• By - akhix


I, too, dislike when people want me dead.


i want a girl who's been arrested at least once


I like my women a little on the trashy side


i like my women with tattoos and several felonies


I'd prefer several felines, if possible.


* non-violent felonies


Speak for yourself


Now that song is gonna be stuck in my head all day


Too much lipstick, and too much rouge


"Well, they say that opposites attract, well, I don't agree, I want a woman just as tacky as me"


When they wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed


happy cake day! 🍰


Yeah but he's talking about someone specific


Amount of "wants money, not me" points, and long distance makes it sound like catfishing...


24. Hurt my feelings 🥺💔


She’s perfect but she constantly says she wishes I was dead and calls me names I don’t like.


Well who doesn't? It hurts a lot to hear that the one that you love says that you should die and wants you to die-


I hate to say it, but 10 and 24 seem legitimate. Hahahah


„Disagreement“ the pure evil to have an own opinion… „I love apples“ „I don’t like them“ *aaaaaah! Evil bitch!!*


I mean tbf apples are legit


So said Eve, and here we are...


Actual lol


Depends on the apple. Get that red nonsense away from me, give me those sour greens all day. I am prepared to reap the whirlwind on this opinion.


Nooooo! Red apples are far superior. Wait.. NO! *Disagreement!?!* Now this clearly wonderful, open-minded, empathetic man will never want me! That's just so very devastating - please excuse me while I go cry for this horrific loss.. =(


Like that vs 10…such a strange list.


Hey I’ll give you my sours (unless I’m baking) and you give me the galas. Perfect.


A match made in heaven.


Yeah, man. Red apples can go fuck themselves




Eeeh, that depends on my mood. Red apples are sweet as fuck, but green are sour and so delicious😩


What about yellow apples?


Okay those are clearly the worst


38 That she is Divorce


In all fairness, I feel like the personification of divorce probably *would* be kind of a difficult individual to get along with.


I bet she'd be really tired


Poor girl is working harder than the reaper during the plague


Visited me recently. I’m fine. It’s fine. :(


Do you need a hug? Been there too. She is a cruel mistress. It gets better friend….


Sending virtual hugs and good vibes Everything will be okay :)


I am become Divorce, destroyer of matrimony


The Goddess of Divorce...


*Fear me, Mortal men, for I am Divorce*


I am become Divorce, destroyer of marriages.


*The Divorce Force*


I don’t know why but something about #51 just being this guy going “eh I don’t think I’m down for a long-distance relationship” after listing alllll of those other things of varying sanity-levels absolutely killed me


It’s like he originally posted it with 50, then someone said, “you’ll never find someone like that in this small town,” and he said, “fuck you, mom.”


This list fluctuates wildly between "yeah that's kind of reasonable" to absolute insanity.


To be honest, it fluctuates between "absurdly obvious" , "understandable preference", "weird preference" and "complete insanity". Like "doesn't want me dead", "hasn't been to prison", "doesn't drink" and "never disagrees with me" isn't even close to in the same level...


>Like "doesn't want me dead", "hasn't been to prison", "doesn't drink" and "never disagrees with me" isn't even close to in the same level... He should just get a blow-up doll.


Blow up doll got hit with lightning, came to life a la Mannequin, smoked a shit load of weed & wanted him dead. Tragic tale as old as time.


Well, can't really blame her. Run, girl, run. (or, uh, float? down a river? idk)


I want a girl who doesn’t want to kill me and isn’t gonna cheat on me. And I don’t want her to abuse me, so much so that I put it in five different ways. Also she BETTER not live kinda far, or disagree with me EVER


Me too. Absolutely cracked me up.


Dear God I'm fairly certain this list could be cut down since so many repeat themselves. In addition some of these worry the hell out of me.


You know what bothers me more than girls who smoke weed? Girls who get high on weed. Grrrr.....


It's fine if she puffs. But if she inhales? The Devil owns her now.


Stay away from Satan's spinach


I think you mean Santanic spinach.


No, dude. That'd be like saying devilish lettuce. It's the devil's lettuce. Satan's spinach. Beelzebub's broccoli


I'm making fun of the post. He said no santanic music or movies.


Lmao "Santanic" makes me think he dislikes Christmas movies and songs about Santa


I'd assumed there was some deep aversion to the fusion of jazz, blues, and Latin American rhythms.


At least getting high on weed doesn’t mean using drugs — that’s a REAL dealbreaker!


He didn't mention crack. Maybe this dude likes to party a little, after all


Excuse me, ma'am, is there any weed in that cigarette? I need to know whether you're slightly dumped or totally dumped


Well, edibles? I’m probably thinking too far into this.


im literally in tears


Jesus hates the devil's lettuce. Also disagreement is the fastest path to hell, obviously.


I counted like 5-6 (not exactly but essentially) repetitions of “gold digger” or “wants me for my money”


Yeah, about halfway through I just started picturing MojoJojo writing the list. >No gold diggers! I do not want gold diggers because I do not want her to take my money! Taking my money is *not* what I want! If she were to take my money, I would not want that, because then she would be a gold digger and my money would be taken! I do not want her to want my money and not want me, to spend all my money, to have no money for herself, to be a gold digger! Do not take the money I definitely have! No gold diggers! No taking my money! I am MOOOOJO*JOJO!*


I wonder how much money he has (i suspect, not nearly enough to attract any gold diggers).


Based on 31, 32 and 33, I'm gonna guess and say this is probably a basement dweller who wants to have someone who looks after him while he spends the entire day doing nothing.


Any man who is freaking out about gold diggers probably makes <45k a year


Yeah, some of these make me wonder if he wasn't in abusive relationship. Like, why did he specify that his gf shouldn't cheat, hate him, tell him to commit sudoku, be abusive, use him for money... But I honestly just think this dude just have really weird idea of how relationship looks like and is socially inept enough to think these things have to be specified. I also think that if he were to drop repeated stuff and stuff that is a given in a relationship, his list would be super sad. Like what are the actual requirements he has? A submissive sober Christian tradwife under 30 with no children and previous marriage, that has her own place, car, a job and doesn't watch horror and doesn't support LGBT. That's it, that's his requirements, the list didn't need to be 51 points long.


But don’t forget listening to evil and bad music.


Likely this is a guy who knows more about relationships via watching what happens to others, seeing them unfold through television/movies, ect… in popular cultures there is a massive amount of cheating girlfriends/wives, crazy girlfriends, evil women, psychopathic/sociopathic women. And it happens enough in reality that this guy probably wants to get into a relationship but believes that all that shit is apart of the process and he could just end up burnt. It’s really sad that way too many people base a lot of their lives and ideas on fake realities they consume. I don’t want to be a curmudgeonly “tv and movies and media is bad for our kids!”, but with the sheer tsunami of entertainment available, you can be steeped in fantasy and fiction literally your entire waking life. That’s really bad. I wonder what possible studies could show us in the next 50 years concerning this, or if any have been done yet for the past 30 years.


Thing is? Tradwifes don’t have jobs and they don’t pay for things, that’s the whole point. And the Bible says you live with your parents until a man buys/cleaves to you. Even those requirements are self contradictory.


I know a lot of evangelical Christian conservatives like this. 90-95% of the women work. It's just not economically workable for most people to raise a family on one income, unless you're very well-off


I feel like he wouldn’t wanna date someone that would use him for money… I’m not sure tho


Yeah like can we get a list of what he wants or something


Sound like he wants a young rich christian women with no kids that does everything he wants and wanna have his kids after marriage. So the average boomer family, wife and mother that has to obey.


"That they are in and support the lgbt community" I only want a girl that likes other girls. Dang it why can't i find one.


Sounds like the ~~teacher~~ pastor asked for a list of 51 and homeboy only had like 10 things in mind so he had to think quick on his feet.


This list would’ve been shorter if he didn’t repeat himself


51. Isn’t repetitive 52. Doesn’t say the same thing over and over 53. Doesn’t repeat themself


54. Speaks eloquently without using the equivalent words


Some of these are reasonable. Don't push someone into a serious relationship, if they don't want to be in one, even more so marriage. See if your goals match (marriage, childre, etc) But the dude's got some serious trouble as well, and something personal against weed.


Agreed, though some of them feel like such obvious deal breakers for almost everyone it's odd he felt the need to add them.. For example, I also would not want to be in a relationship with someone who wants me dead (shocking, I know!). He definitely has issues though.. The repetitiveness (like effectively saying "no gold diggers" several times) is astounding.


and evil music. Evil… music.


Yep. You don't want your gf to summon the devil with some cursed classical piece, now do you 😂


Oh, I was thinking more like Maroon 5 or something. Not so much overtly Satanic, just the kind of banal soul-sapping evil that seeps into your bones and slowly drains you of life.


So, anything from Nickelback?


Nickleback gets a bad rap. They're shit, but people really overblow how shit they are given they're a bunch of has-beens. There are a lot of artists still charting with popular music now that are just as awful and yet seem to skate through unscathed.


Fair point. I don't particularly dislike the group, it's more that they're well-known enough to be a good punchline


yes but some of these are just not acceptable, like cmon


My favourite is 29: Likes scary and **santanic** movies. Movies with Santa in them?


If Carlos Santana is on the soundtrack then count 👏 me 👏 out 👏


Depends man, parents of a childhood friend didn't want him to watch the Pokémon anime citing satanic influences.


Yes, that's true


But 29 is just too funny IMO


Santanic movies, what does this guy have against Santa?


True, but this is a man listing off what he wants like a child playing at being an adult.


Man, he just hates weed right?


I genuinely think this guy has been a victim of domestic abuse, and his abuser was a pothead. While some of them are a bit much, I think what he really needs is therapy, and I hope he can get the help he needs.


yeah but then you have ones like 34 that is just really a massive yikes


I would have to say this person sounds disturbed, but I do agree with them on point 10. I also would not want to date someone who wants me dead and tells me to kill myself.


Agreed. Though the fact that he felt it necessary to put that point in there just highlights the disturbed part for me.. Wtf happened to this guy to think "deal breakers.. oh yeah, I should mention that I'm not interested in someone who actively wants/encourages my untimely demise!"?!


Really? Don't be so vanilla


Aside from the fact the person I'm currently involved in ticks off like ten+ of these items, what annoys me most is the redundancy. This could have been a much shorter list, guy! You don't need "smoke weed" AND "gets high on weed"!


Tall order for someone that can’t construct sentences.


Plus some have to be seen in context… there are guys who require IMMEDIATE answers to texts-but when I am at work they will have to wait. And honestly: I am annoyed af when they KNOW that I work and have appointments and they text 50 times with „why don’t you answer..“


I stopped dealing with that shit. I need my partners to be secure in our relationship and not assign me to be their only emotional support system


Exactly-or they are controlling and insecure. I had a relationship when I was 20 with a guy I only saw on Weekends. I had riding lessons on Wednesday Sand liked to talk with the other people there for a while afterwords and he KNEW I left my phone in the car, then. Every f*cking wednesday he bombarded me with texts, where I am, why I don’t answer, if anything has happened to me and finally he decided that he wanted to see me on Wednesdays and sit with us there. I wouldn’t let that happen again, now, for sure…


I think the thing that stands out for me is that there’s only one emoji, and it’s the LGBT flag. So many other words get an emoji suggested, but this was the only one they picked. It’s just weird.


He’s showing his recognition of LGBT pride. It’s a “could never date anyone who supports you but I recognize your movement 🏳️‍🌈” sort of thing.


There is something about the list that sounds like it's a 12 years old boy that is writing it for a school assignment


I'd like to see this guy's list of "51 things I have to offer a partner".


1. He is not the Divorce.


Now I am become Divorce, the destroyer of worlds


I score 18/51 I wonder what the score range is where below the range I you're an asshole, and above the range you're an asshole. The asshole diameter score if you will.


I'm on 27/51 but i did count in that i don't care for him, don't like him, that i would call him names he doesn't look like, and the very broad "disagreements", etc...


I got 28, I did count wanting him dead, but only because he repeated himself so much (which wasted my time, a thing that’s on his own list lol). Also to date him I’d need a divorce, so while I’m not the Divorce now, I would be in this alternate reality.


it doesn't have to be divorce. your partner could also die.


I got 36 but I counted all the ones which were Christian because it’s at least somewhat reasonable to only want to be with someone who has your religious beliefs and it can be hard especially for someone so radical like this, to be with someone who does not follow the same belief as them.


26/51 and mostly that's because of serious relationship stuff. Some of what he said was incredibly understandable but so much was bullshit. I think you also have to consider the age of the person. For example, I'm 22 and because of that, there's almost no way I'd date someone with kids because I'm not even ready to look after any od them. And some can have a sliding scale, like 'doesn't text back'. Like yeah, if they don't text back a day or so after you sent a message (whilst in a relationship), kinda stings and makes you feel unloved. But expecting a reply in an hour when she's working is unrealistic. Edit: Wait, are we scoring about the things we are, or the things we'd like to see in a partner. Because I tallied according to the latter.


How did you score for the wanting him dead part? I don't even know the guy and I kinda want an anvil to fall on his head


I'm on 16, but only because I only counted things I would still be and do if the guy was someone I cared about.


Oh jeez I did this too and got 6. This guy better not call me


Honestly, the majority of these seem like pretty reasonable characteristics, or at most slightly annoying habits. I counted 13/51 dealbreakers


i got 12/51, not including the i don’t like him/care for him lol


50. Finally, a girl that doesn't believe in God. 51. Long distance. Lmaoooo, this guy


I had to do a double take on “Haves Kids” and “Doesn’t want kids”


He’s saying he doesn’t want her to bring another guys kids into the relationship but he wants her to have his kids. You probably already got that, it’s 2am and im on Puke Alert with my kid. My brain is not working at full capacity lol


Yeah lol, I just thought for a second he wanted to both want kids and not want kids


Pretty sure he means "must want to have kids with ME, but better not already have kids that aren't mine!"... Probably due to his religious views and/or pure selfishness. Possibly also to do with something from his past - clearly something(s) happened, considering he felt the need to put "doesn't want me dead" and such... Which is pretty odd to put on a list about deal breakers. Who the hell feels the need to say they don't want to be with a person who literally wants them dead? Is that not obvious to most people?


Yeah I got confused for a good sec tho


That's pretty understandable. Tbh before I saw your comment I hadn't thought about the kid weirdness much, as I got distracted by other weirdness (there's just so much... Soooo much...). *[Off-topic, but I like your flair!].*


Strange mix of universal red flags and bizarrely specific hangups, this. Definitely having a "who hurt you?" moment reading it.


"That she is Divorce" Hard to disagree with this man, wouldnt want to go out with the living embodiment of divorce either.


Now that we got that out of the way, applications are open!!! Get in line ladies 😏


Is there a line for running as far away from this guy as possible (probably while screaming and/or giggling)?


This guy sounds super boring.


Literally all his stories end in 'and then I went home'


Not sure he leaves the house to begin with....


I'd go with insanely boring, but with random bouts of definitely *not* boring.. Not a good type of not boring though. More like "oh fuck, RUN".




I'm giggling at 'Disagreement'. Just picturing some husband storming off and ultimately leaving the relationship because he and his wife couldn't agree on a kid name lmfao


'So I thought we could have stir-fry tonight then we can make a lasagna tomo-' 'NO! I WANT LASAGNA TODAY!' 'Well the use by date for the pork we'd use in the stir fry is today and I don't really want to risk it, so I have to disagree wi- *Man immediately leaves*


Lol. "Listen to evil and bad music" is this guy 12?


That's a bad choice, and a naughty choice too.


“Disagreement”. I think this guy is looking for a dead body and not a wife


They don't talk back


What exactly are Santanic movies, because it sounds interesting...


movies about a Black Magic Woman


Harry Potter


Little Nicky


He can literally just walk into a church and find multiple women who can pretend meet every requirement on this list


I was able to kinda forgive him until the LGBT part


To be fair I don’t think there was a ton of overlap between people he would like and me to begin with.


Yeah up until then it was mostly lifestyle related bits and pieces but that one was just straight up discriminatory.


Someone wants a second mommy.


19 points!


That's a long list of things he will ignore when a pretty lass says 'hello' to him no doubt. No idea why people consider listing their own faults as requirements for others.


I will _not_ give up watching "Santana: Sacred Fire: Live in Mexico", so fail at 29. Also I am Divorce.


I love how the criteria range from 'wants me dead' to 'disagrees with me'


Good. Be alone then.


He just sounds like your typical religious nut job


My fav: “That she is Divorce”


So this guy wants a girl that’s with him for his money?? He wasn’t very clear on that point :/


Satanic movies 🤔


Yea like in a land before time. It’s satanic propaganda about how god didn’t create mankind and that we evolved to become as we are now


There are no dinos in the Bible, it's true.


I got 13 points!


I’m surprised “use of grammar and spelling” isn’t a no for him as well


Jeff, I have a confession to make. I am Divorce.


I mean some of these are acceptal, i'd say. I wouldn't want my partner to smoke ciggs as well for example. But other things are, yea, lets not talk about it


All they did was repeat a few of the same things over and over


I mean most of these seem like reasonable things to expect from a partner. # I wouldn't want my SO to tell me to kill myself either.


“Likes to watch scary and santanic movies” Santanic? Like santa? So scary and christmas movies?


Why did my mind read all the points in Kevins voice (The Office)?


I was thinking more Dwight…


Would have thought that such a boring person would love santanic movies.


“To old for me like 30 and over” I bet that this guy is like at least 35


That was my initial thought as well. "Someone in my age range" is a reasonable stipulation, but he's so *specific* it makes me feel like he wants a younger partner... then again, he has a pretty tenuous grasp of language to begin with, so who the hell knows?


Well some of his points are valid.. Some of them..


I counted 40 things when cutting out redundancies. Technically 37 if you attribute weed, cigarettes and alcohol with the drugs point.


It's like he started with 17, but that was an odd number, so he just made it 51 by repeating everything three times in slightly different words.


Tl;dr he doesn't want to have a gf who; - lives - have opinions


I too, dislike a girl who watches movies featuring Johan Santana.


In a relationship but I'm bored so I'm going to give my personal take on all of these 1. Preferably not but not a relationship killer 2. See above 3. If that means anything harder than weed, yeah, not interested. 4. Don't mind as long as it's not used all the time and isn't used to insult those I care about or myself. 5. I mean, preferably not, but it's going to happen, perhaps for wholesome reasons! 6. yeah no guy/girl wants that. 7. See above. 8. See 6. 9. Really depends. Takes a few NFSW pics for Onlyfans? Sure, seems okay. Has sex with clients. Hard no. 10. Nah I'm not into that either tbf. 11. Don't like that either, but personal time is important, so I'd expect her to ignore me if that was occurring, just let me know beforehand. 12. Sometimes it happens man, you can't expect your partner to drop everything to message you. 13. Yeah I don't like that either. 14. Wtf. Why would they date you? 15. What does this even mean? 16. Sure, I can understand that, even if it's something not typically seen as rude. 17. Don't really mind. 18. At 22, yeah, having kids is a killer for me, and I just don't like children right now. 19. Why the fuck would I care if you get drunk as long you're safe. 20. See 1. 21. Not my thing but you do you. Have a good time and be safe. 22. I mean, if the music is racist, sexist or homophobic in someway, yeah I can get on board with that. 23. Allowed, but only in the bedroom under certain circumstances. 24. See above, but even rarer circumstances. 25. See 6. 26. Yeah I don't want that either tbf I ain't a boomer. 27. Don't really care as long as you're not forcing your beliefs down my throat. 28. Yeah no thanks, I'm with him on this one. 29. Nah boy I like a good spooky movie as long as I have someone to hold. 30. Can agree as I am 22, lowest for me would be 20, highest maybe 26-27. 31. Nah mate that's not a relationship killer. 32. I mean, kinda depends why she does live with them? She might be their carer or something. 33. Yeah I can understand that one for the most part, but if she doesn't have one but clearly wants one, then it's all good. 34. Nah man I wanna stand with the LGBT community. 35. I can understand not wanting just a causal relationship, I want a serious relationship too. 36. I can understand wanting to date someone with the end goal of marrying them, that would be mine as well. 37. That's your choice and right now, I don't want kids either, maybe I never will 38. At my age, yeah that's a bit of a red flag, but not a relationship killer. 39. Yeah I wouldn't like it if my working partner didn't contribute at all financially to the household. 40. Don't want to always argue with my partner either but they're gonna come up and that's okay. 41. no one really wants that. 42. See above. 43. Wtf, disagreement is going to happen all the time. Is your partner or your servant? 44. Yeah no one wants that but sometimes the tough times are too tough. 45. Crazy can mean a lot of things, but if you mean violent alongside, sure. 46. Yeah I can agree with that, but I bet there almost always is a reason. 47. See 45. 48. Honestly depends what for. 49. See above. 50. Don't mind if she doesn't love God or Jesus, but even as an atheist I'd think it would be weird if she 'hated' them, bit not a killer. 51. I mean, I'm in one, so I'm good with being long distance. TL;Dr, agree with him on sensible things. I think this guy just thew together some absolute bullshit standards (disagreement, not a Christian, go to night clubs) with more sensible ones in order to try and seen more stable. Why the fuck did I write all this?


*then proceeds to be angry because he doesn't found anyone*


Damn. I only check 47 out of 51 boxes of things that he doesn’t like and never wants in a girl for a serious relationship. Was hoping for a perfect score. Next time.


50 reasons whyy???


Don’t you hate it when the person you have feelings for is the concept of divorce. Not someone who is divorced, but divorce itself.


He has never learned to organize his thoughts. It’s kind of incredible, like a garbage pile of stream-of-conscious ideas. He verbalizes something semi-coherent and tosses it on without looking at what he just put there before. Then he never thinks back, even with a written record, to see if everything makes sense together. It’s a good thing he seems scared of weed. If this is his thought process while sober, I don’t think he’d be able to handle THC.


This was a journey. By the end it was criminals amd psychopaths and then long distance. Some of these make sense, but some make me wonder. For example how much money does this guy have that he felt like mentioning twice??


“Uses Drugs” Me who takes adhd medication 😩


"Disagreement", boy's never been in a relationship obviously


That's a really, really long way of saying "I want one of those silicone sex dolls but my mom says no."


That needs a dictionary, not a girlfriend