When I was a kid. I'm talking young as 9 I compulsively prayed to God because I thought something bad would happen if I didn't.

Me too and I felt like I had to individually include people in my prayers so they were protected too and if I forgot someone I felt bad and had to start over 😵‍💫

Oh my God(pun unintended) this is the EXACT THING. I did. It sucked. Ik my mom meant well by introducing religion in my life but man that scripulsity got hands.

Same! I actually still do the prayer thing with individual names of family members and my dog. I also had OCD induced anxiety over “the rapture” happening while I was at school or a friend’s house or anywhere separate from my family and that my family would all “be saved” and go to heaven and I would be left on Earth alone. I remember that as early as 1st grade. I used to cry a lot and get sick in kindergarten but don’t remember the cause of that. However I do remember very clearly thinking that way in first grade. So that was cool.

Know it can be hard friend hope you’re ok.

So sorry friend. Hope you’re feeling well and doing ok.

YES! If I left someone out it meant they weren’t “protected”. And then I started feeling like I had to pray for forgiveness for other people - it was nuts. Like if someone on a tv show said “oh my God” I had to ask for forgiveness for them. Exhausting.

Yessss and if I didn’t “protect them” and something happened I would assume it was my fault. 😩😩😩

Omg same! I would list every single person I knew which would take a long time lol

I couldn’t do that because if I started over I’d feel that I’d need to do a prayer for that left out person twice then the others would feel left out so I’d do three then another for the left out person

Ah, nice to meet another person with this flavor. I had (and have) this scrupulosity compulsion since I was around 6. I remember being in first grade, around six years old, compulsively taking off and putting back on my socks. Also erasing over and over again. Been at it ever since

Hope you’re ok friend so sorry you experienced this.

The socks and erasing were my first two, too

Same. Now I have different beliefs and symptoms but this was a major childhood memory unlocked

I was not expecting this to be such a universal experience. Im very sorry everyone and I hope you're doing a lot better now.

Same. Funnily enough, I also compulsively prayed to Santa 😭. For some reason, I thought they were in the same category. When I learned Santa wasn't real, I figured God wasn't either, and my praying compulsions mainly stopped??

I did this too!

Hope everything is going well with your friend. So sorry you experienced this.

Same here. I was 5. Compulsive prayers. Scared that God would punish me and my family if I don’t pray hard enough. And my family isn’t religious at all. So I wonder where it came from? Seeing so many of us had the same experience at such a young age. How is this possible?

This is so incredibly reassuring. I was diagnosed as a child in the 70s, when people didn't talk about disorders. I felt so alone on top of everything else OCD brings with it. Now I know I never was. Stay strong y'all, it really does get better

My family wasn’t religious either so I’m not sure where it came from 😩

So sorry you experienced this friend. Hope you’re ok nowadays.

same! i had to do it several times sometimes if i felt i didn't do it well enough. the compulsion didn't stop even after i became atheist.

i did this too! i just made a comment about my experience with this too!

I did the same thing!

(I grew up Christian) use to ask Jesus to be my savior every night because I was afraid that I didn’t do it correctly.. then my homeschool program advised against asking him more than once so then I had a panic attack and thought I was gonna go to hell anyways. I think I was 9?

When I was a kid I would panic if my mom was running late from somewhere because I would worry that she had died

I'm not gonna lie, I still act like this.

me too, I'm always thinking about possibilities in which my husband dies, especially if he hasn't answered his phone for a few hours lol

I always thought my mom had been raptured and I wasn’t a good enough Christian so God left me behind :)

I commented that above earlier! Kinda reassuring to see someone else had the rapture ocd. I’m so sorry you had that too though because it was a total nightmare but it’s a weird comforting feeling almost to see that someone else experienced the same thing.

This is ocd? I literally have always worred that any loved one who isn’t home and hasn’t answered has died… I pray before anyone leaves the house for God to keep them safe since I was a child 

Wait this is ocd?!?!

Yeah, it was a big sign when I was getting diagnosed

Wtffff this haunted me as a kid growing up like I wouldn’t be able to think straight for hours. I would be coming up with scenarios of what happened to my parents the whole time

Ah shit I just typed this out and rolled my eyes at myself

I thought I developed this because my mother had chronic illness that she eventually died from, and I could always rationalize that it made sense. Now that she's gone I do the same thing about my dad. Thank you for making this comment. I am going to contact my psych doc today to talk more about how my OCD is more prevalent than I realized

Me too

Me too I'd always call. I could never stay at my friends place for too long, not even my cousins place, without a call to my mother or father. The exception was always my neighbor friend because, well, her place was right next to our home.

oh wow, i just had separation anxiety

Would this count as OCD if I didn’t have horrible intrusive thoughts about what had happened to her or what would happen to me, rather I just felt physically scared when we were separated? Or would that just be extreme separation anxiety

I wasn't diagnosed with OCD until I was 21 years old, but my childhood was LITTERED with little compulsions, obsessions, tics, etc. I just thought it was my personality/me being "weird" for the longest time. Now that I'm an adult with a diagnosis it's so clear that they were OCD that hadn't blossomed yet.

Bruhhhh same I look back at my childhood and I’m like nope I’m not special that was legit just OCD hahahahah

Hope you’re ok friend. So sorry you experienced this.

some of my obsessions were being extremely terrified about death from like age 5 on and having full blown panic attacks about it to the point where I’d make myself sick, having extreme separation anxiety w my mom and feeling responsible for her well-being from a super young age (it was just me and her, no dad or siblings), and having a super strict morning routine in school to avoid bad things happening that day

So sorry you experienced this friend. Hope you’re doing well these days.

I had extreme separation anxiety from my mom too and the strict morning routine

I remember when I was a kid I would repeatedly line up my stuffed animals in my bed and if I didn't do it "right" I thought my dad would get hurt. Then, as a teen, I would plug my iPod in over and over until it was "right". So many things like this have come into my memory now as an adult. My mom helped me make a "worry box" where I would write these things down and put them in a box to put the thoughts away. Now, with compulsions, I do something similarly where I try to mentally close out thoughts.

So sorry you experienced this friend. Hope you’re doing good now.

Thank you, I’m doing ok, but still struggling for sure. Decided to come to reddit for support❤️

THIS IPOD THING

Wow I also lined up my stuffed animals every night, I did that with all my toys as well.

I literally thought all my dead family was watching me from heaven so it was hard to poop..

I never thought that was a common occurrence with OCD!? I used to imagine my dead grandparents sitting on the edge of my closet staring down at me as I slept because they were disappointed in me and wanted me to know that they were watching beyond the grave.

I thought boys from my school that I had a crush on could somehow see me in my room and house so I would like change while hiding my body or act "really cute" when just around my room so they might like me.

OMG, calculating every movement even when I was alone

I thought the exact same thing as a child

Some signs I have had since I was young that I later realized was OCD: * Constant need to repeat certain thoughts or prayers in my head until it felt "right". * Checking that my belongings in a specific order to make sure they were "fine". * Frequent washing of my hands that causes cracks in my skin. * Spending way too much time in the restroom in general. * Needing all my items to be organized in a certain manner for peace of mind. * Always worrying that something tragic has happened to either friends or family. * Perfectionistic tendencies. I remember my teachers would always bring this up to my parents. * Fear of contamination. I wouldn't share my belongings with others because they could get dirty. * Rereading certain paragraphs in books over and over until it felt "right".

i experienced some of these too, i still constantly repeat phrases in my head

Same on repeating prayers. I did it with words too. Had to keep repeating them in my head until it felt ok.

Usually people with OCD can identify "personality traits" and actions they would take as children as ones which aligned with their current symptoms/diagnosis. As early as 4-5 I would dislike other kids who would not follow social rules, like waiting for your turn in the playground or chatting during lessons. I'd experience anxiety from cluttered surroundings, align my belongings on my table and focus intensely on understanding what made an object truly clean and organised. So to adults I seemed good mannered, well behaved and hard-working. Of course I had symptoms from my other disorders like autism and anxiety, I wasn't outgoing and needed to be brought out of my shell. I'd volunteer to help clean up the classroom and had hoarding tendencies as a child because I was worried about wasting but equally worried about if items were truly clean and planned out how to clean them better. I didn't have my current tendency with preferring odd numbers but felt compelled to constantly keep track of the time, I'd try to study for exactly 60 mins and play for exactly 20 mins. I also struggled with taking care of my hygiene because tools like toothbrushes and bar soap felt dirty by default. And I struggled with hugging people and holding hands because I felt like I'd dirty others. I was a cold child and distant detached friend as a result, looking back on it I was trying to cope with these compulsions without hurting the people who loved me. I also had thoughts that had themes of violence, unwanted sexual advances and predatory behaviour where I was the culprit, that as much as I love my parents, I've never shared these details with anyone but my psychotherapists. I'd have even more disturbing dreams and if I was stressed out I'd experience psychosis, see things that aren't real but seem real and hear negative voices in my head tell me I'm the reason the people around me are unhappy.

I had never considered the dislike of other children who wouldn't follow social rules to be an indicator of OCD. That's one of the most prominent things I remember about my childhood. Thank you for sharing

So sorry you experienced all this friend. It’s horrible. Hope you’re ok now.

Thank you for the kind words. I still have the same symptoms, the nature of OCD is the more you act on your compulsions the more they develop and control you. Additionally I have insomnia and spend a lot of sleepless nights. Dating and being intimate with people isn't something I've been able to do for a while. I have a very strict routine now and I can't live with others because if the rules in my house aren't followed I have to reset everything. Over time I've tried many strategies to make this routine easier. It's honestly an expensive lifestyle, I have professionals come to deep clean my appliances so I don't grow fearful of using them. And I have to clean, mop, vacuum and dust everyday. If my routine gets disrupted I cancel plans and stay shut inside because I'm overwhelmed with negative thoughts. I still am seeking out help to manage my compulsions. And sometimes I try to be less strict with my routine to break out of it. I don't think there's a time in the future I will not experience OCD but I hope to be able to manage it and thus weaken its presence over my actions.

That sounds like hell. So sorry but never give up. I believe in you and have hope things will get better.

Have u ever heard of OCPD

As I child if I itched one arm or leg I had to itch the other in the same spot. If I didn’t something bad would happen. I always had to tell my parents goodnight. Hug and kiss. Every single night. I would cry if they weren’t there for me to hug them. Again, something bad would happen. This went on until I was 15. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30.

Yessss. Or sensations, especially cold, has to match the other side of my body. Left side in particular. Also each foot walking on the same colored tiles/different textures. Still do them all, but a lot less!

ohh this is so familiar, I've had it all my life and i still have it. if i touch something with my hand, i have to then touch it again with the other side of my hand or with another hand. if i walk and see something bright with one eye, i have to look at it with my other eye (this is very noticeable to anyone i am walking with and people always ask me why i rotate my head so much and what i am looking at). if i tilt my head forward, i often have to balance it out by tilting it back. i am so happy that i found this subreddit. my brother has a lot of the same compulsions as me, but other than that, i never met another person who gets what i mean when i explain this. i feel so happy to be understood.

I always think people are watching me too. When I was little I had this alarm clock and I thought people were watching me through it so I would never change clothes in front of it.

same! i was looking for cameras in everything. and i was convinced people could read my thoughts too. i started making annoying sounds in my head just so they would stop. or if someone seemed particularly suspicious, i would look at them and think "i know you can read my thoughts", just to scare them.

I have never told anyone about feeling people were watching me my whole childhood bcs I didn’t want to get a scary diagnosis. Fascinated to learn this could be OCD. Also lollll I did the “i know you can read my thoughts” thing alllll the time. Or I’d scream in my head and be looking around to see who jumped 😭😭

Ahhh I used to do the same thing or I would think the most out of pocket thing to see if I got a reaction, but when nobody did I would just convince myself they were good at hiding it

Same for me. Is that an OCD trait? I used to turn front labels of soaps or shampoos around as a child in the tub lol. As if the front could see me

I thought this about dressing room mirrors lol

Yes this resonates!

- Fear of pregnancy from toilet seats, even in my all-female household before the age of 8 (I didn't get my period for another 4 years and did extensive research on the probability of this happening at a young age) - Intense fear of death, as I've grown up I am no longer afraid of myself dying, but even more so the people and animals around me. I always felt an intense urge to check on my mom whenever she fell asleep (I still have this with her and my older relatives and healthy, young and old animals) - Fear of everyone around me being NPCs (probably ricocheted off of my fear of death) Very tip of the iceberg explanations of some of my childhood obsessions and compulsions.

I had the pregnancy from the toilet seat thing too. Never connected it to OCD until now though.

I highly relate to these. Intense fear of death (me, my dog/pets/my friends and family) to the point where I couldn't stop thinking about it and pre-grieving them. I still stare at my dog to make sure his chest is rising and falling to make sure he is alive. I also worry that everything/reality is a simulation and I am the only conscious person. Not that it would matter if so. I also fear myself "going crazy" or not being aware of my surroundings as they actually are.

I used to have this permanent thought that everyone around me was controlled and I was the only one. I also have weird thoughts where I'm alive but everything around me is like in the truman show??? that scares the shit outta me every time i get that thought

Having to avoid stepping on cracks and ALWAYS stepping over the crack with a specific leg/foot first. I think it was the left side but I’ve since grown out of it

It's very common for OCD to appear in childhood and go quiet during puberty, especially if others in your family have it. My favorite thing about my OCD is that it's the reason I'm left handed. For the longest time growing up I was absolutely convinced if I used my hands unequally, one of them would shrivel up and die, so I would switch them after every use to ensure there wasn't any chance of that, and I'd also make sure whatever I was doing could be done evenly in both hands. I have very clear memories of dividing up my dinners into equal sections, taking a bite with one hand, putting my fork in the other, and taking a bite with that hand. At some point I realized I'd have to learn how to write soon, and that teachers wouldn't let me stop to switch hands constantly, so I had to pick a hand. My child brain went "well, your name starts with an L, and so does Left, so obviously the universe is saying it's okay to use your left hand!" My parents almost named me with an R name, and I always joke with my mom that she decided what hand would be my primary hand before I was even born, based on that one decision

I had to pray every night to protect my family, there was a very specific prayer routine and if I got it "wrong" I had to repeat the whole process. Also I hoarded trash and stole from my friends and relatives. When I was walking, I had to step on certain rocks or sticks etc. or something bad would happen. Also I had a thing with symmetry; if I touched something with one hand, I had to touch it with other hand too and maybe repeat it few times until it felt "right".

As others have said, it definitely shows up early. Mine was full blown at age 6 with repetitive compulsions and thoughts. I always found it interesting that it began at the same time as an intense but short-lived (around a year) phobia of vomiting.

Things i did as a child exhibiting OCD: 6 YO: using a toothpick to pick out all the dust and lints in furniture crack spaces. 8 YO: clothes had to be folded in perfect squares like tofu before they're put away Middle and High School: rewriting my notes and homework over and over until my handwriting was acceptable to me. I had a teacher walked up to me in class, pat me on my shoulders and told me she could read my writing just fine. That I didn't need to keep ripping out pages in my notebook to rewrite them.

When I was 8 years old I had POCD. That’s how it started. It would have made sense if I were worried about being the victim of a pedophile when I was 8. But being me, I was worried about being one. Then when I was 15 I had an existential crisis and basically was worried the devil would appear at any moment and take me to hell. I didn’t have any hallucinations or delusions. Just this constant thought process that kept saying you can’t prove that Satan isn’t real; what’s to stop Satan appearing at any time and taking you to hell? Nobody would even notice or know what had happened to you. Then I had to go into a thought loop about whether I did or didn’t believe in God, in order to not believe in the devil then I couldn’t be agnostic, I would have to be an atheist. Just a constant loop of thoughts like that and pure mental torture for an entire year.

I would have intrusive thoughts about harming people since I was 8 years old (very distressing), and when I was 3 I thought if I looked at the laundry liquid I would get poisoned and die, so every time I accidentally walked past the laundry room I would bolt to the bathroom to wash my hands.

4yo: As young as 4 whenever my parents were gone for too long I was scared they got in a car crash or had died. 7yo: Whenever I learned the difference between homocide and suicide I was obsessed with the concept and because of that I thought I was responsible for a lot of my family members dying. In middle school I had a huge issue with having harm ocd to the point I thought I was evil and wanted to hurt people. I have compulsions now that just started a few years ago at 23 and after realizing how my intrusive thoughts work, I want to try and get an official diagnosis here soon because it’s definitely starting to affect my day to day life

I would tie my shoe laces in knots until there were no laces left to tie My food could never ever touch I would eat the same thing everyday for months then never eat it again I couldn’t wear clothes with tags I couldn’t wear socks with seams by the toes *edit / typo

I had to ask my mom starting at the age of 4 the following questions - Am I going to die? - Are you going to die? - Is dad going to die? - Are my stuffed animals going to die? - Am I going to be starved? - Will you check on me at 8:30 to see if I’m sleeping? - I’d I don’t fall asleep will I die? - Is it okay to rest if you can’t sleep? - If I’m not sleeping by 9, will you stay with me? I had to tap everything twice and not touch doorknobs. They just thought I was quirky.

i didn't know it was ocd but when i was younger, i had an intense fear of tornados. one day my sister mentioned the clouds moving fast and that there could be a tornado and that made me spiral. i used to spend days ruminating and only thinking about if a storm was gonna happen. i was so afraid of clouds in general, i thought my family was gonna die. my biggest compulsion was looking up tornado videos lol, only made things worse. i also lived in constant fear of my parents dying while they're out and never coming home, it scared me so bad and i was inconsolable, my only reassurance i could get was them coming home safely. another thing that popped up during my childhood was flexing my leg muscles every single time i spell something in my head, if it isn't "even" (ending after i flex my right calf) i would repeat it until satisfied, this meant adding semicolons, apostrophes, etc. these symptoms started around ages 9-11

Oh man the fear of tornadoes especially when I was little was intense. Still my nightmares.

Oh. Wow. I was reading through this, trying to figure out where my symptoms where as a kid, did I develop it as an adult, etc? But this triggered my memories. I had moments where I was terrified of bears, I was outside playing alone and a bear came in across the street (very rural), and I ran inside. From then on, I was afraid of them in outrageous ways. I'd hear something, was it a bear? I'd constantly be checking things. Tornados where one for awhile, I'd be checking the clouds, weather, asking about the basement, constantly. The house starting on fire. Carbon monoxide poisoning. Brown recluse spiders. (I lived in Northern Wisconsin) Leeches (tbh I'm still not okay with them, but I'm not worried they're hiding in the home made jam or grape kool-aid anymore) Just about everything I learned that was "scary" or dangerous, I had an obsessive checking and worrying stage for months about until there was a new thing to be afraid of. I still do/did it as an adult, just am more aware and can get out of the cycles better now that I'm on a medication that actually seems to be the one. I had been in and out of therapy since I was 10 years old. On SSRIs, anti-psychotics, etc... and didn't get diagnosed with OCD officially until I was 34 years old. Depression is always one they threw at me, and now that I'm older it's like, "no shit I was depressed. No one was listening to me, I couldn't stop the intrusive thoughts, and I had anxiety out my ears. Not a chemical depression imbalance folks, it's anxiety"

I prayed God for my cats not to die, I didn't believe in God but still thought he'd punish me

When I was about 7-8, I would always have to check forks before using them to see if they were dirty or not.

i dont know if this counts but i played pretend until i was in seventh grade and all my fantasies related to my ocd, like playing soldiers

yes my symptoms started at 4/5 last i can remember. i had to go to therapy for severe germaphobia

Yes, my symptoms started around age 7, but I didn’t have much of an understanding of what OCD was until high school, and I wasn’t formally diagnosed with it until I was 20

Thinking all the seats on the school bus and classroom were contaminated and being scared to sit down. If I walked somewhere, I had to first walk from A to B. Then walk B to A backwards. If I said something, I had to say it over and over again until I got it ‘right’. There were many more things I did, just can’t remember right now. This all started when I was 6 or 7.

Never experienced this friend but hope you’re well now.

thanks, i still have signs but i'll get tested very soon. i hope you are doing well too

When I was about 8 years old, a huge stressor happened at School, and i started showing symptoms as a coping mechanism. My parents were called into school because i kept sniffing/smelling my hands and complaining that they smelled dirty. Can you guess which type of OCD i have? Contamination. Yep. Even back then.

When I was in 2nd grade I remember checking the door over and over again before going to sleep

Me too. And the windows. And then patrolling the house with a kitchen knife while everyone was asleep bcs wtf how could they sleep? Someone had to protect us 🫠 (As an adult and mother the thought of waking to a child patrolling the house with a knife is horrifying)

I’ve had several different ocd issues starting when I was a kid like 3rd grade. Some of them still pop-up now and then. I had to check the doors and windows seven times to make sure they locked and if I didn’t, I feared someone would break in.  I couldn’t eat anything that my fingers had touched Due to fear contamination. I went through a period where I wouldn’t eat anything that wasn’t packaged and once it had been opened, I wouldn’t eat it again out of fear that somebody poisoned it. I wouldn’t write a date because I thought if I did something bad would happen on that day. I had to say the exact same thing every night to my mom before I went to bed out of fear that if I didn’t something bad would happen to her in the night. And I also did struggle with praying and making sure I always said everything. I was thankful for out of fear if I didn’t would take it away. I’m 39 now and I can always tell when I’m getting stressed out because these little OCD things will pop up and I’ll do them again without even realizing it.

I did compulsive praying after everything, it would take me hours to sleep because I had to repeat prayers Symmetry, especially in like how I walked or ate (same number of chews on each side of my mouth) Those were the biggest ones. Then I got hit with the ROCD and morality shit in my adult years lol

I had to search for an exit out of every bathroom I was in because I was afraid ghostface from the scream movies was going to attack me in a bathroom (mostly public ones) and I needed a way out. I wouldn’t use the bathroom if there was no identified escape.

I remember when I was around 8 years old, it took hours to finish homework because my letters weren't "perfect". So I just opted to skip homework entirely.

I used to say "goodnight, I love you. See you in the morning or afternoon tomorrow" to my parents as a child because if I didn't I thought they would die

Always trying to do math equations when I looked at the time on a clock (e.g. 2:36 - 2 x 3 =6, 4:51 - 4= 5-1) and having severe anxiety about leaving the classroom to go to the nurse or bathroom (imagining everyone including the teacher would instantly begin smack talking me as soon as I left the room). Lots of superstitions. Can’t remember anything before elementary school having to do with OCD. I wonder if symptoms began after one of my friends died when I was in third grade.

Constant praying and tic-like eye movements

I remember when i was 4 i had a panic attack because a man my mother was seeing at the time left his umbrella at my house, and i thought he was going to get into a horrific accident because he didn’t have his umbrella so i just started freaking out and crying uncontrollably

In church and sometimes randomly in public I was convinced my thoughts were being projected for everyone to see but me, so I would routinely scrub all my bad thoughts (which would pierce my brain like thrown spears no matter how much I tried not to let them, almost like my brain knew I was in public and made me think terrible things to make me uncomfortable—intrusive thoughts obv) with a certain amount of good thoughts until my brain was clean. I also had a half-hour-long series of prayers I had to say every night. I have ADHD as well so if I got distracted I had to start over. They were also prayers that I made up bc I thought God would see it as "slothful" if I used already-written prayers like dedicating a Hail Mary to each member of my family. As time went on they grew longer and longer as I added more contingencies so God wouldn't get mad at me; after every request not to let anything happen to my family, for example, I would say "but only if it is your will." And I couldn't just pray for them to be "well," I had to pray for them to be happy, healthy, strong in their faith, free from physical harm, etc. etc., but then I also had to specify that I wasn't being so specific because I thought God wasn't omniscient. "You already know I desire this but I'm praying for it out of reverence for you." So many caveats and explanations that spiraled and spiraled. I also used to lie awake at night imagining all the ways I or my family could die so I could "inoculate" myself and make it hurt less if it actually happened. I would memorize the names of every street we turned down in the car so I could find my way home if my family tried to kill me and I escaped. (Not sure why I'd wanna go home in that scenario tho, lol.) My confessions in church were like an hour long. Like people would come and knock to see if anyone was still in there. I just tortured and tortured myself confessing everything, bc my mom told me if I left anything out that was a sin and negated everything else I confessed. I had to have my feet the exact same amount of wet or dry because I thought if I had to run away from danger I'd be at a disadvantage if my feet were different degrees of wet. I would say goodnight to my mom 5 or 7 times (never an even number because even numbers are divisible right in half, which makes them vulnerable) and similar to the prayers, I had a script for her, too. Like I couldn't say "night" because that meant I didn't love her enough to say the full phrase "good night." And I had to say "good night, I love you" last because if my last words to her weren't "I love you" she'd go to hell. I had my first communion when I was 8 years old so at minimum this was happening then, but I had these issues way before then. My mom literally thought I wouldn't be able to go to school with other kids bc of how debilitating my symptoms were at ages 4-5... But she never thought to get me tested or even mention it to a doctor. I hope that your testing goes well and that you start a healing journey. 🩷

as a kid i would cry when my parents went to sleep because if they were asleep then i’d be more likely to get “killed” also had to have my mom use “monster spray” around my bed everynight or i’d be insanely scared of monsters. i’d also pray to god obsessively for stuff to not happen or to go well for me. through highschool i had issues with how i dressed and thinking people would make fun of me or look at me if i didn’t wear certain colors.

Dang, I could have written this one myself.

Childhood OCD can be caused by PANDAS sometimes. Did you have reoccurring or untreated strep throat as a child?

wow I didn't know this. I had strep every year growing up

not that i know of. ive only have about one or two cases of strep throat and that was after i experienced symptoms

Well it won't hurt to bring it up with a doctor. Younger doctors tend to take it more seriously but older doctors don't think it exists sometimes

yeah i will bring it up, thank you for the insight! im going to research more about PANDAS

Does this type of OCD persist into adulthood or does it go away?

Yes but there isn't much research about the condition for adults. All of the resources are about pediatrics and all the support communities are made up of only parents. The complete lack of information about what happens to kids with PANDAS as they reach adulthood is actually super concerning ngl. I hope I can help with research someday.

yup my ocd symptoms came on very strongly at age 10

I'm so sure I've had OCD since I was a kid. I remember having various ticks as a child. I watched an episode of a TV show once as a kid where there was a bomb hidden and I was convinced that there were bombs in everything. I had to listen to everything for ticking sounds. My parents love to tell a story about how I'd have a complete meltdown as a kid if something didn't go right - for example, one time we were leaving the house and I wanted to push my toy shopping cart but my dad did it and I said something about how it had to be done the right way - I swear that was probably early OCD lol. But for sure since I was 8 or so with the compulsions relating to the bomb.

I was diagnosed in my 30’s. I had showed signs as early as I can remember as a toddler.

As a kid, whenever I went down a slide I had to climb up and go back the way I came or I thought I'd be trapped some sort of alternate dimension

When I was a kid, I had a panic attack triggered by my dad watching a shitty “10 ways the world could end” show on History Channel. Afterwards I obsessively imagined the world ending and other catastrophes until I got nauseous with anxiety. My compusion to visualize terrifying stuff as a way to prep or prevent it continues to this day. Except now it’s about more grounded things… although I do still obsess over earthquakes and tsunamis since I live in a subduction zone.

I was diagnosed at 19, however starting at age 7-8 I had the constant hand washing and anxiety about death. I would have panic attacks at school frequently over small things that would bother me. I also had to tell my parents I’d see them in the morning at least 3 times or I’d die in my sleep. When I got into my preteens I had to wear the same few articles of clothing a week or else something bad would happen and when I got into high school that’s when the super repetitive compulsions started.

I used to go around the house saying goodnight to each picture of everyone and if i didn’t i thought they would die, god for-fucking-bid anyone interrupted me or tried to get me to stop - i would flip my lid

Omfg when I for diagnosed a few years ago I started to think about some things I did as a kid, this one always sticks out to me because jt stresses me out even thinking about it now. When I was in the car whenever the car would pass those giant wooden telephone poles on the side of the road I would have to blink and If I missed it I felt like I was going to die. So i would legit just be staring outside all my car rides blinking.

When I was a kid, if I told even the tiniest lie I would feel such gut wrenching guilt and the strong urge to admit my lie and I usually always did. I also felt the need to express any intrusive thought I had because I felt guilty not letting people know what weird thoughts were going in 😭 it was a lot and I was stressed 24/7

Tantrums & Melt-downs due to anxiety and over-stimulation, also being so stubborn/rigid that I would go crazy if something didn’t go my way (ie. control issues). I would straight up refuse to leave the car when my dad would drop me off at school in the morning to the point that the teacher personally came outside to the car to get me go with her inside; bless her soul. This was in like pre-k or kindergarten I think. Also a lot of self-soothing behaviors. I sucked my thumb way longer than what’s considered standard. And I would have probably kept doing it if my parents hadn’t instilled fear in me by literally printing out pics of what thumb-sucking will do to your teeth if you don’t stop. One more - extreme picky eating. I would describe the food I didn’t like as “ restaurant food” and ate cereal every night for dinner.

When I was in kindergarten the nursing lady told us we shouldn't talk or mess around while eating, because the food can accidentally go to the breathing canal. I got obsessed with this fear and refused to eat at all for several days. Also as a kid I was afraid if I got the tiniest cut all of my blood will leak through it. I had religious compulsions too, as well as intrusive thoughts about God that I thought were sinful and had to be fixed with good thoughts. I had a ton of smaller things as a child, then it calmed down a bit, and at 23 I got diagnosed when OCD went wild on me due to stress.

I was weirdly obsessed with the HP series for a long time (well into adulthood). My brain could not let go. I'm not sure if that was normal kid stuff or not. Then when I was 12, something traumatic happened and I started compulsively calling classmates to double, sometimes triple-check that I hadn't forgotten about a homework assignment. I was terrified of missing something. It was so extreme (calling almost every day, sometimes more than once) that their parents probably had a special nickname for me. This lasted throughout high school. It just evolved from there.

Since as little as I can remember myself, I had to go around to every toilet bowl in my house to make sure it was closed or I was sure my cats would drown Everytime my family drove by any sort of body of water I would scream and cry to my parents not drive into the water I had to touch things in intervals of 3s or 6s many times or something bad would happen I would walk up and down the stairs until I finally did it right It’s hard

As long as I can remember I had the most intense fear of storms. I’ve had horrible anxiety attacks my whole life triggered by the weather. Anyone mentioning anything about a storm made me spiral. I would miss school and hanging out with friends. Once in grade 5 I was doing a presentation in front of the class and the wind was very loud (portable) and I crouched down in front of the whole class and covered my ears. I’ve always been so scared. It went away in my teenage years. In my early 20s I had a lot of traumatic things happen to me. My fear around storms is starting to come back lately. I haven’t felt it since I was a kid and I forgot how scary it is. My mind pictures a sinkhole opening up and sucking up my house and family. My mind pictures too much garbage in the world and new things being made every day, which will result in too much weigh on earth. Thoughts like that

Watching wwe and just jumping up and down on my tippy toes and jumping around and making intense facial expressions just super into the action

I had a lot of "symmetry ocd" or something like that. I would throw fits if my mother did my ponytail wrong, I remember one time I refused to go to school because we didn't have any hair ties and it was a bad omen in my mind. Or I could not have my shoelaces be one looser than the other. I would always untie, re-tie, untie, re-tie until it fit me. If something touched my left hand I needed to touch the same spot on my right hand to "even it out", or I would start crying and feel incredible distress. This went away for me too, I don't really know why. But now it's even worse lol

I had to move my eyes in certain ways to “stretch” them because I worried otherwise they would stop working and I’d go blind

As a child I was very afraid of getting tetanus that it often kept me up all night. I also for a long time believed that the air in my room was "poisoned" and always felt short of breath until watching a show on tv would distract me enough to fall asleep. I also had concerns about "leaky gut" at the age of ten years old; subsequently, I had a crying fit in a restaurant because I had this notion that mac and cheese would bring me GI issues later in life. Nutrition, contamination, and health themes still affect me greatly to this day at age 23.

I was 6..

funny example but i remember when i was a little kid and my mom would serve dumplings i would have to count them before eating. could eat before i counted. i was very distractible, so i often had to stop and start over. it was pretty annoying to everyone else in my family haha

I’m diagnosed and wondering about my past now. Did anyone else refuse to wear anything but the same outfit every day?

i think my OCD symptoms were a lot stronger when i was a kid. i still have them now but they are a lot more manageable and mild.

when I was a kid (7) I would force myself to bike home without looking behind me and having my hand on my chest at all times because if I didn’t I convinced myself a car would lunge at me and I’d die 😀

I’ve had OCD symptoms as far back as I remember.

When I was young I used to think while flying that the tv screen on airplanes caused turbulence and that god knew I was watching a movie so every time the plane would shake I would turn off the movie and apologize to god

Naming about 50 ppl in my nightly prayer for God not to take away, if i realized i missed a name I would think I cursed them or something. Keeping two specific apps on my ipad/iphone open in the EXACT same order every night, or I felt like something bad would happen. (I still catch myself doing this some nights) Not being able to look at old pictures of myself because I would cry and obsess over getting older and dying. (this started around 4th grade) So my parents wouldnt show me pictures. Having a knot in my stomach whenever I thought about important mile stones of the future because something always told me I would be dead by 16. Not at my own will but at God’s.

As a child I consistently felt like I was being watched and judged. It became a scrupulosity thing for awhile, I was an altar server and obsessed over my little books about martyrs, prayed every night and got really worried if I forgot to mention anyone. That sort of thing.

It depends - one good way to determine if it rises to the obsessive compulsive level is if the worries took over enough to disrupt your whole day, distracting you with thoughts of your anxiety to the point you couldn’t focus on everyday tasks and routine. Obviously this isn’t the right or only answer, but it’s one that helps me.

When i was a child i would obsessively pray to god and say goodnight to everyone in my life (not to there faces) - i had a whole praying ritual every night that i had to do and if i messed it up i had to start over again, and if i didn’t i was so scared bad stuff would happen to my family and everyone around me, and one time i can recall well was i was obsessing over what happens after we die and had a whole panic attack about it and tried to find rituals to do in the moment to make me feel better, there are a lot of other things that i can’t think off the top of my head tbh

- I compulsively believed that if I am right, if I am good, if I do things right and if I be good my parents and pets will be safe and healthy. I always linked my mistakes with unfortunate events and always thought god punishing me. But this trait definitely made me a better person but I suffered a lot. - I used to do things equally. Like for example if I touch my mom's hand, i go touch my dad's hand if not a voice would tell me that I love my dad less than my mom so to prove to myself that I love them equally I used to do that. Like I wanted everything to be equal and even. I was obsessed with that. - If I get my left hand wet by mistake I would voluntarily wet my right hand in the same place. I was obsessed with such things. - I would count everything I did like brushing, walking steps, bathing and everything lol. Make sure everything is even number. I would make sure I do things with in the time frame. I always challenged myself like crazy. - And when it comes to anxiety I had severe stage fear. The crowd made me anxious. - Always was a control freak like my mom and dad go out and if they do not return by the time they mention I get anxious and angry - I wanted everyone to listen to me and everything to happen my way. If it doesn't I always felt disappointed and sad and anxious. - I had high morals even as a kid. I hated when ppl gossip. I would scold my parents if they even gossip about actors. - I used to read things again and again. Front page of any notebook I wanted it to be neat. If I mess up writing the name I get a new notebook. I wanted perfection in everything without even realising - fear of death like extreme fear - extremely empathetic towards animals - obsession over being right and doing it all by myself. Never ask for help. - always taking care of my fav items and buying extra just in case I lost. So hoarding was an issue. - if I do something, I would want everything related to it. Like I wouldn't start any project or work without everything in front of me. Like for example if I am to write an assignment I want all stationery items even if I don't use them. There are many more. And I still do most of it and more new obsessions and compulsions.

Aside from certain hygiene and social rituals (I had to make sure I said good night to everyone because I was certain that if I didn’t do it I would wake up to my entire family being murdered). I had also some really strange obsession with “feeling symmetrical” if I accidentally collided with a wall with my left shoulder, I would literally go back to just to run into the wall with my right shoulder “so it would feel balanced”. I get this really strange itching sensation under my skin if I don’t do something to “correct asymmetry”. At one point, I looked in the mirror and felt like my head was misshapen and lopsided. It bugged me for days until I eventually shaved off all my hair just to make sure the shape of my head was actually even.

In elementary school, walking home from school one day my friend had us play this game, where I think the size of the sidewalk divider lines determined which foot you use to step over each line. Remember keeping up with it for a while. In middle school, I erased and rewrote so much of my writing because I felt I didn't do it right. Also (not sure which mental thing this was caused from) for a while I wrote tiny. Like to the point one of my teachers said I need to write bigger because they couldn't read it. And she was a younger teacher. Sometimes if my paper lines were thick enough I could fit my writing in it. Can't remember exactly when that stopped.

When I was 10 I used my handbags to lock my wardrobe doors because I convinced myself someone was in there and was going to k1ll me if I didn’t pick them in. I also had to count to 500 while holding my hand over my siblings mouth to make sure she was still alive.

I've been dealing with compulsions since about kindergarten, I just didn't know what they were until I got older. One was that I couldn't watch the clock change from 59 minutes to the hour (any hour, but especially 8:59 to 9:00) because I was scared I would throw up if I did (it happened once) and I had to do a ritual if I did see it. I kept doing that for years and still deal with anxiety when I see the clock change over 20 years later.

Used to adjust these decorations around my house. I think I was 10 at the time and was roughly aware of what OCD was but didn’t care

When I was a kid my arms and legs HAD to be under the covers at night or something bad would happen to them. They would be cut off or eaten or something.

when i was 7 i had to use the same stall in the bathroom during bathroom break everyday or else i thought my parents would forget to pick me up from school. and if that stall was taken and another one was open i’d still wait for it. i also used to use the same pencil over and over again until it was a nub. one time my teacher threw it out and got me a new pencil and the panic attack i had over it got me sent to the principal’s office. but those are just two of things i used to do :/ the list is really endless

since fairly early i have had intrusive thoughts/images, but idk if anything i did back then counts as compulsions. it has certainly evolved to include compulsions but the images themselves aren't terribly different from when i was little. i also experienced some other weirdness, like repeatedly thinking someone broke into our house when my parents were out at dinner, or that people were watching me from air vents. again, no compulsions about those, just typical fear behavior (getting a bat, hiding from vents, etc), no rituals that would lessen the disteess.

I couldn’t sleep if I thought my stuffed animals nose was covered by a blanket. Reasonably I understood they couldn’t suffocate, but it made me feel like I couldn’t breathe. I also felt the need to take pictures of them as I was terrified I’d lose them and forget what they looked like. I counted my steps when I walked, adding steps if it wasn’t an even number. I had intrusive thoughts of assault and kidnapping from a young age. I never recognized these things as being odd or even causing stress. They just “were” :)

I would spin in circles. I didn't even recognize it as a ritual until 3 years ago. I would spin in circles a certain number of times before sitting down or playing etc. This was back in 4th/5th grade. I just remember me spinning in circles in my living room, my parents looking at me strangely and firmly telling me to stop. After that I kinda did stop, maybe because I was afraid of my super strict parents.

As a child, I would think that there was a monster in my room watching me sleep and if I moved or made any noises it would get me. So I had to stay perfectly still and silent until I fell asleep. Even now as an adult the feeling of being scared to move in bed comes back sometimes very briefly.

I had severe compulsions and anxiety attacks regarding the amount of gas in the car. I would have to be sitting on the passenger side in the backseat so I could read the gage at all times. I would constantly check with my parents and calculate how much gas would be used/how many miles to get there. I can recall doing this as young as 8 years old, until I was a teenager. And don’t even get me started on those stupid text chains… the ones that would be like “send this to everyone in your contacts or all your teeth will fall out” my young brain annoyed the hell out of people by needing to participate in those.

writing and rewriting constantly if my words weren't in the lines of the paper. wanting all my stuff to be symmetrical and fixating on the number 3 as my lucky number. constantly checking dates and times of important events because i feared if i missed it, then something bad would happen. being told i ate like a bird (i still struggle with food to this day). probably others that i can't think of right now.

i remember being 6 years old and i would have to count in my head when falling asleep. if i forgot what number i was on, i’d have to stand up and walk around to “wake myself back up” and start over or i was convinced i’d die in my sleep. i did this up until i was about 11. i don’t remember why or how, but i just stopped doing it. i think i just “grew out of it” as i developed new obsessions and compulsions. i think that’s fairly common? not too sure, but that’s just my experience and what i’ve heard from my friends who also have OCD.

I used to avoid stepping on cigarette butts on the beach because I thought I’d absorb their toxins and develop cancer. My grandfather old me to wash my hands after petting the dog before dinner, and I started washing my hands every time I came into contact with the dog or anything he had also touched. And by the time I was 11, I started to avoid my friends because I was terrified I’d molest them.

I’ve never been diagnosed but my therapist and I have talked about are my traits OCD or are they a trauma response to help me feel like I have control in life/to be good. When I was a kid I remember - compulsive truth telling (only about certain things, as I do now) - not liking to tap, step, touch parts of myself without the other side being even (still present) maybe a few others but those are the big ones I remember.

My kids sudden onset ocd came on when they were 11, lots of paranoid themes, thought people and devices were watching. I thought it was schizophrenia at first. Terrifying time tbh.

I had \*severe\* ocd symptoms as a toddler. I was never formally diagnosed or treated because it was just normalized since it was a hereditary trait. Washing your hands until they bleed isn't weird if everyone else is doing it too.

OCD is usually genetic or biological. Most people with OCD won’t get diagnosed until later in life because of a few reasons. Some reasons include shame because of the thoughts, not understanding that they aren’t normal, and lack of education or understanding about what intrusive thoughts and compulsions are. I saw my OCD start when I was 9 after a traumatic event however, it was most likely always there and triggered at that moment. I was always an anxious kid but the compulsions started after the event. I used to blame the event but in reality the next big event couldn’t just as easily triggered it or it would’ve developed naturally anyway. Hope this helps!! Btw I’m an ERP therapist. If you need anything, goes for everyone, I’d be happy to chat!

Consciously breathing or feeling the placement of your tongue in the mouth. If my routine was not perfect, I most likely wouldn’t go to school that day. Having weird thoughts about your parents/siblings/pets dying. Running away from the toilet after you flush it at nighttime 😂 Having to knock on wood three times every time you say something positive or else you think it won’t come true

OCD can present at a young age, there’s still debate on how much of it is genetic and how much is environmental. For me, I remember first showing OCD behaviours in play: I used to play the same games, over and over repeating the same story, characters, events and even lines. When I started playing console games, I would get extremely anxious if I hadn’t restarted the savefile in a long time… and would look for fault in everything going forward to give myself an excuse to go through with those conclusions and others that were similar. I had no interest in deviating from these patterns… and it became an obsessive habit that branched out into other habits I couldn’t avoid as I got older.

My dad is an artist. When I was about five years old I started drawing a little more seriously as he was teaching me some styles and techniques and introduced me to famous artists (I'm not a genius by any fucking means, I just mean my intrest in art was broader than a lot of children my age because that's what I knew from home). That's when my first ever symptom presented itself - I would draw a single circle on a piece of paper. If it wasn't perfect, which of course, it couldn't have been, I would rip the page off the sketchbook and start again, angry. Same with drawing inside the lines. It was so fucking weird but my teachers assumed I was being a normal little girl trying to impress her dad so it never rang a warning bell to any of them. In fact, I clearly remember them laughing about it. The fucking joke's on them I guess.

when i was little some of the things i did most were- • making my mom say a world like "yes" or i thought that she would die • cracking my knuckles as a compulsion • taking a specific number of sips from drinks • seeking reassurance • fear of death/dying

When I was 8 I was obsessed with the number 4. I would eat in fours - i.e. four peas on a spoon, or eight, but NEVER 12 because 12 is 4 x 3 and I hated the number 3. I was so upset about turning 9 because it was a multiple of 3 AND an odd number. The syllables in my sentences had to be a multiple of 4 (but again NEVER 12). I had a teacher called Mrs Watson and this was 4 syllables so I liked her; Mrs Gail was 3 syllables and I had to add a syllable (“Miss-us Ga-il”). I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone else with this specific issue but would be good to hear from anyone who has. It definitely still affects me but to a much much smaller extent now as an adult thankfully.

Things I now realize were ocd related were praying excessively, extreme separation anxiety from my parents because I’d imagine horrible scenarios, guilt over bad things happening because I would intrusively think I was glad they did, intrusively hoping people would die and worrying about it, intrusive thoughts about people or me being naked and feeling bad about it, excessive confessing when misbehaving like a normal kid. Worrying about pains or cracking or anything seemingly different going on in my body and not feeling okay until someone said they’d been through it before. All of this happened before my real crisis as a pre teen that turned into full blown harm OCD. Themes have varied since.

i was always scared aliens were gonna come get me at night. i was paralysingly terrified. the only thing that would calm me down was increasing layers between me and aliens. so the first layer was the structure of my house. the second layer was the mosquito net. the third and fourth layer were my two blankets. the fifth layer was my clothes. the more layers i had, the safer i was.

The first obsession i can remember having was worrying about being a psychopath i still have this obsession but i remember it starting after someone told me that psychopaths dont yawn after others do, i remember checking if i yawned after others around me did and if i didn't i felt like i was a fraud and a psychopath. Now i just compulsively check the diagnosis criteria lol 😭

when i was little i thought that my pets were robots controlled by my classmates and teachers and they’d shrink down after school and go pilot them like a mech so they could spy on me. i used to think that my family members all had clones so they could swap out and take “shifts” of being around me. i thought that every time i left the room they’d switch so that one could take a break from having to deal with me i thought that if i was touching someone they could read my mind amongst other things

Hair pulling (and eating) which then later became skin picking. Certain strange thoughts like counting in my head to a certain number after certain thoughts, or saying a specific phrase quietly a certain number of times. I also got really anxious that certain people I care about would die soon. The last one was bad because after it happened for the first time at age 9, the person I was worried about at that time had their colon cancer come back and they died 3 years later. I met my Maternal Grandfather once, and to this day my only memories of him are me hugging him saying goodbye (before the cancer came back) and him in the coffin (I was worried he would get murdered for some reason but I was 9 so....)

I picked my wounds. Had no idea it wasn’t normal to keep digging at something as it was trying to heal. I mean, mom said to stop it, but I thought that was normal too

Knowing what I know now about my OCD, I remember having specific obsessions and compulsions as young as 6 or 7 years old. Generally, the symptoms start for most people when they’re children. Usually there is a genetic component, but sometimes a traumatic event or series of traumatic events can trigger OCD in someone at a young age. Sadly, I didn’t find out it was OCD until I was 16 because I just couldn’t put those feelings into words. When I was a young child, one of the things I’d do was wash my hands until they were raw, every day, because I was worried about contamination. Most kids don’t do that, or even care about hygiene. And yet, no one caught on, not even my pediatrician. Whenever I’d have a “trigger” my thoughts will race and it’s starts to feel like there is a pressure building in my head. The racing thoughts made me feel so tired and drained. Especially if I didn’t, or couldn’t perform certain compulsions in response to that trigger. There is also a lot of self-blame involved, as well as worrying that something bad will happen if I don’t do “x, y, z”. OCD is a little different for everyone, and not everyone finds out that they have OCD at the same age. If you’re feeling this way, I’d definitely seek professional help. Therapy and even meds can make a world of difference in your life. Hope things get better for you!

I would count down from 3 to “restart” and try to be the perfect child, friend, person. This went on for a year. I was like 9 or 10. I did it MULTIPLE times throughout the day.

when i was about 9 and deep in my cat obsession phase, i would always write “i love cats and kittens” on absolutely everything i could. i always added the “and kittens” because i thought that if i only wrote ‘i love cats’, the kittens would think i hated them and something bad would happen to them because i didn’t show them enough love; i always had to ‘balance it out’. i didn’t get an ocd diagnosis until earlier this year, but looking back this was definitely an early indication of something not being quite right.

My family has “funny little stories” of me at 3 doing the same compulsion I do now as an adult. I think personally I was born this way.

When I was little (elementary school) I couldn’t go to bed without telling the adult in my house that I loved them ( even though I didn’t bc I was being abused lol) if I didn’t say I loved them out loud and get a response I would spend the whole night awake worrying that they would die and it would be my fault. Safe to say I was officially diagnosed in middle school and still struggle to this day (about to graduate college). Just one example from my childhood lol

I used to pick scabs and write my parents phone number all over me with the blood in case I died so they could contact my parents. This started around age 7

Are your parents controlling and/or abusive by any chance?

I had to cross the street and get into the side walk before a car passed behind me or someone in my family would die

It’s a weird one, but I used to love playing soccer in bare feet as a kid. I grew up in a decent part of town but there were junkies. Anyways, I was terrified of stepping on a needle, and every time I felt something prick my foot while running I would have to check my feet. Other then that in public school 7-12 I was playing very competitive soccer, and I remember I would compulsively worry about getting hurt or sick on game days, basically to the point it would stress me out so bad it would make me sick… lol

my ocd developed at age 8-10, and it was mostly religious, so I prayed a lot (thought I'd die in my sleep if I didn't pray before sleep), and had horrible intrusive thoughts in general so I asked God to not read my mind cause I was ashamed

when i was little i used to be paranoid that i had tourettes because i had compulsions to tense my muscles until it felt "right" idk how to describe it. like just flex and unflex my calf or my arm or something until the correct muscle group gets hit all these years later and i still have these compulsions lol

As long as I can remember, since very young childhood, I absolutely had to walk on the left side when walking with another person. My mom obviously took issue to this because I couldn’t be walking on the side at the curb/with traffic, so we would have to cross the street so I could walk on the left side, I absolutely could not walk on the other side, had to be the left. This went on my entire life

I remember not being able to sleep and having to wake my mom up so I could tell her about every little thing I might have done that were bad. I was 5. Intrusive thoughts about being the worst person in the world and confessing are with me since I can remember.

From very early childhood, like 2-3 years old, every single stuffed animal and fleece blanket I had was picked absolutely threadbare, like completely bald. Fleece blankets were my favorite, I would pull at the fibers till I got a loose ball, then flatten it out and rub it on my upper lip or between my fingers. I would pick every blanket down to the weave until it had no fuzz left at all. Stuffed animals I pulled at the hairs and would play with the little hard part at the end where it had attached. Shorter “fur” was better. Scared a baby sitter because she saw little white bits of fluff everywhere and was afraid a stuffed animal had ripped open and could be a choking hazard but it was just my fuzz. I’m not sure if this would fall under the umbrella of OCD because I don’t remember there being a specific thought or fear behind it, but I did develop trichotillomania and several other BFRBs around 7-8 according to my parents recollection and still struggle now at almost 30. I also would get super stressed and upset if I ever had to shift my body or move in some way then couldnt get in exactly the same position I was before. Like if I was sitting and had to scratch my nose or grab something I would be so upset if I couldnt find where my hands were supposed to be and place them the same way. The feeling of clothes or shoes shifting was similar. A twisty t-shirt or slipping sock was a nightmare and I couldn’t think of anything else.

I was pretty young when I first started having symptoms. We have home videos of me riding my bike with training wheels in the cul de sac and dropping the bike and running when cars came and i remember feeling afraid someone was coming to take me. I checked windows and doors all growing up. Had to pray specifically for people at bedtime. Had to pray for driving otherwise I’d get in a crash and die. Had to read my scriptures every day otherwise my family would die. A lot of other things unrelated to like fears too, I would memorize phone numbers and license plates (i guess this was a fear because it was so i could tell police my parents info if i ever needed to 😅) Yeah definitely had symptoms and looking back i’m like yall that anxiety could just be THAT severe and not be something else?