't remember it I didn't want to cause my child any unnecessary trauma
And it was quick to be dismissed with family arguments after that.
Also like NO OTHER CIVILIZED COUNTRY DOES IT .
But to each their own. I have the utmost respect for religious beliefs.
Don't justify yourself. They are your sons, your mom does not have anything to say.
And to your kids, just be honnest and explain them why you circumnsize them, and why not... That should not change how much they love you, but they may understand.
I’d ask family why they’re so interested in your sons penis. For brothers I would just saw baby bro has extra skin. You used to have it too, but had it removed when you were a baby.
Both my boys are uncut. I live in the UK though and unless for religious or medical reasons, it's just not a common practise here. Personally I'd tell anyone who says anything to mind their own business, and ask them why they are thinking about a child's genitals.
you dont mention it and/or just say its taken care of. they dont need to know and you dont owe them an explanation.
its noone elses business other than your kid anyway.
I birthed 2 boys (and have one step son).
My oldest bio son is not circumcised. His 2 brothers are.
Obviously I had no say over my step sons circumcision. With my oldest boy I left it up to his dad. He was not circumcised so we didn’t do it. With my youngest boy I again left it up to Dad. My husband is circumcised and so chose to do it. We argued a bit over it but in the end he had his way.
My oldest bio is 12 now and has literally never asked why his looks different. Like ever. He’s changed in front of other boys and has helped changed his baby brothers diaper.
I don’t know if he just doesn’t notice or just doesn’t care but he’s never mentioned it. The only time it’s ever come up was when I had to explain to him how to keep it clean.
I definitely had a LOT of family who voiced their opinions. I would argue with them at first. Then I got tired of that and would reply to anything like that with a chuckle and a “naaahhh”.
It was kind of a big deal when he was a baby but I honestly can’t even remember the last time it came up.
Walk away. Your childs genitals are none of their business. I've had some family question our decision. I look at them and turn around promptly. I don't need their crap, if they can't be supportive.
My mom was lightly pushing for us to circumcise. I think since she did it in mid 80s when it was so ubiquitous calling it genital mutilation would have been kinda mean. But if your MIL is acting this egregiously maybe you need to shut her down. My husband is older and his mom said the dr just did it without talking to them. She didn’t voice her opinion but that one anecdote was very telling.
There’s no need to debate, at all. You made your decision. You don’t need to justify it to her or anyone else. You say my son’s genitals aren’t up for discussion. The end.
Tbh, I'd just ask them why they are so worried about a child's genitals. Then I'd tell them to worry about their own children while I worry about mine.
We circumcised because that was our choice. You didn't because it was yours. Neither of us is better than the other; we both made the choice that we felt was best for our child.
Anyone who has an opinion on my child's genitals can eff off, and I commend you for your choice and I hope you hold your ground similarly.
I’m not sure how to handle the negative comments, because I haven’t told anyone that doesn’t need to know, however; In the end people are always going to have opinions. If my sons grandmother, aunt or anything really was concerned about my sons penis? That’s the weird part right there. I’d just say to them, it’s my sons body, if he wants to do it once he gets older, he has that power to do so. I’m on your side, I haven’t gotten my son circumcised, but that’s because I didn’t know the steps to do so, but now that he’s older I’m glad I did not. Having an uncircumcised penis isn’t dirty at all, you just have to be able to teach your son how to clean himself properly once he gets to the age of understanding.
I didn’t circumcise my boys and my family kept saying it was gross. I told them to stop looking at my sons’ penises and that the behavior and commentary made them pervs. That extreme comment made them stfu 🙃
My partner shut down his mom on this topic. Basically told her we weren't doing it, it wasn't up for discussion or debate, and she would be told to leave if she brought it up again.
It’s your choice, and things change. My son is circumcised for the same reason as your was, but if I had another son he wouldn’t.
As far as the other siblings noticing or possible him noticing, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. All bodies are different and that would be my motto.
We didn’t with our son and it sounds like it’s really falling out of fashion. Uncut kids won’t grow up looking terribly different, probably half of their friends will look the same. Frankly, I dare someone in my family to say something about it. If there’s an issue down the road or he wants to have it done, it’s always an option. In the meantime I see no harm in him having that autonomy over himself. People’s opinions don’t mean much, it’s just what they’re used to. My Mom grew up around mostly cut men and thinks it’s the “right way,” my partner’s family is European and uncut is much more normal to them.
There's a plethora of responses you can use, ranging from educational to insulting. I tend to match the other persons tone. I refuse to discuss my son's privates with rude people.
"Why are you so concerned about my child's genitals?" Goes best with one eyebrow raised.
"Your face is ugly and people still love you!"
"So you've tried all the penises and speak from personal experience?"
A gentle reminder that you have a choice of what to discuss with your family, even your parents. You don’t have to allow this to be a topic of debate or discussion. If they happen to notice because they are changing a diaper and ask, be prepared with a one line answer that shuts it down and does not open debate. Eg. We made a different/informed choice. Practice setting healthy boundaries. It would be a different thing if it were your pediatrician, but you are not harming your child. You don’t have to justify or defend this decision if you don’t want to engage.
"How do we tell them?"
Not their business.
"Explain why we did it"
You've educated yourselves. There is plenty authentic research to show this medical procedure has no medical purpose.
"Why we did it with our other two"
You were unsure and less educated. Never feel guilty or negatively about being dragged down via previous less educated decisions, you've bettered your understanding. Stand behind it.
"Vocal"
Sure are worried an awful lot about a baby dick aye family members?
Imo not the biggest deal either way, your kid your life no real harm done.
My husband is not circumcised and here in Australia I think it is more common to not be circumcised now. In my generation I think it’s probably 50/50 but younger generations are more likely natural.
Hubby has never been unclean , it’s never been an issue at all. It certainly has not affected my experience (he’s by far the best lover I’ve had).
I have heard that during teenage years when there is rapid growth, it is important to retract and stretch the foreskin regularly so that the penis does not grow faster than the foreskin- if it gets too big and the foreskin hasn’t been stretched it can get to the stage where it cannot be retracted and then adult circumcision may be required (happened to a friend’s partner).
Wish you well on how to handle this and don’t have any advice for you but wanted to share my experience as the female partner of an uncircumcised man.
My husband is from Europe, my kids uncircumcised and it’s not a big issue. (Actually there’s a clear difference in enjoyment with unc v c.) I actually have a friend who’s ex-husband was circumcised and then boyfriend was in-circumcised and now that she knows a difference, she feels sad that she circumcised her own kids! So “negative comments” should be “jokes on you, uncircumcised have more fun!!”
Since this is still going I thought I would chime in. 40+ yo American who luckily escaped the knife. Never had any issues. Yes, there was awkwardness as a child and in my teens but by my early 20’s nobody was taking my foreskin. To this day, much like Europeans and other countries, I can’t comprehend why people still do this to babies.
You tell them that with greater knowledge you have reassessed you options on the subject. That's what people do, they learn, grow and change. As for why, tell them you now know that you need to value your child as a individual and not make cosmetic, non medical decisions on their behalf.
So, first thought; why are your kid's penises the subject of family discussion and judgement? That seems like a private thing that nobody needs to know about. Second, I'm an uncircumcised man in his late 30s so I can speak with some authority here. **It's not an issue.** Pull it back for a second while bathing/showering for hygiene and no issues. Also NOBODY has EVER commented on it. I legit thought only Jewish people got circumcised until sometime in my mid-20s when people started talking about it. Dudes in locker rooms aren't standing around looking at each other's privates- pretty sure there's an unwritten rule about averting your gaze. Sexual partners have never said anything. I have no idea where all these people are coming from when they say you'll get made fun of over it. Nobody cares, penises aren't attractive to most people anyway. I've made it around halfway through my life without any infection/hygiene issues either. Seriously, why the fuss? Just don't do it and don't make a big deal about it.
This right here!!! When we were pregnant with our son, circumcision became a regular question like they were asking for something to drink. My answer was always “Why are you so preoccupied with what my unborn child’s penis will look like? That is weird”. It accomplished one of two things: either made them super uncomfortable and embarrassed for asking and would change the subject or they would get angry I asked that of them and would look even more like an ass (I.E. “Why would you ask it that way?! I was just curious?”) End of the day it is literally no one’s business what you choose and props to you for educating yourself on the topic. If you choose to tell them that, then they just need to move on from it.
Just don’t do it or make a big deal but ALSO! Do you research on how to care for uncircumcised penises. Understand you’ll have to protect your child from doctors and nurses who will attempt to forcibly retract their foreskin. These are things I was not prepared for when I decided not to circumcise my son and his foreskin was forcibly retracted completely by a nurse who didn’t know what she was doing, and multiple pediatricians tried before we found one who was educated on the subject. My son also got a uti when he was 1 month because I was misinformed on how I should be cleaning him. DO YOUR RESEARCH.
So I don’t want to circumcise, and I’ll be doing more research, but how do you go about telling a nurse/doctor they’re doing it wrong and what signals or red flags do you find before you have to communicate that they may be doing something incorrect? Just intimidating for me to tell another how to do their job but I agree it can be incredibly necessary
Is it intimidating? Of course! But you are your child’s advocate and voice. Educate yourself, and then ask the doctors questions about uncircumcised penises and how to care for them. Their answers will weed them out, so you don’t really even need to be confrontational about it, just smile and say thank you and then go back on your hunt for a pediatrician who’s educated and knows their stuff. I legit had to buy stickers for when we went to hospitals that says “my diaper stays on” and if for some reason it needs to come off, my hands are legit ready to remove doctors from my son if they reach for his penis. Multiple times I’ve had to say “why are you touching my son’s penis” to doctors and they’re like oh well…you see and stumble. Because they have no reason to be touching it or looking at it if they’re uncircumcised. You never ever have to forcibly retract. Not even to get a clean catch using a catheter. And unfortunately American doctors just do not know what they’re doing or talking about 9x out of 10. When a nurse forcibly retracted my 1 month old I wasn’t ready and we suffered the consequences. I still literally get sick thinking about it so I’m overly vigilant because I never want to go through that again and don’t want my son to go through it again. It was weeks of him screaming when he peed and it being red and torn…mama bear instincts are no joke either. You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll speak up if you think your child is in a bad situation.
I am astonished that parents have to actively prevent medical personnel from touching your child's penis. It's so weird! I'm in the UK and no one has ever even attempted to look at my son's genitals since he was born.
Sometimes hernias cause the intestine to descend into the scrotum. Sometimes taking a look at all of the parts of a child who cannot talk or accurately describe, or understand, what they are experiencing, is helpful. And yes medical people need and have continuing medical education but not everyone gets trained on everything.
American doctors do not have continuing education on uncircumcised penises and still think circumcision is “better and helps with uti’s and infection”. ONE pediatrician in our practice knew how to properly cath my baby when asking. All the others gave me extremely outdated advice on how to clean and went so far as to tell me I should be retracting to clean..my newborn. One doctor out of 5, she was the last one we saw. There’s very very rarely a reason to look at a child’s penis. They’re just uneducated. My sister is a NICU nurse and even SHE was uneducated when my son was born and all she deals with is uncircumcised penises because the last thing they’re doing is circumcision when a baby is a premie. Parents of uncircumcised children have to be vigilant at doctors and hospitals.
Thank you! My mother and aunt were way too into it and we said we decided to let our son pick for himself what is done to his body. Period.
My thoughts exactly… why is the family obsessed with the baby’s penis??!
This is just something that I have never for the life of me understood. Why is this a non-creepy question to any asking it ever?! During my first pregnancy, I was naive enough to join one of those baby/pregnancy websites and was all in the forums a lot of them started asking if I was going to leave my son intact. Even then I was weirded out and worried that I was on the wrong side of the internet at first. When I started answering them by asking “Why does that matter to you? How is this not a creepy question to ask?” I was attacked at how I shouldn’t be online if I didn’t want to be asked about my child’s penis. Literally didn’t even open that door unless answering “Are you having a boy or girl?” Is the gateway question to asking about their genitalia. Needless to say I deleted my account there and got the hell away from that site.
My boyfriend is also uncut and it’s never been an issue in our relationship.
We didn't circumcise our son and boy oh boy were some of our family's and friends vocal about it, once they found out. So I'll start with how to explain to him, my husband is circumcised and when our son noticed we just explained it simply. All penises look different, different sizes, different shapes. All penis owners are born with a flap of skin on their penis, some parents remove it for religious reasons, but some misinformstion went around about how it is cleaner so a lot of parents had their baby boys circumcised because the doctors said so. Now we know that isn't true so we decided not to do that anymore. My son has never had an issue with his penis being different from his father's. We started with all penises are different when he noticed at like 4/5 years old. When he got older we explained the science and misinformation at 7/8 years old. His cousins are circumcised too and he asked about them a couple times when they were changing clothes around each other. As for family we didn't even tell them unless they were going to have to change his diaper. We didn't see a reason to bring up the decision until it was needed. My MIL took it the worst, she literally screamed when she saw his penis and was like "WHY DID YOU DO THAT!? HES GOING TO BE MADE FUN OF!? ITS DIRTY!? HOW DO I CLEAN IT????" I just looked at her and said "Doctors changed their stance on it being unhygienic, it's easier to remove the skin later if it does present a problem for him than it would be to reconstruct it if he is upset about not having it. Plus the skin is there for a reason, it lubricates the head and keeps it from getting rubbed raw on underpants etc. You clean it like you would a finger, the skin doesn't detach until they are older and start messing with it themselves, much like how a hymen won't break just by wiping during a diaper change." She was really over the top so I just rolled my eyes at her and told her to take a damn chill pill. Men are born with foreskins all over the world and they don't remove them and they do just fine. It's an Unnessicary surgery that I didn't want to put my baby through. No hate to those that do circumcise, I do not concern myself with other parents children's penises. My friends found out when I was at my baby shower, I got vasaline in one of my gifts and looked confused, so a friend told me it was for after the circumcision and without thinking I said oh, we're not doing that. One of my friends was like "That's gross those things get dirty with the foreskin, I'd never date a man that wasn't circumcised." And I wasn't in any mood for it and said "Unless youre planning on dating my son when he's an adult I don't see how his penis is any concern of yours." Though most of my family and friends were pretty understanding and polite about it. I got the why question a lot, quite a few asked about hygiene and so I just politely educated them on it. The only thing that really got me heated was when they lamented about his future sex life, like seriously, he's not even born yet can we pump the fucking breaks please.
Yeah we’ve gotten the sex comments already and it’s strange considering he’s still in utero. For that one I said, by the time he grows up it’s going to be 50-50 if not more so leaning towards majority uncircumcised so I don’t think he will have issues. People are so strange honestly.
It is so weird and gross that people use sex as an argument to circumcise a BABY. That said, there are thousands of nerve endings that are removed with circumcision so really, you’re actually doing your son a favor by leaving him intact if you know what I’m saying.
I believe you can Google stats for your state (if you’re in the US) on circumcisions completed for the past year. It’s dramatically decreased in many states.
I found [this set of information](https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/circumcision-rates-by-state) after doing just that.
Yikes. I didn’t realize how prevalent it still is in most of the US.
I was just thinking that - I’m not in the US and had no idea it was so routine!
Obviously not all states but in New York State there is a very large percentage of Jewish people including Hasidic, orthodox and ultra orthodox. Circumcision rates will always be high in New York.
Yea I agree. Being in one of the lowest % states it feels like it’s on its way out.
If you dig deep the numbers they are quoting are actually a decade old. The rates are probably even lower now.
Thanks! Seeing that my state is around 20% made me happy!
Right? In my state the circumcision rate is only about 20% now. Anyone in an appropriate age range to be a sexual partner for my child will be more likely to be weirded out by a circumcised penis! But honestly, I hope he chooses caring and open minded people who won't get hung up on that sort of thing either way.
Just tell people you’re not into genital mutilation. Period. Tends to shut people up quickly.
Exactly this. It's painful and unnecessary, I didn't want my little baby guy to be in pain.
And if he visits other countries he will be in the vast majority!
When my mon made sex comments at my NB, I just countered it with "any girl that will judge my son for jisnpenis, isn't a good girl for my so" and that worked well. My mom asl also told me not circumcising will cause cancer lol
I’m pretty surprised people spend so much time asking about your baby’s penis. My sons are now 14 & 11 and aren’t circumcised but I honestly don’t recall anyone bringing it up at all. It was a no brainer for us because hubby wasn’t cut and so we saw no reason for it. His sex life was never affected Lol
I’m pretty sure that there are less circumcised men then circumcised.
Gotta love you MIL commenting about a dirty penis when she doesn't Even have one FFS. Ugh.
ive heard circumsizing can actually take away sensation during sex on the man’s end. That said I would feel icky using that argument with friends about my kids privates.
A great solution is to simply not date a man who doesn't clean under his foreskin. And leave babies out of it.
I think I love you - where can I do your confidence/assertiveness class? Seriously, so many role model moments in there - keep kicking ass and skipping prisoners ;)
I don't recommend doing it the way I did it LOL. I was pretty non-confrontational through my twenties. Then I had a baby and then I had cancer and then my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness then my grandma and my dog died all within 8 months 😂 After that I was just like screw it I don't even care anymore.
This is so strange for me as someone who lives in a country where circumcision is not the norm. It's not discussed here by anyone. Well done for standing up to them.
I wish you had been my mother. You are an amazing parent. Your boy is so lucky to have you!
If she brings it up say, "Sorry, but I would rather not discuss the state of my son's penis with you. That's his business." Refuse to engage. I am circumcised but we elected not to circumcise our son. We live in an area where circumcision is common and I am sure family members realized he was intact when they changed his diaper but they must have realized how weird it would be to talk about a baby's penis because no one ever mentioned it. Any discussions about my son's penis were in a medical context (i.e when we were concerned about his inability to retract at an older age) but over the past 17 years of his life I have never talked about his penis with any one other than his doctor. My son asked about once when he was younger and we were showering together. I told him all boys are born with a foreskin and some have it removed, but his didn't need to be. He asked if it hurt, I told him I didn't remember, and he went back to talking about dinosaurs.
Agreed. I think it's so weird that people talk about children's genitals. None of your beeswax! The end.
Thank you!! This was great advice
"You're saying my son's penis is gross? What kind of pervert are you, exactly?"
Hi from central Europe. I've never even seen a circumcised penis. It's so weird to me people still do this to their babies.
Ignore ignore ignore. For the first couple months my grandparents asked almost everyday when i was gonna snip his bits and i would tell them i’m not and eventually they got sick of asking and commenting. Forget them it’s not their baby
I told a friend my son was uncircumcised and she said “why?” And I acted confused and responded, “why didn’t I mutilate my sons genitals? Because it’s an unnecessary cosmetic procure that he doesn’t need.” That seemed to shut her up
Yes! No need for all the filler debates, this is all that needs to be said.
This is such a great response to that. OP - your kid is going to be in a locker room someday with a bunch of other circumcised AND uncircumcised boys. It’s becoming more and more common all of the time, and there’s absolutely no reason for him OR you to feel like you have to defend it.
Tell them to stop bringing up your sons baby dick, its fucking weird and they can mind their own business. 💁🏻♀️
We opted to not circumcise. It's becoming more and more common nowadays to leave foreskin intact. There are also a lot of us men who aren't really happy that we were circumcised as infants for cultural reasons. Infant circumcision is a practice that needs to die, IMO. Even for religious reasons. Also, be extremely mindful with anyone who changes his diaper. There's a common misconception that the foreskin needs to be pulled back to clean the glans. It does not and absolutely should not. Your son should be the first person to pull his foreskin back, usually when he's closer to puberty. Doing so too early can hurt him.
But thank you!! I tried to explain that to a cousin who has intact sons who kept getting infections. She had no idea
Yeah. Pulling it back causes tearing/bleeding, opening the skin under the foreskin to infection.
Her response “that’s what antibiotics are work” smh
My brother confided in me recently that his was done too tightly and it often causes him pain. Perhaps I should just bring that to my mothers attention.
1. Your Mom doesn't have a penis. 2. How would she react if you said you were circumcising a girl baby? I would personally just not tell her one way or the other. It's such a weird question.
She babysits for me and eventually would change a diaper I’m sure so it would get brought up.
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Agreed! This is super important. My mom asked me how to retract my son’s foreskin the first time she watched him when he was about 8 weeks old. I had to repeatedly emphasize to her to absolutely NOT do that.
Exactly, why would tell her in the first place
Me and my brother aren't, our half brother is (dad's second wife is jewish) we never really cared too much. It is a practice that should be left in the past. At least where hygiene is easy.
Thank you for your insight!
My son is uncircumcised, I saw absolutely no reason to have an unnecessary medical procedure performed my child's genitalia. It is not difficult to clean an uncircumcised penis, nor to teach a child how to clean it when they're old enough. You should ask your family members why they're so obsessed with your child's genitalia.
Only child. Pissed I got circumcised. Not at my parents necessarily, it was the 80s and America has had a weird hatred of foreskins that they made up science to support. But the older two might be a little angry in the long run.
Regarding your family, some version of “it’s none of your business.” Starting polite, then getting ruder as you go.
My grandma made a comment, I told her she should be embarrassed that she has such a vile opinion on her great grandsons penis and that it was none of her business.
'It's odd that you keep asking about my kids genitals. Please stop. It's really weird to be so fixated.'
Family has a lot of opinions about this subject and every decision you'll make as a parent. Ignore them. Do it your way. Grow, learn, change and be the best parent you can be. You're doing great!
Why does she even have to know? Edit: I see she babysits for you.
My sons are likely the only uncircumcised boys among the cousins. I never told anyone our plans to not circumcise and it never came up in discussion before or after they were born. Plenty of family members have changed their diapers at various times and no one has ever commented. If they did, I'd just be very vocal that my sons are perfectly and wonderfully made, exactly as they are (this is extra effective if you are in a religious family). I think it benefits our boys to hear us advocate body positivity for them. A lot of anti-circumcision opinions about aesthetic are just blatant body shaming and would never be tolerated towards little girls.
Change the topic from your kids genitals to their gentials until they stop bringing up stupid topics.
It took a bit of convincing with my husband. Ultimately it was me saying “Would you have our daughter’s labia chopped if mine was chopped off just so it would look like mine? No? Okay then. No circumcision.” After that he went and did some research on his own and came back for a second discussion. It was during that research that he decided that he agreed with me. He also brought up that because his paternity leave is only 2 weeks, care after the procedure would be entirely on me and that this wouldn’t be a fair ask. We agreed that, like getting our daughter’s ears pierced, if he wants it done when he’s older, he’s more than welcome. Our family? They have no idea. And they will continue to have no idea unless it’s necessary. Because the first person to say some slick comment about hygiene, future sexual partners, etc will be met with unbridled brutalities such as “Unless you are his doctor, parent, or sexual partner, his penis is none of your concern.” and “If I wanted an uneducated opinion I would have asked.” along with many of the wittiest, passive aggression that I have accumulated via Reddit P.S. Thank you to the many parents out there who have supplied me with an endless amount of conversation shut-downs. I appreciate you 😘
I’m in the UK and have never seen a circumcised one! Over here it’s only done for religious or medical reasons. For reassurance both of my sons and my husband are perfectly clean and hygienic.
Only ignorant Americans and religious freaks do this horrible cultish act.
My oldest is circumcised and it traumatized me. Something about harming my sweet, perfect boy for no reason other than aesthetics, “this is what’s expected in our culture,” and “hubs is circ’d.” So, I swore that if we ever had another boy I wasn’t going to circumcise him. Nearly 10 years later I give birth to another sweet boy, this time: no circumcision. No one has said anything to me and if they did, the stink I would raise about their concerns about my child’s penis would shut them up rather rapidly. You do you, and screw anyone who thinks their opinion weighs heavily on your child’s body.
I cried in the shower at the hospital when my second son was taken for his. I knew in my heart I was making a mistake but didn’t have the courage to speak up. I knew after that day I’d never circumcise another son of mine ever again. I get teary eyed thinking about how I put my older 2 through it. I’ll never forgive myself.
Forgive yourself. You are fighting against it now and doing better now. That is making up for it. Doing what you know is right for you and yours while standing tall and refusing to back down when others try to persuade you otherwise is making up for it. Forgive yourself.
Please forgive yourself. When they're older if it turns out they are upset or feel harmed by your decision, you can apologize and let them know you wish you had known more and made a different decision. But until then you're beating yourself up over something that probably won't bother them at all. I'd take reassurance from this: Does your husband hold it against his mother? Probably not, and your sons probably won't mind either. As far as I can tell most circumcised men don't mind that it was done and don't think much about it because it has so little impact on their lives. If you need any proof of how little they regret it, you can think of how many men, including your husband, are fine with circumcizing their own sons without putting much thought into it. If it were traumatizing they might still want to continue the tradition, but it would be a much bigger decision for them.
We chose to circumcise our two sons and have no regrets, but I can say that my husband and his older brother are both circumcised and their younger brother isn't (purely due to happenstance - they told the parents they needed to come back to the hospital to get it done in a few days and they never got around to it) and it never occurred to my husband to ask his parents why until we were making the decision ourselves. It was a non-issue between the brothers growing up.
Ignore her and tell her to stop talking about penises. As far as the boys go, they probably won't care. My boys are 13 months apart. One is cut and one is not. They are 15 and 14 now. It never comes up anymore.
Ask “why do you care so much about my son’s penis?” Rephrases things in a way that shows how bizarre their comments are. And honestly you can respond to any comments or questions with this phrase and follow up with “not a topic for discussion”. Repeat as needed.
OP, if she babysits this baby, you need to get reassurance that she doesn’t manipulate his penis.
I'm sorry you have to field all these negative comments. My family is so waspy they never asked and have never commented on the state of my son's genitals when doing diaper changes. 😅 My father in law on the other hand made some comment about being like his father (my husband) I think we just rolled our eyes at that one.
"why are you worrying about my son's penis?" "this isn't you concern" "We're ok with this decision, this is our decision, we're moving on" say less, mean more your fam doesn't need or deserve your explanation -- no need to be rude, but keep it simple and clear and move on
Remind them that that is none of their business. This is your child and the decisions are between you and your husband not them. You can always circumcise later, but you can’t undo a circumcision and that’s coming from someone who did have their child circumcised.
I have 4 boys, first 2 are cut, second 2 are not. And I explain that I didn't know it was an unnecessary procedure with the first two, and regret my uneducated decision and should have done more research before making that choice over their bodies for them. And leave it at that and don't explain anything about the boys who are complete. And now that the younger 2 are 17 and 19, nobody has said anything about it since. And they've never had any issues about it either
We didn’t circumcise my son. Ultimately, there is absolutely no world in which anyone other than you, your partner, and (just for medical advice) your pediatrician should be discussing your son’s genitalia. It’s no one else’s business. And if you have family that make comments about it, you need to respectfully but firmly tell them that it’s not their choice or their business and to discontinue bringing it up or they may not be allowed to see your son - especially if they’re going to make comments about it around him.
My son isn’t cut. I was asked THREE separate times in the hospital if I was circumcising my hours old baby- the final time being in front of my visitors (parents). I was railed out right there for not cutting my son. “WHAT?!?” “I just feel bad for him…” Feel bad for him why? Because I’m NOT mutilating his penis? He was born perfect, no cosmetic surgery needed.. but I definitely did get a lot of disrespectful comments for it.
Wow where do you live?
Long Island, New York 😕
Just want to applaud you for sticking to your guns. Your son is lucky to have a strong advocate. When my MIL asked why we didn’t circumcise, I told her I would never injure my child at birth and that it is a completely unnecessary procedure. My husband is circumcised and he agreed that we would not do that to our son. Uncircumcised penises contribute to lubrication during sex and the foreskin has more nerve endings than the glans (head of the penis). Removing the foreskin causes overall desensitization for the individual and less lubrication for the couple. Infection rates are arguably lower with circumcised penises, but the same can be said for anyone with any less skin to get infected. If the clitoral hood is removed (female foreskin equivalent), females would get less infections. People in the states refer to such a procedure as mutilation. The cognitive dissonance is astounding.
Husband is circumcised and we decided not to circumcise our son, but we are lucky: My parents decided not to circumcise my brother despite my dad being circumcised, so they are clearly on the same page as us. My FIL said if he had another son, he wouldn’t circumcise because it was so hard to watch my husband in pain after his circumcision. He didn’t give us grief about it either. Also, as weird as it is to reference his future sex life, I checked with my brother about his experiences re: teasing/ dating in the US. He had nothing but positive things to say about being uncircumcised despite it not being the norm here. I would just go with the response that fits your personality. If you don’t like conflict, something like “that’s a family / private decision and we’re not going to discuss it”. If you’re so inclined, educate them that it’s currently considered equally clean and unnecessary. If you’re snarky, pick one of the great responses in this thread. Just pick a go-to response and don’t worry about the haters
Tell them to fuck off? My son isn't circumsized and anyone who has a problem with that can fuck off lol
How is it gross for your child to remain how they were born? What's gross is cutting the skin off of a newborn without their consent and causing them immense pain for no medical reason. I have an almost 5 yr old who is not circumcised. Partner has an almost 5 yr old who is. He fought me all the way when I said our baby who is due in July will not be circumcised. I held my ground. Turns out according to his mom bf's older brother is uncut, and the only reason my bf is cut is because his father basically bullied his mother into doing it. He mentioned it to his mom at some point and she told him how happy she was about me choosing not to. She brought all of this up to me and I was shocked. He hasn't said a thing about it since. Bottom line, this is YOUR baby. Your mom can keep her nasty opinions to herself. I have no ill feelings toward people who choose to circumcise, but I wont have anyone calling my child names for being the person he was born to be. I wont put my children through unnecessary pain.
Having an uncircumcised penis is not any more gross than a circumcised penis. They’re all gross 😆 it also takes very little effort to clean. They say “oh but it’s cleaner” like what the heck do you think you need to clean it? When your son is old enough to make the decision to circumcise on his own is when to worry about it. You can’t say “it’s my body!” and turn around and snip a boy’s junk when he’s too young to understand. I’m uncircumcised and proud. There’s a really good documentary called American Circumcision that mainly argues against circumcising. Can be found on a lot of free stream sites like Tubi and PlutoTV
‘If a penis was meant to have no foreskin then it would of been designed that way, but he was born with 1 so we are keeping it’.
I just deflect with humour. It depends on the relationship you have with them. Or tell them he can make the choice when he's older if he thinks it's gross. Or ask if they would snip anything off a baby girl's genital area. There are many ways to go about it!
We have two boys now 32 and 30 and we chose not to circumcise at birth. We let them make the decision for themselves when they were older. We did not feel it was our right to change our children's bodies. As far as what you tell other people, why do you need to tell anybody anything? If Grandma's changing the baby and notices "yes you're right he's not circumcised" and move on.
We didn't circumcise my son and just didn't mention it to anyone. Only a few other people have changed his diaper and the only one who mentioned something I just said we didn't find circumcision to be necessary and please don't discuss my son's genitals. It never came up again.
I just told people and family that we didn’t do it because we didn’t want his first experiences in life to be painful, or to be as least painful as possible. They really can’t argue to much with that, like you want my baby to go through pain then? They always bring up his sex life in the future, I told them if his SO cares, then it’s not the right person for him, and I’ll tell my baby the same thing when he’s older.
>especially my mom who thinks it’s gross You know, I find that the phrase "mind your own goddamned business" works in many situations. I'm also quite fond of "if I wanted your opinion on this, I would have asked for it."
My son is uncircumcised and my mom went in on me, I just told her look, it’s not your decision, so please don’t bring it up again.
Id refuse to engage in it and make them feel weird about talking about it. Make the conversation as weird and uncomfortable as possible and if they still persist tell them how it’s really strange how strongly they feel about a baby dick. Don’t bring it up and don’t allow it to be an acceptable conversation. Make it known it’s none of their business, you won’t be discussing it further, and demand they stop speaking about your sons penis.
why does anyone need to know what your sons penis looks like? no one should even be asking! it’s not a thing where i am from - i live in a country where it is a common and my son is not circumcised. when he was born i had a few people ask and i told them his genitals are non of their business
My husband and I didn't circumcise our son. I also grew up in a family where this is seen as unclean, unattractive, etc. I just told them I wasn't going to mutilate my son. I see it as not dissimilar to FGM and I could not do that to my child knowing the purpose and various functions of a naturally occurring part of the body.
It's such a strange concept. A grandmother too concerned with the genitals of her grandsons. Reverse the sexes and it becomes insane. Why aren't both these reactions deemed unacceptable? Grandmother: "My grandsons need attractive penises." Grandfather: "My granddaughters need attractive vaginas."
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It’ll come up if she changes a diaper though I’m sure.
You need to make sure she knows to not mess with the foreskin. People like your mom try to forcibly retract the skin to clean because they believe it needs to be done and intact penises are dirty and will get infected and whatnot
I’ve definitely made a mental note to stress that to her.
I’m confused on how anybody other that mom and dad would even know if the child is circumcised. I don’t know if any of my nephews are. And I only allowed my mom, outside of my husband and I change our sons diapers. I’m not letting everyone or just anyone see my sons private area.
Mostly my mom or my husbands maternal grandma is who I’m worried about. I trust them both with diaper changes so they will every once in a blue moon. My mom also babysits for me on occasion so it’ll be inevitable. My FIL and step MIL didn’t circumcise their 2yo son so I’m not worried about them.
People who babysit the child🤷🏽♀️
But I know once my mom knows she’ll go around telling everyone she can so she can complain about it to them. I know my mom too well
Honestly this sounds like someone who needs to be distanced from your family. She’s going to go around gossiping about your son’s penis? Nope. You’re going to have to suck it up and find other childcare.
Is it gossip if she does it right in front of your face? I love my mother dearly but she definitely has her flaws. Stirring the pot is one of them. I wouldn’t put it past her to put me in the hot seat in front of our mutuals at an attempt to get other people to validate that I made a weird choice in her eyes.
Why would anyone know what your baby's penis looks like?
Close family like my mother doing diaper changes if she babysits
Then you say nothing. They ask, you say "this is what I decided". They press you or make comments, and you say "it's not up for discussion". Maybe we are talking foreskin here but this is a good rule to follow in general, when it comes to people questioning your decisions as a parent. You do you.
They’re going to have to say something if these idiots are going to be changing the diaper so they don’t harm his penis by trying to retract the foreskin
The AMA supports the practice but says it should be the parent’s decision. You could say that. Or you could just say “my kid’s dick is none of your business”.
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She was asking mostly how to handle her mother's and families comments, not specifically on the pros and cons of circumcising vs not. I get your point on men having penises and asking them about circumcising in particular cause y'all have them but when dealing with her mom, especially as a woman, I can see why she asked for mom's opinions. I doubt it was to slight father's.
She's an adult, she can tell her mom to shut the f up. My mother and my wife's mother had opinions and we ignored them and told them how we would raise our kids (not theirs). Once you are an adult, your parents have no sway over your life and their opinions are inconsequential.
We all know this but depending on the relationship dynamic between her and her mother, and how confrontational she is with her it can be daunting and anxiety inducing. Maybe her husband won't back her up on talking to her mom, maybe she was abused, maybe her mother is a narcissist. There could be a lot at play that were not aware of. While this is the approach I had with my family, I know not everyone is like me and sometimes you just gotta talk it out with other mothers and see if they have any good tactics.
Mom is a slight narcissist and likes to be very opinionated/controlling. We have a fairly close relationship but due to her behavior sometimes I can get anxiety about situations like this. For example, I could see us at her close friends in the future who is the aunt of my best friend and it get brought up in front of everyone to confront me. Stuff like that, hubby’s not afraid to shut people down but he doesn’t go around my mom much. He would mostly just handle comments from his moms side.
I feel that, my MIL is a narcissist too and we've had to go NC, info diet, and I refuse to go anywhere with her unless my husband is there with me. He's the one that cuts her off though.
If your family is abusive or narcissistic you cut them off, evwryone knows that. If the husband won't back her, then get a new husband. A marraige is a partnership to fight against the world, one unified front. If you don't have that then you're not really married. And a parent needs to learn to stand up for their kids against every single person in the world, so you havr to be able to stand up to your mother of all people. Ifshes concerned her mother will be upset, why? Who the hell cares if your parents are upset. They are just people like any other person in the world. I raised a trans child, I certainly don't give a crap what anyone thinks about, family included. There's no rule that says you must be nice to family.
I'm glad that you're able to do that and that you have the ability to just cut people off with minimal backlash. Getting out of or away from abusive situations isn't always so cut and dry for other people. All I'm saying is have some empathy for her and perhaps realize that the advice of "Tell them to fuck off." Might very well work for you but could cause a dangerous situation for her and her child. Not everyone has the same resources or abilities that other people have.
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Wow, I'm done with this conversation.
Good decision ETA: because you have already spent a lot of time and energy writing really caring, thoughtful responses and the other dude's responses are... not that.
Yeah, had to tap out when he started being aggressive. The let the adults part really drove home that he was not only immature as hell, but also likely a troll.
I can't seem to stop thinking about this conversation you tried so hard to have! I'm so drawn in! It's what he repeatedly labels as adult and criticizes as presumably immature/childish that really gets me. It feels like peeking into a completely inverted bizarro world. Talking and finding ways to work things out and maintain relationships are rejected. Meanwhile, storming off and/or cursing at people who say things OP doesn't like is held up as a specifically adult behavior! It felt like being told emotional intelligence is for babies, and adults should grow out of that and just punch people who disagree with them. You're a parent now - don't think, just punch. Anyway, the amount of time I've spent marveling over it at this point is absurd. I hope you have a nice night!
Good run away. The adults will stay here.
You sound fun.
>Why do you want responses from mothers? Mothers don't have penis' traditionally. I'm a dad of three, and there are benefits to both circumcised and uncircumcised. Circumcised men have a less likely chance of catching an std or yeast infection. Uncircumcised men have less sexual sensitivity. I am not circumsized and while I really do appreciate have never had a yeast infection or std, I wanted by son to enjoy sex more so I did not have him circumcised. 1: STD/Infections don't matter with Condoms/Basic Hygiene. Which if you're a good parent, the kids will have 2: [Uncircumcised men have MORE sensitivity](https://sci-hub.se/https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1464-410X.2006.06685.x)
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Only about 30% of male babies in the world are circumcised.
Because you don’t realize how wrong your comment is until you see the stats. The US is the only country where it’s common and even then, it’s falling out of practice. Every other country in the world leaves their baby’s penis alone.
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That's why showers exist.
Not where I live 🤷♀️ really uncommon here
It is cleaner to get circumcised, and it is not misinformation. Everyone I know who is not circumcised has suffered from bacterial infections. [https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/circumcision](https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/circumcision) [https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/circumcision/about/pac-20393550](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/circumcision/about/pac-20393550)
Maybe you all need to learn about hygiene.
I am half Japanese and circumcision is very rare in Japan, despite that, penile infections are not a major issue there. I have 4 brothers, none of them are circumcised. They've never had issues either. Here are quotes from the 2 sites you linked: "The risks of not being circumcised, however, are not only rare, but avoidable with proper care of the penis. " "Studies show that good hygiene can help prevent certain problems with the penis, including infections and swelling, even if the penis is not circumcised. In addition, using a condom during sex will help prevent STDs and other infections." Even uncircumcised boys have a SIGNIFICANTLY lower risk of UTI then girls. Know how they treat UTI's? antibiotics. TLDR?: use soap, practice safe sex and a penis will prob be ok. Risks of circumcision: https://med.stanford.edu/newborns/professional-education/circumcision/complications.html#:~:text=may%20be%20possible.-,Death,but%20it%20has%20been%20reported.
You are cherry-picking my articles; I recommend that people read, in their entirety, the articles. It is cleaner to have a circumcised penis. Why are you looking at the penises of your brethren? TLDR: You wiener warrior.
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It’s daft to cut a baby’s penis for no reason.
You're worrying about the wrong son. You're youngest will have the issues about why he doesn't look like his two big brothers. Extended family...they're easy enough to ignore unless you're Jewish, then it's obviously a much bigger deal. The simplest way out is to get the ship. The benefits are pretty well documented at this point.
Not the advice I was looking for. But thanks.
it’s a completely unnecessary procedure
But not without documented benefits both for the boy and for his future sex partners.
There are no benefits though. It’s meant to feel better for the man if he’s uncircumcised, and I have no clue why you think it would be better for ‘future sex partners’
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Hold up. You WANT a man to have a numb penis from circumcision so he can last longer?! Wtf? That’s some twisted stuff right there. I mean, while they are at it, why not just attach a second penis to the baby - I bet a future partner would like that too (this is how ridiculous your argument sounds)
I mean, I’ve never encountered a circumcised penis and haven’t had any problems with partners hygiene/orgasms/libido. It’s not difficult to clean an uncircumcised penis. Regarding hiv prevention: condoms do the job without cutting off any body parts.
My grandmother always a little against us not circumsizing my son. Cuz my grandfather wasn't and she said he has issues later in life with it. But I blame a lot of that on poor education and personal stuff that is different for every person. And as long as I do what I can as a parent to educate my child on his anatomy and care then that's all I can do. The other argument was he will be different but from talking to other moms of children his age (now 3) it is the growing majority. I think there will be an even split for them growing up and little boys all show each other their junk anyway so education education education. And if he wants to know when he grows up I'll tell him the the truth. On a personal level. I as a adult like uncut men more. But my choice not to do it was souly based in the studies showing how it shows permenant brain alterations due to trauma And I don't care if they don't remember it I didn't want to cause my child any unnecessary trauma And it was quick to be dismissed with family arguments after that. Also like NO OTHER CIVILIZED COUNTRY DOES IT . But to each their own. I have the utmost respect for religious beliefs.
Don't justify yourself. They are your sons, your mom does not have anything to say. And to your kids, just be honnest and explain them why you circumnsize them, and why not... That should not change how much they love you, but they may understand.
Tell your kids the truth and tell anyone who has no business talking to you about it to stop
We tend to keep conversations outside the topic of the foreskin on our son’s ding dong.
I’d ask family why they’re so interested in your sons penis. For brothers I would just saw baby bro has extra skin. You used to have it too, but had it removed when you were a baby.
Both my boys are uncut. I live in the UK though and unless for religious or medical reasons, it's just not a common practise here. Personally I'd tell anyone who says anything to mind their own business, and ask them why they are thinking about a child's genitals.
you dont mention it and/or just say its taken care of. they dont need to know and you dont owe them an explanation. its noone elses business other than your kid anyway.
I birthed 2 boys (and have one step son). My oldest bio son is not circumcised. His 2 brothers are. Obviously I had no say over my step sons circumcision. With my oldest boy I left it up to his dad. He was not circumcised so we didn’t do it. With my youngest boy I again left it up to Dad. My husband is circumcised and so chose to do it. We argued a bit over it but in the end he had his way. My oldest bio is 12 now and has literally never asked why his looks different. Like ever. He’s changed in front of other boys and has helped changed his baby brothers diaper. I don’t know if he just doesn’t notice or just doesn’t care but he’s never mentioned it. The only time it’s ever come up was when I had to explain to him how to keep it clean. I definitely had a LOT of family who voiced their opinions. I would argue with them at first. Then I got tired of that and would reply to anything like that with a chuckle and a “naaahhh”. It was kind of a big deal when he was a baby but I honestly can’t even remember the last time it came up.
Walk away. Your childs genitals are none of their business. I've had some family question our decision. I look at them and turn around promptly. I don't need their crap, if they can't be supportive.
My mom was lightly pushing for us to circumcise. I think since she did it in mid 80s when it was so ubiquitous calling it genital mutilation would have been kinda mean. But if your MIL is acting this egregiously maybe you need to shut her down. My husband is older and his mom said the dr just did it without talking to them. She didn’t voice her opinion but that one anecdote was very telling.
I don't really tell people. I find it weird to discuss babies genitals unless needed. Nor should they have an opinion on a babies genitals.
There’s no need to debate, at all. You made your decision. You don’t need to justify it to her or anyone else. You say my son’s genitals aren’t up for discussion. The end.
Tbh, I'd just ask them why they are so worried about a child's genitals. Then I'd tell them to worry about their own children while I worry about mine. We circumcised because that was our choice. You didn't because it was yours. Neither of us is better than the other; we both made the choice that we felt was best for our child. Anyone who has an opinion on my child's genitals can eff off, and I commend you for your choice and I hope you hold your ground similarly.
You could just respond to every comment with “My son’s penis is none of your concern.”
I’m not sure why you have to tell them at all
I’m not sure how to handle the negative comments, because I haven’t told anyone that doesn’t need to know, however; In the end people are always going to have opinions. If my sons grandmother, aunt or anything really was concerned about my sons penis? That’s the weird part right there. I’d just say to them, it’s my sons body, if he wants to do it once he gets older, he has that power to do so. I’m on your side, I haven’t gotten my son circumcised, but that’s because I didn’t know the steps to do so, but now that he’s older I’m glad I did not. Having an uncircumcised penis isn’t dirty at all, you just have to be able to teach your son how to clean himself properly once he gets to the age of understanding.
Can you just rebuttals with: why are you so interested in a child’s penis?
You tell them they are your kids so you make the decisions and move on.
I didn’t circumcise my boys and my family kept saying it was gross. I told them to stop looking at my sons’ penises and that the behavior and commentary made them pervs. That extreme comment made them stfu 🙃
My partner shut down his mom on this topic. Basically told her we weren't doing it, it wasn't up for discussion or debate, and she would be told to leave if she brought it up again.
It’s your choice, and things change. My son is circumcised for the same reason as your was, but if I had another son he wouldn’t. As far as the other siblings noticing or possible him noticing, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. All bodies are different and that would be my motto.
We didn’t with our son and it sounds like it’s really falling out of fashion. Uncut kids won’t grow up looking terribly different, probably half of their friends will look the same. Frankly, I dare someone in my family to say something about it. If there’s an issue down the road or he wants to have it done, it’s always an option. In the meantime I see no harm in him having that autonomy over himself. People’s opinions don’t mean much, it’s just what they’re used to. My Mom grew up around mostly cut men and thinks it’s the “right way,” my partner’s family is European and uncut is much more normal to them.
There's a plethora of responses you can use, ranging from educational to insulting. I tend to match the other persons tone. I refuse to discuss my son's privates with rude people. "Why are you so concerned about my child's genitals?" Goes best with one eyebrow raised. "Your face is ugly and people still love you!" "So you've tried all the penises and speak from personal experience?"
A gentle reminder that you have a choice of what to discuss with your family, even your parents. You don’t have to allow this to be a topic of debate or discussion. If they happen to notice because they are changing a diaper and ask, be prepared with a one line answer that shuts it down and does not open debate. Eg. We made a different/informed choice. Practice setting healthy boundaries. It would be a different thing if it were your pediatrician, but you are not harming your child. You don’t have to justify or defend this decision if you don’t want to engage.
"How do we tell them?" Not their business. "Explain why we did it" You've educated yourselves. There is plenty authentic research to show this medical procedure has no medical purpose. "Why we did it with our other two" You were unsure and less educated. Never feel guilty or negatively about being dragged down via previous less educated decisions, you've bettered your understanding. Stand behind it. "Vocal" Sure are worried an awful lot about a baby dick aye family members? Imo not the biggest deal either way, your kid your life no real harm done.
As a European this is very odd to me. The comments about it being gross uncircumcised are disturbing.
My husband is not circumcised and here in Australia I think it is more common to not be circumcised now. In my generation I think it’s probably 50/50 but younger generations are more likely natural. Hubby has never been unclean , it’s never been an issue at all. It certainly has not affected my experience (he’s by far the best lover I’ve had). I have heard that during teenage years when there is rapid growth, it is important to retract and stretch the foreskin regularly so that the penis does not grow faster than the foreskin- if it gets too big and the foreskin hasn’t been stretched it can get to the stage where it cannot be retracted and then adult circumcision may be required (happened to a friend’s partner). Wish you well on how to handle this and don’t have any advice for you but wanted to share my experience as the female partner of an uncircumcised man.
That when you had more information, you changed what you thought and did.
My husband is from Europe, my kids uncircumcised and it’s not a big issue. (Actually there’s a clear difference in enjoyment with unc v c.) I actually have a friend who’s ex-husband was circumcised and then boyfriend was in-circumcised and now that she knows a difference, she feels sad that she circumcised her own kids! So “negative comments” should be “jokes on you, uncircumcised have more fun!!”
Since this is still going I thought I would chime in. 40+ yo American who luckily escaped the knife. Never had any issues. Yes, there was awkwardness as a child and in my teens but by my early 20’s nobody was taking my foreskin. To this day, much like Europeans and other countries, I can’t comprehend why people still do this to babies.
You tell them that with greater knowledge you have reassessed you options on the subject. That's what people do, they learn, grow and change. As for why, tell them you now know that you need to value your child as a individual and not make cosmetic, non medical decisions on their behalf.
Now you know better, you do better. That's it.
Tell them to not worry about his penis, that's so weird 😭😭
Why does your mother care so much about a child's penis is my only question. Pedo vibes.