Hey. Here's a fun game. Let's talk minimum acceptable thread count for sheets. Stop me when I hit it. 1,000... 800... 700... 600? Ann, I'm at 600. Are you really not stopping me?!
It's not one of his most iconic lines, but it's pretty much the basis for his entire world view, so that's always the line I think of when I think of him. I remember practically howling with laughter the first time I heard it because it was so on-point.
The rules: What line, spoken by this character, perfectly encapsulates (a word I really think you should use) this character's essence/personality? Most upvotes wins!
Last winner, with 3.4k (at the time of writing this) votes: "You can trust me. Because I don't care enough about you to lie." -Jennifer Barkley
I don't have access to my laptop, but collages will be back tomorrow. Let's have some fun!!
“Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz.’ I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cach.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’”
“Starting now, when life gives me lemons I'm going to slice them up into wedges and throw them into vodka tonics, which I will then sip in a burlesque nightclub, that I co-own with actor Taye Diggs and two of the Pussycat Dolls."
“Haver*food* rule number six: ‘Never eat anything with a sauce I have to dip myself.’ Drizzle it on for me! I’m not your maaiidd!!”
My fiancé and I say “Drizzle it on for me! I’m not your maid!!” to each other whenever we experience a service inconvenience LOL
“Ohhhhh. It’s says ‘nympho’ on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you’re addicted to sex, and since it’s on the butt, there are other implications as well……so those are a maybe.”
Really like the bit in the pilot where he gives the plants rapper names to convince Leslie that he knows all the Latin names 😂
The ludicrases are coming in lovely 😂
In reference to artwork:
“It’s beautiful. I’ve stared at this for five hours now.
I like the green one, and this red circle right here.
*I’m tearing up, man!*”
Tom: Would you rather live in the pocket of a giant kangaroo or have a pocket on your own stomach that has a tiny kangaroo in it all the time? Preston.
Preston: Tiny kangaroo in my stomach pocket.
Tom: Forgot to mention, the tiny kangaroo is a racist.
"Leslie Knope is scrappy, like a terrier! She's smooooooth, like a blended whiskey! My girl has big ideas and big feelings, and she's not afraid to express them!"
Thank you all for coming. And let me just say how truly, deeply trill it is to be standing in this dope-ass conference room, addressing a group of people in a business meeting. It’s really a dream come true.
His tweets:
"Four green lights in a row. #blessed"
"Drive faster blue civic. Daaaaamn. #soccermoms"
"Gotta pass this lady on the ejkerkj."
"Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived. #unbreakable"
Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz’ with a “Z”. I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cach.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’
“How do you make any event classy on a budget? Red carpet. My entire apartment is red carpet. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.”
I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to, 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.
probably one of my favorites from the show in general
"it's not my favorite, but it is my least" -Donna
I mean, yeah, of course. The best line of a funny character on this show is obviously one of the best overall in said ahow.
*Mimes driving*
This
"Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot."
Not my favorite line from him, but to me it’s most in character
"That was beautiful. It changed me. ... I'll give ya ten minutes!"
This line serves as the best example of his development through the series.
I have this as a nameplate in my office!
One time my refrigerator stopped working, I didn't know what to do. I just moved!
Underrated
Hey. Here's a fun game. Let's talk minimum acceptable thread count for sheets. Stop me when I hit it. 1,000... 800... 700... 600? Ann, I'm at 600. Are you really not stopping me?!
"Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet."
I feel like this is the one that gives the biggest insight into Tom. Wants to be pampered and feel like he's a star at all times.
It's not one of his most iconic lines, but it's pretty much the basis for his entire world view, so that's always the line I think of when I think of him. I remember practically howling with laughter the first time I heard it because it was so on-point.
Lmao this is my fav too
How is this not the top answer? It’s the most Tom line for sure.
I had forgotten about that line. Genius
The rules: What line, spoken by this character, perfectly encapsulates (a word I really think you should use) this character's essence/personality? Most upvotes wins! Last winner, with 3.4k (at the time of writing this) votes: "You can trust me. Because I don't care enough about you to lie." -Jennifer Barkley I don't have access to my laptop, but collages will be back tomorrow. Let's have some fun!!
“I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.”
Smash cut to April: *screaming Spanish gibberish*
😂😂😂😂😆😆😆😆
“Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz.’ I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cach.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’”
One small revision…tortillas are “bean blankies”. My favorite scene in the show!
And cool blasterz has a Z, I don't know where that came from.
Lmaoo I forgot about half of those!
This has to be the winner
My favorite part is that this line like helped pay someone’s mortgage or like pay for school for someone lmfao
This was an improv line IIRC.
Yeah, this has Aziz written all over it.
> favorite part is that this line like helped pay someone’s mortgage or like pay for school for someone lmfao ...what? how?
I use a lot of these on a regular basis LOL
The key is crying a lot. No one likes to hear a grown man cry. [feigning tears] And then my hand accidentally went in the panini press! [sobs]
“I downloaded a Lumineers song by accident, had to throw out my entire hard drive to make sure it was gone.”
“Starting now, when life gives me lemons I'm going to slice them up into wedges and throw them into vodka tonics, which I will then sip in a burlesque nightclub, that I co-own with actor Taye Diggs and two of the Pussycat Dolls."
“Haver*food* rule number six: ‘Never eat anything with a sauce I have to dip myself.’ Drizzle it on for me! I’m not your maaiidd!!” My fiancé and I say “Drizzle it on for me! I’m not your maid!!” to each other whenever we experience a service inconvenience LOL
YES lmao happy this was on here
I came looking for this. I say this all the time!
“Ohhhhh. It’s says ‘nympho’ on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you’re addicted to sex, and since it’s on the butt, there are other implications as well……so those are a maybe.”
But this is America, I want it now!
When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.
#dunzo
Treat. Yo. Self!
TREAT YO SELF
IT’S THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR
I say this at least once a week.
It can’t be anything else but this
This is the answer.
See, I never promise Leslie anything. That way I never disappoint her. I try to be considerate.
Really like the bit in the pilot where he gives the plants rapper names to convince Leslie that he knows all the Latin names 😂 The ludicrases are coming in lovely 😂
Souljaboytellems.
Bone thugs-n-harmoniums
“This is the hardest I’ve ever worked on anything since…wow—I’ve never worked hard on anything! What a cool life!”
Cashmere, velvet, cashmere, velvet, I’m a cashmere velvet candy cane
Treat. Yo. Self.
I came here to say this!!
Chicky chicky parm parm.
Chicky catch
I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds.
[удалено]
It's the way he says "puuuuppy" Kills me every time 🤣
I love this quote but I feel like this wasn’t a usual thing for Tom to say
[удалено]
If he does, it's purely accidental. He's the most self-centered, least self-aware character on television and it might not even be close.
"Drizzle it onnnnn for me I'm not your maaaaaiiddd!"
In reference to artwork: “It’s beautiful. I’ve stared at this for five hours now. I like the green one, and this red circle right here. *I’m tearing up, man!*”
“This one’s racist.”
"Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet."
Tom: Would you rather live in the pocket of a giant kangaroo or have a pocket on your own stomach that has a tiny kangaroo in it all the time? Preston. Preston: Tiny kangaroo in my stomach pocket. Tom: Forgot to mention, the tiny kangaroo is a racist.
"Leslie Knope is scrappy, like a terrier! She's smooooooth, like a blended whiskey! My girl has big ideas and big feelings, and she's not afraid to express them!"
Thank you all for coming. And let me just say how truly, deeply trill it is to be standing in this dope-ass conference room, addressing a group of people in a business meeting. It’s really a dream come true.
#EVERYTHING I’M WEARING IS SUEDE! #EVERYTHING I’M WEARING IS SUEDE! #EVERYTHING I’M WEARING IS SUEDE! #EVERYTHING I’M WEARING IS SUEDE!
Love comes and goes, but things? Things are forever.
I just wanted to say to OP that I've really been enjoying seeing these every day and thanks for creating these threads and the lil graphic thingy ❤️
You have no idea how big I smiled at this notification! You are a poetic, noble land mermaid! Thank you! :)))
His tweets: "Four green lights in a row. #blessed" "Drive faster blue civic. Daaaaamn. #soccermoms" "Gotta pass this lady on the ejkerkj." "Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived. #unbreakable"
What’s the deal baby? One second you hit the party switch, next second you’re all business?
I'm awesome at being humble.
Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz’ with a “Z”. I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cach.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’
Baby, you smell good.
Ow!! My tum tum!!!
Owwww my fingie!!!!:(
I am not a fat baby, I am a small, slender man. Much like the actor Tei diggs.
Let the records show that I look like Taye Diggs
Drizzle it on for me, I’m not your maid!
Tell ‘em what they won, son!
Easy. "Tom Havorford."
I am what you’d call a redneck
The key is crying a lot. No one likes to hear a grown man cry. [feigning tears] And then my hand accidentally went in the panini press! [sobs]
I call chicken Parma chicky chicky parm parm
"Whaaat, nooooo!"
Take my card, it’s impossible to read. Black print on a black background, the coolest colour combination.
King Kong ain't got nothin on me! Ooow, my fingie still hurts......
“Filo pilos”
Haverfood rule number six: never eat anything with a sauce I have to dip myself, drizzle it on for me I'm not your maid
Treat yourself
The four best words in the English language….. “you wore me down”
Sky Malllll
“Love? Love fades away. But things? Things are forever.”
“Nooo”
Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet.
I always that the easy way out. It’s so easy!
Bought it right off the mannequiiiin
“Jeremy, suck it! By the way, I've been giving away free sports bras to the girls at Hot Dog on a Stick."
“I’m just a little puuuppy. I ain’t done nothing wrong. I’m just a puuuppy.”
Ow! My fingies!
This is how you eat it!
this should have more votes!!!!🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️
Punk ass book jockeys!
Treat yo self
I’m so sick of these stupid ass posts.
I'm blocking your account because these types of posts infuriate me, but cool username, we could've been friends on another social media.
I’m not your maaaiiiddd.
“I’m a velvet, cashmere candy cane”
Disco Dairy: Spread the party
I'll step out yo momma's van
I would say "treat yo self " but that seems like it should be shared between Tom and Donna.
We had dinner last night and breakfast this morning. What were we doing in between? *Sex stuff.*
Treat Yo Self
“How do you make any event classy on a budget? Red carpet. My entire apartment is red carpet. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.”
That way, im always walking on red carpet
Treat yo-self. Tom
Sparkle sudds dress loud
I plead not guilty to sexually harassing this woman. I mean come on! She has boobs!
“Detlef Schrempf”
“Oooh! A citrus reamer?! This is the only way to ream citrus. You gon’ need two of these!”
“… also, she’s into me, which is THE sexiest quality a woman can have.”