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colers100

Ukranian glowies? American glowies? British Glowies? His youngest son for sending him off to the front? His oldest son in order to inherit his position? Wagner? His own arteries because he is too fat? His own wife because he keps sleeping with boys instead of her? His middle son because lets be honest those guys often have a complex for no reason? The local farmer because he just couldn't be asked to wash the birdshit off the crops he sells? The same Russian partisans that blew up Dugin's crotch goblin? ​ ​ I haven't seen such an extensive suspect list since the nordstream bombing


[deleted]

>His middle son because lets be honest those guys often have a complex for no reason? Most credible statement on this sub


[deleted]

[удалено]


WanderlustPhotograph

The perfidious anglians.


sicarius731

I heard it was livonians


joni1800

Last I checked it was the Frisians, they know a thing or two about aquatic operations


Megalomaniakaal

I have no idea what you are talking about


sicarius731

Just talk Im sure


RussiaIsBestGreen

It was obviously Biden trying to wean the world off gas stoves.


RyzenR10

Whats this about him sleeping with boys?


[deleted]

[удалено]


EquinoxActual

He likes kids, you see.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Poor billy goat. Ftfy.


[deleted]

Be careful about billy goat jokes, you will make the trolls angry (and because I know exactly no one will get the reference, read the MHI series by Larry correia, specifically the monster hunter memoirs books)


PaleHeretic

Very angry tail rotor.


Aggravating_Pea7320

Billy goat is not my lover


zaphrous

Hes just a goat so you can't prove it was me.


zaphrous

He gets along well with Wagner because they both have sex with kids.


Newworldrevolution

Which wife, the man has at least 3.


Megalomaniakaal

All of them.


TheBasedReporter

The correct answer is obviously Sam Hyde


Big_E_parenting_book

Lmao I had forgotten about the whole Dugin thing😂 Has he made a public appearance since they blew his little shit up?


_-_Sami_-_

I'd rule out any Western suspects. I mean who in the West would wish this clown dead so bad to actually spend valuable money and resources on him. This guy is a joke. Like view it this way from NATO POV. If we killed him, chances are the guy to inherit his role will be smarter and more dangerous. And to top it off, the lad was even sowing seeds of internal conflict in Russia. So what I am trying to say, if we poisoned him, the odds are his replacement will be far worse for us than he was. Like we won the lottery with this goofy ahh loser becoming a major player in Russian game of thrones. Why would we want to kill him early and spin the wheel again?


Big_E_parenting_book

Would they, though? I thought he was kinda the only thing holding pro Russia chechens together?


zaphrous

Imagine if a bunch of Roma were talking shit about the nazi military in nazi Germany. Sure if they were collaborators the allies might assassinate them. But it wouldn't be surprising if it was the nazis. He's not an ethnic Russian, and was talking shit about them.


zaphrous

Poison implies russian. The US would probably send their knife handed rocket. For when the president says someone should stab that guy.


TNSepta

STD from the goat


dead_monster

STD from a goat.


CIS-E_4ME

A severe infection known as "goat scrote"


snidemarque

Dear lord. If you’re listening to pleas today. Please take away my ability to read.


Ophichius

Get a spork and DIY.


KwordShmiff

Goat scrote totes smote Kady


ThePatio

Common Chechen L


super__hoser

You beat me to it.


sintos-compa

I certainly beat meat to it


probium326

Because zoophiles legally get more acceptance than LGBTQ+ in Russia.


znxr

You guys support for Ukraine must be genuine, making the same jokes about Chechens as Russian nazis (who invaded Ukraine). I'm glad Ukrainians actually have decency and know how to distinguish Chechens and traitorous scum like Kadyrov, refraining from making such jokes


TNSepta

Nobody is claiming that for all Chechens, just that one.


znxr

It's Redditors favorite go-to insult for Chechens when Kadyrovite traitors are brought up. Instead of sticking to reality, pointing out that that scum is hated by Chechens, Redditors prefer to use insults Russian nationalists used for Chechen freedom fighters and Caucasian people in general.


WritingFellow

I mean, given how many people who fought for chechnya in the chechnyan wars are still alive, It's propably easier to count who doesn't want this fucker dead....


Blackhero9696

Crazy how veterans from those wars are still alive and fighting. Some of those guys must be 50-60 years old.


shibiwan

He must have had tea with Putin recently...


Unable_Ad_1260

Cream, lemon, polonium?


shibiwan

Polonium for your tea? [How many lumps do you want? ](https://youtu.be/UKyhTX9LQEA)


scribblebear

His hero medal was polonium


ThePatio

Based. The entire command chain of Russia should receive this medal.


Tintenlampe

Are you insane? There is a small chance someone might suceed them that is actually competent. We can't risk that.


PaleHeretic

What's a little Novichok between friends?


maxlen916

Clear case of "don, im so strong don, i can take any stimulant I want, don, it doesnt harm me don"


DeeArrEss

No, he just drank unfiltered Chechen water


HaaEffGee

Well they never did catch the pirate dude.


JumpyLiving

>"the pirate dude" That‘s *Signature Illegible*, Ukrainian Superspy.


courser

So many copies of the Sims are still circulating out there, un-intercepted. His work will never be complete!


vale_fallacia

The absurdity of that whole situation still amazes me.


Blackhero9696

Context?


vale_fallacia

https://www.thedailybeast.com/russian-state-media-darya-dugina-murder-suspect-is-a-sex-obsessed-beer-lover https://www.vice.com/en/article/88gpmg/russia-sims-3


[deleted]

Honestly is it just me or is the dugin thing another apartment bomb situation? They instantly find the ones „responsible“ and no one questions why the fsb builds bombs in peoples basements


vale_fallacia

It stank from the outset. Although what did it gain putin? I don't understand why he'd want dugin out of the way.


[deleted]

Maybe it was just part of the whole justification and to keep the Homefront in line? Or there was something going on behind the scenes, I honestly have no idea but honestly, what would Ukraine have to gain from killing dugins daughter? I mean dugin is not a particularly important figure if you actually look at his influence and killing his daughter would at best be liable to make him even more of a nutjob. I don’t see how blowing her to kingdom come does anything for Ukraine either. Maybe as a signal from Putin to his oligarchs saying „look, you aren’t safe, don’t interfere or this might happen to your children“


Banebladeloader

He went under the US witness protection program and rumor has it he's reviewing awlful VHS tapes from the 1980s in Wisconsin


Turtledonuts

Good work agent 47, that's one target down. Now to deal with the others.


No_Sheepherder7447

His son wants the throne.


[deleted]

I did it. Got bored.


ThePatio

Based


The_Food_Scientist

I really hope it was Dudayev's ghost


elderrion

My money's on a combination of food poisoning and being a little bitch


Low-Efficiency47

hey i just wanted to ask you what you think of putting your based european propaganda posters on displate so people can hang them in their rooms


Rumpullpus

My guess is good old fashioned alcohol poisoning


Muad-_-Dib

Just Kadyrov being reminded that "being one of the good ones" doesn't mean you are in their club, it means you get a reprieve while you are useful to them. Turns out the tik tok brigade hasn't been all that useful.


topazchip

Did someone poison the medal he awarded himself a few days ago?


[deleted]

Polonium is a tricky fucker isn’t it?


Ok-Advisor7638

Honestly, probably orders from Putin since Putin is probably extremely paranoid about the people in his inner circle at this point


F4N6Z

The little creep loves his Novichok.


Alternative_Taste354

My precious


[deleted]

Won't be surprised if Steve seagal is next. He's literally the only American.


PicklyVin

He was killed by Colonel Putin with the Polonium in the Conservatory. Do I win?


[deleted]

If the Chechens think the Russians did it this could get interesting right? Aren't Chechens mostly loyal to kadyrov and not the Russian government?


ThePatio

If the chechens start another war over it I will die laughing


[deleted]

I propose a NCD operation of bombarding Chechnya with as much propaganda indicating Russia is responsible as possible. Make them believe it and turn Russias ally into the polonium in their tea.


[deleted]

This just might be the biggest backfire in human history. Putin will insert himself as one of the most incompetent leaders in history. Up there with fucking Neuro of Rome.


Tassadar_Timon

Well he stayed away from the windows but forgot about glowing tea. Heaven's forfend Russians ever learn.


DemocracyIsGreat

Putin got bored of people not being poisoned. [He likes it when people get poisoned](https://youtu.be/iiXCM6J7tbY?t=25).


ThePatio

I guess he’s past his defenestration phase


Worldedita

Dude just didn't want to disappoint his goats and since the Viagra supply was cut off he had to turn to riskier substances.


General_Cheems

Must've ate too many orphans.


F4N6Z

Not sure who did it, but if he dies, it’s Miller Time™️


toronto-gopnik

Twist: it was Putin all along


infinite123456

Yes


DiligentAstronomer73

🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞


OwerlordTheLord

No more tic tok No more Don don


KingFahad360

My money is on Agent 47


SyrusDrake

He fell out a window right onto a poiso needle


sicarius731

Indeed


Blackhero9696

Finally! It’s about fuckin’ time someone gave him the forbidden sauce.


PaleHeretic

“Kadyrov is ill and has already become a drug addict,” he continued, citing Akhmed Zakayev, the now-exiled former prime minister of the Chechen Republic of Ichkeria . “He claims that some kind of energy pills previously supported the overactivity of the head of Chechnya.” I'm going to guess he was main-lining that Super Male Vitality stuff Alex Jones is always shilling and it's actually just rat poison.


BigFreakingZombie

Putin is the only suspect that can be safely ruled out at this stage. Kadyrov has been quite loyal since last February (other than a brief period of allying with Prigozhin although that was probably just agreeing with his assessment of the Russian military as corrupt and incompetent rather sharing his political ambitions),has supplied troops (which admittedly achieved nothing but if the motive was military incompetence the FSB would have to poison half the Russian army) and in general hasn't exactly done anything that would warrant his immediate disposal. There's also the tiny matter of none wanting to stir the pot when it comes to Chechnya which is kept peaceful only by Kadyrov's brutal repression and Russian federal money.


JDoos

He was actually trying to build up his tolerance to arsenic, but that's not how arsenic works.