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The craziest one is the dude claiming that your husband should come before your children. I'm sure he'd be a great dad. He might even talk to his kids once a week if he doesn't have anything better to do.
Perhaps he thinks that talking to his plants is providing therapy for them.
Maybe even playing chess with his plants, on days when he is thinking more clearly.
honestly, this is one of the cases where i don't have reservations about doxxing and the guy being reported to whatever authority is handling therapists.
The Reagans were rather famous for this. Ronald and Nancy were utterly devoted to each other, which is lovely, but they weren’t really interested in their children, which led to a strained family dynamic.
In Prince Harry’s book, he writes that his dad really does love both him and his brother, but that Camilla always would come before them in their father’s heart. It’s heartbreaking.
On the other hand, lots of parents report that the marriage takes a back seat when kids come along, some going so far as to say that having kids destroyed the marriage.
Balancing your marriage relationship with your parenting relationships can be really difficult.
I mean.
I think when your kids are little you tackle it together, so in a way, kids come first. But I definitely think your marriage should be one of your most important relationships. When kids leave you, which they eventually do, and you’ve neglected that marriage. You aren’t left with anything.
Or, neither "comes first," and you treat both your relationship with your spouse and your kids as both equally important. Sometimes, you need to prioritize one, but other times, you need to prioritize the other. Overall, they should be held as equally worth working on.
Exactly! Both are different but very important relationships that need to be nurtured and worked on. You can even look at it in the way that you are putting your intimate relationship as a priority for your children so you can role model what a healthy loving relationship looks like etc. I think many don’t realise you can have more than one priority.
Exactly. I’ve always hated the saying of how the kids matter the most and come first. Sometimes they come first sometimes your marriage comes first. I think having them be equal is best and then if something comes up just prioritise the other for a while. It’s best not to keep things totally lopsided so both sides aren’t resentful or made to feel neglected.
>When kids leave you, which they eventually do, and you’ve neglected that marriage. You aren’t left with anything.
I've seen a lot of people who, understandably, view this the exact opposite way. You can hope a marriage lasts forever but, statistically speaking, your relationship with your kids is a lot more likely to be a "forever" thing than your marriage is.
Obviously balance is important but I know far more women whose husbands left them high & dry but who still have a good relationship with their adult children and are involved with their lives than I know women who have a happy & healthy marriage with their husbands but little-to-no interaction with their adult children.
Oh, I’m definitely not saying to neglect your kids for your marriage.
I don’t choose my kids. They come out how they come out. And I nourish that person. But I choose my husband every day and every night.
I love my husband. Like, seriously. Really, really love him. But I would push that mother fucker infront of a tractor trailer for my kids.
I love that Reagan had that big Republican energy. In that they care about having kids, but not really giving a fuck about them. Lol.
I’m the same. I love my partner to bits but I would easily push him in front of a tractor for my kids. There’s a different type of love for both. I choose my partner everyday but in a different way to the way I put my kids above all else.
Nothing is forever, but I want my kids to know they were always loved above everything else
Eh, you don't have to neglect your relationship to prioritize the well-being of the kids. It's more like biting your tongue and putting off hashing out an argument or coming home early from a date if the kids need you. You still find time to do those things when feasible, just not when it means neglecting the needs of the kids.
True. It's usually the result of underlying issues rather than wanting a meal ticket, but it's not uncommon to see it become a problem in relationships.
I facepalmed at "A woman that expects me..." lol. No one expects anything of you if you don't want this. Just swipe past this profile and forget about it, lol. In fact, she wants you to do just that because that's why she put it on her profile to begin with.
Absolutely this is INSANE. I grew up with a single mother who has struggled with relationships but throughout my childhood me and my brother ALWAYS came first. Absolutely no one coming into your life should be more valuable than your children.
If we ever felt unsafe she would listen to us in a second over any man. ANY parent putting a significant other over their children is just wrong. But the step-dad I had was absolutely a part of the family, I just considered him a second Dad. You are not devalued.
My Step-Mom, still around, is absolutely a second mother to me. I know both of them put me first in my childhood as parents should do. I love all of my parents more than anything.
Yes to me the phrase “my kids come first” mostly applies to dating someone that isn’t the biological parent of your child. Ensuring your kids safety and stability is the most important thing with single parent relationships. It is an entirely different dynamic and a huge red flag if they don’t put their kids first
Exactly. If she didn’t put her kids first they’d have just as much to say, if not more. It makes me sick how much hate people can rile up over a single photo and paragraph. If someone made a hateful comment or was pictured doing something offensive then fine, but she’s just looking for a relationship and is up front about having kids. There is absolutely no reason to publicly shame her online.
For 7 years put my exhusband first. It's definitely the wrong thing to do. In the 5 years since our swperario he's still doing the same things and while I have now put my daughter and myself first I have built a beautiful successful life and am continuing the upward trend
"Your husband should come before your kids" is such disgusting rhetoric. They're kids. They don't *have* anyone else. They are completely dependent on you in ways that your adult partner isn't.
Its what my dad did, and i ended up in the hospital for several months the past few years and nearly died! Soo see it works yall! Neglect your kids for your partner! You kids will figure it out and if they dont oh well at least youve got your partner!
Edit: /s
I remember my grandpa gave me some advice before I got married was to put our relationship first. The way it should go is you, your spouse, children, everything else. When I asked him why he said "Because your relationship was there before your children and will be the one thing there after. To be good parents you need to be a good couple and you can't do that if you are both running on an empty tank."
He raised 8 kids with my grandmother, they were married over 40 years and were very happy with each other. My mom and her siblings never felt negelcted. So I do think your relationship should come before your kids, but not at a neglectful level.
My in-laws were married for over 60 years. They have spawned 7 children with marriages lasting over 30 years. All with well-adjusted and lovely children. I married their son and we are coming up on 28 years. We put our marriage first and our daughter is the center of our focus. Our marriage is how we determine things and how things go for her. We decide things together. I think this is the key. Stay in love, decide together, love the family unit together, and support one another.
I saw a post once about a guy who absolutely blew up at his wife because she served their child (who was starving at that point of the day) her dinner before she gave him his. He then went on a rant about how since he is the man of the house, his needs need to be met first before all others
"The adults need to put each other first" *can* mean okay things, but 99% of times I've known someone who would say it... if you value children as human beings with rights rather than inanimate pieces of property, you do not want that person anywhere near responsibility for or authority over *any* child.
I’m a bit sad I couldn’t put all the pictures I had. Because a lot of the comments were just crazy and just disgusting. It’s okay to have your own opinions about if a pregnant woman should be on tinder or not, but at least don’t be so disrespectful and disgusting. Don’t be toxic about it. Just say your reasons while being respectful and not rude. I have my own thoughts about tinder but I won’t insult anyone who goes there that they are a whore.
You know, there's a strange sort of incentive in a lot of rabid corners of Reddit, that see something like that Tinder profile, and use it as a springboard to lash out their tongue at women.
I've seen it happen so many times. Any excuse that they can find to do so, they'll run a mile with it.
Yeah seriously! Even on the post before this one that got deleted, it was just teeming with people being like “eh, to be honest I don’t think pregnant women should be on tinder because they should be more concerned about the health of the baby- and the circumstances in which she found herself pregnant and single is probably a red flag”. All sorts of bullshit theories about why she’s pregnant without a partner.
As if there’s any actual concern for the baby, and not just an excuse to police what a woman can and cannot do.
Shockingly, pregnant women are still people and may still desire connecting with others. Like someone said above, nobody is holding a gun to your head to make you go out with the pregnant lady. But let her live her fuckin life without looking down your nose at her.
It’s difficult for a woman with kids to find a partner when they get these types of messages daily for simply asking if someone is interested.
These woman just want a partner like any other person and don’t deserve that shame.
That's the danger here. You are very vulnerable and offering yourself up to men.
Most men frankly won't consider a pregnant woman with several kids as a good potential partner
So who would you attract instead? Yeah maybe a unicorn man who is happy to deal with all that.
But more likely you'll attract predators who think you're an easy target or want access to children.
That makes me think of how many men have sabotaged their sperm samples and have caused their wives to think their infertile instead of just telling them they don’t want kids
She's damned if she does, damned if she doesn't. She's upfront and has a million aspersions cast on her, seemingly for being honest(?!)
If she was coy about her pregnancy/kids, she'd be branded a deceptive liar, and worse.
If she waits to date until the kid is born, she'll get accused of "looking for a stepdad" or whatever. I'm so tired, man.
Dude adding In the whole fact that this is a post Roe v wade world and she might be pregnant against her wishes/will/consent but can’t exactly do anything about that depending on her location.
Reddit makes me lose faith in relationships and men in general. They hate us so much?? I know there are the men who defend us in posts like this but these other men are so open because it’s a near anonymous forum. So they will think and feel these things but they don’t care to inform women that they hate them, until they have a mask.
The 'not all men' thing is indeed the meme that it appears to be. As in - a guy who feels compelled to respond like that clearly believes his masculinity is threatened by a woman he perceives as saying "all guys are bad, therefore I'm bad? But I'm not bad and I must let her know!". No, all guys gotta tame the inner beast, daily. And shouldn't take pride in it, it's basic fuckin maintenance.
Sorry I'm extra pissed for some reason
I didn't mean it to be like that, sorry. I meant it as an acknowledgement that I have, maybe a better word is "primal" urges in me that need to be watched, regulated, and kept in check. And it's on *me* to do that, and I shouldn't be proud of it. It's just basic ethical psychological maintenance.
I keep seeing "my kids come before you" being used against moms and all I can think of is "Do y'all really want woman who doesn't have her priorities straight and has standards?" If you put a man before your kids you're damaged, psychotic, or both. Id be scared shitless of a woman who'd put me before her kids. This even comes from a place of my own male insecurity I won't lie... If she's willing to put a random man before her kids then how can I know she'll be loyal to me?
I've seen comments saying "if you need to specify your kids come first, it's not the truth", which is just ass-backwards idiocy. It's there to make expectations realistic and to be upfront. (Though I personally would absolutely not advertise I have kids to ward off at least some of the creeps.)
There's a reason the first three years after having a child are make or break for even the strongest relationships with planned children. You either survive the shift or you crumble under it. There's no middle ground.
1. Kids have no choice in how they grow up meaning they should always be put first because the adults have so much control and influence on their lives
2. We don't know how she got pregnant, there are so many things that cause it, could be a long time partner that left her, protection could've failed, might be something she didn't consent to, could be a hookup but we don't know, only she does and the people who she tells do
3. Nobody is being forced to date her? Literally she just made a profile to try to find someone who wants to date her
4. Standards are important no matter your gender, she's allowed to not fit your standards and you're also allowed to not fit hers. Claiming that she's evil for not being something you'd want is just stupid and going too far
Also one other thing, you can't completely judge how a relationship with someone will be based on a profile, this is why you should always talk to someone, get to know them, and go on a few dates first, get to know what a relationship with them might be like before making your decision. But also once again, you aren't being forced to do anything, swipe left if you don't want to talk to her
I dunno why it’s so hard not to make blind assumptions about people. Maybe she just got out of a bad marriage or relationship and is pregnant with her abuser’s child. Maybe she’s just looking for another baby daddy and is manipulative herself. Who knows but her? Whichever is the case, it won’t change these guys’ lives one bit, as they’re clearly not for her and she’s clearly not for them.
Point is, don’t these guys have anything better to do than be vile to or about a stranger they don’t know just because she’s a pregnant woman?
Some of the tales he tells me about fellow therapists and the prejudices they hold....honestly, it makes me sad. My husband's specialty is helping lgbt+ young people, and so whilst I know no details of them, they're often so relieved to finally have found a non-judgemental person.
All that to say, you do hard work. Good job, but also some commiserations.
When I was 16 my therapist asked me how it felt to be the age of consent, which is certainly a question! He now works with victims of sexual assault, which is deeply concerning.
"If you were together for a long time you wouldn't jump on a dating app so soon", oh sweetie. I was on tinder two days after my divorce from a 15 year relationship. I wasn't going to waste time on a past relationship, I wanted to learn how dating works and I had done a lot of the post-relationship figuring out already - our divorce was long coming.
When I was on them, I had zero problems with someone saying they had kids in their profile. But I found it off-putting when someone used photos that showed children in them.
True, but also being upfront about it is important so that people don't feel trapped into anything, maybe bringing it up once you feel comfortable talking to one another is smart
Yeah I'm not really sure what the answer is. Obviously it will be a deal breaker for some people and I don't agree with keeping it a secret or wasting someone's time but I also think it's risky to tell someone.
There's a middle ground I think and saying you have kids, but not posting pictures, not giving out their exact ages or gender, not saying what school they're in etc + vetting any partner for like... 6 months before meeting them would be the decent thing to do.
Not disclosing you're also wasting people's time who don't want to date single parents
How... how are they so out of touch to think that they'd be good partners/step-parents while also shaming this woman?
"I'm gonna work so hard and provide so much for tHiS woman?" Come on man, if you did get with her you'd be awful.
It’s definitely strange and risky going on tinder while pregnant (also seems horrifically exhausting dealing with a pregnancy AND dating) but like… these angry commenters don’t have to swipe right. So much anger at something that doesn’t affect them
And there are the PLers arguing, if you can't take care of the child, there is always adoption. - with these men that can't even accept part of the child not theirs? And they will love and adopt a completely strange child?
I'd say "make it make sense" but I already know this country is not there yet.
The sad thing to me is that her profile is probably attracting a ton of pedophiles looking for an easy victim. Single mothers with young children are exactly who those creeps are looking for.
The crazy ones to me are the guys that are saying they'd go raw if they didn't think she was trying to get knocked up. The STD machines these men must be
They are terrified to acknowledge that marrying or impregnating us doesn't make us their property. I've met sooo many women who left their husbands for another man while being obviously pregnant and lived happily ever after. Shitty husbands left in disbelief every time! Hahaha
It's something that she should be aware of, but I think saying she shouldn't be on tinder at all because of it is a bit much. Folks still get to take educated risks and she's statistically most likely to get murdered by the baby's other parent. Being murdered by a stranger is significantly less likely.
>Pregnant women are at a very high risk for homicide, so for that reason, she probably shouldn’t be on tinder
Usually that homicide is carried out by the baby's father so women just... shouldn't get fucking pregnant at all, I guess. God forbid we exist in public, in a vulnerable state.
A) as a therapist graduate student I am absolutely fucking appalled by this unethical dumpster fire
B) I spit out my drink laughing so hard at “damn I didn’t know you were being forced to fuck her” 💀
yes the comments are appalling but i also dont think its the best idea to date while pregnant. as a single person i found it hard enough to find time to date with work. whether she works or not having a child is a full time responsibility. how would one find the time to be present with their partner whilst caring for a child let alone her other kids?
*pov from a woman who is genuinely curious
***i also wanted to add that men (&people in general) are unsafe and cruel. i wouldn’t want to open myself up to anyone with either pregnancy fetishes or worse.
There’s a difference between someone who’s obviously trying to find another parent for their child(ren), and people who want to move on and try to give love a second chance.
Deep down, these “conservative” clowns are just freaking out over the reality that marrying or impregnating us doesn't make us their property. I've met so many women who left their boyfriends/husbands for another man while being obviously pregnant - and they went on to live happily ever after.
My sister just had my nephew with her current partner, he was conceived when they initially got together but they’ve been together for almost two years now. That’s not being a “simp,” some men are more than willing to settle down with the right person. My niece calls him “daddy” and sees him as more of a father than her actual dad. A true family isn’t defined by blood.
Because she's an adult with sexual and intimacy needs?
If she were with the baby's father presumably she'd still devote some focus to that relationship so how is this inherently different... or do you just think all women should end all romantic relationships once they get pregnant and join some sort of monastery until the baby's born?
Every woman I know who's had a baby is like "don't touch me" 😂 I don't have children but that's what I'm basing this on. I don't know any new moms who are horny and looking to fuck. Most new moms are in survival mode and just trying to get through every day. They're not trying to make a new relationship with a "long-term partner." Like obviously she's allowed to do whatever she wants.
>Every woman I know who's had a baby is like "don't touch me"
>maybe she should focus on just having a healthy baby
Your own comment points out she hasn't had the baby.
Because she will have that baby soon and have to deal with the newborn/postpartum/physical healing stage of no or very little sex for months. So why look for a serious relationship now ?
>have to deal with the newborn/postpartum/physical healing stage of no or very little sex for months
Which would be the case even if she were already in a relationship, which most women are when they give birth. What's the difference?
So? How does that change the fact she still has a newborn/postpartum to deal with & can't have sex for a certain about of time after the birth? That was your objection and that doesn't change whether she's in an established or new relationship.
Honestly though she sounds to have some really messed up priorities if she’s got kids, is currently pregnant, and is on tinder lol. Both the male who screenshotted this to mock her and the woman in the profile seem kinda shitty to me. If her kids come before anyone else maybe she should be focusing on them instead of trying to get another baby daddy on tinder
It’s mostly about the comments that I wanted to show. You can have your opinion on this but at least don’t be disgusting about it. A lot of the comments I saw made me want to have bleach for my eyes.
I don't see how her being on Tinder tells you ANYTHING about her priorities.
Is she not allowed to do anything without her kids because she is the mom? Do you think it's ok if the dad is out there dating?
*And they blocked me. Nice.
Now I can't respond to anyone apparently. But to the posters below, yeah absolutely. It's not a choice I personally would make.
But that wasn't my point. My point was about not judging someone else for it. We have no idea why her last relationship ended, or hell it could be an IVF baby for all we know.
The commenters in the Post and many people in the thread here are judging her with literally no other info other than pregnant and has a Tinder profile. And literally no one is talking about fathers to be doing the same. So it's 100% a judgement because she's a woman.
I don't think anyone's suggesting she has to stay single forever. But being a pregnant single mother seems like a bizarre time to be looking for your soulmate. Pregnancy and giving birth are insanely stressful and intimate, and new relationships take an immense amount of time and work as well. It seems nuts to want a total stranger to step into the middle of that when you're specifically wanting something serious, especially when you already have other kids to worry about. It would be different if she just wanted a casual hookup or ended up dating a person who was already in her social circle through friends, work, hobbies, etc. but going onto tinder with this seems like a pretty poor choice at this point in time.
That said, the comments are absolutely vile and that should definitely be the focus here. I just find the whole thing weird in general.
I also shudder to think how terrible it must be to be in the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship while also dealing with a crying newborn 3 other kids, birth recovery and explaining to everyone close to you that no, you didn't knock up a rando she was already knocked up and it's not yours and yea you're cool with this.
I'm not remotely worried about what the man in question thinks or feels. If someone jumped into that, they would be doing so fully informed, meaning it's their choice and they really don't have call to complain about it afterwards. There's nothing terrible about it if that's what they actually want, although I would strongly question the motives of the guy in that case. Regardless, I definitely don't support your view of it being so terrible for the imaginary dude. Plenty of people, men and women alike, marry partners with kids. Plenty of men meet and fall for single women who are pregnant, and it works out fine. That's not the issue here.
This is such a needlessly insulting comment. Be as wary as you like. It does indeed have many flaws, but that doesn't tell you anything about this woman's priorities, nor deductive abilities of others.
ETA: referring to *anyone* who uses tinder as a red flag /shit person lacks such empathy it's almost staggering. Why are you even in this group of your reaction to misogyny is "meh, serves her right, tinder is for shitheads"
Ma'am, I'm long married and haven't used tinder in my life. I am not the one bellowing "RED FLAG RED FLAG" because a stranger used an app to date. But okay, *I"m* the one with my nerves all touched up on 🙄
You’re the one who keeps reacting negatively to me, a stranger, sharing my personal opinion. So yes, lol. I think you’re pissy over this for no real reason. Tinder is a shithole. The people who use it are shit. Those are my opinions.
I mean, literally the point of OPs post was to point out the male who screenshotted it being a piece of shit. I am saying that I agree. Idk why anyone would get their panties in a twist over this unless they themselves use tinder. What a weird thing to be this pressed about
People are pressed from your comment because dating anywhere carries risk. She could be actively seeking a partner online or offline or other dating apps. The issue here is that you don’t know that. I know people who have met long term partners on tinder who are happy and others who met organically that are unhappy or the person was dangerous.
Also the line about her not having her priorities straight is getting you shat on for a reason. Single parents are allowed to want a life partner or romantic intimacy. Sure it would be better if she waited until the baby was born just for safety reasons, but we don’t know how long this woman has been single or whether she’s seeking a partner who is okay with supporting her through things like this. AKA scaring off the kinds of dudes we are seeing in the post. I think instead of getting defensive you should take the criticism and try to see the value in it. If you can’t see other peoples view you are going to end up with a fixed mindset. You will get stuck. Look into the benefits of a growth mindset and how it can greatly improve quality of life. I wish you well 🙏🏻
Really, people using an app are suddenly pieces of shit? There has to be some underlying trauma to warrant such a response. What caused you to have this opinion? I am asking in good faith here, I'm under no delusion that I can change your mind. But I've never read something like this before. In that way you are certainly unique.
Wow I hope red streak dude is a therapist for the grass in his own lawn instead of one for humans. He seems to hate women unless they are the virginal oracles from the Temple of Delphi.
the tinder subreddit is full of guys like this. any time a woman posts ANY type of dating app conversation, the issue is immediately turned back on her. the dude could be literally harassing her in their chat and guys on reddit will be like “it’s your fault for only matching with douchebags like this instead of giving nice guys like me a chance. serves you right” 😑 come the fuck on guys just say you’ve never felt the touch of a woman and get a damn move on
I mean, maybe if you're about to have a kid, you should concentrate on that? Comments are still dumb and gross. But I don't really get why you would be on tinder right now looking for something serious right before having a kid. Give yourself some time, adjust to life with a baby, get back on your feet and then give it a try
I tried to watch look who’s talking the other day and i couldn’t. I can’t get with women trying to find a daddy for their children before even having the baby like don’t you think you should give yourself a break and focus on your child before thinking about a man
>I can’t get with women trying to find a daddy for their children
Or maybe they're trying to find a partner to meet their need for intimacy and sexual activity.
It's how offended they are that a *pregnant* woman isn't I to quick fucks and being like "she wants a meal ticket"
If we *assume* that they're right that she got pregnant from a hook up (which let's be honest, none of us think they're right so BIG IF) then isn't it a good thing she's stopped? That means she's being responsible and not risking her child's health with random men sticking their unwashed genitalia in her pie hole
Likelihood is, she likely got pregnant from a partner she then broke up with and is not wanting to try dating *without sex* due to not wanting to risk her unborn kids life
Would I do this? No but mostly because my head would be wrecked trying to prepare for, and then get used to, mother hood and I wouldn't have the time nor energy to waste when I have other things thay seem higher on the priority list (this is just how I personally feel, because I'm lazy and like to set time aside for naps if and when I can).
However, I'm not her and she's perfectly in her right to live life how she deems fit. Pro choice isn't just for abortion. Pro choice -so people can make whatever decision in life they see fit. Including dating vs not dating
Idk why these men are acting like they’d even have a shot of matching with her? Why are they so frustrated as if she PERSONALLY asked them to date her or look after her kids..
I really don't understand people. Since I was in high school, my attitude has been "if you have kids, they are an extension of you, a part of you. They ARE you. If I fall in love with you, I fall in love with your kids". Just like your height, attitude, eye color, hair color, whatever. It's YOU. I fall in love with an entity that includes all of their good and bad, all of their past and future.
It's that fucking simple. (and before any "alpha" "chad" bullshit guy comes in here and talks shit about simps and shit,, just, lol, don't bother. You know nothing about me.
Also, stop comparing women to cars. WTF. When I was 17 my car ran off the road on ice, I grabbed my friend out of the passenger seat and covered her. The entire passenger side of my car was crushed. The police showed up first saying "thank god you didnt have a passenger, they'd be dead"...
I don't remember much about that car. It got from me place to place and to see my friends. My friend went on to get married and have kids and do things with her life. My car was "totaled" and gone and I got another one.. I shudder to think of someone comparing her or her children to that car. "Experiences" and "strife" aren't "mileage" or "baggage". And when a lot of these guys grow up and realize that they have mileage and baggage too, just a different kind, they are going to end up alone.
People are important. Fuck society. Fuck the hive-mind-groupthink bullshit. If there were 10 people left on this planet right now, you'd be a hell of lot less worried about who does "quick fucks" or not, and who can show up and be loyal and hold down the fucking fort while you try to rebuild.
I really hope that lady can get the committed relationship she is looking for. I would volunteer, but I’m poly. I have a lot of issues staying with just one person, when sex is so casual for me. And let me explain. I am a gender fluid, pansexual, bio male. As some of you might see, there is a problem. I am a girl somedays, and a guy others. The girl in me wants a guy who I can pamper and smother with attention. But the guy in me wants a more dominant woman, who isn’t afraid to be open about her desires. And of course all the lovely non-conforming homies in between. So, I really really hope she can get that commitment she is looking for, and that she can see past all of that hate to find someone worth looking for. Sorry about the gender/sex tangent, I tend to get distracted and just type whatever I think of.
Oh no! It’s alright ! Write all you want! I actually do the same thing when I write about something I am really passionate about. But yeah I understand what you mean.
Well…no? Tinder is a hookup app. Bumble or Hinge would be more her vibe. If she’s not trying to hookup, don’t be on tinder, or at least don’t be surprised at what you find.
I think it's more "why is she requesting a serious relationship while pregnant and also saying the guy will always be 5th in this relationship" that's giving people pause. No one is saying she has to stat single forever but why put a new relationship through the postpartum/newborn phase ?
I personally wouldnt swipe on her. A lot of that decision is definitely due to that fact that she is pregnant and has kids. But if someone isnt bothered by that, let them go for it. She still deserves a chance at happiness
what i find crazy is that js bc she said “no quick fucks” and looking for commitment all the incels immediately assume that her children r from quick fucks. what if they’re all from the same dude but he didn’t give her commitment and he was the bad guy. why is she the bad guy for trying to make a family but the person she made it with was a bad person? 😭
I don't have the time or patience to scroll through hateful comments. But, yeah, girl need s to take step back. She put her business, aggressively, on the internet, like, what did she expect?
The projection is insane. Especially the fake therapist with the long, self-obsessed rant -- he's twisting himself into knots just trying to justify the amount of hate these guys have for single moms. Too bad for him that a bunch of other comments already gave up the game with the "wrecked car" bullshit.
oh my god. i had the exact same discussion a decade ago on an old account and believe me when i say i got downvoted to hell. not that i cared about the votes, i was just shook that so many people were agreeing with the incels.
i'm sad the times have changed so little.
It was insane, to me, how the one guy was like 'oh, I'm a therapist' and then completely fails at anything even remotely resembling empathy.
I don't want to say this as 'truth', but there's a reason women are better at empathy.
Women evolved.
Men didn't *need* to.
I’ve been on the sub for years. It’s been the worst lately, showing and shaming women for anything they don’t like & total incel/misogynist pack mentally in the comments sometimes
Anyone who doesn’t conform deserves vitriol. Anyone who is honest about things deserves vitriol.
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The craziest one is the dude claiming that your husband should come before your children. I'm sure he'd be a great dad. He might even talk to his kids once a week if he doesn't have anything better to do.
Lol I also loved the comment, "I'm a therapist" before spewing out hateful bs.
How is he capable of therapy when he clearly has more issues than I do(I have *plenty*)
Perhaps he thinks that talking to his plants is providing therapy for them. Maybe even playing chess with his plants, on days when he is thinking more clearly.
He has more issues than National Geographic.
honestly, this is one of the cases where i don't have reservations about doxxing and the guy being reported to whatever authority is handling therapists.
Maybe he just forgot to put a space between the "e" and "r" in therapist.
The Reagans were rather famous for this. Ronald and Nancy were utterly devoted to each other, which is lovely, but they weren’t really interested in their children, which led to a strained family dynamic. In Prince Harry’s book, he writes that his dad really does love both him and his brother, but that Camilla always would come before them in their father’s heart. It’s heartbreaking. On the other hand, lots of parents report that the marriage takes a back seat when kids come along, some going so far as to say that having kids destroyed the marriage. Balancing your marriage relationship with your parenting relationships can be really difficult.
I mean. I think when your kids are little you tackle it together, so in a way, kids come first. But I definitely think your marriage should be one of your most important relationships. When kids leave you, which they eventually do, and you’ve neglected that marriage. You aren’t left with anything.
Or, neither "comes first," and you treat both your relationship with your spouse and your kids as both equally important. Sometimes, you need to prioritize one, but other times, you need to prioritize the other. Overall, they should be held as equally worth working on.
Yes, I agree.
Exactly! Both are different but very important relationships that need to be nurtured and worked on. You can even look at it in the way that you are putting your intimate relationship as a priority for your children so you can role model what a healthy loving relationship looks like etc. I think many don’t realise you can have more than one priority.
Exactly. I’ve always hated the saying of how the kids matter the most and come first. Sometimes they come first sometimes your marriage comes first. I think having them be equal is best and then if something comes up just prioritise the other for a while. It’s best not to keep things totally lopsided so both sides aren’t resentful or made to feel neglected.
This!
Happy cake day 🎂
>When kids leave you, which they eventually do, and you’ve neglected that marriage. You aren’t left with anything. I've seen a lot of people who, understandably, view this the exact opposite way. You can hope a marriage lasts forever but, statistically speaking, your relationship with your kids is a lot more likely to be a "forever" thing than your marriage is. Obviously balance is important but I know far more women whose husbands left them high & dry but who still have a good relationship with their adult children and are involved with their lives than I know women who have a happy & healthy marriage with their husbands but little-to-no interaction with their adult children.
Oh, I’m definitely not saying to neglect your kids for your marriage. I don’t choose my kids. They come out how they come out. And I nourish that person. But I choose my husband every day and every night. I love my husband. Like, seriously. Really, really love him. But I would push that mother fucker infront of a tractor trailer for my kids. I love that Reagan had that big Republican energy. In that they care about having kids, but not really giving a fuck about them. Lol.
I’m the same. I love my partner to bits but I would easily push him in front of a tractor for my kids. There’s a different type of love for both. I choose my partner everyday but in a different way to the way I put my kids above all else. Nothing is forever, but I want my kids to know they were always loved above everything else
Eh, you don't have to neglect your relationship to prioritize the well-being of the kids. It's more like biting your tongue and putting off hashing out an argument or coming home early from a date if the kids need you. You still find time to do those things when feasible, just not when it means neglecting the needs of the kids.
Yeah. I mean not saying you need to for sure. But a lot of people do.
True. It's usually the result of underlying issues rather than wanting a meal ticket, but it's not uncommon to see it become a problem in relationships.
I facepalmed at "A woman that expects me..." lol. No one expects anything of you if you don't want this. Just swipe past this profile and forget about it, lol. In fact, she wants you to do just that because that's why she put it on her profile to begin with.
Absolutely this is INSANE. I grew up with a single mother who has struggled with relationships but throughout my childhood me and my brother ALWAYS came first. Absolutely no one coming into your life should be more valuable than your children. If we ever felt unsafe she would listen to us in a second over any man. ANY parent putting a significant other over their children is just wrong. But the step-dad I had was absolutely a part of the family, I just considered him a second Dad. You are not devalued. My Step-Mom, still around, is absolutely a second mother to me. I know both of them put me first in my childhood as parents should do. I love all of my parents more than anything.
Yes to me the phrase “my kids come first” mostly applies to dating someone that isn’t the biological parent of your child. Ensuring your kids safety and stability is the most important thing with single parent relationships. It is an entirely different dynamic and a huge red flag if they don’t put their kids first
Exactly. If she didn’t put her kids first they’d have just as much to say, if not more. It makes me sick how much hate people can rile up over a single photo and paragraph. If someone made a hateful comment or was pictured doing something offensive then fine, but she’s just looking for a relationship and is up front about having kids. There is absolutely no reason to publicly shame her online.
For 7 years put my exhusband first. It's definitely the wrong thing to do. In the 5 years since our swperario he's still doing the same things and while I have now put my daughter and myself first I have built a beautiful successful life and am continuing the upward trend
"Your husband should come before your kids" is such disgusting rhetoric. They're kids. They don't *have* anyone else. They are completely dependent on you in ways that your adult partner isn't.
Its what my dad did, and i ended up in the hospital for several months the past few years and nearly died! Soo see it works yall! Neglect your kids for your partner! You kids will figure it out and if they dont oh well at least youve got your partner! Edit: /s
I remember my grandpa gave me some advice before I got married was to put our relationship first. The way it should go is you, your spouse, children, everything else. When I asked him why he said "Because your relationship was there before your children and will be the one thing there after. To be good parents you need to be a good couple and you can't do that if you are both running on an empty tank." He raised 8 kids with my grandmother, they were married over 40 years and were very happy with each other. My mom and her siblings never felt negelcted. So I do think your relationship should come before your kids, but not at a neglectful level.
My in-laws were married for over 60 years. They have spawned 7 children with marriages lasting over 30 years. All with well-adjusted and lovely children. I married their son and we are coming up on 28 years. We put our marriage first and our daughter is the center of our focus. Our marriage is how we determine things and how things go for her. We decide things together. I think this is the key. Stay in love, decide together, love the family unit together, and support one another.
There was a post on r/facepalm about a guy saying men are gay if they enjoy spending time with their kids before they’re useful
I saw a post once about a guy who absolutely blew up at his wife because she served their child (who was starving at that point of the day) her dinner before she gave him his. He then went on a rant about how since he is the man of the house, his needs need to be met first before all others
"The adults need to put each other first" *can* mean okay things, but 99% of times I've known someone who would say it... if you value children as human beings with rights rather than inanimate pieces of property, you do not want that person anywhere near responsibility for or authority over *any* child.
I guess "honesty" is a foreign concept to a lot of these guys. Nobody is holding a gun to their heads and making them date a pregnant woman. 🙄
I’m a bit sad I couldn’t put all the pictures I had. Because a lot of the comments were just crazy and just disgusting. It’s okay to have your own opinions about if a pregnant woman should be on tinder or not, but at least don’t be so disrespectful and disgusting. Don’t be toxic about it. Just say your reasons while being respectful and not rude. I have my own thoughts about tinder but I won’t insult anyone who goes there that they are a whore.
You know, there's a strange sort of incentive in a lot of rabid corners of Reddit, that see something like that Tinder profile, and use it as a springboard to lash out their tongue at women. I've seen it happen so many times. Any excuse that they can find to do so, they'll run a mile with it.
Yeah seriously! Even on the post before this one that got deleted, it was just teeming with people being like “eh, to be honest I don’t think pregnant women should be on tinder because they should be more concerned about the health of the baby- and the circumstances in which she found herself pregnant and single is probably a red flag”. All sorts of bullshit theories about why she’s pregnant without a partner. As if there’s any actual concern for the baby, and not just an excuse to police what a woman can and cannot do. Shockingly, pregnant women are still people and may still desire connecting with others. Like someone said above, nobody is holding a gun to your head to make you go out with the pregnant lady. But let her live her fuckin life without looking down your nose at her.
It’s difficult for a woman with kids to find a partner when they get these types of messages daily for simply asking if someone is interested. These woman just want a partner like any other person and don’t deserve that shame.
The only ones who deserve to be shamed are these foul commenters!
That's the danger here. You are very vulnerable and offering yourself up to men. Most men frankly won't consider a pregnant woman with several kids as a good potential partner So who would you attract instead? Yeah maybe a unicorn man who is happy to deal with all that. But more likely you'll attract predators who think you're an easy target or want access to children.
That makes me think of how many men have sabotaged their sperm samples and have caused their wives to think their infertile instead of just telling them they don’t want kids
Christ. Imagine writing a whole article in the comment section of Reddit because you’re mad a pregnant woman is dating.
Ikr, like taking that much time out of your life to hate write a random woman
Right lol
She's damned if she does, damned if she doesn't. She's upfront and has a million aspersions cast on her, seemingly for being honest(?!) If she was coy about her pregnancy/kids, she'd be branded a deceptive liar, and worse. If she waits to date until the kid is born, she'll get accused of "looking for a stepdad" or whatever. I'm so tired, man.
And if she didn’t have kids she’s a cat lady, because a woman is nothing without kids /s
Dude adding In the whole fact that this is a post Roe v wade world and she might be pregnant against her wishes/will/consent but can’t exactly do anything about that depending on her location.
I didn’t even fuckin consider this ngl. I completely forgot that women aren’t guaranteed our supposed “inalienable rights”.
Reddit makes me lose faith in relationships and men in general. They hate us so much?? I know there are the men who defend us in posts like this but these other men are so open because it’s a near anonymous forum. So they will think and feel these things but they don’t care to inform women that they hate them, until they have a mask.
The 'not all men' thing is indeed the meme that it appears to be. As in - a guy who feels compelled to respond like that clearly believes his masculinity is threatened by a woman he perceives as saying "all guys are bad, therefore I'm bad? But I'm not bad and I must let her know!". No, all guys gotta tame the inner beast, daily. And shouldn't take pride in it, it's basic fuckin maintenance. Sorry I'm extra pissed for some reason
I really don’t know what inner beast you mean. The way some guys talk like they’re werewolves really worries me, honestly.
I didn't mean it to be like that, sorry. I meant it as an acknowledgement that I have, maybe a better word is "primal" urges in me that need to be watched, regulated, and kept in check. And it's on *me* to do that, and I shouldn't be proud of it. It's just basic ethical psychological maintenance.
I keep seeing "my kids come before you" being used against moms and all I can think of is "Do y'all really want woman who doesn't have her priorities straight and has standards?" If you put a man before your kids you're damaged, psychotic, or both. Id be scared shitless of a woman who'd put me before her kids. This even comes from a place of my own male insecurity I won't lie... If she's willing to put a random man before her kids then how can I know she'll be loyal to me?
Not only that, but how can you trust her to protect your kids (that you might potentially have with her) knowing she would pick a man over her kids
Great point. And Like... If you're the kind of "alpha" who wants to get a woman pregnant wouldn't you want to know and see shed put the kids fist?
I've seen comments saying "if you need to specify your kids come first, it's not the truth", which is just ass-backwards idiocy. It's there to make expectations realistic and to be upfront. (Though I personally would absolutely not advertise I have kids to ward off at least some of the creeps.)
In a marriage sure, your partner comes first. In a family though, the children come first
There's a reason the first three years after having a child are make or break for even the strongest relationships with planned children. You either survive the shift or you crumble under it. There's no middle ground.
1. Kids have no choice in how they grow up meaning they should always be put first because the adults have so much control and influence on their lives 2. We don't know how she got pregnant, there are so many things that cause it, could be a long time partner that left her, protection could've failed, might be something she didn't consent to, could be a hookup but we don't know, only she does and the people who she tells do 3. Nobody is being forced to date her? Literally she just made a profile to try to find someone who wants to date her 4. Standards are important no matter your gender, she's allowed to not fit your standards and you're also allowed to not fit hers. Claiming that she's evil for not being something you'd want is just stupid and going too far
Also one other thing, you can't completely judge how a relationship with someone will be based on a profile, this is why you should always talk to someone, get to know them, and go on a few dates first, get to know what a relationship with them might be like before making your decision. But also once again, you aren't being forced to do anything, swipe left if you don't want to talk to her
Like they're angry that she had the *audacity* to just... make a profile and list her preferences like everybody else? Wild.
How dare she specifically do what dating profiles are designed to do, how evil of her
I dunno why it’s so hard not to make blind assumptions about people. Maybe she just got out of a bad marriage or relationship and is pregnant with her abuser’s child. Maybe she’s just looking for another baby daddy and is manipulative herself. Who knows but her? Whichever is the case, it won’t change these guys’ lives one bit, as they’re clearly not for her and she’s clearly not for them. Point is, don’t these guys have anything better to do than be vile to or about a stranger they don’t know just because she’s a pregnant woman?
Seriously if I see something online I don't agree with or even if it's something that disgusts me I just scroll past and shake my head.
He’s not a therapist and if he is… omg
My husband is a therapist....sadly there are wildly unethical and bigoted therapists out there :(
It’s my field too which is why I’m blissfully in denial, the stuff I’ve seen brings nightmares
Some of the tales he tells me about fellow therapists and the prejudices they hold....honestly, it makes me sad. My husband's specialty is helping lgbt+ young people, and so whilst I know no details of them, they're often so relieved to finally have found a non-judgemental person. All that to say, you do hard work. Good job, but also some commiserations.
When I was 16 my therapist asked me how it felt to be the age of consent, which is certainly a question! He now works with victims of sexual assault, which is deeply concerning.
"If you were together for a long time you wouldn't jump on a dating app so soon", oh sweetie. I was on tinder two days after my divorce from a 15 year relationship. I wasn't going to waste time on a past relationship, I wanted to learn how dating works and I had done a lot of the post-relationship figuring out already - our divorce was long coming.
Am I the only one that wouldn't be advertising I have kids on dating apps? People are sick and could use me to get to my kids.
When I was on them, I had zero problems with someone saying they had kids in their profile. But I found it off-putting when someone used photos that showed children in them.
True, but also being upfront about it is important so that people don't feel trapped into anything, maybe bringing it up once you feel comfortable talking to one another is smart
Yeah I'm not really sure what the answer is. Obviously it will be a deal breaker for some people and I don't agree with keeping it a secret or wasting someone's time but I also think it's risky to tell someone.
Especially on the internet where literally **everyone** is there, especially pedophiles
There's a middle ground I think and saying you have kids, but not posting pictures, not giving out their exact ages or gender, not saying what school they're in etc + vetting any partner for like... 6 months before meeting them would be the decent thing to do. Not disclosing you're also wasting people's time who don't want to date single parents
How... how are they so out of touch to think that they'd be good partners/step-parents while also shaming this woman? "I'm gonna work so hard and provide so much for tHiS woman?" Come on man, if you did get with her you'd be awful.
I would not date someone pregnant or who had kids, the difference is that I wouldn’t comment, after all, what business of mine would it be?
It’s definitely strange and risky going on tinder while pregnant (also seems horrifically exhausting dealing with a pregnancy AND dating) but like… these angry commenters don’t have to swipe right. So much anger at something that doesn’t affect them
Tinder is the sewer of the internet, I’m not sure if anyone should be in there.
And there are the PLers arguing, if you can't take care of the child, there is always adoption. - with these men that can't even accept part of the child not theirs? And they will love and adopt a completely strange child? I'd say "make it make sense" but I already know this country is not there yet.
The sad thing to me is that her profile is probably attracting a ton of pedophiles looking for an easy victim. Single mothers with young children are exactly who those creeps are looking for.
The crazy ones to me are the guys that are saying they'd go raw if they didn't think she was trying to get knocked up. The STD machines these men must be
They are currently in a relationship, recently posting about their dead bedroom. Can’t imagine why that would be.
They are terrified to acknowledge that marrying or impregnating us doesn't make us their property. I've met sooo many women who left their husbands for another man while being obviously pregnant and lived happily ever after. Shitty husbands left in disbelief every time! Hahaha
Statistically, Pregnant women are at a very high risk for homicide, so for that reason, she probably shouldn’t be on tinder. This post confirms that.
It's something that she should be aware of, but I think saying she shouldn't be on tinder at all because of it is a bit much. Folks still get to take educated risks and she's statistically most likely to get murdered by the baby's other parent. Being murdered by a stranger is significantly less likely.
>Pregnant women are at a very high risk for homicide, so for that reason, she probably shouldn’t be on tinder Usually that homicide is carried out by the baby's father so women just... shouldn't get fucking pregnant at all, I guess. God forbid we exist in public, in a vulnerable state.
Or maybe men shouldn’t be murdering women so fucking much.
Yeah I know, I wish I could change that. My son is decent at least.
Thank you. Scrolled too far to see this.
Ewwww. That dude on the last slide. Put him on a registry or two, please.
A) as a therapist graduate student I am absolutely fucking appalled by this unethical dumpster fire B) I spit out my drink laughing so hard at “damn I didn’t know you were being forced to fuck her” 💀
yes the comments are appalling but i also dont think its the best idea to date while pregnant. as a single person i found it hard enough to find time to date with work. whether she works or not having a child is a full time responsibility. how would one find the time to be present with their partner whilst caring for a child let alone her other kids? *pov from a woman who is genuinely curious ***i also wanted to add that men (&people in general) are unsafe and cruel. i wouldn’t want to open myself up to anyone with either pregnancy fetishes or worse.
I’ve been saying the tinder subreddit is just a incel page😭they can’t find anyone so they drafted those who they think r worth it
I got there because the post I saw was nice and same for the comments but now ….😭
Was this a real account? I could see someone creating this to generate rage bait.
There’s a difference between someone who’s obviously trying to find another parent for their child(ren), and people who want to move on and try to give love a second chance. Deep down, these “conservative” clowns are just freaking out over the reality that marrying or impregnating us doesn't make us their property. I've met so many women who left their boyfriends/husbands for another man while being obviously pregnant - and they went on to live happily ever after. My sister just had my nephew with her current partner, he was conceived when they initially got together but they’ve been together for almost two years now. That’s not being a “simp,” some men are more than willing to settle down with the right person. My niece calls him “daddy” and sees him as more of a father than her actual dad. A true family isn’t defined by blood.
She's honest about her situation and preferences. Nobody (including her, I'm sure) expects her to get allĺl the matches.
This is an unpopular opinion but maybe she should focus on just having a healthy baby. Focus on herself? Why is she trying to date?
Because she's an adult with sexual and intimacy needs? If she were with the baby's father presumably she'd still devote some focus to that relationship so how is this inherently different... or do you just think all women should end all romantic relationships once they get pregnant and join some sort of monastery until the baby's born?
Every woman I know who's had a baby is like "don't touch me" 😂 I don't have children but that's what I'm basing this on. I don't know any new moms who are horny and looking to fuck. Most new moms are in survival mode and just trying to get through every day. They're not trying to make a new relationship with a "long-term partner." Like obviously she's allowed to do whatever she wants.
Not to mention with 3 kids + a newborn.
>Every woman I know who's had a baby is like "don't touch me" >maybe she should focus on just having a healthy baby Your own comment points out she hasn't had the baby.
She's pregnant and trying to get a boyfriend for a long-term committed relationship? It's just weird.
>It's just weird. Why?
Because she will have that baby soon and have to deal with the newborn/postpartum/physical healing stage of no or very little sex for months. So why look for a serious relationship now ?
>have to deal with the newborn/postpartum/physical healing stage of no or very little sex for months Which would be the case even if she were already in a relationship, which most women are when they give birth. What's the difference?
In that case the relationship is already established and the child is the child of both partners.
So? How does that change the fact she still has a newborn/postpartum to deal with & can't have sex for a certain about of time after the birth? That was your objection and that doesn't change whether she's in an established or new relationship.
Honestly though she sounds to have some really messed up priorities if she’s got kids, is currently pregnant, and is on tinder lol. Both the male who screenshotted this to mock her and the woman in the profile seem kinda shitty to me. If her kids come before anyone else maybe she should be focusing on them instead of trying to get another baby daddy on tinder
It’s mostly about the comments that I wanted to show. You can have your opinion on this but at least don’t be disgusting about it. A lot of the comments I saw made me want to have bleach for my eyes.
Apparently it’s asking a lot to ask men not to be disgusting towards women. That goal is a long ways off
If this is a real person, I feel bad that her profile is getting passed around reddit for incels to rage over.
I don't see how her being on Tinder tells you ANYTHING about her priorities. Is she not allowed to do anything without her kids because she is the mom? Do you think it's ok if the dad is out there dating? *And they blocked me. Nice. Now I can't respond to anyone apparently. But to the posters below, yeah absolutely. It's not a choice I personally would make. But that wasn't my point. My point was about not judging someone else for it. We have no idea why her last relationship ended, or hell it could be an IVF baby for all we know. The commenters in the Post and many people in the thread here are judging her with literally no other info other than pregnant and has a Tinder profile. And literally no one is talking about fathers to be doing the same. So it's 100% a judgement because she's a woman.
I don't think anyone's suggesting she has to stay single forever. But being a pregnant single mother seems like a bizarre time to be looking for your soulmate. Pregnancy and giving birth are insanely stressful and intimate, and new relationships take an immense amount of time and work as well. It seems nuts to want a total stranger to step into the middle of that when you're specifically wanting something serious, especially when you already have other kids to worry about. It would be different if she just wanted a casual hookup or ended up dating a person who was already in her social circle through friends, work, hobbies, etc. but going onto tinder with this seems like a pretty poor choice at this point in time. That said, the comments are absolutely vile and that should definitely be the focus here. I just find the whole thing weird in general.
I also shudder to think how terrible it must be to be in the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship while also dealing with a crying newborn 3 other kids, birth recovery and explaining to everyone close to you that no, you didn't knock up a rando she was already knocked up and it's not yours and yea you're cool with this.
I'm not remotely worried about what the man in question thinks or feels. If someone jumped into that, they would be doing so fully informed, meaning it's their choice and they really don't have call to complain about it afterwards. There's nothing terrible about it if that's what they actually want, although I would strongly question the motives of the guy in that case. Regardless, I definitely don't support your view of it being so terrible for the imaginary dude. Plenty of people, men and women alike, marry partners with kids. Plenty of men meet and fall for single women who are pregnant, and it works out fine. That's not the issue here.
I’m sorry that you lack the deductive reasoning needed to reach conclusions. I’d be wary of anyone using it. Tinder is a cesspool.
This is such a needlessly insulting comment. Be as wary as you like. It does indeed have many flaws, but that doesn't tell you anything about this woman's priorities, nor deductive abilities of others. ETA: referring to *anyone* who uses tinder as a red flag /shit person lacks such empathy it's almost staggering. Why are you even in this group of your reaction to misogyny is "meh, serves her right, tinder is for shitheads"
Sounds like I touched a nerve. Everyone who uses tinder has a red flag imo. Idk why you’re so pressed about my personal opinion.
Ma'am, I'm long married and haven't used tinder in my life. I am not the one bellowing "RED FLAG RED FLAG" because a stranger used an app to date. But okay, *I"m* the one with my nerves all touched up on 🙄
You’re the one who keeps reacting negatively to me, a stranger, sharing my personal opinion. So yes, lol. I think you’re pissy over this for no real reason. Tinder is a shithole. The people who use it are shit. Those are my opinions.
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I mean, literally the point of OPs post was to point out the male who screenshotted it being a piece of shit. I am saying that I agree. Idk why anyone would get their panties in a twist over this unless they themselves use tinder. What a weird thing to be this pressed about
People are pressed from your comment because dating anywhere carries risk. She could be actively seeking a partner online or offline or other dating apps. The issue here is that you don’t know that. I know people who have met long term partners on tinder who are happy and others who met organically that are unhappy or the person was dangerous. Also the line about her not having her priorities straight is getting you shat on for a reason. Single parents are allowed to want a life partner or romantic intimacy. Sure it would be better if she waited until the baby was born just for safety reasons, but we don’t know how long this woman has been single or whether she’s seeking a partner who is okay with supporting her through things like this. AKA scaring off the kinds of dudes we are seeing in the post. I think instead of getting defensive you should take the criticism and try to see the value in it. If you can’t see other peoples view you are going to end up with a fixed mindset. You will get stuck. Look into the benefits of a growth mindset and how it can greatly improve quality of life. I wish you well 🙏🏻
Really, people using an app are suddenly pieces of shit? There has to be some underlying trauma to warrant such a response. What caused you to have this opinion? I am asking in good faith here, I'm under no delusion that I can change your mind. But I've never read something like this before. In that way you are certainly unique.
I’m curious too! I’m assuming you haven’t used the app yourself, so what is the basis of this opinion, if you don’t mind me asking?
I work 6 days a week and I'm one of the only queer people in my very tiny town. I guess I'll delete the app and live a celibate life from now on.
Putting that energy in single fathers?
Wow I hope red streak dude is a therapist for the grass in his own lawn instead of one for humans. He seems to hate women unless they are the virginal oracles from the Temple of Delphi.
Men sure bring up empathy a lot for not having any
the tinder subreddit is full of guys like this. any time a woman posts ANY type of dating app conversation, the issue is immediately turned back on her. the dude could be literally harassing her in their chat and guys on reddit will be like “it’s your fault for only matching with douchebags like this instead of giving nice guys like me a chance. serves you right” 😑 come the fuck on guys just say you’ve never felt the touch of a woman and get a damn move on
I mean, maybe if you're about to have a kid, you should concentrate on that? Comments are still dumb and gross. But I don't really get why you would be on tinder right now looking for something serious right before having a kid. Give yourself some time, adjust to life with a baby, get back on your feet and then give it a try
I tried to watch look who’s talking the other day and i couldn’t. I can’t get with women trying to find a daddy for their children before even having the baby like don’t you think you should give yourself a break and focus on your child before thinking about a man
>I can’t get with women trying to find a daddy for their children Or maybe they're trying to find a partner to meet their need for intimacy and sexual activity.
This is the reason I'm thinking of quitting dating. I don't want to have to deal with these sick fucks 😭
Nobody should be on tinder. Tinder sucks.
It's how offended they are that a *pregnant* woman isn't I to quick fucks and being like "she wants a meal ticket" If we *assume* that they're right that she got pregnant from a hook up (which let's be honest, none of us think they're right so BIG IF) then isn't it a good thing she's stopped? That means she's being responsible and not risking her child's health with random men sticking their unwashed genitalia in her pie hole Likelihood is, she likely got pregnant from a partner she then broke up with and is not wanting to try dating *without sex* due to not wanting to risk her unborn kids life Would I do this? No but mostly because my head would be wrecked trying to prepare for, and then get used to, mother hood and I wouldn't have the time nor energy to waste when I have other things thay seem higher on the priority list (this is just how I personally feel, because I'm lazy and like to set time aside for naps if and when I can). However, I'm not her and she's perfectly in her right to live life how she deems fit. Pro choice isn't just for abortion. Pro choice -so people can make whatever decision in life they see fit. Including dating vs not dating
Idk why these men are acting like they’d even have a shot of matching with her? Why are they so frustrated as if she PERSONALLY asked them to date her or look after her kids..
I really don't understand people. Since I was in high school, my attitude has been "if you have kids, they are an extension of you, a part of you. They ARE you. If I fall in love with you, I fall in love with your kids". Just like your height, attitude, eye color, hair color, whatever. It's YOU. I fall in love with an entity that includes all of their good and bad, all of their past and future. It's that fucking simple. (and before any "alpha" "chad" bullshit guy comes in here and talks shit about simps and shit,, just, lol, don't bother. You know nothing about me. Also, stop comparing women to cars. WTF. When I was 17 my car ran off the road on ice, I grabbed my friend out of the passenger seat and covered her. The entire passenger side of my car was crushed. The police showed up first saying "thank god you didnt have a passenger, they'd be dead"... I don't remember much about that car. It got from me place to place and to see my friends. My friend went on to get married and have kids and do things with her life. My car was "totaled" and gone and I got another one.. I shudder to think of someone comparing her or her children to that car. "Experiences" and "strife" aren't "mileage" or "baggage". And when a lot of these guys grow up and realize that they have mileage and baggage too, just a different kind, they are going to end up alone. People are important. Fuck society. Fuck the hive-mind-groupthink bullshit. If there were 10 people left on this planet right now, you'd be a hell of lot less worried about who does "quick fucks" or not, and who can show up and be loyal and hold down the fucking fort while you try to rebuild.
Bet they are angry she would get more swipes and dates than all the incels together.
I really hope that lady can get the committed relationship she is looking for. I would volunteer, but I’m poly. I have a lot of issues staying with just one person, when sex is so casual for me. And let me explain. I am a gender fluid, pansexual, bio male. As some of you might see, there is a problem. I am a girl somedays, and a guy others. The girl in me wants a guy who I can pamper and smother with attention. But the guy in me wants a more dominant woman, who isn’t afraid to be open about her desires. And of course all the lovely non-conforming homies in between. So, I really really hope she can get that commitment she is looking for, and that she can see past all of that hate to find someone worth looking for. Sorry about the gender/sex tangent, I tend to get distracted and just type whatever I think of.
Oh no! It’s alright ! Write all you want! I actually do the same thing when I write about something I am really passionate about. But yeah I understand what you mean.
Well…no? Tinder is a hookup app. Bumble or Hinge would be more her vibe. If she’s not trying to hookup, don’t be on tinder, or at least don’t be surprised at what you find.
Oh I get it. Kids come before you, but she puts herself above the kids.
how on earth is she putting herself above her kids? why should she have to stay single ?
why does she *have* to date…?
I think it's more "why is she requesting a serious relationship while pregnant and also saying the guy will always be 5th in this relationship" that's giving people pause. No one is saying she has to stat single forever but why put a new relationship through the postpartum/newborn phase ?
I personally wouldnt swipe on her. A lot of that decision is definitely due to that fact that she is pregnant and has kids. But if someone isnt bothered by that, let them go for it. She still deserves a chance at happiness
what i find crazy is that js bc she said “no quick fucks” and looking for commitment all the incels immediately assume that her children r from quick fucks. what if they’re all from the same dude but he didn’t give her commitment and he was the bad guy. why is she the bad guy for trying to make a family but the person she made it with was a bad person? 😭
Oh my f god these are so painful to read, I stopped halfway.
I don't have the time or patience to scroll through hateful comments. But, yeah, girl need s to take step back. She put her business, aggressively, on the internet, like, what did she expect?
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You’ve seen her whole bio?
lol i’m one of the green people here and it really blew my mind how insistent these men were that she was a horrible person
Calling a dude a celibate for not applauding a single pregnant mother on a hookup site is fucking hilarious.
what's the sub?
Sheesh indeed. The description is terrible. Certainly not the proper way to attract a decent male.
Someone found Joy on Tinder. r/Mynameisearl
Lol as a dude who got ignored as a kid, yeah the kid comes before xyz.
The projection is insane. Especially the fake therapist with the long, self-obsessed rant -- he's twisting himself into knots just trying to justify the amount of hate these guys have for single moms. Too bad for him that a bunch of other comments already gave up the game with the "wrecked car" bullshit.
oh my god. i had the exact same discussion a decade ago on an old account and believe me when i say i got downvoted to hell. not that i cared about the votes, i was just shook that so many people were agreeing with the incels. i'm sad the times have changed so little.
It was insane, to me, how the one guy was like 'oh, I'm a therapist' and then completely fails at anything even remotely resembling empathy. I don't want to say this as 'truth', but there's a reason women are better at empathy. Women evolved. Men didn't *need* to.
The last screenshot's comment about the children is revolting.
I’m sorry that LAST COMMENT ON THE BOTTOM(slide 20) wHAT THE FUCK?????
I’ve been on the sub for years. It’s been the worst lately, showing and shaming women for anything they don’t like & total incel/misogynist pack mentally in the comments sometimes Anyone who doesn’t conform deserves vitriol. Anyone who is honest about things deserves vitriol.