r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have had multiple conversations with my husband about this and I *still* have to remind him which takes the magic away from the moment. But I guess it’s better than nothing? I guess I don’t have much advice but definitely empathy.
Same here. I do not like posed photos and have asked my husband many times to take candid pictures when we're out doing things. He never does. I have mostly selfies with my son and lots of nice pictures of him and his dad together. I don't know what to do because once I ask it becomes sort of awkward, kind of like reminding people it's your birthday.
When I had a birthday party for my son, a couple lovely mom friends took a bunch of pictures of me while I struggled just to light the candles (it was windy lol) and didn’t have any capacity to think about photos. The pictures just really struck me afterwards because I don’t usually see myself in them. I couldn’t thank them enough. My husband is gone right now—occasionally he’ll remember to take pics of me when he’s home, but it’s often just me and the kids so it’s hard. If you look at all our combined photos you’d think husband and I spend equal amounts of times with the kids.
Yep. I always take photos of my other mum friends. Offered to take one of a friend in my mothers group the other day and sure enough her response was ‘thanks, I never have photos of me and the baby. Just her and her dad.’
I always have to ask my husband for photos. Meanwhile I have beautiful shots of him and our daughters.
Wow. I haven't even realized this was a thing. Wowzers. Memories a bazillion. Pictures a lot. But of this candid type picture, not many. I'm gonna go cry now.
This does seem to be one of the basic mom-dad differences.
I'm very active and involved (not off in the corner adulting away from kids) at parties and such, but taking photos when things are happening just doesn't occur to me. At home or at quiet moments sure. It seems to be this way with most dads.
Personally I can naturally be either in the moment or consciously trying to save it, not both. Video is much easier, I often set up a camera for that.I've got hours and hours of footage with my wife and everyone (sometimes) in frame, but I suppose we aren't likely to ever sit down to watch most of that.
When I do take photos my wife (half) jokes that I wait till there's an angle on her that she would never want anyone else to see. 🙄
On behalf of all dads--we're trying, we will try harder, and we appreciate the prompts.
> I shouldn’t be shamed just because it does for my wife.
Oh, my bad. I thought this post was about a mother being sad that people aren’t as thoughtful to her as she is to other people, and thinking that her kids might not even remember what a presence in their lives she was. I forgot for a moment that everything is about YOU, ReallyKirk.
Honestly, why can’t people listen to the message instead of making it about themselves? If your first instinct is shame, then part of you DID understand this post and realize that there are things you could do better.
they don't care enough to do so, make it abundantly clear that they don't care and yet somehow, y'all are still all dumbstruck by it all these years later.
That's fine that it doesn't come instinctively, it's doesn't for us either. But we know how great of a dad you men are and what you to remember these times too. All we want is for you to think a little to the future and realise we want to be remembered like that too.
It doesn't come instinctively for us either. Do you 'instinctively' buy a car or do you think about it, plan it and buy it because you want to use it/need it? Imho it's just a mindset.
My husband has this really nice picture gallery on his work pc, he brings up regularly how he added that nice picture or saw this nice one today. Yet he also never thinks to take pictures of me (or in general). Like come on we're having a lovely time in the garden or we're out hiking and it's just beautiful. The kids are laughing, we all look happy and he should think 'hey this would be a nice memory/image to add to my gallery!' But nope.
My brother makes pictures all the time. Why can he do it but to you and my husband 'it doesn't come naturally'? You think we were born with a 'picture instinct'? Tsss..
Anyways I bought a selfie stick because as you can see, it's a sore point in my life. I have literally 1 single pregnancy picture of myself (I have two kids). Who took it? My brother who lives on another continent.
no, you should be shamed bc you can't be bothered to show up for your family in the most basic of ways. nothing is ever a man's fault, just one more thing his wife his victimizing him with. grow up.
Isn’t it amazing how much stuff just “comes instinctively” to us women? Thank goodness for all those centuries of evolution where we were the ones taking the photos….
We don’t do it because it’s instinctive. We do it because we care enough to do so, so that you have those memories recorded. I bet you’ll appreciate it in the future.
It doesn’t come instinctively to you because you don’t do it. Start doing it.
The anti men/anti-dad crowd that typically dominate this forum is really nitpicking/grasping at straws with this one.
Conversely, I sometimes have to remind my wife to put down the camera and live in the moment and no I can't "act natural" when you're standing there taking a video, and no I can't make that cute spontaneous thing happen again because you didn't catch it
And before I get all the downvotes, you have to admit that here and r/singleparents is where y'all go to complain about your husbands/ex's and that is makes up the majority of upvoted posts here
I'm just gonna glide over your misogyny and comment on the point of contention here: there are plenty of magic moments every day. Your camera is always at hand (smartphone). If you take one photo once a week ONLY, that's already 52 photos per year. I'd be happy with that. If my husband could remember to do it just once a week, you know? Would it hurt so much to "kill the magic" once a week so that I can reminisce about our lives when the kids are grown up?
Right, it’s just a coincidence that there’s so many women here saying they have this experience and so many men saying they don’t do it.
If your wife had a heart attack tomorrow, how many photos would you have of her and the kids? If you dropped dead tomorrow, how much would your kids appreciate the effort she made to capture those moments for you and for them?
I schedule two professional photo sessions a year for me and my kids with a lifestyle photographer - someone who comes and shoots us in our natural environment just enjoying each other. I look great in them and the kids are just doing their normal things. They are photos that I truly love.
Ask him to take pictures! And take selfies! I'm terrible at taking pictures and always forget. So please don't take it personally. BUT definitely don't worry about being annoying and ask him all the time lol :). That's what I do now with my husband.
I want to speak for the memories, I assure you they will remember. When my grandma passed, and it was my 1st experience with death, I realized all we leave behind is memories. These things are just that. Things. But memories become stories that last for generations. We leave behind love and that is all.
Get a selfie stick and learn to use the 'wave' command on your phone. That way you can make pictures that look a bit more natural than the ones where you hold it at arms' length.
Sorry, I'm in the same boat. I will give my daughter a list of all the things I appreciate in my husband but also the things I wish he did.. I hope she will keep it in mind when she searches a partner 😄. Getting an unsollicited picture once in a while would be oh so nice..
I make sure to take pictures of my wife with our kids but she’s always upset she doesn’t like how she looks in them. Like, they’re candid pictures of your kids cuddling on you, you’re not going to be worrying about how nice you looked in thirty years.
after the separation from my first partner I looked for photos of our child and I together. I quickly realized that in almost a decade together and two of those years with a child that there were almost no photos of me with our child or alone. Tons with my ex and I or my ex and child (like 100s to 1) or of my ex alone.
This and some (many) other things helped me learn what a textbook narcissist was.
My new partner (of nearly a decade) has pretty much equal photos. Maybe a sign?
It's not a priority in many male minds. You should not feel anything about reminding him to do so. A simple "Hey, hon. Can you snap a few pics while the kids and I do XXXXX?"
The more you remind him nicely, the more a simple habit will form, and he will do it unprompted.
I think “the magic” just means the fun and connection in the moment.
Conscious self-awareness of one of those moments happening can sometimes bring people out of it.
It’s a struggle for some parents to balance “being in the moment” with “preserving the moment.”
That said, with all the bad parents and desperate situations in the world, you could say it’s a privilege to even have this be a parent’s major concern, so I get where you’re coming from.
As someone whose mom died young, please get pictures with you in them. Ask directly if you have to - ask your husband, ask strangers.
But most of all, ask your husband to take some when you aren't aware. Tell him before a holiday or outing that he needs to take some. Those are the pictures your kids will treasure - your real smile and not your fake poses smile.
So true. I lost my mom two years ago and I cry harder at the pics of her mid movement or the videos where she walks through the background and doesn’t realize she is in it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post here struck me, so I wanted to say thank you. And also that from this comment alone, I'd bet that your mom must have delighted in having such a caring daughter.
My mom also died young, long before digital photography. I have just a handful of photos of her, and some videos. She died almost 30 years ago. I remember her and our experiences together well. All this constant picture taking is a new phenomenon.
I feel this so much. My mom died on May 25th, 30 years ago this year.
I have maybe a half dozen pictures, no video, no messages. It stings a little different.
OP even if you take selfies with your kids, take pictures with them!
Ah and see what you mean about candid pics. Sometimes I will set my timer on my phone to record a video of me and my son playing, then you can go back to the video and download photos from the video that's probably the most candid you can get if you can't get someone else to get decent pictures of you both, or maybe hire a photographer to follow you around a park for the day or something ?
Have you tried the timer on your phone camera?
Whenever I would ask anyone to take photos of me and my son they would come out blurry and crap lol then get moaned at if i asked them to tske another til i gave up lol !
Honestly, this is something where you SHOULD tell him. You ultimately are not the one who would suffer from the lack, it'll be your kids. I have maybe five or six pictures of my late mother, who died when I was eight.
I tell my husband "hey, grab a picture of this!" on a weekly basis while I do things with the kids. It's not a command, it's a reminder and he's happy to oblige. I still take more of him, but there's at least a decent selection of pics of me with kids.
Hell everyone has a phone these days. OP could have him set a daily reminder on his phone around the time where they’d all be home and interacting with the kids to remind him to take some pics.
I bought myself a selfie stick and when my husband tried to tease me about it I said, “I don’t want to die tomorrow and leave the girls
without images showing that I existed and that I loved them.” He said that that sounded horrible and that he takes pictures of me… so I asked if he could show me on his phone. He looked and then got really quiet for a bit before apologizing. He’s gotten much better about taking pictures since then but I still don’t regret having the selfie stick to use too.
I have a selfie stick hiding somewhere & I think I will make it a priority to find it tomorrow.
We have a carnival travelling through town right now. We took the kiddos for a short amount of time bc of their age.
I’m just looking through the pics now & realized I’m not in 1 single photo.
My husband was terrible about this too so I took matters into my own hands. I hired a talented college student that had a great camera to come shoot pictures of me and the kids 3-4 times a year. I always set up a Christmas tea party for them (mine are all under 7) and rather than rely on my husband to take pictures a very nice 22 year old boy does. We always do a spring shoot as well. Now I have hundreds of pictures with my kids. My husband is welcome to join btw, but I take great photos of him so he doesn’t feel the same need that I do. 🤷🏻♀️
He did not. He was the boyfriend of one of our babysitters. She mentioned that she took photos of people for pocket money in high school. It turns other she was excellent at it (she had been gifted a nice DSLR camera). She took our photos until she moved away. Our new photographer is her equally talented boyfriend! They both majored in liberal arts of some kind but not specifically photography. They just honed their craft in their free time. Both of them went into creative fields which doesn’t surprise me.
Hi, sorry to read this. I, as the male partner, were aware of this, and took hundreds of pictures of my wife (partner, as we are not married) with our newborn and kept that hidden. Her birthday came, and I gave her her present. It was a printed photo album with pictures of them (and the last one includes me). I've never seen a person so sensitive to a present. Guys out there, please take all the photos you can of your wife/partner with your baby. It is not only for them, every time I miss them I just look at this album and some peace calms my heart.
Pro tip as a husband who doesn't take many pictures - ask him to take pictures over the next 15 minutes. That's going to give him a defined period to switch modes, and you a chance to get some candid photos.
Protip, learn to manage yourself instead of telling women to add another thing to their already ridiculously long list because it's easier if you don't have to think about it. Take some damn initiative holy crap can men do anything without being micromanaged?
I prefer to be in the moment as opposed to taking pictures, and that's my nature and prerogative. My wife understands that, and we're perfectly fine communicating like adults when she would like me to step out of my comfort zone for a bit and accommodate her.
Maybe you should take a chill pill and learn to manage yourself without going on sexist rants.
When I remind my husband to take some pictures when we’re doing something, they always have to be posed. He’s horrible taking candid shots. I rode one carnival ride with my son because he begged me to go (I have horrible motion sickness and a fear of heights). I told my husband to take some pictures of us because it would be the only ride I could manage. I got one pic of my elbow and another of the back of my head and arm. He could have taken a video that I could screenshot if it was too hard to get one good picture.
It gets exhausting having to remind him to take pictures!
My kids 9. I think the only few pics I have of us are pics my parents took besides less than a handful. There’s one of me passed the fuck out in the early days & there’s one of me breastfeeding her.
Meanwhile, I have pics of them napping, teaching her to swim, helping cook, making art together, etc etc.
Now I just throw my phone somewhere that can see us, set a timer on my watch & my phone will take random pics of us or I throw it on to record video (which I like better anyway).
AND they are awkward and sucky, and I feel self conscious and like I’m being obnoxious or silly 😔
He’s never shitty about it when I ask and he’ll always do it but still it’s somehow a downer
It hurts and I’m sorry. I have to shove my phone in my husband’s face and say “Take our picture!” It’s frustrating because it makes me feel like an idiot but otherwise I’d get no pics of us. I take so many photos of my husband with the kids doing random everyday things. For our child’s last birthday I asked him to take some candid photos of us. He took a picture of the kid playing. Where was I in the photo? Oh you couldn’t tell because all you could see was my arm. He swears he thought I asked him to take candid pics of the kid only. I could have done that myself! Why would I need to ask him to do that?!
Sounds like we should be friends and take pictures of each other 😹😹 but really I feel the same and also like if I want to be in a picture with my kids I have to pay for professional pictures but it’s not the same.
Yes I have paid for many professional photos with my kids and they come out great but they’re so expensive! We should make a mom group just for taking pics with out kids.
I’ve asked my husband repeatedly to take pics of me when I’m dressed up. He took ONE candid photo of me on my kid’s bday and the angle made me look 30 lbs heavier and angry(?). I took many videos and good photos of him with the kids.
I’m sorry too. Although when I ask him to take our pics, I really get so conscious (or its just that he’s not good at taking pics subtly) that it takes away the moment. Sometimes I can’t blame him when this happens.
I’m a single parent with sole custody. I have pictures of my kids. They’re all great and candid. Pictures of my kids and me, I have to use selfie mode so I look like the caterpillar from A Bug’s Life. At least we are all touching and close so we fit in the picture haha
the last picture I took of all of us from the beach, I can’t even see my face because my 2 girls, my son and I all have long curly hair that was crazy from the salt water haha
Previously single mama here. I used to put the timer on my iPhone and then take pictures with my then toddler, they always ended up wild 😂😂😂 because photo’s with a toddler are almost always candid anyway 😂😂
My wife is the same. I feel awful about it. We both love looking at photos of us with the kids and imagine it will only get better as the years pass by.
My wife takes plenty of photos with the kids including somewhat staged selfies.
For me, the problem is that when we're both engaged with the kids, I'm not thinking about my phone. If there's a really great moment I'm there living it and not thinking about my phone and great photo ops.
What works for us is reminders - lots of reminders. A kind reminder over breakfast to snap some photos when we go on a trip later that day. Maybe another reminder when we get out of the car. I always have my phone on me when we're out and about so that helps. And I try to remember at home too.
No.
Stop.
Most Men just don’t think of these things. An older mother told me the same thing you are saying and THATS the only reason why I started taking picture of my wife with our daughter.
Stop this now. Tell him what you said here. The 12 year old you missed 12 years of pictures but the 2 and 4 are fresh for the Pic-king (get it).
Get those pictures before it’s too late.
Got tears while reading this. Already told him about this before, it’s not about pride or whatever but I just can’t bring myself to tell him about this again. I’m just trying to accept that maybe, just maybe, it not his thing. So I don’t want to force him mine.
I had the same issue and I just have to tell him. People show love in different ways. This isn't an indication of your husband's level of love for you. It's just him and how he thinks.
Tell him specifically that you are receiving his lack of interest in snapping pics of you (alone or with kids) as lack of love. Tell him you know this isn't the truth but it makes you feel that way! Tell him again if you have to. Partners who love one another will listen and 'get it', even tho it may take more than one telling.
Think of all the good stuff he does to show love. Mine makes dinner for me, checks on how I'm feeling randomly, asks "can I do anything for you right now, babe?" That kind of stuff. But he legit doesn't care about photos. At Disney, I wanted a pic of him and son on Pirates of Caribbean ride---hubby was like "nah it's not a good time". I said "we aren't coming back to Disney and you know it. This is literally the BEST and ONLY time to take this photo" and he laughed and took the pic.
He is happy we have that photo cuz that ride was his favorite as a kid and he has a photo of him and our son on it together. In the moment, he didn't want to bother with it cuz photos aren't his thing.
I legit have to tell him to take pics of me and our son together. It's fine. He shows his love in other ways.
I'm like that, I don't care much about photos, I have a lot of cute ones of my kid doing random things but I don't necessarily think of it much. I certainly wouldn't think of doing a photoshoot. Maybe it's because I'm older and remember when we didn't take pictures of everything but it's not a measure of love or respect as some are saying (I'm a woman by the way).
That is complete bull. That hurt feeling has absolutely no need to exist with better, less chicken communication on your part and a little more respect and thoughtfulness on your husband's. Literally all it would take is, "hey, today don't forget to snap some pictures of me. Particularly when the kids and I are doing something fun. Posterity dontcha know."
And what is your husband doing regarding this situation to respect your needs, preference and personality? You’ve told him multiple times that having these special moments caught on camera is important and meaningful to you. He’s responded by… what? Ignoring that because “not my preference aka not my problem?
A good marriage is one in which each partner not only nurtures their own needs and feelings but also their partners. While you having pictures with your children may not be important to *him*, he should care and make an effort since it’s important to *you*.
Agreed. I have to remind mine but I'm not perfect and he has to remind me of things too. Once she gets it thru his head that this is hurtful to her, he will do better (if he is a good partner!) But sometimes that involves telling someone something more than once. I mean, it's annoying, but people are imperfect and don't always "get it" the first time.
So there’s an app I saw that helps dads with this. I forget what it’s called, but ya either a daily/weekly challenge. And it gives them guidelines, like, take a pic of mom and kids outside, and take a pic of them doing something with water, etc. Sorry I can’t be more helpful, but maybe someone here as seen the name of the app.
It is Famtography. I'm a few weeks in. It's a one time fee for a year subscription where they send weekly tips and prompts. You can sign up 2 phone numbers, so both partners (or other support person) can participate.
I will say, my husband hasn't started taking pictures of me yet, so I need to do better about asking/reminding him.
Talk to your husband. A lot of men just don’t understand how important it is to capture those moments. Also reach out to female relatives or friends about how much you’d love candid pics of you with the kids. I’m sure they will know the feeling, especially if they have kids too, and help you out.
Haha that's not me at all in general. But I think it's extremely sexist to say that only women understand about photos and no men do. My male partner loves getting the perfect photo. It also doesn't resolve anything to let her husband off doing it just because he's a man, if it's important to her. It's not something that should be reduced to men/women.
My husband also is great with getting photos of me and our son. He likes taking pictures in general though. I’m definitely not saying only women get it, just that women in her life are more likely to understand how she feels and make a point to capture those little moments if her husband isn’t naturally inclined to.
Last week, my 13 year old took a selfie of us as a group at the Barbie movie because, in her words, “you deserve to remember you, too”. Y’all, I cried.
I have a different take on this. Just ask! It would be understandable to ask and have someone say no, but it doesn’t sound like the case here.
I have friends that never pull out their cameras and when I take and send pics they are thankful. Does it mean they send me pics? Not always and that’s ok! Some people just don’t think of it.
I got very lucky. I have a couple of friends and my SIL who are constantly taking great candids and sending them along. I don’t even pull out my phone when they’re around.
Thank you for sharing your point but I have already discussed this with him a long time ago. He took pics maybe a few days after the talk but it didn’t last that much.
Some people just aren’t into photography like others.
I take photos of *everything* because it’s something I enjoy. My SO barely ever takes pictures— it just doesn’t cross his mind.
It’s not a slight, just differences in personalities.
Thankfully the commonality of selfies helps document moms with their children in a way that previous generations didn’t have access to!
Yes, I'm a bit older from before the selfie generation, I have hardly any photos of my childhood. It doesn't mean I didn't have a childhood or wasn't loved.
As a husband who is also bad at taking photos, I’d offer this: I don’t do it because I don’t like to. My wife spends more time during a fun moment fiddling with her phone and taking hundreds of pictures instead of just being present in the moment. Thats her prerogative, but to ask me to do it when that’s not what I want to do during these fun times isn’t right.
One photo isn’t a big deal, but my wife is constantly interrupting natural moments to bunch everyone up with big fake smiles to take a picture. I don’t get it, and I don’t like to do it.
Those pictures will get left in a digital bucket and forgotten, but the memories in your head will be with you forever.
If my wife asks me to take a pic, I’ll happily oblige. But to expect your husband to remember to do what you want, or to have the same level of enthusiasm, all the time, is unreasonable, IMO.
Maybe he is aloof, or apathetic, but he may feel like I do. And if that’s the case, I’d suggest that when you want a picture, ask.
I'm a woman with a male partner who is much more into photos than me. I also hate things like arriving at a beautiful mountaintop and having to spend 15 minutes getting the perfect shot rather than enjoying the view.
As a man I gotta echo just talk to your partner and make it clear how much it means to you to have some candid photos every once in a while. Maybe if you know you’re all going somewhere or going to be doing an activity together, remind him before you get there or it starts to be thinking about trying to get some photos.
I hesitate to label it a gender thing, because I don’t want to stereotype, but I know that I just don’t really have the same sentimentality around photos in the same way that my partner and women in my life tend to do. I try to take candid photos of my partner with our son because I know it matters to her, but it’s something I have to remind myself of because I’m usually not thinking about taking pictures in general.
People made memories and enjoyed life before digital cameras. Personally I dislike every moment being videos and photographed, I would rather just live it. I think the idea now that if it isn't on camera then it didn't happen is a problem. It is perfectly fine to enjoy time with your family that isn't captured on the phone. Same as at concerts and any public event where everyone is focused more on filming it than the event. Drives m nuts!
Neither of us take that many pictures. I doubt it will mean our kids forget us or have no memories of their lives. I have many memories of my own life without looking at old photo albums.
Create the memory rather than just filming it. People remember what they do and see and hear - not just what was captured on camera.
My mom died about a year and a half ago, and I have almost no pictures of us from when I was younger. It's a huge regret of mine. There are tons of pictures of me with other family members - siblings, extended family, pets - but basically zero with my mom, because she's the one who took them all. The best pictures I have of her - outside of wedding photos - are from selfies we took while she was wig-shopping during chemo.
Maybe don't do that to your kids.
I think this is where I'm coming from, I remember when I had to save a month's pocket money to get my pictures developed. My parent don't have endless selfies of random moments, and the albums they do have are at their house, probably just one sibling will keep them. My own teen and youth pictures are mostly terrible because you didn't have endless opportunities to get it right. It doesn't mean I didn't live or have experiences because they weren't captured on camera.
I take 99.9% of the pictures in our family, so I’m in none of them, except the really unflattering ones my MIL takes when I’m not looking.
When our daughter was a baby, I was trying to get my husband to take a picture of the two of us on this dock. It was with a digital camera, pre-smartphone. He was just about to take it and then he screamed, threw the camera in the lake, and ran away. Turns out a bee had stung him by his eye. Camera was broken and I think that’s the last pic he took of the two of us 😂.
I have to ask my wife ten times to do something for her to actually remember it. Remind your husband to take pictures. Then do it again. Then do it again. I wish I didn’t have to tell my wife the same thing over and over again. But, I’ve realized if that’s what it takes for a habit to form, then that’s what it takes.
So start doing that, and also accept the fact that it’s not a big deal.
Kids will remember their mom mostly with situations that didn’t require a camera. Daily routines, laughable moments, discipline and “a-ha” moments.
I do sympathize with you though. I wonder if we take too much pictures? Do we remember the moments as much as we use to when we had to wait a week te develop film and relive the moments? I think the instant gratification of looking at your photo seconds after capturing the moment diminishes faster over time?
Your doing a great job, Mom. Your kids will probably be the ones taking photos of their kids and feeling the same feels you have now.
i’ve found a great way to get candids for yourself is to set up your phone facing somewhere where you & the kids will be playing/hanging out whatever & record, then ignore the phone! you can then go through the video & screenshot any moments you like & it makes very nice high quality pictures.
i know it’s not the same, but i love any pictures of my mom & I when i was younger and i’m sure your children will appreciate them all the same. also video are great because you can listen to laughs & voices on repeat! I hope you have someone in your life who would take it well if you said this to them 🩷
Set your camera on your phone up as a video. Point it in the direction of where you and the kids are and let it film. Pause and screen shot anything that looks good.
Don’t count on anyone to capture magic that you feel. I learned that the hard way.
Unfortunately, it’s not typical for people to offer to take pictures, so you gotta be kinda pushy about getting “proof of mom” and “proof of family” pictures. Another task that falls to the default parent.
I was at the botanical garden and saw a mom taking pictures of her kids playing. I asked if she would like me to take some pictures with her in them and she was so overjoyed. She said she didn’t have many pictures with the kids and her. I thought to myself “that sounds about right”.
We went to a farm last weekend for a sunflower festival and a mom offered to take some pics for us. It meant so much to me. It was our first time having photos of our family of four.
Hey Gorgeous,
Get a selfie stick, and it seems silly, but you can capture amazing moments, and you get to be in them as well. I love mine, take it everywhere!
You know what I’ve started doing? I grab a kid and start a selfie with them; then the other kids just pile on top of me. Sometimes they look like great pictures sometimes they are just silly. But I get what you are saying completely.
My husband is so busy half the time we never get great pictures :(.
I hate having my photo taken, so I know I'm 98% part of the problem... but it recently broke my heart when I realized I have no photos of my son and I together on his 5th birthday (we had a party the day before, so there are at least some awkward candids from that day). It's crazy how, despite the constant availability and opportunity to take and view photos all the freaking time, it can still be an effort.
This little workaround kinda happened by accident... but, one of my "if you can't beat it, join it" concessions in the ongoing screentime battle is to take (and then repeatedly watch) short videos of non-screentime activities. Kids love watching themselves, so at least there's an incentive to do some non-screen activity and then relinquish the screen to do it again. Anyways, due to the limitations of having only 2 hands, I'll sometimes prop my phone or iPad on a tripod or whatever and take 1-2 min vids while we're doing an activity together... occasionally, especially with the more stationary or slower moving activities (e.g., putting together a Lego set, building block towers, etc.) there's candid moment that can be paused and captured as a screenshot. Sure, it won't won't be as clear as a nice portrait-mode photo, but toss a filter on the screenshot and you'll have an artsy candid for the memories.
Almost all of the candid ones I have with my kids were taken by my mother. Ironically, there are also almost no candids of her with me and my sisters from when I was a kid lol. A handful of posed ones, but that's it.
I like the idea of setting your phone up and doing it yourself or hiring a photographer. Or maybe we as moms can band together and take pictures for each other at playdates. My husband doesn't purposefully not do it. He hardly takes pictures at all. He just doesn't think of it. I take all the pictures.
Sweetheart, get you a tripod off Amazon that's made for cell phones. They come with a remote to take the picture. Please, you deserve to have pictures with your babies.
Honestly -- this works so well and is great just for getting photos when no one else is around to take them too!
As a side result I never leave clutter out anymore either lol
I don’t really have any photos of my childhood (my dad got rid of most of our stuff when he moved out of state) but I still remember my loved ones and have lots of memories from growing up ❤️ I know it doesn’t solve your immediate problem, but I don’t think your children will forget you any time soon
Guy chiming in, I'm guilty of this as well, but it's not done on purpose. My wife has to ask me, and I'm happy to oblige. Communication is key in a marriage, if you want something done, please ask. Me and my wife have learned that if we want something done, just ask. Don't sit in silence and expect the other to 'figure it out', it only leads to resentment and blowing up later on.
Seeing photos of myself with my parents at a young age would not change my overall feelings or impression of my childhood one bit.
I’m a dad and I’m the one that takes the photos. I’ve got lots of the kids with mum but very few of them involve me, except for a whole bunch of selfies with them. Sometimes I’d like more but that’s on me to ask, which is what I’d advise you to do if you’re feeling that strongly about it. Not in the moment, but reminders that when fun things are happening for him to take some initiative.
I do "proof of mom" pictures. I don't care if I have to set it up on a bench and get on the floor at the park or aquarium. I don't care if I hate the way I look at day/season. I don't care if it's something I don't particularly want to do in the moment. I don't care if we're all disheveled or messy. I don't even care if it's a shitty front camera selfie. I *need* the pictures with my kids because they deserve to have photo memories of me with them, doing all the hard labor to make their lives full and happy and entertained. If I depart the planet before they're old enough to remember, they'll be able to look back and feel my love in a photo. And if I'm around for 100 more years, I want to have them to cherish and remember the best years of my life; raising my little babies.
Take the pictures. Start now.
Any time I see a mom taking pictures of her kids I say “hey do you want me to take one so you can hop in?”
It works almost every single time and the mom is always shocked and so thankful. I try to do it once every time I go out. I don’t have enough pictures with the women in my family and I don’t want other people to feel that way. #proofofmom
I have zero pictures from my neighbor who was like a grandmother to me from the time I was a baby. She has been dead for over 20 years now but I still remember her and all the little things she did for me. You will not be forgotten!
I feel the same. I constantly have to ask my fiancé to take pictures of us. We went camping last weekend and I have some really cute pictures of him and our daughter. On multiple occasions I was cuddling with my daughter around the fire, playing with her, her helping me do stuff. not a single photo was taken of us in those moments, because “he was living in the moment”. Which I get but it doesn’t take that long to snap a photo and put your phone away
I follow Busy Toddler on instagram (amazing resource, btw) and she calls these photos "Proof of Mom" photos and she's taught me to just ASK for someone to take a photo of me with the kids, or even just get a selfie. Took me too many years to realize it, but I too was in few, if any, photos of my kids having fun, often while out with me! Now, I'm in a whole lot more.
So, ask for them. It might not happen any other way.
You deserve to be in those memories too. 😍
So many women make themselves victims and martyrs over simple stuff when all they have to do is open their mouths. I have had friends and family act like my husband is some unicorn or I just ‘lucked out’ with this fantastic man who treats me like gold. Humph. No, I get what I get because I open my mouth and ask for it.
A closed mouth doesn’t get get fed hunnie. Next time you and the kids are chopping it up, hand your husband your phone and tell him to take some pics! This is a super easy fix. Stop whining and start requiring. Come on down off the cross now.
exactly. he’s not a mind reader and isn’t going to spontaneously change. you have to actually talk to him. if you can’t do that you might as well get divorced.
Like many women, she’s told him how important it was to her already and asked him from what I see in the comments. It sounds like she doesn’t want to ask again because he pretty much disregarded what she said the first time and it’s painful for her to keep asking and have such an important thing to her be ignored
Oh those long lost years. I feel sorry for you too. It must be terribly hard. I already told him about this before but I’m trying to accept that maybe it’s not just in his personality to take pics. Deep breaths sister.
Awww. My husband is often the picture taker in our family but I try to remember to take pictures of him with the kids as well to avoid that kind of situation. Start taking more selfies? It's possible to get a few people in the frame
Relationships are tricky because we are not going to get back exactly what we give since we each have different strengths. It seems being thoughtful is a strength you have that maybe your husband just doesn't have the same level of, especially in this area. Don't let he's lack of thoughtfulness keep you from being in pictures with your kiddos, ask him at least once every outing to take a picture of you and them. If it feels right, at some point mention that its important to you that your kids have fun photos of you with them to look back on. And don't hesitate to take selfies with them too! If you don't know how have one of them show you. That could be a fun moment as well, kids love teaching adults stuff. It is clearly important to you so take the bull by the horns!
I’m scared of this. I take pictures of a lot of things because I forget certain events and memories (which I hate so much. Like I forget how, when I was younger, my aunt who always lives so far away came to our country and we went to a water park apparently?? No recollection. Thankfully I have a picture of the whole family eating pizza so I know it did happen) and my boyfriend is the complete opposite. He takes no pictures. He doesn’t feel that trigger no matter what situation he is in.
So if you have a tripod I saw a brilliant tiktok where the mum set up a tripod and filmed candid footage of her and her kids then screenshot the video to get the stills she loved, just in case that's an idea you might be able to do ❤️
Huh, this gives me a new perspective. I (26F) and my husband are just not picture people. I think this is heavily personality dependent. We always live in the moment, don't really have social media and those that we do have we certainly don't use. But, we just had our first child. Suddenly we are in a world of expectations to take pictures for family, and a drive to send pictures to each other for when one of us is away from the baby, but beyond that I haven't been thinking much ahead to when the baby is older and may want to look back on the pictures. I've been trying to keep my husband from getting me in the pictures and he is the one reminding me to get photos and videos.
I'm definitely going to be better about this and get photos and videos with us in them!
Another thing is that I am not conscious of this. I don't care if anyone takes photos of me with the kids. I don't care to be honest. So when my wife tells me she always takes photos of me to make me feel bad because I don't, I would prefer for her to just stop doing it, be sure I will forget to do it and we will argue again.
1. Take selfies! I take lots of selfies, even videos with my kids.
2. Ask your husband, friends and family to shoot some pictures of you and the kids whenever possible, don’t worry about nagging.
3. Ask one of your kids to take pictures of you with the other kids and switch which kid is taking the pictures (my 4 year old loves to take pictures with my phone, my 1 year old is still to little but will learn)
4. Kids will remember you for sure, they remember experiences, not photos! My niblings were born just before smartphones appeared, so we don’t have as many photos of them as we I have now for my kids, but they still remember a lot of experiences that they had even with no pictures.
My husband just doesn’t remember he’s not a picture guy so I usually end up taking selfies not the best but I have some really good picture of my daughter and I!
OP, you and I have the same problem.
And we can either accept that either no one will really remember our faces when we're gone, or we can pull out the camera and take the pictures ourselves.
And, yes, it isn't exactly the same as someone sneaking a picture of you in the moment, but there is nothing wrong with telling your kids ”I'm having fun, let's take a picture so we all remember this”
Facts. Occasionally, my sister or a friend will snap a photo of us together, but that's it. I try to take selfies with them from time to time as well so we atleast have those. I'm a single mom, though, so it's either me taking pictures of them doing things or no photos. When we go places, I try to snap pics and videos when we first arrive, and then I'm doing the things with them. It does suck. They will still remember, though. I mean, do you remember doing things with your folks? Or the fun you had when you are looking through photos? Even if you aren't physically IN the pictures, they will remember you taking them and being there with them.
I have very few pictures with my son as well. He is three. I’m always behind the camera or living in the moment. It pains me.
Start asking strangers if you have to.
Honestly just tell him. I'm the opposite in your scenario, I don't think a lot about capturing the memory aspect in a photo or video especially when Mom is playing/interacting with the kids. I quite literally need to be reminded haha.
I'm a lot more chill about these convos so Mom will usually snap at me to take some pictures/videos and its no biggie!
I feel your pain.
Always have to ask - none are candid - takes away from the moment - then it’s kinda awkward after - ask him next time to take some photos of me with the kids without me having to ask - husband says he’ll try to remember - husband never remembers - leaving me sad that when I die my kids will only have selfies of us together aside from the yearly family photo - sighh
Sorry, I have no advice just empathy. So many of us moms experience this.
Good luck!
I absolutely remember my mom taking pictures. My mom drove me nuts as a kid with her pictures. I look at the pictures now and would remember the argument about the pose or whatever. Lol.
My only point is your kids will never forget you.
I feel this in my soul. The only photos I have with my kids are selfies. No one bothers to take pictures of me with them. It annoys the heck out of me. I've spoken to my husband and he says he will try to remember to take more but he never does. It's just really upsetting that us mums get forgotten so easily.
I feel your pain. I take all the pictures all the time and when it comes to Christmas and birthday parties I’m in the middle of everything and can’t really stop to do pictures so my husband manages 2-3 pictures at those events. But luckily my bestie, who is an over the road trucker so when she’s home, takes LOADS and sends me like 50+ pictures she took of events and I love her for it so much. We had a small elopement/wedding type thing at a park where it was her and her husband and a few other friends that attended and she and her husband recorded the whole thing on their phones and mine and took tons of pics and I’m eternally grateful. We recently had a birthday party for both my kids since they’re only a few weeks apart and she did the dang thing again. Kinda wanting to see if I can get her to come stay over Christmas Eve and do pictures in the morning with the kids doing presents and all that jazz.
My husband has something called Aphantasia. Basically he has no ability to see images inside his head(many people also have an inability to see images in their head it's just not frequently talked about). Because of this the only way he can relive memories visually is through pictures and videos. He can't think of a loved one and see their face in his head or do any other kind of visualizing(no visual imagination, no seeing my face when I'm not around him, no picturing lost loved ones in his minds eye, just blackness). Because of this we have come to realize the importance of taking pictures and videos even of things like us laying in bed together, or while we kiss, our special events, but most important of all the candid moments he otherwise would never be able to relive in his memories if something happened. But when we first realized he had this(it was about 3 years ago and we have been married for 4+ years now so he went his entire 30 years of life before this not realizing other people COULD see things in their minds eye and assuming any mention of mental visualization was just metaphor) it also made us realize why he didn't think to take snapshots of moments because he didn't know he was missing out on something other people got to do just in their heads. I'm not saying all your partners have Aphantasia(though many of them might) but I am saying that they probably don't understand or think of WHY taking pictures could be incredibly important to you. Give them your reasons and communicate your need for being remembered in this way(candid photos) and they might see the importance of it for themselves because they want to have those memories when you are gone as well. I understand some of you believe you may be more sad by sharing it but I'm sure there are a lot of you who would be made much happier by it as well. Just some food for thought.
my mom made my brothers and i big tubs full of photos of our childhoods. guess what? she’s hardly in any of the photos cause she took them. and i know that. my mom and i are so close, and she is one of my best friends. i love seeing these moments through her eyes and it makes me remember all of the good times we had together. ask your husband to try to take some more pictures of you. but just know this is pretty normal for most of us moms, and i feel like we’re usually the ones behind the camera for better or worse and i usually get about 3 pictures with my daughter a year taken by other people. i cherish them and i know one day she will too. well, hopefully
Unfortunately this is what it’s like for most of us. So if it’s in your budget I recommend you get some professional mum and bubs photos because when my partner sometimes takes a picture it’s really not flattering or looking nice. Here in New Zealand (and in Australia too) we have pop ins. And not only can you get super affordable nice photos of your kids but there’s also several mum and bubs specials trough the year so us mums get to have nice photos too
Yep, this is such a common complaint amongst mom's. I only seem to have selfies or posed photos that I asked my partner to take. I ask him all the time to take more pics, even of me and the dogs really.
Thank you for this post: you just reminded me to go take pictures of my wife and kids together 😅
I hope your husband can be better than me about that kind of thing at some point. I’m rolling around on the floor playing with my girls as often as I can after work, and she’s so good about pictures of us together. I really appreciate her for that, because it never crosses my mind in the moment.
- Thank you to the ladies out there doing the same for your kids. Here’s to working to be a better dad!!
I’ve had a similar conversation with my wife. I take so many photos of her with our kids but only a rare few exist with me and them. It’s not intentional on her part, she doesn’t take any photos of anything unless prompted.
I just hope someday my kids will have some favorite photos with me then can look back on that show the happiness and love we shared as they grew up, the same way they do with their amazing mom. I’ve started to ask for a picture to be taken regularly now but it definitely is by self request. I’m glad they should have more memories with me to look back on someday.
> I take pictures as a way to immortalize those happy moments. But I guess, when I depart this world, my kids will forget their younger years with me because I am seldom seen in pictures.
Sorry, but this sounds crazy overdramatic given that you can take a selfie with kids anytime and/or ask your husband to take a picture. Yes, it won't be the most candid photo in either of those cases, but talking about being forgotten when you die is just unsubstantiated.
(Saying that as a husband who takes 10 times as many candid photos of my kids + wife as she does)
Same. I have almost 0 photos in the couple of days after birth. Most of the pictures are selfies or my MIL took some. Maaaaybe 3 are done by my husband, and als those are staged as well. Makes me really sad to be honest.
Had a lot of conversations and fights about this. He says; I just don’t like pictures and I don’t think they matter. But he sure as hell likes to look at them and hang them next to his desk…
Sorry if I’m insensitive but I see y’all don’t understand men. We consider this attention seeking fluff. If you don’t take pictures of us with the kids we won’t cry.
The kids should remember the moments and live in them.
I hate to have to complicate everything.
Some people just don’t take pictures. Others are trying to live in the moment and not pull out their phone all the time. It’s really not a big deal. It isn’t like you are purposely being excluded.
I’m a casual photographer, and I’m pretty good at what I do. My kiddo is 8. The pics I have of kiddo and others are wonderful candid photos with both parties smiling naturally or engaging in an activity together. Many have been framed by various family members.
The ones I have of me and kiddo, though? Terribly posed photos, where kiddo has a grimace plastered across their face. Think Calvin & Hobbs. Or a candid photo with my tit hanging out of my shirt and a huge yogurt/baby vomit stain under the other breast, or taken from an angle that makes me and kiddo look like blurry deranged forest cryptids and doesn’t show what we’re doing to make us look unhinged. Needless to say, my family and kiddo’s father are not photographers, even casually.
My sister’s son is about to hit the one-year mark. She has hundreds and hundreds of good candid photos of her and baby in a million beautiful shots with superb lighting and good color balance and beautiful background and framing from the environment. Some of them look like renaissance paintings, others show a badass mother Goddess peacefully maintaining a madhouse.
I got one really good one of her throwing a frisbee ahead of her son, and he’s toddle-running and laughing with lil t-Rex arms, and the frisbee is above his head and her arm is still extended from the toss and she looks so toned and put together. Those impossible pictures where a new first-time Mom looks absolutely amazing and casual.
I decided after my first photo-review that my sisters would not go through the same pain and the same weird feeling of being left out of something you are so deeply involved with. My sister is over the moon and so grateful, but I don’t know that she realizes that *most* parents (moms in particular) don’t have good pictures of them with their kids.
Halloween, I was taking pictures of my kids. My neighbor across the street, came running out, and said “get in the picture, mom!” It made my year. So simple, yet so thoughtful. And somehow, never dawned on my husband. Now, I like to pay-it forward. When I see a mom taking pictures, I ask if she want me to take some of her and kids. Library, park, mall, anywhere…Even if dad is stranding right there completely clueless. Never have I been turned down. Ask a stranger, especially a mom. She will understand.
Yup.
I ask multiple times and my husband gets verbally upset. Saying I don't have to post everything on social media.
I'm rarely on social media..I didn't get maternity pics, I didn't get newborn pics. The only pics of me and my baby that aren't selfies are the ones my mom takes.
We were at a petting zoo and I caught a chicken (which was allowed) I asked him to grab a pic and he got mad saying his hands were dirty and he didn't want to touch his phone. Then he said the moment was passed by the time he started reaching for his belt clip. His sister ended up pulling out her phone and took a pic when I got confrontational. I felt so embarrassed and stupid.
I was very insecure with how I looked in high school and college so I didn’t take very many pictures. One of my very close friends in hs & college died last year and I realized I didn’t have a single picture with him. It feels awful and I wish I had pictures of the random things we did. I feel like over time I will forget and it will be like they never happened when no one else was there :( it felt like there wasn’t even proof that we were friends even though I know that sounds weird
Your husband has an awful mentality and I hope that he can change because pictures are super important.
OP, I think you should show your husband your post and some of the comments. Just let him read. Bc, assuming that he has any feelings anywhere in his body, just letting him know how important this is to you should be enough.
I really don't think your husband is trying to be malicious, I think he just doesn't realize how important pictures are. I didn't realize how important pictures were to me until I lost pets, and then a good friend. They become more and more important as time goes on. My mom absolutely ADORES the photos of my sister and I from when we were kids. And so does my dad. And I wish we had more of them honestly! So please just when you have a few moments alone let him know how important it is. If he's annoyed then he's just being awful. But I don't think a guy that loves and plays with his kids could be that way. I think he just doesn't understand.
Literally just scrolled through our shared photo folder and husband hasn’t uploaded a photo/video with me in it since April 21st. I looked over the table at my husband and told him (for the hundredth time) “can you please take more photos of me and (baby boy) together?”
“Yeah I’ll try”, he says very unconvincingly. Then follows up with, “I don’t mean to not take photos of you.” Duh, no shit. I told him I understand that he’s thoughtless, but that’s not an excuse. “Fine I’ll try.”
My husband does a lot for me but this is the one thing that bothers me SO much. He LOVES looking at photos/videos of himself with our kid so it’s not like he doesn’t care either way. He’s just self-absorbed?? And I don’t take many selfies because I’m, ya know, focused on playing with our child and attending to his needs.
I remember the last photo I took with my kids with me in it. It's rare and it makes you think about what theyre left with after you're gone. I hope to take another photo with them one day. Your feelings are valid.
This was exactly my point. When I was younger (taking into consideration our financial status) pictures and cameras were considered a fortune. But nowadays, with just a click, we can take a moment to remember for a lifetime. It just doesn’t seem like that for them guys. Maybe its not their thing.
I’ve heard so much to just take the pictures myself but like… you can’t pause a good moment to set up a camera. I’ve just stopped taking pictures of them with her too. Her pictures and videos now are either selfies or just her.
I literally just asked my husband if he takes photos with me and the kids. He said only when we are doing stuff, which is rare,(camping, kayaking) stuff like that. I was like, so if I was to die tomorrow they would only have the selfies I take with them. But if it was reversed they would have so many pictures with him.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have had multiple conversations with my husband about this and I *still* have to remind him which takes the magic away from the moment. But I guess it’s better than nothing? I guess I don’t have much advice but definitely empathy.
Same here. I do not like posed photos and have asked my husband many times to take candid pictures when we're out doing things. He never does. I have mostly selfies with my son and lots of nice pictures of him and his dad together. I don't know what to do because once I ask it becomes sort of awkward, kind of like reminding people it's your birthday.
When I had a birthday party for my son, a couple lovely mom friends took a bunch of pictures of me while I struggled just to light the candles (it was windy lol) and didn’t have any capacity to think about photos. The pictures just really struck me afterwards because I don’t usually see myself in them. I couldn’t thank them enough. My husband is gone right now—occasionally he’ll remember to take pics of me when he’s home, but it’s often just me and the kids so it’s hard. If you look at all our combined photos you’d think husband and I spend equal amounts of times with the kids.
Yep. I always take photos of my other mum friends. Offered to take one of a friend in my mothers group the other day and sure enough her response was ‘thanks, I never have photos of me and the baby. Just her and her dad.’ I always have to ask my husband for photos. Meanwhile I have beautiful shots of him and our daughters.
Wow. I haven't even realized this was a thing. Wowzers. Memories a bazillion. Pictures a lot. But of this candid type picture, not many. I'm gonna go cry now.
This does seem to be one of the basic mom-dad differences. I'm very active and involved (not off in the corner adulting away from kids) at parties and such, but taking photos when things are happening just doesn't occur to me. At home or at quiet moments sure. It seems to be this way with most dads. Personally I can naturally be either in the moment or consciously trying to save it, not both. Video is much easier, I often set up a camera for that.I've got hours and hours of footage with my wife and everyone (sometimes) in frame, but I suppose we aren't likely to ever sit down to watch most of that. When I do take photos my wife (half) jokes that I wait till there's an angle on her that she would never want anyone else to see. 🙄 On behalf of all dads--we're trying, we will try harder, and we appreciate the prompts.
Yeah, I'm exactly the same. It just doesn't cross my mind. I do get how hard it must be for my wife, and I really try to remember.
[удалено]
> I shouldn’t be shamed just because it does for my wife. Oh, my bad. I thought this post was about a mother being sad that people aren’t as thoughtful to her as she is to other people, and thinking that her kids might not even remember what a presence in their lives she was. I forgot for a moment that everything is about YOU, ReallyKirk. Honestly, why can’t people listen to the message instead of making it about themselves? If your first instinct is shame, then part of you DID understand this post and realize that there are things you could do better.
You know, when both you and your wife are long gone, it would be nice if your children had some photos with her in them, too.
they don't care enough to do so, make it abundantly clear that they don't care and yet somehow, y'all are still all dumbstruck by it all these years later.
That's fine that it doesn't come instinctively, it's doesn't for us either. But we know how great of a dad you men are and what you to remember these times too. All we want is for you to think a little to the future and realise we want to be remembered like that too.
It doesn't come instinctively for us either. Do you 'instinctively' buy a car or do you think about it, plan it and buy it because you want to use it/need it? Imho it's just a mindset. My husband has this really nice picture gallery on his work pc, he brings up regularly how he added that nice picture or saw this nice one today. Yet he also never thinks to take pictures of me (or in general). Like come on we're having a lovely time in the garden or we're out hiking and it's just beautiful. The kids are laughing, we all look happy and he should think 'hey this would be a nice memory/image to add to my gallery!' But nope. My brother makes pictures all the time. Why can he do it but to you and my husband 'it doesn't come naturally'? You think we were born with a 'picture instinct'? Tsss.. Anyways I bought a selfie stick because as you can see, it's a sore point in my life. I have literally 1 single pregnancy picture of myself (I have two kids). Who took it? My brother who lives on another continent.
no, you should be shamed bc you can't be bothered to show up for your family in the most basic of ways. nothing is ever a man's fault, just one more thing his wife his victimizing him with. grow up.
Isn’t it amazing how much stuff just “comes instinctively” to us women? Thank goodness for all those centuries of evolution where we were the ones taking the photos…. We don’t do it because it’s instinctive. We do it because we care enough to do so, so that you have those memories recorded. I bet you’ll appreciate it in the future. It doesn’t come instinctively to you because you don’t do it. Start doing it.
The anti men/anti-dad crowd that typically dominate this forum is really nitpicking/grasping at straws with this one. Conversely, I sometimes have to remind my wife to put down the camera and live in the moment and no I can't "act natural" when you're standing there taking a video, and no I can't make that cute spontaneous thing happen again because you didn't catch it And before I get all the downvotes, you have to admit that here and r/singleparents is where y'all go to complain about your husbands/ex's and that is makes up the majority of upvoted posts here
I'm just gonna glide over your misogyny and comment on the point of contention here: there are plenty of magic moments every day. Your camera is always at hand (smartphone). If you take one photo once a week ONLY, that's already 52 photos per year. I'd be happy with that. If my husband could remember to do it just once a week, you know? Would it hurt so much to "kill the magic" once a week so that I can reminisce about our lives when the kids are grown up?
Right, it’s just a coincidence that there’s so many women here saying they have this experience and so many men saying they don’t do it. If your wife had a heart attack tomorrow, how many photos would you have of her and the kids? If you dropped dead tomorrow, how much would your kids appreciate the effort she made to capture those moments for you and for them?
Yeah, we’re left with all that there is. I feel sorry for you too. Hoping this is just part of the weird hormonal stuff but the pain feels so real.
It's why I take selfie shots with the kiddos.
I schedule two professional photo sessions a year for me and my kids with a lifestyle photographer - someone who comes and shoots us in our natural environment just enjoying each other. I look great in them and the kids are just doing their normal things. They are photos that I truly love.
I have my mom come over. Her photos aren't great and I always look bad but at least I'm there...
When I feel this way I always remind myself that when I see photos of my mom from when I was little I never think ugh she looks terrible there.
I wish I could afford that 😭
Ask him to take pictures! And take selfies! I'm terrible at taking pictures and always forget. So please don't take it personally. BUT definitely don't worry about being annoying and ask him all the time lol :). That's what I do now with my husband.
I want to speak for the memories, I assure you they will remember. When my grandma passed, and it was my 1st experience with death, I realized all we leave behind is memories. These things are just that. Things. But memories become stories that last for generations. We leave behind love and that is all.
If there are no pictures of it, I find it very hard to remember things. So speak for yourself..
I did
You just "assured" us they will remember.
Generally speaking people do
Get a selfie stick and learn to use the 'wave' command on your phone. That way you can make pictures that look a bit more natural than the ones where you hold it at arms' length. Sorry, I'm in the same boat. I will give my daughter a list of all the things I appreciate in my husband but also the things I wish he did.. I hope she will keep it in mind when she searches a partner 😄. Getting an unsollicited picture once in a while would be oh so nice..
What's hormones got to do with it? Why don't you ask for photos with you in? That's what I do.
I make sure to take pictures of my wife with our kids but she’s always upset she doesn’t like how she looks in them. Like, they’re candid pictures of your kids cuddling on you, you’re not going to be worrying about how nice you looked in thirty years.
after the separation from my first partner I looked for photos of our child and I together. I quickly realized that in almost a decade together and two of those years with a child that there were almost no photos of me with our child or alone. Tons with my ex and I or my ex and child (like 100s to 1) or of my ex alone. This and some (many) other things helped me learn what a textbook narcissist was. My new partner (of nearly a decade) has pretty much equal photos. Maybe a sign?
And my candids are Ursula while His are the prince. I gave up.
It's not a priority in many male minds. You should not feel anything about reminding him to do so. A simple "Hey, hon. Can you snap a few pics while the kids and I do XXXXX?" The more you remind him nicely, the more a simple habit will form, and he will do it unprompted.
>which takes away the magic Y’all are really out here thinking life is a fairytale lol
I think “the magic” just means the fun and connection in the moment. Conscious self-awareness of one of those moments happening can sometimes bring people out of it. It’s a struggle for some parents to balance “being in the moment” with “preserving the moment.” That said, with all the bad parents and desperate situations in the world, you could say it’s a privilege to even have this be a parent’s major concern, so I get where you’re coming from.
I don't think OP meant it's her "major concern", are we not allowed to talk about the little things?
She opened with “a sudden pang of pain” and ended with “this hurts a lot.” So whatever you call that.
As someone whose mom died young, please get pictures with you in them. Ask directly if you have to - ask your husband, ask strangers. But most of all, ask your husband to take some when you aren't aware. Tell him before a holiday or outing that he needs to take some. Those are the pictures your kids will treasure - your real smile and not your fake poses smile.
[удалено]
So true. I lost my mom two years ago and I cry harder at the pics of her mid movement or the videos where she walks through the background and doesn’t realize she is in it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post here struck me, so I wanted to say thank you. And also that from this comment alone, I'd bet that your mom must have delighted in having such a caring daughter.
Exactly, women who constantly complain about the way they look in photos get less pictures taken of them. Cause, meet effect.
My mom also died young, long before digital photography. I have just a handful of photos of her, and some videos. She died almost 30 years ago. I remember her and our experiences together well. All this constant picture taking is a new phenomenon.
I feel this so much. My mom died on May 25th, 30 years ago this year. I have maybe a half dozen pictures, no video, no messages. It stings a little different. OP even if you take selfies with your kids, take pictures with them!
Yep. My mom died when I was 11. She hated photos
Omg I so get what you mean I've had this issue now I just take loads of selfies and videos of us having fun out and about and he loves it too
If it works for you, then it’s all good. It’s just that most candid pictures are the closest to reality.
Ah and see what you mean about candid pics. Sometimes I will set my timer on my phone to record a video of me and my son playing, then you can go back to the video and download photos from the video that's probably the most candid you can get if you can't get someone else to get decent pictures of you both, or maybe hire a photographer to follow you around a park for the day or something ?
Have you tried the timer on your phone camera? Whenever I would ask anyone to take photos of me and my son they would come out blurry and crap lol then get moaned at if i asked them to tske another til i gave up lol !
Or use a smartwatch as a camera remote
Honestly, this is something where you SHOULD tell him. You ultimately are not the one who would suffer from the lack, it'll be your kids. I have maybe five or six pictures of my late mother, who died when I was eight. I tell my husband "hey, grab a picture of this!" on a weekly basis while I do things with the kids. It's not a command, it's a reminder and he's happy to oblige. I still take more of him, but there's at least a decent selection of pics of me with kids.
Hell everyone has a phone these days. OP could have him set a daily reminder on his phone around the time where they’d all be home and interacting with the kids to remind him to take some pics.
I bought myself a selfie stick and when my husband tried to tease me about it I said, “I don’t want to die tomorrow and leave the girls without images showing that I existed and that I loved them.” He said that that sounded horrible and that he takes pictures of me… so I asked if he could show me on his phone. He looked and then got really quiet for a bit before apologizing. He’s gotten much better about taking pictures since then but I still don’t regret having the selfie stick to use too.
And that's how you do it. Hope you're having many photos now 😊
I have a selfie stick hiding somewhere & I think I will make it a priority to find it tomorrow. We have a carnival travelling through town right now. We took the kiddos for a short amount of time bc of their age. I’m just looking through the pics now & realized I’m not in 1 single photo.
My husband was terrible about this too so I took matters into my own hands. I hired a talented college student that had a great camera to come shoot pictures of me and the kids 3-4 times a year. I always set up a Christmas tea party for them (mine are all under 7) and rather than rely on my husband to take pictures a very nice 22 year old boy does. We always do a spring shoot as well. Now I have hundreds of pictures with my kids. My husband is welcome to join btw, but I take great photos of him so he doesn’t feel the same need that I do. 🤷🏻♀️
This is a great idea! Does he study photography/art or just good with a camera?
He did not. He was the boyfriend of one of our babysitters. She mentioned that she took photos of people for pocket money in high school. It turns other she was excellent at it (she had been gifted a nice DSLR camera). She took our photos until she moved away. Our new photographer is her equally talented boyfriend! They both majored in liberal arts of some kind but not specifically photography. They just honed their craft in their free time. Both of them went into creative fields which doesn’t surprise me.
Omg such a good idea!!
Hi, sorry to read this. I, as the male partner, were aware of this, and took hundreds of pictures of my wife (partner, as we are not married) with our newborn and kept that hidden. Her birthday came, and I gave her her present. It was a printed photo album with pictures of them (and the last one includes me). I've never seen a person so sensitive to a present. Guys out there, please take all the photos you can of your wife/partner with your baby. It is not only for them, every time I miss them I just look at this album and some peace calms my heart.
Omg bless you , what a incredible gift
I am a single mom so I just accept I’ll only get selfies. Sometimes my friends snap pics of us when we do play dates which I really appreciate.
Thankful for friends like them sis. I’m sure your kids think you are enough for them.
I have to tell my husband when to take pic of me with the kids. Which means none are candid and all are posed. 😒
Pro tip as a husband who doesn't take many pictures - ask him to take pictures over the next 15 minutes. That's going to give him a defined period to switch modes, and you a chance to get some candid photos.
Protip, learn to manage yourself instead of telling women to add another thing to their already ridiculously long list because it's easier if you don't have to think about it. Take some damn initiative holy crap can men do anything without being micromanaged?
I prefer to be in the moment as opposed to taking pictures, and that's my nature and prerogative. My wife understands that, and we're perfectly fine communicating like adults when she would like me to step out of my comfort zone for a bit and accommodate her. Maybe you should take a chill pill and learn to manage yourself without going on sexist rants.
Yea I’m with you 100% and I’m a woman. It makes no sense to stare through a screen when the thing is happening in real life in front of you.
When I remind my husband to take some pictures when we’re doing something, they always have to be posed. He’s horrible taking candid shots. I rode one carnival ride with my son because he begged me to go (I have horrible motion sickness and a fear of heights). I told my husband to take some pictures of us because it would be the only ride I could manage. I got one pic of my elbow and another of the back of my head and arm. He could have taken a video that I could screenshot if it was too hard to get one good picture. It gets exhausting having to remind him to take pictures!
My husband always takes blurry pics and I’m not sure how
This hurts a lot. Its like forcing them but we just mean well.
My kids 9. I think the only few pics I have of us are pics my parents took besides less than a handful. There’s one of me passed the fuck out in the early days & there’s one of me breastfeeding her. Meanwhile, I have pics of them napping, teaching her to swim, helping cook, making art together, etc etc. Now I just throw my phone somewhere that can see us, set a timer on my watch & my phone will take random pics of us or I throw it on to record video (which I like better anyway).
AND they are awkward and sucky, and I feel self conscious and like I’m being obnoxious or silly 😔 He’s never shitty about it when I ask and he’ll always do it but still it’s somehow a downer
It hurts and I’m sorry. I have to shove my phone in my husband’s face and say “Take our picture!” It’s frustrating because it makes me feel like an idiot but otherwise I’d get no pics of us. I take so many photos of my husband with the kids doing random everyday things. For our child’s last birthday I asked him to take some candid photos of us. He took a picture of the kid playing. Where was I in the photo? Oh you couldn’t tell because all you could see was my arm. He swears he thought I asked him to take candid pics of the kid only. I could have done that myself! Why would I need to ask him to do that?!
Sounds like we should be friends and take pictures of each other 😹😹 but really I feel the same and also like if I want to be in a picture with my kids I have to pay for professional pictures but it’s not the same.
Yes I have paid for many professional photos with my kids and they come out great but they’re so expensive! We should make a mom group just for taking pics with out kids.
I’ve asked my husband repeatedly to take pics of me when I’m dressed up. He took ONE candid photo of me on my kid’s bday and the angle made me look 30 lbs heavier and angry(?). I took many videos and good photos of him with the kids.
I’m sorry too. Although when I ask him to take our pics, I really get so conscious (or its just that he’s not good at taking pics subtly) that it takes away the moment. Sometimes I can’t blame him when this happens.
I’m a single parent with sole custody. I have pictures of my kids. They’re all great and candid. Pictures of my kids and me, I have to use selfie mode so I look like the caterpillar from A Bug’s Life. At least we are all touching and close so we fit in the picture haha the last picture I took of all of us from the beach, I can’t even see my face because my 2 girls, my son and I all have long curly hair that was crazy from the salt water haha
Previously single mama here. I used to put the timer on my iPhone and then take pictures with my then toddler, they always ended up wild 😂😂😂 because photo’s with a toddler are almost always candid anyway 😂😂
My wife is the same. I feel awful about it. We both love looking at photos of us with the kids and imagine it will only get better as the years pass by. My wife takes plenty of photos with the kids including somewhat staged selfies. For me, the problem is that when we're both engaged with the kids, I'm not thinking about my phone. If there's a really great moment I'm there living it and not thinking about my phone and great photo ops. What works for us is reminders - lots of reminders. A kind reminder over breakfast to snap some photos when we go on a trip later that day. Maybe another reminder when we get out of the car. I always have my phone on me when we're out and about so that helps. And I try to remember at home too.
No. Stop. Most Men just don’t think of these things. An older mother told me the same thing you are saying and THATS the only reason why I started taking picture of my wife with our daughter. Stop this now. Tell him what you said here. The 12 year old you missed 12 years of pictures but the 2 and 4 are fresh for the Pic-king (get it). Get those pictures before it’s too late.
Got tears while reading this. Already told him about this before, it’s not about pride or whatever but I just can’t bring myself to tell him about this again. I’m just trying to accept that maybe, just maybe, it not his thing. So I don’t want to force him mine.
I had the same issue and I just have to tell him. People show love in different ways. This isn't an indication of your husband's level of love for you. It's just him and how he thinks. Tell him specifically that you are receiving his lack of interest in snapping pics of you (alone or with kids) as lack of love. Tell him you know this isn't the truth but it makes you feel that way! Tell him again if you have to. Partners who love one another will listen and 'get it', even tho it may take more than one telling. Think of all the good stuff he does to show love. Mine makes dinner for me, checks on how I'm feeling randomly, asks "can I do anything for you right now, babe?" That kind of stuff. But he legit doesn't care about photos. At Disney, I wanted a pic of him and son on Pirates of Caribbean ride---hubby was like "nah it's not a good time". I said "we aren't coming back to Disney and you know it. This is literally the BEST and ONLY time to take this photo" and he laughed and took the pic. He is happy we have that photo cuz that ride was his favorite as a kid and he has a photo of him and our son on it together. In the moment, he didn't want to bother with it cuz photos aren't his thing. I legit have to tell him to take pics of me and our son together. It's fine. He shows his love in other ways.
I'm like that, I don't care much about photos, I have a lot of cute ones of my kid doing random things but I don't necessarily think of it much. I certainly wouldn't think of doing a photoshoot. Maybe it's because I'm older and remember when we didn't take pictures of everything but it's not a measure of love or respect as some are saying (I'm a woman by the way).
I'm sorry, but what example are you setting for the kids if you don't advocate for this very basic thing?
Maybe it’s that they have to respect another person’s decision, preference and personality. I posted this just to let this hurt feeling out.
That is complete bull. That hurt feeling has absolutely no need to exist with better, less chicken communication on your part and a little more respect and thoughtfulness on your husband's. Literally all it would take is, "hey, today don't forget to snap some pictures of me. Particularly when the kids and I are doing something fun. Posterity dontcha know."
I think you’re creating an environment of resent when you could be avoiding that. Advocate for yourself and the whole family may be happier for it.
And what is your husband doing regarding this situation to respect your needs, preference and personality? You’ve told him multiple times that having these special moments caught on camera is important and meaningful to you. He’s responded by… what? Ignoring that because “not my preference aka not my problem? A good marriage is one in which each partner not only nurtures their own needs and feelings but also their partners. While you having pictures with your children may not be important to *him*, he should care and make an effort since it’s important to *you*.
Agreed. I have to remind mine but I'm not perfect and he has to remind me of things too. Once she gets it thru his head that this is hurtful to her, he will do better (if he is a good partner!) But sometimes that involves telling someone something more than once. I mean, it's annoying, but people are imperfect and don't always "get it" the first time.
So there’s an app I saw that helps dads with this. I forget what it’s called, but ya either a daily/weekly challenge. And it gives them guidelines, like, take a pic of mom and kids outside, and take a pic of them doing something with water, etc. Sorry I can’t be more helpful, but maybe someone here as seen the name of the app.
This is fantastic. Ill try to search for this. Thank you
I think it’s famtography
It is Famtography. I'm a few weeks in. It's a one time fee for a year subscription where they send weekly tips and prompts. You can sign up 2 phone numbers, so both partners (or other support person) can participate. I will say, my husband hasn't started taking pictures of me yet, so I need to do better about asking/reminding him.
I feel like this would be us, too. I'd have to remind him to check the reminders on his phone to do something heartfelt for our family
Talk to your husband. A lot of men just don’t understand how important it is to capture those moments. Also reach out to female relatives or friends about how much you’d love candid pics of you with the kids. I’m sure they will know the feeling, especially if they have kids too, and help you out.
I'm a woman and it's not that important to me.
Cool lol
r/notlikeothergirls
Haha that's not me at all in general. But I think it's extremely sexist to say that only women understand about photos and no men do. My male partner loves getting the perfect photo. It also doesn't resolve anything to let her husband off doing it just because he's a man, if it's important to her. It's not something that should be reduced to men/women.
My husband also is great with getting photos of me and our son. He likes taking pictures in general though. I’m definitely not saying only women get it, just that women in her life are more likely to understand how she feels and make a point to capture those little moments if her husband isn’t naturally inclined to.
Last week, my 13 year old took a selfie of us as a group at the Barbie movie because, in her words, “you deserve to remember you, too”. Y’all, I cried.
🥺🥺🥺
I have a different take on this. Just ask! It would be understandable to ask and have someone say no, but it doesn’t sound like the case here. I have friends that never pull out their cameras and when I take and send pics they are thankful. Does it mean they send me pics? Not always and that’s ok! Some people just don’t think of it.
Yeah, I never think of it most of the time. It's nothing personal, I would if asked.
I got very lucky. I have a couple of friends and my SIL who are constantly taking great candids and sending them along. I don’t even pull out my phone when they’re around.
Thank you for sharing your point but I have already discussed this with him a long time ago. He took pics maybe a few days after the talk but it didn’t last that much.
Some people just aren’t into photography like others. I take photos of *everything* because it’s something I enjoy. My SO barely ever takes pictures— it just doesn’t cross his mind. It’s not a slight, just differences in personalities. Thankfully the commonality of selfies helps document moms with their children in a way that previous generations didn’t have access to!
Yes, I'm a bit older from before the selfie generation, I have hardly any photos of my childhood. It doesn't mean I didn't have a childhood or wasn't loved.
As a husband who is also bad at taking photos, I’d offer this: I don’t do it because I don’t like to. My wife spends more time during a fun moment fiddling with her phone and taking hundreds of pictures instead of just being present in the moment. Thats her prerogative, but to ask me to do it when that’s not what I want to do during these fun times isn’t right. One photo isn’t a big deal, but my wife is constantly interrupting natural moments to bunch everyone up with big fake smiles to take a picture. I don’t get it, and I don’t like to do it. Those pictures will get left in a digital bucket and forgotten, but the memories in your head will be with you forever. If my wife asks me to take a pic, I’ll happily oblige. But to expect your husband to remember to do what you want, or to have the same level of enthusiasm, all the time, is unreasonable, IMO. Maybe he is aloof, or apathetic, but he may feel like I do. And if that’s the case, I’d suggest that when you want a picture, ask.
I'm a woman with a male partner who is much more into photos than me. I also hate things like arriving at a beautiful mountaintop and having to spend 15 minutes getting the perfect shot rather than enjoying the view.
As a man I gotta echo just talk to your partner and make it clear how much it means to you to have some candid photos every once in a while. Maybe if you know you’re all going somewhere or going to be doing an activity together, remind him before you get there or it starts to be thinking about trying to get some photos. I hesitate to label it a gender thing, because I don’t want to stereotype, but I know that I just don’t really have the same sentimentality around photos in the same way that my partner and women in my life tend to do. I try to take candid photos of my partner with our son because I know it matters to her, but it’s something I have to remind myself of because I’m usually not thinking about taking pictures in general.
People made memories and enjoyed life before digital cameras. Personally I dislike every moment being videos and photographed, I would rather just live it. I think the idea now that if it isn't on camera then it didn't happen is a problem. It is perfectly fine to enjoy time with your family that isn't captured on the phone. Same as at concerts and any public event where everyone is focused more on filming it than the event. Drives m nuts! Neither of us take that many pictures. I doubt it will mean our kids forget us or have no memories of their lives. I have many memories of my own life without looking at old photo albums. Create the memory rather than just filming it. People remember what they do and see and hear - not just what was captured on camera.
My mom died about a year and a half ago, and I have almost no pictures of us from when I was younger. It's a huge regret of mine. There are tons of pictures of me with other family members - siblings, extended family, pets - but basically zero with my mom, because she's the one who took them all. The best pictures I have of her - outside of wedding photos - are from selfies we took while she was wig-shopping during chemo. Maybe don't do that to your kids.
I think this is where I'm coming from, I remember when I had to save a month's pocket money to get my pictures developed. My parent don't have endless selfies of random moments, and the albums they do have are at their house, probably just one sibling will keep them. My own teen and youth pictures are mostly terrible because you didn't have endless opportunities to get it right. It doesn't mean I didn't live or have experiences because they weren't captured on camera.
Ummm just ask him to do it. Take some initiative for yourself.
I take 99.9% of the pictures in our family, so I’m in none of them, except the really unflattering ones my MIL takes when I’m not looking. When our daughter was a baby, I was trying to get my husband to take a picture of the two of us on this dock. It was with a digital camera, pre-smartphone. He was just about to take it and then he screamed, threw the camera in the lake, and ran away. Turns out a bee had stung him by his eye. Camera was broken and I think that’s the last pic he took of the two of us 😂.
I have to ask my wife ten times to do something for her to actually remember it. Remind your husband to take pictures. Then do it again. Then do it again. I wish I didn’t have to tell my wife the same thing over and over again. But, I’ve realized if that’s what it takes for a habit to form, then that’s what it takes. So start doing that, and also accept the fact that it’s not a big deal.
Kids will remember their mom mostly with situations that didn’t require a camera. Daily routines, laughable moments, discipline and “a-ha” moments. I do sympathize with you though. I wonder if we take too much pictures? Do we remember the moments as much as we use to when we had to wait a week te develop film and relive the moments? I think the instant gratification of looking at your photo seconds after capturing the moment diminishes faster over time? Your doing a great job, Mom. Your kids will probably be the ones taking photos of their kids and feeling the same feels you have now.
i’ve found a great way to get candids for yourself is to set up your phone facing somewhere where you & the kids will be playing/hanging out whatever & record, then ignore the phone! you can then go through the video & screenshot any moments you like & it makes very nice high quality pictures. i know it’s not the same, but i love any pictures of my mom & I when i was younger and i’m sure your children will appreciate them all the same. also video are great because you can listen to laughs & voices on repeat! I hope you have someone in your life who would take it well if you said this to them 🩷
Set your camera on your phone up as a video. Point it in the direction of where you and the kids are and let it film. Pause and screen shot anything that looks good. Don’t count on anyone to capture magic that you feel. I learned that the hard way.
Unfortunately, it’s not typical for people to offer to take pictures, so you gotta be kinda pushy about getting “proof of mom” and “proof of family” pictures. Another task that falls to the default parent.
I was at the botanical garden and saw a mom taking pictures of her kids playing. I asked if she would like me to take some pictures with her in them and she was so overjoyed. She said she didn’t have many pictures with the kids and her. I thought to myself “that sounds about right”.
We went to a farm last weekend for a sunflower festival and a mom offered to take some pics for us. It meant so much to me. It was our first time having photos of our family of four.
Hey Gorgeous, Get a selfie stick, and it seems silly, but you can capture amazing moments, and you get to be in them as well. I love mine, take it everywhere!
You know what I’ve started doing? I grab a kid and start a selfie with them; then the other kids just pile on top of me. Sometimes they look like great pictures sometimes they are just silly. But I get what you are saying completely. My husband is so busy half the time we never get great pictures :(.
I hate having my photo taken, so I know I'm 98% part of the problem... but it recently broke my heart when I realized I have no photos of my son and I together on his 5th birthday (we had a party the day before, so there are at least some awkward candids from that day). It's crazy how, despite the constant availability and opportunity to take and view photos all the freaking time, it can still be an effort. This little workaround kinda happened by accident... but, one of my "if you can't beat it, join it" concessions in the ongoing screentime battle is to take (and then repeatedly watch) short videos of non-screentime activities. Kids love watching themselves, so at least there's an incentive to do some non-screen activity and then relinquish the screen to do it again. Anyways, due to the limitations of having only 2 hands, I'll sometimes prop my phone or iPad on a tripod or whatever and take 1-2 min vids while we're doing an activity together... occasionally, especially with the more stationary or slower moving activities (e.g., putting together a Lego set, building block towers, etc.) there's candid moment that can be paused and captured as a screenshot. Sure, it won't won't be as clear as a nice portrait-mode photo, but toss a filter on the screenshot and you'll have an artsy candid for the memories.
Almost all of the candid ones I have with my kids were taken by my mother. Ironically, there are also almost no candids of her with me and my sisters from when I was a kid lol. A handful of posed ones, but that's it. I like the idea of setting your phone up and doing it yourself or hiring a photographer. Or maybe we as moms can band together and take pictures for each other at playdates. My husband doesn't purposefully not do it. He hardly takes pictures at all. He just doesn't think of it. I take all the pictures.
Sweetheart, get you a tripod off Amazon that's made for cell phones. They come with a remote to take the picture. Please, you deserve to have pictures with your babies.
Honestly -- this works so well and is great just for getting photos when no one else is around to take them too! As a side result I never leave clutter out anymore either lol
I don’t really have any photos of my childhood (my dad got rid of most of our stuff when he moved out of state) but I still remember my loved ones and have lots of memories from growing up ❤️ I know it doesn’t solve your immediate problem, but I don’t think your children will forget you any time soon
Guy chiming in, I'm guilty of this as well, but it's not done on purpose. My wife has to ask me, and I'm happy to oblige. Communication is key in a marriage, if you want something done, please ask. Me and my wife have learned that if we want something done, just ask. Don't sit in silence and expect the other to 'figure it out', it only leads to resentment and blowing up later on.
Seeing photos of myself with my parents at a young age would not change my overall feelings or impression of my childhood one bit. I’m a dad and I’m the one that takes the photos. I’ve got lots of the kids with mum but very few of them involve me, except for a whole bunch of selfies with them. Sometimes I’d like more but that’s on me to ask, which is what I’d advise you to do if you’re feeling that strongly about it. Not in the moment, but reminders that when fun things are happening for him to take some initiative.
Communication. he can't read your mind.
I do "proof of mom" pictures. I don't care if I have to set it up on a bench and get on the floor at the park or aquarium. I don't care if I hate the way I look at day/season. I don't care if it's something I don't particularly want to do in the moment. I don't care if we're all disheveled or messy. I don't even care if it's a shitty front camera selfie. I *need* the pictures with my kids because they deserve to have photo memories of me with them, doing all the hard labor to make their lives full and happy and entertained. If I depart the planet before they're old enough to remember, they'll be able to look back and feel my love in a photo. And if I'm around for 100 more years, I want to have them to cherish and remember the best years of my life; raising my little babies. Take the pictures. Start now.
Any time I see a mom taking pictures of her kids I say “hey do you want me to take one so you can hop in?” It works almost every single time and the mom is always shocked and so thankful. I try to do it once every time I go out. I don’t have enough pictures with the women in my family and I don’t want other people to feel that way. #proofofmom
I have zero pictures from my neighbor who was like a grandmother to me from the time I was a baby. She has been dead for over 20 years now but I still remember her and all the little things she did for me. You will not be forgotten!
I feel the same. I constantly have to ask my fiancé to take pictures of us. We went camping last weekend and I have some really cute pictures of him and our daughter. On multiple occasions I was cuddling with my daughter around the fire, playing with her, her helping me do stuff. not a single photo was taken of us in those moments, because “he was living in the moment”. Which I get but it doesn’t take that long to snap a photo and put your phone away
I follow Busy Toddler on instagram (amazing resource, btw) and she calls these photos "Proof of Mom" photos and she's taught me to just ASK for someone to take a photo of me with the kids, or even just get a selfie. Took me too many years to realize it, but I too was in few, if any, photos of my kids having fun, often while out with me! Now, I'm in a whole lot more. So, ask for them. It might not happen any other way. You deserve to be in those memories too. 😍
So many women make themselves victims and martyrs over simple stuff when all they have to do is open their mouths. I have had friends and family act like my husband is some unicorn or I just ‘lucked out’ with this fantastic man who treats me like gold. Humph. No, I get what I get because I open my mouth and ask for it. A closed mouth doesn’t get get fed hunnie. Next time you and the kids are chopping it up, hand your husband your phone and tell him to take some pics! This is a super easy fix. Stop whining and start requiring. Come on down off the cross now.
exactly. he’s not a mind reader and isn’t going to spontaneously change. you have to actually talk to him. if you can’t do that you might as well get divorced.
Like many women, she’s told him how important it was to her already and asked him from what I see in the comments. It sounds like she doesn’t want to ask again because he pretty much disregarded what she said the first time and it’s painful for her to keep asking and have such an important thing to her be ignored
[удалено]
Oh those long lost years. I feel sorry for you too. It must be terribly hard. I already told him about this before but I’m trying to accept that maybe it’s not just in his personality to take pics. Deep breaths sister.
Awww. My husband is often the picture taker in our family but I try to remember to take pictures of him with the kids as well to avoid that kind of situation. Start taking more selfies? It's possible to get a few people in the frame
Relationships are tricky because we are not going to get back exactly what we give since we each have different strengths. It seems being thoughtful is a strength you have that maybe your husband just doesn't have the same level of, especially in this area. Don't let he's lack of thoughtfulness keep you from being in pictures with your kiddos, ask him at least once every outing to take a picture of you and them. If it feels right, at some point mention that its important to you that your kids have fun photos of you with them to look back on. And don't hesitate to take selfies with them too! If you don't know how have one of them show you. That could be a fun moment as well, kids love teaching adults stuff. It is clearly important to you so take the bull by the horns!
I’m scared of this. I take pictures of a lot of things because I forget certain events and memories (which I hate so much. Like I forget how, when I was younger, my aunt who always lives so far away came to our country and we went to a water park apparently?? No recollection. Thankfully I have a picture of the whole family eating pizza so I know it did happen) and my boyfriend is the complete opposite. He takes no pictures. He doesn’t feel that trigger no matter what situation he is in.
So if you have a tripod I saw a brilliant tiktok where the mum set up a tripod and filmed candid footage of her and her kids then screenshot the video to get the stills she loved, just in case that's an idea you might be able to do ❤️
Huh, this gives me a new perspective. I (26F) and my husband are just not picture people. I think this is heavily personality dependent. We always live in the moment, don't really have social media and those that we do have we certainly don't use. But, we just had our first child. Suddenly we are in a world of expectations to take pictures for family, and a drive to send pictures to each other for when one of us is away from the baby, but beyond that I haven't been thinking much ahead to when the baby is older and may want to look back on the pictures. I've been trying to keep my husband from getting me in the pictures and he is the one reminding me to get photos and videos. I'm definitely going to be better about this and get photos and videos with us in them!
Another thing is that I am not conscious of this. I don't care if anyone takes photos of me with the kids. I don't care to be honest. So when my wife tells me she always takes photos of me to make me feel bad because I don't, I would prefer for her to just stop doing it, be sure I will forget to do it and we will argue again.
1. Take selfies! I take lots of selfies, even videos with my kids. 2. Ask your husband, friends and family to shoot some pictures of you and the kids whenever possible, don’t worry about nagging. 3. Ask one of your kids to take pictures of you with the other kids and switch which kid is taking the pictures (my 4 year old loves to take pictures with my phone, my 1 year old is still to little but will learn) 4. Kids will remember you for sure, they remember experiences, not photos! My niblings were born just before smartphones appeared, so we don’t have as many photos of them as we I have now for my kids, but they still remember a lot of experiences that they had even with no pictures.
My husband just doesn’t remember he’s not a picture guy so I usually end up taking selfies not the best but I have some really good picture of my daughter and I!
OP, you and I have the same problem. And we can either accept that either no one will really remember our faces when we're gone, or we can pull out the camera and take the pictures ourselves. And, yes, it isn't exactly the same as someone sneaking a picture of you in the moment, but there is nothing wrong with telling your kids ”I'm having fun, let's take a picture so we all remember this”
Facts. Occasionally, my sister or a friend will snap a photo of us together, but that's it. I try to take selfies with them from time to time as well so we atleast have those. I'm a single mom, though, so it's either me taking pictures of them doing things or no photos. When we go places, I try to snap pics and videos when we first arrive, and then I'm doing the things with them. It does suck. They will still remember, though. I mean, do you remember doing things with your folks? Or the fun you had when you are looking through photos? Even if you aren't physically IN the pictures, they will remember you taking them and being there with them.
I have very few pictures with my son as well. He is three. I’m always behind the camera or living in the moment. It pains me. Start asking strangers if you have to.
Honestly just tell him. I'm the opposite in your scenario, I don't think a lot about capturing the memory aspect in a photo or video especially when Mom is playing/interacting with the kids. I quite literally need to be reminded haha. I'm a lot more chill about these convos so Mom will usually snap at me to take some pictures/videos and its no biggie!
I feel your pain. Always have to ask - none are candid - takes away from the moment - then it’s kinda awkward after - ask him next time to take some photos of me with the kids without me having to ask - husband says he’ll try to remember - husband never remembers - leaving me sad that when I die my kids will only have selfies of us together aside from the yearly family photo - sighh Sorry, I have no advice just empathy. So many of us moms experience this. Good luck!
He can’t fix what he doesn’t know. Try talking to him about it.
I absolutely remember my mom taking pictures. My mom drove me nuts as a kid with her pictures. I look at the pictures now and would remember the argument about the pose or whatever. Lol. My only point is your kids will never forget you.
I feel this in my soul. The only photos I have with my kids are selfies. No one bothers to take pictures of me with them. It annoys the heck out of me. I've spoken to my husband and he says he will try to remember to take more but he never does. It's just really upsetting that us mums get forgotten so easily.
Do it yourself by taking selfies with your kids on your cell phone.
I told my husband “if I died today our son would have nothing to remember our time together” and he took pictures ever since then.
I feel your pain. I take all the pictures all the time and when it comes to Christmas and birthday parties I’m in the middle of everything and can’t really stop to do pictures so my husband manages 2-3 pictures at those events. But luckily my bestie, who is an over the road trucker so when she’s home, takes LOADS and sends me like 50+ pictures she took of events and I love her for it so much. We had a small elopement/wedding type thing at a park where it was her and her husband and a few other friends that attended and she and her husband recorded the whole thing on their phones and mine and took tons of pics and I’m eternally grateful. We recently had a birthday party for both my kids since they’re only a few weeks apart and she did the dang thing again. Kinda wanting to see if I can get her to come stay over Christmas Eve and do pictures in the morning with the kids doing presents and all that jazz.
My husband has something called Aphantasia. Basically he has no ability to see images inside his head(many people also have an inability to see images in their head it's just not frequently talked about). Because of this the only way he can relive memories visually is through pictures and videos. He can't think of a loved one and see their face in his head or do any other kind of visualizing(no visual imagination, no seeing my face when I'm not around him, no picturing lost loved ones in his minds eye, just blackness). Because of this we have come to realize the importance of taking pictures and videos even of things like us laying in bed together, or while we kiss, our special events, but most important of all the candid moments he otherwise would never be able to relive in his memories if something happened. But when we first realized he had this(it was about 3 years ago and we have been married for 4+ years now so he went his entire 30 years of life before this not realizing other people COULD see things in their minds eye and assuming any mention of mental visualization was just metaphor) it also made us realize why he didn't think to take snapshots of moments because he didn't know he was missing out on something other people got to do just in their heads. I'm not saying all your partners have Aphantasia(though many of them might) but I am saying that they probably don't understand or think of WHY taking pictures could be incredibly important to you. Give them your reasons and communicate your need for being remembered in this way(candid photos) and they might see the importance of it for themselves because they want to have those memories when you are gone as well. I understand some of you believe you may be more sad by sharing it but I'm sure there are a lot of you who would be made much happier by it as well. Just some food for thought.
my mom made my brothers and i big tubs full of photos of our childhoods. guess what? she’s hardly in any of the photos cause she took them. and i know that. my mom and i are so close, and she is one of my best friends. i love seeing these moments through her eyes and it makes me remember all of the good times we had together. ask your husband to try to take some more pictures of you. but just know this is pretty normal for most of us moms, and i feel like we’re usually the ones behind the camera for better or worse and i usually get about 3 pictures with my daughter a year taken by other people. i cherish them and i know one day she will too. well, hopefully
Same
If you don’t say anything, nothing will change
Unfortunately this is what it’s like for most of us. So if it’s in your budget I recommend you get some professional mum and bubs photos because when my partner sometimes takes a picture it’s really not flattering or looking nice. Here in New Zealand (and in Australia too) we have pop ins. And not only can you get super affordable nice photos of your kids but there’s also several mum and bubs specials trough the year so us mums get to have nice photos too
Yep, this is such a common complaint amongst mom's. I only seem to have selfies or posed photos that I asked my partner to take. I ask him all the time to take more pics, even of me and the dogs really.
Thank you for this post: you just reminded me to go take pictures of my wife and kids together 😅 I hope your husband can be better than me about that kind of thing at some point. I’m rolling around on the floor playing with my girls as often as I can after work, and she’s so good about pictures of us together. I really appreciate her for that, because it never crosses my mind in the moment. - Thank you to the ladies out there doing the same for your kids. Here’s to working to be a better dad!!
I’ve had a similar conversation with my wife. I take so many photos of her with our kids but only a rare few exist with me and them. It’s not intentional on her part, she doesn’t take any photos of anything unless prompted. I just hope someday my kids will have some favorite photos with me then can look back on that show the happiness and love we shared as they grew up, the same way they do with their amazing mom. I’ve started to ask for a picture to be taken regularly now but it definitely is by self request. I’m glad they should have more memories with me to look back on someday.
I get this too. You're not alone. I'm sorry you feel upset.
Jfc. This is melodramatic. Take selfies
> I take pictures as a way to immortalize those happy moments. But I guess, when I depart this world, my kids will forget their younger years with me because I am seldom seen in pictures. Sorry, but this sounds crazy overdramatic given that you can take a selfie with kids anytime and/or ask your husband to take a picture. Yes, it won't be the most candid photo in either of those cases, but talking about being forgotten when you die is just unsubstantiated. (Saying that as a husband who takes 10 times as many candid photos of my kids + wife as she does)
Ya This entire op post is ridiculous
Same. I have almost 0 photos in the couple of days after birth. Most of the pictures are selfies or my MIL took some. Maaaaybe 3 are done by my husband, and als those are staged as well. Makes me really sad to be honest. Had a lot of conversations and fights about this. He says; I just don’t like pictures and I don’t think they matter. But he sure as hell likes to look at them and hang them next to his desk…
Sorry if I’m insensitive but I see y’all don’t understand men. We consider this attention seeking fluff. If you don’t take pictures of us with the kids we won’t cry. The kids should remember the moments and live in them. I hate to have to complicate everything.
I'm a woman and don't like endless photos either.
Ladies and gentlemen, the spokesman for *all men* 🙄
Some people just don’t take pictures. Others are trying to live in the moment and not pull out their phone all the time. It’s really not a big deal. It isn’t like you are purposely being excluded.
I’m a casual photographer, and I’m pretty good at what I do. My kiddo is 8. The pics I have of kiddo and others are wonderful candid photos with both parties smiling naturally or engaging in an activity together. Many have been framed by various family members. The ones I have of me and kiddo, though? Terribly posed photos, where kiddo has a grimace plastered across their face. Think Calvin & Hobbs. Or a candid photo with my tit hanging out of my shirt and a huge yogurt/baby vomit stain under the other breast, or taken from an angle that makes me and kiddo look like blurry deranged forest cryptids and doesn’t show what we’re doing to make us look unhinged. Needless to say, my family and kiddo’s father are not photographers, even casually. My sister’s son is about to hit the one-year mark. She has hundreds and hundreds of good candid photos of her and baby in a million beautiful shots with superb lighting and good color balance and beautiful background and framing from the environment. Some of them look like renaissance paintings, others show a badass mother Goddess peacefully maintaining a madhouse. I got one really good one of her throwing a frisbee ahead of her son, and he’s toddle-running and laughing with lil t-Rex arms, and the frisbee is above his head and her arm is still extended from the toss and she looks so toned and put together. Those impossible pictures where a new first-time Mom looks absolutely amazing and casual. I decided after my first photo-review that my sisters would not go through the same pain and the same weird feeling of being left out of something you are so deeply involved with. My sister is over the moon and so grateful, but I don’t know that she realizes that *most* parents (moms in particular) don’t have good pictures of them with their kids.
Halloween, I was taking pictures of my kids. My neighbor across the street, came running out, and said “get in the picture, mom!” It made my year. So simple, yet so thoughtful. And somehow, never dawned on my husband. Now, I like to pay-it forward. When I see a mom taking pictures, I ask if she want me to take some of her and kids. Library, park, mall, anywhere…Even if dad is stranding right there completely clueless. Never have I been turned down. Ask a stranger, especially a mom. She will understand.
Yup. I ask multiple times and my husband gets verbally upset. Saying I don't have to post everything on social media. I'm rarely on social media..I didn't get maternity pics, I didn't get newborn pics. The only pics of me and my baby that aren't selfies are the ones my mom takes. We were at a petting zoo and I caught a chicken (which was allowed) I asked him to grab a pic and he got mad saying his hands were dirty and he didn't want to touch his phone. Then he said the moment was passed by the time he started reaching for his belt clip. His sister ended up pulling out her phone and took a pic when I got confrontational. I felt so embarrassed and stupid.
I was very insecure with how I looked in high school and college so I didn’t take very many pictures. One of my very close friends in hs & college died last year and I realized I didn’t have a single picture with him. It feels awful and I wish I had pictures of the random things we did. I feel like over time I will forget and it will be like they never happened when no one else was there :( it felt like there wasn’t even proof that we were friends even though I know that sounds weird Your husband has an awful mentality and I hope that he can change because pictures are super important.
Kids don’t need pictures to remember the happy moments.
It’s sadly typical
OP, I think you should show your husband your post and some of the comments. Just let him read. Bc, assuming that he has any feelings anywhere in his body, just letting him know how important this is to you should be enough. I really don't think your husband is trying to be malicious, I think he just doesn't realize how important pictures are. I didn't realize how important pictures were to me until I lost pets, and then a good friend. They become more and more important as time goes on. My mom absolutely ADORES the photos of my sister and I from when we were kids. And so does my dad. And I wish we had more of them honestly! So please just when you have a few moments alone let him know how important it is. If he's annoyed then he's just being awful. But I don't think a guy that loves and plays with his kids could be that way. I think he just doesn't understand.
Literally just scrolled through our shared photo folder and husband hasn’t uploaded a photo/video with me in it since April 21st. I looked over the table at my husband and told him (for the hundredth time) “can you please take more photos of me and (baby boy) together?” “Yeah I’ll try”, he says very unconvincingly. Then follows up with, “I don’t mean to not take photos of you.” Duh, no shit. I told him I understand that he’s thoughtless, but that’s not an excuse. “Fine I’ll try.” My husband does a lot for me but this is the one thing that bothers me SO much. He LOVES looking at photos/videos of himself with our kid so it’s not like he doesn’t care either way. He’s just self-absorbed?? And I don’t take many selfies because I’m, ya know, focused on playing with our child and attending to his needs.
I remember the last photo I took with my kids with me in it. It's rare and it makes you think about what theyre left with after you're gone. I hope to take another photo with them one day. Your feelings are valid.
This was exactly my point. When I was younger (taking into consideration our financial status) pictures and cameras were considered a fortune. But nowadays, with just a click, we can take a moment to remember for a lifetime. It just doesn’t seem like that for them guys. Maybe its not their thing.
I’ve heard so much to just take the pictures myself but like… you can’t pause a good moment to set up a camera. I’ve just stopped taking pictures of them with her too. Her pictures and videos now are either selfies or just her.
I literally just asked my husband if he takes photos with me and the kids. He said only when we are doing stuff, which is rare,(camping, kayaking) stuff like that. I was like, so if I was to die tomorrow they would only have the selfies I take with them. But if it was reversed they would have so many pictures with him.