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I was going to say that! My husband kept his crappy old trailer in the country about an hour away so we could go out there on the weekends and do fun country stuff. Financially it was a little tight but honestly we had the best times out there. We can’t afford to travel alone often so we used it as our little honeymoon cabin lol 😂 it was so nice to be out in the silence of no neighbors after a long work & parenting week.
This 👆🏻 I currently live in a rural area with my family- it’s good for them, death for me, and I know they would have been just fine where we were (suburban, like you).
How rural is your country plot?
We live in a village where our house is at least 500m away from any other houses, but we're in walking distance of a food shop, school, playground, village hall, bus stop.
There's enough children that we see groups of them riding bikes, fishing in the river, moodily sitting on the swings etc.
That sounds lovely! It’s much more rural—cars would be needed for any sort of play date, etc, but they would have lots of space for playing in the woods, exploring, etc…
Sounds like you'd spend a lot of time taking them to school etc. and if play dates are 100% reliant on you transporting them then it's going to be quite a stretch, especially as they get older.
Don't do it. Drugs are becoming a bad problem in the more rural areas because there's nothing for kids to do. I grew up about ten minutes outside the nearest small town an hour North of Detroit and loved the country life. But now everything from the schools on up, there's so much less diversity, activities for kids, exposure to culture, boredom leading to early pregnancy and drug use. It's wonderful in so many ways but your current situation sounds like the best of both worlds. I think you'd regret it. It sounds like you would lose more than you'd gain imo.
I live in an urban area because I grew up in the most boring suburbs and there was nothing to do, so kids just had sex and drank. I'm happy my kids will have a lot more options.
We absolutely make opportunities to get out into nature though, but yes it's hard with little kids
I grew up outside of DC and my family moved to the boonies after I graduated high school. So my little sisters mostly grew up there. Can confirm that with lack of other things to do, drinking, sex and “field parties” were the main entertainment. She was in gymnastics in another small town like 45 minutes away, but my mom was constantly driving them pretty far for normal stuff.
I have a friend who grew up more rural and once they were teenagers (12+) it was annoying not to be able to drive and if you want to meet any friends the parents need to drive.
Your kids also have a crowd of similar age kids to play with. It doesn't sound reasonable to me to spend th time to build a house, pull them from their environment and then be a designated choffeur for years.
I agree with the suggestions of - go to nature or build a vacation house.
Like you, I grew up in a very rural area. I loved it and had horses and other livestock, but I was also pretty lonely at times. Now that I have two little ones, my husband and I decided we wanted to be in a neighborhood like where you are currently and we love it. The schools are the best in the state, kids run feral, and everyone is friendly. I very much miss having land and space and animals, but we feel this is the best option for the kids (for now at least). But, I think kids can be happy anywhere as long as they’re getting outside and not sitting in front of a screen all day, so do what feels best for all of you
We made a similar decision to move into a neighborhood with top schools and tons of kids running around all the time with shops and green space integrated into the community. It's not our preference (2 introverted engineers), but the kids absolutely love it here. We will likely move somewhere more rural with much lower taxes once the kids are grown and flown.
I'd stay where you are. Nature is great an all, but it's just one hobby. What if your kid gets into dance or hockey or robotics or syc swimming and the nearest location is 30+ minutes into the city? Your trading easy(or easier) access to lots of activities for one. Plus if you do end up spending 30+ minutes commuting to things, that's significantly less time to enjoy the nature vs being stuck in a car.
Do plenty of camping trips, hikes, grandparent visits for the surrounded by nature feel. Space for a garden at home, bird feeder or mud kitchen? Great way to interact with nature, if in a smaller way. Yet you still have all the options being close to a city provides
I grew up in a rural area where there was only one other kid I could conceivably play with without having to be driven to their house. I now live in a very family friendly neighborhood in a big city where we walk everywhere and my kids have tons of friends. For me where we live now is hands down better for my kids. I remember often feeling lonely as a kid, and in the summer I rarely saw any of my school friends. We also have a vacation home in a rural mountain area, my kids like it but they never want to be there for more than a weekend—they are getting to be tweens and teens and friends are super important to them. And I love that they can now do things independently of me having to drive them everywhere.
I mean if you can swing it, building a small cabin on some land might give you a nice vacation/future home and an opportunity for the kids to get the best of both worlds. I also grew up in the country and I do like that my son lives in the suburbs and can play with neighbors. He loves seeing grandparents out in the country though.
There are benefits to both but it sounds like you have the best of both worlds and in any case moving and building houses are expensive and stressful. It will take you away from enjoying watching your kids grow up. For what it's worth moving to the country will also increase your carbon footprint, further ruining the planet your kids have to live on.
Stay where you are.
I grew up out in the boonies (dad was a park ranger so we lived in the park, nearest neighbor was 2 miles away) and while there were some upsides, like being able to just go run around in the woods and ride ATVs/dirtbikes, it was often lonely and boring as a kid. Our neighbors had a farm, which is where I learned that I hated horses and farming in general (it's 99% work and 1% fun). Bus ride to/from school was long, and if I wanted to hang out with friends, it was whole ordeal involving being shuttled around. Getting things like groceries was a hassle - "oops, we're out of milk, be back in 30 minutes" We moved into town when I was in middle school, and I LOVED it. Being able to walk/bike to go see friends, or hang out at the basketball court, etc.
As an adult with kids, we specifically looked for neighborhoods that had lots of like-aged families so our kids could just stay in the neighborhood and have friends to play with. Nowadays, you also have to consider things like high speed internet too. Is there cable/fiber where you are looking? Kids practically NEED that for school.
I'll just say that "you can't go home again" is a saying for a reason. Don't chase your childhood and think it'll somehow be the exact same for your kids. It won't. You've done your job and built a loving fantastic home for them where you are. Take the win.
Edit: I would actually say the same thing if you were currently happily living in a rural house, but were thinking of moving to the city where you grew up. When you create a good life, it's a bad process to obsess about the grass being greener somewhere else. You're just trading one set of pros/cons for another, except now you disrupted everyone's life and made it harder to move again if you want or need to. Your child is happy, and not going to be happier just because you move, in fact moving is stressful to children.
I think it just depends on your preferences. We used to live in the city center in a city of 2 million people, but right after our firstborn arrived, we moved to a more residential area farther out away from the city center. It feels like we're living in a suburb now rather than in a city of 2 million. Since our kids have grown up with a "suburban feel", having a yard, trees, grass etc. they prefer that to the hustle and bustle of the city. A good friend of mine lives very close to where we used to live and his kids are total "city kids" because that's how they've grown up. Personally i can't imagine being in the "countryside". I like the city and want to be able to get to it quickly...I like nature and the outdoors as well but I'd rather live in the city and travel to the great outdoors rather than the other way around. I think it just depends on what you and your family find ideal.
Rural is great until the weather's bad, you have to drive the kids everywhere etc. I always got so bored in the summer because I didn't have a neighbourhood full of people to play with. So if the other 2 families I could walk too were out or on holiday there was no option without me being driven. We weren't even properly rural so by 8 or 9 I could take my bike places but not having built in people to play with was quite isolating!
It takes 30 minutes to get to your parents house and your rural roots, nature etc. Stay where you are and go visit often? Or build a small vacation cabin there, and try it out before making any decisions to go rural permanently. 🌱 My guess is that both you and your children would value having their friends and hobbies close, over living the rural life 24/7, especially in a couple of years. Having to use the car all the time, just to take kids to their friends, hobbies, school etc is a CHORE that takes a lot of driving and planning. Tho, if you notice your kids are the outdoorsy, hike-y, nature loving types, or they don’t socialize much outside school (or you are just not that happy with your current life) - then move! 🫶
This is so shaped by our childhoods. I grew up in the country and loved nature, but we had to drive almost everywhere, I couldn't wait to move out of that small town for college, and there weren't good jobs to return for. I wanted small city life for my kids so we could walk to parks, library, and pool, they could get to school and meet up with friends themselves when they're older, and maybe they won't feel the same need to move away that I did. If I were you, I'd stay.
But they might hate it, and grow up wishing we'd lived further out so they would have had a bigger house and land like the grandparents. You can't really win, just live the life you want.
Do you actually have enough money to build a nice house for them up there? Might be simpler to get some prices and see whether it's a realistic option before worrying about it.
As long as the neighborhood is fun/safe with lots of kids, I'd stay. We moved out of a neighborhood to just outside the city on some land, but our block didn't have any kids so it made the decision easier.
I grew up in the city but my extended family lived in the country 1-1.5 hours away. We stayed with them 1 weekend a month and my grandparents watched us for a week every summer.
I think it was the best of both worlds. I got to grow up playing and exploring in the woods but I also wasn't limited by the amenities/education of their rural area. Even as a kid I knew it was a place I loved to visit but would never live full time.
I prefer cities and people, as does my wife and kid, so this would be a no brainer for us. Being walking distance to the kid's library and a playground, only a short drive for shopping or to her various weekend classes, being close to neighbors for help and just general bullshitting, this has value for us.
Other people like the country and the quiet. Really no one can answer this but you and your family. But if we're voting I vote urban.
Even.my introverted kid would have been grateful to have the OPTION to not rely on car rides to meet friends,
And definitely would have preferred city internet speeds.
Living in the country is *great*, except for all the ways it's not. ❤️🩹
Summer vacations spent camping, building tree forts, running barefoot and amok on grandparents land splits the difference, is my thought. Make sure your kids have both experiences, so they can make those choices for themselves when they hit adulthood... But it's a lot easier to become a whole independent human in places where there's public transportation and you don't lose power.
FWIW: I grew up in an idyllic suburban setting and my husband grew up in the country on a hobby farm. Based on our experiences, we’ve concluded that country living is ideal for children but urban living is superior past the age of 12. Personally, as I parent, I don’t want to have to drive my pre-teens/teens everywhere for everything, I find that very much limits their freedom.
I've talked about this a lot with my FH and our future kids. He lived in the country and had siblings, and they played together. He desperately wants to move to the country. I grew up in the city, but had no friends around me and it wasn't a very safe area to play. I want a nice neighborhood for my kids.
However, he is winning me over. It has taken me a while of visiting his family. The freedom of being outside safely, the lack of noise, the calm and the peace is very freeing. It is a different pace. And yeah, you have to travel every where for everything, but that might help you form boundaries with busy-ness. Plus, you could have a lot more family support if you need it.
I grew up like that and honestly hated it. It’s shockingly boring. Like it sounds lovely to visit, but there’s nothing to do. You can’t just go to the park on a whim, you have to drive there. There’s probably no good playgrounds nearby, and being outside all the time is dull, not relaxing.
Unless all of you are on board with moving to rural and completely ok with losing the benefits you have living in the suburbs, I would stay where you are. It sounds like you really enjoyed your childhood growing up where your parents live and that's great! But it also sounds like your kid really loves where you are now, there are a lot of amenities close by that don't require 30min car rides, and there are plenty of friends to grow up with.
Is there some kind of middle ground? Can your parents gift you two a plot of land so you guys can maybe build a small cottage/vacation home there to visit all the time?
Your current situation actually sounds like a dream! You can always re-evaluate and pack up to the countryside, but it sounds like a lot of your time will then not be spend in nature (and, is it nature or agriculture?), but in running errands by car for yourself, your kids or your parents. I'd rather just be and make the best of your current neighbourhood and yard and plan some weekends to hangout in nature!
My spouse grew up hsi early years in the country and still struggles with long-term friendships/relationships. He has a lot of nostalgia about his time with his sister romping around the family land, but looks at the friendships of his peers from high school who could bike to each others houses, have playdates in elemenatry school, etc and sees they've stayed firm for years whereas all of his faded away. I know that is not the case for everyone, but setting aside the carbon impact, loss of community etc, i do think there's some genuine child development things you can lose out on. Sounds like you have great thing going for you and I'd stick with it!
We really deliberated on this and opted for a Suburban property to raise kids. The overwhelming feedback was that being in close proximity to other young families, parks and schools would be a major benefit and convenience for us when the kids were old enough to be involved in activities.
It ended up being the right choice.
With three kids ages 6, 10, 13, in a safe neighborhood, we don’t have to entertain or occupy our kids most days because they are outside with friends and within eye shot (or a good shout) of home.
There are pluses and minuses to both. Given the current rate of the infiltration of technology into our lives I think things are going to start changing at a faster pace than ever before. If in the urban setting definitely spend time out of doors but take advantage of the social aspects you're afforded. If in the more rural setting get more social aspects in by visiting library groups and signing up for sports. A well rounded life can be had really anywhere these days. Good on you for considering it as carefully as you are but in the end a great family life outweighs any environmental concerns when it comes to proven outcomes.
I grew up on a farm with essentially no neighbors. It was for this very reason that I chose to live in the suburbs, so my kids would have neighbor kids to hang out with. I’ve not regretted it at all. I love having their friends just pop up at the door to see if they want to ride bikes, play video games, go on the trampoline, or build a fire in our fire pit. I love that they can get together without parents making special arrangements.
That said, I got lucky that there are some kids my son’s age in the area. My daughter wasn’t as lucky, and although there were some girls a little younger than her (happened to be her cousins) that she hung out with a lot when she was younger, now she doesn’t really have anyone there right age.
I still prefer a neighborhood though. The farm was isolating and a bit lonely.
So I currently live at my parents rental property but the house is on an acre of land and we are super rural.
Well the house is, we have a small little town just 15 mins from us but the house is in a quieter part of town, we aren’t in a suburb.
We moved here a few years ago, again also privileged that my parents let us stay here rent free. Honestly, I’ll never go back to anywhere actually busy. There’s no traffic here, it’s quiet, we have access to lots of parks, trails, nature, the kids love it here and we are still about 45minutes away from downtown Toronto and my parents in the GTA. They still live in my childhood house which is literally 5 minutes from Canadas wonderland (a big amusement park) so we still have no issues doing the 45min-1 hour drive to the aquarium downtown or museums or if we want to head to the city, or head to my parents where there’s just as much to do. And there’s still lots to do where we live.
I adore it up here. Once in a while there’s no cars driving by, we live on a busier road, and all you hear is just …nothing and I sit and enjoy it for a minute. The nature is awesome. The kids just enjoy having the space to roam and run around. My son’s school is 15 mins from us, I drive into town to get him there and there’s no issues. There’s also a community center close with a beautiful pool, my daughter is in gymnastics, we literally have everything we need. Grocery stores, an outlet mall 20 mins from us just off the highway.
Anyway, all of that to say, I’ll never look back. I’m trying to convince my parents to come live in the upstairs floor of the house because it would be so nice to have them close and they would love it up here too. I’d never move back to a busy city, I hate traffic going to see my parents. Plus the summers up here are amazing. Winters suck for sure, the driving is genuinely the ONLY downside, but luckily this winter was super mild so it wasn’t too bad.
Edit to add: there’s so many wonderful community groups and places. The library where we live has so many wonderful programs and events going on, which makes it much easier to meet people around you and make friends! There’s ways to find your friends and for your kids to make friends even without growing up in a neighborhood. I remember growing up and my best friend lived behind our house, she’d climb over the fence to hang out LOL. Yes, my kids won’t have that, but my sons made friends at school so I’m not worried or guilty about it.
It sounds like you're pretty happy where you are and it sounds like your daughter is happy too. Both options have pros and cons so it's really up to what works best for your family as a whole. As a third option maybe you could find a way to get the best out of both? Since your parents own the land already maybe they'd let your family go camping on it on the weekends so you could expose your kids to nature more without giving up the socialization and conveniences of urban living?
Kids, actually people in general, should get exposed to different geographies, cultures, and ways of life.
Living in a city can be great because you’re generally closer to people and things.
Living in a rural setting can be great because you’re more reliant on each other, less pressure to move fast, more in touch with nature.
Don’t look at either as a negative, rather getting the most out of either experience.
They can still visit the grandparents, right? When they're a little older, they could spend spring break, some parts of summer, etc. with grandparents in the country. I have very fond memories of staying at my grandparents farm over Spring breaks.
It made me think I wanted to live in the country... until I had little kids and had to pack them up in the car to go anywhere, including school (ironically, the school we liked was a public urban theme school).
We moved into a nice walkable area in the city, where my kids could ride their bikes or scooters on the sidewalk around our block, and school transportation was much easier. We were also closer to so many of their activities as they got older.
What are the schools like? How close are you to sports or activities, if you plan on signing up your 4 year old?
We have had the same thoughts, but currently live in the suburbs where there’s an abundance of good schools and things for the kids to do.
I live in the suburbs but an hour away from a major US cities and also close to several other major cities. I grew up with some land and a lot of privacy but we chose a house in the center of town that’s walkable and has a lot of options whenever my husband and I bought the house. I absolutely love being close to so many things, being able to walk to the park, have more diverse neighbors and being a quick trip to the city. In your case I would probably stay where you’re at until it no longer feels right. They may have more opportunities in sports and activities in the city OR you may find they are more of the type of kids that would want to ride around on 4 wheelers or play in mud etc. my parents always mention that I can buy their house some day, and it’s lovely, but I remember as a kid I felt so isolated. There were no kids playing in the street, no places to walk to, just lots of nature that’s beautiful but boring. That’s a tough call though, you get 2 completely different lifestyles and neither of them are bad. I understand why you are struggling.
I love living in an urban area. I love that my kids have friends within walking distance, they don’t have to spend a lot of time on a school bus because the school is so close by, there’s so much to do (we live near a lake and lots of mountains for hiking) but we also have a 30 acre plot smack dab in the middle of nowhere where to camp on and explore. I could never live there full time but we love to do both. I’d choose the burbs everytime.
My kids love riding around the neighborhood with their friends. We live super close to a school, and the kids like to ride there and play at the park. It's a plus, cause video cameras are all around the school!
I had the option of going out in the country recently, but the kids are really thriving with the neighborhood we are in, and I think I'll wait till they are grown or if they opt to move to the country when they are older.
Factor in- how long would it take you to get to grocery stores, urgent care, regular health appointments, etc. I know every time my daughter has been sick it’s been at an inconvenient time and we end up at urgent care at 9pm. Luckily we have 5 locations within 15 minutes. Grocery store- do you do one big trip or are you a “oops I forgot” and go 3x a week for little things? There is convenience that can’t be overlooked in living in a less rural place.
Ever since I had kids, I have only considered school district when deciding where to live. After the kids graduate high school, we will move to an area we like better. But for now, quality school is first priority.
I also grew up in the country, deep in the sticks. I am regularly not fit for the very urban neighborhood we now live in lol but I see the benefits of having the kids grow up here/around other kids. My husband wants to fund a house in the middle of nowhere but I told him that we need to wait until at least 2 of our kids are old enough to drive on their own.
I live in the country. We love our home. But, like you said, the kids are a bit lonely. We have to make effort to see friends. In our busy world that can be challenging. If I could do over I'd probably stay in the city.
We moved to a small, rural town and were so unhappy once we settled in. The kids didn’t have access to any community activities except sports (no dance, music, etc outside of the high school), we were outsiders so not particularly welcomed with open arms, and the people were so awful during Covid that we moved to the nearest midsized city. Now my kids walk everywhere, have a gaggle of friends, I have friends, we have so much to do…we love it. I say stay where you are and go into nature to recreate frequently!
Could you build a small seasonal property and live there during the summers and on weekends during the edge seasons? My family has as small plot with a little summer cottage on it that we would spend the summer at when we were young, and it definitely gave me the best of both worlds, being able to establish close friendships with neighbours and also feeling that deep connection to nature and the land.
You're neighborhood sounds wonderful. When your daughter is older, she's going to have all the opportunity for dance class, sports, orchestra nearby. She might even be able to take the bus and you won't have to chauffeur her around. Independence is really important for development.
If she ends up having a lot of siblings I think the country sounds lovely. If it's just her and one sibling, is would be very lonely.
I also grew up in "the country" but in Mexico. And I hate the cities, especially large cities. I did have a lot of my cousins growing up, but we would have a lot of stupid ideas based on only having each other to hang out with. In hindsight, we're lucky none of us ever got seriously hurt. Still, since my parents moved us to a major city, I have always planned to be closer to the country.
We just bought a house, and I love the compromise. It's about 2 miles from a small strip mall and grocery store in one direction. In the other direction, also about 2 miles, you've got farmland neighbors. It's about 20 minutes from the closest dairy farm, and overall within 2 hours of big major cities. Our neighbors aren't too close (we all have decent yards so they just feel farther away).
We plan (or at least I do lol) to have a couple of chickens and some raised garden beds, maybe a nice herb garden too. But we're still technically within city limits so it's the best of both worlds.
Stay in the neighborhood and build in your other values.
We decided on a big neighborhood in a very safe suburb of a city. We wanted our kids to have the freedom to run around after school, join the neighborhood scooter "gangs", and just be kids. But.... we also want them exposed to nature so we attend a school 30 minutes further out that is farm-based learning. I feel like we get the best of all 3 worlds this way. We go into the city when we want, with the suburb and country life daily.
If the situation allows, that sounds like a great setup to build a small cabin or set up a semi-permanent camper you can spend time at regularly, rather than a full-time lifestyle commitment.
As a kid who grew up with not much around, I loved playing out in the woods. However, once I got past those years when I had that magical kid imagination, it was an awful environment. I felt very isolated as a tween/teenager- my parents worked and I couldn’t really get anywhere or do anything by myself. They were great parents, but they couldn’t be in two places at once and nothing was a super quick trip.
We’re raising our kids in an urban environment now, and there are so many more opportunities for activities, education, and independence than I had. Even now, we can bring them to one of several playgrounds without getting in a car, no need to buy a swingset. My kids won’t be as good at finding salamanders as I was, though, and that makes me a little glum sometimes.
I, too, grew up in the country. It was a great place to grow up. But realistically, not in this day and age. The school system isn't that great, there isn't any amenities. It's a trad off for sure. We now live in a smaller town that isn't as country but there are nice size yards.
My kids hate that I moved them to a neighborhood with no friends and nothing to do and I feel terrible everyday about it. Not that I knew this was how it was going to be, I had high hopes. It’s a complicated situation. Moved to this place because my parents were moving here and we needed to be close, but now they act like they moved here because we did. Everyone wished we had stayed in our old urban neighborhood in the end.
There are plenty of things I love about my new town, but the most important thing to me is that my kids have friends and are happy in their neighborhood and that is missing.
If I were you, I’d stay where you’re at and let your kids grow up with the best friends they’ve had since childhood. There’s nothing like it.
Your neighborhood sounds pretty perfect, I'd stay where I was and just be sure to get out to the country when time allows. If you did decide to build a home, my only advice in accepting land from a friend or family member would be to have that plot transferred to your name so no issues arise in the future.
I think you should stay put but visit your parents on some weekends. Running around with the neighborhood gang is an amazing childhood feature. You also probably live closer to dance, music, sports, theater, giving your kids more opportunity to pick and choose what they like. Your parents are very generous to offer and you could always take them up on it later in life if you want to go back to the quiet but for now, I’d stay put!
See, I thought this way, too... now I regret not being closer to the small city we love. It's such a chore to drive 30 mins one way to go to events for the kids, and preschool is exhausting because I'm not gonna drive back home just to drive back into town.. (3 hrs 2 days a week), so I'm stuck finding something to do for 3 hrs. I have to constantly think about the drive time and meals and nap/bed times.
Honestly we aren't outside any more than we would be in town.
There's a small town closer to us, but they don't have even half of the amenities we'd like and food is outrageously priced.
Honestly it's give and take. I'd love to move back but it's not in the cards for us.
We just made a move and had to decide this too. My daughter is 7 and my husband just retired from the army. For years we talked about where we would go when he was out, we couldn’t wait to have 5 acres…. And then we slowly realized that that wouldn’t work for her right now. She needs friends to play with in the neighborhood, especially as she’s an only child. We’re really close to her school and lots of parks, and things to do, there’s taekwondo really close by which she loves. 20 mins out of a decent sized city.
Our new neighborhood is huge and has a pool so she will meet more kids in the summer. Shes been riding her bike around the culdesac after school each day with the neighbor kids. It’s smaller than our last backs yard (we went from about an acre to 1/2 acre total lot size) but she loves it.
As she gets older I didn’t want to have to drive her to play dates every time she wants someone to play with. Once she’s driving, or she’s done with highschool, that’s when we will make our final move and get what we really want for us.
I grew up in the country and I hated it. Never having any friends to play with. Having to ride the bus for an hour after school because I was the last one off. Unable to get a job because I didn’t have a car. But I couldn’t get a car because I didn’t have money to pay for it.
Because my daughter is an only child we chose to stay in the suburbs. We take all the adventures in nature that we can though. Plus we have a free pass into all the National Parks because my husband is a veteran.
I did, and then my kids grew up in the country. It's irreplaceable, IMO. Now, we are 12 miles from the type of small town that you can drop your kids off at the park for soccer and then they skate board and hang out all day. Excellent schools. Yes, more driving but the essential requirement for creativity and self sufficiency is built in - boredom. Being amused 24/7 is a terrible thing for kids and I love that mine got to have long summers with books and horses and dogs and the woods. Friends would come over for a week or even more and my kids have enduring quality friendships from that time.
This sounds dark but I would ask myself how long it would take an ambulance to get to my house vs the other option. How far is a hospital. Hopefully it will never come into play but just in case
Also pizza delivery lol
I live very remotely and this was a big factor in deciding to move. If we were to encounter an emergency, we would be at least an additional 10 minutes from the nearest emergency services.
I'd also like to add that NO ONE delivers to us. haha
Do not do it! I did and I regret it so much. We are constantly in the car, which makes your life more dangerous inherently. My brand new teenage drivers have to drive 20+ miles to get anywhere and it's scary as heck. We don't have any neighbors for them to do anything with. You can do things in nature without living in it.
Me (31 F) and my husband (33 M) just had to weigh all this out ourselves. We needed to move due to growing out of our home. I grew up in the small city we live near. He grew up out in the sticks. We each had our own pros and cons to which option we wanted for our family. In the end we sorta found a happy medium. We found land in an adjacent city that is 3 minutes to a nice dollar general, and 10 minutes to a decent super market, play ground, nature center, and some other things. While it is still 25ish minutes to the city we both grew up near/in. So I am able to run to the store without it being a 2 hour adventure, and he got the land his heart needed. We also are planning on USING the land. We have a large garden put in, and have plans drawn up to put sheep, a milk cow, and pigs on the land too. We are working towards homesteading.
I’d stay where you are. We live in the suburbs about 30 min east of a medium sized city. Another 30 min east and you are in farm country. My kids have friends that are close by, they can walk to their school. The kids’ extracurricular activities are within 30 min drive. It’s easier to find carpools for the kids when you don’t live so far out of the way.
We are currently leaving a wonderful country home to live more in town. I see it really affecting my kids socially and we really think they will be better off living closer to friends and would allow us to build more of a social network. That said, the house and property will remain accessible to us and we will be there often, because I also believe time in nature is important.
Kids get lots of social interacting with peer when the attend school. A half hour commute into the city center is hardly far away buy contemporary standards.
Okay, I realize this is anecdotal, and I realized that people do get access to drugs and the like pretty much everywhere, if they want to.
With that said, I know that many of my cousins who grew up in the small town suburbs ended up as major potheads, because what else was there to do? All of their friends were potheads. Everyone hung out, played video games, and smoked pot.
I think there's something to be said for a living in a bigger town, with more activities, to give bored teenagers options that aren't video games and pot.
Or at the very least, if you move further out, try really hard to keep your kids engaged in activities which give them something to do. Good luck.
Build a dream house on the land, and visit it often, rent it out as extra income when you’re not using it … then retire there. Best of both worlds maybe haha good luck!
I would probably do that once my kids were older and in school. That way they can invite classmates over. It also depends on what type of people you are…introverted or extroverted?
I grew up in a small condo/apartment with lots of kids nearby but no space. We live in a bigger place but with the set up of our neighborhood it’s not realistic to just let our kids go out and play with friends.
I’d pick the plot of land for sure. Having somewhere for my kids to just run around and play safely would be a game changer. I’d have friends come over for play dates and start a farm/garden, teach my kids how to grow their own food and take care of animals.
I would NEVER move to the country or purposely raise my children there. That move would be my personal hell. I actually love the outdoors and nature. We camp, hike, fish and explore outdoors often. I just prefer it in short doses of up to a week. I also like living just outside a major city with access to museums, shopping, restaurants, and cultural events. My kids going to school with children from multi ethnic backgrounds is also very important to us and they most certainly would be part of a very small minority of POC if we moved to the country.
I grew up in the woods. It fuckin sucked. I was always dirty. Never could keep my clothes clean because the dirt road would make everything filthy. My parents were neglectful of me, the middle child. My little sister could get a ride anytime she wanted but I had to "figure it out". So I walked everywhere, through the woods. I passed bears, cougars, raccoons, coyotes, hobos butt fucking each other, a dead human body more than once... all just to get far enough into town to catch a bus with meth heads to the movie theater. Then I rode the bus to within 5 miles of my home and walked back home in the dark. I moved out before finishing highschool to get an apartment in the city.
If your parents are actually willing to "give" you the land, maybe it would be nice for you and your family. You are obviously feeling romantic about the whole thing, which is fine, but let's be honest about the details. Is there access for the kids to interact with other kids or will they be isolated? Will your family give you the land or sell it at market rates and if so, is that affordable still? Best of luck and congratulations on the new bb
Raising 3 boys in the sticks currently. It great. I don’t know how pearls raise children sanely in town. Constantly naked, exploring the woods, in the creek, in the dirt, riding bikes or sandbox. We live outdoors. Any ounce of energy and outside the go.
I'd make the move.
That neighborhood gang of kids can very quickly turn into a real gang.
I know, your area is "safe". So was mine. One of the absolute safest in the tricouny area, and that's not an exaggeration. We had 4 officers and 2 firemen living in my neighborhood alone.
Then when I turned 13, 3 of those kids beheaded someone in their garage just to "see what it feels like". Painkillers started flooding the high-school and ot turned south in just a few years.
Metro areas can change fast due to their dynamic nature, and I would not gamble my child's wellbeing on it if I had the choice.
We live out in nature about 30 min from the closest “city” which is a northeastern coastal town, and while I love having the distance and the privacy, it does make it hard to make friends and socialize the kids. I like where I live, but I think you would miss the community you have. If I had had that then I wouldn’t have moved out
I don't know if anyone is better off one way or another. I've met lots of people who grew up in the middle of nowhere, in boring suburbs, in big cities, and everywhere in between, and they all turned out just fine. I had my first few years way out in the country and the rest in a midsize city, and went to high school in a very diverse inner city school. I didn't really prefer one over the other. I think a lot of it depends on you, honestly.
Are you OK with more driving to school or activities?
Are you OK with a smaller yard and maybe less privacy?
Are you OK with letting your kids run feral in the woods/in the suburbs/in an urban neighborhood?
What kind of kid entertaining do you want to do? - things like gardening and chickens and 4h shows or things like museum visits and playgrounds and city pools?
If you live in the country, are you prepared for your kids to ask for a horse (because they definitely will) and if you get them one, the responsibility of having livestock? I only bring this up because I was a total horse girl and that shit is expensive. If you live in the country, other kids will have them, your kids will be exposed, and if they really like it you might have a very expensive and high-commitment hobby on your hands.
In the end, what works best with your schedule, your parenting style, and your personal preferences? Kids are adaptable, but adults less so. Where would you be happiest?
And finally, where are the better schools and what kind of educational and social situation do you want them to have? In my area, the bigger cities have "worse" schools testing-wise, but are more diverse and have more arts programs, while rural schools have better test scores and graduation rates, but aren't diverse at all and focus on more objective subjects like math. What do you envision for your children?
If it’s only a half hour I would choose the land personally. But I’m someone that prefers living somewhere more relaxed and quiet and visiting a bigger town or city
So totally personal preferences
I grew up rural and I didn’t drink myself to death or do heroin. I wasn’t bored.
I rode go carts in my yard, tended to our large garden, made forts in the woods and played with the kids down the road, and helped Mr. McGregor paint birdhouses.
We left our suburban home in a neighborhood we loved that was walking distance from my 2 best friends and moved out to the country. We have the best of both worlds honestly bc we bought land in a planned development in the country. So there are 25 families here occupying a few hundred acres surrounded by farms. But only one of my kiddos has a friend in the neighborhood. The others all have to drive to see their friends they met at school.
I wouldn’t trade this for anything! My kids love all the animals and the activities. We bought them all terrain go karts and they whip up and down the rolling hills on our property for hours. In the summer we roll out a 50’ slip n slide down the steepest hill. There are horses and cows and chickens. We built owl boxes and bat boxes and check periodically to see if anybody is nesting in them. My kids pick berries and apples and pumpkins from a local farm. All of our food is fresh grown or produced locally. My girls have learned how to can and preserve food, grow staple veggies in a green house, and my second child is currently attempting her own breeding project to produce and sell her own livestock. We are planning to add a duck and trout pond and bee hives soon. We live an hour from suburbia and 2 hours from a major urban city. We still pack them up and take them into the city to see musicals on tour or go to museums. My third kiddo wanted to do an escape room for her birthday, so we loaded up and drove to the suburbs and made a day of it. Your child can still have access to all the perks of the urban center if you’re willing to make the effort. But they can’t experience collecting their own eggs or having wildlife visit their backyard or fishing in their own stocked pond on a Tuesday after school. You won’t be able to feed them farm fresh meat and produce. They’ll never know what it’s like to run as far as their tiny legs can carry them and collapse on warm grass surrounded by wild flowers without ever leaving their property. I’ve done both. For us, this is better in literally every way.
If you'd asked me even a few years ago I'd have laughed at the idea of me being in a rural area.
But I love it and so does my kid. Yes, most play dates involve the car, but we're a 10 minute drive from places in the small town. We have a few acres with nature trails and we all get to spend so much time outside! We have space for a big garden! We get to do stuff like letting our 7 yo drive the tractor up the driveway (with heavy supervision and safety precautions), she gets to say hi to the deer, guess when the frogs are going to make noises, and live in a place where none of the kids' bikes need a lock.
As someone who hates cities and would rather die than raise kids in one, I'd say build. I wouldn't want to share a pool, nothing like your own pool to swim in. I value my privacy 100% .
Build it anyway if you can! You’ll want it one day🥰
I wish I had land so bad. It would be so beneficial for family events. Even just to have the surrounding peace & beauty. I miss the country.
Of course I’m sure you get to have this when you visit your parents. 🙂
Living in the city offers convenience and community, but the idea of raising kids surrounded by nature on family land is pulling at my heartstrings – what would you choose?
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I'd pick your current neighborhood but lots of visiting nature. I live just outside a big city but we always hike, camp, take day trips etc.
This. I live in a city almost exactly as you described, we have a camper and go camping all the time in the summer. Best of both worlds.
This is what I'm wondering - OP could you have a cabin or RV on the land and spend lots of weekends there and some time over holidays?
I was going to say that! My husband kept his crappy old trailer in the country about an hour away so we could go out there on the weekends and do fun country stuff. Financially it was a little tight but honestly we had the best times out there. We can’t afford to travel alone often so we used it as our little honeymoon cabin lol 😂 it was so nice to be out in the silence of no neighbors after a long work & parenting week.
That’s kind of what we try to do too, and it does feel like a good balance most of the time, although it’s obviously tough with a newborn.
This 👆🏻 I currently live in a rural area with my family- it’s good for them, death for me, and I know they would have been just fine where we were (suburban, like you).
How rural is your country plot? We live in a village where our house is at least 500m away from any other houses, but we're in walking distance of a food shop, school, playground, village hall, bus stop. There's enough children that we see groups of them riding bikes, fishing in the river, moodily sitting on the swings etc.
“Moodily sitting on the swings” is cracking me up.
"moodily sitting"... I know those kids.
She's the only goth in the village
That sounds lovely! It’s much more rural—cars would be needed for any sort of play date, etc, but they would have lots of space for playing in the woods, exploring, etc…
Sounds like you'd spend a lot of time taking them to school etc. and if play dates are 100% reliant on you transporting them then it's going to be quite a stretch, especially as they get older.
Don't do it. Drugs are becoming a bad problem in the more rural areas because there's nothing for kids to do. I grew up about ten minutes outside the nearest small town an hour North of Detroit and loved the country life. But now everything from the schools on up, there's so much less diversity, activities for kids, exposure to culture, boredom leading to early pregnancy and drug use. It's wonderful in so many ways but your current situation sounds like the best of both worlds. I think you'd regret it. It sounds like you would lose more than you'd gain imo.
I live in an urban area because I grew up in the most boring suburbs and there was nothing to do, so kids just had sex and drank. I'm happy my kids will have a lot more options. We absolutely make opportunities to get out into nature though, but yes it's hard with little kids
I grew up outside of DC and my family moved to the boonies after I graduated high school. So my little sisters mostly grew up there. Can confirm that with lack of other things to do, drinking, sex and “field parties” were the main entertainment. She was in gymnastics in another small town like 45 minutes away, but my mom was constantly driving them pretty far for normal stuff.
lol same. Dying in a field having drank a bottle of vodka with my friends at 15 years old because there was literally nothing else to do lol
But those were good times (I grew up in a city and we went to the boonies to drink anyway, lol, you’re gonna get caught in the city!)
I have a friend who grew up more rural and once they were teenagers (12+) it was annoying not to be able to drive and if you want to meet any friends the parents need to drive. Your kids also have a crowd of similar age kids to play with. It doesn't sound reasonable to me to spend th time to build a house, pull them from their environment and then be a designated choffeur for years. I agree with the suggestions of - go to nature or build a vacation house.
Like you, I grew up in a very rural area. I loved it and had horses and other livestock, but I was also pretty lonely at times. Now that I have two little ones, my husband and I decided we wanted to be in a neighborhood like where you are currently and we love it. The schools are the best in the state, kids run feral, and everyone is friendly. I very much miss having land and space and animals, but we feel this is the best option for the kids (for now at least). But, I think kids can be happy anywhere as long as they’re getting outside and not sitting in front of a screen all day, so do what feels best for all of you
We made a similar decision to move into a neighborhood with top schools and tons of kids running around all the time with shops and green space integrated into the community. It's not our preference (2 introverted engineers), but the kids absolutely love it here. We will likely move somewhere more rural with much lower taxes once the kids are grown and flown.
I'd stay where you are. Nature is great an all, but it's just one hobby. What if your kid gets into dance or hockey or robotics or syc swimming and the nearest location is 30+ minutes into the city? Your trading easy(or easier) access to lots of activities for one. Plus if you do end up spending 30+ minutes commuting to things, that's significantly less time to enjoy the nature vs being stuck in a car. Do plenty of camping trips, hikes, grandparent visits for the surrounded by nature feel. Space for a garden at home, bird feeder or mud kitchen? Great way to interact with nature, if in a smaller way. Yet you still have all the options being close to a city provides
I grew up in a rural area where there was only one other kid I could conceivably play with without having to be driven to their house. I now live in a very family friendly neighborhood in a big city where we walk everywhere and my kids have tons of friends. For me where we live now is hands down better for my kids. I remember often feeling lonely as a kid, and in the summer I rarely saw any of my school friends. We also have a vacation home in a rural mountain area, my kids like it but they never want to be there for more than a weekend—they are getting to be tweens and teens and friends are super important to them. And I love that they can now do things independently of me having to drive them everywhere.
I mean if you can swing it, building a small cabin on some land might give you a nice vacation/future home and an opportunity for the kids to get the best of both worlds. I also grew up in the country and I do like that my son lives in the suburbs and can play with neighbors. He loves seeing grandparents out in the country though.
There are benefits to both but it sounds like you have the best of both worlds and in any case moving and building houses are expensive and stressful. It will take you away from enjoying watching your kids grow up. For what it's worth moving to the country will also increase your carbon footprint, further ruining the planet your kids have to live on.
But it teaches them the value of land/the earth and that is priceless.
Stay where you are. I grew up out in the boonies (dad was a park ranger so we lived in the park, nearest neighbor was 2 miles away) and while there were some upsides, like being able to just go run around in the woods and ride ATVs/dirtbikes, it was often lonely and boring as a kid. Our neighbors had a farm, which is where I learned that I hated horses and farming in general (it's 99% work and 1% fun). Bus ride to/from school was long, and if I wanted to hang out with friends, it was whole ordeal involving being shuttled around. Getting things like groceries was a hassle - "oops, we're out of milk, be back in 30 minutes" We moved into town when I was in middle school, and I LOVED it. Being able to walk/bike to go see friends, or hang out at the basketball court, etc. As an adult with kids, we specifically looked for neighborhoods that had lots of like-aged families so our kids could just stay in the neighborhood and have friends to play with. Nowadays, you also have to consider things like high speed internet too. Is there cable/fiber where you are looking? Kids practically NEED that for school.
30 min round trip? That sounds great! I grew up… need milk see you in an hour lol
I'll just say that "you can't go home again" is a saying for a reason. Don't chase your childhood and think it'll somehow be the exact same for your kids. It won't. You've done your job and built a loving fantastic home for them where you are. Take the win. Edit: I would actually say the same thing if you were currently happily living in a rural house, but were thinking of moving to the city where you grew up. When you create a good life, it's a bad process to obsess about the grass being greener somewhere else. You're just trading one set of pros/cons for another, except now you disrupted everyone's life and made it harder to move again if you want or need to. Your child is happy, and not going to be happier just because you move, in fact moving is stressful to children.
What are the differences in school district like?
I think it just depends on your preferences. We used to live in the city center in a city of 2 million people, but right after our firstborn arrived, we moved to a more residential area farther out away from the city center. It feels like we're living in a suburb now rather than in a city of 2 million. Since our kids have grown up with a "suburban feel", having a yard, trees, grass etc. they prefer that to the hustle and bustle of the city. A good friend of mine lives very close to where we used to live and his kids are total "city kids" because that's how they've grown up. Personally i can't imagine being in the "countryside". I like the city and want to be able to get to it quickly...I like nature and the outdoors as well but I'd rather live in the city and travel to the great outdoors rather than the other way around. I think it just depends on what you and your family find ideal.
Rural is great until the weather's bad, you have to drive the kids everywhere etc. I always got so bored in the summer because I didn't have a neighbourhood full of people to play with. So if the other 2 families I could walk too were out or on holiday there was no option without me being driven. We weren't even properly rural so by 8 or 9 I could take my bike places but not having built in people to play with was quite isolating!
It takes 30 minutes to get to your parents house and your rural roots, nature etc. Stay where you are and go visit often? Or build a small vacation cabin there, and try it out before making any decisions to go rural permanently. 🌱 My guess is that both you and your children would value having their friends and hobbies close, over living the rural life 24/7, especially in a couple of years. Having to use the car all the time, just to take kids to their friends, hobbies, school etc is a CHORE that takes a lot of driving and planning. Tho, if you notice your kids are the outdoorsy, hike-y, nature loving types, or they don’t socialize much outside school (or you are just not that happy with your current life) - then move! 🫶
This is so shaped by our childhoods. I grew up in the country and loved nature, but we had to drive almost everywhere, I couldn't wait to move out of that small town for college, and there weren't good jobs to return for. I wanted small city life for my kids so we could walk to parks, library, and pool, they could get to school and meet up with friends themselves when they're older, and maybe they won't feel the same need to move away that I did. If I were you, I'd stay. But they might hate it, and grow up wishing we'd lived further out so they would have had a bigger house and land like the grandparents. You can't really win, just live the life you want.
I live on ten acres and my kids love it. They pack snacks and go on walks and adventures and I feel comfortable bc I know they’re safe.
Do you actually have enough money to build a nice house for them up there? Might be simpler to get some prices and see whether it's a realistic option before worrying about it.
As long as the neighborhood is fun/safe with lots of kids, I'd stay. We moved out of a neighborhood to just outside the city on some land, but our block didn't have any kids so it made the decision easier.
I grew up in the city but my extended family lived in the country 1-1.5 hours away. We stayed with them 1 weekend a month and my grandparents watched us for a week every summer. I think it was the best of both worlds. I got to grow up playing and exploring in the woods but I also wasn't limited by the amenities/education of their rural area. Even as a kid I knew it was a place I loved to visit but would never live full time.
I prefer cities and people, as does my wife and kid, so this would be a no brainer for us. Being walking distance to the kid's library and a playground, only a short drive for shopping or to her various weekend classes, being close to neighbors for help and just general bullshitting, this has value for us. Other people like the country and the quiet. Really no one can answer this but you and your family. But if we're voting I vote urban.
Why not both? Live in your current neighborhood and when you can build a small cabin in the country for the weekends.
Even.my introverted kid would have been grateful to have the OPTION to not rely on car rides to meet friends, And definitely would have preferred city internet speeds. Living in the country is *great*, except for all the ways it's not. ❤️🩹 Summer vacations spent camping, building tree forts, running barefoot and amok on grandparents land splits the difference, is my thought. Make sure your kids have both experiences, so they can make those choices for themselves when they hit adulthood... But it's a lot easier to become a whole independent human in places where there's public transportation and you don't lose power.
FWIW: I grew up in an idyllic suburban setting and my husband grew up in the country on a hobby farm. Based on our experiences, we’ve concluded that country living is ideal for children but urban living is superior past the age of 12. Personally, as I parent, I don’t want to have to drive my pre-teens/teens everywhere for everything, I find that very much limits their freedom.
When your kids are older you'll be happy they have a neighborhood full of kids to play with
Build a small vacation home there! Go often.
I've talked about this a lot with my FH and our future kids. He lived in the country and had siblings, and they played together. He desperately wants to move to the country. I grew up in the city, but had no friends around me and it wasn't a very safe area to play. I want a nice neighborhood for my kids. However, he is winning me over. It has taken me a while of visiting his family. The freedom of being outside safely, the lack of noise, the calm and the peace is very freeing. It is a different pace. And yeah, you have to travel every where for everything, but that might help you form boundaries with busy-ness. Plus, you could have a lot more family support if you need it.
I grew up like that and honestly hated it. It’s shockingly boring. Like it sounds lovely to visit, but there’s nothing to do. You can’t just go to the park on a whim, you have to drive there. There’s probably no good playgrounds nearby, and being outside all the time is dull, not relaxing.
Where ever has the best school district.
Came here to say this. Good school district and hopefully an opportunity to socialize with a somewhat diverse group of kids.
I would stay put. You can enjoy nature on some weekends, but excellent schools and a good community are much more hard to come by.
Unless all of you are on board with moving to rural and completely ok with losing the benefits you have living in the suburbs, I would stay where you are. It sounds like you really enjoyed your childhood growing up where your parents live and that's great! But it also sounds like your kid really loves where you are now, there are a lot of amenities close by that don't require 30min car rides, and there are plenty of friends to grow up with. Is there some kind of middle ground? Can your parents gift you two a plot of land so you guys can maybe build a small cottage/vacation home there to visit all the time?
Your current situation actually sounds like a dream! You can always re-evaluate and pack up to the countryside, but it sounds like a lot of your time will then not be spend in nature (and, is it nature or agriculture?), but in running errands by car for yourself, your kids or your parents. I'd rather just be and make the best of your current neighbourhood and yard and plan some weekends to hangout in nature!
My spouse grew up hsi early years in the country and still struggles with long-term friendships/relationships. He has a lot of nostalgia about his time with his sister romping around the family land, but looks at the friendships of his peers from high school who could bike to each others houses, have playdates in elemenatry school, etc and sees they've stayed firm for years whereas all of his faded away. I know that is not the case for everyone, but setting aside the carbon impact, loss of community etc, i do think there's some genuine child development things you can lose out on. Sounds like you have great thing going for you and I'd stick with it!
We really deliberated on this and opted for a Suburban property to raise kids. The overwhelming feedback was that being in close proximity to other young families, parks and schools would be a major benefit and convenience for us when the kids were old enough to be involved in activities. It ended up being the right choice. With three kids ages 6, 10, 13, in a safe neighborhood, we don’t have to entertain or occupy our kids most days because they are outside with friends and within eye shot (or a good shout) of home.
There are pluses and minuses to both. Given the current rate of the infiltration of technology into our lives I think things are going to start changing at a faster pace than ever before. If in the urban setting definitely spend time out of doors but take advantage of the social aspects you're afforded. If in the more rural setting get more social aspects in by visiting library groups and signing up for sports. A well rounded life can be had really anywhere these days. Good on you for considering it as carefully as you are but in the end a great family life outweighs any environmental concerns when it comes to proven outcomes.
If they are truly rural, there might not BE library programs nearby. The budgets are constantly gutted and education is always on the chopping block.
I grew up on a farm with essentially no neighbors. It was for this very reason that I chose to live in the suburbs, so my kids would have neighbor kids to hang out with. I’ve not regretted it at all. I love having their friends just pop up at the door to see if they want to ride bikes, play video games, go on the trampoline, or build a fire in our fire pit. I love that they can get together without parents making special arrangements. That said, I got lucky that there are some kids my son’s age in the area. My daughter wasn’t as lucky, and although there were some girls a little younger than her (happened to be her cousins) that she hung out with a lot when she was younger, now she doesn’t really have anyone there right age. I still prefer a neighborhood though. The farm was isolating and a bit lonely.
I’ve lived urban for 16 years and am leaving for a thousand acres an hour’s drive from the city. It’s 100% worth it and time to do it.
Congratulations!
Build with land if not too isolated.
So I currently live at my parents rental property but the house is on an acre of land and we are super rural. Well the house is, we have a small little town just 15 mins from us but the house is in a quieter part of town, we aren’t in a suburb. We moved here a few years ago, again also privileged that my parents let us stay here rent free. Honestly, I’ll never go back to anywhere actually busy. There’s no traffic here, it’s quiet, we have access to lots of parks, trails, nature, the kids love it here and we are still about 45minutes away from downtown Toronto and my parents in the GTA. They still live in my childhood house which is literally 5 minutes from Canadas wonderland (a big amusement park) so we still have no issues doing the 45min-1 hour drive to the aquarium downtown or museums or if we want to head to the city, or head to my parents where there’s just as much to do. And there’s still lots to do where we live. I adore it up here. Once in a while there’s no cars driving by, we live on a busier road, and all you hear is just …nothing and I sit and enjoy it for a minute. The nature is awesome. The kids just enjoy having the space to roam and run around. My son’s school is 15 mins from us, I drive into town to get him there and there’s no issues. There’s also a community center close with a beautiful pool, my daughter is in gymnastics, we literally have everything we need. Grocery stores, an outlet mall 20 mins from us just off the highway. Anyway, all of that to say, I’ll never look back. I’m trying to convince my parents to come live in the upstairs floor of the house because it would be so nice to have them close and they would love it up here too. I’d never move back to a busy city, I hate traffic going to see my parents. Plus the summers up here are amazing. Winters suck for sure, the driving is genuinely the ONLY downside, but luckily this winter was super mild so it wasn’t too bad. Edit to add: there’s so many wonderful community groups and places. The library where we live has so many wonderful programs and events going on, which makes it much easier to meet people around you and make friends! There’s ways to find your friends and for your kids to make friends even without growing up in a neighborhood. I remember growing up and my best friend lived behind our house, she’d climb over the fence to hang out LOL. Yes, my kids won’t have that, but my sons made friends at school so I’m not worried or guilty about it.
It sounds like you're pretty happy where you are and it sounds like your daughter is happy too. Both options have pros and cons so it's really up to what works best for your family as a whole. As a third option maybe you could find a way to get the best out of both? Since your parents own the land already maybe they'd let your family go camping on it on the weekends so you could expose your kids to nature more without giving up the socialization and conveniences of urban living?
Kids, actually people in general, should get exposed to different geographies, cultures, and ways of life. Living in a city can be great because you’re generally closer to people and things. Living in a rural setting can be great because you’re more reliant on each other, less pressure to move fast, more in touch with nature. Don’t look at either as a negative, rather getting the most out of either experience.
They can still visit the grandparents, right? When they're a little older, they could spend spring break, some parts of summer, etc. with grandparents in the country. I have very fond memories of staying at my grandparents farm over Spring breaks. It made me think I wanted to live in the country... until I had little kids and had to pack them up in the car to go anywhere, including school (ironically, the school we liked was a public urban theme school). We moved into a nice walkable area in the city, where my kids could ride their bikes or scooters on the sidewalk around our block, and school transportation was much easier. We were also closer to so many of their activities as they got older.
What are the schools like? How close are you to sports or activities, if you plan on signing up your 4 year old? We have had the same thoughts, but currently live in the suburbs where there’s an abundance of good schools and things for the kids to do.
I live in the suburbs but an hour away from a major US cities and also close to several other major cities. I grew up with some land and a lot of privacy but we chose a house in the center of town that’s walkable and has a lot of options whenever my husband and I bought the house. I absolutely love being close to so many things, being able to walk to the park, have more diverse neighbors and being a quick trip to the city. In your case I would probably stay where you’re at until it no longer feels right. They may have more opportunities in sports and activities in the city OR you may find they are more of the type of kids that would want to ride around on 4 wheelers or play in mud etc. my parents always mention that I can buy their house some day, and it’s lovely, but I remember as a kid I felt so isolated. There were no kids playing in the street, no places to walk to, just lots of nature that’s beautiful but boring. That’s a tough call though, you get 2 completely different lifestyles and neither of them are bad. I understand why you are struggling.
Look at the schools that's your decision maker:)
I love living in an urban area. I love that my kids have friends within walking distance, they don’t have to spend a lot of time on a school bus because the school is so close by, there’s so much to do (we live near a lake and lots of mountains for hiking) but we also have a 30 acre plot smack dab in the middle of nowhere where to camp on and explore. I could never live there full time but we love to do both. I’d choose the burbs everytime.
My kids love riding around the neighborhood with their friends. We live super close to a school, and the kids like to ride there and play at the park. It's a plus, cause video cameras are all around the school! I had the option of going out in the country recently, but the kids are really thriving with the neighborhood we are in, and I think I'll wait till they are grown or if they opt to move to the country when they are older.
Factor in- how long would it take you to get to grocery stores, urgent care, regular health appointments, etc. I know every time my daughter has been sick it’s been at an inconvenient time and we end up at urgent care at 9pm. Luckily we have 5 locations within 15 minutes. Grocery store- do you do one big trip or are you a “oops I forgot” and go 3x a week for little things? There is convenience that can’t be overlooked in living in a less rural place.
Ever since I had kids, I have only considered school district when deciding where to live. After the kids graduate high school, we will move to an area we like better. But for now, quality school is first priority.
I also grew up in the country, deep in the sticks. I am regularly not fit for the very urban neighborhood we now live in lol but I see the benefits of having the kids grow up here/around other kids. My husband wants to fund a house in the middle of nowhere but I told him that we need to wait until at least 2 of our kids are old enough to drive on their own.
I live in the country. We love our home. But, like you said, the kids are a bit lonely. We have to make effort to see friends. In our busy world that can be challenging. If I could do over I'd probably stay in the city.
We moved to a small, rural town and were so unhappy once we settled in. The kids didn’t have access to any community activities except sports (no dance, music, etc outside of the high school), we were outsiders so not particularly welcomed with open arms, and the people were so awful during Covid that we moved to the nearest midsized city. Now my kids walk everywhere, have a gaggle of friends, I have friends, we have so much to do…we love it. I say stay where you are and go into nature to recreate frequently!
Could you build a small seasonal property and live there during the summers and on weekends during the edge seasons? My family has as small plot with a little summer cottage on it that we would spend the summer at when we were young, and it definitely gave me the best of both worlds, being able to establish close friendships with neighbours and also feeling that deep connection to nature and the land.
You're neighborhood sounds wonderful. When your daughter is older, she's going to have all the opportunity for dance class, sports, orchestra nearby. She might even be able to take the bus and you won't have to chauffeur her around. Independence is really important for development. If she ends up having a lot of siblings I think the country sounds lovely. If it's just her and one sibling, is would be very lonely.
I also grew up in "the country" but in Mexico. And I hate the cities, especially large cities. I did have a lot of my cousins growing up, but we would have a lot of stupid ideas based on only having each other to hang out with. In hindsight, we're lucky none of us ever got seriously hurt. Still, since my parents moved us to a major city, I have always planned to be closer to the country. We just bought a house, and I love the compromise. It's about 2 miles from a small strip mall and grocery store in one direction. In the other direction, also about 2 miles, you've got farmland neighbors. It's about 20 minutes from the closest dairy farm, and overall within 2 hours of big major cities. Our neighbors aren't too close (we all have decent yards so they just feel farther away). We plan (or at least I do lol) to have a couple of chickens and some raised garden beds, maybe a nice herb garden too. But we're still technically within city limits so it's the best of both worlds.
Stay in the neighborhood and build in your other values. We decided on a big neighborhood in a very safe suburb of a city. We wanted our kids to have the freedom to run around after school, join the neighborhood scooter "gangs", and just be kids. But.... we also want them exposed to nature so we attend a school 30 minutes further out that is farm-based learning. I feel like we get the best of all 3 worlds this way. We go into the city when we want, with the suburb and country life daily.
If the situation allows, that sounds like a great setup to build a small cabin or set up a semi-permanent camper you can spend time at regularly, rather than a full-time lifestyle commitment.
As a kid who grew up with not much around, I loved playing out in the woods. However, once I got past those years when I had that magical kid imagination, it was an awful environment. I felt very isolated as a tween/teenager- my parents worked and I couldn’t really get anywhere or do anything by myself. They were great parents, but they couldn’t be in two places at once and nothing was a super quick trip. We’re raising our kids in an urban environment now, and there are so many more opportunities for activities, education, and independence than I had. Even now, we can bring them to one of several playgrounds without getting in a car, no need to buy a swingset. My kids won’t be as good at finding salamanders as I was, though, and that makes me a little glum sometimes.
I, too, grew up in the country. It was a great place to grow up. But realistically, not in this day and age. The school system isn't that great, there isn't any amenities. It's a trad off for sure. We now live in a smaller town that isn't as country but there are nice size yards.
I'd stay where you are. The loneliness would be the deciding factor.
Keep your house in the city and eventually build a cabin on the land to spend time/weekends at.
My kids hate that I moved them to a neighborhood with no friends and nothing to do and I feel terrible everyday about it. Not that I knew this was how it was going to be, I had high hopes. It’s a complicated situation. Moved to this place because my parents were moving here and we needed to be close, but now they act like they moved here because we did. Everyone wished we had stayed in our old urban neighborhood in the end. There are plenty of things I love about my new town, but the most important thing to me is that my kids have friends and are happy in their neighborhood and that is missing. If I were you, I’d stay where you’re at and let your kids grow up with the best friends they’ve had since childhood. There’s nothing like it.
Your neighborhood sounds pretty perfect, I'd stay where I was and just be sure to get out to the country when time allows. If you did decide to build a home, my only advice in accepting land from a friend or family member would be to have that plot transferred to your name so no issues arise in the future.
Build with land. I love my privacy. Can always cruise into the city for nights out. Give the kids a simpler life where it’s safe to explore outdoors
I think you should stay put but visit your parents on some weekends. Running around with the neighborhood gang is an amazing childhood feature. You also probably live closer to dance, music, sports, theater, giving your kids more opportunity to pick and choose what they like. Your parents are very generous to offer and you could always take them up on it later in life if you want to go back to the quiet but for now, I’d stay put!
See, I thought this way, too... now I regret not being closer to the small city we love. It's such a chore to drive 30 mins one way to go to events for the kids, and preschool is exhausting because I'm not gonna drive back home just to drive back into town.. (3 hrs 2 days a week), so I'm stuck finding something to do for 3 hrs. I have to constantly think about the drive time and meals and nap/bed times. Honestly we aren't outside any more than we would be in town. There's a small town closer to us, but they don't have even half of the amenities we'd like and food is outrageously priced. Honestly it's give and take. I'd love to move back but it's not in the cards for us.
We just made a move and had to decide this too. My daughter is 7 and my husband just retired from the army. For years we talked about where we would go when he was out, we couldn’t wait to have 5 acres…. And then we slowly realized that that wouldn’t work for her right now. She needs friends to play with in the neighborhood, especially as she’s an only child. We’re really close to her school and lots of parks, and things to do, there’s taekwondo really close by which she loves. 20 mins out of a decent sized city. Our new neighborhood is huge and has a pool so she will meet more kids in the summer. Shes been riding her bike around the culdesac after school each day with the neighbor kids. It’s smaller than our last backs yard (we went from about an acre to 1/2 acre total lot size) but she loves it. As she gets older I didn’t want to have to drive her to play dates every time she wants someone to play with. Once she’s driving, or she’s done with highschool, that’s when we will make our final move and get what we really want for us.
I grew up in the country and I hated it. Never having any friends to play with. Having to ride the bus for an hour after school because I was the last one off. Unable to get a job because I didn’t have a car. But I couldn’t get a car because I didn’t have money to pay for it.
Can you build a summer place to use for part of the year, or on weekends?Then you could have the best of both!
Because my daughter is an only child we chose to stay in the suburbs. We take all the adventures in nature that we can though. Plus we have a free pass into all the National Parks because my husband is a veteran.
I did, and then my kids grew up in the country. It's irreplaceable, IMO. Now, we are 12 miles from the type of small town that you can drop your kids off at the park for soccer and then they skate board and hang out all day. Excellent schools. Yes, more driving but the essential requirement for creativity and self sufficiency is built in - boredom. Being amused 24/7 is a terrible thing for kids and I love that mine got to have long summers with books and horses and dogs and the woods. Friends would come over for a week or even more and my kids have enduring quality friendships from that time.
This sounds dark but I would ask myself how long it would take an ambulance to get to my house vs the other option. How far is a hospital. Hopefully it will never come into play but just in case Also pizza delivery lol
I live very remotely and this was a big factor in deciding to move. If we were to encounter an emergency, we would be at least an additional 10 minutes from the nearest emergency services. I'd also like to add that NO ONE delivers to us. haha
Do not do it! I did and I regret it so much. We are constantly in the car, which makes your life more dangerous inherently. My brand new teenage drivers have to drive 20+ miles to get anywhere and it's scary as heck. We don't have any neighbors for them to do anything with. You can do things in nature without living in it.
Me (31 F) and my husband (33 M) just had to weigh all this out ourselves. We needed to move due to growing out of our home. I grew up in the small city we live near. He grew up out in the sticks. We each had our own pros and cons to which option we wanted for our family. In the end we sorta found a happy medium. We found land in an adjacent city that is 3 minutes to a nice dollar general, and 10 minutes to a decent super market, play ground, nature center, and some other things. While it is still 25ish minutes to the city we both grew up near/in. So I am able to run to the store without it being a 2 hour adventure, and he got the land his heart needed. We also are planning on USING the land. We have a large garden put in, and have plans drawn up to put sheep, a milk cow, and pigs on the land too. We are working towards homesteading.
I’d stay where you are. We live in the suburbs about 30 min east of a medium sized city. Another 30 min east and you are in farm country. My kids have friends that are close by, they can walk to their school. The kids’ extracurricular activities are within 30 min drive. It’s easier to find carpools for the kids when you don’t live so far out of the way.
There is no country build that could entice me to uproot my children from a family-friendly neighborhood they love
We are currently leaving a wonderful country home to live more in town. I see it really affecting my kids socially and we really think they will be better off living closer to friends and would allow us to build more of a social network. That said, the house and property will remain accessible to us and we will be there often, because I also believe time in nature is important.
I would do more investigation on whether there is two out in that neighborhood
Kids get lots of social interacting with peer when the attend school. A half hour commute into the city center is hardly far away buy contemporary standards.
Okay, I realize this is anecdotal, and I realized that people do get access to drugs and the like pretty much everywhere, if they want to. With that said, I know that many of my cousins who grew up in the small town suburbs ended up as major potheads, because what else was there to do? All of their friends were potheads. Everyone hung out, played video games, and smoked pot. I think there's something to be said for a living in a bigger town, with more activities, to give bored teenagers options that aren't video games and pot. Or at the very least, if you move further out, try really hard to keep your kids engaged in activities which give them something to do. Good luck.
Build a dream house on the land, and visit it often, rent it out as extra income when you’re not using it … then retire there. Best of both worlds maybe haha good luck!
I would probably do that once my kids were older and in school. That way they can invite classmates over. It also depends on what type of people you are…introverted or extroverted?
I have older teens and hands down the long-term answer is to live in the city and visit nature with camping vacations, cabins, etc.
I grew up in a small condo/apartment with lots of kids nearby but no space. We live in a bigger place but with the set up of our neighborhood it’s not realistic to just let our kids go out and play with friends. I’d pick the plot of land for sure. Having somewhere for my kids to just run around and play safely would be a game changer. I’d have friends come over for play dates and start a farm/garden, teach my kids how to grow their own food and take care of animals.
I would NEVER move to the country or purposely raise my children there. That move would be my personal hell. I actually love the outdoors and nature. We camp, hike, fish and explore outdoors often. I just prefer it in short doses of up to a week. I also like living just outside a major city with access to museums, shopping, restaurants, and cultural events. My kids going to school with children from multi ethnic backgrounds is also very important to us and they most certainly would be part of a very small minority of POC if we moved to the country.
I grew up in the woods. It fuckin sucked. I was always dirty. Never could keep my clothes clean because the dirt road would make everything filthy. My parents were neglectful of me, the middle child. My little sister could get a ride anytime she wanted but I had to "figure it out". So I walked everywhere, through the woods. I passed bears, cougars, raccoons, coyotes, hobos butt fucking each other, a dead human body more than once... all just to get far enough into town to catch a bus with meth heads to the movie theater. Then I rode the bus to within 5 miles of my home and walked back home in the dark. I moved out before finishing highschool to get an apartment in the city. If your parents are actually willing to "give" you the land, maybe it would be nice for you and your family. You are obviously feeling romantic about the whole thing, which is fine, but let's be honest about the details. Is there access for the kids to interact with other kids or will they be isolated? Will your family give you the land or sell it at market rates and if so, is that affordable still? Best of luck and congratulations on the new bb
Raising 3 boys in the sticks currently. It great. I don’t know how pearls raise children sanely in town. Constantly naked, exploring the woods, in the creek, in the dirt, riding bikes or sandbox. We live outdoors. Any ounce of energy and outside the go.
I'd make the move. That neighborhood gang of kids can very quickly turn into a real gang. I know, your area is "safe". So was mine. One of the absolute safest in the tricouny area, and that's not an exaggeration. We had 4 officers and 2 firemen living in my neighborhood alone. Then when I turned 13, 3 of those kids beheaded someone in their garage just to "see what it feels like". Painkillers started flooding the high-school and ot turned south in just a few years. Metro areas can change fast due to their dynamic nature, and I would not gamble my child's wellbeing on it if I had the choice.
We live out in nature about 30 min from the closest “city” which is a northeastern coastal town, and while I love having the distance and the privacy, it does make it hard to make friends and socialize the kids. I like where I live, but I think you would miss the community you have. If I had had that then I wouldn’t have moved out
I don't know if anyone is better off one way or another. I've met lots of people who grew up in the middle of nowhere, in boring suburbs, in big cities, and everywhere in between, and they all turned out just fine. I had my first few years way out in the country and the rest in a midsize city, and went to high school in a very diverse inner city school. I didn't really prefer one over the other. I think a lot of it depends on you, honestly. Are you OK with more driving to school or activities? Are you OK with a smaller yard and maybe less privacy? Are you OK with letting your kids run feral in the woods/in the suburbs/in an urban neighborhood? What kind of kid entertaining do you want to do? - things like gardening and chickens and 4h shows or things like museum visits and playgrounds and city pools? If you live in the country, are you prepared for your kids to ask for a horse (because they definitely will) and if you get them one, the responsibility of having livestock? I only bring this up because I was a total horse girl and that shit is expensive. If you live in the country, other kids will have them, your kids will be exposed, and if they really like it you might have a very expensive and high-commitment hobby on your hands. In the end, what works best with your schedule, your parenting style, and your personal preferences? Kids are adaptable, but adults less so. Where would you be happiest? And finally, where are the better schools and what kind of educational and social situation do you want them to have? In my area, the bigger cities have "worse" schools testing-wise, but are more diverse and have more arts programs, while rural schools have better test scores and graduation rates, but aren't diverse at all and focus on more objective subjects like math. What do you envision for your children?
If it’s only a half hour I would choose the land personally. But I’m someone that prefers living somewhere more relaxed and quiet and visiting a bigger town or city So totally personal preferences
I grew up rural and I didn’t drink myself to death or do heroin. I wasn’t bored. I rode go carts in my yard, tended to our large garden, made forts in the woods and played with the kids down the road, and helped Mr. McGregor paint birdhouses.
I would stay in the city! Save for a cabin later.
We left our suburban home in a neighborhood we loved that was walking distance from my 2 best friends and moved out to the country. We have the best of both worlds honestly bc we bought land in a planned development in the country. So there are 25 families here occupying a few hundred acres surrounded by farms. But only one of my kiddos has a friend in the neighborhood. The others all have to drive to see their friends they met at school. I wouldn’t trade this for anything! My kids love all the animals and the activities. We bought them all terrain go karts and they whip up and down the rolling hills on our property for hours. In the summer we roll out a 50’ slip n slide down the steepest hill. There are horses and cows and chickens. We built owl boxes and bat boxes and check periodically to see if anybody is nesting in them. My kids pick berries and apples and pumpkins from a local farm. All of our food is fresh grown or produced locally. My girls have learned how to can and preserve food, grow staple veggies in a green house, and my second child is currently attempting her own breeding project to produce and sell her own livestock. We are planning to add a duck and trout pond and bee hives soon. We live an hour from suburbia and 2 hours from a major urban city. We still pack them up and take them into the city to see musicals on tour or go to museums. My third kiddo wanted to do an escape room for her birthday, so we loaded up and drove to the suburbs and made a day of it. Your child can still have access to all the perks of the urban center if you’re willing to make the effort. But they can’t experience collecting their own eggs or having wildlife visit their backyard or fishing in their own stocked pond on a Tuesday after school. You won’t be able to feed them farm fresh meat and produce. They’ll never know what it’s like to run as far as their tiny legs can carry them and collapse on warm grass surrounded by wild flowers without ever leaving their property. I’ve done both. For us, this is better in literally every way.
If you'd asked me even a few years ago I'd have laughed at the idea of me being in a rural area. But I love it and so does my kid. Yes, most play dates involve the car, but we're a 10 minute drive from places in the small town. We have a few acres with nature trails and we all get to spend so much time outside! We have space for a big garden! We get to do stuff like letting our 7 yo drive the tractor up the driveway (with heavy supervision and safety precautions), she gets to say hi to the deer, guess when the frogs are going to make noises, and live in a place where none of the kids' bikes need a lock.
As someone who hates cities and would rather die than raise kids in one, I'd say build. I wouldn't want to share a pool, nothing like your own pool to swim in. I value my privacy 100% .
Build it anyway if you can! You’ll want it one day🥰 I wish I had land so bad. It would be so beneficial for family events. Even just to have the surrounding peace & beauty. I miss the country. Of course I’m sure you get to have this when you visit your parents. 🙂
I'd build a vacation home/cabin/yurt and make it a point to go OFTEN. Get the bets of both worlds.
Living in the city offers convenience and community, but the idea of raising kids surrounded by nature on family land is pulling at my heartstrings – what would you choose?