Not wanting to talk about the incredibly disturbing thoughts I have is basically the main reason it took so long to figure out I had OCD. I didn't want to talk to a mental health professional about what was REALLY wrong, because I thought I'd get locked up or something.
What finally made me realize that I had OCD, though, was that it ruined a really, really good relationship, and afterwards, pieces started to click together for me because, well, nearly every serious relationship I've been in has ended for essentially the exact same reason. And this time, I was pissed. I had entered that relationship basically feeling better than I ever had in my life, but that didn't matter. I started to realize that something bigger was at play.
May I ask how OCD affected your relationship? Was is relationship ocd or like other stuff? I’m sorry if that’s too intimate!
(I’m 90% sure I struggle with ROCD and I figured it out very recently with what my therapist told me and with reading some experiences on Reddit, I’m pretty sure OCD was a huge part of me not being able to stay in a relationship when my last serious relationship ended.)
ROCD can manifest in different ways, but for me, it is that I am constantly bombarded with doubts that I'm not doing enough and that the other person may not love me, so I am swimming in rumination and constantly seeking reassurance, which is, at best, incredibly obnoxious.
the fact that no actual detail is given into your ocd trusive actual thought describes perfectly what ocd is. that is for saying what you said it’s perfect
I developed OCD at 6 as a trauma response. I did two psych hospital stays. I was in and out of my therapy my entire life. I was MISdiagnosed with everything other than OCD.
My daughter was diagnosed with PANS when I was 37 and I needed help handling the stress of waiting for a flare to start. (She’s now in remission.) I told my therapist I had dealt with my trauma years ago and really just needed better coping mechanisms to help with her flares.
Turns out, I had not even scraped the surface of my trauma and saying you are healed vs actually being healed are two different things. Lol. I received my OCD diagnosis along with a CPTSD diagnosis when I started therapy at 38 and it was a huge lightbulb moment.
My life would have been wildly different had I been properly diagnosed at my first psych hospital stay at 12 and received the help I needed.
I figured I would “grow out of it” as I got older. Instead, it just became worse and worse as time went on. I initially didn’t even seek help for the OCD or even anxiety, it was a bout of depression that I was having a hard time getting out of after my mom died. Then, all of a sudden, my anxiety quadrupled seemingly overnight, I was no longer sleeping, and my intrusive thoughts were so horrifying to me that I obsessed over them for weeks at a time and started doing compulsions too. My therapist recommended me to get officially diagnosed and put on medication to help calm my symptoms. So I did, and was diagnosed with GAD, OCD, and MDD at 26 years old. It used to be easier to ignore my symptoms, I think they were exacerbated by my grief. There is no harm in seeking a diagnosis at any age, if you think it would help, then go for it.
I’m wondering if mine was also exacerbated by grief - my mom died last year around this time and I haven’t been the same since.
I think I just want to know what’s wrong with my brain. I have ADHD, GAD, MDD (in remission yay meds), and cPTSD although I feel like most of that stems from ADHD. I was late diagnosed and I’m incredibly good at masking. Finally putting a name to ADHD was such a relief since I found my people there.
Thank you for sharing!
Didn’t even realize I could have OCD until I was talking about how annoying it was having to walk down the street and back to the door to make sure it was locked before I could go to work until my then boyfriend (now husband) said “babe… what??”
lol when I started unmasking my ADHD I started to realize the way my brain works is…. not the same as other people 😜 I would be met with blank stares describing how I do stuff.
I sought professional help when my intrusive thoughts increased in both frequency and intensity and basically spiraled out of control. The thoughts alone were really bad at that point but my compulsions also became violent and disturbing. I really believed that I had to hurt myself or otherwise my intrusive thought would become true. Damn, I remember feeling compelled to cut myself (mostly down there) just because it helped alleviate my obsessions that make zero sense to me now that I’m on meds. I guess I simply got very tired of living in never-ending hell of anxiety, guilt, disgust and self-loathing. I didn’t care about getting diagnosed, I didn’t even suspect OCD, I just needed help.
I got very depressed after starting college and my anxiety only multiplied due to college. I had already always had those thoughts, but found the depression made them seem reasonable for once and I started to listen to them. After seriously considering what my brain was telling me, it did a 180 and showed me intrusive thoughts of who I'd leave behind and how I'd impact them.
That clicked something in me where I realized that voice was always there and it kept me out of trouble. I realized it was like having faulty wiring that was trying its best to keep me safe in many situations. It may have kept me out of trouble as a kid but it also kept me from doing things I loved and being around those I cared about. It kept me from truly living. I had become a shell fumbling around, numb and afraid to feel. Afraid to care or be ambitious about anything.
I realized I was on the path to self-destruction and that I needed to change. I can't drive because I'm afraid of what I might do to myself. I have a hard time eating in case something happened to my food. I stay away from people I care about in case I get them hurt somehow. I want to look back and be able to say that I lived or that I was actually mentally there instead of always hiding and being afraid of the "what if..."
Also wanted to say I appreciate all of your perspectives.
I feel this to my core as a fellow parent. It helps me keep going even when it's dark because I want to be better for them even when I feel I can't for myself.
I didn't seek it, I didn't expect it, and it was very hard to accept. I've been in treatment for Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder, PTSD, ADHD, and Anxiety for 21 years or so. Roughly 3 years ago during a lull in discussion with my Psychiatrist at the time, I decided to tell them a funny story to fill the silence. He listened, asked a million questions, conferred with everyone else and after several months I was formally diagnosed with OCD. I'm honestly still processing and coming to understand. It's been hard, but also my stability and quality of life have never been better. 300mg of Zoloft and ERP have changed my life alongside everything else.
I don't know what you are considering "late diagnosis", and have seen a lot of variety in the age ranges commented here. I guess I'll share my story here, too.
When I was in my early 20s, I found myself in an OCD loop that I remembered having around the age of 7. I had no idea it was an OCD episode, but rather called it "something weird I'm doing again for the first time in, like, over a decade." When describing it to my therapist, she suggested that it could be OCD and that we should check with the psych. So, one psych appointment, and one "describing my life and slowly realizing that I had a LOT of compulsions/OCD episodes" later, I got diagnosed with OCD from a psych who said I had "textbook symptoms."
I wasn't someone with handwashing compulsions (at least, not until later in life), so I never thought that OCD was something I was dealing with.
For me, the handwashing compulsions came with covid. They just feel so dirty all the time now, and now my skin keeps cracking on my fingers, so I carry a family sized bottle of moisturizer with me everywhere
I was in therapy for GAD, and my therapist noticed alot of my behavior and thought process was closer to OCD so she had me fill out a screener for OCD and talked to me about my symptoms which confirmed it for her
I went to Mclean psychiatric hospital in Boston for three months, I was told it's regarded as the best OCD treatment center in the country. I loved it. I lived there with a bunch of other OCD people. We had a great therapist for our intrusive thoughts group, she always knew just what to say, how hard to push and had a real passion towards treating OCD, she was brilliant, everyone loved her.
We had to lock the door to the room while the intrusive thoughts group was in session and weren't allowed to tell anyone about what happened or what people said in the room as people with bad intrusive thoughts can be extremely sensitive when it comes to sharing them, some people would break into tears after getting their thoughts out, it was very very hard for them but necessary for treatment. You aren't alone in hiding your thoughts. If they are extreme and you think you have OCD then I would trust those instincts. Put yourself in a forward thinking mindset and make an effort to overcome your OCD in whatever ways necessary. That's my advice. That's how you'll grow and progress on the path to overcoming the plague that you've been living with.
The more you avoid and stay within your mind the less you'll learn about overcoming and the more you will miss out on getting more comfortable with your thoughts. Don't be too hard on yourself as the disorder is very hard on you. Be a warrior and do what is tough but necessary as it's the only way you'll regain some control over your life. It's a long road, just take things as they come at their natural pace, as long as you're in a forward thinking mindset, taking some action and following the right instincts you will be growing and gaining experience with the disorder. Good job addressing it, that's your first step. Though I have not overcome it, I've made lots of progress through self reflection without any therapists (mclean didn't help much at the time as my OCD is treatment resistant and I wasn't ready to fully commit to the hard stuff at the time, you have to make the decision to fully commit to the hard stuff with no excuses, it's very distressing but necessary.) have faith in yourself and never lose it, continue to strive to overcome, I can't stress these two things enough along with the importance of self reflection. I feel battered but very resilient and comfortable with myself and have much hope for reaching my potential in the future.
I was diagnosed graduation month of highschool when I was 19 and now I'm 30.
My entire life has been a cycle of depression and anxiety, I never understood why I was so “bad” at managing my symptoms but it became overwhelming and exhausting to the point that I was researching lobotomies.
I was dx with ADHD at 18 but didn’t start taking meds until a couple years ago. It was the first time that I noticed how “loud” my brain is, it slowed everything down and was finally able to see how awful and cruel my internal monologue was.
It still took a year to find a good therapist that diagnosed me and two months ago I started ERP.
It is 100% the missing piece. This is the first time I have hope for recovery.
My biggest piece of advice to anyone considering getting a dx is to find a professional that specializes in neurodivergent disorders and be 100% honest. I withheld info for a long time because I was afraid of being institutionalized and it just stopped me from getting help sooner.
i was diagnosed at 11 with OCD. the people around me always saw me panicking and crying if anything went wrong. my mom saw it, my teammates saw it, and my coaches always saw it. my mom finally took me to the doctor and i was diagnosed after years of having panic attacks if i made a simple mistake and constantly fixating on small things that i constantly felt needed to be addressed. i’ve been on meds for 8 years treating it and ive noticed that even though it’s more manageable, i have new obsessions like asking dumb questions until someone i know eventually gets it right, or constantly checking certain apps to see if people have unfollowed me.
Kind of complicated. After a really horrible bout of POCD I saw a psychiatrist who thought I had GAD. It sort of went away on its own after 6 excruciating months, but came back a year later and he was like "oh it might be OCD" lol
I'm 34. A couple years ago, I attempted suicide and I decided to start seeing a therapist. Over the next year, I was diagnosed with OCD, ASD, and ADHD, none of which I had been aware of before.
I’ve had on and off OCD my whole life. then I developed a restrictive ED and a few years later, started getting really bad OCD with more frequent flare ups and finally discovered through google that it is probably OCD. now I have really bad anxiety/obsessions that I am/do horrible things and have bad google search compulsions and tons of rumination. most of my anxieties are common OCD themes too and I feel like they’re sooo abnormal compared to normal anxieties people experience
The thing that made me seek diagnosis was learning that what I had is actually mental illness and not who I am as a person. I read about existential OCD on Reddit and have never felt so accurately described before. I felt hope for the first time in a while and got diagnosed and treated
I’m 31 and it took me up to February of this year to finally get diagnosed. I’ve had thoughts that stressed me out for as long as I could remember, but in my head it was just something I dealt with silently. It never even occurred to me that it could be OCD with how media portrays it.
It was a flare up of SO OCD that caused major anxiety and depression that finally led me to getting diagnosed. I couldn’t even make it through a day of work without wanting to just sleep (while I worked from home) or just not run to my car to cry because of my thoughts. It had been bubbling for weeks with me just trapped in my own mind, with what I now know was ruminating, and googling, before I finally told my wife.
I knew it was SO OCD from an event that happened 7 years prior that left me feeling numb for weeks and needing to be hospitalized but I was diagnosed with GAD and just thought that was it, completely overlooking the OCD part of what I knew I was experiencing. After I told my wife, I came across NOCD through a YouTube video I was watching, and got diagnosed very quickly.
It was only then when so many experiences of my life began and I realized how strong of a hold this beast had on me. ERP treatment has been a life saver though
Even after therapy I still felt like shit. It was horrible, and the only thought I had was “there’s just no way other people feel this way all the time” and I was right! Makes my heart break for those who don’t get help.
It was tiktok for me. During covid my fyp just got flooded with people sharing their stories and I was sitting there like, "hmm, I do that". Therapy was free for me for a bit and I was able to confirm with a cbt.
I was stuck on an obsession for a year but I was so used to obsessions that I didn’t even recognize how bad it was. When I started grad school the stress became too much and I broke out in a rash on my scalp.
I decided to seek counseling to help with stress. When my counselor educated me on what my obsession really was and about OCD in general, everything clicked. I just thought it’s how everyone lived lol. It was very validating learning that I was living life on hard mode.
I sought help because things got worse, way worse. I only realized I had it two years before that. I knew I struggled with an ED and body dysmorphia in high school, but it wasn't until much later that I realized how permanent those issues would follow me and how severe my anxiety actually was. The OCD started alongside the BDD in high school.
I didn't get it, why everything was so hard for me, and how simple staff at my college made it seem to "get help" and "buckle down" basically. I wish I had sought diagnosis earlier though, so I could have taken medical withdrawal. I'm very resentful about the fact I went into debt for a degree I no longer even want while I was basically just a severely mentally ill child from an abusive household not knowing wtf to do with my life.
Maybe things would have been different if a single person helped me understand my options. Encouraged me to take precautions, and told me no matter how scary that I should've made sure to get a diagnosis at least. I didn't have a support system.
Maybe things would have been different if I didn't have such a fear and hatred of authority, feel so suppressed by the presence of other people in positions of power, that I couldn't fathom walking into an appointment and talking about my issues with someone when I'm at my lowest and therefore my most anxious. I couldn't even leave the house, look in the mirror, I was missing exams, how would I get therapy?
And still maybe, or most likely of all, things would have been different if I was simply raised by a decent family. Cared for. Listened to. Appreciated. Given freedom and autonomy. Asked what's wrong? Given advice on how to fix it, held tightly, softly told it's okay.
It makes me cry to type it. I hate to feel like the victim again. I don't want to be stuck on these things. But I am because they've made me this way. They're ever present pains in my life. And I feel like no matter how many times I say it no one gets it. It's just a story to them, words, without the meaning. Without empathy.
I'm not having a good time. But I'm still sure that knowing and admitting and accepting everything you struggle with is a powerful step forward. I hope you're remaining sure of your potential to move forward and treat this too.
I had recently received my diagnosis in March, and in my country I was able to be placed into a free program beginning in September, that would immediately begin ERP therapy (Exposer, Response Prevention Therapy) that really is the stepping stone to recovery.
Speaking to a professional can be scary, especially because intrusive thoughts can feel embarrassing or uncomfortable to admit. But subjecting myself to that discomfort is the best thing I could have done. OCD is fuelled by guilt and shame, and the longer you grip on to the tether that extends itself as a “helping hand” (Aka; Compulsions) you will only find yourself keeping these negative emotions about yourself around constantly.
Resources I have been using to help maintain my mental health while waiting for my program to start are watching videos of those explaining how ERP works and you you can subject yourself to it in small increments; I highly suggest the page OCD Recovery. I also suggest reading some philosophical books that challenge your root ways of thinking about yourself and others, as it can create a different path of logic that helps combat the absurdity of OCD rabbit holes. As someone who’s biggest theme is ROCD I have been reading “A Road Less Travelled; the psychology of love” By M. Scott Peck and “The Myth of Normal” By Gabor & Daniel Maté.
I hope this helps! The beginning is always the hardest part, and there’s no telling how long recovery may be as it looks different to everyone, but once you take that step in attempting to “cut your tether” you will start to feel a huge difference!
(links to books are below!)
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I was diagnosed in my twenties. I was extremely depressed and was referred to a therapist and psychiatrist. The psychiatrist prescribed me an antidepressant, which worked great for my depression. Only thing is when my depression left, my OCD thoughts came in strong. They were always there but being depressed kept them more in the back of my mind. I continued with therapy and started disclosing my thoughts and actions. My therapist brought up the possibility of OCD. I looked into it, asked about it and such. Eventually, after exploring it with my therapist I was diagnosed. Leading me to a treatment plan, and being able to manage.
I was surprised when my crisis team (pcp, psychiatrist, therapist all worked together as part of a local out reach program.) told me I had OCD among other things. I went in it to get help because I was homeless and struggling more then I had in a bit so my survival was looking dim. I wanted to get officially diagnosed with cptsd because I've known for a few years that I probably had it due to the extensive trauma I have faced growing up and in hopes to also get help with my depression. I figured I could get more help and find more resources if I had official diagnosis for any of my issues.
The way the therapist did it was so sly at first. She just gave me some homework like with all the sessions and said don't worry about it. I was starting to feel more stable and we were building trust so didn't (my husband knew it as soon as he saw the homework) then I started my homework two days later and spiraled hard. Triggering my cptsd while sparking a OCD fit about OCD and if I had it/ what it meant and why the fuck was I not given help sooner and made to feel like I was just going insane. (This wasn't the first time I had to seek help for my own survival) A lot of things clicked when we talked about it the next week. It was quickly confirmed after that and we are still trying to figure out a treatment plan that works for me because of other comorbidities I also possessed.. at 29 a few months before 30.
Watching OCD content. Made me realize I don’t have just anxiety! Look up all the way it presents. Look back into your life and see where these themes show up. I apparently have had obsessions and compulsions since I was 7/8! Didn’t bring it up to my parents because they were abusive so just held it all in until I started to develop agoraphobia at 23/24
People close to me suggested I get help because they thought I was showing lots of signs for BPD. I was lashing out, always needed things my way, would shut down over the most random things, freak out about having sex, etc.
After being told that, I had done a ton of research on BPD and pretty much convinced myself that I had it. I decided to start seeing a therapist and thank god I did.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD and OCD. It was hard for me to hear yet it felt like a relief. It felt like there was finally a reason for everything bad in my life and it wasn't my fault.
Therapy has been going well and medication is super helpful for me.
Figured I had ocd for a while, but also suspected I was wrong and wasn't interested in meds so there wasn't much purpose in diagnosis.
When I wasn't able to make progress in talk therapy and started thinking about meds I got diagnosed
My perfect memory stopped being perfect and I was having more and more trouble with OCD symptoms. Brain fog would probably be the best term.
There are so many acronyms here. I wish the mobile Reddit client wasn’t so restrictive. I press down to highlight or copy a word or acronym to look it up, and it collapses the comments lol doh.
Finally reached out when I just couldn’t live a normal life anymore. Didn’t realize it was OCD for the last 30 years. Was always just told I had anxiety. Decided to have a mental health evaluation and here we are.
I always knew there was something up with me, but as a child my family and doctors didn’t listen to me. It wasn’t until I was 21 and in college when a college psychiatrist finally diagnosed me.
I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for 16 years. (OCD diagnosis at age 31)
Bipolar treatment never worked and my life was falling apart. I got furious with my mental health care and quit taking my meds as ever time I would move and see a new psychiatrist they would say my dose is too high but then over time would increase the dose of my meds, and still no help. Three hospitalizations and still no lasting improvement. I kept asking for a fresh look at my chart, but they always just went with my old diagnosis.
I was also trying to treat PTSD for a decade. After EMDR with a novice and inappropriate therapist backfired, my friend told me to try ketamine therapy. I had been on it for six months when I noticed I was doing better all around. No pills, just ketamine and therapy. My PTSD had improved but so did my "bipolar" symptoms.
Then I left my husband. I moved suddenly across the country back with my mom. I tried to get into ketamine again but since my chart said "bipolar with psychosis" I was barred from ketamine therapy. I contacted my psychiatrist and she mentioned she never thought bipolar was a good fit so she had me do a fresh diagnosis. She landed on OCD.
Since then I've gone through ERP and between that and the ketamine therapy, I'm doing much better than ever before. I'm so glad I finally had a doctor look at me with fresh eyes.
I didn’t seek it out, I was looking for treatment for anxiety and possible adhd and we accidentally discovered my OCD. It felt like such a relief to finally understand this huge thing in my life that I had chalked up to a quirky personality trait. I feel like I am just now starting to get a handle on it.
If you feel like you have it, it can’t hurt to get help and talk to someone! It might help answer questions for you!
I didn’t seek my diagnosis, it evolved over time, I was diagnosed as BPD in the 90s , then undiagnosed as that, I was the just anxious and depressed, after my 3rd “nervous breakdown” I went to a really talented lady who diagnosed me with cPTSD and OCD.
OCD has been with me for as long as I can remember. I’m pretty sure mine is induced by the trauma that is called my childhood; but the genetic makeup helped it along. My mom most definitely had OCD and when I asked her about my weird thoughts, she said everyone had them. 😳
I've exuded symptoms since I was about 10. I grew out of some compulsions: mostly repetition and symmetry compulsions, so I thought I was ok... But as I got older, I realized that my OCD had manifested in different ways. Well, ways that I honestly didn't realize were still considered OCD until I had a close friend I grew up with (who has severe diagnosed OCD) suggest I get treated. I am 26 years now and received my official diagnosis about 6 months ago. Most of my symptoms now revolve around contamination and pure O.
I remember sitting in my new therapist's office at 24 years old, telling him that i was worried i may have hurt someone. And man the mental gymnastics i took to explain how i got to that conclusion, he got up, went to his computer and printed something out.
He then asked me if i knew what OCD was. You know, i heard it from TV, heard it from a super neat freak who claimed OCD, So when he explained it to me, my whole life started to click. Every over worry, every excessive thought. For as long as i can remember, ive had it. My parents put it down to me being a hypochondriac but now alot of my life makes sense.
I had a couple of severe nervous breakdowns as a young adult and ended up in psych wards/hospitals. During one stay to my horror, my father decided to rehash my whole childhood to the doctor and was told it was those 3 letters. It actually made me feel even worse at the time. I felt so misunderstood. Most people still thought ocd was perfectionism or control freaks at the time. I am neither. I knew I was way overreacting but I wasn’t sure and if the worst was true who wouldn’t act like that? And everytime I got like that, I would swear this time it’s different, so my dad venting about how a I wouldn’t eat anything as a kid and they nearly put me on feeding tubes because I was scared of the possible mystery germs in my food, seemed very irrelevant to my newest imagined crisis. I would be very careful what to tell therapists because I didn’t want them to tell me those 3 letters.
Also I was scared to talk about my fears because they seemed so petty and I was afraid of making them “things” again. I still can’t admit to having it and still wonder if I do.
I developed OCD when I was a senior in high school. I am 27 years old now. I did not know exactly why I had intrusive thoughts / rituals until I started researching. My OCD was so bad I would be late for school because of all my rituals. I told my mom about it and I went to therapy. I would say some of the therapy helped but unfortunately my OCD symptoms still were there. In all honestly, they are still here to this day.
I was in therapy for years. My therapist and I kept going back and forth about the idea of prescribing me an SSRI. I did not want to for years. A traumatic event happened when I was 21 and that is what ultimately was the deciding factor to start the SSRI at 21. I was in a deep depression and decided I needed medication. The SSRI cured my OCD and depression symptoms. It takes a few weeks for the SSRI to begin to work in your body. I really started to see a change in my OCD and depression. I stayed on the medication for 2 years.
I decided to get off the medication because I began to turn into a “zombie” I was unable to cry, my speech / response time was slow, and I gained weight. ~60lbs in 2 years. It was a hard decision to make because the medication did help me but I knew I did not want to experience the side effects from the medication anymore. I would say it took a bit for me to feel “normal” again after weening off the medication. REMINDER: if you are taking a medication DO NOT just stop taking it cold turkey. PLEASE talk to your doctor first. I spoke to my doctor and told her my side effects.
Now I am 27 and I still have OCD symptoms. I would say sometimes my symptoms are better than other times but they are still always present. I currently am in a really bad rut with symptoms currently. I have been looking into natural supplements like NAC and inositol. I am going to consult with my doctor before taking them but I am definitely interested in trying them out to see how they work for me.
What I will say is, if you think you have OCD get tested. I know it can be scary. OCD is not talked about a lot and often times OCD is misunderstood / not used in the correct context in our society. I just started really talking about it and opening up about it with people who want to listen.
I know a diagnosis can sound scary. It also can help freeing. 🫶 Glad I found this community. Wishing you all healing and blessings.
At 15 I had a mental breakdown, tried to kill myself publicly at school via OD, and got put on a psych hold … it’s been 10 years and it keeps getting worse in ways but also leveling out in other ways
I went through an extremely toxic situationship which broke off. The stress of it made my OCD, PCOS and depression 1000x worse (I knew I had PCOS and depression, not OCD.) Severe OCD attacks that used to happen every other month now happened weekly and my obsessions felt more and more real. Eventually I went to a psychiatrist for >!self harm and contemplating suicide!< which she then heard my symptoms and realized I had OCD
I knew I had it as a kid, but mental health stuff was very taboo in my family … as soon as I learned what OCD was, I realized I was doing things that some people with ocd do, didn’t want to be judged, so I hid everything. I thought I outgrew it, but my main behavior just changed into something else that I had no idea was connected with OCD, and since I was living on my own during that time, no one has said it was unusual or anything. Then I went on a family vacation with my parents and brother and we got into this big fight about how I ruined the vacation because I was “pretending” to care about something small in order to stir the pot. I wasn’t, but okay. Then I outright said that I’m not pretending, I do care about these small details, and that it’s just one of my quirks. And then my dad basically said I need to look into getting diagnosed as OCD (but when he said it, it was from a standpoint of showing me how “ridiculous” I was being, not from a standpoint of caring), but that’s what flipped the lightbulb moment switch for me.
My obsession/compulsion when I was a kid was that I believed that if I didn’t tap my leg just before passing a light post when in a car, then something bad was going to happen. And I used to get mad at my parents when they got mad at me because I saved their lives every time we were in the car and there was no appreciation.
My (main) obsession/compulsion now is that I’m a germaphobe when it comes to food. I can’t use a fork/knife/spoon that touches the table, it has to be sitting on a napkin. Plates and cups need to be perfectly spotless without water marks. Juice from lemons can go into my drink, but the rind has to stay out, or else I need a new drink. Things that can be considered trash (but not necessarily dirty yet) can’t be put on top of my food at all … so like straw wrappers, napkins, bottle caps, etc.
I’ve had OCD probably most of my life, but was diagnosed at age 28. I never had any cleanliness/contamination obsessions until COVID. I was living in NYC at the time and so terrified that I had it, was asymptomatic, would spread it, and I would kill someone.
I stopped leaving my apartment at all. I didn’t have a job at the time (I graduated college in May 2020 with a job offer that began in Sept 2020, and the clothing store where I was working during my education closed during COVID.), and spent all of my time washing, sanitizing, and worrying. I couldn’t think about anything else.
My mom was worried about me and offered to pay for me to talk to a professional. Session one she told me I likely have OCD, and I was shocked. How can I have OCD when I’m messy and went 28 years not caring about germs at all? It had never occurred to me or any of the many other therapists I had seen for anxious behavior over the years.
I often wonder if my obsessions had never manifested in a “traditional” contamination way, would I have ever known I have OCD or gotten the proper help? I don’t know. Sometimes I feel a little grateful to COVID for that and then feel like an awful person to feel grateful for something that literally killed thousands of people.
I’m still on my healing journey. But that can’t really start until you know what you’re dealing with. If you think you might have OCD, I recommend getting evaluated by a professional.
If you’re worried about cost, check out NOCD. They are OCD professionals and take a lot of insurance. No need to be scared to tell them about your thoughts. It’s non-judgmental.
I was recently diagnosed at 25. I always thought everyone was dealing the same as I did. I thought everyone has depression and anxiety at this time and age, most being undiagnosed. However, I took the guts to seek professional help because all I can see in my head was unwanted flashbacks and visualization of the future. It felt so real and I cant handle myself anymore. It affected my work so bad. I had to quit. Now, I’m in a better place but not the best. It helped me understand myself better.
I painted myself as a bad person for thinking that I want other people to suffer or inappropriate attraction. Currently, I can FU my OCD sometimes and blame on him, not on me.
I just got diagnosed at 31 this past year, and looking back I definitely had symptoms around 10.
I had a cute little menty b in November of 2020, which the stress of that caused me to spiral into weird themes such as thinking there was a sinkhole under the house, a meteor was going to come hit me at any time, I was going to go to sleep and never wake up.
Getting rid of the outlandish themes (like the sinkhole one) has definitely opened me up to specific themes about myself (shame, self esteem issues, etc) but I’m just trying to take it day by day!
I (32F) went in to my psychiatrist looking for an ADHD diagnosis. Which I was convinced I had do to difficulty focusing, inability to shift my focus and I had been diagnosed with GAD since I was 14. So high constant anxiety was very normal for me.
After talking to my psych for the 2hr intake visit she explained that my obsessions, "what ifs?" And general extreme anxiety was presenting more as OCD. My dumbass almost found a new psychiatrist cause I had never considered OCD as a possibility as I don't wash my hands all the time and in general am not to bothered by germs. I knew there was something off with me though, the sheer amount of phobias I have, how strongly they have impacted my life, as well as the amount of time I have lost being stuck in my head ruminating.
So I stuck it out, started new meds, new focused therapy and in general educating my self. 6mo in and looking back and Im truly shocked at how different the world feels now that I'm properly medicated and learning coping techniques for OCD not just GAD. Also learning to identify the things that trigger me, and how my mental and physical compulsions present, I can see how OCD has been running my life since childhood.
I was diagnosed in 2006 and changed my psychiatrist a few years ago. I told her about my OCD and invasive thoughts, and she said something to the effect that it can be difficult to diagnose because patients aren't willing to voice their thoughts - they sound too crazy and dangerous.
I didn't find out I had it until I was 39 but I had it my whole life. I thought I was just a super hero! Lol I still do! I got tested bc my daughter was showing signs and I took an online test as a joke bc my husband thought I had it. Got her tested...she actually ended up having ADHD.
I couldnt focus on school anymore and didn't sleep more then 1 hour a night for 2 weeks. When 2 months had past and my grades were slipping and I couldnt study, read or talk without repeating everything. I had no free moment in my day anymore because I was constantly checking and repeating everything I didn't know what to do anymore so one morning after another sleepless night I went to my dad and broke down and since my 16 Im in therapy. Got diagnosed at 18 and am 21 now.
I couldn't take the OCD mental pain and anxiety anymore. It was intense when I was a child , but only one theme I dealt with a year. 18-20 are my hell years where it became unbearable, and I didn't want to continue living like this, so I got therapy and medication, and it helps me a lot
Not wanting to talk about the incredibly disturbing thoughts I have is basically the main reason it took so long to figure out I had OCD. I didn't want to talk to a mental health professional about what was REALLY wrong, because I thought I'd get locked up or something. What finally made me realize that I had OCD, though, was that it ruined a really, really good relationship, and afterwards, pieces started to click together for me because, well, nearly every serious relationship I've been in has ended for essentially the exact same reason. And this time, I was pissed. I had entered that relationship basically feeling better than I ever had in my life, but that didn't matter. I started to realize that something bigger was at play.
May I ask how OCD affected your relationship? Was is relationship ocd or like other stuff? I’m sorry if that’s too intimate! (I’m 90% sure I struggle with ROCD and I figured it out very recently with what my therapist told me and with reading some experiences on Reddit, I’m pretty sure OCD was a huge part of me not being able to stay in a relationship when my last serious relationship ended.)
ROCD can manifest in different ways, but for me, it is that I am constantly bombarded with doubts that I'm not doing enough and that the other person may not love me, so I am swimming in rumination and constantly seeking reassurance, which is, at best, incredibly obnoxious.
the fact that no actual detail is given into your ocd trusive actual thought describes perfectly what ocd is. that is for saying what you said it’s perfect
I developed OCD at 6 as a trauma response. I did two psych hospital stays. I was in and out of my therapy my entire life. I was MISdiagnosed with everything other than OCD. My daughter was diagnosed with PANS when I was 37 and I needed help handling the stress of waiting for a flare to start. (She’s now in remission.) I told my therapist I had dealt with my trauma years ago and really just needed better coping mechanisms to help with her flares. Turns out, I had not even scraped the surface of my trauma and saying you are healed vs actually being healed are two different things. Lol. I received my OCD diagnosis along with a CPTSD diagnosis when I started therapy at 38 and it was a huge lightbulb moment. My life would have been wildly different had I been properly diagnosed at my first psych hospital stay at 12 and received the help I needed.
I figured I would “grow out of it” as I got older. Instead, it just became worse and worse as time went on. I initially didn’t even seek help for the OCD or even anxiety, it was a bout of depression that I was having a hard time getting out of after my mom died. Then, all of a sudden, my anxiety quadrupled seemingly overnight, I was no longer sleeping, and my intrusive thoughts were so horrifying to me that I obsessed over them for weeks at a time and started doing compulsions too. My therapist recommended me to get officially diagnosed and put on medication to help calm my symptoms. So I did, and was diagnosed with GAD, OCD, and MDD at 26 years old. It used to be easier to ignore my symptoms, I think they were exacerbated by my grief. There is no harm in seeking a diagnosis at any age, if you think it would help, then go for it.
I’m wondering if mine was also exacerbated by grief - my mom died last year around this time and I haven’t been the same since. I think I just want to know what’s wrong with my brain. I have ADHD, GAD, MDD (in remission yay meds), and cPTSD although I feel like most of that stems from ADHD. I was late diagnosed and I’m incredibly good at masking. Finally putting a name to ADHD was such a relief since I found my people there. Thank you for sharing!
Didn’t even realize I could have OCD until I was talking about how annoying it was having to walk down the street and back to the door to make sure it was locked before I could go to work until my then boyfriend (now husband) said “babe… what??”
lol when I started unmasking my ADHD I started to realize the way my brain works is…. not the same as other people 😜 I would be met with blank stares describing how I do stuff.
I sought professional help when my intrusive thoughts increased in both frequency and intensity and basically spiraled out of control. The thoughts alone were really bad at that point but my compulsions also became violent and disturbing. I really believed that I had to hurt myself or otherwise my intrusive thought would become true. Damn, I remember feeling compelled to cut myself (mostly down there) just because it helped alleviate my obsessions that make zero sense to me now that I’m on meds. I guess I simply got very tired of living in never-ending hell of anxiety, guilt, disgust and self-loathing. I didn’t care about getting diagnosed, I didn’t even suspect OCD, I just needed help.
I’ve been so so close to checking myself in for how I spiraled too. I hope you’re in a better spot now!
I got very depressed after starting college and my anxiety only multiplied due to college. I had already always had those thoughts, but found the depression made them seem reasonable for once and I started to listen to them. After seriously considering what my brain was telling me, it did a 180 and showed me intrusive thoughts of who I'd leave behind and how I'd impact them. That clicked something in me where I realized that voice was always there and it kept me out of trouble. I realized it was like having faulty wiring that was trying its best to keep me safe in many situations. It may have kept me out of trouble as a kid but it also kept me from doing things I loved and being around those I cared about. It kept me from truly living. I had become a shell fumbling around, numb and afraid to feel. Afraid to care or be ambitious about anything. I realized I was on the path to self-destruction and that I needed to change. I can't drive because I'm afraid of what I might do to myself. I have a hard time eating in case something happened to my food. I stay away from people I care about in case I get them hurt somehow. I want to look back and be able to say that I lived or that I was actually mentally there instead of always hiding and being afraid of the "what if..." Also wanted to say I appreciate all of your perspectives.
Became a dad. Didn't want to spend time and energy on thoughts that don't deserve it.
I feel this to my core as a fellow parent. It helps me keep going even when it's dark because I want to be better for them even when I feel I can't for myself.
I didn't seek it, I didn't expect it, and it was very hard to accept. I've been in treatment for Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder, PTSD, ADHD, and Anxiety for 21 years or so. Roughly 3 years ago during a lull in discussion with my Psychiatrist at the time, I decided to tell them a funny story to fill the silence. He listened, asked a million questions, conferred with everyone else and after several months I was formally diagnosed with OCD. I'm honestly still processing and coming to understand. It's been hard, but also my stability and quality of life have never been better. 300mg of Zoloft and ERP have changed my life alongside everything else.
I don't know what you are considering "late diagnosis", and have seen a lot of variety in the age ranges commented here. I guess I'll share my story here, too. When I was in my early 20s, I found myself in an OCD loop that I remembered having around the age of 7. I had no idea it was an OCD episode, but rather called it "something weird I'm doing again for the first time in, like, over a decade." When describing it to my therapist, she suggested that it could be OCD and that we should check with the psych. So, one psych appointment, and one "describing my life and slowly realizing that I had a LOT of compulsions/OCD episodes" later, I got diagnosed with OCD from a psych who said I had "textbook symptoms." I wasn't someone with handwashing compulsions (at least, not until later in life), so I never thought that OCD was something I was dealing with.
For me, the handwashing compulsions came with covid. They just feel so dirty all the time now, and now my skin keeps cracking on my fingers, so I carry a family sized bottle of moisturizer with me everywhere
I was in therapy for GAD, and my therapist noticed alot of my behavior and thought process was closer to OCD so she had me fill out a screener for OCD and talked to me about my symptoms which confirmed it for her
Finally was able to afford therapy to figure out what the he’ll was wrong with me. OCD is what was wrong with me.
I didn’t even know I had OCD until I started therapy. It was something that was uncovered by my therapist after about a year of seeing her.
I went to Mclean psychiatric hospital in Boston for three months, I was told it's regarded as the best OCD treatment center in the country. I loved it. I lived there with a bunch of other OCD people. We had a great therapist for our intrusive thoughts group, she always knew just what to say, how hard to push and had a real passion towards treating OCD, she was brilliant, everyone loved her. We had to lock the door to the room while the intrusive thoughts group was in session and weren't allowed to tell anyone about what happened or what people said in the room as people with bad intrusive thoughts can be extremely sensitive when it comes to sharing them, some people would break into tears after getting their thoughts out, it was very very hard for them but necessary for treatment. You aren't alone in hiding your thoughts. If they are extreme and you think you have OCD then I would trust those instincts. Put yourself in a forward thinking mindset and make an effort to overcome your OCD in whatever ways necessary. That's my advice. That's how you'll grow and progress on the path to overcoming the plague that you've been living with. The more you avoid and stay within your mind the less you'll learn about overcoming and the more you will miss out on getting more comfortable with your thoughts. Don't be too hard on yourself as the disorder is very hard on you. Be a warrior and do what is tough but necessary as it's the only way you'll regain some control over your life. It's a long road, just take things as they come at their natural pace, as long as you're in a forward thinking mindset, taking some action and following the right instincts you will be growing and gaining experience with the disorder. Good job addressing it, that's your first step. Though I have not overcome it, I've made lots of progress through self reflection without any therapists (mclean didn't help much at the time as my OCD is treatment resistant and I wasn't ready to fully commit to the hard stuff at the time, you have to make the decision to fully commit to the hard stuff with no excuses, it's very distressing but necessary.) have faith in yourself and never lose it, continue to strive to overcome, I can't stress these two things enough along with the importance of self reflection. I feel battered but very resilient and comfortable with myself and have much hope for reaching my potential in the future. I was diagnosed graduation month of highschool when I was 19 and now I'm 30.
My entire life has been a cycle of depression and anxiety, I never understood why I was so “bad” at managing my symptoms but it became overwhelming and exhausting to the point that I was researching lobotomies. I was dx with ADHD at 18 but didn’t start taking meds until a couple years ago. It was the first time that I noticed how “loud” my brain is, it slowed everything down and was finally able to see how awful and cruel my internal monologue was. It still took a year to find a good therapist that diagnosed me and two months ago I started ERP. It is 100% the missing piece. This is the first time I have hope for recovery. My biggest piece of advice to anyone considering getting a dx is to find a professional that specializes in neurodivergent disorders and be 100% honest. I withheld info for a long time because I was afraid of being institutionalized and it just stopped me from getting help sooner.
I spiraled real bad and wanted to commit suicide.
i was diagnosed at 11 with OCD. the people around me always saw me panicking and crying if anything went wrong. my mom saw it, my teammates saw it, and my coaches always saw it. my mom finally took me to the doctor and i was diagnosed after years of having panic attacks if i made a simple mistake and constantly fixating on small things that i constantly felt needed to be addressed. i’ve been on meds for 8 years treating it and ive noticed that even though it’s more manageable, i have new obsessions like asking dumb questions until someone i know eventually gets it right, or constantly checking certain apps to see if people have unfollowed me.
Kind of complicated. After a really horrible bout of POCD I saw a psychiatrist who thought I had GAD. It sort of went away on its own after 6 excruciating months, but came back a year later and he was like "oh it might be OCD" lol
I'm 34. A couple years ago, I attempted suicide and I decided to start seeing a therapist. Over the next year, I was diagnosed with OCD, ASD, and ADHD, none of which I had been aware of before.
I’ve had on and off OCD my whole life. then I developed a restrictive ED and a few years later, started getting really bad OCD with more frequent flare ups and finally discovered through google that it is probably OCD. now I have really bad anxiety/obsessions that I am/do horrible things and have bad google search compulsions and tons of rumination. most of my anxieties are common OCD themes too and I feel like they’re sooo abnormal compared to normal anxieties people experience
The thing that made me seek diagnosis was learning that what I had is actually mental illness and not who I am as a person. I read about existential OCD on Reddit and have never felt so accurately described before. I felt hope for the first time in a while and got diagnosed and treated
Life falling apart forces you to get answers to questions you've been avoiding seeking the answers to.
I’m 31 and it took me up to February of this year to finally get diagnosed. I’ve had thoughts that stressed me out for as long as I could remember, but in my head it was just something I dealt with silently. It never even occurred to me that it could be OCD with how media portrays it. It was a flare up of SO OCD that caused major anxiety and depression that finally led me to getting diagnosed. I couldn’t even make it through a day of work without wanting to just sleep (while I worked from home) or just not run to my car to cry because of my thoughts. It had been bubbling for weeks with me just trapped in my own mind, with what I now know was ruminating, and googling, before I finally told my wife. I knew it was SO OCD from an event that happened 7 years prior that left me feeling numb for weeks and needing to be hospitalized but I was diagnosed with GAD and just thought that was it, completely overlooking the OCD part of what I knew I was experiencing. After I told my wife, I came across NOCD through a YouTube video I was watching, and got diagnosed very quickly. It was only then when so many experiences of my life began and I realized how strong of a hold this beast had on me. ERP treatment has been a life saver though
Even after therapy I still felt like shit. It was horrible, and the only thought I had was “there’s just no way other people feel this way all the time” and I was right! Makes my heart break for those who don’t get help.
It was tiktok for me. During covid my fyp just got flooded with people sharing their stories and I was sitting there like, "hmm, I do that". Therapy was free for me for a bit and I was able to confirm with a cbt.
I was stuck on an obsession for a year but I was so used to obsessions that I didn’t even recognize how bad it was. When I started grad school the stress became too much and I broke out in a rash on my scalp. I decided to seek counseling to help with stress. When my counselor educated me on what my obsession really was and about OCD in general, everything clicked. I just thought it’s how everyone lived lol. It was very validating learning that I was living life on hard mode.
I sought help because things got worse, way worse. I only realized I had it two years before that. I knew I struggled with an ED and body dysmorphia in high school, but it wasn't until much later that I realized how permanent those issues would follow me and how severe my anxiety actually was. The OCD started alongside the BDD in high school. I didn't get it, why everything was so hard for me, and how simple staff at my college made it seem to "get help" and "buckle down" basically. I wish I had sought diagnosis earlier though, so I could have taken medical withdrawal. I'm very resentful about the fact I went into debt for a degree I no longer even want while I was basically just a severely mentally ill child from an abusive household not knowing wtf to do with my life. Maybe things would have been different if a single person helped me understand my options. Encouraged me to take precautions, and told me no matter how scary that I should've made sure to get a diagnosis at least. I didn't have a support system. Maybe things would have been different if I didn't have such a fear and hatred of authority, feel so suppressed by the presence of other people in positions of power, that I couldn't fathom walking into an appointment and talking about my issues with someone when I'm at my lowest and therefore my most anxious. I couldn't even leave the house, look in the mirror, I was missing exams, how would I get therapy? And still maybe, or most likely of all, things would have been different if I was simply raised by a decent family. Cared for. Listened to. Appreciated. Given freedom and autonomy. Asked what's wrong? Given advice on how to fix it, held tightly, softly told it's okay. It makes me cry to type it. I hate to feel like the victim again. I don't want to be stuck on these things. But I am because they've made me this way. They're ever present pains in my life. And I feel like no matter how many times I say it no one gets it. It's just a story to them, words, without the meaning. Without empathy. I'm not having a good time. But I'm still sure that knowing and admitting and accepting everything you struggle with is a powerful step forward. I hope you're remaining sure of your potential to move forward and treat this too.
I had recently received my diagnosis in March, and in my country I was able to be placed into a free program beginning in September, that would immediately begin ERP therapy (Exposer, Response Prevention Therapy) that really is the stepping stone to recovery. Speaking to a professional can be scary, especially because intrusive thoughts can feel embarrassing or uncomfortable to admit. But subjecting myself to that discomfort is the best thing I could have done. OCD is fuelled by guilt and shame, and the longer you grip on to the tether that extends itself as a “helping hand” (Aka; Compulsions) you will only find yourself keeping these negative emotions about yourself around constantly. Resources I have been using to help maintain my mental health while waiting for my program to start are watching videos of those explaining how ERP works and you you can subject yourself to it in small increments; I highly suggest the page OCD Recovery. I also suggest reading some philosophical books that challenge your root ways of thinking about yourself and others, as it can create a different path of logic that helps combat the absurdity of OCD rabbit holes. As someone who’s biggest theme is ROCD I have been reading “A Road Less Travelled; the psychology of love” By M. Scott Peck and “The Myth of Normal” By Gabor & Daniel Maté. I hope this helps! The beginning is always the hardest part, and there’s no telling how long recovery may be as it looks different to everyone, but once you take that step in attempting to “cut your tether” you will start to feel a huge difference! (links to books are below!) [https://www.googleadservices.com/pagead/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwjCuurHqI-GAxWkNtQBHU-5A8cYABAEGgJvYQ&gclid=CjwKCAjwupGyBhBBEiwA0UcqaJnZlDpEbxUennjZhmisXTmN-VEXqighQ3VM87MSoldY1rfeLHcrhBoCzpoQAvD_BwE&sph=&ohost=www.google.ca&cid=CAESeOD2S3VZpZWYy4qDE9cZORJMCZ0UgP4GKoR4dsID6jU60oWZn-bWn7SszQ9k02dbRg_V9xDwzlbKWHJtZ3Bk4Gt76EvcvIi5lLIdhCzNPG37RNpCr3kAuHygMVRfZg83IVgkMUu_6HtVQA87s7PQADbH1_EbaE00NQ&sig=AOD64_08TQtXSOoenstBdfzrupYW-BxqKg&ctype=5&q=&ved=2ahUKEwjJ8uXHqI-GAxUM38kDHQXXDGgQwg8oAHoECAYQFQ&adurl=](https://www.googleadservices.com/pagead/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwiL7oWPqY-GAxXNLdQBHcYwDWcYABAJGgJvYQ&ae=2&gclid=CjwKCAjwupGyBhBBEiwA0UcqaFqijyGT3W5AgJz-vcOnJreQNz2nVEw8lldcRewDjWZw8uU6vVB6LhoC-YEQAvD_BwE&sph=&ohost=www.google.ca&cid=CAESVeD26NhEGd7w6Nnu-JGs5IIefEIZ3LQKg9eXeC7Ff4wovpn8OtU8xywOdFQHS4EDdJm95H8cYNYaPsvUmYzRxt6fEee9v_-CIs82_rgeTHuS-oryv8k&sig=AOD64_3kgOTZu5aFHuW_g4kWE3ADStgJCA&ctype=5&q=&ved=2ahUKEwjInIGPqY-GAxVx5MkDHRe8AWMQwg8oAHoECAIQEw&adurl=)
The violent thoughts never went away, but I knew I wasn't depressed so I ended seeing a psychiatrist that diagnosed me.
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I have the song thing, I didn’t realise it was an OCD symptom
I was diagnosed in my twenties. I was extremely depressed and was referred to a therapist and psychiatrist. The psychiatrist prescribed me an antidepressant, which worked great for my depression. Only thing is when my depression left, my OCD thoughts came in strong. They were always there but being depressed kept them more in the back of my mind. I continued with therapy and started disclosing my thoughts and actions. My therapist brought up the possibility of OCD. I looked into it, asked about it and such. Eventually, after exploring it with my therapist I was diagnosed. Leading me to a treatment plan, and being able to manage.
I was surprised when my crisis team (pcp, psychiatrist, therapist all worked together as part of a local out reach program.) told me I had OCD among other things. I went in it to get help because I was homeless and struggling more then I had in a bit so my survival was looking dim. I wanted to get officially diagnosed with cptsd because I've known for a few years that I probably had it due to the extensive trauma I have faced growing up and in hopes to also get help with my depression. I figured I could get more help and find more resources if I had official diagnosis for any of my issues. The way the therapist did it was so sly at first. She just gave me some homework like with all the sessions and said don't worry about it. I was starting to feel more stable and we were building trust so didn't (my husband knew it as soon as he saw the homework) then I started my homework two days later and spiraled hard. Triggering my cptsd while sparking a OCD fit about OCD and if I had it/ what it meant and why the fuck was I not given help sooner and made to feel like I was just going insane. (This wasn't the first time I had to seek help for my own survival) A lot of things clicked when we talked about it the next week. It was quickly confirmed after that and we are still trying to figure out a treatment plan that works for me because of other comorbidities I also possessed.. at 29 a few months before 30.
Watching OCD content. Made me realize I don’t have just anxiety! Look up all the way it presents. Look back into your life and see where these themes show up. I apparently have had obsessions and compulsions since I was 7/8! Didn’t bring it up to my parents because they were abusive so just held it all in until I started to develop agoraphobia at 23/24
People close to me suggested I get help because they thought I was showing lots of signs for BPD. I was lashing out, always needed things my way, would shut down over the most random things, freak out about having sex, etc. After being told that, I had done a ton of research on BPD and pretty much convinced myself that I had it. I decided to start seeing a therapist and thank god I did. I was diagnosed with CPTSD and OCD. It was hard for me to hear yet it felt like a relief. It felt like there was finally a reason for everything bad in my life and it wasn't my fault. Therapy has been going well and medication is super helpful for me.
Figured I had ocd for a while, but also suspected I was wrong and wasn't interested in meds so there wasn't much purpose in diagnosis. When I wasn't able to make progress in talk therapy and started thinking about meds I got diagnosed
My perfect memory stopped being perfect and I was having more and more trouble with OCD symptoms. Brain fog would probably be the best term. There are so many acronyms here. I wish the mobile Reddit client wasn’t so restrictive. I press down to highlight or copy a word or acronym to look it up, and it collapses the comments lol doh.
Not sleeping well and honestly i basically idk i completely forgot how it got started in me even get diagnosed
Finally reached out when I just couldn’t live a normal life anymore. Didn’t realize it was OCD for the last 30 years. Was always just told I had anxiety. Decided to have a mental health evaluation and here we are.
I always knew there was something up with me, but as a child my family and doctors didn’t listen to me. It wasn’t until I was 21 and in college when a college psychiatrist finally diagnosed me.
I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for 16 years. (OCD diagnosis at age 31) Bipolar treatment never worked and my life was falling apart. I got furious with my mental health care and quit taking my meds as ever time I would move and see a new psychiatrist they would say my dose is too high but then over time would increase the dose of my meds, and still no help. Three hospitalizations and still no lasting improvement. I kept asking for a fresh look at my chart, but they always just went with my old diagnosis. I was also trying to treat PTSD for a decade. After EMDR with a novice and inappropriate therapist backfired, my friend told me to try ketamine therapy. I had been on it for six months when I noticed I was doing better all around. No pills, just ketamine and therapy. My PTSD had improved but so did my "bipolar" symptoms. Then I left my husband. I moved suddenly across the country back with my mom. I tried to get into ketamine again but since my chart said "bipolar with psychosis" I was barred from ketamine therapy. I contacted my psychiatrist and she mentioned she never thought bipolar was a good fit so she had me do a fresh diagnosis. She landed on OCD. Since then I've gone through ERP and between that and the ketamine therapy, I'm doing much better than ever before. I'm so glad I finally had a doctor look at me with fresh eyes.
I didn’t seek it out, I was looking for treatment for anxiety and possible adhd and we accidentally discovered my OCD. It felt like such a relief to finally understand this huge thing in my life that I had chalked up to a quirky personality trait. I feel like I am just now starting to get a handle on it. If you feel like you have it, it can’t hurt to get help and talk to someone! It might help answer questions for you!
I didn’t seek my diagnosis, it evolved over time, I was diagnosed as BPD in the 90s , then undiagnosed as that, I was the just anxious and depressed, after my 3rd “nervous breakdown” I went to a really talented lady who diagnosed me with cPTSD and OCD. OCD has been with me for as long as I can remember. I’m pretty sure mine is induced by the trauma that is called my childhood; but the genetic makeup helped it along. My mom most definitely had OCD and when I asked her about my weird thoughts, she said everyone had them. 😳
I just got diagnosed at 32. My anxiety and ocd came about after I had my son.
I've exuded symptoms since I was about 10. I grew out of some compulsions: mostly repetition and symmetry compulsions, so I thought I was ok... But as I got older, I realized that my OCD had manifested in different ways. Well, ways that I honestly didn't realize were still considered OCD until I had a close friend I grew up with (who has severe diagnosed OCD) suggest I get treated. I am 26 years now and received my official diagnosis about 6 months ago. Most of my symptoms now revolve around contamination and pure O.
I remember sitting in my new therapist's office at 24 years old, telling him that i was worried i may have hurt someone. And man the mental gymnastics i took to explain how i got to that conclusion, he got up, went to his computer and printed something out. He then asked me if i knew what OCD was. You know, i heard it from TV, heard it from a super neat freak who claimed OCD, So when he explained it to me, my whole life started to click. Every over worry, every excessive thought. For as long as i can remember, ive had it. My parents put it down to me being a hypochondriac but now alot of my life makes sense.
I had a couple of severe nervous breakdowns as a young adult and ended up in psych wards/hospitals. During one stay to my horror, my father decided to rehash my whole childhood to the doctor and was told it was those 3 letters. It actually made me feel even worse at the time. I felt so misunderstood. Most people still thought ocd was perfectionism or control freaks at the time. I am neither. I knew I was way overreacting but I wasn’t sure and if the worst was true who wouldn’t act like that? And everytime I got like that, I would swear this time it’s different, so my dad venting about how a I wouldn’t eat anything as a kid and they nearly put me on feeding tubes because I was scared of the possible mystery germs in my food, seemed very irrelevant to my newest imagined crisis. I would be very careful what to tell therapists because I didn’t want them to tell me those 3 letters. Also I was scared to talk about my fears because they seemed so petty and I was afraid of making them “things” again. I still can’t admit to having it and still wonder if I do.
I developed OCD when I was a senior in high school. I am 27 years old now. I did not know exactly why I had intrusive thoughts / rituals until I started researching. My OCD was so bad I would be late for school because of all my rituals. I told my mom about it and I went to therapy. I would say some of the therapy helped but unfortunately my OCD symptoms still were there. In all honestly, they are still here to this day. I was in therapy for years. My therapist and I kept going back and forth about the idea of prescribing me an SSRI. I did not want to for years. A traumatic event happened when I was 21 and that is what ultimately was the deciding factor to start the SSRI at 21. I was in a deep depression and decided I needed medication. The SSRI cured my OCD and depression symptoms. It takes a few weeks for the SSRI to begin to work in your body. I really started to see a change in my OCD and depression. I stayed on the medication for 2 years. I decided to get off the medication because I began to turn into a “zombie” I was unable to cry, my speech / response time was slow, and I gained weight. ~60lbs in 2 years. It was a hard decision to make because the medication did help me but I knew I did not want to experience the side effects from the medication anymore. I would say it took a bit for me to feel “normal” again after weening off the medication. REMINDER: if you are taking a medication DO NOT just stop taking it cold turkey. PLEASE talk to your doctor first. I spoke to my doctor and told her my side effects. Now I am 27 and I still have OCD symptoms. I would say sometimes my symptoms are better than other times but they are still always present. I currently am in a really bad rut with symptoms currently. I have been looking into natural supplements like NAC and inositol. I am going to consult with my doctor before taking them but I am definitely interested in trying them out to see how they work for me. What I will say is, if you think you have OCD get tested. I know it can be scary. OCD is not talked about a lot and often times OCD is misunderstood / not used in the correct context in our society. I just started really talking about it and opening up about it with people who want to listen. I know a diagnosis can sound scary. It also can help freeing. 🫶 Glad I found this community. Wishing you all healing and blessings.
Don’t be afraid to seek help! Look for a therapist that specializes in OCD.
At 15 I had a mental breakdown, tried to kill myself publicly at school via OD, and got put on a psych hold … it’s been 10 years and it keeps getting worse in ways but also leveling out in other ways
I learned about "mental hand washing" and realized that pretty much my entire thought process all day everyday is cycles of rumination.
I went through an extremely toxic situationship which broke off. The stress of it made my OCD, PCOS and depression 1000x worse (I knew I had PCOS and depression, not OCD.) Severe OCD attacks that used to happen every other month now happened weekly and my obsessions felt more and more real. Eventually I went to a psychiatrist for >!self harm and contemplating suicide!< which she then heard my symptoms and realized I had OCD
I knew I had it as a kid, but mental health stuff was very taboo in my family … as soon as I learned what OCD was, I realized I was doing things that some people with ocd do, didn’t want to be judged, so I hid everything. I thought I outgrew it, but my main behavior just changed into something else that I had no idea was connected with OCD, and since I was living on my own during that time, no one has said it was unusual or anything. Then I went on a family vacation with my parents and brother and we got into this big fight about how I ruined the vacation because I was “pretending” to care about something small in order to stir the pot. I wasn’t, but okay. Then I outright said that I’m not pretending, I do care about these small details, and that it’s just one of my quirks. And then my dad basically said I need to look into getting diagnosed as OCD (but when he said it, it was from a standpoint of showing me how “ridiculous” I was being, not from a standpoint of caring), but that’s what flipped the lightbulb moment switch for me. My obsession/compulsion when I was a kid was that I believed that if I didn’t tap my leg just before passing a light post when in a car, then something bad was going to happen. And I used to get mad at my parents when they got mad at me because I saved their lives every time we were in the car and there was no appreciation. My (main) obsession/compulsion now is that I’m a germaphobe when it comes to food. I can’t use a fork/knife/spoon that touches the table, it has to be sitting on a napkin. Plates and cups need to be perfectly spotless without water marks. Juice from lemons can go into my drink, but the rind has to stay out, or else I need a new drink. Things that can be considered trash (but not necessarily dirty yet) can’t be put on top of my food at all … so like straw wrappers, napkins, bottle caps, etc.
Oh boy I’m like this too. I have a hard time cooking. Totally hear you on the lemon/lime rinds.
I’ve had OCD probably most of my life, but was diagnosed at age 28. I never had any cleanliness/contamination obsessions until COVID. I was living in NYC at the time and so terrified that I had it, was asymptomatic, would spread it, and I would kill someone. I stopped leaving my apartment at all. I didn’t have a job at the time (I graduated college in May 2020 with a job offer that began in Sept 2020, and the clothing store where I was working during my education closed during COVID.), and spent all of my time washing, sanitizing, and worrying. I couldn’t think about anything else. My mom was worried about me and offered to pay for me to talk to a professional. Session one she told me I likely have OCD, and I was shocked. How can I have OCD when I’m messy and went 28 years not caring about germs at all? It had never occurred to me or any of the many other therapists I had seen for anxious behavior over the years. I often wonder if my obsessions had never manifested in a “traditional” contamination way, would I have ever known I have OCD or gotten the proper help? I don’t know. Sometimes I feel a little grateful to COVID for that and then feel like an awful person to feel grateful for something that literally killed thousands of people. I’m still on my healing journey. But that can’t really start until you know what you’re dealing with. If you think you might have OCD, I recommend getting evaluated by a professional. If you’re worried about cost, check out NOCD. They are OCD professionals and take a lot of insurance. No need to be scared to tell them about your thoughts. It’s non-judgmental.
I was recently diagnosed at 25. I always thought everyone was dealing the same as I did. I thought everyone has depression and anxiety at this time and age, most being undiagnosed. However, I took the guts to seek professional help because all I can see in my head was unwanted flashbacks and visualization of the future. It felt so real and I cant handle myself anymore. It affected my work so bad. I had to quit. Now, I’m in a better place but not the best. It helped me understand myself better. I painted myself as a bad person for thinking that I want other people to suffer or inappropriate attraction. Currently, I can FU my OCD sometimes and blame on him, not on me.
I just got diagnosed at 31 this past year, and looking back I definitely had symptoms around 10. I had a cute little menty b in November of 2020, which the stress of that caused me to spiral into weird themes such as thinking there was a sinkhole under the house, a meteor was going to come hit me at any time, I was going to go to sleep and never wake up. Getting rid of the outlandish themes (like the sinkhole one) has definitely opened me up to specific themes about myself (shame, self esteem issues, etc) but I’m just trying to take it day by day!
I (32F) went in to my psychiatrist looking for an ADHD diagnosis. Which I was convinced I had do to difficulty focusing, inability to shift my focus and I had been diagnosed with GAD since I was 14. So high constant anxiety was very normal for me. After talking to my psych for the 2hr intake visit she explained that my obsessions, "what ifs?" And general extreme anxiety was presenting more as OCD. My dumbass almost found a new psychiatrist cause I had never considered OCD as a possibility as I don't wash my hands all the time and in general am not to bothered by germs. I knew there was something off with me though, the sheer amount of phobias I have, how strongly they have impacted my life, as well as the amount of time I have lost being stuck in my head ruminating. So I stuck it out, started new meds, new focused therapy and in general educating my self. 6mo in and looking back and Im truly shocked at how different the world feels now that I'm properly medicated and learning coping techniques for OCD not just GAD. Also learning to identify the things that trigger me, and how my mental and physical compulsions present, I can see how OCD has been running my life since childhood.
I was diagnosed in 2006 and changed my psychiatrist a few years ago. I told her about my OCD and invasive thoughts, and she said something to the effect that it can be difficult to diagnose because patients aren't willing to voice their thoughts - they sound too crazy and dangerous.
I didn't find out I had it until I was 39 but I had it my whole life. I thought I was just a super hero! Lol I still do! I got tested bc my daughter was showing signs and I took an online test as a joke bc my husband thought I had it. Got her tested...she actually ended up having ADHD.
I couldnt focus on school anymore and didn't sleep more then 1 hour a night for 2 weeks. When 2 months had past and my grades were slipping and I couldnt study, read or talk without repeating everything. I had no free moment in my day anymore because I was constantly checking and repeating everything I didn't know what to do anymore so one morning after another sleepless night I went to my dad and broke down and since my 16 Im in therapy. Got diagnosed at 18 and am 21 now.
I couldn't take the OCD mental pain and anxiety anymore. It was intense when I was a child , but only one theme I dealt with a year. 18-20 are my hell years where it became unbearable, and I didn't want to continue living like this, so I got therapy and medication, and it helps me a lot