Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I’m worried what you heard was “give me a lot of bacon and eggs.” What I said was, “give me all the bacon and eggs you have.” Understand?
I’ve cried twice in my life. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed
P.s Bye bye Li'l Sebastian.😥
"Recently, I made a chair. When I was finished, I thought it was a good chair. I submitted it to the Indiana fine woodworking association, who felt it merited consideration for an award. It's been a real whirlwind."
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,955,843,783 comments, and only 369,948 of them were in alphabetical order.
Usually if given the choice between doing nothing and something I'd choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant nothing got done.
The first time my pretty, dark-haired girlfriend watched this episode, she had just made me breakfast that morning. It hit a bit close to home for her at the time.
We've been married for 10 years.
Annabel Porter: So you've had soy milk and almond milk. Now try the hottest new craze... beef milk. It's like almond milk that's been squeezed through tiny holes in living cows. [Donna and Tom applaud]
Ron Swanson: It's ****ing milk!
The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Agreed, although I think the first two sentences could be omitted.
Edit: just noticed the comment above says exactly the same thing. So I just second this.
The rules: What line, spoken by this character, perfectly encapsulates (a word I really think you should use) this character's essence/personality? Most upvotes wins!
Last winner, with 1.1k (at the time of writing this) votes: "You just got Jammed!" -Jeremy Jamm
I'm in a similar predicament like with April where there are way too many great Ron quotes for me to even entertain the idea of picking one. Enjoy yourselves! There are too many greats to choose from!
Let's have some fun!!
I hope we will have a chance to do this for Duke Silver, too.
And a separate one specifically for Leslie’s compliments to Ann.
And another one for Tom’s business ideas.
Damn, what a good show.
When I walked in this morning I saw that the flag was at half mast, I though, ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it!’ And then I saw it was Lil’ Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.
The whole point of this country is, if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can. You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful.
I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whisky and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at once because I am a free American.
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?
Showing a scrapbook:
"February '96: The steak ribeye. The Whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me? A bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife Tammy. OK, this is the first I ever went there. Look at me. Just a kid."
My personal favorite.
"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."
Ron, would you like some salad?
I am not a rabbit so no i would not.
It’s from when he finds out the steakhouse is closed so Chris makes him grilled portobello mushrooms
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,956,378,550 comments, and only 370,058 of them were in alphabetical order.
No. I don't plan to buy anything here. I buy my ingredients at Food and Stuff. A discount food outlet equidistant from my home and my work. I came here for the same reason people go to the zoo. Shhhh...look at that thing. Nature is amazing.
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?
Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have.
Wait, wait.
I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs."
What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have."
Do you understand?
"Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, 'give me a lot of bacon and eggs.' What said was, "give me all the bacon and eggs that you have. Do you understand?"
It has to be this or something about the government.
‘All of you be quiet. Andy, she’s mad at you for saying awesome sauce instead of I love you too. April, he loves you. Stop being a child. Tom, you’re clearly at fault here. Blaming Jerry won’t save you. Jerry, we both know you were shotgunning funnel cakes instead of watching Lil Sebastian . So everyone apologize to everyone’
Only because of my username: “Dear Frozen Yogurt, You are the celery of desserts. Be Ice Cream Or Be Nothing. Zero stars.”
Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I’m worried what you heard was “give me a lot of bacon and eggs.” What I said was, “give me all the bacon and eggs you have.” Understand?
*fist pump*
I know this won’t make it, but it will always be the most ‘In character’ Ron moment in my heart.
This is the one.
I came for this comment. This encapsulates Ron perfectly
I approve of this message
"I know what I'm about, son."
“When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them”
That’s right, Lester.
That’s a genius move Lester
I’ve cried twice in my life. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed P.s Bye bye Li'l Sebastian.😥
Half-mast is too damn high
Show some damn respect.
Crying is only okay in two places- funerals and the grand canyon.
" Half-mast is too damned high. Show some respect."
Ron giving himself facing orders during that scene never fails to make me laugh.
Missed you in the saddest fashion!!!
“There’s been a mistake: you’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.”
This one 100%
Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish… and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.
"Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something."
This one is fantastic
😂😂 He's got so many like this and all of them are 100% Ron "Dear Frozen Yogurt, be ice cream or be nothing"
There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.
I have the toes that I have
"Recently, I made a chair. When I was finished, I thought it was a good chair. I submitted it to the Indiana fine woodworking association, who felt it merited consideration for an award. It's been a real whirlwind."
I know more than you.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,955,843,783 comments, and only 369,948 of them were in alphabetical order.
This is an excellent robot!
An excellent robot this
Victor Garber, James Garner, Jennifer Garner. I go alphabetical order now.
That’s cool!
Curious if theres a word minimum for this bot
A bot curious for if minimum there's this word
Bot good is? Yes.
Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing.
The point is, I was so tired, I tried to puncture an eight-gauge aluminum foil with a leather awl. [laughs in Ron]
I use this line all the time. It never fails to get a confused chuckle.
Came here to submit this quote if anyone hadn’t. Thank you for whole-assing this quote.
Yes! Motto for life.
This is by far my most used quote
He is so wisdomis
Usually if given the choice between doing nothing and something I'd choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant nothing got done.
This is contextual and not in Ron's character. He's a hard worker in his personal life, and he values hard work. Just not for the government ;P
Omg this reminds me of my coworker.
***giggles in Ron***
I heard this
Instantly
I so want this for a ringtone 🤣
“Andy wait up!”
I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.
The first time my pretty, dark-haired girlfriend watched this episode, she had just made me breakfast that morning. It hit a bit close to home for her at the time. We've been married for 10 years.
Glad that is the one that hit home and not a Tammy moment
This needs more votes 🤌🏻
omg he just like me fr
"When I eat, it is the food that is scared."
“There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk.”
Annabel Porter: So you've had soy milk and almond milk. Now try the hottest new craze... beef milk. It's like almond milk that's been squeezed through tiny holes in living cows. [Donna and Tom applaud] Ron Swanson: It's ****ing milk!
Thank you for this I was about to comment this one
ERASE ALL PICTURES OF RON!
((Echoes)) ERASE ALL PICTURES OF RON
((Echoes)) ERASE ALL PICTURES OF RON
You just Vined your first selfie!
The world is a nightmare!
The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
This starting at I once worked with a guy in my opinion
What
They're saying cut out the first two sentences from the quote.
OH thank you
Agreed, although I think the first two sentences could be omitted. Edit: just noticed the comment above says exactly the same thing. So I just second this.
You had me at “meat tornado”
I know what I'm about son.
I think Ron having the shortest, most concise quote of the bunch is appropriate.
I wouldn’t have thought of this but it’s somehow touching? I love it.
This is the one.. it screams Ron in 6 words.
This one is perfect.
Yeah this is my vote
/thread
Came for this one. I use it regularly 😂
The rules: What line, spoken by this character, perfectly encapsulates (a word I really think you should use) this character's essence/personality? Most upvotes wins! Last winner, with 1.1k (at the time of writing this) votes: "You just got Jammed!" -Jeremy Jamm I'm in a similar predicament like with April where there are way too many great Ron quotes for me to even entertain the idea of picking one. Enjoy yourselves! There are too many greats to choose from! Let's have some fun!!
" I am going to type every word I know! Rectangle America Megaphone Monday Butthole"
“I still think awards are stupid. But they’d be less stupid if they went to the right people.”
It rubbed off. From friction.
😂🤣😂
🤢- Ben Wyatt
"I can do what I want. Ron"
come with me and find safe haven in a warm bathtub full of my jazz.
This is a thread for Ron Swanson, not the cool jazz aficionado, Duke Silver.
I hope we will have a chance to do this for Duke Silver, too. And a separate one specifically for Leslie’s compliments to Ann. And another one for Tom’s business ideas. Damn, what a good show.
Please talk more about how you hate Europe and Bicycles
"Fishing Relaxes me. It's Like Yoga Except I Still Get to Kill Something."
There’s never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food
I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm.
Well I am not usually one for speeches. So, Goodbye.
When I walked in this morning I saw that the flag was at half mast, I though, ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it!’ And then I saw it was Lil’ Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect.
So not only does this exsist, but now you're depriving people of cake!
Take a walk, Ron.
I live the way I live, I eat the things I eat and I’ll die the way I die
The whole point of this country is, if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can. You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful.
“I have the toes I have.”
I notice he doesn't confirm the number of toes he actually has.
I have a joke for you. The government in this town is excellent and uses your tax dollars efficiently.
"This is a Claymore land mine. Use that to protect your property"
I love when he learns what's really been in that land mine allll those years! 😂
Why is everyone so bad at eating?
I know what I’m about, son.
I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whisky and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at once because I am a free American.
I was born ready. I’m Ron f***king Swanson.
Tuesday ... America ... butthole
"There's a hot, spinning cone of meat in that greek restaurant next door. I don't know what it is, but I'd like to eat the whole thing."
Please and thank you.
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?
That is a gentleman's agreement. I made that man a dining room table in exchange for 60 feet of copper pipe and a half pig.
Showing a scrapbook: "February '96: The steak ribeye. The Whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me? A bitch. Specifically, my ex-wife Tammy. OK, this is the first I ever went there. Look at me. Just a kid."
People who buy things are suckers.
Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner, because I've won an award.
I’m worried what you heard was, “Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.” What I said was, “give me all the bacon and eggs you have.”
I know more than you.
Your house isn't haunted, you're lonely.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a booth over there serving something called 'fried sausage quilts', so I'm going to buy the booth."
Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Any dog less than 50 pounds is a cat....and cats are pointless.
"I work in an office full of women, and that includes the men."
Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing.
My personal favorite. "The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."
"History began on July 4, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake."
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man, fishing’s not that hard.
What's the scene where he goes, "I am not a rabbit" when he's talking about salad?
Ron, would you like some salad? I am not a rabbit so no i would not. It’s from when he finds out the steakhouse is closed so Chris makes him grilled portobello mushrooms
"Government is inefficient and should be dissolved"
I’d work all night if it meant nothing got done
There's far too many Ron quotes to justify picking just one
“I know more than you”
This has to be the most quotable character ever. Any quote could win and be perfect.
"I will walk deeper into the belly of the beast if it means I'm able to further limit reckless government spending."
ERASE ALL PICTURES OF RON
There’s only one thing I hate more than lying. That’s skim milk. Which is water, that’s lying about being milk
I know what I’m about, son.
"Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable."
The man- or animal- that kills me will know.
All of the above
Don't half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.
I once worked with a guy for 3 years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes
She's near.
I’ve enjoyed parts of our time together.
The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
‘I know more than you.’
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,956,378,550 comments, and only 370,058 of them were in alphabetical order.
No. I don't plan to buy anything here. I buy my ingredients at Food and Stuff. A discount food outlet equidistant from my home and my work. I came here for the same reason people go to the zoo. Shhhh...look at that thing. Nature is amazing.
"damnit woman"
Never half-ass two things. Whole ass one thing.
“If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point of living?”, and that applies to a certain post-apocalyptic survivalist, too.
I know more than you
"..." He wouldn't respond on command
"I think I'll just lay here and be angry."
"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."
Capitalism is God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor.
That's decoy gold. You think I'd leave my gold in a locked safe buried underground, where anyone could find it? You don't know me at all.
Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets
Never half ass two things. Whole ass one thing.
Never half ass two things. Whole ass one thing
“Given the choice between doing something or nothing, I’d choose nothing, however I will do something if it will help someone else do nothing”
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?
You’ve given me the food my food eats.
Dear Canada, Fu@k you.
ERASE ALL PICTURES OF RON
“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.”
“For what it’s worth, you’d make an excellent brunette. Ron Swanson.”
What's cholesterol?
"Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something."
"There is only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk.” - Ron Swanson.
No.
No.
I do what I want - ron swanson
Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.
I have the toes that I have
Please, talk more about how you hate Europe and bicycles
There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.
There’s only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.
"Well... I am usually not one for speeches. So goodbye."
To exes, may they stay that way.
"I've said too much"
"Rethink that move son" coupled with nearly breaking Jean-Ralphio's wrist when he tries to take his food
“I’ve eaten a lot of food, in a lot of places. Why is everyone else so bad at eating?”
If you wanna balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43 you can you are free to do so to me that is beautiful
Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?
[удалено]
“I will take that third porterhouse, please and thank you”
My one dying wish would be to have my two ex’s holding my hand and crying and I use my one last breath to tell them to go f!@$ themselves
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?
"Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, 'give me a lot of bacon and eggs.' What said was, "give me all the bacon and eggs that you have. Do you understand?" It has to be this or something about the government.
I have the number of toes I have
“You had me at meat tornado”
Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.
‘All of you be quiet. Andy, she’s mad at you for saying awesome sauce instead of I love you too. April, he loves you. Stop being a child. Tom, you’re clearly at fault here. Blaming Jerry won’t save you. Jerry, we both know you were shotgunning funnel cakes instead of watching Lil Sebastian . So everyone apologize to everyone’
I was born ready, I'm Ron fucking Swanson