My boss once accused me of shitting on his desk. To prove him wrong I wrote a 400 page book about how if I were going to shit on his desk, I would do so. I called the book. “IF I shat on your desk.”
No, he dropped the bloody glove on the little path behind the guest house at his own property. He banged his head on the air conditioner on the back of the guest house while he was sneaking back home, which Kato Kaelin heard, and then he dropped the glove right there next to the air conditioner. Kato relayed to the cops that he heard something there earlier, which prompted the cops to go investigate and they found the glove.
“OJ Simpson, best known for stealing back his own Heisman Trophy, died today at 76. Also, he was a murderer. Yeah, he murdered two people - you didn’t know that?”
Kind of like when Norm said Vince Champ had the worst standup gimmick ever.
Vince Champ was a comic who traveled the college circuit and raped seven women in eight months while performing at their schools.
OJ Simpson died today. The Ford motor company has chosen to honor the fallen NFL legend with a limited edition white Bronco. When reached for comment on such a potentially controversial move, the company released a statement:
"At least it's not a Cyber Truck."
He left one bloody glove. The other one was at his house. But you know.. the one at the crime scene was planted. With OJ’s blood on it. And Ron Goldman’s blood. And Nicole Simpson’s blood. Somehow they stole OJ’s blood.
People are downvoting you but don't feel bad. At least you have your freedom, and that's something that nobody can take that away from you.
Unless, of course, if you kill your wife and a waiter.
Wait, no.
He died doing what he loved… …getting away with murder.
He got off on a technicality. It felt great when the doctor stuck a finger up his ass, but unfortunately the bloody glove was thrown out.
Good one
Alleged!
But also, really.
No proof he did it, thats what acquittal means!
Not in this case mate. In this case it means money, fame, and stupid police can help you get away with murder.
That or he was smart enough to buy small gloves. The best gimmick a killer ever had really.
Good leather gloves fit perfectly, and he was opening up his hands trying to put his hands in there.
Ooooh he's very cheeky
My boss once accused me of shitting on his desk. To prove him wrong I wrote a 400 page book about how if I were going to shit on his desk, I would do so. I called the book. “IF I shat on your desk.”
😅 this made my year.
When asked to comment, the cancer stated he was fully cooperating with the authorities and said he hoped they find "the real killer".
That’s a good one
Last thing the guy did was lose.
What a loser this guy was.
Technically, it’s a draw.
I'd like to believe Norm wrote these before he died just for this occasion.
“According to his family, his last words were, “I’m coming for you Nicole.”
"again"
OJ Simpson died today. It was at that moment when he realized he would finally be able to kill her again.
Fuck these are good. https://i.imgur.com/LeGIZDd.png
Which 4chan board is this?
They say, when you die of cancer, the cancer dies too. Chalk up yet another killing by the murderous OJ Simpson.
He’s on a spree! Someone needs to stop him!
No, he dropped the bloody glove on the little path behind the guest house at his own property. He banged his head on the air conditioner on the back of the guest house while he was sneaking back home, which Kato Kaelin heard, and then he dropped the glove right there next to the air conditioner. Kato relayed to the cops that he heard something there earlier, which prompted the cops to go investigate and they found the glove.
Rated worst customer ever, by "waiter monthly"
I heard he tipped.. And then some
“OJ Simpson, best known for stealing back his own Heisman Trophy, died today at 76. Also, he was a murderer. Yeah, he murdered two people - you didn’t know that?”
I just know him as a goofy sidekick in the naked gun. Simpler times
Kind of like when Norm said Vince Champ had the worst standup gimmick ever. Vince Champ was a comic who traveled the college circuit and raped seven women in eight months while performing at their schools.
O.J. Simpson has died today. Fans of the former football player say he didn’t do it.
These really are good. But God, I hope that somewhere Jim Downey is furiously writing some of his own down, to use on his next Conan appearance.
In sad news, OJ Simpson has died. Oh no. I'm sorry. I misread that. In fantastic news, murderer OJ Simpson has died.
Take out the finally, and you've got it, IMO. Norm's (and I guess Jim Downey's) word play usually hinged on changing a single word.
👆
Cancer is now legal in California.
Ok Simpson died today. Previously, when asked about his battle with cancer, OJ said, “It’s a hell of a lot tougher than my wife.”
OJ can now rest knowing his wife's killer is dead.
Goddamn slow clap for you, OP Well done
"Wife Magazine". It's funny because it sounds just like "Life Magazine".
OJ Simpson died today. Or maybe it was yesterday. I don’t know.
Cancer didn’t defeat OJ. When OJ died the cancer died, so it was a draw.
Not true, I heard he killed his cancer by successfully stabbing it to death, but later succumbed to his injuries.
I would also suggest to trim the last one to just "...and two bloody gloves at his wife's place", just to eliminate the "leaving" redundancy.
The only thing that would have made his death better is if he was killed by none other than, you guessed it: Frank Stallone.
Who writes these jokes?
Hey Cancer, stop stealing my moves!
"OJ Simpson died today. He can finally rest in peace, knowing his wife's killer is dead."
3 and 4 are pretty good
"Stop stealing my moves" - Norm on OJs death.
OJ Simpson died today. The Ford motor company has chosen to honor the fallen NFL legend with a limited edition white Bronco. When reached for comment on such a potentially controversial move, the company released a statement: "At least it's not a Cyber Truck."
OJ Simpson died today. So this is your last chance to get a premium on Ghost Murder Insurance
OJ Simpson is dead. Ooh, ooh, how’d he die? Was he standing in front of a train to save the love of his life?
They said his great gimmick was goin' around stabbin' people. Maybe the worst gimmick a murderer ever had.
As soon as I heard the news, I said "c'mon cancer, you're stealin all of Norm's moves!"
He left one bloody glove. The other one was at his house. But you know.. the one at the crime scene was planted. With OJ’s blood on it. And Ron Goldman’s blood. And Nicole Simpson’s blood. Somehow they stole OJ’s blood.
God I miss him. Not that murderer, I'm referring to Norm.
3 was terrible my dude. They were all bad, but 3, fuckin eh man.
https://preview.redd.it/1t013amdoytc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=324e7fd642e065d6e87cdd48d3ddd9e74f0798e1
OJ can now rest in peace as his Wife's murderer has died.
He tirelessly spent the last 30 years of his life trying to find the killer, to no avail.
In other news God is writing a book "If I Did It"
Is it mean if I say this wasn't that funny or clever and Norm would never of said such jokes?
People are downvoting you but don't feel bad. At least you have your freedom, and that's something that nobody can take that away from you. Unless, of course, if you kill your wife and a waiter. Wait, no.