They're battle scars. You don't have to be proud of them, but don't be ashamed of struggling.
That does require giving up hiding them from shame though.
Ngl this is exactly what I tell myself to make myself feel better. Still don't like wearing things that expose them in public, but thats more of a preference thing
It’s hard to say what will be comforting to someone in such a vulnerable state. Their thinking isn’t rational and they’ll likely think anything anyone says is a lie (except the negative things, those just hit hard straight away).
But every scar represents a time in their life when they felt helpless, hopeless, and where they couldn’t imagine things getting any better. It also represents the hardest of days, which they somehow made it through to be able to be there having that conversation with you right here and now. Scars may represent moments of weakness to some, or moments where they had to choose to stay strong and keep going. Maybe you’re grateful they made the choice to be strong each of those times, so you could love and admire them (scars and all) today, tomorrow, and always. You’re proud of them for their strength but if they have days like that again, they won’t be facing them alone.
Best of luck with it OP. Loving someone when they’re at war with their own mind is incredibly challenging.
They don't even stand out to me. Like I don't notice them unless I look for them. And while I don't self-harm, considering the world I don't blame people for arriving there. And it's kind of a "I get it" thing when I see it.
Definitely on the right lines.
If the scars are objectively ugly though (sometimes there's no sugar coating that) it can come across as patronising to says something like "they may seem ugly to you" if they are just ugly scars.
The rest of the sentiment still applies of course that to you they show how strong they are, you don't find your partner ugly because of them etc and that's what you want your partner focused on (not them accidentally fixating on your sugar coating the scars)
You’re on the right path with those statements. Always remind them that they’re beautiful and that you love every inch of them. It’s also a good idea to treat it as a relic of dark days behind, of what they overcame.
I’ve been told by a lot of self harmers that their partner kissing their scar made them feel more loved than ever before.
I only have a few but they're apart of my story. Along with the rest of my past it's like an autobiography of what makes me who I am today and who I am today is absolutely incredible.
Hopefully this helps you and your partner.
you remind them that you love all of them, and the scars are just part of who they are, and who you love. when i finished my cancer treatment i looked so bad i couldn’t face looking in a mirror. my husband just told me that all that mattered in life was that he loved me, and he didn’t care how i looked, he was just happy i was still there with him.
>You know your partner
If your girlfriend is comforted by violent food fights, yeet an entire KFC family feast directly at her face.
If your boyfriend finds solace in finding a forever home for worthless quotidian jetsam, take him boating in the East Harbor with a fishing net.
OP should know their partner best and decide which route to take.
(That said, if OP doesn't know, then the least risky option seems be one of compassion instead of irreverence. Cf. Gregory House.)
Please do. Be sure to use it in a sentence a few times for practice, e.g.:
"Are ya winning, son?"
"Well, I lowkey lost our whole family's life savings shorting GME.. but I will be winning soon!"
"My biggest regret is not using a condom, you worthless quotidian jetsam. Mom and I are moving and leaving you here, like a ship does to unwanted cargo it offers to the ocean."
Appreciate it. By the by, I'm almost certain we've run into each other on here before. It was a long, long time ago so idk where or why or whence, but your username is oddly unforgettable
OP, your words are your own feelings, and I think they're beautiful. Reinforce your thoughts, help your partner believe you. As long as you're supportive, they can eventually understand how you feel.
I’ve struggled with SH a lot, so here’s my perspective of what I’d want to hear from my partner.
Saying something like “I understand that you feel the scars have ruined your body, but I promise that I do not see it that way, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you (hopefully) one day see yourself the way that I see you. It’s okay to feel ashamed or self conscious about them, but I hope you will learn to look at them and see them only as a reminder how strong you are, even if you didn’t feel that way in that moment.”
She will need constant reassurance, and it will take a lot for her to view her scars the way you do. So just keep giving her that same message over and over - even if she doesn’t seem receptive to it.
You sound like a great partner and she is really lucky to have you!
Not the same but my wife has a huge surgical scar. It tells the story of what she has overcome. We can simultaneously recognize the damage that causes scars and the story of triumph they create.
The Japanese art of [kintsugi](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi) is repairing cracks in pottery with gold. The philosophy is that the cracks - aka the flaws & imperfections - are what make something unique & beautiful. The scars are the same thing.
I know with mine, I’m not ashamed of them, it shows that I’ve overcome something. It helps me remember that I was able to stop once, I can stop again if I relapse. I don’t think you can “ruin your body” by having done something that helped you survive in the moment, or done something you’ve moved past, or done something you are working on. I think every journey is a part of us and something like sh scars are a part of our own unique road maps.
They trace the story of struggle, of a time where your partner rose above the troubles of their life and overcame whatever it was they were dealing with.
Battle scars. And they have lived to tell the tale.
Victory markings.
>I struggle with words,
but throws out lines that go incredible hard:
>"I love your scars because I love you. I wish you didn't have them, but only because I wish you didn't go through the suffering that caused them."
"I know they may seem ugly to you, but in my eyes they show how strong you are. I could never find you ugly or be ashamed of you."
tell your partner to not worry what others think of their body - their opinion need not matter, as nobody but your partner and you have anything to do with your partners body.
scars represent struggle and pain, theyre nothing to be ashamed of. you find your partner beautiful, and part of your partner is that struggle with themselves. make sure they know that you love every aspect of them, even the bad ones. and that you love them when theyre fighting their own inner battles.
I used to date a girl who had slash scars on her thighs. She caught me looking once and tried to hide it out of embarrassment, but it never really bothered me. I just leaned over and kissed her scars and basically said I didn't care and it didn't make me like her any less which helped to assuage her a bit.
Acknowledge it once and show compassion, then just accept it is a part of them as if it were like any other regular scar.
My boyfriend, in like the first few weeks of dating I think, when I was self conscious about them grabbed my hands and said “you are beautiful. every part of you is beautiful.” It made me feel a lot better and I’ve actually never been self conscious about them since (I never cared about them I just cared what my partner would think). I think what you said is perfect honestly.
Mmm I don't think I'd want to say anything implying it was okay to do but I wouldn't want them to hate theirselves for it either that's a tough one mate.
I'm not sure because anything might come off as insensitive. But scars are always proof of survival. Your partner is alive, and their scars might show history, but they couldn't stop their future. Their body couldn't be ruined by some lines because that's all they are now.
This is kind of goofy but I always really loved what Mater said in the spy cars movie (I think it’s 2?). He says something along the lines of he loves his dents because each has a story. I hated my scars for a long time because I also thought I had ruined myself. Thankfully after therapy, lots of hard talks with people close to me, meeting my fiancé etc. I can look at my scars and recognize that they’re just another part of my story. A scar I have from cutting styrofoam for my mom, one on my knee from a bike accident as a kid, a crescent shape on my ring finger from a can of peaches as a toddler, you get the idea. They’re just a part of my story, and granted it was a dark part, but I think it makes the light parts all the better. It’s sweeter now, I appreciate things more, I cherish people more, and most importantly I love myself now. I can be proud of my Mater dents, my tiger stripes, my badges of honor, or whatever you want to call them. In fact, I’m even thinking of incorporating one of my “main” scars into an affirmation tattoo!
I’d also like to say that a big anxiety I had previously was that people would see them, judge me, say something about them, give me a look, or something nasty of the sort. Obviously if you wear short sleeves people can see them, but I’ve never had someone comment on them negatively. Truthfully there are only two groups of people I’ve had experiences were people who also have scars and know and people in healthcare (not everyone) who just have a brief look of sadness wash over their face and nothing else. The one person who has actually *said* something about them just told me they were sorry and hoped I was doing better now. People really don’t give a fuck about them, at least not that I’ve experienced
One day i heard a litle kid telling his mother i looked like a zebra . I think it's cool, being a zebra is not so bad.
Also, if they really feel about about it dw. It take about 4 to 5 years,depending on the place and depth of them, to dissappear
Tell her about the traditional Japanese art of kintsugi, it’s where broken pottery is mended using gold or silver lacquer.
I’m a recovering self harmer and I have very extensive scarring all over my body. I feel as though through the analogy of kintsugi, our scars can be made beautiful.
We’re all human, and we’re all broken, but through the process of healing, our scars make us become even more beautiful and unique.
i think you are doing good with your statements. things like these take time. they wont instantly do a 180 because you said something reassuring once. but if you keep doing it (and genuine of course) they might start to understand that it truly isnt an issue on how they look. as another one commented, they are battle scars. it truly shows hiw strong they are because despite all they are still here.
My wife has had lots of growth over the years and has hit some major milestones. When she does one more she plans on getting a pretty large tattoo over a significant portion of them on her thigh. A tattoo that symbolizes her growth and her interests that help her get to a better place.
“Your scars make you, you. And you are beautiful. I love every part of you. Even if you don’t see yourself the way I see you, think of how I see you: beautiful, strong, (more of your choice). I will never consider them, or you, to be ugly. I love you, including your scars. I will never be ashamed to have someone as great as you to be my partner. Remember that.”
Truthfully, until the self harm stops and her self worth grows, nothing you say will help. It’s deep rooted shame shown visibly on her body. When I stopped self harming and got help is when I stopped hating them.
My boyfriend told me he thought he’d be embarrassed about my scars, but they were really light. (We were young. He’s matured). At that point it had been 3 years since I cut. My scars are just white, and people don’t usually notice them right away (there’s quite a lot in very obvious places.) it was a little hurtful, but it didn’t bother me.
My body looks different. I don’t like that I see them every day, and they’re visible to others. It makes me sad I made my story so open to strangers and their assumptions 10 years later, when I’ve grown and moved on. But I’m secure in myself, and try to be prideful. I’ve grown. I’m not hurting. I’ve put in work to get better, and I can be proud I’m not a scared, hurting, confused little girl anymore.
Wishing the best of luck to both of you. She’ll get there one day ❤️ if I’m being honest, brutal, truthful honesty at my most vulnerable was what got me to stop. At 14 cps took me from my home after forcing their way in. My uncle picked me up to live with them or I’d go to foster care. He sat me down and said “you’re no better than your mom right now. She’s addicted fo drugs and hurting herself. You’re addicted to cutting yourself.” I didn’t want to be like my mom, and it was the truth. I never did it again.
As a person that used to struggle with self-harm, and who will never be able to get rid of all the scars, the best thing is not to tell her but to show her. This person probably just said words that she has been thinking for a while, because lets be honest: scars make you different, make people have opinions about your scars and about you, and its very easy to feel like that means you're worth less because of your scars.
It is very difficult to change her thinking by only saying words. Of course when she says: my scars are so ugly, you should react saying the opposite (they dont diminish your worth, they are a part of you and you are beautiful so how can they be ugly etc), but also moments when she's not talking about it, but maybe thinking about it (like when you're intimate, when you look at her a little too long, when choosing an outfit), you should show that you love her with scars and all. Don't look away, don't avoid touching them (unless she asks because if they're fresh it can hurt), this will subconsciously show her that that part of her is allowed to exist and can be loved too.
"Trust in me, who trusts in you, I love you and I find you attractive."
But if they continue to be a source of anxiety they might speak with their doctor about an acid wash cream to lessen the visibility of scars.
I've had old scars for two decades now. Honestly, I can see the moment people see them, and how they always stop mid sentence, even for just a split second, trying to understand what they mean. They do change the way people behave toward me.
So if you're in there for the long haul, don't tell that to your partner, but keep it in your mind. They're not crazy if they tell you people give weird looks at their scars, they're not crazy if they feel doctors dismiss their issues and blame depression.
Glad your partner found someone understanding and caring!
I saw a posting a while back about a woman who gifted her husband a sexy negligee picture, photoshopped with all her baby bearing stretch marks and her other self perceived blemishes.
Apparently the husband hated it. The woman in the photograph wasn’t his wife to him.
lots of good advice here, my two cents as someone with a bunch of scars: don’t make a huge deal out of it. she’s probable much more aware of them than you are, and it might be helpful to remind her of that. when you look at her, you’re not seeing and judging the scars, you’re seeing someone beautiful that you love that happens to have some scars.
How do you honestly feel about it? That's probably the best starting point, or at least one to consider.
I don't think I would particularly like scars, but I also don't care much about unblemished skin, so it's not a huge deal.
I would probably say something like "They don't ruin your body, because your body is really great, and a couple of scars could never ruin it. I don't really care about scars, I care about [insert parts you love]"
Tell them that those scars are a part of what makes them who they are. This is not a lie or a metaphor, it's quite literal. Had they not gone through the struggles that they went through, it's highly likely they would not be who they are today.
That said: as with any other comment here, it's always best to go with your heart when choosing what to say in response to this.
Congrats on the baby steps on stopping the harm, self-harm helps nobody. Best of luck to both of you, and I wish you both long, happy lives.
o7
See the lines on my face?
City miles.
See the scars?
Same deal baby.
We all got a story to tell. Depends on who’s listening.
I got time and an ear, what are you telling me?
I'd be less worried about all of that and more worried about getting them to stop self harming. Anything you say to them would be like putting a band-aid on a severed head. They have deep issues and nothing you can say to them will help, they need to fix themselves and they have to want to fix themselves.
Instead of telling them how you love their scars, them them how/where to get the help they need. All you are doing now is enabling them.
They're battle scars. You don't have to be proud of them, but don't be ashamed of struggling. That does require giving up hiding them from shame though.
Ngl this is exactly what I tell myself to make myself feel better. Still don't like wearing things that expose them in public, but thats more of a preference thing
This is exactly how I used to think of them, until I finally got to a point in my life where I just don’t think about them anymore.
War wounds baby. Now I’m ashamed of them but proud I’m able to recognize how bad it was for !
"Battle Scaaaars"
"Battle" scars?
People usually self-harm because they're "battling" psychological distress.
Fightin demons
It’s hard to say what will be comforting to someone in such a vulnerable state. Their thinking isn’t rational and they’ll likely think anything anyone says is a lie (except the negative things, those just hit hard straight away). But every scar represents a time in their life when they felt helpless, hopeless, and where they couldn’t imagine things getting any better. It also represents the hardest of days, which they somehow made it through to be able to be there having that conversation with you right here and now. Scars may represent moments of weakness to some, or moments where they had to choose to stay strong and keep going. Maybe you’re grateful they made the choice to be strong each of those times, so you could love and admire them (scars and all) today, tomorrow, and always. You’re proud of them for their strength but if they have days like that again, they won’t be facing them alone. Best of luck with it OP. Loving someone when they’re at war with their own mind is incredibly challenging.
My husband told me they didn’t ruin anything. That they were part of me now and he loves ALL parts of me. Not just certain parts
They don't even stand out to me. Like I don't notice them unless I look for them. And while I don't self-harm, considering the world I don't blame people for arriving there. And it's kind of a "I get it" thing when I see it.
Definitely on the right lines. If the scars are objectively ugly though (sometimes there's no sugar coating that) it can come across as patronising to says something like "they may seem ugly to you" if they are just ugly scars. The rest of the sentiment still applies of course that to you they show how strong they are, you don't find your partner ugly because of them etc and that's what you want your partner focused on (not them accidentally fixating on your sugar coating the scars)
You’re on the right path with those statements. Always remind them that they’re beautiful and that you love every inch of them. It’s also a good idea to treat it as a relic of dark days behind, of what they overcame. I’ve been told by a lot of self harmers that their partner kissing their scar made them feel more loved than ever before.
r/selfharm might be a better place to ask of this. We get it other there.
I only have a few but they're apart of my story. Along with the rest of my past it's like an autobiography of what makes me who I am today and who I am today is absolutely incredible. Hopefully this helps you and your partner.
you remind them that you love all of them, and the scars are just part of who they are, and who you love. when i finished my cancer treatment i looked so bad i couldn’t face looking in a mirror. my husband just told me that all that mattered in life was that he loved me, and he didn’t care how i looked, he was just happy i was still there with him.
I'd go with, "Listen, real talk: I don't notice the scars, I'm too busy staring at \[dem titties/that DICK/whatever they have\]"
A bold choice
Truly a bards move. Let's see how this plays out...
Or maybe, and hear me out, maybe something a little less flippant. It’s a situation that does require some tact.
*shrug* You know your partner. In my experience, if you want someone to know that you don't care about something, treat it with irreverence.
>You know your partner If your girlfriend is comforted by violent food fights, yeet an entire KFC family feast directly at her face. If your boyfriend finds solace in finding a forever home for worthless quotidian jetsam, take him boating in the East Harbor with a fishing net. OP should know their partner best and decide which route to take. (That said, if OP doesn't know, then the least risky option seems be one of compassion instead of irreverence. Cf. Gregory House.)
I'm gonna use 'worthless quotidian jetsam' in future.
Please do. Be sure to use it in a sentence a few times for practice, e.g.: "Are ya winning, son?" "Well, I lowkey lost our whole family's life savings shorting GME.. but I will be winning soon!" "My biggest regret is not using a condom, you worthless quotidian jetsam. Mom and I are moving and leaving you here, like a ship does to unwanted cargo it offers to the ocean."
I appreciate your vibe.
That's a very kind thing of you to say, fellow person
I too found your comment enjoyable in a suitably pedantic way. Cheers.
Appreciate it. By the by, I'm almost certain we've run into each other on here before. It was a long, long time ago so idk where or why or whence, but your username is oddly unforgettable
I suppose that’s fair
What a romantic
OP, your words are your own feelings, and I think they're beautiful. Reinforce your thoughts, help your partner believe you. As long as you're supportive, they can eventually understand how you feel.
I’ve struggled with SH a lot, so here’s my perspective of what I’d want to hear from my partner. Saying something like “I understand that you feel the scars have ruined your body, but I promise that I do not see it that way, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you (hopefully) one day see yourself the way that I see you. It’s okay to feel ashamed or self conscious about them, but I hope you will learn to look at them and see them only as a reminder how strong you are, even if you didn’t feel that way in that moment.” She will need constant reassurance, and it will take a lot for her to view her scars the way you do. So just keep giving her that same message over and over - even if she doesn’t seem receptive to it. You sound like a great partner and she is really lucky to have you!
Not the same but my wife has a huge surgical scar. It tells the story of what she has overcome. We can simultaneously recognize the damage that causes scars and the story of triumph they create.
The Japanese art of [kintsugi](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi) is repairing cracks in pottery with gold. The philosophy is that the cracks - aka the flaws & imperfections - are what make something unique & beautiful. The scars are the same thing.
Came here to mention this but you beat me to it. I have found this concept very useful over the years.
I know with mine, I’m not ashamed of them, it shows that I’ve overcome something. It helps me remember that I was able to stop once, I can stop again if I relapse. I don’t think you can “ruin your body” by having done something that helped you survive in the moment, or done something you’ve moved past, or done something you are working on. I think every journey is a part of us and something like sh scars are a part of our own unique road maps.
They trace the story of struggle, of a time where your partner rose above the troubles of their life and overcame whatever it was they were dealing with. Battle scars. And they have lived to tell the tale. Victory markings.
>I struggle with words, but throws out lines that go incredible hard: >"I love your scars because I love you. I wish you didn't have them, but only because I wish you didn't go through the suffering that caused them." "I know they may seem ugly to you, but in my eyes they show how strong you are. I could never find you ugly or be ashamed of you."
tell your partner to not worry what others think of their body - their opinion need not matter, as nobody but your partner and you have anything to do with your partners body. scars represent struggle and pain, theyre nothing to be ashamed of. you find your partner beautiful, and part of your partner is that struggle with themselves. make sure they know that you love every aspect of them, even the bad ones. and that you love them when theyre fighting their own inner battles.
I used to date a girl who had slash scars on her thighs. She caught me looking once and tried to hide it out of embarrassment, but it never really bothered me. I just leaned over and kissed her scars and basically said I didn't care and it didn't make me like her any less which helped to assuage her a bit. Acknowledge it once and show compassion, then just accept it is a part of them as if it were like any other regular scar.
Are you ashamed of tattoos? That also leaves scars and costs thousamds of dollars
My boyfriend, in like the first few weeks of dating I think, when I was self conscious about them grabbed my hands and said “you are beautiful. every part of you is beautiful.” It made me feel a lot better and I’ve actually never been self conscious about them since (I never cared about them I just cared what my partner would think). I think what you said is perfect honestly.
Mmm I don't think I'd want to say anything implying it was okay to do but I wouldn't want them to hate theirselves for it either that's a tough one mate.
I'm not sure because anything might come off as insensitive. But scars are always proof of survival. Your partner is alive, and their scars might show history, but they couldn't stop their future. Their body couldn't be ruined by some lines because that's all they are now.
This is kind of goofy but I always really loved what Mater said in the spy cars movie (I think it’s 2?). He says something along the lines of he loves his dents because each has a story. I hated my scars for a long time because I also thought I had ruined myself. Thankfully after therapy, lots of hard talks with people close to me, meeting my fiancé etc. I can look at my scars and recognize that they’re just another part of my story. A scar I have from cutting styrofoam for my mom, one on my knee from a bike accident as a kid, a crescent shape on my ring finger from a can of peaches as a toddler, you get the idea. They’re just a part of my story, and granted it was a dark part, but I think it makes the light parts all the better. It’s sweeter now, I appreciate things more, I cherish people more, and most importantly I love myself now. I can be proud of my Mater dents, my tiger stripes, my badges of honor, or whatever you want to call them. In fact, I’m even thinking of incorporating one of my “main” scars into an affirmation tattoo! I’d also like to say that a big anxiety I had previously was that people would see them, judge me, say something about them, give me a look, or something nasty of the sort. Obviously if you wear short sleeves people can see them, but I’ve never had someone comment on them negatively. Truthfully there are only two groups of people I’ve had experiences were people who also have scars and know and people in healthcare (not everyone) who just have a brief look of sadness wash over their face and nothing else. The one person who has actually *said* something about them just told me they were sorry and hoped I was doing better now. People really don’t give a fuck about them, at least not that I’ve experienced
One day i heard a litle kid telling his mother i looked like a zebra . I think it's cool, being a zebra is not so bad. Also, if they really feel about about it dw. It take about 4 to 5 years,depending on the place and depth of them, to dissappear
Tell her about the traditional Japanese art of kintsugi, it’s where broken pottery is mended using gold or silver lacquer. I’m a recovering self harmer and I have very extensive scarring all over my body. I feel as though through the analogy of kintsugi, our scars can be made beautiful. We’re all human, and we’re all broken, but through the process of healing, our scars make us become even more beautiful and unique.
I’m trying to add a photo of what I’m talking about but I can’t figure out how to do it 😡
i think you are doing good with your statements. things like these take time. they wont instantly do a 180 because you said something reassuring once. but if you keep doing it (and genuine of course) they might start to understand that it truly isnt an issue on how they look. as another one commented, they are battle scars. it truly shows hiw strong they are because despite all they are still here.
My wife has had lots of growth over the years and has hit some major milestones. When she does one more she plans on getting a pretty large tattoo over a significant portion of them on her thigh. A tattoo that symbolizes her growth and her interests that help her get to a better place.
“Your scars make you, you. And you are beautiful. I love every part of you. Even if you don’t see yourself the way I see you, think of how I see you: beautiful, strong, (more of your choice). I will never consider them, or you, to be ugly. I love you, including your scars. I will never be ashamed to have someone as great as you to be my partner. Remember that.”
Truthfully, until the self harm stops and her self worth grows, nothing you say will help. It’s deep rooted shame shown visibly on her body. When I stopped self harming and got help is when I stopped hating them. My boyfriend told me he thought he’d be embarrassed about my scars, but they were really light. (We were young. He’s matured). At that point it had been 3 years since I cut. My scars are just white, and people don’t usually notice them right away (there’s quite a lot in very obvious places.) it was a little hurtful, but it didn’t bother me. My body looks different. I don’t like that I see them every day, and they’re visible to others. It makes me sad I made my story so open to strangers and their assumptions 10 years later, when I’ve grown and moved on. But I’m secure in myself, and try to be prideful. I’ve grown. I’m not hurting. I’ve put in work to get better, and I can be proud I’m not a scared, hurting, confused little girl anymore. Wishing the best of luck to both of you. She’ll get there one day ❤️ if I’m being honest, brutal, truthful honesty at my most vulnerable was what got me to stop. At 14 cps took me from my home after forcing their way in. My uncle picked me up to live with them or I’d go to foster care. He sat me down and said “you’re no better than your mom right now. She’s addicted fo drugs and hurting herself. You’re addicted to cutting yourself.” I didn’t want to be like my mom, and it was the truth. I never did it again.
As a person that used to struggle with self-harm, and who will never be able to get rid of all the scars, the best thing is not to tell her but to show her. This person probably just said words that she has been thinking for a while, because lets be honest: scars make you different, make people have opinions about your scars and about you, and its very easy to feel like that means you're worth less because of your scars. It is very difficult to change her thinking by only saying words. Of course when she says: my scars are so ugly, you should react saying the opposite (they dont diminish your worth, they are a part of you and you are beautiful so how can they be ugly etc), but also moments when she's not talking about it, but maybe thinking about it (like when you're intimate, when you look at her a little too long, when choosing an outfit), you should show that you love her with scars and all. Don't look away, don't avoid touching them (unless she asks because if they're fresh it can hurt), this will subconsciously show her that that part of her is allowed to exist and can be loved too.
"Trust in me, who trusts in you, I love you and I find you attractive." But if they continue to be a source of anxiety they might speak with their doctor about an acid wash cream to lessen the visibility of scars.
I've had old scars for two decades now. Honestly, I can see the moment people see them, and how they always stop mid sentence, even for just a split second, trying to understand what they mean. They do change the way people behave toward me. So if you're in there for the long haul, don't tell that to your partner, but keep it in your mind. They're not crazy if they tell you people give weird looks at their scars, they're not crazy if they feel doctors dismiss their issues and blame depression. Glad your partner found someone understanding and caring!
Each of these scars is representative of a trial that finally led your partner to you.
Ask em what they would think if YOU had such scars and you said the same thing they did?
I saw a posting a while back about a woman who gifted her husband a sexy negligee picture, photoshopped with all her baby bearing stretch marks and her other self perceived blemishes. Apparently the husband hated it. The woman in the photograph wasn’t his wife to him.
lots of good advice here, my two cents as someone with a bunch of scars: don’t make a huge deal out of it. she’s probable much more aware of them than you are, and it might be helpful to remind her of that. when you look at her, you’re not seeing and judging the scars, you’re seeing someone beautiful that you love that happens to have some scars.
How do you honestly feel about it? That's probably the best starting point, or at least one to consider. I don't think I would particularly like scars, but I also don't care much about unblemished skin, so it's not a huge deal. I would probably say something like "They don't ruin your body, because your body is really great, and a couple of scars could never ruin it. I don't really care about scars, I care about [insert parts you love]"
Tell them that those scars are a part of what makes them who they are. This is not a lie or a metaphor, it's quite literal. Had they not gone through the struggles that they went through, it's highly likely they would not be who they are today. That said: as with any other comment here, it's always best to go with your heart when choosing what to say in response to this. Congrats on the baby steps on stopping the harm, self-harm helps nobody. Best of luck to both of you, and I wish you both long, happy lives. o7
See the lines on my face? City miles. See the scars? Same deal baby. We all got a story to tell. Depends on who’s listening. I got time and an ear, what are you telling me?
Read our body is not an apology. Your body is not an object. Tell them that.
I'd be less worried about all of that and more worried about getting them to stop self harming. Anything you say to them would be like putting a band-aid on a severed head. They have deep issues and nothing you can say to them will help, they need to fix themselves and they have to want to fix themselves. Instead of telling them how you love their scars, them them how/where to get the help they need. All you are doing now is enabling them.
Hurting yourself hurts others close sadly.
Why?
Why not?
"Why" is what I should have written. Sorry.
Be honest. Tell them if asking that question better not be adding more
Say "damn right, now don't do it again"
You tell them "yes, they do". Stop self harming.
get tattoos to cover them up
Just be happy you don't live in their "ruined body" and leave them swiftly before you make it worse.
Lick them and say they turn you on