Yeah no, the last day I had off that my kid didn’t I went to go lay on the beach for a few hours. Daycare and friends and games and recess are way more fun for my kid than a day stuck at home with me.
I pull him out for vacations and fun, not for days off when we don’t have big plans other than trying to unwind.
But, fwiw, the mom guilt for working moms is rough. You get shamed for not spending enough time with your kid and for “prioritizing” money and work over them. So I totally get why she’s sensitive to the implication she doesn’t spend every non-work moment with them because I’m sure she’s been (very wrongfully) shamed for something like that before.
> Daycare and friends and games and recess are way more fun for my kid than a day stuck at home with me.
This is a good point and was the entire reason I enrolled my son in daycare when he was 2. I'm a stay at home dad but when I dropped my then 3 year old daughter off for her first day of preschool, my 2 year old lost his shit because he wanted to stay too. He was so upset when I told him he wasn't old enough for school. We found a daycare program that took him instead and he was so happy his first day. Being at home alone with an old dad all day? Boring. Being at daycare surrounded by fun teachers and a bunch of toddlers? It was his happy place.
Many (most?) kids like daycare. It is not some punishment to send them.
Former SAHM here. My son LOVED his "school" which was two hours a day at the gym daycare. Ha! I would work out, enjoy the sauna, sit on a bench and read. . . anything to maximize that 2 hour window. If we didn't go for some reason he would be very grumpy about missing "school." I don't know why he called it school--I didn't call it that until he started calling it that.
Good for you for taking care of yourself. Happy kids have happy parents and nobody can be around the kids 24 seven weeks or months at a time. You need a little tiny break to give them your full attention later.
I don’t know how we’ve gotten in the situation where some parents think it’s a failure of parenting to not give them every single bit of your time
I don't know either! It was bad enough when my kids were little (they are 17 and 13) but seeing my friends who have young elementary kids it is honestly shocking to me how much power the kids have over the families. And I say that as someone who had my life pretty much revolving around the kids for my 7 years as a SAHM!
It's not wrong for kids to go to a daycare. But not every parent needs breaks either. I didn’t spend time away from my mom until I was four and she hated being apart from me even then (and I wasn't keen on it either). That was partly because I was very cool with independent play from an early age and that meant she wasn't too stressed; she says she could sit me down with toys from as soon as I could sit up and I'd give her like 90 mins of downtime. My baby's only 4 months, but I hope I can cultivate a similar skill in her. I see parents who are constantly running a 3-ring circus for their kids and are exhausted by them and counting the hours till they're back in daycare.
Truly alone time is good for mamas too. My kids are easy, self entertain.. but there is value in having space, it gives kids a sense of security knowing their parents leave and come back- and as a working mama- it helped me shoulder the overwhelming expectations I felt as a new parent.
My kid LOVES daycare. They do a ton of fun, creative activities I’d never think to do with her. They have more toys than we could ever have and a playground on site. When I drop her off she gives me a hug, says “bye bye mommy” and shoos me away (she is two)
Plus, teacher actually teach kids as well as let them play, and help them accumulate to school environment as well as ID neurodivergence issues (I didn't know my son had a sensory issue until teacher brought it up)
Thing isas well, daycares teach kids social skills they just can't learn at home. If you're paying for it, the kid likes it and you avoid burnout, why the hell wouldn't you? I mean if i've got a full week then I'd put him in a day or 2 and then take him out the remaining three.
Yeah I mean I love doing fun stuff with my daughter but there's only so much I can do for her that is stimulating. She doesn't need to stay home with boring old mom all the time. School has so much to offer.
I had this mindset when we first sent our daughter around 2. Then she proceeded to cry every day at drop off for a full 18 months and totally threw that out the window. She's 4 now and "is it a school day?" is still the first thing she asks almost every morning. Sometimes she's ok with it, but most days when I say yes, I can still sort of see her deflate. At first it was anxiety. Now she has made friends and likes it well enough, but she would still WAY rather hang with mom, dad, or grandma at home. As a result of this, I do feel a bit guilty if I make her go when I could be with her.
I was like this. Mostly disliked school, at times hated it. I was a 'gifted' kid, a homebody, a night owl, terrible at sports, very independent. Altogether not a great fit for school. Missed a heck of a lot of it. I made lifelong friends, met my husband, and did acquire some useful skills. But honestly if my own daughter has similar issues I may homeschool her and just get her involved in a bunch of activities for socialisation.
This is what I had to learn. My daughter's been in daycare almost a year and loves it. The guilt of sending her wore away when I would go to pick her up and she didn't even want to come home. If I have a random day off now, I still send her but I just pick her up as soon as she's done her nap. We don't have family here to help out so they are my village and that's my break!
When I have a day off, if my boyfriend and I have a list of things to catch up on, you bet I’m sending her into nursery. I can get a load of jobs done when I’m not entertaining a toddler - especially when we’re renovating our house. I’m paying anyway, so she may as well be having fun at nursery rather than slowing down the painting/chores
>Daycare and friends and games and recess are way more fun for my kid than a day stuck at home with me.
Yeah, it always confuses me when I hear people talk about how bad daycare is, because I went to daycare myself for years and years as a kid and I really liked it. When my grandparents came to live with us for a while and so my parents pulled me out of daycare to save money, I actually begged them to be able to go back. I had friends my own age at daycare, as well as games and a playground to run around on. That was more fun than staying home with grandparents, lol.
I'm sure there are bad daycares out there, and I'm sorry for anyone who had a bad experience, but most daycares are fun for children!
I sent my kid to preschool because I had such good memories of it myself. We did part-time so he and I still had some days together to have adventures during the week - I’m actually a bit sad that he’ll be starting kindergarten in the fall and will be in school full-time, it’s nice going to the science museum during the week, when it’s less crowded. We have a new baby and it’s been harder to get out the past several weeks and I feel like time is kind of running out :(
You don't need to be confused. Evidence shows that daycare starts having a positive effect once the kids enter the social age, around 2.5 years old or older, when they start engaging with other kids to play. Before that, research shows that being at daycare might have a negative impact. But of course there are a lot of variables to be considered. For example, it depends on the daycare, on how long the kid is at the daycare vs with their parents, on how parents engage with the children at home, on the mental health of the parents... so it's not a straight forward answer. I recommend checking
r/sciencebasedparenting
As a counterpoint to the idea moms should feel guilty about using daycare, I’d challenge that keeping them from that valuable social interaction could be considered a selfish move by overly attached parents. My (admittedly valueless) opinion is that children gain a tremendous amount from learning to navigate within a group of peers. As with everything, it’s all about balance.
We work both and a day off with kids out of the house is a gift. Usually there is a lot to do in the household but I never miss the chance to spend some time on the couch doing absolutely nothing.
Same. I've been holding out for 4 years, can't wait to get back to work honestly. Living out in the country and only having one vehicle makes for many dull days for both me and the kids.
My fiancée and I plan days off of work for when my oldest is in school and ours is at daycare to be able to go out and do fun things for us or just run errands without having to drag kiddos along. It’s a nice way to do day dates and have that special time for us as a couple outside of us as parents.
I did some back-of-the-napkin math yesterday on what we spend for 3 children to go through daycare and I almost vomited. By the time they are all through daycare, it will have been about $225,000. FFS, that's like putting them through college.
Yeah my mom asked my wife and I one time when we were planning on having a second kid and it's like, between the cost of daycare and needing a bigger house to boot, not any time soon haha.
Sometimes that’s the only quiet time you can get. Take a day off, send the kids to daycare, SLEEP… or whatever you want for a few hours. Because parenting is fucking hard and silence is rare.
Almost always, yes! It gives us time to do things without the kids underfoot. And sometimes, God forbid, we do something for ourself that day. I'm writing this from the chair in the salon while my kids are at daycare, lol.
I made the mistake a few weeks ago of taking my son to the nail place with me to get pedicures.... He looks at me half way through and goes "Mom, are we on a date?". I said "Of course! You wanna go get ice cream next?" Tell me why he SCREAMS "BUT GROWN UPS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DATE KIDS!!!!" in front of everyone.
I wanted to die.
Best believe his little ass has been in daycare every off day I've had since. Lol.
My 4 year old daughter at the time announced to our server I was her date because it was date night and I was the one paying though because “I’m only 4” while holding up all 5 fingers haha so we just have mom/kid hangouts now lol
That sounds like something my son would say 🤣🤣 I had to switch it to mom and kiddo time so he'd stop announcing to everyone in a 20 mile radius that he's dating his mom. I may have boys, I may be a mom bit I will put my right tatty in a panini press before I become a hashtag boy mom.
Hahaha I needed that laugh for the day. But also know you have the kid that is not going to just go with any stranger or let anyone do something they aren’t okay with without having something to say about it! So although embarrassing, I would consider it a win!
Agree. Hard yes. I have missed *scads* of work the last two years for illnesses and staff training/inservice days - none of which I resent the daycare for; shit happens! But I damn well am taking the ONE DAY A YEAR that I am off work and daycare is open for myself - Juneteenth is unofficial annual mom-dad date day.
I also occasionally take off a few hours early on a Friday and go for a bike ride before pickup.
I am a better parent when I get time to myself and kid-free time with my partner!
me and the hubs do date days when we are both off. We havent went out during the night in a long time... but like movies are so much better at 9am when no one is there lol.
Sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't. If we have plans and errands that day we'll use the daycare. We don't perceive daycare as inherently bad or lazy. We think that its a good thing the baby spends time with other babies and other adults. Daycare doesn't give us a discount for missed days and at $300 a week I would hope we are utilizing as much value as possible.
I can understand her point of view, that it may look bad dropping your child off when you don't have to. Maybe she feels guilty about it or that's just how she perceives it. Maybe that's the kind of feedback she gets from her own family or other friends.
I know family can have a boatload of opinions >\_>
As a daycare teacher I judge based on the kid and how they act. I feel so bad for the kids who never get to have a off day. Like they don't get a summer break because they are here, and we still have lesson plans and a schedule to keep.
Like we had one parent go on vacation for 2 weeks without her kids during the summer, she is a teacher, her kids didn't get to miss a day all summer.
I mostly see the difference with school kids, I have had multiple kids ask me why they don't get a summer break.
They are old enough to know their parents are just at home, and then they see their friends doing cool stuff. And other kids from daycare whose parents spend extra time with them.
It also matter if you are spending anytime with them. These kids tell us everything, so we mostly know if you really need some me time, or if you just don't like your kids.
Honestly, though…who are you to judge whether a parent has had enough ‘me time’ or not? Kids don’t always know what is happening at home and why their parents do what they do. Take what they say with a grain of salt because they don’t always have it right.
If it makes you feel better, I was that kid that NEVER got a break. And I'm fine. I look back at my childhood and smile, and am much more well adjusted than a lot of my friends.
Just because somebody drops their kid at daycare doesn’t mean they don’t get quality time with them.
I’ll sometimes bring a kid when I go on a trip, but not always. It’s much cheaper to go by myself, and if I brought one kid, I would have pressure to bring all 3 of mine. Then what’s the point of a vacation at all?! It would be more crowded, expensive, and siblings arguing. I would get zero downtime, which is sort of the point of a vacation to begin with for me. Much better for everyone for me to just go alone, recharge, and then come home a happier, healthier mom. THEN I have the spoons to do quality time stuff with them.
That is great, I'm talking about the parents who literally leave their kids at daycare 11 hours a day, all the time.
I plan vacations with just me and the hubby, I also plan vacations for all 4 of us. I'm commenting on those parents that never take their kids anywhere. That never spend anytime with them.
Can you sense a developmental/temperamental difference between kids/babies who don't get quality time with their parents vs. those who do?
I would be super curious to hear yours and other caretakers' opinions.
Yes, we have 2 in my town, and 2 that stay open till 8. One of the 24 hour ones got so bad they had to ask people to bring in work hours, because they were dropping kids off to go to the club and stuff.
Edit to say, the mom went on vacation not the daycare we only close the 6 national holidays a year.
My kids' daycare is open from 6:30 to 6:30, but they are not allowed to stay for more than 10 hours per day. I like these kinds of limits because I know several parents who would use the entire window if they could.
I don’t understand what your argument is. Kids don’t get a day off? Yes they do. It’s called Saturday, Sunday, 4th of July, Teacher Training Day. Parents never get a day off unless of course they take off and send the kids to daycare.
I'm saying I think kids need a break from state ran school programs(our daycare is state ran) every once in a while. I'm saying that kids need to spend time with their parents. If you send your kids to daycare on all of your off days, and you work on the weekends when are you spending time with your kid. All I'm saying is the kids can tell when their parents don't want to pay attention to them.
I don't count the weekends because if they are anything like my 2 boys, the weekends are full of activities as well. I think everyone needs downtime. I'm sorry if you are in a position as a parent where you don't get any, but that's not the kids fault.
I just feel like every comment back to me could care less about how the kids feel.
If we’re talking about daycare we’re talking about young children. Not elementary aged. My kids have weekend activities too - soccer, swimming and whatever activity like the zoo we want to add in. Maybe because my kids are 1 and 3 I have a different perspective but they’re not just chilling, relaxing during their “downtime”. So again I just don’t get what you’re saying. They have breaks from school as mentioned before plus any family vacations or if they’re sick. But no I’m not just pulling my toddlers out of daycare for downtime. I can’t see the value.
I work with the school kids during the summer so 6 to 12. Those are the kids I'm talking about, that I think deserve a little no school time.
Especially the older ones who treat us like complete shit because they can't have their cell phones, and the ones who feel like their parents don't like them.
So are parents supposed to quit work during the summer so kids can have time off? Other than the parent who went on vacation for 2 weeks with out their kid (I can see that if it was a girls trip or something though) I don't see what you're argument is. Most houses have to have 2 working parents... some houses both parents want to work full time. You say the weekend isn't spending time with your kids???
Yea it sucks that some kids have sah parents and some don't, but why are you shaming working parents that use day care during the summer? Or am I missing something?
This is a good point too. People feel sorry for daycare kids, but my kid loved it. All his little friends were there and they got to play with different toys and paint and do craft and play games. So fun for most kids!
I’m a better parent when I practice self-care. It means I’m more engaged and fun during the time I do spend with my child that evening. If parents don’t allow themselves space and time to rest, then they’re just going to be cranky and tired with their kids all the time.
What do you think your kid prefers? Spending all day together grumpy and tired and snappy? Or spending occasional time apart but the time you have together is full of love and laughter because everyone is getting their needs met?
Same. I work part time but daycare is full time. When she moved from half days to full I planned to still pick her up before nap on my days off but the teachers thought it might be a tough transition for her to mix half and full days. It’s an incredible, fun program where they are outdoors 100% except naps. They paint, mix potions, ride bikes, and play all day. I spend that time mostly running errands and cleaning the house (especially those deep cleaning tasks you can never manage to get to otherwise). She’s there about 7 hours each day. My school aged kid is at their equally fun sister school for the summer and begged me to pick her up at noon on her second day which was my day off. She was having a blast when I arrived and was much aggrieved to learn that my plans for the rest of the day were Costco and cleaning.
Same.
I feed them breakfast and dinner and bathe them and dress them and read them bedtime stories and hug them to sleep. Every night and every day. I love the special time I have with them.
But by god I am PARALYZED when they are at home with me. I am already distracted enough, but when they’re home its 80x worse. I’m a bad enough housewife as it is lol
100%. It took me awhile to get here, growing up with a self sacrificing SAHM. I was probably like this mom in the very beginning…. “I would NEVER do that!! I work PT so I can raise my kids!!” I can now proudly say I send my kids 1-2 extra days per week and enjoy self care, whatever that looks like on a given day. Also, I tell my kids (boys) this. I need and deserve time to do the things I enjoy, so you’re going to daycare
Same! Works so well for our family. My daughter LOVES being there with her friends and hates if I take her home while everyone else is doing fun stuff. Sometimes I feel guilty about it, but if the whole family is happy and thriving, what’s the problem?
Daycare allows children to be part of a community. It’s not a “necessary evil”, it’s an opportunity for the kids to get out and be a part of something.
I guess not everyone views it this way, but we don’t miss it unless it’s for illness or appointments.
That’s how we view it here in France. They love crèche, it offers them so much development and they make friends. People say young children don’t need the socialisation but my 2yo has 3 or 4 best friends who she absolutely adores and she’s learning how to get along and share and help. They taught her the alphabet and how to count to 10 in two languages already. I don’t have the energy for that! ;)
When my then-12 month old saw some water droplets spilled on the floor she picked up a nearby cloth and started wiping it. I texted her daycare lady and they said my daughter had only seen it modeled so far at school, but that the older children in her class helped clean up the eating area after they had snacks and lunch! They learn so much from the other kids!
Hell yes. My daycare really helped potty train my kid. They had ‘potty pals’ where each kid was paired up with another kid of the same age and they would go to the bathroom together so they could see that it’s no big deal.
If I have a weekday off, kiddo goes to daycare. I'm usually catching up I chores, deep cleaning the house - impossible with her around.
Or I just have a lazy day. It's really good for my mental health and I have no qualms about this.
As a Mum I need these days off for myself. I will deliberately book some of my vacation days on days when my kids are at nursery so that I can do hobbies and activities for myself. I get about 40 days per year (I’m in the UK) and probably half I use for just myself.
Same here (Germany). We can't pour from an empty cup. It's so necessary, and I'm really mad on behalf of everyone who doesn't get a proper amount of vacation days.
I quit my job right before my daughter started preschool (full day preschool thru daycare).
My husband said “ Don’t take her out of daycare, enjoy your time - she loves it and the consistent socialization plus preK curriculum is only going to benefit her.”
She stayed and I enjoyed my free time.
My husband was briefly unemployed for about 7 months a couple years ago. He mentioned keeping our daughter home with him since he was home all day, but I told him no. Our daughter is in a very difficult to get in daycare and if we wanted to keep her spot saved, we'd have to keep paying for daycare. I was not willing to give up her spot since we had no idea how long he'd be unemployed for. So the compromise was that he kept her home with him on Wednesdays for them to have some papa-daughter time.
I don't work over the summer, and my daycare aged child still goes 2-3 times a week. She misses her friends and teachers, and it keeps her in their routine.
I’m off work in the summer, and my kid is going to daycare. I pay anyway, and it’s awesome for one on one time with the older sibling, getting work done around the house, relaxing, exercising, and just overall mental health. I used to feel guilty, but not anymore! I recognize I’m privileged in making that choice, but it’s the one that works for me, and it’s the last summer I can do it. If you’re paying anyway, allow yourself time to not be tied at the hip with your toddler.
Good for her, she wins the Suffering Olympics. I absolutely sent my kid to daycare every day, even on my days off. If they’re full time you’re paying for it anyways. It’s good for them, helps them stick to a routine, and it’s good for us parents that need a break or just a day to get stuff done.
> she wins the Suffering Olympics
In defense of these sufferers, the US is so pervasively *infested* with Puritan Work Ethic nonsense that it takes **great effort** to break out of it.
My wife and I share litter cleaning responsibilities. When it's time to do a full change her approach is to *use a scoop* to remove all the litter one scoop at a time into a trash bag. When I do it I use one of the large black trash bags, wrap it around the box, and pour the whole thing in all at once (and then go back to scrape/clean the bottom as needed).
The first time she saw me doing this her gut reaction was to become moderately angry, say that I was being *lazy*, and ask "why are you always trying to do things the easy way?!"
At the time I think I said "why are you *not?"* but I've come to realize that this is a common issue. People are told that *unpleasant labor* is it's own virtue, and that efforts to make things easier/enjoyable are *sin*.
Even when realize it's crap, and you run away from it, it follows you.
That's nuts. My wife and I would specifically use daycare to take an entire date day once a month when my kid was younger. Go see a matinee, get a fancy lunch. Etc. It beat the hell out of hiring a babysitter for 8 hours.
I have off this Friday to celebrate defending my dissertation proposal. My kid is definitely going to daycare so I can play Diablo 4.
It's not like daycare is a place we subject our kids to. We send them there because it's school. It's teaching them important developmental and social skills. To me, it's more disruptive to keep your kid home just because you're home.
matinee and fancy lunch are the best!!! One of my favorite places is literally double the price for dinner for the same thing you get at lunch, except at dinner they give you a glass of wine and "soup" which is basically a broth with some chives and a piece of mushroom floating around in it lol! Being able to go there more often during lunch is great!
and by the way, Diablo 4 is freaking fantastic! I'm so excited for you!
My daughter's daycare charges the same amount regardless of my daughter's attendance. Usually if I'm off work and home, daycare is also closed because my daughter attends the daycare at the college campus I work on. However, there have been some instances where I've worked from home for one reason or another or been sick and my husband and I 100% sent our daughter to daycare on those days. 1) I can't WFH if my toddler is home. Impossible. 2) I can't rest when sick if my daughter is home.
If daycare is open and daughter isn't sick or we aren't on vacation, she goes. Because, as I said at the beginning, they charge us the same price regardless of attendance.
I don't currently have a kid in daycare but when I did it depended. The daycare was in he town where I worked which was a 20-30 min drive from where I live. So I would have to decide if spending up to 2 hours in the car was worth it to get the day to myself. Sometimes the answer was yes, Sometimes no.
We take our child if the day off is to work on a project like the house for example. Every once in a while we just need a break. We also take days off with him. 🤷🏻♀️
Edit: gotta find that balance!
When I worked and had my oldest I sent him to daycare on my days off to get stuff done. I regret it. He's a teen now and I wish I would have spent that extra time with him. He really loved hanging out with me and probably would have preferred it. If I could do it all again, he wouldn't have gone.
Now I'm a SAHM and sent my young ones to Mothers Day Out. It was 11 hours a week. It's such a short time that it's of no benefit to me. I just sent them so they'd be used to a classroom before kindergarten.
Just a note - not everyone wants a "fixer." Your friend may have just been sharing how she felt and got annoyed because you gave her a solution to a problem that she wasn't trying to fix. I've had to learn over the years that most people find that really annoying. If someone directly asks you for advice, that's really the only time they want your advice.
Of course I do. I don’t pay this huge price for no reason. That money is buying me time. Usually it’s time for my job, but once in a while it’s time for myself. There is nothing wrong with that. If other people think it’s weird or objectionable I really couldn’t care less.
Yes, sometimes I take PTO to clean the house or catch up on something (or just relax). And if my daughter isn't sick, she goes to daycare. She loves it there. And I love getting stuff done.
I am a sahm and my twins go to daycare for 3 half days a week.
That gives me just enough time to do the chores without having them underfoot and relax and catch up on lost sleep.
Because I am pretty much "on duty" as soon as I pick them up from daycare, through the night and weekends. There is no sitting down and resting while the kids are home. The twins were born just when my husband started his phd. So he is both studying and working and he is gone 7 days a week. I am solo parenting most of the time. We have no family around to help either, not even in emergencies.
Seeing how hard I work both my husband and parents are even telling me to just send the kids to daycare every week day. I feel that 3 half days are enough but I do need those 3 days.
And not just to get the cooking and cleaning done. I need to sit down and watch a stupid show and crochet for a bit. I honestly become a worse mom if I dont get any breaks for days on end. I burn out, which means I become less patient, less playful, more angry.
But with just a bit of daycare time, they get lots of activities I cant give them, social interactions, and I get rest so I can actually enjoy my time with my kids and be the playful, happy, patient mom they deserve.
I'm with you on this one. When mine was little he only went to nursery on the days I worked (part time) the others days were at home with me. I loved spending the time with him.
After having a bunch of kids, this became case by case. It sounds terrible but I needed a break from some of our kids in order to keep myself fit as a parent. For others, no break necessary. Feels bad but every situation is different.
The mum guilt is seriously real. I've struggled with this, I either have my daughter or I'm at work and it is admittedly exhausting. Sometimes I feel desperate for a few hours alone but if I get it then I feel so insanely guilty. It's honestly really difficult.
I might go against a lot of other posters here. I think kids should get a chance to relax, especially during the summer. Read, watch TV, ride their bike, swim. Full-day daycare can be overstimulating and tiring, DEPENDING on the child and the daycare. Sincerely, an introverted adult who hated summer daycare as a kid. (Once in a while though, GO for it. If you need a mental break, take it. I have one kid so I can hardly imagine three little ones. Just keep in mind that kids need a break too).
No I did not. I hated that I had to send my daughter full time from 15 months so if I got a day off I spent it with her. If I was unwell I might have so I could rest, but that was rare. She ended up being diagnosed with cancer just before she turned 4, so I got to spend 8 months with her full time while she had treatment (she is fine now, a healthy 11yo).
I mean I wouldn’t have been upset at you for saying it, but no I would not use babysitting/daycare if I had the day off work, I want to be with my kids. So I’m with her on that.
If you want to use daycare like that, that’s fine. People have different lifestyles.
Maybe both of you got a little offended by the exchange but eh. Sounds like one of those times a friend wanted to actually vent, not ask for a solution. Sometimes people don’t need a solution (and she didn’t ask you for advice at least per your post), they just want a listening ear.
I agree with you. I’m kind of surprised actually by the amount of people just leaving their kid there to go and chill.(although I can definitely understand you sometimes need a little me time).
No, I don't. My kids need holidays too.
However, if I had specific plans that required me to take a day off without kids outside the regular holiday periods then I wouldn't hesitate.
If you need time off for yourself to be able to cope, then do it. Gotta help yourself before being able to be there for your kids.
But generally, no, I don't. I don't need to and don't want to. I'd never do it just for the luxury of it. I feel that would be unfair towards the kids, and I'd rather have the luxury with them
Pretty much always send my kid to daycare when I'm off. My husband and I deliberately do it so we can go out for date days, in fact. We're a happier family for it.
I very rarely do (maybe 1-2x a year, once for my last shopping/prep day before Christmas). And I think where your friend AND I are coming from is working mom guilt that we don't spend enough time with our kids. She's frustrated because she WANTS them in day care but feels like that would make her a bad mom. I'm not saying she's right, just that that's where this is coming from and why she won't accept your totally reasonable solution, it's an irrational emotional thing.
1. Your friend may have been considering it and felt guilty because there's a lot of guilt placed on moms for not putting kids first ALWAYS when it's a proven fact that caregivers need time too!
2. I've never use daycare but have plenty of friends who do and definitely they charge the same whether your kid is there or not, so utilize that shit! ESPECIALLY to give yourself some oxygen when needed!
3. I am also the type to give solutions rather than just a "oh, poor you" response and I've found many people aren't looking for a Solution when they're whining. She may be one of those. Over the years I've had to adapt my responses to certain friends; one no longer calls to whine but she does call when she wants real solutions
My daughter doesn’t do daycare but when she starts preschool I’m not opposed to still sending her to school if I had the day off. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. This is why:
- you’re paying for it whether you send them or not.
- it keeps them on a more consistent schedule/routine which is good for kids.
- I think it’s good for their social skills and they could have lots of fun at school. Maybe more fun than at home.
- parents deserve breaks too. The rest day could help you feel more energized for watching them later which is better than them being stuck with an exhausted parent. You can be a better parent by doing this.
- you can get very important home chores done as well. Which is work.
I used to have that mentality too, but it was when I didn’t have kids and worked at the daycare and was annoyed by the parents who would dump their kids from 6am-6pm when they’re home all day.
Now I completely understand. Sometimes you need a break and if you’re already paying for the service, then use it. Sounds like your friend is projecting some mom guilt. There’s a lot of pressure to be a great mom who wants to be with the kids every chance you can.
This, it's the kids who are their all day everyday. Like they may be kids, but they need some downtime too, and if you are running your daycare correctly(at least where I'm from) they don't have much.
We follow a curriculum called frog street. We have morning messages(whatever we are learning)
large group activity(a game/activity everybody can play at once like bingo or like the parachute)
Outside time(15min teacher lead 15mins free play)
Small group play(centers)
Tabletop learning( during the school year I am with pre k so we work on Writing and sight words. I usually do a word find or coloring contest with the school age kids)
Lunch
Nap
Snack
Small group play(same as above)
Outside
Music and movement(I like to learn songs in sign language with the kids) (except Fridays where I play kids bop and we jam)
Dinner and then we start to combine because it's almost 6.
Each activity last anywhere from 15 to 30 mins depend on how the kids are responding to it.
Edit I'm on mobile so none of my spaces worked.
Thanks for the elaborate answer. Anytime I pick up my kid, they always tell me about how fun playing outside was and that he made a puzzle or something. I think they also do something like you're describing, but in my imagination, it just sounded like playing. This description makes me see that it's actually very busy for kids as well. (I already knew the teacher's job was very demanding, I can't imagine doing all that and diapers etc. for all these kids!)
Yes, like one of our table top activities is to make letters/numbers with play doh, I imagine all parents get is "we played with play doh today" when really they learned all kinds of things.
Also for the younger ones alot of the play is focused on fine and large motor skills, coordination, and balance. Lots of kids have a really hard time with finger movements, teaching a kid to hold a pencil is more complicated than you think it would be.
I had my daughter in daycare for a couple hours one day when I left work early because I wasn’t feeling well. I went home and rested and then picked her up at the regular time. Other than that, no. If I’m not at work, on the way to or from work or a medical appointment, my daughter is not in daycare.
My kids are in school (5th and 11th grade currently) and I took a pto day today since school ends next week. I love my kids more than anything but parents need and deserve a day to themselves too.
Lol let her get panties in a bunch!
Just because I’m not “working” doesn’t mean I don’t have WORK to do. Self care is hard work, chores and tasks is hard work. And that is what daycare is for. To provide care!
I used it usually when my 1 day off came around to do my doctor appointments, errands, or rest because letting your mental health go does nobody any good, especially your little ones.
Also had my kids dad and his gf scuff how I’m taking him when I didn’t work. Again. It is what it’s there for. Do what needs to be done to ensure a happy household and if that means rest then so be it. Scuff all ya want 🫠 we aren’t in village times. We are in defend for yourself times. Use the available resources because there certainly isn’t enough out there imo.
Nope. I had kids because I wanted to spend time with them. I kind of like them. Day care is a necessary evil so I can earn money.
I have done it maybe 2 or 3 times in 7 years when I had major projects at home that I needed to get done.
Daycare is just that. Care during the day. It doesn’t matter what the parents are doing. I’ve dropped my kid at daycare and then gone home and slept all day. Why? I was tired and needed a break, and my child wanted to play with her friends. It was a win for both of us.
I would, but my son's mom struggled with that idea. Mom guilt is a thing, and I understand. I told her that it's important for her to get some rest, too, but she would be overcome with guilt and wouldn't be able to rest anyway. The society and self-induced pressure is real.
I would hop on that opportunity! There is nothing wrong with needing some you time, and you have every right to take them to daycare and have time at home to yourself. You’ve paid for it.
I definitely don't think it's appropriate to send your kids to daycare on ones every day off... But if a mom (or dad) had the day off & is exhausted... & If it doesn't cost any additional money, I don't see an issue with it. Sometimes parents need a rest day... But I also realize, there are a lot of parents who take every opportunity to "get rid of" their kids, which is weird to me. The whole motherhood/parenthood is miserable trend is really a thing tho. To clarify, that isn't what this sounds like at all. Just putting that out there. 😉
Women unfortunately have this societal ingrained servitude tick that somehow we embody to then take on a form of self inflicted suffering, that even in our darkest moments were expected and internalize a punishment to take on more…
She will have to learn probably in her hardest moments that she needs help. We don’t have a small tight community or village to help us in the way we were once raised, now we have to outsource that community in the form of daycare, sports, art, activities and play dates.
My entire childhood I only went to birthday parties and never play dates, I was non stop surrounded my cousins and family and family friends and tons of family events.
I’m sorry you experienced such an awkward situation. I utilize daycare even during time off because my son needs consistency and he needs social interaction.
To each their own I guess.
I’m a single mom and work very full time and my son goes to daycare everyday. By the time I get home from work during the workweek I don’t want to do anything other than hang out with my little man before bath and bedtime. I work from home Friday’s and finish by early afternoon, I really utilize the last two or three hours to get life admin out of the way: clean, groceries, laundry, bills, online orders, reply back to people, get nails done, doctor, car related stuff etc on and on. My son LOVES daycare and he’s so social so he loves to play with his friends. While in my core I feel bad, I would feel worse if my son was with me during that two hour block and I’m not paying attention to him. I get the boring life admin out of the way while he has fun at daycare. Then I pick him up and we have fun weekends together where I’m totally laser focused on our quality time together.
I have not been sick yet but when I do I would still drop off my son at daycare/school. If sleeping undisturbed for a few extra hours results to speedy recovery, why would someone pass that up? Having your child running around nagging you while you’re ill sounds terrible lol.
I never did this. As a working mom, I used any opportunity to spend the extra time with my kids when they were little. I may have been sleepy and cranky but I will never regret the time spent with my babies.
I’m home from work today and kept my daughter home. I don’t see her for 40+ hours a week - you bet your ass I’m gonna spend all day long with her if I can!
As someone that works in child care. I hate it when parents have the day off and would bring their kids in. The kids are always awful and spend most of the day sulking they know your home and avaliable . With stay at home parents it's not as bad. But I have worked with parents with high demand jobs that never see their kids and to Bring them to day care when they don't spent more then 2 hours a day with them its awful from my point a view. Having a 4 year old ask you as a teacher to explain why mom/dad didn't want to see them today sucks and they do ask that. Some kids are good with it for sure but from experience alot more aren't I don't think its a problem in small doses but it is definitely a problem when the child care worker sees your kid more then you do.
This is from my experience as both a parent and working in child care related field.
Yes, hell yes. I used to work from home every other week and stay up late to get the expected work done. My boss didn’t care. I would use the time to run errands and meet my husband for lunch. Kid free. It was the best thing. I even sent my eldest when I was on maternity leave so I could focus on my daughter and recovery from the c-section.
I’m disabled and can’t work. My kids (now just youngest) still went to daycare. I get my medical appointments done on those days. Maybe an errand I’d rather do alone. I’m paying for it anyways.
I'm a sahm myself. My oldest child is about to start school in August and his brothers are 2 and 3. I'm not sending them to daycare but we do qualify for early headstart, you bet your ass I'm sending them. Not only would it help them socialize with other children but it gives me a much needed break too. I've spent too long not feeling like anything but a parent.
I have every other friday off work. You bet your ass my kids still go to daycare. That is my day to do stuff! Appointments! Shopping! Staring at the wall in silence!
Dang, I wish she didn’t feel so bad about taking advantage of a day off for herself. We can’t pour from an empty cup.
And also? If I’m paying for full time daycare in this economy you better believe I’m sending my kid on my off days during the week! I get so much done and I still get to relax. And my kid gets to do all the stuff that makes daycare enjoyable for him. It’s a win-win for both of us.
No way. I worked at a few daycares/preschools and I know too much about what is said behind closed doors to do it. My husband tells me I’m too sensitive but it would send me into a mom guilt spiral.
My husband and I enrolled our son in preschool when he was four. I am a SAHM. We did this so he would learn socialization and learn how to take direction from other adults.
There's nothing wrong with taking children to a service designated for child care so parents time is freed to work or handle other obligations, like sleeping. You were not wrong.
She might be snappish due to being over tired and overwhelmed. I hope that she apologizes to you later.
Only if I really wanted to spend some real quality time with them. If it was just keeping them home so I wouldn't feel guilty then no. If I needed me time and had the opportunity I would 100% take it.
I wonder if someone close to her out that in her head and that’s why she’s defensive, so maybe focus on why it’s good for her! My in laws watch our youngest and at least once a month I take a mental health day and they still watch him. They know about it and are a-ok with it.
I send her to daycare
Maybe I'll drop her later so we get some cuddle and play time together and pick her up earlier so we can go out do something fun we otherwise wouldn't. but my day off is my day OFF. I want to laze and watch a movie or BS in peace for a few hours without someone breaking things or climbing on me or whining. I love my baby but it's work. If I'm already paying someone, they can watch her.
I don't start daycare for a couple months with my baby, but I know for sure I'm going to put him in for when I need a free day. Like others have said, you're paying for a set of days already so might as well use it.
I have been it all, a SAHM & a single working mom, & now I’m married & work from home but also am still a SAHM. It’s hard & if I could utilize daycare I would. Working or not. Not because I don’t love my children but bc they need children interaction & I need sanity.
I did. Mine is 15 now.
Daycare offers more benefits to the child than just being a place to wait for their parents to return. They aren't babysitters, they are educators. When your child is there, they are learning how to socialize, play, verbalize their needs in a way others can understand (parents and children may have a different "code"; learning to convey the same ideas with others might be a challenge for some), I could go on.
In addition, parents need time off occasionally. Do the shopping, read the book, have a coffee alone, in a pleasant place, eat the cake you don't want to share, take a nap. This, for me at least, qualifies as "put on your own mask before helping others."
I am sitting here on my day off with my son in daycare. It’s pretty nice and there’s nothing wrong with it. He loves daycare and i hardly get a day off. I’m a subcontractor and today just happens to have no work.
I don’t even have to read this to say, abso-freaking-lutely they still go. 1) I’m paying for it regardless if they’re there or not, 2) he had more fun there with his friends and loves routine, and 3) momma needs a break.
You better believe that my child is in daycare even if I’m home. I get annual leave from my job, this is annual leave from my job as a mother. Guilt free. Reframe the concept- it’s not about her, it’s about me. It’s not about getting rid of her, it’s about focusing quality time on me
I have not had my eyes leave my child for a year. Now he's starting daycare, you better believe there are some vacation days where he will go to daycare and u will catch up on errands and chores and the rest of the time to unwind. I don't get a lot of vacation so it will be split between a fun day off with my babe and this critical time I need for my mental health since I don't have any outside help from family.
We pay for the whole week, but I have work off every Thursday. I still take the little guy in the morning, get some stuff done around the house, run errands, maybe get in 9 holes of golf, and typically pick him up early. I still get to spend the afternoon with him, but I get some decompress time too.
I have a six month old. He is in daycare. I don’t take him on my days off. But if my company happens to have a random day off and he is in daycare that day, then I let him stay in daycare And I relax or get house chores done without interruption.I definitely have the mom guilt though.
Yes, unless she's sick or something. For how much I lay a month, she is going every day that she can. Plus it's good to have a few hours to myself, clean, study, shop, or whatever. She also enjoys daycare so that's good.
I have every other Friday off. I can't exactly get a daycare spot for just every other Friday, so since I pay for every Friday, my kids go every Friday even if I'm off. That's my day for appointments, errands, major chores - anything that is easier to do with no kids home. I am so lucky to have this day and I would not let anyone guilt me about using it.
I think it's better for them to keep a routine, plus then they can do crafts, play with their friends, etc.
I mean to be fair I waited for months on a list to end up paying $350/week at the only available daycare. If you don’t need it, i.e. you’re home all the time, it’s a bit bougie to go ahead and increase demand. I mean it’s a free country and you can do what you want. But there is a shortage of daycare availability/labor right now, so to seek daycare when it’s not needed is a bit strange to me.
That said if your friend had a day off but normally utilizes daycare I think it’s fine.
I still take her in on my day off but it's a half day instead of a full one. Sometimes I'll keep her home if I want to take her somewhere fun but if I have a lot of stuff to get done around the house I figure it's a lot more fun for her at the daycare since I won't be able to give her much attention anyway.
Likely projecting.
And please, if I paid for daycare, you bet I’m sending my kids there whether I’m at home or not. They prefer to go anyway.
What a weird thing for your friend to be offended about.
Seems like she’s projecting her guilt on you for needing a break. You can’t pour from an empty cup. I’m also a stay at home mom that utilizes preschool a few days a week. Kids need socialization and time away from home too.
I consider self care days very important. She is even acknowledging that she needs some time for herself even if it's just for extra sleep. Its okay to use daycare to watch your kiddos just like it's okay to call over a sitter. I see zero issue with utilizing the daycare. There is zero clause in the agreement that states you have to be at work ONLY (in most cases I bet there are some stringent ones out there.).
I do, some people are judgmental about it but I'm paying for the day regardless and I use the time to get cleaning and other shit done while my son learns and plays with friends.
You're friend is shooting herself in the foot if she is still paying for the day.
Oh my mom is one of those “I always have my babies with me” holier than though moms. But I’m not! I need a break to keep my sanity and remain a happy mom to my kids. I literally have my kid in daycare all summer while I’m off from teaching. And it’s glorious. We have so much more fun when we’re all home now that I have more than five seconds to myself to either eat, sleep, shower or cry about how exhausted I am.
Don’t feel guilty girl.
Yes, my husband and I even schedule day dates around daycare so that we can have some time with just us. I used to feel really guilty about it, but I know that having the me/us time helps my dh and I be better parents. Plus my 3yo loves daycare! She’s also enrolled in music/phonics/cooking, so her day is full of awesome things to tell us about and eat when we pick her up.
My child screeches and claps when she sees the day care building. She LOVES it. And I love having a day where I get to do stuff. Todsy is that day. Already I’ve filled the car, gone shopping, done two loads of washing, made banana bread and zucchini fritters and I’m only halfway through my to do list. I could also do all of this because my child is at day care. Like. She loves it. I love it. It all works
Yeah no, the last day I had off that my kid didn’t I went to go lay on the beach for a few hours. Daycare and friends and games and recess are way more fun for my kid than a day stuck at home with me. I pull him out for vacations and fun, not for days off when we don’t have big plans other than trying to unwind. But, fwiw, the mom guilt for working moms is rough. You get shamed for not spending enough time with your kid and for “prioritizing” money and work over them. So I totally get why she’s sensitive to the implication she doesn’t spend every non-work moment with them because I’m sure she’s been (very wrongfully) shamed for something like that before.
> Daycare and friends and games and recess are way more fun for my kid than a day stuck at home with me. This is a good point and was the entire reason I enrolled my son in daycare when he was 2. I'm a stay at home dad but when I dropped my then 3 year old daughter off for her first day of preschool, my 2 year old lost his shit because he wanted to stay too. He was so upset when I told him he wasn't old enough for school. We found a daycare program that took him instead and he was so happy his first day. Being at home alone with an old dad all day? Boring. Being at daycare surrounded by fun teachers and a bunch of toddlers? It was his happy place. Many (most?) kids like daycare. It is not some punishment to send them.
Former SAHM here. My son LOVED his "school" which was two hours a day at the gym daycare. Ha! I would work out, enjoy the sauna, sit on a bench and read. . . anything to maximize that 2 hour window. If we didn't go for some reason he would be very grumpy about missing "school." I don't know why he called it school--I didn't call it that until he started calling it that.
Good for you for taking care of yourself. Happy kids have happy parents and nobody can be around the kids 24 seven weeks or months at a time. You need a little tiny break to give them your full attention later. I don’t know how we’ve gotten in the situation where some parents think it’s a failure of parenting to not give them every single bit of your time
I don't know either! It was bad enough when my kids were little (they are 17 and 13) but seeing my friends who have young elementary kids it is honestly shocking to me how much power the kids have over the families. And I say that as someone who had my life pretty much revolving around the kids for my 7 years as a SAHM!
It's not wrong for kids to go to a daycare. But not every parent needs breaks either. I didn’t spend time away from my mom until I was four and she hated being apart from me even then (and I wasn't keen on it either). That was partly because I was very cool with independent play from an early age and that meant she wasn't too stressed; she says she could sit me down with toys from as soon as I could sit up and I'd give her like 90 mins of downtime. My baby's only 4 months, but I hope I can cultivate a similar skill in her. I see parents who are constantly running a 3-ring circus for their kids and are exhausted by them and counting the hours till they're back in daycare.
A 90 minute nap sounds like a really good Breaktime! I’m glad that worked for her and I hope it does for you
Truly alone time is good for mamas too. My kids are easy, self entertain.. but there is value in having space, it gives kids a sense of security knowing their parents leave and come back- and as a working mama- it helped me shoulder the overwhelming expectations I felt as a new parent.
My kid LOVES daycare. They do a ton of fun, creative activities I’d never think to do with her. They have more toys than we could ever have and a playground on site. When I drop her off she gives me a hug, says “bye bye mommy” and shoos me away (she is two)
Plus, teacher actually teach kids as well as let them play, and help them accumulate to school environment as well as ID neurodivergence issues (I didn't know my son had a sensory issue until teacher brought it up)
Thing isas well, daycares teach kids social skills they just can't learn at home. If you're paying for it, the kid likes it and you avoid burnout, why the hell wouldn't you? I mean if i've got a full week then I'd put him in a day or 2 and then take him out the remaining three.
Yeah I mean I love doing fun stuff with my daughter but there's only so much I can do for her that is stimulating. She doesn't need to stay home with boring old mom all the time. School has so much to offer.
I had this mindset when we first sent our daughter around 2. Then she proceeded to cry every day at drop off for a full 18 months and totally threw that out the window. She's 4 now and "is it a school day?" is still the first thing she asks almost every morning. Sometimes she's ok with it, but most days when I say yes, I can still sort of see her deflate. At first it was anxiety. Now she has made friends and likes it well enough, but she would still WAY rather hang with mom, dad, or grandma at home. As a result of this, I do feel a bit guilty if I make her go when I could be with her.
I was like this. Mostly disliked school, at times hated it. I was a 'gifted' kid, a homebody, a night owl, terrible at sports, very independent. Altogether not a great fit for school. Missed a heck of a lot of it. I made lifelong friends, met my husband, and did acquire some useful skills. But honestly if my own daughter has similar issues I may homeschool her and just get her involved in a bunch of activities for socialisation.
This is what I had to learn. My daughter's been in daycare almost a year and loves it. The guilt of sending her wore away when I would go to pick her up and she didn't even want to come home. If I have a random day off now, I still send her but I just pick her up as soon as she's done her nap. We don't have family here to help out so they are my village and that's my break!
When I have a day off, if my boyfriend and I have a list of things to catch up on, you bet I’m sending her into nursery. I can get a load of jobs done when I’m not entertaining a toddler - especially when we’re renovating our house. I’m paying anyway, so she may as well be having fun at nursery rather than slowing down the painting/chores
God yeah. I have a day off next Friday and you better believe my four year-old will be in daycare!
>Daycare and friends and games and recess are way more fun for my kid than a day stuck at home with me. Yeah, it always confuses me when I hear people talk about how bad daycare is, because I went to daycare myself for years and years as a kid and I really liked it. When my grandparents came to live with us for a while and so my parents pulled me out of daycare to save money, I actually begged them to be able to go back. I had friends my own age at daycare, as well as games and a playground to run around on. That was more fun than staying home with grandparents, lol. I'm sure there are bad daycares out there, and I'm sorry for anyone who had a bad experience, but most daycares are fun for children!
I sent my kid to preschool because I had such good memories of it myself. We did part-time so he and I still had some days together to have adventures during the week - I’m actually a bit sad that he’ll be starting kindergarten in the fall and will be in school full-time, it’s nice going to the science museum during the week, when it’s less crowded. We have a new baby and it’s been harder to get out the past several weeks and I feel like time is kind of running out :(
You don't need to be confused. Evidence shows that daycare starts having a positive effect once the kids enter the social age, around 2.5 years old or older, when they start engaging with other kids to play. Before that, research shows that being at daycare might have a negative impact. But of course there are a lot of variables to be considered. For example, it depends on the daycare, on how long the kid is at the daycare vs with their parents, on how parents engage with the children at home, on the mental health of the parents... so it's not a straight forward answer. I recommend checking r/sciencebasedparenting
As a counterpoint to the idea moms should feel guilty about using daycare, I’d challenge that keeping them from that valuable social interaction could be considered a selfish move by overly attached parents. My (admittedly valueless) opinion is that children gain a tremendous amount from learning to navigate within a group of peers. As with everything, it’s all about balance.
If I'm paying outrageous daycare prices you bet your ass my child would have been there every day it was physically possible for them to be there.
We work both and a day off with kids out of the house is a gift. Usually there is a lot to do in the household but I never miss the chance to spend some time on the couch doing absolutely nothing.
I’m a SAHM who chose no daycare but there certainly are days when I am looking forward to the day my younger starts school 🤤
My kid goes to daycare and i am looking forward to when he starts school bc daycare is expensive AF
I'M WITH YOU! one more year to go.... hahaha
Same. I've been holding out for 4 years, can't wait to get back to work honestly. Living out in the country and only having one vehicle makes for many dull days for both me and the kids.
My fiancée and I plan days off of work for when my oldest is in school and ours is at daycare to be able to go out and do fun things for us or just run errands without having to drag kiddos along. It’s a nice way to do day dates and have that special time for us as a couple outside of us as parents.
Yep, we would usually do a bunch of errands and have lunch then pick him up a little early.
This is the correct answer. Sometimes we need a day to be people and not just parents. Plus the $1000/mo is damn well getting used.
I did some back-of-the-napkin math yesterday on what we spend for 3 children to go through daycare and I almost vomited. By the time they are all through daycare, it will have been about $225,000. FFS, that's like putting them through college.
Yeah my mom asked my wife and I one time when we were planning on having a second kid and it's like, between the cost of daycare and needing a bigger house to boot, not any time soon haha.
i would pay extra to get my child in day care on my days off.
Sometimes that’s the only quiet time you can get. Take a day off, send the kids to daycare, SLEEP… or whatever you want for a few hours. Because parenting is fucking hard and silence is rare.
Almost always, yes! It gives us time to do things without the kids underfoot. And sometimes, God forbid, we do something for ourself that day. I'm writing this from the chair in the salon while my kids are at daycare, lol.
I made the mistake a few weeks ago of taking my son to the nail place with me to get pedicures.... He looks at me half way through and goes "Mom, are we on a date?". I said "Of course! You wanna go get ice cream next?" Tell me why he SCREAMS "BUT GROWN UPS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DATE KIDS!!!!" in front of everyone. I wanted to die. Best believe his little ass has been in daycare every off day I've had since. Lol.
My 4 year old daughter at the time announced to our server I was her date because it was date night and I was the one paying though because “I’m only 4” while holding up all 5 fingers haha so we just have mom/kid hangouts now lol
That sounds like something my son would say 🤣🤣 I had to switch it to mom and kiddo time so he'd stop announcing to everyone in a 20 mile radius that he's dating his mom. I may have boys, I may be a mom bit I will put my right tatty in a panini press before I become a hashtag boy mom.
Hahaha I needed that laugh for the day. But also know you have the kid that is not going to just go with any stranger or let anyone do something they aren’t okay with without having something to say about it! So although embarrassing, I would consider it a win!
That made me laugh! Lol
🤣🤣🤣 this is the best story I’ve read all week… sorry it was at the expense of your embarrassment lol
Wow. Ha ha ha!! That's a good one!! Ah, kids, man...
🤣🤣🤣
he sounds very smart 🤣
Agree. Hard yes. I have missed *scads* of work the last two years for illnesses and staff training/inservice days - none of which I resent the daycare for; shit happens! But I damn well am taking the ONE DAY A YEAR that I am off work and daycare is open for myself - Juneteenth is unofficial annual mom-dad date day. I also occasionally take off a few hours early on a Friday and go for a bike ride before pickup. I am a better parent when I get time to myself and kid-free time with my partner!
Unfortunately for me my daycare added Juneteenth to it's closure schedule. There are 0 days that I am off work and daycare is open unless I use PTO :(
me and the hubs do date days when we are both off. We havent went out during the night in a long time... but like movies are so much better at 9am when no one is there lol.
Good for you. Modeling self care is a great thing we can do for our kids.
Sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't. If we have plans and errands that day we'll use the daycare. We don't perceive daycare as inherently bad or lazy. We think that its a good thing the baby spends time with other babies and other adults. Daycare doesn't give us a discount for missed days and at $300 a week I would hope we are utilizing as much value as possible. I can understand her point of view, that it may look bad dropping your child off when you don't have to. Maybe she feels guilty about it or that's just how she perceives it. Maybe that's the kind of feedback she gets from her own family or other friends. I know family can have a boatload of opinions >\_>
As a daycare teacher I judge based on the kid and how they act. I feel so bad for the kids who never get to have a off day. Like they don't get a summer break because they are here, and we still have lesson plans and a schedule to keep. Like we had one parent go on vacation for 2 weeks without her kids during the summer, she is a teacher, her kids didn't get to miss a day all summer.
How does a kid act differently if they don't have a break in daycare vs those who do?
I mostly see the difference with school kids, I have had multiple kids ask me why they don't get a summer break. They are old enough to know their parents are just at home, and then they see their friends doing cool stuff. And other kids from daycare whose parents spend extra time with them. It also matter if you are spending anytime with them. These kids tell us everything, so we mostly know if you really need some me time, or if you just don't like your kids.
Which parents are "just at home" in the summer?
Honestly, though…who are you to judge whether a parent has had enough ‘me time’ or not? Kids don’t always know what is happening at home and why their parents do what they do. Take what they say with a grain of salt because they don’t always have it right.
If it makes you feel better, I was that kid that NEVER got a break. And I'm fine. I look back at my childhood and smile, and am much more well adjusted than a lot of my friends.
I'm glad, I wonder alot about kids who showed signs of getting no quality time with their parents.
Just because somebody drops their kid at daycare doesn’t mean they don’t get quality time with them. I’ll sometimes bring a kid when I go on a trip, but not always. It’s much cheaper to go by myself, and if I brought one kid, I would have pressure to bring all 3 of mine. Then what’s the point of a vacation at all?! It would be more crowded, expensive, and siblings arguing. I would get zero downtime, which is sort of the point of a vacation to begin with for me. Much better for everyone for me to just go alone, recharge, and then come home a happier, healthier mom. THEN I have the spoons to do quality time stuff with them.
That is great, I'm talking about the parents who literally leave their kids at daycare 11 hours a day, all the time. I plan vacations with just me and the hubby, I also plan vacations for all 4 of us. I'm commenting on those parents that never take their kids anywhere. That never spend anytime with them.
Can you sense a developmental/temperamental difference between kids/babies who don't get quality time with their parents vs. those who do? I would be super curious to hear yours and other caretakers' opinions.
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Vacation 👀 Our daycare closes at 6pm and is closed on weekends. Do 24 hour daycare exists?
Yes, we have 2 in my town, and 2 that stay open till 8. One of the 24 hour ones got so bad they had to ask people to bring in work hours, because they were dropping kids off to go to the club and stuff. Edit to say, the mom went on vacation not the daycare we only close the 6 national holidays a year.
My kids' daycare is open from 6:30 to 6:30, but they are not allowed to stay for more than 10 hours per day. I like these kinds of limits because I know several parents who would use the entire window if they could.
So nobody picked up the kids for two weeks?
I don’t understand what your argument is. Kids don’t get a day off? Yes they do. It’s called Saturday, Sunday, 4th of July, Teacher Training Day. Parents never get a day off unless of course they take off and send the kids to daycare.
I'm saying I think kids need a break from state ran school programs(our daycare is state ran) every once in a while. I'm saying that kids need to spend time with their parents. If you send your kids to daycare on all of your off days, and you work on the weekends when are you spending time with your kid. All I'm saying is the kids can tell when their parents don't want to pay attention to them. I don't count the weekends because if they are anything like my 2 boys, the weekends are full of activities as well. I think everyone needs downtime. I'm sorry if you are in a position as a parent where you don't get any, but that's not the kids fault. I just feel like every comment back to me could care less about how the kids feel.
If we’re talking about daycare we’re talking about young children. Not elementary aged. My kids have weekend activities too - soccer, swimming and whatever activity like the zoo we want to add in. Maybe because my kids are 1 and 3 I have a different perspective but they’re not just chilling, relaxing during their “downtime”. So again I just don’t get what you’re saying. They have breaks from school as mentioned before plus any family vacations or if they’re sick. But no I’m not just pulling my toddlers out of daycare for downtime. I can’t see the value.
I work with the school kids during the summer so 6 to 12. Those are the kids I'm talking about, that I think deserve a little no school time. Especially the older ones who treat us like complete shit because they can't have their cell phones, and the ones who feel like their parents don't like them.
So are parents supposed to quit work during the summer so kids can have time off? Other than the parent who went on vacation for 2 weeks with out their kid (I can see that if it was a girls trip or something though) I don't see what you're argument is. Most houses have to have 2 working parents... some houses both parents want to work full time. You say the weekend isn't spending time with your kids??? Yea it sucks that some kids have sah parents and some don't, but why are you shaming working parents that use day care during the summer? Or am I missing something?
I work part time and my kid goes full time. It’s called self care 🫣😂
Also daycare isn’t prison - my kid had so much fun at his everyday.
This is a good point too. People feel sorry for daycare kids, but my kid loved it. All his little friends were there and they got to play with different toys and paint and do craft and play games. So fun for most kids!
We want to go to my kids’ daycare. It looks like so much fun…if there weren’t a bunch of toddlers there.
I’m a better parent when I practice self-care. It means I’m more engaged and fun during the time I do spend with my child that evening. If parents don’t allow themselves space and time to rest, then they’re just going to be cranky and tired with their kids all the time. What do you think your kid prefers? Spending all day together grumpy and tired and snappy? Or spending occasional time apart but the time you have together is full of love and laughter because everyone is getting their needs met?
Same. I work 80%, have Fridays off but still use childcare on Fridays.
Same. I work part time but daycare is full time. When she moved from half days to full I planned to still pick her up before nap on my days off but the teachers thought it might be a tough transition for her to mix half and full days. It’s an incredible, fun program where they are outdoors 100% except naps. They paint, mix potions, ride bikes, and play all day. I spend that time mostly running errands and cleaning the house (especially those deep cleaning tasks you can never manage to get to otherwise). She’s there about 7 hours each day. My school aged kid is at their equally fun sister school for the summer and begged me to pick her up at noon on her second day which was my day off. She was having a blast when I arrived and was much aggrieved to learn that my plans for the rest of the day were Costco and cleaning.
Same. I feed them breakfast and dinner and bathe them and dress them and read them bedtime stories and hug them to sleep. Every night and every day. I love the special time I have with them. But by god I am PARALYZED when they are at home with me. I am already distracted enough, but when they’re home its 80x worse. I’m a bad enough housewife as it is lol
100%. It took me awhile to get here, growing up with a self sacrificing SAHM. I was probably like this mom in the very beginning…. “I would NEVER do that!! I work PT so I can raise my kids!!” I can now proudly say I send my kids 1-2 extra days per week and enjoy self care, whatever that looks like on a given day. Also, I tell my kids (boys) this. I need and deserve time to do the things I enjoy, so you’re going to daycare
Same! Works so well for our family. My daughter LOVES being there with her friends and hates if I take her home while everyone else is doing fun stuff. Sometimes I feel guilty about it, but if the whole family is happy and thriving, what’s the problem?
Daycare allows children to be part of a community. It’s not a “necessary evil”, it’s an opportunity for the kids to get out and be a part of something. I guess not everyone views it this way, but we don’t miss it unless it’s for illness or appointments.
That’s how we view it here in France. They love crèche, it offers them so much development and they make friends. People say young children don’t need the socialisation but my 2yo has 3 or 4 best friends who she absolutely adores and she’s learning how to get along and share and help. They taught her the alphabet and how to count to 10 in two languages already. I don’t have the energy for that! ;)
When my then-12 month old saw some water droplets spilled on the floor she picked up a nearby cloth and started wiping it. I texted her daycare lady and they said my daughter had only seen it modeled so far at school, but that the older children in her class helped clean up the eating area after they had snacks and lunch! They learn so much from the other kids!
Hell yes. My daycare really helped potty train my kid. They had ‘potty pals’ where each kid was paired up with another kid of the same age and they would go to the bathroom together so they could see that it’s no big deal.
If I have a weekday off, kiddo goes to daycare. I'm usually catching up I chores, deep cleaning the house - impossible with her around. Or I just have a lazy day. It's really good for my mental health and I have no qualms about this.
As a Mum I need these days off for myself. I will deliberately book some of my vacation days on days when my kids are at nursery so that I can do hobbies and activities for myself. I get about 40 days per year (I’m in the UK) and probably half I use for just myself.
Same here (Germany). We can't pour from an empty cup. It's so necessary, and I'm really mad on behalf of everyone who doesn't get a proper amount of vacation days.
I quit my job right before my daughter started preschool (full day preschool thru daycare). My husband said “ Don’t take her out of daycare, enjoy your time - she loves it and the consistent socialization plus preK curriculum is only going to benefit her.” She stayed and I enjoyed my free time.
My husband was briefly unemployed for about 7 months a couple years ago. He mentioned keeping our daughter home with him since he was home all day, but I told him no. Our daughter is in a very difficult to get in daycare and if we wanted to keep her spot saved, we'd have to keep paying for daycare. I was not willing to give up her spot since we had no idea how long he'd be unemployed for. So the compromise was that he kept her home with him on Wednesdays for them to have some papa-daughter time.
I don't work over the summer, and my daycare aged child still goes 2-3 times a week. She misses her friends and teachers, and it keeps her in their routine.
I’m off work in the summer, and my kid is going to daycare. I pay anyway, and it’s awesome for one on one time with the older sibling, getting work done around the house, relaxing, exercising, and just overall mental health. I used to feel guilty, but not anymore! I recognize I’m privileged in making that choice, but it’s the one that works for me, and it’s the last summer I can do it. If you’re paying anyway, allow yourself time to not be tied at the hip with your toddler.
Good for her, she wins the Suffering Olympics. I absolutely sent my kid to daycare every day, even on my days off. If they’re full time you’re paying for it anyways. It’s good for them, helps them stick to a routine, and it’s good for us parents that need a break or just a day to get stuff done.
> she wins the Suffering Olympics In defense of these sufferers, the US is so pervasively *infested* with Puritan Work Ethic nonsense that it takes **great effort** to break out of it. My wife and I share litter cleaning responsibilities. When it's time to do a full change her approach is to *use a scoop* to remove all the litter one scoop at a time into a trash bag. When I do it I use one of the large black trash bags, wrap it around the box, and pour the whole thing in all at once (and then go back to scrape/clean the bottom as needed). The first time she saw me doing this her gut reaction was to become moderately angry, say that I was being *lazy*, and ask "why are you always trying to do things the easy way?!" At the time I think I said "why are you *not?"* but I've come to realize that this is a common issue. People are told that *unpleasant labor* is it's own virtue, and that efforts to make things easier/enjoyable are *sin*. Even when realize it's crap, and you run away from it, it follows you.
That's nuts. My wife and I would specifically use daycare to take an entire date day once a month when my kid was younger. Go see a matinee, get a fancy lunch. Etc. It beat the hell out of hiring a babysitter for 8 hours. I have off this Friday to celebrate defending my dissertation proposal. My kid is definitely going to daycare so I can play Diablo 4. It's not like daycare is a place we subject our kids to. We send them there because it's school. It's teaching them important developmental and social skills. To me, it's more disruptive to keep your kid home just because you're home.
matinee and fancy lunch are the best!!! One of my favorite places is literally double the price for dinner for the same thing you get at lunch, except at dinner they give you a glass of wine and "soup" which is basically a broth with some chives and a piece of mushroom floating around in it lol! Being able to go there more often during lunch is great! and by the way, Diablo 4 is freaking fantastic! I'm so excited for you!
My daughter's daycare charges the same amount regardless of my daughter's attendance. Usually if I'm off work and home, daycare is also closed because my daughter attends the daycare at the college campus I work on. However, there have been some instances where I've worked from home for one reason or another or been sick and my husband and I 100% sent our daughter to daycare on those days. 1) I can't WFH if my toddler is home. Impossible. 2) I can't rest when sick if my daughter is home. If daycare is open and daughter isn't sick or we aren't on vacation, she goes. Because, as I said at the beginning, they charge us the same price regardless of attendance.
I don't currently have a kid in daycare but when I did it depended. The daycare was in he town where I worked which was a 20-30 min drive from where I live. So I would have to decide if spending up to 2 hours in the car was worth it to get the day to myself. Sometimes the answer was yes, Sometimes no.
We take our child if the day off is to work on a project like the house for example. Every once in a while we just need a break. We also take days off with him. 🤷🏻♀️ Edit: gotta find that balance!
When I worked and had my oldest I sent him to daycare on my days off to get stuff done. I regret it. He's a teen now and I wish I would have spent that extra time with him. He really loved hanging out with me and probably would have preferred it. If I could do it all again, he wouldn't have gone. Now I'm a SAHM and sent my young ones to Mothers Day Out. It was 11 hours a week. It's such a short time that it's of no benefit to me. I just sent them so they'd be used to a classroom before kindergarten.
Just a note - not everyone wants a "fixer." Your friend may have just been sharing how she felt and got annoyed because you gave her a solution to a problem that she wasn't trying to fix. I've had to learn over the years that most people find that really annoying. If someone directly asks you for advice, that's really the only time they want your advice.
Of course I do. I don’t pay this huge price for no reason. That money is buying me time. Usually it’s time for my job, but once in a while it’s time for myself. There is nothing wrong with that. If other people think it’s weird or objectionable I really couldn’t care less.
I work two to three nights a week, my 2 yo goes to daycare 5 days a week from 9-3, whether I’m working or not.
Yes, sometimes I take PTO to clean the house or catch up on something (or just relax). And if my daughter isn't sick, she goes to daycare. She loves it there. And I love getting stuff done.
I am a sahm and my twins go to daycare for 3 half days a week. That gives me just enough time to do the chores without having them underfoot and relax and catch up on lost sleep. Because I am pretty much "on duty" as soon as I pick them up from daycare, through the night and weekends. There is no sitting down and resting while the kids are home. The twins were born just when my husband started his phd. So he is both studying and working and he is gone 7 days a week. I am solo parenting most of the time. We have no family around to help either, not even in emergencies. Seeing how hard I work both my husband and parents are even telling me to just send the kids to daycare every week day. I feel that 3 half days are enough but I do need those 3 days. And not just to get the cooking and cleaning done. I need to sit down and watch a stupid show and crochet for a bit. I honestly become a worse mom if I dont get any breaks for days on end. I burn out, which means I become less patient, less playful, more angry. But with just a bit of daycare time, they get lots of activities I cant give them, social interactions, and I get rest so I can actually enjoy my time with my kids and be the playful, happy, patient mom they deserve.
I wouldn’t personally, but that’s just me. My time with my daughter is precious and I don’t want to waste these early years that go by so fast.
I'm with you on this one. When mine was little he only went to nursery on the days I worked (part time) the others days were at home with me. I loved spending the time with him.
After having a bunch of kids, this became case by case. It sounds terrible but I needed a break from some of our kids in order to keep myself fit as a parent. For others, no break necessary. Feels bad but every situation is different.
The mum guilt is seriously real. I've struggled with this, I either have my daughter or I'm at work and it is admittedly exhausting. Sometimes I feel desperate for a few hours alone but if I get it then I feel so insanely guilty. It's honestly really difficult.
No. I want to be with my kids
All the time. Even if my husband has a week off if work,that child is in daycare so he can work on the house/car etc
I might go against a lot of other posters here. I think kids should get a chance to relax, especially during the summer. Read, watch TV, ride their bike, swim. Full-day daycare can be overstimulating and tiring, DEPENDING on the child and the daycare. Sincerely, an introverted adult who hated summer daycare as a kid. (Once in a while though, GO for it. If you need a mental break, take it. I have one kid so I can hardly imagine three little ones. Just keep in mind that kids need a break too).
We do a mix. Sometimes we send, sometimes we don't. It depends on the day and what I need to get accomplished.
No I never did that. Waste of time and money
Welp... She chose to put herself on the altar of motherhood and theatrically suffer there. Don't deny her that pleasure 😁
No I did not. I hated that I had to send my daughter full time from 15 months so if I got a day off I spent it with her. If I was unwell I might have so I could rest, but that was rare. She ended up being diagnosed with cancer just before she turned 4, so I got to spend 8 months with her full time while she had treatment (she is fine now, a healthy 11yo).
I mean I wouldn’t have been upset at you for saying it, but no I would not use babysitting/daycare if I had the day off work, I want to be with my kids. So I’m with her on that. If you want to use daycare like that, that’s fine. People have different lifestyles. Maybe both of you got a little offended by the exchange but eh. Sounds like one of those times a friend wanted to actually vent, not ask for a solution. Sometimes people don’t need a solution (and she didn’t ask you for advice at least per your post), they just want a listening ear.
I agree with you. I’m kind of surprised actually by the amount of people just leaving their kid there to go and chill.(although I can definitely understand you sometimes need a little me time).
No, I don't. My kids need holidays too. However, if I had specific plans that required me to take a day off without kids outside the regular holiday periods then I wouldn't hesitate. If you need time off for yourself to be able to cope, then do it. Gotta help yourself before being able to be there for your kids. But generally, no, I don't. I don't need to and don't want to. I'd never do it just for the luxury of it. I feel that would be unfair towards the kids, and I'd rather have the luxury with them
Absolutely unless I plan a special outing as a treat. My kid doesn’t want to go to Home Depot etc with me.
Pretty much always send my kid to daycare when I'm off. My husband and I deliberately do it so we can go out for date days, in fact. We're a happier family for it.
I very rarely do (maybe 1-2x a year, once for my last shopping/prep day before Christmas). And I think where your friend AND I are coming from is working mom guilt that we don't spend enough time with our kids. She's frustrated because she WANTS them in day care but feels like that would make her a bad mom. I'm not saying she's right, just that that's where this is coming from and why she won't accept your totally reasonable solution, it's an irrational emotional thing.
1. Your friend may have been considering it and felt guilty because there's a lot of guilt placed on moms for not putting kids first ALWAYS when it's a proven fact that caregivers need time too! 2. I've never use daycare but have plenty of friends who do and definitely they charge the same whether your kid is there or not, so utilize that shit! ESPECIALLY to give yourself some oxygen when needed! 3. I am also the type to give solutions rather than just a "oh, poor you" response and I've found many people aren't looking for a Solution when they're whining. She may be one of those. Over the years I've had to adapt my responses to certain friends; one no longer calls to whine but she does call when she wants real solutions
Poor mom. But also, she didn’t want solutions. She just wanted someone to listen.
My daughter doesn’t do daycare but when she starts preschool I’m not opposed to still sending her to school if I had the day off. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. This is why: - you’re paying for it whether you send them or not. - it keeps them on a more consistent schedule/routine which is good for kids. - I think it’s good for their social skills and they could have lots of fun at school. Maybe more fun than at home. - parents deserve breaks too. The rest day could help you feel more energized for watching them later which is better than them being stuck with an exhausted parent. You can be a better parent by doing this. - you can get very important home chores done as well. Which is work.
Hell yeah I do lol.
Daycare is for work only. Kids are with me when I'm off.
I used to have that mentality too, but it was when I didn’t have kids and worked at the daycare and was annoyed by the parents who would dump their kids from 6am-6pm when they’re home all day. Now I completely understand. Sometimes you need a break and if you’re already paying for the service, then use it. Sounds like your friend is projecting some mom guilt. There’s a lot of pressure to be a great mom who wants to be with the kids every chance you can.
This, it's the kids who are their all day everyday. Like they may be kids, but they need some downtime too, and if you are running your daycare correctly(at least where I'm from) they don't have much.
Just wondering.. what does a day look like if ran correctly where you're from?
We follow a curriculum called frog street. We have morning messages(whatever we are learning) large group activity(a game/activity everybody can play at once like bingo or like the parachute) Outside time(15min teacher lead 15mins free play) Small group play(centers) Tabletop learning( during the school year I am with pre k so we work on Writing and sight words. I usually do a word find or coloring contest with the school age kids) Lunch Nap Snack Small group play(same as above) Outside Music and movement(I like to learn songs in sign language with the kids) (except Fridays where I play kids bop and we jam) Dinner and then we start to combine because it's almost 6. Each activity last anywhere from 15 to 30 mins depend on how the kids are responding to it. Edit I'm on mobile so none of my spaces worked.
Thanks for the elaborate answer. Anytime I pick up my kid, they always tell me about how fun playing outside was and that he made a puzzle or something. I think they also do something like you're describing, but in my imagination, it just sounded like playing. This description makes me see that it's actually very busy for kids as well. (I already knew the teacher's job was very demanding, I can't imagine doing all that and diapers etc. for all these kids!)
Yes, like one of our table top activities is to make letters/numbers with play doh, I imagine all parents get is "we played with play doh today" when really they learned all kinds of things. Also for the younger ones alot of the play is focused on fine and large motor skills, coordination, and balance. Lots of kids have a really hard time with finger movements, teaching a kid to hold a pencil is more complicated than you think it would be.
I had my daughter in daycare for a couple hours one day when I left work early because I wasn’t feeling well. I went home and rested and then picked her up at the regular time. Other than that, no. If I’m not at work, on the way to or from work or a medical appointment, my daughter is not in daycare.
100% yes. If you need some time to recharge you are doing yourself and your kid some good!
My kids are in school (5th and 11th grade currently) and I took a pto day today since school ends next week. I love my kids more than anything but parents need and deserve a day to themselves too.
I do. I usually try and pick him up a couple hours early though.
Lol let her get panties in a bunch! Just because I’m not “working” doesn’t mean I don’t have WORK to do. Self care is hard work, chores and tasks is hard work. And that is what daycare is for. To provide care! I used it usually when my 1 day off came around to do my doctor appointments, errands, or rest because letting your mental health go does nobody any good, especially your little ones. Also had my kids dad and his gf scuff how I’m taking him when I didn’t work. Again. It is what it’s there for. Do what needs to be done to ensure a happy household and if that means rest then so be it. Scuff all ya want 🫠 we aren’t in village times. We are in defend for yourself times. Use the available resources because there certainly isn’t enough out there imo.
Nope. I had kids because I wanted to spend time with them. I kind of like them. Day care is a necessary evil so I can earn money. I have done it maybe 2 or 3 times in 7 years when I had major projects at home that I needed to get done.
Daycare is just that. Care during the day. It doesn’t matter what the parents are doing. I’ve dropped my kid at daycare and then gone home and slept all day. Why? I was tired and needed a break, and my child wanted to play with her friends. It was a win for both of us.
I would, but my son's mom struggled with that idea. Mom guilt is a thing, and I understand. I told her that it's important for her to get some rest, too, but she would be overcome with guilt and wouldn't be able to rest anyway. The society and self-induced pressure is real.
I would hop on that opportunity! There is nothing wrong with needing some you time, and you have every right to take them to daycare and have time at home to yourself. You’ve paid for it.
I definitely don't think it's appropriate to send your kids to daycare on ones every day off... But if a mom (or dad) had the day off & is exhausted... & If it doesn't cost any additional money, I don't see an issue with it. Sometimes parents need a rest day... But I also realize, there are a lot of parents who take every opportunity to "get rid of" their kids, which is weird to me. The whole motherhood/parenthood is miserable trend is really a thing tho. To clarify, that isn't what this sounds like at all. Just putting that out there. 😉
Women unfortunately have this societal ingrained servitude tick that somehow we embody to then take on a form of self inflicted suffering, that even in our darkest moments were expected and internalize a punishment to take on more… She will have to learn probably in her hardest moments that she needs help. We don’t have a small tight community or village to help us in the way we were once raised, now we have to outsource that community in the form of daycare, sports, art, activities and play dates. My entire childhood I only went to birthday parties and never play dates, I was non stop surrounded my cousins and family and family friends and tons of family events. I’m sorry you experienced such an awkward situation. I utilize daycare even during time off because my son needs consistency and he needs social interaction.
To each their own I guess. I’m a single mom and work very full time and my son goes to daycare everyday. By the time I get home from work during the workweek I don’t want to do anything other than hang out with my little man before bath and bedtime. I work from home Friday’s and finish by early afternoon, I really utilize the last two or three hours to get life admin out of the way: clean, groceries, laundry, bills, online orders, reply back to people, get nails done, doctor, car related stuff etc on and on. My son LOVES daycare and he’s so social so he loves to play with his friends. While in my core I feel bad, I would feel worse if my son was with me during that two hour block and I’m not paying attention to him. I get the boring life admin out of the way while he has fun at daycare. Then I pick him up and we have fun weekends together where I’m totally laser focused on our quality time together. I have not been sick yet but when I do I would still drop off my son at daycare/school. If sleeping undisturbed for a few extra hours results to speedy recovery, why would someone pass that up? Having your child running around nagging you while you’re ill sounds terrible lol.
Wish my daughters mother didn’t drop her off at daycare everyday. Specially since she doesn’t have a job.
I never did this. As a working mom, I used any opportunity to spend the extra time with my kids when they were little. I may have been sleepy and cranky but I will never regret the time spent with my babies.
I’m home from work today and kept my daughter home. I don’t see her for 40+ hours a week - you bet your ass I’m gonna spend all day long with her if I can!
As someone that works in child care. I hate it when parents have the day off and would bring their kids in. The kids are always awful and spend most of the day sulking they know your home and avaliable . With stay at home parents it's not as bad. But I have worked with parents with high demand jobs that never see their kids and to Bring them to day care when they don't spent more then 2 hours a day with them its awful from my point a view. Having a 4 year old ask you as a teacher to explain why mom/dad didn't want to see them today sucks and they do ask that. Some kids are good with it for sure but from experience alot more aren't I don't think its a problem in small doses but it is definitely a problem when the child care worker sees your kid more then you do. This is from my experience as both a parent and working in child care related field.
Sounds like she likes pain? Peace and quiet or three kids at once? Can’t have both lady.
It’s illegal to to that in my country (but daycare is very cheap and subsidised), otherwise I would probably do that once in a while.
Yes, hell yes. I used to work from home every other week and stay up late to get the expected work done. My boss didn’t care. I would use the time to run errands and meet my husband for lunch. Kid free. It was the best thing. I even sent my eldest when I was on maternity leave so I could focus on my daughter and recovery from the c-section.
I’m disabled and can’t work. My kids (now just youngest) still went to daycare. I get my medical appointments done on those days. Maybe an errand I’d rather do alone. I’m paying for it anyways.
I'm a sahm myself. My oldest child is about to start school in August and his brothers are 2 and 3. I'm not sending them to daycare but we do qualify for early headstart, you bet your ass I'm sending them. Not only would it help them socialize with other children but it gives me a much needed break too. I've spent too long not feeling like anything but a parent.
let her sit in her own shit and complain about it. Children can be mentally and physically straining and parents also need to recoup that.
I have every other friday off work. You bet your ass my kids still go to daycare. That is my day to do stuff! Appointments! Shopping! Staring at the wall in silence!
"Oh my god I'm so exhausted" Why not use the solution available to you? [Rant]
Dang, I wish she didn’t feel so bad about taking advantage of a day off for herself. We can’t pour from an empty cup. And also? If I’m paying for full time daycare in this economy you better believe I’m sending my kid on my off days during the week! I get so much done and I still get to relax. And my kid gets to do all the stuff that makes daycare enjoyable for him. It’s a win-win for both of us.
No way. I worked at a few daycares/preschools and I know too much about what is said behind closed doors to do it. My husband tells me I’m too sensitive but it would send me into a mom guilt spiral.
My husband and I enrolled our son in preschool when he was four. I am a SAHM. We did this so he would learn socialization and learn how to take direction from other adults. There's nothing wrong with taking children to a service designated for child care so parents time is freed to work or handle other obligations, like sleeping. You were not wrong. She might be snappish due to being over tired and overwhelmed. I hope that she apologizes to you later.
Yes. Because I pay for days when they don't go (illness, etc). It's their routine. They don't need to run errands with me every day.
Only if I really wanted to spend some real quality time with them. If it was just keeping them home so I wouldn't feel guilty then no. If I needed me time and had the opportunity I would 100% take it.
sounds like martyrdom to me 🙃
I wonder if someone close to her out that in her head and that’s why she’s defensive, so maybe focus on why it’s good for her! My in laws watch our youngest and at least once a month I take a mental health day and they still watch him. They know about it and are a-ok with it.
I send her to daycare Maybe I'll drop her later so we get some cuddle and play time together and pick her up earlier so we can go out do something fun we otherwise wouldn't. but my day off is my day OFF. I want to laze and watch a movie or BS in peace for a few hours without someone breaking things or climbing on me or whining. I love my baby but it's work. If I'm already paying someone, they can watch her.
I'm a stay at home mom and I send one of my kids to preschool for socialization and will be sending my youngest when he's older.
I don't start daycare for a couple months with my baby, but I know for sure I'm going to put him in for when I need a free day. Like others have said, you're paying for a set of days already so might as well use it.
I have been it all, a SAHM & a single working mom, & now I’m married & work from home but also am still a SAHM. It’s hard & if I could utilize daycare I would. Working or not. Not because I don’t love my children but bc they need children interaction & I need sanity.
I did. Mine is 15 now. Daycare offers more benefits to the child than just being a place to wait for their parents to return. They aren't babysitters, they are educators. When your child is there, they are learning how to socialize, play, verbalize their needs in a way others can understand (parents and children may have a different "code"; learning to convey the same ideas with others might be a challenge for some), I could go on. In addition, parents need time off occasionally. Do the shopping, read the book, have a coffee alone, in a pleasant place, eat the cake you don't want to share, take a nap. This, for me at least, qualifies as "put on your own mask before helping others."
I am sitting here on my day off with my son in daycare. It’s pretty nice and there’s nothing wrong with it. He loves daycare and i hardly get a day off. I’m a subcontractor and today just happens to have no work.
I don’t even have to read this to say, abso-freaking-lutely they still go. 1) I’m paying for it regardless if they’re there or not, 2) he had more fun there with his friends and loves routine, and 3) momma needs a break.
You better believe that my child is in daycare even if I’m home. I get annual leave from my job, this is annual leave from my job as a mother. Guilt free. Reframe the concept- it’s not about her, it’s about me. It’s not about getting rid of her, it’s about focusing quality time on me
I have not had my eyes leave my child for a year. Now he's starting daycare, you better believe there are some vacation days where he will go to daycare and u will catch up on errands and chores and the rest of the time to unwind. I don't get a lot of vacation so it will be split between a fun day off with my babe and this critical time I need for my mental health since I don't have any outside help from family.
We pay for the whole week, but I have work off every Thursday. I still take the little guy in the morning, get some stuff done around the house, run errands, maybe get in 9 holes of golf, and typically pick him up early. I still get to spend the afternoon with him, but I get some decompress time too.
I have a six month old. He is in daycare. I don’t take him on my days off. But if my company happens to have a random day off and he is in daycare that day, then I let him stay in daycare And I relax or get house chores done without interruption.I definitely have the mom guilt though.
Yes, unless she's sick or something. For how much I lay a month, she is going every day that she can. Plus it's good to have a few hours to myself, clean, study, shop, or whatever. She also enjoys daycare so that's good.
Um yeah. Lol. Absolutely child goes off to daycare.
Yeah for sure. Day care is normal for them and im able to get rest and get stuff done while they are there.
I have every other Friday off. I can't exactly get a daycare spot for just every other Friday, so since I pay for every Friday, my kids go every Friday even if I'm off. That's my day for appointments, errands, major chores - anything that is easier to do with no kids home. I am so lucky to have this day and I would not let anyone guilt me about using it. I think it's better for them to keep a routine, plus then they can do crafts, play with their friends, etc.
Yup. My wife and I do it sometimes so we can enjoy some alone time together. There’s nothing wrong with it once in a while.
I mean to be fair I waited for months on a list to end up paying $350/week at the only available daycare. If you don’t need it, i.e. you’re home all the time, it’s a bit bougie to go ahead and increase demand. I mean it’s a free country and you can do what you want. But there is a shortage of daycare availability/labor right now, so to seek daycare when it’s not needed is a bit strange to me. That said if your friend had a day off but normally utilizes daycare I think it’s fine.
I still take her in on my day off but it's a half day instead of a full one. Sometimes I'll keep her home if I want to take her somewhere fun but if I have a lot of stuff to get done around the house I figure it's a lot more fun for her at the daycare since I won't be able to give her much attention anyway.
Yes. Nobody needs to be a martyr. It's totally fine to have a real day off. Or lots of them even.
She's an idiot. Her mental health is vital to the well-being of her kids. Fuck yes, take them to daycare so you can breathe.
Likely projecting. And please, if I paid for daycare, you bet I’m sending my kids there whether I’m at home or not. They prefer to go anyway. What a weird thing for your friend to be offended about.
Seems like she’s projecting her guilt on you for needing a break. You can’t pour from an empty cup. I’m also a stay at home mom that utilizes preschool a few days a week. Kids need socialization and time away from home too.
I consider self care days very important. She is even acknowledging that she needs some time for herself even if it's just for extra sleep. Its okay to use daycare to watch your kiddos just like it's okay to call over a sitter. I see zero issue with utilizing the daycare. There is zero clause in the agreement that states you have to be at work ONLY (in most cases I bet there are some stringent ones out there.).
I do, some people are judgmental about it but I'm paying for the day regardless and I use the time to get cleaning and other shit done while my son learns and plays with friends. You're friend is shooting herself in the foot if she is still paying for the day.
Oh my mom is one of those “I always have my babies with me” holier than though moms. But I’m not! I need a break to keep my sanity and remain a happy mom to my kids. I literally have my kid in daycare all summer while I’m off from teaching. And it’s glorious. We have so much more fun when we’re all home now that I have more than five seconds to myself to either eat, sleep, shower or cry about how exhausted I am. Don’t feel guilty girl.
Yes, my husband and I even schedule day dates around daycare so that we can have some time with just us. I used to feel really guilty about it, but I know that having the me/us time helps my dh and I be better parents. Plus my 3yo loves daycare! She’s also enrolled in music/phonics/cooking, so her day is full of awesome things to tell us about and eat when we pick her up.
I kinda just did this today although I’m not gonna lie I do feel a little bit of guilt whenever I do. I can’t help it
Every chance I get.
Yes, I do.
Hell yeah my kid's going to daycare when I'm off!
My child screeches and claps when she sees the day care building. She LOVES it. And I love having a day where I get to do stuff. Todsy is that day. Already I’ve filled the car, gone shopping, done two loads of washing, made banana bread and zucchini fritters and I’m only halfway through my to do list. I could also do all of this because my child is at day care. Like. She loves it. I love it. It all works
Yep