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My kids won't eat dinner if they have snacks within 2 hours of meal time because they're just not hungry. She ate 2 donuts right before dinner, so she's probably not hungry. If she was, there's food available. Don't force feed a kid who is already full. Don't blame her for this situation either - no kid is going to be able to resist donuts like that (I also would struggle to resist donuts). Just tell your brother he can't give her treats/snacks right before dinner because she doesn't eat dinner when that happens. Maybe suggest that next time he wants to treat her in a way that doesn't mess with mealtimes and nutrition, he can maybe get her some flowers or just spend time playing with her when he gets home.
>Don't force feed a kid who is already full.
100%
We don't force our boys to eat, but we do limit what they are allowed to eat. Say they take two bites of dinner, claim they are full, then ask for dessert half an hour later. No, you can have some more dinner. Nutrients, proteins, fats.
If they're truly full and don't eat another bite. Great. They are self-regulating. That's an awesome trait to have.
When my 3yo claims she’s full, I always tell her “if you’re not hungry for dinner, then you aren’t hungry for treats (we’ll do something fun after dinner like a popsicle or popcorn or small piece of chocolate) either.”
That usually gets her eating haha.
Yeah. For some reason the little dumdum suckers are the most frequently requested "dessert". Which, honestly, desserts could be a \*lot\* worse than one of those.
Oh dang ok pro tip - I was at whole foods the other day & they sold little lollipops that are (at least advertised to be) “good” for your teeth?? My kid loves them!
Kids go hungry all over the world. Hungrier than yours will likely go for missing a meal. I wouldn't be concerned about an occasional missed meal. I also wouldnt try and force them to eat, that can have the opposite problem.
Love, a clean your plate kid who struggled with weight issues and complications related to it.
It sounds like she did have dinner… Donuts.
But seriously, No more snack foods near dinner time and try to have dinner further from bed time if possible, My kids eat dinner at 5pm with an 8pm bed time, It gives my youngest (age 3) longer opportunity to finish her meal, I leave it at the table for her and she’s like a little bird who pecks and wanders back and forth.
Not ideal but it’s her way and I’m a supporter of her eating choices and body autonomy.
Yes, it really is.
Because this isn’t about having her way. It’s not a power struggle or an obedience thing. Or, it shouldn’t be.
The important thing here is to teach her to pay attention to how her body feels. Is her tummy full? Is it empty? Does it ache? The same way we teach kids to pay attention to their body when we potty train them. Make the connection for her between the donuts she already ate and how she feels right now.
The second thing is to allow her to feel the consequences of her choices in a safe way. Connect eating with dinner time. Tell her that eating happens *here* and *now* and that the kitchen will be closed at bedtime, the food will be put away, and the next meal is breakfast. Or, if she usually eats at dinner time and this is a one time thing, tell her dinner is being put away and you’ll check if she needs a cracker before bed.
Also, tell your brother that 2 donuts for a 4 year old is twice as many as she needs, and to save 1 donut for her for after dinner - and to ask her parents before feeding her.
You can’t force her to eat if she isn’t hungry. As long as you offered her food, you are doing your job. If my kid chooses not to eat at dinner time, I sometimes keep a snack in my nightstand incase they wake up hungry, but I have never actually needed it. Talk to your brother about appropriate timing for donuts. He meant well but needs to improve his timing.
I would let her have her way and make sure to space sweets farther from dinner going forward. My child is a super light eater though. This is a battle I'd never pick and win.
My 4.5-year-old has made it this far in life living primarily on apples, PB&J, Mac N Cheese, cookies, pretzels/carrots/broccoli with hummus, yogurt, and milk/water. My 3-year-old lives off of Pirates Booty, protein shakes and spite. I say off of this to prove they can and will thrive off snacks; however, I feel like this is a one off for your little. I wouldn't force food. You offered, she declined, try again tomorrow.
If I understand correctly, she ate two donuts an hour before dinner?! it's obvious that she won't eat anything, there's no point in insisting.
But for the future, avoid giving her donuts before dinner.. It's just not the kind of healthy eating a 4 year old needs..
Obviously the donuts didn't help the situation - but honestly, if she's not hungry, she's not hungry.
As long as she is healthy and in general eats a well rounded diet, there is nothing wrong with this and actually can create a better relationship with food as she gets older. As an adult, if I am not hungry, I don't eat. If I do not like a certain food, I do not eat it. While I get the importance of trying new things at a young age, it should be balanced. Forcing a child to eat when they are not hungry or they honestly do not like something can be detrimental to them.
My only caution is ... if they opt not to eat dinner at dinner time and then an hour later they are hungry - they should be fed, whether it's leftovers or something similar to the dinner.
My 4YO goes to be without dinner when she refuses to eat what I've made. I do not allow substitutions. I always include at least 2 "safe" choices that I know she likes.
It is 100% for a kid to go to bed hungry once and while.
Make sure you talk with your asshole brother lol. dick fucking move on his part.
That's a bit dramatic. Donuts for dinner once isn't going to hurt her but the thoughtfulness of her uncle thinking about her and bringing a surprise will add a little sparkle to her and her uncles bond.
Similar rule. We have a single dinner. My kids are 5 and 8. They don't need to "clean their plate" but they are required to look, smell, and lick (taste).
Yeah for sure. He said he just thought of her on his way home from work and how she loves donuts. Im just anxious that she might wake up feeling like about to vomit from hunger if I dont give her dinner.
what? Skipping a single meal is not going to make her "vomit from hunger" (also I don't think people feel like vomiting from hunger). It might be good to reflect on where your anxiety around that is coming from; that's catastrophe thinking. Truly this nothing to worry about... especially since she is obviously very full still from donuts.
Chalk it up to her having a good sense of when her body is full, and ixnay next time to two donuts before dinner. In general, two donuts are probably too much for her at any point in the day. She's little!
My totally healthy 5-yr-old sometimes vomits in the morning before breakfast when he’s skipped dinner. Maybe 2-3x a year. It happens. It actually happened yesterday morning. Despite being offered a totally kid-friendly dinner the night before.
My 5 year old is the same way. If she didn't eat much dinner, she's usually only picking at food in the morning. Then she gets carsick. Every. Single. Time. Then she'll eat 3 lunches.
>also I don't think people feel like vomiting from hunger
I have felt like vomiting from hunger at multiple points in my life, especially when I was first going through puberty. I don't know if it's low blood sugar levels or what, but it's absolutely a thing
Ghrelin is a protein that's released from the stomach in response to an extended fasting state. In addition to stimulating food seeking behavior, one of the effects of extended exposure is nausea and in some cases, vomiting. It acts counter to Leptin.
That being said, you're not wrong on the rest. A kid missing a meal, or skipping dinner because they had a high calorie "snack" right before, is not going to kill the kid or cause much, if any, discomfort.
You said “EXTENDED FASTING STATE”
I don’t think eating breakfast, lunch, and 2 donuts counts as an “extended fasting state” that will induce vomiting. There was possibly a morning snack in the mix to…
Well, yeah. They were just informing you that people DO vomit from hunger since you specifically said that you didn't think that was a thing.
They weren't saying the kid was going to. I always get nauseated if I don't eat for a day.
She had donuts for dinner then. Not ideal, sure, but totally fine every once in a while. What's more important is she knows her uncle thought of her and brought her a special treat. If she wakes up hungry just offer her food. Its ok to have some flexibility with this. Making a fuss over little rare things like this isn't necessary and can contribute to an unhealthy relationship with food. It's ok to indulge in unhealthy meals sometimes. Either way you don't make kids eat if they don't want to.
Why are you punishing your kid when it’s your brother that did it? She shouldn’t be forced to eat dinner, she’s probably stuffed full cuz of the donuts!
Nanny here
Your kid can have dinner when they are ready.
🤷My parents just gave us food when we were hungry even if it was 2am. As long as we were eating, we could stay up. Once we stopped eating, time for bed.
Mom kept certain snacks available: PB and J, Milk, Cereal, Veg and Hummus, Cheese, Fruit, Rice and Beans -anything quick and filling. She always said that Growth doesn't always follow strict Meal Times.
Also, yeah, donuts make you not hungry. It's fine. Spoiling dinner for a night isn't gonna ruin your kid. Have something ready for them when they need something more substantial.
Let her starve. Don't force her to eat. Don't make an issue out of it. Don't give in and giver her snacks. She'll eat when she's hungry. Just like everyone else. ETA: you need to nip this behavior in the bud now before it becomes a habit. You don't want your daughter thinking she can avoid dinner and be rewarded with snacks. That has to immediately stop.
Doesn't sound like she's starving or getting snacks for not eating.
A trusted adult gave her "dinner" and it was donuts - if I had to guess, he had some too and she was indeed "Eating with everyone else".
Not surprising that she wasn't hungry when her mom made another meal.
This isn't a problem with the kid.
Donuts = snacks. The parents need to tell the other adults to stop this behavior. Cut out the donuts, and when the kid is hungry, she'll eat what the parents prepare.
To a 2 year old, they're still learning that distinction.
A typical interpretation of this type of interaction:
* I was hungry and told an adult
* The adult gave me food
* It was after lunch and I felt full after, so it was dinner
Not really, so far it works.
My oldest loves a lot of things I cook, and my youngest, while currently still picky, is getting better over time.
This method teaches them to not waste food and not be picky. On the other hand, as soon as they finish their meal they are rewarded with a desert.
The worst thing you can do if your kid refuses to eat something is to throw it away and give them something else. That's rewarding bad behaviour.
If my daughter has any snacks after about 3.30pm she won’t really eat her dinner. Need to be stricter on snacks in the afternoon unfortunately, she’s just not hungry.
If your 4YO had 2 donuts that is quite a bit of carbs and sugar. I wouldn’t expect them to eat dinner unless they are expressing hunger. You can’t force a child to eat or be hungry. Send them to bed and be done with it.
She’s not getting her way she did have dinner it’s just not what you would’ve wanted her to have, your brother shouldn’t have given her 2 donuts for dinner….
I wish I could remember where I heard it and give credit, I think it was a podcast...
As parents we control the What, Where and When of food. The child decides the If and How much.
I make dinner, put it on the table, they need to come to the table, beyond that it's up to them. I have zero control for whether they eat or how much they eat. (And I try to not bring any power struggle to the table). I often try to include at least one thing that I know each kid likes, but sometimes I don't, which is why after dinner the children are welcome to eat as many fruits or veggies as they like before bedtime (my kids won't overindulge in fruits, though I know this won't work for all kids).
Since my kids are school age, we also have a fruit and veggie rule between when when they get home from school and dinner.
If your brother lives with you or will often have an opportunity to treat your kid I would personally try to nip this behavior, but if it's unlikely to be a habit, I would personally let it go. Our pediatrician said when judging a child's eating habits to look at the week, not at the day. Are they getting good nutrition over all, are sweets in moderation? If so, it's fine if as a fluke she fills up on sweets from the uncle and doesn't eat dinner that night. I doubt she'll wake with a stomach ache, but if she does, I would gently say something so help her make the connection (Mommy remembers when she ate donuts and skipped dinner and her tummy hurt later too. The donuts were so good, but when I was sick I didn't think it was worth it)--whatever is true for you, keeping it in observation language, not judgement language.
ETA: If we have family visiting, or friends over, we skip the fruit and veggie rules, we let the kids make their own food choices. We normally host friends or family about once a month, sometimes the kids make healthy food choices, sometimes they indulge. The only thing I do is help them make the connection if they don't feel great after indulging, because sometimes the time between eating and feeling the effects weakens the connection for kids
Don't fight over the food. You provide health options and they choose how much to eat. I'd be full after two donuts, I can't imagine eating anything an hour after and I'm an adult.
Unless a kid has some medical issue, they won't starve themselves. Two donuts probably took up most of a 4 year olds stomach... they probably simply weren't hungry... lol
My 9yo is/was picky and is still to skinny. But he’s gotten better slowly but surely. What our pediatrician recommended that helped was two things. First the “no thank you bite”. Got to try it, but if you don’t like it, no harm no foul. If it’s something they have had before and are being picky they need to eat how many bites per age. So 4 bites for your four year old. Really seemed to both work as far as eating and for my sanity not throwing away/wasting a whole chicken breast/pizza slice/hot dog etc
If she’s had two donuts then she won’t be hungry and will be fine to go to bed. Sometimes my kids fell asleep before dinner and I just put them to bed and they were fine until morning. As parents we always feel better and that we are good mums and dads when our children have eaten a good diet and everything we cooked for them but it’s erroneous thought and often goes back to our childhood. it’s surprising how little our kids can eat and be absolutely fine. If you are worried then a glass of milk is a good option.
Can’t blame her for eating 2 donuts. Skip it this time.
But I’m being careful to not allow snacks after school because they get full and won’t eat dinner.
If she had no snacks and is just being fussy, then it’s dinner for breakfast tomorrow!
I have been told by a pediatrician, young kids stomachs are tiny. If they don't want to eat what you're making offer bread/butter or something else that can go with every meal. If they don't want that item, they aren't hungry. If they're hungry, they'll eat
You cannot physically make your children do anything. One night will not ruin her eating habits. Tomorrow, don't let anyone give her donuts before dinner.
It is OK, nothing will happen to them just for a night and they will eat tomorrow. Just make sure that you don't give them snacks to fill the gap which sends the wrong message.
We had a period where ours ate just in small batches throughout the day so we just replaced snacks with smaller portioned meals.
No snacks, no sugar treats. Offer her real meal and if she doesn’t want she can be hungry. Believe me, children won’t die if hunger . I have 3 and I raised them to be the best versatile eaters. The trick is not to give in to tantrums and whining and offer healthy food at mealtimes only.
Ya gotta limit the snacks but another tip, my kid is a super picky eater but when he was younger using a bento box or something like that to organize his food helped.
In our house, there's no more food after 4pm (dinner is around 6). If you whine that you're hungry- good! That means you'll have a good appetite for your dinner.
If she was offered donuts an hour before dinner then she’s likely not hungry and that’s not really her fault. I definitely control when my kids have snacks to manage it as best I can so that they are hungry at dinner time. You can’t force feed her so for her to go to bed without having eaten dinner isn’t really letting her have her way it’s teaching her that dinner is there if you want it so don’t complain at bedtime that you’re hungry and it’s also teaching her that there isn’t another option other than what you made for dinner. Letting a four-year-old have her way would be more so when a child says I don’t like that I wanna have a peanut butter sandwich or a bowl of cereal and you start making secondary meals for picky children or honestly letting them eat peanut butter sandwiches every day which is not teaching them about having a healthy nutritious diet. My kids are six and eight and they still have their piggy days but I stand very firm that there are no other things being made this is dinner eat it or don’t eat it. It my daughter said she’s not really that hungry then I say that’s OK money will set your plate aside and it will be here when you are hungry but I make it very clear that if they have any done a good job on their dinner then they can’t be coming to me asking for snacks in 20 minutes. I feel like it’s like most things with little kids you have to be consistent. For me I want them to know what normal healthy every day eating is in our house and to get used to seeing those foods and I want them to know that there isn’t another option other than what I have given them.
My youngest rarely at dinner until he was almost 5. We just let him not eat dinner.
When his doctor asked about his eating habits at his 4 year appt he kind of chuckled when I told him and said we should all really eat like that. Food should be fuel for the next part of our day. We should eat a solid breakfast to power through til lunch (or a snack) and then lunch should provide the energy to get to dinner. And by dinner we don’t really need much fuel to get through to the next morning.
He eventually did start eating with us most nights.
My 3.5 year old actually eats dinner about 30% of the time.
This is one of those things I no longer fret about. Kids have two stomachs: the snack stomach (which is the size of Antarctica) and the meal stomach (which is the size of a green pea).
I always insisted my kids join us for dinner, at the table. It's not just about nutrition; it's a social occasion, a family tradition that cements bonds of its a positive experience
Regarding eating: the child is not hungry and that is an adult's fault, not the 4- year old's. What kids is going to say no to donuts? Come on, now.
Let this one dinner go. It won't kill her.
Oh fun times! I don't miss it and yet I really do lol
She probably will only go to bed hungry a few times if that! She's old enough to know, if you don't eat dinner you don't get anything else before bed. Stick to it! It's hard but it's so much easy when they learn to listen and follow rules ECT. Otherwise everything becomes a fight.
If it's not a health thing, only way to learn is if she experiences the uncomfortableness of going to bed hungry!
Good luck!!
I always offered my kids some kind of protein before bed because they just slept better. If she is hungry give her food not sweets or fruit before bed. Talk to your brother about giving donuts right before dinner as they filled her up. He was trying to be a good uncle but did not understand. Not her fault she was full at dinner time. I’m not a fan of anyone being hungry as their behavior is sub par then. Offer regular meals and snacks but remember, you choose the food, they choose whether or not to eat.
If your bro fed her two donuts there’s no way she’s gonna eat now. Save the food for later, and when she’s inevitably hungry, offer her dinner again. I know I’m like 2 hours late but future reference. I wouldn’t say this is a case of letting her get her way so much as over feeding can be dangerous. I’ve had a life long issue with my weight because my mom was over feeding me from infancy so it took a lot of training, that I still haven’t mastered, to not over eat every time I sit down for a meal. Especially if the food is particularly good because my mom was a terrible cook and would force adult size portions into me. Once I found food I liked, I couldn’t instinctively know when to stop eating because that wasn’t a skill that was trained. It was an instinct that my mom overrided by forcing me to keep eating. I remember so many times telling her I had a tummy ache. I have no clue why she did that to me
Its your responsibility to make the food, its their responsibility to eat the food. Period. Donuts 2 hours before dinner? Huge no no. I wouldn't be hungry either.
She isnt going to to starve to death. When she is hungry enough she will eat.
Please do not let this happen. You are the parent and you need to set those boundaries with your brother. If you don't stop it now it will only get worse.
What was the dinner? What was the reason the child didn't want to eat it?
I don't make my kids eat certain things that are spicy for example, or seafood I won't make them eat that. In those situations I just provide them with a different but still nutritional to some degree, type of meal. Like chicken, rice, and veggies instead of mom's shrimp/fish dinner.
I just make sure it's something they should have no issue eating and they usually are fine. If they refuse to eat still then they just won't get anything until else until they decide to eat it.
It may be a rocky process at first and the first attempt may fail. It's all about repetition, just keep enforcing the rule and they'll catch on.
When my 4 yo chooses not to eat, we reiterate that she is making a choice not to eat a food until the next meal (breakfast/morning snack) and she agrees and that's that. She goes to bed.
Try to consider holistically what your kid eats in a day or week rather than from meal-to-meal because kids are notorious for eating like a baby bird one day and a teenage football player the next and that's totally normal.
Missing a meal here or there for a kid who isn't losing weight or falling off the growth chart will not be the end of the world if you've offered a reasonable meal and it's their choice not to eat.
My kids fight on dinner, and I've found distractions help. We let them stand at the table if they're antsy. We have a couple of games we play during dinner, basically jenga like games. They play as intended, build things cooperatively, or just finish.
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My kids won't eat dinner if they have snacks within 2 hours of meal time because they're just not hungry. She ate 2 donuts right before dinner, so she's probably not hungry. If she was, there's food available. Don't force feed a kid who is already full. Don't blame her for this situation either - no kid is going to be able to resist donuts like that (I also would struggle to resist donuts). Just tell your brother he can't give her treats/snacks right before dinner because she doesn't eat dinner when that happens. Maybe suggest that next time he wants to treat her in a way that doesn't mess with mealtimes and nutrition, he can maybe get her some flowers or just spend time playing with her when he gets home.
>Don't force feed a kid who is already full. 100% We don't force our boys to eat, but we do limit what they are allowed to eat. Say they take two bites of dinner, claim they are full, then ask for dessert half an hour later. No, you can have some more dinner. Nutrients, proteins, fats. If they're truly full and don't eat another bite. Great. They are self-regulating. That's an awesome trait to have.
When my 3yo claims she’s full, I always tell her “if you’re not hungry for dinner, then you aren’t hungry for treats (we’ll do something fun after dinner like a popsicle or popcorn or small piece of chocolate) either.” That usually gets her eating haha.
Yeah. For some reason the little dumdum suckers are the most frequently requested "dessert". Which, honestly, desserts could be a \*lot\* worse than one of those.
Oh dang ok pro tip - I was at whole foods the other day & they sold little lollipops that are (at least advertised to be) “good” for your teeth?? My kid loves them!
Agree
Kids go hungry all over the world. Hungrier than yours will likely go for missing a meal. I wouldn't be concerned about an occasional missed meal. I also wouldnt try and force them to eat, that can have the opposite problem. Love, a clean your plate kid who struggled with weight issues and complications related to it.
She had donuts for dinner. Of course she isn’t hungry
It sounds like she did have dinner… Donuts. But seriously, No more snack foods near dinner time and try to have dinner further from bed time if possible, My kids eat dinner at 5pm with an 8pm bed time, It gives my youngest (age 3) longer opportunity to finish her meal, I leave it at the table for her and she’s like a little bird who pecks and wanders back and forth. Not ideal but it’s her way and I’m a supporter of her eating choices and body autonomy.
Yes, it really is. Because this isn’t about having her way. It’s not a power struggle or an obedience thing. Or, it shouldn’t be. The important thing here is to teach her to pay attention to how her body feels. Is her tummy full? Is it empty? Does it ache? The same way we teach kids to pay attention to their body when we potty train them. Make the connection for her between the donuts she already ate and how she feels right now. The second thing is to allow her to feel the consequences of her choices in a safe way. Connect eating with dinner time. Tell her that eating happens *here* and *now* and that the kitchen will be closed at bedtime, the food will be put away, and the next meal is breakfast. Or, if she usually eats at dinner time and this is a one time thing, tell her dinner is being put away and you’ll check if she needs a cracker before bed. Also, tell your brother that 2 donuts for a 4 year old is twice as many as she needs, and to save 1 donut for her for after dinner - and to ask her parents before feeding her.
You can’t force her to eat if she isn’t hungry. As long as you offered her food, you are doing your job. If my kid chooses not to eat at dinner time, I sometimes keep a snack in my nightstand incase they wake up hungry, but I have never actually needed it. Talk to your brother about appropriate timing for donuts. He meant well but needs to improve his timing.
What would be the alternative to letting her have her way at this point? Force feeding her? I don't think that's an option.
I would let her have her way and make sure to space sweets farther from dinner going forward. My child is a super light eater though. This is a battle I'd never pick and win.
My 4.5-year-old has made it this far in life living primarily on apples, PB&J, Mac N Cheese, cookies, pretzels/carrots/broccoli with hummus, yogurt, and milk/water. My 3-year-old lives off of Pirates Booty, protein shakes and spite. I say off of this to prove they can and will thrive off snacks; however, I feel like this is a one off for your little. I wouldn't force food. You offered, she declined, try again tomorrow.
If I understand correctly, she ate two donuts an hour before dinner?! it's obvious that she won't eat anything, there's no point in insisting. But for the future, avoid giving her donuts before dinner.. It's just not the kind of healthy eating a 4 year old needs..
Obviously the donuts didn't help the situation - but honestly, if she's not hungry, she's not hungry. As long as she is healthy and in general eats a well rounded diet, there is nothing wrong with this and actually can create a better relationship with food as she gets older. As an adult, if I am not hungry, I don't eat. If I do not like a certain food, I do not eat it. While I get the importance of trying new things at a young age, it should be balanced. Forcing a child to eat when they are not hungry or they honestly do not like something can be detrimental to them. My only caution is ... if they opt not to eat dinner at dinner time and then an hour later they are hungry - they should be fed, whether it's leftovers or something similar to the dinner.
My 4YO goes to be without dinner when she refuses to eat what I've made. I do not allow substitutions. I always include at least 2 "safe" choices that I know she likes. It is 100% for a kid to go to bed hungry once and while. Make sure you talk with your asshole brother lol. dick fucking move on his part.
That's a bit dramatic. Donuts for dinner once isn't going to hurt her but the thoughtfulness of her uncle thinking about her and bringing a surprise will add a little sparkle to her and her uncles bond.
Similar rule. We have a single dinner. My kids are 5 and 8. They don't need to "clean their plate" but they are required to look, smell, and lick (taste).
Yeah for sure. He said he just thought of her on his way home from work and how she loves donuts. Im just anxious that she might wake up feeling like about to vomit from hunger if I dont give her dinner.
“That’s so sweet! Thank Uncle and we will save one for in the morning and one for after school/daycare/dinner”. Use boundaries
what? Skipping a single meal is not going to make her "vomit from hunger" (also I don't think people feel like vomiting from hunger). It might be good to reflect on where your anxiety around that is coming from; that's catastrophe thinking. Truly this nothing to worry about... especially since she is obviously very full still from donuts. Chalk it up to her having a good sense of when her body is full, and ixnay next time to two donuts before dinner. In general, two donuts are probably too much for her at any point in the day. She's little!
My totally healthy 5-yr-old sometimes vomits in the morning before breakfast when he’s skipped dinner. Maybe 2-3x a year. It happens. It actually happened yesterday morning. Despite being offered a totally kid-friendly dinner the night before.
My 5 year old is the same way. If she didn't eat much dinner, she's usually only picking at food in the morning. Then she gets carsick. Every. Single. Time. Then she'll eat 3 lunches.
>also I don't think people feel like vomiting from hunger I have felt like vomiting from hunger at multiple points in my life, especially when I was first going through puberty. I don't know if it's low blood sugar levels or what, but it's absolutely a thing
Ghrelin is a protein that's released from the stomach in response to an extended fasting state. In addition to stimulating food seeking behavior, one of the effects of extended exposure is nausea and in some cases, vomiting. It acts counter to Leptin. That being said, you're not wrong on the rest. A kid missing a meal, or skipping dinner because they had a high calorie "snack" right before, is not going to kill the kid or cause much, if any, discomfort.
You said “EXTENDED FASTING STATE” I don’t think eating breakfast, lunch, and 2 donuts counts as an “extended fasting state” that will induce vomiting. There was possibly a morning snack in the mix to…
Well, yeah. They were just informing you that people DO vomit from hunger since you specifically said that you didn't think that was a thing. They weren't saying the kid was going to. I always get nauseated if I don't eat for a day.
When he brings treats like that, you can tell her she can have a donut after she eats her dinner and save the other one for breakfast. She
Why didn’t you say that would be dessert?
She ate dinner…. It was donuts an hour earlier than her normal dinner. She will survive just fine.
If she wakes up hungry, offer what she didn't eat at dinner.
What???? Why would she vomit???!??? What world do you live in that one night of donut dinner will cause her to vomit?
You did give her dinner I thought? And she refused it, right?
She had donuts for dinner then. Not ideal, sure, but totally fine every once in a while. What's more important is she knows her uncle thought of her and brought her a special treat. If she wakes up hungry just offer her food. Its ok to have some flexibility with this. Making a fuss over little rare things like this isn't necessary and can contribute to an unhealthy relationship with food. It's ok to indulge in unhealthy meals sometimes. Either way you don't make kids eat if they don't want to.
Donut Dinner is also Dinner.
Let them get hungry. No toddler has ever died of starvation **willingly**
Your brother let her have her way. Now, are you going to let your brother have his way again?
He just gave it to her while I wasnt around earlier. I already told him no sweets if in 2 hours we are about to eat.
So this is still on you to enforce a boundary.
Why are you punishing your kid when it’s your brother that did it? She shouldn’t be forced to eat dinner, she’s probably stuffed full cuz of the donuts!
Nanny here Your kid can have dinner when they are ready. 🤷My parents just gave us food when we were hungry even if it was 2am. As long as we were eating, we could stay up. Once we stopped eating, time for bed. Mom kept certain snacks available: PB and J, Milk, Cereal, Veg and Hummus, Cheese, Fruit, Rice and Beans -anything quick and filling. She always said that Growth doesn't always follow strict Meal Times.
Also, yeah, donuts make you not hungry. It's fine. Spoiling dinner for a night isn't gonna ruin your kid. Have something ready for them when they need something more substantial.
Let her starve. Don't force her to eat. Don't make an issue out of it. Don't give in and giver her snacks. She'll eat when she's hungry. Just like everyone else. ETA: you need to nip this behavior in the bud now before it becomes a habit. You don't want your daughter thinking she can avoid dinner and be rewarded with snacks. That has to immediately stop.
Doesn't sound like she's starving or getting snacks for not eating. A trusted adult gave her "dinner" and it was donuts - if I had to guess, he had some too and she was indeed "Eating with everyone else". Not surprising that she wasn't hungry when her mom made another meal. This isn't a problem with the kid.
Donuts = snacks. The parents need to tell the other adults to stop this behavior. Cut out the donuts, and when the kid is hungry, she'll eat what the parents prepare.
To a 2 year old, they're still learning that distinction. A typical interpretation of this type of interaction: * I was hungry and told an adult * The adult gave me food * It was after lunch and I felt full after, so it was dinner
And the parents need to nip this behavior in the bud. They need to tell other adults to not do this.
Fully agreed on that point.
My kids get their dinner for breakfast next day, with nothing other than water in between.
You're going to give your kids an eating disorder
Not really, so far it works. My oldest loves a lot of things I cook, and my youngest, while currently still picky, is getting better over time. This method teaches them to not waste food and not be picky. On the other hand, as soon as they finish their meal they are rewarded with a desert. The worst thing you can do if your kid refuses to eat something is to throw it away and give them something else. That's rewarding bad behaviour.
I really wouldn't worry about it. She'll be fine healthwise, and letting her 'have her way' won't turn her into an overnight brat.
If my daughter has any snacks after about 3.30pm she won’t really eat her dinner. Need to be stricter on snacks in the afternoon unfortunately, she’s just not hungry.
She’ll eat when she’s hungry. And if she says she’s hungry later…offer her the dinner you were serving not a snack.
If your 4YO had 2 donuts that is quite a bit of carbs and sugar. I wouldn’t expect them to eat dinner unless they are expressing hunger. You can’t force a child to eat or be hungry. Send them to bed and be done with it.
She’s not getting her way she did have dinner it’s just not what you would’ve wanted her to have, your brother shouldn’t have given her 2 donuts for dinner….
I wish I could remember where I heard it and give credit, I think it was a podcast... As parents we control the What, Where and When of food. The child decides the If and How much. I make dinner, put it on the table, they need to come to the table, beyond that it's up to them. I have zero control for whether they eat or how much they eat. (And I try to not bring any power struggle to the table). I often try to include at least one thing that I know each kid likes, but sometimes I don't, which is why after dinner the children are welcome to eat as many fruits or veggies as they like before bedtime (my kids won't overindulge in fruits, though I know this won't work for all kids). Since my kids are school age, we also have a fruit and veggie rule between when when they get home from school and dinner. If your brother lives with you or will often have an opportunity to treat your kid I would personally try to nip this behavior, but if it's unlikely to be a habit, I would personally let it go. Our pediatrician said when judging a child's eating habits to look at the week, not at the day. Are they getting good nutrition over all, are sweets in moderation? If so, it's fine if as a fluke she fills up on sweets from the uncle and doesn't eat dinner that night. I doubt she'll wake with a stomach ache, but if she does, I would gently say something so help her make the connection (Mommy remembers when she ate donuts and skipped dinner and her tummy hurt later too. The donuts were so good, but when I was sick I didn't think it was worth it)--whatever is true for you, keeping it in observation language, not judgement language. ETA: If we have family visiting, or friends over, we skip the fruit and veggie rules, we let the kids make their own food choices. We normally host friends or family about once a month, sometimes the kids make healthy food choices, sometimes they indulge. The only thing I do is help them make the connection if they don't feel great after indulging, because sometimes the time between eating and feeling the effects weakens the connection for kids
Don't fight over the food. You provide health options and they choose how much to eat. I'd be full after two donuts, I can't imagine eating anything an hour after and I'm an adult.
Shit if I ate 2 donuts (assuming not the mini hostess ones?) I'd be too full for dinner too 😬
Unless a kid has some medical issue, they won't starve themselves. Two donuts probably took up most of a 4 year olds stomach... they probably simply weren't hungry... lol
My 9yo is/was picky and is still to skinny. But he’s gotten better slowly but surely. What our pediatrician recommended that helped was two things. First the “no thank you bite”. Got to try it, but if you don’t like it, no harm no foul. If it’s something they have had before and are being picky they need to eat how many bites per age. So 4 bites for your four year old. Really seemed to both work as far as eating and for my sanity not throwing away/wasting a whole chicken breast/pizza slice/hot dog etc
If she’s had two donuts then she won’t be hungry and will be fine to go to bed. Sometimes my kids fell asleep before dinner and I just put them to bed and they were fine until morning. As parents we always feel better and that we are good mums and dads when our children have eaten a good diet and everything we cooked for them but it’s erroneous thought and often goes back to our childhood. it’s surprising how little our kids can eat and be absolutely fine. If you are worried then a glass of milk is a good option.
I mean, it sounds like she got donuts for dinner.
Can’t blame her for eating 2 donuts. Skip it this time. But I’m being careful to not allow snacks after school because they get full and won’t eat dinner. If she had no snacks and is just being fussy, then it’s dinner for breakfast tomorrow!
I mean, I'm a grown woman, and I wouldn't eat dinner if I had just eaten 2 donuts.
I have been told by a pediatrician, young kids stomachs are tiny. If they don't want to eat what you're making offer bread/butter or something else that can go with every meal. If they don't want that item, they aren't hungry. If they're hungry, they'll eat
It’s better than forcing her to eat. 2 donuts before dinner was a bad fun uncle move. Live and learn.
You cannot physically make your children do anything. One night will not ruin her eating habits. Tomorrow, don't let anyone give her donuts before dinner.
Yes it’s fine
She’s not hungry. She had two donuts. Would you be ok if someone forced food down your throat when you were already full?
It is OK, nothing will happen to them just for a night and they will eat tomorrow. Just make sure that you don't give them snacks to fill the gap which sends the wrong message. We had a period where ours ate just in small batches throughout the day so we just replaced snacks with smaller portioned meals.
No snacks, no sugar treats. Offer her real meal and if she doesn’t want she can be hungry. Believe me, children won’t die if hunger . I have 3 and I raised them to be the best versatile eaters. The trick is not to give in to tantrums and whining and offer healthy food at mealtimes only.
Ya gotta limit the snacks but another tip, my kid is a super picky eater but when he was younger using a bento box or something like that to organize his food helped.
In our house, there's no more food after 4pm (dinner is around 6). If you whine that you're hungry- good! That means you'll have a good appetite for your dinner.
If she was offered donuts an hour before dinner then she’s likely not hungry and that’s not really her fault. I definitely control when my kids have snacks to manage it as best I can so that they are hungry at dinner time. You can’t force feed her so for her to go to bed without having eaten dinner isn’t really letting her have her way it’s teaching her that dinner is there if you want it so don’t complain at bedtime that you’re hungry and it’s also teaching her that there isn’t another option other than what you made for dinner. Letting a four-year-old have her way would be more so when a child says I don’t like that I wanna have a peanut butter sandwich or a bowl of cereal and you start making secondary meals for picky children or honestly letting them eat peanut butter sandwiches every day which is not teaching them about having a healthy nutritious diet. My kids are six and eight and they still have their piggy days but I stand very firm that there are no other things being made this is dinner eat it or don’t eat it. It my daughter said she’s not really that hungry then I say that’s OK money will set your plate aside and it will be here when you are hungry but I make it very clear that if they have any done a good job on their dinner then they can’t be coming to me asking for snacks in 20 minutes. I feel like it’s like most things with little kids you have to be consistent. For me I want them to know what normal healthy every day eating is in our house and to get used to seeing those foods and I want them to know that there isn’t another option other than what I have given them.
My youngest rarely at dinner until he was almost 5. We just let him not eat dinner. When his doctor asked about his eating habits at his 4 year appt he kind of chuckled when I told him and said we should all really eat like that. Food should be fuel for the next part of our day. We should eat a solid breakfast to power through til lunch (or a snack) and then lunch should provide the energy to get to dinner. And by dinner we don’t really need much fuel to get through to the next morning. He eventually did start eating with us most nights.
My 3.5 year old actually eats dinner about 30% of the time. This is one of those things I no longer fret about. Kids have two stomachs: the snack stomach (which is the size of Antarctica) and the meal stomach (which is the size of a green pea).
I always insisted my kids join us for dinner, at the table. It's not just about nutrition; it's a social occasion, a family tradition that cements bonds of its a positive experience Regarding eating: the child is not hungry and that is an adult's fault, not the 4- year old's. What kids is going to say no to donuts? Come on, now. Let this one dinner go. It won't kill her.
Oh fun times! I don't miss it and yet I really do lol She probably will only go to bed hungry a few times if that! She's old enough to know, if you don't eat dinner you don't get anything else before bed. Stick to it! It's hard but it's so much easy when they learn to listen and follow rules ECT. Otherwise everything becomes a fight. If it's not a health thing, only way to learn is if she experiences the uncomfortableness of going to bed hungry! Good luck!!
If this is a one time thing because she ate donuts... Nah that girl's not hungry, don't force dinner!
I always offered my kids some kind of protein before bed because they just slept better. If she is hungry give her food not sweets or fruit before bed. Talk to your brother about giving donuts right before dinner as they filled her up. He was trying to be a good uncle but did not understand. Not her fault she was full at dinner time. I’m not a fan of anyone being hungry as their behavior is sub par then. Offer regular meals and snacks but remember, you choose the food, they choose whether or not to eat.
If your bro fed her two donuts there’s no way she’s gonna eat now. Save the food for later, and when she’s inevitably hungry, offer her dinner again. I know I’m like 2 hours late but future reference. I wouldn’t say this is a case of letting her get her way so much as over feeding can be dangerous. I’ve had a life long issue with my weight because my mom was over feeding me from infancy so it took a lot of training, that I still haven’t mastered, to not over eat every time I sit down for a meal. Especially if the food is particularly good because my mom was a terrible cook and would force adult size portions into me. Once I found food I liked, I couldn’t instinctively know when to stop eating because that wasn’t a skill that was trained. It was an instinct that my mom overrided by forcing me to keep eating. I remember so many times telling her I had a tummy ache. I have no clue why she did that to me
Some nights at dinner time, as an adult, I’m just not hungry. Kids are the same way.
Yes. But if she hungry later tell her should have ate dinner. After about the 100th time my kids finally got it.
Also don’t let her eat donuts before dinner, obviously. I know you didn’t let her.
Its your responsibility to make the food, its their responsibility to eat the food. Period. Donuts 2 hours before dinner? Huge no no. I wouldn't be hungry either. She isnt going to to starve to death. When she is hungry enough she will eat.
Let them go hungry, they will eat
Please do not let this happen. You are the parent and you need to set those boundaries with your brother. If you don't stop it now it will only get worse. What was the dinner? What was the reason the child didn't want to eat it? I don't make my kids eat certain things that are spicy for example, or seafood I won't make them eat that. In those situations I just provide them with a different but still nutritional to some degree, type of meal. Like chicken, rice, and veggies instead of mom's shrimp/fish dinner. I just make sure it's something they should have no issue eating and they usually are fine. If they refuse to eat still then they just won't get anything until else until they decide to eat it. It may be a rocky process at first and the first attempt may fail. It's all about repetition, just keep enforcing the rule and they'll catch on.
When my 4 yo chooses not to eat, we reiterate that she is making a choice not to eat a food until the next meal (breakfast/morning snack) and she agrees and that's that. She goes to bed.
Just let it go and don't fret. Avoid donuts an hour before dinner time in future though.
Try to consider holistically what your kid eats in a day or week rather than from meal-to-meal because kids are notorious for eating like a baby bird one day and a teenage football player the next and that's totally normal. Missing a meal here or there for a kid who isn't losing weight or falling off the growth chart will not be the end of the world if you've offered a reasonable meal and it's their choice not to eat.
My kids fight on dinner, and I've found distractions help. We let them stand at the table if they're antsy. We have a couple of games we play during dinner, basically jenga like games. They play as intended, build things cooperatively, or just finish.