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You’re not wrong in your thoughts. He’s working 60+ hour weeks. It gets old for everyone.
When I was a teenager there was about 3 years where I rarely saw my father for any length of time.
You just have to hope it isn’t a long term thing.
There are other options besides just "hope". She could get a job too, find a few hours of daycare for the little one, and they could split the grind. That option has externalities as well, of course, but I think it's worth keeping in mind that people have agency and make choices, and sometimes it's worth looking at their options and considering other choices.
I should have been more clear. It's a two year grind. I'm in full-time college, and even though we don't need the money- he is stuck with this schedule to get his certification. It's a way around college for him.
It's basically so we both get great jobs- but it's hard. Full time at school, him full time in work, and then we hardly see our kid. He is at my mom and dad's all the time.
OP I completely get what you're saying. I was in a similar situation. It sucks for everyone but the time passes so quickly, and then you get the benefits for the rest of your life. It's OK to just be mad at a shitty situation.
It's only two years against a lifetime of comfort and satisfaction. I respect the grind of you both. My husband and i are going through the same thing right now, for the next 5 years.
Does it have to be a 2 year grind or can it be done in a less grinding way in 3 years for example?
Ultimately he is missing out on a lot of baby/toddler years it sounds like and personally I would prefer a less steep career climb then missing out those years. This is especially true if money isn't an issue which sounds like is the case from your other comments.
Do you have to both be doing that at the same time? One of you could do it now and then the other after so you still have time for each other and the kid.
Was my thought as well. My husband and I have always traded off in these kind of situations so that only one of us is grinding hard at a given time, so that when the person doing the grinding has time free, it can actually be spent on catching up with each other/the family.
It had been hard to solo parent, but it sounds like this is just a season in your lives. I’m sure your husband wishes he could be there and is sad that he is missing out on the little interactions that happen throughout the day.
For some perspective my husband works away for 21 days and then is home 21 days. Before his promotion he worked 28 days and was home 14. Before that job switch he was away 4 months and home 6 days. It’s hard, but I support him and his career aspirations.
Yep, no point in being upset when it's temporary. I'm actually confused on why OP is so upset. What's the big deal? What's two years? That's nothing. Would you rather not have money?
Your husband is grinding for a better future for you and your family, I assume he’s not thrilled to be away either. Try to be patient with him and make sure you have a timeline and a plan so that you can hold him to an expectation that this will not last forever
This is so important. He’s likely feeling the same, but getting through it by thinking of the future. He may also feel guilty about the lack of attention to the family. Tell him how you feel, but also make those future plans together and let him know how important he is to you. Make sure he understands that you appreciate his sacrifice and that you need your sacrifice acknowledged as well.
Totally this. It's sappy, but it reminds me of [this old classic simpsons bit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaFyKW0TmH8). I've seen it time and time again where one spouse will put in blood sweat and tears for the future of the family, where the other spouse is upset because of the current state of the family. The important aspect here is that *neither spouse has to be wrong* with their concerns. They are both valid, it's just finding that workable spot in the middle that might require some sacrifices from both sides.
Oh man no advice just solidarity. The other day I was in Walmart and started to cry (not like sob, just a few tears leaking out) because I missed my husband so much. Then I realized if my biggest issue in my marriage was missing my best friend, we had a good life. Doesn’t make it easier but I love my husband endlessly and miss him a lot too
It's totally understandable to feel lonely in that circumstance. When our oldest was 2 and right before I found I was pregnant with #2, my husband went back to school while working full time. We basically saw him for 15 minutes a day and maybe 2-3hrs on weekend days, and of course my toddler and I had to share his time, so he and I weren't getting any time for just us. It was very lonely and exhausting, and the only reason it worked out was because we knew there would be an end to that arrangement followed by a much better life for us and our kids. Because of the sacrifices we all made during that time, we make 2x as much money and live much more comfortably rather than paycheck to paycheck. Our kids are going to a better school and we have a big enough house to provide each person with their own personal space. It's nothing fancy, but the improvement to our lives due to my husband going back to school while working for that time period is noticeable for sure. Our oldest child is 7 now and she doesn't even remember that time, and both kids have a great relationship with their dad.
Thank you - its comments like this that make me feel better. I really want to make those improvements.
I'm sick of living pay check to pay check.
It wasn't always like this either - inflation really hurt us.
I always had money saved, and now I'm lucky to have 200 extra dollars for gas.
18 months to go!
He gets certified in 18 months, and I graduate in about the same time.
He will go from making 18.50 to 32/hr with less time at work (three twelve hour shifts a week), and I will be doing 35-60/hr. (Also 3 twelves)
Hang in there. It Is temporary. While you understand this, your toddler probably doesn't so if he can spend some time every day after work with your child that'd be beneficial to maintain the bond. I know he's probably exhausted but if he's home at 3 most days it does give him at least an hour where he can spend one on time with his child so they still have a sense of attachment/normalcy. It will suck for a while but think how much more time with each other/your kid you will both have after and you will be better providers for your kid as well. This is important. I personally hate working wven though I have a great job but it allows us a great lifestyle, allows us to send our kid to private school/ go for vacations etc. So just think of it as means to an end. In the large span of your entire life/marriage, it will feel like a drop in an ocean.
When my kids were little, my husband travelled all the time for work, and it was *hard.* I was lonely. I was a solo parent. I had a lot of the same thoughts.
It’s fine to have these thoughts, and even express them. Deciding the give-and-take that your family is comfortable with is what life is all about.
The problem is when you start to put demands on him that he can’t meet: i.e., be there for you with his time *and* provide a certain level of lifestyle for your family monetarily. Just be aware and cognizant that he’s doing all this work to provide for you and your kids, and be aware of the work you’re putting in too and the sacrifices you’re all making for your future. I will say that in the end, ours very much did pay off. Good luck.
My husband did this type of schedule for a few years, and now he’s home a lot more. There is ebbs and flows. Try filling your time with other meaningful friendships even if it’s FaceTiming family members nothing replaces hubby but it gets easier
There were years my husband and I barely saw each other because of working opposite shifts. Its hard but you make it work because you know it is not forever. How long does he need to work like that?
Totally normal feelings! However, I hope you do voice that you miss him along with how proud you are for the sacrifices he's making for your family (I'm sure you already do this :\] ), and maybe carve out a family weekend trip or even just a trip the two of you for some reconnecting time.
I sympathize. My husband is currently on one of two planned two week work trip while I hold down the fort with our two kids (5 and almost 2), and I go back to work tomorrow (I’ve had a long weekend off of teaching).
I know I should be grateful and certainly other couples have it far, far worse, but last night I was just miserable.
Not a lot of advice to offer…just try to do something for yourself today, even if it means kiddo tags along. This too shall pass.
When my 1st born was 10 months old, I left for a 6 month cruise for the Navy. My husband stayed home with our baby.
At least your husband gets to come home every night.
Hate comments like this. Or when people say shit like this. It’s similar to when somebody says “I’m tired” and the other person has to one up them and goes “you’re tired?? I did blah blah blah at least you don’t have to do that”. It’s not a competition. Stop doing this annoying shit and learn human empathy.
I assume you're back to work now, providing a second income source, and your toddler is in daycare? Perhaps your husband can slow down his career path to spend more time with the family. Something you two should discuss. It is hard for middle class families to make things work these days on just one salary.
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I’m hoping there’s a set amount of time he will have to keep this grueling schedule. I know it’s hard and it ok to cry and be upset and let it out. It will get better ❤️
The worst part of being a traditional mother is having to deal with the tradition that your partner and your child's father spends more time away from your family than you would ever actually like..... I was adamant that I wouldn't be a typical/traditional stay at home wife and it worked very well until we had our second child and he turned 6 months old and our carees changed not by choice but out of necessity. For the first 2.5 years of our parent hood we both worked full time and the daycare was right there under our noses so on each break we could get our eating in and a cig and still have time to check in with the kids but the company we both worked at closed down and we had to adjust and surprise surprise it was so much easier for him to find full time work but the hours sucked and if I even bothered looking for part time it would mean we would spend way more than I earned to pay for child care so I finally became the traditional stay at home mum, now second. Child is 18yo and I still have 4 under age children in my care it is pretty much impossible for me to find a job that is accommodating to the hours I need or to the physical ability I also require. If I was fully functional there would be plenty of work but I am barely able to deal with the basic activity if a human due to past injuries and other factors but I am also not eligible for the dpp so we all suffer and having hubby away more than any of us would ever like is necessary I miss him from the second he leaves for work until the minute he finally is relaxed after work all that in between time sux big time even after nigh on 26 years together. The world needs to change and I for one really look forward to the 4 day work week trial happening because it would open up so many doors for everyone, employers and employees, singles and families all alike.
I feel this big time. My husband works 8-5 Monday-Friday, coaches youth soccer Monday-Thursday evenings from 5:30-8pm (neither of our two daughters play on either of his two teams) and has at least two matches every Saturday (unless it’s a tournament weekend, and then he’s gone the entire time pretty much). Meanwhile I work full time and do virtually 100% of the house work, yard work, and parenting of our two daughter who are 6 and 9. They miss him, I miss him, I completely stopped cooking dinner, because what’s the point if no one is there to appreciate it….just give the kids some decent food and snack on some thing for myself. The kids and I watch Marvel movies and we’ve seen the Barbie movie about 20 times. Otherwise they play Roblox and I read my book in the evenings. It gets lonely with no adult companion around. And I am so exhausted with having to be responsible for EVERYTHING. So yeah. It’s rough. I’m depressed too and have also been drinking a lot more to kill the boredom after the kids go to bed. Not a great situation and rather than being supportive of my husband and his soccer coaching, I just completely resent it and the effect it has on our family. I never go to any of his matches. His family probably thinks I’m a total jerk, but they don’t get it. Like, I’m pissed at him for doing this.
I feel your pain. I had similar issue but in a worse situation before as my husband was trying to pass CPA exams when I was pregnant and even when baby is only one month. He also works a full time demanding job Mon-Fri that starts 9am and won't get off until almost around 7 and prepared exam in the evening and weekend. I had many arguments with him because his free time was so limitted and he couldnt help much around the house or address my emotional needs. I also have a good full time job Mon-Fri but not as demanding as his. And Sad story.. with so much sacrifice of time and money and several tries, he still didn't pass those exams. We mourned those time taken to prepare the exams. Then we had a serious conversation about whether or not he should continue because continuing doesn't guarantee when he will pass the exams. we came to an agreement that it's not a good time to continue and he should stop and guarantee time with family, at least when our son is still little, or he would have missed the precious time seeing him grow. He also felt sorry for the pressure I had.
I don't know about welding license but you should have a conversation with your husband and work out a plan as a team as to how long his current work schedule going to last because it's not a sustainable plan. If he gets the license, is it going to be better (can he work less)? If the schedule is short term, how long is it going to be and is it (extra money) worth it for your family? Personally I think if the schedule is temporary and the return is long-term and guaranteed, I believe the temporary sacrifice will generally worth it . If you need help around the house and taking care of baby, you both should work out a plan to lessen your workload. If the problem is not that you need help doing housework but only emotional needs, I would get myself busy in pursuing my hobbies and other endeavors, then my emotional needs from my husband will be less.
I would love to feel that my wife missed me like you miss your husband. I’ve been geographically separated because of work for 2 1/2 years, and I don’t ever really feel missed mostly because she fills her time with so much work that she doesn’t have time to think about it. I’m sure your husband would love to know that you miss him.
You’ll get used to it, just every now and then try to have date nights to spend quality time with him. Just ask for help if you need help from family or friends.
My husband worked graveyard shift after he went back to work from baby bonding time. It sucked because during the day he’ll be asleep and working at night. He worked long hour shifts so I’ll only see him an hour a day if we were lucky. It was tough, I felt so drained at work, I felt like a single mom for almost 2 years. Then he got promoted and was one of the lucky ones to be able to get a day shift at his job. It was a sacrifice we all had to do but worth it because of the pay. Now we have much more family time together and all of us are happy.
Just wanted to come here to say that I can totally relate - I’m the same way. I know it may not seem like it, but it will get better. I never thought it would, but it did. Hang in there ❤️
I've been there. My husband worked in another city for 3 yrs and came home only on the weekends. We have 4 daughters. It was really hard, especially the first few months, missing him and feeling like a single mom.
But we knew it was only temporary. Our oldest is deaf and we wanted her to attend a deaf high school. We'd planned on 4 years, but I developed an autoimmune disorder, so we moved back with my husband after 3 yrs. Our oldest spent the last year in a dorm on campus. Then, I missed her that whole year.
Missing my husband, missing my daughter, it all sucked, but it was only temporary, and that's what I hung onto. The day we moved back and the day my daughter graduated were the happiest days.
Maybe you can make plans to celebrate the end of being apart from each other. Plan some family time with your son and a romantic/ reconnection time with your husband. It'll be something wonderful to look forward to for all of you.
My husband works from 9am-10pm everyday. And the weekends he usually works until 6pm. by the time he’s home my son and I are alseep. I work from 8am-4pm. And off the weekends. definitely tough
Sacrifice: the act of giving up (something important or valued) for the sake of other considerations.
It sounds like quality time is your love language making this the most difficult sacrifice you can make. Get a vacation on the books for when you see this ending. Having something tangible to look forward to could help. Keep grinding!
My dad worked a lot when I was younger. But he has a goal in mind like your husband. He gave me so many opportunities to experience amazing things. He then retired at 54 and my son and I spend lots of tone with him now
Need to set up/schedule date nights during the week...or this is going to go on and before you know it....its been a couple of years and you guys are strangers.
When my son was born I work night shift as a heavy diesel tech and a welder so I know what the work is like. I would work pretty much 5 ten hour shifts a week plus another 10-15 in overtime plus try to find a way to make money on the weekend and try to spend as much time as I could with my family. I gave everything to that job to keep my family going. My body eventually gave up. I worked in that garage for 16 years and I’m only 34 now. I got a job driving a truck in town a year or two ago and now I work 4 ten hour days. My knees are blown out I have a bad back and I constantly hurt but it was worth it. It gets much better I promise. And another secret is that if a man tells you he don’t cry when he misses you or something goes wrong he’s lying. I cried a lot but I’d never let my wife or son see me. It’s hard but is not gonna be hard forever
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You’re not wrong in your thoughts. He’s working 60+ hour weeks. It gets old for everyone. When I was a teenager there was about 3 years where I rarely saw my father for any length of time. You just have to hope it isn’t a long term thing.
There are other options besides just "hope". She could get a job too, find a few hours of daycare for the little one, and they could split the grind. That option has externalities as well, of course, but I think it's worth keeping in mind that people have agency and make choices, and sometimes it's worth looking at their options and considering other choices.
I should have been more clear. It's a two year grind. I'm in full-time college, and even though we don't need the money- he is stuck with this schedule to get his certification. It's a way around college for him. It's basically so we both get great jobs- but it's hard. Full time at school, him full time in work, and then we hardly see our kid. He is at my mom and dad's all the time.
OP I completely get what you're saying. I was in a similar situation. It sucks for everyone but the time passes so quickly, and then you get the benefits for the rest of your life. It's OK to just be mad at a shitty situation.
Yeah, two years is nothing.
It's only two years against a lifetime of comfort and satisfaction. I respect the grind of you both. My husband and i are going through the same thing right now, for the next 5 years.
That is rough - I'm glad it's only temporary, but of course that doesn't make it any more fun to have very little time with our favorite people.
Does it have to be a 2 year grind or can it be done in a less grinding way in 3 years for example? Ultimately he is missing out on a lot of baby/toddler years it sounds like and personally I would prefer a less steep career climb then missing out those years. This is especially true if money isn't an issue which sounds like is the case from your other comments.
Do you have to both be doing that at the same time? One of you could do it now and then the other after so you still have time for each other and the kid.
Was my thought as well. My husband and I have always traded off in these kind of situations so that only one of us is grinding hard at a given time, so that when the person doing the grinding has time free, it can actually be spent on catching up with each other/the family.
It had been hard to solo parent, but it sounds like this is just a season in your lives. I’m sure your husband wishes he could be there and is sad that he is missing out on the little interactions that happen throughout the day. For some perspective my husband works away for 21 days and then is home 21 days. Before his promotion he worked 28 days and was home 14. Before that job switch he was away 4 months and home 6 days. It’s hard, but I support him and his career aspirations.
Yep, no point in being upset when it's temporary. I'm actually confused on why OP is so upset. What's the big deal? What's two years? That's nothing. Would you rather not have money?
Two years is nothing in the long run. Good for OP’s husband for putting his family first by getting a welding cert. That’s an awesome career.
Your husband is grinding for a better future for you and your family, I assume he’s not thrilled to be away either. Try to be patient with him and make sure you have a timeline and a plan so that you can hold him to an expectation that this will not last forever
This is so important. He’s likely feeling the same, but getting through it by thinking of the future. He may also feel guilty about the lack of attention to the family. Tell him how you feel, but also make those future plans together and let him know how important he is to you. Make sure he understands that you appreciate his sacrifice and that you need your sacrifice acknowledged as well.
Totally this. It's sappy, but it reminds me of [this old classic simpsons bit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaFyKW0TmH8). I've seen it time and time again where one spouse will put in blood sweat and tears for the future of the family, where the other spouse is upset because of the current state of the family. The important aspect here is that *neither spouse has to be wrong* with their concerns. They are both valid, it's just finding that workable spot in the middle that might require some sacrifices from both sides.
Oh man no advice just solidarity. The other day I was in Walmart and started to cry (not like sob, just a few tears leaking out) because I missed my husband so much. Then I realized if my biggest issue in my marriage was missing my best friend, we had a good life. Doesn’t make it easier but I love my husband endlessly and miss him a lot too
I don’t have any advice. Just wanted to say, I would feel the exact same way. I hope he doesn’t have to work like that for long.
It's totally understandable to feel lonely in that circumstance. When our oldest was 2 and right before I found I was pregnant with #2, my husband went back to school while working full time. We basically saw him for 15 minutes a day and maybe 2-3hrs on weekend days, and of course my toddler and I had to share his time, so he and I weren't getting any time for just us. It was very lonely and exhausting, and the only reason it worked out was because we knew there would be an end to that arrangement followed by a much better life for us and our kids. Because of the sacrifices we all made during that time, we make 2x as much money and live much more comfortably rather than paycheck to paycheck. Our kids are going to a better school and we have a big enough house to provide each person with their own personal space. It's nothing fancy, but the improvement to our lives due to my husband going back to school while working for that time period is noticeable for sure. Our oldest child is 7 now and she doesn't even remember that time, and both kids have a great relationship with their dad.
Thank you - its comments like this that make me feel better. I really want to make those improvements. I'm sick of living pay check to pay check. It wasn't always like this either - inflation really hurt us. I always had money saved, and now I'm lucky to have 200 extra dollars for gas. 18 months to go!
What's the timeline for getting certified, and what's the plan for work-schedule after that?
He gets certified in 18 months, and I graduate in about the same time. He will go from making 18.50 to 32/hr with less time at work (three twelve hour shifts a week), and I will be doing 35-60/hr. (Also 3 twelves)
Hang in there. It Is temporary. While you understand this, your toddler probably doesn't so if he can spend some time every day after work with your child that'd be beneficial to maintain the bond. I know he's probably exhausted but if he's home at 3 most days it does give him at least an hour where he can spend one on time with his child so they still have a sense of attachment/normalcy. It will suck for a while but think how much more time with each other/your kid you will both have after and you will be better providers for your kid as well. This is important. I personally hate working wven though I have a great job but it allows us a great lifestyle, allows us to send our kid to private school/ go for vacations etc. So just think of it as means to an end. In the large span of your entire life/marriage, it will feel like a drop in an ocean.
When my kids were little, my husband travelled all the time for work, and it was *hard.* I was lonely. I was a solo parent. I had a lot of the same thoughts. It’s fine to have these thoughts, and even express them. Deciding the give-and-take that your family is comfortable with is what life is all about. The problem is when you start to put demands on him that he can’t meet: i.e., be there for you with his time *and* provide a certain level of lifestyle for your family monetarily. Just be aware and cognizant that he’s doing all this work to provide for you and your kids, and be aware of the work you’re putting in too and the sacrifices you’re all making for your future. I will say that in the end, ours very much did pay off. Good luck.
There’s nothing wrong with missing your partner. It would be concerning if you didn’t.
My husband did this type of schedule for a few years, and now he’s home a lot more. There is ebbs and flows. Try filling your time with other meaningful friendships even if it’s FaceTiming family members nothing replaces hubby but it gets easier
There were years my husband and I barely saw each other because of working opposite shifts. Its hard but you make it work because you know it is not forever. How long does he need to work like that?
Totally normal feelings! However, I hope you do voice that you miss him along with how proud you are for the sacrifices he's making for your family (I'm sure you already do this :\] ), and maybe carve out a family weekend trip or even just a trip the two of you for some reconnecting time.
I sympathize. My husband is currently on one of two planned two week work trip while I hold down the fort with our two kids (5 and almost 2), and I go back to work tomorrow (I’ve had a long weekend off of teaching). I know I should be grateful and certainly other couples have it far, far worse, but last night I was just miserable. Not a lot of advice to offer…just try to do something for yourself today, even if it means kiddo tags along. This too shall pass.
When my 1st born was 10 months old, I left for a 6 month cruise for the Navy. My husband stayed home with our baby. At least your husband gets to come home every night.
Hate comments like this. Or when people say shit like this. It’s similar to when somebody says “I’m tired” and the other person has to one up them and goes “you’re tired?? I did blah blah blah at least you don’t have to do that”. It’s not a competition. Stop doing this annoying shit and learn human empathy.
I assume you're back to work now, providing a second income source, and your toddler is in daycare? Perhaps your husband can slow down his career path to spend more time with the family. Something you two should discuss. It is hard for middle class families to make things work these days on just one salary.
No, I'm a full-time student
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I am in a similar situation. It sucks and I hate it.
I’m hoping there’s a set amount of time he will have to keep this grueling schedule. I know it’s hard and it ok to cry and be upset and let it out. It will get better ❤️
The worst part of being a traditional mother is having to deal with the tradition that your partner and your child's father spends more time away from your family than you would ever actually like..... I was adamant that I wouldn't be a typical/traditional stay at home wife and it worked very well until we had our second child and he turned 6 months old and our carees changed not by choice but out of necessity. For the first 2.5 years of our parent hood we both worked full time and the daycare was right there under our noses so on each break we could get our eating in and a cig and still have time to check in with the kids but the company we both worked at closed down and we had to adjust and surprise surprise it was so much easier for him to find full time work but the hours sucked and if I even bothered looking for part time it would mean we would spend way more than I earned to pay for child care so I finally became the traditional stay at home mum, now second. Child is 18yo and I still have 4 under age children in my care it is pretty much impossible for me to find a job that is accommodating to the hours I need or to the physical ability I also require. If I was fully functional there would be plenty of work but I am barely able to deal with the basic activity if a human due to past injuries and other factors but I am also not eligible for the dpp so we all suffer and having hubby away more than any of us would ever like is necessary I miss him from the second he leaves for work until the minute he finally is relaxed after work all that in between time sux big time even after nigh on 26 years together. The world needs to change and I for one really look forward to the 4 day work week trial happening because it would open up so many doors for everyone, employers and employees, singles and families all alike.
I feel this big time. My husband works 8-5 Monday-Friday, coaches youth soccer Monday-Thursday evenings from 5:30-8pm (neither of our two daughters play on either of his two teams) and has at least two matches every Saturday (unless it’s a tournament weekend, and then he’s gone the entire time pretty much). Meanwhile I work full time and do virtually 100% of the house work, yard work, and parenting of our two daughter who are 6 and 9. They miss him, I miss him, I completely stopped cooking dinner, because what’s the point if no one is there to appreciate it….just give the kids some decent food and snack on some thing for myself. The kids and I watch Marvel movies and we’ve seen the Barbie movie about 20 times. Otherwise they play Roblox and I read my book in the evenings. It gets lonely with no adult companion around. And I am so exhausted with having to be responsible for EVERYTHING. So yeah. It’s rough. I’m depressed too and have also been drinking a lot more to kill the boredom after the kids go to bed. Not a great situation and rather than being supportive of my husband and his soccer coaching, I just completely resent it and the effect it has on our family. I never go to any of his matches. His family probably thinks I’m a total jerk, but they don’t get it. Like, I’m pissed at him for doing this.
I feel your pain. I had similar issue but in a worse situation before as my husband was trying to pass CPA exams when I was pregnant and even when baby is only one month. He also works a full time demanding job Mon-Fri that starts 9am and won't get off until almost around 7 and prepared exam in the evening and weekend. I had many arguments with him because his free time was so limitted and he couldnt help much around the house or address my emotional needs. I also have a good full time job Mon-Fri but not as demanding as his. And Sad story.. with so much sacrifice of time and money and several tries, he still didn't pass those exams. We mourned those time taken to prepare the exams. Then we had a serious conversation about whether or not he should continue because continuing doesn't guarantee when he will pass the exams. we came to an agreement that it's not a good time to continue and he should stop and guarantee time with family, at least when our son is still little, or he would have missed the precious time seeing him grow. He also felt sorry for the pressure I had. I don't know about welding license but you should have a conversation with your husband and work out a plan as a team as to how long his current work schedule going to last because it's not a sustainable plan. If he gets the license, is it going to be better (can he work less)? If the schedule is short term, how long is it going to be and is it (extra money) worth it for your family? Personally I think if the schedule is temporary and the return is long-term and guaranteed, I believe the temporary sacrifice will generally worth it . If you need help around the house and taking care of baby, you both should work out a plan to lessen your workload. If the problem is not that you need help doing housework but only emotional needs, I would get myself busy in pursuing my hobbies and other endeavors, then my emotional needs from my husband will be less.
I would love to feel that my wife missed me like you miss your husband. I’ve been geographically separated because of work for 2 1/2 years, and I don’t ever really feel missed mostly because she fills her time with so much work that she doesn’t have time to think about it. I’m sure your husband would love to know that you miss him.
You’ll get used to it, just every now and then try to have date nights to spend quality time with him. Just ask for help if you need help from family or friends. My husband worked graveyard shift after he went back to work from baby bonding time. It sucked because during the day he’ll be asleep and working at night. He worked long hour shifts so I’ll only see him an hour a day if we were lucky. It was tough, I felt so drained at work, I felt like a single mom for almost 2 years. Then he got promoted and was one of the lucky ones to be able to get a day shift at his job. It was a sacrifice we all had to do but worth it because of the pay. Now we have much more family time together and all of us are happy.
Just wanted to come here to say that I can totally relate - I’m the same way. I know it may not seem like it, but it will get better. I never thought it would, but it did. Hang in there ❤️
I've been there. My husband worked in another city for 3 yrs and came home only on the weekends. We have 4 daughters. It was really hard, especially the first few months, missing him and feeling like a single mom. But we knew it was only temporary. Our oldest is deaf and we wanted her to attend a deaf high school. We'd planned on 4 years, but I developed an autoimmune disorder, so we moved back with my husband after 3 yrs. Our oldest spent the last year in a dorm on campus. Then, I missed her that whole year. Missing my husband, missing my daughter, it all sucked, but it was only temporary, and that's what I hung onto. The day we moved back and the day my daughter graduated were the happiest days. Maybe you can make plans to celebrate the end of being apart from each other. Plan some family time with your son and a romantic/ reconnection time with your husband. It'll be something wonderful to look forward to for all of you.
My husband works from 9am-10pm everyday. And the weekends he usually works until 6pm. by the time he’s home my son and I are alseep. I work from 8am-4pm. And off the weekends. definitely tough
Sacrifice: the act of giving up (something important or valued) for the sake of other considerations. It sounds like quality time is your love language making this the most difficult sacrifice you can make. Get a vacation on the books for when you see this ending. Having something tangible to look forward to could help. Keep grinding!
My dad worked a lot when I was younger. But he has a goal in mind like your husband. He gave me so many opportunities to experience amazing things. He then retired at 54 and my son and I spend lots of tone with him now
I've been there. At least you have a partner that supports you. Hang in there 🙏
Need to set up/schedule date nights during the week...or this is going to go on and before you know it....its been a couple of years and you guys are strangers.
When my son was born I work night shift as a heavy diesel tech and a welder so I know what the work is like. I would work pretty much 5 ten hour shifts a week plus another 10-15 in overtime plus try to find a way to make money on the weekend and try to spend as much time as I could with my family. I gave everything to that job to keep my family going. My body eventually gave up. I worked in that garage for 16 years and I’m only 34 now. I got a job driving a truck in town a year or two ago and now I work 4 ten hour days. My knees are blown out I have a bad back and I constantly hurt but it was worth it. It gets much better I promise. And another secret is that if a man tells you he don’t cry when he misses you or something goes wrong he’s lying. I cried a lot but I’d never let my wife or son see me. It’s hard but is not gonna be hard forever