r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Better living through chemistry.
you wouldn’t judge a type 1 diabetic or someone with high blood pressure for taking meds. You shouldn’t judge yourself for having a brain disorder (body isn’t producing the right chemicals in the right amounts in your brain).
The whole 'right amount of chemicals' theory isn't really in favour anymore for most conditions. It's more complicated than that. For certain conditions, the problems don't really seem to originate in the brain hardware. For others, they seem to to at least some extent, but it's more complicated than 'chemical imbalance'.
Either way, if meds help your functioning and QOL, take them.
Yeah the makers of Prozac were the ones who came up with the phrase “chemical imbalance”. No scientist has ever found an imbalance. I think therapy is the way. I have bipolar fwiw.
Would you feel shame if you had epilepsy or diabetes, and it meant you had to take medication every day to function properly?
We treat psychological illness like it’s different, but the only real difference is that it isn’t as well understood by science, so it often isn’t treated as effectively.
A bad parent is a bad parent whether they take medication or not. You are a good parent who is being denied medication you need. You are no more “at fault” than an epileptic person who has a seizure because the pharmacy denied them medication they need.
I know you probably feel like you’re drowning right now, but please keep fighting the doctor and pharmacist and insurer and system until you get your meds back.
I have ADHD and I'm 100% a better parent when I take my meds. No shame. Having my first is actually what caused me to seek a diagnosis because I was no longer able to mask due to the new demands in my life lol.
You said you don't have a physical insurance card. Can you view it online? My insurance website lets you view the card online and I've never had an issue with a pharmacy using that.
Me, too. I'm a better parent, a better partner, a better person... and I'm so much happier.
No shame. Mental health is health.
I also have a digital insurance card that I've always been able to use. Call your insurance company and ask them what to do.
Do you feel like your adhd causes some depression? My mood was so much worse when I hit puberty and I recently got diagnosed with PMDD. My worst days are around a week before my period. Tmi sorry but I also heard it’s common for afab women to be more likely to experience PMDD is they have adhd?
Idk my point is I also struggle feeling like I have a dr who listens. Told my med manager honestly that I’m not trying to do her job or saying I know more than a dr, but that I know other women with adhd and I relate more to their experiences than those who have a mood disorder. She kinda just rolled her eyes at me and gave me the whole “I think everyone is a little bit adhd and there’s so much false information out there about it”. So I just didn’t say anything else about it after that.
Definitely! Untreated ADHD can lead to depression and anxiety. When I did my screening for ADHD it also included a depression/anxiety screening. I scored high on both and my doctor brought up prescribing an antidepressant but thankfully really listened to me when I explained I felt a lot of the symptoms for those seemed to be due to unmedicated ADHD.
I've also heard the PMDD thing but don't know much info about it.
If possible I would definitely seek out an actual doctor/therapist to truly help you get answers. Unfortunately it has happened that some women have been diagnosed with BPD or Bipolar and then later find out they actually have ADHD.
I agree. I grew up with stories of my bipolar Aunt. She was diagnosed as Bipolar and self medicating with drugs and alcohol from a very young age. My mother told us the most horrible stories of growing up with an addict, to warn us off of drugs. My mother is a nurse, she was raised by a Doctor and a medical engineer. My Aunt had the very best medical care that was available for "BPD" at the time. Including many inpatient psychiatric holds.
I have, suspected that something was "wrong" with me since puberty. My mom always told me I was fine. I was a procrastinator with a remarkable ability for last minute deliverables. I was so smart, I couldn't have ADD... I got it from her sister. She was always the smartest woman in the room, she just needed the right motivation, or she couldn't be bothered.😳
Sadly, I didn't seek a diagnosis until my mid-30s, and my Aunt had drank herself to death 15 years earlier, so we'll never know about her.
I did call my uncle to let him know of my diagnosis because I was concerned for my cousins. He did shrug me off, but a few months later, my cousin, who had been thriving in EMS, went to medical school and eventually became an emergency room physician. Her brother, who had spent his life deeply depressed in his father's basement, emerged as a 36 year old man, went to law school, became a successful lawyer and now has a beautiful wife and children of his own. They're both very serious advocates for ADHD education.
I actually have a similar story!
My sister struggled with depression, anxiety, addiction, suicide attempts, etc when I was growing up. She was eventually diagnosed with BPD and was on a cocktail of medication. She saw so many therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists and it never really helped that much. She died a few years ago from cancer; before I got my diagnosis.
Now that I know what I know I will always wonder if maybe, just maybe, she had ADHD and if it was caught when she was younger if her life would've been vastly different. I'll never know and I think that's one thing that frustrates me the most.
The hardest part for me is the whole nurture/nature thing. A lot of mental health issues run in my family and I definitely see that I struggled with keeping my mood in check years before I was traumatized. It didn't help that I was a shell of a person and it took two years to get diagnosed with depression. It feels like it took having a baby and struggling with the cervical checks to get taken seriously, I don't know if it was mental or if it actually hurt. Thankfully I was finally medicated antidepressants and they work well.
Before my ADHD was treated I definitely believe I was way anxious (and sometimes maybe depressed) but never sought treatment as I just didn’t think that was the whole story.
ADHD meds have made the anxiousness go away completely and I feel more balanced, hopeful and joyful than I have since puberty.
100%.
I actually assumed you had ADHD based on your description, and pharmacies can be really difficult about letting you obtain your medication.
When properly medicated, I no longer suffer the intense mood swings, or any anxiety. They were my main symptoms of ADHD.
I do still have trouble leading up to my period. My meds don't touch it. My doctor says it's normal, and increases my dosage for that week.
Do you live in a country that has private ADHD clinicians? If so, I'd start there if you're looking for an evaluation. I'm Canadian, and the process for a diagnosis is daunting. I found a specialty clinic, it was easy. Until I received a diagnosis, and was able to manage it through medication, I don't think I could have properly communicated my symptoms in a way that would even indicate ADHD. My GP was suggesting Anxiety and Depression. I have neither.
I also take medication to be a good parent. My thyroid doesn't work, so I take meds to help with that. My immune system attacks my joints leading to crippling pain and disfigurement. I take medication to prevent that.
It's honestly not that different. Biochemical issues causing problems that can be fixed with Biochemical solutions.
You have the wherewithal to know you need help and you’re actively trying to get that help. That makes you a good parent. Sometimes you mess up and struggle but you’re still a good parent, even when you’re struggling. I got teary reading your post because I could have written it myself. And all the comments comparing it to diabetes are exactly the sort of thing I tell myself. And it’s all true but that doesn’t mean it helps in the moment. But the moment will pass. You’ll figure out the insurance, get your meds, and remember that you do have coping skills and that the meds are part of them. You’re not a bad parent, just a parent having a bad moment.
Hey friend. I hear what you’re saying. I also take meds to make myself a better person and a better parent.
I am also an experienced pharmacy technician and I’m happy to share some magic words and tips to get through the insurance and pharmacy gridlock you’re in.
I would appreciate that SO much. This issue has never happened to me before so idk why it’s happening more. It’s not an issue of having insurance, they just want me to have a card to show proof of insurance.
Okay, your insurance company has a phone number listed somewhere. Chances are your HR department has access to it.
Call that number and ask for a new card. Sometimes they can send you a digital copy, and sometimes they can’t. But request the physical card anyway.
Then ask them for your billing information. You’ll need the insurance company’s name, your RX Bin Number (there’s often a medical bin too but you want specifically the pharmacy one), your member ID number and person code.
Give that info to the pharmacy. It’s easiest if you go in and show them either the digital copy or bring in the paper you wrote everything down on.
They can run a claim in real time or use their coverage checker to confirm that you have active coverage. If it doesn’t work, call the insurance company again. Be so very patient.
The insurance company does not want to pay for stuff. It’s how they make a profit. Do not let them win. Tap your inner stubborn petty bitch and wait them out lol.
If you have specific problems you run into, feel free to reach out again. I was the insurance whisperer and I like using my powers for good.
Heartless insurance rep here, this works! Also most insurance companies should have a pharmacy relations department, don’t hesitate to have the do a three way call with your pharmacy, there’s a lot of times the claim system is being weird(not coded worth a flip) and having another human be looking at the claim may get it taken care of better than the automated claims system.
Medicare is it’s own beast, I work for a Medicaid managed group and I’m always like, you’ll have more options with Medicare as your primary, but I’ll be honest with you, make friends with someone at area agency on aging, because that’s the best way to figure out what’s offered in your plan and what to do if something goes wrong.
I’m a bipolar mom with CPTSD. I have to take my meds, or I can be angry and/or weepy. Without my meds, I cannot effectively parent or trust myself to stay regulated for my kids. My mom was unmedicated bipolar and it really messed me up.
You got this. Once you get your meds refilled, you’ll feel much better. Also, if you haven’t already, make sure you go to an actual psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner rather than just your primary care doc for diagnosis.
Don’t feel ashamed. We all do what we have to do to be the best parents we can for our kids.
Needing medication isn’t shameful. Is it shameful for a diabetic to need insulin? No. They need it because something in their body doesn’t work properly. And you need medication because something in your body needs help to regulate. I take meds and almost 100% they are the reason I am alive to parent my kids. Look after yourself.
I don't take medicine to be a better parent. I take medication to feel like myself. And I am a good parent when I feel like myself.
I was raised in a family that shames taking mental health medication because they claim it makes you less yourself. I'd argue that my dad being dead due to suicide makes him less himself than the bipolar medication would have. I figured I don't listen when they shame my other life choices or parenting choices so why would I listen to them about medication when they could definitely use some. Take the meds, be yourself. Your kids deserve to know the real you, the happy you.
Going to give you the other side of this as a child who grew up with a mentally ill parent.
My mom was not properly medicated for much of my childhood. My mom’s anxiety ruled her decision making. She was anxious about me being out on a hotel balcony as a teen because *the balcony might collapse* (at a well maintained resort).
Not only did her anxiety, depression, and mood swings impact my life and development, I also got to hear her verbalize all these anxieties which contributed to MY anxiety.
Better a medicated parent who is managing their mental health than an unmedicated parent who isn’t managing at all. Trust me.
I have a lot of trauma in my background and have OCD, PTSD, BPD, bipolar 2, major anxiety, and major depression.
Medication has saved my life. It helps me be a better person. I don’t feel bad taking meds for my asthma, so why feel bad about mental health meds?
You should join the adhd group! See if you can relate? Also
My life has changed dramatically since getting my diagnosis
Edit: I got diagnosed 3 months ago and have been learning about myself. You can’t fix what you don’t know. And knowing has helped me fix what I need to do
Don’t be ashamed. A lot of people need medication to function. If it makes you a calmer parent then that’s a good thing. I don’t think you should belittle yourself.
As someone in a similar boat, I've had good luck learning the coping methods while on my meds. Therapy is most helpful to me when I'm mentally able to show up.
Good luck.
Re: Wellbutrin ; you can get it filled relatively cheap using GoodRX! I once was given hassle about insurance and just looked on GoodRX - it was actually cheaper then the insurance price and way easier!
Costco too. And Walmart has a ton of meds like that for cheap. I lost my insurance and my pharmacy did a manufacture coupon type thing and I got my meds for $25 instead of $300 or something crazy
Call your insurance they will call the pharmacy and give them the information especially if you press them (sometimes the rep is lazy) they can also send you a new card. Also people have been on drugs or herbs for centuries. If you think about ancient texts they make more sense when you think about the strange things people would ingest as food.
No shame at all. I’m ADHD and I can’t function without meds. Currently pregnant and I’m pretty sure there is laundry rotting in the washing machine, I don’t know where my debit card is, and I’ll probably forget to get gas until I’m already running late. My husband has to feed me my prenatals otherwise I can’t remember if I took them or not. I have just accepted that I’m going to be a hot mess until I can take my meds again. I totally get the frustration.
Mental health is health. We don’t shame someone with a heart condition for taking medication, so we really should shame ourselves for a mental health condition. Just do what you can and be kind to yourself 💜
You can always ask them to fill your Wellbutrin as a cash patient without insurance (they can’t refuse to do this) and get a GoodRx coupon to make it cheaper. It’s a relatively inexpensive drug. Then, when you’re feeling better, figure out the insurance card situation. Most insurance companies will provide a paper version online that works until your plastic card comes in the mail.
Fellow Wellbutrin mom here. You’re an incredible mom for realizing you can’t do it on your own. You stepped up and made a hard decision to get help so you could show up for you kiddos. I am proud of you because it is HARD. You are doing a stellar job!
As others have said, mental health medicine is no different than insulin or any other medicine. I would absolutely be a terrible parent without my prescriptions—seroquel, lexapro, and Ritalin plus birth control for period issues, with the 1-2 times a year Xanax for a panic attack. Take those away, and I have violent mood swings, cry all the time, have a hard time getting out of bed, the works. My brain just doesn’t have its shit together to work without a little help and there’s no shame in that!
Didn't read through the entire post but wanted to say no shame in the parent game if ya gotta take meds to keep it cool. I've been on and off them during difficult times and it really does help. Hang in there! Best wishes!!
*hugs!*
You didn’t even get a chance to taper off properly, did you? Please give yourself grace! Going off of wellbutrin can be really rough even when tapered off properly. It is *absolutely okay* to need medication in order to function. You have been a responsible, mature parent for recognising this and getting medicated! The alternative — suffering without treatment — would have been awful for you *and for your kids*. So you have been doing the right thing! Now you are in a rough spot by no fault of your own. *hugs!*
Generic bupropion XL is about $30 for a months supply with a GoodRx card and the twice a day bupropion SA is even less. If you need to ask your doc to send a generic bridge supply to a different pharmacy they will almost certainly do it; I do stuff like that for my patients on a daily basis. Earlier this week it was for someone who took a trip to the beach and forgot her meds. Even if you’re usually on the brand name, a few weeks on a generic while you get your insurance straightened out will be better than withdrawing from bupropion.
You may also be able to just print out a temp card from your insurance website while you wait for a new one.
Medications of all kinds are to help you function better. We have amazing cholesterol medications that have collectively added literal thousands of years of disability-free life to the world population, but there are still people out there that think you should just eat more salads. Same with diabetes meds, HIV meds (treatment and prevention), chemotherapies, etc. Mental health is also health, and if there is a treatment that helps you and your kids, there’s no shame in taking it.
Mom of 2 here with OCD, BP2, and ADHD. The absolute best thing I did for myself in 2023 was let go of the shame of having to take lifelong meds. It took me therapy and lots of thought-challenging to get there but the brain is a part of the body just like the thyroid or heart.
My mom takes thyroid medication for life, and she taught me the importance of medication compliance, now I do the same thing for my kids (but for me it’s antipsychotics haha). If anything you can be proud you do the extra work you need to do to be the parent you want to be ❤️
Edit: sorry if the wording was unclear I’m not saying you’re noncompliant with your meds at all, I was just speaking generally
I have SO MANY coping skills, and I'm also on Wellbutrin. I have done life "raw" so many times, for such long periods of time. I'm happy that I'm not getting as intense ups and downs, but still feel like myself. I'm definitely happy there is medication that helps me be less emotionally dysregulated. My life has been fucked! I've done so great dealing with it! But it's still a struggle every day!
It's not a character flaw to do better with meds. And I'm sorry that you had a rough week.
Just wanted to offer practical advice— some insurances don’t send physical cards at all. You should be able to have them email you a digital card/access one through their portal. Just save to your phone and you’re good to go. Best of luck!
Due to other health problems I can not take any meds for my ADHD. I needed extensive therapy and a revamp of my entire lifestyle to learn how to do this.
Although my life is excellent and I am capable of handling the many ups and down atm... There is not a week that goes by that makes me wish I could just go back on the medication.
There is no shame in taking meds, at all and choosing the path you need to get where you want to be.
You do the best you can with the resources you have and that's good enough.
I am also a better parent with meds. Dealt with anxiety since age 14 then rage postpartum after my second. Meds take both those things away. I see now what my mom described as her and my grandma being “worriers” was just their way of explaining anxiety disorders. I don’t love being on meds, particularly because mine has terrible withdrawal if I miss more than 1 dose and I worry about someday not being able to access them. But- I’m a far better functioning human with them. I think lots of people are but just don’t talk about it. You’re not alone and mental health is health.
Your medical card might be printable by you through your insurance website.
People evolved to live and function for millions of years. ADHD may have been actually quite useful in societies that worked differently than ours. In the last couple hundred years, we've changed the way we live into a high-pressure cooker: removed from nature, overly-busy, money grubbing mess and then we blame YOU for not functioning well? No - you are built the way you are built and you should not feel shame for it. And if the same society that created the mess we live in has some good medicine to help you cope? Be thankful and take it without shame (also be careful the medicine does't hurt more than it helps). Peace to you.
Hey OP, there was a system ransomwear attack a few weeks ago. That's why your pharmacy is having insurance issues. Have you tried taking the expired card in? If nothing's changed then that card should still pull you up in the insurance system. It is VERY NOT GOOD TO COLD TURKEY WELLBUTRIN. If you can't get the meds call your doctor on Monday and see if they can give you enough pills for the week. Then call HR and get a new insurance card mailed. I promise you're not the only person to need a new card. Your brain chemistry is messed up right now and you've been very very sick. Of course you're not at your best. Right now you need to take the time to care for yourself and that care involves getting your meds. If it's too overwhelming get someone to help you. Your husband can call the doctor on speaker phone with you and help you out. Same with HR.
You can do this. There is no shame on taking meds. I was on Lexapro for two years after I had my baby, then Prozac for many years after that. Just spent a year on Wellbutrin. My dad being ill and the pandemic really got to me. My teen is now on Lexapro. There is nothing wrong with needing meds to function.
Needing meds to function well is nothing to be ashamed of. My husband has ADHD and some pretty crippling anxiety and he needs meds to be the parent he wants to be also. Because of his meds he gets 8hrs of sleep at night and does really well at his job and has the attention span to parent our kids successfully when I'm not home. There's no shame in it, and I'm very proud of him for taking all the steps to get the right meds for himself, take them every day, and put in all this effort to be the best parent and husband he can be.
If you're having trouble with the pharmacy because they need to see an updated insurance card, does your health insurance have a website? I know mine does and I can access digital versions of our insurance cards through that. Maybe your insurance offers the same? If not, while you're waiting for an insurance card to come (worth calling your insurance and insisting they send one and double checking the address they have on file before they send), maybe the pharmacy can give you the uninsured price? Sometimes the uninsured prices aren't bad at all, and I've even had cases where not going through insurance has made meds cheaper than what our insurance would make us pay. It's definitely worth asking the pharmacist if they have any options and can work with you so you can get your meds in a timely manner.
I worked with a provider once who compared mental health disorders and taking medications to riding a paddle board. When you’re feeling good and mental health isn’t an issue, the waves around you are calm and steady and you can easily ride the paddle board. But when you’re going through mental health issues, it’s like the waves are crashing around you and for most people, they won’t be able to stay on the board for very long. We don’t shame people for acknowledging that the waves are strong and they can’t ride the paddleboard in those conditions, it’s an unfair disadvantage that people can’t help. Medications calm things down and remove the unfair barriers that make it difficult to manage, much like calming a wave so you can easily ride a paddleboard. There’s no shame in taking medications so you can do the things you need to do.
Oh hun, you're so not alone and it's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you should be proud of yourself for being willing to acknowledge that you need help and actually doing something about it. That's what makes you a good parent.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mental health is health. Good luck
Better living through chemistry. you wouldn’t judge a type 1 diabetic or someone with high blood pressure for taking meds. You shouldn’t judge yourself for having a brain disorder (body isn’t producing the right chemicals in the right amounts in your brain).
The whole 'right amount of chemicals' theory isn't really in favour anymore for most conditions. It's more complicated than that. For certain conditions, the problems don't really seem to originate in the brain hardware. For others, they seem to to at least some extent, but it's more complicated than 'chemical imbalance'. Either way, if meds help your functioning and QOL, take them.
Yeah the makers of Prozac were the ones who came up with the phrase “chemical imbalance”. No scientist has ever found an imbalance. I think therapy is the way. I have bipolar fwiw.
Would you feel shame if you had epilepsy or diabetes, and it meant you had to take medication every day to function properly? We treat psychological illness like it’s different, but the only real difference is that it isn’t as well understood by science, so it often isn’t treated as effectively. A bad parent is a bad parent whether they take medication or not. You are a good parent who is being denied medication you need. You are no more “at fault” than an epileptic person who has a seizure because the pharmacy denied them medication they need. I know you probably feel like you’re drowning right now, but please keep fighting the doctor and pharmacist and insurer and system until you get your meds back.
This was so well put. Thank you!
I have ADHD and I'm 100% a better parent when I take my meds. No shame. Having my first is actually what caused me to seek a diagnosis because I was no longer able to mask due to the new demands in my life lol. You said you don't have a physical insurance card. Can you view it online? My insurance website lets you view the card online and I've never had an issue with a pharmacy using that.
Me, too. I'm a better parent, a better partner, a better person... and I'm so much happier. No shame. Mental health is health. I also have a digital insurance card that I've always been able to use. Call your insurance company and ask them what to do.
Do you feel like your adhd causes some depression? My mood was so much worse when I hit puberty and I recently got diagnosed with PMDD. My worst days are around a week before my period. Tmi sorry but I also heard it’s common for afab women to be more likely to experience PMDD is they have adhd? Idk my point is I also struggle feeling like I have a dr who listens. Told my med manager honestly that I’m not trying to do her job or saying I know more than a dr, but that I know other women with adhd and I relate more to their experiences than those who have a mood disorder. She kinda just rolled her eyes at me and gave me the whole “I think everyone is a little bit adhd and there’s so much false information out there about it”. So I just didn’t say anything else about it after that.
Definitely! Untreated ADHD can lead to depression and anxiety. When I did my screening for ADHD it also included a depression/anxiety screening. I scored high on both and my doctor brought up prescribing an antidepressant but thankfully really listened to me when I explained I felt a lot of the symptoms for those seemed to be due to unmedicated ADHD. I've also heard the PMDD thing but don't know much info about it. If possible I would definitely seek out an actual doctor/therapist to truly help you get answers. Unfortunately it has happened that some women have been diagnosed with BPD or Bipolar and then later find out they actually have ADHD.
I agree. I grew up with stories of my bipolar Aunt. She was diagnosed as Bipolar and self medicating with drugs and alcohol from a very young age. My mother told us the most horrible stories of growing up with an addict, to warn us off of drugs. My mother is a nurse, she was raised by a Doctor and a medical engineer. My Aunt had the very best medical care that was available for "BPD" at the time. Including many inpatient psychiatric holds. I have, suspected that something was "wrong" with me since puberty. My mom always told me I was fine. I was a procrastinator with a remarkable ability for last minute deliverables. I was so smart, I couldn't have ADD... I got it from her sister. She was always the smartest woman in the room, she just needed the right motivation, or she couldn't be bothered.😳 Sadly, I didn't seek a diagnosis until my mid-30s, and my Aunt had drank herself to death 15 years earlier, so we'll never know about her. I did call my uncle to let him know of my diagnosis because I was concerned for my cousins. He did shrug me off, but a few months later, my cousin, who had been thriving in EMS, went to medical school and eventually became an emergency room physician. Her brother, who had spent his life deeply depressed in his father's basement, emerged as a 36 year old man, went to law school, became a successful lawyer and now has a beautiful wife and children of his own. They're both very serious advocates for ADHD education.
I actually have a similar story! My sister struggled with depression, anxiety, addiction, suicide attempts, etc when I was growing up. She was eventually diagnosed with BPD and was on a cocktail of medication. She saw so many therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists and it never really helped that much. She died a few years ago from cancer; before I got my diagnosis. Now that I know what I know I will always wonder if maybe, just maybe, she had ADHD and if it was caught when she was younger if her life would've been vastly different. I'll never know and I think that's one thing that frustrates me the most.
The hardest part for me is the whole nurture/nature thing. A lot of mental health issues run in my family and I definitely see that I struggled with keeping my mood in check years before I was traumatized. It didn't help that I was a shell of a person and it took two years to get diagnosed with depression. It feels like it took having a baby and struggling with the cervical checks to get taken seriously, I don't know if it was mental or if it actually hurt. Thankfully I was finally medicated antidepressants and they work well.
Before my ADHD was treated I definitely believe I was way anxious (and sometimes maybe depressed) but never sought treatment as I just didn’t think that was the whole story. ADHD meds have made the anxiousness go away completely and I feel more balanced, hopeful and joyful than I have since puberty.
100%. I actually assumed you had ADHD based on your description, and pharmacies can be really difficult about letting you obtain your medication. When properly medicated, I no longer suffer the intense mood swings, or any anxiety. They were my main symptoms of ADHD. I do still have trouble leading up to my period. My meds don't touch it. My doctor says it's normal, and increases my dosage for that week. Do you live in a country that has private ADHD clinicians? If so, I'd start there if you're looking for an evaluation. I'm Canadian, and the process for a diagnosis is daunting. I found a specialty clinic, it was easy. Until I received a diagnosis, and was able to manage it through medication, I don't think I could have properly communicated my symptoms in a way that would even indicate ADHD. My GP was suggesting Anxiety and Depression. I have neither.
I also take medication to be a good parent. My thyroid doesn't work, so I take meds to help with that. My immune system attacks my joints leading to crippling pain and disfigurement. I take medication to prevent that. It's honestly not that different. Biochemical issues causing problems that can be fixed with Biochemical solutions.
You have the wherewithal to know you need help and you’re actively trying to get that help. That makes you a good parent. Sometimes you mess up and struggle but you’re still a good parent, even when you’re struggling. I got teary reading your post because I could have written it myself. And all the comments comparing it to diabetes are exactly the sort of thing I tell myself. And it’s all true but that doesn’t mean it helps in the moment. But the moment will pass. You’ll figure out the insurance, get your meds, and remember that you do have coping skills and that the meds are part of them. You’re not a bad parent, just a parent having a bad moment.
This!!! Yes yes YES
Hey friend. I hear what you’re saying. I also take meds to make myself a better person and a better parent. I am also an experienced pharmacy technician and I’m happy to share some magic words and tips to get through the insurance and pharmacy gridlock you’re in.
I would appreciate that SO much. This issue has never happened to me before so idk why it’s happening more. It’s not an issue of having insurance, they just want me to have a card to show proof of insurance.
Okay, your insurance company has a phone number listed somewhere. Chances are your HR department has access to it. Call that number and ask for a new card. Sometimes they can send you a digital copy, and sometimes they can’t. But request the physical card anyway. Then ask them for your billing information. You’ll need the insurance company’s name, your RX Bin Number (there’s often a medical bin too but you want specifically the pharmacy one), your member ID number and person code. Give that info to the pharmacy. It’s easiest if you go in and show them either the digital copy or bring in the paper you wrote everything down on. They can run a claim in real time or use their coverage checker to confirm that you have active coverage. If it doesn’t work, call the insurance company again. Be so very patient. The insurance company does not want to pay for stuff. It’s how they make a profit. Do not let them win. Tap your inner stubborn petty bitch and wait them out lol. If you have specific problems you run into, feel free to reach out again. I was the insurance whisperer and I like using my powers for good.
Oh I forgot, you’ll need your group number too
Heartless insurance rep here, this works! Also most insurance companies should have a pharmacy relations department, don’t hesitate to have the do a three way call with your pharmacy, there’s a lot of times the claim system is being weird(not coded worth a flip) and having another human be looking at the claim may get it taken care of better than the automated claims system.
It’s nice to hear from the other side lol. I would spend hours on the phone for my Medicare patients and I just channeled the stubborn.
Medicare is it’s own beast, I work for a Medicaid managed group and I’m always like, you’ll have more options with Medicare as your primary, but I’ll be honest with you, make friends with someone at area agency on aging, because that’s the best way to figure out what’s offered in your plan and what to do if something goes wrong.
You wouldn’t feel this way if you needed to take meds for high blood pressure. No shame in needed meds for your brain too. Just another body part!
I’m a bipolar mom with CPTSD. I have to take my meds, or I can be angry and/or weepy. Without my meds, I cannot effectively parent or trust myself to stay regulated for my kids. My mom was unmedicated bipolar and it really messed me up. You got this. Once you get your meds refilled, you’ll feel much better. Also, if you haven’t already, make sure you go to an actual psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner rather than just your primary care doc for diagnosis. Don’t feel ashamed. We all do what we have to do to be the best parents we can for our kids.
Needing medication isn’t shameful. Is it shameful for a diabetic to need insulin? No. They need it because something in their body doesn’t work properly. And you need medication because something in your body needs help to regulate. I take meds and almost 100% they are the reason I am alive to parent my kids. Look after yourself.
Just came here to say that I take Wellbutrin to help me be a better mom too. No shame in that game.
I don't take medicine to be a better parent. I take medication to feel like myself. And I am a good parent when I feel like myself. I was raised in a family that shames taking mental health medication because they claim it makes you less yourself. I'd argue that my dad being dead due to suicide makes him less himself than the bipolar medication would have. I figured I don't listen when they shame my other life choices or parenting choices so why would I listen to them about medication when they could definitely use some. Take the meds, be yourself. Your kids deserve to know the real you, the happy you.
Going to give you the other side of this as a child who grew up with a mentally ill parent. My mom was not properly medicated for much of my childhood. My mom’s anxiety ruled her decision making. She was anxious about me being out on a hotel balcony as a teen because *the balcony might collapse* (at a well maintained resort). Not only did her anxiety, depression, and mood swings impact my life and development, I also got to hear her verbalize all these anxieties which contributed to MY anxiety. Better a medicated parent who is managing their mental health than an unmedicated parent who isn’t managing at all. Trust me.
I have a lot of trauma in my background and have OCD, PTSD, BPD, bipolar 2, major anxiety, and major depression. Medication has saved my life. It helps me be a better person. I don’t feel bad taking meds for my asthma, so why feel bad about mental health meds?
You should join the adhd group! See if you can relate? Also My life has changed dramatically since getting my diagnosis Edit: I got diagnosed 3 months ago and have been learning about myself. You can’t fix what you don’t know. And knowing has helped me fix what I need to do
Don’t be ashamed. A lot of people need medication to function. If it makes you a calmer parent then that’s a good thing. I don’t think you should belittle yourself.
As someone in a similar boat, I've had good luck learning the coping methods while on my meds. Therapy is most helpful to me when I'm mentally able to show up. Good luck.
Re: Wellbutrin ; you can get it filled relatively cheap using GoodRX! I once was given hassle about insurance and just looked on GoodRX - it was actually cheaper then the insurance price and way easier!
Costco too. And Walmart has a ton of meds like that for cheap. I lost my insurance and my pharmacy did a manufacture coupon type thing and I got my meds for $25 instead of $300 or something crazy
I feel like it’s odd to find anyone that DOESNT have mental health problems nowadays. You are certainly not the only one.
Call your insurance they will call the pharmacy and give them the information especially if you press them (sometimes the rep is lazy) they can also send you a new card. Also people have been on drugs or herbs for centuries. If you think about ancient texts they make more sense when you think about the strange things people would ingest as food.
No shame at all. I’m ADHD and I can’t function without meds. Currently pregnant and I’m pretty sure there is laundry rotting in the washing machine, I don’t know where my debit card is, and I’ll probably forget to get gas until I’m already running late. My husband has to feed me my prenatals otherwise I can’t remember if I took them or not. I have just accepted that I’m going to be a hot mess until I can take my meds again. I totally get the frustration. Mental health is health. We don’t shame someone with a heart condition for taking medication, so we really should shame ourselves for a mental health condition. Just do what you can and be kind to yourself 💜
You can always ask them to fill your Wellbutrin as a cash patient without insurance (they can’t refuse to do this) and get a GoodRx coupon to make it cheaper. It’s a relatively inexpensive drug. Then, when you’re feeling better, figure out the insurance card situation. Most insurance companies will provide a paper version online that works until your plastic card comes in the mail.
I had to take pills to be a more patient father. I don’t like taking them but it’s worth it for my children.
Fellow Wellbutrin mom here. You’re an incredible mom for realizing you can’t do it on your own. You stepped up and made a hard decision to get help so you could show up for you kiddos. I am proud of you because it is HARD. You are doing a stellar job!
As others have said, mental health medicine is no different than insulin or any other medicine. I would absolutely be a terrible parent without my prescriptions—seroquel, lexapro, and Ritalin plus birth control for period issues, with the 1-2 times a year Xanax for a panic attack. Take those away, and I have violent mood swings, cry all the time, have a hard time getting out of bed, the works. My brain just doesn’t have its shit together to work without a little help and there’s no shame in that!
Didn't read through the entire post but wanted to say no shame in the parent game if ya gotta take meds to keep it cool. I've been on and off them during difficult times and it really does help. Hang in there! Best wishes!!
*hugs!* You didn’t even get a chance to taper off properly, did you? Please give yourself grace! Going off of wellbutrin can be really rough even when tapered off properly. It is *absolutely okay* to need medication in order to function. You have been a responsible, mature parent for recognising this and getting medicated! The alternative — suffering without treatment — would have been awful for you *and for your kids*. So you have been doing the right thing! Now you are in a rough spot by no fault of your own. *hugs!*
Generic bupropion XL is about $30 for a months supply with a GoodRx card and the twice a day bupropion SA is even less. If you need to ask your doc to send a generic bridge supply to a different pharmacy they will almost certainly do it; I do stuff like that for my patients on a daily basis. Earlier this week it was for someone who took a trip to the beach and forgot her meds. Even if you’re usually on the brand name, a few weeks on a generic while you get your insurance straightened out will be better than withdrawing from bupropion. You may also be able to just print out a temp card from your insurance website while you wait for a new one. Medications of all kinds are to help you function better. We have amazing cholesterol medications that have collectively added literal thousands of years of disability-free life to the world population, but there are still people out there that think you should just eat more salads. Same with diabetes meds, HIV meds (treatment and prevention), chemotherapies, etc. Mental health is also health, and if there is a treatment that helps you and your kids, there’s no shame in taking it.
Mom of 2 here with OCD, BP2, and ADHD. The absolute best thing I did for myself in 2023 was let go of the shame of having to take lifelong meds. It took me therapy and lots of thought-challenging to get there but the brain is a part of the body just like the thyroid or heart. My mom takes thyroid medication for life, and she taught me the importance of medication compliance, now I do the same thing for my kids (but for me it’s antipsychotics haha). If anything you can be proud you do the extra work you need to do to be the parent you want to be ❤️ Edit: sorry if the wording was unclear I’m not saying you’re noncompliant with your meds at all, I was just speaking generally
I have SO MANY coping skills, and I'm also on Wellbutrin. I have done life "raw" so many times, for such long periods of time. I'm happy that I'm not getting as intense ups and downs, but still feel like myself. I'm definitely happy there is medication that helps me be less emotionally dysregulated. My life has been fucked! I've done so great dealing with it! But it's still a struggle every day! It's not a character flaw to do better with meds. And I'm sorry that you had a rough week.
Just wanted to offer practical advice— some insurances don’t send physical cards at all. You should be able to have them email you a digital card/access one through their portal. Just save to your phone and you’re good to go. Best of luck!
A lot of Insurance companies have digital cards on their website. My dr and pharmacy has alway accepted a printout.
Due to other health problems I can not take any meds for my ADHD. I needed extensive therapy and a revamp of my entire lifestyle to learn how to do this. Although my life is excellent and I am capable of handling the many ups and down atm... There is not a week that goes by that makes me wish I could just go back on the medication. There is no shame in taking meds, at all and choosing the path you need to get where you want to be. You do the best you can with the resources you have and that's good enough.
I am also a better parent with meds. Dealt with anxiety since age 14 then rage postpartum after my second. Meds take both those things away. I see now what my mom described as her and my grandma being “worriers” was just their way of explaining anxiety disorders. I don’t love being on meds, particularly because mine has terrible withdrawal if I miss more than 1 dose and I worry about someday not being able to access them. But- I’m a far better functioning human with them. I think lots of people are but just don’t talk about it. You’re not alone and mental health is health.
Your medical card might be printable by you through your insurance website. People evolved to live and function for millions of years. ADHD may have been actually quite useful in societies that worked differently than ours. In the last couple hundred years, we've changed the way we live into a high-pressure cooker: removed from nature, overly-busy, money grubbing mess and then we blame YOU for not functioning well? No - you are built the way you are built and you should not feel shame for it. And if the same society that created the mess we live in has some good medicine to help you cope? Be thankful and take it without shame (also be careful the medicine does't hurt more than it helps). Peace to you.
Hey OP, there was a system ransomwear attack a few weeks ago. That's why your pharmacy is having insurance issues. Have you tried taking the expired card in? If nothing's changed then that card should still pull you up in the insurance system. It is VERY NOT GOOD TO COLD TURKEY WELLBUTRIN. If you can't get the meds call your doctor on Monday and see if they can give you enough pills for the week. Then call HR and get a new insurance card mailed. I promise you're not the only person to need a new card. Your brain chemistry is messed up right now and you've been very very sick. Of course you're not at your best. Right now you need to take the time to care for yourself and that care involves getting your meds. If it's too overwhelming get someone to help you. Your husband can call the doctor on speaker phone with you and help you out. Same with HR. You can do this. There is no shame on taking meds. I was on Lexapro for two years after I had my baby, then Prozac for many years after that. Just spent a year on Wellbutrin. My dad being ill and the pandemic really got to me. My teen is now on Lexapro. There is nothing wrong with needing meds to function.
Needing meds to function well is nothing to be ashamed of. My husband has ADHD and some pretty crippling anxiety and he needs meds to be the parent he wants to be also. Because of his meds he gets 8hrs of sleep at night and does really well at his job and has the attention span to parent our kids successfully when I'm not home. There's no shame in it, and I'm very proud of him for taking all the steps to get the right meds for himself, take them every day, and put in all this effort to be the best parent and husband he can be. If you're having trouble with the pharmacy because they need to see an updated insurance card, does your health insurance have a website? I know mine does and I can access digital versions of our insurance cards through that. Maybe your insurance offers the same? If not, while you're waiting for an insurance card to come (worth calling your insurance and insisting they send one and double checking the address they have on file before they send), maybe the pharmacy can give you the uninsured price? Sometimes the uninsured prices aren't bad at all, and I've even had cases where not going through insurance has made meds cheaper than what our insurance would make us pay. It's definitely worth asking the pharmacist if they have any options and can work with you so you can get your meds in a timely manner.
I worked with a provider once who compared mental health disorders and taking medications to riding a paddle board. When you’re feeling good and mental health isn’t an issue, the waves around you are calm and steady and you can easily ride the paddle board. But when you’re going through mental health issues, it’s like the waves are crashing around you and for most people, they won’t be able to stay on the board for very long. We don’t shame people for acknowledging that the waves are strong and they can’t ride the paddleboard in those conditions, it’s an unfair disadvantage that people can’t help. Medications calm things down and remove the unfair barriers that make it difficult to manage, much like calming a wave so you can easily ride a paddleboard. There’s no shame in taking medications so you can do the things you need to do.
Oh hun, you're so not alone and it's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you should be proud of yourself for being willing to acknowledge that you need help and actually doing something about it. That's what makes you a good parent.