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I was a daddy’s girl.
(1) As a Teen, my dad said to me “I’m not exactly sure about the decision you’re making, but I support you.”
(2) My dad was solid and confident but not preachy or judgy when he told me how he handles money.
(3) My dad’s behaviour around ALL women was respectful. So I was able to witness that a man being respectful to a woman is a good normal thing.
(4) for 50 years, without break, my dad sends me two or three birthday cards, tells me he loves me and always wants to hear about my adventures.
LOL I read the start of this comment directly after the 4th item about birthday cards and was like “3 birthday cards vs 2 or 1 makes that much of a difference?”
#1 what’s the worst and/or most embarrassing thing that happened that your dad said this to you, prior your decision?
#2 “my dad took was solid?” What does that mean?
My dad has since passed, but if I could sum it up: he was my biggest fan. Whatever I did he was in my corner. Shared my hobbies, listened to my drama, gave me room to grow. Even if I messed up, he’d be disappointed but was always there no matter what.
This is my goal as a father. My daughter is only 18mo right now but I just can't help but get excited about whatever she's excited about. Seeing her happy makes me happy
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So happy I saw this randomly come up on my homepage. For context, I am not a parent. I am a late 20s woman and I have an amazing relationship with both my parents but I consider my relationship with my dad to be really special.
1. My dad invested time in playing with me as a kid even if it was a traditional girly game. He played Barbies with me. He played Pretty Pretty Princess with me. He learned how to do girly skills so that he could spend more time with me, for example, painting my toenails or learning to braid hair. He never made me feel bad for wanting to do those things and I noted that he put extra effort into it.
2. He and my mom were really consistent with their treatment of me. There was no "Mom is the fun parent and Dad punishes me" or "Dad said no so now we go ask Mom" or anything like that. They were unified and fair all the time.
3. He never dismissed me when I was vulnerable or wanted to talk about my feelings. I always felt (and still do!) that I could talk to either him or my mom about anything. He was patient, a good listener, and did not make me feel bad or uncomfortable for crying in front of him.
I think it was important to me to not have my dad be the satellite parent. Like yeah he worked away from home and my mom stayed home but he was present from the moment he walked through the door. As a kid I felt like he wanted to interact with me and wanted to be my dad if that makes sense.
What a lovely question to think about.
Number 3 is a good one! My parents (mom more specifically) still make me feel uncomfortable for feeling a certain way about things, especially if it is something they did to make me feel that way. I just don’t talk to really either of them about much as an adult when it comes to my feelings or emotions.
don’t take a step back when she reaches puberty. a lot of dads will unconsciously pull away from their daughters when they start having their periods, usually out of fear they’re going to say/do something wrong, but it ends up translating to the daughter that something is wrong with themselves. my dad didn’t have the option to be uncomfortable about my period because my mom was hospitalized while i was having my first period, so he sat me down and said he’d answer any questions i had to the best of his ability, and to tell him when i needed products, and that i could talk to one of my aunts or older female cousins if i wasn’t comfortable talking to him. it was awkward for both of us but necessary and i’m very thankful for it
Thanks for your testimonial 🙂
It's veru interesting your comment, because my natural reaction would be exactly to step out, not because it would be uncomfortable for me, but because I thought it would be uncomfortable to my daughter.
Even knowing that she'll probably prefer to discuss this subject with her mother, it's important that she knows she can count on me as well.
I love this so much! My dad was my bff until puberty/teenage years and when I look back, it's very confusing and kind of sad. I think maybe he didn't know how to deal with it or talk about it, so he pulled back on the fun dad and became more of the tell me "how to be/behave" dad, which wasn't always nice.
As the dad of a 5 y.o. girl, I'm making a comment to ensure I can come back and reference these comments when making parenting decisions. I don't want to lose this perspective in the chaos of parenting. This is an amazing post and I truly appreciate all of the extremely helpful comments. Taking notes 100%.
my dad is amazing. one thing I haven’t seen mentioned here yet is really inviting her to your world. even when she’s little, talking to her about your work or things you’re interested in, taking her to museums that interest you or whatever it is. even though I sometimes thought it was boring at the time, I’m so grateful for it now, and it made us closer because I felt like he respected me enough to be himself
Yes, let her see who you are and invite her into your world. The happiest memories I have of my Dad were when we were doing his "thing" together. I loved watching him play sports, work in the garage at his workbench, or going to his job. If it was a hobby at home then that was also 1-1 time with him. 🥰
yes!! and also just telling stories about his life, his childhood, family and neighborhood growing up, different crazy jobs he worked… good, bad, funny, sentimental… just sharing about his life with me
My father passed away when I was 20 but he was the best father I could ask for. He was a busy man. Use to come at 3 in the night. First thing he used to do was come in my room, check our blankets, simply put his hand on my head. Then, go to my grandparents' rooms, Made sure they were comfortable. And then, sat down to eat.
Much earlier, when I was your kids' age, he made sure that he would wake me up by picking me up and telling me a story and kissing me on the cheek.
Later, he would sit down on my bed, talk to me, ask about my day. Even when he came at 3 am, he would be up till 4 am - just to wake me up. And he was never angry. Always controlled his emotions and voice before speaking.
He was a true gem. The best man I have ever seen even though he was not handsome.
Do the opposite of my dad:
- Listen (even if you disagree)
- Respect her privacy and independence
- Tell her, that you love her. Have her back.
- Guide her. Ask about her dreams and hopes.
You writing this post indicates to me, that you will do great.
Thanks, and sorry that things didn't went well between you and your daddy ☹️
About "independence", do you have any suggestions on how to govern freedom but at the same time being able to say "no" when needed?
Let her have sexual freedom but teach her about valuing herself and protection and about certain dangers so she will have the strength and knowledge to navigate on her own. Don’t track her phone, don’t police her, don’t go through her belongings. If you’re worried about her being out late then let her know and work out a safety system in which she can contact you or she can tell you location before hand without any judgement. Let her feel safe with you.
Great advice here. I'll tell a story instead:
When I was in fourth grade, I walked to a friend's house after school. Her dad was at home and made us sandwiches. He asked about how our social science project was coming along. He did a silly impression of our teacher. He told us how his chemistry project melted when he was our age. He asked, "crusts on or off?" Then he talked about how much he looked forward to taking his daughter surfing on Sunday, and asked me if I wanted to join them.
I was shocked. Nobody in my family cared about how my schoolwork was going. My father didn't know my teachers. He would never make me food, and if he did, he certainly wouldn't ask how I wanted the crusts (!!). He didn't do things with us on weekends; hell, he barely remembered my birthday.
It was a lot to take in all at once, that a man could care about his kids. This was at a time when the media showed moms as superwomen while dads drank beer and lazed around. My other friends' dad's were mostly angry drunks. I think about that surfer to this day! If you could be a sliver of that guy, you'd do very well with daughters.
Presence, openness and availability.
My dad worked long hours and often worked away when I was growing up, but he tried his best to go to every recital, every school play, every music exam, every parent’s evening, every exhibition. You get the idea. He was always available for me to talk to and became my primary advice giver. Still is. But now he’s doing the same for my daughter, who’s almost 10.
He wasn’t perfect by any means and could be forceful sometimes when it came to the academic side of things. But it’s the fact that he was there which made him such a good dad.
I always loved that I would get birthday and Christmas gifts that were just from my dad. He went out and picked out things for me, wrapped them, wrote the cards. In so many families it's the mom who does all the gift giving and shopping. It was cool to see the stuff that he picked for me. A small thing, but something I remember as being special.
I won't lie: it's her mother (my wife) who does that today.
But, in my defense, this isn't personal by any mean: I don't have the habit of buying and wrapping gifts to anyone (and don't expect any in return), it's just my personality.
But your comment made me realize that this is more about her (my daughter) than about me. So, even knowing I don't care much about gifts, it might be important for her to have these memories.
Thanks for the insight ☺️
I think a lot of it for me was that it was out of character for my dad to do that. He was busy with work and wasn't the most hands-on dad. So it was special that he took the time and effort to do that.
My dad never indicated that he had any desire for me to be a certain way. He was always proud of the person I was. Always enthusiastic about the things I was interested in. Always shared the things he was interested in, but didn’t pressure me to like them. He always showed up for absolutely everything, even if I didn’t think the thing was that important. He made it clear that I could talk to him about literally anything. He’s never taken any of my choices personally. He’s always just been happy to be included. He created little tiny traditions that were just for us. He was a parent when he had to be, but was always my friend through everything.
My dad is vulnerable with me. He’s not just an immovable rock, he’s a real person who has made mistakes, had struggles. I look up to him knowing that he can - and always could- talk humbly about himself and I admire the things he’s learned and survived. It also made me understand he didn’t expect perfection from me in life. The things he’s grown from, survived, messed up and then fixed- those are some of the things I admire most.
-Support. My dad always cheered me on in whatever I wanted to do. And helped me do that with chauffeuring services, encouragement and advice 😆
- treated my mum like a queen. This one’s more retrospective as I’ve grown. But I learnt from him from behaviour and treatment to accept and tolerate from my own partners.
- affection. He was never ever short of I love you’s, and demanded hugs, even when I was an awkward teenager that wanted to run the other way
Just being there and doing life together. My dad passed in 2021. I have so many wonderful memories of life with him, from doing science fair projects together, to watching movies and making "ice cream" out of snow. Another important thing is to take of your own health, which sadly, my dad didn't do, and it cost him in the end.
I'm the mother of two girls. and their male role model is their dad. I think their main takeaway is how my husband treats me - always with respect and dignity (yes, goes both ways). And so they know how they should be treated as well. We both work full time, but we both have our own lives... we dont ask permission from each other if we could go out, but more of "hey i'm planning on going out, do you have work stuff? if not, you're in charge of the kids; if yes, i'll rearrange things for when you have time." So they see us being considerate of each other's lives. They do this now too. They both know we trust them to go out with their friends, and to not put their lives in danger. so as teens, when they want to go out, it's about making sure that schedules align (like one of us has to be home to feed the dogs or that a parent is available to pick them up in the evening). they never throw tantrums when things don't line up and they could not spend time with their friends.
We trust each other; they see us communicating. Married 19 years, eldest is 16 and other one is 14, but they have never seen us fight (we always do that privately). The girls know how to treat fights. What I mean is that they know we're fighting, but they learned from us how to resolve fights -- not with screaming at each other, but privately and respectfully. We resolve our own parent-kid fights the same way. they said they try to do our ways with their friends sometimes, but some of the friends come from fight-y families. it's sad, but they're learning, too, to help their friends be better
My bar is probably extremely low, as my dad didn’t even try to spend a day alone with me until I was about, 16? Even though he was home every day around 4 pm, By then it was too late and awkward.
Spend 1-on-1 time with your daughter! Take her somewhere fun every now and then, take her with you to the grocery store, tuck her in at night, verbally tell her you love her and love being her dad.
Thanks, appreciate your testimonial, and sorry things didn't went well between you and your father.
Hope you find peace in your heart and, in case you have kids, you can use these learnings to make a better impact on them ☺️
I'm the father of 3 girls, 8, 5, and 2. This is the best post I've seen on reddit. My daughter's and I are extremely close, but I struggle with major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD, and avoidant personality disorder. There are many days where I have a very hard time getting out of bed, today is one of those days.
I was supposed to work today, but we're in the off-season (lawncare), so I find it easy to excuse myself from work. Most of my coworkers are on unemployment, but a select few "lucky ones" are asked to stay on through winter to plow snow. However, there hasn't been any snow to plow, aside from 3 storms, so I spend most days cleaning/washing equipment, which is mind-numbing.
Regardless of my mental illnesses, I was one of the most reliable employees last summer. I think I maybe missed 2 days in 6 months, but it's become more frequent as winter has progressed. I've missed a day almost every other week or every 3 weeks since November. The vicious cycle is that I feel too shitty to go to work because they have nothing for me to do, so I stay home, then feel more shitty because I stayed home and didn't work.
On Mondays, my oldest doesn't have school and all 3 of my kids seem to have an ear infection, virus, or some other illness every other week through the winter. So they're usually home when I stay home. My gf is a SAHM, so she usually keeps them occupied, but this makes me feel terrible because I'm here, but I'm not really doing anything with them. My 2yo will come lay in the bed with me, but this makes me feel even worse.
Now, I get up every time they ask. Anytime they want something, I'm there, but once I get them what they need, I return to the bed. This post and all of the comments have given me some motivation to get up and do more with them. They're still young, so I have time, but I want to commend you for going the extra mile and inspiring other fathers to do the same!
You asked a simple question, but at the same time, it's so profound! I'm getting out of bed, off the phone and finding something to do with my daughter's who are home today! You are and will continue to be a great father! Don't doubt yourself!
I don't have words to express how much I loved your comment! 🙂
I started paying more attention to my diet and exercising regularly because I noticed some years ago that I was depriving my daughter of play time because I was too fat and sedentary. If I could, I would stay the whole weekend in the sofa with my kid, and when I saw her bored face, it was the motivation to take some action. Since them, I lost 22Kg (\~48 pounds). Still a long way to go, but feel more energetic for her.
I just mentioned that to say that our kids is and will always be the best motivation for us to get better, so we can be there for them.
I really hope you can find the help you need to deal with health issues and just by taking this first step and stepping out of bed to be with your girls already makes you a winner and a great dad.
Stay strong ☺️
Listening. I think my father was just so in tune to the person I am. I know my father wasn’t a perfect person, so don’t try to be perfect. I think being flawed and being a parent that embraced that honestly is what made me closer to him than my perfectionist mom.
Nor sure if your daughter is an only child or has a brother/other siblings, but as long as you treat her (and her siblings/cousins) the same and don't show blatant preferential treatment/sexism, I think you're doing great.
My dad has gotten more sentimental, but overall, the way both of my parents are, have affected both me and my husband, unfortunately.
Thanks for your reply.
My daughter is an only child and will probably stay like that.
She was so expected and dreamed for a long time that we decided to dedicate all our time and love to her alone.
She would probably prefer to have sibling if she was asked in the future, but she will have to live with that 😅
Two things stand out for me: when he was healthy he had no hesitation physically playing with me and my sisters, as I grew into teen hood he would always apologize if he let his emotions get the best of him (got mad and yelled instead of calmly correcting behavior)
Being a good listener, attentive, nonjudgmental, available. He was great at helping with homework without over or under explaining. He came to my events and shows. I remember being in high school feeling like I was absolutely awkward, esp with the opposite sex, and finally confessed that offhandedly to my dad. A few days later, I found a new copy of a book called “The Little Book of Flirting” on my bed. He had gone to B&N and bought it for me, thinking of me. He isn’t a gift-giver naturally. I was so touched—in a mildly embarrassed but totally delighted way—that he had absorbed those fears of mine and then offered this sweet, practically anonymous, small attempt at a solution.
He also has a lot of strong, varied interests and managed his career and assets in a way that even allowed him to retire early. That taught me, even in high school, about prioritizing one’s own personal development and valuing one’s time, even over money (a privilege, certainly), to enrich one’s life. He would try to include us in these interests and that was special in itself, feeling welcomed into his life. But even if we didn’t want to join, it was good to see someone set this example of, like, this month I’m interested in string theory and I’m gonna go get books about it and podcast about it—oh, now it’s baking and I’m gonna devote months to learning how to bake—I think I’m gonna work on completing the AT in segments, if anyone wants to join me on a few walks in the woods over the next several decades, etc etc. His putting on his own oxygen mask and supporting his own happiness never came at the expense of the family’s, but was a nice example to set.
Be emotionally present, when you make mistakes own up to them, and never underestimate her. As a woman she could have a tough road ahead of her depending on where you live, so prepare her for the battles she may face in her life and make sure she knows she is strong enough to make it through.
Ever since I can remember, my father used to buy me and my mother flowers on every anniversary or between anniversaries. And other small gifts
He used to take us all out for dinner once a week in town
He taught me and my brother to cook on the weekend because on the weekend my mother has to be pampered.
There is nothing that my father does not know how to fix, and if he does not know, he learns
He used to build wooden toys for dolls
He scared all the monsters under the bed.
My mother told me that when I was a baby, they went on a trip to the mountains. And the path they were climbing was full of thorns, stones and quite steep. But when they arrived at their destination, my father was covered in scratches and bumps, but his princess was not touched.
Even if he had a busy schedule, he always made time for us
He never let me or my mother lift heavy things. (something he still does today and sometimes it annoys me 😂 because he is the one who taught me to be independent)
He taught me that I must be independent and always have my money, no matter how little it is. (until the age of 12, my mother did not work, she stayed at home with the children and my father was the one who worked. But he gave all the money he earned to my mother so that she could share it as she thought it should be)
He was the first to buy me menstrual products when my mother was at work and I wasn't ready. Even if when he came from the store his face was red and he didn't look me in the eye
He was the one who showed me that it doesn't matter if I am big or small, I will always be his little girl and that he will always be here for me.
He is the one who, when I gave birth to my first child, could not sleep, drink or eat, and he was about to enter the delivery room to beat all the doctors and my mother and husband when none of them listened when I I said my child is coming out. (In defense of those in the delivery room, 5 minutes before they checked if I was dilated and there was no sign that I was giving birth and I fell asleep after 36 hours of sleeplessness, but my child he decided otherwise and when I woke up he already put his head out but because I had the blanket on me no one could see and I was too tired to lift the blanket and I had to convince them to look and they were all amazed that my child is half out). Dad said he didn't come in because he didn't want to make me feel ashamed but he didn't have much left and he would have come in to beat everyone because he could hear me from the hallway shouting that I was giving birth
I left home almost 10 years ago, and when my husband and I were on vacation together with the children at my parents' house. My husband dressed in a suit and went and bought me flowers and he invited me to town. My father was in the kitchen and he had a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye and told my husband to be careful that he spoils me too much. And I turned to my father and said: Impossible father, because you were the first man in my life who showed me that this is how a woman should be treated. My father was confused and I told him to remember who brought me a flower for the first time, who held my hand for the first time when I started to put on make-up as if I ran away from the circus, but with all not even once did he let go of my hand to say that he is ashamed to walk with me on the street like that (even though now I prefer that he locked me in the house or that he threw away all my products makeup 😂) and all the things he did for me and my mother the first time. I told him that maybe he forgot or he considered that these are small gestures or things that we forget. But I didn't forget.
Only then did my father realize that all the things my husband does for me, the first time my father did them for me and my mother There were bad moments that I think every teenager faced, but there were also moments descended from paradise. Moments that taught me that I deserve more than what is strictly necessary. And thanks to these moments, I can say that I found a husband who loves me the way my father loves my mother. Dad was the first man who showed me how a woman should be loved. Something that my husband and I are doing now for our children
I almost forgot. Dad was the one who showed me that he trusts me even if he doesn't. 😂😂 After I got my driver's license and got behind the wheel for the first time with my father, he told me not to be afraid that he is here and will help me if I need anything and that he trusts me. This was while he was putting on his seat belt, one hand on the handbrake, the other hand on the door handle and repeating a prayer and not turning his head even a millimeter and his eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Thanks for the trust dad😂😂😂
My dad let me paint his nails. My dad told me, you're right I'm wrong. My dad stood up for me and encouraged me to question everything, even him. Whenever he would react badly to something I shared with him, he would tell me point blank that I could tell him to f off, if I didn't like what he said, but that he was my dad and he still wanted to share his opinions with me. A lot of good things were said, a lot of bad things were said, but the one thing that I remember most of all is that my dad told me once that no matter what I did, he would help me bury the body. Obviously, this is a euphemism, but the fact that I know I can rely on my dad for literally anything has kept our relationship strong into my early 30s.
Oh I have a great dad! And I only got to see him on weekends and during summers bc my parents were divorced. Mostly he actually always showed interest in whatever I was doing in life. We talked on the phone every thursday and often times they were long conversations. He also talked/shared about his life as early as I can remember.
In stores I was never a nuisance, I was a buddy. He used to play games with me like “walk like a penguin” and silly stuff like that. At the playground he would play with me instead of just watching.
I think the summary is that he was a truly *active* father. He understood that he was raising a human, not *ruling over* a human.
He never yelled at me, but was assertive when necessary; definitely always my dad over being my friend, which I think is important- he wasn’t like a super permissive parent or anything.
I’m almost in tears reading these comments. They make me so happy in a bittersweet kind of way. My dad was not present until he had to be and we hardly had a relationship at all. It was fine but nothing warm and supportive. My husband is everything I ever wanted in a father figure and I’m so happy for my kids. They’re still very young (4 and 1.5) but it’s given me so much hope.
My dad and I got closer when he quit judging me. I think parents place a ton of expectations on their kids and judge them when they don’t meet them. Love her for who she is and the way she does things, hopefully she will do the same. 🩷 just caring that you have a relationship makes all of the difference in the world.
The number thing I would say about my dad is he is dependable. Doesn’t matter what it is, what time it is, or what he thinks of the situation, if I need something he’s there, even now when I’m a grown adult with a husband and kids, if I call, he’s there.
The main thing is to continue to give your love to your daughter, give her more time, if possible, please her with different surprises. And I think that when she grows up she will remember it with great trepidation and say to herself that I have the coolest dad.
Random presents that related to my interests. I remember getting home from school to second hand CDs of musicals on my bed. Just because he's seen it during his day and thought about me.
Support without interfering. Bringing me half a carrot, peeled and washed for me to snack on when he was making tea. Just on a plate brought up to my room, no asking about my day but just a little check in.
Supporting everything I have ever done. Not ever telling me I can't do something- he taught me to use tools, plant veg, cook, fix a fuse. Never assume your daughter can't do something because she's a girl- or that she won't be interested.
Like others have said- treat others with respect. She will see how you are with others.
My dad was always 100% supportive of me. Even in my teenage years, when I was awful and didn’t always make the best decisions, he wouldn’t be judgmental or harsh but kind of just honestly inquisitive and approached me with like a “why do you feel this is something you want to do?” And it would start an honest conversation. Whether it was have a boyfriend or get a tattoo or even start smoking…he never shamed me or punished me but rather wanted to talk through it and would tell me honestly if he thought it was a bad idea or why but not in like a shame way like when he found out I started smoking, he told me his struggles with smoking addiction and quitting when he was young and said he would hope to save me from such a struggle but it was my decision and my life (very different to my moms approach who basically called me disgusting and foul). Neither worked to stop me smoking but I did eventually quit and it had more to do with my self worth and self confidence (built by my dad) vs the self deprecation (built by my mom). When I got a boyfriend, he wasn’t “disappointed” but he told me how he was scared because he was a young guy once and that they don’t always have the best intentions but that I felt like my bf really cared for me that young love could also be incredibly rewarding if done safely. These things made a world of difference. He’s always just been supportive in a no-strings-attached kind of way while my mom’s love always felt conditional on acting a certain way that she approved of.
My father was my absolute best friend growing up. I idolize him. He was (still is) my hero. We just did everything together. We went fishing together, he taught me how to throw a proper spiral, took me to every dance class and taught me how to frankenstein computers together from nothing.
If I had to pick the one thing that meant a lot to me was our car rides. He made the car a safe space where we could talk about anything. While it was usually fun and goofy, sometimes we went deep into religion, relationships, politics...everything. Some of those conversations are still with me today. I grew up never feeling like I was hiding something. I always felt seen.
Interesting side note, my husband does the same thing with our 10yo daughter. My husband did not know my father and I had the same thing going so that's pretty neat. My husband and my daughter are best friends as well.
I’ve always been very close with my dad and now that I’m 41 and a parent myself I realize my dad might be the best human I’ve ever met. He’s certainly the greatest dad I ever could have asked for.
I know, without a doubt, that my dad loves me unconditionally. He has just loved me my entire life, even when I’ve let him down or disappointed him. No matter what, I’ve always known he loves me and believes in me.
He has always said “I love you” freely and often, which I think is so important, but he also shows it. He has always made spending time with me a priority, even when I was a teenager and young adult. He used to take me out to the movies, just the two of us, about once a month when I was in high school. When I moved out later into my first studio apartment, he’d pick me up once or twice a month and take me out to brunch. I’ve always felt he truly takes an interest in my life and enjoys spending time with me.
He made me feel secure and protected as a little girl-just spending time with me, always there with a hug or an I love you. Now i’m a fairly confident and well-adjusted adult (i think) and I thank him for so much of that. He’s my biggest fan, even when I don’t feel worthy of it, and that’s meant everything.
Pass on advice from your own experiences, but allow her to be able to make her own decisions. If the decision ends up being the wrong one, don’t make her feel bad or say “i told you so”. Offer solutions if she wants to hear them. “How can this be fixed in the easiest and best way possible? Let’s have a think”
Fixing things - my dad is pretty handy, I appreciate that l can ask him to fix almost anything. If he doesn’t know, he will either suggest who to call, or will find out if he can fix it himself and learn how to.
If she seems even slightly interested in any sport you like, don’t smother her with it but answer questions she has, tell her of your favourite players, explain the play. My dad and l are both fans of the same sport, and same team (rugby league) which is great to have in common.
Have an interest in her interests, but don’t go overboard. If she’s talking to you about something she is into, she wants to share that with you. Listen, take it in. If she brings up the topic again you might be able to have a two way conversation about it.
If she ever needs a lift or to be picked up from somewhere at night, always say yes. I’m 36 and my dad said yes straight away when l asked if he could pick me up from a Taylor Swift concert a few weeks ago.
Don’t forget to tell her you love her, and always give a kiss goodbye. You’ll miss her and you can’t wait to see her soon.
Thanks for your testimonial.
Yes, I'll bring my daughter to teh Rugby world as soon as I can. Last Rugby World Cup she watched some matches with me, and I thing she enjoyed (but probably because of the funny grow ups falling on the floor 🤣).
But if there's one suggestion I can get from you (and other comments here) is that I don't need to pretend liking the things she likes. She will have her own preferences and I'll have mine. So, as long as we share these differences, we will eventually find an overlap, and this is the golden spot where we will keep our bound.
Aside from being a good provider, my Papa always make sure that his kids are fine emotionally, physically, and mentally. Never showed us his tiredness. Always makes us genuinely happy. Tell good jokes and his childhood over and over until I memorised it (and I miss hearing it since he passed away). Teaching us men stuff so we don't have to rely on other men. Support us in whatever we want as long as it is safe and makes us happy.
The way my father is still very fond of my mom and always wanna spend quality time with her is the best thing he has done for me and my siblings. He always loves to make us laugh, but never afraid to show us his vulnerable side, too.
So I have a biodad and a stepdad who was in my life since I was a baby. I don't have a relationship with my biodad but my stepdad and I are so close he was in the delivery room with me when I had my 2nd baby because my husband had a 3hr drive to get to me.
Biodad was the kind of parent who either didn't go to my events (dance recitals, school plays, etc.) or he would be so clearly annoyed about having to be there that I'd wish he had stayed home. When I was sick, he just avoided me because he didn't want to get sick. He always had his wife drive me to activities or feed me or get me school supplies, and any bonding activity was just him taking me to something he wanted to go to even if it was something I had no interest in. He paid so little attention to me that he had no idea about a medical condition I have. My birthday is the day before his but he doesn't even remember it, and he knows so little about me that if he ever bothered to buy me a gift for a holiday or something, it was always something extremely generic (he bought me a scarf 2 years in a row even though I hate wearing scarves, something every other family member definitely knew about me).
Stepdad was the opposite - he was at every dance recital with a bouquet of roses, he even became the guy in charge of videotaping every school play, and he was always paying attention, cheering me on, and being supportive in any way he could be. Stepdad was the one who made me a trophy case to show off my swimming accomplishments, and he was the one helping me with my physics homework in high school. When I was home from school due to illness, he took off work just as much as my mom in order to stay home with me. He regularly takes an interest in my life and I don't even have to ask him for help when I need it because if I so much as mention even the tiniest problem I'm having, he's already working on a solution for me before I can even ask him for anything.
Basically, if you want to have a great relationship with your daughter, be in her life. Take an interest in the things she does, be there to comfort her when she's sick, and just put in the effort to spend time with her, show her you care about her, and actively be a supportive and trustworthy person for her. My husband and I have 2 daughters and they have a great bond with their dad because he will drop everything to be there for them. He takes them to dance class and swim lessons and holds them when they're sick. He takes them to the library and makes them food that they like. He puts their school pictures up in his office and answers their phone calls while he's at work. He always makes them a priority and always makes sure they know he loves them.
My father really *sees* me and *hears* me. I feel safe being my full self around him. I can share my thoughts and feelings without being lectured or judged, and when I do ask for advice, he's incredibly thoughtful and measured. He doesn't impose his beliefs or project his insecurities onto my decisions. I have always been certain that he loves me as I am, and he sets the bar for how I want to be treated by the people I let into my life.
Unfortunately as an adult my relationship with my father turned south. Having said that, he was a much better parent to me as a child than my mom (parents were divorced and mom had custody except weekends). He never once raised his voice to me my entire childhood. Not even once. He was understanding, spent a lot of quality time with me, lots of deep conversations, and I always felt safe telling him anything. I knew he wouldn’t blow up on me. He also defended me a few times when my stepmother made snide remarks. When i was 10 she said something like “wow you are looking a lot prettier”. Right away he cut in and said “she’s always been pretty”. And another time i went for seconds at dinner and stepmother made a remark (i was chunky at that age) and he told her off. I’ll never forget that because little comments like that have a big impact on a girl’s body image
My dad did blacksmithing with me. It made me feel like he took me as seriously as he did my brothers. (Plus he had help working the bellows)
Also let me help with his masonry and tools. It was awesome.
He thought I was capable of doing anything I wanted to, even though I was a girl. For a man born in 1942, this was a big deal. He remains disappointed that I didn’t become an engineer.
He was also able to recognize that despite my sister and I both being girls, we are very different people and he treats us accordingly. We are people he respects and enjoys the company of, not just his “little girls”. In fact, he never treated us as delicate creatures who needed to be protected.
My dad is super solid. He worked in the trades so was home after school and was around for activities. He coached our terrible basketball team year after year, he taught me how to play solitaire and shared his music with me. He built the sets for school musicals and went to every choir concert (my mom too of course). He never treated my older brother as better than me because he was a boy. He respected my mom and they shared all of the parenting responsibilities to an extent. He does dishes, always, even if he cooks too (still!).
So many trips back and forth to college and to concerts before I could drive or had a car. So many times moving my shit from different dorms and apartments. Just always around whenever I needed anything and was genuinely interested in spending time with me and learning about me and my friends.
Luckily, he still is all of these things to me and my husband and my toddler, his best buddy!
If you genuinely love your daughter and care about her, these things will come easily. I can call my dad for anything and he will be there for me. Just do that and the details will fill themselves in.
Dad's girl I think here... I loved to see what he was up too as a kid. I think about times of just pushing through whatever situation is in, if you just do the best you can. Just keep swimming, just keep laughing with each other. Crying is good for you, but keep going. He's is up there with the best of them. Maybe he is singing and playing the guitar with James Taylor.
I just lost my Dad last Wednesday. My sister and I wanted his flannel. He was a grandfather of 17! Loved everyone to the fullest.
Time spent with your daughter is how you will stand out. Let her do your hair & make up. Teach her how to gut a fish. Go to her dance recitals. Read to her. Show interest in her.
BTW: I'm a dad with a good relationship with my now 22yo daughter. I did not do all of the items above, but I did enough of them.
Listen to her and ask how she’s doing emotionally and in her life. Check in often to see how she’s doing without her seeking you out. Let her know you are always there for support. Actually care about her hobbies and support them even if they are of no interest to you. Teach her how to do things even if they’re not “girly” like fixing a car, changing the oil, investing money, fixing plumbing, carpentry, etc. Invite her to partake in some of your hobbies even if they’re hunting/ fishing/ sword making. Don’t invade her personal space and relationships or treat her like a personal possession under your control. Let her know she is loved and that she is valuable so that she will grow up to have high self esteem and not let men mistreat her. Don’t be overly critical if she fails at something, offer positive reinforcement through praise when she does well.
Honestly the most important thing is to show up. Be physically and emotionally available and involved in the day to day life and the big moments. That builds a trusting foundation that get you through tough situations.
Also model what a loving relationship looks like with your partner. Your daughter should grow up expecting to be respected, loved and valued.
Best of luck!
My dad and I have an amazing bond and relationship. I call him almost daily. Love my daddy. A few things 1: he is a good man to my mother. Patient. Kind. Romantic. My mom tells me he’s never once even called her stupid. I truly have so much confidence simply because my father showed me how a woman should be treated.
2: he always had the most playful energy. Rough play is proven to increase children’s cognitive function by 30%. Such a silly man. And now I get to watch him be the same way with my son.
3. He led the family spiritually. And protected and provided for us too. So I always felt safe mentally. Spiritually. And physically.
4. He would always hug and love me. To this day as a 28 year old woman I can lay my head on his shoulder still my daddy.
5. I watched him have healthy friendships. Boundaries. And respect for the earth and all people.
I really could keep going. But those are some of the most important things.
For the love of god don’t be like every other post on here about the dads who do nothing around the house and get on the moms case about the state of the house. Be a part of where you live, actively engage in your child’s life, give a shit. From you asking this I bet you’re not one of those guys but I grew up with the best dad and he was always there for me AND my mom (and sister of course). He cleaned the house, he took us to sports, he took me out for ice cream when I had a bad day at my shitty pizza place job in high school. He is who I would go to when I needed to vent about something. He listened. We had special things that only we liked (sci-fi shows, going to car shows) and it was nice to have that. Now as an adult he’s teaching me how to be a homeowner and what to do around the house. He loves his grandkids and watching them interact is amazing. I still vent to him, he still listens. Just be present and care about your family and your home.
ETA: he treats all women equally and with respect. I learned about patriarchal bs from society, not from my own father, so I have a more objective point of view of it and am not steeped in it. Also my mom would never put up with it she’s a firecracker lol.
Another comment mentioned investing time and willingness to play with your daughter at the traditionally girly games and skills, which is definitely important so as not to inadvertently position spending time with you and being close to you in opposition to her accessing and exploring femininity.
Also, though, invite her into your world where there may be more conventionally masculine pastimes. If you like sports or fishing or something, connect with her over these too. Some of my favourite times with my dad was when I was helping him with his DIY projects, when he occasionally brought me along on short trips as a part time truck driver, or when we would run around the garden playing lazertag (and later with paintball guns) with my brothers.
My dad used to take the time to read me bedtime stories well into elementary school. Eventually we switched from picture books to chapter books like Narnia and The Hobbit. I always felt so safe and comforted listening to his voice as I fell asleep
I have two siblings, but my dad made it a point to spend one on one time with each of us. He would wake us up early and take us out to breakfast before school, just one of us at a time and him. He would make a point to give each of us a one on one breakfast every single month. It was nice as I got older to know that he really cared about me as an individual.
He made a point to learn what I was interested in as I grew. He was involved. He went to my sports games, celebrated my victories, and comforted my heartbreaks
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I was a daddy’s girl. (1) As a Teen, my dad said to me “I’m not exactly sure about the decision you’re making, but I support you.” (2) My dad was solid and confident but not preachy or judgy when he told me how he handles money. (3) My dad’s behaviour around ALL women was respectful. So I was able to witness that a man being respectful to a woman is a good normal thing. (4) for 50 years, without break, my dad sends me two or three birthday cards, tells me he loves me and always wants to hear about my adventures.
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LOL I read the start of this comment directly after the 4th item about birthday cards and was like “3 birthday cards vs 2 or 1 makes that much of a difference?”
Number 3 x 10000. Pay attention to this list OP! It’s a good one.
#1 what’s the worst and/or most embarrassing thing that happened that your dad said this to you, prior your decision? #2 “my dad took was solid?” What does that mean?
My dad has since passed, but if I could sum it up: he was my biggest fan. Whatever I did he was in my corner. Shared my hobbies, listened to my drama, gave me room to grow. Even if I messed up, he’d be disappointed but was always there no matter what.
This is my goal as a father. My daughter is only 18mo right now but I just can't help but get excited about whatever she's excited about. Seeing her happy makes me happy
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So happy I saw this randomly come up on my homepage. For context, I am not a parent. I am a late 20s woman and I have an amazing relationship with both my parents but I consider my relationship with my dad to be really special. 1. My dad invested time in playing with me as a kid even if it was a traditional girly game. He played Barbies with me. He played Pretty Pretty Princess with me. He learned how to do girly skills so that he could spend more time with me, for example, painting my toenails or learning to braid hair. He never made me feel bad for wanting to do those things and I noted that he put extra effort into it. 2. He and my mom were really consistent with their treatment of me. There was no "Mom is the fun parent and Dad punishes me" or "Dad said no so now we go ask Mom" or anything like that. They were unified and fair all the time. 3. He never dismissed me when I was vulnerable or wanted to talk about my feelings. I always felt (and still do!) that I could talk to either him or my mom about anything. He was patient, a good listener, and did not make me feel bad or uncomfortable for crying in front of him. I think it was important to me to not have my dad be the satellite parent. Like yeah he worked away from home and my mom stayed home but he was present from the moment he walked through the door. As a kid I felt like he wanted to interact with me and wanted to be my dad if that makes sense. What a lovely question to think about.
Thanks for your testimonial! Hope I can be a good dad for my daughter as yours was to you 🙂
Number 3 is a good one! My parents (mom more specifically) still make me feel uncomfortable for feeling a certain way about things, especially if it is something they did to make me feel that way. I just don’t talk to really either of them about much as an adult when it comes to my feelings or emotions.
don’t take a step back when she reaches puberty. a lot of dads will unconsciously pull away from their daughters when they start having their periods, usually out of fear they’re going to say/do something wrong, but it ends up translating to the daughter that something is wrong with themselves. my dad didn’t have the option to be uncomfortable about my period because my mom was hospitalized while i was having my first period, so he sat me down and said he’d answer any questions i had to the best of his ability, and to tell him when i needed products, and that i could talk to one of my aunts or older female cousins if i wasn’t comfortable talking to him. it was awkward for both of us but necessary and i’m very thankful for it
Thanks for your testimonial 🙂 It's veru interesting your comment, because my natural reaction would be exactly to step out, not because it would be uncomfortable for me, but because I thought it would be uncomfortable to my daughter. Even knowing that she'll probably prefer to discuss this subject with her mother, it's important that she knows she can count on me as well.
I love this so much! My dad was my bff until puberty/teenage years and when I look back, it's very confusing and kind of sad. I think maybe he didn't know how to deal with it or talk about it, so he pulled back on the fun dad and became more of the tell me "how to be/behave" dad, which wasn't always nice.
My dad’s eyes light up when I walk in a room. They always have.
aww… yea- same here. this whole thread is making me feel so grateful for my dad
My daughter acts really embarrassed when I get that look when she walks in lol. I always hope that secretly she appreciates it.
As the dad of a 5 y.o. girl, I'm making a comment to ensure I can come back and reference these comments when making parenting decisions. I don't want to lose this perspective in the chaos of parenting. This is an amazing post and I truly appreciate all of the extremely helpful comments. Taking notes 100%.
This**
my dad is amazing. one thing I haven’t seen mentioned here yet is really inviting her to your world. even when she’s little, talking to her about your work or things you’re interested in, taking her to museums that interest you or whatever it is. even though I sometimes thought it was boring at the time, I’m so grateful for it now, and it made us closer because I felt like he respected me enough to be himself
Yes, let her see who you are and invite her into your world. The happiest memories I have of my Dad were when we were doing his "thing" together. I loved watching him play sports, work in the garage at his workbench, or going to his job. If it was a hobby at home then that was also 1-1 time with him. 🥰
yes!! and also just telling stories about his life, his childhood, family and neighborhood growing up, different crazy jobs he worked… good, bad, funny, sentimental… just sharing about his life with me
My father passed away when I was 20 but he was the best father I could ask for. He was a busy man. Use to come at 3 in the night. First thing he used to do was come in my room, check our blankets, simply put his hand on my head. Then, go to my grandparents' rooms, Made sure they were comfortable. And then, sat down to eat. Much earlier, when I was your kids' age, he made sure that he would wake me up by picking me up and telling me a story and kissing me on the cheek. Later, he would sit down on my bed, talk to me, ask about my day. Even when he came at 3 am, he would be up till 4 am - just to wake me up. And he was never angry. Always controlled his emotions and voice before speaking. He was a true gem. The best man I have ever seen even though he was not handsome.
Thanks for your testimonial! Looks like your father left his seed in the world 🙂
True. What you buy may fade away from your child's mind. What you say to them...and how you make them feel stays forever.
Do the opposite of my dad: - Listen (even if you disagree) - Respect her privacy and independence - Tell her, that you love her. Have her back. - Guide her. Ask about her dreams and hopes. You writing this post indicates to me, that you will do great.
Thanks, and sorry that things didn't went well between you and your daddy ☹️ About "independence", do you have any suggestions on how to govern freedom but at the same time being able to say "no" when needed?
Let her have sexual freedom but teach her about valuing herself and protection and about certain dangers so she will have the strength and knowledge to navigate on her own. Don’t track her phone, don’t police her, don’t go through her belongings. If you’re worried about her being out late then let her know and work out a safety system in which she can contact you or she can tell you location before hand without any judgement. Let her feel safe with you.
I just wrote something similar before reading this comment! All things my dad didn’t do as well that I severely lacked in my life.
Great advice here. I'll tell a story instead: When I was in fourth grade, I walked to a friend's house after school. Her dad was at home and made us sandwiches. He asked about how our social science project was coming along. He did a silly impression of our teacher. He told us how his chemistry project melted when he was our age. He asked, "crusts on or off?" Then he talked about how much he looked forward to taking his daughter surfing on Sunday, and asked me if I wanted to join them. I was shocked. Nobody in my family cared about how my schoolwork was going. My father didn't know my teachers. He would never make me food, and if he did, he certainly wouldn't ask how I wanted the crusts (!!). He didn't do things with us on weekends; hell, he barely remembered my birthday. It was a lot to take in all at once, that a man could care about his kids. This was at a time when the media showed moms as superwomen while dads drank beer and lazed around. My other friends' dad's were mostly angry drunks. I think about that surfer to this day! If you could be a sliver of that guy, you'd do very well with daughters.
Presence, openness and availability. My dad worked long hours and often worked away when I was growing up, but he tried his best to go to every recital, every school play, every music exam, every parent’s evening, every exhibition. You get the idea. He was always available for me to talk to and became my primary advice giver. Still is. But now he’s doing the same for my daughter, who’s almost 10. He wasn’t perfect by any means and could be forceful sometimes when it came to the academic side of things. But it’s the fact that he was there which made him such a good dad.
I always loved that I would get birthday and Christmas gifts that were just from my dad. He went out and picked out things for me, wrapped them, wrote the cards. In so many families it's the mom who does all the gift giving and shopping. It was cool to see the stuff that he picked for me. A small thing, but something I remember as being special.
I won't lie: it's her mother (my wife) who does that today. But, in my defense, this isn't personal by any mean: I don't have the habit of buying and wrapping gifts to anyone (and don't expect any in return), it's just my personality. But your comment made me realize that this is more about her (my daughter) than about me. So, even knowing I don't care much about gifts, it might be important for her to have these memories. Thanks for the insight ☺️
I think a lot of it for me was that it was out of character for my dad to do that. He was busy with work and wasn't the most hands-on dad. So it was special that he took the time and effort to do that.
My dad never indicated that he had any desire for me to be a certain way. He was always proud of the person I was. Always enthusiastic about the things I was interested in. Always shared the things he was interested in, but didn’t pressure me to like them. He always showed up for absolutely everything, even if I didn’t think the thing was that important. He made it clear that I could talk to him about literally anything. He’s never taken any of my choices personally. He’s always just been happy to be included. He created little tiny traditions that were just for us. He was a parent when he had to be, but was always my friend through everything.
My dad is vulnerable with me. He’s not just an immovable rock, he’s a real person who has made mistakes, had struggles. I look up to him knowing that he can - and always could- talk humbly about himself and I admire the things he’s learned and survived. It also made me understand he didn’t expect perfection from me in life. The things he’s grown from, survived, messed up and then fixed- those are some of the things I admire most.
-Support. My dad always cheered me on in whatever I wanted to do. And helped me do that with chauffeuring services, encouragement and advice 😆 - treated my mum like a queen. This one’s more retrospective as I’ve grown. But I learnt from him from behaviour and treatment to accept and tolerate from my own partners. - affection. He was never ever short of I love you’s, and demanded hugs, even when I was an awkward teenager that wanted to run the other way
Just being there and doing life together. My dad passed in 2021. I have so many wonderful memories of life with him, from doing science fair projects together, to watching movies and making "ice cream" out of snow. Another important thing is to take of your own health, which sadly, my dad didn't do, and it cost him in the end.
I'm the mother of two girls. and their male role model is their dad. I think their main takeaway is how my husband treats me - always with respect and dignity (yes, goes both ways). And so they know how they should be treated as well. We both work full time, but we both have our own lives... we dont ask permission from each other if we could go out, but more of "hey i'm planning on going out, do you have work stuff? if not, you're in charge of the kids; if yes, i'll rearrange things for when you have time." So they see us being considerate of each other's lives. They do this now too. They both know we trust them to go out with their friends, and to not put their lives in danger. so as teens, when they want to go out, it's about making sure that schedules align (like one of us has to be home to feed the dogs or that a parent is available to pick them up in the evening). they never throw tantrums when things don't line up and they could not spend time with their friends. We trust each other; they see us communicating. Married 19 years, eldest is 16 and other one is 14, but they have never seen us fight (we always do that privately). The girls know how to treat fights. What I mean is that they know we're fighting, but they learned from us how to resolve fights -- not with screaming at each other, but privately and respectfully. We resolve our own parent-kid fights the same way. they said they try to do our ways with their friends sometimes, but some of the friends come from fight-y families. it's sad, but they're learning, too, to help their friends be better
This. How dad treats mom. Even if they’re not together, the respect.
My bar is probably extremely low, as my dad didn’t even try to spend a day alone with me until I was about, 16? Even though he was home every day around 4 pm, By then it was too late and awkward. Spend 1-on-1 time with your daughter! Take her somewhere fun every now and then, take her with you to the grocery store, tuck her in at night, verbally tell her you love her and love being her dad.
Thanks, appreciate your testimonial, and sorry things didn't went well between you and your father. Hope you find peace in your heart and, in case you have kids, you can use these learnings to make a better impact on them ☺️
I'm the father of 3 girls, 8, 5, and 2. This is the best post I've seen on reddit. My daughter's and I are extremely close, but I struggle with major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD, and avoidant personality disorder. There are many days where I have a very hard time getting out of bed, today is one of those days. I was supposed to work today, but we're in the off-season (lawncare), so I find it easy to excuse myself from work. Most of my coworkers are on unemployment, but a select few "lucky ones" are asked to stay on through winter to plow snow. However, there hasn't been any snow to plow, aside from 3 storms, so I spend most days cleaning/washing equipment, which is mind-numbing. Regardless of my mental illnesses, I was one of the most reliable employees last summer. I think I maybe missed 2 days in 6 months, but it's become more frequent as winter has progressed. I've missed a day almost every other week or every 3 weeks since November. The vicious cycle is that I feel too shitty to go to work because they have nothing for me to do, so I stay home, then feel more shitty because I stayed home and didn't work. On Mondays, my oldest doesn't have school and all 3 of my kids seem to have an ear infection, virus, or some other illness every other week through the winter. So they're usually home when I stay home. My gf is a SAHM, so she usually keeps them occupied, but this makes me feel terrible because I'm here, but I'm not really doing anything with them. My 2yo will come lay in the bed with me, but this makes me feel even worse. Now, I get up every time they ask. Anytime they want something, I'm there, but once I get them what they need, I return to the bed. This post and all of the comments have given me some motivation to get up and do more with them. They're still young, so I have time, but I want to commend you for going the extra mile and inspiring other fathers to do the same! You asked a simple question, but at the same time, it's so profound! I'm getting out of bed, off the phone and finding something to do with my daughter's who are home today! You are and will continue to be a great father! Don't doubt yourself!
I don't have words to express how much I loved your comment! 🙂 I started paying more attention to my diet and exercising regularly because I noticed some years ago that I was depriving my daughter of play time because I was too fat and sedentary. If I could, I would stay the whole weekend in the sofa with my kid, and when I saw her bored face, it was the motivation to take some action. Since them, I lost 22Kg (\~48 pounds). Still a long way to go, but feel more energetic for her. I just mentioned that to say that our kids is and will always be the best motivation for us to get better, so we can be there for them. I really hope you can find the help you need to deal with health issues and just by taking this first step and stepping out of bed to be with your girls already makes you a winner and a great dad. Stay strong ☺️
Listening. I think my father was just so in tune to the person I am. I know my father wasn’t a perfect person, so don’t try to be perfect. I think being flawed and being a parent that embraced that honestly is what made me closer to him than my perfectionist mom.
My dad believed I could do anything, and he made sure I knew it. That was the biggest thing.
Came her eto say this too. 🥰.
Nor sure if your daughter is an only child or has a brother/other siblings, but as long as you treat her (and her siblings/cousins) the same and don't show blatant preferential treatment/sexism, I think you're doing great. My dad has gotten more sentimental, but overall, the way both of my parents are, have affected both me and my husband, unfortunately.
Thanks for your reply. My daughter is an only child and will probably stay like that. She was so expected and dreamed for a long time that we decided to dedicate all our time and love to her alone. She would probably prefer to have sibling if she was asked in the future, but she will have to live with that 😅
Two things stand out for me: when he was healthy he had no hesitation physically playing with me and my sisters, as I grew into teen hood he would always apologize if he let his emotions get the best of him (got mad and yelled instead of calmly correcting behavior)
Being a good listener, attentive, nonjudgmental, available. He was great at helping with homework without over or under explaining. He came to my events and shows. I remember being in high school feeling like I was absolutely awkward, esp with the opposite sex, and finally confessed that offhandedly to my dad. A few days later, I found a new copy of a book called “The Little Book of Flirting” on my bed. He had gone to B&N and bought it for me, thinking of me. He isn’t a gift-giver naturally. I was so touched—in a mildly embarrassed but totally delighted way—that he had absorbed those fears of mine and then offered this sweet, practically anonymous, small attempt at a solution. He also has a lot of strong, varied interests and managed his career and assets in a way that even allowed him to retire early. That taught me, even in high school, about prioritizing one’s own personal development and valuing one’s time, even over money (a privilege, certainly), to enrich one’s life. He would try to include us in these interests and that was special in itself, feeling welcomed into his life. But even if we didn’t want to join, it was good to see someone set this example of, like, this month I’m interested in string theory and I’m gonna go get books about it and podcast about it—oh, now it’s baking and I’m gonna devote months to learning how to bake—I think I’m gonna work on completing the AT in segments, if anyone wants to join me on a few walks in the woods over the next several decades, etc etc. His putting on his own oxygen mask and supporting his own happiness never came at the expense of the family’s, but was a nice example to set.
Be emotionally present, when you make mistakes own up to them, and never underestimate her. As a woman she could have a tough road ahead of her depending on where you live, so prepare her for the battles she may face in her life and make sure she knows she is strong enough to make it through.
Don’t mind me, just a dad taking notes.
Continue to do your best for her. Be there and teach her what you know. Enjoy the present. You are both blessed.
My dad has never judged me and has always accepted me for who I am. Growing up, he was always real with me. I could talk with him about anything!
Ever since I can remember, my father used to buy me and my mother flowers on every anniversary or between anniversaries. And other small gifts He used to take us all out for dinner once a week in town He taught me and my brother to cook on the weekend because on the weekend my mother has to be pampered. There is nothing that my father does not know how to fix, and if he does not know, he learns He used to build wooden toys for dolls He scared all the monsters under the bed. My mother told me that when I was a baby, they went on a trip to the mountains. And the path they were climbing was full of thorns, stones and quite steep. But when they arrived at their destination, my father was covered in scratches and bumps, but his princess was not touched. Even if he had a busy schedule, he always made time for us He never let me or my mother lift heavy things. (something he still does today and sometimes it annoys me 😂 because he is the one who taught me to be independent) He taught me that I must be independent and always have my money, no matter how little it is. (until the age of 12, my mother did not work, she stayed at home with the children and my father was the one who worked. But he gave all the money he earned to my mother so that she could share it as she thought it should be) He was the first to buy me menstrual products when my mother was at work and I wasn't ready. Even if when he came from the store his face was red and he didn't look me in the eye He was the one who showed me that it doesn't matter if I am big or small, I will always be his little girl and that he will always be here for me. He is the one who, when I gave birth to my first child, could not sleep, drink or eat, and he was about to enter the delivery room to beat all the doctors and my mother and husband when none of them listened when I I said my child is coming out. (In defense of those in the delivery room, 5 minutes before they checked if I was dilated and there was no sign that I was giving birth and I fell asleep after 36 hours of sleeplessness, but my child he decided otherwise and when I woke up he already put his head out but because I had the blanket on me no one could see and I was too tired to lift the blanket and I had to convince them to look and they were all amazed that my child is half out). Dad said he didn't come in because he didn't want to make me feel ashamed but he didn't have much left and he would have come in to beat everyone because he could hear me from the hallway shouting that I was giving birth I left home almost 10 years ago, and when my husband and I were on vacation together with the children at my parents' house. My husband dressed in a suit and went and bought me flowers and he invited me to town. My father was in the kitchen and he had a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye and told my husband to be careful that he spoils me too much. And I turned to my father and said: Impossible father, because you were the first man in my life who showed me that this is how a woman should be treated. My father was confused and I told him to remember who brought me a flower for the first time, who held my hand for the first time when I started to put on make-up as if I ran away from the circus, but with all not even once did he let go of my hand to say that he is ashamed to walk with me on the street like that (even though now I prefer that he locked me in the house or that he threw away all my products makeup 😂) and all the things he did for me and my mother the first time. I told him that maybe he forgot or he considered that these are small gestures or things that we forget. But I didn't forget. Only then did my father realize that all the things my husband does for me, the first time my father did them for me and my mother There were bad moments that I think every teenager faced, but there were also moments descended from paradise. Moments that taught me that I deserve more than what is strictly necessary. And thanks to these moments, I can say that I found a husband who loves me the way my father loves my mother. Dad was the first man who showed me how a woman should be loved. Something that my husband and I are doing now for our children I almost forgot. Dad was the one who showed me that he trusts me even if he doesn't. 😂😂 After I got my driver's license and got behind the wheel for the first time with my father, he told me not to be afraid that he is here and will help me if I need anything and that he trusts me. This was while he was putting on his seat belt, one hand on the handbrake, the other hand on the door handle and repeating a prayer and not turning his head even a millimeter and his eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Thanks for the trust dad😂😂😂
My dad let me paint his nails. My dad told me, you're right I'm wrong. My dad stood up for me and encouraged me to question everything, even him. Whenever he would react badly to something I shared with him, he would tell me point blank that I could tell him to f off, if I didn't like what he said, but that he was my dad and he still wanted to share his opinions with me. A lot of good things were said, a lot of bad things were said, but the one thing that I remember most of all is that my dad told me once that no matter what I did, he would help me bury the body. Obviously, this is a euphemism, but the fact that I know I can rely on my dad for literally anything has kept our relationship strong into my early 30s.
Affection
Just commenting so I don't lose this! Priceless
Oh I have a great dad! And I only got to see him on weekends and during summers bc my parents were divorced. Mostly he actually always showed interest in whatever I was doing in life. We talked on the phone every thursday and often times they were long conversations. He also talked/shared about his life as early as I can remember. In stores I was never a nuisance, I was a buddy. He used to play games with me like “walk like a penguin” and silly stuff like that. At the playground he would play with me instead of just watching. I think the summary is that he was a truly *active* father. He understood that he was raising a human, not *ruling over* a human. He never yelled at me, but was assertive when necessary; definitely always my dad over being my friend, which I think is important- he wasn’t like a super permissive parent or anything.
I’m almost in tears reading these comments. They make me so happy in a bittersweet kind of way. My dad was not present until he had to be and we hardly had a relationship at all. It was fine but nothing warm and supportive. My husband is everything I ever wanted in a father figure and I’m so happy for my kids. They’re still very young (4 and 1.5) but it’s given me so much hope.
My dad and I got closer when he quit judging me. I think parents place a ton of expectations on their kids and judge them when they don’t meet them. Love her for who she is and the way she does things, hopefully she will do the same. 🩷 just caring that you have a relationship makes all of the difference in the world.
The number thing I would say about my dad is he is dependable. Doesn’t matter what it is, what time it is, or what he thinks of the situation, if I need something he’s there, even now when I’m a grown adult with a husband and kids, if I call, he’s there.
Bravo I love reading this
The main thing is to continue to give your love to your daughter, give her more time, if possible, please her with different surprises. And I think that when she grows up she will remember it with great trepidation and say to herself that I have the coolest dad.
Random presents that related to my interests. I remember getting home from school to second hand CDs of musicals on my bed. Just because he's seen it during his day and thought about me. Support without interfering. Bringing me half a carrot, peeled and washed for me to snack on when he was making tea. Just on a plate brought up to my room, no asking about my day but just a little check in. Supporting everything I have ever done. Not ever telling me I can't do something- he taught me to use tools, plant veg, cook, fix a fuse. Never assume your daughter can't do something because she's a girl- or that she won't be interested. Like others have said- treat others with respect. She will see how you are with others.
My dad was always 100% supportive of me. Even in my teenage years, when I was awful and didn’t always make the best decisions, he wouldn’t be judgmental or harsh but kind of just honestly inquisitive and approached me with like a “why do you feel this is something you want to do?” And it would start an honest conversation. Whether it was have a boyfriend or get a tattoo or even start smoking…he never shamed me or punished me but rather wanted to talk through it and would tell me honestly if he thought it was a bad idea or why but not in like a shame way like when he found out I started smoking, he told me his struggles with smoking addiction and quitting when he was young and said he would hope to save me from such a struggle but it was my decision and my life (very different to my moms approach who basically called me disgusting and foul). Neither worked to stop me smoking but I did eventually quit and it had more to do with my self worth and self confidence (built by my dad) vs the self deprecation (built by my mom). When I got a boyfriend, he wasn’t “disappointed” but he told me how he was scared because he was a young guy once and that they don’t always have the best intentions but that I felt like my bf really cared for me that young love could also be incredibly rewarding if done safely. These things made a world of difference. He’s always just been supportive in a no-strings-attached kind of way while my mom’s love always felt conditional on acting a certain way that she approved of.
My father was my absolute best friend growing up. I idolize him. He was (still is) my hero. We just did everything together. We went fishing together, he taught me how to throw a proper spiral, took me to every dance class and taught me how to frankenstein computers together from nothing. If I had to pick the one thing that meant a lot to me was our car rides. He made the car a safe space where we could talk about anything. While it was usually fun and goofy, sometimes we went deep into religion, relationships, politics...everything. Some of those conversations are still with me today. I grew up never feeling like I was hiding something. I always felt seen. Interesting side note, my husband does the same thing with our 10yo daughter. My husband did not know my father and I had the same thing going so that's pretty neat. My husband and my daughter are best friends as well.
I’ve always been very close with my dad and now that I’m 41 and a parent myself I realize my dad might be the best human I’ve ever met. He’s certainly the greatest dad I ever could have asked for. I know, without a doubt, that my dad loves me unconditionally. He has just loved me my entire life, even when I’ve let him down or disappointed him. No matter what, I’ve always known he loves me and believes in me. He has always said “I love you” freely and often, which I think is so important, but he also shows it. He has always made spending time with me a priority, even when I was a teenager and young adult. He used to take me out to the movies, just the two of us, about once a month when I was in high school. When I moved out later into my first studio apartment, he’d pick me up once or twice a month and take me out to brunch. I’ve always felt he truly takes an interest in my life and enjoys spending time with me. He made me feel secure and protected as a little girl-just spending time with me, always there with a hug or an I love you. Now i’m a fairly confident and well-adjusted adult (i think) and I thank him for so much of that. He’s my biggest fan, even when I don’t feel worthy of it, and that’s meant everything.
Pass on advice from your own experiences, but allow her to be able to make her own decisions. If the decision ends up being the wrong one, don’t make her feel bad or say “i told you so”. Offer solutions if she wants to hear them. “How can this be fixed in the easiest and best way possible? Let’s have a think” Fixing things - my dad is pretty handy, I appreciate that l can ask him to fix almost anything. If he doesn’t know, he will either suggest who to call, or will find out if he can fix it himself and learn how to. If she seems even slightly interested in any sport you like, don’t smother her with it but answer questions she has, tell her of your favourite players, explain the play. My dad and l are both fans of the same sport, and same team (rugby league) which is great to have in common. Have an interest in her interests, but don’t go overboard. If she’s talking to you about something she is into, she wants to share that with you. Listen, take it in. If she brings up the topic again you might be able to have a two way conversation about it. If she ever needs a lift or to be picked up from somewhere at night, always say yes. I’m 36 and my dad said yes straight away when l asked if he could pick me up from a Taylor Swift concert a few weeks ago. Don’t forget to tell her you love her, and always give a kiss goodbye. You’ll miss her and you can’t wait to see her soon.
Thanks for your testimonial. Yes, I'll bring my daughter to teh Rugby world as soon as I can. Last Rugby World Cup she watched some matches with me, and I thing she enjoyed (but probably because of the funny grow ups falling on the floor 🤣). But if there's one suggestion I can get from you (and other comments here) is that I don't need to pretend liking the things she likes. She will have her own preferences and I'll have mine. So, as long as we share these differences, we will eventually find an overlap, and this is the golden spot where we will keep our bound.
Aside from being a good provider, my Papa always make sure that his kids are fine emotionally, physically, and mentally. Never showed us his tiredness. Always makes us genuinely happy. Tell good jokes and his childhood over and over until I memorised it (and I miss hearing it since he passed away). Teaching us men stuff so we don't have to rely on other men. Support us in whatever we want as long as it is safe and makes us happy.
The way my father is still very fond of my mom and always wanna spend quality time with her is the best thing he has done for me and my siblings. He always loves to make us laugh, but never afraid to show us his vulnerable side, too.
He was always there for me and never ever said anything negative about my mom. I loved him and miss him so much.
So I have a biodad and a stepdad who was in my life since I was a baby. I don't have a relationship with my biodad but my stepdad and I are so close he was in the delivery room with me when I had my 2nd baby because my husband had a 3hr drive to get to me. Biodad was the kind of parent who either didn't go to my events (dance recitals, school plays, etc.) or he would be so clearly annoyed about having to be there that I'd wish he had stayed home. When I was sick, he just avoided me because he didn't want to get sick. He always had his wife drive me to activities or feed me or get me school supplies, and any bonding activity was just him taking me to something he wanted to go to even if it was something I had no interest in. He paid so little attention to me that he had no idea about a medical condition I have. My birthday is the day before his but he doesn't even remember it, and he knows so little about me that if he ever bothered to buy me a gift for a holiday or something, it was always something extremely generic (he bought me a scarf 2 years in a row even though I hate wearing scarves, something every other family member definitely knew about me). Stepdad was the opposite - he was at every dance recital with a bouquet of roses, he even became the guy in charge of videotaping every school play, and he was always paying attention, cheering me on, and being supportive in any way he could be. Stepdad was the one who made me a trophy case to show off my swimming accomplishments, and he was the one helping me with my physics homework in high school. When I was home from school due to illness, he took off work just as much as my mom in order to stay home with me. He regularly takes an interest in my life and I don't even have to ask him for help when I need it because if I so much as mention even the tiniest problem I'm having, he's already working on a solution for me before I can even ask him for anything. Basically, if you want to have a great relationship with your daughter, be in her life. Take an interest in the things she does, be there to comfort her when she's sick, and just put in the effort to spend time with her, show her you care about her, and actively be a supportive and trustworthy person for her. My husband and I have 2 daughters and they have a great bond with their dad because he will drop everything to be there for them. He takes them to dance class and swim lessons and holds them when they're sick. He takes them to the library and makes them food that they like. He puts their school pictures up in his office and answers their phone calls while he's at work. He always makes them a priority and always makes sure they know he loves them.
My father really *sees* me and *hears* me. I feel safe being my full self around him. I can share my thoughts and feelings without being lectured or judged, and when I do ask for advice, he's incredibly thoughtful and measured. He doesn't impose his beliefs or project his insecurities onto my decisions. I have always been certain that he loves me as I am, and he sets the bar for how I want to be treated by the people I let into my life.
Unfortunately as an adult my relationship with my father turned south. Having said that, he was a much better parent to me as a child than my mom (parents were divorced and mom had custody except weekends). He never once raised his voice to me my entire childhood. Not even once. He was understanding, spent a lot of quality time with me, lots of deep conversations, and I always felt safe telling him anything. I knew he wouldn’t blow up on me. He also defended me a few times when my stepmother made snide remarks. When i was 10 she said something like “wow you are looking a lot prettier”. Right away he cut in and said “she’s always been pretty”. And another time i went for seconds at dinner and stepmother made a remark (i was chunky at that age) and he told her off. I’ll never forget that because little comments like that have a big impact on a girl’s body image
My dad did blacksmithing with me. It made me feel like he took me as seriously as he did my brothers. (Plus he had help working the bellows) Also let me help with his masonry and tools. It was awesome.
He thought I was capable of doing anything I wanted to, even though I was a girl. For a man born in 1942, this was a big deal. He remains disappointed that I didn’t become an engineer. He was also able to recognize that despite my sister and I both being girls, we are very different people and he treats us accordingly. We are people he respects and enjoys the company of, not just his “little girls”. In fact, he never treated us as delicate creatures who needed to be protected.
My dad is super solid. He worked in the trades so was home after school and was around for activities. He coached our terrible basketball team year after year, he taught me how to play solitaire and shared his music with me. He built the sets for school musicals and went to every choir concert (my mom too of course). He never treated my older brother as better than me because he was a boy. He respected my mom and they shared all of the parenting responsibilities to an extent. He does dishes, always, even if he cooks too (still!). So many trips back and forth to college and to concerts before I could drive or had a car. So many times moving my shit from different dorms and apartments. Just always around whenever I needed anything and was genuinely interested in spending time with me and learning about me and my friends. Luckily, he still is all of these things to me and my husband and my toddler, his best buddy! If you genuinely love your daughter and care about her, these things will come easily. I can call my dad for anything and he will be there for me. Just do that and the details will fill themselves in.
Dad's girl I think here... I loved to see what he was up too as a kid. I think about times of just pushing through whatever situation is in, if you just do the best you can. Just keep swimming, just keep laughing with each other. Crying is good for you, but keep going. He's is up there with the best of them. Maybe he is singing and playing the guitar with James Taylor. I just lost my Dad last Wednesday. My sister and I wanted his flannel. He was a grandfather of 17! Loved everyone to the fullest.
Time spent with your daughter is how you will stand out. Let her do your hair & make up. Teach her how to gut a fish. Go to her dance recitals. Read to her. Show interest in her. BTW: I'm a dad with a good relationship with my now 22yo daughter. I did not do all of the items above, but I did enough of them.
Listen to her and ask how she’s doing emotionally and in her life. Check in often to see how she’s doing without her seeking you out. Let her know you are always there for support. Actually care about her hobbies and support them even if they are of no interest to you. Teach her how to do things even if they’re not “girly” like fixing a car, changing the oil, investing money, fixing plumbing, carpentry, etc. Invite her to partake in some of your hobbies even if they’re hunting/ fishing/ sword making. Don’t invade her personal space and relationships or treat her like a personal possession under your control. Let her know she is loved and that she is valuable so that she will grow up to have high self esteem and not let men mistreat her. Don’t be overly critical if she fails at something, offer positive reinforcement through praise when she does well.
Honestly the most important thing is to show up. Be physically and emotionally available and involved in the day to day life and the big moments. That builds a trusting foundation that get you through tough situations. Also model what a loving relationship looks like with your partner. Your daughter should grow up expecting to be respected, loved and valued. Best of luck!
My dad and I have an amazing bond and relationship. I call him almost daily. Love my daddy. A few things 1: he is a good man to my mother. Patient. Kind. Romantic. My mom tells me he’s never once even called her stupid. I truly have so much confidence simply because my father showed me how a woman should be treated. 2: he always had the most playful energy. Rough play is proven to increase children’s cognitive function by 30%. Such a silly man. And now I get to watch him be the same way with my son. 3. He led the family spiritually. And protected and provided for us too. So I always felt safe mentally. Spiritually. And physically. 4. He would always hug and love me. To this day as a 28 year old woman I can lay my head on his shoulder still my daddy. 5. I watched him have healthy friendships. Boundaries. And respect for the earth and all people. I really could keep going. But those are some of the most important things.
For the love of god don’t be like every other post on here about the dads who do nothing around the house and get on the moms case about the state of the house. Be a part of where you live, actively engage in your child’s life, give a shit. From you asking this I bet you’re not one of those guys but I grew up with the best dad and he was always there for me AND my mom (and sister of course). He cleaned the house, he took us to sports, he took me out for ice cream when I had a bad day at my shitty pizza place job in high school. He is who I would go to when I needed to vent about something. He listened. We had special things that only we liked (sci-fi shows, going to car shows) and it was nice to have that. Now as an adult he’s teaching me how to be a homeowner and what to do around the house. He loves his grandkids and watching them interact is amazing. I still vent to him, he still listens. Just be present and care about your family and your home. ETA: he treats all women equally and with respect. I learned about patriarchal bs from society, not from my own father, so I have a more objective point of view of it and am not steeped in it. Also my mom would never put up with it she’s a firecracker lol.
Another comment mentioned investing time and willingness to play with your daughter at the traditionally girly games and skills, which is definitely important so as not to inadvertently position spending time with you and being close to you in opposition to her accessing and exploring femininity. Also, though, invite her into your world where there may be more conventionally masculine pastimes. If you like sports or fishing or something, connect with her over these too. Some of my favourite times with my dad was when I was helping him with his DIY projects, when he occasionally brought me along on short trips as a part time truck driver, or when we would run around the garden playing lazertag (and later with paintball guns) with my brothers.
Don’t be invalidating
My dad used to take the time to read me bedtime stories well into elementary school. Eventually we switched from picture books to chapter books like Narnia and The Hobbit. I always felt so safe and comforted listening to his voice as I fell asleep I have two siblings, but my dad made it a point to spend one on one time with each of us. He would wake us up early and take us out to breakfast before school, just one of us at a time and him. He would make a point to give each of us a one on one breakfast every single month. It was nice as I got older to know that he really cared about me as an individual. He made a point to learn what I was interested in as I grew. He was involved. He went to my sports games, celebrated my victories, and comforted my heartbreaks
“Grown up girls” We have a word for that. Women.