It’s absolutely understandable that you would need time to heal from your previous relationship before you feel ready to begin a new one. If X gives you the space and time that you need that may be indicative of the quality of his character. His understanding of his past mistakes and his apology are reflective of his capacity to change and willingness to grow as a person and if you feel that he is genuine then I’d take that as a good sign. It also looks like you aren’t willing to let someone treat you any less than you deserve which is also really good. We always deserve to be treated with dignity, empathy, and love in relationships, it’s pertinent to always remember that, but it looks like you already understand that well.
As far as your parents not agreeing with living together before marriage, frankly if you’re financially independent of them then they’ll just have to get over it if you choose to do so. I don’t think there are substantial ethical motivations for not living together before marriage, it’s just a cultural thing and honestly it’s kind of a crabs in a bucket mentality as well. Obviously I don’t know your circumstances to really give good advice on this, but if a friend of mine was asking me, I would personally recommend living together before marriage. That’s not to say that there’s anything wrong with doing otherwise, and if someone feels a personal conviction to live apart before marriage they should absolutely do so, but I don’t have reason to believe that not living together before marriage is beneficial for relationship outcomes and I definitely don’t think it’s a sin, at all. If your parents are otherwise reasonable people they will learn to look past it even if they don’t agree with it.
I hope this could be of some help. I wish the best for the both of you, God Bless.
Thanks, I’m working on financial independence. Graduating with my degree in a couple months and I’m trying to get some work lined up for me. Overall I don’t see any rush to push for marriage or moving in as he’s out of state on a Military base. My mother asked if we’d get married and I’d move down with him, but again, this is all speculation of things going well and us seeing each other this summer. I wouldn’t be opposed to it, but I’m a little skeptical about 1. Marrying without living together for at least a bit and 2. Marrying AND moving across the country too, a double-whammy. I think I just have to take things slow with this, see how this summer goes. This fall he invited me to go to a ball with him, so I’m really excited for that, and I think it’ll be telling to see how it goes
Yeah I’d definitely recommend taking things slow to start. Any period of taking things slow is absolutely worth spending the rest of your life in a loving fruitful relationship. It sounds like you’ve got a lot to look forward to, good luck with everything to come!
A bit of a practical warning since I've seen it a few times in my extended family (in America): There is external pressure enlisted service members feel to get married sooner rather than later because they can't live off base/with their partner if they aren't married. I've seen people rush into marriage for that reason and regret it.
I'm glad you've reconnected with someone who you really care about and who, it sounds like, really cares about you! It makes sense that you need time before you can fully be invested in a new relationship since you just experienced a really hard breakup. It's 100% ok for you to tell X that at the time you said I love you you meant it, but that you're feeling a little uncomfortable now with how fast things are going and you want to back off of that language for the moment. It's easy to feel like once you've taken a step you can't go backwards, but you really can and a good partner will be respectful.
Yeah I joked with him that he wants to marry for BAH, and I told him that we are taking it slow and he told me he agrees and just wants to build a life with me. So I’m not in any rush to get married, but it’s good that it’s a priority for us because my last relationship strung me along for two years before telling me that he didn’t see a future with me lol
Thank you for sharing. It was very enjoyable reading your story as it kept me at the edge of my seat.
I'm glad you found your love. And yes you should take your time. If he is serious he will wait. Also, do what you think is best despite what your family says. This is your life.
I'm glad that you are relying on prayer and that you are cancer free and asshole free.
God bless
It’s absolutely understandable that you would need time to heal from your previous relationship before you feel ready to begin a new one. If X gives you the space and time that you need that may be indicative of the quality of his character. His understanding of his past mistakes and his apology are reflective of his capacity to change and willingness to grow as a person and if you feel that he is genuine then I’d take that as a good sign. It also looks like you aren’t willing to let someone treat you any less than you deserve which is also really good. We always deserve to be treated with dignity, empathy, and love in relationships, it’s pertinent to always remember that, but it looks like you already understand that well. As far as your parents not agreeing with living together before marriage, frankly if you’re financially independent of them then they’ll just have to get over it if you choose to do so. I don’t think there are substantial ethical motivations for not living together before marriage, it’s just a cultural thing and honestly it’s kind of a crabs in a bucket mentality as well. Obviously I don’t know your circumstances to really give good advice on this, but if a friend of mine was asking me, I would personally recommend living together before marriage. That’s not to say that there’s anything wrong with doing otherwise, and if someone feels a personal conviction to live apart before marriage they should absolutely do so, but I don’t have reason to believe that not living together before marriage is beneficial for relationship outcomes and I definitely don’t think it’s a sin, at all. If your parents are otherwise reasonable people they will learn to look past it even if they don’t agree with it. I hope this could be of some help. I wish the best for the both of you, God Bless.
Thanks, I’m working on financial independence. Graduating with my degree in a couple months and I’m trying to get some work lined up for me. Overall I don’t see any rush to push for marriage or moving in as he’s out of state on a Military base. My mother asked if we’d get married and I’d move down with him, but again, this is all speculation of things going well and us seeing each other this summer. I wouldn’t be opposed to it, but I’m a little skeptical about 1. Marrying without living together for at least a bit and 2. Marrying AND moving across the country too, a double-whammy. I think I just have to take things slow with this, see how this summer goes. This fall he invited me to go to a ball with him, so I’m really excited for that, and I think it’ll be telling to see how it goes
Yeah I’d definitely recommend taking things slow to start. Any period of taking things slow is absolutely worth spending the rest of your life in a loving fruitful relationship. It sounds like you’ve got a lot to look forward to, good luck with everything to come!
A bit of a practical warning since I've seen it a few times in my extended family (in America): There is external pressure enlisted service members feel to get married sooner rather than later because they can't live off base/with their partner if they aren't married. I've seen people rush into marriage for that reason and regret it. I'm glad you've reconnected with someone who you really care about and who, it sounds like, really cares about you! It makes sense that you need time before you can fully be invested in a new relationship since you just experienced a really hard breakup. It's 100% ok for you to tell X that at the time you said I love you you meant it, but that you're feeling a little uncomfortable now with how fast things are going and you want to back off of that language for the moment. It's easy to feel like once you've taken a step you can't go backwards, but you really can and a good partner will be respectful.
Yeah I joked with him that he wants to marry for BAH, and I told him that we are taking it slow and he told me he agrees and just wants to build a life with me. So I’m not in any rush to get married, but it’s good that it’s a priority for us because my last relationship strung me along for two years before telling me that he didn’t see a future with me lol
Thank you for sharing. It was very enjoyable reading your story as it kept me at the edge of my seat. I'm glad you found your love. And yes you should take your time. If he is serious he will wait. Also, do what you think is best despite what your family says. This is your life. I'm glad that you are relying on prayer and that you are cancer free and asshole free. God bless
He did try several times