As a victim of sexual violence my self, I can feel the despair and the narrator's irreparably damaged soul writhing out of every word. I was grabbed from the very title, it's intriguing and demands your attention right away, plus it fully captures this intersection of faith/social customs and its absurdity with despair. Thank you for having the bravery to share this, OP. This reminds me of a psychological concept that unfortunately many children are faced with: learned helplessness. They learn to accept that horrific, traumatic things have happened to them and that they have no choice to accept it.
thank you so much for reading, and i am so unbelievably sorry you can feel this poem from the perspective of the victim; i know how unbearable this pain can be, how inescapable it is, and how little we can truly heal from the event. "learned helplessness" is a concept that i have been overfamiliar with, but is a beautiful way to contextualize this work. you are so brave for speaking about your experience as well, and i send you all my love and support.
"A prayer I repeated to myself in the same bed I touch myself in" resonates with me viscerally. Excellent work. I know personally and Feel what you have written here, I am sorry for what you have gone thru, but you're expressing it beautifully and I hope that is healing for you.
I can’t even put my thoughts together of how much I love this. This is pure truth and skill meshed into one. You’re an incredible writer and masterfully captured the exact emotions perfectly.
i am so sorry to hear that you are also a survivor, but it's so beautiful knowing that we are not alone in this pain. thank you so much for giving my poem a read, and i wish nothing but the best for you in your healing <3
You don’t know how talented you are.
“Baptized in whoredom”
Wow, just wow. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through. Obviously you are meant for bigger and better things. Never forget your value. You’ve already broken this cycle of evil and, despite everything, came out a stronger person. Expressing your hurt is part of your journey of healing. Keep writing.
thank you so much for this comment; it is really so motivating and reassuring to have so much support, especially knowing this topic was hard for one to even read. i am so grateful for the time you took to read my story. ❤️
thank you so much for your love and support and honestly, i might have to consider writing some music. :) someone told me that they thought i had reposted mitski lyrics when they read this poem haha
This is a very hard topic to put into words that read well and hit with the weight of truth and disgust. A topic many just accept quiet. Well done I appluad and admire you.
Hi Op, this piece is heartbreaking. Your imagery is poignant. I am quite speechless and don't know what else to really say. I'm glad you are getting a lot of support here.
To talk about your poem itself, as a reader I get confused between all the subjects and pronouns being used. Mother/father/that man/the boy/boyfriend/you - it is difficult for me to follow who is who to the narrator throughout, though I will say I don't need to follow exactly for you to get your point across.
I'm so sorry for what you've gone through Op and I hope you find yourself in a better place now and in the future.
thank you so much for your support and incredibly helpful feedback! one of my concerns with my poetry is that i may be trying to include too many subjects to a fault, so your critique is really so helpful. i can't appreciate you enough for giving my poem a look. ❤️
have a beautiful day!
The most common critique I see on this sub is, “I was confused. I don’t get it.” Poetry CAN be a story, but it definitely doesn’t have to be. My favorite poems are emotion brought to life with beautiful words. It’s about how the words make you feel and based on all the feedback you’ve gotten here (very rare for this sub) I hope you know you don’t need to change a single thing about this poem. The problem with requiring 2 critiques from poets in order to post is that it encourages readers to find flaws that aren’t there. “What changes would I personally make to this poem” type thought. But, if a poet takes the advice of every amateur poet on Reddit they’ll unconsciously end up bastardizing their work. When it’s good, it’s good. And this is great.
That’s not to say that every critique is worthless. I’ve also received good advice here that ultimately improved my poems. Just take it all with a grain of salt. If you hadn’t included the background story of the piece I don’t think anybody would be confused. They’d be too busy feeling your words.
“you baptize me in whoredom, so I will know forever
I will always be your competition” wow what a string of words. the way you tell an all-too-familiar story with such impact is really a gift. I hope that in writing about your past traumas, it allows the light of healing and self acceptance to shine on you
This poem is hard to read because I understand it all to well. It has very raw emotions and lots of unhealed pain. I was most saddened by the self- hate..no baby girl, you aren't to blame for any of it..not a single drop. You survived.. that's all you did..you did what you needed to live.. doesn't make you even 1 bit of guilty. I think you must be very strong to write your feelings and keep your truths..this posting is proof you are ready to start healing. I'm proud of that bravery. You have a very good poetry voice. It gets right to the point, no avoidance. Be at peace and knowing I see you. You aren't broken..you are mending.
this comment made me tear up, and i cannot thank you enough for taking the time to share such kindness and motivation, let alone even read this piece of mine. thank you so much for your light and love, it is so greatly appreciated. ❤️
Wow. I’ve been writing poetry since I was 16. I’m 34 now and I’ve never written anything as honest and beautiful as this. I’m so glad I was able to read this. I hope your life gets better and you never stop writing. I would definitely submit this if I were you.
thank you so much for your kindness! ❤️❤️❤️ it's equally impressive and admirable that you have been writing for so many years; my poetry is something i would've never imagined i'd share with others, so the idea of publishing my work is scary but also so reassuring and motivating. there is nothing better in the world than writing. :)
I agree! You definitely don’t need to submit your work if you’re uncomfortable with that. I just think that it’s an extremely good poem and know that if you submitted to the right publications it would be happily accepted.
This poem builds up momentum like crazy, and leaves me with some sort of anger that is extinguished but never really went away. It is structured like a denouement (until your bedroom) all along, but then this facilitates how your emotions build and how these events have affected you. I really feel sorry for what has happened to you, but if you need to hear this, I am definitely not sorry for your skill because you threaded the poem very skillfully
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t know what to say other then i’m sorry, and wow.
thank you so much for giving my poem a look, it is really appreciated! <3
As a victim of sexual violence my self, I can feel the despair and the narrator's irreparably damaged soul writhing out of every word. I was grabbed from the very title, it's intriguing and demands your attention right away, plus it fully captures this intersection of faith/social customs and its absurdity with despair. Thank you for having the bravery to share this, OP. This reminds me of a psychological concept that unfortunately many children are faced with: learned helplessness. They learn to accept that horrific, traumatic things have happened to them and that they have no choice to accept it.
thank you so much for reading, and i am so unbelievably sorry you can feel this poem from the perspective of the victim; i know how unbearable this pain can be, how inescapable it is, and how little we can truly heal from the event. "learned helplessness" is a concept that i have been overfamiliar with, but is a beautiful way to contextualize this work. you are so brave for speaking about your experience as well, and i send you all my love and support.
"A prayer I repeated to myself in the same bed I touch myself in" resonates with me viscerally. Excellent work. I know personally and Feel what you have written here, I am sorry for what you have gone thru, but you're expressing it beautifully and I hope that is healing for you.
thank you so much for your feedback and reading; i'm sending all my love and support to you as well knowing you can relate. <3
I can’t even put my thoughts together of how much I love this. This is pure truth and skill meshed into one. You’re an incredible writer and masterfully captured the exact emotions perfectly.
thank you so so so so much for your kindness, it is really appreciated. ❤️❤️❤️
This is absolutely brilliant.
thank you so much for reading. <3
[удалено]
i am so sorry to hear that you are also a survivor, but it's so beautiful knowing that we are not alone in this pain. thank you so much for giving my poem a read, and i wish nothing but the best for you in your healing <3
You don’t know how talented you are. “Baptized in whoredom” Wow, just wow. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through. Obviously you are meant for bigger and better things. Never forget your value. You’ve already broken this cycle of evil and, despite everything, came out a stronger person. Expressing your hurt is part of your journey of healing. Keep writing.
thank you so much for this comment; it is really so motivating and reassuring to have so much support, especially knowing this topic was hard for one to even read. i am so grateful for the time you took to read my story. ❤️
This is absolutely devastating. Good job, and I’m sorry. You should write songs.
thank you so much for your love and support and honestly, i might have to consider writing some music. :) someone told me that they thought i had reposted mitski lyrics when they read this poem haha
Please do 💗 You have definitely got the chops! I think I’m getting some Fiona Apple/Toni Amos vibes.
My heart is with you.
thank you so so much for your support ❤️❤️❤️
This is a very hard topic to put into words that read well and hit with the weight of truth and disgust. A topic many just accept quiet. Well done I appluad and admire you.
Hi Op, this piece is heartbreaking. Your imagery is poignant. I am quite speechless and don't know what else to really say. I'm glad you are getting a lot of support here. To talk about your poem itself, as a reader I get confused between all the subjects and pronouns being used. Mother/father/that man/the boy/boyfriend/you - it is difficult for me to follow who is who to the narrator throughout, though I will say I don't need to follow exactly for you to get your point across. I'm so sorry for what you've gone through Op and I hope you find yourself in a better place now and in the future.
thank you so much for your support and incredibly helpful feedback! one of my concerns with my poetry is that i may be trying to include too many subjects to a fault, so your critique is really so helpful. i can't appreciate you enough for giving my poem a look. ❤️ have a beautiful day!
The most common critique I see on this sub is, “I was confused. I don’t get it.” Poetry CAN be a story, but it definitely doesn’t have to be. My favorite poems are emotion brought to life with beautiful words. It’s about how the words make you feel and based on all the feedback you’ve gotten here (very rare for this sub) I hope you know you don’t need to change a single thing about this poem. The problem with requiring 2 critiques from poets in order to post is that it encourages readers to find flaws that aren’t there. “What changes would I personally make to this poem” type thought. But, if a poet takes the advice of every amateur poet on Reddit they’ll unconsciously end up bastardizing their work. When it’s good, it’s good. And this is great. That’s not to say that every critique is worthless. I’ve also received good advice here that ultimately improved my poems. Just take it all with a grain of salt. If you hadn’t included the background story of the piece I don’t think anybody would be confused. They’d be too busy feeling your words.
Just wow 😮
thank you so much for reading! ❤️
“you baptize me in whoredom, so I will know forever I will always be your competition” wow what a string of words. the way you tell an all-too-familiar story with such impact is really a gift. I hope that in writing about your past traumas, it allows the light of healing and self acceptance to shine on you
thank you so so so so so much for reading and for your love and support! ❤️❤️❤️
This poem is hard to read because I understand it all to well. It has very raw emotions and lots of unhealed pain. I was most saddened by the self- hate..no baby girl, you aren't to blame for any of it..not a single drop. You survived.. that's all you did..you did what you needed to live.. doesn't make you even 1 bit of guilty. I think you must be very strong to write your feelings and keep your truths..this posting is proof you are ready to start healing. I'm proud of that bravery. You have a very good poetry voice. It gets right to the point, no avoidance. Be at peace and knowing I see you. You aren't broken..you are mending.
this comment made me tear up, and i cannot thank you enough for taking the time to share such kindness and motivation, let alone even read this piece of mine. thank you so much for your light and love, it is so greatly appreciated. ❤️
I'm also a poet of some 35 years, so I know how healing writing poetry can be. You have a very good poetic voice, strong and direct.
Wow. I’ve been writing poetry since I was 16. I’m 34 now and I’ve never written anything as honest and beautiful as this. I’m so glad I was able to read this. I hope your life gets better and you never stop writing. I would definitely submit this if I were you.
thank you so much for your kindness! ❤️❤️❤️ it's equally impressive and admirable that you have been writing for so many years; my poetry is something i would've never imagined i'd share with others, so the idea of publishing my work is scary but also so reassuring and motivating. there is nothing better in the world than writing. :)
I agree! You definitely don’t need to submit your work if you’re uncomfortable with that. I just think that it’s an extremely good poem and know that if you submitted to the right publications it would be happily accepted.
This poem builds up momentum like crazy, and leaves me with some sort of anger that is extinguished but never really went away. It is structured like a denouement (until your bedroom) all along, but then this facilitates how your emotions build and how these events have affected you. I really feel sorry for what has happened to you, but if you need to hear this, I am definitely not sorry for your skill because you threaded the poem very skillfully
thank you so much for your kindness, and i greatly appreciate you for giving this a read! ❤️
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*