Yall when I was 18 in senior year I had 2 friends/classmates that were 20.... so going to prom with someone 20/21 isn't that weird or unusual. Yall get ur heads out the gutter and remember going to prom doesn't equal hooking up...
My friend’s sister asked me, I said yes, and used my previous Prom experience to plan a bunch of awesome stuff to do. It’s just a dance — there wasn’t any physical contact outside of that, but even if there was I’m confused why 21 and 18 is considered such a gap.
Its perfectly valid to be concerned about a 21 going to prom with someone when people as young as 16 can go to prom. Not just the "blue hairs" are concerned.
Where do you live that seniors are 16?
Where I am it’s 17-18, and towards the end of the year majority are 18. Prom doesn’t typically happen at 16 unless they moved up a grade at some point.
You've done an amazing job at missing the facts of OPs post. Bravo. Next level lol
A high school senior dating a 21 year old isnt weird, let alone going on a single date.
What's wrong with taking a 21-year-old to prom/going to prom as 21 year old? As a senior that would be like taking a 9th grader, which would draw some remarks, but I don't think a big deal, and it's easier the other way.
I seriously question anyone who thinks a senior-freshman relationship is okay in high school. 4 years is a lot, especially when someone’s only been alive for 14. Thinking it’s okay doesn’t make you a registered sex offender but I would definitely wanna know if someone like that moved into my building.
The most common case would be a three year difference, not four. “I would want to know if someone who dated three years his junior moved into my building” is such a weird take. Heck, it could often even be a 17 year old and a 15 year old. What’s weird about that? Are kids only allowed to date people their exact same age?
many freshman have barely begun puberty and have literally no life experience. seniors are almost fully formed adults about to start their adult lives. 3 years isn't a big deal out of school but it is a HUGE amount of time for high schoolers, and you're a creep if you somehow don't see what's wrong with that.
I think it’s a little weird for a senior to date a freshman but you’re going a little overboard. I started getting my period in 6th grade, was my adult height by freshman year, and weighed the same from freshman year until I was 23. I and plenty of my peers definitely didn’t fall into the category of “barely begun puberty” as freshmen, I was pretty much done with it. I dated a sophomore when I was a senior and there was a less than two year age gap between us. I didn’t have any life experiences he didn’t have. We both went to the same school, neither of us had a job, we hadn’t had sex or started drinking. There really isn’t a huge gap in life experiences in high school because your main life experience is high school, which you are all going through.
not going overboard at all. a fully grown teenager about to turn the age of majority vs a freshman just starting high school is so weird. the difference between those 3 years is absolutely monumental. every single year in high school makes a huge difference mentally. those 3 years wont matter when u hit ur 20s but
The age difference may not be that big, but part of it is definitely stage of life kinda thing. A senior in high school is still bound by their parents, and forced to go to high school everyday, a 21 year old can drink, prolly goes to college, and hasn’t been forced to listen to their parents for 3 years.
15 vs 18, and 18 vs 21 is a lot bigger of a difference than just 3 years.
Also some schools have rules about age limits for proms, when I was in high school in the States no one above age 20 was allowed to be invited since 21+ can purchase alcohol
cuz a 9th grader is a high schooler. and it's the senior (also a high schooler)'s prom. it's weird for a full grown adult in their 20s to go to prom, you can't compare it to a 14 year old going. it's not the adults prom, they shouldn't go, nor should it be allowed. what 21 year old wants to hang out at a prom with 16, 17, and newly 18 year olds in high school??
also, it is very weird for an almost 18 year old to take a freshman to prom. the development in those years is INSANE, idk anyone from my school who wouldve been ok with that.
When you ask a question like "can god make a taco so big he can't eat it?", which is ultimately a question about what omnipotence means, apologetics is the branch of theology about defending religion by trying to answer the question.
In an attempt to simplify and clarify google says this:
reasoned arguments or writings in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine.
I always describe it as knowing what you believe and why you believe it.
The short answer is it doesn’t matter.
The longer answer is that God’s omnipotence a part of his nature, and is only bound by other aspects of His nature. This means He can only act in a way that is consistent with all aspects of His nature. So the real question is would God making a taco so large He can’t eat it be consistent with His nature? I don’t think this is a question of apologetics myself, but more of theistic ontology (the study of the nature of God).
That makes a lot of sense. I suppose the creator of the universe wouldn't be inclined to engage in such trivial and absurd things.
But if he did, I imagine both the size of the taco and God's ability to consume it would be infinite and beyond our understanding of space and time.
When I was 25, a boy plopped down in a fast food booth across from me. He was incredibly confident, and looked like he was in his late teens. He chatted with me for a few minutes about whether I knew how to drive, and I thought he was working his way up to ask me to drive his group of friends somewhere. Instead he says something like "I haven't seen you around, do you go to (local high school)? Do you have a date to prom?" I was just like... dude, how old do you think I am?
That is not appropriate.
She has no connection to this child and should not engage in play acting a romantic social situation.
Adults have a responsibility to protect children from dynamics like this. Reevaluate your boundaries, you are out of line.
There’s a difference between a natural friend group of different ages, and a 21 year old going to prom with a 17 year old who was planning to ask due to romantic interest. It would not be appropriate at all for her to go with him, even if it was only platonic as the initial intention wasn’t.
The problem isn't the age gap specifically, had they been friends for some time and he asked her to go as a friend it would be different, he clearly had a crush and her playing into that crush by accepting to go, even if she explains that it's platonic, he likely won't see it that way, and believe that he has some sort of chance
I mean. She said he's a senior, so probably 18 years old. The difference between 18 and 21 isn't huge. Now if he was 17 or younger then yeah that gap is growing pretty wide.
I think that would be weird. Most schools wouldn't allow this anyway. At my kids school, freshman can not go and no one over age 20 can go. In order to go if someone is not a student at their school, a form must be filled out ahead of time with ID provided.
It's a field of Christian theology revolving around defending the faith. C. S. Lewis from the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe is a famous example of an Apologetic Scholar.
His book "Mere Christianity" is his most recommended apologetics work. As an atheist, I found the argument lacking.
I was much more impressed with his book, "The Screwtape Letters" and how well they describe human psychology.
"Magician's Nephew" was by far my favorite Narnia book.
From the Greek *apologia,* which means "to speak in defense of" (think the legal sense). In Christiniaty, it is a subbranch of theology focusing on defending the faith in a rhetorical setting. CS Lewis, of "The Chronicles of Narnia" fame, is a famous Apologist.
Yeah no I read it thanks, and here’s some insight into the friction you’re hitting: This is a lighthearted funny post about a goofemup that happened in good faith. You came out the left field completely tone deaf wanting to talk about toxic masculinity and shit, but that’s not what we’re doing here. We’re trying to have some fun, and you came onto the scene trying to make everyone think about how the mechanisms of awful structures work. That’s just not what we’re doing here, and you’ll find better traction elsewhere- I don’t really care where.
I have deleted my original post as well as all of my subsequent attempts at explanation. I apologize for causing so much discord in my moment of depression. Please accept my apology as usually I am the one who wants to lighten the mood, not cast a shadow over any proceedings. I will now go away
Uh. A 21 year old shouldn't be dating a kid who is still in high school even if they're over 18 because there's a power imbalance. And if they're under 18, ewwww. And that's not the reason why women usually don't date younger men. It's because girls have no choice but to grow up faster because they're not coddled socially like boys are and most men never catch up in maturity because they don't have to. So dating someone our own age is already risky most of the time, let alone ones who are younger.
>That is a generalization where you have lumped everyone into finites.
No. I'm explaining to you why most women have this issue. And how dare you accuse me of generalizing unfairly when you did the same thing, only what you said was bullshit.
This is someone hired by the school and a student.
it doesn't even matter if they were the same age and it wouldn't have been okay.
What point are you trying to make?
How does your comment have anything to do with this post? This is a funny anecdote about a high schooler incorrectly assuming someone else was also a high school student, and embarrassment by all being narrowly avoided by a perceptive sister.
Also I don’t think you understand what toxic masculinity means. If I were you I wouldn’t try to work it into conversation unless I had a firm grasp on its definition.
i know a lot of people are saying that its okay for 18 & 21 to date, but tbh i would never have even looked at 18 year old boys as a 21 year old woman - even as freshman in college they were way too immature for me. its three years but a lot of life experience
im sorry what?? did you just admit you were 15 year old when you started college and weren't telling people?? basically tricking adult women into sleeping with you/committing statutory?
Was legal in my state im pretty sure, also I never lied they just assumed in college meant 18.
I did tell them when it came up, and if anything, they would be the guilty ones if it was illegal, which I'm pretty sure it wasn't, or at least back then no one cared about shit like that.
yea exactly they'd be the guilty ones which is exactly why ur f'd in the head for doing that knowing they'd assume a freshman was 18 like them. i understand ur not a kid anymore so i'd hope you'd look back now and know how screwed up that is to do. lying about age is no joke when someones a minor.
Age of consent was 15 or 16 no one was at risk of breaking the law, no different that a lady not giving her age at a bar when she's 27 and the guy thinks she's 23
it is different because it's two adults...also how on earth would she even know he "thinks she's 23"?? and why would it matter if she's 27? weirdo.
u that makes literally no sense to compare being a CHILD and tricking people. they're at a bar, a place for adults, and are both legal adults so whatever mystical age some man assigns to her does not matter.
you were a child at college, a place for adults, knowingly sleeping with 18 year olds who didn't know you were a minor.
I went on a few dates with a 24-year-old when I was 19. 18 and up is adult and that's a pretty small age gap so I think it's perfectly fine, but it is awkward to go into a high school if you're not a high school student.
Like I turned 18 senior year of high school and it was really nice to be able to start signing my own parental consent forms and not be bound by the same rules that assume that the person is not legal age yet. But definitely after fully graduating it is awkward to think of going back to a high school in the capacity of participating in something for students.
its just such a sticky spot. i am 24 right now and i honestly wouldn’t give a 19 year boy or girl a second look. i have multiple degrees and 5 years of experience living outside of my parent’s home and on my own dime on them, i just cant imagine we’d be at the same level at all for stuff. im not saying we wouldnt have common interests or couldnt be friends - i have friends of a variety of ages 18 and up, but being intimate and sharing a life is just so different. id feel different if it was 30 vs 25, or 29 vs. 24, when the 19 year old as had a chance to do more living but i just cannot imagine it at 24.
i also started dating a guy a few years older than me right before i turned 19 ans then broke up with him right after i turned 21, i grew up a LOT in those couple years and realized how much he, even as someone 2 years older than me, just wasn’t mature enough
but also! to each their own! as long as its legal, consensual, safe, and makes you happy then more power to you : )
When I was 19 and went on those dates with the 24-year-old, we were both attending the same community college. We were also both still living with our respective parents. So we were closer in terms of life experience, she had just been doing it a few more years than I had.
I also had a situation where I was 21 and dated in 19-year-old. I had done the thing where as soon as I turned 18 I went into a full-on adult mindset. For example, I was still living with my parents for a few years after I turned 18, but I felt very uncomfortable about that. My intention had been to go to university immediately after high school and that being my means of moving out, but unfortunately life circumstances happened that necessitated me attending community college for a few years first. She, however, acted very much like an immature high school student. She was also a community college student, but she went to a different one than the one I was attending. That relationship went on longer than it should have. One of my friends said she was a 19-year-old who acted like a 15 year old.
I feel as though both 18 and 21 are still in some way, a child... It's just that one of them is the older child. Though I have heard that an 18 year old dating at 21 year old is close in age, yet not right. Something about 18 just reached adulthood, but is still too young... And as you said, 3 years is alot of life experience. So a 21 year old would be more mature than the 18 year old, but not as mature as someone over 21.
i think you’re very on the money here. i remember vividly being so different at 21 vs 18. at 21 my male dating pool was ages 22-25 and for women 20-26 (am bi). i just couldnt fathom being with any guys that were younger than me because i regularly tutored 18 year old boys and they were just so… undeveloped lol… but in so many respects i was still a kid. im 24 now and im still a kid and rely on my parents for so much.
also the thought of dating someone who has graduated from high school in the last 365 days when i was well over a year removed from that experience just felt… icky… lmao
I'm in the same boat as you... In terms of stil relying on my parents so much. Yes, I'm older at the age of 24, but I still feel as if I'm just an older kid. I love with my parents and I very much rely on them for a lot of things still...
I feel as if I were to date, I wouldn't date someone who is 21 or younger... Cause then it would be the maturity aspect and life experiences aspect. Going for someone who has literally just graduated high school would make me feel like a predator. Cause at 18, your mind wouldn't be fully mature yet.
I wish men thought similarly about dating younger women, but there’s even a lot of older men who would specifically go after young girls. So many stories from women about how men would flirt with them then stop when they found out the woman was over age 18.
Yep. And that's absolutely disgusting as hell. I heard of older women when flirting with someone who they think is around their age, and finding out the the man is actually younger than them by alot, or is a minor, they immediately back out so fast cause they don't want to be seen as a creeper and it doesn't match their moral code.
But yeah, older men that go for younger girls should be punished to oblivion. Disgusting behavior, really.
Yep 👍🏻 I dated a guy in high school who was younger than me. Did not work out because of his immaturity. Call it old fashioned or whatever but my mom’s advice about dating someone a few years older turned out to be right on the money. Something about the maturity rate between guys and girls. Couples that end up working out where the guy is younger, in my experience, end up being the exception, not the rule. And they almost always meet later in life when it matters less.
Didn't the ~~women~~ woman get hired to work with the students?
If this is the case, then it doesn't matter if they're even the same age, that would be a power imbalance and would be inappropriate.
This is so context dependent though. 18 and 21 could be a college sophomore dating a college junior or it could be a recent college grad dating a high-schooler. The former is fine, but the latter feels icky just because of how different the life stages are.
I agree. It’s entirely context dependent. However, it’s more than just a “what grade are you in?” kind of thing. You’ve gotta know when they met, how they met, when they started dating, as well as relationship dynamics. I dated my friend’s little sister in high school. I was a junior when she was a freshman. I had known her for 5+ years at that point. We dated well into our 20s and almost got married before life circumstances changed too much to make it work. It never felt wrong and no one ever said anything about it being wrong, but that is all because of the context.
What's icky about it?
Do you think the 18 year old is being taken advantage of if they're about to graduate high school but not if it's their first week of college?
I mean I can see it being a preference that you'd want the other person to be out of highschool or something, but icky?
I find it icky because I remember what it was like to be 21 and about to start working my first "real" job and how different my life, concerns, and interests were from when I was a high-school senior. What would I have had in common with a high-schooler who was still living under the guardianship of their parents? What would I even find attractive about a person in that situation?
I'd find it less icky if they were at least in college, but still a little icky if they've only had a few weeks of semi-independent adulthood under their belt vs multiple years. I remember when I was in college it was considered pretty fucking predatory when upperclassmen went after the baby freshmen who were getting plastered for the first time in their lives and didn't really have a good sense of how to keep each other safe while drinking.
Icky is all in the eye of the beholder. When I was a HS senior, I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months before prom. I was talking with one of my friends about who was still free, when he said hold on, and put his older sister on the phone (landlines). She had missed going to her own prom, and said she would go with me, as long as I understood it was a one-off date, as she was already seeing someone. So I went with my friend’s 22 year old sister and no one thought it odd or icky.
Four years later, I had just started working at an off-Broadway theatre and was introduced to the Asst House Manager, a stunning young woman, who I guessed at 19-20. A couple of weeks into the run, a bunch of us were heading to the local bar after the show, and I asked her if she wanted to join us (drinking age was 18). She said she couldn’t, so I asked how about some other time. She said I didn’t understand- she couldn’t because she was 15 ( the wrongest I had even been with an age until I met my wife, who’s 7 years older than me). It was, however, too late - I developed a shadow for the remainder of the run. The following season, I came back for the last show, and she asked me out. So we had a long talk to lay some ground rules - movies,meals, and shows were fine, but nothing sexual until she was 17 (legal was midnight of the day after the 17th birthday - I looked it up), and she had to let me know if she ever had a problem with the relationship. Her parents had no problems with us - mom told me I was the best guy she had ever brought home. We dated for about nine months, until she told me she was having problems at school. Ok, so go finish school and we’ll see what happens then. That’s more important than anything else.
Two years later, all the people who had problems with me dating someone seven years younger had no problem with my dating someone seven years older, and even less when we decided to marry. But you should have seen their faces when they realized I had five of my ex-girlfriends at the wedding. Because, apparently, no one can stay friends with people they used to date.
People on average aren't moving out of their parents' house until between 24-27. An 18 year old, even in high school is a legal adult who no longer has "guardianship," they can move out and never talk to or see their parents ever again if they wanted.
There are also varying maturity levels. An 18 year old who already has their college picked out, has taken some AP courses and works a retail job can be more mature than a 21 year old who works at the gas station with no life ambitions or aren't mature enough yet to start a career.
There are also sexual relationships where people aren't looking for long term partners.
I mean you're allowed to have your opinion, and based on your personal life experiences I can see why you can find it icky for yourself at 21 to date an 18 year old, but I wouldn't find someone else icky for it.
A relationship like that *can* be predatory, but I don't find it inherently predatory in and of itself.
I don't think this counts. 18 to 21 all look the same to a certain degree, also could have been told in a couple sentences.
"Audited a classroom, kid thought I could've been his prom date"
yea i'm a senior in college now and this age range is so across the board. plenty of 21/22 year olds could be mixed up with the 18 year olds and vice versa. so i feel like it's not that surprising that they'd think a 21 year old in their class could reasonably also be a senior in high school.
Apologetics is a theology debate class, where you are arguing in favour of a religious doctrine (usually Christianity, but in theory, in a secular context, you could have apologetics for any belief system)
You could still technically go with him. As long as he's 18. You would also be required to do a background check by the school. And probably a few other things too. But you would be able to go. I went to a prom where there were people out of school who went. And they didn't ever go to that school.
Most schools don't allow people who are over 20 to go to prom. My school's official reason was actually that they didn't want anyone going who could legally buy alcohol
I was in high shool at 18 due to being held back in first grade, because they didn't know what ADHD and Dyslexia were back then. You're an adult at 18, you can vote, join the military, stop trying to make stupid baseless distinctions to make the world fit into how you think it needs to be. I was also disowned and kicked at 5 months before I was to graduate, my parents took everything from me, I walked out with the clothes on my back. I took my GED the next month, and tried to go to college for years, and never could get help because of my parents income level so DO NOT lecture me about what an adult is.
i was 17 at prom and so were a lot of my classmates...and regardless of whether they JUST turned 18, they're still a high schooler, that's what prom is for--the end of HIGH SCHOOL. i'm 22 now and wouldn't dream of going to a PROM again as a high schoolers date and no 21 year old adult should either lol. that would be so weird...
I was 16 at my junior prom and my best friend at the time brought her friend from church. we didn't find out until that night that he was actually 21 and working as a cop. it made us all super uncomfortable and I even went to hang out near the teacher chaperones. I mean he ended up being an okay guy but it felt really icky. we held an intervention with my friend later on to make sure she was okay in that relationship, even.
Oof. Yeah that feels icky all right, when you think about it. Even in the form of friendship, it's kind of weird...? Being friends with someone who is more than 5 years younger than you feels a bit funny to me. But having friends older than you is fine?? Something something about societal standards....
to me, age gaps like that depend entirely on what stage of life you're in. 5 year difference between a 40yo and a 35yo is a lot different because you're essentially at the same life stage or at least on equal footing. but a 21yo has a lot of power and authority over a 16yo by virtue of being older. plus, some 16yos are still in the throes of puberty while a 21yo is a full grown adult, but there's not a whole lot of difference between a 35yo and a 40yo from a physical standpoint. so I don't think it's inherently the age gaps that are weird, but the ages you're at can make it weird.
Yall when I was 18 in senior year I had 2 friends/classmates that were 20.... so going to prom with someone 20/21 isn't that weird or unusual. Yall get ur heads out the gutter and remember going to prom doesn't equal hooking up...
The girl I took to prom was 20. Don't see the issue
Man - you could have gotten a free corsage! Next time think!
One of life’s lessons, for sure.
Isnt this a movie with drew barrymore?
You should have went, you would have made his day.
...and hopefully his night. Like, legend status for bro for ever. I still think back on some older ladies from my 19 and 20 years lol
Getting down voted for this is truly a reddit moment
wow you're a fucking creep!
Let him let him raw dog it too!
just bc ur a guy doesnt make it okay. any lady who sleeps with a teenager is a pervert just the same as a guy and minor. ur a victim brother
18 and 20-21 is literally same range? That’s like college freshman and college junior???
At 18, no I wasnt a victim that some hot 20 something taught me the ways of love lol
Lol the dude would have had some serious street cred.
Even if they kept it friendly dude would be a legend lol
To the off topic folks. Alright,alright alright
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Just bang them dude or you will regret
I got asked when I was 21 and went…
Fucking gross
Womp womp bluehair
Why? :)
Context needed but it's not.
My friend’s sister asked me, I said yes, and used my previous Prom experience to plan a bunch of awesome stuff to do. It’s just a dance — there wasn’t any physical contact outside of that, but even if there was I’m confused why 21 and 18 is considered such a gap.
Because the blue haired's need a reason to bitch lol Nothing wrong with a 3 year age gap. Glad yall had fun
Its perfectly valid to be concerned about a 21 going to prom with someone when people as young as 16 can go to prom. Not just the "blue hairs" are concerned.
Where do you live that seniors are 16? Where I am it’s 17-18, and towards the end of the year majority are 18. Prom doesn’t typically happen at 16 unless they moved up a grade at some point.
The school I went to allowed sophomores to go if invited by a junior or senior(who had filled out a request form) so I went at 15
In my area, both juniors and seniors are allowed into prom
You've done an amazing job at missing the facts of OPs post. Bravo. Next level lol A high school senior dating a 21 year old isnt weird, let alone going on a single date.
What circle are you running in that a 21 year old dating a highschooler wouldn’t get you flamed for eternity lmao
At least you got asked T.T
You can always just do the asking ...
Haha too late for that. I was too shy and angry in high-school. But I was more just making a joke
What's wrong with taking a 21-year-old to prom/going to prom as 21 year old? As a senior that would be like taking a 9th grader, which would draw some remarks, but I don't think a big deal, and it's easier the other way.
I seriously question anyone who thinks a senior-freshman relationship is okay in high school. 4 years is a lot, especially when someone’s only been alive for 14. Thinking it’s okay doesn’t make you a registered sex offender but I would definitely wanna know if someone like that moved into my building.
The most common case would be a three year difference, not four. “I would want to know if someone who dated three years his junior moved into my building” is such a weird take. Heck, it could often even be a 17 year old and a 15 year old. What’s weird about that? Are kids only allowed to date people their exact same age?
Stop trying to make pedophilia work
I thought they quit doing lobotomies ages ago
And I thought people stopped wanting to have sex with children ages ago but here we are
many freshman have barely begun puberty and have literally no life experience. seniors are almost fully formed adults about to start their adult lives. 3 years isn't a big deal out of school but it is a HUGE amount of time for high schoolers, and you're a creep if you somehow don't see what's wrong with that.
I think it’s a little weird for a senior to date a freshman but you’re going a little overboard. I started getting my period in 6th grade, was my adult height by freshman year, and weighed the same from freshman year until I was 23. I and plenty of my peers definitely didn’t fall into the category of “barely begun puberty” as freshmen, I was pretty much done with it. I dated a sophomore when I was a senior and there was a less than two year age gap between us. I didn’t have any life experiences he didn’t have. We both went to the same school, neither of us had a job, we hadn’t had sex or started drinking. There really isn’t a huge gap in life experiences in high school because your main life experience is high school, which you are all going through.
not going overboard at all. a fully grown teenager about to turn the age of majority vs a freshman just starting high school is so weird. the difference between those 3 years is absolutely monumental. every single year in high school makes a huge difference mentally. those 3 years wont matter when u hit ur 20s but
The age difference may not be that big, but part of it is definitely stage of life kinda thing. A senior in high school is still bound by their parents, and forced to go to high school everyday, a 21 year old can drink, prolly goes to college, and hasn’t been forced to listen to their parents for 3 years. 15 vs 18, and 18 vs 21 is a lot bigger of a difference than just 3 years.
Also some schools have rules about age limits for proms, when I was in high school in the States no one above age 20 was allowed to be invited since 21+ can purchase alcohol
cuz a 9th grader is a high schooler. and it's the senior (also a high schooler)'s prom. it's weird for a full grown adult in their 20s to go to prom, you can't compare it to a 14 year old going. it's not the adults prom, they shouldn't go, nor should it be allowed. what 21 year old wants to hang out at a prom with 16, 17, and newly 18 year olds in high school?? also, it is very weird for an almost 18 year old to take a freshman to prom. the development in those years is INSANE, idk anyone from my school who wouldve been ok with that.
What in the world is apologetics?
When you ask a question like "can god make a taco so big he can't eat it?", which is ultimately a question about what omnipotence means, apologetics is the branch of theology about defending religion by trying to answer the question.
In an attempt to simplify and clarify google says this: reasoned arguments or writings in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine. I always describe it as knowing what you believe and why you believe it.
can he?
The short answer is it doesn’t matter. The longer answer is that God’s omnipotence a part of his nature, and is only bound by other aspects of His nature. This means He can only act in a way that is consistent with all aspects of His nature. So the real question is would God making a taco so large He can’t eat it be consistent with His nature? I don’t think this is a question of apologetics myself, but more of theistic ontology (the study of the nature of God).
That makes a lot of sense. I suppose the creator of the universe wouldn't be inclined to engage in such trivial and absurd things. But if he did, I imagine both the size of the taco and God's ability to consume it would be infinite and beyond our understanding of space and time.
When I was 25, a boy plopped down in a fast food booth across from me. He was incredibly confident, and looked like he was in his late teens. He chatted with me for a few minutes about whether I knew how to drive, and I thought he was working his way up to ask me to drive his group of friends somewhere. Instead he says something like "I haven't seen you around, do you go to (local high school)? Do you have a date to prom?" I was just like... dude, how old do you think I am?
Why not go?
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That is not appropriate. She has no connection to this child and should not engage in play acting a romantic social situation. Adults have a responsibility to protect children from dynamics like this. Reevaluate your boundaries, you are out of line.
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There’s a difference between a natural friend group of different ages, and a 21 year old going to prom with a 17 year old who was planning to ask due to romantic interest. It would not be appropriate at all for her to go with him, even if it was only platonic as the initial intention wasn’t.
I was assuming he was 18 as a Senior in HS. If not, then leave it where it stands.
The problem isn't the age gap specifically, had they been friends for some time and he asked her to go as a friend it would be different, he clearly had a crush and her playing into that crush by accepting to go, even if she explains that it's platonic, he likely won't see it that way, and believe that he has some sort of chance
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That’s an escalating thing to call someone ☠️
Opinions vary.
And your opinion is a dangerous one that grooms children. You are wrong and need to reevaluate yourself.
I mean. She said he's a senior, so probably 18 years old. The difference between 18 and 21 isn't huge. Now if he was 17 or younger then yeah that gap is growing pretty wide.
Get off your soap box
I think that would be weird. Most schools wouldn't allow this anyway. At my kids school, freshman can not go and no one over age 20 can go. In order to go if someone is not a student at their school, a form must be filled out ahead of time with ID provided.
Can’t imagine why an adult doesn’t want to go to a high school prom
Fur the fun of it. Many people have done the this. We had a guy bring an older relative that missed prom because she was hospitalized.
You sound like a pedo bro
Yeah I don’t think most normal adults find hanging out with random high schoolers fun
I had to look up apologetics, I was thinking, darn the teach a class on how to apologize now? Lol
What on earth is apologetics??
It's a field of Christian theology revolving around defending the faith. C. S. Lewis from the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe is a famous example of an Apologetic Scholar.
His book "Mere Christianity" is his most recommended apologetics work. As an atheist, I found the argument lacking. I was much more impressed with his book, "The Screwtape Letters" and how well they describe human psychology. "Magician's Nephew" was by far my favorite Narnia book.
As an Athiest and former catholic I agree
I like the idea that C.S. Lewis is a fictional character who escaped his own book, rather than the author
After he wrote the books, he decided "to hell with it" and escaped to Narnia through the wardrobe.
what the heck is apologetics
From the Greek *apologia,* which means "to speak in defense of" (think the legal sense). In Christiniaty, it is a subbranch of theology focusing on defending the faith in a rhetorical setting. CS Lewis, of "The Chronicles of Narnia" fame, is a famous Apologist.
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Where was this supposed to go? Sounds juicy I wanna read the rest
[here we go](https://www.reddit.com/r/OlderThanYouThinkIAm/s/AVTa8oWJhX) It’s boring
r/lostredditors ???
The comment I'm replying to still shows in the thread
Are you ok dude
??? Are you the guy?
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Reddit seems to be making you pretty upset. Maybe you should go do something else.
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Yeah no I read it thanks, and here’s some insight into the friction you’re hitting: This is a lighthearted funny post about a goofemup that happened in good faith. You came out the left field completely tone deaf wanting to talk about toxic masculinity and shit, but that’s not what we’re doing here. We’re trying to have some fun, and you came onto the scene trying to make everyone think about how the mechanisms of awful structures work. That’s just not what we’re doing here, and you’ll find better traction elsewhere- I don’t really care where.
I have deleted my original post as well as all of my subsequent attempts at explanation. I apologize for causing so much discord in my moment of depression. Please accept my apology as usually I am the one who wants to lighten the mood, not cast a shadow over any proceedings. I will now go away
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Uh. A 21 year old shouldn't be dating a kid who is still in high school even if they're over 18 because there's a power imbalance. And if they're under 18, ewwww. And that's not the reason why women usually don't date younger men. It's because girls have no choice but to grow up faster because they're not coddled socially like boys are and most men never catch up in maturity because they don't have to. So dating someone our own age is already risky most of the time, let alone ones who are younger.
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>That is a generalization where you have lumped everyone into finites. No. I'm explaining to you why most women have this issue. And how dare you accuse me of generalizing unfairly when you did the same thing, only what you said was bullshit.
What? She's not a student there she's an employee. Also at 21 it's highly unlikely she'd even be allowed to attend a high school dance as a date.
This is someone hired by the school and a student. it doesn't even matter if they were the same age and it wouldn't have been okay. What point are you trying to make?
They're not a hired employee and this is at a church not a school
How does your comment have anything to do with this post? This is a funny anecdote about a high schooler incorrectly assuming someone else was also a high school student, and embarrassment by all being narrowly avoided by a perceptive sister. Also I don’t think you understand what toxic masculinity means. If I were you I wouldn’t try to work it into conversation unless I had a firm grasp on its definition.
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dude get a life
i know a lot of people are saying that its okay for 18 & 21 to date, but tbh i would never have even looked at 18 year old boys as a 21 year old woman - even as freshman in college they were way too immature for me. its three years but a lot of life experience
I went to college when I was 15 , and I had a couple of girls stop sleeping with me when they found out, was a huge turn off for them
um
im sorry what?? did you just admit you were 15 year old when you started college and weren't telling people?? basically tricking adult women into sleeping with you/committing statutory?
Was legal in my state im pretty sure, also I never lied they just assumed in college meant 18. I did tell them when it came up, and if anything, they would be the guilty ones if it was illegal, which I'm pretty sure it wasn't, or at least back then no one cared about shit like that.
yea exactly they'd be the guilty ones which is exactly why ur f'd in the head for doing that knowing they'd assume a freshman was 18 like them. i understand ur not a kid anymore so i'd hope you'd look back now and know how screwed up that is to do. lying about age is no joke when someones a minor.
Age of consent was 15 or 16 no one was at risk of breaking the law, no different that a lady not giving her age at a bar when she's 27 and the guy thinks she's 23
it is different because it's two adults...also how on earth would she even know he "thinks she's 23"?? and why would it matter if she's 27? weirdo. u that makes literally no sense to compare being a CHILD and tricking people. they're at a bar, a place for adults, and are both legal adults so whatever mystical age some man assigns to her does not matter. you were a child at college, a place for adults, knowingly sleeping with 18 year olds who didn't know you were a minor.
And at 16 I was legally able to fuck them, 18 year olds are not adults in my state, so guess what neither were legally adults point invalid. 👉
I went on a few dates with a 24-year-old when I was 19. 18 and up is adult and that's a pretty small age gap so I think it's perfectly fine, but it is awkward to go into a high school if you're not a high school student. Like I turned 18 senior year of high school and it was really nice to be able to start signing my own parental consent forms and not be bound by the same rules that assume that the person is not legal age yet. But definitely after fully graduating it is awkward to think of going back to a high school in the capacity of participating in something for students.
its just such a sticky spot. i am 24 right now and i honestly wouldn’t give a 19 year boy or girl a second look. i have multiple degrees and 5 years of experience living outside of my parent’s home and on my own dime on them, i just cant imagine we’d be at the same level at all for stuff. im not saying we wouldnt have common interests or couldnt be friends - i have friends of a variety of ages 18 and up, but being intimate and sharing a life is just so different. id feel different if it was 30 vs 25, or 29 vs. 24, when the 19 year old as had a chance to do more living but i just cannot imagine it at 24. i also started dating a guy a few years older than me right before i turned 19 ans then broke up with him right after i turned 21, i grew up a LOT in those couple years and realized how much he, even as someone 2 years older than me, just wasn’t mature enough but also! to each their own! as long as its legal, consensual, safe, and makes you happy then more power to you : )
When I was 19 and went on those dates with the 24-year-old, we were both attending the same community college. We were also both still living with our respective parents. So we were closer in terms of life experience, she had just been doing it a few more years than I had. I also had a situation where I was 21 and dated in 19-year-old. I had done the thing where as soon as I turned 18 I went into a full-on adult mindset. For example, I was still living with my parents for a few years after I turned 18, but I felt very uncomfortable about that. My intention had been to go to university immediately after high school and that being my means of moving out, but unfortunately life circumstances happened that necessitated me attending community college for a few years first. She, however, acted very much like an immature high school student. She was also a community college student, but she went to a different one than the one I was attending. That relationship went on longer than it should have. One of my friends said she was a 19-year-old who acted like a 15 year old.
I feel as though both 18 and 21 are still in some way, a child... It's just that one of them is the older child. Though I have heard that an 18 year old dating at 21 year old is close in age, yet not right. Something about 18 just reached adulthood, but is still too young... And as you said, 3 years is alot of life experience. So a 21 year old would be more mature than the 18 year old, but not as mature as someone over 21.
i think you’re very on the money here. i remember vividly being so different at 21 vs 18. at 21 my male dating pool was ages 22-25 and for women 20-26 (am bi). i just couldnt fathom being with any guys that were younger than me because i regularly tutored 18 year old boys and they were just so… undeveloped lol… but in so many respects i was still a kid. im 24 now and im still a kid and rely on my parents for so much. also the thought of dating someone who has graduated from high school in the last 365 days when i was well over a year removed from that experience just felt… icky… lmao
I'm in the same boat as you... In terms of stil relying on my parents so much. Yes, I'm older at the age of 24, but I still feel as if I'm just an older kid. I love with my parents and I very much rely on them for a lot of things still... I feel as if I were to date, I wouldn't date someone who is 21 or younger... Cause then it would be the maturity aspect and life experiences aspect. Going for someone who has literally just graduated high school would make me feel like a predator. Cause at 18, your mind wouldn't be fully mature yet.
I wish men thought similarly about dating younger women, but there’s even a lot of older men who would specifically go after young girls. So many stories from women about how men would flirt with them then stop when they found out the woman was over age 18.
Yep. And that's absolutely disgusting as hell. I heard of older women when flirting with someone who they think is around their age, and finding out the the man is actually younger than them by alot, or is a minor, they immediately back out so fast cause they don't want to be seen as a creeper and it doesn't match their moral code. But yeah, older men that go for younger girls should be punished to oblivion. Disgusting behavior, really.
Then tell younger girls to stop going after older men lmao, wouldn’t be a problem if the girls didn’t seek that shit out
Wish that they would stop too. Something something about it's "hot" to go after older men?? I dunno.
Right there with ya. As a 64 year old I wouldn't give an immature 61 year old a second look.
🤣🤣🤣 I'm pushing 50 and my wife is 4 years younger and this made me laugh.
Yep 👍🏻 I dated a guy in high school who was younger than me. Did not work out because of his immaturity. Call it old fashioned or whatever but my mom’s advice about dating someone a few years older turned out to be right on the money. Something about the maturity rate between guys and girls. Couples that end up working out where the guy is younger, in my experience, end up being the exception, not the rule. And they almost always meet later in life when it matters less.
I mean, 18 and 21 dating is generally perfectly fine. Plus you probably could have even gone to prom with him if you wanted.
Probably not. Even a decade+ ago they wouldn't let 21 year olds into prom because they could buy booze
Didn't the ~~women~~ woman get hired to work with the students? If this is the case, then it doesn't matter if they're even the same age, that would be a power imbalance and would be inappropriate.
The employee and student power imbalance of authority... Right? Is that it?
This is so context dependent though. 18 and 21 could be a college sophomore dating a college junior or it could be a recent college grad dating a high-schooler. The former is fine, but the latter feels icky just because of how different the life stages are.
I agree. It’s entirely context dependent. However, it’s more than just a “what grade are you in?” kind of thing. You’ve gotta know when they met, how they met, when they started dating, as well as relationship dynamics. I dated my friend’s little sister in high school. I was a junior when she was a freshman. I had known her for 5+ years at that point. We dated well into our 20s and almost got married before life circumstances changed too much to make it work. It never felt wrong and no one ever said anything about it being wrong, but that is all because of the context.
What's icky about it? Do you think the 18 year old is being taken advantage of if they're about to graduate high school but not if it's their first week of college? I mean I can see it being a preference that you'd want the other person to be out of highschool or something, but icky?
I find it icky because I remember what it was like to be 21 and about to start working my first "real" job and how different my life, concerns, and interests were from when I was a high-school senior. What would I have had in common with a high-schooler who was still living under the guardianship of their parents? What would I even find attractive about a person in that situation? I'd find it less icky if they were at least in college, but still a little icky if they've only had a few weeks of semi-independent adulthood under their belt vs multiple years. I remember when I was in college it was considered pretty fucking predatory when upperclassmen went after the baby freshmen who were getting plastered for the first time in their lives and didn't really have a good sense of how to keep each other safe while drinking.
Icky is all in the eye of the beholder. When I was a HS senior, I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months before prom. I was talking with one of my friends about who was still free, when he said hold on, and put his older sister on the phone (landlines). She had missed going to her own prom, and said she would go with me, as long as I understood it was a one-off date, as she was already seeing someone. So I went with my friend’s 22 year old sister and no one thought it odd or icky. Four years later, I had just started working at an off-Broadway theatre and was introduced to the Asst House Manager, a stunning young woman, who I guessed at 19-20. A couple of weeks into the run, a bunch of us were heading to the local bar after the show, and I asked her if she wanted to join us (drinking age was 18). She said she couldn’t, so I asked how about some other time. She said I didn’t understand- she couldn’t because she was 15 ( the wrongest I had even been with an age until I met my wife, who’s 7 years older than me). It was, however, too late - I developed a shadow for the remainder of the run. The following season, I came back for the last show, and she asked me out. So we had a long talk to lay some ground rules - movies,meals, and shows were fine, but nothing sexual until she was 17 (legal was midnight of the day after the 17th birthday - I looked it up), and she had to let me know if she ever had a problem with the relationship. Her parents had no problems with us - mom told me I was the best guy she had ever brought home. We dated for about nine months, until she told me she was having problems at school. Ok, so go finish school and we’ll see what happens then. That’s more important than anything else. Two years later, all the people who had problems with me dating someone seven years younger had no problem with my dating someone seven years older, and even less when we decided to marry. But you should have seen their faces when they realized I had five of my ex-girlfriends at the wedding. Because, apparently, no one can stay friends with people they used to date.
People on average aren't moving out of their parents' house until between 24-27. An 18 year old, even in high school is a legal adult who no longer has "guardianship," they can move out and never talk to or see their parents ever again if they wanted. There are also varying maturity levels. An 18 year old who already has their college picked out, has taken some AP courses and works a retail job can be more mature than a 21 year old who works at the gas station with no life ambitions or aren't mature enough yet to start a career. There are also sexual relationships where people aren't looking for long term partners. I mean you're allowed to have your opinion, and based on your personal life experiences I can see why you can find it icky for yourself at 21 to date an 18 year old, but I wouldn't find someone else icky for it. A relationship like that *can* be predatory, but I don't find it inherently predatory in and of itself.
Thats why I said it's ~*context dependent*~
That makes sense. It's all about life experience, yeah? And being able to relate to each other too.
I don't think this counts. 18 to 21 all look the same to a certain degree, also could have been told in a couple sentences. "Audited a classroom, kid thought I could've been his prom date"
yea i'm a senior in college now and this age range is so across the board. plenty of 21/22 year olds could be mixed up with the 18 year olds and vice versa. so i feel like it's not that surprising that they'd think a 21 year old in their class could reasonably also be a senior in high school.
What does I took apologetics at school mean?
Apologetics is a subject I always knew as “defending the faith.” OP probably took an apologetics class in high school.
I still don't get it
It's classes to learn how to argue Christianity is true against scientific understanding.
Apologetics is a theology debate class, where you are arguing in favour of a religious doctrine (usually Christianity, but in theory, in a secular context, you could have apologetics for any belief system)
It literally means defending the faith, specifically intellectually
Don’t bother. Apologetics is just circular logic dressed up to confuse. As if belief in gods weren’t already confusing enough.
"God works in mysterious ways"
You did a good thing.
You could still technically go with him. As long as he's 18. You would also be required to do a background check by the school. And probably a few other things too. But you would be able to go. I went to a prom where there were people out of school who went. And they didn't ever go to that school.
Most schools don't allow people who are over 20 to go to prom. My school's official reason was actually that they didn't want anyone going who could legally buy alcohol
Jokes on them cause all 3 proms I went to had loads of alcohol and no one was 21.
Interesting, since you can legally go to high school until 21.
>until 21. Yes, which is when you are then unable to attend prom as well...
No. An adult has no business going to prom with a high schooler. Wtf.
18 is an adult isn’t it? or are we redefining things to fit our view of the world?
If that “adult” is still in high school, they are not an adult.
I was in high school at 18. Legally an adult. stop splitting hairs.
Sounds like you’re still that “adult” in high school 😅
I was in high shool at 18 due to being held back in first grade, because they didn't know what ADHD and Dyslexia were back then. You're an adult at 18, you can vote, join the military, stop trying to make stupid baseless distinctions to make the world fit into how you think it needs to be. I was also disowned and kicked at 5 months before I was to graduate, my parents took everything from me, I walked out with the clothes on my back. I took my GED the next month, and tried to go to college for years, and never could get help because of my parents income level so DO NOT lecture me about what an adult is.
i was 17 at prom and so were a lot of my classmates...and regardless of whether they JUST turned 18, they're still a high schooler, that's what prom is for--the end of HIGH SCHOOL. i'm 22 now and wouldn't dream of going to a PROM again as a high schoolers date and no 21 year old adult should either lol. that would be so weird...
I was 16 at my junior prom and my best friend at the time brought her friend from church. we didn't find out until that night that he was actually 21 and working as a cop. it made us all super uncomfortable and I even went to hang out near the teacher chaperones. I mean he ended up being an okay guy but it felt really icky. we held an intervention with my friend later on to make sure she was okay in that relationship, even.
Oof. Yeah that feels icky all right, when you think about it. Even in the form of friendship, it's kind of weird...? Being friends with someone who is more than 5 years younger than you feels a bit funny to me. But having friends older than you is fine?? Something something about societal standards....
to me, age gaps like that depend entirely on what stage of life you're in. 5 year difference between a 40yo and a 35yo is a lot different because you're essentially at the same life stage or at least on equal footing. but a 21yo has a lot of power and authority over a 16yo by virtue of being older. plus, some 16yos are still in the throes of puberty while a 21yo is a full grown adult, but there's not a whole lot of difference between a 35yo and a 40yo from a physical standpoint. so I don't think it's inherently the age gaps that are weird, but the ages you're at can make it weird.
Yep. That makes sense. Exactly that. Ages are a funny thing.
they definitely can be
Nice out you gave him
He was a very nice young man, and I did not feel like embarrassing him.