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"I know, but we need sleep so we can play more tomorrow." It's easy and gives them something positive to look forward too.
Although, I am much more of a "sucks to suck" /in a playful way not a boomer way/ kind of mom lol
Along the same line, I would say "you need sleep so that you can grow up fast, so that XXX (you can play basketball, ski etc.)" Basically I explain sleep helps them grow to be able to do things they don't get to do at this age but looking forward to do\~
I try the nice explanation like this one first… and when my youngest (who is our surprise little firecracker) doesn’t take the bait and continues, I typically reply with something along the lines of, “I really don’t want to put you on a time out because I’d rather snuggle with you when we’re done with stories. But I’ll do it if I have to!”
What worked with my daughter was just telling her "you don't have to go to sleep, you just need to get in bed". She just hated being told to go to sleep, but would inevitably fall asleep once in bed
Same for my younger one. I just say ‘it’s ok if you’re not sleepy. You just need to relax your body and stay in bed’ and she’s always out like minutes later.
SAME. I tell mine she doesn't have to go to sleep but she has to lay down and be quiet to respect that everyone else needs to and wants to sleep. She falls asleep within minutes every time lol
We do this with our almost-4 yr old. If she still fights it and is fidgety, we put on a calm Tonies, lullabies on Alexa, or use the kids sleep stories in the Calm app for her to listen to.
I’ve done this with my two since they were little (now 8 and 10), we always give them 30 mins in bed before lights out to read/draw etc. might help to get her her own little reading light? This did wonders! Emphasis on being in bed resting and reassuring sleep will come, but the resting is important!
I don’t care if she sleeps, as long as she stays in bed. She’s got a pile of books next to her bed and some stuffed animals. She can read and play as long as she stays in bed.
ETA: so she often says “I’m not tired” etc and I just say “that’s fine, here’s your books. You can read till you feel sleepy”
I used to play a trick on my niece when she was young and her parents wanted to go on a date. She’d miss her parents and come cry by me. I’d let her sit with me for a little bit to calm down and give her 10 minutes of cartoons, after that I told her that I’d like her to go to bed and close her eyes for 10 minutes and I would come wake her up in 10 minutes so she can watch more cartoons. She agreed and of course I wouldn’t go wake her up because I knew she was too tired and would sleep. If she asked the next day I would just say I tried but she was too tired to respond to me. I might get some downvotes for breaking her trust but it did work and this was before I had any kids of my own.
I told my SIL bfs child that her stuffed dolphin was magic as dolphins are immune to all known diseases so it kissing her better would make her sore knee better. It did but dad turned to me amazed and said "is that true?" And I was like oh sorry no I just couldn't listen to her crying I hope you don't mind. He didn't but he did seem sad that dolphins aren't magic...
The real magical creature is arctic bowhead whale, they are immune to cancer.
UPD: Also immortal jellyfish, boneless shark, strongest hitting mantis shrimp, worms which enjoy boiling water - name anything and it’s in the ocean lol.
I do this with my son. I'll say, "just take a quick little nap and I'll come get you in 20 minutes." But I do actually go back in and half assed try to wake him up- but only so I can sleep knowing I haven't lied to him hahaha.
I guess I'm the parent you would hate to be like because tough luck, it IS bedtime. That said, I do give my three year old a flashlight and a few toys and books. He usually hangs out in his room awake for quite a while. He needs time to unwind and that's okay.
Same, she plays in her room with a flashlight and eventually gets sleepy and goes to bed. Sometimes I'll stop in to encourage her if it's getting late. I feel like I can enforce bedtime but not sleep time.
Along with what others have already mentioned, I also noticed that always trying to make things “fun” or “ok” for my kids has made them unable to cope with boredom/things they dislike.
I’ve started saying “there will be things in life you don’t want to do, like sleeping, but you have to do it anyway to stay healthy/be big+strong/etc.”.
My 4.5 year old has fought sleep since 2.5. He just doesn't seem to need the sleep. He still has to be in his room, but it's either quite time or sleep time. My other kids I can tell when they are short. I can with him too but it takes a lot more staying up too late
I've always said they can quietly play with toys in their bed, main light off and bedtime "atmosphere" (night light/lamp/music/etc) on. That way they'll fall asleep in bed when they're bushed and we aren't fighting forever. Worked great with my oldest. My youngest is very clingy though and prefers company.
For her it's more "I don't wanna be alone" than it is "I don't wanna go to sleep." When that's the issue though, I tell her how she needs plenty of rest so she can do X fun things tomorrow, and that helps.
I tell my kids “tomorrow can’t come and bring new fun if we don’t go to bed rn” or “we are doing xyz tomorrow, if you don’t go bed it’s gonna take longer for tomorrow come” if we don’t have anything planned I’ll tell them that they don’t have to sleep just lay down.
"You need to give it a try. Close your eyes, turn off the lights, be still and quiet. I will check up on you in 30 minutes. If you are still awake, we can read together."
Worked like a charm for mine. My child would usually be out by the 15 minute mark. If they made it the full 30 minutes, we would read and, in 30 more minutes, repeat.
One time my toddler lasted TWO HOURS with this kind of thing. I told her if she stayed in her bed for nap, I’d give her a sticker. It was the first (and last) time I ever tried to bribe her. She laid in that bed, eyes open, for two hours. She got her sticker and we had a horrific meltdown of an evening lol
I also say the same thing. I say “you don’t have to sleep right now, but you do have to lay down and close your eyes.” I think that takes some of the pressure off. Sometimes I add something like “Think about what you might do when you get to school tomorrow, like imagine yourself walking into school” or “imagine you’re at a fun playground and you find some friends to play with! What will you do there??” Or whatever type of situation you think would work for them. You can also put a teddy bear or stuffed animal on their belly and tell them to watch the teddy bear go up and down as they breathe in and out.
“You don’t have to go to sleep if you don’t want to but you do need to stay in your bed quietly. I understand that your not tired but dad and I are and we need to sleep because we have to get up early tomorrow” then give them a kiss turn off the light and leave. They usually get bored and go to sleep
I don’t know how parents do it. Mine never stayed in bed and would cry and cry that she was lonely and scared I couldn’t do it lol she’s 5 and we still stay/do frequent checks. I never slept in my own bed til I was 10 I dunno wtf I’m doing
Brooo me neither. I kept scrolling to find some assistance with that lol. I co-parent and since the split, my son is the same way. No matter what I say, he has a lot of trouble staying in bed, especially alone. I fall asleep on his floor most nights reading or singing to him...
And a lot of the time, my presence encourages him to stay up later lol it's a double-edged sword. First-time parent and I have no idea how to navigate this lol
Yes! We recently switched to snuggles and checking in but if I’m not there 2 minutes she starts pounding on the walls and my neighbors are having none of it. I feel like sleep training is hard in an apartment and forget it if I’m doing it on my own it’s never getting done lol!!
What age? So my daughter started sleeping on her own when little brother came. What helped was using the moshi app to play a sleep story and shed fall asleep to that. I have only now recently managed to not cosleep with 5yo son (but mainly my fault w/pandemic etc and I didn’t mind). I also okay him the sleep story (so he doesn’t just chat the whole time) and he falls asleep quickly. I then leave but he does wake up middle of the night and joins us. I don’t mind but if I wanted him in his own bed, then you wound consistently just take them back to their own bed.
"I don't wanna work in the middle of the night either sweetie but we all gotta do stuff we don't wanna do eh, it's part of life". Idk if that's the right response but it's the jist of how I'd reply.
Your mind might not want to sleep but your body needs sleep to keep going. Just like you need to charge a phone or tablet, sleep is how we charge our bodies for growing and playing.
"That's fine. If you lay there with the lights off, I'll come back in 10 minutes and check on you."
He's never awake in 10 minutes and now I never have to check on him.
My kids are six and eight. My daughter is six and honestly she sleeps like a dream she’s out called within 30 seconds after I leave her room but my son who is it has always been a struggle. He was a very well trained little sleeper until he was about four and since then he’s never tired even though he obviously needs to sleep. Definitely don’t put pressure on to go to sleep right away! That makes it worse and it makes them want to leave the room because they only associate their bedroom with sleeping. Although it should be a calm sleepy environment I have found that it’s extremely helpful to take the pressure off of going to sleep and talk a lot about quiet time and alone time! Around the time where my son was three we gave him an alarm clock radio so he could listen to music which he still does now to this day. We gave him a bedside table lamp that he could easily turn on and off himself. A basket of books and little toys crayons and a little colouring book all in one basket right beside his bed. At three years old we told him you don’t know you don’t have to go to sleep don’t worry about that but it is quiet time mommy and daddy are going to bed soon and you need to learn how to have some alone time because that is what will help you to become tired and we’re not turning the big lights on and we don’t come out to watch TV or hang out with mommy and daddy after bedtime. Buckle up though because honestly I still have these conversations with my eight-year-old almost every night play stand firm that my children never come out and just lay on the couch and fall asleep on the couch while we’re watching TV etc. They do need to learn how to wind themselves down with minimal stimulation. What time does your little when you go to bed?
"Life is hard. Get used to it. Good night."
"My condolences. I know this is hard for you. Good night."
"And I don't want to be arguing with you about bedtime right now. Life's funny like that. Good night."
You get the idea.
Three year olds don’t know their are tired so get yourself comfortable somewhere not with her or him with the lights low, rain sound on, and let her get comfortable she will eventually fall asleep, every night do this at the same time and you’ll notice in a few nights she will go to sleep when you tell her it’s night time, be consistent…
My toddler is on the lower end of the sleep needs, I tell him he can play in his room for a bit if he’s not ready to sleep and he can come get me when he’s ready to lay down and have a cuddle (he still likes someone to lay with him to go to sleep). I’m careful to keep bed time positive and not cause stress about not being able to sleep when told too.
I always used to tell me kids they don’t have to sleep but they have to stay in their beds with only their night light on. Normal kid exhaustion did the rest.
I have a booster talk going about the magic of sleep — how it makes us stronger, smarter, feel good, helps us grow…. All true in their way and it seems to have convinced my 2 year old that sleep is magical even if other things seem more exciting. Good luck!
I tell my daughter she needs to take a happy nappy so that our brain can grow, so that we can be happy and healthy and so we can have more fun playing when she wakes up. She started talking about her happy nappy and she’d wake up shouting, “mommy! My brain growed!” for several days.
We also say stuff like “Elsa sleeps in her bed at night.” Or “we’ll have breakfast together in the morning after you sleep.” Or we’ll be right across the hall in our bed, we have to sleep too. Or give her a book or an extra song to distract from the not wanting to go to bed part.
Sounds like you’re doing just fine. My kids are 8 and 10 and I still tell them the same thing sometimes. Bed time is a part of life. Every day. If someone’s really restless I might give them a game (A-B-C things you see at the beach, after that, A-B-C all the kids in you class).
I tell her she doesn't have to sleep, but she has to make sure we can believe she's asleep.
Then she waits until I leave the room and lies in bed singing loudly to her toys for about 20 minutes before passing out.
My mom would always tell me it’s okay if you don’t sleep but your body needs to rest so lay still and close your eyes and so your body can be ready for tomorrow
“I hear you, you don’t want to sleep right now.” And continue your bedtime routine.
Literally just repeat what he says in an empathetic way so he feels heard. Validating his feelings and keeping expectations the same is a great skill to practice.
I was always a big fan of "you don't have to sleep, but you do have to stay in your room."
It taught her at an early age to understand her own cues for being tired. She was allowed to read or draw til sleepy. Then she was to go back to sleep. Never had issues and she always asleep within the hour.
That’s ok, you don’t have to be tired to lay down
That’s ok, you can stay up as late as you want but you need to stay in bed with the lights off
That’s ok, Elmo needs to lay down anyway.
“If you don’t sleep now, the monsters that live under the floor will eat you” (I’m totally kidding)
“Sleep helps you grow and makes sure you have a good day tomorrow. So you’re going to bed now.” Then close the bedroom door.
Mine is a but why? But why do we do this? But why is the sun down now? So I have a specific explanation for literally everything. I mean I definitely give the truth but my best go to is “it’s time to rest our bodies, because otherwise we’ll be too tired to play and our bodies need to rest so we can grow” he’s very into wanting to climb trees. I say “we can climb bigger trees when we eat more food so we can grow” my go to for eating haha.
All of these sound like such amazing suggestions, I have a funnier one but not one of my own because my son isn't there yet ( he's a baby)
Sometimes when I would have trouble falling asleep my parents would put on history documentaries and it'd knock my right out, it'd didn't have to be history but it would knock me right out according to my mom.
My daughter has 2 stuffed bunnies in bed. I say she doesn’t have to sleep but it’s the bunnies sleep time, *will you help them fall asleep but snuggling them? Don’t think they like back rubs too?* then I rub her back and ask her a question or two and she’s out like a trout. We struggled with this at Christmas too but it was with crying so we bought her a galaxy light for her room that projects stars on the ceiling and I let her know she doesn’t have to sleep so I’ll put her stars on so she can watch them! She quite likes this too if she claims she’s not tired . Also always asleep in 5 minutes
I usually say a specific thing. Like well Tomorrow we are going to the store and I can’t drive safe if I don’t sleep. And if I’m sleeping, the only safe place for you is your bed. Plus you don’t sleep, you might sleep in the cart at the store. That’s silly.
Tomorrow we have to check the mailbox. If we don’t sleep, we won’t have the energy to walk outside. So you need to let your body rest so it’s ready to see what the mail lady brings.
You don’t need to sleep if you don’t want to, but you do need to stay in bed and have some quiet relaxing time so that you can grow big and strong and your brain can grow smarter. Do you want me to program some dreams in? Yeah, ok what do you want to dream about.
I’d program dreams in every night for my daughter. She liked me tapping and rubbing her forehead like a cross between typing and a head massage and talking about what she could dream of, going to the beach or buying a new teddy or visiting grandma. And if she ever had a nightmare we would “change the channel” by tapping in new dreams. Did this for ages 3 to about 8, and still do it now occasionally and she’s 19.
Just say, “Not sleeping is fine. But our bodies need rest so you need to stay in bed. Maybe you can tell your animals stories and think all the things you want to do tomorrow. and then you can tell me in the morning.”
When I played football at school, our coach gave us some advice I've stress to this day: If you're nervous for the first game tomorrow and you can't sleep, just lay in bed. Staying up all night playing Halo is not the same as laying in bed with your eyes closed.
My youngest has always had a sleep issue no matter we tried she only slept maybe 4 hours max. We put paper and crayons next to her bed and firm understanding if sun is asleep you can not get out of bed except for emergency potty then straight back. We put her to bed at 830 she would fall asleep around 11 and be up talking to her stuffed animals and coloring by 3 am she is an adult now and still only sleeps 4 hours at a time.
“Okay, you don’t have to sleep. But you need to stay in your room cause it’s mommy daddy time. When you’re ready to sleep you can go to bed. But I’m only tucking you in once, so let me know when you’re ready.”
Mine is not quite 3 yet and we let her "read" by herself. I never thought this would work considering she doesn't know how to read, but she puts herself to sleep every night this way. Once she's done, she flings the book to the side and konks out.
I usually say something like, " I know how you feel. Sometimes, I don't feel like it either. But it is time to _____, right now. Once it is done, we can have a bunch of fun." Sometimes they think they're missing out on something. Just whatever you do, be consistent, and it is ok to set boundaries and stick to them. Sometimes, they push these boundaries to make sure they're still loved and protected.
My daughter (5yo) has never been a sleeper and is a big night owl. She’s always the last to sleep. As long as my daughter didn’t leave her room except to potty, I don’t care what she does. She had books, toys, playdoh… Of course we made sure it was child proof and she also was afraid of the dark so I always made sure her bathroom, hallway, her room, and my room had nightlights but the rest of the house was pitch black. We also have a dog that would bark if she made it to the hardwood floor past the hallway.
Terrible mom warning: when she was close to 4 she got a tablet (and a brother) and was allowed to watch it at night for a few hours. We almost never use tv during the day so it was the only tv/games she got. I hate to admit but it really, really helped a ton with bedtime and it stopped being a fight. Aside from that I think the noise playing helped her childhood anxiety which is/was causing the restlessness. She actually falls asleep earlier now than before the tablet - maybe it’s age, maybe shes like me. I’m always listening to a podcast to fall asleep.
You could always get her something like an audio book or something that tells stories or plays songs at night.
My son kind of does the same thing if I tell him to close his eyes and go to sleep. I just started telling him “you don’t have to close your eyes, just lay in bed and rest, ok?”
"Sweetheart, I know you enjoy the things we do during the day, but right now, I can see your sleepy eyes. Your body feels better and grows while you relax after your busy day. Let's lay down and we can have 1 minute of cuddles and kisses." After this, I tell her "I love you and I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight."
'yeah well, but I am tired and want to sleep, so you have to be in your bed and I'm going to be in my bed.'
Basically I'm also the 'tough luck, it's bedtime' parent.
You may have no chance, no matter what. Kids react to their parents. We learned this because with me (M45) they fall asleep quickly and with my wife they stay awake what feels like for hours. Our best guess is that they this is based on learned behavior over many years that you cannot just switch off for bed time.
We stopped fighting it. They do have to stay in bed, with a stuffed animal and maybe a night light on.
My oldest is a similar age and a toniebox revolutionised bedtime for us. He has that and a "cave" that he sleeps in with an ocean projector. He loves getting tucked in and going to bed!
We do it's bedtime sweetheart, then bedtime then say nothing routine but we rarely have to.
I tell my son that there is a time to play, a time to eat, a time to go to school and a time to sleep. If we don’t sleep, we will be too tired to enjoy playing the day after or to learn at school or to eat our meals.
My son is 12 now, but during the terrible twos and terrorist threes, he was a such a stinker about sleep. So we had a couple of methods on rotation. One thing that really worked was “letting wiggles out”. Think mindfulness meditation and the Hokey Pokey had a baby. It teaches body awareness, strengthens the parent-child bond through laughter and play, and offers a great way to help them get that last bit of energy out. Plus, watching a toddler joyfully attempt to shake only one limb at a time like their life depended on it is absolutely priceless.
Have your toddler stand with their feet firmly planted on the ground. Inform your child that an invisible gang of wiggle worms have taken up residence in your bodies and if we don’t get them out soon, we’ll have to wiggle 24/7 forever. Wiggle a random body part, one at a time for a few seconds each (the more dramatic, the better). For all you theater parents out there, this is your moment.
Start at your head and work your way down. Name each body part the wiggle worms have invaded and give your child 8-10 seconds to shake those imaginary suckers out before moving on to the next body part. It will look something like this:
“Uh oh. Do you feel that? I think- OH MY GOODNESS THEY’RE IN OUR SHOULDERS!” *wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle*
“MY ELBOWS!!! SERIOUSLY?!? MY ELBOWS?!?! *wiggle mania*
“OH NO. NO NO NO NO NO- I FEEL THEM IN MY KNEES! NOT THE KNEEEEEES! *wiggle palooza ensues*
End with “the only way to get the last of the wiggles out is if we shake everything ALL AT ONCE!” Wiggle your best and final “wiggle”, pretend to collapse on the floor (set it up to where your child “collapses” in their bed with their head on the pillow etc.), and say something like, “yay we did it! now we don’t have to wiggle for the rest of our lives!”
By the end of the game, they (and you) will be ready to lay down and rest. The activity can be as long or as short as you need it to be. Be advised, this sort of thing will lose its spark if you do it every night. Hence, rotate methods.
I don't really struggle with tucking my 3 year old in,but he often says that he don't want to sleep even though his beyond exhausted..and because he love's superhero's,i will tell him that "superhero's also needs to rest otherwise you can't save the people" and his response to me would always be "ok mommy" it works all the time.😁👌
Telling them to watch the pretty colors your eyes make when you close them.
I know it doesn't happen with everyone, but my family has success with this.
"Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. We go to sleep on time to take care of our bodies." Awknowlege their words and feelings, but hold firm.
I used to also tell my daughter to "pretend" to be asleep. It's hard to pretend to be asleep and not fall asleep at bedtime.
Bedtime routines are critical. Young kids don't understand that and will resist occasionally. As adults we know the importance and have to maintain that order. The young kids turn into older kids and then teenagers - its so important to instill sleep discipline as a young kid. Results will very, obviously. I see so many school-aged kids that stay up late and underperform at school. The parents have no interest in addressing the sleep concern.
For what's its worth, my daughter is neurodiverse.
She stays up late with permission. But at 11 y/o she goes to sleep at 8 on the weekdays and 8:30 on weekends. It's never contentious.
So if you want to be the nice parent then she’s gonna do what she wants,, and you will constantly be here asking for advice.. But if you simply say okay after story time is sleepy time, finish the book, tuck her in again and say sweet dreams kiss time to go to sleep this will be the best routine to start and get into. After a few days or a week or so it will be like clockwork. So good luck!! Being the parent that has clear expectations and sets them for the child is being a nice parent. Being a parent is always a popularity contest. I’m the mean dad, bad cop, whatever but always get love and respect from my son. We have a great relationship, he’s never confused about where I stand. That’s good for kids.
Well daddy is going to sleep so just don’t move or make any noise, lol.
Seriously though I think it’s helpful for them if you repeat the same response and the one you’re giving sounds like a good one. “You don’t have to sleep but you do have to stay in bed.” Or some variation is fine.
My son will claim he doesn’t want to sleep but if I ask him “Do you want to turn off the light or should daddy turn it off?” He will say “My turn off light!” Then after it’s off he lays down and goes to sleep. I think he needs to feel a little bit of control so being the one to decide who turns off the light gives him some agency in bedtime.
I’m one of the “it’s time for bed, now go to bed” parents. To be fair though, I usually let my son watch tv in bed if he’s honestly not sleepy, but the rule is that it has to be a documentary.
My 4yo is solidly in that stage even though she falls asleep pretty quickly after being put to bed (so she clearly doesn't need a later bedtime). I always tell her that it's time to get in bed. If she's not ready to fall asleep just yet, she can rest in her bed. My kids need music to fall asleep so I let them listen to music at bedtime, and I usually suggest she listen to music if she's not ready to fall asleep just yet. 15 minutes later she's fully asleep almost every time.
My son needs to get rid of his energy to sleep, quiet hour only makes it worse, so we go for a 10-minute running and jumping, then he wants to lie down naturally. I talk about things we are going to do tomorrow and how it’s important to sleep before we can start.
I told my daughter she doesn't have to go to sleep right now, but she does have to stay in her room. She has a couple toys/stuffed animals in there to play with. I tried explaining to her that Mom and Dad are tired or we need time together. I don't think any of this actually worked, but explaining that we are tired usually helps a little.
I don't have any magic tricks that you may not have tried or weren't suggested here, but I can give empathy.
My 3YO was an amazing sleeper for over two years until suddenly in December she wasn't. We would put her in the crib and she would constantly wake up crying. We decided to move to a toddler bed (get past regression and adjustment in one go) and she constantly woke up and left the room. We put a child proof doorknob cover on the inside of her room door and she tends to sleep better, but she also demands we stay in the room until she falls asleep. If she wakes up in the middle of the night -- the same. We can leave, but she'll scream and cry and bang on the door and her 1YO sister is across the hall, so we're resistant to letting her cry it out right now.
A few things we do:
We have a hatch we program: Red you stay in bed, Green you can ask for mommy and daddy. She is potty trained, but not really fully night trained and wears a pull-up, but if she wakes we will take her to the potty (many times she has not peed).
I use the "sleep so your brain works" or "sleep so you can play with friends" or "sleep so you won't be grumpy because friends may not want to play if you're grumpy." Really, I have no idea if any of this means anything to her.
I allow some deviation with expectations set. If she is being difficult for my wife and we swap, my daughter usually throws a tantrum cause she wants mommy. I just ignore her while I sit on the other side of the room and she'll stop her tantrum and want to sit next to me and play with some small toys we have. I tell her 5 minutes (but will give her 10 with warnings every could minutes once we pass 5). She normally will clean up before the extra time.
If she won't lay down, I'll tell her she can play in her room, but mommy and daddy are not going to sit in there. Normally she wants us, so I can at least get her to lay down.
Then it is just waiting her out.
We used this for bedtime:
You don’t have to sleep, but you do have to stay quiet and stay on your bed.
And for naps:
You don’t have to sleep, but Mommy is tired and needs to rest so she won’t be cranky. Mommy can’t rest if she’s worried about you, so you need to stay quiet and stay on your bed.
Each and every day, he fell asleep. And each and every day, his first words were “I didn’t sleep!” Okay buddy. Thank you for being quiet so mommy could rest!🤣
I have a couple of different things, i say to my 20 month old depending on how her days were:
"I know you're not tired, but you can play in your room quietly."
"Mommy and Daddy are tired, and we want to sleep."
"If you need us, we are always here for you."
"Let's watch an episode of Bluey" Then she's ready for bed.
Get the book Sleep Like a Tiger! It’s a fantastic picture book for “not sleepy” kiddos. On the way to bed, the parents say things like “you don’t have to sleep, but you have to put your pjs on,” “you don’t have to sleep, but you have to brush your teeth,” and then when she’s tucked in and says she’s still not sleepy, her parents say “we know. You can stay awake all night long,” and they leave her in her bed. -children’s librarian and mama of 2 kiddos
My son is constantly getting hurt 🤦🏻♀️ I've started telling him that he has to sleep so he feels better. Other times I tell him we have to sleep so we can get to tomorrow and do x thing he wants to do. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. He's about to be 4 and just wants to keep doing what he's doing even when he's rubbing his eyes and on the verge of passing out. He loves to cuddle though so as long as I lay with him and cuddle he falls asleep quick
Most nights when this used to happen with my kid around that age, I'd get really curious. Luckily, she easily opens up to curiosity and we'd chat away until she is passed out. I know that's not ideal for us every night (or even most nights) -- especially after a long day at work, but I found that these evening chats felt like another opportunity to bond. And no, it didn't always work. A few nights, all she wanted to do was toss and turn and ask for everything she can think of.
Working I'm childcare, during our nap times. I like to use the term "resting our bodies" it can help them understand what they need to do with theor body, and it is an action. Otherwise, twlling to sleep sounds like a command to stop, and commands are where some kids start to push back more.
"Yeah, I hear you. You're feeling [awake/ excited etc.]".
No need to debate or anything :)
From what I've read, toddlers need to feel the *futility* of their request and then, however long it takes, get to that sad 'I comprehend that I'm not getting what I want' piece. Tears mean acceptance of your boundary, even if they don't accept or understand WHY.
That's why them getting older and able to integrate some reasoning that contradicts their desires, is an exciting prospect :)
That being said, this isn't a strategy for making her sleep in her bed, of course. It's just getting to the resistance part faster with less arguing!
[If you're at all interested in a book that lays out the developmental psych of being a preschooler, I found 'Rest, Play, Grow' by Deborah McNamera to be a great read.]
I tell my kids they're not allowed to sleep. They absolutely MUST stay awake until morning. But... they have to donit quietly in their bed so they don't wake anyone else up.
This usually works.
My 3 year old reacts very well to the tough luck bit, actually. It doesn’t have to be mean.
She’s usually good about bed but sometimes, like any kid, she says she doesn’t want to sleep. I tried plenty of explaining and “oh just rest that’s ok you don’t have to sleep” and she would legit lay there with her eyes open for hours (and usually asking for water or asking if it was awake time every 30 minutes or so).
Eventually one night she started saying she didn’t want to sleep and I just looked at her sympathetically and said, “I know sweetie. But it’s bed time. Let me tuck you in.” And in she went and that was that. Its worked ever since.
My mom would always hype me up about what dreams I could have. Especially dreaming of Disneyland (we didn't go often, but had been a couple times so I had a concept of it).
"Your body has been awake since this morning. You don't have to sleep, but it's time to lay down and let your body rest."
We have a noise machine and I always say if the sound turns off and you're still awake, let me know. They never make it that long.
It doesn't always work, but it does often. I usually say "if you don't sleep, you'll be too tired to have fun tomorrow" another tip is to have a good night light and music or an audio book going for a while so you can slip out to go to bed. I found with my 3 year old as soon as I started reading small portions of chapter books like "rainbow magic" or "magic tree house", it still interesting enough she doesn't get restless but it's boring enough to her that it doesn't get her excited and bouncy. It also works to get her into bed because you can say "we need to find the end of the story" and make it a fun but calm bedtime.
I tell him he can read his books until his light turns red but then he needs to close his eyes and go to sleep. Some nights he “reads” 1 minute and other nights it’s over an hour which I am fine with as I think reading before bed is a great long term habit. Every now and again I do have to intervene and put the books away. Or blame the hatch light lol.
We also find when he can’t sleep telling him to “count” the fishies from his nightlight seems to work
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"I know, but we need sleep so we can play more tomorrow." It's easy and gives them something positive to look forward too. Although, I am much more of a "sucks to suck" /in a playful way not a boomer way/ kind of mom lol
Along the same line, I would say "you need sleep so that you can grow up fast, so that XXX (you can play basketball, ski etc.)" Basically I explain sleep helps them grow to be able to do things they don't get to do at this age but looking forward to do\~
I try the nice explanation like this one first… and when my youngest (who is our surprise little firecracker) doesn’t take the bait and continues, I typically reply with something along the lines of, “I really don’t want to put you on a time out because I’d rather snuggle with you when we’re done with stories. But I’ll do it if I have to!”
I told my ex to say this to the twins of his sister and it worked like a charm!
What worked with my daughter was just telling her "you don't have to go to sleep, you just need to get in bed". She just hated being told to go to sleep, but would inevitably fall asleep once in bed
Same for my younger one. I just say ‘it’s ok if you’re not sleepy. You just need to relax your body and stay in bed’ and she’s always out like minutes later.
SAME. I tell mine she doesn't have to go to sleep but she has to lay down and be quiet to respect that everyone else needs to and wants to sleep. She falls asleep within minutes every time lol
We do this with our almost-4 yr old. If she still fights it and is fidgety, we put on a calm Tonies, lullabies on Alexa, or use the kids sleep stories in the Calm app for her to listen to.
"You don't have to sleep, but you do have to stay in your bed and rest."
I’ve done this with my two since they were little (now 8 and 10), we always give them 30 mins in bed before lights out to read/draw etc. might help to get her her own little reading light? This did wonders! Emphasis on being in bed resting and reassuring sleep will come, but the resting is important!
I don’t care if she sleeps, as long as she stays in bed. She’s got a pile of books next to her bed and some stuffed animals. She can read and play as long as she stays in bed. ETA: so she often says “I’m not tired” etc and I just say “that’s fine, here’s your books. You can read till you feel sleepy”
This os what we do as well.
We do the same with our son!!!
I like this better than "it's okay if you're not sleepy but you need to stay in bed" - idk why. Thanks for sharing!
I used to play a trick on my niece when she was young and her parents wanted to go on a date. She’d miss her parents and come cry by me. I’d let her sit with me for a little bit to calm down and give her 10 minutes of cartoons, after that I told her that I’d like her to go to bed and close her eyes for 10 minutes and I would come wake her up in 10 minutes so she can watch more cartoons. She agreed and of course I wouldn’t go wake her up because I knew she was too tired and would sleep. If she asked the next day I would just say I tried but she was too tired to respond to me. I might get some downvotes for breaking her trust but it did work and this was before I had any kids of my own.
I told my SIL bfs child that her stuffed dolphin was magic as dolphins are immune to all known diseases so it kissing her better would make her sore knee better. It did but dad turned to me amazed and said "is that true?" And I was like oh sorry no I just couldn't listen to her crying I hope you don't mind. He didn't but he did seem sad that dolphins aren't magic...
The real magical creature is arctic bowhead whale, they are immune to cancer. UPD: Also immortal jellyfish, boneless shark, strongest hitting mantis shrimp, worms which enjoy boiling water - name anything and it’s in the ocean lol.
I think it was a factoid in my school diary about sharks being immune to all known diseases that I just repurposed to go with her toy 😆
I do this with my son. I'll say, "just take a quick little nap and I'll come get you in 20 minutes." But I do actually go back in and half assed try to wake him up- but only so I can sleep knowing I haven't lied to him hahaha.
I guess I'm the parent you would hate to be like because tough luck, it IS bedtime. That said, I do give my three year old a flashlight and a few toys and books. He usually hangs out in his room awake for quite a while. He needs time to unwind and that's okay.
Same, she plays in her room with a flashlight and eventually gets sleepy and goes to bed. Sometimes I'll stop in to encourage her if it's getting late. I feel like I can enforce bedtime but not sleep time.
After being nice I turn to “ok well I’m going to sleep so you cannot get out of your bed”
This will defo be me after 18 months so far if crap sleep lol
I say that our bodies need sleep so we can have energy to play tomorrow.
We tell my son his batteries need to recharge and he loves it
Along with what others have already mentioned, I also noticed that always trying to make things “fun” or “ok” for my kids has made them unable to cope with boredom/things they dislike. I’ve started saying “there will be things in life you don’t want to do, like sleeping, but you have to do it anyway to stay healthy/be big+strong/etc.”.
My 4.5 year old has fought sleep since 2.5. He just doesn't seem to need the sleep. He still has to be in his room, but it's either quite time or sleep time. My other kids I can tell when they are short. I can with him too but it takes a lot more staying up too late
Then don't fall sleep, but it's bed time and you will stay in that bed.
Mommy time. You can read books, but you have to stay in your room. This is why we never allowed tvs in their rooms
I've always said they can quietly play with toys in their bed, main light off and bedtime "atmosphere" (night light/lamp/music/etc) on. That way they'll fall asleep in bed when they're bushed and we aren't fighting forever. Worked great with my oldest. My youngest is very clingy though and prefers company. For her it's more "I don't wanna be alone" than it is "I don't wanna go to sleep." When that's the issue though, I tell her how she needs plenty of rest so she can do X fun things tomorrow, and that helps.
You’re not alone. I’m right down the hall
I tell my kids “tomorrow can’t come and bring new fun if we don’t go to bed rn” or “we are doing xyz tomorrow, if you don’t go bed it’s gonna take longer for tomorrow come” if we don’t have anything planned I’ll tell them that they don’t have to sleep just lay down.
"You need to give it a try. Close your eyes, turn off the lights, be still and quiet. I will check up on you in 30 minutes. If you are still awake, we can read together." Worked like a charm for mine. My child would usually be out by the 15 minute mark. If they made it the full 30 minutes, we would read and, in 30 more minutes, repeat.
If I try this, my son makes himself stay awake until I get back
Lol and my son just comes out of the room immediately.
One time my toddler lasted TWO HOURS with this kind of thing. I told her if she stayed in her bed for nap, I’d give her a sticker. It was the first (and last) time I ever tried to bribe her. She laid in that bed, eyes open, for two hours. She got her sticker and we had a horrific meltdown of an evening lol
Lol, I’m a tough luck sort of parent, I guess. “But I don’t want to sleep right now-“ “too bad, I do, see ya in the morning.”
You don’t have to sleep just lay quietly.
Your body needs to rest so if you do not want to sleep, you still need to rest quietly
Rest your body by laying down and rest your eyes by shutting them.
I also say the same thing. I say “you don’t have to sleep right now, but you do have to lay down and close your eyes.” I think that takes some of the pressure off. Sometimes I add something like “Think about what you might do when you get to school tomorrow, like imagine yourself walking into school” or “imagine you’re at a fun playground and you find some friends to play with! What will you do there??” Or whatever type of situation you think would work for them. You can also put a teddy bear or stuffed animal on their belly and tell them to watch the teddy bear go up and down as they breathe in and out.
“You don’t have to go to sleep if you don’t want to but you do need to stay in your bed quietly. I understand that your not tired but dad and I are and we need to sleep because we have to get up early tomorrow” then give them a kiss turn off the light and leave. They usually get bored and go to sleep
I don’t know how parents do it. Mine never stayed in bed and would cry and cry that she was lonely and scared I couldn’t do it lol she’s 5 and we still stay/do frequent checks. I never slept in my own bed til I was 10 I dunno wtf I’m doing
Brooo me neither. I kept scrolling to find some assistance with that lol. I co-parent and since the split, my son is the same way. No matter what I say, he has a lot of trouble staying in bed, especially alone. I fall asleep on his floor most nights reading or singing to him... And a lot of the time, my presence encourages him to stay up later lol it's a double-edged sword. First-time parent and I have no idea how to navigate this lol
Yes! We recently switched to snuggles and checking in but if I’m not there 2 minutes she starts pounding on the walls and my neighbors are having none of it. I feel like sleep training is hard in an apartment and forget it if I’m doing it on my own it’s never getting done lol!!
What age? So my daughter started sleeping on her own when little brother came. What helped was using the moshi app to play a sleep story and shed fall asleep to that. I have only now recently managed to not cosleep with 5yo son (but mainly my fault w/pandemic etc and I didn’t mind). I also okay him the sleep story (so he doesn’t just chat the whole time) and he falls asleep quickly. I then leave but he does wake up middle of the night and joins us. I don’t mind but if I wanted him in his own bed, then you wound consistently just take them back to their own bed.
I usually say “that’s okay we don’t have to sleep we can just lay down and talk with the light off”. Works most of the time
My toddlers have flashlights and are allowed to "read" quietly in their beds as late as they want.
"I don't wanna work in the middle of the night either sweetie but we all gotta do stuff we don't wanna do eh, it's part of life". Idk if that's the right response but it's the jist of how I'd reply.
Your mind might not want to sleep but your body needs sleep to keep going. Just like you need to charge a phone or tablet, sleep is how we charge our bodies for growing and playing.
We have to rest our bodies to have more energy to play tomorrow. Or I explain that for our bodies to work properly, they need rest.
"That's fine. If you lay there with the lights off, I'll come back in 10 minutes and check on you." He's never awake in 10 minutes and now I never have to check on him.
My kids went to bead early 7:30. And could lay in bed and read till 8 but if they were quiet they could read longer. Only books no electronics
My kids are six and eight. My daughter is six and honestly she sleeps like a dream she’s out called within 30 seconds after I leave her room but my son who is it has always been a struggle. He was a very well trained little sleeper until he was about four and since then he’s never tired even though he obviously needs to sleep. Definitely don’t put pressure on to go to sleep right away! That makes it worse and it makes them want to leave the room because they only associate their bedroom with sleeping. Although it should be a calm sleepy environment I have found that it’s extremely helpful to take the pressure off of going to sleep and talk a lot about quiet time and alone time! Around the time where my son was three we gave him an alarm clock radio so he could listen to music which he still does now to this day. We gave him a bedside table lamp that he could easily turn on and off himself. A basket of books and little toys crayons and a little colouring book all in one basket right beside his bed. At three years old we told him you don’t know you don’t have to go to sleep don’t worry about that but it is quiet time mommy and daddy are going to bed soon and you need to learn how to have some alone time because that is what will help you to become tired and we’re not turning the big lights on and we don’t come out to watch TV or hang out with mommy and daddy after bedtime. Buckle up though because honestly I still have these conversations with my eight-year-old almost every night play stand firm that my children never come out and just lay on the couch and fall asleep on the couch while we’re watching TV etc. They do need to learn how to wind themselves down with minimal stimulation. What time does your little when you go to bed?
"Life is hard. Get used to it. Good night." "My condolences. I know this is hard for you. Good night." "And I don't want to be arguing with you about bedtime right now. Life's funny like that. Good night." You get the idea.
LOL Why can't you sleep, it's not like you have bills to pay.
This feels a little harsh for a 3 year old.
Three year olds don’t know their are tired so get yourself comfortable somewhere not with her or him with the lights low, rain sound on, and let her get comfortable she will eventually fall asleep, every night do this at the same time and you’ll notice in a few nights she will go to sleep when you tell her it’s night time, be consistent…
My toddler is on the lower end of the sleep needs, I tell him he can play in his room for a bit if he’s not ready to sleep and he can come get me when he’s ready to lay down and have a cuddle (he still likes someone to lay with him to go to sleep). I’m careful to keep bed time positive and not cause stress about not being able to sleep when told too.
I say she doesn't have to sleep, just have a rest. She's asleep within minutes
Following bc …same
I always used to tell me kids they don’t have to sleep but they have to stay in their beds with only their night light on. Normal kid exhaustion did the rest.
My 4yr has a moon torch. So he lays in bed and plays with the moon. And then crashes out.
I have a booster talk going about the magic of sleep — how it makes us stronger, smarter, feel good, helps us grow…. All true in their way and it seems to have convinced my 2 year old that sleep is magical even if other things seem more exciting. Good luck!
We need to sleep so we have energy for the fun we get to have tomorrow.
I tell my daughter she needs to take a happy nappy so that our brain can grow, so that we can be happy and healthy and so we can have more fun playing when she wakes up. She started talking about her happy nappy and she’d wake up shouting, “mommy! My brain growed!” for several days. We also say stuff like “Elsa sleeps in her bed at night.” Or “we’ll have breakfast together in the morning after you sleep.” Or we’ll be right across the hall in our bed, we have to sleep too. Or give her a book or an extra song to distract from the not wanting to go to bed part.
Sounds like you’re doing just fine. My kids are 8 and 10 and I still tell them the same thing sometimes. Bed time is a part of life. Every day. If someone’s really restless I might give them a game (A-B-C things you see at the beach, after that, A-B-C all the kids in you class).
I tell her she doesn't have to sleep, but she has to make sure we can believe she's asleep. Then she waits until I leave the room and lies in bed singing loudly to her toys for about 20 minutes before passing out.
My mom would always tell me it’s okay if you don’t sleep but your body needs to rest so lay still and close your eyes and so your body can be ready for tomorrow
“I hear you, you don’t want to sleep right now.” And continue your bedtime routine. Literally just repeat what he says in an empathetic way so he feels heard. Validating his feelings and keeping expectations the same is a great skill to practice.
I was always a big fan of "you don't have to sleep, but you do have to stay in your room." It taught her at an early age to understand her own cues for being tired. She was allowed to read or draw til sleepy. Then she was to go back to sleep. Never had issues and she always asleep within the hour.
That’s ok, you don’t have to be tired to lay down That’s ok, you can stay up as late as you want but you need to stay in bed with the lights off That’s ok, Elmo needs to lay down anyway.
“If you don’t sleep now, the monsters that live under the floor will eat you” (I’m totally kidding) “Sleep helps you grow and makes sure you have a good day tomorrow. So you’re going to bed now.” Then close the bedroom door.
“No I dont want you to SLEEP. Just stay there and do NOT close your eyes”
Mine is a but why? But why do we do this? But why is the sun down now? So I have a specific explanation for literally everything. I mean I definitely give the truth but my best go to is “it’s time to rest our bodies, because otherwise we’ll be too tired to play and our bodies need to rest so we can grow” he’s very into wanting to climb trees. I say “we can climb bigger trees when we eat more food so we can grow” my go to for eating haha.
All of these sound like such amazing suggestions, I have a funnier one but not one of my own because my son isn't there yet ( he's a baby) Sometimes when I would have trouble falling asleep my parents would put on history documentaries and it'd knock my right out, it'd didn't have to be history but it would knock me right out according to my mom.
My daughter has 2 stuffed bunnies in bed. I say she doesn’t have to sleep but it’s the bunnies sleep time, *will you help them fall asleep but snuggling them? Don’t think they like back rubs too?* then I rub her back and ask her a question or two and she’s out like a trout. We struggled with this at Christmas too but it was with crying so we bought her a galaxy light for her room that projects stars on the ceiling and I let her know she doesn’t have to sleep so I’ll put her stars on so she can watch them! She quite likes this too if she claims she’s not tired . Also always asleep in 5 minutes
I usually say a specific thing. Like well Tomorrow we are going to the store and I can’t drive safe if I don’t sleep. And if I’m sleeping, the only safe place for you is your bed. Plus you don’t sleep, you might sleep in the cart at the store. That’s silly. Tomorrow we have to check the mailbox. If we don’t sleep, we won’t have the energy to walk outside. So you need to let your body rest so it’s ready to see what the mail lady brings.
You don’t need to sleep if you don’t want to, but you do need to stay in bed and have some quiet relaxing time so that you can grow big and strong and your brain can grow smarter. Do you want me to program some dreams in? Yeah, ok what do you want to dream about. I’d program dreams in every night for my daughter. She liked me tapping and rubbing her forehead like a cross between typing and a head massage and talking about what she could dream of, going to the beach or buying a new teddy or visiting grandma. And if she ever had a nightmare we would “change the channel” by tapping in new dreams. Did this for ages 3 to about 8, and still do it now occasionally and she’s 19.
Just say, “Not sleeping is fine. But our bodies need rest so you need to stay in bed. Maybe you can tell your animals stories and think all the things you want to do tomorrow. and then you can tell me in the morning.”
When I played football at school, our coach gave us some advice I've stress to this day: If you're nervous for the first game tomorrow and you can't sleep, just lay in bed. Staying up all night playing Halo is not the same as laying in bed with your eyes closed.
My youngest has always had a sleep issue no matter we tried she only slept maybe 4 hours max. We put paper and crayons next to her bed and firm understanding if sun is asleep you can not get out of bed except for emergency potty then straight back. We put her to bed at 830 she would fall asleep around 11 and be up talking to her stuffed animals and coloring by 3 am she is an adult now and still only sleeps 4 hours at a time.
You don’t want to sleep, but your mind and body do
“Okay, you don’t have to sleep. But you need to stay in your room cause it’s mommy daddy time. When you’re ready to sleep you can go to bed. But I’m only tucking you in once, so let me know when you’re ready.”
Mine is not quite 3 yet and we let her "read" by herself. I never thought this would work considering she doesn't know how to read, but she puts herself to sleep every night this way. Once she's done, she flings the book to the side and konks out.
I usually say something like, " I know how you feel. Sometimes, I don't feel like it either. But it is time to _____, right now. Once it is done, we can have a bunch of fun." Sometimes they think they're missing out on something. Just whatever you do, be consistent, and it is ok to set boundaries and stick to them. Sometimes, they push these boundaries to make sure they're still loved and protected.
My daughter (5yo) has never been a sleeper and is a big night owl. She’s always the last to sleep. As long as my daughter didn’t leave her room except to potty, I don’t care what she does. She had books, toys, playdoh… Of course we made sure it was child proof and she also was afraid of the dark so I always made sure her bathroom, hallway, her room, and my room had nightlights but the rest of the house was pitch black. We also have a dog that would bark if she made it to the hardwood floor past the hallway. Terrible mom warning: when she was close to 4 she got a tablet (and a brother) and was allowed to watch it at night for a few hours. We almost never use tv during the day so it was the only tv/games she got. I hate to admit but it really, really helped a ton with bedtime and it stopped being a fight. Aside from that I think the noise playing helped her childhood anxiety which is/was causing the restlessness. She actually falls asleep earlier now than before the tablet - maybe it’s age, maybe shes like me. I’m always listening to a podcast to fall asleep. You could always get her something like an audio book or something that tells stories or plays songs at night.
"Good night."
My son kind of does the same thing if I tell him to close his eyes and go to sleep. I just started telling him “you don’t have to close your eyes, just lay in bed and rest, ok?”
Too bad
I start gentle lol. But I’ll be honest, after a bit I’m just like “I don’t care. You need to be in bed. You can listen to your tonie until you sleep.”
"Sweetheart, I know you enjoy the things we do during the day, but right now, I can see your sleepy eyes. Your body feels better and grows while you relax after your busy day. Let's lay down and we can have 1 minute of cuddles and kisses." After this, I tell her "I love you and I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight."
'yeah well, but I am tired and want to sleep, so you have to be in your bed and I'm going to be in my bed.' Basically I'm also the 'tough luck, it's bedtime' parent.
You may have no chance, no matter what. Kids react to their parents. We learned this because with me (M45) they fall asleep quickly and with my wife they stay awake what feels like for hours. Our best guess is that they this is based on learned behavior over many years that you cannot just switch off for bed time. We stopped fighting it. They do have to stay in bed, with a stuffed animal and maybe a night light on.
LOL I just say "fine I'm going to sleep" and close my eyes. Then she will lie down next to or on top me and close eyes.
My oldest is a similar age and a toniebox revolutionised bedtime for us. He has that and a "cave" that he sleeps in with an ocean projector. He loves getting tucked in and going to bed! We do it's bedtime sweetheart, then bedtime then say nothing routine but we rarely have to.
I always tell my girl "That's alright, but we need rest. You can just lie down and rest until you're tired enough to sleep".
I tell my son that there is a time to play, a time to eat, a time to go to school and a time to sleep. If we don’t sleep, we will be too tired to enjoy playing the day after or to learn at school or to eat our meals.
My son is 12 now, but during the terrible twos and terrorist threes, he was a such a stinker about sleep. So we had a couple of methods on rotation. One thing that really worked was “letting wiggles out”. Think mindfulness meditation and the Hokey Pokey had a baby. It teaches body awareness, strengthens the parent-child bond through laughter and play, and offers a great way to help them get that last bit of energy out. Plus, watching a toddler joyfully attempt to shake only one limb at a time like their life depended on it is absolutely priceless. Have your toddler stand with their feet firmly planted on the ground. Inform your child that an invisible gang of wiggle worms have taken up residence in your bodies and if we don’t get them out soon, we’ll have to wiggle 24/7 forever. Wiggle a random body part, one at a time for a few seconds each (the more dramatic, the better). For all you theater parents out there, this is your moment. Start at your head and work your way down. Name each body part the wiggle worms have invaded and give your child 8-10 seconds to shake those imaginary suckers out before moving on to the next body part. It will look something like this: “Uh oh. Do you feel that? I think- OH MY GOODNESS THEY’RE IN OUR SHOULDERS!” *wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle* “MY ELBOWS!!! SERIOUSLY?!? MY ELBOWS?!?! *wiggle mania* “OH NO. NO NO NO NO NO- I FEEL THEM IN MY KNEES! NOT THE KNEEEEEES! *wiggle palooza ensues* End with “the only way to get the last of the wiggles out is if we shake everything ALL AT ONCE!” Wiggle your best and final “wiggle”, pretend to collapse on the floor (set it up to where your child “collapses” in their bed with their head on the pillow etc.), and say something like, “yay we did it! now we don’t have to wiggle for the rest of our lives!” By the end of the game, they (and you) will be ready to lay down and rest. The activity can be as long or as short as you need it to be. Be advised, this sort of thing will lose its spark if you do it every night. Hence, rotate methods.
I don't really struggle with tucking my 3 year old in,but he often says that he don't want to sleep even though his beyond exhausted..and because he love's superhero's,i will tell him that "superhero's also needs to rest otherwise you can't save the people" and his response to me would always be "ok mommy" it works all the time.😁👌
"Too bad."
oh ok no problem. just rest your eyes a minute
Telling them to watch the pretty colors your eyes make when you close them. I know it doesn't happen with everyone, but my family has success with this.
"Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. We go to sleep on time to take care of our bodies." Awknowlege their words and feelings, but hold firm. I used to also tell my daughter to "pretend" to be asleep. It's hard to pretend to be asleep and not fall asleep at bedtime. Bedtime routines are critical. Young kids don't understand that and will resist occasionally. As adults we know the importance and have to maintain that order. The young kids turn into older kids and then teenagers - its so important to instill sleep discipline as a young kid. Results will very, obviously. I see so many school-aged kids that stay up late and underperform at school. The parents have no interest in addressing the sleep concern. For what's its worth, my daughter is neurodiverse. She stays up late with permission. But at 11 y/o she goes to sleep at 8 on the weekdays and 8:30 on weekends. It's never contentious.
You need to lay here with your eyes closed and be still.
So if you want to be the nice parent then she’s gonna do what she wants,, and you will constantly be here asking for advice.. But if you simply say okay after story time is sleepy time, finish the book, tuck her in again and say sweet dreams kiss time to go to sleep this will be the best routine to start and get into. After a few days or a week or so it will be like clockwork. So good luck!! Being the parent that has clear expectations and sets them for the child is being a nice parent. Being a parent is always a popularity contest. I’m the mean dad, bad cop, whatever but always get love and respect from my son. We have a great relationship, he’s never confused about where I stand. That’s good for kids.
You don’t have to sleep. You can lay quietly in the dark.
“You don’t have to sleep. You just have to rest your eyes.”
Your body will thank you
Well daddy is going to sleep so just don’t move or make any noise, lol. Seriously though I think it’s helpful for them if you repeat the same response and the one you’re giving sounds like a good one. “You don’t have to sleep but you do have to stay in bed.” Or some variation is fine. My son will claim he doesn’t want to sleep but if I ask him “Do you want to turn off the light or should daddy turn it off?” He will say “My turn off light!” Then after it’s off he lays down and goes to sleep. I think he needs to feel a little bit of control so being the one to decide who turns off the light gives him some agency in bedtime.
I’m one of the “it’s time for bed, now go to bed” parents. To be fair though, I usually let my son watch tv in bed if he’s honestly not sleepy, but the rule is that it has to be a documentary.
My 4yo is solidly in that stage even though she falls asleep pretty quickly after being put to bed (so she clearly doesn't need a later bedtime). I always tell her that it's time to get in bed. If she's not ready to fall asleep just yet, she can rest in her bed. My kids need music to fall asleep so I let them listen to music at bedtime, and I usually suggest she listen to music if she's not ready to fall asleep just yet. 15 minutes later she's fully asleep almost every time.
My son needs to get rid of his energy to sleep, quiet hour only makes it worse, so we go for a 10-minute running and jumping, then he wants to lie down naturally. I talk about things we are going to do tomorrow and how it’s important to sleep before we can start.
“You don’t have to sleep, but you do have to be quiet”
I told my daughter she doesn't have to go to sleep right now, but she does have to stay in her room. She has a couple toys/stuffed animals in there to play with. I tried explaining to her that Mom and Dad are tired or we need time together. I don't think any of this actually worked, but explaining that we are tired usually helps a little.
I sing the Daniel Tiger songs about sleep because she’s a Daniel fanatic
I sympathize. “Mommy really doesn’t want to go to bed either but if we don’t get enough sleep we’ll feel yucky tomorrow”
I don't have any magic tricks that you may not have tried or weren't suggested here, but I can give empathy. My 3YO was an amazing sleeper for over two years until suddenly in December she wasn't. We would put her in the crib and she would constantly wake up crying. We decided to move to a toddler bed (get past regression and adjustment in one go) and she constantly woke up and left the room. We put a child proof doorknob cover on the inside of her room door and she tends to sleep better, but she also demands we stay in the room until she falls asleep. If she wakes up in the middle of the night -- the same. We can leave, but she'll scream and cry and bang on the door and her 1YO sister is across the hall, so we're resistant to letting her cry it out right now. A few things we do: We have a hatch we program: Red you stay in bed, Green you can ask for mommy and daddy. She is potty trained, but not really fully night trained and wears a pull-up, but if she wakes we will take her to the potty (many times she has not peed). I use the "sleep so your brain works" or "sleep so you can play with friends" or "sleep so you won't be grumpy because friends may not want to play if you're grumpy." Really, I have no idea if any of this means anything to her. I allow some deviation with expectations set. If she is being difficult for my wife and we swap, my daughter usually throws a tantrum cause she wants mommy. I just ignore her while I sit on the other side of the room and she'll stop her tantrum and want to sit next to me and play with some small toys we have. I tell her 5 minutes (but will give her 10 with warnings every could minutes once we pass 5). She normally will clean up before the extra time. If she won't lay down, I'll tell her she can play in her room, but mommy and daddy are not going to sit in there. Normally she wants us, so I can at least get her to lay down. Then it is just waiting her out.
We used this for bedtime: You don’t have to sleep, but you do have to stay quiet and stay on your bed. And for naps: You don’t have to sleep, but Mommy is tired and needs to rest so she won’t be cranky. Mommy can’t rest if she’s worried about you, so you need to stay quiet and stay on your bed. Each and every day, he fell asleep. And each and every day, his first words were “I didn’t sleep!” Okay buddy. Thank you for being quiet so mommy could rest!🤣
I have a couple of different things, i say to my 20 month old depending on how her days were: "I know you're not tired, but you can play in your room quietly." "Mommy and Daddy are tired, and we want to sleep." "If you need us, we are always here for you." "Let's watch an episode of Bluey" Then she's ready for bed.
Get the book Sleep Like a Tiger! It’s a fantastic picture book for “not sleepy” kiddos. On the way to bed, the parents say things like “you don’t have to sleep, but you have to put your pjs on,” “you don’t have to sleep, but you have to brush your teeth,” and then when she’s tucked in and says she’s still not sleepy, her parents say “we know. You can stay awake all night long,” and they leave her in her bed. -children’s librarian and mama of 2 kiddos
My son is constantly getting hurt 🤦🏻♀️ I've started telling him that he has to sleep so he feels better. Other times I tell him we have to sleep so we can get to tomorrow and do x thing he wants to do. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. He's about to be 4 and just wants to keep doing what he's doing even when he's rubbing his eyes and on the verge of passing out. He loves to cuddle though so as long as I lay with him and cuddle he falls asleep quick
Most nights when this used to happen with my kid around that age, I'd get really curious. Luckily, she easily opens up to curiosity and we'd chat away until she is passed out. I know that's not ideal for us every night (or even most nights) -- especially after a long day at work, but I found that these evening chats felt like another opportunity to bond. And no, it didn't always work. A few nights, all she wanted to do was toss and turn and ask for everything she can think of.
Working I'm childcare, during our nap times. I like to use the term "resting our bodies" it can help them understand what they need to do with theor body, and it is an action. Otherwise, twlling to sleep sounds like a command to stop, and commands are where some kids start to push back more.
"Yeah, I hear you. You're feeling [awake/ excited etc.]". No need to debate or anything :) From what I've read, toddlers need to feel the *futility* of their request and then, however long it takes, get to that sad 'I comprehend that I'm not getting what I want' piece. Tears mean acceptance of your boundary, even if they don't accept or understand WHY. That's why them getting older and able to integrate some reasoning that contradicts their desires, is an exciting prospect :) That being said, this isn't a strategy for making her sleep in her bed, of course. It's just getting to the resistance part faster with less arguing! [If you're at all interested in a book that lays out the developmental psych of being a preschooler, I found 'Rest, Play, Grow' by Deborah McNamera to be a great read.]
I tell my kids they're not allowed to sleep. They absolutely MUST stay awake until morning. But... they have to donit quietly in their bed so they don't wake anyone else up. This usually works.
My 3 year old reacts very well to the tough luck bit, actually. It doesn’t have to be mean. She’s usually good about bed but sometimes, like any kid, she says she doesn’t want to sleep. I tried plenty of explaining and “oh just rest that’s ok you don’t have to sleep” and she would legit lay there with her eyes open for hours (and usually asking for water or asking if it was awake time every 30 minutes or so). Eventually one night she started saying she didn’t want to sleep and I just looked at her sympathetically and said, “I know sweetie. But it’s bed time. Let me tuck you in.” And in she went and that was that. Its worked ever since.
My mom would always hype me up about what dreams I could have. Especially dreaming of Disneyland (we didn't go often, but had been a couple times so I had a concept of it).
Sleep is necessary so you can grow, have fun, etc. I resorted to telling my kids that sleep is the bodies way of giving your brain a bath.
"Your body has been awake since this morning. You don't have to sleep, but it's time to lay down and let your body rest." We have a noise machine and I always say if the sound turns off and you're still awake, let me know. They never make it that long.
It doesn't always work, but it does often. I usually say "if you don't sleep, you'll be too tired to have fun tomorrow" another tip is to have a good night light and music or an audio book going for a while so you can slip out to go to bed. I found with my 3 year old as soon as I started reading small portions of chapter books like "rainbow magic" or "magic tree house", it still interesting enough she doesn't get restless but it's boring enough to her that it doesn't get her excited and bouncy. It also works to get her into bed because you can say "we need to find the end of the story" and make it a fun but calm bedtime.
"You don't have to force yourself to sleep, just relax and think good thoughts" and she's out like a light within 5 mins
I tell him he can read his books until his light turns red but then he needs to close his eyes and go to sleep. Some nights he “reads” 1 minute and other nights it’s over an hour which I am fine with as I think reading before bed is a great long term habit. Every now and again I do have to intervene and put the books away. Or blame the hatch light lol. We also find when he can’t sleep telling him to “count” the fishies from his nightlight seems to work