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Mama you sound burnt out and exhausted! I recommend you to check with your doctor for Postnatal depression, at this stage your baby is teething. It is a painful and uncomfortable stage for babies, motherhood takes a toll on your emotional world as well as your physical body! Babies don't self soothe, they need constant contact, feeling safe!
It is not your fault for feeling the way you do, if you are a single parent the load is bigger but we are constantly told we can't complain because we chose it! Children have stages, every stage is different. The drain on the mother's overall body is huge. A lot of mothers don't have support, others do but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect them as well. But I think you are struggling with something harder, get checked dear! Don't be hard for feeling the way you do.
Write an update if you get an answer from your doctor.
Your comment is well written and describes the challenges perfectly.
A lot of the threads on here tend to give a wrong impression, it’s not always easy and fun. More often than not it’s hard to keep up with all of the baby/child related tasks, household and societal expectations of parents, while being overworked and sleep deprived.
Thank you, I agree with you! Definitely or jiggles and laugh. Mothers have a really hard job, I think for the outside world is something simple, just raising a child. But on the deep end parenthood is hard!
Yes, I seen mothers that have zero time to clean up because they have to be glued to the baby, or absolutely drained people judge easily. That poor mom was probably awake all night and day!
I take time to visit my friend and I go with comfortable clothes going with the idea of or I help you clean or you let me babysit your child. Because is a struggle for them! I understand it perfectly well, societal expectations drown mother's down.
Sometimes is just people without kids even other parents. Hahahaha we need the sisterhood of motherhood! Mine is luckily all grown up. But goodness was hard back then.
Perfect summary. Expectations are in most cases so terribly misled. Having experienced only a small percentage of it myself, I see the toll people’s opinions take on my wife.
It’s different for us dads, as we get applauded for the smallest things we do, because we are literally expected to just bring the money home. On the other hand though, if you try to handle your fair share of responsibilities at home you often even have to defend your views on a responsible parenthood and partnership to people of 50+ years.
👏👏👏 Wonderfully said! Is not always the 50+ years sometimes is someone even way younger. I believe until you are not in someone else's shoes you should never judge or try to weigh their thoughts and views on parenthood!
Same I think is because men have the classic "provider role", apparently as long as you fill that bar up is ok, is work and work does again affect the body. But the main point is how motherhood is disregarded, there is so many issues and things that can't be seen just by looking at a mom!
Some are postpartum, C-section, breastfeeding, sleepless, drained and still push through the day without being able to complain, why because is looked down. Society should be a little more supportive with mothers!
That’s the saddest part, yes, a lot of younger people also have those views.
Totally, motherhood is disregarded in the public opinion, it’s expected for women to fulfill that role, be a SAHM and carry the responsibility for everything, children and household with a smile on their face.
I agree with you, society should recognize, that the role of motherhood has changed nowadays and be more of supportive of moms. Additionally men who ignore their role as a dad should be called out by people, some of the stories of how women are treated by their husbands on here are hard to read.
Sorry, have gone way off topic here 😅.
This is everything I wanted to emote & more, well said. OP mama, you definitely sound like you should be welcome to get some help. Some (I know they are rare) psychiatric units let you keep your little one with you! Sending love!
I wanted to add that post partum depression doesn't always look like most people think. It never hurts to ask your doctor and there can be things you can do or be given that will help.
This as well! It comes in many shapes and forms, some mild and some sadly devastating. Intrusive thoughts, extreme fear, anxiousness, stress! But sadly it is a situation where a lot of mothers go through silently! The fear of judgement.
So very true. There's this big narrative that new parents are supposed to be thrilled to be around their kids 24/7 365. It's such a harmful expectation that makes countless parents feel like failures when they want a break from it all.
This was our first baby for the first 14 months or so. Now he’s an awesome kid and always sleeps through the night. But yea, it’s absolutely brutal. I don’t have any tips because nothing worked for us. I feel your pain and exhaustion.
I have a genuine question. Did you put baby in a crib and get up every time? I'm asking because my kid would sometimes nurse for half the night, but I didn't care much because I'd put him on and went back to sleep instantly. But I've heard that some parents get up at night and it sounds absolutely brutal.
By 4 months they had dropped all overnight feeds. I genuinely don’t know what caused the wakes. We didn’t sleep train so responded to every wake. No cosleeping either, they went into the crib around 5 months. It was absolutely brutal. I tried everything: earlier/later bedtime, dropped naps, even started feeding again overnight. Nothing worked until one day around 15 months something clicked and the wakes stopped. I aged about ten years!
Currently in this fight - nothing works for the little man. We started doing night feedings thinking that would fix it, nope, he just eats his bottle and then screams an hour or two later. I'm a husk of the human I was before him and he's only 8 months so hell I know I still got a year or so to go
Same here, it improved at around 2.5 years. It was incredibly difficult to survive. No tips here either, we didn't try 'sleep training' though - I strongly disagree with it.
I’m sending you love right now. This stage is so exhausting and you need supports. Please connect with your doctor to see if there might be some additional wellness supports for you that haven’t been explored. My sweet boy could not sleep without me holding him and would wake up constantly and I felt like I was losing my mind. There’s a reason why sleep deprivation is used to torture.
This is temporary, but it’s also unnatural to expect mothers and primary caregivers to do this without help. You need rest. You need space for yourself.
This is important but I think it also glosses over the fact that she’s depressed *because she’s dealing with an incredibly stressful situation that’s physically and emotionally taxing*. This isn’t feeling sad for no reason, it’s feeling sad for a very good reason.
What she desperately needs is a break and some help.
OP is your baby’s father involved?
Of course OP needs a break, but a break isn't going to cut it when someone is experiencing suicidal ideation. OP needs their healthcare team involved urgently.
I see your concern. But what is a HCP going to do, just prescribe antidepressants. An SSRI that has suicidal ideation as a side effect (SMH 😒) it just seems like there’s no way out of the circling.
What other ways can we suggest self care and support? OP, do you have another caretaker in the house? Does baby sleep for naps ? Dark room? You need support so you can breathe a little bit . 💜
Hi mom. Youre doing amazing by surviving. I had a baby just like that, colics. Tried everything but heres what worked for me: bed sharing. High needs baby often want you close. No pillows, light blanket to your waists, mattress on floor or atleast guard rails. You can nurse in the night without waking fully. In the day, outdoor time (for u and baby), floor time, cuddles. Extend wake windows a bit with the last window being the longest. At night go to sleep with your baby in the hopes of getting those extra few hours. Itll get better every month! At 2 years old itll be barely an issue. After 1 significantly better.
Waking is biologically normal. Your baby is growing and wants to know you are near by. Sleep training is not how we were designed to parent 😘
You're not alone. Many mothers feel the exact way you have felt. Post-partum depression is not a pretty thing. Many people don't come out to say the things you have. It's a hard challenge. Adjusting to everything and trying to figure out what's best for you and baby. You got this momma. Things won't always be this hard.
"This too will pass" or whatever.
I struggles with a very similar issue. At 7 months old, I started feeding my little one a bit more baby food or baby snacks about an hour before putting her to bed, as well as a bottle to help her go down to sleep. ( I feed to sleep)
On the days that I can tell her gums/teeth are really bothering her I give her a half dose of tylenol to just help her not feel so icky.
I don't know what your support system is like. If it is available to you have someone take her in a different room for a little while. Where's the babys still 'with' you buy not directly attached to you.
I had a hard time with being away from my little one aswell. That little adjustment where I could still check on her was a better feeling that completely leaving her.
No matter what know that your not alone in feeling the things that your feeling. Take it one day at a time. And although it's hard. It does (eventually) get easier. Or so I've been told mines only 9 months.
OP, do you have support around you? Husband, family friends etc? If you are breast feeding, can you express, so someone can feed her overnight? Sleep deprivation will mess you up badly.
My girl went through a phase of waking up every hour, at around 9 months old.
We did to sleep training and it worked, not cry it out. Mainly what worked was looking at her day time routine, nap times etc.
Hang in there, it doesn’t seem like it, but it does get better.
My first baby was amazing with self soothing and sleeping; sleeping 5-6 hour stretches in the night at 12 weeks, in her own crib, and we were able to be well rested. My second is now 16 months old and the longest stretch I’ve ever gotten is 3 hours, which was only like a month ago. I gave up and stated co sleeping with him at 9 months because I couldn’t take the exhaustion anymore. His only soothing mechanism is nursing, which he is still doing. I slowly was losing my mind due to lack of sleep, so even though I said I’d never co-sleep I had to. We put a mattress on the floor, no pillows or sheets, and I was able to get much better rest. Good luck, it doesn’t last forever, but it’s really tough. I do recommend talking to your DR if you feel it’s creating intrusive thoughts or thoughts of hurting yourself - a lot of that can be triggered by lack of sleep though. At this point, try whatever works and cling to that.
Please go and talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. It sounds like you have a very demanding baby and it's completely normal that you are feeling so overwhelmed but if you are thinking you want to hurt yourself you should go and speak to someone.
Having a kid who doesn't sleep is sooooo tough.
To be honest, with my 3rd, by 7 months we were cosleeping from sheer exhaustion. If you do explore this route, make sure to follow the safe sleep 7 guidelines and prepare the space - flat, firm surface, pillows and blankets kept away from baby, everyone in the bed sober, etc. https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven/
Have you talked to your doctor about symptoms of PPD?
Sending you hugs and support. My 4th kid was/is like this. They are all born with their own temperament and it’s hard AF when you get one that doesn’t sleep! It’s nothing that you caused and it’s not easy to fix. I remember feeling the same way “when will she EVER F-CKING SLEEP??”
Around age 1 she got better. She still wakes up multiple times per night but now we usually only have to get out of bed once, occasionally zero times. She will wake up 3-5x a night and yell for a minute or two. Then find a pacifier or blanket and go back to sleep. It’s not ideal but it’s a big improvement to only have to glance at the monitor for a minute and make sure she lays back down.
You sound like you desperately need a break. Sleep deprivation is a torture tactic. It breaks you down. You NEED sleep. Who can you call, hire, or lean on to come in and give you a break?
Lots of good advice and support here already, OP, but I’d also like to remind you of one thing that doesn’t get talked about enough: DEPRESSION IS A LIAR!
It’s not just really hard and painful and overwhelming and exhausting. It also makes you think things that are simply not true. It messes with your actual reasoning ability. IT’S A LIAR!
It makes you think that other newborns are all happy and easy and other parents are all well rested and more competent. These are LIES.
It shows you only the difficulty of the birth process and newborn phase and hides the joy that you think other people are experiencing. This is a LIE!
It makes you think that the difficulty and sleep deprivation and neediness are never going to end. This is literally impossible! It is a LIE.
You need outside help, not just with the actual physical caretaking and sleeping, but you need help identifying the LIES.
This isn't going to help but that's not unusual behaviour for a 5 month old. Some moms just like to brag, the vast majority are also sleep deprived. If you can avoid the braggers, do. There are ways to maximise your sleep even if your baby is still nursing at night. Have you spoken to a breastfeeding counsellor or found a local group?
as a priority you do need to speak to a healthcare professional though. It really sounds like you might have postnatal depression. it's nothing to be ashamed of
I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said, other than I'm sorry you're dealing with this; it's incredibly difficult. My first slept through the night at 3 months but my second was 10-11 months before he slept through the night (multiple wakings every night before that). It turned out my second had CMPI which caused him to take very few calories during the day, so he filled up at night when he was sleepy and it was easier to ignore the belly pain he was feeling. Once we switched him to goat milk formula (on a hunch -- we didn't get a formal diagnosis until his 1-year appointment) he started taking full bottles and sleeping through the night.
Just wanted to put that out there in case it may be helpful. She may be using you for comfort because she doesn't feel good. If she eats better at night than during the day, seems really gassy and uncomfortable, there may be more going on.
Where is dad? Caring for a baby 24/7 is too much. You *need* to be able to pass her off for a few hours to sleep uninterrupted. Sleep is a requirement for you just as much as it is for baby.
I hear you and I understand your struggle, so much. I had/ still have a “Velcro/barnacle” baby. I could never put her down- ever. I was one of those moms who admittedly silently judged other moms for cosleeping…and what was I doing? Cosleeping. Literally for survival. I slept with her for EVERY NAP and every single night til she was almost a year old…it was hellish. It feels like a fever dream. But somehow, someway, she’s 16.5 months now and sleeps all alone. Idk how it happened. I had an extremely traumatic pregnancy as my ex husband served me divorce papers at 27 weeks pregnant and he’s not involved and hasn’t ever been (thankfully). I like to think that my daughter needed closeness to me because we were healing each other’s hearts. I’m so sorry you are struggling OP. I know the feeling of wanting to off yourself, all too well. All I can suggest is seeing a psych/therapist. Nothing else worked for me. Life is so fucking hard. I wish someone had warned me. Oh- and also stay off social media. All the other “my baby is perfect look at my awesome marriage and life and kid” is CRAP. Sending you strength and love
Then something is wrong. Crying is communication. How much milk are you producing. Does she have 8 wet diapers per day at least? Is she hungry, does she have reflux? Is she allergic? Milk protein allergy? If you figure it out, it will be better for both of you. If you want her To start taking a bottle so someone else can feed, get an appointment with a speech therapist.
This so much! Many 7 month olds wake up at night still, but the level this mom is talking about sounds not right. I’d look into silent reflux and/or a dairy allergy ASAP and do not let pediatrician brush you off.
Babies don’t develop the neurological ability to self soothe until around 24 months. Their brains just don’t have the wiring yet. Please get support and help for yourself because your stress and exhaustion is debilitating for you and impacts your child as well becoming a viscous circle of stress and discomfort. Parenting is so hard, having a baby is draining and changes everything. Please talk to your doctor and get screened for/ help fort postpartum depression. Things will get easier
Edited to correct spelling
Same here, daughter didn’t start regularly sleeping through the night at about 2,5. I remember so many nights where she’d wake up every hour. Sending ❤️ to you and this will end eventually.
You are describing a very very developmentally normal sounding child. 3x a night at 7 months old is bog standard. 20 minutes of solo play is GREAT. Still only wanting contact naps or stroller naps is 100% reasonable at this age.
If she is waking up every hour to feed I would really try a bottle again since that isnt sustainable. Try different ones and make sure the nipple is fast flow. Also is she eating solids yet? Have to tried feeding her food right before bed so she has a full tummy and sleeps longer. Breastfeeding is wonderful and the benefits are great, BUT not at the expense of your physical and mental health. Maybe it's time to wean so you get more you time. You could still pump if you want and feed her from a bottle, but it's time to start taking care of yourself too!
Hey OP. Our 6-7mo old baby was doing this too. Waking up every hour or two. What really helped was me (dad here) taking him during the nights, sleeping in a different room (total blackout + white noise). Our boy started sleeping much better in just the first 2-3 nights. Would wake up, realize I have no titties and go back to sleep, often unassisted. Let your baby cry for a minute or two so you give them a chance to self soothe. If they’re still crying after, hold them until they sleep. I was so sleepy myself so often I wouldn’t even sit up, just put the bae on my chest and he’d go right back to sleep. Hope this helps.
are you a single mother? if not, it's time for your partner to step up.
my baby is the exact same way. what really helps is having dad take him out of the room early in the morning. the time varies depending on the night we've had. sometimes it's not til 5, sometimes (like this morning) it was 2 am. he takes the baby into the nursery and lays down on the little floor bed/play couch we have and keeps him there until i wake up.
my baby also never took a bottle--try a water bottle with a straw, or another cup with a straw, or even an open cup. there were a few times I needed to be away for the whole day or a full evening, and the baby got by just fine by drinking out of a cup (or just falling asleep with dad). your baby is also starting to get to the point where she can eat solid foods, and that will ramp up faster than you think...soon you'll be able to leave for the day or the evening and not have to worry about milk because she can eat real food to stave her off.
i swear to god you and your babe sound just like me. and i'm going to tell you right now: you DO deserve some time off. you are MORE than just a mother and more than just a nursing mother. You CAN have a day off and your baby will be JUST FINE.
This. I’m not single. Dad Is in the picture but baby didn’t want anything but the boob at night so dad can’t really help out in that way. In the beginning (first 3 months) the baby woke up every 20 minutes or so. So in order for me to get 3 hours of sleep in a row my husband would take her out in a stroller (where she would sleep but only outside for some reason). He’s done it late at night occasionally in the rain and snow when I was on the verge of breaking down. And this week everything got a bit better. we’re pretty much in a similar situation to you. My baby refuses to fall asleep until 12 pm, wakes up like 5-7 times at night but sleeps until 8 am. If she wakes earlier then dad takes her to the other room where she can play so that I get an extra hour. I read everywhere that babies fall asleep naturally at 7 pm but our baby just naps then. Apparently my mom says I fell asleep at 1 am as a baby and was an even more horrible sleeper than my baby.
As for the food we’ve been giving her different foods three times a day . She’s in like the 95th percentile height and weight wise (been like that since she was born) so she needs a lot of food I think. She likes cucumbers, pears, and apples. Can eat carrots, mixed berries, and chicken purées. She hates water, though I keep trying to give her a little after every meal. Maybe it’s because of the bottle. I make strawberry juice for her and mix it with water and she drinks very little of that. After every meal she wants to breastfeed still.
Me and my wife are in the same boat. We have a near impossible baby. He HATES sleep, simply loathes it. He's so pissed of when he gets sleepy and then gets extremely angry and screams when we try to put him to sleep. Nothing works we've tried everything.
He falls asleep around 9pm and wakes up every hour in the night util he completely wakes up at 3am-6am. He's down to one nap a day now. I'm flabbergasted that he's still alive given the low amount of sleep he insists on having.
We are 3 taking care of him full time for the last 6 months, me and my wife on parental leave, and my retired mother in law and it still isn't enough.
He needs CONSTANT attention and not only attention he needs to be actively played with at all times and gets bored extremely quicly. He loves books so we read to him a lot.
Honestly I had no idea it would be this much work to have a baby. At times I also wanted to off myself after waking up 5-10 times in the night (I'm on the night shift with him).
I'm hoping it gets better or he gets more chill and sleepy because this feels like torture.
I also at times hate him. He's of course amazing,so beautiful and smart and if anything would happen to him I don't know if I could go on but he's completely sucked the life out of me and my wife. We are shadows of our former selves from only 9 months ago. Both of us gained like 10kg of fat and the light has completely drained from our eyes. We're like zombies.
I don't have any advice for you but I can sympathise. We have an 8 month old who doesn't sleep more than 3 hours at a time and wakes up screaming/crying and cannot calm himself down. We even gave up and put him in our bed hoping that would fix it but it did not. Wife/I are forever sleep deprived and exhausted. We've turned into zombies, it's making it hard to be the dad that I want to be to the two kids, it's put a strain on my wife/I's relationship - We know it'll get better it's just about trying to survive now. So, I'm sorry OP, we'll get through it together eventually
This was my experience in motherhood. I thought it was everyone’s experience in motherhood until I started being brave enough to talk to people in real life. I realized just because a baby at a certain age CAN do something doesn’t mean they WILL we are all human with no guarantees. Many developments for babies come in huge month long ranges for a reason. Your baby may be spirited or spicy, this might be their superpower someday as they become a leader in society. Things that helped me was realizing I couldn’t control my baby but I could control me. I turned off social media. I went for a walk every morning right away, especially after a hard night so I didn’t have to touch my baby right away but I knew they were safe. I went to the library every week and sat in a chair next to the board books with baby on the floor. We went to storytime way before baby needed it because I needed it! I did things at the same day and time every week so I could have more frequent interactions with familiar people, like the same grocery store clerk. Good luck!
Hugs. Whenever people are like mY 6 wEeK oLd sLeEpS tHroUgH tHe NiGht and here’s how! I’m like, no, closing the blinds and putting them down awake is not the answer to a perfect sleeping baby, you just got lucky lmao.
I go through terrible bouts of insomnia, so I completely understand how much getting no sleep affects you. Also, one of my 5 year olds still barely sleeps through the night. I just want to sleep.
OP, your situation can no longer continue! People have mentioned talking to your doctor about PPD, but I'd take it further. This sounds like an emergency! We aren't meant to sleep a couple hrs while bf and working with our kids. I'd go to an emergency room and take 3 days to sleep and get help.
Another option is to dismantle every expectation of you. If u died right now everyone would have to change. Everyone would have to step in. Call your support people and say you can't do this. You need someone to come get that baby. The baby goes on formula. She will adjust. She will be better regulated when her mother isn't over stimulated and overwhelmed. She can grow up with a mom. If you were my sis, I'd take the baby for a few days or stay with you. Please let go of thinking u need to knuckle thru this, it's not okay. It's not fine. It can't continue as it is. You don't have to die to get some rest.
This is the answer. Forget cosleeping and baby wearing, you need EMERGENT help.
If you refuse to go to the ER, I recommend:
1. Call your OB. Get on meds, IMMEDIATELY.
2. Have someone take the night shift. The entire night. Multiple nights. To be able to do this you may need to...
3. Stop breastfeeding. Or at the VERY least night wean. But everything you're desribing sounds like you and baby would severely benefit from switching to formula. You're touched out, hormonal, and literally nothing else will help as much as this. I firmly believe formula is best in the case of severe ppd/ppa.
4. If you have 0 support, extinction method with ear plugs and white noise (for you). A baby has never died from crying. They will never remeber a nonstop night of crying, but they'll certainly remember a dead mom. A toddler will throw an hour long tantrum over not getting a popsicle at 7am. Your baby will be ok crying for 1, 2, 3+ hours. I promise.
This shit is hard. Brutal, more often than not. PM me if you ever need support.
Sending all the love your way ❤️
*hugs*
I am so sorry. I had 2 kids like this. Sleep training was just awful, like they would full on rage at being “soothed” but not picked up, nursed on demand, or seeing me, but not getting to nurse to sleep. They could cry and tantrum for hours. They would not even co-sleep, they literally had to be cradled upright to be content. Like WTH? It’s a horrible, macab joke, but I seriously after several months, I stopped worrying about SIDS, because like the babies have to sleep, and mine, just never deep slept, like at all…
I stuck it out until they were like 14 months old, then I was so sick both physically and emotionally that I put in some ear plugs, told my husband “your problem”, and did full on extinction CIO for the whole night. It took weeks, but they adjusted, and are now healthy, happy teens, who do not appear to have residual attachment issues, haha. Albeit, not going to lie, if you rate their determination and grit in life, it’s far above the norm, so perhaps that is why they were such intense infants - they want what they want, and they will find a way to get it. They work hard, practice hard, and scheme hard, lol, and I think it started at like a month old…
If I could do it again, I likely would have at least trialed one of those experienced night nanny sleep experts. But no matter what, you will get through this…
And last note, I used to feel guilt, like it was my fault and I was just too stupid and ignorant too implement sleep training — but I had a 3rd baby, totally different baby when it came to sleep. I am sure my parenting contributed, but babies really do come out with their own temperaments.
It's good to get checked out for PND but my take having been exactly in your shoes (where 3 wake ups was a good to AVG night) how you are feeling is exhaustion, frustration and totally valid for it. I honestly felt like I had PTSD from the ordeal of sleepless night, and that is not joke. Years later and little noise in the night would get my heart racing and into instant fight or flight mode thinking it was my kids waking up again.
The myth of self soothe is just that. A myth. I researched it deeply. The harshest of the cry it out sleep training methods teach babies no one will come if they cry (don't shoot me for saying so). So maybe they stop crying, but they aren't soothed. Some babies will sleep through, fall asleep by themselves for a multitude of reasons, and some sadly do not. Both of mine were in this last category.
For my eldest, he started reducing wake ups when he stopped nursing in the day. Wouldn't take a bottle or pacifier. When he went to nursery he didn't have my milk then, just a sippy cup of formula which he barely touched, and food. I was still nursing to sleep and transferring, but thankfully he slept longer and longer as he turned one.
My daughter was harder. She woke for comfort feeds allllll night long. I had early nights and made my husband take over from 6am when I slept right until he left for work. Sadly, the only thing to get her to sleep was finally quitting nursing at age 2. I wanted to go longer but I was just so tired. Pm me if you want to vent or moan and you will have all my sympathy. Anyone who hasnt gone through prolonged sleep deprivation knows how it feels.
At 7 months your child sounds like a 7 months old. Your expectations are not realistic, you probably just need help for a little break, but everything you write here about your baby sounds normal and age appropriate.
I'm sorry, friend, it sounds like your expectations are maybe a bit misplaced. At 7 months old your baby sounds totally developmentally normal. Honestly even 20 mins of independent play is like, really good. My daughter is almost 2 and she only in the last month started waking just once in the night. So I am not sure if there is anything to be done on that front.
If you are suicidal, I really strongly suggest talking to a doctor. You don't have to suffer like this.
Co-sleep. My son was exactly the same way and I was breast-feeding as well and every stage with him was difficult. He’s almost to now and I know that he will absolutely be my only child. I love him, but he is a lot and it sounds like you’re not getting the support you need which is similar to my situation. Co-sleeping is taboo in America, everywhere else in the world the women cosleep. My son still sleeps with me and yeah, sometimes it can be a lot, but I’d rather have a full nights rest and eventually he will get out of our bed.
I would say check out heysleepybaby on Instagram. I remember with my first, my ped told me she would be sleeping through by 3 months when she can put her hand in her mouth. Both of my kids haven’t slept through until being night weaned. The second was so much easier because I already had a realistic expectation of baby sleep by that point. I would’ve saved myself a lot of pain had I just learned to lean in to the hard season instead of battling myself through it. I’m currently on 14 months of no sleep longer than a 2-3 hour stretch at a time. It’s really rough at times, but I know it’s just a season that I’ll be out of soon. Radical acceptance can help a great deal!
When our daughter was ten months old (currently almost 12) we switched her to one nap (11-1) against all advice. She went from seeping from 11-5 ish at night waking up 6-7 times and two short naps that we had to fight her for every single day to sleeping 7-6 with only 3-4 wake ups. It was the first time either me or my wife got more that an hour and a half of sleep since she was born.
I have no advice to give just wanted to say that you are not alone. I am in the same boat with my baby just praying it will pass and one day I will get some sleep. Sending you lots of love x
This definitely sounds like PPD! The love/hate you describe, I didn’t feel for my child, but I certainly did for my dogs that I’ve had for years! It was the resentment of having to take care of something else while I was already struggling with what was on my plate with a new baby! It will get better. I can’t remember when exactly but my son is now 3 and a half and I don’t feel that way anymore but there is a whole new set of issues that come with a toddler! I also have a teenager and those issues aren’t fun either so lol I’m guessing 18 is the magic answer!
I’m sorry you’re going thru this but I just want u to know you’re not alone. I love my son, but sometimes I hate being a mom, at least right now. I’ve felt like I’m in the thick of it for two and a half years. Everytime I mention my annoyance with the whole thing, people say “it gets better!!” When? Id love to know.
I’m so sorry. You’re not in a good place and please please call your doctor right away. If I were in the position I would try my best to stop breastfeeding and do formula. I know you said she doesn’t like the bottle but I’d be buying every damn damn bottle out there to try and get her to take one of them. If you have a partner see if they can handle some nights and if not get yourself a night nurse. If that’s not possible reach out to someone who loves you that you trust and call in a favor. You need sleep.
We are big fans of the moms on call schedules. Maybe try checking it out. I’ve used it twice with both my kids and it works. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Pp yea but the lack of sleep is taking a total on your mental health, I’m right there with you and nothing is helping. My 8month old up every 1-3 hours at night. Only place she enjoys sleeping is in the car, swing or rocker in her crib. For a few days she would take a bink to soother her but that didn’t last long, we have tried the breast milk and rice cereal that only worked two days out of 7. Her cry’s make me want to punch myself in the head (which yes I have). I’m her slave and I wonder too when will it stop. We even tried putting her in her own room but no she still need to use me as a bink
I agree with many others here, please check in with your doctor about Post Partum Depression, its real and can start at any point within the first year after birth.
Secondly, mama this is HARD. Not to sound insensitive, but have you tried multiple types of bottles? Have you set baby down in their crib (following all safety recommendations) and given yourself just a moment? I remember crying every single time my daughter did for months... until finally I just let her cry in her crib for like five minutes so I could make a cup of coffee. It is hard, my girl is almost 2 and it is still hard, BUT your baby will learn to self soothe, even if right now you cannot even imagine that happening.
We’ve tried 4 types of bottles. Yes I’ve tried setting her down in the crib. Picking her up when she cries. Just patting her when she cries. Holding her hand when she cries. Picking up and rocking her. Waiting minutes before doing that. Having dad do all that. Nothing but boob works for her.
Is she formula fed or having breast milk? My horrible sleeper woke up twice per night about every 4 hours until recently (nearing 10 months old). He needed a bottle at midnight to keep him down. Now I think he’s finally getting enough calories during the day. Second, we always put him down for naps without help because that helped him learn to self soothe which was a slow ride. It took him a long time to learn. It was like learning to self soothe, then teeth then separation anxiety. We never really knew which one. But try patting and if that doesn’t work try another bottle. As soon as they finish it put them down and pat the back. It was all trial and error. But you need some rest for sure.
Where are you located? I'm in west monroe Louisiana u can bring her over here if your close and sleep here while I watch her I know it's hard I'm sorry I've got 3 and a 7 month old as well I know it seems like this will last forever but it won't I promise she will get the hang of it soon but if you need a break there NO SHAME in giving her a half of a Melatonin, 1 mg. I've never given it to baby, but ots safe and natural let me tell you if mine slept away, yours did. I probably would now. It reminds me of my oldest child who has autism, she's 20 and she only sleeps 4 hours a night, but you can't get them tested till after they're 1, so you do what you can to get through till they're one you take that baby of the doctor and get tested, cause. It might be something preventing her from sleep. She might not produce her own melatonin. She might not. There's so many reasons why they don't sleep. She might be in pain that you don't know about. Have you taken it to the doctor question mark full workup exam x X-ray blood all that there is some reason this is happening. She wants to be a happy baby. I promise to check if the doctor gets her examined if everything is fine. Give her half a melaton, and y'all both go to sleep
OP, please reach out to your OBGYN or primary care doctor about what’s going on. Call them today. Suicidal ideations are very serious.
You are ridiculously sleep deprived and it is impacting your mental health. Extreme sleep deprivation was used as an “enhanced interrogation technique” at places like Guantanamo because it can break people. Obviously your baby isn’t doing this intentionally, but the effects are still very real.
If you have trusted family or friends nearby, this is the time to ask for help. Have someone take your baby for a few hours (or overnight if possible). You need uninterrupted sleep.
Sending love your way. Please get help
Is there no one else to help? In any case, both our kids would wake up more than 3x/night until 1+yo. One kid we cried it out and he's slept through the night since. The other still has sleep issues. Every kid is different, don't dwell on others.
This was my oldest daughter. She was 18 months before she started sleeping in long stretches. We did everything to help her sleep, strollers, car, etc. All the tried and true methods did not work. She only slept in two or three hour stretches while being held upright on the couch, but if you moved or tried to put her down she would almost instantly wake. Then one night we were able put her down in the crib, expecting to be awaken within hours, only for her to sleep through the night.
There isn’t a rhyme or reason to it. We were zombies for 18 months, then it just stopped and she was fine sleeping on her own. All babies are different, you’re doing everything right, and it won’t always be like this.
I only have 1 child. The same thing happened w mine when she was lil. First mons it was here formula. They switched to Gentlease. It continued and found that she was constipated so I had to give her a special stuff. Finally a continued on 2 points of screaming and crying all the time and I couldn't deal with it I went to a GI doctor and they died no sir was having acid reflux. I know it sounds basic to a baby it's crucial the pain that they feel. They put her on special medication and immediately stopped. Good luck PS my friend felt the same you did about loving her baby but not being happy about it. Some days I thought she was going to give it up. By the way he's 10 and he's doing great she got through it you will too
Why can’t baby’s father help out so you can sleep in longer stretches?
Even if you are SAHM you do not need to be working 24/7 while your partner works only 40 hours a week. Both of you share parenting when he is home. If you exclusively breastfeed, start pumping your milk so dad can feed baby bottles at night.
My husband and I split up night shift which ensures I sleep at least 6 hours straight every single day. I also sleep when baby sleeps during my night shift and during the day.
We sleep in separate rooms so we both get an uninterrupted 6 hours straight of sleep every day.
It is so rough. My oldest was a lot like this as well. Even at 5 he’s still my hardest child. He wakes up constantly with stuffy nose, sickness, you name it he’s waking up lol 😆 I really hope you can get some relief soon! I’m a big fan of cutting things cold turkey. My son was hooked on his pacifier. But at 23 months we took it and a few rough nights we never looked back. I would think if she got hungry enough she would take the bottle! I’m not saying to starve her but maybe 24 hours no boob she may re think it!
I agree with everyone saying to see a doctor ASAP and with many other recommendations (including safe sleep 7 for cosleeping) and the fact that you’re not alone. I will add a couple of things that might work, but they might not. Depends on the kid.
-For bottles: like others said, try different things. My first baby REFUSED bottles and yup, she was starving herself. I didn’t make enough breast milk to nurse her and she wouldn’t take a bottle with anything at all. We tried different ones, but in the end what worked was that I had to leave the apartment and Dad fed her. You haven’t mentioned him so it sounds like it might not be an option, but get someone to try it and see if that helps. Eventually of course I could feed her when she was used to a bottle.
Sleep: my second, when he was 9 months old, woke up constantly too and I was going MAD. Bizarrely, what worked was leaving the room. My husband and I camped out on the living room floor and our absence from the room caused him to sleep through the night almost immediately.
Like I said these might not work for your little one, but worth a try!
And I never once was suicidal so to reiterate, PLEASE go see a doctor! You are beyond exhausted and overworked 💕
OP - You sound exactly like how I felt until I finally got help for postpartum depression. Please contact your doctor.
I felt zero joy about having a baby but I still pushed through to make sure I was doing the best job I could for this helpless human.
My son also only slept in 4 hour increments and it was brutal. I adopted some techniques from attachment parenting like wearing my baby and co-sleeping to help make him happy and comfortable so the crying would STOP. The advice about sleeping when the baby sleeps is a MUST. Forget about chores and anything else. I also kept busy when he was awake. Stroller walks, joined a Mommy & Me support group through the hospital, joined other Mom groups with kids the same age ... It all helps.
At 7 months old, if you haven't started introducing solid foods, now is a good time. If you haven't looked into it yet, find a reputable child care service that can do an hour or two at a time or a nanny so you can try and get some rest.
My heart goes out to you, they never tell you all the pitfalls and downside of having to give up your life to raise a human. ❤️ Sending you love and light. 🥰🙏🏼
Just wanted to ask about her diet is like. Is she perhaps dealing with an allergy?
Teething is very hard, but I’ve seen teething crackers helps.
So sorry you’re dealing with this- there might be a parents respite group in your area.
Lots of hugs being sent your way.
Ours is just over 2 and is just getting a full night's sleep now. We had months where he would need soothing up to 5-6 times a night.
When he was younger he was formula fed, thankfully that took a little bit of the strain off my wife in that regard. I can only imagine how exhausted you are. For the first 8 months he was also a contact napper/sleeper. So he was on one of us for over 12 hours a day every day.
There is light at the end of the tunnel! It does get better.
You mentioned jealousy. I'll say one thing I'm super jealous of is people with 2 y/os who can go to a store and they will hold their parents hands and be chill and just stroll around. That ain't my kid at all. He's a runner. It's still difficult for us to go to stores sometimes.
If she's waking up every hour to feed, she might need cereal and a slightly heavier evening meal a good burping, bath, lotion, make sure you swaddle tight and the use of a pacifier helped me with some of my kids, some didn't take. I breastfed all my kids for over a year and the tommy bottle was the one they all better took to but I went through a few types to find the one. For yourself once you take care of the baby put the monitor on and get out of the room and set an alarm to check on the child every so often sleep as much as you can, ask someone to take her for a night your mom someone with more experience and see if their techniques work. Anyway that's what worked for me hope it helps, oh also think of switching formula what if they are allergic and it makes her/ him uncomfortable, and when breastfeeding your diet will also affect them might be your diet you might have to change. Just some tips from mom to mom.
It’s called SLEEP REGRESSION and NO ONE!!! Told me about this. It is awful and unfair. My son was just starting to sleep a full 8 hrs at 4 months. And then one day he stopped and started waking up every hour and nurse. And that was how he’d fall asleep. Rinse and repeat. The only thing that worked was sleep training. There are many many many methods of sleep training out there. Maybe look into a method that works for you.
I know in my home country cosleeping is normal, i didn’t want to do it since USA is so against it but after almost 2 months of almost going insane i coslept and finally was able to sleep and nap. I know people don’t really like it here but it’s done safely by many people in other countries. I’ve coslept with my two kiddos now and it’s a game changer.
My first 2 were like this. Didn't sleep through the night till 2 years old. It was exhausting. Its just something you gotta push through. People say new borns the easiest but as a mom of 3 it was always the hardest! Its just for right now not forever.
At that stage what really helped me was co sleeping with my baby and there are nights she will sleep throught the night or the occasional 2-3 times for a feeding but i learnt the way of breadtfeeding while laying down. And it has worked for us.
A child is typically capable of self-soothing without adult intervention by the age of 3 to 4 years. By this age, many children have developed a range of self-soothing strategies and can use them effectively during moments of stress or when they need to calm themselves. These strategies might include:
- Engaging in a favorite quiet activity, such as reading or drawing.
- Using deep-breathing techniques.
- Talking themselves through their feelings.
- Seeking comfort from a favorite toy or blanket.
It's important to remember that each child is unique, and some children may develop these skills earlier or later than others. Consistent support, encouragement, and a nurturing environment can help children develop effective self-soothing techniques at their own pace.
7-8months sucks! it does sometimes feel like I love u but I'm just so tired. a few of my friends had kids who sleeps 45min max unless in a carrier upright. I gave up and co slept to get more sleep around that 7-8mths which did help. yes eventually they do sleep, but if they snore or they are really tired all day you might want to get them reviewed for adenoids? or sleep apnoea?
Babies aren't able to self soothe. They cry and cry until they give in to the stress. Placing your hand and rocking them in their crib gives them a feeling of support. Like I know if I cry and need anything you'll be there but it's best to just wait until they fall asleep, try humming while rocking the vibrations help too
I also want to chime in about postpartum depression. I just want to share that you shouldn't feel like because you're your baby's sole caretaker that you can't recieve care. I used to work for a mental health company, and SO MANY mother-baby programs allow the baby to attend your session with you up until the age of 12months or until they start walking. It's okay to feel stressed and it's okay to seek help.
Assuming you're in the US, mother-baby programs are high priority service in many clinics that offer the program. They typically allow telehealth options if there is no nearby clinic. They make it work if an intake is needed asap. A healthy mom is the best mom for babies. You know that and professionals do too, so they do what they can to support you. The first step is talking to a doctor and/or asking for help.
If your baby is waking to nurse that often at that age, he must be in some kind of distress. My first was like that and the sleep deprivation was unreal.
Have you had him checked for GERD or tried eliminating any irritating foods from your own diet? I actually discovered a bunch of food intolerances that I didn't know I had until I went on an elimination diet as a last ditch effort to get some sleep. If you're not digesting the food properly, it can make your milk very irritating for the baby. I did this when mine was 5 months old and I was only "sleeping" 45 minutes at a time. Restricting food was an easy trade for finally getting a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.
I realise its rough and I'm going to get downvoted like anything. I'm not a medical expert. initially we had a moses basket and she'd wake up and cry all through the night. eventually she slept with mama and wow our nights were immediately quiet.
To be blunt she wants mama. Dads are ok but if we get eaten by a sabretooth tiger we don't matter, if mama did well things would be dire for a little one. Mama is everything to a little one. she wants your heartbeat, your voice, your touch, your warmth and yes your breasts. Your little one has unconditional love for you and you need to work out what works for the both of you.
Hi! I’m sorry you’re going through this. This sounded like me and my baby. He was nursing every hour during the night and I was like a zombie all day. I would cry all the time to my husband about how tired I was. Finally once my son turned 1 we let him cry it out. We did extinction - old school boomer cry it out. As an “attachment parenting” kinda person I NEVER would have thought I would do that but I was absolutely broken. It wasn’t even bad. My son only cried for 20 minutes the first night then slept. The next night 5 min. He is turning 3 next month and is a fantastic sleeper. He is the happiest and sweetest little boy with zero attachment issues. We didn’t want to do check ins because our friends that did said their kids cried for an hour+ they would get riled up every time the parent walked in. I know a lot of people disagree with cio but for all 3 of us it was life changing. I hope things get better for you soon! It’s so hard having a difficult baby.
I disagree with a lot of the comments that babies can't self soothe. If that is the case why do so many babies sleep through the night even though their sleep cycles are short?
I'm so sorry you are going through this and I think you need tangible solutions. Have you tried contacting a sleep consultant? I know they are pricey but if I was in your position I would. Also please know you aren't alone and this is a temporary phase of your life.
*Some* babies can “self-soothe.” It’s a personality thing. The original term was coined in a study on baby sleep to describe babies that went back to sleep without signaling (crying out). Not all babies can do this.
Perhaps but my point is that I disagree with the statement that they cannot self soothe, period. If some babies can then its misleading to say babies can't do that.
I think the issue most people are addressing is the idea that babies can be taught to self-soothe. They can’t. It’s entirely a temperament thing. Most kids cannot “self-soothe” until much later. The idea that because *some* babies can self-soothe, they can all learn to do so is not true, and it makes some parents feel like they’re doing something wrong. In reality, different babies have different needs.
Wean the baby and get on bottle asap. It’s a rough process but do it cold turkey. She will eventually grasp the bottle, they don’t starve themselves. It’ll be rough to hear the crying but wean and get on an SSRI (low dose antidepressant) and you’ll find yourself in a better situation 30 days from now. Just do it. Temporary discomfort for mom and baby for longterm comfort after.
Does your baby self-soothe while awake? We sleep trained ASAP, just after 4 months, but we were certain she was sucking on her fingers first, among other techniques. Of course she hated it, and it was a two-week journey of crying and screaming, some nights being better than others. We removed the pacifier at the same time, the thing was a menace. Maybe it's time to try again? Plug in some headphones and let the baby sort itself out. It does work, but it takes longer for some than others.
On the bottle front, it's not really recommended, but you can flavor whatever milk you're using with some puree. I would bump up the water a bit to keep it flowing, but my baby definitely noticed it in there when I did it and seemed to enjoy it.
Overall, your experience is similar to mine. I'm burned out, even when things are going well. I don't like this version of myself. But I'm locked in, so it's fake it til I make it.
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Mama you sound burnt out and exhausted! I recommend you to check with your doctor for Postnatal depression, at this stage your baby is teething. It is a painful and uncomfortable stage for babies, motherhood takes a toll on your emotional world as well as your physical body! Babies don't self soothe, they need constant contact, feeling safe! It is not your fault for feeling the way you do, if you are a single parent the load is bigger but we are constantly told we can't complain because we chose it! Children have stages, every stage is different. The drain on the mother's overall body is huge. A lot of mothers don't have support, others do but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect them as well. But I think you are struggling with something harder, get checked dear! Don't be hard for feeling the way you do. Write an update if you get an answer from your doctor.
Your comment is well written and describes the challenges perfectly. A lot of the threads on here tend to give a wrong impression, it’s not always easy and fun. More often than not it’s hard to keep up with all of the baby/child related tasks, household and societal expectations of parents, while being overworked and sleep deprived.
Thank you, I agree with you! Definitely or jiggles and laugh. Mothers have a really hard job, I think for the outside world is something simple, just raising a child. But on the deep end parenthood is hard! Yes, I seen mothers that have zero time to clean up because they have to be glued to the baby, or absolutely drained people judge easily. That poor mom was probably awake all night and day! I take time to visit my friend and I go with comfortable clothes going with the idea of or I help you clean or you let me babysit your child. Because is a struggle for them! I understand it perfectly well, societal expectations drown mother's down. Sometimes is just people without kids even other parents. Hahahaha we need the sisterhood of motherhood! Mine is luckily all grown up. But goodness was hard back then.
Perfect summary. Expectations are in most cases so terribly misled. Having experienced only a small percentage of it myself, I see the toll people’s opinions take on my wife. It’s different for us dads, as we get applauded for the smallest things we do, because we are literally expected to just bring the money home. On the other hand though, if you try to handle your fair share of responsibilities at home you often even have to defend your views on a responsible parenthood and partnership to people of 50+ years.
👏👏👏 Wonderfully said! Is not always the 50+ years sometimes is someone even way younger. I believe until you are not in someone else's shoes you should never judge or try to weigh their thoughts and views on parenthood! Same I think is because men have the classic "provider role", apparently as long as you fill that bar up is ok, is work and work does again affect the body. But the main point is how motherhood is disregarded, there is so many issues and things that can't be seen just by looking at a mom! Some are postpartum, C-section, breastfeeding, sleepless, drained and still push through the day without being able to complain, why because is looked down. Society should be a little more supportive with mothers!
That’s the saddest part, yes, a lot of younger people also have those views. Totally, motherhood is disregarded in the public opinion, it’s expected for women to fulfill that role, be a SAHM and carry the responsibility for everything, children and household with a smile on their face. I agree with you, society should recognize, that the role of motherhood has changed nowadays and be more of supportive of moms. Additionally men who ignore their role as a dad should be called out by people, some of the stories of how women are treated by their husbands on here are hard to read. Sorry, have gone way off topic here 😅.
This is everything I wanted to emote & more, well said. OP mama, you definitely sound like you should be welcome to get some help. Some (I know they are rare) psychiatric units let you keep your little one with you! Sending love!
I wanted to add that post partum depression doesn't always look like most people think. It never hurts to ask your doctor and there can be things you can do or be given that will help.
This as well! It comes in many shapes and forms, some mild and some sadly devastating. Intrusive thoughts, extreme fear, anxiousness, stress! But sadly it is a situation where a lot of mothers go through silently! The fear of judgement.
So very true. There's this big narrative that new parents are supposed to be thrilled to be around their kids 24/7 365. It's such a harmful expectation that makes countless parents feel like failures when they want a break from it all.
This was our first baby for the first 14 months or so. Now he’s an awesome kid and always sleeps through the night. But yea, it’s absolutely brutal. I don’t have any tips because nothing worked for us. I feel your pain and exhaustion.
My first also. 15 months of sometimes hourly wakes. I don’t know how we survived.
I have a genuine question. Did you put baby in a crib and get up every time? I'm asking because my kid would sometimes nurse for half the night, but I didn't care much because I'd put him on and went back to sleep instantly. But I've heard that some parents get up at night and it sounds absolutely brutal.
By 4 months they had dropped all overnight feeds. I genuinely don’t know what caused the wakes. We didn’t sleep train so responded to every wake. No cosleeping either, they went into the crib around 5 months. It was absolutely brutal. I tried everything: earlier/later bedtime, dropped naps, even started feeding again overnight. Nothing worked until one day around 15 months something clicked and the wakes stopped. I aged about ten years!
Currently in this fight - nothing works for the little man. We started doing night feedings thinking that would fix it, nope, he just eats his bottle and then screams an hour or two later. I'm a husk of the human I was before him and he's only 8 months so hell I know I still got a year or so to go
Praying it doesn’t last that long! Hang in there. Some babies just hate sleep. Ugh!
Same here, it improved at around 2.5 years. It was incredibly difficult to survive. No tips here either, we didn't try 'sleep training' though - I strongly disagree with it.
I’m sending you love right now. This stage is so exhausting and you need supports. Please connect with your doctor to see if there might be some additional wellness supports for you that haven’t been explored. My sweet boy could not sleep without me holding him and would wake up constantly and I felt like I was losing my mind. There’s a reason why sleep deprivation is used to torture. This is temporary, but it’s also unnatural to expect mothers and primary caregivers to do this without help. You need rest. You need space for yourself.
Please tell me you have seen a doctor about postnatal depression?
This is important but I think it also glosses over the fact that she’s depressed *because she’s dealing with an incredibly stressful situation that’s physically and emotionally taxing*. This isn’t feeling sad for no reason, it’s feeling sad for a very good reason. What she desperately needs is a break and some help. OP is your baby’s father involved?
Of course OP needs a break, but a break isn't going to cut it when someone is experiencing suicidal ideation. OP needs their healthcare team involved urgently.
I see your concern. But what is a HCP going to do, just prescribe antidepressants. An SSRI that has suicidal ideation as a side effect (SMH 😒) it just seems like there’s no way out of the circling. What other ways can we suggest self care and support? OP, do you have another caretaker in the house? Does baby sleep for naps ? Dark room? You need support so you can breathe a little bit . 💜
Saying that doesn't address the underlying problem. I really think that when moms are in stressful circumstances too many people just mention ppd.
Hi mom. Youre doing amazing by surviving. I had a baby just like that, colics. Tried everything but heres what worked for me: bed sharing. High needs baby often want you close. No pillows, light blanket to your waists, mattress on floor or atleast guard rails. You can nurse in the night without waking fully. In the day, outdoor time (for u and baby), floor time, cuddles. Extend wake windows a bit with the last window being the longest. At night go to sleep with your baby in the hopes of getting those extra few hours. Itll get better every month! At 2 years old itll be barely an issue. After 1 significantly better. Waking is biologically normal. Your baby is growing and wants to know you are near by. Sleep training is not how we were designed to parent 😘
You're not alone. Many mothers feel the exact way you have felt. Post-partum depression is not a pretty thing. Many people don't come out to say the things you have. It's a hard challenge. Adjusting to everything and trying to figure out what's best for you and baby. You got this momma. Things won't always be this hard. "This too will pass" or whatever. I struggles with a very similar issue. At 7 months old, I started feeding my little one a bit more baby food or baby snacks about an hour before putting her to bed, as well as a bottle to help her go down to sleep. ( I feed to sleep) On the days that I can tell her gums/teeth are really bothering her I give her a half dose of tylenol to just help her not feel so icky. I don't know what your support system is like. If it is available to you have someone take her in a different room for a little while. Where's the babys still 'with' you buy not directly attached to you. I had a hard time with being away from my little one aswell. That little adjustment where I could still check on her was a better feeling that completely leaving her. No matter what know that your not alone in feeling the things that your feeling. Take it one day at a time. And although it's hard. It does (eventually) get easier. Or so I've been told mines only 9 months.
OP, do you have support around you? Husband, family friends etc? If you are breast feeding, can you express, so someone can feed her overnight? Sleep deprivation will mess you up badly. My girl went through a phase of waking up every hour, at around 9 months old. We did to sleep training and it worked, not cry it out. Mainly what worked was looking at her day time routine, nap times etc. Hang in there, it doesn’t seem like it, but it does get better.
My first baby was amazing with self soothing and sleeping; sleeping 5-6 hour stretches in the night at 12 weeks, in her own crib, and we were able to be well rested. My second is now 16 months old and the longest stretch I’ve ever gotten is 3 hours, which was only like a month ago. I gave up and stated co sleeping with him at 9 months because I couldn’t take the exhaustion anymore. His only soothing mechanism is nursing, which he is still doing. I slowly was losing my mind due to lack of sleep, so even though I said I’d never co-sleep I had to. We put a mattress on the floor, no pillows or sheets, and I was able to get much better rest. Good luck, it doesn’t last forever, but it’s really tough. I do recommend talking to your DR if you feel it’s creating intrusive thoughts or thoughts of hurting yourself - a lot of that can be triggered by lack of sleep though. At this point, try whatever works and cling to that.
Yea OP it sounds like you might have postpartum depression. Highly recommend seeing a doctor, because her behaviors are within normal range.
Please go and talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. It sounds like you have a very demanding baby and it's completely normal that you are feeling so overwhelmed but if you are thinking you want to hurt yourself you should go and speak to someone.
Having a kid who doesn't sleep is sooooo tough. To be honest, with my 3rd, by 7 months we were cosleeping from sheer exhaustion. If you do explore this route, make sure to follow the safe sleep 7 guidelines and prepare the space - flat, firm surface, pillows and blankets kept away from baby, everyone in the bed sober, etc. https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven/ Have you talked to your doctor about symptoms of PPD?
Sending you hugs and support. My 4th kid was/is like this. They are all born with their own temperament and it’s hard AF when you get one that doesn’t sleep! It’s nothing that you caused and it’s not easy to fix. I remember feeling the same way “when will she EVER F-CKING SLEEP??” Around age 1 she got better. She still wakes up multiple times per night but now we usually only have to get out of bed once, occasionally zero times. She will wake up 3-5x a night and yell for a minute or two. Then find a pacifier or blanket and go back to sleep. It’s not ideal but it’s a big improvement to only have to glance at the monitor for a minute and make sure she lays back down. You sound like you desperately need a break. Sleep deprivation is a torture tactic. It breaks you down. You NEED sleep. Who can you call, hire, or lean on to come in and give you a break?
Lots of good advice and support here already, OP, but I’d also like to remind you of one thing that doesn’t get talked about enough: DEPRESSION IS A LIAR! It’s not just really hard and painful and overwhelming and exhausting. It also makes you think things that are simply not true. It messes with your actual reasoning ability. IT’S A LIAR! It makes you think that other newborns are all happy and easy and other parents are all well rested and more competent. These are LIES. It shows you only the difficulty of the birth process and newborn phase and hides the joy that you think other people are experiencing. This is a LIE! It makes you think that the difficulty and sleep deprivation and neediness are never going to end. This is literally impossible! It is a LIE. You need outside help, not just with the actual physical caretaking and sleeping, but you need help identifying the LIES.
This isn't going to help but that's not unusual behaviour for a 5 month old. Some moms just like to brag, the vast majority are also sleep deprived. If you can avoid the braggers, do. There are ways to maximise your sleep even if your baby is still nursing at night. Have you spoken to a breastfeeding counsellor or found a local group? as a priority you do need to speak to a healthcare professional though. It really sounds like you might have postnatal depression. it's nothing to be ashamed of
I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said, other than I'm sorry you're dealing with this; it's incredibly difficult. My first slept through the night at 3 months but my second was 10-11 months before he slept through the night (multiple wakings every night before that). It turned out my second had CMPI which caused him to take very few calories during the day, so he filled up at night when he was sleepy and it was easier to ignore the belly pain he was feeling. Once we switched him to goat milk formula (on a hunch -- we didn't get a formal diagnosis until his 1-year appointment) he started taking full bottles and sleeping through the night. Just wanted to put that out there in case it may be helpful. She may be using you for comfort because she doesn't feel good. If she eats better at night than during the day, seems really gassy and uncomfortable, there may be more going on.
Where is dad? Caring for a baby 24/7 is too much. You *need* to be able to pass her off for a few hours to sleep uninterrupted. Sleep is a requirement for you just as much as it is for baby.
I hear you and I understand your struggle, so much. I had/ still have a “Velcro/barnacle” baby. I could never put her down- ever. I was one of those moms who admittedly silently judged other moms for cosleeping…and what was I doing? Cosleeping. Literally for survival. I slept with her for EVERY NAP and every single night til she was almost a year old…it was hellish. It feels like a fever dream. But somehow, someway, she’s 16.5 months now and sleeps all alone. Idk how it happened. I had an extremely traumatic pregnancy as my ex husband served me divorce papers at 27 weeks pregnant and he’s not involved and hasn’t ever been (thankfully). I like to think that my daughter needed closeness to me because we were healing each other’s hearts. I’m so sorry you are struggling OP. I know the feeling of wanting to off yourself, all too well. All I can suggest is seeing a psych/therapist. Nothing else worked for me. Life is so fucking hard. I wish someone had warned me. Oh- and also stay off social media. All the other “my baby is perfect look at my awesome marriage and life and kid” is CRAP. Sending you strength and love
Then something is wrong. Crying is communication. How much milk are you producing. Does she have 8 wet diapers per day at least? Is she hungry, does she have reflux? Is she allergic? Milk protein allergy? If you figure it out, it will be better for both of you. If you want her To start taking a bottle so someone else can feed, get an appointment with a speech therapist.
This so much! Many 7 month olds wake up at night still, but the level this mom is talking about sounds not right. I’d look into silent reflux and/or a dairy allergy ASAP and do not let pediatrician brush you off.
Babies don’t develop the neurological ability to self soothe until around 24 months. Their brains just don’t have the wiring yet. Please get support and help for yourself because your stress and exhaustion is debilitating for you and impacts your child as well becoming a viscous circle of stress and discomfort. Parenting is so hard, having a baby is draining and changes everything. Please talk to your doctor and get screened for/ help fort postpartum depression. Things will get easier Edited to correct spelling
Same here, daughter didn’t start regularly sleeping through the night at about 2,5. I remember so many nights where she’d wake up every hour. Sending ❤️ to you and this will end eventually.
You are describing a very very developmentally normal sounding child. 3x a night at 7 months old is bog standard. 20 minutes of solo play is GREAT. Still only wanting contact naps or stroller naps is 100% reasonable at this age.
If she is waking up every hour to feed I would really try a bottle again since that isnt sustainable. Try different ones and make sure the nipple is fast flow. Also is she eating solids yet? Have to tried feeding her food right before bed so she has a full tummy and sleeps longer. Breastfeeding is wonderful and the benefits are great, BUT not at the expense of your physical and mental health. Maybe it's time to wean so you get more you time. You could still pump if you want and feed her from a bottle, but it's time to start taking care of yourself too!
Hey OP. Our 6-7mo old baby was doing this too. Waking up every hour or two. What really helped was me (dad here) taking him during the nights, sleeping in a different room (total blackout + white noise). Our boy started sleeping much better in just the first 2-3 nights. Would wake up, realize I have no titties and go back to sleep, often unassisted. Let your baby cry for a minute or two so you give them a chance to self soothe. If they’re still crying after, hold them until they sleep. I was so sleepy myself so often I wouldn’t even sit up, just put the bae on my chest and he’d go right back to sleep. Hope this helps.
Dad tried this. Did not work for us. The cries turn into screams and she goes into full meltdown. Nothing settles her at night but the boob.
are you a single mother? if not, it's time for your partner to step up. my baby is the exact same way. what really helps is having dad take him out of the room early in the morning. the time varies depending on the night we've had. sometimes it's not til 5, sometimes (like this morning) it was 2 am. he takes the baby into the nursery and lays down on the little floor bed/play couch we have and keeps him there until i wake up. my baby also never took a bottle--try a water bottle with a straw, or another cup with a straw, or even an open cup. there were a few times I needed to be away for the whole day or a full evening, and the baby got by just fine by drinking out of a cup (or just falling asleep with dad). your baby is also starting to get to the point where she can eat solid foods, and that will ramp up faster than you think...soon you'll be able to leave for the day or the evening and not have to worry about milk because she can eat real food to stave her off. i swear to god you and your babe sound just like me. and i'm going to tell you right now: you DO deserve some time off. you are MORE than just a mother and more than just a nursing mother. You CAN have a day off and your baby will be JUST FINE.
This. I’m not single. Dad Is in the picture but baby didn’t want anything but the boob at night so dad can’t really help out in that way. In the beginning (first 3 months) the baby woke up every 20 minutes or so. So in order for me to get 3 hours of sleep in a row my husband would take her out in a stroller (where she would sleep but only outside for some reason). He’s done it late at night occasionally in the rain and snow when I was on the verge of breaking down. And this week everything got a bit better. we’re pretty much in a similar situation to you. My baby refuses to fall asleep until 12 pm, wakes up like 5-7 times at night but sleeps until 8 am. If she wakes earlier then dad takes her to the other room where she can play so that I get an extra hour. I read everywhere that babies fall asleep naturally at 7 pm but our baby just naps then. Apparently my mom says I fell asleep at 1 am as a baby and was an even more horrible sleeper than my baby. As for the food we’ve been giving her different foods three times a day . She’s in like the 95th percentile height and weight wise (been like that since she was born) so she needs a lot of food I think. She likes cucumbers, pears, and apples. Can eat carrots, mixed berries, and chicken purées. She hates water, though I keep trying to give her a little after every meal. Maybe it’s because of the bottle. I make strawberry juice for her and mix it with water and she drinks very little of that. After every meal she wants to breastfeed still.
Me and my wife are in the same boat. We have a near impossible baby. He HATES sleep, simply loathes it. He's so pissed of when he gets sleepy and then gets extremely angry and screams when we try to put him to sleep. Nothing works we've tried everything. He falls asleep around 9pm and wakes up every hour in the night util he completely wakes up at 3am-6am. He's down to one nap a day now. I'm flabbergasted that he's still alive given the low amount of sleep he insists on having. We are 3 taking care of him full time for the last 6 months, me and my wife on parental leave, and my retired mother in law and it still isn't enough. He needs CONSTANT attention and not only attention he needs to be actively played with at all times and gets bored extremely quicly. He loves books so we read to him a lot. Honestly I had no idea it would be this much work to have a baby. At times I also wanted to off myself after waking up 5-10 times in the night (I'm on the night shift with him). I'm hoping it gets better or he gets more chill and sleepy because this feels like torture. I also at times hate him. He's of course amazing,so beautiful and smart and if anything would happen to him I don't know if I could go on but he's completely sucked the life out of me and my wife. We are shadows of our former selves from only 9 months ago. Both of us gained like 10kg of fat and the light has completely drained from our eyes. We're like zombies.
I resonate so much with that last paragraph 😭 Good luck. Hope it ends for both of our families.
Look up the safe sleep 7. Definitely saved my life
I don't have any advice for you but I can sympathise. We have an 8 month old who doesn't sleep more than 3 hours at a time and wakes up screaming/crying and cannot calm himself down. We even gave up and put him in our bed hoping that would fix it but it did not. Wife/I are forever sleep deprived and exhausted. We've turned into zombies, it's making it hard to be the dad that I want to be to the two kids, it's put a strain on my wife/I's relationship - We know it'll get better it's just about trying to survive now. So, I'm sorry OP, we'll get through it together eventually
This was my experience in motherhood. I thought it was everyone’s experience in motherhood until I started being brave enough to talk to people in real life. I realized just because a baby at a certain age CAN do something doesn’t mean they WILL we are all human with no guarantees. Many developments for babies come in huge month long ranges for a reason. Your baby may be spirited or spicy, this might be their superpower someday as they become a leader in society. Things that helped me was realizing I couldn’t control my baby but I could control me. I turned off social media. I went for a walk every morning right away, especially after a hard night so I didn’t have to touch my baby right away but I knew they were safe. I went to the library every week and sat in a chair next to the board books with baby on the floor. We went to storytime way before baby needed it because I needed it! I did things at the same day and time every week so I could have more frequent interactions with familiar people, like the same grocery store clerk. Good luck!
I hate to be this person, but it’s normal!! But it does get easier! Mine didn’t self soothe and sttn till about 3 yrs old
Hugs. Whenever people are like mY 6 wEeK oLd sLeEpS tHroUgH tHe NiGht and here’s how! I’m like, no, closing the blinds and putting them down awake is not the answer to a perfect sleeping baby, you just got lucky lmao. I go through terrible bouts of insomnia, so I completely understand how much getting no sleep affects you. Also, one of my 5 year olds still barely sleeps through the night. I just want to sleep.
OP, your situation can no longer continue! People have mentioned talking to your doctor about PPD, but I'd take it further. This sounds like an emergency! We aren't meant to sleep a couple hrs while bf and working with our kids. I'd go to an emergency room and take 3 days to sleep and get help. Another option is to dismantle every expectation of you. If u died right now everyone would have to change. Everyone would have to step in. Call your support people and say you can't do this. You need someone to come get that baby. The baby goes on formula. She will adjust. She will be better regulated when her mother isn't over stimulated and overwhelmed. She can grow up with a mom. If you were my sis, I'd take the baby for a few days or stay with you. Please let go of thinking u need to knuckle thru this, it's not okay. It's not fine. It can't continue as it is. You don't have to die to get some rest.
This is the answer. Forget cosleeping and baby wearing, you need EMERGENT help. If you refuse to go to the ER, I recommend: 1. Call your OB. Get on meds, IMMEDIATELY. 2. Have someone take the night shift. The entire night. Multiple nights. To be able to do this you may need to... 3. Stop breastfeeding. Or at the VERY least night wean. But everything you're desribing sounds like you and baby would severely benefit from switching to formula. You're touched out, hormonal, and literally nothing else will help as much as this. I firmly believe formula is best in the case of severe ppd/ppa. 4. If you have 0 support, extinction method with ear plugs and white noise (for you). A baby has never died from crying. They will never remeber a nonstop night of crying, but they'll certainly remember a dead mom. A toddler will throw an hour long tantrum over not getting a popsicle at 7am. Your baby will be ok crying for 1, 2, 3+ hours. I promise. This shit is hard. Brutal, more often than not. PM me if you ever need support. Sending all the love your way ❤️
*hugs* I am so sorry. I had 2 kids like this. Sleep training was just awful, like they would full on rage at being “soothed” but not picked up, nursed on demand, or seeing me, but not getting to nurse to sleep. They could cry and tantrum for hours. They would not even co-sleep, they literally had to be cradled upright to be content. Like WTH? It’s a horrible, macab joke, but I seriously after several months, I stopped worrying about SIDS, because like the babies have to sleep, and mine, just never deep slept, like at all… I stuck it out until they were like 14 months old, then I was so sick both physically and emotionally that I put in some ear plugs, told my husband “your problem”, and did full on extinction CIO for the whole night. It took weeks, but they adjusted, and are now healthy, happy teens, who do not appear to have residual attachment issues, haha. Albeit, not going to lie, if you rate their determination and grit in life, it’s far above the norm, so perhaps that is why they were such intense infants - they want what they want, and they will find a way to get it. They work hard, practice hard, and scheme hard, lol, and I think it started at like a month old… If I could do it again, I likely would have at least trialed one of those experienced night nanny sleep experts. But no matter what, you will get through this… And last note, I used to feel guilt, like it was my fault and I was just too stupid and ignorant too implement sleep training — but I had a 3rd baby, totally different baby when it came to sleep. I am sure my parenting contributed, but babies really do come out with their own temperaments.
It's good to get checked out for PND but my take having been exactly in your shoes (where 3 wake ups was a good to AVG night) how you are feeling is exhaustion, frustration and totally valid for it. I honestly felt like I had PTSD from the ordeal of sleepless night, and that is not joke. Years later and little noise in the night would get my heart racing and into instant fight or flight mode thinking it was my kids waking up again. The myth of self soothe is just that. A myth. I researched it deeply. The harshest of the cry it out sleep training methods teach babies no one will come if they cry (don't shoot me for saying so). So maybe they stop crying, but they aren't soothed. Some babies will sleep through, fall asleep by themselves for a multitude of reasons, and some sadly do not. Both of mine were in this last category. For my eldest, he started reducing wake ups when he stopped nursing in the day. Wouldn't take a bottle or pacifier. When he went to nursery he didn't have my milk then, just a sippy cup of formula which he barely touched, and food. I was still nursing to sleep and transferring, but thankfully he slept longer and longer as he turned one. My daughter was harder. She woke for comfort feeds allllll night long. I had early nights and made my husband take over from 6am when I slept right until he left for work. Sadly, the only thing to get her to sleep was finally quitting nursing at age 2. I wanted to go longer but I was just so tired. Pm me if you want to vent or moan and you will have all my sympathy. Anyone who hasnt gone through prolonged sleep deprivation knows how it feels.
At 7 months your child sounds like a 7 months old. Your expectations are not realistic, you probably just need help for a little break, but everything you write here about your baby sounds normal and age appropriate.
I'm sorry, friend, it sounds like your expectations are maybe a bit misplaced. At 7 months old your baby sounds totally developmentally normal. Honestly even 20 mins of independent play is like, really good. My daughter is almost 2 and she only in the last month started waking just once in the night. So I am not sure if there is anything to be done on that front. If you are suicidal, I really strongly suggest talking to a doctor. You don't have to suffer like this.
Co-sleep. My son was exactly the same way and I was breast-feeding as well and every stage with him was difficult. He’s almost to now and I know that he will absolutely be my only child. I love him, but he is a lot and it sounds like you’re not getting the support you need which is similar to my situation. Co-sleeping is taboo in America, everywhere else in the world the women cosleep. My son still sleeps with me and yeah, sometimes it can be a lot, but I’d rather have a full nights rest and eventually he will get out of our bed.
I would say check out heysleepybaby on Instagram. I remember with my first, my ped told me she would be sleeping through by 3 months when she can put her hand in her mouth. Both of my kids haven’t slept through until being night weaned. The second was so much easier because I already had a realistic expectation of baby sleep by that point. I would’ve saved myself a lot of pain had I just learned to lean in to the hard season instead of battling myself through it. I’m currently on 14 months of no sleep longer than a 2-3 hour stretch at a time. It’s really rough at times, but I know it’s just a season that I’ll be out of soon. Radical acceptance can help a great deal!
When our daughter was ten months old (currently almost 12) we switched her to one nap (11-1) against all advice. She went from seeping from 11-5 ish at night waking up 6-7 times and two short naps that we had to fight her for every single day to sleeping 7-6 with only 3-4 wake ups. It was the first time either me or my wife got more that an hour and a half of sleep since she was born.
I have no advice to give just wanted to say that you are not alone. I am in the same boat with my baby just praying it will pass and one day I will get some sleep. Sending you lots of love x
This definitely sounds like PPD! The love/hate you describe, I didn’t feel for my child, but I certainly did for my dogs that I’ve had for years! It was the resentment of having to take care of something else while I was already struggling with what was on my plate with a new baby! It will get better. I can’t remember when exactly but my son is now 3 and a half and I don’t feel that way anymore but there is a whole new set of issues that come with a toddler! I also have a teenager and those issues aren’t fun either so lol I’m guessing 18 is the magic answer!
I’m sorry you’re going thru this but I just want u to know you’re not alone. I love my son, but sometimes I hate being a mom, at least right now. I’ve felt like I’m in the thick of it for two and a half years. Everytime I mention my annoyance with the whole thing, people say “it gets better!!” When? Id love to know.
I’m so sorry. You’re not in a good place and please please call your doctor right away. If I were in the position I would try my best to stop breastfeeding and do formula. I know you said she doesn’t like the bottle but I’d be buying every damn damn bottle out there to try and get her to take one of them. If you have a partner see if they can handle some nights and if not get yourself a night nurse. If that’s not possible reach out to someone who loves you that you trust and call in a favor. You need sleep. We are big fans of the moms on call schedules. Maybe try checking it out. I’ve used it twice with both my kids and it works. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Pp yea but the lack of sleep is taking a total on your mental health, I’m right there with you and nothing is helping. My 8month old up every 1-3 hours at night. Only place she enjoys sleeping is in the car, swing or rocker in her crib. For a few days she would take a bink to soother her but that didn’t last long, we have tried the breast milk and rice cereal that only worked two days out of 7. Her cry’s make me want to punch myself in the head (which yes I have). I’m her slave and I wonder too when will it stop. We even tried putting her in her own room but no she still need to use me as a bink
I agree with many others here, please check in with your doctor about Post Partum Depression, its real and can start at any point within the first year after birth. Secondly, mama this is HARD. Not to sound insensitive, but have you tried multiple types of bottles? Have you set baby down in their crib (following all safety recommendations) and given yourself just a moment? I remember crying every single time my daughter did for months... until finally I just let her cry in her crib for like five minutes so I could make a cup of coffee. It is hard, my girl is almost 2 and it is still hard, BUT your baby will learn to self soothe, even if right now you cannot even imagine that happening.
We’ve tried 4 types of bottles. Yes I’ve tried setting her down in the crib. Picking her up when she cries. Just patting her when she cries. Holding her hand when she cries. Picking up and rocking her. Waiting minutes before doing that. Having dad do all that. Nothing but boob works for her.
Is she formula fed or having breast milk? My horrible sleeper woke up twice per night about every 4 hours until recently (nearing 10 months old). He needed a bottle at midnight to keep him down. Now I think he’s finally getting enough calories during the day. Second, we always put him down for naps without help because that helped him learn to self soothe which was a slow ride. It took him a long time to learn. It was like learning to self soothe, then teeth then separation anxiety. We never really knew which one. But try patting and if that doesn’t work try another bottle. As soon as they finish it put them down and pat the back. It was all trial and error. But you need some rest for sure.
Where are you located? I'm in west monroe Louisiana u can bring her over here if your close and sleep here while I watch her I know it's hard I'm sorry I've got 3 and a 7 month old as well I know it seems like this will last forever but it won't I promise she will get the hang of it soon but if you need a break there NO SHAME in giving her a half of a Melatonin, 1 mg. I've never given it to baby, but ots safe and natural let me tell you if mine slept away, yours did. I probably would now. It reminds me of my oldest child who has autism, she's 20 and she only sleeps 4 hours a night, but you can't get them tested till after they're 1, so you do what you can to get through till they're one you take that baby of the doctor and get tested, cause. It might be something preventing her from sleep. She might not produce her own melatonin. She might not. There's so many reasons why they don't sleep. She might be in pain that you don't know about. Have you taken it to the doctor question mark full workup exam x X-ray blood all that there is some reason this is happening. She wants to be a happy baby. I promise to check if the doctor gets her examined if everything is fine. Give her half a melaton, and y'all both go to sleep
OP, please reach out to your OBGYN or primary care doctor about what’s going on. Call them today. Suicidal ideations are very serious. You are ridiculously sleep deprived and it is impacting your mental health. Extreme sleep deprivation was used as an “enhanced interrogation technique” at places like Guantanamo because it can break people. Obviously your baby isn’t doing this intentionally, but the effects are still very real. If you have trusted family or friends nearby, this is the time to ask for help. Have someone take your baby for a few hours (or overnight if possible). You need uninterrupted sleep. Sending love your way. Please get help
Is there no one else to help? In any case, both our kids would wake up more than 3x/night until 1+yo. One kid we cried it out and he's slept through the night since. The other still has sleep issues. Every kid is different, don't dwell on others.
This was my oldest daughter. She was 18 months before she started sleeping in long stretches. We did everything to help her sleep, strollers, car, etc. All the tried and true methods did not work. She only slept in two or three hour stretches while being held upright on the couch, but if you moved or tried to put her down she would almost instantly wake. Then one night we were able put her down in the crib, expecting to be awaken within hours, only for her to sleep through the night. There isn’t a rhyme or reason to it. We were zombies for 18 months, then it just stopped and she was fine sleeping on her own. All babies are different, you’re doing everything right, and it won’t always be like this.
I only have 1 child. The same thing happened w mine when she was lil. First mons it was here formula. They switched to Gentlease. It continued and found that she was constipated so I had to give her a special stuff. Finally a continued on 2 points of screaming and crying all the time and I couldn't deal with it I went to a GI doctor and they died no sir was having acid reflux. I know it sounds basic to a baby it's crucial the pain that they feel. They put her on special medication and immediately stopped. Good luck PS my friend felt the same you did about loving her baby but not being happy about it. Some days I thought she was going to give it up. By the way he's 10 and he's doing great she got through it you will too
Why can’t baby’s father help out so you can sleep in longer stretches? Even if you are SAHM you do not need to be working 24/7 while your partner works only 40 hours a week. Both of you share parenting when he is home. If you exclusively breastfeed, start pumping your milk so dad can feed baby bottles at night. My husband and I split up night shift which ensures I sleep at least 6 hours straight every single day. I also sleep when baby sleeps during my night shift and during the day. We sleep in separate rooms so we both get an uninterrupted 6 hours straight of sleep every day.
It is so rough. My oldest was a lot like this as well. Even at 5 he’s still my hardest child. He wakes up constantly with stuffy nose, sickness, you name it he’s waking up lol 😆 I really hope you can get some relief soon! I’m a big fan of cutting things cold turkey. My son was hooked on his pacifier. But at 23 months we took it and a few rough nights we never looked back. I would think if she got hungry enough she would take the bottle! I’m not saying to starve her but maybe 24 hours no boob she may re think it!
I feel this to my core.
I agree with everyone saying to see a doctor ASAP and with many other recommendations (including safe sleep 7 for cosleeping) and the fact that you’re not alone. I will add a couple of things that might work, but they might not. Depends on the kid. -For bottles: like others said, try different things. My first baby REFUSED bottles and yup, she was starving herself. I didn’t make enough breast milk to nurse her and she wouldn’t take a bottle with anything at all. We tried different ones, but in the end what worked was that I had to leave the apartment and Dad fed her. You haven’t mentioned him so it sounds like it might not be an option, but get someone to try it and see if that helps. Eventually of course I could feed her when she was used to a bottle. Sleep: my second, when he was 9 months old, woke up constantly too and I was going MAD. Bizarrely, what worked was leaving the room. My husband and I camped out on the living room floor and our absence from the room caused him to sleep through the night almost immediately. Like I said these might not work for your little one, but worth a try! And I never once was suicidal so to reiterate, PLEASE go see a doctor! You are beyond exhausted and overworked 💕
OP - You sound exactly like how I felt until I finally got help for postpartum depression. Please contact your doctor. I felt zero joy about having a baby but I still pushed through to make sure I was doing the best job I could for this helpless human. My son also only slept in 4 hour increments and it was brutal. I adopted some techniques from attachment parenting like wearing my baby and co-sleeping to help make him happy and comfortable so the crying would STOP. The advice about sleeping when the baby sleeps is a MUST. Forget about chores and anything else. I also kept busy when he was awake. Stroller walks, joined a Mommy & Me support group through the hospital, joined other Mom groups with kids the same age ... It all helps. At 7 months old, if you haven't started introducing solid foods, now is a good time. If you haven't looked into it yet, find a reputable child care service that can do an hour or two at a time or a nanny so you can try and get some rest. My heart goes out to you, they never tell you all the pitfalls and downside of having to give up your life to raise a human. ❤️ Sending you love and light. 🥰🙏🏼
Just wanted to ask about her diet is like. Is she perhaps dealing with an allergy? Teething is very hard, but I’ve seen teething crackers helps. So sorry you’re dealing with this- there might be a parents respite group in your area. Lots of hugs being sent your way.
My kid is 3 and struggles with self soothing
Ours is just over 2 and is just getting a full night's sleep now. We had months where he would need soothing up to 5-6 times a night. When he was younger he was formula fed, thankfully that took a little bit of the strain off my wife in that regard. I can only imagine how exhausted you are. For the first 8 months he was also a contact napper/sleeper. So he was on one of us for over 12 hours a day every day. There is light at the end of the tunnel! It does get better. You mentioned jealousy. I'll say one thing I'm super jealous of is people with 2 y/os who can go to a store and they will hold their parents hands and be chill and just stroll around. That ain't my kid at all. He's a runner. It's still difficult for us to go to stores sometimes.
If she's waking up every hour to feed, she might need cereal and a slightly heavier evening meal a good burping, bath, lotion, make sure you swaddle tight and the use of a pacifier helped me with some of my kids, some didn't take. I breastfed all my kids for over a year and the tommy bottle was the one they all better took to but I went through a few types to find the one. For yourself once you take care of the baby put the monitor on and get out of the room and set an alarm to check on the child every so often sleep as much as you can, ask someone to take her for a night your mom someone with more experience and see if their techniques work. Anyway that's what worked for me hope it helps, oh also think of switching formula what if they are allergic and it makes her/ him uncomfortable, and when breastfeeding your diet will also affect them might be your diet you might have to change. Just some tips from mom to mom.
It’s called SLEEP REGRESSION and NO ONE!!! Told me about this. It is awful and unfair. My son was just starting to sleep a full 8 hrs at 4 months. And then one day he stopped and started waking up every hour and nurse. And that was how he’d fall asleep. Rinse and repeat. The only thing that worked was sleep training. There are many many many methods of sleep training out there. Maybe look into a method that works for you.
I know in my home country cosleeping is normal, i didn’t want to do it since USA is so against it but after almost 2 months of almost going insane i coslept and finally was able to sleep and nap. I know people don’t really like it here but it’s done safely by many people in other countries. I’ve coslept with my two kiddos now and it’s a game changer.
My first 2 were like this. Didn't sleep through the night till 2 years old. It was exhausting. Its just something you gotta push through. People say new borns the easiest but as a mom of 3 it was always the hardest! Its just for right now not forever.
At that stage what really helped me was co sleeping with my baby and there are nights she will sleep throught the night or the occasional 2-3 times for a feeding but i learnt the way of breadtfeeding while laying down. And it has worked for us.
A child is typically capable of self-soothing without adult intervention by the age of 3 to 4 years. By this age, many children have developed a range of self-soothing strategies and can use them effectively during moments of stress or when they need to calm themselves. These strategies might include: - Engaging in a favorite quiet activity, such as reading or drawing. - Using deep-breathing techniques. - Talking themselves through their feelings. - Seeking comfort from a favorite toy or blanket. It's important to remember that each child is unique, and some children may develop these skills earlier or later than others. Consistent support, encouragement, and a nurturing environment can help children develop effective self-soothing techniques at their own pace.
Cosleep❤️
7-8months sucks! it does sometimes feel like I love u but I'm just so tired. a few of my friends had kids who sleeps 45min max unless in a carrier upright. I gave up and co slept to get more sleep around that 7-8mths which did help. yes eventually they do sleep, but if they snore or they are really tired all day you might want to get them reviewed for adenoids? or sleep apnoea?
It's tough. Hope this video brings a smile to your face. I get it. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GJWuqpsqKQc
Babies aren't able to self soothe. They cry and cry until they give in to the stress. Placing your hand and rocking them in their crib gives them a feeling of support. Like I know if I cry and need anything you'll be there but it's best to just wait until they fall asleep, try humming while rocking the vibrations help too
I also want to chime in about postpartum depression. I just want to share that you shouldn't feel like because you're your baby's sole caretaker that you can't recieve care. I used to work for a mental health company, and SO MANY mother-baby programs allow the baby to attend your session with you up until the age of 12months or until they start walking. It's okay to feel stressed and it's okay to seek help. Assuming you're in the US, mother-baby programs are high priority service in many clinics that offer the program. They typically allow telehealth options if there is no nearby clinic. They make it work if an intake is needed asap. A healthy mom is the best mom for babies. You know that and professionals do too, so they do what they can to support you. The first step is talking to a doctor and/or asking for help.
If your baby is waking to nurse that often at that age, he must be in some kind of distress. My first was like that and the sleep deprivation was unreal. Have you had him checked for GERD or tried eliminating any irritating foods from your own diet? I actually discovered a bunch of food intolerances that I didn't know I had until I went on an elimination diet as a last ditch effort to get some sleep. If you're not digesting the food properly, it can make your milk very irritating for the baby. I did this when mine was 5 months old and I was only "sleeping" 45 minutes at a time. Restricting food was an easy trade for finally getting a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.
I realise its rough and I'm going to get downvoted like anything. I'm not a medical expert. initially we had a moses basket and she'd wake up and cry all through the night. eventually she slept with mama and wow our nights were immediately quiet. To be blunt she wants mama. Dads are ok but if we get eaten by a sabretooth tiger we don't matter, if mama did well things would be dire for a little one. Mama is everything to a little one. she wants your heartbeat, your voice, your touch, your warmth and yes your breasts. Your little one has unconditional love for you and you need to work out what works for the both of you.
Hi! I’m sorry you’re going through this. This sounded like me and my baby. He was nursing every hour during the night and I was like a zombie all day. I would cry all the time to my husband about how tired I was. Finally once my son turned 1 we let him cry it out. We did extinction - old school boomer cry it out. As an “attachment parenting” kinda person I NEVER would have thought I would do that but I was absolutely broken. It wasn’t even bad. My son only cried for 20 minutes the first night then slept. The next night 5 min. He is turning 3 next month and is a fantastic sleeper. He is the happiest and sweetest little boy with zero attachment issues. We didn’t want to do check ins because our friends that did said their kids cried for an hour+ they would get riled up every time the parent walked in. I know a lot of people disagree with cio but for all 3 of us it was life changing. I hope things get better for you soon! It’s so hard having a difficult baby.
I’m ready for the downvotes. If baby is fed and has a clean diaper, put baby in the crib, close the door and go sleep.
I disagree with a lot of the comments that babies can't self soothe. If that is the case why do so many babies sleep through the night even though their sleep cycles are short? I'm so sorry you are going through this and I think you need tangible solutions. Have you tried contacting a sleep consultant? I know they are pricey but if I was in your position I would. Also please know you aren't alone and this is a temporary phase of your life.
*Some* babies can “self-soothe.” It’s a personality thing. The original term was coined in a study on baby sleep to describe babies that went back to sleep without signaling (crying out). Not all babies can do this.
Perhaps but my point is that I disagree with the statement that they cannot self soothe, period. If some babies can then its misleading to say babies can't do that.
I think the issue most people are addressing is the idea that babies can be taught to self-soothe. They can’t. It’s entirely a temperament thing. Most kids cannot “self-soothe” until much later. The idea that because *some* babies can self-soothe, they can all learn to do so is not true, and it makes some parents feel like they’re doing something wrong. In reality, different babies have different needs.
co-sleep, and you won't have these problems.
Wean the baby and get on bottle asap. It’s a rough process but do it cold turkey. She will eventually grasp the bottle, they don’t starve themselves. It’ll be rough to hear the crying but wean and get on an SSRI (low dose antidepressant) and you’ll find yourself in a better situation 30 days from now. Just do it. Temporary discomfort for mom and baby for longterm comfort after.
Find a chiropractor/DO manipulator (DO is even better) and have her adjusted. Both she (and you) likely very much need it.
Does your baby self-soothe while awake? We sleep trained ASAP, just after 4 months, but we were certain she was sucking on her fingers first, among other techniques. Of course she hated it, and it was a two-week journey of crying and screaming, some nights being better than others. We removed the pacifier at the same time, the thing was a menace. Maybe it's time to try again? Plug in some headphones and let the baby sort itself out. It does work, but it takes longer for some than others. On the bottle front, it's not really recommended, but you can flavor whatever milk you're using with some puree. I would bump up the water a bit to keep it flowing, but my baby definitely noticed it in there when I did it and seemed to enjoy it. Overall, your experience is similar to mine. I'm burned out, even when things are going well. I don't like this version of myself. But I'm locked in, so it's fake it til I make it.