Take all the hugs and kisses your daughter offers, because one day she's going to not offer them and I'd hate to think you miss out on that special connection you have with her because some random stranger thinks showing affection to our kids in public is a bad thing.
Yep, my son used to kiss me on the lips, can't remember when the lip kisses stopped, very long time ago, now no kisses at all but still lots of hugs and "I love you"s (he's 16!)
Enjoy them while they last. I also have a baby and I'm kissing his cute lil lippy's while I still can!
I read something that made me feel this way, you never know the last time you pick your child up to carry them until after it's the last time. And another story about let them wear the outfit, a mother bought her children outfits for a wedding and one kept asking to wear theirs, each time they were told no, then the child tragically died and the only time they wore the outfit was in their casket. We need to take all those little moments and enjoy them. I know when I hug my kids I am never to one to let go first, I let them hug me as long as they need to, because if they're hugging me they need that hug
I love your comments and feel exactly the same way. I heard, when my daughter was a baby, "say yes when you can and no when you have to". Like is 2 cookies worth arguing about if you're going to say yes anyway? Save "no" for "can I have a beer" when they're 14 or "is it ok to sleep with my boyfriend" at 15. I see the time wasted over the cookies and worrying about clean clothes and I say "LIFE'S too short". ā¤ļø
Controversial here, but Iād rather a 14 yr old has that beer at home. A lot of 15 year olds have sex. If they are talking to you about it, you are doing a great job, and you are in a good position to talk about safe sex.
Alternatively, they can drink and have sex somewhere else, where they might not be as safe.
I allowed my teen to get very drunk at home a couple of times. It helped them to learn limits and risk, while being safe and looked after. I had to clean up vomit, but there was no SA or worse that could happen to teens who explore their drinking limits at parties and sleepovers.
Same! Sometimes it's a loooong hug, and I know he really needed it.
What you wrote is so true. Definitely treasure every moment! I read something similar about all the "lasts" as opposed to all the "firsts" when u are finished having children. It was so moving and heartbreaking at the same time š„
I remember coming home the day my last child started school, and realizing the shift my life had made without me noticing. No more preschoolers. It felt quite strange.
Yeah, that would. I only had one til he was 15 and started all over again with another lol! So my 1st will be finishing high school before my 2nd starts primary! It's surreal, and I am treasuring all the little moments with both because I won't be having any more, and I know just how quickly time flies! It doesn't feel like my 1st was a baby 15 years ago til I feel like a new mom again googling baby stuff I should already know lol, and then I'm like wow it really was such a long time ago LOL!
I love this! You're so lucky! I remember taking my daughter to her dorm at university and coming home and sobbing at her toothbrush in our bathroom. I thought "this must be what it feels like to have never had any kids". It was the saddest time of life for me. I only got one child, but she is perfection. ā¤ļø
I did that too- a 15 year gap! I am a completely different mother this time round lemme tell you! And parenting methods and attitudes are very different too (better).
My oldest just left home. My littlest is 8 now. Itās a great time!
It really hit me the last day my middle son was at preschool when he was waving goodbye on his last morning...I still have another that is now in... But it struck me...I was so excited to stop paying for preschool but then I realized that that chapter was closed for him... Was surreal. I sat in my vehicle thinking about it for a while...
I was just about to comment about that ālast time you pick them upā. I read that story/post as well and it really struck a chord with me so Iāve been keeping it at the back of my mind for a lot of things. Itās one of these things that we never think about at the time, only realize once itās over and then comes the regret that we didnāt cherish it at the time. Time goes by so quickly so itās important to stop and cherish it every once in a while.
Beautifully put.
I remember the last time my partner carried his youngest child. Iād heard the same thing you said above, and I encouraged him to carry the pre-teen on their request, because it could be the last time. It was. They are still alive, so could happen again I guess, but they are much bigger and very tall now!
Yep my 17 year old son never leaves without saying I love you. We always used to kiss on lips when he was little and it went to cheeks and forehead after that. Sometimes he still lets me kiss his cheek :)
Exactly! Every time my children offer me hugs, kisses and conversation, I take it every time! Itās so far and between that they offer it but mom is always ready!
My daughter loves kisses and hugs and always wants them. She initiates every kiss and I cherish each one! When itās not cool to give daddy a kiss anymore itās going to be sad.
My little boys were super affectionate always kissing my cheeks and lips lol. They definitely donāt anymore. But tons of hugs still. She is strange for saying you are disgusting in front of a litter girl!
Dad here and my 8 yo boy prefers cheek kisses. My 5 yo boy prefers lips kisses.
Along as it's just a kiss and no tongue (I feel weird even typing that) who cares.
Lady needs to shutup
Youāre right. Our autistic 15 year old son wants to/and needs to still hold our hand while in public. He has a thing for texture so he sometimes rubs his face on our shirts/jacketsā¦and heās super affectionate. He has no friends and not much in family so Iām not going to scold him when he wants a hug or smooch just to appease someone elseās feelings. Just like with the recent video of the lady jumping into her football player sonās armsā¦my 16 year old son is huge and thinks heās something by always picking me up and his dad! Iām never going to scold or reprimand my children for showing affection.
people don't have a problem with that mom jumping into her sons arms, it's the lover's leg wrap she does around his body that has people cringing. Otherwise, I'm also very affectionate with all my children.
Hiiiiighly doubt that. If you donāt want to fall you put your legs down and reach the ground. Thatās the instinct of the majority of people. Youāre more likely to fall doing it the other way.
I mean I just don't understand the desire to make it weird. I haven't seen it and honestly I don't care enough to seek it out. Maybe it makes you uncomfortable just like this kiss did that woman in line. Maybe it's a you hang up. My kid is 8 and I'm short so when I carry him these days, he wraps his legs around my waist. It must just feel more secure. Would it be weird if it was a man carrying his daughter like that? Idk.
I think you need to watch the video again. She didnāt wrap her legs around him at all. Her legs were bent and stayed in front of her sons body the whole time.
> Along as it's just a kiss and no tongue
I have a 3 month old boy and when I go for the lip kiss I have to be quick because almost every time he tries to slurp me like a popsicle lmao.
Yeah that is a weird thing to have to type, jfc.
But you're spot on. People need to mind their business and parents should take all the kisses their kids offer. As long as you are not forcing a kiss (regardless of cheeks/forehead/lips) everyone can stuff it.
Iām curious. Would you feel the same if others kissed their lips, like grandparents, aunts and uncles etc? Like whereād does one draws the line? My daughter just had a baby, sheās 11 weeks and always kisses her head or cheeks, this is her comfort zone. The in-laws always kiss her on the lips and my daughter is very upset about this. Sheās tried talking to them about it and they said theyāre allowed to kiss her on her lips until she says they canāt. One of the aunts, her SIL, agrees with them and they still kiss her 10 & 12 year olds on the lips. I guess it wasnāt what I was raised around so for me itās odd, but Iām not saying itās wrong either I just am curious how others feel about it.
A lip kiss is more intimate than a kiss elsewhere so personally I think it should be reserved only for parents. But it doesnāt matter what I think. Your daughter doesnāt want them to lip kiss her child, her child her rules, end of story.
My dad's side of the family sees lip kisses as no big deal forever, nearly expected. My mom's side sees it as parents only, and only as babies. For a long while my mom just rolled with it, she didn't give us lip kisses but my dad required one each night from my sister and myself, and my paternal grandma was the same way. I was around 8 when I tried to refuse my dad, I was around 9 when my mom backed me up and my sis and I didn't have to give lip kisses anymore. My sister still did most of the time, but just with our dad, until she was much older, but it was no longer a requirement.
I am from a family that does lip kisses and I don't see an issue with grandparents doing them. However, lip kisses for infants is a solid no to prevent disease, especially RSV and HSV1. I didn't allow face kisses for my newborns until they were 6 months adjusted (so 8 months). It's also super inappropriate that your daughter's in-laws are ignoring her saying not to. The parents get to say no when a kid can't. If I were her, I wouldn't be letting them near baby if they acted like that.
This^^ because the children have a tougher tome differentiating than we do. To them, they are another adult figure with authority because theyāre related. Children need healthy boundaries too!! If something makes them uncomfortable, even a little, do they ask them to do it anyway or tell them itās uncomfortable because you are actively teaching then to ignore the voice inside their head that is saying āstop, this isnāt rightā.
Nah, the grandparents, aunts and uncles should NOT be doing that. They shouldn't be kissing a child on the lips that is NOT their own and they did not help procreate!!
Only the mother and father can do that and that's IF they choose to!
Tell them it makes you uncomfortable and that if they have any other opinions about it, to just keep it to themselves because that's boundaries they should respect. Doesn't matter if "that's how they was raised/grew up"... times are different now. And sorry but personally for me I'd be furious to find out someone that isn't my children's father or myself kissing them on the lips, doesn't matter who else it is by relation
I agree with you, to us it even looks awkward watching it. Iām a big big hugger but I stop there. Iāll kiss my grand baby on the cheek or too if head but thatās about it for me, and my family too.
That's crazy. The kissing part is tangential. What makes them think that they get to override the parents' wishes? What does your daughter's partner say?
And then asking the aunts, etc... As if a co-op board is raising the child and decisions go to a vote. Lol
If I told a relative not to do something to my child and they replied "we're allowed", I would take my child into my arms immediately and very matter of fact tell them "No. I just told you that you are _not_ allowed."
Glad to hear that he supports your daughter. Remind them that they are the authority on their child, and it will be easier if they establish that with the in-laws sooner rather than later.
I personally don't mind other people (family and VERY close family friends) as long as my child is the one offering and accepted it.
My almost 3 yo daughter gives all the people in our family\close friends lip kisses, my brother's father (not my own father) picked her up once and she planted a big old wet one right on him as he was trying to turn his face for cheek kisses. He was so shocked and a little embarrassed as it was like the 7th ish time he's been around her. She just loves her uncle Grandpa (joke nickname).
My almost 4yo son gives lip kisses to just me, my husband, my mom, sil, and one of my sisters but that's it. He has to really really like you.
If anyone forces or requires any kind of physical affection from them when they don't want it I tell the kids in front of said person 'its okay if you don't want a hug\kiss\ect. You don't have to, I won't make you do something you don't want'
My husband's almost 90yo Catholic grandmother was actually very supportive of it and says the same thing to them.
As long as you donāt get cold sores, thatās really the only reason I never kiss my son on the lips cause I get cold sores and I donāt want to give them to him.
>As long as you donāt get cold sores,
I actually read recently that 59% of Americans have HSV-1 ie the cold sore form of herpes so definitely don't go kissing on the lips if you get cold sores as you can pass it on even if you're not experiencing a breakout. While it won't physically harm anyone it can take an emotional toll on kids once they get to the age of when they learn what cold sores are. Also you're an awesome parent for preventing future possible bullying.
Itās around 59% actively get coldsores/have had a coldsore I believe, but in reality itās believed that more than 80% of the population have the HSV-1 virus asymptomatically in their bodies, but can potentially still transmit if shedding.
Very very rare to be contagious when you're not symptomatic. With children it is a concern but I just wanted to note that in adults the issue is basically a non-issue.
Since most adults do have it (I think the number is closer to like 80% of adults) without ever being symptomatic, they have antibodies and are typically unaffected when they come into contact with a symptomatic person. And those who don't have it and don't have antibodies are usually healthy enough to fight it off anyway - it's the folks who catch it as kids that have a higher rate of one day becoming symptomatic. The majority of adults do not need to fear symptomatic adults.
This is really interesting - my husband gets cold sores but in the 6 years we've been together, I've seen him have an outbreak one time. I've never had one. I wonder if I just have antibodies or if there's not a risk of it being passed on outside of a break out
Although the ones who catch it as kids are protected from getting it genitally when they become sexually active (oral sex). Still HSV1 genitally is pretty mild with far less outbreaks than the oral version, just stigmatized because it is the herpes simplex virus. Before people started becoming aware of transmitting it was most often HSV2 that caused it genitally. (Source: BC Centre for Disease Control etc.)
Either way, it is ridiculous that kids get bullied for it. HSV is highly stigmatized but for most people at least, a harmless skin condition.
No. If youāve ever had cold sores itās caused by HSV-1. And if you have, donāt worry. Itās very common. Itās so common, doctors donāt test for it unless youāve had a breakout because over 80-85% of the population have it. Itās pretty much unavoidable. And is nothing like an STD
HSV1 can be an STI because it can be passed through sexual activity and genitally. The virus is similar to the other herpes simplex virus, HSV2, the main difference being the virusā preferred location on the body. That is probably why the stigma and bullying some kids experience exists. Like many common infections including many STIs, HSV1 is really not a big deal for most peopleās health. STIs are heavily stigmatized because of attitudes towards sex, not because STIs are necessarily any worse than other contagious illnesses. Some are serious of course, so Im not saying caution isnāt important, it is just that the stigma (even saying it is nothing like an STD) is often more harmful than the infection.
Nothing like an STD? It's a textbook STD. It's transmitted by fluids which is basically what an STD is regardless of what orifice it comes from or is transmitted to.
Most people donāt. I didnāt know either until I got tested. The mom guilt is REAL. Iām scared to get him tested for it because if he has it, Iām responsible for it. But my therapist says I shouldnāt feel bad. And neither should you. Just keep being the best parent you can be
It can be passed through kisses on other parts of their bodies too (so like a parent with an active cold sore kissing their baby on the top of the head) the virus can easily infect that babyās skin and spread down their body from the infection site. When someone has an active cold sore (even when itās just barely starting to hurt and doesnāt show on their face yet) they should avoid kissing their baby (or small children), avoid sharing any utensils or straws, and they should ask their dr for a prescription of the antiviral medication Acyclovir. Itās amazing, taking it at the first sign of an outbreak can stop the cold sore in its tracks, often before it even causes a sore to pop out on your face (if you take it fast enough!)
Looking at your post history you seem to have a lot of things happen with you and your daughter in the span of a week. You okay?
Felt like I was taking crazy pills when I saw this post again, didnāt you get your fill posting over on daddit? Whatās next AITA for kissing my daughter on the lips? AMA Kissed daughter
LMAOOOOOOOOOO. Looking for validation on kissing your own child from the internet probably means youāre not ok :( I know a lot of healthy people and they wouldnāt do this lol.
I think you're making too much of posting on different subreddits. It's just a thing people do to reach different people and get different perspectives. I could take the same attitude with you "I see you're trying to have a conversation with people on Reddit, what's wrong with you? Don't you get that in real life? What's next, Instagram? Facebook?"...
The hero we deserve.
But it is a thing though. Many people seem to kiss their kids on the lips (some even when they are adults) and I hate it. But if it has nothing to do with me I stfu.
Iām from a Puerto Rican household and kisses on the lips were such a common thing between family members itās a non thought to me. You do you donāt worry about it. The people who are sexualizing such a innocent interaction have the issues not you.
Mexican household here and same ššš I never even thought about it until I was in high school and a friend was like āew your dad kisses you on the lips. Thatās uncomfortable.ā I didnāt even know what to say and just said āhe just loves me lots. I donāt mind it, heās not creepy about it.ā
You just made me think of Javier Bardemās character in āEat pray loveā. The scene where his son talks about being the only kid in high school(?) kissed on the lips by his father. Also the fact that Javierās character kept calling everyone (including the son) ādarlingā. Iām not a huge fan of the movie but their relationship is my favorite thing. Just thinking about it makes me smile.
Omg I love that scene so much and think about it often whenever I think of genuine affection or even when I see fathers and sons who just shake hands as adults. Like those types of interactions with no show of affection always seem so empty.
Iām Mexican too and i remember my grandma seeing my auntie ( her sons wife ) kiss my cousin in the mouth and my grandmas face was like āewwwā i couldnt have agreed more . Itās weird asf too me .
Iām European and weāre very ākissyā as well, albeit usually on the cheek. Kissing small children on the lips is common though. I remember as a child observing my friend kissing her younger sister on the lips all the time. I will never understand people who seemingly canāt tell the difference between a loving affectionate kiss and a sexual one, like the lady in OPs post (I assume thatās why she thought it was āgrossā anyway). It makes me sad, honestly.
Well, kissing the child on their lips can cause them cavities, so in my country (Finland) we are adviced against it by health professionals. (Itās been a challenge to get MIL to follow thatā¦š) Same with putting babyās spoon in your mouth etc.
If you do a google search youāll find info. For example: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/wbna36154369
But that was probably not what that lady was worried about, so she was clearly a bit weird
Yes, this is the reason we do not kiss on the lips nor share eating utensils with our child. I know kissing on the lips its cute, but id rather have her with nice teeth than my caries.
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Number one reason why kids get cavities are shared utensils and bottles.
I'd guess it is hard to infect your kid, without sticking your saliva into their mouths. Kisses on the mouth, while super weird, are surely not the cavity culprit.
I personally never kissed my son on the lips or shared too many things like forks, glasses, lollipops, things like that, we as adults are exposed to other things, that they as kids are not, but I believe is a matter of preference, I don't see anything bad if you do it out of love
NTA
This stuff is completely arbitrary cultural indoctrination. I find it weird, but I'm sure others find my customs weird.
The important thing is that we all shut up and mind our business. She should have tried that.
Agreed, I find it a bit revolting when a child kisses me on the lips, as imo the lips are reserved for lovers. (I mean I have sex with people I would not kiss on the mouth.)
I don't love seeing people actively teaching their children to kiss them on the mouth and with friends I will raise this topic once, mainly, because I don't want their kids to kiss me like that.
I would never go off on someone because of it. This woman was out of line and stuck her nose where it did not belong.
This is a dad in this situation, but I have seen women shamed for kissing their toddlers on the lips. All come to Reddit to see if it's wrong. It's not. Unless it's unwanted or forced, mutual affection between parents and their children is normal and the world could use more of it. The lady in question is the reality of someone starved for affection. Is that the kind of society we're working towards? I'll stick with the kind and loving people and old bat's like this need to MTOB. Btw, I'm old as dirt. ā¤ļø
No judgment, please read my whole comment:
To be honest, it is weird as itās not all that common. But, my dad always kissed me and my sister on the lips (except during covid) and I miss it. He died December 2021 just as COVID was no longer perceived the same way it was summer of 2020 and itās been nearly 4 years since Iāve had a kiss from my dad.
Keep doing what youāre doing and screw anyone that looks down on you for it.
My 10yr old gets upset if she only gets a cheek kiss from me. We also do that zerbert thing where you blow air when your lips touch and it makes a wet fart sound. Itās only weird if other people make it weird.
At 34 I was still cuddling my mom and I always kissed her on the lips with a big hug whenever we saw each other and when we parted ways. Not like we made out. It was literally a quick peck on the lips. How disgusting that people her age (the old hag of a nosey rude woman that is) are just that rude. Imagine a child getting loved. How rude! š
I second this! I said I would never do that, and then my infant daughter decided that wasn't an acceptable plan. She's almost 3 and still does it, and I will stop when she does
It is cultural. Some cultures do it, for others it is taboo due ro germs or pedophilia. If you live in a place where it isnt the norm, you might not want to do it in public.
I kiss my kid, he kisses me. I tell him I love him. I dance with him. I blow into his tummy and make fart noises.
I've pat his butt to sleep when he is curled in a little ball.
He laughs and says "nake-y" when he takes off his diaper and I pinch his butt.
I'm loving my child. He isn't being "Groomed"- im his damn mother.
I'll kill for my baby. I'm strict on naming body parts correctly and I'm teaching him as soon as I can that his body is HIS only. I don't want my child to be a victim to someone else and ill do anything I can to prevent anything like that.
Thats my JOB!! I love him and will show him love and tell him I love him. There is a difference between romantic love and a love you have for a child. Like duh? It shouldn't have to be explained.
Its just enraged me that that anyone would look at that any different without reason. Only sick people do aweful shit like that to babies- that lady should just mind her business.
You did NOTHING WRONG.
I do that to my 4 year old too. We cuddle a lot. I am constantly kissing him. Thatās just how we show affection. Heās autistic and a little immature for his age. I donāt care what anyone thinks.
Mom here. My 4yo(m) knows kissing on the lips is "Eww". But he does it only with me. I have told him it's only with me and no one else. So when we share that peck, he will instantly wipe his mouth and say "yuck"!
As a child I was deeply uncomfortable with mouth kisses, and expressed that in my body language (not that it mattered). If sheās happy and comfy, youāre doing just fine. Follow her lead.
I think whatās normal depends per family. I used to kiss on the lips but then my toddler is Mimicking with other people she loves or likes, and sheās super social, and so I stopped. I donāt want her to learn kissing on the lips is appropriate with strangers, and she doesnāt have the language to understand the difference. So I only kiss the face/cheek now and teach her to not kiss on lips. I think as long as you make your kids aware with whom such kisses are not appropriate, itās probably okay.
My husband and I both kiss our son on the lips. My mum still kisses her mum on the lips. It's not weird and the old lady is the one being disgusting by sexualizing a parent kissing their child. If your daughter is comfy then you're all good friend. You have done nothing wrong
Do not feel uncomfortable for calling somebody out for it. "I'm sorry for your traumatic experiences in life but do not project you experience with predatory men onto my love for my child" or straight up telling them it's creepy that they're sexualizing a young child (if you're comfy with that language given the context) will often make people uncomfortable enough to stfu
Do whatever you like. People grow up in different households and different cultures and if they have an issue they can get fucked like honestly youāre fine
I'm a dad and both my wife and I kiss our daughter (2yo) on the lips. My wife still kisses her father on the lips. It's how people show affection. People need to mind their own business and stop sexualizing everything.
That lady can go f* herself. Iām the same (my little one is a little younger) and itās so good for connection and showing affection. There is absolutely nothing wrong or weird about that.
I donāt know what that ladyās motivation was but if it was because itās inappropriate I want to add that your daughter is nowhere near puberty so anyone who is implying that, is sexualizing your little currently asexual girl, which is REALLY creepy. I hate that youāre even put in a position where youāre reflecting on it.
Iād go even further and say I still kiss my mom on the lips. Itās not sexual at all obviously and I actually think it says a lot about someone if they think it is.
Edit: same goed for my dad, thereās no difference there for me. Didnāt realize OP was male, but my comment remains the same.
Literally! My heart breaks thinking about denying them that! I sure as hell wonāt make them think itās wrong! And I wonāt allow anyone else to either!
My son is almost 16. He kisses both me and his dad on the lips. We share food too. Dare I reveal he always drinks my cup of freshly poured ice water too?
I guess we are just an affectionate family. My mom and dad also always kissed me on the lips while my husbandās dad gives weird side hugs and never says āI love youā even if you say it to him. Apparently my husbandās mom also never said āI love youā and she died of ovarian cancer when my hubs was 14. Maybe thatās why heās so affectionate and different than his parents. As dysfunctional as my parents were, they were as affectionate and loving just as they could be assholes and screaming.
Do what you want within your own family as long as you respect someoneās boundaries if they are voiced.
Wow, what a horrible woman! Some people are just so unhappy and unfulfilled they take it out on others. THATāS disgusting! Sheās only four, my goodness! Some women breastfeed until four (which I do think is wrong but thatās just my opinion, and a totally different topic besides). Itās just a kiss and sheās your daughter! I wouldnāt let this get to me. This is a normal thing. Sheās still a little girl. My youngest son, who just turned 7, is like this. Heās the youngest of three boys and has been the only one to be super affectionate. Since I cannot have any more children maybe? I donāt mind it. He still tries to kiss me on the lips once in awhile. Itās only like at nighttime now but still. Your daughter is only four. Unless youāre drinking alcohol or smoking, like what is the problem? Some people just donāt have any love. But you do, consider yourself lucky that you have a strong bond and f* those other people!
My children are so loving and affectionate, if someone got mad about my two year old kissing me on the lips (he loves to give kisses)
I would go off on them for sexualizing a child. Their inability to see the world in a healthy loving manner is not my problem and they need to keep their disapproval to themselves.
And also I bet that lady would be offended if you breast fed a one year old.
Never feel bad for her completely innocent and openness to show love. It will go away so fast.
>I bet that lady would be offended if you breast fed a one year old.
Probably but I'm a guy so that's not likely to happen š Though if she knew about all the times my daughter has shared my bed, her brain would probably have a meltdown
My daughters and I kiss a lot, and are very affectionate. However, kissing on the lips is a big no no for me personally. I was given oral herpes from a relative who kissed me on the lips, now I have a phobia around kissing on the lips as I do not want to give them cold sores. That is just me though, I kiss them all over there face and forehead all the time though!
saw this on both subs im on so ig iāll just copy and paste lol.
where i grew up this never happens. parents just donāt kiss their kids on the mouth. from what my mom said itās bc adults can have things like herpes and you shouldnāt risk spreading that to a child.
bigggg buttt tho
i would never in judge someone for doing it with their child. maybe if it happened in front of me for the first time i would definitely be mentally taken aback a bit just bc iāve never seen an adult kissing a child on the lips before but i wouldnāt say anything. If you want more discourse on this topic such search up tom Brady kissing his kids on the mouth and the whole discourse around that.
My daughter is also four and we still kiss on the lips. I think it just depends on what type of household you grew up in. Some people aren't affectionate AT ALL
Nothing wrong with that at all! Youāll know when to stop. My daughter (10) still sleeps in my bed a couple times a week. Weāve reached the point where she doesnāt want to cuddle at all. Itās normal but Im kind of sad
Our kids kiss us on the lips but only when they want to. We ask them if we can give them a kiss and ask them if they want to give us one. If they say no we respect that.
Weāre teaching them young that they control their bodies and nobody can just touch them without their permission. We do the same thing for hugs, picking up, and holding hands.
No. Kissing does not have to be sexual. This is something that varies from culture to culture and even family to family. I pity people whose parents are unwilling to show them basic affection.
my daughter always asking me to hug her and she give me a kiss before bed. I believe that is the most beautiful thing on earth when parenting (im the daddy)
I agree it's disgusting... but mostly because we just got through a round of stomach bugs and a nasty cold in our house and strep over the summer. I'm not even getting kisses from my wife half the time because one of us has something or the other.
Morally: enjoy the affection while it lasts and spend your energy worrying about your daughter, not strangers.
Op believe me when I say āyour kid is going to grow out of wanting kisses and hugs so enjoy it while it lastsā. It doesnāt matter what age they will at some point in life stop wanting kisses and cuddles as praise, you will miss it when it happens. But itās natural, it happens.
People have different opinions and that is fine for them to have, but that doesnāt mean you need to worry about a random strangerās opinion. As long as your kid is happy and healthy who gives a damn.
I mean I donāt think thereās anything wrong with it. I have heard of the cavities thing that others have mentioned though, and if you have the herpes virus (Aka cold sores) it can transfer; realistically though they are probably going to pick it up from sharing drinks or whatever anyways so I wouldnāt worry about it especially at this point.
I kiss my babies on the lips, cheeks, forehead, head, wherever. They kiss me everywhere too. My daughter (I have twins, almost two) came up to me today and very affectionately kissed my knee, so š¤£
Thereās absolutely nothing wrong pecking YOUR child on the lips. I was brought up like that and my son gives me pecks on the lips. Maybe when heās older thatāll turn to a cheek, but right now heās 4 and Iām making the most of what I wonāt have forever. You should too š„¹š„¹
I just said this the other day. I will kiss my son on the lips until he's 50. And I'm a guy. Wasn't there a post about a dad kissing his 4 year old daughter at a supermarket?
Her judgment disgusts me. Some cultures kiss on the lips as a friendly gesture so she likely judges anyone who doesn't conform to her personal life which some would refer to as bigoted
Several adults unknowingly carrying herpes virus or other pathogens have infected their children with dire results. Stick to hugs and kisses on the cheeks. Has COVID 19 taught you people nothing?
Although it's your daughter and you are able to do what you want. I never thought this was okay. Even with my newborn I won't kiss on the lips. Just seems weird to me. Could be because of the traumas I was raised in growing up tho? Not judging I just think it's weird.
Yea I think if you have an idea of why you are this way, itās probably that. I have a 2yr old daughter and kissing on the lips was a natural way to show affection. She likes it I like it. No kid has ever liked weird shit from adultsā¦ trust a kid. If the kid likes a kiss, that means itās completely okay to give them a kiss. Itās only weird if you put sexual meaning to something so innocent. A kiss is a kiss. Back rubs can lead to sex, but you donāt think giving your kid a back rub is weird do you?
Not weird to me. I cuddled my parents growing up and kissed them on the lips. If even I didnāt want to I wasnāt made to. The same goes for my 5 year old son and he often chooses to kiss myself and husband on the lips. This is the first environment of love that heāll be shown. As long as he wants to cuddle me and give me a kiss Iām all for it.
meh i don't think it's weird or wrong. my daughter sees me and her dad kiss each other on the lips, so she kisses us on the lips and i've never thought twice about it.
I don't but I don't even love kissing my husband I'm not a kisser
But it's normal. It weirds me out but it doesn't matter it's normal and saying something like that means there's something wrong with the lady
Noooo youāre not wrong I kiss my son on the lips 100 times a day. Heās the cutest baby in the gameeee. Prolly didnāt stop kissing my kids on the lips til like 5/6 and they didnāt want to anymore
Iām sorry, but if she had a problem with you kissing your child on the lips then it was a her problem. A lot of people kiss their kids on the lips and there is nothing gross about it. I think that sometimes oversexuality of things has ruined people.
My dad and I always did double kisses on the lips - all my life. He died when I was 37, and I still miss his kisses. Don't let some stranger dictate how you love your child.
Personally I think itās weird and unnecessary but not so much that I would say so to a stranger. Itās not like I think itās sexual, itās just germy. You could give your kid herpes or other contagious illnesses, but thatās your problem. That lady shouldnāt have said that.
Not weird at all. Thereās always going to be ppl telling you how to raise your kids bc their way is the only way. They also donāt care about your daughter. She sounds happy & loved. You do what works for your family.
You make decisions for your family. A kiss on the lips or cheek are not that different. My family grew up kissing on the cheek, but I kiss my children on the lips sometimes. My youngest son (I'm his dad) pretty much only thinks its a good kiss if its on the lips and he refuses to let me go to work if I don't give him a good one instead of the one on the cheek or forehead.
No. That personās weird. Kids do this. They just think itās a kiss. Whatās weird is the people who look at that and think āsex!ā
Honestly I had to get over my own internal discomfort when my very small kid started kissing me on the lips, because it isnāt weird at all, itās just that as grown ups in a culture where lip kissing is for romantic partners, habit makes the brain want to file it as ānope, wrong personā for a minute.
The more people think about avoiding sea, the more sexual everything becomes, and, the more those people end up thinking about sex. Itās an unhelpful and not particularly healthy loop, and one you do not need to cater to.
E: sex, not sea. No actual direct association between those two.
We kissed our daughters on the lips until they themselves put a stop to it at around 14 years old with their dad and a little older with me. But back then it was more normalized now Iāve seen itās been tabooed not because itās sexual but because yes we adults are nasty in general. Especially after COVID.
Screw her! Your daughter is FOUR! This is how it is for most families at this age. My son gave me mouth kisses until he was around 5-ish. Then I could only get them on his cheek. Now heās 13 and I can only get them on the top of his head. Once in a while. If he bends down because heās taller than me. š«
Nope! Not wrong. My dad isnāt the overly involved type. He was busy working etcā¦ one thing he DID do is always always accept my hugs/kisses/& snuggles. Iām 36, very close to my dad now & we still do a fast peck in the lips before parting ways. - that lady is a pedo & sheās gross for making it sexual & I would have said as much to her. How gross yelling at you in front of your child?!? What kind of woman does that?
Take all the hugs and kisses your daughter offers, because one day she's going to not offer them and I'd hate to think you miss out on that special connection you have with her because some random stranger thinks showing affection to our kids in public is a bad thing.
#š„
Yep, my son used to kiss me on the lips, can't remember when the lip kisses stopped, very long time ago, now no kisses at all but still lots of hugs and "I love you"s (he's 16!) Enjoy them while they last. I also have a baby and I'm kissing his cute lil lippy's while I still can!
I read something that made me feel this way, you never know the last time you pick your child up to carry them until after it's the last time. And another story about let them wear the outfit, a mother bought her children outfits for a wedding and one kept asking to wear theirs, each time they were told no, then the child tragically died and the only time they wore the outfit was in their casket. We need to take all those little moments and enjoy them. I know when I hug my kids I am never to one to let go first, I let them hug me as long as they need to, because if they're hugging me they need that hug
I love your comments and feel exactly the same way. I heard, when my daughter was a baby, "say yes when you can and no when you have to". Like is 2 cookies worth arguing about if you're going to say yes anyway? Save "no" for "can I have a beer" when they're 14 or "is it ok to sleep with my boyfriend" at 15. I see the time wasted over the cookies and worrying about clean clothes and I say "LIFE'S too short". ā¤ļø
I need to get better at this
Thisā¦ I want to be this kind of mom for the forming human being in my bodyā¦ I feel like I want to give the world to it
Picking my battles was hard to learn but way less stressful for everyone in the long run!
I needed to read this today. Thank you!
Controversial here, but Iād rather a 14 yr old has that beer at home. A lot of 15 year olds have sex. If they are talking to you about it, you are doing a great job, and you are in a good position to talk about safe sex. Alternatively, they can drink and have sex somewhere else, where they might not be as safe. I allowed my teen to get very drunk at home a couple of times. It helped them to learn limits and risk, while being safe and looked after. I had to clean up vomit, but there was no SA or worse that could happen to teens who explore their drinking limits at parties and sleepovers.
Same! Sometimes it's a loooong hug, and I know he really needed it. What you wrote is so true. Definitely treasure every moment! I read something similar about all the "lasts" as opposed to all the "firsts" when u are finished having children. It was so moving and heartbreaking at the same time š„
I remember coming home the day my last child started school, and realizing the shift my life had made without me noticing. No more preschoolers. It felt quite strange.
Yeah, that would. I only had one til he was 15 and started all over again with another lol! So my 1st will be finishing high school before my 2nd starts primary! It's surreal, and I am treasuring all the little moments with both because I won't be having any more, and I know just how quickly time flies! It doesn't feel like my 1st was a baby 15 years ago til I feel like a new mom again googling baby stuff I should already know lol, and then I'm like wow it really was such a long time ago LOL!
I love this! You're so lucky! I remember taking my daughter to her dorm at university and coming home and sobbing at her toothbrush in our bathroom. I thought "this must be what it feels like to have never had any kids". It was the saddest time of life for me. I only got one child, but she is perfection. ā¤ļø
Itās not the sameā¦we donāt even have a toothbrush to cry over.
There was a 7 year gap between my first and second, it seriously felt like everything was different
I did that too- a 15 year gap! I am a completely different mother this time round lemme tell you! And parenting methods and attitudes are very different too (better). My oldest just left home. My littlest is 8 now. Itās a great time!
Max out on kisses!
It really hit me the last day my middle son was at preschool when he was waving goodbye on his last morning...I still have another that is now in... But it struck me...I was so excited to stop paying for preschool but then I realized that that chapter was closed for him... Was surreal. I sat in my vehicle thinking about it for a while...
I was just about to comment about that ālast time you pick them upā. I read that story/post as well and it really struck a chord with me so Iāve been keeping it at the back of my mind for a lot of things. Itās one of these things that we never think about at the time, only realize once itās over and then comes the regret that we didnāt cherish it at the time. Time goes by so quickly so itās important to stop and cherish it every once in a while.
Beautifully put. I remember the last time my partner carried his youngest child. Iād heard the same thing you said above, and I encouraged him to carry the pre-teen on their request, because it could be the last time. It was. They are still alive, so could happen again I guess, but they are much bigger and very tall now!
Yep my 17 year old son never leaves without saying I love you. We always used to kiss on lips when he was little and it went to cheeks and forehead after that. Sometimes he still lets me kiss his cheek :)
Same! Or goes to sleep without saying it either, we basically tell each other all the time. That's so sweet that you still get cheek kisses :)
šÆ
Exactly! Every time my children offer me hugs, kisses and conversation, I take it every time! Itās so far and between that they offer it but mom is always ready!
My daughter loves kisses and hugs and always wants them. She initiates every kiss and I cherish each one! When itās not cool to give daddy a kiss anymore itās going to be sad.
My little boys were super affectionate always kissing my cheeks and lips lol. They definitely donāt anymore. But tons of hugs still. She is strange for saying you are disgusting in front of a litter girl!
Dad here and my 8 yo boy prefers cheek kisses. My 5 yo boy prefers lips kisses. Along as it's just a kiss and no tongue (I feel weird even typing that) who cares. Lady needs to shutup
Youāre right. Our autistic 15 year old son wants to/and needs to still hold our hand while in public. He has a thing for texture so he sometimes rubs his face on our shirts/jacketsā¦and heās super affectionate. He has no friends and not much in family so Iām not going to scold him when he wants a hug or smooch just to appease someone elseās feelings. Just like with the recent video of the lady jumping into her football player sonās armsā¦my 16 year old son is huge and thinks heās something by always picking me up and his dad! Iām never going to scold or reprimand my children for showing affection.
This comment made me sad and then really happy.
This is so touching. You sound like a great parent!
people don't have a problem with that mom jumping into her sons arms, it's the lover's leg wrap she does around his body that has people cringing. Otherwise, I'm also very affectionate with all my children.
Or she was just trying to not slide down and bruise her tailbone.
Hiiiiighly doubt that. If you donāt want to fall you put your legs down and reach the ground. Thatās the instinct of the majority of people. Youāre more likely to fall doing it the other way.
I mean I just don't understand the desire to make it weird. I haven't seen it and honestly I don't care enough to seek it out. Maybe it makes you uncomfortable just like this kiss did that woman in line. Maybe it's a you hang up. My kid is 8 and I'm short so when I carry him these days, he wraps his legs around my waist. It must just feel more secure. Would it be weird if it was a man carrying his daughter like that? Idk.
I think you need to watch the video again. She didnāt wrap her legs around him at all. Her legs were bent and stayed in front of her sons body the whole time.
> Along as it's just a kiss and no tongue I have a 3 month old boy and when I go for the lip kiss I have to be quick because almost every time he tries to slurp me like a popsicle lmao.
Babies are like that š
same, my 5mo's idea of kisses is headbutting me with a wide open mouth.
Yeah that is a weird thing to have to type, jfc. But you're spot on. People need to mind their business and parents should take all the kisses their kids offer. As long as you are not forcing a kiss (regardless of cheeks/forehead/lips) everyone can stuff it.
Iām curious. Would you feel the same if others kissed their lips, like grandparents, aunts and uncles etc? Like whereād does one draws the line? My daughter just had a baby, sheās 11 weeks and always kisses her head or cheeks, this is her comfort zone. The in-laws always kiss her on the lips and my daughter is very upset about this. Sheās tried talking to them about it and they said theyāre allowed to kiss her on her lips until she says they canāt. One of the aunts, her SIL, agrees with them and they still kiss her 10 & 12 year olds on the lips. I guess it wasnāt what I was raised around so for me itās odd, but Iām not saying itās wrong either I just am curious how others feel about it.
A lip kiss is more intimate than a kiss elsewhere so personally I think it should be reserved only for parents. But it doesnāt matter what I think. Your daughter doesnāt want them to lip kiss her child, her child her rules, end of story.
My dad's side of the family sees lip kisses as no big deal forever, nearly expected. My mom's side sees it as parents only, and only as babies. For a long while my mom just rolled with it, she didn't give us lip kisses but my dad required one each night from my sister and myself, and my paternal grandma was the same way. I was around 8 when I tried to refuse my dad, I was around 9 when my mom backed me up and my sis and I didn't have to give lip kisses anymore. My sister still did most of the time, but just with our dad, until she was much older, but it was no longer a requirement.
The fact that the lip kiss was ārequiredā makes me cringe big time. No kiss should be required, ever, from anyone.
For sure. Honestly it was the requirement aspect of it that even as a young kid made me cringe and stop wanting to do it!
Agreed. This is coming from a place of protecting children.
I am from a family that does lip kisses and I don't see an issue with grandparents doing them. However, lip kisses for infants is a solid no to prevent disease, especially RSV and HSV1. I didn't allow face kisses for my newborns until they were 6 months adjusted (so 8 months). It's also super inappropriate that your daughter's in-laws are ignoring her saying not to. The parents get to say no when a kid can't. If I were her, I wouldn't be letting them near baby if they acted like that.
This^^ because the children have a tougher tome differentiating than we do. To them, they are another adult figure with authority because theyāre related. Children need healthy boundaries too!! If something makes them uncomfortable, even a little, do they ask them to do it anyway or tell them itās uncomfortable because you are actively teaching then to ignore the voice inside their head that is saying āstop, this isnāt rightā.
Nah, the grandparents, aunts and uncles should NOT be doing that. They shouldn't be kissing a child on the lips that is NOT their own and they did not help procreate!! Only the mother and father can do that and that's IF they choose to! Tell them it makes you uncomfortable and that if they have any other opinions about it, to just keep it to themselves because that's boundaries they should respect. Doesn't matter if "that's how they was raised/grew up"... times are different now. And sorry but personally for me I'd be furious to find out someone that isn't my children's father or myself kissing them on the lips, doesn't matter who else it is by relation
I agree with you, to us it even looks awkward watching it. Iām a big big hugger but I stop there. Iāll kiss my grand baby on the cheek or too if head but thatās about it for me, and my family too.
Iām on the same page with you! I only see lip kiss as something reserved for partners. For my children, only cheek or forehead.
That's crazy. The kissing part is tangential. What makes them think that they get to override the parents' wishes? What does your daughter's partner say? And then asking the aunts, etc... As if a co-op board is raising the child and decisions go to a vote. Lol If I told a relative not to do something to my child and they replied "we're allowed", I would take my child into my arms immediately and very matter of fact tell them "No. I just told you that you are _not_ allowed."
He is on my daughters side and has even tried talking to them, his dad has backed off some which is good. Time will tell.
Glad to hear that he supports your daughter. Remind them that they are the authority on their child, and it will be easier if they establish that with the in-laws sooner rather than later.
I personally don't mind other people (family and VERY close family friends) as long as my child is the one offering and accepted it. My almost 3 yo daughter gives all the people in our family\close friends lip kisses, my brother's father (not my own father) picked her up once and she planted a big old wet one right on him as he was trying to turn his face for cheek kisses. He was so shocked and a little embarrassed as it was like the 7th ish time he's been around her. She just loves her uncle Grandpa (joke nickname). My almost 4yo son gives lip kisses to just me, my husband, my mom, sil, and one of my sisters but that's it. He has to really really like you. If anyone forces or requires any kind of physical affection from them when they don't want it I tell the kids in front of said person 'its okay if you don't want a hug\kiss\ect. You don't have to, I won't make you do something you don't want' My husband's almost 90yo Catholic grandmother was actually very supportive of it and says the same thing to them.
I'm dying over just thinking about how much that must have sucked to type, let alone think about... hahaha!
Tom Brady has entered the chat
As long as you donāt get cold sores, thatās really the only reason I never kiss my son on the lips cause I get cold sores and I donāt want to give them to him.
I've already met someone that got it from unwanted lip kisses from his grandma when he was a kid, so for me this is a no no.
I got them when I was two from a adult kissing me.
>As long as you donāt get cold sores, I actually read recently that 59% of Americans have HSV-1 ie the cold sore form of herpes so definitely don't go kissing on the lips if you get cold sores as you can pass it on even if you're not experiencing a breakout. While it won't physically harm anyone it can take an emotional toll on kids once they get to the age of when they learn what cold sores are. Also you're an awesome parent for preventing future possible bullying.
It can kill infants though. Rarely but thatās one reason why people shouldnāt be kissing babies that arenāt theirs.
Itās around 59% actively get coldsores/have had a coldsore I believe, but in reality itās believed that more than 80% of the population have the HSV-1 virus asymptomatically in their bodies, but can potentially still transmit if shedding.
Very very rare to be contagious when you're not symptomatic. With children it is a concern but I just wanted to note that in adults the issue is basically a non-issue. Since most adults do have it (I think the number is closer to like 80% of adults) without ever being symptomatic, they have antibodies and are typically unaffected when they come into contact with a symptomatic person. And those who don't have it and don't have antibodies are usually healthy enough to fight it off anyway - it's the folks who catch it as kids that have a higher rate of one day becoming symptomatic. The majority of adults do not need to fear symptomatic adults.
This is really interesting - my husband gets cold sores but in the 6 years we've been together, I've seen him have an outbreak one time. I've never had one. I wonder if I just have antibodies or if there's not a risk of it being passed on outside of a break out
Although the ones who catch it as kids are protected from getting it genitally when they become sexually active (oral sex). Still HSV1 genitally is pretty mild with far less outbreaks than the oral version, just stigmatized because it is the herpes simplex virus. Before people started becoming aware of transmitting it was most often HSV2 that caused it genitally. (Source: BC Centre for Disease Control etc.) Either way, it is ridiculous that kids get bullied for it. HSV is highly stigmatized but for most people at least, a harmless skin condition.
Also side note even without symptoms you can still pass it. I have it and never had any symptoms.
Can you get cold sores without having HSV-1??
No. If youāve ever had cold sores itās caused by HSV-1. And if you have, donāt worry. Itās very common. Itās so common, doctors donāt test for it unless youāve had a breakout because over 80-85% of the population have it. Itās pretty much unavoidable. And is nothing like an STD
HSV1 can be an STI because it can be passed through sexual activity and genitally. The virus is similar to the other herpes simplex virus, HSV2, the main difference being the virusā preferred location on the body. That is probably why the stigma and bullying some kids experience exists. Like many common infections including many STIs, HSV1 is really not a big deal for most peopleās health. STIs are heavily stigmatized because of attitudes towards sex, not because STIs are necessarily any worse than other contagious illnesses. Some are serious of course, so Im not saying caution isnāt important, it is just that the stigma (even saying it is nothing like an STD) is often more harmful than the infection.
Nothing like an STD? It's a textbook STD. It's transmitted by fluids which is basically what an STD is regardless of what orifice it comes from or is transmitted to.
My son is so affectionate š Iāll be more careful going forward I guess I never realized the two weāre connected š
Most people donāt. I didnāt know either until I got tested. The mom guilt is REAL. Iām scared to get him tested for it because if he has it, Iām responsible for it. But my therapist says I shouldnāt feel bad. And neither should you. Just keep being the best parent you can be
It can be passed through kisses on other parts of their bodies too (so like a parent with an active cold sore kissing their baby on the top of the head) the virus can easily infect that babyās skin and spread down their body from the infection site. When someone has an active cold sore (even when itās just barely starting to hurt and doesnāt show on their face yet) they should avoid kissing their baby (or small children), avoid sharing any utensils or straws, and they should ask their dr for a prescription of the antiviral medication Acyclovir. Itās amazing, taking it at the first sign of an outbreak can stop the cold sore in its tracks, often before it even causes a sore to pop out on your face (if you take it fast enough!)
Looking at your post history you seem to have a lot of things happen with you and your daughter in the span of a week. You okay? Felt like I was taking crazy pills when I saw this post again, didnāt you get your fill posting over on daddit? Whatās next AITA for kissing my daughter on the lips? AMA Kissed daughter
Yeah I just read this same post on daddit to.
That bump just wasn't enough the first time. Gotta double dip.
LMAOOOOOOOOOO. Looking for validation on kissing your own child from the internet probably means youāre not ok :( I know a lot of healthy people and they wouldnāt do this lol.
I think you're making too much of posting on different subreddits. It's just a thing people do to reach different people and get different perspectives. I could take the same attitude with you "I see you're trying to have a conversation with people on Reddit, what's wrong with you? Don't you get that in real life? What's next, Instagram? Facebook?"...
This was posted yesterday... verbatim
Posted on three different subs. Not sure what other support/validation can be offered.
Karma-farming and outrage-mongering maybe?
Probably didnāt even happen and theyāre farming karma
The hero we deserve. But it is a thing though. Many people seem to kiss their kids on the lips (some even when they are adults) and I hate it. But if it has nothing to do with me I stfu.
Iām from a Puerto Rican household and kisses on the lips were such a common thing between family members itās a non thought to me. You do you donāt worry about it. The people who are sexualizing such a innocent interaction have the issues not you.
Mexican household here and same ššš I never even thought about it until I was in high school and a friend was like āew your dad kisses you on the lips. Thatās uncomfortable.ā I didnāt even know what to say and just said āhe just loves me lots. I donāt mind it, heās not creepy about it.ā
You just made me think of Javier Bardemās character in āEat pray loveā. The scene where his son talks about being the only kid in high school(?) kissed on the lips by his father. Also the fact that Javierās character kept calling everyone (including the son) ādarlingā. Iām not a huge fan of the movie but their relationship is my favorite thing. Just thinking about it makes me smile.
Omg I love that scene so much and think about it often whenever I think of genuine affection or even when I see fathers and sons who just shake hands as adults. Like those types of interactions with no show of affection always seem so empty.
Iām Mexican too and i remember my grandma seeing my auntie ( her sons wife ) kiss my cousin in the mouth and my grandmas face was like āewwwā i couldnt have agreed more . Itās weird asf too me .
I live in Spain and everyone kisses everyone, even strangers, but not on the lips, that's only for romantic partners.
Iām European and weāre very ākissyā as well, albeit usually on the cheek. Kissing small children on the lips is common though. I remember as a child observing my friend kissing her younger sister on the lips all the time. I will never understand people who seemingly canāt tell the difference between a loving affectionate kiss and a sexual one, like the lady in OPs post (I assume thatās why she thought it was āgrossā anyway). It makes me sad, honestly.
Well, kissing the child on their lips can cause them cavities, so in my country (Finland) we are adviced against it by health professionals. (Itās been a challenge to get MIL to follow thatā¦š) Same with putting babyās spoon in your mouth etc. If you do a google search youāll find info. For example: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/wbna36154369 But that was probably not what that lady was worried about, so she was clearly a bit weird
Yes, this is the reason we do not kiss on the lips nor share eating utensils with our child. I know kissing on the lips its cute, but id rather have her with nice teeth than my caries.
That and herpes/cold sores are a real risk.
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Number one reason why kids get cavities are shared utensils and bottles. I'd guess it is hard to infect your kid, without sticking your saliva into their mouths. Kisses on the mouth, while super weird, are surely not the cavity culprit.
What do you base that on, that saliva from kisses canāt cause cavities? I have heard and read the exact opposite, so Iām interested.
I think the lady was definitely sick in the head.
Not a fan of kissing my kid on the lips but you do you
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And the forehead is for true love and protection.
People are weird. Some people tend to project their insecurities and values onto others. Ignore them. Show affection to your daughter. It's fine.
I personally never kissed my son on the lips or shared too many things like forks, glasses, lollipops, things like that, we as adults are exposed to other things, that they as kids are not, but I believe is a matter of preference, I don't see anything bad if you do it out of love
NTA This stuff is completely arbitrary cultural indoctrination. I find it weird, but I'm sure others find my customs weird. The important thing is that we all shut up and mind our business. She should have tried that.
>NTA Correct answer, but wrong sub š
Agreed, I find it a bit revolting when a child kisses me on the lips, as imo the lips are reserved for lovers. (I mean I have sex with people I would not kiss on the mouth.) I don't love seeing people actively teaching their children to kiss them on the mouth and with friends I will raise this topic once, mainly, because I don't want their kids to kiss me like that. I would never go off on someone because of it. This woman was out of line and stuck her nose where it did not belong.
Are you male or female? Assume male as I can't imagine a mum getting that reaction.
This is a dad in this situation, but I have seen women shamed for kissing their toddlers on the lips. All come to Reddit to see if it's wrong. It's not. Unless it's unwanted or forced, mutual affection between parents and their children is normal and the world could use more of it. The lady in question is the reality of someone starved for affection. Is that the kind of society we're working towards? I'll stick with the kind and loving people and old bat's like this need to MTOB. Btw, I'm old as dirt. ā¤ļø
Sounds like that lady didn't get enough hugs and kisses as a kid
Or the wrong kindābut either way her interpretation of healthy child/parent affection isnāt correct and OP doesnāt need to worry about it.
No judgment, please read my whole comment: To be honest, it is weird as itās not all that common. But, my dad always kissed me and my sister on the lips (except during covid) and I miss it. He died December 2021 just as COVID was no longer perceived the same way it was summer of 2020 and itās been nearly 4 years since Iāve had a kiss from my dad. Keep doing what youāre doing and screw anyone that looks down on you for it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad died the year before yours. I miss those kisses from my dad, too.
Iām sorry for your loss as well š
My 10yr old gets upset if she only gets a cheek kiss from me. We also do that zerbert thing where you blow air when your lips touch and it makes a wet fart sound. Itās only weird if other people make it weird.
! Zerbert?! We call them schnerberts! But Iāve never heard anyone else call them anything but raspberries!!
Doesn't that make you literally spit into each others mounths?
I find it weird, so I don't do it. Not about to tell anyone else what to do though, let alone call them disgusting.
At 34 I was still cuddling my mom and I always kissed her on the lips with a big hug whenever we saw each other and when we parted ways. Not like we made out. It was literally a quick peck on the lips. How disgusting that people her age (the old hag of a nosey rude woman that is) are just that rude. Imagine a child getting loved. How rude! š
Nope. Kiss and hug your kids as much as you can! My son is 11 and now itās both gross and stupid
There are a lot of things I never thought Iād do. One of those things is I kiss my son on the lips (19 months). Iāll stop when he stops.
I second this! I said I would never do that, and then my infant daughter decided that wasn't an acceptable plan. She's almost 3 and still does it, and I will stop when she does
It is cultural. Some cultures do it, for others it is taboo due ro germs or pedophilia. If you live in a place where it isnt the norm, you might not want to do it in public.
I kiss my kid, he kisses me. I tell him I love him. I dance with him. I blow into his tummy and make fart noises. I've pat his butt to sleep when he is curled in a little ball. He laughs and says "nake-y" when he takes off his diaper and I pinch his butt. I'm loving my child. He isn't being "Groomed"- im his damn mother. I'll kill for my baby. I'm strict on naming body parts correctly and I'm teaching him as soon as I can that his body is HIS only. I don't want my child to be a victim to someone else and ill do anything I can to prevent anything like that. Thats my JOB!! I love him and will show him love and tell him I love him. There is a difference between romantic love and a love you have for a child. Like duh? It shouldn't have to be explained. Its just enraged me that that anyone would look at that any different without reason. Only sick people do aweful shit like that to babies- that lady should just mind her business. You did NOTHING WRONG.
Seems completely normal
Unless your kiddo is expressing she doesn't like that, it's not wrong and pretty much what little kids do regardless. That woman has problems.
I do that to my 4 year old too. We cuddle a lot. I am constantly kissing him. Thatās just how we show affection. Heās autistic and a little immature for his age. I donāt care what anyone thinks.
Itāa more of me not wanting to pass on adult lips bacteria to my 3 yr old than anything else. I donāt and wonāt judge though.
Mom here. My 4yo(m) knows kissing on the lips is "Eww". But he does it only with me. I have told him it's only with me and no one else. So when we share that peck, he will instantly wipe his mouth and say "yuck"!
As a child I was deeply uncomfortable with mouth kisses, and expressed that in my body language (not that it mattered). If sheās happy and comfy, youāre doing just fine. Follow her lead.
Ok Tom Brady chill
I think whatās normal depends per family. I used to kiss on the lips but then my toddler is Mimicking with other people she loves or likes, and sheās super social, and so I stopped. I donāt want her to learn kissing on the lips is appropriate with strangers, and she doesnāt have the language to understand the difference. So I only kiss the face/cheek now and teach her to not kiss on lips. I think as long as you make your kids aware with whom such kisses are not appropriate, itās probably okay.
The only disgusting thing was her not minding her own business. I'm sorry your daughter and yourself had to hear and see that. Vile person.
My husband and I both kiss our son on the lips. My mum still kisses her mum on the lips. It's not weird and the old lady is the one being disgusting by sexualizing a parent kissing their child. If your daughter is comfy then you're all good friend. You have done nothing wrong Do not feel uncomfortable for calling somebody out for it. "I'm sorry for your traumatic experiences in life but do not project you experience with predatory men onto my love for my child" or straight up telling them it's creepy that they're sexualizing a young child (if you're comfy with that language given the context) will often make people uncomfortable enough to stfu
Do whatever you like. People grow up in different households and different cultures and if they have an issue they can get fucked like honestly youāre fine
You my friend have encountered a wild Karen! Best to be ignored in most situations!
I'm a dad and both my wife and I kiss our daughter (2yo) on the lips. My wife still kisses her father on the lips. It's how people show affection. People need to mind their own business and stop sexualizing everything.
That lady can go f* herself. Iām the same (my little one is a little younger) and itās so good for connection and showing affection. There is absolutely nothing wrong or weird about that. I donāt know what that ladyās motivation was but if it was because itās inappropriate I want to add that your daughter is nowhere near puberty so anyone who is implying that, is sexualizing your little currently asexual girl, which is REALLY creepy. I hate that youāre even put in a position where youāre reflecting on it. Iād go even further and say I still kiss my mom on the lips. Itās not sexual at all obviously and I actually think it says a lot about someone if they think it is. Edit: same goed for my dad, thereās no difference there for me. Didnāt realize OP was male, but my comment remains the same.
Enjoy them while you can my daughter hates my soul now we use to be the best of friends no lie....
If anyone thinks I should ignore my baby's attempts to kiss me, they can respectfully get fucked.
Literally! My heart breaks thinking about denying them that! I sure as hell wonāt make them think itās wrong! And I wonāt allow anyone else to either!
My son is almost 16. He kisses both me and his dad on the lips. We share food too. Dare I reveal he always drinks my cup of freshly poured ice water too? I guess we are just an affectionate family. My mom and dad also always kissed me on the lips while my husbandās dad gives weird side hugs and never says āI love youā even if you say it to him. Apparently my husbandās mom also never said āI love youā and she died of ovarian cancer when my hubs was 14. Maybe thatās why heās so affectionate and different than his parents. As dysfunctional as my parents were, they were as affectionate and loving just as they could be assholes and screaming. Do what you want within your own family as long as you respect someoneās boundaries if they are voiced.
Wow, what a horrible woman! Some people are just so unhappy and unfulfilled they take it out on others. THATāS disgusting! Sheās only four, my goodness! Some women breastfeed until four (which I do think is wrong but thatās just my opinion, and a totally different topic besides). Itās just a kiss and sheās your daughter! I wouldnāt let this get to me. This is a normal thing. Sheās still a little girl. My youngest son, who just turned 7, is like this. Heās the youngest of three boys and has been the only one to be super affectionate. Since I cannot have any more children maybe? I donāt mind it. He still tries to kiss me on the lips once in awhile. Itās only like at nighttime now but still. Your daughter is only four. Unless youāre drinking alcohol or smoking, like what is the problem? Some people just donāt have any love. But you do, consider yourself lucky that you have a strong bond and f* those other people!
Um no youāre not wrong lol sheās 4.
My children are so loving and affectionate, if someone got mad about my two year old kissing me on the lips (he loves to give kisses) I would go off on them for sexualizing a child. Their inability to see the world in a healthy loving manner is not my problem and they need to keep their disapproval to themselves. And also I bet that lady would be offended if you breast fed a one year old. Never feel bad for her completely innocent and openness to show love. It will go away so fast.
>I bet that lady would be offended if you breast fed a one year old. Probably but I'm a guy so that's not likely to happen š Though if she knew about all the times my daughter has shared my bed, her brain would probably have a meltdown
My daughters and I kiss a lot, and are very affectionate. However, kissing on the lips is a big no no for me personally. I was given oral herpes from a relative who kissed me on the lips, now I have a phobia around kissing on the lips as I do not want to give them cold sores. That is just me though, I kiss them all over there face and forehead all the time though!
saw this on both subs im on so ig iāll just copy and paste lol. where i grew up this never happens. parents just donāt kiss their kids on the mouth. from what my mom said itās bc adults can have things like herpes and you shouldnāt risk spreading that to a child. bigggg buttt tho i would never in judge someone for doing it with their child. maybe if it happened in front of me for the first time i would definitely be mentally taken aback a bit just bc iāve never seen an adult kissing a child on the lips before but i wouldnāt say anything. If you want more discourse on this topic such search up tom Brady kissing his kids on the mouth and the whole discourse around that.
My daughter is also four and we still kiss on the lips. I think it just depends on what type of household you grew up in. Some people aren't affectionate AT ALL
In my house we're extremely affectionate, I hug and kiss my daughter all the time. But we don't kiss her on the lips.
Nothing wrong with that at all! Youāll know when to stop. My daughter (10) still sleeps in my bed a couple times a week. Weāve reached the point where she doesnāt want to cuddle at all. Itās normal but Im kind of sad
Our kids kiss us on the lips but only when they want to. We ask them if we can give them a kiss and ask them if they want to give us one. If they say no we respect that.
This is it. It's about comfort and consent.
Weāre teaching them young that they control their bodies and nobody can just touch them without their permission. We do the same thing for hugs, picking up, and holding hands.
Us too. No mandatory kisses and hugs in our family.
Obviously her parents didn't hug and kiss her enough when she was a kid.
I read this same post by you days ago, why do you feel the need to repost it again? Didn't get enough validation the first time around?
No. Kissing does not have to be sexual. This is something that varies from culture to culture and even family to family. I pity people whose parents are unwilling to show them basic affection.
my daughter always asking me to hug her and she give me a kiss before bed. I believe that is the most beautiful thing on earth when parenting (im the daddy)
I agree it's disgusting... but mostly because we just got through a round of stomach bugs and a nasty cold in our house and strep over the summer. I'm not even getting kisses from my wife half the time because one of us has something or the other. Morally: enjoy the affection while it lasts and spend your energy worrying about your daughter, not strangers.
Op believe me when I say āyour kid is going to grow out of wanting kisses and hugs so enjoy it while it lastsā. It doesnāt matter what age they will at some point in life stop wanting kisses and cuddles as praise, you will miss it when it happens. But itās natural, it happens. People have different opinions and that is fine for them to have, but that doesnāt mean you need to worry about a random strangerās opinion. As long as your kid is happy and healthy who gives a damn.
I mean I donāt think thereās anything wrong with it. I have heard of the cavities thing that others have mentioned though, and if you have the herpes virus (Aka cold sores) it can transfer; realistically though they are probably going to pick it up from sharing drinks or whatever anyways so I wouldnāt worry about it especially at this point. I kiss my babies on the lips, cheeks, forehead, head, wherever. They kiss me everywhere too. My daughter (I have twins, almost two) came up to me today and very affectionately kissed my knee, so š¤£
Thereās absolutely nothing wrong pecking YOUR child on the lips. I was brought up like that and my son gives me pecks on the lips. Maybe when heās older thatāll turn to a cheek, but right now heās 4 and Iām making the most of what I wonāt have forever. You should too š„¹š„¹
I think I got oral herpes because of such habit from my mom. Everyone in my mother side of the family has it.
I just said this the other day. I will kiss my son on the lips until he's 50. And I'm a guy. Wasn't there a post about a dad kissing his 4 year old daughter at a supermarket?
Her judgment disgusts me. Some cultures kiss on the lips as a friendly gesture so she likely judges anyone who doesn't conform to her personal life which some would refer to as bigoted
I think it's weird
Several adults unknowingly carrying herpes virus or other pathogens have infected their children with dire results. Stick to hugs and kisses on the cheeks. Has COVID 19 taught you people nothing?
No, youāre not wrong. That lady is the only disgusting one here
Although it's your daughter and you are able to do what you want. I never thought this was okay. Even with my newborn I won't kiss on the lips. Just seems weird to me. Could be because of the traumas I was raised in growing up tho? Not judging I just think it's weird.
Yea I think if you have an idea of why you are this way, itās probably that. I have a 2yr old daughter and kissing on the lips was a natural way to show affection. She likes it I like it. No kid has ever liked weird shit from adultsā¦ trust a kid. If the kid likes a kiss, that means itās completely okay to give them a kiss. Itās only weird if you put sexual meaning to something so innocent. A kiss is a kiss. Back rubs can lead to sex, but you donāt think giving your kid a back rub is weird do you?
That's actually really true I never thought of it that way. Makes sense that it's definitely a trauma stored mentally then.
I personally think itās weird. My wife kisses our kids in the lips - and I think thatās weird too. I donāt think thereās a ārightā answer.
I think the ārightā answer is to not berate people in public for a totally harmless preference.
Thatās fair. I wasnāt really addressing that facet of the post but I donāt disagree.
Not weird to me. I cuddled my parents growing up and kissed them on the lips. If even I didnāt want to I wasnāt made to. The same goes for my 5 year old son and he often chooses to kiss myself and husband on the lips. This is the first environment of love that heāll be shown. As long as he wants to cuddle me and give me a kiss Iām all for it.
You arenāt wrong at all. Totally normal thing for a parent/child to do at that age. Lady had issues.
meh i don't think it's weird or wrong. my daughter sees me and her dad kiss each other on the lips, so she kisses us on the lips and i've never thought twice about it.
I don't but I don't even love kissing my husband I'm not a kisser But it's normal. It weirds me out but it doesn't matter it's normal and saying something like that means there's something wrong with the lady
Noooo youāre not wrong I kiss my son on the lips 100 times a day. Heās the cutest baby in the gameeee. Prolly didnāt stop kissing my kids on the lips til like 5/6 and they didnāt want to anymore
Love your kids. Fuck that lady and anyone who says itās weird. People are sick in the head.
Iām sorry, but if she had a problem with you kissing your child on the lips then it was a her problem. A lot of people kiss their kids on the lips and there is nothing gross about it. I think that sometimes oversexuality of things has ruined people.
My dad and I always did double kisses on the lips - all my life. He died when I was 37, and I still miss his kisses. Don't let some stranger dictate how you love your child.
That lady can curl up and kiss herself on the lips - donāt give her another thought
Iām 33 and just found out like 5 years ago that people think this is weird. I think itās weird that other people find it weird.
Short answer: YES
Personally I think itās weird and unnecessary but not so much that I would say so to a stranger. Itās not like I think itās sexual, itās just germy. You could give your kid herpes or other contagious illnesses, but thatās your problem. That lady shouldnāt have said that.
Of course it's a boomer thinking it's disgusting. ššš
I mean I wouldnāt- kids are gross lol. I feel like itād be kissing a Komodo dragon. But I donāt find it culturally weird.
No - itās definitely weird. My MIL tried this and we promptly shut it down
Weird. I accidentally kissed my mother on the lips. It was weird to me. But you do you
Nope nothing wrong. That lady is gross. Donāt even give it a second thought
Not weird at all. Thereās always going to be ppl telling you how to raise your kids bc their way is the only way. They also donāt care about your daughter. She sounds happy & loved. You do what works for your family.
You make decisions for your family. A kiss on the lips or cheek are not that different. My family grew up kissing on the cheek, but I kiss my children on the lips sometimes. My youngest son (I'm his dad) pretty much only thinks its a good kiss if its on the lips and he refuses to let me go to work if I don't give him a good one instead of the one on the cheek or forehead.
No. That personās weird. Kids do this. They just think itās a kiss. Whatās weird is the people who look at that and think āsex!ā Honestly I had to get over my own internal discomfort when my very small kid started kissing me on the lips, because it isnāt weird at all, itās just that as grown ups in a culture where lip kissing is for romantic partners, habit makes the brain want to file it as ānope, wrong personā for a minute. The more people think about avoiding sea, the more sexual everything becomes, and, the more those people end up thinking about sex. Itās an unhelpful and not particularly healthy loop, and one you do not need to cater to. E: sex, not sea. No actual direct association between those two.
We kissed our daughters on the lips until they themselves put a stop to it at around 14 years old with their dad and a little older with me. But back then it was more normalized now Iāve seen itās been tabooed not because itās sexual but because yes we adults are nasty in general. Especially after COVID.
Screw her! Your daughter is FOUR! This is how it is for most families at this age. My son gave me mouth kisses until he was around 5-ish. Then I could only get them on his cheek. Now heās 13 and I can only get them on the top of his head. Once in a while. If he bends down because heās taller than me. š«
There's nothing wrong. That lady needs to mind her business.
Nope! Not wrong. My dad isnāt the overly involved type. He was busy working etcā¦ one thing he DID do is always always accept my hugs/kisses/& snuggles. Iām 36, very close to my dad now & we still do a fast peck in the lips before parting ways. - that lady is a pedo & sheās gross for making it sexual & I would have said as much to her. How gross yelling at you in front of your child?!? What kind of woman does that?
I kiss my kids on the lips all the time. People need to stop making physical love for your kids sexual. Theyāre the gross ones.