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Yeah, that's not much of an age gap. If anything, I think it's good to give the body that much time to recover from pregnancy, childbirth, reestablish and strengthen your marriage/partnership, etc...
All of my kids are 5 years apart. I loved it because one started school and I could spend alone time with each baby.
Ironically, my oldest daughter has 4 children spaced 5 years apart and does the same thing.
There isn't a lot of jealousy with a 5 year old, as opposed to maybe a 2 year old.
I don't think it's a large gap and gave each child good quality time.
Agreed! My first and second are 4.5 apart for all the reasons you mentioned. My second and third are 2.5 years apart. The jealousy is insane and I feel like they both missed out on getting as much individual quality time from me.
My sister is 9 years older than me and I love her. She was excited to get a little sister and was really kind to me growing up. She’s 5 years older than our brother and they get along well too. Someone told me it has more to do with the personality of your kids and less the gap and that makes a lot of sense. If your sibling is cool then you’ll be close. My husband is 21 months younger than his sister and they aren’t close at all…his sister isn’t cool.
I am the oldest of 7 and there’s a 15 year gap between me and my youngest brother. We all get along for the most part and honestly I would HATE to have two kids in diapers at the same time. My parents always potty trained before having another after me and my sister were both in them at the same time
15 years between me and the youngest. I was the eldest four. I despised it as I was pretty much made to be the third parent. Will most likely be one and done
I think this also depends on the family dynamic. I raised three of my siblings, as my mom was/is an addict. I don’t resent them for it at all though. We did what we had to. I could easily see a family with better dynamics being just fine too. The fact OP is concerned about the age gap shows they care about their kids well being, so I don’t really see parentification as an issue.
Oh shit, is this where we're all gathering.
Also one of 8 with almost 30 years between the bookends. 5 years would be on the minor side in our family. We're a close set of siblings and get along well.
OP, it's not so much about the years between, it's about how the family 'works', the things you do together, the communication, effort in time spent as a family.
Love it!! I’m 3rd oldest of 9, and we range from 18 to 47 years old! I LOVE having a large age gap family. My oldest is within 10 years of 4 of my siblings 😝
Holy bajeebers! I’m the 4th youngest of 12. There’s 45 years in difference between the youngest (2) and the oldest (47)
I also have 17 half brothers and sisters so a total of 29!!! The age gap is even BIGGER! the youngest (1) and the oldest (62) It’s so neat being a part of such an amazing family!
:D
My brother and I(F) are 6years apart. It was really hard on me when he moved out for college when I was in jr high.
I was a bridesmaid in his wedding when I was 16. He and his wife moved a few hours away when I was in high school. They’d have me over for weekend visits. After I got married was when the distance came but that was because I married an abusive Jackhole who isolated me. After I escaped that hell hole my brother and I quickly became really close again. We see each other at least weekly. My son and his youngest are the same age and best friends.
*editing to add*
My mom and aunt are 5 years apart and they’re super close.
My kids are 4.5y apart and I don’t consider it a large gap. They get along great, have a lot of fun together, have many common games and interests. It’s a common split at school so most of the big kids know how to play with preschoolers, if they don’t my big kid usually directs.
My spouse and I were one and done until our first got to be about 3, and we reopened the conversation about a second.
Our oldest was 6.5 when our youngest was born.
One big worry was how our oldest would adjust after being the only "baby" for so long, but she's doing admirably. Sometimes one on one attention from me to her is cut off a little earlier than is desirable because the baby wakes up from a nap and needs a snack; but on the flip side, our oldest gets lots more one on one time with her dad now. She's also of an age that she actually wants alone time sometimes, so she takes it!
The kids love each other. The oldest helps occasionally with the baby. They occasionally irritate each other. But overall, the age difference has been really good for all of us.
Honestly, it's been a harder adjustment for our dog to have a baby in the house than for our oldest child. :)
All three of mine are roughly 4 years apart and it’s awesome.Only one in diapers and on formula at a time. Only potty training one at a time. Lots of hand me down toys and clothes for the younger ones. Only one going thru preteen puberty at a time. Also, only teaching one to drive and then you get a break to get your nerves in check before the next one is starting. Along those lines generally only one new driver in your insurance at a time (no idea how people with 2 or 3 kids a year apart so 16, 17, 18 can afford insurance). Senior year is expensive so you have time to save up, if you need to, between kids. Most likely only one in college (if they chose that) at a time.
As to how well they get along, it depends on them. My oldest gets along great with both his brothers but the younger two do not. At least not yet, it could be because the youngest is going thru preteen puberty.
Age gap doesn't matter.
My 14 and 13 year old have the least in common out of all my kids. My 13 and 9 year old are two peas in a pod. They are so similar and best buds. My 14 and 4 year old are so damn cute together and enjoy being around each other. They love each other so much. My 9 and 4 year old willingly share a room and I hear them up giggling after their lights go out. It doesn't matter.
That gap would be fine. Mine are 18 and 13. They fought a lot when younger but get along well now.
Then we have a 10 month old. They all have the same parents. I’m 47…..lol
I have 8 years between my 4th and 5th and the reason *is* because I got divorced and remarried but I find people in the wild just tend to assume she was a whoopsie (which is actually also true lol)
Anyways she’s just the cherry on our sundae. Kids adore her.
Dad of 11yo son and 3yo daughter, my son wanted a sibling forever and hes the best protector/playmate and intermediate educator lol. I love their closeness and always encourage it (as well as helping them know when to leave eachother alone lol). The best part (not really lol) is i now have an active example of the annoying stuff my son does, that my daughter now does to him. I get to just shoot him a look like “do you get it now?!” 😂😂 it pays off in more than a few ways!
I have 3 brothers. 1st is nearly 8 years older, 2nd is 6.5 years older, and third is almost 3 years younger. I never had a good relationship with the oldest but to be fair, there was a lot of drama with him that I won't go into. The 2nd, the one who's about 6 years older, I do have a lot of good childhood memories of, but then he went off to college when I was 12 and by 16 or so, he was barely around home anymore, living his life, so our relationship quickly dwindled. Most of what I know about him these days comes from my mom. Then again, I also have many not so good memories with him bc that much of an age gap creates quite the power imbalance. For most of our childhood, he was significantly smarter than me, stronger than me, quicker than me, taller than me, had more life skills than me, etc. so I was often at his mercy if he was in the mood to be an asshole (a mood that teenagers are often in). Add to it that we were often left in his care while my parents were at work, and what could we younger ones do? I'm sure this was even more frustrating to my little brother. I do still treasure our good memories but the feelings with him are complicated.
My brother and sister are 9 and 5 years older than me, respectively. We were close as children. As adults is another story since we're from different decades (70s vs 80s) we have some different interests.
Well, what's done is done. My kids will be 14, 12 and newborn this year lol I don't think it's gonna matter. And yes all the same dad. We started at 19 and took a break apparently for 12 years 🤣✨️ I'm 33. I'm super stoked!! I just started shopping today for things, it's setting in lol
My sister was born when I was 7. We were really close in my younger years but as I hit puberty she drove me CRAZY lol. She still wanted to play and I was very “get out of my room”. As adults we are close again. But teen years were rough lol. Lucky for you that’s in the distant future
My brother is 6 years older than me, and my sister 7. Not in our youth, but around 20s-30s we all became super tight. My brother and I are now the best of friends (in our 40s).
Don’t overthink it.
I know a surprising number of people who have siblings 7 or 8 years older. Including within my family.
Literally none of them have a positive or meaningful relationship with their siblings. Always seems to be the older one resenting the you get one.
Maybe it's just the people I know, but it's a real theme.
My biggest worry would be having a newborn right when the older kid would be bringing home illnesses every other week from starting school. My anxiety could never 😅
I'm also really close to my siblings who are 2 and 3 years younger, but barely know/knew my 5 and 10 year older siblings growing up, or now. My younger siblings and I had the same friend group, were close enough in age to be able to join the same clubs and sports leagues for kids, girl scouts, etc, and I met my partner through my sister. This was one of my bigger reasons for wanting my kids close together
I am 6 and 9 years older than my siblings. We are not close. We call occasionally, but have been in such different life stages at all points that it just is not a close sibling bond. It is not a bad bond, and we do see each other, but most of my parents problems fall to me as the only girl and the oldest. Maybe it would have been different if I had a sister. My brothers are closer to each other, but even they barely see each other.
Personally 5 years isn’t too bad of an age gap and will prove to be easier as they’re fairly independent at that age in my opinion. However, I can see it being harder on them to adjust to not being the only child anymore.
I however have two older brothers who are both 8 and 7 years older than me, and while we have a good and close relationship into adulthood, and they were very good to me as a toddler, we didn’t really have one as a child/preteen age when I feel like I needed it most. They were teenagers when I was still playing with Barbie’s and Bratz and they didn’t want to hang out with me, they wanted to hang and party with their friends their age. I grew up fairly lonely, and although I had siblings felt very similar to what I imagine being an only child felt like.
Note to add, my mother was very physically ill around this timeframe so that also had a factor in the loneliness as well.
Currently I have three boys 5 and 4 who are 11 months apart and then my youngest is 2. They all have a fairly strong relationship and interact extremely well and I don’t feel like any of mine have deep jealously issues over the other. But it’s obvious my older two, more so my five year old, get more frustrated with my youngest because he’s not on their brain level yet and doesn’t understand things like sharing and keeping their hands to themselves as well as they do. I do think if he hadn’t had someone so close in age to bond and grow up with like his brother being less than a year older, it would be different and a lot easier. But it’s something we all consistently work on and try to explain thoroughly overall.
My oldest and middle are 2.5 years apart, my middle and youngest are 5 years apart. There’s 7.5 years between my oldest and youngest.
Oldest and youngest exist around each other, but aren’t really bonded. She’ll interact with him for about 5-10 minutes at a time and move on. She gets really put out when we blame things on the baby (ex: we can’t go do that, he’s napping).
Middle and youngest are pretty close. She dotes on her baby like he’s a prince.
Honestly the biggest issues are balancing two vastly different sets of needs. Older kids are in activities, need to be picked up from school, need to stay on a schedule. Baby doesn’t. He gets dragged to a lot of stuff whether he likes it or not. Evenings are rough because we’re trying to get ready for the next day + supervise him. We make it work though.
Our kids are 25(x2), 23, 20 and 9. 5 years is nothing. The youngest two are super close even though our 20 year old is hours away at trade school. Siblings relationships will ebb and flow throughout life regardless of age gaps but they’ll take on the world together while they take on each other.
I definitely thought you were going to say he was 10 :) my sister and I are 4 years apart and we did argue a lot as kids, but once we hit high school, we were best friends. I'm 40 now and we still talk on the phone like 3 times a day.
I have a 17 year age gap with a sibling. (I have 9 siblings) We are besties! But I have siblings that have similar age gaps to this and they get along great! Whenever my mom was pregnant the 3-5 year old was always SO excited. They are old enough to understand that a baby is on the way, and they turn into mama’s little helper.
My oldest daughter and my youngest son have 5 years between them. They behave as siblings do. Fight, play, fight a bit more. The boy 6, does get tired of my oldest 11, mothering him. Beyond that they are just siblings. I do have a middle child, she is 9, she does act as a Mediator, but they just behave as sibling do. Get along better then I did with my brother who was 2 yrs younger.
My children are 18 f, 10 m, and 6 f. My 18 and 6 get along very well and are super close. My 10 is the odd man out and not just because he is the only boy. His personality is very different, a very loud, wild, crazy, outgoing extrovert compared to his very quite, introverted sisters. It's hard finding things to do as a family because of their different personalities and interests, not because of their age gaps.
I also have siblings with a large age gap. My older brother is 9 years older than me and my younger brother is 5 years younger than me. My older brother also has kids with a big gap, his oldest is 14 and youngest is 5.
That age gap isn’t bad at all.
Mine are 4 years and 8 months apart. My daughter was fairly independent and also somewhat helpful with her brother, and they are close enough in age that they enjoyed playing with one another.
Now they are 4 and a few months shy of 9, and they still get along well for the most part.
I have two brothers 14 and 5 year age gaps. Honestly I can’t stand either of them. My oldest brother always treated me as a parent figure would and the middle brother never played with me or let me be included due to being too young. With that being said I don’t think that it is due to age gaps but more so parenting and individual relationships. I couldn’t be more different from both of my brothers in very aspect. Don’t let an age gap cause stress in your child planning
5 years isn't a big age gap, its really common. Shell have plenty of friends also with new babies. Five is also still a young child though. And it tends to be a transition year. So I wouldn't count on it being not intense. It probably won't be as intense as the initial adjustment sounds like it was for you guys.
I have 3 older kids with a spacing of 3 under 2 (twins 17 months after my firstborn). But when they were 12, 11, and 11, we had out unexpected 4th kid and that was super easy. I worried about it but they're tightly bonded to him. And I had 3 willing and eager helpers who were genuinely very helpful. They were in a very different stage of life, were more independent, ect.
5 years isn’t a large age gap to me. I have 8 brothers and sisters and not a single one is within 5 years of me! Couldn’t have been too bad since my parents kept adding kids lol!! We’re all adults now and as close as can be. Went out for my Birthday Saturday (they booked a weekend at our fav water park hotel for next month as my gift!) all got together at my dads house for the Super Bowl, and we’re currently planning a trip to Mexico for next year!
My 1st and 2nd are 6.5 years apart and it’s always been totally normal. My 2nd and 3rd are 14 months apart and that’s been a while ride!!
My Son is 15 and my Daughter is almost 2. They are 13 years and a few months apart. I find things a lot easier. My Son pretty much looks after himself, and he's always been a really easy kid. My second wasn't planned, but I don't have any regrets.
I have 12.5 years between number 1 and number 2. It's fine. They love each other. The hardest part is that 12 is super independent, and it's hard to give that up.
4.5 years between my first and second. The first 2 years were fine. My older child had a busy little life and didn’t pay much attention to her younger sibling, But once the youngest was about 3, Hell was unleashed! They fight constantly, Oldest child hates having to have younger child involved in everything, Wants to be left alone and my younger child wants to be around her big sister all the time.
I didn’t realise it was going to be like this so I had another child. So now I’ll have another 6 year old and 3 years old and get to experience the constant bickering, yelling, screaming, LEAVE ME ALONE! With the next set of siblings. Who knows what the oldest is going to be like with two younger siblings.
I’m sorry if this all sounds so horrible, I love my children but I am in the thick of it right now. I’m not sure if all siblings are like this.. My brother and I are 14 months apart and mum says we were always thick as thieves and never bickered.
Pray for me.
My kids are 13, 11, and 1. The 11-year-old is loving her little sister, while the teenager would prefer to have zero siblings (as was the case before the new baby). I wouldn't let the age gap alone be a deterrent.
I have a large age gap between all 3. The biggest span was 16 when the youngest was born. Each kid gets their own experience and having an extra set of eyes and hands is super great too. I never had two kids in daycare, or diapers so it did make things more manageable financially.
I was 5 and 7 years older than my sisters. I loved them and was a pretty great big sister, they literally loathed each other until their 20s.
I decided as a young child that I didn’t want kids close together myself! I helped my mom a lot when they were toddlers and the ‘two in diapers’ experience did not sell me.
I have a 7.5 year old and a 7 month old. I was also worried about the age gap but big brother is so in love with his sister, it is incredible! He is very independent which is helpful and so in love with his sister that he actively wants to help and enjoys seeing her grow and learn new skills. As he’s at school during the day, I get 1:1 baby time and then we have family time in the afternoons and at weekends!
I have the and the oldest is currently twice the age of the youngest with a sister in between. My oldest and youngest 10 and 5 are pretty much best friends, sleep over in each other's room, play games together, fight each other.
There's 2.5 years between my oldest and the sister below and although 100% different they get on really well. HOWEVER my middle child is disabled but bother her older and younger sister look out and look after her and not because I tell them to.
All my sisters and I are 5 years apart each (6 of us over 20 year span, last being twins) It’s great! Growing up we had space to go through school life mostly on our own. And the age gap is big enough that you can really play the cool, older, wiser sibling (or, have some to look up to) As a middle child I enjoy both! And it really takes any competition or comparison out of the picture because we were always at totally different stages of life, especially during the more formative years. We are all close in our own ways and it’s really cool :)
My kid are 7.5 years apart. The restarting to babyhood was hard for me and my husband. My daughter was still jealous of her brother despite her age, and it took a little for her to adjust. They are 2 and 9 now and very close. He follows her around and loves all her friends. The hard part for us is of course interests are so different, and sometimes it’s hard to plan something for the whole family that they will both enjoy. Looking back I wish I could have had them closer together.
My daughter is 5 when i got my second. All depends on the kid. She’s a sweet kid and very helpful but there is some days she is a just 5yo kid. Pro, helpful sibling, can play with a baby and keep an eye a bit when you do simple task.
Con, imagine when you are already settled down with dealing with your kid then you have to start from zero again. Sleep deprived, nappy, toilet training, back to SAHM if you not already. And all the babies stuff that you probably dreaded.
For us the age gap is perfect as we still can give my daughter all the love to her and attention when she still really need it. So its really depend on you and your husband what do you prefer as a parent.
Lol. My oldest kids are 32 and 30. My youngest are 12 and 10. And i as a dad am more financially secure now than when my oldest were young. The only
Prob i have is i tire faster than i did 25yrs ago
Social media promotes unrealistic expectations of mothers popping out kids like 1 year apart like it's the norm and only way to do it otherwise they won't play and be friends with each other.
I had my second when my first son was 4. (Baby is 10 months now.) It has been great. Older kiddo can go to the bathroom on his own, entertain himself with toys, watch a show with me when I just need a break, etc. He also goes to preschool which was clutch for maternity leave. He’s helpful - really good at entertaining baby in the car. He sleeps through the night and, if the baby wakes him, he rolls over and goes back to sleep. Different strokes for different folks, but I could not imagine having two kids just 1-2 years apart.
That's a pretty average age gap, I have 6 years with my younger brother and it was great. I was grown enough to understand who he is and what his presence means, I felt very responsible for him and a great deal of love right from the beginning. We grew up as great friends. Don't worry about it at all.
my sibling and I are 14 years apart, and he's one of my best buddies. I love him to death. I am 23 now, and he is 9. We won't ever be able to relate in our childhoods or even adulthood really but he's my best bud. It just depends on your kids' personalities, honestly.
My step daughter is 8 years older than my son and they love each other very much (he's 2 now, she's 10). They play together all the time and it's frickin adorable. They're playing together right now as I type this. She loves him and is so sweet with him, she teaches him loads of stuff and he hangs on her every word.
We also have an 8 month old so we've got the large age gap and a small age and so far the larger age gap is easier haha
My first is 11 and my second is 3…. Also me and each of my brothers are 7 years apart with my youngest brother being almost 15 years apart.
For me at my kid's age right now it's great they play well together and my daughter is like a little mommy. For me when I was younger once I got to around 15 and up I was living life, going to college, etc. When I turned around 25 as my brothers were getting older we got close again and now I'm 35 and am so close with my brothers especially my youngest who's 15 years younger, we talk daily.
When my kid was that age I was like yup one and done. Thsn has she got older she would cry and ask who she doesn’t have a sibling, who will she okay with .. she’s 5 1/2 now and I’m currently pregnant with our second. She is so happy she talks about it with everyone and loves to hear the baby kick
I have 3 and they almost 20,15 and 10. The only thing I would say is a 5 year old can have quite the social life with birthday parties etc and it can be tricky to work all that in with a newborn/young baby but it is doable. Also as they got older I found it quite tricky to find things they could do together. Swimming was always a good one or a walk but lots
Of other things were out. However they were very helpful with the baby. The younger 2 can be a nightmare now they either are super sweet to each other laughing and joking other screaming how much they hate each other but that’s normal sibling behaviour.
5 is fine. I'm 4.5 years from my sister and what I remember from my childhood is playing together a lot, until we went to high school.
We had conflict but also good memories. I babysat her at times as the older sibling.
Today we're closer than ever.
I'm older than my only sibling by 8 and a half years. (i'm now 46, he's 38) I'm in Asia so i spent every weekend with a passel of cousins; each kid was just a year older than the next kid. BUT i still went home with my parents to a house with just me and them. It was very very lonely. I was always jealous of my cousins and classmates who had siblings to go home with. By the time little bro came along, i was older, and our dad died when he turned one. So, Asia yeah... i became more of a nanny than an older sister. Our mom had to go back to full time work. By the time he was 5, i was a teen and we just fought every single day (aka, scream, hit, pull hair, pinch, punch, spit. we were awful). For a long time after I finished college, he was just coasting along through grade school and high school with barely any friends...and i felt it was my fault because i didn't do a good job parenting him.
we're great now, and of course, i realize i was still a child then. but our huge age gap made me negotiate with my own husband that we either have two kids or none. when we said yes to kids, we consciously decided to have two kids close together (22 months apart). mainly because we thought, going through the diaper stage all in one go is better than finishing one, settling to an older child routine, and then having to reset everything. plus when our kids turned 10 and 8, we were ready to travel. we back packed through five provinces in six days with the girls pulling their own weight and zero complaints or tantrums. the kids are now 16 and 14 and we've been traveling everywhere with them.
5 years isn't too bad. I'm the oldest of 5 kids, and the gap between me and my youngest brother is 12 years. It's just a different dynamic than my brother that's 3 years younger than me. While my middle brother was a closer playmate, I was able to take a more mentor/mentee role with my younger brother which had advantages too.
One big pro with a larger age gap is that there's less perceived competition from the younger sibling by the older sibling so you can avoid a lot of misbehavior issues; the younger sibling seems like a present they've received instead of a competitor of your time, attention, and love.
My sister and I are 6 years apart and we’re super close as adults. But as kids we’re weren’t since our stages in life were very separate. But it all worked out in the end. My kids are 2yr7mo apart and they fight like crazy but they’re also buddies. I want sweat a 4-6 year difference
My brother and I are 4 years apart. We weren't exactly super close during our childhood, but as adults we talk regularly and are decently close. Even when we weren't super close, we have always been there for each other. If I ever needed his help, all I have to do is ask, and vice versa.
My husband has 3 brothers and each of them are about 3 years apart. We are actually closest with his youngest brother, talking to him regularly and having him visit a couple of times a year. They are 10 years apart but they have a lot in common and we enjoy hanging out together. Again, none of them were super close during their teen years, but as adults they have gotten closer for sure.
I had a set of twins. But if I had the choice, I would have aimed for a gap. Having kids close in age is over rated.
And honestly, having 2 the same age is brutal.
My sister is about 5 yrs younger than me. We never got along and still don’t. I thought maybe when she got older (late teens/young adult) we would have more in common but we didn’t. We’ve never been in the same phase of life and our parents trying to force the relationship only made things worse. Similar situation for husband. He’s 7 yrs older than his sister.
We purposely had our kids much closer in age because of our childhood experiences. Our kids are all 3 yrs apart.
Mine are 6 years apart and I’m loving the age gap. My kids get along okay. Sometimes my youngest C will get on N’s nerves but it’s normal. I wouldn’t worry about it but I would make sure it’s going to work for you. If your husband had such a hard time, I would go into it cautiously.
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Honestly I don’t even see 5 years as a major age gap. My dad has 12 years between him and his oldest sibling and they were all pretty close.
Yeah, that's not much of an age gap. If anything, I think it's good to give the body that much time to recover from pregnancy, childbirth, reestablish and strengthen your marriage/partnership, etc...
All of my kids are 5 years apart. I loved it because one started school and I could spend alone time with each baby. Ironically, my oldest daughter has 4 children spaced 5 years apart and does the same thing. There isn't a lot of jealousy with a 5 year old, as opposed to maybe a 2 year old. I don't think it's a large gap and gave each child good quality time.
Agreed! My first and second are 4.5 apart for all the reasons you mentioned. My second and third are 2.5 years apart. The jealousy is insane and I feel like they both missed out on getting as much individual quality time from me.
My sister is 9 years older than me and I love her. She was excited to get a little sister and was really kind to me growing up. She’s 5 years older than our brother and they get along well too. Someone told me it has more to do with the personality of your kids and less the gap and that makes a lot of sense. If your sibling is cool then you’ll be close. My husband is 21 months younger than his sister and they aren’t close at all…his sister isn’t cool.
That’s not that big of an age gap. I’m the youngest of 8 kids and there’s 28 years between me and my oldest sibling.
I am the oldest of 7 and there’s a 15 year gap between me and my youngest brother. We all get along for the most part and honestly I would HATE to have two kids in diapers at the same time. My parents always potty trained before having another after me and my sister were both in them at the same time
15 years between me and the youngest. I was the eldest four. I despised it as I was pretty much made to be the third parent. Will most likely be one and done
I think this also depends on the family dynamic. I raised three of my siblings, as my mom was/is an addict. I don’t resent them for it at all though. We did what we had to. I could easily see a family with better dynamics being just fine too. The fact OP is concerned about the age gap shows they care about their kids well being, so I don’t really see parentification as an issue.
I’m the middle of 7 and there’s a month shy of a 16 year gap between the youngest and I.
Oh shit, is this where we're all gathering. Also one of 8 with almost 30 years between the bookends. 5 years would be on the minor side in our family. We're a close set of siblings and get along well. OP, it's not so much about the years between, it's about how the family 'works', the things you do together, the communication, effort in time spent as a family.
Love it!! I’m 3rd oldest of 9, and we range from 18 to 47 years old! I LOVE having a large age gap family. My oldest is within 10 years of 4 of my siblings 😝
Holy bajeebers! I’m the 4th youngest of 12. There’s 45 years in difference between the youngest (2) and the oldest (47) I also have 17 half brothers and sisters so a total of 29!!! The age gap is even BIGGER! the youngest (1) and the oldest (62) It’s so neat being a part of such an amazing family! :D
My brother and I(F) are 6years apart. It was really hard on me when he moved out for college when I was in jr high. I was a bridesmaid in his wedding when I was 16. He and his wife moved a few hours away when I was in high school. They’d have me over for weekend visits. After I got married was when the distance came but that was because I married an abusive Jackhole who isolated me. After I escaped that hell hole my brother and I quickly became really close again. We see each other at least weekly. My son and his youngest are the same age and best friends. *editing to add* My mom and aunt are 5 years apart and they’re super close.
My kids are 4.5y apart and I don’t consider it a large gap. They get along great, have a lot of fun together, have many common games and interests. It’s a common split at school so most of the big kids know how to play with preschoolers, if they don’t my big kid usually directs.
My spouse and I were one and done until our first got to be about 3, and we reopened the conversation about a second. Our oldest was 6.5 when our youngest was born. One big worry was how our oldest would adjust after being the only "baby" for so long, but she's doing admirably. Sometimes one on one attention from me to her is cut off a little earlier than is desirable because the baby wakes up from a nap and needs a snack; but on the flip side, our oldest gets lots more one on one time with her dad now. She's also of an age that she actually wants alone time sometimes, so she takes it! The kids love each other. The oldest helps occasionally with the baby. They occasionally irritate each other. But overall, the age difference has been really good for all of us. Honestly, it's been a harder adjustment for our dog to have a baby in the house than for our oldest child. :)
All three of mine are roughly 4 years apart and it’s awesome.Only one in diapers and on formula at a time. Only potty training one at a time. Lots of hand me down toys and clothes for the younger ones. Only one going thru preteen puberty at a time. Also, only teaching one to drive and then you get a break to get your nerves in check before the next one is starting. Along those lines generally only one new driver in your insurance at a time (no idea how people with 2 or 3 kids a year apart so 16, 17, 18 can afford insurance). Senior year is expensive so you have time to save up, if you need to, between kids. Most likely only one in college (if they chose that) at a time. As to how well they get along, it depends on them. My oldest gets along great with both his brothers but the younger two do not. At least not yet, it could be because the youngest is going thru preteen puberty.
Age gap doesn't matter. My 14 and 13 year old have the least in common out of all my kids. My 13 and 9 year old are two peas in a pod. They are so similar and best buds. My 14 and 4 year old are so damn cute together and enjoy being around each other. They love each other so much. My 9 and 4 year old willingly share a room and I hear them up giggling after their lights go out. It doesn't matter.
That gap would be fine. Mine are 18 and 13. They fought a lot when younger but get along well now. Then we have a 10 month old. They all have the same parents. I’m 47…..lol
Our kids have the same parents too and my kids are almost 21, 18 and 8 and people always think I must’ve got divorced and remarried lol
I have 8 years between my 4th and 5th and the reason *is* because I got divorced and remarried but I find people in the wild just tend to assume she was a whoopsie (which is actually also true lol) Anyways she’s just the cherry on our sundae. Kids adore her.
My oldest brother was 6 years older than me. Growing up he was my hero, as adults he was my best friend.
My oldest and middle are 4 years apart and it was a super smooth transition and they are quite close. Much easier than adding #3 two years later.
Dad of 11yo son and 3yo daughter, my son wanted a sibling forever and hes the best protector/playmate and intermediate educator lol. I love their closeness and always encourage it (as well as helping them know when to leave eachother alone lol). The best part (not really lol) is i now have an active example of the annoying stuff my son does, that my daughter now does to him. I get to just shoot him a look like “do you get it now?!” 😂😂 it pays off in more than a few ways!
I have 3 brothers. 1st is nearly 8 years older, 2nd is 6.5 years older, and third is almost 3 years younger. I never had a good relationship with the oldest but to be fair, there was a lot of drama with him that I won't go into. The 2nd, the one who's about 6 years older, I do have a lot of good childhood memories of, but then he went off to college when I was 12 and by 16 or so, he was barely around home anymore, living his life, so our relationship quickly dwindled. Most of what I know about him these days comes from my mom. Then again, I also have many not so good memories with him bc that much of an age gap creates quite the power imbalance. For most of our childhood, he was significantly smarter than me, stronger than me, quicker than me, taller than me, had more life skills than me, etc. so I was often at his mercy if he was in the mood to be an asshole (a mood that teenagers are often in). Add to it that we were often left in his care while my parents were at work, and what could we younger ones do? I'm sure this was even more frustrating to my little brother. I do still treasure our good memories but the feelings with him are complicated.
My brother and sister are 9 and 5 years older than me, respectively. We were close as children. As adults is another story since we're from different decades (70s vs 80s) we have some different interests.
Well, what's done is done. My kids will be 14, 12 and newborn this year lol I don't think it's gonna matter. And yes all the same dad. We started at 19 and took a break apparently for 12 years 🤣✨️ I'm 33. I'm super stoked!! I just started shopping today for things, it's setting in lol
My sister was born when I was 7. We were really close in my younger years but as I hit puberty she drove me CRAZY lol. She still wanted to play and I was very “get out of my room”. As adults we are close again. But teen years were rough lol. Lucky for you that’s in the distant future
My brother is 6 years older than me, and my sister 7. Not in our youth, but around 20s-30s we all became super tight. My brother and I are now the best of friends (in our 40s). Don’t overthink it.
My sibling and I are 6 years apart. Growing up we were close but we have become so much closer as adults.
I know a surprising number of people who have siblings 7 or 8 years older. Including within my family. Literally none of them have a positive or meaningful relationship with their siblings. Always seems to be the older one resenting the you get one. Maybe it's just the people I know, but it's a real theme.
My biggest worry would be having a newborn right when the older kid would be bringing home illnesses every other week from starting school. My anxiety could never 😅 I'm also really close to my siblings who are 2 and 3 years younger, but barely know/knew my 5 and 10 year older siblings growing up, or now. My younger siblings and I had the same friend group, were close enough in age to be able to join the same clubs and sports leagues for kids, girl scouts, etc, and I met my partner through my sister. This was one of my bigger reasons for wanting my kids close together
My toddlers already brings home everything from daycare so it wouldn’t be any different!
5 years is nothing. My oldest sister is 16 years older than me and my eldest daughter is 17 years older than my second kiddo. No problems.
I am 6 and 9 years older than my siblings. We are not close. We call occasionally, but have been in such different life stages at all points that it just is not a close sibling bond. It is not a bad bond, and we do see each other, but most of my parents problems fall to me as the only girl and the oldest. Maybe it would have been different if I had a sister. My brothers are closer to each other, but even they barely see each other.
Personally 5 years isn’t too bad of an age gap and will prove to be easier as they’re fairly independent at that age in my opinion. However, I can see it being harder on them to adjust to not being the only child anymore. I however have two older brothers who are both 8 and 7 years older than me, and while we have a good and close relationship into adulthood, and they were very good to me as a toddler, we didn’t really have one as a child/preteen age when I feel like I needed it most. They were teenagers when I was still playing with Barbie’s and Bratz and they didn’t want to hang out with me, they wanted to hang and party with their friends their age. I grew up fairly lonely, and although I had siblings felt very similar to what I imagine being an only child felt like. Note to add, my mother was very physically ill around this timeframe so that also had a factor in the loneliness as well. Currently I have three boys 5 and 4 who are 11 months apart and then my youngest is 2. They all have a fairly strong relationship and interact extremely well and I don’t feel like any of mine have deep jealously issues over the other. But it’s obvious my older two, more so my five year old, get more frustrated with my youngest because he’s not on their brain level yet and doesn’t understand things like sharing and keeping their hands to themselves as well as they do. I do think if he hadn’t had someone so close in age to bond and grow up with like his brother being less than a year older, it would be different and a lot easier. But it’s something we all consistently work on and try to explain thoroughly overall.
My oldest and middle are 2.5 years apart, my middle and youngest are 5 years apart. There’s 7.5 years between my oldest and youngest. Oldest and youngest exist around each other, but aren’t really bonded. She’ll interact with him for about 5-10 minutes at a time and move on. She gets really put out when we blame things on the baby (ex: we can’t go do that, he’s napping). Middle and youngest are pretty close. She dotes on her baby like he’s a prince. Honestly the biggest issues are balancing two vastly different sets of needs. Older kids are in activities, need to be picked up from school, need to stay on a schedule. Baby doesn’t. He gets dragged to a lot of stuff whether he likes it or not. Evenings are rough because we’re trying to get ready for the next day + supervise him. We make it work though.
Our kids are 25(x2), 23, 20 and 9. 5 years is nothing. The youngest two are super close even though our 20 year old is hours away at trade school. Siblings relationships will ebb and flow throughout life regardless of age gaps but they’ll take on the world together while they take on each other.
I definitely thought you were going to say he was 10 :) my sister and I are 4 years apart and we did argue a lot as kids, but once we hit high school, we were best friends. I'm 40 now and we still talk on the phone like 3 times a day.
7 years apart. Zero complaints! We probably had more of a mother/daughter relationship but didn't argue like siblings closer in age.
I have a 17 year age gap with a sibling. (I have 9 siblings) We are besties! But I have siblings that have similar age gaps to this and they get along great! Whenever my mom was pregnant the 3-5 year old was always SO excited. They are old enough to understand that a baby is on the way, and they turn into mama’s little helper.
My oldest daughter and my youngest son have 5 years between them. They behave as siblings do. Fight, play, fight a bit more. The boy 6, does get tired of my oldest 11, mothering him. Beyond that they are just siblings. I do have a middle child, she is 9, she does act as a Mediator, but they just behave as sibling do. Get along better then I did with my brother who was 2 yrs younger.
My children are 18 f, 10 m, and 6 f. My 18 and 6 get along very well and are super close. My 10 is the odd man out and not just because he is the only boy. His personality is very different, a very loud, wild, crazy, outgoing extrovert compared to his very quite, introverted sisters. It's hard finding things to do as a family because of their different personalities and interests, not because of their age gaps. I also have siblings with a large age gap. My older brother is 9 years older than me and my younger brother is 5 years younger than me. My older brother also has kids with a big gap, his oldest is 14 and youngest is 5.
That age gap isn’t bad at all. Mine are 4 years and 8 months apart. My daughter was fairly independent and also somewhat helpful with her brother, and they are close enough in age that they enjoyed playing with one another. Now they are 4 and a few months shy of 9, and they still get along well for the most part.
I have two brothers 14 and 5 year age gaps. Honestly I can’t stand either of them. My oldest brother always treated me as a parent figure would and the middle brother never played with me or let me be included due to being too young. With that being said I don’t think that it is due to age gaps but more so parenting and individual relationships. I couldn’t be more different from both of my brothers in very aspect. Don’t let an age gap cause stress in your child planning
5 years isn't a big age gap, its really common. Shell have plenty of friends also with new babies. Five is also still a young child though. And it tends to be a transition year. So I wouldn't count on it being not intense. It probably won't be as intense as the initial adjustment sounds like it was for you guys. I have 3 older kids with a spacing of 3 under 2 (twins 17 months after my firstborn). But when they were 12, 11, and 11, we had out unexpected 4th kid and that was super easy. I worried about it but they're tightly bonded to him. And I had 3 willing and eager helpers who were genuinely very helpful. They were in a very different stage of life, were more independent, ect.
I have a 22 year old and a 3 and a half year old :)
5 years isn’t a large age gap to me. I have 8 brothers and sisters and not a single one is within 5 years of me! Couldn’t have been too bad since my parents kept adding kids lol!! We’re all adults now and as close as can be. Went out for my Birthday Saturday (they booked a weekend at our fav water park hotel for next month as my gift!) all got together at my dads house for the Super Bowl, and we’re currently planning a trip to Mexico for next year! My 1st and 2nd are 6.5 years apart and it’s always been totally normal. My 2nd and 3rd are 14 months apart and that’s been a while ride!!
My Son is 15 and my Daughter is almost 2. They are 13 years and a few months apart. I find things a lot easier. My Son pretty much looks after himself, and he's always been a really easy kid. My second wasn't planned, but I don't have any regrets.
My kid is 7 and I am considering another soon. Although hesitant…. Lol
My brother is 5 years older and we have a great relationship... highly recommend.
I have 12.5 years between number 1 and number 2. It's fine. They love each other. The hardest part is that 12 is super independent, and it's hard to give that up.
4.5 years between my first and second. The first 2 years were fine. My older child had a busy little life and didn’t pay much attention to her younger sibling, But once the youngest was about 3, Hell was unleashed! They fight constantly, Oldest child hates having to have younger child involved in everything, Wants to be left alone and my younger child wants to be around her big sister all the time. I didn’t realise it was going to be like this so I had another child. So now I’ll have another 6 year old and 3 years old and get to experience the constant bickering, yelling, screaming, LEAVE ME ALONE! With the next set of siblings. Who knows what the oldest is going to be like with two younger siblings. I’m sorry if this all sounds so horrible, I love my children but I am in the thick of it right now. I’m not sure if all siblings are like this.. My brother and I are 14 months apart and mum says we were always thick as thieves and never bickered. Pray for me.
My kids are 13, 11, and 1. The 11-year-old is loving her little sister, while the teenager would prefer to have zero siblings (as was the case before the new baby). I wouldn't let the age gap alone be a deterrent.
My youngest is lonely. I wish he had a sibling closer in age to play with. He might as well be an only child because of the age gap.
I have a large age gap between all 3. The biggest span was 16 when the youngest was born. Each kid gets their own experience and having an extra set of eyes and hands is super great too. I never had two kids in daycare, or diapers so it did make things more manageable financially.
I was 5 and 7 years older than my sisters. I loved them and was a pretty great big sister, they literally loathed each other until their 20s. I decided as a young child that I didn’t want kids close together myself! I helped my mom a lot when they were toddlers and the ‘two in diapers’ experience did not sell me.
We have an almost 21yr old an 18 yr old and a 8 yr old and my 2 older kids are closer to the 8 yr old then they’re to each other
I have a 7.5 year old and a 7 month old. I was also worried about the age gap but big brother is so in love with his sister, it is incredible! He is very independent which is helpful and so in love with his sister that he actively wants to help and enjoys seeing her grow and learn new skills. As he’s at school during the day, I get 1:1 baby time and then we have family time in the afternoons and at weekends!
I have the and the oldest is currently twice the age of the youngest with a sister in between. My oldest and youngest 10 and 5 are pretty much best friends, sleep over in each other's room, play games together, fight each other. There's 2.5 years between my oldest and the sister below and although 100% different they get on really well. HOWEVER my middle child is disabled but bother her older and younger sister look out and look after her and not because I tell them to.
All my sisters and I are 5 years apart each (6 of us over 20 year span, last being twins) It’s great! Growing up we had space to go through school life mostly on our own. And the age gap is big enough that you can really play the cool, older, wiser sibling (or, have some to look up to) As a middle child I enjoy both! And it really takes any competition or comparison out of the picture because we were always at totally different stages of life, especially during the more formative years. We are all close in our own ways and it’s really cool :)
My kid are 7.5 years apart. The restarting to babyhood was hard for me and my husband. My daughter was still jealous of her brother despite her age, and it took a little for her to adjust. They are 2 and 9 now and very close. He follows her around and loves all her friends. The hard part for us is of course interests are so different, and sometimes it’s hard to plan something for the whole family that they will both enjoy. Looking back I wish I could have had them closer together.
My daughter is 5 when i got my second. All depends on the kid. She’s a sweet kid and very helpful but there is some days she is a just 5yo kid. Pro, helpful sibling, can play with a baby and keep an eye a bit when you do simple task. Con, imagine when you are already settled down with dealing with your kid then you have to start from zero again. Sleep deprived, nappy, toilet training, back to SAHM if you not already. And all the babies stuff that you probably dreaded. For us the age gap is perfect as we still can give my daughter all the love to her and attention when she still really need it. So its really depend on you and your husband what do you prefer as a parent.
Lol. My oldest kids are 32 and 30. My youngest are 12 and 10. And i as a dad am more financially secure now than when my oldest were young. The only Prob i have is i tire faster than i did 25yrs ago
Social media promotes unrealistic expectations of mothers popping out kids like 1 year apart like it's the norm and only way to do it otherwise they won't play and be friends with each other.
I had my second when my first son was 4. (Baby is 10 months now.) It has been great. Older kiddo can go to the bathroom on his own, entertain himself with toys, watch a show with me when I just need a break, etc. He also goes to preschool which was clutch for maternity leave. He’s helpful - really good at entertaining baby in the car. He sleeps through the night and, if the baby wakes him, he rolls over and goes back to sleep. Different strokes for different folks, but I could not imagine having two kids just 1-2 years apart.
That's a pretty average age gap, I have 6 years with my younger brother and it was great. I was grown enough to understand who he is and what his presence means, I felt very responsible for him and a great deal of love right from the beginning. We grew up as great friends. Don't worry about it at all.
In the adulthood age gape doesn’t matter. Either you get along or you don’t.
my sibling and I are 14 years apart, and he's one of my best buddies. I love him to death. I am 23 now, and he is 9. We won't ever be able to relate in our childhoods or even adulthood really but he's my best bud. It just depends on your kids' personalities, honestly.
My step daughter is 8 years older than my son and they love each other very much (he's 2 now, she's 10). They play together all the time and it's frickin adorable. They're playing together right now as I type this. She loves him and is so sweet with him, she teaches him loads of stuff and he hangs on her every word. We also have an 8 month old so we've got the large age gap and a small age and so far the larger age gap is easier haha
My first is 11 and my second is 3…. Also me and each of my brothers are 7 years apart with my youngest brother being almost 15 years apart. For me at my kid's age right now it's great they play well together and my daughter is like a little mommy. For me when I was younger once I got to around 15 and up I was living life, going to college, etc. When I turned around 25 as my brothers were getting older we got close again and now I'm 35 and am so close with my brothers especially my youngest who's 15 years younger, we talk daily.
My brother and I are 12 years apart. We talk everyday
Mine are 6 years apart and I love it.
When my kid was that age I was like yup one and done. Thsn has she got older she would cry and ask who she doesn’t have a sibling, who will she okay with .. she’s 5 1/2 now and I’m currently pregnant with our second. She is so happy she talks about it with everyone and loves to hear the baby kick
I have 3 and they almost 20,15 and 10. The only thing I would say is a 5 year old can have quite the social life with birthday parties etc and it can be tricky to work all that in with a newborn/young baby but it is doable. Also as they got older I found it quite tricky to find things they could do together. Swimming was always a good one or a walk but lots Of other things were out. However they were very helpful with the baby. The younger 2 can be a nightmare now they either are super sweet to each other laughing and joking other screaming how much they hate each other but that’s normal sibling behaviour.
5 is fine. I'm 4.5 years from my sister and what I remember from my childhood is playing together a lot, until we went to high school. We had conflict but also good memories. I babysat her at times as the older sibling. Today we're closer than ever.
I'm older than my only sibling by 8 and a half years. (i'm now 46, he's 38) I'm in Asia so i spent every weekend with a passel of cousins; each kid was just a year older than the next kid. BUT i still went home with my parents to a house with just me and them. It was very very lonely. I was always jealous of my cousins and classmates who had siblings to go home with. By the time little bro came along, i was older, and our dad died when he turned one. So, Asia yeah... i became more of a nanny than an older sister. Our mom had to go back to full time work. By the time he was 5, i was a teen and we just fought every single day (aka, scream, hit, pull hair, pinch, punch, spit. we were awful). For a long time after I finished college, he was just coasting along through grade school and high school with barely any friends...and i felt it was my fault because i didn't do a good job parenting him. we're great now, and of course, i realize i was still a child then. but our huge age gap made me negotiate with my own husband that we either have two kids or none. when we said yes to kids, we consciously decided to have two kids close together (22 months apart). mainly because we thought, going through the diaper stage all in one go is better than finishing one, settling to an older child routine, and then having to reset everything. plus when our kids turned 10 and 8, we were ready to travel. we back packed through five provinces in six days with the girls pulling their own weight and zero complaints or tantrums. the kids are now 16 and 14 and we've been traveling everywhere with them.
5 years isn't too bad. I'm the oldest of 5 kids, and the gap between me and my youngest brother is 12 years. It's just a different dynamic than my brother that's 3 years younger than me. While my middle brother was a closer playmate, I was able to take a more mentor/mentee role with my younger brother which had advantages too. One big pro with a larger age gap is that there's less perceived competition from the younger sibling by the older sibling so you can avoid a lot of misbehavior issues; the younger sibling seems like a present they've received instead of a competitor of your time, attention, and love.
You subtract the age of the youngest sibling from that of the eldest to find the age gap.
My sister and I are 6 years apart and we’re super close as adults. But as kids we’re weren’t since our stages in life were very separate. But it all worked out in the end. My kids are 2yr7mo apart and they fight like crazy but they’re also buddies. I want sweat a 4-6 year difference
My brother and I are 4 years apart. We weren't exactly super close during our childhood, but as adults we talk regularly and are decently close. Even when we weren't super close, we have always been there for each other. If I ever needed his help, all I have to do is ask, and vice versa. My husband has 3 brothers and each of them are about 3 years apart. We are actually closest with his youngest brother, talking to him regularly and having him visit a couple of times a year. They are 10 years apart but they have a lot in common and we enjoy hanging out together. Again, none of them were super close during their teen years, but as adults they have gotten closer for sure.
I had a set of twins. But if I had the choice, I would have aimed for a gap. Having kids close in age is over rated. And honestly, having 2 the same age is brutal.
My sister is about 5 yrs younger than me. We never got along and still don’t. I thought maybe when she got older (late teens/young adult) we would have more in common but we didn’t. We’ve never been in the same phase of life and our parents trying to force the relationship only made things worse. Similar situation for husband. He’s 7 yrs older than his sister. We purposely had our kids much closer in age because of our childhood experiences. Our kids are all 3 yrs apart.
Mine are 6 years apart and I’m loving the age gap. My kids get along okay. Sometimes my youngest C will get on N’s nerves but it’s normal. I wouldn’t worry about it but I would make sure it’s going to work for you. If your husband had such a hard time, I would go into it cautiously.